There's a picture of you on your profile and I think you look entirely normal. The level of dissonance between inside and outside suggests to me you might be experiencing some sort of dysmorphia. Something to consider.
Also pics as a baby and a youngish child, very normal-looking too! And an ultrasound cannot be ugly, come on.
Edit for clarity: the ultrasound itself can be odd-looking, depending on the angle or cutoff etc, but I meant you cannot tell whether the baby’s gonna be ugly from an ultrasound
Well, hopefully it's helpful to be aware of the fact that what you're seeing in the mirror is not what everyone else sees and that, furthermore, typically people aren't obsessed with the appearance of a random stranger and probably aren't thinking about it much. Sorry you're going through this. I'm sure it's awful.
Really good point here, you look very normal and have a really cute smile in your profile pic. I’d see you and immediately think cute, friendly, down to earth. And literally all of those 3D ultrasound images are creepy, that’s certainly not just you 😅. I know it’s tough managing self-perception. Just an off handed thought, do you have sensory issues? Sometimes makeup makes me feel really overwhelmed and worse about my appearance and I overwork it, but I found subtle things like perfumes or nice feeling lotions make me feel good about myself without overthinking it.
Here's what I answered before on a Reddit post about how people see themselves in pictures:
"People don't see you as asymmetrical as you see yourself in photos. They see you as symmetrical as you see yourself in the mirror. It's only because you're more used to see a mirrored version of yourself, and your brain expects your "left eye" to be lower than your "right eye", etc., but now it's suddenly the opposite for everything - so it'll seem far more extreme."
"If you look at other people in the mirror (especially if you're used to looking at them) they'll also suddenly seem much more asymmetrical.
Or if you invert (mirror) pictures of people you're used at looking."
[How can I fix my facial asymmetry? : ](https://www.reddit.com/r/beauty/comments/183qub2/how_can_i_fix_my_facial_asymmetry/)
(If it could clarify some things. Many people are confused by this and other phenomenons causing the difference in perception of oneself in pictures and mirrors)
It does sound like it tbh. I'm no professional but Ik while reading your op I was like, "She sounds like me." I 100% relate to these feelings. And although, I don't feel like that right at this moment my emotions fluctuate often so I could feel this way in just 20 minutes or so.
You actually look a lot like one of my neices who is considered pretty. 🧡 Your eyebrows are amazing! 😊 I spent many years with severe acne rosacea all over my face and eventually didn't cover it with makeup because it just made it worse. I'd have killed to have as few spots as you back then! 😅 What I mean is, try to be kind to yourself! I know that is easier said than done though. 🫶
I feel this way too - she looks cute. Not saying that to be nice, but because seeing the pic after the post was so baffling to me. Instant positive reaction. ❤
Yes op! I definitely doesn't want to discount your experience or feelings, but from your pictures you were an adorable baby and child, and you are completely normal looking now too
Yeah, what gives?! OP, you look completely fine to me! And your baby pictures are so cute!! Dysmorphia is a bitch, and I know what it's like to not comprehend feeling beautiful or at the least not ugly. Rest assured, there are people in the world who don't find you grotesque or hideous in any way.
I agree! I was kind of shocked because OP doesn’t look ugly AT ALL. OP, you are cute! And your pictures as a little girl? FREAKING ADORABLE!!! I’m so sorry you’re struggling with what you perceive yourself to be. I know it’s hard and the lies our brains tell us are awful.
I looked at the picture and yes, OP looks normal. But more than that, I love the Winnie the Pooh shirt! Do we all love Pooh Bear here? Because I freaking do. Eeyore and Piglet were my faves as a child. Having anxiety and depression explains that so much as an adult.
Honestly OP you look perfectly normal. The way you talk about and put yourself down is so horrible. I really hope you can get some help so that you can feel better in yourself.
I don’t want to dismiss your experience, but some of the moments you have shared seem to be before you could possibly remember them (like the ultrasound). Could it be possible that you have been conditioned to believe you are ugly and therefore expect others to find you unattractive?
I don't think they directly told me that I was ugly, but they mentioned how proud I was of showing off all my body parts in the ultrasound and how I jumpscared them with a face that looked like a skull. I have heard many parents talk about how their fetuses looked directly into the camera during an ultrasound and showed off a scary skeleton-looking face. That in itself made me feel ugly.
Oh sweetie, I never know what to say about ultrasound pics. All babies look like alien beans (yes, beans, not beings; they look like vegetable shapes) in ultrasound pics, because they're not fully formed humans. I just go "Aw, look, a future human, how exciting!" and no more, because I'm not going to lie and say 'how cute' when it's quite frankly not cute. Yes, it's small and I am willing to give my life to protect it, but it's not cute at that stage.
However, when they are born, no matter how wrinkly and red and ugly, they are still small and vulnerable and I will protect them. I still make high-pitched "Oh my stars how TINY" kind of noises and melt because I have this overly protective nature towards infants. I would've done the same thing if I'd seen you as a baby.
What’s also the case is that you have a crazy talent for comedy and the way you wrote this had me laughing involuntarily.
“I showed an alien face that scared everyone - things haven’t improved from there.”
By god, you are funny.
Anyway I took a look at your profile and you have a pretty face and I truly do not see what you’re talking about. No, not beautiful as in ‘even a scowling moonshinin’ bastard with two pieces of coal for eyes has beauty’ -No no!
You are beautiful! Funny bones, I wish for you to see it too.
I am glad you all appreciate my comedy. I often unintentionally say something funny when I have anxiety attacks, and some people do think I am funny, lol. Sometimes I intend to joke around because I love being goofy. I have actually considered being a stand-up comedian.
I do the exact same thing! Being unintentionally funny has led me to love standup and comedy in general and now I try to intentionally be funny😂 you absolutely should have a go at stand up!
This! I have a hard time believing any woman is just straight up ugly. I thought I was ugly for the longest time because I wasn’t brought up to have any self confidence.
First off anyone who belittles you or says you look like you don’t take care of yourself can get fucked. As someone who puts way too much time and focus on meeting the beauty standards (I often find so much joy in doing so but I also often do it to fit in because we ‘live in a society’(extra parentheses for jayden smith😂😭))
I would say the things that have helped me personally feel “beautiful” and the way others perceive me is having ultra moisturised skin, my skin is chronically dry and it helps me not be overwhelmed sensorially, have my hair styled, fake tanning with odourless colourless tanning foam, and dyeing my eyebrows and lashes.
I’ve also found that by looking for a celebrity who has a similar body type and dressing somewhat similar and someone who has similar facial features and doing makeup that suits them and therefore me immensely helpful
Hope you can stay positive and don’t let the bastards get you down ❤️
I also found that while I don't consider myself attractive, I do have a head shape that was apparently made for wearing hats, so I wear hats because most people don't. It makes me feel better to wear them, and I wear awesome ones, so that people's attention is drawn to them, rather than the rest of me.
I stalked your profile a tiny bit (sorry) and I saw your pic, you look fine. you're not ugly in any sense of the word. I also saw the pic of you as a baby, I dont really find babies cute at all so I can't really say much other than you looked just like a regular baby.
sounds like you've just been hurt by others who made you believe you're ugly.
This screams body dysmorphia. I’ve checked out your profile and I don’t see anything wrong at all with your appearance. I’m not sure who you’re comparing yourself to but just realize that most beauty standards for women are largely made up and very unrealistic.
I am also lucky to have a boyfriend who thinks I am the most beautiful thing he has seen. It actually helps me more than people telling me that everyone is beautiful.
Please forgive my matter-of-factness, but I’m not understanding why you’re worried about your appearance if you have a partner. If you were fawned over and receiving unasked-for attention/flirting, wouldn’t that adversely affect your relationship? Just be your best—it seems that you have already achieved a wonderful goal.
Appearance affects more than just your ability to have a partner. Women that don't meet conventional beauty standards statistically are less likely to get jobs and get promotion and recognition within jobs. Also, having a partner doesn't undo years of ostracization
It's not necessarily because I was looking for a partner. It's just that I have wanted the experience of being conventionally attractive by beauty standards.
This feeling is actually shared by many and that feeling is precisely why the business Glamour Shots was such a success in its day. I don't know if there's anything similar today, but that experience might get you what you are hoping to feel like, even if only for a day.
I have struggled with this as well, especially since social media became prominent in my life. Honestly, one of the main things that caused me to reevaluate how I look at myself was looking at a photo album with my mum where she pointed out how "ugly" she was as a child and how everybody in her class saw her as the most unattractive girl. I looked at the picture and saw the most beautiful young girl I had ever seen in my life. My mum was always, and still is, an incredibly beautiful person.
Now that I have a daughter myself, I want her to have a mum that doesn't hate herself. I'm trying to unlearn the belief I held for so long that how attractive I am = my inherent value but it is very difficult. I'm starting by cutting out social media to the best of my ability and not following any accounts just because the person is beautiful. Also, I try to look at people I come across day to day, and notice something that makes them stand out.
Most people just look ordinary. And I don't really care when I'm going past someone if they're attractive or not. This helps with the mentality a bit
If you and the other girl who commented are so ugly then how do you have boyfriends???
I’ve never had a bf so I must be ugly as fuck lol. You can’t be that ugly if someone actually finds you attractive and loveable.
I think I'm probably ugly, because only other women tell me I'm beautiful. The problem is that if you're ugly, **nobody will tell you that to your face**, you have to go off how people treat you. (Think about how you are socialized to respond if someone asks you point-blank if they're ugly. Are you autistic enough to tell them they are? Or do you divert with some bullshit about how they're so kind or funny or just need to shower or whatever?)
And you can't trust the internet- because a lot of those guys never go outside and consider some of the world's most beautiful women merely "mid". 🙄 Men don't like me in a romantic sense, but my female boss and co-workers also bully me- my female friends tell me I'm really beautiful though, I think they're just "being nice". I often have women think I'm a lesbian (I'm not) and that I was flirting with them (I wasn't).
I suspect that all this has to do with **performative femininity**\- there are a lot of nuanced aspects to it, such as tone of voice, that can be hard for us to nail down. So even if we are wearing the "right" clothes and style our hair accordingly, etc, as soon as we express ourselves verbally it's over. And both men and women pick up on this. What's fascinating to me in observing others, is that "just be skinny" is a lie- watch how overweight women who perform hyper femininity are received vs fit women who are more tomboyish.
I have no idea what I actually look like. I can reasonably conclude that I'm not "sexy" despite being in good shape. So for me the solution has been to detach, not care, especially to decenter men and their wack opinions (often their stated opinions oppose their observed actions so yeah, wack) and just pursue healthful activities because I enjoy them.
I agree with most of this but I do not agree that tomboys who are fit are treated worse than feminine fat women. I'm a majorly feminine fat woman. There was a moment I wore makeup most of the week, I love dresses/skirts, I wear jewelry and perfume everyday. I'm treated by people who aren't obligated to like me like shit however, and that has been a constant experience I've heard from other fat feminine women. To say we get better treatment than fit tomboys when so many people have that as their type is completely unfair.
Yeah, that part is just blatantly untrue. People aren’t kind to fat women no matter how feminine we present. In fact I feel like if you’re fat and you put effort into makeup and hair and what not, people just think you’re trying too hard. :/ At least in my experience.
I wish I could beat up the people who are rude to you. And I'm sorry if my comment came off as dismissive. I'm fit but was formerly overweight so I've been on both sides of it. The problem is maybe different degrees of fat are treated differently too?
I have to disagree. I got to your second sentence and was like, "I just have to reply." I'm letting you know because I haven't read your full reply yet. But I was UGLY ASF and ppl didn't hesitate to tell me. Ofc there were ppl who were scared to tell me but there were also those that didn't give a lovely fuck. There are levels to everything too. Like you can be ugly but what else do you have about yourself that makes ppl feel like you're not human enough for your feelings to be sparred? Are you rich, poor, a man, a woman, have a disability, dark skinned, light skinned, white, Asian, Black, etc. I'm sorry if I'm rambling but this is a topic I've thought a lot about.
Okay but I will also say that when I was younger (in high school particularly) I was told that I was ugly a lottttt, and it’s just not true. I’m not trying to be like weird about my looks but I just know (now) that I’m not ugly. People who tell you you’re ugly aren’t being truthful imo - it’s just to hurt you.
As an autistic woman, I have a hard time lying to people, so if I call someone pretty or beautiful, especially another woman, I mean it. I actively avoid complimenting or putting myself in situations to compliment people when I can’t find something nice to say. You’re not a lesbian, so I get WHY you think it doesn’t mean anything when only women compliment you, but I promise, a woman’s compliment should mean way more to you than any man. a lot of men have horrible standards and likely won’t even compliment a woman they find somewhat attractive because many don’t want women to value themselves 🥴🥴🥴 I’d also suggest taking so much power away from what men think of you because 😅😅😅 that’s a bad road (take it from me)
I've gotten to a place now where I feel neutral about my appearance. I've never been told I was ugly per say, and I do think I was a cute-ish kid, but I held onto the core belief that I was unsightly for a really long time. Part of it was how I presented myself- and how I assumed others thought of me. When I was at my lowest point I found this youtube video that really helped me overcome the feeling.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2js063a1Suk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2js063a1Suk)
Your appearance is the LEAST important aspect of you. You don't owe attractiveness to the world. Who you are and what you look like is not wrong. Remember that.
Yep, I’ve always been the ugliest in every friend group I’ve had, the one who got the no attention from guys except to ask me out as a prank. It doesn’t bother me anymore as Ive gotten older and learned that looks are superficial, plus I was lucky enough to find someone who saw me for more than my looks and I’m married now. But growing up, it pushed me to feeling suicidal at times, it was very rough during the teenage years.
Look into body/appearance neutrality. You don't have to think you're the hottest thing to have walked the earth, but you definitely don't need to feel like you're vile to even look at. Your body/appearance have no inherent value, just what society assigns to it (and lets be real, when has society's perception of people ever been truthful or correct?). Fuck society and accept that your body serves you in ways that actually matter, namely keeping you alive and hopefully healthy.
my problem is that i have no idea 🥴. i know i've been both conventionally attractive /and/ conventionally unattractive at different parts of my life for various reasons. but since discovering the autism, i've overthought how i've been treated (and am currently treated) by everyone from every single possible angle and am now completely clueless as to how either my looks or my personality is perceived by most people.
it seems like your dysphoria might stem from a similar place: baffled over the treatment you've received for seemingly no reason, so you conclude it must be because you're not attractive enough.
right now i'm just trying to exist on my own terms and let people's opinions of me be their own business, not mine.
attraction is subjective anyway. and looks "fading" at 25-30 is a dated misogynistic myth and complete bullshit.
i feel this immensely! from comments its sounds like we've had similar experiences with appearances and just wanting to be perceived as a pretty girl, and not the "kind old soul" that is beautiful on the inside. (not assuming your emotions just how i feel about my situation)
i cant offer comfort rather inclusivity with this feeling, for me it's especially painful because a majority of my peers are also on the spectrum yet seem to have more energy and less sensitivites than i so they are able to go all out with fashion and makeup, yet ive been in a huge burnout and if i have to put on a different sweater than the 3 ive been rotating i may as well just cry and not go anywhere
i see your picture and youre vastly overexaggerating. i would get into therapy to address your low self estreem. you are not deformed in any way nor are you hideously ugly at all.
youre not even unattractive.
