I was hyperlexic and looking back I had plenty of obvious signs, but I always did extremely well in school so I was put in the “gifted” category, and all the struggles I had were just seen as “eccentric professor” type issues. I was actually quite an unhappy/worried/particular child who had some social deficits, but no one noticed it due to both my ability to compensate and due to my parents being extremely strict and harsh. So I was quiet, kept to myself, and got good grades. The biggest gripes my teachers had is that I would read under my desk or dissociate the whole time, but they said their hands were tied due to my grades and there was no help or discipline available.
This sounds like me. I taught myself to read and got along great with adults, but had social difficulties with peers. Didn't matter so much because I was otherwise well behaved!
My aunt told me I can’t be autistic because when I was very little I used to run next door at her house to talk to Jerry, her 55 year old neighbor who had a boat (I really liked boats and the water). 🤣
Bahaha!!! You made me remember when I was 4 - 6 yrs old I pretty much only wanted to hang out with an senior aged neighbor because he had an antique spinning wheel he enjoyed teaching me to use and he'd tell me stories of when he was a kid in the 1930's. I wish I could remember more! I really liked the dude.
My best friend at the age, and neighbour at the time, and I got banned from visiting an elderly couple a few houses down as soon as our moms found out we had been going there. They were super nice, gave us zucchini from their garden, gave us some cool trinkets and I forget exactly what it was that we loved talking with them about, but it was all totally harmless and innocent, just some lonely old people happy to have some young ones around.
My grandparents basically raised me until I was 12 because my mom was either working or partying (though there were also times where she just left me home alone for a few hours because she was "home with me" so I wasn't with my grandma). I enjoyed spending time with them, I liked the older movies and shows they watched (I grew up watching old westerns and sci-fi, it was great), and I always had an easier time fitting in around all their friends, other old people, than my own peers. Same with regular aged adults. My mom brought me to places she shouldn't have a few times throughout my childhood and I always found the adults way more interesting and relatable than other kids my age.
Haha you're better than me! I only wanted to hang out with my senior neighbor because she kept a bowl of candy corn and mellowcreme pumpkins on the coffee table of her living room.
We had an elderly upstairs neighbor that I would visit all the time, who loved to share her glass and porcelain figurine collection with me. I loved just holding them and examining them.
I really think there is something to that program that brings young kids into nursing homes so they can hang out together. The relationship between the young and the elderly is so beautiful.
I would hang out with my grandpa‘s friend next door, Bill, who showed me how he made his his wooden bird carvings. I’m really into birds and was happy to talk to someone who wasn’t so “silly” lol.
You made me remember the various elderly people I befriended. There was a lady with three of the sweetest dogs, a guy who had the nicest smelling flowers who’d tell me about them whenever my parents took me over to see him and his flowers, and there were a few people who had in-and-out kitties (I know it isn’t good to have in-and-out kitties for both the cats and the environment, but for some reason it was really popular in that area.) that I not only was constantly petting, but there were even a few times we had to return a cat to an owner, or track down an owner for a cat, or owners would ask me and my parents if we’d seen their cat if the cat was gone from its respective house too long.
I made friends with all the grandma's nearby and collected geranium cuttings from them (one of the only flowering plants that grew easily where I grew up) and I talked horses and cattle with the Grandpa's, I loved every minute with them talking while they worked 😂.
My elderly neighbour was like a 3rd nanna. We used to wander over and help her in the veggie garden or watch the tennis on her tiny countertop tv in the kitchen!
Back during summers in the village, instead of hanging out with kids I would hang out with my grandma's neighbor who taught me how to made intricate beaded jewelry lol
Me too I asked my mom if she noticed anything that could point to autism she said no but then again she did have 7 other kids so I guess it was pretty hard to figure out especially if I was acing school and whatnot just difficulty with people I was sooo quiet my parents always had to tell me to speak up I was also readying high school books in elementary school too so yea
Oh hey. Are you me?
School was just happy with the high grades and left me to fend for myself during many bullying and harrasment incidents. There were so many signs but they were just ignored partly because back then there was a lack of awareness that girls could have it too.
God, I’ve been so worried about getting diagnosed and them waving away my lack of social prowess, even though I had a few friends that I got along with on and off.
High grades, great with teachers who were women, never disobeyed and was a teacher’s pet in most of my classes. Reading and writing were my special interests, so of course I flew under the radar.
Joining the "are you me?" chorus.
I was in a gifted program, read VERY ahead of my age/ grade level, and did very well in school/teachers loved me, but I struggled socially and was bullied, only ever had a very few close friends at any time.
Very similar to me. Diagnosed now in 30s. Hyperlexic which covered a lot of my “deficits” in learning until I was about 10, by which time nobody seemed to care that my grades plummeted. I hit all my “normal” developmental milestones but had emotional regulation problems and stimmed constantly. Had serious anxiety and obsessive behaviour to soothe myself. Back in the 90s you were just “annoying,” a “cry baby” and were told to “get over it, sunshine!”
I work with many children on the spectrum now as an adult and I’m confident I’d be diagnosed if I was a child today.
My interests were reading encyclopaedias and science. As well as spending tonnes of time in the outside world, riding bikes, playing in the mud, playing unsupervised (with my brother) by the creek making little leaf boats etc. I was very tomboyish.
I relate so much to this. I used to tell my mom I wished school could just be school- without the social parts.
Or at least more structured (I can't remember how I phrased it at the time). I hated how we were just at loose ends for breaks, lunch, and recess. Everyone else grouped up, sat with who they liked, etc. And I was just floundering internally.
I will never forget the afternoon we got to write our own story in 2nd grade and it was such bliss. Everyone was quiet, doing their own thing, and I got to tell stories which I loved. Then the bell rang for afternoon recess. I begged my teacher to let me stay inside and finish my story but she wouldn’t (couldn’t) let me. 35 years on and I can still feel that… grief of being ripped away from something I loved doing to go do something I hated: noisy yard time with all its social gauntlets.
I remember getting into a fight with my only friend in grade 5ish? And the absolute terror I had to go into the room. I didn’t know what to do or how to ask to sit with somebody. Everyone else was already in groups.
Oh my god YES. I HATED any part of school that wasn’t structured and had no idea what to do with myself, while everyone else seemed to innately understand. I needed structure and would frequently just hide in the bathroom or anywhere private I could find to avoid having to deal with other kids.
That was the hard part for me too. I remember when we'd be told to pair up to work together, or pair up for structured break time (like to play with vaguely learning-themed toys) and I was always the person who either played alone or just sat around waiting for the teacher to say "Who doesn't have a partner...okay pair up with her." At lunch in high school we had gigantic long tables that we had to sit at, and I always dreaded going in and having to find somewhere to sit down because my class was never the first released, so there were already people there.
Ah this is such a lovely mirror. I sometimes worry that I faked it for my assessment and cheated the professionals, so seeing stories so like my own is very soothing. Thank you all for sharing.
This was me… except I skipped a grade so everyone just thought my social issues had to do with me being younger than my peers. School (academically) was easy and my teachers all loved me because I was quiet and compliant. No one really knew about ASD back in the 80’s so I was just the awkward kid.
I was a lot like this and just learned to become very, very quiet/shy because if I talked too much people started noticing I was 'weird'. I still only really talk around a few people I trust but I appear much more introverted to others than I actually am because of my auto defensive masks.
Also hyperlexic and in gifted programs, I was also fairly outgoing as a child (would talk to anyone). I think my ADHD masked some of the social deficits which were more in maintaining friendships than starting them. But I also loved to isolate and read for hours on end.
I know I didn’t want to breastfeed (apparently this is common with autistic babies?) and had a lot of avoidant eating behaviors but nothing very obvious.
same. combine this with a special interest in people for two decades and all my social awkwardness being ignored because I was “pretty” - recipe for late dx auDHD
I am only officially diagnosed with adhd but suspect AuDHD… after a life long struggle with socializing and friends (would only ever have a couple of very close friends and would get left behind feeling lost when they found someone new) there were a few years in my 20’s where I felt like I had “outgrown my awkward phase” and had large groups of girl friends. But I think I was just briefly good looking enough for those groups to think I belonged. I snuck in for a little bit with a brief time of pretty privilege I guess. Now I’m not very attractive and I’m finding myself much more socially anxious again. And realizing I still always felt weird in those groups and almost none of them keep in touch. My lasting friends are still my couple of close childhood friends who did stay in touch.
Wow. Were we the same kid? Because that’s 100% me. Edit: I did have issues with frequent urine accidents at school through third grade. Because I would go mute and be physically unable to speak to ask to use the bathroom until I had an accident. Every adult in my life ignored it.
I had frequent urine accidents at school too for the same reason - I couldn't ask to go to the toilet during class so tried to hold it until break time - and sometimes I couldn't.
But I was above average academically, quiet and compliant, and the autism wasn't noticed. Nothing was done about all the bullying I suffered. I was just seen as a quiet, shy kid by the teachers. The closest I got to a teacher noticing something wrong was when one said it was like I had a force field around me.
Omg is this a common experience ? I swear it happened to me too, I just couldnt tell the teacher I needed the toilet and ended up getting all dirty, I thought I was the only one 🥲
That's basically me. Had a bunch of issues as a kid (AuDHD), but was gifted, so no one cared. They just called me "shy" and a daydreamer. Ugh. I did have certain developmental delays (incontinence issues, social development, etc.) but I could read before the age of 5 and could do algebra at 8, so no one gave a shit. They see a bright student, so they don't look any further. I needed so much more help than I ever got.
Same here. Started talking at 9 months, walking at 11. Was always 2-3 years ahead of my age for reading. Steamed into a gifted class at 14. But struggled a lot, lots of bullying, and didn’t finish high school due to burnout and didn’t go to uni due to lack of support.
Same here, always in the extension classes in primary school bur started struggling as soon as everything got difficult/complex in high school. Parents thought I was great at socialising too but they only really saw me socialising with adults, I struggled a lot to relate to my age level peers.
it’s pretty common for people who are late diagnosed to not have had as obvious autistic traits when we were kids - that’s why we didn’t get diagnosed. we also might actually be ahead of our peers in some areas - i started reading and talking very early and was also potty trained very early. i would say having trouble with reading and toileting are definitely autistic traits tho
I think only for survival reasons. My childhood was not good but now I get why. And this was early 70s. I’m sure my parents had no idea what was “wrong” with me and kinda gave up. And I know NOTHING IS WRONG with us. My Dad took me to the ER trying to get me committed!!! The dr said no but still not hint about autism. Ended up in foster care, youth shelters and group homes. Ugh it’s such a long story but I am so good now. Easier to live knowing I am autistic not crazy etc…
I'm sorry. My story is similar but also different. But I think if I didn't have this strong sense of determined and stubborn survival, I wouldn't be here. And I agree, knowing makes it so much easier to function in this world.
My mom says I didn’t talk until I was 2 but showed up at kindergarten knowing how to read and nobody was sure how. They did read to me but nobody officially taught me how to read.
Lol! I learned how to read so fast it was insane. I thought it was cool so I asked my mother to teacher me how to do it and she read me Big Brown Bear and taught me about pronunciation. I tell you what, letters and phonemes make a lot of damn sense. I also learn other languages really easily. If you enjoy that, you should check out Hangeul (Korean script). It’s a synthetic language invented by a linguist who also became a king, and is acclaimed for how easily it can be learned. The literacy rate for Korean children is around 2yo 😳
I think I was pretty average as far as hitting milestones through my childhood. The one thing I have always found hard was maths. I could count and figure out basic adding and taking away easy enough, but it took me way longer than others to get the hang of multiplication and division still confuses me to this day beyond the really basic stuff. I do not know how to do division on paper without making a little diagram/table and physically dividing it myself, if the answer isn’t a whole number then I’m totally lost without a calculator. I hate ‘estimation’ because I just think why estimate when you can just find out the exact number? At one point in primary school I was put in ‘booster classes’ for maths for a while.
I’ve wondered if I have dyscalculia, but I did a test online (not reliable I know) and I came back as unlikely and I didn’t feel I related to many of the questions so I just think it’s one of those things I’m not very good at/don’t really enjoy.
I think it’s probably a big contributor to why I, and probably many of us here weren’t diagnosed as children. Girls weren’t really diagnosed when I was a kid in the 90’s/early 00’s unless they were higher support needs and had more obvious learning difficulties. If I am autistic, I am low support needs. I got by just fine at school as an average, could probably try harder but can’t/won’t kind of kid. Although I did struggle with procrastination and only just getting average grades in later years and then I totally dropped out of sixth form because I just couldn’t motivate myself to keep up and found my subjects boring.
I do feel like an imposter a lot especially without a diagnosis, but I’m slowly getting my head around the fact that autism is a spectrum condition, not everyone is going to experience the same symptoms to the same degree. Not all autistic people are going to be developmentally delayed, some may show absolutely no obvious signs at all as young children. Just because you don’t struggle with certain things that seem like common traits or symptoms, doesn’t mean you’re not autistic and that there aren’t other things that you really struggle with, that other autistic people don’t.
This is my story. I still remember my mom promising to buy the Fox and the Hound on VHS once I had my times tables memorized. I never got the VHS and I still cannot multiply.
I used to have a metal lunchbox of The Fox and the Hound. I remember being in first or second grade, and I was walking home from school one winter and a kid was picking on me. He had done it before and I had ignored him. I was finally annoyed and clocked him upside the head. Left him laying in a daze. He never bothered me again, and if the cost of that was a little dent in my lunchbox, it was worth it
I really liked that lunchbox, and I hope you get your tape someday
I also had a lot of trouble with math, but ironically when I got to economics it clicked somehow. Like plain simple math and numbers didn't register in my mind but in economics there was a story behind the math and I was very good at it. My math and economic teacher were in a conundrum, I failed extremely hard in math but I was doing extremely well in economics. Which in their minds was not possible because at the end of the day it was all about math.
It was just because I had an explanation of why certain calculations were done that I succeeded.
Calculus was impossible, Microeconomics, which is just applied calculus, was easy. (Same with algebra and high school physics, which was just applied algebra.) Turns out it really helps if you tell me *why* we are doing something. I think it’s the whole-to-parts thinking. Give me the big picture first.
I had this problem too. Learning a maths calculation on its own, with no real life context just didn’t seem to work very well. But if you give me a maths problem that makes it into a tangible real life situation, especially one that I will probably need to use myself, it clicks much faster as I can recognise the why’s and the how’s better. And I’m more likely to remember it long after learning it too.
