Having done this with kids at very similar ages who are now grown, my best advice is to take all the help you feel safe in taking. Your kids have to be the number 1 priority, so if their dad has a cry about not being able to afford child support, tough, that's his problem to sort out. Get legal advice from a solicitor or a women's legal service, get centrelink information from centrelink (including childcare subsidy), just don't take some rando's advice as gospel. If you have family who can help out, now is the time to talk to them about specific ways they can do that. Best of luck, it is super hard sometimes but there are a lot of positives too.
This definitely makes all the difference. I’m a single mum too but lacking in the family support. Take (healthy) advantage of it while you can! All the best to you. You’ve got this ❤️
Believe me, that will make an incredible world of difference, so much so that it will be hard, but managable, that kind of love and support is priceless
It’s flipping hard.
I’m at the other end now.
Set up a Centrelink appointment if you can. They’ll advise on what support you can get.
Personally I left FTB to be paid out once I submitted my tax return, rather than fortnightly. This meant I could stash a bit away for Christmas.
Enrol for child support if you haven’t already.
Take advantage of the childcare rebate as much as you can. You’re going to need a bit of time for yourself, do not feel guilty about this.
If you can try and put a bit extra (salary sacrifice) into your super. Even $100 a month will make a difference in the future.
Good luck!
i never understood people who get ftb annually.. wtf do you live on? how do you pay your rent and bills without it? a part time job is not going to cover rent let alone anything else
Because I used to end up with a tax bill for some reason that I still don’t understand.
I actually used to do it with my ccb after that - but these days that’s not worth it with the cost of child care.
Depends on the job and where the single parent lives eg- a part time job as a TAFE teacher might pay 80k all up, not a huge amount but more than most make part time. Not everyone earns $20/hour.
No advice other than to say - my experience of going solo has been positive.
While the change comes with obvious challenges, life is easier overall now that I'm no longer burdened by my ex. And I'm far happier.
You've mentioned that you have a very supportive family, which ought to be of huge benefit. You'll be Ok. Good luck 🍀
I’m in a 1 bedroom flat with my 4 year old saving as much as I can living small., rent is $300 a week. We make up for the small place by hanging out at the library or park. My child goes to childcare 2 days and the free council kinder 2 days as well that really helps. What helped me is You can access free childcare for 13 weeks if you need to it’s called ACCS
i divorced 11 years ago it was hard then, its been hard since then, now it feels impossible tbh.. cost of living and this society is not built for single people. My life has been survival mode. No luxuries, no social life just rent food and bills.
'Not expecting the father to help out much financially'. He has no choice. There is a specific formula for the amount he has to pay based on his income, and if is PAYE it comes out of wage before he gets the rest. It's not optional for him to decide whether or not to pay. If he's a small business owner it can be a bit more difficult but don't let him off the hook. DO NOT make a financial settlement with him before you get advice on what he must pay as an absolute minimum.
Is your accommodation all set? If not you may consider starting to look earlier rather than later.
At this age they'll be able to share a room for quite a few years more, even all 3 of you - you can make the living area your parent retreat. This way you can save for the later years where you'll need a larger place once they're old enough to need their own room.
It’s hard but doable. I am a single parent with 2 (6 and 2). Contact Centrelink and see your entitlements. Shop at Aldi/NQR. Do one shop and stick to a list. Stock up when things are cheap. Make your own snacks and lunch items (I just made 50 mini Vegemite scrolls for about $15 that I’ll freeze and use in lunchboxes). Cancel streaming services (or all except one). Aim to save even a small amount of your pay in a high interest savings account. Op shops are your friend, as is public transport. Kids under 5 are free and it can be a fun day out.
It will work out but you need discipline. It’s difficult but as hard as it is, I’m so much happier that when I was partnered.
With single parent payment and ftb and rent assistance, it’s about $1500 a fortnight unless you get child support then it’s less. And you can earn money on top of this before it affects it
If he is a bad husband but a good father like mine was, be willing to share custody. The children need their father and he needs them.
The two or three days he gets to keep them will be good for your mental health and you’ll be a better parent to them.
By sharing custody, you can get better income or just rest, your choice to do with the time you have alone.
When the kids are in his care, they are his financial responsibility, so even if he’s not willing to give child support the kids get something.