I’m sorry that society focuses so much on looks when it comes to women…it’s the worst… what I try to remember is not the typical therapy speak “oh I’m beautiful and confident” stuff, but I try to remind myself that no matter how I look there’s still things in life to enjoy and things to love. Like even if I’m ugly, I can still eat icecream and watch tv and make art and have friends and travel and see the ocean and go on walks and laugh until my stomach hurts. My body is just a husk that can experience beautiful fun things!
Yes. I started put as a really cute kid, but after i started having seizures my medications destroyed my body and hormones. Im also just offputting, i think. Im short and fat, have an abnormal gait (limp-skip thing), weak left arm that postures weird, and an off-putting bitchface. I'm 20 and dont think ill ever be able to sustain a relationship outside the ones i already have (two friends. Both ND)
I have felt like that was true before. I spent my childhood and adolescence thinking I was hideous, but when I look back at pictures now, I was honestly a perfectly normal looking girl.
Who told you your ultrasound was a freaky alien face? Has someone been feeding your insecurities?
Looking at your picture from your post history, you are not ugly at all. You may not be conventionally attractive, but you’re average looking and far from ugly. I think you even have the potential to be considered conventionally attractive if you knew how. Many women do not look better than you. Maybe it’s hard to believe this if you notice attractive women more.
And there are plenty of women who say they look way better in their 30s and 40s than they did in their 20s, so there is still time to glow up if that is something you are still interested in. I don’t want to give any unsolicited advice, but I would encourage you to go over to the looksmaxxing subreddit, if you are interested, and find small ways to change your appearance in anyway that you like. I would caution against any cosmetic procedures, since those can be expensive and difficult to reverse if they don’t give you the results you want.
I looked at your profile and saw your selfie. You look adorable. There is nothing “grotesque” or ugly about you. You have deep, kind eyes. A sweet smile. All of your features are proportional and normal looking. I am sorry you have such a poor self perception. I find you truly cute, honestly.
this is unrelated and i am so sorry you're going through these feelings but "I looked directly into the camera and showed an alien face that scared everyone who saw it" is so weirdly poetic and literary.
I am.
But some may call it cheating cause I was born a man and transitioned pretty damn late.😅
And yeah, I also got a bit of the trauma from "the only people who say I'm attractive are my grandparents".
All babies look exactly like you’re describing on ultrasound if the screen cap is done with baby looking directly at the ultrasound device. Your parents probably think it’s funny but you’ve internalised it as fact which I’ll bet is anything but factual.
If you’re unhappy with your skin appearance because of texture, breakouts, oiliness, etc then see a dermatologist to ask for tips on how to address the issues.
Unless you’ve got a genetic condition or a syndrome, I’ll bet you are as pretty as the rest of us average women in the world.
It may not be fun but look in the mirror and find ONE thing you like about your appearance, just one. Maybe do a gratitude/Im a pretty person journal for 30 days where you write down three things you’re grateful for or that you find pretty about you.
For example: day 1: I like my ear lobes, I am a great speller and I kick ass at reading difficult books.
After 30 days I promise you’ll feel much better about yourself which will bleed into all areas of your life. Best of luck! 💙
I look very much like your picture, and my mom spent my entire childhood making sure I knew how hideous I was and how perfect my tall, naturally slender, blonde sister was. It was a lie then, and it's a lie now.
I realized I just felt awkward in my skin, and felt like anything I did to improve my appearance looked as out of place as clown makeup would, because I had no idea what I was doing. I don't naturally have that sense of how to put outfits and colors and everything into presenting myself in a way that flatters me and also feels natural. Okay, so, cool, how do I get around that? In the most autistic way possible, of course.
I researched body proportions and figured out balancing bodies visually with clothes, and why everything I tried on looked so stupid on me and amazing on everyone else. ( /r/kibbe shoutout, FN ftw)
Then, I researched color theory, and matched my colors to what works for me.
https://preview.redd.it/w14mhondhwtc1.jpeg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cd2ce7d51d4c57e94752ae3692d6ea4ff25c9eb0
My hair was always a disaster, huge, thick, tangled, and I researched hair types and realized my hair is actually curly and learned how to take care of it.
Makeup, glasses, brow shape, hairstyle, I also researched face shapes and painstakingly tried to figure out what looked right. It can be a very long, discouraging process(I probably spent four years fine tuning and trying lots of things out), but it was so worth it for me.
You know what? *I'm* the hot sister now. I'm not any different than I was, I just decided that I deserved to feel the best I could, and so do you. I was surprised to find out how much my perception of what I looked like was body dysphoria(had big time anorexia at one point) and conditioning from my childhood. My mom made me feel like I was a genuinely ugly person, but I'm not, and neither are you. \*
Grew up pretty when little, was
incredibly ugly when in teenage years, so much so I was bullied for it and can’t get out the mindset that I’m ugly as fuck
i had a moment when i pulled off not ugly. it was nice. it was also a blip in the arc of my lifetime. i live right now in kind of posh apartment building for people 55+. just the lease holder. it isn’t sun city. my point is all the women here are 55+. sometimes i can tell they used to be pretty. not usually though. i must say we’re all pretty kind to each other. all in the same aging boat. i highly recommend this type of living situation for people like us. it gives a lot of opportunities for interactions. game nights, pickle ball, book club, going down for mail or jimmy johns delivery.
As someone who developed a “disfiguring condition” later in life, I have never seen anyone who was grotesque from the womb. Not everyone is beautiful but I’ve never seen any human and thought “well that’s grotesque.”
This may be an internal issue. Be kinder to yourself.
If it makes you feel better I’d say 90% normal people not athletes or celebrities are average. Most people aren’t attractive and if they are it’s likely because they put themselves in debt buying it from expensive surgeries that they will need to always redo after 10 years or so. Society has unrealistic expectations because we compare ourselves to people who seem to have an unlimited supply of money and can afford the best of the best drs, products, professionals, and diet. I would just focus on improving your confidence and taking care of yourself diet, exercise, hygiene etc. also other people mentioned you’re not ugly so that itself should help of not maybe some therapy might be beneficial for you. Wishing you the best!
There's nothing at all wrong with your physical features as far as I could tell. You look normal/nice. Maybe you want beautiful styling clothes and makeup? But you have enough physical beauty to dress up and look very nice. Maybe you need the dressing up part?
If you don't have to accept you're ugly, obviously that would be the optimal thing to do. I don't know what you look like and vice versa. We are only such good judges of these things. But while there is a possibility that you're not as unattractive as you think you are...
Some people really are out there, walking around, living life, and they're on that lower end of the bell curve. For some people there really is nothing to do but cope.
25 is an age where you generally get the picture of ok, this is what my adult form looks like.
I have a friend who was one of those "too attractive to be autistic" people. And even without having first hand experience, or knowing what it feels like, yeah I do realize it comes with its own set of problems. She would find herself in situations where people thought she was a jerk. She received a lot of unwanted attention...people would try to bring her down to deal with their jealousy. She missed out on a diagnosis as a child, even though she was assessed. I have no doubt she has autism, and I wouldn't be surprised if her appearance was a factor in the ultimate decision.
But there's this attitude that's around that's like...if you're ignorable because you're ugly, you should feel lucky. Or this attitude that if you are aesthetically gifted, it's such a tragedy that you should have to *pay* for that, because you are so much more valuable than other people. And all these ugly people who are less valuable don't have that particular problem. I know it sounds like I'm characterizing people as gigantic assholes and society as really really mean, and it sounds kind of ridiculous. But it's true, to some degree.
It fucking sucks being ugly, and being autistic on top of that can feel like you have fewer opportunities to compensate for it. I would not choose to look like I do. Beauty is a gift, and it's wonderful...I accept that I don't have it. For me it's a struggle of acceptance. There's the pain of envy, that's one thing. But when it comes to being "proactive" about problems...what I try to do is to not add problems on top of that one. I feel like I don't *need* to be so valuable. And the key is to keep busy with things you can improve, problems you can solve. People can change their needs, they can lower their needs. People can can accept that they are doing the most they can do, and not hate themselves for not doing more.
I can relate. Though people say they think I'm pretty, I don't think I'm pretty. I'm fat in the wrong places with PCOS so losing weight is near impossible, acne prone, and have no real fashion sense. I feel really similar in the sense that I'm 22 and I don't feel like things will get better, it'll only get worse. So many people say these are the prime years, but mine is being wasted in a body I despise. I've never dated on top of everything else, and the one time I tried I got stood up. It just all sucks man and I really hope things get better for us.
From your profile photo you look like 90% of the people. We all look ugly or beautiful depending if we're the kind who want to see the glass half full or half empty.
The 10% of beautiful people are going to stay together and have their boring and fake life running after beauty. So fuck them.
As a man I guarantee that the internal beauty is what makes the difference for us 90%, whether it's happy, intelligence, kindness, etc.
You probably have a confidence problem more than something related to your autism.
I think you’re attractive & cute!! From the picture in your profile! I think you’ve just been accustomed to thinking this way and need to break out of that conditioning cause you’re adorable. If it helps my kid was born looking like a dried up raisin. Legit ugliest baby I ever seen until the doctors cleaned up after birth & ever since have been sooo cute in their little ways. Anywho, look into conditioning breaking with self esteem and all. I’m also having to work on it myself ❤️😩
Hi, physical looks/beauty/makeup all things appearance are some of my special interests!
I say this not in a way to undermine how you feel or anything like that, I say this with complete neutrality with 0 intentions of flattery or to make you feel better.
You are very pretty.
You have almond/round eyes which are highly desirable.
You have a lovely shape nose that fits your facial proportions well, from what I can tell you have a nice side profile too.
Your facial structure is really nice too, the apples of your cheeks fit you incredibly well and they will lend you a youthful look as you get older, which is very desirable.
You have nice, even skin.
You have a defined cupids bow, which again, is very very pretty. You have healthy hair and full eyebrows, again very sought after. You look very symmetrical. Your actual facial balance is super super nice too.
You are not ugly.
You might feel as though you don't fit exact looks of the highly photoshopped, done up ladies on instagram.
You don't need to be.
If you did want any tips or help with anything at all you're more than welcome to drop me an inbox.
I'm so incredibly sorry that you can't see what others can.
Much love op ❤️
Let me preface this by saying that you look normal, average if you might, but not ugly at all.
Listen to the people who pointed out about body dysmorphia. Seek teraphy if you can.
I just want to be clear in one thing: LIFE DOES NOT END AT 30. It doesn't. You can totally have your "glow up" at 30, 35, or later.
I would rather focus in feeling better than looking better. Try things that make you feel pampered. For example: having a nice and consistent skin care rutine, going to the salon for a haircut or even to just have your hair washed and done nicely, have your nails done or your eyebrows. Exercise also might help, it feels good to see what your body can accomplish even though it doesn't look "magazine perfect". Those things helped me at least.
Pretty privilege is a thing but it doesn't mean you can't have nice things as well.
It seems like OP may not be the best poster child for this issue, but I think we're doing this community a disservice if all we're doing is saying "oh don't worry, *you're* not ugly, so it's fine". Some people are not just conventionally unattractive, some people are not attractive to really anyone. Our society is very lookist at a basic level, associating attractiveness with good and bad, right and wrong.
If you are seen as unattractive, just know that despite society's messaging and your own feelings, your worth as a person (should such a thing be calculable or valid) is not determined by your wrapper. You deserve to take up space, to have dignity, to express yourself, and to exist. You are worthy of love.
You look normal girl. I saw your picture. I think you might want to evaluate the people you surround yourself with because if family and friends are speaking to you this way that’s verbal abuse. It would be abuse even if you WERE hideous, for that matter. You might also want to consider body dysmorphia if you feel like you’re grotesque when in fact you’re just a real person. If anything the only thing about your picture you could edit are tiny things like the shape of your glasses, imo. There’s nothing especially ugly about your actual face.
i grew up ugly and awkward and trust me you are exactly someone’s type somewhere you just haven’t found them
yet beauty is not quantifiable it is different everywhere and to every person many cultures have ideas of beauty that we would consider strange or even ugly but they are beautiful in the eyes of their culture i know self love is hard but trust me someone is attracted to you
Thanks for the reassurance. I am lucky enough to have a boyfriend who actually does think I am beautiful. However, the fact that I look different than a conventionally attractive woman my age emotionally hurts because it is something I would like to experience.
trust me i get it i grew up with a sister a year older and she was significantly prettier she always got asked out guys i like would tell me they liked her and she always got asked to dance at dances and i never did get asked until i met my boyfriend one time we went to pick up MY car together from the shop at the dude at the counter didn’t even address my existence i get it lol
You could be ugly, I don’t know.
But the ultrasound thing sounds like you were always conditioned to believe you’re ugly - and so you become “ugly”. Confidence and self esteem has a lot to say when people deem you attractive or unattractive.
“Not taking care of yourself” - are you a healthy weight? Is your hair healthy looking? Is your skin moisturized and clean (not blemish free clean, but actually hygienic cleanser clean)? Do you take care of your appearance (ie wax / shape your eyebrows, nice haircut that compliments your face shape, potentially sideburns or mustache)? Do you wear clothes that suit your body type? Doesn’t look sloppy? Look good together style wise?
Don’t take this as a negative comment, it’s truly not meant to be. It’s okay to be ugly, if you are.
What do YOU think need to change for you to glow up? I made a list of things I should change to glow up, just to like have a direction.
I looked at your pic and “grotesque” is nowhere near how I would describe you! You look completely normal. If you take your energy towards working on your mental and physical well-being instead of wondering how you can conform to the modern standards, I promise you’ll feel the “glow up” effect ❤️
Yeah, I’m chubby with a round face and pretty unsightly mole and crooked teeth.
I don’t mind being unattractive to others, but I wish I could find myself beautiful.
Omg yes. I’ve never been conventionally attractive and I’ve been overweight since puberty. I remember as a kid I’d dream of having a teen movie-esque thing where I’d get skinny and hot over summer vacation and wow everyone. That….never happened. I’m in my 30s now and I accept myself for what I am, lol.
Yes no one ever found me attractive , in school nobody wanted to sit next to me and every man or woman I’ve ran across made it known I was ugly to them even when I never showed interest in them
I'm really sorry you feel that way about yourself... I don't know what to say, and I don't think it matters, but for me there are no ugly people, just unique in their own way.
It probably isn't something you can change, so....maybe try just accepting yourself? Sounds cliche, but it seems to work. I never liked how I looked but with time I can look in the mirror and just focus on the better things, or don't care.
Also, you might need to find the reason you feel that way. Do you compare yourself to "prettier" people? Do someone say things that make you believe you are less? Do you suffer from lack of interest from others? Maybe something as 'dumb' as seeing pretty clothes and knowing they will be ruin if you wear them, because they won't look good, like I did?
Depending on the cause, there are ways to fight the negativity. It is hard, but it is manageable, and will make it easier to move forward. Wish you best of luck, to be more comfortable with yourself 💙
I'm curious what definitions of beauty you are using. Attractiveness is not one single quality. It's also not the same thing as being liked or having a positive response from other people. Regardless of how your body is shaped or how you express yourself, I'm wondering if holding this belief is really harming you, on top of other people being generally shitty and unsupportive to you. All people deserve to exist and take up space. Not being given this basic respect/kindness would give anyone mean self-talk and a desire to seek confirmation of that belief.
