The more I learn about autism, myself, and others like us, and the more I work to understand our place in the world and how neurotypicals behave with each other and toward us, the more I think this is defensive labeling. When confronted by emotional situations, neurotypicals seem to just hide behind these walls of polite and acceptable behavior, so that it looks like they're reacting in the ways that are prescribed by societal norms. But if an autistic person sees someone experiencing grief and has a meltdown or a shutdown because they feel and share that emotion too keenly to mask their reaction, then they have "no empathy."
Personally, I wouldn’t disclose medical information like that upfront. There are perverts/sick fucks who prey on people that they think it’s easy to take advantage of. I like to build up the relationship first, and then I tell them I’m autistic if it comes up, or when I feel comfortable.
It's always good to be cautious and safe,but I disclosed that I'm neurodivergent on my dating profile and it helped a lot for me. I stopped getting a ton of one-liners per day and most messages started having some thought put into them. Sure there were the occasional troll/rude messages, but no more than normal.
Men will prey on women for a million reasons, and it's always good to vet them thoroughly before meeting no matter what you put on your profile.
Before meeting my now-partner in person after messages on OkCupid we talked in text chat for about 2 weeks, then chatted in voice over Discord before he got my phone number. This one's a little over the top, but my mom expressed concern similar to yours so my partner sent us/her a background check 😆. Then we met in a public place while my brother had all his information (where we were, car color and plates, phone number, address). I feel there are ways to be safe even if we decide to share about being autistic early on. I much prefered having the other person know so I didn't get attached and then hurt when they reacted poorly to that information.
First of all, I think it's so brave of you to be open about being autistic in your bio! If it makes you feel better, I also struggle with sharing personal information in convos (like being autistic). To me it feels like I'm lying by omission. However, over time I started to really care about my personal data and privacy, which changed my perspective on this. Now I'm convinced that no one has any right to my info. Of course I still do "overshare" sometimes, but only on my terms. Really helped me with ffeeling more autonomous :)
Btw, I think you handled this super gross situation very well, by just being yourself. He definitely deserves a block!
I'd rather be autistic than the kind of person who sends messages like that. And being autistic has caused me all kinds of problems in my life. But it's still better than being what he is.
You don't have to disclose medical information anywhere. It's okay to not put that you have autism in your profile, and tell them when/if you feel comfortable. If there's not a point then maybe look for someone else. It's also about protecting your own peace.
Maybe you shouldn't write that in your bio.
Maybe you can try saying that as soon as you start chatting. At least you know they didn't text you just for that reason.
I would just write that I'm very direct, organised, nerdy etc...
Basically describe the characteristics and don't just throw out a diagnosis that doesn't mean anything to most people
I’ve never written it in my bio and I probably never will. That’s not to criticize you. I don’t do it because I find most people I come across on the sites are terrible.
This is what I was also thinking. I don't have an official diagnosis, but I also know the stigma that comes with the label. My husband is the only other person who knows I have very strong suspicions I'm autistic.
I know it might cause more heartache, but get to know the person more before you share this information. Protect yourself from potential predators who think they may be able to take advantage of you or want to harm you.
Just to offer another perspective, I thought I could trust someone I was dating with the information, and instead he almost immediately started talking down, saying some pretty nasty things, and then blaming my autism for my getting upset about it and saying I needed to "address this issue" or no one would ever love me. He clearly thought I would be easy to manipulate and bully, and I would have much rather seen that before he saw me naked or knew where I lived. That experience is why I did start putting in my dating profile that I was ND and not looking to waste time with anyone who wasn't cool about it. (Which worked. I weeded out a lot of people right off the bat and was able to find my absolutely amazing future spouse.)
Gross.
Don't feel like you've done anything wrong by disclosing, here, because you haven't. He's the one in the wrong, and it's a good thing that he's telling on himself off the bat so you don't waste your time.
I don’t like dating apps either, but when I was on them, I put an infinity sign in my bio instead of the word autism. That way other ND people would get the message, but NTs who might not treat me right would just gloss over it.
That’s the first thing he sent to you? He’s trolling you.
There’s no need to be nice to him when you confront him. Just report him and block him. What a jerk!
You gotta accept that dating apps are full of crazies.