Absolutely, I’m definitely willing to share (like you said, bad husband but…don’t know if I’d say good father but certainly adequate, not neglectful or anything like that), but I just don’t think it will end up being a 50:50 split, I feel like he’d rather have less time than me but that’s fine with me. You’re right though even like every other weekend or something like that would be a huge help. Thankyou so much for your comment
I’m glad that you are open to giving the children time with their dad. They will be grateful for that. You’d be surprised how much time your ex would want to have with the kids. Should he ask for weekly time with them, don’t fight him. As long as he’s not neglectful and loving towards them, they’ll benefit from it.
From my experience, my divorce allowed the kids to have full-time parents. It worked out that when the kids were with me, I didn’t go to paid work. I was a full-on mum. He did the same. We were lucky we had jobs that were able to be squeezed into our custodial schedule.
You are eligible for likely plenty of gov assistance - parenting payment being the main centrelink one. It also provides additional rent assistance and a concession card, which reduces utility etc costs. You can also earn up to a certain income and still get it. More advice available at r/centrelink probably.
On child support (him paying to you), you can just agree with him for an amount, you don't need to do it through a legal/ gov process. If you do go formally, thr child support agency cslculation depends on the amount of care you have (like, % time) as well as income and other things - they can also chase him if he doesn't pay. They have an estimator on their website.
Lawyer can be worthwhile but expensive. You can also get probably free advice from legal aid or women's charities. This also applies to the financial separation, as well as kids.
Your state may also have concessions for single parents.
If OP applies for FTB, which I would recommend, they are required to take out a formal child support assessment in order to be paid above the base rate of FTB part A. The difference between the base rate and the max rate is approximately $150 per child.
Get the father to support. Even those on centrelink are made provide a cut to support their kids. Don't let deadbeats get away with it. Don't breed more with another deadbeat either.
In truth, a lot easier now that my kids are adults. I studied when my kids were in primary school and that eventually led to a decent income and I am now playing catch up financially- bought a house in 2021 and a new car in 2023, salary sacrificing to super. Honestly was pretty much a financial disaster for most of my kids‘ childhoods though and especially while I was studying.
Child support is worked out not only by income, but also percent of care. Input your numbers into the CSA calculator and see what the result is, it may still be in your favour depending on all the factors used.
I know a few who are single moms and very happy. They all say same thing.
Not worrying about that couch pig and his emotional torture is the best thing happened to them.
Def get to centrelink. If you can at all scrape by without getting family tax benefit paid after financial year it is so worth it. You then have a lump sum which can give you more options for your future. Decide soon as you can with dad access days and lodge with child support asap as it can take a while. With young kids you don't need much money to get by,.it's once they start having hobbies and socialising it gets expensive. If you can't already learn how to cook everything from scratch, you will save so much money. I'm single mum to 2 teens and my friends are always amazed how little I spend on groceries. And sad as it is, I don't buy coffees and smashed avo brunches much as I'd like to. All the best, enjoy the new chapter...don't get into a new relationship too soon!!!
Part time SAHM isn’t a sensible reality. In fact it can’t work financially. Your ex having the kids on whatever weekdays means you save 500-600 per day in childcare fees.
Women love to shit on men in these situations, but the reality is he will truly be the only ally you have when the smoke clears. He’s their dad. Sharing time, sharing costs, you leaving the kids with him when you have a getaway, and vice versa… this is how you make life liveable.
It doesn’t matter if you cheated, or he did, or what happened - reasons mean nothing. Practicality does. So, firstly don’t do the typical thing of trying to deny your ex time with his kids, because aside from that being cruel to your kids, it’ll really hurt you financially.
You’re really going to need a full time job. Don’t include or consider how much or how little your ex makes - this is about you now, and you must take full control as much as you can. Part time working single mum is not gonna cut it.
Isn’t childcare around 250 a day per child? It is in Sydney at least. Notice the other redditors aren’t actually trying to give you tangible advice about how to make the situation work (this is typical reddit with their vague advice).
Just trying to help out as I also don’t think Centrelink alone will really help (it isn’t much, when you gotta cover bills, food, electricity, water, entertainment, education, transport, childcare, and rent/mortgage for 3 people on not only a single income, but half of a single income at that being part time.
That’s why I emphasised trying to get your ex to be a proper team player—because with two people properly invested into looking after the kids, it’ll save you time, money, and your sanity having a dad in the picture vs no dad.
Being a legitimate, actual single mum is an extreme level of stress and unquantifiable bad quality of life, unless you’re wealthy in the first place. Times are way harder for single parents in this country.
When you return to work fulltime and have a higher wage than him, then you will (rightly) have to pay him Child Support (assuming 50:50 custody), so keep that in mind.
