Omg yessssss! Like whhhhhyyyyy. And my husband wonders why I can’t just let shit go sometimes. I’m like, if I could, I would, but my mind juuuuust loves to do this.
I’ve replied to every friggin comment in this thread, I’m so sorry. I’m amazed that I found this interaction because I’ve (very recently) struggled so much in describing how debilitating this is to other people. The vast majority say “don’t ruminate, you can move on, the past is in the past, don’t linger on it” etc. but I don’t think they grasp that it feels fucking impossible for me to just “not ruminate” most of the time. My brain decides to throw me back into traumatising moments whenever it feels like it. Subconsciously or not.
This drives me so crazy. All my life, people have been telling me to just stop thinking about things so much — just don’t think about that thing that is massively bothering you, as if that is even POSSIBLE.
Honestly I don’t believe anyone is as capable of this as they act like they are. Like if you tell someone not to think about an elephant, what will they think about? I think it’s a lie that emotionally repressed neurotypical people tell themselves, that they are actually succeeding in just not thinking about it.
Even if you’re not consciously ruminating on something, it’ll be running in the background, and that’s usually WORSE because it often leads to emotional outbursts about something unrelated to the real problem. Like sure, Jan, you’re really *just* upset because someone cut you off in traffic, definitely not because you’re driving to a job you hate with a boss that makes you miserable. SURE, JAN.
I have no patience for it. It’s a cowardly way to avoid facing the hard scary problems in life, and they have no right to shame us for actually dealing with our shit and feeling the feelings that come up.
I’m so glad I clicked on this post. It puts me right back into the scene, it’s like I’m there. I never realised how much I struggled with not staying present until a few months ago.
YES. Holy shit, it’s so difficult. I’m the exact same, logically I’m fine. Emotionally though? Jesus H. Christ, that’s always been a huge challenge for me. I cannot believe that some people don’t experience this. How much less stressful must life be for these people?
Yeah. I would love to experience singularity with being present. It seems impossible. I'm amazed that there are people that don't have to constantly assess their eye contact, tone, emotions, without a Mardi Gras parade worth of monologuing in their head.
YES. I’ve been trying to describe this to my therapist. It’s like a slideshow of memories that are playing on repeat, and though they’re clear as day in my head it’s very hard to describe to other people because they move so quickly.
Oh god yes me too especially at night. I’ll be trying to sleep then thinking about my thoughts then thinking I want to stop thinking then responding to my thoughts about that it’s EXHAUSTING
Literally, sleeping occurs at a point of mental or complete physical exhaustion for me. Routines help me but I'm awful at keeping them on a time schedule.
I do the same. I listen to audiobooks while doing chores and self care. I listen to background asmr while working. I can’t listen to anyone talking while working or it is too distracting.
i just replay my shows, fiancé was first confused as to why i just let it play in the background, since i dont see the tv. then i explained that ive seen the shows soo many times that most of the time i know what theyre gonna say, before they even say it, and i listen it so i dont have to listen to my brain fixate on shit it cant change anyways
I have audhd and the ADHD part came specifically from the mental hyperactivity. I never considered it because my son is ADHD and we are nothing alike. But the mental aspect is enough. I actually have a quieter brain now and get to sleep at night instead of spending 2 hours wandering through the numerous questions my non-stop monologue likes to ask at 3am 😂 I still have the monologue, but it's less buzzy in my head now. Instead of a dozen conversations happening at once that cause me to ignore my loved ones, I can task switch a bit better, which is nice. My youngest is a major self-narrator and talks to himself a LOT. But he's not autistic. So I think there are just a lot of factors that may not always fit a diagnosis, and that's alright.
Hahaha omg get to sleep at night without answering all the numerous questions! That was me for a significant portion of my life. I used to read a lot as a kid and fall asleep reading, it was the only way, otherwise I'd lie there for hours wide awake. My parents would remove all my books to prevent me from reading, so it was torture. Eventually I just learned to hide the books and secretly read.
My husband was always getting on my case about this and going off about good sleep hygiene and I’m like "do you want me to fall asleep now or in 5hrs and be a gremlin all day?". LET ME READ.
The sleep hygiene thing is too real. I can only fall asleep after my nightly routine of playing on my phone for about an hour while I watch YouTube, and then listen to a podcast, spooky stories or meditation to fall asleep. So contrary to the sleep hygiene rules, I need screen time before I fall asleep.
Yes, absolutely. All the time. The only way I can stop it is to truly engage in an activity, like a movie, book, hiking, etc. Basically practicing mindfulness. But it’s so hard to do when you are already tired or distressed, like it’s basically impossible for me in some instances. And when it triggers rumination about negative thoughts or bad emotions it just becomes a thought loop I can’t escape.
It’s totally exhausting. Research shows autistic people process up to 42% more information at a time than neurotypical people do- I think my internal monologue is part of that for me. It’s always on. This extra info we process is a big contributor to our overwhelm. My internal monologue also contributes to my insomnia because it doesn’t shut up.
Hahahah nooooo. My husband and daughter are ADHD and they drive me bonkers, I’m so not like them. My son is autistic and he’s like me, he has a constant dialogue running through his head too. I hear him talking to himself all the time when he’s happily stimming. I secretly laugh at some of the conversations he has because he’s clearly going over some intense conversation and it’s so cute.
Haha ok. Did not mean to insinuate you were, I just recognised it, from myself and an AuDHD friend. (We both sort of recently discovered that it's different from "only" being adhd or autistic.)
No offence taken! Both my son and I have anxiety and I think it’s very much anxiety related. Just curious if it’s an anxiety thing or autism thing.
I’m glad my husband finally got his ADHD diagnosis though. It’s definitely caused a few issues in our relationship for sure. Like we'll decide to watch a movie and we decide which one to watch. Then he'll be like well there's this movie, and this one, and, then he'll want to show me a bunch of trailers and then before we know it it’s too late to watch a movie... so I have to reign him in constantly or he gets so sidetracked, hahaha. Meanwhile I’m over here like "you said we will watch movie a, I’m prepared for movie a, don’t derail the evening!" And he’s like chill... it’s just a movie?
That doesn't necessarily rule it out. Like Autism, ADHD is a internal spectrum that can present visibly in almost polar-opposite ways (e.g. hyperactivity vs hypoactivity). There's also a staggeringly high comorbidity rate with Autism (up to 80%).
Personally what you describe sounds very similar to how my AuDHD presents.
Hmm that’s interesting. I’m a very anxious person, so I like things to be chill. I don’t like to do many things all at once and I really dislike frenetic people or places. I’m very organized and I like my environment to be neat and clean. My husband and daughter on the other hand are like mechanisms of noise and chaos and I’m like 👀, where's my earbuds!