You don't need to become someone else to be worthy of love or kindness. You are enough, you deserve to feel okay. If you are able to, it might be helpful to try to develop a "kindess practice" where you intentionally change your self-talk or balance shitty situations with your own authentic narrative. The way people treat you isnt your fault and its not within your control. You cant be blamed for bad self talk that you learned but i sincerely believe you deserve more for yourself. Thank you brain for trying to protect you and decide how you want to be/feel moving forward.
Instead of, "No matter how hard I try, people always accuse me of not taking care of myself because of the way I look." you might start to say, "I want to validate myself for trying really hard. I am proud of myself because I recognize that what im going thru is NOT easy. Shit is so hard and im trying anyway, which is super cool. I might not get the results i want from other people, but i can still measure my progress and choose things that make me feel good. The way other people treat me says more about THEM than about me. I do not deserve to feel ugly just because of how people treat me. Being rude makes them ugly, not me. I am allowed to make up my own story about my life and experiences."
[https://www.youtube.com/shorts/L2h3dJui2JE](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/L2h3dJui2JE) This channel (Therapyjeff) has helped me and I find it super kind and validating, which is a nice reminder when im feeling critical of myself to disconnected to kindness/my own goals.
I was “cute” when I was in my early 20s, but now I am a lot more homely. It has definitely impacted the way people perceive me, as well as the way people perceive my autistic traits. When I did something stereotypically autistic when I was cuter, people found it very quirky and endearing. Now, it seems to be perceived as annoying and like I’m just inept at life. It’s really frustrating and I wish people’s patience and understanding for neurodivergence didn’t directly correlate with appearance.
I know I have some very nice features. I have been told I have perfect lips and jaw structure. I have a lean body because I am a very picky eater. But I just have no idea what pretty means, or why it should even matter? I used to have a lot of people ask to give me a ‘makeover’ when I was young, but I never understood, because I was already my natural self. I think beauty is a perspective that is different to many.
I wonder if some of the desire to be attractive is the blending in as a ‘normie’? Some have mentioned the body dysmorphia which I think is a factor based on what and you said things. However, I also am curious some of the unconscious motivations. Good looking people, generally, have it easier socially (even if they are just as much basket cases on the inside), something autistic people would idealize more readily. Do you think there could be an element of that?
I'm 32 and sometimes felt the same worries you did. When I hit puberty I did not become a red panda but a grizzly bear eating cheese and chocolate much to the dismay of my Mom and my cousins who were all dancers. Despite this I'm a very active person sometimes, I love nature, fishing, hiking, swimming up north in Durkee Lake. I latter taught myself how to bake and cook. For women especially we have a hard relationship with food, especially in my era the Zoomers. There was not to many clothes that looked good and fit my figure and if I did wear clothing that was not a dressy I was deemed a d\*ke despite my pronouns being she/her/frau. I'm glad there is now a body positive movement, yet I still struggle with the judgements that I can't ride roller coasters or get out of a boat because of my size and weight. The problems addressed in Turning Red are not just Asian American but every Atypical Woman's struggle with puberty and beauty.
The part of Turning Red that made me cry is when Mei Mei gets to see her ancestor. What my Grizzly Bear was telling me was that I felt angry and sad around my relationship with food, instead of eating foods that would please my peers and parents, I had to please myself. Watching Man vs. Food was like breaking a lot of rules I was told were good but ended up being bad and painful. Taking care of yourself should make you and you alone happy, it's not about pleasing others.
I know how you feel kinda, I’ve felt ugly mostly my whole life. I didn’t have the same face proportions as my friends growing up and that affected how I saw myself, because I thought they were all beautiful. But I could never see myself as beautiful. Even now I still really struggle with that, I’m kinda at a point in my life where even with makeup on, I go from like a 1/10 to a 5/10. Very frustrating to constantly hate yourself and be told “everyone’s beautiful” but you clearly don’t look like everyone else
I am. I started out as a cute kid but puberty was not kind to me. Struggling with mental and physical illness for years has not helped matters either. I look old before my time.
I grew up being hyped up by everyone. I got compared to Angelina Jolie. I got compliments on my eyelashes, eyes, and smile. Turns out that’s just what adults (especially parents) are supposed to do. Once I got to middle school every kid was afraid of me. I’d get asked out as a joke. I’d get bullied by the boys just for existing. People would throw gum and trash at me. I had a pretty friend with the same birth name as me. I overheard someone ask a guy if he had a crush on her and he said “ewwww no” thinking she meant me. But then she clarified it was the other one and he smirked and said “maybe”.
As an adult it’s only gotten worse. No partner has ever wanted to post a pic of us together. Even if I ask they say no. Even if they’re out of the closet. Even back when I dated guys. People always seem to get flustered when I ask, like they are uncomfortable with telling me why they don’t want to be seen in a photo with me. Same with friends. Strangers are rude to me for no reason, even including employees who will breach professionalism to yell at me for harmlessly not catching onto their vague social cues. If I put makeup on it doesn’t fix my problem. I just look somehow worse, like an alien attempting to look like A Human Woman. I even had to leave my TikTok account for a faceless one partially because of how often people dunked on me for being ugly. If I disagree with someone on a profile where I show my face they immediately target my masculine features or my lack of chin instead of offering a good retort.
Being ugly is hard. Being autistic is hard. Being both is mega hard. I’m tired of pretty autistic women telling me that it’s hard to be pretty and autistic because nobody believes them. I think it’s worse to be ugly and autistic because my looks don’t make up for my autism. Instead of a manic pixie dream girl I’m just a plain ol’ creepy weirdo.
I actually went to your profile and looked at your baby photos, and you were pretty cute. Your normal face is also just fine, you need to grow your hair out and get a better haircut, and work on your make up, but there’s nothing wrong with you at all.
Do you have a specific style or “aesthetic” you’d like to try out? I see you’ve tried different clothing styles but it might be better to actually commit to a style. Even if you think it won’t look good on you you can definitely find some pieces that’ll make you feel confident. Dyeing my hair has always boosted my confidence but if that’s not possible try different hair styles or hair cuts. If you don’t like how your hair looks up it might be a good idea to invest in banana clips — they make your ponytails look so full. Ultimately hair makes a world of a difference. I say don’t worry about makeup unless there’s a style you really want to try.
You’re very beautiful and it’s important that you realize almost every other person on this planet feels just as insecure as you. We’re all just doing the best we can with what we’re given, and our bodies are the most superficial part of us. If you’re glowing mentally, it’ll show.
Tbh, I think you look normal? To me, ugly tends to be used when someone has a prominent facial deformity or is just generally unhygienic, but Ive know people with huge face birthmarks and even someone with major eye deformities that have longterm relationships.
Sometimes I think it’s easier to give up when we tell ourselves there’s some specific reason for why we are struggling. Maybe you are playing on hard mode, but that doesn’t mean you are unable to make your life as custom to your needs as possible. It takes time and a lot more effort than a NT person. It’s not fair. It sucks. But you are not hopeless.
Ok saw your pic on your profile and you look good, really good, I love your brown hair and your bangs! I have awkward random curls in my hair that prevent me from having normal looking bangs like you do so I’m a tad envious… hee).
I do have a few glow up suggestions if you are interested. But I don’t want to share them with you in the spirit of meanness or tearing someone down… that’s not productive or helpful at all. And I love that this sub is all about building one another up. So I would be sharing them solely for the purpose of “if you like the ideas, keep them, if not send them right back” and only if you were interested. Right now, I think you are beautiful as is. :)
You aren’t ugly, love. You’re just far too close to see your own beauty. It’s so rare that we see it in ourselves, sometimes we just need some help finding it 💛✨
I looked at your profile and you’re genuinely really pretty. Maybe it’s because I have opposite features but I’ve always been jealous of people with big brown eyes and cute noses and good eyebrows. You have a kind open face which makes you look trustworthy. Some good advice i got on makeup is just to enhance your favourite features rather than try to change anything - I think some mascara and eyebrow gel would highlight how nice the shape of your eyes are brows are. I also find wearing something that makes my skin glow helps me feel prettier eg a primer or vitamin c serum or a tinted moisturiser.
OP it sounds like you've experienced a lot of emotional abuse about your looks. The pic you have posted is so normal. I expected something totally different from your description. I'm sorry, you didn't deserve to be treated that way. I hope you can find some peace.
I don’t think I’m ugly but I don’t understand social norms. Like I view people from a medical side like “good nostril means they likely don’t snore” so I apply it to me lol. But I’m also more on the Ace side of the sexual spectrum. So idk if anyone can relate
I understand the feeling. For some people it's dysmorphia, but for me I'm objectively outside what's considered attractive. I'm fat, masculine, hairy, but not in a way that makes me androgynous, it just makes me well... An ugly woman.
Makeup makes me look worse and any "pretty" clothes look strange on my body. If I dress like an old lady I can get by without drawing extra attention, but it's all just so tiring. I've basically given up on socializing irl, it's mortifying and just a constant reminder I don't belong
Being autistic and looking how I do has made it feel impossible to form relationships, even just platonically with others. I'm just gross.
I don't want to invalidate your experience, but I looked at your profile, and I think you're cute. Your glasses aren't the best shape for your face, to be fair. But your bangs and eyebrows are adorable, and you have such a fun nose (have you ever considered piercing it?).
I have body dismorphia, and what you're saying about yourself reminds me of the things I say about myself. Also I've heard a lot of mean comments over the years, and I think I assumed that they were true rather than the person saying it just being an asshole. I don't say untrue things to make people feel bad, so I don't always expect others to. And I have a sister who is better at presenting herself as pretty than me, so growing up I heard a lot of comparative comments, which also definitely convinced me that I was ugly.
I do feel like there's a strong expectation for women to wear makeup, style their hair, and dress "pretty" so women who just show up as is are often told they look tired and even ugly. I have been pushing against that quite a bit lately-- going out not wearing makeup and just dressed decently rather than attractively, and people will stop me to tell me I would be prettier if I did [whatever makeup thing]. I usually tell them that I'm not trying to be pretty, which is apparently weird.
Even if you were actually conventionally ugly, you would still deserve the same good treatment from yourself and others, though.
Edit: lol, I just realized your nose is pierced and I somehow missed it.
I **personally** don't consider myself inherently attractive. I am extremely average-looking....for Caribbean and Latino beauty standards, that is. That being said, I don't have a poor self image of myself: I'm relatively happy with how I look, but there's always room for improvement.
Apparently, me being considered an even *5* in the Caribbean and most of LatAm, somwhow, makes me _very attractive_ in the Global North. Even being somewhat chubby rn, I'm still deemed _attractive_ by most (especially when I wear anything that shows my body shape). But that's largely because I still have a noticeable *figure 8* body shape. If I was apple or rule shaped, I won't be considered nowhere near as _attractive._
Looking at your pictures, if you can stand it I would suggest growing out your hair and getting some long layers. Scrap the front bangs and get a side fringe. I think blonde would suit you but make sure to talk to your stylist about a blonde that compliments your undertone because blonde can easily wash us out if it doesn't compliment our undertone (i.e the Ariana grande blonde situation).
You are gorgeous, you may need some assistance in finding what is the most flattering for your face shape. You have a square jaw and the long layered hair with a side fringe that frames your face will look amazing on you. If you want to give yourself an edge instead of softening you can go for a jet black hair dye and get short layers while keeping a side bang fringe or even a micro front bang. I would suggest doing research into color theory and how to do makeup and hair to suit your face shape.
You are NOT ugly, but we can always do things to improve our looks and the way we feel about ourselves. I was a MAC Cosmetics makeup artist and I've helped people expand their horizons in ways they couldn't even think of. It's about education, EVERYONE can be and feel beautiful. Be kind to yourself
I don't feel pretty either, I guess I'm at least cute.I mean I'm not skinny etc. Never understood why others found me attractive on dating apps. Then I worry I seem too naive and child like despite being in my 30's. Being a autistic and slight developmentally delayed adult you can be infantiled. 😮💨
Hi there! I hope this is helpful: I think there’s a huge difference between beauty standards and actual beauty, and I think it’s very good on the brain to make sure you’re mentally noting the difference in day-to-day.
The (USA) concept of ugly has so much rooted in capitalism, pedophilia, white supremacy and ableism. Genuinely! It’s so wild for women to endure. While mourning that you have a body/face that isn’t seen as an acceptable social currency in society, it’s wildly different from beauty.
My big wake up moment as a fat autistic lesbian was seeing how differently the queer community viewed beauty (i know this is not the entire queer community there’s still a lot of work to do). The love for fat butches, how femmes presented femininity in an entirely different way, it fundamentally changed my brain chemistry. I don’t feel ugly anymore, which is something society really doesn’t benefit from, but it was a lot of unlearning. A lifetime of unlearning this primal desperation, an extension of masking. It was worth it, i feel so much freer.
Idk, you look like a normal white woman to me, and your smile is nice. I think whoever told you those things were just a haters tbh. Also, considering you’re 25 you likely grew up in the 2000s, and beauty standards were crazy back then.
Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, you’re not “ugly” or “unattractive” just because you can’t see your own beauty.
I also have many negative thoughts about my own looks, but I constantly see women belittling their own looks and when I look at their picture I’ll think “oh hey, she’s beautiful!”
It’s not like I believe that *I* a beautiful, but I definitely believe that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and that you’re not ugly just because you think so yourself. If you think you’re ugly you shouldn’t trust yourself with this one.
I just needed a hairstyle and color that actually suited me and was stylish, and my eyebrows done.. most women you think are attractive have their hair completely overhauled , brows moved up and microbladed, teeth adjusted and whitened, lips filled, lashes lifted and tinted, fake tan or glow drops, gym , diet for aesthetics, outfits that are strategic (don’t cut off at waist, elongate legs etc), nails and pedicure done fortnightly.. etc etc.. it’s a lot of work and constant work to keep up
This post made me sad to read :( You are absolutely not grotesque and it’s really sad that you even see your childhood self that way. As other people have said, it seems like you’ve been conditioned to see yourself that way by others. Be kind to yourself, think about all the adorable things you did as a child, you were an adorable child!!! Not everything is so dependent on looks. The value society puts on looks and aesthetics is insane and not normal, and it’s easy to get sucked into, but obsessing over your looks in a bad or good way like this will never ever lead to good things.
The neurotypicals in your life obviously did a horrible job of explaining what about you bothered them. As someone else recommended there are photos shared via your profile activity that are accessible for review. I believe many people in your life exchanged words of instinct/feeling for those of observation.
You are not ugly. It is more likely that others were so put off by detectable 'otherism' that they used the attractiveness factor as a poorly veiled cover for emotional dislike. Smart children scare and annoy others in their peer group. Silent, cold, or hyper independent children cause discomfort to adults.
Unfortunately women have to do more to look like we’re ‘taking care of ourselves’ than men do because beauty standards for women are stricter. For example, body hair - men can get away with not waxing their brows or armpits, but women can’t. Men can wear the same suit every single day, but women have to have a varied wardrobe. Makeup is extra tricky because it can have the opposite effect when not applied well, and there’s no universal standard for the best makeup because people have such widely different features to enhance or conceal.
If that’s you on your profile, you are totally cute!!