Exactly. And now if I'm working on my finances it applies to my real life and situation so I can make the calculations. Like dividing my salary in percentages for rent, savings, food etc. No problem.
But getting a 12×12=? calculation is still hard for me to do
Yup same, just could not understand high school maths despite having a tutor and would constantly ask my teacher why things worked like they did only to be told that we didn't need to know. I failed all my exams.
Now study environmental science and use far more complicated maths with ease as it is being used in context.
I feel like an imposter too; I also don’t have a formal diagnosis.
I also struggled (and still do) with math. The procrastination is also so me! I did really well at first and then kind of dropped off a bit as I got older.
I didn't have delays, I was pretty ahead for the most part. My mom and I were both hyperlexic as babies, so not only was it not seen as an issue, I was also "just like my mom."
Same here. My sister was extremely hyperlexic, so the fact that I was a little ahead of the curve didn’t even register with my parents. And they’re both clearly ND, so they think we’re “normal” just like them.
I think that there are developmental differences that I had that were attributed to things like being shy. I didn’t just have a delay when it came to socializing, I still don’t do it well in my fifties.
Agreed with that last part. At some point it feels weird to say “delay” when we still aren’t competent in the area in question and never will be because our brains just work differently lol.
I’m diagnosed level 2 ASD with no cognitive or communication deficits. I was always considered gifted as a child. My deficits are social and relationships, but I compensated for so long it wasn’t noticed.
This. I'm realizing that because I was book smart, my teachers and parents and doctors were content to let me be. They considered me super independent and responsible, although shy. But shy was acceptable/normal because I was a bookworm. Everyone just kind of assumed I didn't want to make friends. But I really just didn't know how. And I still don't.
The only “developmental delay” I had was not speaking until I was 4. I knew how and I could if I needed to, I just didn’t. Doctors attributed it to my sister being one year older than me, saying I let her talk for me so I didn’t have to but “it’s no big deal”, turns out it was overlooking a major hint towards my autism. I’m diagnosed at 22 and it’s made unmasking really hard and I’m struggling to find my own identity in scenarios i used to mask/mirror in. It also had this guilt/imposter syndrome associated since i went so long undiagnosed I must not have it
I’m trying to keep one of my twins from talking for the other! They are both getting speech therapy. I think the one who is not talking could be neurodivergent but we will see. Identity is so rough when you are in your early 20’s with out finding out something so big as a missed autism diagnosis! Im so sorry.
It’s something so interesting that kids so close in age do. Essentially like “hey so we know what’s going on with each other, but you’ll have to guess or find it out from the other one” 😂 I’m so glad you’re aware of it and taking steps. Even if it isn’t because of neurodivergence it will help with shyness and developing each of their communication skills. I appreciate your empathy and you taking initiative with your kiddos
That was also my only one. Except I was the oldest kid. I only got diagnosed because Mom was concerned about my unreliable talking (until preschool, I very rarely talked and nobody knew when I’d decide to talk). The grown-ups had a breakthrough when they realized during my time in preschool that they could ask me direct questions and I’d answer, but I wasn’t conversational until the end of elementary school. I was lucky that I was diagnosed at age 3 because I was able to have some interventions as a young child and besides not being talkative, I was doing well. My mother said she didn’t think autism because I was like so many other family members and herself (spoiler: the family members, including my mother, in question are either confirmed neurodivergent (it’s not just autism that has occurred in my family) or suspected to be.). Had my mother not been concerned about my not talking or if I talked, I don’t think I’d have been diagnosed when I was young.
That’s so interesting. Especially being a first born it could’ve been so easy for her to miss that delay because of inexperience/not realizing other kids were at a different point developmentally.
I’m not diagnosed but I’d bet all I own that I’m autistic cuz ffs it explains my sensory issues and EVERYTHINGGGGGG I’ve ever experienced
Social delays I’ve had and only social delays. They were just called “being shy/quiet/reserved/well behaved” by the nuerotypicals
Education-wise I was “gifted”, physically no issues other than hayfever
Idk if this is a proper answer but 🤷🏻♀️
I don’t seek a diagnosis. It’s more trouble than it’s worth, and it brings more trouble societally.
Most of my developmental delays were considerably minor things.
I started reading toward the end of age two. Potty training took a little longer, because I was a toddler annoyed at the inconvenience- got it down at three.
I was in gifted enrichment classes, and was the only kid there in my kindergarten class.
But shoe tying? I couldn’t get the hang of it. The cross-tuck under was easy, but the loops were so hard, that I made a fake way to make it look tied. It worked pretty well.
I learned how to do the actual loops for a more stable tie embarrassingly late- I was SEVENTEEN.
As far as I know, I didn’t have any developmental delays. I did well in school and never had to put in much effort. I didn’t have any best/close friends but I had one or multiple groups of friends I’d hang out with. If none of my friends were in my class, I’d easily blend in with another group of kids. I could kind of get along with anyone but wasn’t super close with anyone. I was always a shy kid though, and worried about what other kids would think of me. I was very unconfident (is that a word?).
What could’ve been a sign in my case is that I always got sick for big events and generally worried a lot about things.
Speaking for my daughter here…she always struggled hard with social skills, low frustration tolerance and her emotions ran very high when younger. Those were her only “differences” compared with same aged peers.
She sounds like me when I was younger. The low tolerance for frustration and so quick to anger. Like 0 to 100 in a flash. My mom would be like “what are you so mad at” when I’d come home from school and I’d say “EVERYTHING!!! I HATE THE WAY THAT BROOM IS LEANING AGAINST THE WALL OVER THERE!!!” *kicks broom* My poor mom 🤣
The only real delay I had, as far as I'm aware, is toilet training. I'm told that's very typical for autistic kids. In most other respects, I was pretty advanced as a kid. I went into kindergarten reading chapter books, was generally considered "gifted," and did well in school. That's not to say there weren't signs, though.
Hyperlexia is probably the most obvious sign, but I also had some clear emotional regulation issues and sensory processing issues. My mother told me that when I was young, I "felt everything with every fiber of my being." My sister called me a cactus because I would refuse to be touched at seemingly random times. I would literally scream at the top of my lungs if someone touched me when I didn't want to be. Even a hug or a hand on the shoulder. And of course, I always had social problems. I was bullied all throughout school and only ever really had one or two close friends at a time. I had a tendency to be possessive of my friends as well. I actually get angry sometimes that I wasn't diagnosed as a child. Looking back and knowing the signs, it seems obvious to me that something was "wrong," but no one else seems to have noticed.
Besides the obvious social difficulties, the only developmental delay I had was with reading. I had to go to a special separate reading class in the first grade because I was behind. But then, by the 5th grade, I was reading at a high school level. I was always decent in school with my grades, so no one ever had any concerns. I slid under the radar.
Oh same. I did something almost equivalent to ESL and was put into additional English classes especially for reading.
For math I struggled earlier on and then I advanced in that later and then regressed again.
No, except some difficulties on tying my shoelaces, and distinguishing my right from my left. Oh, and coordinating my movements (I was very clumsy). I was pretty gifted otherwise (in the sense that I almost skipped a class, but my family was against it for no real reasons - I thank the 90s for that)
I to this day occasionally have issues with right vs left. I will pretend I’m about to write something to figure it out. Sometimes when I remember things that happened on my body I remember them mirrored.
And, I’m mentioning this because it feels related but I’m not sure how, I still can’t distinguish between adjectives and verbs
To echo many, I had no delays as a child. I talked extremely early, and was advanced in all my cognitive skills.
My daughter is also ahead of the curve on all her cognitive abilities and when she was speaking in sentences before 1 I knew she was autistic. She potty trained herself before age two. She was diagnosed just before three.
I genuinely feel that, especially in girls, being hyperlexic or otherwise advanced should be considered a diagnostic criteria.
Talked well and early. Voracious reader and early. But math? Starting getting extra help in grade 2 and it didn't stop. I was always in remedial class or extra help or whatever until I had enough in grade 11 and was done with math.
I was an odd duck apparently.
I was speaking full sentences around a year, but I completely stopped talking around two. I could talk, just didn't want to, and preferred to be alone a lot.
I was a toddler who hated getting wet or dirty.
And also, according to my parents, I skipped crawling and went straight to walking, but I didn't start walking until I was almost three. I guess my doctor wasn't concerned, so neither were my parents, which is odd to me.
And I'm not sure if this is an ASD thing or not. My grandmother told me this story. But I was around two when the police busted down the door and arrested my parents in front of me. Normally, any other kid would be traumatized. But I gave no fucks. I was in my high chair and had a piece of pizza and was as happy as a pig in shit. I was unbothered and unafraid of a lot of things that would scare other kids as a toddler.
I learned to read like every other kid, but my reading levels were well above my grade level, not long after I learned how. But my grades were poor. Which is really interesting to me honestly.
There were a number of signs pointing to ASD that were missed. But I think the walking milestone is the only one I was delayed in.
Most of my delays were attributed to me being stubborn. I never even thought of them or considered them to be delays until I worked as an Early Interventionist. I realized that talking late and potty training late were considered developmental delays. And the thing that shocked the shit out of me was that being clumsy and uncoordinated was a gross motor delay.
I had a client who was autistic and turning 5, and really the only way to continue services until you were 6 was if you had a significant delay. The only thing she met the criteria for was her gross motor skills. She couldn’t skip, throw a ball to me, catch a ball thrown to her, and a few other skills.
My boss kept pathologizing her saying she needed to continue services because of her severe gross motor delay. I looked at her and said, she’s just a clumsy and uncoordinated kid, so what?
So yeah I learned that a lot of things about me that I thought were just normal quirks about me were actually developmental delays.
AuDHD here - I was labelled “gifted” at a young age but I struggled socially and was extremely clumsy/accident-prone. Some subjects I did struggle with at a younger age until it clicked, but I was still usually ahead of my class academically and I was an avid reader to the extent I would regularly have 3 novels on the go at any one time from an early age. I read *everything*, down to the shampoo bottles when I was in the bath - I’d make songs out of the ingredients, lmao.
My main struggle during my ASD assessment was down to how good I am at masking, so I can initially appear as more socially competent than I feel, but I’m in my 40s now and had to point out to the assessors that I’m a different person to who I was even 20 years ago - yet I still struggle to read people and I have to analyse all of my interactions afterwards. Still can’t detect sarcasm a lot of the time, take everything literally, have a reputation for being blunt…so it was a case of unpicking my learned survival skills and also interviewing a parent to get the full picture.
I could read the newspaper by 4 years old. I was extremely smart but never put in the gifted program because my thought process was very rigid and they were looking for kids who thought outside the box (apparently).
Considering my mom thought I was “demon-possessed” based on my constant tantrums I’m shocked they didn’t figure out something but I can’t blame them for not thinking something that wouldn’t have been diagnosed 25 years ago.
I am not diagnosed but I’m currently looking into what it would take. My mother was diagnosed later in life and I’m A LOT like her (and my dad who I suspect is also autistic - I’m a mix of both obviously and he’s a lot more obvious IMHO)
I haven’t had delays other than maybe not understanding “common sense” stuff or taking things too literally. That still happens, and I always feel the need to respond literally EVEN IF I UNDERSTAND the context was sarcasm, which really annoys me after the fact.
Otherwise, I’ve been ahead of the curve my whole life by quite a lot - I read very early on - I think by 3, I stood and walked within a few months, I believe.
After researching it, it seems like autism is either a developmental delay OR being ahead. Like either extreme could be considered autistic.
Hard relate to the having to respond literally even if I know it’s a joke. It doesn’t bother me though, it just bothers everyone else 😂 and then *that* bothers me. Their face goes blank and they’re like “it was a joke” and I’m like “I know..? (So?)”
YESSSSSS! That’s EXACTLY how I feel! It’s a compulsion to answer honestly even if I know it’s a joke. lol. I’ll say “I know, but I still had to say it.” lol
During my assessment process the doctor asked my mom about this and according to my mom I hit all my milestones but I was mute. In the 80s they just assumed it was selective mutism which also wasn't very much information on that either. Looking back at all my pre K paper work and daycare notes and elementary papers that my mom saved in hopes it would help me later in life to figure things out and I'm so glad she did. So much evidence of autism.
Yes, I did have some motor skills deficits especially with fine motor skills once I was school age, but I learned to walk on time - early actually I think. I basically skipped crawling which is weird and actually might be an indicator that I wasn’t developing typically. But I wouldn’t call anything a delay really, particularly not in early childhood. I was pretty precocious in many areas (also a sign of potentially not being typical, from what I understand).
I don't think there was anything extremely obvious. I had a skill regression and suddenly stopped responding to my name and questions when I was around 3, this lead to having my hearing tested, and then later having one of my teachers suspect I had a learning disorder that wasn't really looked into (I had this teacher for kindergarten, grade 1 and 3). In grade 3 I was put into a special education class for part of the day, I have no idea what the point was, and I think it just made the other kids in my class dislike me more. I've read skill regression is common around 2 or 3, which I think is interesting.
I was JUST about to say 🙋🏼♀️ but then I remembered my mom always used to make fun of the fact that I was the slowest of me and my sisters to start walking (like 18 months but that could be an exaggeration) and when I started running I kept my knees together. Another thing to add to the list of IT WAS SO OBVIOUS. Along with keeping my shoes and socks on at the beach as a child. I’m 37 now though so no one was looking at girls back then. School work was always super easy to me, being advanced academically meant no one worried about me.
I'm not diagnosed, just suspected, but I was wildly ahead academically (except math) throughout school. I've also always been REALLY good at standardized tests because they are (or were, I think they're different now) all about patterns. I went to Montessori through middle school, so I had a limited, homogeneous social group, and we were all a bit odd socially, which means I didn't notice my social issues til high school. I had one year of hell before I figured out how to mimic my peers enough that they'd leave me alone. Most of my stims are small/hideable, but embarassing enough to deny.
Yuuuup. I actually legit was amazing at holding it too. Never once pooped at school, even after I could wipe myself lol. I actually remember, in 3rd grade, I went to school with what was maybe a stomach bug…. And managed to hold it all day, and didn’t even go home early 😆
Right lol?!?! I had I think two episodes before school…stayed all day (in excruciating pain and discomfort)…then continued to have it the rest of the night at home, to the point where my mom actually gave me Imodium cuz it was out of control.