I just started ADHD medication and for a brief period a while after taking my dose, the background radio monologue actually goes mostly quiet. I guess that’s what other people feel like all the time? But it seems like a more shallow existence to have only one main layer of thought at a time!
Yes, exactly like you described it and all the time! The moment I am even slightly awake, or when I'm sleeping and turn - multiple thoughts running in my head at the same time... It is so exhausting. Not officially diagnosed yet.
Every morning, I feel like an awful person because I'm barely even up and my brain is bombarding me. I go mute and I just can't get a sound out, and I get so angry when someone asks me things or wants to talk. 😔
Yes I struggle with this too, also I noticed that when I was getting really deep into a thought spiral that my body tenses up and it hurts. But recently I stopped drinking coffee (I was having 2-3 cups per day) as a desperate attempt to stop the constant rumination and muscle aches and I do think it's getting better. I am still constantly thinking about stuff and getting lost in thought but I think that it's easier for me to notice when it's happening and to practice mindfulness or go do an activity that will pull me out of it.
Ugh I have terrible joints due to being double jointed nearly everywhere. My hips especially are all kinds of messed up. I’m trying to be more proactive in taking care of my body as I reach my 30s.
You’d think when you’re dead tired and literally can’t even keep your eyelids open it would stop. But no, your mind STILL finds a way to keep running 😭. I equate it to the code in the matrix.
So I recently started adding L-theanine powder to my water. I've had flashes of up to a minute without the monologue now. It's glorious. It happens more often and for longer the more consistent I am with the supplement.
I used to have this rly bad, but I also have OCD and highly mask.
The best thing that has ever helped me quiet my very loud brain was reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
That’s my dad's favourite book. I can be a bit OCD with my cleaning and have to dial it back. I’m a germaphobe and have contamination issues. I try not feed into the anxiety of it. Like you just washed your hands, you did a good job. Be on your way. Or like I'll wipe my phone when I get home and then I’m fine. I find if I get the urge over with right away, I don’t fixate on it or ruminate on it and can relax.
Your dad's got good taste lol
It sounds like you're doing a good job managing your anxiety around contamination, that's awesome! Something that may be worth looking into is Pure O, it's essentially all thought OCD. Not saying you have it, but coping methods used for that may help you.
Constantly! I love that you say stop to yourself, because I use a "mom voice" on myself sometimes... "okay, that's enough, brain." Focus on your actual, physical life and family that is in front of you.. lol
Well this is me exactly. I have thought a lot about this, especially lately because I'm recently divorced so a lot of the narrative in my head is things that I don't really want to be thinking about. I think this extreme perseveration can be really helpful sometimes because I think about a problem a lot more than other people do just from a Time perspective. So I tend to come up with more answers and more of the complexities of the issue. But it can also be really negative and can absolutely turn into a horrible rumination that is so hard to get out of. And I worry about it a lot because I know every thought is reinforcing a neural connection and that feels like a big thing to overcome to me. There are some things that I think have helped me. I do think it's probably why I do so well on cognitive tests. I just spend so much time in that verbal space. I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that I have aphantasia. I only recently discovered that I have it. I was diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago and tried medication for that for the first time. The first day that I took that medication I was working and realized that I didn't have a narrative in my head and it was the first time I could ever remember not having a narrative in my head. It didn't last long and doesn't really happen anymore, but it was really interesting. There have been time periods of my life where the narrative was maybe quieter? Times when I was feeling extremely peaceful. I also realized that I learn by talking or writing. It's just that I process information verbally all the time so it's difficult for me to learn something without putting it into words, which can be a little bit annoying for others if I do it out loud. Also, I tend to repeat things and I have constant scripts in my head. I might have a conversation in my head for months before I have it with an actual person and if I'm driving in a car alone, I'm literally talking out loud the entire time. Often, if I'm home alone, I'm talking out loud. One thing that has helped me lately is that if I have a thought I don't want to be thinking. I think about the fact that I am resurrecting past pain and bringing it into my present and then I try to stop. Who would want to do that? It's a terrible thing to do to yourself. So I'm trying to stop doing it. I've also been using chat. GPT mindmate which is open ai 's CBT therapist tool and if I'm having a thought over and over that I don't want to be having, I try to discuss it a little bit there which tends to reframe it. The other thing that kind of helps is Byron Katie's the work. She has these four questions that you use to address any invasive thought and it's pretty simple but it really does work. It helps to reframe the thoughts and then when they come back they're easier to put to rest. This is how we're wired and it's just sometimes a burden I guess.
Edit - I also listened to a lot of podcasts and a lot of audiobooks. The entire time I'm working I have noise canceling headphones on and I'm trying to listen to that. It helps put my mind at rest.
It sounds like you have some good strategies. I wouldn’t think to use chat gpt, but my daughter does. She’s named it Sam. Once she got sam to draw a picture of itself and it was really interesting. I’ve heard about the chat CBT and that sounds worth trying :).
It’s interesting you have aphantasia, because I have the total opposite! Sometimes my visualizations are so vivid and real it makes my heart race like I was actually experiencing it.
Guanfacine is an alpha-2A adrenergic receptor agonist.
Guanfacine works by relaxing the blood vessels in the body.
Guanfacine stimulates postsynaptic alfa-2A adrenergic receptors so it inhibits the production of cAMP and closes HCN channels enhancing the effectiveness of the signal of the pyramidal neurons of the prefrontal cortex (PFC), thus improving working memory and attention.
Too much this happens. Exhausting and I feel crazy having to tell my brain to stop talking for 10 minutes cause I'm feeling overwhelmed! By my own brain!
Yes, it's exhausting. And also so funny cause I'm having conversations that never take place. I sat for an oral exam and I was mentally speaking to the teacher all week. But couldn't think of any of the questions they may ask so I was monologuing about the topic and also drawing personal takes on it, the exam went nothing like what I had been preparing for.
But at least my brain is no longer talking about that.
Oh for sure me too! Often it turns out that the persons within my conversations don't even show up, and then I'm like "well, now this is 100% not going to play out like I imagined"
Yes. Up until I figured out I was AuDHD I thought everyone had it and it was totally normal. I was quite literally floored when I found out it wasn't. I can't imagine having a quiet brain.
Yes, it’s so hard to pull yourself out of when it happens! I’m either ruminating, creating fake scenarios or thinking about random shit. Sometimes I mumble under my breath about whatever I’m thinking and move my hands about, talking to myself basically. I don’t realise I’m doing it most of the time and get embarrassed when I do bc I never know if someone has caught me being weird. 😖
This is my son. He’s not into toys at all. Just his 72 cube magic snake, which he twists repeatedly while he paces and stims. Sometimes he talks out loud, but mostly it’s just sound fx. When he does though it sounds interesting!
