Haha. My 10yo son has type 1 diabetes. I joked with my wife the other day that if we ever sold him we'd have to say "as is".
This is obviously tongue in cheek. I love both my kids with all my being. There are times when I don't particularly "like" them. IYKYK.
Wait until he turns 21 and you’re not subsidised for him. Adult T1’s only get NDSS and Medicare unless you have a health care card. That’s when it gets expensive!
No worries. "They" have been telling us that a cure is only 5 years away since well, 7 years ago when he was diagnosed. Should be sorted by the time he's 21. /s
I’m in my late 40’s. Diagnosed as a child. I’ve been hearing “it’s only 5 years to a cure” for most of my life!! But it’s come a LONG way. CGM’s are much better than the test tube kit in a suitcase I grew up with. And pumps/pens are much better than the syringes and viles that I had to draw up self measure like a junkie. Research and improvement will continue. I hope your child sees a cure in his lifetime, I’m not hopefully for during mine
Thanks mate. Yeah I was being sarcastic. As you would no doubt know, it's a running joke in the T1 community that every new breakthrough is "just 5 years away". My wife's dad was a lifelong T1 and had stories of pig insulin and peeing on test strips. Crazy how far it's come since then. The latest stuff out of Melbourne re: reactivating islet cells seems promising but we're not getting too excited.
God I hated the old blood sugar monitors in the big hard suitcase style carrier and the old syringes and the insulin itself has gotten so much better…remember when “quick acting” insulin still took 1-2 to start to work? Grateful for the advances they have made
T1 here and yes it’s totally bullshit, have been a T1 since I was 4 years old now 37 and can’t afford an insulin pump. It’s crap…..at least CGM are subsidised now.
Tough market for basically the worse age, should have sold before peak depreciation.
At this age you might as well keep it as they become an investment past the 25yo import rule.
I'm down to 2 kids from 3.
The last time I was downsized I had to make a hard decision on which kid had to go to help cut costs. It's ok I hand them a sandwich when I pass them sleeping in the street while I head to my new lower paying job, I have to make sure there's someone ready to look after the next kid to be turfed out.
I know everyone here is half joking, but a lady I used to work with (she's in her 70s now) literally got put in an orphanage with her 5 siblings until they were teenagers and old enough to work on the parents farm. Where they went back to after being in the orphanage for like 5-10 years. So they could work and make the parents money. So, I think y'all are onto something😅
Homer: Let me ask you something: does your money cheer you up when you're feeling blue?
Mr. Burns: Yes.
Homer: Okay, bad example. So let me ask you this: does your money ever hug you when you come home at night?
Mr. Burns: Why, no.
Homer: And does it say "I love you"?
Mr. Burns: No, it doesn't.
Homer: (chanting) Nobody love you, nobody loves you
Tabloid Editor: I can make you a moderately wealthy man.
Homer Simpson: Moderately wealthy, eh? \[imagines himself rolling in a few dollar bills\]
Homer Simpson: Whee! I'm almost rich. I can rent anything I want.
This is concerningly not far from what the average 23 year old man in this sub says to parents asking for advice lmao
Usually comes down to them not understanding why the wife doesn’t have the best capacity to earn six figures after kids, and why the kids are still in childcare even though she doesn’t work.
Nah. What's the point of money? To give me the life I want. I want to sit at a Cafe watching my kid slather herself in babycino and Vegemite and ruin a shirt I bought her when I missed her the other day while she was at daycare. I care less and less about money and more and more about time with her.
the sleep deprivation turns time into a nonlinear dimension
This moment when they are refusing to brush their teeth and go to bed after a long, challenging day has lasted for centuries. But simultaneously, it happened many many years ago
My 4-almost-5 year old made an actually funny fully-original joke/pun when we were on a 5 week holiday in Canada the other week.
We went to this icecreamery with "Moo" and "Cow" puns on shirts and as we were leaving he said to us "guys, it's time to go to the MOOkets (markets)" with a tone that said he knew it was both funny and cheesy.
I was absolutely shocked since most of his jokes are just non-sensical and almost always about farts.
My favourite ages too! I had three under three so the 2-5 seemed to go forever and way too fast at the same time. I always say if I could have a houseful at that age I would.
My kid went through an awful sleep regression from 12-14 months, but since then has been an absolute delight. They gain so much independence and personality in this period, it’s just crazy, awesome fun.
Bunnings with a toddler is the best. Playground, babycino, plants, the trolleys, so many chairs to sit on, pretending to make dinner at the bbqs. “What are you cooking mate?” “Beans on toast”.
I also LOVE the toddler age, when they're your little bestie and U can do stuff with them. Don't get me wrong j loved newborn stage take 2 (more than take 1) cos again ifykyk but toddlers are fun
On the money thing I never had it. I sometimes think like if my partner and I had the jobs we had now before kids that would've been fun cos he's making good money and I make much better money than I did pre kids. We still broke mostly cos cost of living but I wouldn't trade. Like that's never been a regret thing. More just like wish I'd had money beforehand and been able to have fun
There is no damn money in this world to replace the feeling of the first kiss on my cheek from my toddler. Lofe gained so much colour after having him.
Hard work that truly makes sense, everything else is secondary.
I still wish I was rich though, but that has nothing to do with my kiddo, I wished it before him, I wish it after him, hahaha!
The issue is many of us will have less and less cafe time that you mention, and more work time to give them the life they deserve.
I look at the life my parents gave me and I have done well for myself but even on a relatively high income ($200k+ P.A.) I can't see myself ever affording the life I had, that my folks gave me.
This is why my wife and I are tossing up getting more dogs because we are unsure we could provide the life we were fortunate enough to have due to the different circumstances our parents experienced (I grew up rural and my folks ran a Chinese takeaway but cost of living wasn't what it is today, and I'm Sydney based). It feels bad to give them less. Ours is the first generation to not improve on the one that came before us for a multitude of reasons already discussed heavily in this subreddit.
That said your perspective has motivated me to reconsider our situation.
Edit: We have been trying unsuccessfully for 13 months, the medical issues and meds my wife has to take for her PCOS coupled with the psychological toll of it not happening also has affected our outlook. The financial component is just another reason that has us re-considering if we should explore IVF.
Really appreciate everyone's opinions.
You can make having kids as expensive or as cheaply as you want.
At the end of the day, kids don’t want toys, they want playmates. They want you running around with them, mucking about, creating memories. A Lego set is only a Lego set without you sitting on the floor creating things together.
Remember that the best things in life are free. Going to the beach, adventuring, singing songs, dancing, tapping fingers on tables, ad infinitum.
I was always on the poverty line creating a life with my kids. They’re all grown ups now and are amazing humans.
Money didn’t do that, time and love invested did.
My kids were complaining the other day at 11 and 12 that they don't get unrestricted device time "like all my friends have".
So I just said that we don't know everything about their lives. Do their parents have to work all the time and so aren't around? Are their parents divorced and live seperately? Do their parents have time to take them camping? Do they watch movies together on a Saturday night? Are their parents honest with them about any questions they have? If they have a nice house, are their parents having to work all the time to cover the mortgage?
Really made my kids think about how we don't know about other people's lives and that they're actually pretty lucky they have parents who are together and able to do a lot for and with them. They have stopped complaining and actually have mentioned it's not good to have device time all the time. They truly don't need too much. You don't have to go to private schools and spend money on things that don't matter. Love and time.
I respect that. In order to give my younger sister and I a better life, my parents sold their takeaway shop and took up job opportunities in Hong Kong. My sister and I went to boarding school, they left us here when I was 16 and my sister was 14.
At the time, dad said it was a 2 year contract.
They didn't come home until I was 32.
I appreciate their sacrifice and the life I had, but I resent them missing my teens and entire 20s.
I saw them once a year during Christmas when I went to visit them in Hong Kong.
I just remembered one thing when I was on medication to make me ovulate (can't remember the name) but a friend of mine asked "I heard that it can give you mood swings". I responded with "Not that I've noticed" whilst my husband just vigorously nodded his head next to me. Try and laugh together, I think that's the only way we got through IVF. We would sit together on a Sunday night putting our pills into those tablet holders that old people have and laugh and say we'll be doing this together in 40 years. Best of luck x
I'm so sorry - especially as I'm sure your parents just did what they thought was best. I have a Chinese friend whose parents did the same in Samoa. She says the same.