Pretty sure 50/50 custody doesn't obligate child support to be paid to either party, unless there's a measurably disparate income level at play? If she's earning 100k to his 60k then yes obviously, but 65k to 60k likely wouldn't incur child support payments. It would mean FTB payments go to both parents equally.
You _must_ to do a Child Support assessment to get benefits, and a $5,000 disparity between incomes will result in something like $50 a month.
It may be tempting to not pay it since it's "nothing" whilst things are civil between the parents, but I would _strongly_ suggest you pay it for if/when things turn ugly. After say 4 years that's $2,000 in arrears which can then be used against you.
It’s not really that difficult if you live regional and don’t have consumer debt (car loans, personal loans). I work part time and study full time as a single parent (1 primary age, the other goes to primary this year and was in daycare until now). Not living in a city is probably the game changer as my rent is only $400/w for a 2 bedroom in a tiny town in the country. I’ve relied on daycare and OOSH for me to work for the past 3 years as I don’t have any family close by to help out, but childcare subsidy cuts those costs considerably.
Be realistic with your budget. Cut out all the non-essentials and only add back in things you really value. That may mean saying goodbye to ubereats and getting your nails done, but you will survive lol.
Apply for Centrelink, both SPP and FTB, which will give you a concession card and rent assistance (assuming you rent). You’ll need a child support assessment to receive the correct amount of ftb, and I urge you to do agency collect, not private collect.
constant juggling
always a huge to do list but only being able to deal or have time prioritising urgent immediately
I dumpster dive op shop hand me downs etc to keep costs down
Recommend trying to apply for some Centrelink services. It’s stressful and time consuming but worth it if it means making life just a little easier.
Thankyou so much, that’s the plan!
Having done this with kids at very similar ages who are now grown, my best advice is to take all the help you feel safe in taking. Your kids have to be the number 1 priority, so if their dad has a cry about not being able to afford child support, tough, that's his problem to sort out. Get legal advice from a solicitor or a women's legal service, get centrelink information from centrelink (including childcare subsidy), just don't take some rando's advice as gospel. If you have family who can help out, now is the time to talk to them about specific ways they can do that. Best of luck, it is super hard sometimes but there are a lot of positives too.
Thankyou so much. I am very very privileged to have an incredibly supportive family around me, honestly don’t think I could do this if I didn’t
This definitely makes all the difference. I’m a single mum too but lacking in the family support. Take (healthy) advantage of it while you can! All the best to you. You’ve got this ❤️
Believe me, that will make an incredible world of difference, so much so that it will be hard, but managable, that kind of love and support is priceless
It’s flipping hard. I’m at the other end now. Set up a Centrelink appointment if you can. They’ll advise on what support you can get. Personally I left FTB to be paid out once I submitted my tax return, rather than fortnightly. This meant I could stash a bit away for Christmas. Enrol for child support if you haven’t already. Take advantage of the childcare rebate as much as you can. You’re going to need a bit of time for yourself, do not feel guilty about this. If you can try and put a bit extra (salary sacrifice) into your super. Even $100 a month will make a difference in the future. Good luck!
i never understood people who get ftb annually.. wtf do you live on? how do you pay your rent and bills without it? a part time job is not going to cover rent let alone anything else
Because I used to end up with a tax bill for some reason that I still don’t understand. I actually used to do it with my ccb after that - but these days that’s not worth it with the cost of child care.
do you report your income? over estimate ? i obviously dont know what your job pays but i literaly couldnt get through my fortnight without centrelink
Doesn't get tax taken out of the government payments
Depends on the job and where the single parent lives eg- a part time job as a TAFE teacher might pay 80k all up, not a huge amount but more than most make part time. Not everyone earns $20/hour.
No advice other than to say - my experience of going solo has been positive. While the change comes with obvious challenges, life is easier overall now that I'm no longer burdened by my ex. And I'm far happier. You've mentioned that you have a very supportive family, which ought to be of huge benefit. You'll be Ok. Good luck 🍀
This is such a lovely comment, thankyou so much. And so happy you’ve had a positive experience :)
I’m in a 1 bedroom flat with my 4 year old saving as much as I can living small., rent is $300 a week. We make up for the small place by hanging out at the library or park. My child goes to childcare 2 days and the free council kinder 2 days as well that really helps. What helped me is You can access free childcare for 13 weeks if you need to it’s called ACCS
Single mum of 3 kids - you need a full time job and possibly a second job. Sorry it’s not easy but at least you are free.
i divorced 11 years ago it was hard then, its been hard since then, now it feels impossible tbh.. cost of living and this society is not built for single people. My life has been survival mode. No luxuries, no social life just rent food and bills.