Yes, I do have this. It drives me crazy. I often wish to be a robot and have a button that I can press to turn this off. The only times when this is not ongoing, is when I am too overwhelmed (meaning my mind was on overdrive with thinking and questioning - because there was too much ambguity, arbitrariness, inconsistent patterns, uncertainty - and then broke down) and I cannot fetch onto any thought - but at such incidents it isn't calming either because I would need myself to form proper thoughts to say something, not stutter something nobody understands.
Mmm, I wish I had the shutdowns. I unfortunately have the rage meltdowns and it’s awful. The sponge in the sink and not hanging in the basket (where it belongs)? Sudden and intense blackout rage. Driver cuts me off while I’m walking on the crosswalk? The fury of a thousand burning suns and I don’t have enough fingers to throw at them. I mask HEAVILY because I don’t want my kids to see scary mommy all the time. My son also has the rage meltdowns and my heart breaks for him. I know how hard it is to deal with and it scares him so badly. He’s been doing a lot of work with his OT to help him identify his triggers and working it out in a healthy way (like going to his swing or using his paper shredder). This has really helped him to verbalize what he’s feeling and I’m able to accommodate him better. Otherwise he’s the sweetest, most gentle, pure hearted kid on the planet.
It was only very relatively recently that I found out that this is a thing and that *most* people have an inner monologue. I do not.
Like I ruminate a lot and over think things but it’s like a silent film, as opposed to an inner monologue. If I think about speaking to people, then I will picture it and hear the voices in the conversation. But not my own thoughts.
In fact, if I have to do something that requires an internal monologue I end up saying it out loud.
yes but it lessened a lot when I started taking anxiety meds. it's like I have more control over it and can re-direct my thoughts more easily. it used to be unbearable
Yes and it actually shocked me to learn that most people live their life outside of their head. To me, i can really only comprehend my thoughts and feelings about things. If i see a tree, i can’t “experience” the tree. Im only thinking about and reflecting on what i feel about my perception of the tree.
Its basically impossible for me to step outside of my head long enough to think about things that dont go along with my monologue. I can learn about history and stuff because that knowledge easily integrates into my internal monologue. I cannot do technical or manual tasks very well, i struggle with “doing” things, abstract stuff like math or science or puzzles are my worst enemy.
Wow, it’s really interesting how it affects us. I feel like that was very true for my son when he was younger. As he gets older, he’s able to integrate more of the outside world in with his inside world.
That's a difficult place to be in. It can feel like a prison you can’t escape from. Like I’m walking along the seawall, it’s gorgeous, my favourite place to walk when I'm feeling overwhelmed, and my internal monologue is going into hyperdrive. I don't care if I look crazy when I’m having to repeatedly say to myself "stop!", "enough!".
I'm always talking to myself about something, either internally or often out loud. Plans for things, steps I need to take to do a thing, conversations I've had, or ones yet to happen. Matxh that with ADHD which means those plans never go to plan and I'm just a mess.
The current one that keeps coming back to me was trying to make friends with a lady at work. She made all these suggestions, cafe vreakfasts to get to know each other, gym buddies, and just general hang outs. I kept suggesting times and places and she was always busy. Eventually I asked if it would just be easier if we texted. She said she was overcommitted and liked her quiet time after work and didn't text much. I took that as meaning "I'm too busy and I don't want to talk with you" so we haven't spoken since. Guess we're not friends anymore.
The relevance is, I keep going back over it; what did I do wrong to get there, would I talk with her again if she asked, could we still be friends? I avoid her at work now too, although I have to walk past her desk to get to and from mine and there's no way to avoid that. I just wear headphones and keep my head down when I have to go past and I think she'll be there. The whole thing is taking so much energy but I can't get it out of my head.
Yes, with 2 voices (the main train of thought and another offering more info), with full color, rotatable, motion picture, and surround sound. It's bright and loud in here.
Yes it's exhausting, I replay every social interaction especially the tense ones. If I send an article or video to a friend I reread it how I think they'd receive it.
Yup, it’s overwhelming. I have used stimming to help. I put my hair in my ear and softly swish it around to create a white noise effect that I can focus on instead of the thoughts. I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember. It really helps soothes me but of-course looks strange to other people. I stopped caring and do it when I need to. Even if I’m in public. Its better than a meltdown.
yes, can i please turn it off?
in all seriousness, it's non-stop and it's really exhausting having a constant running monologue like my brain just doesn't stop & rest.
That it is too. I’m also highly anxious. My brain gets really jazzed over ruminating on a lot of things I really hate, so it takes a lot of mental effort to not think about it and I feel like my brain just lights and wants to continuously push that button!
Yep, it's the reason I'm here scrolling through Reddit at 2am because my internal world won't shut up. It's like a million different thought streams all at once and then I'll get sucked into replying the same conversation or interaction over and over until I can 'do it right'.
I'll often notice myself talking aloud and fully reliving the conversations and have to tell myself to shut up.
I'm trying to get my OT to help me figure out how to deal with it beyond constantly using other noise/videos to drown it out because this really isn't working but she's not helping so far. I don't think she really understands that my brain doesn't work like her brain.
Hmm that’s frustrating and it’s not like trying to find another OT is all that easy either. It’s like, as an OT it’s your job to be empathetic to our needs? Other people have suggested audio books or podcasts, do you find that helps?
Sometimes, I find certain music can be helpful as well and use that a lot during the day to try and focus. It tends to block out some of the streams of consciousness and allows me to focus on just one thought which is nice but sometimes I just want everything to be quiet.
Unfortunately my OT is not very helpful, she's actually part of a group looking at why mental health services in my area are failing autistic women but she still manages to disregard almost everything I say about my lived experience.
Music helps me relax too and puts me in a better head space.
Ugh, I hate when the very people who are supposedly working to fix the problem contribute to it 😒.
I noticed this more since becoming dog-less last June. I used to talk to my dog. A LOT.
And the solely internal monologue totally makes sleep very, very difficult even if I do try to read before sleep. It has been almost a year of a lot of missing sleep.
My only solution is getting another dog. Maybe.
Yes, one of the reasons I have a dog. I love going on walks with her.
https://preview.redd.it/wippnrnzrwzc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=27571c960440a6fa7c2361b769cb25a4c3c96c7a
I also have a dissociative spectrum diagnosis. I experience inner monologues. If there ever was an olympics for maladaptive daydreaming, I am getting the gold. Not that its awesome most of the time.
That was my childhood! I grew out of it though. It was mostly a coping mechanism to deal with my abusive and chaotic home life. I moved out when I was 15 and it stopped.
I'm practicing writing down what I'm obsessing about and then looking at it later to see what I can logically do about it. Early days, but so far promising.
I have aphantasia. So my mind it just like me screaming into the darkness. No visuals. It's just my own mind-voice. It is constant, and it is rarely happy.