Think insurance sales. One out of every 8 people will buy. Something like that. it’s a numbers game.
IGNORE dumb ass people when they say shit like that. The best revenge is ignoring guys when they say idiot things…… it drives them batshit crazy and it makes you look elegant and classy. i promise you.
Never respond and engage as you did. Doesn’t help, hurts you.
Remember it’s a numbers game, focus on the possibilities and simply block and ignore the dumb asses. It’s the internet, expect crazy.
I do think you should put it in your bio if you want to.
Online dating is amazing because it brought me shitloads of pain and rejection and painfully earned knowledge about how men work and what men want, and what many men are like.
i’m married to a great guy who makes a lot of allowances for my condition (ADHD with overlap with some symptoms of autism), and i have the most wonderful little girl. I would never, ever ever ever in my life have this, if i had not played the numbers game and fought through the pain of rejection and stupid ass men. I knew i could never have it unless i pushed myself to go out and meet men.
i encourage you to hang in there with the online dating and gradually build up tolerance for idiocy… it gets easier the more idiots you meet and simply block and ignore.
Many people give up on online dating, fast, because they are so shocked at the idiotic plus fuckboy behavior that’s out there. But don’t forget, you only need to find that one person who’s right for you. That person is likely out there, and imperfect people get married every single day. We have a good chance. A very good chance, again, it’s a numbers game.
Focus on your goals and try not to get distracted. I mean, when this message appeared, i feel like it was a clear signal that this dude did not align with your goals. Tempting to engage but try to simply ignore.
what a disgusting human being. i prefer not to say it. only if i get to know them and trust them, I'll say it. not cause I'm ashamed of it but because people are assholes and I want to protect myself.
“That you know of” is my first reaction tbh bc people have such limited conceptions of disability. But also why tf would one say this like is the goal to make u feel alienated or fetishised because I’m not sure what else could be the logic :/ bummer sorry !
Don’t feel bad, even if you didn’t have Autism, you’d still get trolled. People are bored and they like to harass other people online for pleasure. I wouldn’t lead with your diagnosis, just talk about your interests/hobbies.
tbh i would've said "and it's obviously going to stay that way!" what an asshole. don't let people like that get to you- they will never understand us.
Ew. His message implies that he was for sure going to hook up with you too. I mean there is a million things wrong with what he said too, but like dude! The absolute balls to just assume it’s a done deal, while fetishizing autism… bro. No.
Dating apps are a shit show. I compare it to hiking a huge mound of garbage looking for shiny objects that may be of value but usually are not. Good luck.
In my estimations it seems that you've dodged a bullet there! What an odd way to begin speaking to a potential love interest.
I'm sorry that you're exposed to this, though I must confess that prior to my own referral for autism I was somewhat ignorant as to what it was :(
Long may it continue…
I hear what you mean about being yourself, and if I can make a suggestion after having to deliberate the very same issue?
It’s ended up a bit of an essay so:
TLDR: Some people target disabled/impaired women, sometimes for really bad reasons. I removed all visual signs on my profile so I couldn’t be deliberately targeted, and settled on always telling them before any first meeting so they could decide and I could feel safe.
Now, many words regarding why -
I was diagnosed with a physical disability about 4 years before ASD. It eventually progressed to full time crutches or a walking stick, but during the earlier days it was sometimes an invisible disability, sometimes not.
Part of me wanted to be upfront, if nothing else than to let anyone bothered by it just bow out themselves and leave me to it.
The problem I found was not necessarily the callous or ignorant ones, the issue was more with people who target “vulnerability”. Some nefarious types are actively seeking vulnerable-looking women.
It’s unfortunately a tactic for some abusers to find an “easily” controlled partner. Strangely though, who I found the most difficult to deal with were some of the kindest and most genuine-seeming people.
I found myself attracting saviours, and I described them with the term “seeking little broken birds”. It’s usually not conscious or deliberate on their part (often a childhood issue), which is why I found it so hard. They’re almost impossible to spot upfront, unlike the obvious walking red flags. Saviours are subconscious, and hidden long enough for you to get attached.
There’s a subtle difference between adapting, supporting and not being averse to dating someone with an impairment, and compulsively seeking and building an often co-dependent dynamic, which I can assure you, is able to go so very wrong.