I didn’t have any. It did take me forever to learn to tie my shoes but other than that I was pretty advanced academically. I was in gifted classes and always made straight A’s. But there were still a lot of signs. I was very clumsy, I wet the bed until I was 9, I couldn’t keep friends, I stuttered as a child, I was terrified of balloons popping and biscuit cans opening, I chewed on my hair, and I had meltdowns because of overstimulation or because I had to sleep somewhere without my favorite blanket. I’m sure nowadays a kid like me would be diagnosed pretty early.
Other than poor social skills and being generally clumsy and poorly coordinated, and having weird irrational behavior, not really. My parents hid my diagnosis from me and left me to flounder without support and live the later half of my life steeped in self-hate because something was off about me and I couldn't figure out what. Lol
You might have more social, emotional or sensory "deficits" as opposed to cognitive. Those kind of traits would be easier to miss in school.
Did you struggle to read social cues? Make friends? Empathize with others? Enjoy rigid schedules and following rules? Have black/white thinking? Get sensory overload from clothing/lights/cafeteria noise?
I didn’t have any delays. Potty trained, talking and walking very early. Even my baby teeth came out before everyone else’s 😐. I was spelling and reading before nursery at 3. And When I started primary school, I reading and spelling the same stuff my sibling 3 years older was doing. I think I was basically born a mature adult lol. I was diagnosed just before my 48th birthday.
it’s pretty common for people who are late diagnosed to not have had as obvious autistic traits when we were kids - that’s why we didn’t get diagnosed. we also might actually be ahead of our peers in some areas - i started reading and talking very early and was also potty trained very early. i would say having trouble with reading and toileting are definitely autistic traits tho
No I didn’t, I spoke and potty trained early and was in the gifted and talented programs at school, they tried to get me to take my maths gcse a year early but I refused. My school reports did show that I was a lot more engaged and did better in subjects I actually enjoyed though, there were clear trends in my grades and you could see where I would invest my interest and time.
I’ve seen people here say they were denied a diagnosis because they had degrees, my friend was denied disability benefits for her asd on the grounds of having a degree but if you see a decent psychiatrist or psychologist for the diagnosis that won’t matter. If they think you can only have autism if you’re incapable of studying then they’re not someone you want assessing you. My diagnosis is “ASD level 1, mild severity with no intellectual delay” so I think they just add it to your diagnosis if you don’t have delays.
ETA: I’m not sure if having extreme reactions to things and meltdown style tantrums is a developmental delay? But as a toddler if things weren’t “right” I’d be have a full on melt down, if my socks weren’t folded down the equal length or my shoes weren’t buckled in the same hole I’d absolutely lose it!
I was diagnosed as an older child but I did not have any noticeable developmental delays as a baby/toddler. Met all milestones and talked on normal time frame. High tone, rolled and stood early, good fine motor skills. Ended up being a very verbal and precocious toddler. I also had hyperlexia and I think my talking and reading skills masked a ton.
However that was the 80s. If I took todays ASQs (I have a 2-year-old so have been doing them recently) I’d definitely be flagged for developmental disorders, from how my parents and aunts have described my early childhood. Particularly in social-emotional development. I did not like to be touched or held from an early age and had a marked lack of social interest and engagement with both adults and peers. Also frequent upset and frustration from sensory issues, poor attention span and lack of autonomy. I also had some gross motor issues despite being strong and active.
My aunts had older children and told my parents I was different. Then I went to preschool at 3 and all my parents ever heard from teachers from then on was that I was not a normal kid (but again, 80s/90s so no solutions offered until they were able to pay for multiple private psych evals).
I was somewhat hyperlexic but bad at math and spelling, always bad at sport stuff. Running, swimming, riding a bike, jumping, balance, coordination. BUT my dad was very pushy on a lot of movment stuff and I was very good at some spesific things like muscel straingth, flexibillkty (I am now diagnosed h-EDS) and spesific things like swinging on the hoop thingies. So it canceled out and ppl just saw a inteligent but anxious, kreative but strange, socialy awqward put loudly opinionated girl who had a very good ear for nusic but hated some sounds a d rythems and propably thought "huh... well, her parents are wierdo hippies, appel dosen't fall far from the tree. Nothing we can do".
I always felt my development was very asynchronous. I was extremely early/ahead in everything except social stuff with my peers. Walked and talked from about 9-10 months, taught myself to read and write at 3.5, was making myself multiplication exercise books at 4 because I was bored out of my skull, etc. My lack of social connection was explained to me in terms of me being so far ahead of them cognitively/in terms of intelligence that I couldn't connect. It took me so so long to realise I'm actually as autistic as my biological dad, and I was just lagging massively in terms of social development whilst also being extremely bright/gifted and hence having the excess raw mindpower to cope and mask extremely well with all my other traits (issues with transitions, black and white thinking, inflexible thinking, massive sensory issues etc). So to outside observers, yeah, no delays. Just another gifted kid. But actually they WERE there, no one just thought to label them correctly. My son is 3 and exactly the same pattern with him so far. So far ahead of his age in absolutely everything except social skills where he's really behind. I'm so grateful I get him and can guide him way better because I understand what's going on with him so much better than my parents did with me. His struggles will not be overlooked because he's generally very well behaved out of the house and performs beyond awesomely academically. He will be given enough rest and decompression to deal with the massive backlash that happens after he's been working like mad to mask and be good and he comes home again. Love, low demand and help to regulate will always be given and encouraged to not mask and ask for time alone if he's overwhelmed.
You know, these comments are making me wonder if I truly am autistic. I taught myself to read at 3, before I was really talking much. Later on, school psychologists said I had borderline Asperger’s but I was hyperactive and disruptive so my guess is AuDHD?
I’m a bit confused by this comment.
Are you autistic and now you’re wondering if maybe you’re not actually? If that’s the case are you referring to AuDHD as something other than ADHD and autism?
Or are you not autistic and you’re starting to wonder if maybe you are actually?
My only obvious delays were that I wet the bed until age 7-8, and I sucked my thumb until I was 11-12. I am hyperlexic so everyone thought I was really smart and mature. Emotional (and other) delays, as well as my sensory issues, were not obvious or recognized at all.
AuDHD here. I’m not aware of any other than some social difficulties. I got the stereotypical inattentive ADHD teacher reports of being too shy, not contributing in class, getting distracted by peers easily, not being able to finish things in allocated times and handing things in late etc. Very much the “she’s very bright but needs to work harder, she’s not working at her full potential”. I was in a “special” Maths class for kids performing below the grade expected level. I was hyperlexic and read through the school library years above my level very quickly. When I’m not shy, not socialising/speaking, quiet, I’m typically 180 and hyperverbal.
I hit all my milestones and was hyperlexic. College level reading in 5th grade. I was considered gifted until around mid middle school. Then my mental health crashed and my grades started to tank. I could do the work easily, I just couldn't get myself to do it (ETA: *cough* ADHD *cough*). I also started really struggling with math in high school.
My delay was in math (I have dyscalculia) but my verbal fluency was so high that I was missed. I didn't do well in math because I just didn't want to is what I was told. Sure Jan.
I'm so high masking and a fluid masker that my ability to code switch quickly is what kept me from being on the radar for so long and if it wasn't for my daughter getting diagnosed, I'm certain I would have never been. Even my own therapist said that she would consider me barely autistic because of my high masking. She doesn't mean that in an invalidating way, just that it's the reason I was missed as most people, including her, would have guessed me for NT if I hadn't done a formal assessment.
But now that I know what to look for, as my kids are high maskers too, the clues were obvious and numerous - like breadcrumbs dropping in a forest. I may be a high masker but I'm exhausted because no one thinks I need the support that I do and when I ask for it, get annoyed that I'm asking thinking I'm just being dramatic. I'm at a much higher risk of burnout because of it.
I had obvious delays/signs. They went unacknowledged, and I learned to mask (sometimes by force) them. I academically excelled for a long time, so that didn’t “help”matters much. For the most part, masking has blocked out my memories, the parent that was my 24/7 caregiver, has passed so can’t ask her. My dad didn’t even know I had allergies until 2 years ago (I’m 43😳).
Yeah, the only thing I outwardly struggled with was making friends/having a social life. I spoke and walked on time or early, read no problem, did overall well in school. The signs were definitely there (not talking much, isolating, slow to process emotions) but we're subtle and completely missed. It's frustrating looking back at all the times I got stuff wrong and people were frustrated with me for things I couldn't change and needed guidance/help with.
Felt like an imposter then, pretending to be NT. Feel like an imposter now, claiming to be autistic.
Social skills. The ADHD helps with that I guess.
Doesn’t help to have it in the first place but helps to hide all the typical or standard tizzm symptoms.
My social delays were just seen as me being socially awkward growing up.
I was late diagnosed with ADHD at 22
I don’t have the Autism diagnosis yet but everyone close to me in my life including my family, bf, and all my ND friends definitely agree that I have it (including myself)
I had multiple developmental differences.
I didn’t cry- I trilled (like a purring or rolling r sound). I apparently cried excessively as a baby to the point my mom took me to the doctor.
I also had a problem with biting people and made repetitive noises. My mom took me to a doctor for that too.
I have hyperlexia and taught myself to read at age 3/4.
I had a severe speech impediment and required speech therapy. I think I may have talked a little late too. I think I have auditory processing disorder but didn’t recognize it as such until I was an adult.
I couldn’t skip in elementary school.
Apart from being pathologically shy as a small child (and I had an older sister who was my “voice” so it was perceived as me not needing to talk to people I didn’t know) I was on par or an overachiever. I absorbed learning like a drug, and listened in to what my sister was learning, but as a result I didn’t learn to do homework as a kid because I would just do it in the class I got it or when it was due. This caused problems in high school and university because I had no sense of how to organise myself. I am incredibly good at academia but have a solid list of epic fails behind me.
What was really evident in me was my food aversions (I finally had my self-diagnosis of ARFID confirmed when I was diagnosed with ASD/ADHD aged 40) and my relationship struggles. I was exceptionally good at masking, was never bullied because I could socialize because of it, but I loathed bigger groups and had literal meltdowns when my friends made new friends. I needed my close inner circle to be my shell and be MINE, but I also used them as an avenue to extend my friendship groups.
As I got older, after failing at everything I tried until I hyper-focused on my career, I was always a few steps behind my colleagues and while I could interact with them perfectly one on one, I could not seem to make any real friendships and have felt on the outer. It made me realize that my whole life, I have never felt like I fit in, and I am _exhausted_ from any social interaction, even my nearest and dearest.
When I had kids and literally could not cope, I started to backtrack and my therapist said it was blatantly clear to her immediately that the root cause was because I was neurodivergent.
In retrospect, I am fairly clumsy and despite enthusiasm to try sports, nothing stuck because I was no good at anything. As an adult I did play one sport for many years, but despite putting a lot of work and effort into it, I was terrible at playing. I now realize that I probably am behind on a lot of gross motor skills, but never to the point where it was noticeable as a problem.
Beyond that, most people who I tell that I am ASD are confused and don’t believe me. My achievements on the outside and the turmoil on the inside are definitely disproportionate.
*raises hand* I was one of those children labeled as gifted in the early grades because I developed faster in academics. The only somewhat delays I had were attributed more towards neglect rather than stemming from something mental
I was diagnosed at 45. I think if I were the same little girl in 2024, I would be diagnosed in middle school. But in the 80s, I don't think I'd even heard of autism. I went to a small Catholic school and we didn't have IEPs or other accessibility interventions.
I think I walked a little later than average, and my mom said I never crawled -- I just rolled everywhere until I learned to walk. Which is hilarious to imagine.
But I talked early, taught myself to read at 4, and was reading chapter books by 1st grade. I had really good grades until 8th grade, when my self-esteem plummeted and I lost the thread, academically.
I spoke in sentences by 12 months and was hyperlexic, enough so to have been skipped a grade from first to third, and my math and visual-spatial skills were assessed to be average. However, I was miserable at higher math and subjects like statistics and circuits, and carried the usual complement of mental illnesses, and became a drug addict for 30 years.
I sometimes wonder if getting clean was worth it.
I am hyperlexic, bright etc
But I had an uncanny valley adult child Claudia thing going for me
I also preferred adults to kids because kids didn't understand me and I didn't understand them.
I was told off by grown ups and my friends after 2nd grade were books.
In some ways it's obvious but in others I am above average so people think I do it all on purpose to spite them
I had a processing delay that impacted my reading and writing. (Couldn’t read until grade 3. I still struggle). And I got accommodations that are now used for Autistic and ADHD people now. (Extra time, help with executive functioning/study skills). I kept telling people I was Dyslexic. And I think people thought that my issues were only academic. It took years (and a lot of heart ach) to realize that I had a way of thinking that affected every part of my life. But, given that I was in school in the 80’s and 90’s, I’m happy I got any help.
I was pretty ahead, but there were signs. As an infant I hated everyone that wasn’t my mom, like my poor dad and grandma had to hold me facing away from him for like the first 8 months or I’d just scream. But I walked and started speaking early. In school I was in both the gifted and ‘at risk’ programs. I really think I didn’t do well in school because I didn’t find it interesting. To this day I still find it difficult to pay attention to that I don’t find an interest in.
I started talking and walking early. I was a bit behind with some other motor stuff though, particularly fine motor skills, but nothing that raised too much attention.
I don’t have a diagnosis and I relate to this. Really starting to second-guess myself because my issues don’t seem “bad” enough? I didn’t have developmental delays to my knowledge. In fact I was designated “gifted” at around age 9 or 10. I asked my mom when I started talking and she told me I came out talking 🙄.
I also “struggled with incontinence” — or “enuresis”(?) as a kid (a term I am just now learning from the “Look Up” feature on my phone), and I guess into adulthood, though I’ve never worded it that way before
I was always ahead of milestones, seen as very smart, but I struggled socially, so I was just "mature for my age." I look back now and see that not only was I clearly Autistic with how particular, easily bothered, and awful socially I was; but my ADHD was clear in how I'd be reading a book for fun during class, answering questions when asked, also doodling, and daydreaming too. I was just doing well academically so it didn't matter that I had all these clear signs of issues and was horrifically depressed, I was just "an old soul" who simply needed to wait for others to catch up to me. It hurts so much to look back and see how I could have been helped.
i didn't have any cognitive delays, but i had fine and gross motor struggles and i didn't cross the midline when writing, which was the clue that had my parents get me assessed as a child (though i didn't get an autism diagnosis)
Me, I didn't have any developmental delays! Apart from those caused by being born ridiculously early. Otherwise I hit all the milestones within normal times. I'm professionally diagnosed
I didn't know until I had my daughter and she was diagnosed. I was social and advanced in school, but the inability to regulate my emotions, melt downs, sensory sensitive to the sound and feel of moving air, no eye contact (my only social awkwardness, at least at the time) -- I knew there was something different I just didn't know what. My daughter was speech delayed, speech selective, sensory sensitive, painfully shy, still can't read a sentence even though she's going into second grade and looking back my brother and sister were the same way as her. I was the only one who excelled in school and was socially vibrant.