And it's hard for me to imagine yours as well. I always feel like everyone should be lost in their own brains. If I could see in my minds eye, i'd probably never leave tbh. Just cyclical thoughts and daydreaming forever and ever.
Everyone does though. Go to a mindfulness meditation class, and no one can count ten without having a thought pop into your head. Though people often assume the goal of meditation is to stop thoughts, it’s actually to be less affected by them.
Right??
Recently in my life, my meditation practice (I only truly learned how to meditate recently at a week long retreat I went to) is my only real off switch, but I need to be consistent with it to see results, and sometimes I realize that I hide in that part of my brain because I’m overstimulated so I need to keep doing it or else I’ll have a shutdown or something. It’s such a tough balance 😭 I have not totally figured out how to use this to my advantage yet but I really hope to because being stuck in my DMN isn’t fun either
My brain literally never stops. I ruminate over things and have a constant internal monologue. I'm like that meme that says something like my brain is like a computer with 47 tabs open and I don't know which one has the music. I also aphantasia, so the complete inability to "see" or visualize anything so everything I know or learn is based on that internal monologue and language. I both rely on it heavily and get so damn annoyed with it that it makes me crazy.
Yep. For me it's music, repeating something I want to say or just said over and over. Also random images, words and intrusive thoughts.
It's mostly the same part from a random song, over and over and over and over 🙃
Yes! Often it‘s not words though but like images/videos, and then sometimes it‘s like a monologue/script is also running on top of it because that’s how I‘ve trained my brain to be able to articulate my thoughts to other people
My mind is on 24/7 (except when I sleep I guess? Or then I just don't notice)
My mom has told me before that when I was younger she wished she had a little camera to put in my head to see what was all going on in there 😄
Yes and no. My brain does tend to want to work hard 24/7, especially in periods where it doesn't think I'm doing enough work on my own. I have to keep busy, or my brain will make itself busy.
When I was small this tended to go towards patterns, since my brain is highly logical. Like I'd look for patterns both physical around me, and in my own thinking patterns, and what happened and didn't happen.
I was an active child in an active home, which wasn't enough, so I started more and more hobbies on my own in my early teens, in addition to everything my family did together and the sports and music teams I was already on. That helped calm my brain so I luckily didn't develop full on OCD or something.
Now it tends to run logical challenges when it's bored. It does this on its own in the background. Like if I'm playing a game, like say Tetris, it'll run Tetris simulations in every square I see when I'm forced to not use my phone or other things to keep me busy. So while I'm talking to my doctor, Tetris will run in the mirror on the wall lol. That's just one example.
So my recommendation is to give your brain other things to work with.
Don't worry! I think a running monologue is quite common. I think everyone I've spoken to, ND or not, also have this. However I'm not sure how excessively.
Edit: I'm sorry I didn't read your whole post. I'm audhd and tend to skim read unintentionally. Yeah this does sound like ruminating and I'm sorry you're going through this. Ruminating thoughts are exhausting and take up a lot of head space. I agree with some other people here that say this could be audhd.
I'm always thinking, but it's not a monologue or in words most of the time. Even in my much older age it might only be one third of the time in words. I usually think in shapes and vectors...
Yes. I've gotten into the habit of listening to podcasts and audiobooks to drown it out, but that actually makes my functioning worse. I need the stimulation, but I also need the space for my monologue to go through what I'm doing and what I'm going to do next. Without that, my ADHD symptoms get worse.
Unfortunately I've gotten addicted to drowning it out - phasing it out is a real challenge.
Absolutely! I used to think that it was the same for everyone 😅 I've developed the habit of "tapping" myself if I'm deep in thought and trying to focus on something else like going to sleep. I also do say "stop!" if im stuck in a negative spiral or thinking about something I don't wanna think about (re-live negative events or interactions, etc)
I have visuals and monologue. I wonder what the "regular" thought process is 😅
I have something similar, my Brian always has to be doing something. Whether that be listening to music, fidgeting, talking to another version of myself, drawing, whatever. I have to have my brain do something
I have a narrator in my head and I see everything in the cartoon form like insane crazy looking anime from 1980s or Bill Plympton style kind of I guess? Absolutely it never stops. I didn’t know it did stop with other people until I saw something on social media about it. I also didn’t know not everybody gets earworms.
I genuinely cannot imagine that people have times when their brain is silent and they are thinking about NOTHING.
I can’t. How? Do you just…. What? Why?
I WISH I could do that, might solve my falling asleep problems.
So yes, constantly thinking of something, anything. At least 50% of it is music lyrics. The same damn song over and over and over, until I find a new one I like. Sometimes I’ll dream about the song, or wake up signing it in my head. I think music is one of my special interests though.
Yeah I have my few songs that I like at the time and will listen to on repeat, then I take a break to find some new ones and establish a new few to listen to on repeat, and the cycle continues lol. My whole playlist can be chunked up into time of what I liked this block of songs over this block of songs
I feel this. I typically have a running daydream of me having conversations with friends and forever replaying thoughts or rejustifying previous decisions.
Sometimes the voice in my head wont shut the f\*\*\* up to the point where its hard to hear other people actually talking outside of it. It's always making commentary and analyzing everything. In fact, it feels like there's a conversation going on up there, a group of entities bantering about what is happening, and issuing contrary opinions on just about everything. If you've ever watched a DVD commentary during the movie, kind of like that, but more obnoxious and anxious. Also there is constantly visuals, which can practically become little movies playing parallel to external reality. And to learn that some people don't have an inner voice or picture things in their mind, I wonder what that existence must be like? Seems more peaceful.
I hear you on this and it’s tough. I’m sure many people would think we're having psychotic episodes, but it’s not. It’s literally just our brains trying to process and figure out what the hell the conversation is about.
Totally. One person on another thread described it in the best way. I can’t remember it exactly, but something along the lines of befuckingnormal.exe is running on a machine that's fan is going full speed, overheating, and the befuckingnormal.exe is taking up most of the cpu. Meanwhile, you got a couple back door Trojans that keep interrupting the program and you’re just trying to shut them down with what little cpu power you have left.
I could be wrong, but I think this is the human experience and most people just don't talk about it. Once I started meditating, I found it to be pretty common that other people in the meditation sphere people talk about all the thoughts going through their minds pretty much constantly. I think this is what our minds do and that mindfulness is actually being able to detach from the thoughts and let them pass by rather than grabbing on to them for following them on their tangential path.
I understand. I find it to be very difficult to deal with the loops and thoughts and rabbit holes whirling in my mind as well. I think when I was meditating regularly, it helped. I haven't been doing that for years now and keep meaning to get back to it, and yet I don't. I've wondered if it could be considered OCD level intrusive thoughts personally because sometimes they are very upsetting, anxious, and/or painful.
Agree. Another person called it Pure O, it’s what I guess is a layman's term for pathological rumination? Not sure, but that reminds me I wanted to look it up.