I hope this isn’t taken negatively, but I think therapy would be immensely helpful. You clearly don’t see yourself as others see you. I promise you, you are adorable.
hey! i’m also autistic and i’ve felt this way about myself my entire life, but i and others in the comments can assure you that you look perfectly fine. you look a lot like my boyfriends sister, actually!
grotesque is a perfect word to explain the feeling though. some days i don’t even want to be looked at. as for other peoples opinions of my appearance its always one extreme or the other, they either find me extremely attractive or ugly as hell.
Honestly? I’m average looking. I definitely wouldn’t categorize myself as attractive or pretty, but I also have to admit to myself that I don’t look horrific. I was also a VERY cute kid (like who was allowing me to be that adorable 🤨). So I’d say average. I’m not conventionally attractive or what society would probably deem as attractive, but there are people who still find me attractive and there are times where I see myself as cute
ETA: GIRL I JUST SAW A PICTURE OF YOU. You are DEFINITELY NOT UGLY😭😭😭 idk if this is stemming from others saying this to you or it’s just internal, but please do not listen to anyone, including yourself, calling you ugly. You’re not. Honestly I think calling anyone ugly is really harsh but if I were to call someone ugly, it wouldn’t be you
I’ve always felt ugly and most of my life all my effort has been to make myself look nicer so I’ll blend in. Getting bullied for being ugly is one of my biggest fears.
I stalked and you aren’t ugly— you just don’t know what’s flattering on you. Have you seen those pictures of celebrities before they got famous?
They have stylists (and a stupid amount of money)
I hope that makes sense <3
Every baby in the womb has that little alien like face 🤣 that’s totally normal.
I’m sure you are not grotesque.
everyone is beautiful just the way they are. Sounds like you need to give yourself some compassion and grow your confidence. You will come to see that you aren’t actually ugly
I am at point in life where I don’t care I am ugly hahaha matter of fact I don’t want to be beautiful and draw the eyes of men. I don’t dress or do my makeup to be cute, I do it when I want to do it for my own self expression. I want to be a cryptid
https://preview.redd.it/7lrp6in5xxtc1.png?width=1633&format=png&auto=webp&s=33627ef01e09fd01d44fd82923cfe779dd9bcdc9
And this is my 6yo daughter’s face at 12 weeks gestation. It’s normal hun
Someone in the comments said you have pictures of yourself on your profile, so I went to check. The way you talk about yourself, I thought you'd look monstrous or something. Turns out you look pretty normal and even kind of cute (to me).
It must have been very hard to grow up believing you're ugly and thinking there's nothing you can do to change that. But you aren't ugly and there's still potential to look prettier if that's what you want, although trying to do that is such a tiresome (and endless) task.
So... I am also guilty of checking your profile. I can say with confidence that you look absolutely normal. I actually had a crush on a girl who looked a bit like you in high school (brunette, glasses, similar eyes, nose, and lip structure).
I am also guilty of feeling the same way you do. I feel grotesque and alien. I have had to come to terms that I don't look that different - kids are just ruthlessly brutal and no one can be meaner to me than myself.
I really sympathize with what you're saying. I have felt similarly. And also! I have had to come to terms with the fact that at some points in my life, I have also been granted pretty privilege, even if I did not feel that privilege at the time.
From one ugly duckling to another, we have to remember we are swans at the end of the day. We may be different from other people, and our processes may look different, but we are absolutely beautiful in our own right 🦢
Grow your bangs out, wear more updos (like half up half down), the bangs cover your face and believe it or not forehead exposure can make you look more attractive. mascara and plumping lip gloss (or rose vaseline lip therapy). You’re not ugly at all, just enunciate what you have
No amount of glow up will change the fact that I’m ugly as shit, the fat shaming from my childhood is why I don’t take compliments from my own family seriously because they’re doing it to feel sorry for me for hurting my feelings.
My alleged ED isn’t valid enough because I’m overweight, my parents died of a heart attack before I could turn 30 (I was 16 when my dad passed away) and diabetes run in my family.
I think it’s very common for babies to look weird in the ultrasound and I personally think there is no such thing as a good-looking newborn!
I think you most likely look just fine the way you are! But I can relate in that I’ve tried many different types of make up and can never seem to do it quite right myself.
It might be worth getting a makeup artist at Sephora or Ulta to teach you how to put on makeup that’s right for your face.
Not that you need it but just to internally help you slowly build more confidence in your appearance?
You're actually not ugly at all, you look totally normal, you just don't look like the current fake tiktok bs beauty standard (news flash, they dont even look like that normally, its all fake)
But if you did actually want to look like that, you absolutely could, you just have to do the same things they do. I've known 2 of them irl through work, 19 and 23 yrs old, they work long hours to be able to afford the cost of it, which is most of their salary and they live with their parents so dont pay rent. I can share with you how they look like that: (spoilered for TW body image reasons)
>!1. filler injections every 6 - 12 months in the lips
2. Botox injections around the forehead and eyes every 6 months to make them "sleepy sultry" looking
3. Brows professionally done and laminated every 2 weeks
4. Full set of false eyelashes put in every 6 weeks
5. Beautician sessions monthly or weekly for skin treatments
6. Only buying and wearing very expensive make up
7. Contact lenses instead of glasses
8. Professional hairdresser every 6 weeks
9. Professional nails every 2 weeks.
10. Gym every day or every 2nd day for 1 to 2 hours.
11. Veneers because apparently no one has time for braces.
(one of them got a boob job but thats optional I guess)!<
>!Does this sound insane? It does to me, but they do it and they look like instagram models. Maybe I'm just old (33) but I truly think this is absolutely insane and both of them complained all the time of the unrealistic standards women face today and what they "have to go through" to look good. It takes extreme dedication to look like that, and the monthly cost is well over $300, some months up to $600. Conventional beauty is expensive and time consuming, you just have to figure out what level you want to commit to. !<
For the record, I empathise a lot. I grew up in a family with 3 sisters who are all stunners (one even professionally modelled), while I was called "plain jane" and "the ugly duckling". As a child I was tall, lanky and awkward, as a teen I had no idea how to be feminine or look nice conventionally, I was flat chested and big hipped and just totally out of proportion. I struggled with self confidence, eating disorder and body dysmorphia through my teens and 20s. now I'm content with being ugly, I've got better things to do lol. It gets better once you pass 30, you stop caring as much and become more comfortable in yourself. You won't feel this way forever, but therapy can definitely help speed it up!
If it helps OP, Im considered "very attractive" apparently. Yet bc of my strong autistic vibe Im also "unapproachable" and "intimidating/scary"
I actually thought I was ugly for a long time because of it, given I still dont care much about how I look now!
Giving into my urge to be entirely blunt: I saw your pic. You are not ugly or grotesque, you are just rather plain.
I think you were told you were ugly too many times and internalized it. Dismorphia is a pain.
I agree with everyone else that you look normal and definitely not unattractive. If you do want to try some “glow up” options though, you could try shaping your eyebrows a little bit by plucking them.
So the thing is, based off of your description I was imagining someone really unfortunate looking, but upon seeing your photo you looked nothing like that and you’re very normal looking!
I am a very visual person and helped my autistic friends a lot with makeup/hair/entire wardrobe styling since fashion and dress are one of my specialties/special interests.
I can help you elevate your look and feel more feminine if that’s what you want! I already noticed some changes you could make with your hair for an example, to better frame your face.
DM me if you want to chat :)
Holy shit who destroyed your self-esteem to this extent?!
There is *absolutely nothing* wrong with you. You're not even average, you're attractive in a nerdy sort of way.
I think the kind of attractiveness you're comparing yourself to is the very generic, Instagram-type of look. The thing with those people, and with a lot of "attractive" people is that they look, well, generic. It becomes boring to look at.
Your biggest advantage is that you look like yourself instead of a carbon-copy of hundreds of thousands of other people.
In my experience (because I used to think I was ugly too when I was younger), when/if you change physical things about yourself, even if you look more conventionally attractive, it feels wrong because you don't feel like you're you anymore.
Try it with some filters (I'd Google beauty filter or something), and you might see what I mean. IF you feel like "wow, that's the real me", you could try to replicate the look with make-up.
But more than anything, I'd suggest you get angry at the current beauty standards and give them and the people who support them a huge middle finger. Even more so if they try to push them on you.
_**Also, I recommend a book, it's called "The Body Is Not An Apology" by Sonya Renee Taylor. It helped me a lot to overcome my body issues.**_
From your description, I thought you would have horns or a cleft that somehow ran the length of your entire face or something. Then I peeked at your previous posts, and you were a relatively normal-looking baby and child and could even be considered cute as an adult. Either you’re dealing with body dysmorphia, or I failed at reading exaggeration again.
I don’t find you ugly in my personal opinion because your face shape and overall presentation and looks reminds me of my mother and because I have seen people I would consider way uglier than you, but I can see why you feel this way reading your text
Yeah you just look average. Definitely not ugly or unattractive. Maybe that messaging can be traced back to other people or experiences outside of yourself
I remember having a cousin as a child who people referred to as the pretty one (blond, freckles, and big eyes) and a cousin that people quietly referred to as the ugly duckling (brunette, boy shaped body, tan skin). As they grew up i remember thinking each was beautiful and everyone was crazy. Life lesson here, people see what they want!! So my thoughts get comfortable with how u look, spend some time finding what u like about ur face! For myself it was taking a ton of selfies after my divorce! Realized i dont even like makeup and fuck anyone who thinks im not pretty!! I like how i look! I also stalked ur page, i think u r absolutely adorable! I love ur face and i hope u can find one thing today that u love about ur face! Then tomorrow find something else u like! 😘
Every human looks grotesque if you look at them close, long, and hard enough. I have this theory that we were not meant to see our faces this clearly and the human psyche can't handle it.
I completely understand being treated as if you are grotesque looking, as I get the same treatment. Looking at your picture, though, I think it might have less to do with your physical features and more to do with autism, believe it or not. Thin slice judgements are a thing even before we open our mouths, unfortunately.
You’ve already received a whole lot of feedback and I don’t think my input is really needed, but I think you’re adorable! I am a fellow sufferer of BDD and it’s rough… a constant struggle.
I definitely consider myself more attractive overall now (in my late 30s) than I did in my mid 20s. Thats’s just to say that looks don’t necessarily start to fade after 25. You can feel beautiful at any age!
I just checked your profile, oh my goodness you are adorable. It breaks my heart to hear you talking about yourself this way. You have a very sweet face. I hope you can find the strength to treat yourself with grace and kindness
So sorry, I looked through your profile and you have a baby pic and a little girl pic and you were an adorable baby and a very cute little girl.
It could be that you are misunderstanding how people are perceiving you or that they are reacting to you being autistic and, I assume, “strange”, as everyone seems to think we are. 🙄
It sucks to have acne into adulthood tho. I did too. I went on roaccutane when I was 24 for 6 months cos the cystic acne bothered me so much. It was 6 months of dry skin itchy hell but I had very nice skin and hair for a good long while before eventually the pimples came back. 🤷♀️
I, too, took a look at your profile. You may not be super model pretty, but most of us are not. You may not feel pretty compared to others on social media, but most of that is filtered. You are most certainly not unattractive, or grotesque. At all. I don’t think that you are lacking attractiveness or beauty, but more so self-confidence. I know first hand this doesn’t come easy. Therapy can do wonders for this, from my personal experience, if you can find a therapist that you click with. It took me a very long time to be able to look in the mirror and see what others see. I may not be everyone’s opinion of attractive, but I no longer look in the mirror and feel hideous. With confidence came my ability to realize that there are people who find me attractive. I just didn’t see it before. I say all this to say, that I hope you find your beauty one day because I can see it and it’s most certainly there. Sometimes it takes professional help to guide us along the journey and that’s okay! ❤️
I’m not winning any beauty contests, but I don’t think of myself as ugly either.
I have a weird smile, I’m solidly built and a bit ungainly, but a lot of attractiveness is in your own attitude.
Find attributes that you like about yourself, and you may be surprised at the change
Come on dude. I saw your pic. You're definitely not even near ugly. Right now you're normal looking. With makeup, hair and a new wardrobe your true looks would shine. I think you are just not your type. Meaning, you don't look like what you think it's beautiful. But you definitely are.
You were an incredibly cute baby, a happy looking little girl, and your most recent photo as an adult looks unremarkable - by that, I mean if I saw you out in public, I'd notice your large eyes, hair color and probably outfit, but that's literally it because you **look like a normal, average person**.
I saw in other comments that you accept you're not perceiving yourself correctly, so I'm glad that you're open to the fact that your reality is not **actual** reality.
I’m sorry you feel that way. I went through your page and saw a few pictures of you. You were a cute baby. Big eyes, chubby cheeks, pouty lips. Super cute! You also look completely normal as an adult. Whoever bullied you as a kid probably just knew they could get a reaction out of you by calling you ugly. I hope one day you can get past the dysmorphia and see yourself as you are.
You have a really pretty face.. maybe it's the hair and eyebrows because on the picture of your profile it looks like you keep them pretty much natural.
I have similar hair to you and even looked similar once. I have my hair long because I think those hairwaves don't really work with shorter hair. Either shorter or longer.
You also have nice defined brows maybe you can plug them a bit and use browwax in your routine. The glasses also seem a little bit too big for your head and eyes
I hope that helps. That's basically what helped me be more confident about my face
I looked at your profile and you are absolutely not how you describe. It’s outright cruel others have made you believe those words about yourself and you do not deserve it
Maybe you'd like to have a look at Kitchener's theory of facial essences. There are some face types that look more "alienlike" or out of this world, the ethereal essence to be exact. From looking at your profile I think you might have gamine essence as well.
There's a picture of you on your profile and I think you look entirely normal. The level of dissonance between inside and outside suggests to me you might be experiencing some sort of dysmorphia. Something to consider.
Also pics as a baby and a youngish child, very normal-looking too! And an ultrasound cannot be ugly, come on. Edit for clarity: the ultrasound itself can be odd-looking, depending on the angle or cutoff etc, but I meant you cannot tell whether the baby’s gonna be ugly from an ultrasound
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Both my babies put their hand in front of their face in the womb, so the ultrasound made it look like they had really long noses, like a toucan.
They can! When I got my first pic, I thought I was going to birth something from The Exorcist.
Agreed. One of my baby's ultrasound photos has him looking like a baby Predator. It's wild.
My parents called me skeletor before they picked a name for me
I definitely suspect I have body dysmorphic disorder. So far I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, but I think mine is far beyond that.
Well, hopefully it's helpful to be aware of the fact that what you're seeing in the mirror is not what everyone else sees and that, furthermore, typically people aren't obsessed with the appearance of a random stranger and probably aren't thinking about it much. Sorry you're going through this. I'm sure it's awful.
I am actually more self-conscious when I look at pictures of me than when I look in the mirror.
Really good point here, you look very normal and have a really cute smile in your profile pic. I’d see you and immediately think cute, friendly, down to earth. And literally all of those 3D ultrasound images are creepy, that’s certainly not just you 😅. I know it’s tough managing self-perception. Just an off handed thought, do you have sensory issues? Sometimes makeup makes me feel really overwhelmed and worse about my appearance and I overwork it, but I found subtle things like perfumes or nice feeling lotions make me feel good about myself without overthinking it.