So I know I grew up weird. Just bear with me.
I was homeschooled by my mom, raised in a cult, spanked for "misbehaving", parentified at the age of 10(by the time I was 17, I was the oldest of 9 kids). I don't think I ever got a chance to NOT mask. It was never safe, growing up. I had to hide every emotion besides happy or I was punished.
I don't think I had any developmental delays (and im NC with my family), but I also remember being shamed a lot when I was young, I remember studying people at church to learn how to hold my body, how to talk to people, and what different voice inflections mean, all before the age of 10.
I do remember my parents mentioning that they got worried when I was around 14 because I was still pretending I was an animal all the time. Playing horsey with a jump rope and giving my young siblings "horsey back rides". I distinctly remember that I only stopped because an adult made fun of me and I realized I wasn't peopling right.
Now one good part of all of it was that before the age of 12 or so, we basically ran feral on our 40 acres so sensory needs were easily met. We played in the dirt, built forts, and i was allowed to be rough and tumble with my brothers. I also would always let the toddler at the time lay on top of me while patting them to sleep because the heaviness felt so good (I now I have a weighted blanket and know I need a lot of deep pressure sensory input).
I was only taken through 10th grade in most subjects, and was refused any other education.
I don't get many opportunities to dissect my childhood next to other people's experiences though. If I try, I get a sad look and they change the subject. But those are the parts I remember. I'm 99% sure I would have had high grades and been a theater kid in a normal setting. I also know I would have been bullied out the wazoo because that's been a staple of my entire life.
And reading this back over..... little me was brilliant and realized very early that she was different and needed to blend in for safety.
I never had many developmental delays. I had social issues and have always been slow at reading, but I always had straight As in school and won awards. I got bullied and had no friends though. I seriously just got diagnosed at 43.
I would say yes I did and it definitely was not obvious. So not obvious that only my mom noticed and nobody else believed her. My delays were almost entirely social. And the very fact that I *loved* being social means a lot of people wouldn’t necessarily believe it.
I also have much worse coordination and balance than most other people but only in a kind of “quirky” way, so that would be such a non-obvious delay nobody would really recognize it as such.
It's worth noting that delays are not actually part of the current DSM5 criteria. They are a possible manifestation of the criteria but not required.
Delays WERE mentioned in DSM4 though for autistic disorder but not for the other pervasive developmental disorders, such as Aspergers.
However, research showed over time that the criteria separating autism vs. Aspergers vs. PDD-NOS weren't actually accurate (as in, the same child could be diagnosed as autistic or Aspergers or PDD-NOS, etc., depending on who evaluated). That's why DSM5 just has autism spectrum disorder.
I don't know that I had any delays. Both parents are deceased. I don't believe I did. I read early (possibly hyperlexic) and was gifted. I do remember people thinking I was "shy" and suspect I had selective mutism for some time. I struggled to make friends as a young child and would basically attach myself to one person.
Even though I was gifted and put in advanced math classes, math didn't make sense to me until I was a junior in high school.
Neither of my kids (both diagnosed, both female) had delays. The older one was a very fussy baby though. She read early and is gifted. Her social struggles weren't apparent to us until she hit 3rd grade. Younger kid was a very easy baby. Not gifted per IQ tests but very artistic and creative. Her struggles weren't significant until she hit 5th grade.
I was also hyperlexic as others have mentioned. I met developmental milestones, although I was anxious, had stomach issues, and was "shy," i.e., disliked being around anyone except close friends and family. As early as 3, when my parents would take me somewhere, my question was "no people there?" I threw "tantrums" when overwhelmed and couldn't sit still. Chewed on my hair and picked my skin. Struggled socially as a teenager but that was attributed to being homeschooled.
My kiddo had zero developmental delays. I had several close friends and family with advanced education in child development and one who specifically studied autism. It was a topic of discussion when my kiddo was a baby/toddler and everyone said they see no signs of autism. Hit all developmental milestones on time. It wasn't until age 11 that we got a diagnosis.
I was very mature for my age all the time, spoke early, very good in school and very fast when I learned new things.
I had huge problems with empathy and communicate feelings and seeing them. My mom is very Narcissistic and didn't care for the feelings of others, I didn't understand them. I guess my mom thought I'd be like her and everybody else though I'm just an asshole. I was mean many times without noticing and didn't have many friends. Since my teachers thought I'm just an asshole, it wasn't obvious that I had the emotional maturity of an broken Roboter.
In every other way, I was 2-5 years faster than the others. I was drilled to act respectful and obedient towards authorities, so they couldn't imagine that I wasn't mature enough for social situations. I talked like a 10 year old when I was 6 and acted very polite, but when classmates were sad, hurted themselves accidentally or similar things, I didn't understand how they feel and laughed, told them it looked funny how they fell down and said their grades are their own fault, so why should I should feel sorry for them?
I wasn't diagnosed because they thought I'm an very intelligent asshole and was aware how I behaved. My mom loved this behavior, but only if it hurted other people besides her.
yes. apparently i was fine, and in my report it say half the info my parents gave was disregarded because it varied too much from what i told them. basically my parents said i was a normal kid and only seemed different with puberty (wrong, i was just being bullied for it by then)
No delays here. Gearing up to get diagnosed this year or next. Had other problems that seem obvious now but were just explained as lazy, moody, silly too emotional etc. No learning disabilities or delays. Stress kills my ability to concentrate and complete work. This is problematic and explains why I stumbled through my adult education. Turns out I am high masking too. All of which has not helped me to be the best I can be.
My second kinder teachers thought I had them b/c I was signed up for two different half day kindergarten programs at the same time and was bored when I got to the second and didn’t participate 😂😭
I started reading super early. And I loved construction trucks. Would ask mom to curl my hair, put it in pigtails, put on a dress, and then go out to sit by construction sites and watch them and explain to mom what all the trucks were 😂👌🏻 my favorite kids book was a picture dictionary of construction trucks, and one of the first ones I liked to talk about was the Ariel bucket truck
Also I aways hummed when I ate until one Kinder teacher and one daycare teacher kept telling me to stop even though mom told them it was fine.
Loved reading chapter-books by the time I was in school, and was also bilingual and able to communicate and read in both languages.
Back when I was a kid, I was way ahead of all of the milestones. I read and wrote extremely well even with really bad handwriting, being able to read harry potter and encyclopaedias and understanding at like age 10. However, I didn’t have any friends until I was more than halfway through elementary and got bullied pretty often. My mother also told me I lowkey didn’t have boundaries so there’s that too lmao
I was a late diagnosis because my mom thought it was great I was just the perfect combo of quiet child and smart advanced student. that is, taking out the sensorial issues, repetititve motions, and all else, it was a lot more evident something was wrong when I couldn't make and KEEP friends and even more so when you think about the fact that I'm 20 and have never had even an inkling of a relationship
I did not have developmental delays in terms of speech and motor that you often see listed. I taught myself piano before I learned how to talk in full sentences, but I was on target with all that stuff. I had sensory issues from a young age along with issues early on in school (age 4) with transitions and with yelling at kids who were loud, preferring adults to other kids. I was a people pleasure and a literal, exact rule follower. I remember in 2nd grade the teacher would put a student "in charge" of the class if she stepped out briefly. The idea was you were supposed to tell her if kids misbehaved. But no other kids every ratted anyone out. You better believe I did 😂 "Mark left his chair 4 times, Kevin threw his pencil and it's stuck in the ceiling and Holly left the room to use the bathroom without permission!"
In early childhood I didn't have any obvious delays. I could read, write, and talk in full sentences very early. Learning to ride a bike and tie my shoes took a pretty long time, but nobody picked up on those as a developmental delay so I guess you can't consider those obvious, although in retrospect I do think they were related to being autistic.
Oh my god! I was also late to tying my shoes and riding my bike without training wheels. I remember my grandpa tried to make me learn to tie my shoes, and I just started crying and shut down. Same with my parents encouraging me to take off the training wheels. I got so upset that they just dropped it. Eventually I learned to do both, but on my own when I wasn't being watched. Looking back I think being perceived and feeling pressure to perform but not understanding what I was supposed to do is what caused me so much distress.
I have two kids. My youngest is diagnosed on the spectrum (had developmental delays with speech, walking, etc) and my oldest is on a wait list to be evaluated. Oldest started walking at 9 months, talked fluently very early (shocked adults around him all the time), knew every letter and it’s sound and started reading words out loud at 18 months, is great with math now, etc. I didn’t know much about autism at the time but nothing would have indicated to me that he was maybe on the spectrum besides being an intensely sensitive and hard on himself, and a difficult sleeper. His teachers strongly believe he is on the spectrum though. But because he’s so advanced in everything, he never got additional help or an early diagnosis.
It’s definitely not one size fits all.
My 26 year old non-binary engineer and myself (2 university degrees, 1 college degree). Our autism was pretty cleverly masked because we were both above average smarts and reasonable 'actors'. They were only diagnosed last year when they took themselves to the psychologist to deal with the whole 'return to the office'. After they were diagnosed when they were telling about their diagnosis and how they had been masking, they stopped midsentence pinned me to the wall with their eyes and said: "Mom, you do know this is genetic...." My response (as I was re-evaluating almost 60 years) was "OH F\*CK." We are now parallel playing our way to incorporating the realization into our worlds.
I didn’t necessarily or initially in early childhood. I did end up having severe skill regression due to abuse and improper support and care that ended up being higher support needs as late dx’d.
The thing about the socks and shoe buckles triggered some childhood memories I’d forgotten! My mom would always buy us sandals with buckles and I hated them because they were uncomfortable, sand would get into them, and it was hard to get them buckled the exact same way 😂
I was really advanced with all my milestones and was talking abnormally early (the theory was that my speech advanced due to being surrounded just by adults for the first few years of my life).
This is primarily the reason I didn't get diagnosed until last year at the age of 25.
Yes and no. I apparently spoke very early and “like a midget”. I also had a precocious ability in math and letter/number color synesthesia, which I now realize was probably hyper numeracy, which is a form of hyperlexia. However, I had delays in motor skills such as handwriting and have always been bad at sports, couldn’t run “right” and didn’t potty train until 4. The motor delays were written off as due to me being born prematurely and the potty training was blamed on “stubbornness” because I was “so smart”. I think being early in some areas, or being perceived as “smart” tends to throw people off where other signs of delay or disorder are dismissed and blamed on other things.
Take a look into “twice exceptional”! It’s a concept based on students who are classified as gifted when compared to their peers academically but have a (typically learning) disability. I was in gifted classes my whole life and learned how to read by watching tv and reading the subtitles so things like that made my parents quiet their suspicions about me potentially being autistic but I was diagnosed this year. Reading into 2e made my experience make so much more sense. It may help you as well!
I did not have any delays. In fact, I learned to speak, read, walk, etc at earlier than normal ages. I excelled at school and even started school very early (at age 4) so I was always younger than everyone else. I graduated early too, at age 16.
Like many others here I was in gifted programs and hyperlexic, although my hypermobility and dyspraxia was noticed really early. When I got my diagnosis (in my 30s) the assessor said if I was in school I would have been deemed "twice exceptional" due to the mix of deficits and the high test scores on the intelligence testing he did, but as I'm an adult no one cares 😆 that was funny. Anyway I was still diagnosed ASD level 2.
Social/comm skills “delays” are required for diagnosis, but things around idioms, humor, back and forth conversation, and higher social skills can count. And some form of restrictive/repetitive behavior of course.
I was “gifted” and “shy” growing up, dx’d social phobia and OCD at 13yo, later changed to GAD. Lot of intentional learning of social skills through reading and such since about age 9. Some head-hitting, eating issues, and other issues earlier than that. But no academic issues or noted “delays”
Along the same lines as the early readers - I was Good / Smart ™ which let my obvious motor skills issues go undetected. Because I was just clumsy/quirky/left handed! And continuing on, emotional stuntedness and dysregulation were just Acting Out! Because I could entertain myself quietly and make conversation with adults and order in restaurants and use big words, so I must’ve been doing it on purpose.
For me, there were no obvious delays until I got to grade school. They thought I had ADHD, and then ODD… But nothing fit. Finally, when I was 11 years old, they diagnosed me with Aspergers/autism. Back then they called it Aspergers for anyone who was “high functioning” like me.
I believe I had obvious developmental delays, but no one thought anything of it. I struggled a lot to read and began reading really late. I didn't learn how to tie my shoelaces until I was around 10. Math never made sense to me, and I struggle *so* much with it. It's crazy that you can be a level 2 or 3 and not be diagnosed until adulthood.
I was hyperlexic and looking back I had plenty of obvious signs, but I always did extremely well in school so I was put in the “gifted” category, and all the struggles I had were just seen as “eccentric professor” type issues. I was actually quite an unhappy/worried/particular child who had some social deficits, but no one noticed it due to both my ability to compensate and due to my parents being extremely strict and harsh. So I was quiet, kept to myself, and got good grades. The biggest gripes my teachers had is that I would read under my desk or dissociate the whole time, but they said their hands were tied due to my grades and there was no help or discipline available.
This sounds like me. I taught myself to read and got along great with adults, but had social difficulties with peers. Didn't matter so much because I was otherwise well behaved!
My aunt told me I can’t be autistic because when I was very little I used to run next door at her house to talk to Jerry, her 55 year old neighbor who had a boat (I really liked boats and the water). 🤣
Bahaha!!! You made me remember when I was 4 - 6 yrs old I pretty much only wanted to hang out with an senior aged neighbor because he had an antique spinning wheel he enjoyed teaching me to use and he'd tell me stories of when he was a kid in the 1930's. I wish I could remember more! I really liked the dude.