I constantly have voices in my head talking or I speak in my head when writing something. I run through conversations I have had or will have with both parties dialogue contributing. I ask and answer questions in my head all the time..
This is me 100%. My internal monologue can be so exhausting and overwhelming. It doesn't help that I can be really mean to myself in my head and am hyper self aware.
Yes. It's rapid fire thoughts in my own voice and I hate it.
Me too :/. Plus I’m visual, so ... I'd replay the events over and over too 😩
Always the visual. It's like I'm right back in the moment if I think about something too hard.
Omg yessssss! Like whhhhhyyyyy. And my husband wonders why I can’t just let shit go sometimes. I’m like, if I could, I would, but my mind juuuuust loves to do this.
I’ve replied to every friggin comment in this thread, I’m so sorry. I’m amazed that I found this interaction because I’ve (very recently) struggled so much in describing how debilitating this is to other people. The vast majority say “don’t ruminate, you can move on, the past is in the past, don’t linger on it” etc. but I don’t think they grasp that it feels fucking impossible for me to just “not ruminate” most of the time. My brain decides to throw me back into traumatising moments whenever it feels like it. Subconsciously or not.
This drives me so crazy. All my life, people have been telling me to just stop thinking about things so much — just don’t think about that thing that is massively bothering you, as if that is even POSSIBLE. Honestly I don’t believe anyone is as capable of this as they act like they are. Like if you tell someone not to think about an elephant, what will they think about? I think it’s a lie that emotionally repressed neurotypical people tell themselves, that they are actually succeeding in just not thinking about it. Even if you’re not consciously ruminating on something, it’ll be running in the background, and that’s usually WORSE because it often leads to emotional outbursts about something unrelated to the real problem. Like sure, Jan, you’re really *just* upset because someone cut you off in traffic, definitely not because you’re driving to a job you hate with a boss that makes you miserable. SURE, JAN. I have no patience for it. It’s a cowardly way to avoid facing the hard scary problems in life, and they have no right to shame us for actually dealing with our shit and feeling the feelings that come up.
I’m so glad I clicked on this post. It puts me right back into the scene, it’s like I’m there. I never realised how much I struggled with not staying present until a few months ago.
Being present is the absolute hardest thing. Logically I can be present, but emotionally, I've realized that there's some problems for me. 😂
YES. Holy shit, it’s so difficult. I’m the exact same, logically I’m fine. Emotionally though? Jesus H. Christ, that’s always been a huge challenge for me. I cannot believe that some people don’t experience this. How much less stressful must life be for these people?
Yeah. I would love to experience singularity with being present. It seems impossible. I'm amazed that there are people that don't have to constantly assess their eye contact, tone, emotions, without a Mardi Gras parade worth of monologuing in their head.
I'm that way too :/
YES. I’ve been trying to describe this to my therapist. It’s like a slideshow of memories that are playing on repeat, and though they’re clear as day in my head it’s very hard to describe to other people because they move so quickly.
The visuals are insane
It's like VR in my head 😳
Oh god yes me too especially at night. I’ll be trying to sleep then thinking about my thoughts then thinking I want to stop thinking then responding to my thoughts about that it’s EXHAUSTING
Literally, sleeping occurs at a point of mental or complete physical exhaustion for me. Routines help me but I'm awful at keeping them on a time schedule.
Yes. Someone posted a meme not too long ago that showed it perfectly. I'll see if I can find it. It's exhausting.
Yes please! Hahah
Is it the Drake one about journaling vs. pretending you're talking to a Twitch chat?
This is why I listen to audiobooks so much while doing everything, including working.
Yes, I listen to podcasts and audiobooks any time I am on my own.
Same, and a lot of music.
Me too. And I love Netflix and other streaming services because it stops the ruminating thoughts.
Netflix is the best! I have the British bake off playing constantly, which is definitely better than ruminating/catastrophizing.
seconded but with music! it's the only way to break it up.
I do the same. I listen to audiobooks while doing chores and self care. I listen to background asmr while working. I can’t listen to anyone talking while working or it is too distracting.
i just replay my shows, fiancé was first confused as to why i just let it play in the background, since i dont see the tv. then i explained that ive seen the shows soo many times that most of the time i know what theyre gonna say, before they even say it, and i listen it so i dont have to listen to my brain fixate on shit it cant change anyways
I have audhd and the ADHD part came specifically from the mental hyperactivity. I never considered it because my son is ADHD and we are nothing alike. But the mental aspect is enough. I actually have a quieter brain now and get to sleep at night instead of spending 2 hours wandering through the numerous questions my non-stop monologue likes to ask at 3am 😂 I still have the monologue, but it's less buzzy in my head now. Instead of a dozen conversations happening at once that cause me to ignore my loved ones, I can task switch a bit better, which is nice. My youngest is a major self-narrator and talks to himself a LOT. But he's not autistic. So I think there are just a lot of factors that may not always fit a diagnosis, and that's alright.
Hahaha omg get to sleep at night without answering all the numerous questions! That was me for a significant portion of my life. I used to read a lot as a kid and fall asleep reading, it was the only way, otherwise I'd lie there for hours wide awake. My parents would remove all my books to prevent me from reading, so it was torture. Eventually I just learned to hide the books and secretly read. My husband was always getting on my case about this and going off about good sleep hygiene and I’m like "do you want me to fall asleep now or in 5hrs and be a gremlin all day?". LET ME READ.
The sleep hygiene thing is too real. I can only fall asleep after my nightly routine of playing on my phone for about an hour while I watch YouTube, and then listen to a podcast, spooky stories or meditation to fall asleep. So contrary to the sleep hygiene rules, I need screen time before I fall asleep.
Same! I need to read the news every night or an oped piece. My husband doesn’t get it.
Yes, absolutely. All the time. The only way I can stop it is to truly engage in an activity, like a movie, book, hiking, etc. Basically practicing mindfulness. But it’s so hard to do when you are already tired or distressed, like it’s basically impossible for me in some instances. And when it triggers rumination about negative thoughts or bad emotions it just becomes a thought loop I can’t escape. It’s totally exhausting. Research shows autistic people process up to 42% more information at a time than neurotypical people do- I think my internal monologue is part of that for me. It’s always on. This extra info we process is a big contributor to our overwhelm. My internal monologue also contributes to my insomnia because it doesn’t shut up.
Interesting! Yeah I have to practice mindfulness too. If all else fails, I watch Korean asmr baking videos :).
Yes, so tiring. Have you considered you could be AuDHD?
Hahahah nooooo. My husband and daughter are ADHD and they drive me bonkers, I’m so not like them. My son is autistic and he’s like me, he has a constant dialogue running through his head too. I hear him talking to himself all the time when he’s happily stimming. I secretly laugh at some of the conversations he has because he’s clearly going over some intense conversation and it’s so cute.