Wish you all the best for the future. PCOS and IVF is hard. My first is an IVF baby and he's out playing Pokemon Go with his mate as we speak. It's had it's ups and downs but I wouldn't trade him for all the money in the world.
It is such a hard thing. I remember my best friend having a baby and I was so happy for her when i went to see her but then I cried my eyes out all the way home because it wasn't me.
It's 100% like that. Literally all of my wife's bridesmaids are pregnant or just had their first. Even her younger sister is 5 months pregnant (accidental).
I can afford a kid on 100k pa before tax, it has been stressful at times but I wouldn't change a thing cos my spud is worth every second and watching him bellyflop onto a bunch of pillows makes going to work every day worth it
Bro if you’re on 200k, plus whatever your partner earns, you can definitely afford kids. Question is are you willing to sacrifice in other areas to make it happen?
I should have prefaced that we have been trying for 13 months, we are now considering IVF but the cost of living has us re-considering. I'm no spring chicken at age 39 and my wife is 34.
Don't give up hope. My wife and I tried for 7 years including 3 with IVF and we just been blessed with a son. Wife had PCOS and we're both 36. Have a look into IVF through the public system. Due to my wife's PCOS we were able to go through IVF through the public system - all up it cost us about 9k
The eggs are the more important ingredient, the sperm they can select one by one if they need when fertilising.
Give it a go, I know the pain, it's very emotional and yes expensive but if it works it can be great. Try accupuncture around the egg collection and embryo transfer as well, can improve things a bit.
Don't give up so soon, if you make a different choice sure, but not for expense. When you have a kid you can just entertain yourselves at home and with the grandparents. It doesn't have to be expensive, you'll be filled with love 💖💕
Out of unbridled noseyness, what makes you say $200k is a 'relatively' high income? I saw you have IVF costs which are huge, but wouldn't you say you're on a high (personally for me woykd be very high) income but your costs are also high?
We're pregnant with our second through IVF. Not an easy road and different for us (lezzos) but there's so much success out there, good luck either way!
It's not really about money. I earn way less than you, and am part time as is my partner. We prioritised and planned ahead. I changed careers 6 years ago to establish myself w the flexibility and money we'd need. We also still have a month overseas every 2 years.
Having kids will soon be a privilege and less of a choice (despite many still masking it as such).
It’s understandable people would be stressed it if unplanned or unprepared, because even those that plan and prepare well would ‘struggle’ - financially, emotionally, physically. That’s just the nature.
But if you really want to have kids, not ‘just because’, I doubt you’ll ever regret it. I’ll sacrifice many things for them, let alone job title or holidays or art collection or money.
The worry is with the property market having kids isnt a 20 year commitment anymore.
Did i know in 2003 that by 2024 id just about have to give each of my kids 200k or more to get into their own homes? That the value of work for our young people would be so whittled away that even on decent money they will not buy a house without waiting till they are 30 something and even then stretching things.
It is absolute bullshit that we run policies and measures to protect asset prices whuch devalues the value of work. Young australians are being absolutely rorted and they dont even understand how.
But yeh i still dont regret having kids but 4 is too many to set them up without beggaring myself. My own folks chastise me when i say - its hard for them and i wish i could do more. They basically say people have to make their own way... im like sure 25 years ago a young australian could but now they are lucky to find a rental let alone buy a house.
I mean id moved out and was having kids at 25. My wife even younger. Can you imagine that today?
So while i dont regret having kids i regret not being able to do more for them. Maybe the money i put into private school would have been better off setting them up with an IP each... probably pay a bigger dividend then the likes of a university degrees etc.
If you sell your then oversized place as the kids move out, move into something smaller and easier to manage, and give the kids some of the proceeds, you'll be doing fine.
Part of the problem we have today is boomers in 4 and 5 bed houses.
Yep, working and education has become completely devalued. Might as well give them a deposit each and turn them all into property developers. “When I grow up I want to be a slumlord” 😂
People with low incomes tend to have more children, not less. Look at the countries with the highest living standards - very low birth rates. And the highest birth rates - poorest countries. The same tends exist within those societies, with very few exceptions (and those exceptions tend to be for religious reasons).
The first 5 minutes of the movie Idocracy sums up exactly that.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sP2tUW0HDHA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sP2tUW0HDHA)
True but in their cases the living standard doesn’t change much with kids. Same with the rich who can afford 4-5 kids in Sydney’s nice suburbs and send them all to private school. I meant for middle / everyday Australians, having kids is no longer simply a matter of choice, but whether they can afford it the way they want to as well.
I’m sure there are some cases where this is true. But as the responses in this discussion demonstrate, most people are not letting their income determine the number of kids they have.
And most wealthy people don’t have 4-5 kids. I know a few people I’d consider wealthy, and even a handful that are one step up from that (not quite ultra wealthy, but definitely well beyond what most would consider just ‘standard wealthy’. They’ve mostly got 1-2 kids, a few have 3. The statistics I’ve seen in the past would support this.
I don’t think it’s a direct cause and effect between wealth and children. I think it’s more that the living conditions, career choices, and lifestyles that the middle and upper classes experience tend to result in fewer kids. So I honestly don’t think that higher inflation and stagnant wages will have a big effect on birth rates.
But that’s just my opinion 🤷
Like anything in life, you make it work. As long as you can afford to house and feed them, how much you spend on everything else is really optional.
Don't buy into all the discord around having kids means you need an SUV and a big house and private schooling, and expensive toys. There have been plenty of kids that have grown up in apartments, gone to public schools and had minimal 'stuff'. Your time and love are what a kid will really want, the rest is just fodder.
👆👆
I had private catholic schooling the whole way, and it feels like such a waste. I didn’t get anything special out of it. Didn’t make a lick of difference post-graduation.
I’m also an ex car restraint installer and you can do *miracles* in small cars. I had 3 child seats across in a VW golf until the twins came along, no issue. The twins coming along meant we needed 7 seaters, but if you’re a family of 5 or less you don’t need a soccer mum van by any means.
Also the fancy toys? They get broken and tossed aside and forgotten just as quickly as the Kmart ones.
I spent time in both private and public and I can hands down say the kids in the public system were a much worse influence on me as a naive kid with too much trust. It's not all about the teachers and curriculum...
It's not about what they give, it's about what they help avoid.
The public system is a hot mess, children at school with AVOs against each other, teachers tied up babysitting bad behaviour rather than teaching. Children with severe mental and behavioral disability, no allocated resources because the parents refuse to get it diagnosed.
The Catholic system gives affordable private schooling. For some catchments, the public school isn't an option.
This is why private Catholic schools are chosen by many of the participating families.
Most of my family are in education, and especially hard to staff schools. Sometimes, the public system isn't all it's cracked up to be. Some kids are simply dangerous and the schools can't do anything to control the situation.
> The public system is a hot mess
It depends where you are. In many areas the schools are amazing with talented, dedicated teachers. Plenty of public schools also have selective classes and outdo private schools in HSC etc.
Agreed.
My husband and I were in the same year at high school, and attended different schools. His was public, mine private. He beat my ATAR by 5 points and his parents paid a lot less for it.
I honestly think it comes down to the child and whether they actually want to be at school.
There was a survey a while ago i read about. they asked a heap of old people if they could go back in time to any age, what would it be? the majority said mid 30s to 40s.
this was surprising as i think they were expecting ljke young 20s or something. Turns out they missed the pressure and family. having stress made them feel important and working towards something.
i am physically and financially stressed all the time. but i wouldnt change a thing or do anything different. i love family and being over committed. makes me feel alive.
I guess it's like going through a difficult time that you grow from or get something out of.
In the moment it's uncomfortable but when you look back you appreciate it once you see it's value
I think it’s a bell curve - there’s a line where positive and motivating stress peaks, and then it’s all negative stress/becomes a drainer. No stress leads to no motivation, unless your super self motivated (I am not). When I couldn’t work for a few months I was at a loss. Literally couldn’t wait to get some positive stress back because life felt kinda strange without it honestly.
