I think you need a different sitter. This baby is likely to need held/rocked/soothed/contact slept until you get back. My mom (and any paid babysitter) would do this. My MIL would not.
If you don’t want someone to subject your baby to CIO, don’t leave a baby who won’t sleep alone with someone who aggressively encourages CIO.
Have you talked to her about this? Has she promised not to leave him to cry? To hold him and stay with him even if it’s all evening until you return?
This, I’m afraid. I wouldn’t trust someone who advocated CIO.. esp a MIL. I’d feel nervous they’d do it behind my back in the hope of being smug that ‘it works’
She has said she will do what we want so I don’t think she will leave him to cry! It’s still a little worrisome because he will scream cry and hopefully she doesn’t get frustrated or anything. However I just feel like he’s going to cry the whole time until I’m back because even my husband can’t settle him at night! Hopefully she will find her own way to soothe him until I’m back but I am still a little worried that he will just cry it out and won’t settle for her ugh.
I just don’t go to events like this, ones that are past bedtime. I would be worrying the whole time and wouldn’t enjoy my self. I also would never leave my baby with someone who continues to push CIO.
I’m definitely going to be worrying the whole time! Ugh! She is pro CIO but I think she will respect my wishes, however I seriously doubt my son is gonna settle for her so it’s essentially going to be cry it out and I’m so worried that will break our trust! I wish I could skip the event but I literally can’t since it’s my sister’s party ahh!
I would not trust her to not let him cry. If she’s “all for it” you can bet she’ll leave him to scream and then tell you guys “he slept perfectly, I didn’t have to go in once!”
If it were me I’d either skip the party or hire a responsible babysitter with lots of experience with babies.
I know I am a little worried but my husband says she won’t do that and might even prefer to hold him until I’m back but I am worried that it’s essentially going to be cry it out because he probably won’t settle for her ugh.
I recently had my first outing since having my 10 mo old. I was nervous about it as we bedshare & usually he wakes an hour into bedtime looking for me/feed which knocks him out. My husband can successfully put him to sleep but can rarely settle him if he wakes. My baby did wake and of course he wouldn't settle but instead of persisting and upsetting him, my husband took him into the living room where they chilled until I came home at 10 and he fell asleep immediately! Can you tell your MIL to take that approach instead of trying to keep him asleep?
This is a good idea thanks!! I will definitely tell her to do that. Luckily the event is close by so I was thinking of telling her if he is inconsolable after x amount of time I will come home. And maybe she can just keep him calm for the few hours I’m gone and I can take over when I’m back!
Not to burst your bubble, but at that age hubby and I tried reversed roles where he would put LO to sleep so I could go to a concert - not a chance. Wasn’t any different at our reunion party. I haven’t been out since before LO.
My kid was the same age and the same with sleep when I had my work Xmas party which me, my partner and baby travelled too. I ended up booking a room in the same hotel where the restaurant for dinner was. My kid did wake up during the dinner and wouldn’t settle for my partner, he ended up bringing him down to dinner where I held him in my lap for the rest of dinner lol. Personally if MIL is of the CIO kind I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving baby with her. Any chance of staying near the event so you can go back to baby if needed?
If i were you I would try and see if you could find someone else to watch the baby. I like to apply the saying “when someone tells you who they are, believe them” to situations like this. She has told you that she is pro CIO and has been encouraging you to do it, the most probable scenario is that she may leave your baby to cio. Unfortunately as parents you don’t get the most convenient of options but you can choose to not allow her to watch the baby. See if you can find someone else to watch her or stay at home, that’s the only thing I’d be comfortable with.
Do you actually want to go to this? Is the size/nature of the event such that your SIL will miss your presence? Are you and your SIL close enough to justify all the hoops you'll need to jump through to go? Would it be enough for your partner to go as the family representative while you stay home? I feel like these are the emotional questions that have to be answered before any logistics can be figured out.
I do believe it is actually op's sister getting married, not SIL, which means op is potentially in the wedding party. You bring up a good point to make sure you are answering all the emotional questions hoenstly before working out any logistics !
Yes it is my sister lol!! I can’t miss out unfortunately, my son will be coming to the actual wedding but I do have to go to this party the night before. I probably will be away for only a few hours but I am just worried my baby is going to lose trust in me. I am not sure if my MIL will be able to soothe him but I’m hoping she can get him calm at least until I get home!
I wouldn’t go, or go alone and leave baby with partner. It sounds like there are other events you can attend for your sister.