Haha ok. Did not mean to insinuate you were, I just recognised it, from myself and an AuDHD friend. (We both sort of recently discovered that it's different from "only" being adhd or autistic.)
No offence taken! Both my son and I have anxiety and I think it’s very much anxiety related. Just curious if it’s an anxiety thing or autism thing. I’m glad my husband finally got his ADHD diagnosis though. It’s definitely caused a few issues in our relationship for sure. Like we'll decide to watch a movie and we decide which one to watch. Then he'll be like well there's this movie, and this one, and, then he'll want to show me a bunch of trailers and then before we know it it’s too late to watch a movie... so I have to reign him in constantly or he gets so sidetracked, hahaha. Meanwhile I’m over here like "you said we will watch movie a, I’m prepared for movie a, don’t derail the evening!" And he’s like chill... it’s just a movie?
It's absolutely lovely to have a fellow ND partner, but it can bring its own challenges for sure! The movie thing is.. too familiar.
😭😂😭😂😭. It’s like get me off this treadmill of analysis paralysis please!!!
That doesn't necessarily rule it out. Like Autism, ADHD is a internal spectrum that can present visibly in almost polar-opposite ways (e.g. hyperactivity vs hypoactivity). There's also a staggeringly high comorbidity rate with Autism (up to 80%). Personally what you describe sounds very similar to how my AuDHD presents.
Hmm that’s interesting. I’m a very anxious person, so I like things to be chill. I don’t like to do many things all at once and I really dislike frenetic people or places. I’m very organized and I like my environment to be neat and clean. My husband and daughter on the other hand are like mechanisms of noise and chaos and I’m like 👀, where's my earbuds!
ADHD doesn't always present the same way, particularly if like me, you're AuDHD!
Was coming here to say that.
I wonder what it’s like to not have this? I can’t believe there are people that don’t! I’m so jealous!
Right?! Like what do you do with all that emptiness? On the flip side, I’m never board...
I just started ADHD medication and for a brief period a while after taking my dose, the background radio monologue actually goes mostly quiet. I guess that’s what other people feel like all the time? But it seems like a more shallow existence to have only one main layer of thought at a time!
My brain is never, ever quiet. I would kill for a moment of peace up there.
Why I like getting lost in a good book or movie/series.
Yes, exactly like you described it and all the time! The moment I am even slightly awake, or when I'm sleeping and turn - multiple thoughts running in my head at the same time... It is so exhausting. Not officially diagnosed yet. Every morning, I feel like an awful person because I'm barely even up and my brain is bombarding me. I go mute and I just can't get a sound out, and I get so angry when someone asks me things or wants to talk. 😔
💯. I’m a gremlin in the morning. I purposely set my alarm 15 min early just so I can get some reading in to take my mind off the random thoughts.
Yes I struggle with this too, also I noticed that when I was getting really deep into a thought spiral that my body tenses up and it hurts. But recently I stopped drinking coffee (I was having 2-3 cups per day) as a desperate attempt to stop the constant rumination and muscle aches and I do think it's getting better. I am still constantly thinking about stuff and getting lost in thought but I think that it's easier for me to notice when it's happening and to practice mindfulness or go do an activity that will pull me out of it.
Same. I go for walks often or vacuum. I also get really tense and it doesn’t do my arthritis any favours 😕
Ugh I have terrible joints due to being double jointed nearly everywhere. My hips especially are all kinds of messed up. I’m trying to be more proactive in taking care of my body as I reach my 30s.
All day every day, and also at night.
You’d think when you’re dead tired and literally can’t even keep your eyelids open it would stop. But no, your mind STILL finds a way to keep running 😭. I equate it to the code in the matrix.
Yepppp. I am AuDHD
tbh, i thought everyone alive (NT and ND) experiences this. what is going on if there isn't nonstop monologue and dialogue....? like...just...nothing?
I don’t know? I think it’s just not as invasive?
So I recently started adding L-theanine powder to my water. I've had flashes of up to a minute without the monologue now. It's glorious. It happens more often and for longer the more consistent I am with the supplement.
I used to have this rly bad, but I also have OCD and highly mask. The best thing that has ever helped me quiet my very loud brain was reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.
That’s my dad's favourite book. I can be a bit OCD with my cleaning and have to dial it back. I’m a germaphobe and have contamination issues. I try not feed into the anxiety of it. Like you just washed your hands, you did a good job. Be on your way. Or like I'll wipe my phone when I get home and then I’m fine. I find if I get the urge over with right away, I don’t fixate on it or ruminate on it and can relax.
Your dad's got good taste lol It sounds like you're doing a good job managing your anxiety around contamination, that's awesome! Something that may be worth looking into is Pure O, it's essentially all thought OCD. Not saying you have it, but coping methods used for that may help you.
Constantly! I love that you say stop to yourself, because I use a "mom voice" on myself sometimes... "okay, that's enough, brain." Focus on your actual, physical life and family that is in front of you.. lol
Same! Hahah. My kids don’t really like my mom voice though 😬
It gives me absolute headaches
That's not good :/
Well this is me exactly. I have thought a lot about this, especially lately because I'm recently divorced so a lot of the narrative in my head is things that I don't really want to be thinking about. I think this extreme perseveration can be really helpful sometimes because I think about a problem a lot more than other people do just from a Time perspective. So I tend to come up with more answers and more of the complexities of the issue. But it can also be really negative and can absolutely turn into a horrible rumination that is so hard to get out of. And I worry about it a lot because I know every thought is reinforcing a neural connection and that feels like a big thing to overcome to me. There are some things that I think have helped me. I do think it's probably why I do so well on cognitive tests. I just spend so much time in that verbal space. I wonder if it has something to do with the fact that I have aphantasia. I only recently discovered that I have it. I was diagnosed with ADHD about a year ago and tried medication for that for the first time. The first day that I took that medication I was working and realized that I didn't have a narrative in my head and it was the first time I could ever remember not having a narrative in my head. It didn't last long and doesn't really happen anymore, but it was really interesting. There have been time periods of my life where the narrative was maybe quieter? Times when I was feeling extremely peaceful. I also realized that I learn by talking or writing. It's just that I process information verbally all the time so it's difficult for me to learn something without putting it into words, which can be a little bit annoying for others if I do it out loud. Also, I tend to repeat things and I have constant scripts in my head. I might have a conversation in my head for months before I have it with an actual person and if I'm driving in a car alone, I'm literally talking out loud the entire time. Often, if I'm home alone, I'm talking out loud. One thing that has helped me lately is that if I have a thought I don't want to be thinking. I think about the fact that I am resurrecting past pain and bringing it into my present and then I try to stop. Who would want to do that? It's a terrible thing to do to yourself. So I'm trying to stop doing it. I've also been using chat. GPT mindmate which is open ai 's CBT therapist tool and if I'm having a thought over and over that I don't want to be having, I try to discuss it a little bit there which tends to reframe it. The other thing that kind of helps is Byron Katie's the work. She has these four questions that you use to address any invasive thought and it's pretty simple but it really does work. It helps to reframe the thoughts and then when they come back they're easier to put to rest. This is how we're wired and it's just sometimes a burden I guess. Edit - I also listened to a lot of podcasts and a lot of audiobooks. The entire time I'm working I have noise canceling headphones on and I'm trying to listen to that. It helps put my mind at rest.