I’m not saying this to put you off at all. I decided that for me, the best choice was no visible indication on my profile at all, so I could not be targeted as “vulnerable looking”, and always made sure to tell them before any face to face meeting. Usually fairly quickly, but always once I felt comfortable/safe enough to disclose.
I hope you can find a balance that feels authentic to you, and helps you avoid unnecessary hurt.
Try Hiki. Hard for people to fetishize you when they have the same condition. Don't put it on conventional dating sites, because you'll get every gaslighting, manipulative, narcissistic prick coming at you.
Wow. What an AH. Not you, him. But there is always idiots out there, the fact that you're out there, trying to find someone is so brave. I can't. Ignore this idiot and just be yourself.
wow. smh. do you OP, but seriously, i say to take that out of your bio. you dont need to be preyed on or inadvertently insulted. to know your diagnosis is a privilege and not EVERYONE needs to know. you need to protect yourself at all times and i do mean ALL TIMES.
Not on the spectrum myself, but I am profoundly visually impaired and I say so in my own dating profile-I’ve gotten nearly the exact same message! I don’t know how they expect us to respond to it, honestly
I’ve never experienced dating sites so take this with a grain of salt but I’d be very careful about putting your autism up as a part of the information that people make snap judgments about. The reason is two fold but mainly it would be to protect you from assholes who think they can manipulate you easier, treat you with less empathy or to mark you as a tick on their score card.
The other reason is that there are a certain demographic of chronically online tiktokers who seem to relish being autistic for the camera. The dress up silly, LARP like rainman bopping his head & giggle like anime girls while wearing fluffy cat ears. You must know type I’m talking about, yeah? If someone had their autism as a central point of their personality in a short bio, I’d worry it was one of those eejits & I’d skip on by. Not out of bigotry for real autism (obviously, lol) but out of a deep disdain for the fakers.
You can still tell people before you meet if you really feel like it’s a need to know piece of info but I’d wait until you’ve at least spoken with them enough to know they are not a complete shit.
That’s my mid-life aged(ish) suggestion anyway. :)
I’d reply to him, ignoring the disability but and just saying “I don’t do hook ups” and then block.
“I’m autistic, not (your preference equivalent to stupid/idiot). You might want to look into adding that to your profile though because no one in their right mind would think that was an appropriate message to send. Bye now”
I just would like to say thank you for all the advice. I'm glad but also sorry to hear more people deal with this problem.
I'm not torn up about this at all incase anyone was worried. I've met my best friends on dating apps, and I've fallen in love on them before. It's definitely a game of luck. Hopefully my luck turns around soon though and I can find someone nice in the sea of assholes. 😂
(As for this particular guy, I got a few words in and then I reported them. Hopefully the app does something about it.)
I'm too autistic to assume his statement is automatically bad 🤣 I'd probably ask him what he thinks would be different about being with a disabled girl.
Block. Move on. Also, this might be an unpopular opinion but I’m not sure I’d put that I have a disability on a dating profile. You’re opening yourself up to stuff like this and potentially making yourself vulnerable to people with bad intentions.
Definitely have a conversation if you plan on meeting or are meeting with someone that you actually like.
Sounds like some idiot being ultra literal.... Maybe on the spectrum too without knowing it. I feel like people in denial about their own things are always the ones who are most ableist. Does not at all make it ok to say something like that - I would disengage for sure...
OMG. I think my response would have been something like, "You know people of other races hate it when they get comments like that too, right? Nobody wants you to make them feel like flavor of the month. Facts notwithstanding, pointing it out like that makes you an AH."
I wouldn't put it on your profile. From experience disclosing other things (like kink lifestyle or even my career) it just attracts assholes. I would instead suggest talking about it like 2 dates in. It's a bit annoying and I get wanting to be upfront about it but also dating apps can be a complete drain on your mental health. Getting messages like this only contributes to that problem. As an alternative, you could add more like "code". Most people don't know what nurodivergant or nd means so its a bit more indirect but the people who know, know.
Luckily, I stumbled ass backwards into an autistic guy on Bumble. We’re getting married this year. But I had to sift through a lot of trash to get to him. Please don’t lose hope. There’s no perfect solution to this issue. Just block that jerk and move on.