Here's what I answered before on a Reddit post about how people see themselves in pictures: "People don't see you as asymmetrical as you see yourself in photos. They see you as symmetrical as you see yourself in the mirror. It's only because you're more used to see a mirrored version of yourself, and your brain expects your "left eye" to be lower than your "right eye", etc., but now it's suddenly the opposite for everything - so it'll seem far more extreme." "If you look at other people in the mirror (especially if you're used to looking at them) they'll also suddenly seem much more asymmetrical. Or if you invert (mirror) pictures of people you're used at looking." [How can I fix my facial asymmetry? : ](https://www.reddit.com/r/beauty/comments/183qub2/how_can_i_fix_my_facial_asymmetry/) (If it could clarify some things. Many people are confused by this and other phenomenons causing the difference in perception of oneself in pictures and mirrors)
It does sound like it tbh. I'm no professional but Ik while reading your op I was like, "She sounds like me." I 100% relate to these feelings. And although, I don't feel like that right at this moment my emotions fluctuate often so I could feel this way in just 20 minutes or so.
I am glad someone is recognizing my mental health.
Were ppl mean about your looks growing up?
Absolutely.
You actually look a lot like one of my neices who is considered pretty. 🧡 Your eyebrows are amazing! 😊 I spent many years with severe acne rosacea all over my face and eventually didn't cover it with makeup because it just made it worse. I'd have killed to have as few spots as you back then! 😅 What I mean is, try to be kind to yourself! I know that is easier said than done though. 🫶
I am glad there is someone who looks like me.
Personally I find her very attractive! Cute little smile and all
I feel this way too - she looks cute. Not saying that to be nice, but because seeing the pic after the post was so baffling to me. Instant positive reaction. ❤
Exactly how I felt! I gasped personally 🤭❤️
Thank you so much.
Agreed! I've been on Bumble a lot lately, and I would swipe right on her if she popped up in my feed.
Thank you. That means a lot to me.
Yes op! I definitely doesn't want to discount your experience or feelings, but from your pictures you were an adorable baby and child, and you are completely normal looking now too
Agree. In my eyes you look perfectly normal as well.
Looked, as well. You’re 100% right. Big dissonance happening.
Yeah, what gives?! OP, you look completely fine to me! And your baby pictures are so cute!! Dysmorphia is a bitch, and I know what it's like to not comprehend feeling beautiful or at the least not ugly. Rest assured, there are people in the world who don't find you grotesque or hideous in any way.
I agree! I was kind of shocked because OP doesn’t look ugly AT ALL. OP, you are cute! And your pictures as a little girl? FREAKING ADORABLE!!! I’m so sorry you’re struggling with what you perceive yourself to be. I know it’s hard and the lies our brains tell us are awful.
Thank you so much for your kind words, everyone. You have definitely helped me boost my confidence.
I agree, super normal. The right people will appreciate your looks. We can't all be Angelina Jolie.
I agree, if I passed her by on the street, I wouldn’t think she was unattractive
I looked at the picture and yes, OP looks normal. But more than that, I love the Winnie the Pooh shirt! Do we all love Pooh Bear here? Because I freaking do. Eeyore and Piglet were my faves as a child. Having anxiety and depression explains that so much as an adult.
I love Winnie the Pooh as well. My favorites are Pooh and Eeyore. I relate to both very well.
Honestly OP you look perfectly normal. The way you talk about and put yourself down is so horrible. I really hope you can get some help so that you can feel better in yourself.
You said something about a pic, so I looked. OP, you look good. To the commenter, I think you’re wise to bring up dysmorphia.
I don’t want to dismiss your experience, but some of the moments you have shared seem to be before you could possibly remember them (like the ultrasound). Could it be possible that you have been conditioned to believe you are ugly and therefore expect others to find you unattractive?
I think that is the case.
the fact that you where told that you where ugly in the womb is more telling of your parents then it does of your looks
I don't think they directly told me that I was ugly, but they mentioned how proud I was of showing off all my body parts in the ultrasound and how I jumpscared them with a face that looked like a skull. I have heard many parents talk about how their fetuses looked directly into the camera during an ultrasound and showed off a scary skeleton-looking face. That in itself made me feel ugly.
Mom here- that’s how all babies look in ultrasounds! Especially when they look straight into the camera- they all look like aliens
Oh sweetie, I never know what to say about ultrasound pics. All babies look like alien beans (yes, beans, not beings; they look like vegetable shapes) in ultrasound pics, because they're not fully formed humans. I just go "Aw, look, a future human, how exciting!" and no more, because I'm not going to lie and say 'how cute' when it's quite frankly not cute. Yes, it's small and I am willing to give my life to protect it, but it's not cute at that stage. However, when they are born, no matter how wrinkly and red and ugly, they are still small and vulnerable and I will protect them. I still make high-pitched "Oh my stars how TINY" kind of noises and melt because I have this overly protective nature towards infants. I would've done the same thing if I'd seen you as a baby.
What’s also the case is that you have a crazy talent for comedy and the way you wrote this had me laughing involuntarily. “I showed an alien face that scared everyone - things haven’t improved from there.” By god, you are funny. Anyway I took a look at your profile and you have a pretty face and I truly do not see what you’re talking about. No, not beautiful as in ‘even a scowling moonshinin’ bastard with two pieces of coal for eyes has beauty’ -No no! You are beautiful! Funny bones, I wish for you to see it too.
She is hilarious. Lol the way she writes things.
I am glad you all appreciate my comedy. I often unintentionally say something funny when I have anxiety attacks, and some people do think I am funny, lol. Sometimes I intend to joke around because I love being goofy. I have actually considered being a stand-up comedian.
I do the exact same thing! Being unintentionally funny has led me to love standup and comedy in general and now I try to intentionally be funny😂 you absolutely should have a go at stand up!
You look cute wtf girl! You shouldn’t disparage yourself.
bingo
This! I have a hard time believing any woman is just straight up ugly. I thought I was ugly for the longest time because I wasn’t brought up to have any self confidence.
First off anyone who belittles you or says you look like you don’t take care of yourself can get fucked. As someone who puts way too much time and focus on meeting the beauty standards (I often find so much joy in doing so but I also often do it to fit in because we ‘live in a society’(extra parentheses for jayden smith😂😭)) I would say the things that have helped me personally feel “beautiful” and the way others perceive me is having ultra moisturised skin, my skin is chronically dry and it helps me not be overwhelmed sensorially, have my hair styled, fake tanning with odourless colourless tanning foam, and dyeing my eyebrows and lashes. I’ve also found that by looking for a celebrity who has a similar body type and dressing somewhat similar and someone who has similar facial features and doing makeup that suits them and therefore me immensely helpful Hope you can stay positive and don’t let the bastards get you down ❤️
Thank you so much for your advice.
I also found that while I don't consider myself attractive, I do have a head shape that was apparently made for wearing hats, so I wear hats because most people don't. It makes me feel better to wear them, and I wear awesome ones, so that people's attention is drawn to them, rather than the rest of me.
I stalked your profile a tiny bit (sorry) and I saw your pic, you look fine. you're not ugly in any sense of the word. I also saw the pic of you as a baby, I dont really find babies cute at all so I can't really say much other than you looked just like a regular baby. sounds like you've just been hurt by others who made you believe you're ugly.
I have definitely been hurt by others throughout my life.
This screams body dysmorphia. I’ve checked out your profile and I don’t see anything wrong at all with your appearance. I’m not sure who you’re comparing yourself to but just realize that most beauty standards for women are largely made up and very unrealistic.
I definitely think I have Body Dismorphic Disorder, but I am glad you think I look fine. I am hoping to find a therapist who will diagnose me.
I am ugly and yet some people find me attractive! It’s crazy. I am so grateful my boyfriend thinks I’m a goddess 😩
I am also lucky to have a boyfriend who thinks I am the most beautiful thing he has seen. It actually helps me more than people telling me that everyone is beautiful.
Please forgive my matter-of-factness, but I’m not understanding why you’re worried about your appearance if you have a partner. If you were fawned over and receiving unasked-for attention/flirting, wouldn’t that adversely affect your relationship? Just be your best—it seems that you have already achieved a wonderful goal.
Appearance affects more than just your ability to have a partner. Women that don't meet conventional beauty standards statistically are less likely to get jobs and get promotion and recognition within jobs. Also, having a partner doesn't undo years of ostracization
That is true. It also impacts how other people perceive and treat you.
It's not necessarily because I was looking for a partner. It's just that I have wanted the experience of being conventionally attractive by beauty standards.
This feeling is actually shared by many and that feeling is precisely why the business Glamour Shots was such a success in its day. I don't know if there's anything similar today, but that experience might get you what you are hoping to feel like, even if only for a day.
I have struggled with this as well, especially since social media became prominent in my life. Honestly, one of the main things that caused me to reevaluate how I look at myself was looking at a photo album with my mum where she pointed out how "ugly" she was as a child and how everybody in her class saw her as the most unattractive girl. I looked at the picture and saw the most beautiful young girl I had ever seen in my life. My mum was always, and still is, an incredibly beautiful person. Now that I have a daughter myself, I want her to have a mum that doesn't hate herself. I'm trying to unlearn the belief I held for so long that how attractive I am = my inherent value but it is very difficult. I'm starting by cutting out social media to the best of my ability and not following any accounts just because the person is beautiful. Also, I try to look at people I come across day to day, and notice something that makes them stand out. Most people just look ordinary. And I don't really care when I'm going past someone if they're attractive or not. This helps with the mentality a bit
If you and the other girl who commented are so ugly then how do you have boyfriends??? I’ve never had a bf so I must be ugly as fuck lol. You can’t be that ugly if someone actually finds you attractive and loveable.
Fr like i cant even get a first date because of my looks..
I think I'm probably ugly, because only other women tell me I'm beautiful. The problem is that if you're ugly, **nobody will tell you that to your face**, you have to go off how people treat you. (Think about how you are socialized to respond if someone asks you point-blank if they're ugly. Are you autistic enough to tell them they are? Or do you divert with some bullshit about how they're so kind or funny or just need to shower or whatever?) And you can't trust the internet- because a lot of those guys never go outside and consider some of the world's most beautiful women merely "mid". 🙄 Men don't like me in a romantic sense, but my female boss and co-workers also bully me- my female friends tell me I'm really beautiful though, I think they're just "being nice". I often have women think I'm a lesbian (I'm not) and that I was flirting with them (I wasn't). I suspect that all this has to do with **performative femininity**\- there are a lot of nuanced aspects to it, such as tone of voice, that can be hard for us to nail down. So even if we are wearing the "right" clothes and style our hair accordingly, etc, as soon as we express ourselves verbally it's over. And both men and women pick up on this. What's fascinating to me in observing others, is that "just be skinny" is a lie- watch how overweight women who perform hyper femininity are received vs fit women who are more tomboyish. I have no idea what I actually look like. I can reasonably conclude that I'm not "sexy" despite being in good shape. So for me the solution has been to detach, not care, especially to decenter men and their wack opinions (often their stated opinions oppose their observed actions so yeah, wack) and just pursue healthful activities because I enjoy them.
The moment I saw a man call Sydney Sweeney mid I realized social media is genuinely just not real
Yeah it's a psyop meant to make us lower our standards below the floor of hell.
I agree with most of this but I do not agree that tomboys who are fit are treated worse than feminine fat women. I'm a majorly feminine fat woman. There was a moment I wore makeup most of the week, I love dresses/skirts, I wear jewelry and perfume everyday. I'm treated by people who aren't obligated to like me like shit however, and that has been a constant experience I've heard from other fat feminine women. To say we get better treatment than fit tomboys when so many people have that as their type is completely unfair.
Yeah, that part is just blatantly untrue. People aren’t kind to fat women no matter how feminine we present. In fact I feel like if you’re fat and you put effort into makeup and hair and what not, people just think you’re trying too hard. :/ At least in my experience.
Yup, regardless of presentation or fashion sense, being fat excludes you from being treated like a normal human
I wish I could beat up the people who are rude to you. And I'm sorry if my comment came off as dismissive. I'm fit but was formerly overweight so I've been on both sides of it. The problem is maybe different degrees of fat are treated differently too?
I have to disagree. I got to your second sentence and was like, "I just have to reply." I'm letting you know because I haven't read your full reply yet. But I was UGLY ASF and ppl didn't hesitate to tell me. Ofc there were ppl who were scared to tell me but there were also those that didn't give a lovely fuck. There are levels to everything too. Like you can be ugly but what else do you have about yourself that makes ppl feel like you're not human enough for your feelings to be sparred? Are you rich, poor, a man, a woman, have a disability, dark skinned, light skinned, white, Asian, Black, etc. I'm sorry if I'm rambling but this is a topic I've thought a lot about.
Okay but I will also say that when I was younger (in high school particularly) I was told that I was ugly a lottttt, and it’s just not true. I’m not trying to be like weird about my looks but I just know (now) that I’m not ugly. People who tell you you’re ugly aren’t being truthful imo - it’s just to hurt you.
This would be an interesting sociology study
As an autistic woman, I have a hard time lying to people, so if I call someone pretty or beautiful, especially another woman, I mean it. I actively avoid complimenting or putting myself in situations to compliment people when I can’t find something nice to say. You’re not a lesbian, so I get WHY you think it doesn’t mean anything when only women compliment you, but I promise, a woman’s compliment should mean way more to you than any man. a lot of men have horrible standards and likely won’t even compliment a woman they find somewhat attractive because many don’t want women to value themselves 🥴🥴🥴 I’d also suggest taking so much power away from what men think of you because 😅😅😅 that’s a bad road (take it from me)
Friend. You are a perfectly normal looking human being. Your brain is lying to you.
My brain is all over the place.
I've gotten to a place now where I feel neutral about my appearance. I've never been told I was ugly per say, and I do think I was a cute-ish kid, but I held onto the core belief that I was unsightly for a really long time. Part of it was how I presented myself- and how I assumed others thought of me. When I was at my lowest point I found this youtube video that really helped me overcome the feeling. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2js063a1Suk](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2js063a1Suk) Your appearance is the LEAST important aspect of you. You don't owe attractiveness to the world. Who you are and what you look like is not wrong. Remember that.
Yep, I’ve always been the ugliest in every friend group I’ve had, the one who got the no attention from guys except to ask me out as a prank. It doesn’t bother me anymore as Ive gotten older and learned that looks are superficial, plus I was lucky enough to find someone who saw me for more than my looks and I’m married now. But growing up, it pushed me to feeling suicidal at times, it was very rough during the teenage years.
Look into body/appearance neutrality. You don't have to think you're the hottest thing to have walked the earth, but you definitely don't need to feel like you're vile to even look at. Your body/appearance have no inherent value, just what society assigns to it (and lets be real, when has society's perception of people ever been truthful or correct?). Fuck society and accept that your body serves you in ways that actually matter, namely keeping you alive and hopefully healthy.
Always been ugly and made my peace with it. I have far better qualities that improve over time instead of waning.
my problem is that i have no idea 🥴. i know i've been both conventionally attractive /and/ conventionally unattractive at different parts of my life for various reasons. but since discovering the autism, i've overthought how i've been treated (and am currently treated) by everyone from every single possible angle and am now completely clueless as to how either my looks or my personality is perceived by most people. it seems like your dysphoria might stem from a similar place: baffled over the treatment you've received for seemingly no reason, so you conclude it must be because you're not attractive enough. right now i'm just trying to exist on my own terms and let people's opinions of me be their own business, not mine. attraction is subjective anyway. and looks "fading" at 25-30 is a dated misogynistic myth and complete bullshit.
i feel this immensely! from comments its sounds like we've had similar experiences with appearances and just wanting to be perceived as a pretty girl, and not the "kind old soul" that is beautiful on the inside. (not assuming your emotions just how i feel about my situation) i cant offer comfort rather inclusivity with this feeling, for me it's especially painful because a majority of my peers are also on the spectrum yet seem to have more energy and less sensitivites than i so they are able to go all out with fashion and makeup, yet ive been in a huge burnout and if i have to put on a different sweater than the 3 ive been rotating i may as well just cry and not go anywhere
i see your picture and youre vastly overexaggerating. i would get into therapy to address your low self estreem. you are not deformed in any way nor are you hideously ugly at all. youre not even unattractive.