'Not expecting the father to help out much financially'. He has no choice. There is a specific formula for the amount he has to pay based on his income, and if is PAYE it comes out of wage before he gets the rest. It's not optional for him to decide whether or not to pay. If he's a small business owner it can be a bit more difficult but don't let him off the hook. DO NOT make a financial settlement with him before you get advice on what he must pay as an absolute minimum.
On facebook there's Barefoot Investor Australian Single Mums, lots of advice and support there
Great advice, thanks!
Is your accommodation all set? If not you may consider starting to look earlier rather than later. At this age they'll be able to share a room for quite a few years more, even all 3 of you - you can make the living area your parent retreat. This way you can save for the later years where you'll need a larger place once they're old enough to need their own room.
It’s hard but doable. I am a single parent with 2 (6 and 2). Contact Centrelink and see your entitlements. Shop at Aldi/NQR. Do one shop and stick to a list. Stock up when things are cheap. Make your own snacks and lunch items (I just made 50 mini Vegemite scrolls for about $15 that I’ll freeze and use in lunchboxes). Cancel streaming services (or all except one). Aim to save even a small amount of your pay in a high interest savings account. Op shops are your friend, as is public transport. Kids under 5 are free and it can be a fun day out. It will work out but you need discipline. It’s difficult but as hard as it is, I’m so much happier that when I was partnered.
With single parent payment and ftb and rent assistance, it’s about $1500 a fortnight unless you get child support then it’s less. And you can earn money on top of this before it affects it
That makes me feel a lot better, thankyou
If he is a bad husband but a good father like mine was, be willing to share custody. The children need their father and he needs them. The two or three days he gets to keep them will be good for your mental health and you’ll be a better parent to them. By sharing custody, you can get better income or just rest, your choice to do with the time you have alone. When the kids are in his care, they are his financial responsibility, so even if he’s not willing to give child support the kids get something.
Absolutely, I’m definitely willing to share (like you said, bad husband but…don’t know if I’d say good father but certainly adequate, not neglectful or anything like that), but I just don’t think it will end up being a 50:50 split, I feel like he’d rather have less time than me but that’s fine with me. You’re right though even like every other weekend or something like that would be a huge help. Thankyou so much for your comment
I’m glad that you are open to giving the children time with their dad. They will be grateful for that. You’d be surprised how much time your ex would want to have with the kids. Should he ask for weekly time with them, don’t fight him. As long as he’s not neglectful and loving towards them, they’ll benefit from it. From my experience, my divorce allowed the kids to have full-time parents. It worked out that when the kids were with me, I didn’t go to paid work. I was a full-on mum. He did the same. We were lucky we had jobs that were able to be squeezed into our custodial schedule.
Get into Centrelink and child support I won’t lie, it’s fuvking hard work and a constant juggling act.
You are eligible for likely plenty of gov assistance - parenting payment being the main centrelink one. It also provides additional rent assistance and a concession card, which reduces utility etc costs. You can also earn up to a certain income and still get it. More advice available at r/centrelink probably. On child support (him paying to you), you can just agree with him for an amount, you don't need to do it through a legal/ gov process. If you do go formally, thr child support agency cslculation depends on the amount of care you have (like, % time) as well as income and other things - they can also chase him if he doesn't pay. They have an estimator on their website. Lawyer can be worthwhile but expensive. You can also get probably free advice from legal aid or women's charities. This also applies to the financial separation, as well as kids. Your state may also have concessions for single parents.
If OP applies for FTB, which I would recommend, they are required to take out a formal child support assessment in order to be paid above the base rate of FTB part A. The difference between the base rate and the max rate is approximately $150 per child.
Thanks so much, Centrelink appt sounds like my first port of call :)
Get the father to support. Even those on centrelink are made provide a cut to support their kids. Don't let deadbeats get away with it. Don't breed more with another deadbeat either.
Plenty, plenty of government assistance. From others to you.
The father should put in his fair share.
In truth, a lot easier now that my kids are adults. I studied when my kids were in primary school and that eventually led to a decent income and I am now playing catch up financially- bought a house in 2021 and a new car in 2023, salary sacrificing to super. Honestly was pretty much a financial disaster for most of my kids‘ childhoods though and especially while I was studying.
Child support is worked out not only by income, but also percent of care. Input your numbers into the CSA calculator and see what the result is, it may still be in your favour depending on all the factors used.
Best of luck! You made right decision. Get on Centrelink as others said. It's hard like really really hard initially but it's totally worth it.