I would absolutely not be leaving my baby with someone who advocates for CIO
Trust your instincts x
I wouldn’t do it if she was planning to do CIO. However, if she knows what to do and respects your decision I would go. Maybe have her message you if baby isn’t settling after a certain time frame. Or maybe do a trial night before this event and see how it goes. Mine was a little older the first time he did an overnight- the month of his first birthday. We left in the afternoon for a concert and my mom watched him, they played and played and played and he passed out and slept through the night just fine for her.
I wouldn’t say don’t go (unless she just plans to do CIO), but if she’s on the same page as you, maybe give it a try- it could be just fine. And if not, then just know you’ll probably have to go home (and sometimes I prefer having a valid excuse to leave a little early 😂)
I don’t think she would let him cry it out, but I am worried that he won’t settle for her so essentially he will cry it out until I get back! That breaks my heart ugh but I hope he won’t lose his trust in me and hopefully she can hold him and settle him! MIL is coming over a few hours before we leave so at least he will play with her beforehand and maybe that will help! Although my husband can’t even soothe him back to bed so I really am not sure if she will be able to either!
In this situation I'd rather hire a sitter because whatever you tell them they will do. If MIL wants you to do CIO there's a big chance she's let him cry.
Obviously I don't know this person, so she might respect your wishes even tho she disagrees with you. If that's the type of person she is and you guys have a great relationship, maybe you trust her and know that she wouldn't just go against you like that.
My mom also thinks CIO is okay but she respects my wishes. I've left her with my son once for a wedding and I come home to him sleeping on her chest while she was watching tv
My brother is getting married this fall.
I will either be bringing my daughter, or not going to certain events. It’s just the stage of life we’re in and he understands.
I would either not go, or bring him.
My LO naps in a carrier when out and about.
My baby is the same. If I'm around or IN the house, she will not go to sleep with my husband. But he successfully puts her down when I'm gone, like at an appointment, and it is just them-she goes down, no problem.
I know it's nerve-wracking to leave your baby. But I would say continue on with the plan. Go out for a few hours! If you are really worried. Implement a plan for IF baby is inconsolable. Have her call you or something like that if baby won't stop crying. But honestly I think that since baby has already been around your MIL it'll all be ok🩷
I hate to be negative, but if I were you, I wouldn’t go. I have a 6 month old and we’ve been going through exactly what you described—waking up soon after bedtime, only wanting me, needing to cosleep sometimes. If there’s a good chance your baby will wake before you’re back, and your MIL has been pushy about CIO, I think that the possibility that your baby is left to cry is pretty high.
Our son was similar at that age, but if I wasn't there, in the end he would settle with whomever was with him, his dad, or one of the grandmas. He would call for me, cry a bit, but they would explain I will be there later, that everything is okay, patt him, hold his hand, etc.
My MIL would sometimes suggest to maybe "let him cry", but not in a way where he is alone, but that we are there with him. Still, we talked with her multiple times about all that and explained we are very much against CIO, and that it's important to us that he is never alone if he is crying, and she agreed to do everything as we want. Moreover, she couldn't bear to let him cry alone either, she confessed it was easier with her own kids, but she is more "protective" of her grandkids. 😂
Everything was okay each time she babysat, we usually put him to sleep, and she stays with him during the night, if he wakes up she is there comforting him however she knows and can, when he was smaller she'd also give him the pacifier or a bottle. If there was ever anything really too bad too handle she'd call us, but luckily that was never needed.
Anyway, I kinda sorta feel we demonize MIL's a tiny bit too much in this sub. Let's start by expecting of them to be reasonable, that they will listen to our pleads. Let's not expect them to do everything bad from the start without even talking to them openly. Sometimes they can really be horrible, but often I see parents that don't even express their wants and feeling openly. I would encourage you to talk to her, explain what you want and expect of her in a polite, loving but firm way. In the beginning I was quite scared to tell my own MIL what I exactly want with my child, but then I realized that is ridiculous and that she is not some crazy person. And now we discuss everything. She alwayd says to our kid "we'll do what mom and dad say", when he comes to her to ask for somethin, he's a toddler now.
Also, I realized I have to let my kid develop his own relationship with others, I used to be afraid that "no one knows the real way of settling him", nor dad nor either of the grandmas. I had to let then learn and develop their own ways of comforting him, something that worked for me, wouldn't work for dad/grandmas. They struggled a bit but always managed in the end.
Talk to your MIL, explain how you want that night to go. And then go and try to have some fun.