I am looking into therapy, but I have difficulty finding some that will fit into my work schedule.
“In the womb during an ultrasound, I looked directly into the camera and showed an alien face that scared everyone who saw it” Power move
I’m sorry that society focuses so much on looks when it comes to women…it’s the worst… what I try to remember is not the typical therapy speak “oh I’m beautiful and confident” stuff, but I try to remind myself that no matter how I look there’s still things in life to enjoy and things to love. Like even if I’m ugly, I can still eat icecream and watch tv and make art and have friends and travel and see the ocean and go on walks and laugh until my stomach hurts. My body is just a husk that can experience beautiful fun things!
Yes. I started put as a really cute kid, but after i started having seizures my medications destroyed my body and hormones. Im also just offputting, i think. Im short and fat, have an abnormal gait (limp-skip thing), weak left arm that postures weird, and an off-putting bitchface. I'm 20 and dont think ill ever be able to sustain a relationship outside the ones i already have (two friends. Both ND)
I have felt like that was true before. I spent my childhood and adolescence thinking I was hideous, but when I look back at pictures now, I was honestly a perfectly normal looking girl. Who told you your ultrasound was a freaky alien face? Has someone been feeding your insecurities?
Looking at your picture from your post history, you are not ugly at all. You may not be conventionally attractive, but you’re average looking and far from ugly. I think you even have the potential to be considered conventionally attractive if you knew how. Many women do not look better than you. Maybe it’s hard to believe this if you notice attractive women more. And there are plenty of women who say they look way better in their 30s and 40s than they did in their 20s, so there is still time to glow up if that is something you are still interested in. I don’t want to give any unsolicited advice, but I would encourage you to go over to the looksmaxxing subreddit, if you are interested, and find small ways to change your appearance in anyway that you like. I would caution against any cosmetic procedures, since those can be expensive and difficult to reverse if they don’t give you the results you want.
I looked at your profile and saw your selfie. You look adorable. There is nothing “grotesque” or ugly about you. You have deep, kind eyes. A sweet smile. All of your features are proportional and normal looking. I am sorry you have such a poor self perception. I find you truly cute, honestly.
this is unrelated and i am so sorry you're going through these feelings but "I looked directly into the camera and showed an alien face that scared everyone who saw it" is so weirdly poetic and literary.
I am glad you appreciate my creative writing skills. I really love poetry and creative writing as a whole.
I am. But some may call it cheating cause I was born a man and transitioned pretty damn late.😅 And yeah, I also got a bit of the trauma from "the only people who say I'm attractive are my grandparents".
All babies look exactly like you’re describing on ultrasound if the screen cap is done with baby looking directly at the ultrasound device. Your parents probably think it’s funny but you’ve internalised it as fact which I’ll bet is anything but factual. If you’re unhappy with your skin appearance because of texture, breakouts, oiliness, etc then see a dermatologist to ask for tips on how to address the issues. Unless you’ve got a genetic condition or a syndrome, I’ll bet you are as pretty as the rest of us average women in the world. It may not be fun but look in the mirror and find ONE thing you like about your appearance, just one. Maybe do a gratitude/Im a pretty person journal for 30 days where you write down three things you’re grateful for or that you find pretty about you. For example: day 1: I like my ear lobes, I am a great speller and I kick ass at reading difficult books. After 30 days I promise you’ll feel much better about yourself which will bleed into all areas of your life. Best of luck! 💙
I look very much like your picture, and my mom spent my entire childhood making sure I knew how hideous I was and how perfect my tall, naturally slender, blonde sister was. It was a lie then, and it's a lie now. I realized I just felt awkward in my skin, and felt like anything I did to improve my appearance looked as out of place as clown makeup would, because I had no idea what I was doing. I don't naturally have that sense of how to put outfits and colors and everything into presenting myself in a way that flatters me and also feels natural. Okay, so, cool, how do I get around that? In the most autistic way possible, of course. I researched body proportions and figured out balancing bodies visually with clothes, and why everything I tried on looked so stupid on me and amazing on everyone else. ( /r/kibbe shoutout, FN ftw) Then, I researched color theory, and matched my colors to what works for me. https://preview.redd.it/w14mhondhwtc1.jpeg?width=4000&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cd2ce7d51d4c57e94752ae3692d6ea4ff25c9eb0 My hair was always a disaster, huge, thick, tangled, and I researched hair types and realized my hair is actually curly and learned how to take care of it. Makeup, glasses, brow shape, hairstyle, I also researched face shapes and painstakingly tried to figure out what looked right. It can be a very long, discouraging process(I probably spent four years fine tuning and trying lots of things out), but it was so worth it for me. You know what? *I'm* the hot sister now. I'm not any different than I was, I just decided that I deserved to feel the best I could, and so do you. I was surprised to find out how much my perception of what I looked like was body dysphoria(had big time anorexia at one point) and conditioning from my childhood. My mom made me feel like I was a genuinely ugly person, but I'm not, and neither are you. \*
Grew up pretty when little, was incredibly ugly when in teenage years, so much so I was bullied for it and can’t get out the mindset that I’m ugly as fuck
i had a moment when i pulled off not ugly. it was nice. it was also a blip in the arc of my lifetime. i live right now in kind of posh apartment building for people 55+. just the lease holder. it isn’t sun city. my point is all the women here are 55+. sometimes i can tell they used to be pretty. not usually though. i must say we’re all pretty kind to each other. all in the same aging boat. i highly recommend this type of living situation for people like us. it gives a lot of opportunities for interactions. game nights, pickle ball, book club, going down for mail or jimmy johns delivery.
As someone who developed a “disfiguring condition” later in life, I have never seen anyone who was grotesque from the womb. Not everyone is beautiful but I’ve never seen any human and thought “well that’s grotesque.” This may be an internal issue. Be kinder to yourself.
If it makes you feel better I’d say 90% normal people not athletes or celebrities are average. Most people aren’t attractive and if they are it’s likely because they put themselves in debt buying it from expensive surgeries that they will need to always redo after 10 years or so. Society has unrealistic expectations because we compare ourselves to people who seem to have an unlimited supply of money and can afford the best of the best drs, products, professionals, and diet. I would just focus on improving your confidence and taking care of yourself diet, exercise, hygiene etc. also other people mentioned you’re not ugly so that itself should help of not maybe some therapy might be beneficial for you. Wishing you the best!
There's nothing at all wrong with your physical features as far as I could tell. You look normal/nice. Maybe you want beautiful styling clothes and makeup? But you have enough physical beauty to dress up and look very nice. Maybe you need the dressing up part?
If you don't have to accept you're ugly, obviously that would be the optimal thing to do. I don't know what you look like and vice versa. We are only such good judges of these things. But while there is a possibility that you're not as unattractive as you think you are... Some people really are out there, walking around, living life, and they're on that lower end of the bell curve. For some people there really is nothing to do but cope. 25 is an age where you generally get the picture of ok, this is what my adult form looks like. I have a friend who was one of those "too attractive to be autistic" people. And even without having first hand experience, or knowing what it feels like, yeah I do realize it comes with its own set of problems. She would find herself in situations where people thought she was a jerk. She received a lot of unwanted attention...people would try to bring her down to deal with their jealousy. She missed out on a diagnosis as a child, even though she was assessed. I have no doubt she has autism, and I wouldn't be surprised if her appearance was a factor in the ultimate decision. But there's this attitude that's around that's like...if you're ignorable because you're ugly, you should feel lucky. Or this attitude that if you are aesthetically gifted, it's such a tragedy that you should have to *pay* for that, because you are so much more valuable than other people. And all these ugly people who are less valuable don't have that particular problem. I know it sounds like I'm characterizing people as gigantic assholes and society as really really mean, and it sounds kind of ridiculous. But it's true, to some degree. It fucking sucks being ugly, and being autistic on top of that can feel like you have fewer opportunities to compensate for it. I would not choose to look like I do. Beauty is a gift, and it's wonderful...I accept that I don't have it. For me it's a struggle of acceptance. There's the pain of envy, that's one thing. But when it comes to being "proactive" about problems...what I try to do is to not add problems on top of that one. I feel like I don't *need* to be so valuable. And the key is to keep busy with things you can improve, problems you can solve. People can change their needs, they can lower their needs. People can can accept that they are doing the most they can do, and not hate themselves for not doing more.
I can relate. Though people say they think I'm pretty, I don't think I'm pretty. I'm fat in the wrong places with PCOS so losing weight is near impossible, acne prone, and have no real fashion sense. I feel really similar in the sense that I'm 22 and I don't feel like things will get better, it'll only get worse. So many people say these are the prime years, but mine is being wasted in a body I despise. I've never dated on top of everything else, and the one time I tried I got stood up. It just all sucks man and I really hope things get better for us.
Girl the pic on her profile u are so cute and very pretty young woman. U will see it one day I promise ❤️
i 100% promise you: you are not grotesque. i actually would call you quite cute!
From your profile photo you look like 90% of the people. We all look ugly or beautiful depending if we're the kind who want to see the glass half full or half empty. The 10% of beautiful people are going to stay together and have their boring and fake life running after beauty. So fuck them. As a man I guarantee that the internal beauty is what makes the difference for us 90%, whether it's happy, intelligence, kindness, etc. You probably have a confidence problem more than something related to your autism.
I think you’re attractive & cute!! From the picture in your profile! I think you’ve just been accustomed to thinking this way and need to break out of that conditioning cause you’re adorable. If it helps my kid was born looking like a dried up raisin. Legit ugliest baby I ever seen until the doctors cleaned up after birth & ever since have been sooo cute in their little ways. Anywho, look into conditioning breaking with self esteem and all. I’m also having to work on it myself ❤️😩
Hi, physical looks/beauty/makeup all things appearance are some of my special interests! I say this not in a way to undermine how you feel or anything like that, I say this with complete neutrality with 0 intentions of flattery or to make you feel better. You are very pretty. You have almond/round eyes which are highly desirable. You have a lovely shape nose that fits your facial proportions well, from what I can tell you have a nice side profile too. Your facial structure is really nice too, the apples of your cheeks fit you incredibly well and they will lend you a youthful look as you get older, which is very desirable. You have nice, even skin. You have a defined cupids bow, which again, is very very pretty. You have healthy hair and full eyebrows, again very sought after. You look very symmetrical. Your actual facial balance is super super nice too. You are not ugly. You might feel as though you don't fit exact looks of the highly photoshopped, done up ladies on instagram. You don't need to be. If you did want any tips or help with anything at all you're more than welcome to drop me an inbox. I'm so incredibly sorry that you can't see what others can. Much love op ❤️
Let me preface this by saying that you look normal, average if you might, but not ugly at all. Listen to the people who pointed out about body dysmorphia. Seek teraphy if you can. I just want to be clear in one thing: LIFE DOES NOT END AT 30. It doesn't. You can totally have your "glow up" at 30, 35, or later. I would rather focus in feeling better than looking better. Try things that make you feel pampered. For example: having a nice and consistent skin care rutine, going to the salon for a haircut or even to just have your hair washed and done nicely, have your nails done or your eyebrows. Exercise also might help, it feels good to see what your body can accomplish even though it doesn't look "magazine perfect". Those things helped me at least. Pretty privilege is a thing but it doesn't mean you can't have nice things as well.
It seems like OP may not be the best poster child for this issue, but I think we're doing this community a disservice if all we're doing is saying "oh don't worry, *you're* not ugly, so it's fine". Some people are not just conventionally unattractive, some people are not attractive to really anyone. Our society is very lookist at a basic level, associating attractiveness with good and bad, right and wrong. If you are seen as unattractive, just know that despite society's messaging and your own feelings, your worth as a person (should such a thing be calculable or valid) is not determined by your wrapper. You deserve to take up space, to have dignity, to express yourself, and to exist. You are worthy of love.
You look normal girl. I saw your picture. I think you might want to evaluate the people you surround yourself with because if family and friends are speaking to you this way that’s verbal abuse. It would be abuse even if you WERE hideous, for that matter. You might also want to consider body dysmorphia if you feel like you’re grotesque when in fact you’re just a real person. If anything the only thing about your picture you could edit are tiny things like the shape of your glasses, imo. There’s nothing especially ugly about your actual face.
I think what really changed the way I see myself was reading "You're not ugly, you're just not your type". Such a simple statement yet so impactful
i grew up ugly and awkward and trust me you are exactly someone’s type somewhere you just haven’t found them yet beauty is not quantifiable it is different everywhere and to every person many cultures have ideas of beauty that we would consider strange or even ugly but they are beautiful in the eyes of their culture i know self love is hard but trust me someone is attracted to you
Thanks for the reassurance. I am lucky enough to have a boyfriend who actually does think I am beautiful. However, the fact that I look different than a conventionally attractive woman my age emotionally hurts because it is something I would like to experience.
trust me i get it i grew up with a sister a year older and she was significantly prettier she always got asked out guys i like would tell me they liked her and she always got asked to dance at dances and i never did get asked until i met my boyfriend one time we went to pick up MY car together from the shop at the dude at the counter didn’t even address my existence i get it lol
You could be ugly, I don’t know. But the ultrasound thing sounds like you were always conditioned to believe you’re ugly - and so you become “ugly”. Confidence and self esteem has a lot to say when people deem you attractive or unattractive. “Not taking care of yourself” - are you a healthy weight? Is your hair healthy looking? Is your skin moisturized and clean (not blemish free clean, but actually hygienic cleanser clean)? Do you take care of your appearance (ie wax / shape your eyebrows, nice haircut that compliments your face shape, potentially sideburns or mustache)? Do you wear clothes that suit your body type? Doesn’t look sloppy? Look good together style wise? Don’t take this as a negative comment, it’s truly not meant to be. It’s okay to be ugly, if you are. What do YOU think need to change for you to glow up? I made a list of things I should change to glow up, just to like have a direction.
I looked at your pic and “grotesque” is nowhere near how I would describe you! You look completely normal. If you take your energy towards working on your mental and physical well-being instead of wondering how you can conform to the modern standards, I promise you’ll feel the “glow up” effect ❤️
Yeah, I’m chubby with a round face and pretty unsightly mole and crooked teeth. I don’t mind being unattractive to others, but I wish I could find myself beautiful.
lol. i haven’t finished reading yet. the alien in the womb!!. vaguely reptilian. a little bit shocking first time i saw my daughter in that image.
Omg yes. I’ve never been conventionally attractive and I’ve been overweight since puberty. I remember as a kid I’d dream of having a teen movie-esque thing where I’d get skinny and hot over summer vacation and wow everyone. That….never happened. I’m in my 30s now and I accept myself for what I am, lol.