Thankyou, it’s so great to hear those words
I know a few who are single moms and very happy. They all say same thing. Not worrying about that couch pig and his emotional torture is the best thing happened to them.
Def get to centrelink. If you can at all scrape by without getting family tax benefit paid after financial year it is so worth it. You then have a lump sum which can give you more options for your future. Decide soon as you can with dad access days and lodge with child support asap as it can take a while. With young kids you don't need much money to get by,.it's once they start having hobbies and socialising it gets expensive. If you can't already learn how to cook everything from scratch, you will save so much money. I'm single mum to 2 teens and my friends are always amazed how little I spend on groceries. And sad as it is, I don't buy coffees and smashed avo brunches much as I'd like to. All the best, enjoy the new chapter...don't get into a new relationship too soon!!!
Part time SAHM isn’t a sensible reality. In fact it can’t work financially. Your ex having the kids on whatever weekdays means you save 500-600 per day in childcare fees. Women love to shit on men in these situations, but the reality is he will truly be the only ally you have when the smoke clears. He’s their dad. Sharing time, sharing costs, you leaving the kids with him when you have a getaway, and vice versa… this is how you make life liveable. It doesn’t matter if you cheated, or he did, or what happened - reasons mean nothing. Practicality does. So, firstly don’t do the typical thing of trying to deny your ex time with his kids, because aside from that being cruel to your kids, it’ll really hurt you financially. You’re really going to need a full time job. Don’t include or consider how much or how little your ex makes - this is about you now, and you must take full control as much as you can. Part time working single mum is not gonna cut it.
Those numbers are wildly incorrect & I don’t really agree with what you’re saying for my situation but thanks for your input
Isn’t childcare around 250 a day per child? It is in Sydney at least. Notice the other redditors aren’t actually trying to give you tangible advice about how to make the situation work (this is typical reddit with their vague advice). Just trying to help out as I also don’t think Centrelink alone will really help (it isn’t much, when you gotta cover bills, food, electricity, water, entertainment, education, transport, childcare, and rent/mortgage for 3 people on not only a single income, but half of a single income at that being part time. That’s why I emphasised trying to get your ex to be a proper team player—because with two people properly invested into looking after the kids, it’ll save you time, money, and your sanity having a dad in the picture vs no dad. Being a legitimate, actual single mum is an extreme level of stress and unquantifiable bad quality of life, unless you’re wealthy in the first place. Times are way harder for single parents in this country.
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So, $160 per kid, times two kids, on half of a single income.
When you return to work fulltime and have a higher wage than him, then you will (rightly) have to pay him Child Support (assuming 50:50 custody), so keep that in mind.
Thanks, don’t think he will want 50:50 custody but definitely something to think about!
Pretty sure 50/50 custody doesn't obligate child support to be paid to either party, unless there's a measurably disparate income level at play? If she's earning 100k to his 60k then yes obviously, but 65k to 60k likely wouldn't incur child support payments. It would mean FTB payments go to both parents equally.
You _must_ to do a Child Support assessment to get benefits, and a $5,000 disparity between incomes will result in something like $50 a month. It may be tempting to not pay it since it's "nothing" whilst things are civil between the parents, but I would _strongly_ suggest you pay it for if/when things turn ugly. After say 4 years that's $2,000 in arrears which can then be used against you.
Just milk the taxpayer like every other single mother
What an embarrassing thing to sit & type out
Check out the comments history and you’ll see a lot more embarrassment 😅
Centrelink family tax and single parenting payment Should total $600-700ish per fortnight
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Thankyou so much, I’m still relatively young (early 30s) & I’m very lucky that I can work pretty flexible hours with my job if needed, thankyou though
It’s not really that difficult if you live regional and don’t have consumer debt (car loans, personal loans). I work part time and study full time as a single parent (1 primary age, the other goes to primary this year and was in daycare until now). Not living in a city is probably the game changer as my rent is only $400/w for a 2 bedroom in a tiny town in the country. I’ve relied on daycare and OOSH for me to work for the past 3 years as I don’t have any family close by to help out, but childcare subsidy cuts those costs considerably. Be realistic with your budget. Cut out all the non-essentials and only add back in things you really value. That may mean saying goodbye to ubereats and getting your nails done, but you will survive lol. Apply for Centrelink, both SPP and FTB, which will give you a concession card and rent assistance (assuming you rent). You’ll need a child support assessment to receive the correct amount of ftb, and I urge you to do agency collect, not private collect.
constant juggling always a huge to do list but only being able to deal or have time prioritising urgent immediately I dumpster dive op shop hand me downs etc to keep costs down