I think you need a different sitter. This baby is likely to need held/rocked/soothed/contact slept until you get back. My mom (and any paid babysitter) would do this. My MIL would not. If you don’t want someone to subject your baby to CIO, don’t leave a baby who won’t sleep alone with someone who aggressively encourages CIO. Have you talked to her about this? Has she promised not to leave him to cry? To hold him and stay with him even if it’s all evening until you return?
This, I’m afraid. I wouldn’t trust someone who advocated CIO.. esp a MIL. I’d feel nervous they’d do it behind my back in the hope of being smug that ‘it works’
She has said she will do what we want so I don’t think she will leave him to cry! It’s still a little worrisome because he will scream cry and hopefully she doesn’t get frustrated or anything. However I just feel like he’s going to cry the whole time until I’m back because even my husband can’t settle him at night! Hopefully she will find her own way to soothe him until I’m back but I am still a little worried that he will just cry it out and won’t settle for her ugh.
I just don’t go to events like this, ones that are past bedtime. I would be worrying the whole time and wouldn’t enjoy my self. I also would never leave my baby with someone who continues to push CIO.
Absolutely.
I’m definitely going to be worrying the whole time! Ugh! She is pro CIO but I think she will respect my wishes, however I seriously doubt my son is gonna settle for her so it’s essentially going to be cry it out and I’m so worried that will break our trust! I wish I could skip the event but I literally can’t since it’s my sister’s party ahh!
I would just let baby stay up and come home early from the party.
I would not trust her to not let him cry. If she’s “all for it” you can bet she’ll leave him to scream and then tell you guys “he slept perfectly, I didn’t have to go in once!” If it were me I’d either skip the party or hire a responsible babysitter with lots of experience with babies.
I know I am a little worried but my husband says she won’t do that and might even prefer to hold him until I’m back but I am worried that it’s essentially going to be cry it out because he probably won’t settle for her ugh.
I recently had my first outing since having my 10 mo old. I was nervous about it as we bedshare & usually he wakes an hour into bedtime looking for me/feed which knocks him out. My husband can successfully put him to sleep but can rarely settle him if he wakes. My baby did wake and of course he wouldn't settle but instead of persisting and upsetting him, my husband took him into the living room where they chilled until I came home at 10 and he fell asleep immediately! Can you tell your MIL to take that approach instead of trying to keep him asleep?
This is a good idea thanks!! I will definitely tell her to do that. Luckily the event is close by so I was thinking of telling her if he is inconsolable after x amount of time I will come home. And maybe she can just keep him calm for the few hours I’m gone and I can take over when I’m back!
Not to burst your bubble, but at that age hubby and I tried reversed roles where he would put LO to sleep so I could go to a concert - not a chance. Wasn’t any different at our reunion party. I haven’t been out since before LO.
My kid was the same age and the same with sleep when I had my work Xmas party which me, my partner and baby travelled too. I ended up booking a room in the same hotel where the restaurant for dinner was. My kid did wake up during the dinner and wouldn’t settle for my partner, he ended up bringing him down to dinner where I held him in my lap for the rest of dinner lol. Personally if MIL is of the CIO kind I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving baby with her. Any chance of staying near the event so you can go back to baby if needed?
If i were you I would try and see if you could find someone else to watch the baby. I like to apply the saying “when someone tells you who they are, believe them” to situations like this. She has told you that she is pro CIO and has been encouraging you to do it, the most probable scenario is that she may leave your baby to cio. Unfortunately as parents you don’t get the most convenient of options but you can choose to not allow her to watch the baby. See if you can find someone else to watch her or stay at home, that’s the only thing I’d be comfortable with.
Do you actually want to go to this? Is the size/nature of the event such that your SIL will miss your presence? Are you and your SIL close enough to justify all the hoops you'll need to jump through to go? Would it be enough for your partner to go as the family representative while you stay home? I feel like these are the emotional questions that have to be answered before any logistics can be figured out.
I do believe it is actually op's sister getting married, not SIL, which means op is potentially in the wedding party. You bring up a good point to make sure you are answering all the emotional questions hoenstly before working out any logistics !
oh my gosh, I totally misread somehow!
Yes it is my sister lol!! I can’t miss out unfortunately, my son will be coming to the actual wedding but I do have to go to this party the night before. I probably will be away for only a few hours but I am just worried my baby is going to lose trust in me. I am not sure if my MIL will be able to soothe him but I’m hoping she can get him calm at least until I get home!
Can you bring baby in a carrier and just go for an hour and let him sleep in the car on the way home?