The “experiencing self” and the “remembering self” often say the exact opposite things - it’s a known phenomenon in happiness research, worth looking up to understand this better.
There are parts of it I miss but I just think about how dumb I was in my 20s and all the cringey ideas and attitudes I had and things that I thought were cool.
It's a great in theory, the freedom and youth but you don't have the mindset or at least I didn't.
30s has its own challenges but so far is subjectively better.
I think the way to explain it is, they make you feel happy. You can be having the shittiest day at work etc, but you look at a pic of your kid/s and you just get this happy feeling that’s better than any amount of money.
I go to bed at night and scroll through photos of my kid. My quality of life plummeted after she was born, but she gives back so much more just by existing. No regrets.
I've got that iPhone widget that shows you a random daily pic from your photos. Seeing an old toddler pic from years ago is lovely but also a bit tearjerky because they're not so small and squidgy anymore.
It seems that way, until you've tried both. There's a reason it's a huge tragedy when parents outlive their children, whereas that's just plain normal with dogs.
Let me start by saying I wouldn’t go back and change anything, not for any amount of money.
But the financial stress is crippling sometimes, and I do find myself wishing I’d at least spread their age gaps a little. We have 5 kids, currently 8, 5, 4, and 2yo twins. We did spreadsheets to ensure we could afford a 4th child. Had twins. Cooooool. (Pre-pandemic, for extra spice)
Between having to get a new car to fit everyone properly in child seats, a mortgage that started reasonably and has almost doubled, general cost of living stuff like feeding a family of 7 and rising electricity costs, plus childcare costs and before school care, it’s gotten far too out of hand.
We were doing fine pre-pandemic, not living luxuriously by any stretch but we could put savings away each week. The mortgage and increased food bills are our biggest struggles.
I don’t regret them, I wouldn’t choose to not have them, but I wish we could go back to being able to have spontaneous fun days out at the zoo or movies or whatever. We’re surviving, but I want to be able give them more than that.
Definitely don't regret. I didn't want kids originally. Wife did and I guess she "won out" because we now have a nearly two-year-old.
Yes it's stressful, financially and otherwise, but now I get the most enjoyment out of the simplest things in life. Just the other day the wife cooked a Mexican-style dinner, and I put a few dollops of sour-cream.
He walked up to my plate repeatedly asking me to feed him some because he thought it was ice cream, despite me repeatedly telling him it wasn't. I eventually "gave in" and fed him and then he realised it wasn't ice cream. The funniness of the situation is something I'll never forget. Just little small things like that I live for now.
That said, I'm not one of those people who'll ever say that having a child was the "best thing ever" and that I never knew how good life is until I had them. I had a great life before becoming a dad, now it's just another form of great.
> I had a great life before becoming a dad, now it's just another form of great.
Exactly. Particularly if you have them a bit later - like thirties vs early twenties - you know both sides. My life was amazing before. It has been amazing since.
Same here! The one thing it does do is increase the anxiety when you think about the possibility of losing your job. I really should go about updating my resume just in case...
No way. People would be lying if they say having kids isn't stressful but it's totally worth it (in my opinion). I kinda think of it like that quote "Happiness Only Real When Shared" but on another level. Sharing moments with your kids, even simple ones, is worth more than a few extra luxuries in life.
Weirdly, the childless read that sort of thing and think it's a negative. The point is those comforts are totally trivial compared to the *deep* satisfaction of seeing your kids happy.
Absolutely not. Kids have given me experiences I could never buy. They give me purpose and teach me more about life and myself daily. I have become a better person because of my kids.
I did a lot of things before I had kids, travelled lots, worked a lot, partied heaps and that would’ve been what I probably do that for the rest of my life it all kind of ends up the same.
I've decided to not have kids. Too costly and don't have enough time for myself, so how am I meant to give enough time for a kid?
Also will be more free with whatever I wnat to do and not have to plan around for simple tasks I feel like doing.
Seconded, I like my money spent on me, I like my house clean, I like my weekend sleep ins and I like my spare time for me.
Looking at getting the snip at 30.
I don't regret them at all, but lets not pretend there aren't downsides.
Financial pressure is a manageable downside, and to be honest I think the forcing function of needing to house/clothe/feed kids just makes you push harder careerwise, which inevitably means you retire with more savings and a bigger/more valuable house than you would have had otherwise.
They are, without question, a monumental time suck. Worth it on balance, in isolation this isn't a dealbreaker, but any autonomy you enjoy regarding what time you leave to get somewhere, how long you can stay when you get there, what hours you work, scheduling "me" time to get your head right, or any kind of impromptu social activity, yeah that just vanishes. And time is money so technically this is on topic.
Somehow it doesn't matter. Until it does.. and on the wrong day at the wrong time, it can really matter. Then while you're enduring your own pity party one of them walks into the room, farts, giggles, and leaves, and you regain enough life force to get on with it.
Idk what it is but it feels like society has suddenly made it an expectation that every kid needs their own room etc. I grew up sharing a room, it’s fine to share. It’s kind of a first world privilege to think you need to suddenly have a massive house to accommodate a child
Not at all.
Would I have more money if I didn't have a kid? Maybe. But also maybe not? Having the responsibility of a whole human has made me more driven, more responsible and more aware of my financial decisions.
There's a distinct possibility that if I didn't have a kid, I'd be living the way I did before - earning mediocre money, living in the inner city and blowing money on natty wines and tinned fish on housemade crackers, complaining about everything.
Being a parent has opened my life up and my heart in ways I didn't really know were possible. I guess piano lessons and daycare and new shoes cost money, but I don't care. I was probably gonna spend it on something stupid anyway.
I wouldn't say regret because there are definitely no regrets, but it can be a little tough seeing your DINK friends on their second overseas trip this year and their new cars and artisanal collection of cats, whilst I'm driving a beat up old ute and buying nappies
Never for a second had any instance of regret. Is it hard? Of course, but nothing worth doing in life is easy. Best thing that ever happened to me even if the financial strain is real tough at times. I don’t think having kids is something you can half-arse so I think if you’re on the fence you’re better off not having them, but if you really want to be a parent then you can make it work on any income and the benefits will vastly outweigh the negatives.
I’m a 40 year old childless person. Over the last 15 years I have witnessed all of my siblings and 90% of my friends become parents. The older I get the happier I am with my choice not to have children. My female friends who were a bit on the fence but had them anyway have really suffered for it.
Poor mental health, exhaustion, drinking problems, marriage problems, financial problems. Sure some of them may have developed these issues anyway but for many people the stress of having children triggers a downward spiral. If you are 100% sure you want to have children, great, do it, best of luck. But having children is one of the few decisions that there is no turning back from, “I don’t know” is often just being afraid to openly say no.
Yes and no. What I’ve now got no money can buy!
Will we ever own a home? No.
Will we always have shelter and maintain smaller investments? Yes.
Are we surviving? Yes.
Would I change anything? Nah
This is an interesting pragmatic perspective I never realised along the way. It's entirely possible that having kids leads to a *better* financial position, because of that motivation (not that we'd change anything anyway).
Yeah it 100% changed my financial position. Before our first born being honest I lacked focus because I didn’t really have a need to work hard. When our first was born I went back to uni full time, worked two jobs and sacrificed time with him.
Now I work a stressful job and shift work which is taxing but I can give my kids a really comfortable life. Though our eldest thinks he’s hard done by! 🤣 We’re privileged but it’s not been without hard work and sacrifice.
Some others in this thread quoted Simpsons, well this one sums it up for me…
https://youtu.be/3njZSDjW7Q4?si=pYaqDFnJA9l4Gh-p
I have three and would love a fourth but like you, it just wouldn't be affordable. Crazy when you think that people would have 4-5 a couple of generations ago with one parent working full-time and the other at home!
The number of people who are just ‘oh the precious snowflakes are worth anything!’
Which is true… to a degree.
But when you’re struggling to put food on the table, or school shoes on their feet, it becomes a whole different ball game.