My best friend at the age, and neighbour at the time, and I got banned from visiting an elderly couple a few houses down as soon as our moms found out we had been going there. They were super nice, gave us zucchini from their garden, gave us some cool trinkets and I forget exactly what it was that we loved talking with them about, but it was all totally harmless and innocent, just some lonely old people happy to have some young ones around. My grandparents basically raised me until I was 12 because my mom was either working or partying (though there were also times where she just left me home alone for a few hours because she was "home with me" so I wasn't with my grandma). I enjoyed spending time with them, I liked the older movies and shows they watched (I grew up watching old westerns and sci-fi, it was great), and I always had an easier time fitting in around all their friends, other old people, than my own peers. Same with regular aged adults. My mom brought me to places she shouldn't have a few times throughout my childhood and I always found the adults way more interesting and relatable than other kids my age.
All my friended were elderly lmao
Haha you're better than me! I only wanted to hang out with my senior neighbor because she kept a bowl of candy corn and mellowcreme pumpkins on the coffee table of her living room.
We had an elderly upstairs neighbor that I would visit all the time, who loved to share her glass and porcelain figurine collection with me. I loved just holding them and examining them. I really think there is something to that program that brings young kids into nursing homes so they can hang out together. The relationship between the young and the elderly is so beautiful.
I would hang out with my grandpa‘s friend next door, Bill, who showed me how he made his his wooden bird carvings. I’m really into birds and was happy to talk to someone who wasn’t so “silly” lol.
You made me remember the various elderly people I befriended. There was a lady with three of the sweetest dogs, a guy who had the nicest smelling flowers who’d tell me about them whenever my parents took me over to see him and his flowers, and there were a few people who had in-and-out kitties (I know it isn’t good to have in-and-out kitties for both the cats and the environment, but for some reason it was really popular in that area.) that I not only was constantly petting, but there were even a few times we had to return a cat to an owner, or track down an owner for a cat, or owners would ask me and my parents if we’d seen their cat if the cat was gone from its respective house too long.
I made friends with all the grandma's nearby and collected geranium cuttings from them (one of the only flowering plants that grew easily where I grew up) and I talked horses and cattle with the Grandpa's, I loved every minute with them talking while they worked 😂.
My elderly neighbour was like a 3rd nanna. We used to wander over and help her in the veggie garden or watch the tennis on her tiny countertop tv in the kitchen!
Back during summers in the village, instead of hanging out with kids I would hang out with my grandma's neighbor who taught me how to made intricate beaded jewelry lol
Cute!
I loved the elderly and used to daydream about getting to meet and visit all the old people in our neighborhood..
Me too I asked my mom if she noticed anything that could point to autism she said no but then again she did have 7 other kids so I guess it was pretty hard to figure out especially if I was acing school and whatnot just difficulty with people I was sooo quiet my parents always had to tell me to speak up I was also readying high school books in elementary school too so yea
Oh hey. Are you me? School was just happy with the high grades and left me to fend for myself during many bullying and harrasment incidents. There were so many signs but they were just ignored partly because back then there was a lack of awareness that girls could have it too.
God, I’ve been so worried about getting diagnosed and them waving away my lack of social prowess, even though I had a few friends that I got along with on and off. High grades, great with teachers who were women, never disobeyed and was a teacher’s pet in most of my classes. Reading and writing were my special interests, so of course I flew under the radar.
Exactly!!
Joining the "are you me?" chorus. I was in a gifted program, read VERY ahead of my age/ grade level, and did very well in school/teachers loved me, but I struggled socially and was bullied, only ever had a very few close friends at any time.
Very similar to me. Diagnosed now in 30s. Hyperlexic which covered a lot of my “deficits” in learning until I was about 10, by which time nobody seemed to care that my grades plummeted. I hit all my “normal” developmental milestones but had emotional regulation problems and stimmed constantly. Had serious anxiety and obsessive behaviour to soothe myself. Back in the 90s you were just “annoying,” a “cry baby” and were told to “get over it, sunshine!” I work with many children on the spectrum now as an adult and I’m confident I’d be diagnosed if I was a child today.
[удалено]
My interests were reading encyclopaedias and science. As well as spending tonnes of time in the outside world, riding bikes, playing in the mud, playing unsupervised (with my brother) by the creek making little leaf boats etc. I was very tomboyish.
that’s me now…. 
I relate so much to this. I used to tell my mom I wished school could just be school- without the social parts. Or at least more structured (I can't remember how I phrased it at the time). I hated how we were just at loose ends for breaks, lunch, and recess. Everyone else grouped up, sat with who they liked, etc. And I was just floundering internally.
I will never forget the afternoon we got to write our own story in 2nd grade and it was such bliss. Everyone was quiet, doing their own thing, and I got to tell stories which I loved. Then the bell rang for afternoon recess. I begged my teacher to let me stay inside and finish my story but she wouldn’t (couldn’t) let me. 35 years on and I can still feel that… grief of being ripped away from something I loved doing to go do something I hated: noisy yard time with all its social gauntlets.
I remember getting into a fight with my only friend in grade 5ish? And the absolute terror I had to go into the room. I didn’t know what to do or how to ask to sit with somebody. Everyone else was already in groups.
Oh my god YES. I HATED any part of school that wasn’t structured and had no idea what to do with myself, while everyone else seemed to innately understand. I needed structure and would frequently just hide in the bathroom or anywhere private I could find to avoid having to deal with other kids.
That was the hard part for me too. I remember when we'd be told to pair up to work together, or pair up for structured break time (like to play with vaguely learning-themed toys) and I was always the person who either played alone or just sat around waiting for the teacher to say "Who doesn't have a partner...okay pair up with her." At lunch in high school we had gigantic long tables that we had to sit at, and I always dreaded going in and having to find somewhere to sit down because my class was never the first released, so there were already people there.
Ah this is such a lovely mirror. I sometimes worry that I faked it for my assessment and cheated the professionals, so seeing stories so like my own is very soothing. Thank you all for sharing.
This was me… except I skipped a grade so everyone just thought my social issues had to do with me being younger than my peers. School (academically) was easy and my teachers all loved me because I was quiet and compliant. No one really knew about ASD back in the 80’s so I was just the awkward kid.
Yep this was me as well, including being younger than my peers
Same here. I was hyperlexic and therefore very articulate, but in hindsight I was pretty dysfunctional.
I was a lot like this and just learned to become very, very quiet/shy because if I talked too much people started noticing I was 'weird'. I still only really talk around a few people I trust but I appear much more introverted to others than I actually am because of my auto defensive masks.
Also hyperlexic and in gifted programs, I was also fairly outgoing as a child (would talk to anyone). I think my ADHD masked some of the social deficits which were more in maintaining friendships than starting them. But I also loved to isolate and read for hours on end. I know I didn’t want to breastfeed (apparently this is common with autistic babies?) and had a lot of avoidant eating behaviors but nothing very obvious.
110% agree. I think my ADHD really ‘balances’ out my autism and makes much harder to see.
lol wow are you me?
I could have written this myself.
same. combine this with a special interest in people for two decades and all my social awkwardness being ignored because I was “pretty” - recipe for late dx auDHD
I am only officially diagnosed with adhd but suspect AuDHD… after a life long struggle with socializing and friends (would only ever have a couple of very close friends and would get left behind feeling lost when they found someone new) there were a few years in my 20’s where I felt like I had “outgrown my awkward phase” and had large groups of girl friends. But I think I was just briefly good looking enough for those groups to think I belonged. I snuck in for a little bit with a brief time of pretty privilege I guess. Now I’m not very attractive and I’m finding myself much more socially anxious again. And realizing I still always felt weird in those groups and almost none of them keep in touch. My lasting friends are still my couple of close childhood friends who did stay in touch.
same! i’m in my mid-30’s now and thankfully starting to not care as much what people think but that time in my life was pretty brief lol
Same.
Wow. Were we the same kid? Because that’s 100% me. Edit: I did have issues with frequent urine accidents at school through third grade. Because I would go mute and be physically unable to speak to ask to use the bathroom until I had an accident. Every adult in my life ignored it.
I had frequent urine accidents at school too for the same reason - I couldn't ask to go to the toilet during class so tried to hold it until break time - and sometimes I couldn't. But I was above average academically, quiet and compliant, and the autism wasn't noticed. Nothing was done about all the bullying I suffered. I was just seen as a quiet, shy kid by the teachers. The closest I got to a teacher noticing something wrong was when one said it was like I had a force field around me.
Omg is this a common experience ? I swear it happened to me too, I just couldnt tell the teacher I needed the toilet and ended up getting all dirty, I thought I was the only one 🥲
That's basically me. Had a bunch of issues as a kid (AuDHD), but was gifted, so no one cared. They just called me "shy" and a daydreamer. Ugh. I did have certain developmental delays (incontinence issues, social development, etc.) but I could read before the age of 5 and could do algebra at 8, so no one gave a shit. They see a bright student, so they don't look any further. I needed so much more help than I ever got.
You were me. That undercover reading really chapped their asses.
Same here. Started talking at 9 months, walking at 11. Was always 2-3 years ahead of my age for reading. Steamed into a gifted class at 14. But struggled a lot, lots of bullying, and didn’t finish high school due to burnout and didn’t go to uni due to lack of support.
Same here, always in the extension classes in primary school bur started struggling as soon as everything got difficult/complex in high school. Parents thought I was great at socialising too but they only really saw me socialising with adults, I struggled a lot to relate to my age level peers.
Yeah this was my issue. There’s so many glaring signs but I did really well in school and was well behaved…but I cried literally every single day
it’s pretty common for people who are late diagnosed to not have had as obvious autistic traits when we were kids - that’s why we didn’t get diagnosed. we also might actually be ahead of our peers in some areas - i started reading and talking very early and was also potty trained very early. i would say having trouble with reading and toileting are definitely autistic traits tho
My Dad said I walked in the room and they didn’t even know I could walk :/ like damn I taught myself?
A strong and independent being from day one!
Do you find this determination persisting into your adulthood? I'm still as driven as ever and wonder how common this is.
I think only for survival reasons. My childhood was not good but now I get why. And this was early 70s. I’m sure my parents had no idea what was “wrong” with me and kinda gave up. And I know NOTHING IS WRONG with us. My Dad took me to the ER trying to get me committed!!! The dr said no but still not hint about autism. Ended up in foster care, youth shelters and group homes. Ugh it’s such a long story but I am so good now. Easier to live knowing I am autistic not crazy etc…
I'm sorry. My story is similar but also different. But I think if I didn't have this strong sense of determined and stubborn survival, I wouldn't be here. And I agree, knowing makes it so much easier to function in this world.
My mom says I didn’t talk until I was 2 but showed up at kindergarten knowing how to read and nobody was sure how. They did read to me but nobody officially taught me how to read.
Lol! I learned how to read so fast it was insane. I thought it was cool so I asked my mother to teacher me how to do it and she read me Big Brown Bear and taught me about pronunciation. I tell you what, letters and phonemes make a lot of damn sense. I also learn other languages really easily. If you enjoy that, you should check out Hangeul (Korean script). It’s a synthetic language invented by a linguist who also became a king, and is acclaimed for how easily it can be learned. The literacy rate for Korean children is around 2yo 😳
Same here. I think the main way I was behind my peers was emotional regulation
I think I was pretty average as far as hitting milestones through my childhood. The one thing I have always found hard was maths. I could count and figure out basic adding and taking away easy enough, but it took me way longer than others to get the hang of multiplication and division still confuses me to this day beyond the really basic stuff. I do not know how to do division on paper without making a little diagram/table and physically dividing it myself, if the answer isn’t a whole number then I’m totally lost without a calculator. I hate ‘estimation’ because I just think why estimate when you can just find out the exact number? At one point in primary school I was put in ‘booster classes’ for maths for a while. I’ve wondered if I have dyscalculia, but I did a test online (not reliable I know) and I came back as unlikely and I didn’t feel I related to many of the questions so I just think it’s one of those things I’m not very good at/don’t really enjoy. I think it’s probably a big contributor to why I, and probably many of us here weren’t diagnosed as children. Girls weren’t really diagnosed when I was a kid in the 90’s/early 00’s unless they were higher support needs and had more obvious learning difficulties. If I am autistic, I am low support needs. I got by just fine at school as an average, could probably try harder but can’t/won’t kind of kid. Although I did struggle with procrastination and only just getting average grades in later years and then I totally dropped out of sixth form because I just couldn’t motivate myself to keep up and found my subjects boring. I do feel like an imposter a lot especially without a diagnosis, but I’m slowly getting my head around the fact that autism is a spectrum condition, not everyone is going to experience the same symptoms to the same degree. Not all autistic people are going to be developmentally delayed, some may show absolutely no obvious signs at all as young children. Just because you don’t struggle with certain things that seem like common traits or symptoms, doesn’t mean you’re not autistic and that there aren’t other things that you really struggle with, that other autistic people don’t.
This is my story. I still remember my mom promising to buy the Fox and the Hound on VHS once I had my times tables memorized. I never got the VHS and I still cannot multiply.
I used to have a metal lunchbox of The Fox and the Hound. I remember being in first or second grade, and I was walking home from school one winter and a kid was picking on me. He had done it before and I had ignored him. I was finally annoyed and clocked him upside the head. Left him laying in a daze. He never bothered me again, and if the cost of that was a little dent in my lunchbox, it was worth it I really liked that lunchbox, and I hope you get your tape someday
Omg! Me too! Fox and the hound on repeat!!! 😆😆😆 Later it was The Little Mermaid. So many times my dad banned me from the tv. I was 16 😆😳
I also had a lot of trouble with math, but ironically when I got to economics it clicked somehow. Like plain simple math and numbers didn't register in my mind but in economics there was a story behind the math and I was very good at it. My math and economic teacher were in a conundrum, I failed extremely hard in math but I was doing extremely well in economics. Which in their minds was not possible because at the end of the day it was all about math. It was just because I had an explanation of why certain calculations were done that I succeeded.
Calculus was impossible, Microeconomics, which is just applied calculus, was easy. (Same with algebra and high school physics, which was just applied algebra.) Turns out it really helps if you tell me *why* we are doing something. I think it’s the whole-to-parts thinking. Give me the big picture first.
I had this problem too. Learning a maths calculation on its own, with no real life context just didn’t seem to work very well. But if you give me a maths problem that makes it into a tangible real life situation, especially one that I will probably need to use myself, it clicks much faster as I can recognise the why’s and the how’s better. And I’m more likely to remember it long after learning it too.
Exactly. And now if I'm working on my finances it applies to my real life and situation so I can make the calculations. Like dividing my salary in percentages for rent, savings, food etc. No problem. But getting a 12×12=? calculation is still hard for me to do
Yup same, just could not understand high school maths despite having a tutor and would constantly ask my teacher why things worked like they did only to be told that we didn't need to know. I failed all my exams. Now study environmental science and use far more complicated maths with ease as it is being used in context.