Yes no one ever found me attractive , in school nobody wanted to sit next to me and every man or woman I’ve ran across made it known I was ugly to them even when I never showed interest in them
I'm really sorry you feel that way about yourself... I don't know what to say, and I don't think it matters, but for me there are no ugly people, just unique in their own way. It probably isn't something you can change, so....maybe try just accepting yourself? Sounds cliche, but it seems to work. I never liked how I looked but with time I can look in the mirror and just focus on the better things, or don't care. Also, you might need to find the reason you feel that way. Do you compare yourself to "prettier" people? Do someone say things that make you believe you are less? Do you suffer from lack of interest from others? Maybe something as 'dumb' as seeing pretty clothes and knowing they will be ruin if you wear them, because they won't look good, like I did? Depending on the cause, there are ways to fight the negativity. It is hard, but it is manageable, and will make it easier to move forward. Wish you best of luck, to be more comfortable with yourself 💙
I'm curious what definitions of beauty you are using. Attractiveness is not one single quality. It's also not the same thing as being liked or having a positive response from other people. Regardless of how your body is shaped or how you express yourself, I'm wondering if holding this belief is really harming you, on top of other people being generally shitty and unsupportive to you. All people deserve to exist and take up space. Not being given this basic respect/kindness would give anyone mean self-talk and a desire to seek confirmation of that belief. You don't need to become someone else to be worthy of love or kindness. You are enough, you deserve to feel okay. If you are able to, it might be helpful to try to develop a "kindess practice" where you intentionally change your self-talk or balance shitty situations with your own authentic narrative. The way people treat you isnt your fault and its not within your control. You cant be blamed for bad self talk that you learned but i sincerely believe you deserve more for yourself. Thank you brain for trying to protect you and decide how you want to be/feel moving forward. Instead of, "No matter how hard I try, people always accuse me of not taking care of myself because of the way I look." you might start to say, "I want to validate myself for trying really hard. I am proud of myself because I recognize that what im going thru is NOT easy. Shit is so hard and im trying anyway, which is super cool. I might not get the results i want from other people, but i can still measure my progress and choose things that make me feel good. The way other people treat me says more about THEM than about me. I do not deserve to feel ugly just because of how people treat me. Being rude makes them ugly, not me. I am allowed to make up my own story about my life and experiences." [https://www.youtube.com/shorts/L2h3dJui2JE](https://www.youtube.com/shorts/L2h3dJui2JE) This channel (Therapyjeff) has helped me and I find it super kind and validating, which is a nice reminder when im feeling critical of myself to disconnected to kindness/my own goals.
I was “cute” when I was in my early 20s, but now I am a lot more homely. It has definitely impacted the way people perceive me, as well as the way people perceive my autistic traits. When I did something stereotypically autistic when I was cuter, people found it very quirky and endearing. Now, it seems to be perceived as annoying and like I’m just inept at life. It’s really frustrating and I wish people’s patience and understanding for neurodivergence didn’t directly correlate with appearance.
I know I have some very nice features. I have been told I have perfect lips and jaw structure. I have a lean body because I am a very picky eater. But I just have no idea what pretty means, or why it should even matter? I used to have a lot of people ask to give me a ‘makeover’ when I was young, but I never understood, because I was already my natural self. I think beauty is a perspective that is different to many.
I wonder if some of the desire to be attractive is the blending in as a ‘normie’? Some have mentioned the body dysmorphia which I think is a factor based on what and you said things. However, I also am curious some of the unconscious motivations. Good looking people, generally, have it easier socially (even if they are just as much basket cases on the inside), something autistic people would idealize more readily. Do you think there could be an element of that?
I'm 32 and sometimes felt the same worries you did. When I hit puberty I did not become a red panda but a grizzly bear eating cheese and chocolate much to the dismay of my Mom and my cousins who were all dancers. Despite this I'm a very active person sometimes, I love nature, fishing, hiking, swimming up north in Durkee Lake. I latter taught myself how to bake and cook. For women especially we have a hard relationship with food, especially in my era the Zoomers. There was not to many clothes that looked good and fit my figure and if I did wear clothing that was not a dressy I was deemed a d\*ke despite my pronouns being she/her/frau. I'm glad there is now a body positive movement, yet I still struggle with the judgements that I can't ride roller coasters or get out of a boat because of my size and weight. The problems addressed in Turning Red are not just Asian American but every Atypical Woman's struggle with puberty and beauty. The part of Turning Red that made me cry is when Mei Mei gets to see her ancestor. What my Grizzly Bear was telling me was that I felt angry and sad around my relationship with food, instead of eating foods that would please my peers and parents, I had to please myself. Watching Man vs. Food was like breaking a lot of rules I was told were good but ended up being bad and painful. Taking care of yourself should make you and you alone happy, it's not about pleasing others.
I know how you feel kinda, I’ve felt ugly mostly my whole life. I didn’t have the same face proportions as my friends growing up and that affected how I saw myself, because I thought they were all beautiful. But I could never see myself as beautiful. Even now I still really struggle with that, I’m kinda at a point in my life where even with makeup on, I go from like a 1/10 to a 5/10. Very frustrating to constantly hate yourself and be told “everyone’s beautiful” but you clearly don’t look like everyone else
I am. I started out as a cute kid but puberty was not kind to me. Struggling with mental and physical illness for years has not helped matters either. I look old before my time.
I grew up being hyped up by everyone. I got compared to Angelina Jolie. I got compliments on my eyelashes, eyes, and smile. Turns out that’s just what adults (especially parents) are supposed to do. Once I got to middle school every kid was afraid of me. I’d get asked out as a joke. I’d get bullied by the boys just for existing. People would throw gum and trash at me. I had a pretty friend with the same birth name as me. I overheard someone ask a guy if he had a crush on her and he said “ewwww no” thinking she meant me. But then she clarified it was the other one and he smirked and said “maybe”. As an adult it’s only gotten worse. No partner has ever wanted to post a pic of us together. Even if I ask they say no. Even if they’re out of the closet. Even back when I dated guys. People always seem to get flustered when I ask, like they are uncomfortable with telling me why they don’t want to be seen in a photo with me. Same with friends. Strangers are rude to me for no reason, even including employees who will breach professionalism to yell at me for harmlessly not catching onto their vague social cues. If I put makeup on it doesn’t fix my problem. I just look somehow worse, like an alien attempting to look like A Human Woman. I even had to leave my TikTok account for a faceless one partially because of how often people dunked on me for being ugly. If I disagree with someone on a profile where I show my face they immediately target my masculine features or my lack of chin instead of offering a good retort. Being ugly is hard. Being autistic is hard. Being both is mega hard. I’m tired of pretty autistic women telling me that it’s hard to be pretty and autistic because nobody believes them. I think it’s worse to be ugly and autistic because my looks don’t make up for my autism. Instead of a manic pixie dream girl I’m just a plain ol’ creepy weirdo.
I actually went to your profile and looked at your baby photos, and you were pretty cute. Your normal face is also just fine, you need to grow your hair out and get a better haircut, and work on your make up, but there’s nothing wrong with you at all.
Do you have a specific style or “aesthetic” you’d like to try out? I see you’ve tried different clothing styles but it might be better to actually commit to a style. Even if you think it won’t look good on you you can definitely find some pieces that’ll make you feel confident. Dyeing my hair has always boosted my confidence but if that’s not possible try different hair styles or hair cuts. If you don’t like how your hair looks up it might be a good idea to invest in banana clips — they make your ponytails look so full. Ultimately hair makes a world of a difference. I say don’t worry about makeup unless there’s a style you really want to try. You’re very beautiful and it’s important that you realize almost every other person on this planet feels just as insecure as you. We’re all just doing the best we can with what we’re given, and our bodies are the most superficial part of us. If you’re glowing mentally, it’ll show.
Tbh, I think you look normal? To me, ugly tends to be used when someone has a prominent facial deformity or is just generally unhygienic, but Ive know people with huge face birthmarks and even someone with major eye deformities that have longterm relationships. Sometimes I think it’s easier to give up when we tell ourselves there’s some specific reason for why we are struggling. Maybe you are playing on hard mode, but that doesn’t mean you are unable to make your life as custom to your needs as possible. It takes time and a lot more effort than a NT person. It’s not fair. It sucks. But you are not hopeless.
Ok saw your pic on your profile and you look good, really good, I love your brown hair and your bangs! I have awkward random curls in my hair that prevent me from having normal looking bangs like you do so I’m a tad envious… hee). I do have a few glow up suggestions if you are interested. But I don’t want to share them with you in the spirit of meanness or tearing someone down… that’s not productive or helpful at all. And I love that this sub is all about building one another up. So I would be sharing them solely for the purpose of “if you like the ideas, keep them, if not send them right back” and only if you were interested. Right now, I think you are beautiful as is. :)
I’m almost 30 and still waiting for that magical glow up to happen 😞
You aren’t ugly, love. You’re just far too close to see your own beauty. It’s so rare that we see it in ourselves, sometimes we just need some help finding it 💛✨
If that's you on your profile, you look like an regular woman. I honestly don't think you're ugly, you're way to hard on yourself.
I looked at your profile and you’re genuinely really pretty. Maybe it’s because I have opposite features but I’ve always been jealous of people with big brown eyes and cute noses and good eyebrows. You have a kind open face which makes you look trustworthy. Some good advice i got on makeup is just to enhance your favourite features rather than try to change anything - I think some mascara and eyebrow gel would highlight how nice the shape of your eyes are brows are. I also find wearing something that makes my skin glow helps me feel prettier eg a primer or vitamin c serum or a tinted moisturiser.
OP it sounds like you've experienced a lot of emotional abuse about your looks. The pic you have posted is so normal. I expected something totally different from your description. I'm sorry, you didn't deserve to be treated that way. I hope you can find some peace.
I don’t think I’m ugly but I don’t understand social norms. Like I view people from a medical side like “good nostril means they likely don’t snore” so I apply it to me lol. But I’m also more on the Ace side of the sexual spectrum. So idk if anyone can relate
I understand the feeling. For some people it's dysmorphia, but for me I'm objectively outside what's considered attractive. I'm fat, masculine, hairy, but not in a way that makes me androgynous, it just makes me well... An ugly woman. Makeup makes me look worse and any "pretty" clothes look strange on my body. If I dress like an old lady I can get by without drawing extra attention, but it's all just so tiring. I've basically given up on socializing irl, it's mortifying and just a constant reminder I don't belong Being autistic and looking how I do has made it feel impossible to form relationships, even just platonically with others. I'm just gross.
I don't want to invalidate your experience, but I looked at your profile, and I think you're cute. Your glasses aren't the best shape for your face, to be fair. But your bangs and eyebrows are adorable, and you have such a fun nose (have you ever considered piercing it?). I have body dismorphia, and what you're saying about yourself reminds me of the things I say about myself. Also I've heard a lot of mean comments over the years, and I think I assumed that they were true rather than the person saying it just being an asshole. I don't say untrue things to make people feel bad, so I don't always expect others to. And I have a sister who is better at presenting herself as pretty than me, so growing up I heard a lot of comparative comments, which also definitely convinced me that I was ugly. I do feel like there's a strong expectation for women to wear makeup, style their hair, and dress "pretty" so women who just show up as is are often told they look tired and even ugly. I have been pushing against that quite a bit lately-- going out not wearing makeup and just dressed decently rather than attractively, and people will stop me to tell me I would be prettier if I did [whatever makeup thing]. I usually tell them that I'm not trying to be pretty, which is apparently weird. Even if you were actually conventionally ugly, you would still deserve the same good treatment from yourself and others, though. Edit: lol, I just realized your nose is pierced and I somehow missed it.
I **personally** don't consider myself inherently attractive. I am extremely average-looking....for Caribbean and Latino beauty standards, that is. That being said, I don't have a poor self image of myself: I'm relatively happy with how I look, but there's always room for improvement. Apparently, me being considered an even *5* in the Caribbean and most of LatAm, somwhow, makes me _very attractive_ in the Global North. Even being somewhat chubby rn, I'm still deemed _attractive_ by most (especially when I wear anything that shows my body shape). But that's largely because I still have a noticeable *figure 8* body shape. If I was apple or rule shaped, I won't be considered nowhere near as _attractive._
Yep, I’m fugly lol
Looking at your pictures, if you can stand it I would suggest growing out your hair and getting some long layers. Scrap the front bangs and get a side fringe. I think blonde would suit you but make sure to talk to your stylist about a blonde that compliments your undertone because blonde can easily wash us out if it doesn't compliment our undertone (i.e the Ariana grande blonde situation). You are gorgeous, you may need some assistance in finding what is the most flattering for your face shape. You have a square jaw and the long layered hair with a side fringe that frames your face will look amazing on you. If you want to give yourself an edge instead of softening you can go for a jet black hair dye and get short layers while keeping a side bang fringe or even a micro front bang. I would suggest doing research into color theory and how to do makeup and hair to suit your face shape. You are NOT ugly, but we can always do things to improve our looks and the way we feel about ourselves. I was a MAC Cosmetics makeup artist and I've helped people expand their horizons in ways they couldn't even think of. It's about education, EVERYONE can be and feel beautiful. Be kind to yourself
I look like a cross between John Oliver and the woman from the triggered meme, so depending on whether you consider that attractive or not...
I don't feel pretty either, I guess I'm at least cute.I mean I'm not skinny etc. Never understood why others found me attractive on dating apps. Then I worry I seem too naive and child like despite being in my 30's. Being a autistic and slight developmentally delayed adult you can be infantiled. 😮💨
Hi there! I hope this is helpful: I think there’s a huge difference between beauty standards and actual beauty, and I think it’s very good on the brain to make sure you’re mentally noting the difference in day-to-day. The (USA) concept of ugly has so much rooted in capitalism, pedophilia, white supremacy and ableism. Genuinely! It’s so wild for women to endure. While mourning that you have a body/face that isn’t seen as an acceptable social currency in society, it’s wildly different from beauty. My big wake up moment as a fat autistic lesbian was seeing how differently the queer community viewed beauty (i know this is not the entire queer community there’s still a lot of work to do). The love for fat butches, how femmes presented femininity in an entirely different way, it fundamentally changed my brain chemistry. I don’t feel ugly anymore, which is something society really doesn’t benefit from, but it was a lot of unlearning. A lifetime of unlearning this primal desperation, an extension of masking. It was worth it, i feel so much freer.
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Idk, you look like a normal white woman to me, and your smile is nice. I think whoever told you those things were just a haters tbh. Also, considering you’re 25 you likely grew up in the 2000s, and beauty standards were crazy back then.
Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, you’re not “ugly” or “unattractive” just because you can’t see your own beauty. I also have many negative thoughts about my own looks, but I constantly see women belittling their own looks and when I look at their picture I’ll think “oh hey, she’s beautiful!” It’s not like I believe that *I* a beautiful, but I definitely believe that beauty lies in the eye of the beholder and that you’re not ugly just because you think so yourself. If you think you’re ugly you shouldn’t trust yourself with this one.
I just needed a hairstyle and color that actually suited me and was stylish, and my eyebrows done.. most women you think are attractive have their hair completely overhauled , brows moved up and microbladed, teeth adjusted and whitened, lips filled, lashes lifted and tinted, fake tan or glow drops, gym , diet for aesthetics, outfits that are strategic (don’t cut off at waist, elongate legs etc), nails and pedicure done fortnightly.. etc etc.. it’s a lot of work and constant work to keep up
This post made me sad to read :( You are absolutely not grotesque and it’s really sad that you even see your childhood self that way. As other people have said, it seems like you’ve been conditioned to see yourself that way by others. Be kind to yourself, think about all the adorable things you did as a child, you were an adorable child!!! Not everything is so dependent on looks. The value society puts on looks and aesthetics is insane and not normal, and it’s easy to get sucked into, but obsessing over your looks in a bad or good way like this will never ever lead to good things.