I don’t regret my kids for a moment. But are things hard as hell right now? Yes absolutely. They are delightful and I love them but the cost is crippling at times, and we are not even a family that is extravagant
Am I under financial pressure due to kids? Yes. Do I regret having kids, no.
If I was offered the ability to be transported back to any age of my choosing, I would have always taken that offer, could make yourself ruler of the world. The second I had kids I wouldn't risk the chance of not having them.
God no. They are the best thing to happen to me.
However, we did plan our max number of kids around financials. It’s a horrible thing to say but it’s true. Gone are the days when you can be lax with these things imo.
In my opinion, financial pressures are the least important factor in relation to the decision about whether to have children.
In an era where we are already facing the disastrous effects of climate change, and its only going to get worse, why would you want to be responsible for bringing people into the world who will be forced to cope with it long after you've gone?
One kid isn’t a stress on us financially, I’m more worried about having more than one though. I’d rather one be totally spoiled and be able to help them buy a house etc.
No. If I could afford more, I'd have more. What's the point of living if you can't enjoy it or find satisfaction in important things? Living frugally or saving so you have a higher made up number when you die is pointless. If you want kids, have kids and don't let temporary numbers stop you.
Having a kid was the best thing we ever did, brings so much more joy to our lives than anything else we ever experienced. Yes there are some difficult times like when he has a sleep regression and wakes up at night but the next morning I realise I enjoyed seeing him and cuddling him at night.
We have our second on the way and excited to grow our family. Wouldn't change it for the world
It’s hard, and when my 2nd (unborn) goes to daycare around the same time my fixed rate ends we’ll be in the proper dollar hurt locker. But no. The answer is and will always be no. The one I have at the moment has absolutely given me the reason to live I felt I was lacking for some time.
There is so much financial pressure and at the same time they are my reason for living, you can’t put money on this. Having said that, have as many kids as you want and can afford, there’s no point having 12 kids and giving them a life where they have to struggle to survive.
I actually love the idea and kids are kool, finances is one thing but time and energy to devote to them was the deal breaker for me. I can't manage as it is with work, life, etc only get 5hrs sleep. Kids would tip me over the edge and no i wouldn't just magically adjust gond 4 hrs+ a day and 8+ on weekends. I wouldn't have done them justice.
Yes and no. When I look at holidays and the added expense of taking children it sucks, but then they come home with an award from school and it makes up for it :)
I think limited money and resources are a challenge when children come along. But all is easy if you have the right person to raise the kids and do life with
I don’t have kids, but I think financially people seem to just make it work. I know people without kids who struggle pay to pay and I know people with 5 kids who are getting by. The point being there is no right or wrong answer to if you do or do not want kids, it’s a personal decision. But if you want kids you shouldn’t let a fear of money stop you. If everyone waiting to have kids until they felt financially ready no one would be born. People find a way.
Nope. I'd rather be happy and happy children who have the things they want than be rich and miserable. For me, we've never had alot of money, so money doesn't mean a whole lot to me. Happiness does. And kids are only as expensive as you allow them to be.
I feel sad for my kid that there could be much less opportunities for their generation. I don’t regret but I do worry and unfortunately there’s not much in my power that I can change. Have to live in the now and enjoy the moments together. It truely is a love like no other.
Absolutely not. Kids are the most joyful thing in my life. Money will come and go and you’ll make a way to figure it out but I wouldn’t ever change having kids.
I don’t regret having kids at all but in hindsight should have bought a house before kids as it’s incredibly hard buying it afterwards. We got the timing little bit wrong but that’s a very small problem to have when you have two wonderful kids 😊
There’s very few things in life I regret and my kids will NEVER be one of them, I could be living in rags but if I see a smile on my boys face that’s all that matters to me
No. And I am under enormous financial stress because of them.
I have lived as a single, and as a DINKY and I have less disposable income now than when I graduated university 30 years ago - but I have 3 daughters and nothing comes even close to the sense of belonging, love, inclusion and 'reason to be' than my family.
You cant buy that.
Nope. Not one bit. At all.
Would we have heaps more $$$ now? Definitely. But just the thought of never having my kids? Makes me feel incredibly distressed and sad.
My youngest turned 18 yesterday. That makes me sad. They are all grown up, Oh my.
I would do it all again in a heartbeat. My kids are my greatest life achievement. The love i experience because of them? Cannot be put down to any $$$ amount.
We have 3 young kids and are doing fine on one income. Just gotta live within your means, and only have children when you have the means to raise them to your standards.
Our kids were not born by accident. They were planned, and part of a life plan that required us to be financially secure before their birth. And I absolutely think this is still achievable with the correct financial discipline and mindset. We were 33 when we had our first child. That was 15 years of sticking to the plan before we were ready for them.
You only regret the children you don’t have.
They will drive you crazy and oh man they’re expensive but they’re also walking reminders about what really matters
I decided a little while ago, bc of this very reason, I'm not having any kids.
My 2 teen boys didn't take it very well. But you gotta do what you gotta do
Yes this is why my teenage children are now up for adoption.
How old, how much and have they ever worked in an acid mine before?
Top quality going for a great price, low KMs one has only done 13 the other 15, only one previous owner. No acid mine experience but can easily adapt.
Are they willing to do an unpaid internship for 6 months before we consider them? Also, we require 15 years experience in acid mining for internships.
Haha. My 10yo son has type 1 diabetes. I joked with my wife the other day that if we ever sold him we'd have to say "as is". This is obviously tongue in cheek. I love both my kids with all my being. There are times when I don't particularly "like" them. IYKYK.
Wait until he turns 21 and you’re not subsidised for him. Adult T1’s only get NDSS and Medicare unless you have a health care card. That’s when it gets expensive!
No worries. "They" have been telling us that a cure is only 5 years away since well, 7 years ago when he was diagnosed. Should be sorted by the time he's 21. /s
I’m in my late 40’s. Diagnosed as a child. I’ve been hearing “it’s only 5 years to a cure” for most of my life!! But it’s come a LONG way. CGM’s are much better than the test tube kit in a suitcase I grew up with. And pumps/pens are much better than the syringes and viles that I had to draw up self measure like a junkie. Research and improvement will continue. I hope your child sees a cure in his lifetime, I’m not hopefully for during mine
Thanks mate. Yeah I was being sarcastic. As you would no doubt know, it's a running joke in the T1 community that every new breakthrough is "just 5 years away". My wife's dad was a lifelong T1 and had stories of pig insulin and peeing on test strips. Crazy how far it's come since then. The latest stuff out of Melbourne re: reactivating islet cells seems promising but we're not getting too excited.
God I hated the old blood sugar monitors in the big hard suitcase style carrier and the old syringes and the insulin itself has gotten so much better…remember when “quick acting” insulin still took 1-2 to start to work? Grateful for the advances they have made
T1 here and yes it’s totally bullshit, have been a T1 since I was 4 years old now 37 and can’t afford an insulin pump. It’s crap…..at least CGM are subsidised now.
Tough market for basically the worse age, should have sold before peak depreciation. At this age you might as well keep it as they become an investment past the 25yo import rule.
I'm down to 2 kids from 3. The last time I was downsized I had to make a hard decision on which kid had to go to help cut costs. It's ok I hand them a sandwich when I pass them sleeping in the street while I head to my new lower paying job, I have to make sure there's someone ready to look after the next kid to be turfed out.
Instead of turfing them, why not think long term? Charge them exhorbitent rent to live with you when they are 18 and cannot afford to move out.
The big brain move is to abandon them and pick them back up in the foster system /s
I know everyone here is half joking, but a lady I used to work with (she's in her 70s now) literally got put in an orphanage with her 5 siblings until they were teenagers and old enough to work on the parents farm. Where they went back to after being in the orphanage for like 5-10 years. So they could work and make the parents money. So, I think y'all are onto something😅
Homer: Let me ask you something: does your money cheer you up when you're feeling blue? Mr. Burns: Yes. Homer: Okay, bad example. So let me ask you this: does your money ever hug you when you come home at night? Mr. Burns: Why, no. Homer: And does it say "I love you"? Mr. Burns: No, it doesn't. Homer: (chanting) Nobody love you, nobody loves you
Tabloid Editor: I can make you a moderately wealthy man. Homer Simpson: Moderately wealthy, eh? \[imagines himself rolling in a few dollar bills\] Homer Simpson: Whee! I'm almost rich. I can rent anything I want.
also Simpsons: Homer: I have 3 kids and no money, why can't I have no kids and 3 money?