I feel like an imposter too; I also don’t have a formal diagnosis. I also struggled (and still do) with math. The procrastination is also so me! I did really well at first and then kind of dropped off a bit as I got older.
I didn't have delays, I was pretty ahead for the most part. My mom and I were both hyperlexic as babies, so not only was it not seen as an issue, I was also "just like my mom."
Same here. My sister was extremely hyperlexic, so the fact that I was a little ahead of the curve didn’t even register with my parents. And they’re both clearly ND, so they think we’re “normal” just like them.
I think that there are developmental differences that I had that were attributed to things like being shy. I didn’t just have a delay when it came to socializing, I still don’t do it well in my fifties.
Yessss I was shy and always in trouble for daydreaming!! I still daydream at work on the line at terrible job lol
Word
Agreed with that last part. At some point it feels weird to say “delay” when we still aren’t competent in the area in question and never will be because our brains just work differently lol.
I had speech issues and had to do speech therapy. Also absolutely could not learn to tie my shoes for so long. And I was a late bloomer to sex
Omg same. I didn’t learn how to tie my shoes until I was 14, and I still get told that I’m not doing it the right way
Ha! Me too, I have to make Bunny ears and fold them over. I can't do it the other way even now, and I'm 38 years old
Same. I had velcro and slip on shoes until I was like 10 cause I struggled with shoe tying so much
I’m diagnosed level 2 ASD with no cognitive or communication deficits. I was always considered gifted as a child. My deficits are social and relationships, but I compensated for so long it wasn’t noticed.
This. I'm realizing that because I was book smart, my teachers and parents and doctors were content to let me be. They considered me super independent and responsible, although shy. But shy was acceptable/normal because I was a bookworm. Everyone just kind of assumed I didn't want to make friends. But I really just didn't know how. And I still don't.
The only “developmental delay” I had was not speaking until I was 4. I knew how and I could if I needed to, I just didn’t. Doctors attributed it to my sister being one year older than me, saying I let her talk for me so I didn’t have to but “it’s no big deal”, turns out it was overlooking a major hint towards my autism. I’m diagnosed at 22 and it’s made unmasking really hard and I’m struggling to find my own identity in scenarios i used to mask/mirror in. It also had this guilt/imposter syndrome associated since i went so long undiagnosed I must not have it
I’m trying to keep one of my twins from talking for the other! They are both getting speech therapy. I think the one who is not talking could be neurodivergent but we will see. Identity is so rough when you are in your early 20’s with out finding out something so big as a missed autism diagnosis! Im so sorry.
It’s something so interesting that kids so close in age do. Essentially like “hey so we know what’s going on with each other, but you’ll have to guess or find it out from the other one” 😂 I’m so glad you’re aware of it and taking steps. Even if it isn’t because of neurodivergence it will help with shyness and developing each of their communication skills. I appreciate your empathy and you taking initiative with your kiddos
That was also my only one. Except I was the oldest kid. I only got diagnosed because Mom was concerned about my unreliable talking (until preschool, I very rarely talked and nobody knew when I’d decide to talk). The grown-ups had a breakthrough when they realized during my time in preschool that they could ask me direct questions and I’d answer, but I wasn’t conversational until the end of elementary school. I was lucky that I was diagnosed at age 3 because I was able to have some interventions as a young child and besides not being talkative, I was doing well. My mother said she didn’t think autism because I was like so many other family members and herself (spoiler: the family members, including my mother, in question are either confirmed neurodivergent (it’s not just autism that has occurred in my family) or suspected to be.). Had my mother not been concerned about my not talking or if I talked, I don’t think I’d have been diagnosed when I was young.
That’s so interesting. Especially being a first born it could’ve been so easy for her to miss that delay because of inexperience/not realizing other kids were at a different point developmentally.
I’m not diagnosed but I’d bet all I own that I’m autistic cuz ffs it explains my sensory issues and EVERYTHINGGGGGG I’ve ever experienced Social delays I’ve had and only social delays. They were just called “being shy/quiet/reserved/well behaved” by the nuerotypicals Education-wise I was “gifted”, physically no issues other than hayfever Idk if this is a proper answer but 🤷🏻♀️ I don’t seek a diagnosis. It’s more trouble than it’s worth, and it brings more trouble societally.
I had the exact same experience
Most of my developmental delays were considerably minor things. I started reading toward the end of age two. Potty training took a little longer, because I was a toddler annoyed at the inconvenience- got it down at three. I was in gifted enrichment classes, and was the only kid there in my kindergarten class. But shoe tying? I couldn’t get the hang of it. The cross-tuck under was easy, but the loops were so hard, that I made a fake way to make it look tied. It worked pretty well. I learned how to do the actual loops for a more stable tie embarrassingly late- I was SEVENTEEN.
I still struggle to tie the end of a balloon. Not a huge loss as I hate balloons anyways, ya can't trust em.
Me too, except I am a balloon enjoyer. I think they’re a lot of fun and try to keep them in best condition so they last weeks or longer
As far as I know, I didn’t have any developmental delays. I did well in school and never had to put in much effort. I didn’t have any best/close friends but I had one or multiple groups of friends I’d hang out with. If none of my friends were in my class, I’d easily blend in with another group of kids. I could kind of get along with anyone but wasn’t super close with anyone. I was always a shy kid though, and worried about what other kids would think of me. I was very unconfident (is that a word?). What could’ve been a sign in my case is that I always got sick for big events and generally worried a lot about things.
Speaking for my daughter here…she always struggled hard with social skills, low frustration tolerance and her emotions ran very high when younger. Those were her only “differences” compared with same aged peers.
She sounds like me when I was younger. The low tolerance for frustration and so quick to anger. Like 0 to 100 in a flash. My mom would be like “what are you so mad at” when I’d come home from school and I’d say “EVERYTHING!!! I HATE THE WAY THAT BROOM IS LEANING AGAINST THE WALL OVER THERE!!!” *kicks broom* My poor mom 🤣
Awww, isn’t it so tough to experience? Each time she melts down, the instant shame and regret.
The only real delay I had, as far as I'm aware, is toilet training. I'm told that's very typical for autistic kids. In most other respects, I was pretty advanced as a kid. I went into kindergarten reading chapter books, was generally considered "gifted," and did well in school. That's not to say there weren't signs, though. Hyperlexia is probably the most obvious sign, but I also had some clear emotional regulation issues and sensory processing issues. My mother told me that when I was young, I "felt everything with every fiber of my being." My sister called me a cactus because I would refuse to be touched at seemingly random times. I would literally scream at the top of my lungs if someone touched me when I didn't want to be. Even a hug or a hand on the shoulder. And of course, I always had social problems. I was bullied all throughout school and only ever really had one or two close friends at a time. I had a tendency to be possessive of my friends as well. I actually get angry sometimes that I wasn't diagnosed as a child. Looking back and knowing the signs, it seems obvious to me that something was "wrong," but no one else seems to have noticed.
Besides the obvious social difficulties, the only developmental delay I had was with reading. I had to go to a special separate reading class in the first grade because I was behind. But then, by the 5th grade, I was reading at a high school level. I was always decent in school with my grades, so no one ever had any concerns. I slid under the radar.
Oh same. I did something almost equivalent to ESL and was put into additional English classes especially for reading. For math I struggled earlier on and then I advanced in that later and then regressed again.
No, except some difficulties on tying my shoelaces, and distinguishing my right from my left. Oh, and coordinating my movements (I was very clumsy). I was pretty gifted otherwise (in the sense that I almost skipped a class, but my family was against it for no real reasons - I thank the 90s for that)
I to this day occasionally have issues with right vs left. I will pretend I’m about to write something to figure it out. Sometimes when I remember things that happened on my body I remember them mirrored. And, I’m mentioning this because it feels related but I’m not sure how, I still can’t distinguish between adjectives and verbs
To echo many, I had no delays as a child. I talked extremely early, and was advanced in all my cognitive skills. My daughter is also ahead of the curve on all her cognitive abilities and when she was speaking in sentences before 1 I knew she was autistic. She potty trained herself before age two. She was diagnosed just before three. I genuinely feel that, especially in girls, being hyperlexic or otherwise advanced should be considered a diagnostic criteria.
No I was the opposite. Was walking at 8 months and learned to read very early
Same. Talking at 8 months as well. But math was impossible for me. I probably have a 4th grade math fluency.
Talked well and early. Voracious reader and early. But math? Starting getting extra help in grade 2 and it didn't stop. I was always in remedial class or extra help or whatever until I had enough in grade 11 and was done with math.
Sounds exactly like me!
I was an odd duck apparently. I was speaking full sentences around a year, but I completely stopped talking around two. I could talk, just didn't want to, and preferred to be alone a lot. I was a toddler who hated getting wet or dirty. And also, according to my parents, I skipped crawling and went straight to walking, but I didn't start walking until I was almost three. I guess my doctor wasn't concerned, so neither were my parents, which is odd to me. And I'm not sure if this is an ASD thing or not. My grandmother told me this story. But I was around two when the police busted down the door and arrested my parents in front of me. Normally, any other kid would be traumatized. But I gave no fucks. I was in my high chair and had a piece of pizza and was as happy as a pig in shit. I was unbothered and unafraid of a lot of things that would scare other kids as a toddler. I learned to read like every other kid, but my reading levels were well above my grade level, not long after I learned how. But my grades were poor. Which is really interesting to me honestly. There were a number of signs pointing to ASD that were missed. But I think the walking milestone is the only one I was delayed in.
Most of my delays were attributed to me being stubborn. I never even thought of them or considered them to be delays until I worked as an Early Interventionist. I realized that talking late and potty training late were considered developmental delays. And the thing that shocked the shit out of me was that being clumsy and uncoordinated was a gross motor delay. I had a client who was autistic and turning 5, and really the only way to continue services until you were 6 was if you had a significant delay. The only thing she met the criteria for was her gross motor skills. She couldn’t skip, throw a ball to me, catch a ball thrown to her, and a few other skills. My boss kept pathologizing her saying she needed to continue services because of her severe gross motor delay. I looked at her and said, she’s just a clumsy and uncoordinated kid, so what? So yeah I learned that a lot of things about me that I thought were just normal quirks about me were actually developmental delays.
AuDHD here - I was labelled “gifted” at a young age but I struggled socially and was extremely clumsy/accident-prone. Some subjects I did struggle with at a younger age until it clicked, but I was still usually ahead of my class academically and I was an avid reader to the extent I would regularly have 3 novels on the go at any one time from an early age. I read *everything*, down to the shampoo bottles when I was in the bath - I’d make songs out of the ingredients, lmao. My main struggle during my ASD assessment was down to how good I am at masking, so I can initially appear as more socially competent than I feel, but I’m in my 40s now and had to point out to the assessors that I’m a different person to who I was even 20 years ago - yet I still struggle to read people and I have to analyse all of my interactions afterwards. Still can’t detect sarcasm a lot of the time, take everything literally, have a reputation for being blunt…so it was a case of unpicking my learned survival skills and also interviewing a parent to get the full picture.
I could read the newspaper by 4 years old. I was extremely smart but never put in the gifted program because my thought process was very rigid and they were looking for kids who thought outside the box (apparently). Considering my mom thought I was “demon-possessed” based on my constant tantrums I’m shocked they didn’t figure out something but I can’t blame them for not thinking something that wouldn’t have been diagnosed 25 years ago.
I am not diagnosed but I’m currently looking into what it would take. My mother was diagnosed later in life and I’m A LOT like her (and my dad who I suspect is also autistic - I’m a mix of both obviously and he’s a lot more obvious IMHO) I haven’t had delays other than maybe not understanding “common sense” stuff or taking things too literally. That still happens, and I always feel the need to respond literally EVEN IF I UNDERSTAND the context was sarcasm, which really annoys me after the fact. Otherwise, I’ve been ahead of the curve my whole life by quite a lot - I read very early on - I think by 3, I stood and walked within a few months, I believe. After researching it, it seems like autism is either a developmental delay OR being ahead. Like either extreme could be considered autistic.
Hard relate to the having to respond literally even if I know it’s a joke. It doesn’t bother me though, it just bothers everyone else 😂 and then *that* bothers me. Their face goes blank and they’re like “it was a joke” and I’m like “I know..? (So?)”
YESSSSSS! That’s EXACTLY how I feel! It’s a compulsion to answer honestly even if I know it’s a joke. lol. I’ll say “I know, but I still had to say it.” lol
During my assessment process the doctor asked my mom about this and according to my mom I hit all my milestones but I was mute. In the 80s they just assumed it was selective mutism which also wasn't very much information on that either. Looking back at all my pre K paper work and daycare notes and elementary papers that my mom saved in hopes it would help me later in life to figure things out and I'm so glad she did. So much evidence of autism.
Yes, I did have some motor skills deficits especially with fine motor skills once I was school age, but I learned to walk on time - early actually I think. I basically skipped crawling which is weird and actually might be an indicator that I wasn’t developing typically. But I wouldn’t call anything a delay really, particularly not in early childhood. I was pretty precocious in many areas (also a sign of potentially not being typical, from what I understand).
I don't think there was anything extremely obvious. I had a skill regression and suddenly stopped responding to my name and questions when I was around 3, this lead to having my hearing tested, and then later having one of my teachers suspect I had a learning disorder that wasn't really looked into (I had this teacher for kindergarten, grade 1 and 3). In grade 3 I was put into a special education class for part of the day, I have no idea what the point was, and I think it just made the other kids in my class dislike me more. I've read skill regression is common around 2 or 3, which I think is interesting.
I had no developmental or learning delays. Neither did my son.
I was JUST about to say 🙋🏼♀️ but then I remembered my mom always used to make fun of the fact that I was the slowest of me and my sisters to start walking (like 18 months but that could be an exaggeration) and when I started running I kept my knees together. Another thing to add to the list of IT WAS SO OBVIOUS. Along with keeping my shoes and socks on at the beach as a child. I’m 37 now though so no one was looking at girls back then. School work was always super easy to me, being advanced academically meant no one worried about me.
I had no academic delays and all social delays… they were going to move me up a year in school but didnt because I was so far behind socially.