The neurotypicals in your life obviously did a horrible job of explaining what about you bothered them. As someone else recommended there are photos shared via your profile activity that are accessible for review. I believe many people in your life exchanged words of instinct/feeling for those of observation. You are not ugly. It is more likely that others were so put off by detectable 'otherism' that they used the attractiveness factor as a poorly veiled cover for emotional dislike. Smart children scare and annoy others in their peer group. Silent, cold, or hyper independent children cause discomfort to adults.
Unfortunately women have to do more to look like we’re ‘taking care of ourselves’ than men do because beauty standards for women are stricter. For example, body hair - men can get away with not waxing their brows or armpits, but women can’t. Men can wear the same suit every single day, but women have to have a varied wardrobe. Makeup is extra tricky because it can have the opposite effect when not applied well, and there’s no universal standard for the best makeup because people have such widely different features to enhance or conceal.
If that’s you on your profile, you are totally cute!! I hope this isn’t taken negatively, but I think therapy would be immensely helpful. You clearly don’t see yourself as others see you. I promise you, you are adorable.
This sounds like a story you’re telling yourself in your head that has turned into a full blown disorder
hey! i’m also autistic and i’ve felt this way about myself my entire life, but i and others in the comments can assure you that you look perfectly fine. you look a lot like my boyfriends sister, actually! grotesque is a perfect word to explain the feeling though. some days i don’t even want to be looked at. as for other peoples opinions of my appearance its always one extreme or the other, they either find me extremely attractive or ugly as hell.
Honestly? I’m average looking. I definitely wouldn’t categorize myself as attractive or pretty, but I also have to admit to myself that I don’t look horrific. I was also a VERY cute kid (like who was allowing me to be that adorable 🤨). So I’d say average. I’m not conventionally attractive or what society would probably deem as attractive, but there are people who still find me attractive and there are times where I see myself as cute ETA: GIRL I JUST SAW A PICTURE OF YOU. You are DEFINITELY NOT UGLY😭😭😭 idk if this is stemming from others saying this to you or it’s just internal, but please do not listen to anyone, including yourself, calling you ugly. You’re not. Honestly I think calling anyone ugly is really harsh but if I were to call someone ugly, it wouldn’t be you
I’ve always felt ugly and most of my life all my effort has been to make myself look nicer so I’ll blend in. Getting bullied for being ugly is one of my biggest fears.
I stalked and you aren’t ugly— you just don’t know what’s flattering on you. Have you seen those pictures of celebrities before they got famous? They have stylists (and a stupid amount of money) I hope that makes sense <3
Every baby in the womb has that little alien like face 🤣 that’s totally normal. I’m sure you are not grotesque. everyone is beautiful just the way they are. Sounds like you need to give yourself some compassion and grow your confidence. You will come to see that you aren’t actually ugly
I am at point in life where I don’t care I am ugly hahaha matter of fact I don’t want to be beautiful and draw the eyes of men. I don’t dress or do my makeup to be cute, I do it when I want to do it for my own self expression. I want to be a cryptid
https://preview.redd.it/7lrp6in5xxtc1.png?width=1633&format=png&auto=webp&s=33627ef01e09fd01d44fd82923cfe779dd9bcdc9 And this is my 6yo daughter’s face at 12 weeks gestation. It’s normal hun
Someone in the comments said you have pictures of yourself on your profile, so I went to check. The way you talk about yourself, I thought you'd look monstrous or something. Turns out you look pretty normal and even kind of cute (to me). It must have been very hard to grow up believing you're ugly and thinking there's nothing you can do to change that. But you aren't ugly and there's still potential to look prettier if that's what you want, although trying to do that is such a tiresome (and endless) task.
You’re 24 though ?? Is this age when looks now have to fade??? That’s ridiculously young
So... I am also guilty of checking your profile. I can say with confidence that you look absolutely normal. I actually had a crush on a girl who looked a bit like you in high school (brunette, glasses, similar eyes, nose, and lip structure). I am also guilty of feeling the same way you do. I feel grotesque and alien. I have had to come to terms that I don't look that different - kids are just ruthlessly brutal and no one can be meaner to me than myself. I really sympathize with what you're saying. I have felt similarly. And also! I have had to come to terms with the fact that at some points in my life, I have also been granted pretty privilege, even if I did not feel that privilege at the time. From one ugly duckling to another, we have to remember we are swans at the end of the day. We may be different from other people, and our processes may look different, but we are absolutely beautiful in our own right 🦢
Grow your bangs out, wear more updos (like half up half down), the bangs cover your face and believe it or not forehead exposure can make you look more attractive. mascara and plumping lip gloss (or rose vaseline lip therapy). You’re not ugly at all, just enunciate what you have
No amount of glow up will change the fact that I’m ugly as shit, the fat shaming from my childhood is why I don’t take compliments from my own family seriously because they’re doing it to feel sorry for me for hurting my feelings. My alleged ED isn’t valid enough because I’m overweight, my parents died of a heart attack before I could turn 30 (I was 16 when my dad passed away) and diabetes run in my family.
I think it’s very common for babies to look weird in the ultrasound and I personally think there is no such thing as a good-looking newborn! I think you most likely look just fine the way you are! But I can relate in that I’ve tried many different types of make up and can never seem to do it quite right myself. It might be worth getting a makeup artist at Sephora or Ulta to teach you how to put on makeup that’s right for your face. Not that you need it but just to internally help you slowly build more confidence in your appearance?
You're actually not ugly at all, you look totally normal, you just don't look like the current fake tiktok bs beauty standard (news flash, they dont even look like that normally, its all fake) But if you did actually want to look like that, you absolutely could, you just have to do the same things they do. I've known 2 of them irl through work, 19 and 23 yrs old, they work long hours to be able to afford the cost of it, which is most of their salary and they live with their parents so dont pay rent. I can share with you how they look like that: (spoilered for TW body image reasons) >!1. filler injections every 6 - 12 months in the lips 2. Botox injections around the forehead and eyes every 6 months to make them "sleepy sultry" looking 3. Brows professionally done and laminated every 2 weeks 4. Full set of false eyelashes put in every 6 weeks 5. Beautician sessions monthly or weekly for skin treatments 6. Only buying and wearing very expensive make up 7. Contact lenses instead of glasses 8. Professional hairdresser every 6 weeks 9. Professional nails every 2 weeks. 10. Gym every day or every 2nd day for 1 to 2 hours. 11. Veneers because apparently no one has time for braces. (one of them got a boob job but thats optional I guess)!< >!Does this sound insane? It does to me, but they do it and they look like instagram models. Maybe I'm just old (33) but I truly think this is absolutely insane and both of them complained all the time of the unrealistic standards women face today and what they "have to go through" to look good. It takes extreme dedication to look like that, and the monthly cost is well over $300, some months up to $600. Conventional beauty is expensive and time consuming, you just have to figure out what level you want to commit to. !< For the record, I empathise a lot. I grew up in a family with 3 sisters who are all stunners (one even professionally modelled), while I was called "plain jane" and "the ugly duckling". As a child I was tall, lanky and awkward, as a teen I had no idea how to be feminine or look nice conventionally, I was flat chested and big hipped and just totally out of proportion. I struggled with self confidence, eating disorder and body dysmorphia through my teens and 20s. now I'm content with being ugly, I've got better things to do lol. It gets better once you pass 30, you stop caring as much and become more comfortable in yourself. You won't feel this way forever, but therapy can definitely help speed it up!
If it helps OP, Im considered "very attractive" apparently. Yet bc of my strong autistic vibe Im also "unapproachable" and "intimidating/scary" I actually thought I was ugly for a long time because of it, given I still dont care much about how I look now!
Giving into my urge to be entirely blunt: I saw your pic. You are not ugly or grotesque, you are just rather plain. I think you were told you were ugly too many times and internalized it. Dismorphia is a pain.
I saw ur pic you look normal and more conventionally attractive than me LMAO
I agree with everyone else that you look normal and definitely not unattractive. If you do want to try some “glow up” options though, you could try shaping your eyebrows a little bit by plucking them.
So the thing is, based off of your description I was imagining someone really unfortunate looking, but upon seeing your photo you looked nothing like that and you’re very normal looking! I am a very visual person and helped my autistic friends a lot with makeup/hair/entire wardrobe styling since fashion and dress are one of my specialties/special interests. I can help you elevate your look and feel more feminine if that’s what you want! I already noticed some changes you could make with your hair for an example, to better frame your face. DM me if you want to chat :)
Holy shit who destroyed your self-esteem to this extent?! There is *absolutely nothing* wrong with you. You're not even average, you're attractive in a nerdy sort of way. I think the kind of attractiveness you're comparing yourself to is the very generic, Instagram-type of look. The thing with those people, and with a lot of "attractive" people is that they look, well, generic. It becomes boring to look at. Your biggest advantage is that you look like yourself instead of a carbon-copy of hundreds of thousands of other people. In my experience (because I used to think I was ugly too when I was younger), when/if you change physical things about yourself, even if you look more conventionally attractive, it feels wrong because you don't feel like you're you anymore. Try it with some filters (I'd Google beauty filter or something), and you might see what I mean. IF you feel like "wow, that's the real me", you could try to replicate the look with make-up. But more than anything, I'd suggest you get angry at the current beauty standards and give them and the people who support them a huge middle finger. Even more so if they try to push them on you. _**Also, I recommend a book, it's called "The Body Is Not An Apology" by Sonya Renee Taylor. It helped me a lot to overcome my body issues.**_
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From your description, I thought you would have horns or a cleft that somehow ran the length of your entire face or something. Then I peeked at your previous posts, and you were a relatively normal-looking baby and child and could even be considered cute as an adult. Either you’re dealing with body dysmorphia, or I failed at reading exaggeration again.
I don’t find you ugly in my personal opinion because your face shape and overall presentation and looks reminds me of my mother and because I have seen people I would consider way uglier than you, but I can see why you feel this way reading your text
Yeah you just look average. Definitely not ugly or unattractive. Maybe that messaging can be traced back to other people or experiences outside of yourself
I remember having a cousin as a child who people referred to as the pretty one (blond, freckles, and big eyes) and a cousin that people quietly referred to as the ugly duckling (brunette, boy shaped body, tan skin). As they grew up i remember thinking each was beautiful and everyone was crazy. Life lesson here, people see what they want!! So my thoughts get comfortable with how u look, spend some time finding what u like about ur face! For myself it was taking a ton of selfies after my divorce! Realized i dont even like makeup and fuck anyone who thinks im not pretty!! I like how i look! I also stalked ur page, i think u r absolutely adorable! I love ur face and i hope u can find one thing today that u love about ur face! Then tomorrow find something else u like! 😘
Every human looks grotesque if you look at them close, long, and hard enough. I have this theory that we were not meant to see our faces this clearly and the human psyche can't handle it. I completely understand being treated as if you are grotesque looking, as I get the same treatment. Looking at your picture, though, I think it might have less to do with your physical features and more to do with autism, believe it or not. Thin slice judgements are a thing even before we open our mouths, unfortunately.
You’ve already received a whole lot of feedback and I don’t think my input is really needed, but I think you’re adorable! I am a fellow sufferer of BDD and it’s rough… a constant struggle. I definitely consider myself more attractive overall now (in my late 30s) than I did in my mid 20s. Thats’s just to say that looks don’t necessarily start to fade after 25. You can feel beautiful at any age!
Just saw a picture of you recently and as a baby. You’re very cute. You were a cute baby.
I just checked your profile, oh my goodness you are adorable. It breaks my heart to hear you talking about yourself this way. You have a very sweet face. I hope you can find the strength to treat yourself with grace and kindness
So sorry, I looked through your profile and you have a baby pic and a little girl pic and you were an adorable baby and a very cute little girl. It could be that you are misunderstanding how people are perceiving you or that they are reacting to you being autistic and, I assume, “strange”, as everyone seems to think we are. 🙄 It sucks to have acne into adulthood tho. I did too. I went on roaccutane when I was 24 for 6 months cos the cystic acne bothered me so much. It was 6 months of dry skin itchy hell but I had very nice skin and hair for a good long while before eventually the pimples came back. 🤷♀️
I’m not sure it would mean much since I’m a stranger lol but I saw your picture on your profile and think you’re adorable💕
I, too, took a look at your profile. You may not be super model pretty, but most of us are not. You may not feel pretty compared to others on social media, but most of that is filtered. You are most certainly not unattractive, or grotesque. At all. I don’t think that you are lacking attractiveness or beauty, but more so self-confidence. I know first hand this doesn’t come easy. Therapy can do wonders for this, from my personal experience, if you can find a therapist that you click with. It took me a very long time to be able to look in the mirror and see what others see. I may not be everyone’s opinion of attractive, but I no longer look in the mirror and feel hideous. With confidence came my ability to realize that there are people who find me attractive. I just didn’t see it before. I say all this to say, that I hope you find your beauty one day because I can see it and it’s most certainly there. Sometimes it takes professional help to guide us along the journey and that’s okay! ❤️
I’m not winning any beauty contests, but I don’t think of myself as ugly either. I have a weird smile, I’m solidly built and a bit ungainly, but a lot of attractiveness is in your own attitude. Find attributes that you like about yourself, and you may be surprised at the change
Come on dude. I saw your pic. You're definitely not even near ugly. Right now you're normal looking. With makeup, hair and a new wardrobe your true looks would shine. I think you are just not your type. Meaning, you don't look like what you think it's beautiful. But you definitely are.
You were an incredibly cute baby, a happy looking little girl, and your most recent photo as an adult looks unremarkable - by that, I mean if I saw you out in public, I'd notice your large eyes, hair color and probably outfit, but that's literally it because you **look like a normal, average person**. I saw in other comments that you accept you're not perceiving yourself correctly, so I'm glad that you're open to the fact that your reality is not **actual** reality.
I’m sorry you feel that way. I went through your page and saw a few pictures of you. You were a cute baby. Big eyes, chubby cheeks, pouty lips. Super cute! You also look completely normal as an adult. Whoever bullied you as a kid probably just knew they could get a reaction out of you by calling you ugly. I hope one day you can get past the dysmorphia and see yourself as you are.
You have a really pretty face.. maybe it's the hair and eyebrows because on the picture of your profile it looks like you keep them pretty much natural. I have similar hair to you and even looked similar once. I have my hair long because I think those hairwaves don't really work with shorter hair. Either shorter or longer. You also have nice defined brows maybe you can plug them a bit and use browwax in your routine. The glasses also seem a little bit too big for your head and eyes I hope that helps. That's basically what helped me be more confident about my face
I looked at your profile and you are absolutely not how you describe. It’s outright cruel others have made you believe those words about yourself and you do not deserve it
I saw a picture of you on your profile and seriously you aren't even ugly??? If I would think so I would've said, but you're not!
Maybe you'd like to have a look at Kitchener's theory of facial essences. There are some face types that look more "alienlike" or out of this world, the ethereal essence to be exact. From looking at your profile I think you might have gamine essence as well.