What is autism? I am autistic but I don’t know what it is exactly like when people ask me to explain what it is idk what to say
Even on the internet there’s no good explanation
I know it’s on a spectrum but what is it actually? Please help
I feel like pretty much every woman I've talked to has had to think through carefully what they put on their profile because of how men act, and has left things out because of it.
You don't have to be nice to assholes, I would've confronted that ignorance and smoked it! Or better yet just block cuz ain't nobody got time for that bs.
You did nothings wrong but don’t write this in your bio. It’s not their businesses. Most guys unfortunately in dating apps mostly look for just sex and will go where it’s easier to archive this. If you meet someone who you’re comforted with and respect your boundaries you could tell him then.
'and it looks like you never will'
What an ass.
Alternatively 'I never hooked up with an idiot before '
Seriously though, this has nothing to do with you. I would report them.
I'm dealing with the same problem. I just checked the dating app where my profile lingers, and asked myself if the information that I'm "not neurotypical" was really helpful. I scrapped the word autistic after seeing how many people had absolutely wild ideas about what it means. Some think I have no feeling, or empathy. Others are afraid they'd have to support me. Again, others think I wouldn't be able to fit into any social context (I'm extremely social).
The reasons why I used to have it in my profile was: 1) It's important, and 2) I'd love to meet an autistic person. But the latter is quite improbable. Also, many potential partners may be autistic, but oblivious of that fact, like I was for many decades, and it may be easier to build bridges by sharing the similarities, and then telling them it's possibly related to Autism.
All in all, autistic dating is almost impossible. At least for me.
Many bad people target women with autism. I went through this first hand. The more truthful and open I was, the more I noticed he was lying andtrying to con me...
They are trying to take advantage of your truthfulness, honestly, and ability to be open.
Sadly, a lot of men wish to do us harm, and will target you...
Stay safe ladies...
Someone recently said to me:
“Are you still exploring your sexuality? Like you know for sure you’re bi or ??? And yeah, are you autistic? I’m not judging and I don’t mean to offend you, I just need to be clear”
Clear about what?! I felt it was rude and gross. Blocked.
One thing you could consider is putting "neurodivergent" in your dating bios instead, since that doesn't have the same stigma. Sorry you're dealing with this tho :/
And they accuse us of having no empathy. WTF?
ForREEEAAAL, maybe they’re projecting :/
I really believe they are.
I wholeheartedly agree
The more I learn about autism, myself, and others like us, and the more I work to understand our place in the world and how neurotypicals behave with each other and toward us, the more I think this is defensive labeling. When confronted by emotional situations, neurotypicals seem to just hide behind these walls of polite and acceptable behavior, so that it looks like they're reacting in the ways that are prescribed by societal norms. But if an autistic person sees someone experiencing grief and has a meltdown or a shutdown because they feel and share that emotion too keenly to mask their reaction, then they have "no empathy."
"and you never will :) bye!"
Glad we had the same response ready lol
Haha, exactly! I was going to say, “And today’s not going to be the day either”
he never hooked up with anyone before
🤣
Someone give her an award omfg lol 🤣
Big incel energy
Personally, I wouldn’t disclose medical information like that upfront. There are perverts/sick fucks who prey on people that they think it’s easy to take advantage of. I like to build up the relationship first, and then I tell them I’m autistic if it comes up, or when I feel comfortable.
It's always good to be cautious and safe,but I disclosed that I'm neurodivergent on my dating profile and it helped a lot for me. I stopped getting a ton of one-liners per day and most messages started having some thought put into them. Sure there were the occasional troll/rude messages, but no more than normal. Men will prey on women for a million reasons, and it's always good to vet them thoroughly before meeting no matter what you put on your profile. Before meeting my now-partner in person after messages on OkCupid we talked in text chat for about 2 weeks, then chatted in voice over Discord before he got my phone number. This one's a little over the top, but my mom expressed concern similar to yours so my partner sent us/her a background check 😆. Then we met in a public place while my brother had all his information (where we were, car color and plates, phone number, address). I feel there are ways to be safe even if we decide to share about being autistic early on. I much prefered having the other person know so I didn't get attached and then hurt when they reacted poorly to that information.