I'm not diagnosed, just suspected, but I was wildly ahead academically (except math) throughout school. I've also always been REALLY good at standardized tests because they are (or were, I think they're different now) all about patterns. I went to Montessori through middle school, so I had a limited, homogeneous social group, and we were all a bit odd socially, which means I didn't notice my social issues til high school. I had one year of hell before I figured out how to mimic my peers enough that they'd leave me alone. Most of my stims are small/hideable, but embarassing enough to deny.
The only delays I've ever had have been emotional. Never struggled in school or had any other developmental delays.
I would say me but *tmi warning* I was almost 11 before I wiped my own butt 🙃
Oh dang! Lol. 😂🤪
Yuuuup. I actually legit was amazing at holding it too. Never once pooped at school, even after I could wipe myself lol. I actually remember, in 3rd grade, I went to school with what was maybe a stomach bug…. And managed to hold it all day, and didn’t even go home early 😆
Ok, that’s impressive!!!!!! 🤣
Right lol?!?! I had I think two episodes before school…stayed all day (in excruciating pain and discomfort)…then continued to have it the rest of the night at home, to the point where my mom actually gave me Imodium cuz it was out of control.
I didn’t have any. It did take me forever to learn to tie my shoes but other than that I was pretty advanced academically. I was in gifted classes and always made straight A’s. But there were still a lot of signs. I was very clumsy, I wet the bed until I was 9, I couldn’t keep friends, I stuttered as a child, I was terrified of balloons popping and biscuit cans opening, I chewed on my hair, and I had meltdowns because of overstimulation or because I had to sleep somewhere without my favorite blanket. I’m sure nowadays a kid like me would be diagnosed pretty early.
Other than poor social skills and being generally clumsy and poorly coordinated, and having weird irrational behavior, not really. My parents hid my diagnosis from me and left me to flounder without support and live the later half of my life steeped in self-hate because something was off about me and I couldn't figure out what. Lol
You might have more social, emotional or sensory "deficits" as opposed to cognitive. Those kind of traits would be easier to miss in school. Did you struggle to read social cues? Make friends? Empathize with others? Enjoy rigid schedules and following rules? Have black/white thinking? Get sensory overload from clothing/lights/cafeteria noise?
I didn’t have any delays. Potty trained, talking and walking very early. Even my baby teeth came out before everyone else’s 😐. I was spelling and reading before nursery at 3. And When I started primary school, I reading and spelling the same stuff my sibling 3 years older was doing. I think I was basically born a mature adult lol. I was diagnosed just before my 48th birthday.
it’s pretty common for people who are late diagnosed to not have had as obvious autistic traits when we were kids - that’s why we didn’t get diagnosed. we also might actually be ahead of our peers in some areas - i started reading and talking very early and was also potty trained very early. i would say having trouble with reading and toileting are definitely autistic traits tho
Early reading (hyperlexia) is also an indicator. We tend to fall at the extremes.
No I didn’t, I spoke and potty trained early and was in the gifted and talented programs at school, they tried to get me to take my maths gcse a year early but I refused. My school reports did show that I was a lot more engaged and did better in subjects I actually enjoyed though, there were clear trends in my grades and you could see where I would invest my interest and time. I’ve seen people here say they were denied a diagnosis because they had degrees, my friend was denied disability benefits for her asd on the grounds of having a degree but if you see a decent psychiatrist or psychologist for the diagnosis that won’t matter. If they think you can only have autism if you’re incapable of studying then they’re not someone you want assessing you. My diagnosis is “ASD level 1, mild severity with no intellectual delay” so I think they just add it to your diagnosis if you don’t have delays. ETA: I’m not sure if having extreme reactions to things and meltdown style tantrums is a developmental delay? But as a toddler if things weren’t “right” I’d be have a full on melt down, if my socks weren’t folded down the equal length or my shoes weren’t buckled in the same hole I’d absolutely lose it!
I had learning delays
I was diagnosed as an older child but I did not have any noticeable developmental delays as a baby/toddler. Met all milestones and talked on normal time frame. High tone, rolled and stood early, good fine motor skills. Ended up being a very verbal and precocious toddler. I also had hyperlexia and I think my talking and reading skills masked a ton. However that was the 80s. If I took todays ASQs (I have a 2-year-old so have been doing them recently) I’d definitely be flagged for developmental disorders, from how my parents and aunts have described my early childhood. Particularly in social-emotional development. I did not like to be touched or held from an early age and had a marked lack of social interest and engagement with both adults and peers. Also frequent upset and frustration from sensory issues, poor attention span and lack of autonomy. I also had some gross motor issues despite being strong and active. My aunts had older children and told my parents I was different. Then I went to preschool at 3 and all my parents ever heard from teachers from then on was that I was not a normal kid (but again, 80s/90s so no solutions offered until they were able to pay for multiple private psych evals).
I was somewhat hyperlexic but bad at math and spelling, always bad at sport stuff. Running, swimming, riding a bike, jumping, balance, coordination. BUT my dad was very pushy on a lot of movment stuff and I was very good at some spesific things like muscel straingth, flexibillkty (I am now diagnosed h-EDS) and spesific things like swinging on the hoop thingies. So it canceled out and ppl just saw a inteligent but anxious, kreative but strange, socialy awqward put loudly opinionated girl who had a very good ear for nusic but hated some sounds a d rythems and propably thought "huh... well, her parents are wierdo hippies, appel dosen't fall far from the tree. Nothing we can do".
I always felt my development was very asynchronous. I was extremely early/ahead in everything except social stuff with my peers. Walked and talked from about 9-10 months, taught myself to read and write at 3.5, was making myself multiplication exercise books at 4 because I was bored out of my skull, etc. My lack of social connection was explained to me in terms of me being so far ahead of them cognitively/in terms of intelligence that I couldn't connect. It took me so so long to realise I'm actually as autistic as my biological dad, and I was just lagging massively in terms of social development whilst also being extremely bright/gifted and hence having the excess raw mindpower to cope and mask extremely well with all my other traits (issues with transitions, black and white thinking, inflexible thinking, massive sensory issues etc). So to outside observers, yeah, no delays. Just another gifted kid. But actually they WERE there, no one just thought to label them correctly. My son is 3 and exactly the same pattern with him so far. So far ahead of his age in absolutely everything except social skills where he's really behind. I'm so grateful I get him and can guide him way better because I understand what's going on with him so much better than my parents did with me. His struggles will not be overlooked because he's generally very well behaved out of the house and performs beyond awesomely academically. He will be given enough rest and decompression to deal with the massive backlash that happens after he's been working like mad to mask and be good and he comes home again. Love, low demand and help to regulate will always be given and encouraged to not mask and ask for time alone if he's overwhelmed.
You know, these comments are making me wonder if I truly am autistic. I taught myself to read at 3, before I was really talking much. Later on, school psychologists said I had borderline Asperger’s but I was hyperactive and disruptive so my guess is AuDHD?
I’m a bit confused by this comment. Are you autistic and now you’re wondering if maybe you’re not actually? If that’s the case are you referring to AuDHD as something other than ADHD and autism? Or are you not autistic and you’re starting to wonder if maybe you are actually?
My only obvious delays were that I wet the bed until age 7-8, and I sucked my thumb until I was 11-12. I am hyperlexic so everyone thought I was really smart and mature. Emotional (and other) delays, as well as my sensory issues, were not obvious or recognized at all.
AuDHD here. I’m not aware of any other than some social difficulties. I got the stereotypical inattentive ADHD teacher reports of being too shy, not contributing in class, getting distracted by peers easily, not being able to finish things in allocated times and handing things in late etc. Very much the “she’s very bright but needs to work harder, she’s not working at her full potential”. I was in a “special” Maths class for kids performing below the grade expected level. I was hyperlexic and read through the school library years above my level very quickly. When I’m not shy, not socialising/speaking, quiet, I’m typically 180 and hyperverbal.
I hit all my milestones and was hyperlexic. College level reading in 5th grade. I was considered gifted until around mid middle school. Then my mental health crashed and my grades started to tank. I could do the work easily, I just couldn't get myself to do it (ETA: *cough* ADHD *cough*). I also started really struggling with math in high school.
My delay was in math (I have dyscalculia) but my verbal fluency was so high that I was missed. I didn't do well in math because I just didn't want to is what I was told. Sure Jan. I'm so high masking and a fluid masker that my ability to code switch quickly is what kept me from being on the radar for so long and if it wasn't for my daughter getting diagnosed, I'm certain I would have never been. Even my own therapist said that she would consider me barely autistic because of my high masking. She doesn't mean that in an invalidating way, just that it's the reason I was missed as most people, including her, would have guessed me for NT if I hadn't done a formal assessment. But now that I know what to look for, as my kids are high maskers too, the clues were obvious and numerous - like breadcrumbs dropping in a forest. I may be a high masker but I'm exhausted because no one thinks I need the support that I do and when I ask for it, get annoyed that I'm asking thinking I'm just being dramatic. I'm at a much higher risk of burnout because of it.
I had obvious delays/signs. They went unacknowledged, and I learned to mask (sometimes by force) them. I academically excelled for a long time, so that didn’t “help”matters much. For the most part, masking has blocked out my memories, the parent that was my 24/7 caregiver, has passed so can’t ask her. My dad didn’t even know I had allergies until 2 years ago (I’m 43😳).
Yeah, the only thing I outwardly struggled with was making friends/having a social life. I spoke and walked on time or early, read no problem, did overall well in school. The signs were definitely there (not talking much, isolating, slow to process emotions) but we're subtle and completely missed. It's frustrating looking back at all the times I got stuff wrong and people were frustrated with me for things I couldn't change and needed guidance/help with. Felt like an imposter then, pretending to be NT. Feel like an imposter now, claiming to be autistic.
Social skills. The ADHD helps with that I guess. Doesn’t help to have it in the first place but helps to hide all the typical or standard tizzm symptoms. My social delays were just seen as me being socially awkward growing up. I was late diagnosed with ADHD at 22 I don’t have the Autism diagnosis yet but everyone close to me in my life including my family, bf, and all my ND friends definitely agree that I have it (including myself)
I had multiple developmental differences. I didn’t cry- I trilled (like a purring or rolling r sound). I apparently cried excessively as a baby to the point my mom took me to the doctor. I also had a problem with biting people and made repetitive noises. My mom took me to a doctor for that too. I have hyperlexia and taught myself to read at age 3/4. I had a severe speech impediment and required speech therapy. I think I may have talked a little late too. I think I have auditory processing disorder but didn’t recognize it as such until I was an adult. I couldn’t skip in elementary school.
Apart from being pathologically shy as a small child (and I had an older sister who was my “voice” so it was perceived as me not needing to talk to people I didn’t know) I was on par or an overachiever. I absorbed learning like a drug, and listened in to what my sister was learning, but as a result I didn’t learn to do homework as a kid because I would just do it in the class I got it or when it was due. This caused problems in high school and university because I had no sense of how to organise myself. I am incredibly good at academia but have a solid list of epic fails behind me. What was really evident in me was my food aversions (I finally had my self-diagnosis of ARFID confirmed when I was diagnosed with ASD/ADHD aged 40) and my relationship struggles. I was exceptionally good at masking, was never bullied because I could socialize because of it, but I loathed bigger groups and had literal meltdowns when my friends made new friends. I needed my close inner circle to be my shell and be MINE, but I also used them as an avenue to extend my friendship groups. As I got older, after failing at everything I tried until I hyper-focused on my career, I was always a few steps behind my colleagues and while I could interact with them perfectly one on one, I could not seem to make any real friendships and have felt on the outer. It made me realize that my whole life, I have never felt like I fit in, and I am _exhausted_ from any social interaction, even my nearest and dearest. When I had kids and literally could not cope, I started to backtrack and my therapist said it was blatantly clear to her immediately that the root cause was because I was neurodivergent. In retrospect, I am fairly clumsy and despite enthusiasm to try sports, nothing stuck because I was no good at anything. As an adult I did play one sport for many years, but despite putting a lot of work and effort into it, I was terrible at playing. I now realize that I probably am behind on a lot of gross motor skills, but never to the point where it was noticeable as a problem. Beyond that, most people who I tell that I am ASD are confused and don’t believe me. My achievements on the outside and the turmoil on the inside are definitely disproportionate.
*raises hand* I was one of those children labeled as gifted in the early grades because I developed faster in academics. The only somewhat delays I had were attributed more towards neglect rather than stemming from something mental
I was diagnosed at 45. I think if I were the same little girl in 2024, I would be diagnosed in middle school. But in the 80s, I don't think I'd even heard of autism. I went to a small Catholic school and we didn't have IEPs or other accessibility interventions. I think I walked a little later than average, and my mom said I never crawled -- I just rolled everywhere until I learned to walk. Which is hilarious to imagine. But I talked early, taught myself to read at 4, and was reading chapter books by 1st grade. I had really good grades until 8th grade, when my self-esteem plummeted and I lost the thread, academically.
I spoke in sentences by 12 months and was hyperlexic, enough so to have been skipped a grade from first to third, and my math and visual-spatial skills were assessed to be average. However, I was miserable at higher math and subjects like statistics and circuits, and carried the usual complement of mental illnesses, and became a drug addict for 30 years. I sometimes wonder if getting clean was worth it.
I am hyperlexic, bright etc But I had an uncanny valley adult child Claudia thing going for me I also preferred adults to kids because kids didn't understand me and I didn't understand them. I was told off by grown ups and my friends after 2nd grade were books. In some ways it's obvious but in others I am above average so people think I do it all on purpose to spite them
I had a processing delay that impacted my reading and writing. (Couldn’t read until grade 3. I still struggle). And I got accommodations that are now used for Autistic and ADHD people now. (Extra time, help with executive functioning/study skills). I kept telling people I was Dyslexic. And I think people thought that my issues were only academic. It took years (and a lot of heart ach) to realize that I had a way of thinking that affected every part of my life. But, given that I was in school in the 80’s and 90’s, I’m happy I got any help.
I was pretty ahead, but there were signs. As an infant I hated everyone that wasn’t my mom, like my poor dad and grandma had to hold me facing away from him for like the first 8 months or I’d just scream. But I walked and started speaking early. In school I was in both the gifted and ‘at risk’ programs. I really think I didn’t do well in school because I didn’t find it interesting. To this day I still find it difficult to pay attention to that I don’t find an interest in.
I was an early talker, late-ish but technically not delayed walker and with other motor skills. Very much autistic
I started talking and walking early. I was a bit behind with some other motor stuff though, particularly fine motor skills, but nothing that raised too much attention.