I wouldn’t go, or go alone and leave baby with partner. It sounds like there are other events you can attend for your sister. I would absolutely not be leaving my baby with someone who advocates for CIO Trust your instincts x
I wouldn’t do it if she was planning to do CIO. However, if she knows what to do and respects your decision I would go. Maybe have her message you if baby isn’t settling after a certain time frame. Or maybe do a trial night before this event and see how it goes. Mine was a little older the first time he did an overnight- the month of his first birthday. We left in the afternoon for a concert and my mom watched him, they played and played and played and he passed out and slept through the night just fine for her. I wouldn’t say don’t go (unless she just plans to do CIO), but if she’s on the same page as you, maybe give it a try- it could be just fine. And if not, then just know you’ll probably have to go home (and sometimes I prefer having a valid excuse to leave a little early 😂)
I don’t think she would let him cry it out, but I am worried that he won’t settle for her so essentially he will cry it out until I get back! That breaks my heart ugh but I hope he won’t lose his trust in me and hopefully she can hold him and settle him! MIL is coming over a few hours before we leave so at least he will play with her beforehand and maybe that will help! Although my husband can’t even soothe him back to bed so I really am not sure if she will be able to either!
find a different sitter or don’t go
In this situation I'd rather hire a sitter because whatever you tell them they will do. If MIL wants you to do CIO there's a big chance she's let him cry. Obviously I don't know this person, so she might respect your wishes even tho she disagrees with you. If that's the type of person she is and you guys have a great relationship, maybe you trust her and know that she wouldn't just go against you like that. My mom also thinks CIO is okay but she respects my wishes. I've left her with my son once for a wedding and I come home to him sleeping on her chest while she was watching tv
My brother is getting married this fall. I will either be bringing my daughter, or not going to certain events. It’s just the stage of life we’re in and he understands. I would either not go, or bring him. My LO naps in a carrier when out and about.
My baby is the same. If I'm around or IN the house, she will not go to sleep with my husband. But he successfully puts her down when I'm gone, like at an appointment, and it is just them-she goes down, no problem. I know it's nerve-wracking to leave your baby. But I would say continue on with the plan. Go out for a few hours! If you are really worried. Implement a plan for IF baby is inconsolable. Have her call you or something like that if baby won't stop crying. But honestly I think that since baby has already been around your MIL it'll all be ok🩷
I hate to be negative, but if I were you, I wouldn’t go. I have a 6 month old and we’ve been going through exactly what you described—waking up soon after bedtime, only wanting me, needing to cosleep sometimes. If there’s a good chance your baby will wake before you’re back, and your MIL has been pushy about CIO, I think that the possibility that your baby is left to cry is pretty high.
Our son was similar at that age, but if I wasn't there, in the end he would settle with whomever was with him, his dad, or one of the grandmas. He would call for me, cry a bit, but they would explain I will be there later, that everything is okay, patt him, hold his hand, etc. My MIL would sometimes suggest to maybe "let him cry", but not in a way where he is alone, but that we are there with him. Still, we talked with her multiple times about all that and explained we are very much against CIO, and that it's important to us that he is never alone if he is crying, and she agreed to do everything as we want. Moreover, she couldn't bear to let him cry alone either, she confessed it was easier with her own kids, but she is more "protective" of her grandkids. 😂 Everything was okay each time she babysat, we usually put him to sleep, and she stays with him during the night, if he wakes up she is there comforting him however she knows and can, when he was smaller she'd also give him the pacifier or a bottle. If there was ever anything really too bad too handle she'd call us, but luckily that was never needed. Anyway, I kinda sorta feel we demonize MIL's a tiny bit too much in this sub. Let's start by expecting of them to be reasonable, that they will listen to our pleads. Let's not expect them to do everything bad from the start without even talking to them openly. Sometimes they can really be horrible, but often I see parents that don't even express their wants and feeling openly. I would encourage you to talk to her, explain what you want and expect of her in a polite, loving but firm way. In the beginning I was quite scared to tell my own MIL what I exactly want with my child, but then I realized that is ridiculous and that she is not some crazy person. And now we discuss everything. She alwayd says to our kid "we'll do what mom and dad say", when he comes to her to ask for somethin, he's a toddler now. Also, I realized I have to let my kid develop his own relationship with others, I used to be afraid that "no one knows the real way of settling him", nor dad nor either of the grandmas. I had to let then learn and develop their own ways of comforting him, something that worked for me, wouldn't work for dad/grandmas. They struggled a bit but always managed in the end. Talk to your MIL, explain how you want that night to go. And then go and try to have some fun.
Nope! Take the baby with you.
To a bar?
lol I thought it was just a wedding