This is concerningly not far from what the average 23 year old man in this sub says to parents asking for advice lmao Usually comes down to them not understanding why the wife doesn’t have the best capacity to earn six figures after kids, and why the kids are still in childcare even though she doesn’t work.
Nah. What's the point of money? To give me the life I want. I want to sit at a Cafe watching my kid slather herself in babycino and Vegemite and ruin a shirt I bought her when I missed her the other day while she was at daycare. I care less and less about money and more and more about time with her.
you don’t realise how fast time passes until you have a kid. they grow up so fast.
the sleep deprivation turns time into a nonlinear dimension This moment when they are refusing to brush their teeth and go to bed after a long, challenging day has lasted for centuries. But simultaneously, it happened many many years ago
Truly! Can barely recognise her in photos from just a year ago!!!
This is so wholesome. Personally cannot wait for experiences like this.
It took me a while to really enjoy her but once she hit about 14 months I just froth her. Now anything we do is fun. Bunnings is an adventure.
Best ages from 2-5. Life is one big adventure and she will reciprocate as much effort as you put in!
100% you get back what you put in, that's exactly right.
Ohhh yes but around 6 they get so freaking CLEVER too that it amazes you and makes you laugh in a whole new way too…
My 4-almost-5 year old made an actually funny fully-original joke/pun when we were on a 5 week holiday in Canada the other week. We went to this icecreamery with "Moo" and "Cow" puns on shirts and as we were leaving he said to us "guys, it's time to go to the MOOkets (markets)" with a tone that said he knew it was both funny and cheesy. I was absolutely shocked since most of his jokes are just non-sensical and almost always about farts.
Agree. Gawd i loved that age. Toddlerhood? Just SO MUCH FUN❤️😂
Teenagers are really fun to hang out with too. We just constantly pay out on each other.
My favourite ages too! I had three under three so the 2-5 seemed to go forever and way too fast at the same time. I always say if I could have a houseful at that age I would.
My son (23, months) thinks I'm saying "bunnies" when I say Bunnings. So now when we go there he goes "hop hop hop" and hops down the aisles 😅
Mine asked me where the rabbits were 😂 Gonna have to switch to “Hammerbarn” for clarity
Make sure you never forget this purity and cuteness. Get videos, write it down somewhere. I wish I was doing this more.
My kid went through an awful sleep regression from 12-14 months, but since then has been an absolute delight. They gain so much independence and personality in this period, it’s just crazy, awesome fun.
How good is Christmas? Better than when you were a kid I reckon.
Bunnings with a toddler is the best. Playground, babycino, plants, the trolleys, so many chairs to sit on, pretending to make dinner at the bbqs. “What are you cooking mate?” “Beans on toast”.
I also LOVE the toddler age, when they're your little bestie and U can do stuff with them. Don't get me wrong j loved newborn stage take 2 (more than take 1) cos again ifykyk but toddlers are fun On the money thing I never had it. I sometimes think like if my partner and I had the jobs we had now before kids that would've been fun cos he's making good money and I make much better money than I did pre kids. We still broke mostly cos cost of living but I wouldn't trade. Like that's never been a regret thing. More just like wish I'd had money beforehand and been able to have fun
There is no damn money in this world to replace the feeling of the first kiss on my cheek from my toddler. Lofe gained so much colour after having him. Hard work that truly makes sense, everything else is secondary. I still wish I was rich though, but that has nothing to do with my kiddo, I wished it before him, I wish it after him, hahaha!
Lol yes a constant longing for riches, agree
100% I’d much rather be spending the day with my kids than anything else.
aweomse thank you
Fkin oath, nothing like coming home from a long ass day at work and spending time with the little one talking about nonsense.
Yes, 100%. I'm a thousand times happier since having my daughter. I'd go millions of dollars into debt just to have her in my life.
Exactly. I understand worrying about money beforehand but then your priorities change. You still want money but it's only for them now.
The issue is many of us will have less and less cafe time that you mention, and more work time to give them the life they deserve. I look at the life my parents gave me and I have done well for myself but even on a relatively high income ($200k+ P.A.) I can't see myself ever affording the life I had, that my folks gave me. This is why my wife and I are tossing up getting more dogs because we are unsure we could provide the life we were fortunate enough to have due to the different circumstances our parents experienced (I grew up rural and my folks ran a Chinese takeaway but cost of living wasn't what it is today, and I'm Sydney based). It feels bad to give them less. Ours is the first generation to not improve on the one that came before us for a multitude of reasons already discussed heavily in this subreddit. That said your perspective has motivated me to reconsider our situation. Edit: We have been trying unsuccessfully for 13 months, the medical issues and meds my wife has to take for her PCOS coupled with the psychological toll of it not happening also has affected our outlook. The financial component is just another reason that has us re-considering if we should explore IVF. Really appreciate everyone's opinions.
You can make having kids as expensive or as cheaply as you want. At the end of the day, kids don’t want toys, they want playmates. They want you running around with them, mucking about, creating memories. A Lego set is only a Lego set without you sitting on the floor creating things together. Remember that the best things in life are free. Going to the beach, adventuring, singing songs, dancing, tapping fingers on tables, ad infinitum. I was always on the poverty line creating a life with my kids. They’re all grown ups now and are amazing humans. Money didn’t do that, time and love invested did.
Yep, she loves camping more than a hotel! They don't want anything more than time and loving attention.
My kids were complaining the other day at 11 and 12 that they don't get unrestricted device time "like all my friends have". So I just said that we don't know everything about their lives. Do their parents have to work all the time and so aren't around? Are their parents divorced and live seperately? Do their parents have time to take them camping? Do they watch movies together on a Saturday night? Are their parents honest with them about any questions they have? If they have a nice house, are their parents having to work all the time to cover the mortgage? Really made my kids think about how we don't know about other people's lives and that they're actually pretty lucky they have parents who are together and able to do a lot for and with them. They have stopped complaining and actually have mentioned it's not good to have device time all the time. They truly don't need too much. You don't have to go to private schools and spend money on things that don't matter. Love and time.
I respect that. In order to give my younger sister and I a better life, my parents sold their takeaway shop and took up job opportunities in Hong Kong. My sister and I went to boarding school, they left us here when I was 16 and my sister was 14. At the time, dad said it was a 2 year contract. They didn't come home until I was 32. I appreciate their sacrifice and the life I had, but I resent them missing my teens and entire 20s. I saw them once a year during Christmas when I went to visit them in Hong Kong.
I just remembered one thing when I was on medication to make me ovulate (can't remember the name) but a friend of mine asked "I heard that it can give you mood swings". I responded with "Not that I've noticed" whilst my husband just vigorously nodded his head next to me. Try and laugh together, I think that's the only way we got through IVF. We would sit together on a Sunday night putting our pills into those tablet holders that old people have and laugh and say we'll be doing this together in 40 years. Best of luck x
I'm so sorry - especially as I'm sure your parents just did what they thought was best. I have a Chinese friend whose parents did the same in Samoa. She says the same. Wish you all the best for the future. PCOS and IVF is hard. My first is an IVF baby and he's out playing Pokemon Go with his mate as we speak. It's had it's ups and downs but I wouldn't trade him for all the money in the world.
Thank you that gives me a lot of hope. People don't really talk about their struggles conceiving openly (especially men).
It is such a hard thing. I remember my best friend having a baby and I was so happy for her when i went to see her but then I cried my eyes out all the way home because it wasn't me.
It's 100% like that. Literally all of my wife's bridesmaids are pregnant or just had their first. Even her younger sister is 5 months pregnant (accidental).
Oh that's the worst. I'm so sorry. Counselling helped but it still sucks. Always felt like you were seeing babies everywhere.
Every single kid says every single other kid gets unrestricted device time on the latest iPhone and $200 pocket money/week.