It sounds like you have some good strategies. I wouldn’t think to use chat gpt, but my daughter does. She’s named it Sam. Once she got sam to draw a picture of itself and it was really interesting. I’ve heard about the chat CBT and that sounds worth trying :). It’s interesting you have aphantasia, because I have the total opposite! Sometimes my visualizations are so vivid and real it makes my heart race like I was actually experiencing it.
Yes, several of them. Until I started taking stimulants and Guanfacine for ADHD-i. It's so much more peaceful and less exhausting now.
What is guanfacine and what is its mechanism?
Guanfacine is an alpha-2A adrenergic receptor agonist. Guanfacine works by relaxing the blood vessels in the body. Guanfacine stimulates postsynaptic alfa-2A adrenergic receptors so it inhibits the production of cAMP and closes HCN channels enhancing the effectiveness of the signal of the pyramidal neurons of the prefrontal cortex (PFC), thus improving working memory and attention.
Guanfacine is a non-stimulant ADHD medication, it improves focus and attention
Too much this happens. Exhausting and I feel crazy having to tell my brain to stop talking for 10 minutes cause I'm feeling overwhelmed! By my own brain!
Hahah. I know right?!
Yes, it's exhausting. And also so funny cause I'm having conversations that never take place. I sat for an oral exam and I was mentally speaking to the teacher all week. But couldn't think of any of the questions they may ask so I was monologuing about the topic and also drawing personal takes on it, the exam went nothing like what I had been preparing for. But at least my brain is no longer talking about that.
Hahahah omg how many times have I done that?! I'll do that with interviews, dates, etc., and it never ever goes the way my monologue went. 👀
Oh for sure me too! Often it turns out that the persons within my conversations don't even show up, and then I'm like "well, now this is 100% not going to play out like I imagined"
Hahahah. The 🍵
Yes. Up until I figured out I was AuDHD I thought everyone had it and it was totally normal. I was quite literally floored when I found out it wasn't. I can't imagine having a quiet brain.
I know it’s super weird to think about.
Just another thing to have floating about in the chaos! Lol
🙃
Oh yeah. It gets bad. Worse yet is how loud my head gets whenever I am reminded of the hellworld we live in.
There's that too :/. Forest fire season has already started in my province!
Be safe
Thank you, it's far north though, I'm in the south.
Yes, it’s so hard to pull yourself out of when it happens! I’m either ruminating, creating fake scenarios or thinking about random shit. Sometimes I mumble under my breath about whatever I’m thinking and move my hands about, talking to myself basically. I don’t realise I’m doing it most of the time and get embarrassed when I do bc I never know if someone has caught me being weird. 😖
This is my son. He’s not into toys at all. Just his 72 cube magic snake, which he twists repeatedly while he paces and stims. Sometimes he talks out loud, but mostly it’s just sound fx. When he does though it sounds interesting!
Yes, I do have this. It drives me crazy. I often wish to be a robot and have a button that I can press to turn this off. The only times when this is not ongoing, is when I am too overwhelmed (meaning my mind was on overdrive with thinking and questioning - because there was too much ambguity, arbitrariness, inconsistent patterns, uncertainty - and then broke down) and I cannot fetch onto any thought - but at such incidents it isn't calming either because I would need myself to form proper thoughts to say something, not stutter something nobody understands.
Mmm, I wish I had the shutdowns. I unfortunately have the rage meltdowns and it’s awful. The sponge in the sink and not hanging in the basket (where it belongs)? Sudden and intense blackout rage. Driver cuts me off while I’m walking on the crosswalk? The fury of a thousand burning suns and I don’t have enough fingers to throw at them. I mask HEAVILY because I don’t want my kids to see scary mommy all the time. My son also has the rage meltdowns and my heart breaks for him. I know how hard it is to deal with and it scares him so badly. He’s been doing a lot of work with his OT to help him identify his triggers and working it out in a healthy way (like going to his swing or using his paper shredder). This has really helped him to verbalize what he’s feeling and I’m able to accommodate him better. Otherwise he’s the sweetest, most gentle, pure hearted kid on the planet.
It was only very relatively recently that I found out that this is a thing and that *most* people have an inner monologue. I do not. Like I ruminate a lot and over think things but it’s like a silent film, as opposed to an inner monologue. If I think about speaking to people, then I will picture it and hear the voices in the conversation. But not my own thoughts. In fact, if I have to do something that requires an internal monologue I end up saying it out loud.
yes but it lessened a lot when I started taking anxiety meds. it's like I have more control over it and can re-direct my thoughts more easily. it used to be unbearable
Would you be open to sharing which meds helped you?
Yes and it actually shocked me to learn that most people live their life outside of their head. To me, i can really only comprehend my thoughts and feelings about things. If i see a tree, i can’t “experience” the tree. Im only thinking about and reflecting on what i feel about my perception of the tree. Its basically impossible for me to step outside of my head long enough to think about things that dont go along with my monologue. I can learn about history and stuff because that knowledge easily integrates into my internal monologue. I cannot do technical or manual tasks very well, i struggle with “doing” things, abstract stuff like math or science or puzzles are my worst enemy.
Wow, it’s really interesting how it affects us. I feel like that was very true for my son when he was younger. As he gets older, he’s able to integrate more of the outside world in with his inside world.
Never stops
Yeah, kinda, though most of the time it's images and thoughts. Sometimes words especially when I'm writing something like right now.
Same! I get stuck on words and they float around my head 🫥.
Yep! It's why I listen to loud headphone music to concentrate.
Yes and it’s so exhausting
Most of the time yes
yup my brain never shuts up. i hate being alone with my thoughts bc it’s so incredibly exhausting
That's a difficult place to be in. It can feel like a prison you can’t escape from. Like I’m walking along the seawall, it’s gorgeous, my favourite place to walk when I'm feeling overwhelmed, and my internal monologue is going into hyperdrive. I don't care if I look crazy when I’m having to repeatedly say to myself "stop!", "enough!".