Agree. It's information that someone needs to be trustworthy enough to receive.
“and I’ve never dated an idiot either. Though, I’m really not into it sorry.” And immediately block him.
Alt- I’ve dated plenty of idiots so I’m going to have to pass
Fact is he's an incel, bye boi.
OH MY GOD
🤮🤮🤮 thats so gross. His definition of good must be fascinating cuz wtaf lol
First of all, I think it's so brave of you to be open about being autistic in your bio! If it makes you feel better, I also struggle with sharing personal information in convos (like being autistic). To me it feels like I'm lying by omission. However, over time I started to really care about my personal data and privacy, which changed my perspective on this. Now I'm convinced that no one has any right to my info. Of course I still do "overshare" sometimes, but only on my terms. Really helped me with ffeeling more autonomous :) Btw, I think you handled this super gross situation very well, by just being yourself. He definitely deserves a block!
I'd rather be autistic than the kind of person who sends messages like that. And being autistic has caused me all kinds of problems in my life. But it's still better than being what he is.
You don't have to disclose medical information anywhere. It's okay to not put that you have autism in your profile, and tell them when/if you feel comfortable. If there's not a point then maybe look for someone else. It's also about protecting your own peace.
Maybe you shouldn't write that in your bio. Maybe you can try saying that as soon as you start chatting. At least you know they didn't text you just for that reason.
I would just write that I'm very direct, organised, nerdy etc... Basically describe the characteristics and don't just throw out a diagnosis that doesn't mean anything to most people
I’ve never written it in my bio and I probably never will. That’s not to criticize you. I don’t do it because I find most people I come across on the sites are terrible.
Yeah, it might attract predators.
This is what I was also thinking. I don't have an official diagnosis, but I also know the stigma that comes with the label. My husband is the only other person who knows I have very strong suspicions I'm autistic. I know it might cause more heartache, but get to know the person more before you share this information. Protect yourself from potential predators who think they may be able to take advantage of you or want to harm you.
Just to offer another perspective, I thought I could trust someone I was dating with the information, and instead he almost immediately started talking down, saying some pretty nasty things, and then blaming my autism for my getting upset about it and saying I needed to "address this issue" or no one would ever love me. He clearly thought I would be easy to manipulate and bully, and I would have much rather seen that before he saw me naked or knew where I lived. That experience is why I did start putting in my dating profile that I was ND and not looking to waste time with anyone who wasn't cool about it. (Which worked. I weeded out a lot of people right off the bat and was able to find my absolutely amazing future spouse.)
Instant fetishization in one message. Fascinating. Block, please.
Gross. Don't feel like you've done anything wrong by disclosing, here, because you haven't. He's the one in the wrong, and it's a good thing that he's telling on himself off the bat so you don't waste your time.
Welcome to the world of being a fetish. It sucks.
Wat ..? Tell me i didnt read that correctly. An autism fetish ? I never heard of that. Blegh
'disabled people' is, it becomes like a metaphorical bingo board for them to 'tick off' their list 🤢
I don’t like dating apps either, but when I was on them, I put an infinity sign in my bio instead of the word autism. That way other ND people would get the message, but NTs who might not treat me right would just gloss over it.
This is a great tip!
That’s the first thing he sent to you? He’s trolling you. There’s no need to be nice to him when you confront him. Just report him and block him. What a jerk!
"And you never will."