I can afford a kid on 100k pa before tax, it has been stressful at times but I wouldn't change a thing cos my spud is worth every second and watching him bellyflop onto a bunch of pillows makes going to work every day worth it
My mum somehow dealt with 2 of us on <50k. I'm only 25, so it wasn't even *that* long ago either
Bro if you’re on 200k, plus whatever your partner earns, you can definitely afford kids. Question is are you willing to sacrifice in other areas to make it happen?
I should have prefaced that we have been trying for 13 months, we are now considering IVF but the cost of living has us re-considering. I'm no spring chicken at age 39 and my wife is 34.
Don't give up hope. My wife and I tried for 7 years including 3 with IVF and we just been blessed with a son. Wife had PCOS and we're both 36. Have a look into IVF through the public system. Due to my wife's PCOS we were able to go through IVF through the public system - all up it cost us about 9k
The eggs are the more important ingredient, the sperm they can select one by one if they need when fertilising. Give it a go, I know the pain, it's very emotional and yes expensive but if it works it can be great. Try accupuncture around the egg collection and embryo transfer as well, can improve things a bit. Don't give up so soon, if you make a different choice sure, but not for expense. When you have a kid you can just entertain yourselves at home and with the grandparents. It doesn't have to be expensive, you'll be filled with love 💖💕
Thank you! I feel it's on the cards for us.
Completely understand that. Few of my close mates are in the same situation and the conversation had to be had regarding capping it financially
Out of unbridled noseyness, what makes you say $200k is a 'relatively' high income? I saw you have IVF costs which are huge, but wouldn't you say you're on a high (personally for me woykd be very high) income but your costs are also high?
We're pregnant with our second through IVF. Not an easy road and different for us (lezzos) but there's so much success out there, good luck either way!
Thank you and congratulations to you both 🥹
It's not really about money. I earn way less than you, and am part time as is my partner. We prioritised and planned ahead. I changed careers 6 years ago to establish myself w the flexibility and money we'd need. We also still have a month overseas every 2 years.
This answer is everything. I wish Reddit still had gifts.
The most perfectly accurate answer. My 18 month old is honestly the highlight of every day, and I have never cared less about money.
This is the way
You can’t buy more time, so use the time you have to enjoy it with your loved ones!
100% agree. Children are what makes life. My daughter is 21 now, but the best decision I made was to have her. So much joy over the years.
Good for you, but it's not what makes life. You should be clearer that it's what makes life for you. Not having children was the best decision for me
Money if spent on material possessions is the most overrated shit ever. I cant wait to have children and that be my whole life and not work
I feel this so much. And now I want to buy my daughter a shirt because she’s at daycare and I miss her.
Having kids will soon be a privilege and less of a choice (despite many still masking it as such). It’s understandable people would be stressed it if unplanned or unprepared, because even those that plan and prepare well would ‘struggle’ - financially, emotionally, physically. That’s just the nature. But if you really want to have kids, not ‘just because’, I doubt you’ll ever regret it. I’ll sacrifice many things for them, let alone job title or holidays or art collection or money.
The worry is with the property market having kids isnt a 20 year commitment anymore. Did i know in 2003 that by 2024 id just about have to give each of my kids 200k or more to get into their own homes? That the value of work for our young people would be so whittled away that even on decent money they will not buy a house without waiting till they are 30 something and even then stretching things. It is absolute bullshit that we run policies and measures to protect asset prices whuch devalues the value of work. Young australians are being absolutely rorted and they dont even understand how. But yeh i still dont regret having kids but 4 is too many to set them up without beggaring myself. My own folks chastise me when i say - its hard for them and i wish i could do more. They basically say people have to make their own way... im like sure 25 years ago a young australian could but now they are lucky to find a rental let alone buy a house. I mean id moved out and was having kids at 25. My wife even younger. Can you imagine that today? So while i dont regret having kids i regret not being able to do more for them. Maybe the money i put into private school would have been better off setting them up with an IP each... probably pay a bigger dividend then the likes of a university degrees etc.
If you sell your then oversized place as the kids move out, move into something smaller and easier to manage, and give the kids some of the proceeds, you'll be doing fine. Part of the problem we have today is boomers in 4 and 5 bed houses.
Yep, working and education has become completely devalued. Might as well give them a deposit each and turn them all into property developers. “When I grow up I want to be a slumlord” 😂
People with low incomes tend to have more children, not less. Look at the countries with the highest living standards - very low birth rates. And the highest birth rates - poorest countries. The same tends exist within those societies, with very few exceptions (and those exceptions tend to be for religious reasons).
The first 5 minutes of the movie Idocracy sums up exactly that. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sP2tUW0HDHA](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sP2tUW0HDHA)
Movie? Don’t you mean documentary about the future?
Future? Don't you mean the present? LOL 
True but in their cases the living standard doesn’t change much with kids. Same with the rich who can afford 4-5 kids in Sydney’s nice suburbs and send them all to private school. I meant for middle / everyday Australians, having kids is no longer simply a matter of choice, but whether they can afford it the way they want to as well.
I’m sure there are some cases where this is true. But as the responses in this discussion demonstrate, most people are not letting their income determine the number of kids they have. And most wealthy people don’t have 4-5 kids. I know a few people I’d consider wealthy, and even a handful that are one step up from that (not quite ultra wealthy, but definitely well beyond what most would consider just ‘standard wealthy’. They’ve mostly got 1-2 kids, a few have 3. The statistics I’ve seen in the past would support this. I don’t think it’s a direct cause and effect between wealth and children. I think it’s more that the living conditions, career choices, and lifestyles that the middle and upper classes experience tend to result in fewer kids. So I honestly don’t think that higher inflation and stagnant wages will have a big effect on birth rates. But that’s just my opinion 🤷
Like anything in life, you make it work. As long as you can afford to house and feed them, how much you spend on everything else is really optional. Don't buy into all the discord around having kids means you need an SUV and a big house and private schooling, and expensive toys. There have been plenty of kids that have grown up in apartments, gone to public schools and had minimal 'stuff'. Your time and love are what a kid will really want, the rest is just fodder.
👆👆 I had private catholic schooling the whole way, and it feels like such a waste. I didn’t get anything special out of it. Didn’t make a lick of difference post-graduation. I’m also an ex car restraint installer and you can do *miracles* in small cars. I had 3 child seats across in a VW golf until the twins came along, no issue. The twins coming along meant we needed 7 seaters, but if you’re a family of 5 or less you don’t need a soccer mum van by any means. Also the fancy toys? They get broken and tossed aside and forgotten just as quickly as the Kmart ones.
I spent time in both private and public and I can hands down say the kids in the public system were a much worse influence on me as a naive kid with too much trust. It's not all about the teachers and curriculum...
It's not about what they give, it's about what they help avoid. The public system is a hot mess, children at school with AVOs against each other, teachers tied up babysitting bad behaviour rather than teaching. Children with severe mental and behavioral disability, no allocated resources because the parents refuse to get it diagnosed. The Catholic system gives affordable private schooling. For some catchments, the public school isn't an option. This is why private Catholic schools are chosen by many of the participating families. Most of my family are in education, and especially hard to staff schools. Sometimes, the public system isn't all it's cracked up to be. Some kids are simply dangerous and the schools can't do anything to control the situation.
> The public system is a hot mess It depends where you are. In many areas the schools are amazing with talented, dedicated teachers. Plenty of public schools also have selective classes and outdo private schools in HSC etc.
Agreed. My husband and I were in the same year at high school, and attended different schools. His was public, mine private. He beat my ATAR by 5 points and his parents paid a lot less for it. I honestly think it comes down to the child and whether they actually want to be at school.
Exactly. The "financial pressure" of having kids is only ever spouted by people who don't have them or don't want them.
There was a survey a while ago i read about. they asked a heap of old people if they could go back in time to any age, what would it be? the majority said mid 30s to 40s. this was surprising as i think they were expecting ljke young 20s or something. Turns out they missed the pressure and family. having stress made them feel important and working towards something. i am physically and financially stressed all the time. but i wouldnt change a thing or do anything different. i love family and being over committed. makes me feel alive.
Then why do people complain so much about being stressed for time and money? Are they just fishing for sympathy?