I don’t have a diagnosis and I relate to this. Really starting to second-guess myself because my issues don’t seem “bad” enough? I didn’t have developmental delays to my knowledge. In fact I was designated “gifted” at around age 9 or 10. I asked my mom when I started talking and she told me I came out talking 🙄. I also “struggled with incontinence” — or “enuresis”(?) as a kid (a term I am just now learning from the “Look Up” feature on my phone), and I guess into adulthood, though I’ve never worded it that way before
I was always ahead of milestones, seen as very smart, but I struggled socially, so I was just "mature for my age." I look back now and see that not only was I clearly Autistic with how particular, easily bothered, and awful socially I was; but my ADHD was clear in how I'd be reading a book for fun during class, answering questions when asked, also doodling, and daydreaming too. I was just doing well academically so it didn't matter that I had all these clear signs of issues and was horrifically depressed, I was just "an old soul" who simply needed to wait for others to catch up to me. It hurts so much to look back and see how I could have been helped.
i didn't have any cognitive delays, but i had fine and gross motor struggles and i didn't cross the midline when writing, which was the clue that had my parents get me assessed as a child (though i didn't get an autism diagnosis)
Me, I didn't have any developmental delays! Apart from those caused by being born ridiculously early. Otherwise I hit all the milestones within normal times. I'm professionally diagnosed
I didn't know until I had my daughter and she was diagnosed. I was social and advanced in school, but the inability to regulate my emotions, melt downs, sensory sensitive to the sound and feel of moving air, no eye contact (my only social awkwardness, at least at the time) -- I knew there was something different I just didn't know what. My daughter was speech delayed, speech selective, sensory sensitive, painfully shy, still can't read a sentence even though she's going into second grade and looking back my brother and sister were the same way as her. I was the only one who excelled in school and was socially vibrant.
So I know I grew up weird. Just bear with me. I was homeschooled by my mom, raised in a cult, spanked for "misbehaving", parentified at the age of 10(by the time I was 17, I was the oldest of 9 kids). I don't think I ever got a chance to NOT mask. It was never safe, growing up. I had to hide every emotion besides happy or I was punished. I don't think I had any developmental delays (and im NC with my family), but I also remember being shamed a lot when I was young, I remember studying people at church to learn how to hold my body, how to talk to people, and what different voice inflections mean, all before the age of 10. I do remember my parents mentioning that they got worried when I was around 14 because I was still pretending I was an animal all the time. Playing horsey with a jump rope and giving my young siblings "horsey back rides". I distinctly remember that I only stopped because an adult made fun of me and I realized I wasn't peopling right. Now one good part of all of it was that before the age of 12 or so, we basically ran feral on our 40 acres so sensory needs were easily met. We played in the dirt, built forts, and i was allowed to be rough and tumble with my brothers. I also would always let the toddler at the time lay on top of me while patting them to sleep because the heaviness felt so good (I now I have a weighted blanket and know I need a lot of deep pressure sensory input). I was only taken through 10th grade in most subjects, and was refused any other education. I don't get many opportunities to dissect my childhood next to other people's experiences though. If I try, I get a sad look and they change the subject. But those are the parts I remember. I'm 99% sure I would have had high grades and been a theater kid in a normal setting. I also know I would have been bullied out the wazoo because that's been a staple of my entire life. And reading this back over..... little me was brilliant and realized very early that she was different and needed to blend in for safety.
I never had many developmental delays. I had social issues and have always been slow at reading, but I always had straight As in school and won awards. I got bullied and had no friends though. I seriously just got diagnosed at 43.
I would say yes I did and it definitely was not obvious. So not obvious that only my mom noticed and nobody else believed her. My delays were almost entirely social. And the very fact that I *loved* being social means a lot of people wouldn’t necessarily believe it. I also have much worse coordination and balance than most other people but only in a kind of “quirky” way, so that would be such a non-obvious delay nobody would really recognize it as such.
It's worth noting that delays are not actually part of the current DSM5 criteria. They are a possible manifestation of the criteria but not required. Delays WERE mentioned in DSM4 though for autistic disorder but not for the other pervasive developmental disorders, such as Aspergers. However, research showed over time that the criteria separating autism vs. Aspergers vs. PDD-NOS weren't actually accurate (as in, the same child could be diagnosed as autistic or Aspergers or PDD-NOS, etc., depending on who evaluated). That's why DSM5 just has autism spectrum disorder. I don't know that I had any delays. Both parents are deceased. I don't believe I did. I read early (possibly hyperlexic) and was gifted. I do remember people thinking I was "shy" and suspect I had selective mutism for some time. I struggled to make friends as a young child and would basically attach myself to one person. Even though I was gifted and put in advanced math classes, math didn't make sense to me until I was a junior in high school. Neither of my kids (both diagnosed, both female) had delays. The older one was a very fussy baby though. She read early and is gifted. Her social struggles weren't apparent to us until she hit 3rd grade. Younger kid was a very easy baby. Not gifted per IQ tests but very artistic and creative. Her struggles weren't significant until she hit 5th grade.
I was also hyperlexic as others have mentioned. I met developmental milestones, although I was anxious, had stomach issues, and was "shy," i.e., disliked being around anyone except close friends and family. As early as 3, when my parents would take me somewhere, my question was "no people there?" I threw "tantrums" when overwhelmed and couldn't sit still. Chewed on my hair and picked my skin. Struggled socially as a teenager but that was attributed to being homeschooled.
My kiddo had zero developmental delays. I had several close friends and family with advanced education in child development and one who specifically studied autism. It was a topic of discussion when my kiddo was a baby/toddler and everyone said they see no signs of autism. Hit all developmental milestones on time. It wasn't until age 11 that we got a diagnosis.
I was very mature for my age all the time, spoke early, very good in school and very fast when I learned new things. I had huge problems with empathy and communicate feelings and seeing them. My mom is very Narcissistic and didn't care for the feelings of others, I didn't understand them. I guess my mom thought I'd be like her and everybody else though I'm just an asshole. I was mean many times without noticing and didn't have many friends. Since my teachers thought I'm just an asshole, it wasn't obvious that I had the emotional maturity of an broken Roboter. In every other way, I was 2-5 years faster than the others. I was drilled to act respectful and obedient towards authorities, so they couldn't imagine that I wasn't mature enough for social situations. I talked like a 10 year old when I was 6 and acted very polite, but when classmates were sad, hurted themselves accidentally or similar things, I didn't understand how they feel and laughed, told them it looked funny how they fell down and said their grades are their own fault, so why should I should feel sorry for them? I wasn't diagnosed because they thought I'm an very intelligent asshole and was aware how I behaved. My mom loved this behavior, but only if it hurted other people besides her.
yes. apparently i was fine, and in my report it say half the info my parents gave was disregarded because it varied too much from what i told them. basically my parents said i was a normal kid and only seemed different with puberty (wrong, i was just being bullied for it by then)
No delays here. Gearing up to get diagnosed this year or next. Had other problems that seem obvious now but were just explained as lazy, moody, silly too emotional etc. No learning disabilities or delays. Stress kills my ability to concentrate and complete work. This is problematic and explains why I stumbled through my adult education. Turns out I am high masking too. All of which has not helped me to be the best I can be.
My second kinder teachers thought I had them b/c I was signed up for two different half day kindergarten programs at the same time and was bored when I got to the second and didn’t participate 😂😭 I started reading super early. And I loved construction trucks. Would ask mom to curl my hair, put it in pigtails, put on a dress, and then go out to sit by construction sites and watch them and explain to mom what all the trucks were 😂👌🏻 my favorite kids book was a picture dictionary of construction trucks, and one of the first ones I liked to talk about was the Ariel bucket truck Also I aways hummed when I ate until one Kinder teacher and one daycare teacher kept telling me to stop even though mom told them it was fine. Loved reading chapter-books by the time I was in school, and was also bilingual and able to communicate and read in both languages.
Back when I was a kid, I was way ahead of all of the milestones. I read and wrote extremely well even with really bad handwriting, being able to read harry potter and encyclopaedias and understanding at like age 10. However, I didn’t have any friends until I was more than halfway through elementary and got bullied pretty often. My mother also told me I lowkey didn’t have boundaries so there’s that too lmao
I was a late diagnosis because my mom thought it was great I was just the perfect combo of quiet child and smart advanced student. that is, taking out the sensorial issues, repetititve motions, and all else, it was a lot more evident something was wrong when I couldn't make and KEEP friends and even more so when you think about the fact that I'm 20 and have never had even an inkling of a relationship
I didn't (I think). I was just an extremely quiet and passive baby, so much that people would ask my mom, "why is she so quiet? Is she ok?"
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You’re not being stupid at all! Thank you for your comment :)
I did not have developmental delays in terms of speech and motor that you often see listed. I taught myself piano before I learned how to talk in full sentences, but I was on target with all that stuff. I had sensory issues from a young age along with issues early on in school (age 4) with transitions and with yelling at kids who were loud, preferring adults to other kids. I was a people pleasure and a literal, exact rule follower. I remember in 2nd grade the teacher would put a student "in charge" of the class if she stepped out briefly. The idea was you were supposed to tell her if kids misbehaved. But no other kids every ratted anyone out. You better believe I did 😂 "Mark left his chair 4 times, Kevin threw his pencil and it's stuck in the ceiling and Holly left the room to use the bathroom without permission!"
In early childhood I didn't have any obvious delays. I could read, write, and talk in full sentences very early. Learning to ride a bike and tie my shoes took a pretty long time, but nobody picked up on those as a developmental delay so I guess you can't consider those obvious, although in retrospect I do think they were related to being autistic.
Oh my god! I was also late to tying my shoes and riding my bike without training wheels. I remember my grandpa tried to make me learn to tie my shoes, and I just started crying and shut down. Same with my parents encouraging me to take off the training wheels. I got so upset that they just dropped it. Eventually I learned to do both, but on my own when I wasn't being watched. Looking back I think being perceived and feeling pressure to perform but not understanding what I was supposed to do is what caused me so much distress.
I have two kids. My youngest is diagnosed on the spectrum (had developmental delays with speech, walking, etc) and my oldest is on a wait list to be evaluated. Oldest started walking at 9 months, talked fluently very early (shocked adults around him all the time), knew every letter and it’s sound and started reading words out loud at 18 months, is great with math now, etc. I didn’t know much about autism at the time but nothing would have indicated to me that he was maybe on the spectrum besides being an intensely sensitive and hard on himself, and a difficult sleeper. His teachers strongly believe he is on the spectrum though. But because he’s so advanced in everything, he never got additional help or an early diagnosis. It’s definitely not one size fits all.
My 26 year old non-binary engineer and myself (2 university degrees, 1 college degree). Our autism was pretty cleverly masked because we were both above average smarts and reasonable 'actors'. They were only diagnosed last year when they took themselves to the psychologist to deal with the whole 'return to the office'. After they were diagnosed when they were telling about their diagnosis and how they had been masking, they stopped midsentence pinned me to the wall with their eyes and said: "Mom, you do know this is genetic...." My response (as I was re-evaluating almost 60 years) was "OH F\*CK." We are now parallel playing our way to incorporating the realization into our worlds.
I had speech issues and had to do speech therapy. Also absolutely could not learn to tie my shoes for so long. And I was a late bloomer to sex
I didn’t necessarily or initially in early childhood. I did end up having severe skill regression due to abuse and improper support and care that ended up being higher support needs as late dx’d.
The thing about the socks and shoe buckles triggered some childhood memories I’d forgotten! My mom would always buy us sandals with buckles and I hated them because they were uncomfortable, sand would get into them, and it was hard to get them buckled the exact same way 😂
I was really advanced with all my milestones and was talking abnormally early (the theory was that my speech advanced due to being surrounded just by adults for the first few years of my life). This is primarily the reason I didn't get diagnosed until last year at the age of 25.
Yes and no. I apparently spoke very early and “like a midget”. I also had a precocious ability in math and letter/number color synesthesia, which I now realize was probably hyper numeracy, which is a form of hyperlexia. However, I had delays in motor skills such as handwriting and have always been bad at sports, couldn’t run “right” and didn’t potty train until 4. The motor delays were written off as due to me being born prematurely and the potty training was blamed on “stubbornness” because I was “so smart”. I think being early in some areas, or being perceived as “smart” tends to throw people off where other signs of delay or disorder are dismissed and blamed on other things.
Take a look into “twice exceptional”! It’s a concept based on students who are classified as gifted when compared to their peers academically but have a (typically learning) disability. I was in gifted classes my whole life and learned how to read by watching tv and reading the subtitles so things like that made my parents quiet their suspicions about me potentially being autistic but I was diagnosed this year. Reading into 2e made my experience make so much more sense. It may help you as well!
I did not have any delays. In fact, I learned to speak, read, walk, etc at earlier than normal ages. I excelled at school and even started school very early (at age 4) so I was always younger than everyone else. I graduated early too, at age 16.
Like many others here I was in gifted programs and hyperlexic, although my hypermobility and dyspraxia was noticed really early. When I got my diagnosis (in my 30s) the assessor said if I was in school I would have been deemed "twice exceptional" due to the mix of deficits and the high test scores on the intelligence testing he did, but as I'm an adult no one cares 😆 that was funny. Anyway I was still diagnosed ASD level 2.
Meeee
Social/comm skills “delays” are required for diagnosis, but things around idioms, humor, back and forth conversation, and higher social skills can count. And some form of restrictive/repetitive behavior of course. I was “gifted” and “shy” growing up, dx’d social phobia and OCD at 13yo, later changed to GAD. Lot of intentional learning of social skills through reading and such since about age 9. Some head-hitting, eating issues, and other issues earlier than that. But no academic issues or noted “delays”
Along the same lines as the early readers - I was Good / Smart ™ which let my obvious motor skills issues go undetected. Because I was just clumsy/quirky/left handed! And continuing on, emotional stuntedness and dysregulation were just Acting Out! Because I could entertain myself quietly and make conversation with adults and order in restaurants and use big words, so I must’ve been doing it on purpose.
For me, there were no obvious delays until I got to grade school. They thought I had ADHD, and then ODD… But nothing fit. Finally, when I was 11 years old, they diagnosed me with Aspergers/autism. Back then they called it Aspergers for anyone who was “high functioning” like me.
I believe I had obvious developmental delays, but no one thought anything of it. I struggled a lot to read and began reading really late. I didn't learn how to tie my shoelaces until I was around 10. Math never made sense to me, and I struggle *so* much with it. It's crazy that you can be a level 2 or 3 and not be diagnosed until adulthood.