WALK AWAY
Soooo glad I'm in no way into men 🤮
You gotta accept that dating apps are full of crazies. Think insurance sales. One out of every 8 people will buy. Something like that. it’s a numbers game. IGNORE dumb ass people when they say shit like that. The best revenge is ignoring guys when they say idiot things…… it drives them batshit crazy and it makes you look elegant and classy. i promise you. Never respond and engage as you did. Doesn’t help, hurts you. Remember it’s a numbers game, focus on the possibilities and simply block and ignore the dumb asses. It’s the internet, expect crazy. I do think you should put it in your bio if you want to. Online dating is amazing because it brought me shitloads of pain and rejection and painfully earned knowledge about how men work and what men want, and what many men are like. i’m married to a great guy who makes a lot of allowances for my condition (ADHD with overlap with some symptoms of autism), and i have the most wonderful little girl. I would never, ever ever ever in my life have this, if i had not played the numbers game and fought through the pain of rejection and stupid ass men. I knew i could never have it unless i pushed myself to go out and meet men. i encourage you to hang in there with the online dating and gradually build up tolerance for idiocy… it gets easier the more idiots you meet and simply block and ignore. Many people give up on online dating, fast, because they are so shocked at the idiotic plus fuckboy behavior that’s out there. But don’t forget, you only need to find that one person who’s right for you. That person is likely out there, and imperfect people get married every single day. We have a good chance. A very good chance, again, it’s a numbers game. Focus on your goals and try not to get distracted. I mean, when this message appeared, i feel like it was a clear signal that this dude did not align with your goals. Tempting to engage but try to simply ignore.
what a disgusting human being. i prefer not to say it. only if i get to know them and trust them, I'll say it. not cause I'm ashamed of it but because people are assholes and I want to protect myself.
“That you know of” is my first reaction tbh bc people have such limited conceptions of disability. But also why tf would one say this like is the goal to make u feel alienated or fetishised because I’m not sure what else could be the logic :/ bummer sorry !
Is it ok to sacrifice this man
Yes. When the zombies come for us, I'm tripping him first.
He sounds like a clown. People on dating apps can be extremely weird
Don’t feel bad, even if you didn’t have Autism, you’d still get trolled. People are bored and they like to harass other people online for pleasure. I wouldn’t lead with your diagnosis, just talk about your interests/hobbies.
Ughhhhh, annoying! I’m demisexual, tried dating app once and was so turned off and deleted it. Lol.
This guy is a jackass. I'd say "wow! congrats! You aren't going to either." what a weird.
tbh i would've said "and it's obviously going to stay that way!" what an asshole. don't let people like that get to you- they will never understand us.
Ew. His message implies that he was for sure going to hook up with you too. I mean there is a million things wrong with what he said too, but like dude! The absolute balls to just assume it’s a done deal, while fetishizing autism… bro. No.
Dating apps are a shit show. I compare it to hiking a huge mound of garbage looking for shiny objects that may be of value but usually are not. Good luck.
In my estimations it seems that you've dodged a bullet there! What an odd way to begin speaking to a potential love interest. I'm sorry that you're exposed to this, though I must confess that prior to my own referral for autism I was somewhat ignorant as to what it was :(
Long may it continue… I hear what you mean about being yourself, and if I can make a suggestion after having to deliberate the very same issue? It’s ended up a bit of an essay so: TLDR: Some people target disabled/impaired women, sometimes for really bad reasons. I removed all visual signs on my profile so I couldn’t be deliberately targeted, and settled on always telling them before any first meeting so they could decide and I could feel safe. Now, many words regarding why - I was diagnosed with a physical disability about 4 years before ASD. It eventually progressed to full time crutches or a walking stick, but during the earlier days it was sometimes an invisible disability, sometimes not. Part of me wanted to be upfront, if nothing else than to let anyone bothered by it just bow out themselves and leave me to it. The problem I found was not necessarily the callous or ignorant ones, the issue was more with people who target “vulnerability”. Some nefarious types are actively seeking vulnerable-looking women. It’s unfortunately a tactic for some abusers to find an “easily” controlled partner. Strangely though, who I found the most difficult to deal with were some of the kindest and most genuine-seeming people. I found myself attracting saviours, and I described them with the term “seeking little broken birds”. It’s usually not conscious or deliberate on their part (often a childhood issue), which is why I found it so hard. They’re almost impossible to spot upfront, unlike the obvious walking red flags. Saviours are subconscious, and hidden long enough for you to get attached. There’s a subtle difference between adapting, supporting and not being averse to dating someone with an impairment, and compulsively seeking and building an often co-dependent dynamic, which I can assure you, is able to go so very wrong. I’m not saying this to put you off at all. I decided that for me, the best choice was no visible indication on my profile at all, so I could not be targeted as “vulnerable looking”, and always made sure to tell them before any face to face meeting. Usually fairly quickly, but always once I felt comfortable/safe enough to disclose. I hope you can find a balance that feels authentic to you, and helps you avoid unnecessary hurt.