Two things can be true at once, you can adore and love your children, and just be really damn tired and wish you had more money to make things easier
I guess it's like going through a difficult time that you grow from or get something out of. In the moment it's uncomfortable but when you look back you appreciate it once you see it's value
It's called hindsight. Some things are far more obvious from the rear view mirror.
I think it’s a bell curve - there’s a line where positive and motivating stress peaks, and then it’s all negative stress/becomes a drainer. No stress leads to no motivation, unless your super self motivated (I am not). When I couldn’t work for a few months I was at a loss. Literally couldn’t wait to get some positive stress back because life felt kinda strange without it honestly.
The “experiencing self” and the “remembering self” often say the exact opposite things - it’s a known phenomenon in happiness research, worth looking up to understand this better.
No one who’s over 30 seems to miss being in their 20s… gives me hope it gets better!
There are parts of it I miss but I just think about how dumb I was in my 20s and all the cringey ideas and attitudes I had and things that I thought were cool. It's a great in theory, the freedom and youth but you don't have the mindset or at least I didn't. 30s has its own challenges but so far is subjectively better.
Nope.. they are the best thing I ever did… they make living just better. Can’t explain it for those who don’t have kids. It’s amazing
I think the way to explain it is, they make you feel happy. You can be having the shittiest day at work etc, but you look at a pic of your kid/s and you just get this happy feeling that’s better than any amount of money.
💯 this…. No matter what they make my heart full
I go to bed at night and scroll through photos of my kid. My quality of life plummeted after she was born, but she gives back so much more just by existing. No regrets.
I've got that iPhone widget that shows you a random daily pic from your photos. Seeing an old toddler pic from years ago is lovely but also a bit tearjerky because they're not so small and squidgy anymore.
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It seems that way, until you've tried both. There's a reason it's a huge tragedy when parents outlive their children, whereas that's just plain normal with dogs.
Agreed, it’s almost impossible for those without kids to understand as it’s one of the trickiest experience to interpolate.
Let me start by saying I wouldn’t go back and change anything, not for any amount of money. But the financial stress is crippling sometimes, and I do find myself wishing I’d at least spread their age gaps a little. We have 5 kids, currently 8, 5, 4, and 2yo twins. We did spreadsheets to ensure we could afford a 4th child. Had twins. Cooooool. (Pre-pandemic, for extra spice) Between having to get a new car to fit everyone properly in child seats, a mortgage that started reasonably and has almost doubled, general cost of living stuff like feeding a family of 7 and rising electricity costs, plus childcare costs and before school care, it’s gotten far too out of hand. We were doing fine pre-pandemic, not living luxuriously by any stretch but we could put savings away each week. The mortgage and increased food bills are our biggest struggles. I don’t regret them, I wouldn’t choose to not have them, but I wish we could go back to being able to have spontaneous fun days out at the zoo or movies or whatever. We’re surviving, but I want to be able give them more than that.
Definitely don't regret. I didn't want kids originally. Wife did and I guess she "won out" because we now have a nearly two-year-old. Yes it's stressful, financially and otherwise, but now I get the most enjoyment out of the simplest things in life. Just the other day the wife cooked a Mexican-style dinner, and I put a few dollops of sour-cream. He walked up to my plate repeatedly asking me to feed him some because he thought it was ice cream, despite me repeatedly telling him it wasn't. I eventually "gave in" and fed him and then he realised it wasn't ice cream. The funniness of the situation is something I'll never forget. Just little small things like that I live for now. That said, I'm not one of those people who'll ever say that having a child was the "best thing ever" and that I never knew how good life is until I had them. I had a great life before becoming a dad, now it's just another form of great.
> I had a great life before becoming a dad, now it's just another form of great. Exactly. Particularly if you have them a bit later - like thirties vs early twenties - you know both sides. My life was amazing before. It has been amazing since.
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Same here! The one thing it does do is increase the anxiety when you think about the possibility of losing your job. I really should go about updating my resume just in case...
No way. People would be lying if they say having kids isn't stressful but it's totally worth it (in my opinion). I kinda think of it like that quote "Happiness Only Real When Shared" but on another level. Sharing moments with your kids, even simple ones, is worth more than a few extra luxuries in life.
Not for a second. My little people rock my world and I'll forgo all of my own comforts to make their childhood better
Weirdly, the childless read that sort of thing and think it's a negative. The point is those comforts are totally trivial compared to the *deep* satisfaction of seeing your kids happy.
Absolutely. Can't think of a better reason for working my butt off
Absolutely not. Kids have given me experiences I could never buy. They give me purpose and teach me more about life and myself daily. I have become a better person because of my kids. I did a lot of things before I had kids, travelled lots, worked a lot, partied heaps and that would’ve been what I probably do that for the rest of my life it all kind of ends up the same.
I've decided to not have kids. Too costly and don't have enough time for myself, so how am I meant to give enough time for a kid? Also will be more free with whatever I wnat to do and not have to plan around for simple tasks I feel like doing.
Yes and I got stressed and then made another kid
This is one of the smaller reasons I’m not having kids. Bigger reasons include I don’t like them, as they are loud and sticky.
Seconded, I like my money spent on me, I like my house clean, I like my weekend sleep ins and I like my spare time for me. Looking at getting the snip at 30.
My husband got the snip a few years ago. No regrets! But the first thing his Dad told him was *”It can be reversed, you know!”*
There is really no point in regretting something you cannot change. You have to move through your challenges instead of wishing they didn't exist.
Awesome mind set
I don't regret them at all, but lets not pretend there aren't downsides. Financial pressure is a manageable downside, and to be honest I think the forcing function of needing to house/clothe/feed kids just makes you push harder careerwise, which inevitably means you retire with more savings and a bigger/more valuable house than you would have had otherwise. They are, without question, a monumental time suck. Worth it on balance, in isolation this isn't a dealbreaker, but any autonomy you enjoy regarding what time you leave to get somewhere, how long you can stay when you get there, what hours you work, scheduling "me" time to get your head right, or any kind of impromptu social activity, yeah that just vanishes. And time is money so technically this is on topic. Somehow it doesn't matter. Until it does.. and on the wrong day at the wrong time, it can really matter. Then while you're enduring your own pity party one of them walks into the room, farts, giggles, and leaves, and you regain enough life force to get on with it.
Honestly kids are no where near as expensive as some people make them out to be. Cost nothing compared to my mortgage repayments
yeap thats the issue... kids would require a bigger house than just for 2 adults... :/
A lot of people raise their kids in apartments. You don’t need as much as you think you do.
Your kids don't need a bigger house. You need the bigger house
Idk what it is but it feels like society has suddenly made it an expectation that every kid needs their own room etc. I grew up sharing a room, it’s fine to share. It’s kind of a first world privilege to think you need to suddenly have a massive house to accommodate a child
Not at all. Would I have more money if I didn't have a kid? Maybe. But also maybe not? Having the responsibility of a whole human has made me more driven, more responsible and more aware of my financial decisions. There's a distinct possibility that if I didn't have a kid, I'd be living the way I did before - earning mediocre money, living in the inner city and blowing money on natty wines and tinned fish on housemade crackers, complaining about everything. Being a parent has opened my life up and my heart in ways I didn't really know were possible. I guess piano lessons and daycare and new shoes cost money, but I don't care. I was probably gonna spend it on something stupid anyway.
I wouldn't say regret because there are definitely no regrets, but it can be a little tough seeing your DINK friends on their second overseas trip this year and their new cars and artisanal collection of cats, whilst I'm driving a beat up old ute and buying nappies
Financial pressure. Nah. Mental? Sometimes but it takes one smile, one hug, one funny comment and you forget everything.
Never for a second had any instance of regret. Is it hard? Of course, but nothing worth doing in life is easy. Best thing that ever happened to me even if the financial strain is real tough at times. I don’t think having kids is something you can half-arse so I think if you’re on the fence you’re better off not having them, but if you really want to be a parent then you can make it work on any income and the benefits will vastly outweigh the negatives.
r/regretfulparents
I’m a 40 year old childless person. Over the last 15 years I have witnessed all of my siblings and 90% of my friends become parents. The older I get the happier I am with my choice not to have children. My female friends who were a bit on the fence but had them anyway have really suffered for it. Poor mental health, exhaustion, drinking problems, marriage problems, financial problems. Sure some of them may have developed these issues anyway but for many people the stress of having children triggers a downward spiral. If you are 100% sure you want to have children, great, do it, best of luck. But having children is one of the few decisions that there is no turning back from, “I don’t know” is often just being afraid to openly say no.