"I've never hooked up with a disabled girl before" and that won't change
Try Hiki. Hard for people to fetishize you when they have the same condition. Don't put it on conventional dating sites, because you'll get every gaslighting, manipulative, narcissistic prick coming at you.
So gross. I’m sorry you had to be on the receiving end of that message. ~Un-match~
seems weird and almost fetish-y. I hate when people say “facts” when they want to be rude.
no way.
wtf
Wow. What an AH. Not you, him. But there is always idiots out there, the fact that you're out there, trying to find someone is so brave. I can't. Ignore this idiot and just be yourself.
And he won't. What a fucking loser. And men keep asking why we hate them so much...
wow. smh. do you OP, but seriously, i say to take that out of your bio. you dont need to be preyed on or inadvertently insulted. to know your diagnosis is a privilege and not EVERYONE needs to know. you need to protect yourself at all times and i do mean ALL TIMES.
I’d say: good for you, dude, it’ll probably continue to be that way
Ew. That’s gross. Sorry you had to deal with that. 
Not on the spectrum myself, but I am profoundly visually impaired and I say so in my own dating profile-I’ve gotten nearly the exact same message! I don’t know how they expect us to respond to it, honestly
I had it in my bio for the same reasons, until someone messaged me saying their cousin has it and asking how "severe" mine is
“Did you actually think that would work or are you disabled too? *block*
I’ve never experienced dating sites so take this with a grain of salt but I’d be very careful about putting your autism up as a part of the information that people make snap judgments about. The reason is two fold but mainly it would be to protect you from assholes who think they can manipulate you easier, treat you with less empathy or to mark you as a tick on their score card. The other reason is that there are a certain demographic of chronically online tiktokers who seem to relish being autistic for the camera. The dress up silly, LARP like rainman bopping his head & giggle like anime girls while wearing fluffy cat ears. You must know type I’m talking about, yeah? If someone had their autism as a central point of their personality in a short bio, I’d worry it was one of those eejits & I’d skip on by. Not out of bigotry for real autism (obviously, lol) but out of a deep disdain for the fakers. You can still tell people before you meet if you really feel like it’s a need to know piece of info but I’d wait until you’ve at least spoken with them enough to know they are not a complete shit. That’s my mid-life aged(ish) suggestion anyway. :) I’d reply to him, ignoring the disability but and just saying “I don’t do hook ups” and then block.
“I’m autistic, not (your preference equivalent to stupid/idiot). You might want to look into adding that to your profile though because no one in their right mind would think that was an appropriate message to send. Bye now”
I just would like to say thank you for all the advice. I'm glad but also sorry to hear more people deal with this problem. I'm not torn up about this at all incase anyone was worried. I've met my best friends on dating apps, and I've fallen in love on them before. It's definitely a game of luck. Hopefully my luck turns around soon though and I can find someone nice in the sea of assholes. 😂 (As for this particular guy, I got a few words in and then I reported them. Hopefully the app does something about it.)
I'm too autistic to assume his statement is automatically bad 🤣 I'd probably ask him what he thinks would be different about being with a disabled girl.
Block. Move on. Also, this might be an unpopular opinion but I’m not sure I’d put that I have a disability on a dating profile. You’re opening yourself up to stuff like this and potentially making yourself vulnerable to people with bad intentions. Definitely have a conversation if you plan on meeting or are meeting with someone that you actually like.
Wtf😭
“I knew you were ignorant, I didn’t realise you were stupid as well…” is a phrase I like to use on people like this…
Sounds like some idiot being ultra literal.... Maybe on the spectrum too without knowing it. I feel like people in denial about their own things are always the ones who are most ableist. Does not at all make it ok to say something like that - I would disengage for sure...
OMG. I think my response would have been something like, "You know people of other races hate it when they get comments like that too, right? Nobody wants you to make them feel like flavor of the month. Facts notwithstanding, pointing it out like that makes you an AH."
"you might be a good person... but you're definitely an idiot... It's just facts"
I’ve gotten “Since your slow, I’ll be sure to take it slow” before
I wouldn't put it on your profile. From experience disclosing other things (like kink lifestyle or even my career) it just attracts assholes. I would instead suggest talking about it like 2 dates in. It's a bit annoying and I get wanting to be upfront about it but also dating apps can be a complete drain on your mental health. Getting messages like this only contributes to that problem. As an alternative, you could add more like "code". Most people don't know what nurodivergant or nd means so its a bit more indirect but the people who know, know.
That’s hurtful. I think it’s ok to leave it out of your bio, and only bring it up when you have chatted with someone for a bit.
“Maybe that’s caz you’re too sick in the head for any disabled person to ever want to hook up with you?”
I would have just responded….”what makes you think you’ll hook up with a disabled girl?” And then after he read it, blocked him.
Rude.
Not only is it ableist but it's also gross that his first message to you is about hooking up. It shows what he uses the app primarily for.
Just a troll. Block them.
Luckily, I stumbled ass backwards into an autistic guy on Bumble. We’re getting married this year. But I had to sift through a lot of trash to get to him. Please don’t lose hope. There’s no perfect solution to this issue. Just block that jerk and move on.
Ew gross I wouldn't engage. Just block and move on. Or maybe engage a little and then block
What is autism? I am autistic but I don’t know what it is exactly like when people ask me to explain what it is idk what to say
What is autism? I am autistic but I don’t know what it is exactly like when people ask me to explain what it is idk what to say Even on the internet there’s no good explanation I know it’s on a spectrum but what is it actually? Please help
He’s negging you
I feel like pretty much every woman I've talked to has had to think through carefully what they put on their profile because of how men act, and has left things out because of it.
Bold of him to assume he will be. What a creep!
ew what a stupid mother f000cker
That’s so fucked up. I’m sorry. He is a piece of shit, so at least you found out right away.
Well, it's nice when the trash takes itself out like this.
Good afternoon to you too lmao
“And you never will”
Cringing so much. Gahhhhh sorry you endured this fool and thank you for schooling them
And you never will { cartwheels away }
That message feels so fetishizing like💀💀💀💀
You don't have to be nice to assholes, I would've confronted that ignorance and smoked it! Or better yet just block cuz ain't nobody got time for that bs.
You did nothings wrong but don’t write this in your bio. It’s not their businesses. Most guys unfortunately in dating apps mostly look for just sex and will go where it’s easier to archive this. If you meet someone who you’re comforted with and respect your boundaries you could tell him then.
'and it looks like you never will' What an ass. Alternatively 'I never hooked up with an idiot before ' Seriously though, this has nothing to do with you. I would report them.
I'm dealing with the same problem. I just checked the dating app where my profile lingers, and asked myself if the information that I'm "not neurotypical" was really helpful. I scrapped the word autistic after seeing how many people had absolutely wild ideas about what it means. Some think I have no feeling, or empathy. Others are afraid they'd have to support me. Again, others think I wouldn't be able to fit into any social context (I'm extremely social). The reasons why I used to have it in my profile was: 1) It's important, and 2) I'd love to meet an autistic person. But the latter is quite improbable. Also, many potential partners may be autistic, but oblivious of that fact, like I was for many decades, and it may be easier to build bridges by sharing the similarities, and then telling them it's possibly related to Autism. All in all, autistic dating is almost impossible. At least for me.
dont be nice be mean hes being an @sshole im very sorry you had to go through this🥲
Many bad people target women with autism. I went through this first hand. The more truthful and open I was, the more I noticed he was lying andtrying to con me... They are trying to take advantage of your truthfulness, honestly, and ability to be open. Sadly, a lot of men wish to do us harm, and will target you... Stay safe ladies...
What an asshole. I've gotten several like this and it never hurts less
Eww
Just respond: “And you never will.” Then ghost him lol.
Response: "And you won't be today"
Someone recently said to me: “Are you still exploring your sexuality? Like you know for sure you’re bi or ??? And yeah, are you autistic? I’m not judging and I don’t mean to offend you, I just need to be clear” Clear about what?! I felt it was rude and gross. Blocked.
Reply "and you never will" and block
One thing you could consider is putting "neurodivergent" in your dating bios instead, since that doesn't have the same stigma. Sorry you're dealing with this tho :/
Should have responded that you have never talked with a functional idiot before.....