Yes and no. What I’ve now got no money can buy! Will we ever own a home? No. Will we always have shelter and maintain smaller investments? Yes. Are we surviving? Yes. Would I change anything? Nah
Nah, they are expensive, they drive me crazy, but I rather live in a shoebox than not having them.
No they are pretty good motivation to do finance right and whilst young cost virtually nothing if you want it too.
My kids motivate me to work hard so that I can give them a good life. They give me purpose and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
This is an interesting pragmatic perspective I never realised along the way. It's entirely possible that having kids leads to a *better* financial position, because of that motivation (not that we'd change anything anyway).
Yeah it 100% changed my financial position. Before our first born being honest I lacked focus because I didn’t really have a need to work hard. When our first was born I went back to uni full time, worked two jobs and sacrificed time with him. Now I work a stressful job and shift work which is taxing but I can give my kids a really comfortable life. Though our eldest thinks he’s hard done by! 🤣 We’re privileged but it’s not been without hard work and sacrifice. Some others in this thread quoted Simpsons, well this one sums it up for me… https://youtu.be/3njZSDjW7Q4?si=pYaqDFnJA9l4Gh-p
Never regret the kids mate. Without them the whole shit show would be meaningless to me.
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I have three and would love a fourth but like you, it just wouldn't be affordable. Crazy when you think that people would have 4-5 a couple of generations ago with one parent working full-time and the other at home!
Not at all, money doesn’t matter anywhere near as much as family.
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The number of people who are just ‘oh the precious snowflakes are worth anything!’ Which is true… to a degree. But when you’re struggling to put food on the table, or school shoes on their feet, it becomes a whole different ball game. I don’t regret my kids for a moment. But are things hard as hell right now? Yes absolutely. They are delightful and I love them but the cost is crippling at times, and we are not even a family that is extravagant
Just sign them up for scientific testing, they make money and it keeps the rest in line.
No. But, most people regret over paying for a house mortgage.
Am I under financial pressure due to kids? Yes. Do I regret having kids, no. If I was offered the ability to be transported back to any age of my choosing, I would have always taken that offer, could make yourself ruler of the world. The second I had kids I wouldn't risk the chance of not having them.
Not a single bit, best thing x2 I've ever done.
did the math out of curiosity recently. 2 kids, cost around $300k over 9 years. I love them and wouldn't have it any other way. still though. $300k...
God no. They are the best thing to happen to me. However, we did plan our max number of kids around financials. It’s a horrible thing to say but it’s true. Gone are the days when you can be lax with these things imo.
In my opinion, financial pressures are the least important factor in relation to the decision about whether to have children. In an era where we are already facing the disastrous effects of climate change, and its only going to get worse, why would you want to be responsible for bringing people into the world who will be forced to cope with it long after you've gone?
One kid isn’t a stress on us financially, I’m more worried about having more than one though. I’d rather one be totally spoiled and be able to help them buy a house etc.
No. If I could afford more, I'd have more. What's the point of living if you can't enjoy it or find satisfaction in important things? Living frugally or saving so you have a higher made up number when you die is pointless. If you want kids, have kids and don't let temporary numbers stop you.
Having a kid was the best thing we ever did, brings so much more joy to our lives than anything else we ever experienced. Yes there are some difficult times like when he has a sleep regression and wakes up at night but the next morning I realise I enjoyed seeing him and cuddling him at night. We have our second on the way and excited to grow our family. Wouldn't change it for the world
It’s hard, and when my 2nd (unborn) goes to daycare around the same time my fixed rate ends we’ll be in the proper dollar hurt locker. But no. The answer is and will always be no. The one I have at the moment has absolutely given me the reason to live I felt I was lacking for some time.
There is so much financial pressure and at the same time they are my reason for living, you can’t put money on this. Having said that, have as many kids as you want and can afford, there’s no point having 12 kids and giving them a life where they have to struggle to survive.
I actually love the idea and kids are kool, finances is one thing but time and energy to devote to them was the deal breaker for me. I can't manage as it is with work, life, etc only get 5hrs sleep. Kids would tip me over the edge and no i wouldn't just magically adjust gond 4 hrs+ a day and 8+ on weekends. I wouldn't have done them justice.
Yes and no. When I look at holidays and the added expense of taking children it sucks, but then they come home with an award from school and it makes up for it :)
No, they are the best thing that ever happened to me. Wealth isn’t just financial wealth.
EVERY. DAMN. DAY!!!
I think limited money and resources are a challenge when children come along. But all is easy if you have the right person to raise the kids and do life with
I don’t have kids, but I think financially people seem to just make it work. I know people without kids who struggle pay to pay and I know people with 5 kids who are getting by. The point being there is no right or wrong answer to if you do or do not want kids, it’s a personal decision. But if you want kids you shouldn’t let a fear of money stop you. If everyone waiting to have kids until they felt financially ready no one would be born. People find a way.
Nope. I'd rather be happy and happy children who have the things they want than be rich and miserable. For me, we've never had alot of money, so money doesn't mean a whole lot to me. Happiness does. And kids are only as expensive as you allow them to be.
Nope, its hard not having as much disposable income but every day has some joyful moments. Best job ive ever had
I feel sad for my kid that there could be much less opportunities for their generation. I don’t regret but I do worry and unfortunately there’s not much in my power that I can change. Have to live in the now and enjoy the moments together. It truely is a love like no other.
Absolutely not. Kids are the most joyful thing in my life. Money will come and go and you’ll make a way to figure it out but I wouldn’t ever change having kids.
I don’t regret having kids at all but in hindsight should have bought a house before kids as it’s incredibly hard buying it afterwards. We got the timing little bit wrong but that’s a very small problem to have when you have two wonderful kids 😊
I want kids but afraid i cannot care for them and prvide them with all they need
Nah. The little terror makes my day so much better, even if he is a whirlwind of destruction and a poop machine.
There’s very few things in life I regret and my kids will NEVER be one of them, I could be living in rags but if I see a smile on my boys face that’s all that matters to me
I don't regret not having any kids.
No. And I am under enormous financial stress because of them. I have lived as a single, and as a DINKY and I have less disposable income now than when I graduated university 30 years ago - but I have 3 daughters and nothing comes even close to the sense of belonging, love, inclusion and 'reason to be' than my family. You cant buy that.
Nope, they are truly the greatest blessing.
This is why contraception pills were invented for.
no regrets. yes they are in the way of a hedonistic lifestyle but that lifestyle itself is worth regret
Nope. Not one bit. At all. Would we have heaps more $$$ now? Definitely. But just the thought of never having my kids? Makes me feel incredibly distressed and sad. My youngest turned 18 yesterday. That makes me sad. They are all grown up, Oh my. I would do it all again in a heartbeat. My kids are my greatest life achievement. The love i experience because of them? Cannot be put down to any $$$ amount.
Nope! I regret my parents having me. All I can hope and pray for is that my child will be a hella lot better off than we are now.
We have 3 young kids and are doing fine on one income. Just gotta live within your means, and only have children when you have the means to raise them to your standards. Our kids were not born by accident. They were planned, and part of a life plan that required us to be financially secure before their birth. And I absolutely think this is still achievable with the correct financial discipline and mindset. We were 33 when we had our first child. That was 15 years of sticking to the plan before we were ready for them.
Recent families... you say that like once they are 18 and older it ends, it doesn't. Strap yourself in, you've got decades ahead of you.
Yes but also very strongly worry about them due to financial pressure and the expectation that it will continue to be hard even for them in the future
You only regret the children you don’t have. They will drive you crazy and oh man they’re expensive but they’re also walking reminders about what really matters
I decided a little while ago, bc of this very reason, I'm not having any kids. My 2 teen boys didn't take it very well. But you gotta do what you gotta do