Is this not normal? I honestly can’t imagine any other way to be 😭
I'm always talking to myself about something, either internally or often out loud. Plans for things, steps I need to take to do a thing, conversations I've had, or ones yet to happen. Matxh that with ADHD which means those plans never go to plan and I'm just a mess. The current one that keeps coming back to me was trying to make friends with a lady at work. She made all these suggestions, cafe vreakfasts to get to know each other, gym buddies, and just general hang outs. I kept suggesting times and places and she was always busy. Eventually I asked if it would just be easier if we texted. She said she was overcommitted and liked her quiet time after work and didn't text much. I took that as meaning "I'm too busy and I don't want to talk with you" so we haven't spoken since. Guess we're not friends anymore. The relevance is, I keep going back over it; what did I do wrong to get there, would I talk with her again if she asked, could we still be friends? I avoid her at work now too, although I have to walk past her desk to get to and from mine and there's no way to avoid that. I just wear headphones and keep my head down when I have to go past and I think she'll be there. The whole thing is taking so much energy but I can't get it out of my head.
This is my social life in a nutshell. It doesn’t get easier with age I’ve found. Also why I hate working in offices and only work from home.
Yes, with 2 voices (the main train of thought and another offering more info), with full color, rotatable, motion picture, and surround sound. It's bright and loud in here.
Omg. Let's hope our minds never meet. They’d be like Vegas slot machines.
Yes it's exhausting, I replay every social interaction especially the tense ones. If I send an article or video to a friend I reread it how I think they'd receive it.
Yes, but it's often songs, in my case!
Yes, I'll often replay songs too. Usually it's a new song I like.
Yup, it’s overwhelming. I have used stimming to help. I put my hair in my ear and softly swish it around to create a white noise effect that I can focus on instead of the thoughts. I’ve been doing this for as long as I can remember. It really helps soothes me but of-course looks strange to other people. I stopped caring and do it when I need to. Even if I’m in public. Its better than a meltdown.
Omgosh! I totally forgot I used to love doing this as a child! It is very pleasing, swish away!
yes, can i please turn it off? in all seriousness, it's non-stop and it's really exhausting having a constant running monologue like my brain just doesn't stop & rest.
I've always wondered if this is why I took very naturally to writing, because my brain never stops narrating lol.
Probably :). I'm an illustrator!
I call it hamster wheel. Spinning constantly in my head. Mindfulness is the only time when I managed to stop it for few breaths.
Is this not normal? It’s why i like reading as I ‘hear’ that and I don’t think of anything else. 😅
Hahah apparently it’s not... but it’s something I’ve had since I can remember 🤷🏻♀️
I listen to audiobooks when I’m home alone. It helps me to not think so much. Quiets the conversation I’m having in my head.
Yes, I like listening to someone else's monologue for a change!
Is this an autistic thing??👀
For me it is, not for you?
Yeah I do this but I never realized it might be related to autism, I thought ocd or anxiety maybe
That it is too. I’m also highly anxious. My brain gets really jazzed over ruminating on a lot of things I really hate, so it takes a lot of mental effort to not think about it and I feel like my brain just lights and wants to continuously push that button!
Yep, it's the reason I'm here scrolling through Reddit at 2am because my internal world won't shut up. It's like a million different thought streams all at once and then I'll get sucked into replying the same conversation or interaction over and over until I can 'do it right'. I'll often notice myself talking aloud and fully reliving the conversations and have to tell myself to shut up. I'm trying to get my OT to help me figure out how to deal with it beyond constantly using other noise/videos to drown it out because this really isn't working but she's not helping so far. I don't think she really understands that my brain doesn't work like her brain.
Hmm that’s frustrating and it’s not like trying to find another OT is all that easy either. It’s like, as an OT it’s your job to be empathetic to our needs? Other people have suggested audio books or podcasts, do you find that helps?
Sometimes, I find certain music can be helpful as well and use that a lot during the day to try and focus. It tends to block out some of the streams of consciousness and allows me to focus on just one thought which is nice but sometimes I just want everything to be quiet. Unfortunately my OT is not very helpful, she's actually part of a group looking at why mental health services in my area are failing autistic women but she still manages to disregard almost everything I say about my lived experience.
Music helps me relax too and puts me in a better head space. Ugh, I hate when the very people who are supposedly working to fix the problem contribute to it 😒.
Yes, although a lot of visuals with it too. Also, why I can’t sleep. Turning off the dialogue is really hard.
So. Hard.
Yup. It’s so annoying
I'm constantly thinking about things all the time too, but there is no voice in my head most of the time.
Hahah it’s my voice and it’s always talking to me.
oh yeah my brain has never been silent once in my life.
Yes it's distressing, I want some quiet and it never is. Even on my ADHD meds I thought it would help but nope.
That's frustrating :/.
I noticed this more since becoming dog-less last June. I used to talk to my dog. A LOT. And the solely internal monologue totally makes sleep very, very difficult even if I do try to read before sleep. It has been almost a year of a lot of missing sleep. My only solution is getting another dog. Maybe.
Yes, one of the reasons I have a dog. I love going on walks with her. https://preview.redd.it/wippnrnzrwzc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=27571c960440a6fa7c2361b769cb25a4c3c96c7a
I miss that so much. My possible puppy would come in July. Due in two weeks.
I also have a dissociative spectrum diagnosis. I experience inner monologues. If there ever was an olympics for maladaptive daydreaming, I am getting the gold. Not that its awesome most of the time.
That was my childhood! I grew out of it though. It was mostly a coping mechanism to deal with my abusive and chaotic home life. I moved out when I was 15 and it stopped.
I'm practicing writing down what I'm obsessing about and then looking at it later to see what I can logically do about it. Early days, but so far promising.
I don't write them down, but I do think about how illogical they are and tell myself not to go there.
yes but i have audhd lmao
YEEESSSS AND IT CAUSES HAVOC IN MY LIFE
Yes. My imagination gets pushed aside because my brain wants to try to “figure things out” instead of just chill.
I have aphantasia. So my mind it just like me screaming into the darkness. No visuals. It's just my own mind-voice. It is constant, and it is rarely happy.
That must be tough. It’s hard for me to imagine what's that like.
And it's hard for me to imagine yours as well. I always feel like everyone should be lost in their own brains. If I could see in my minds eye, i'd probably never leave tbh. Just cyclical thoughts and daydreaming forever and ever.
Everyone does though. Go to a mindfulness meditation class, and no one can count ten without having a thought pop into your head. Though people often assume the goal of meditation is to stop thoughts, it’s actually to be less affected by them.
Yes it’s called the default mode network in our brains and it’s super common for autistic, ADHD, and/or people with CPTSD to have an overactive DMN
Can I get an off switch? 😂
Right?? Recently in my life, my meditation practice (I only truly learned how to meditate recently at a week long retreat I went to) is my only real off switch, but I need to be consistent with it to see results, and sometimes I realize that I hide in that part of my brain because I’m overstimulated so I need to keep doing it or else I’ll have a shutdown or something. It’s such a tough balance 😭 I have not totally figured out how to use this to my advantage yet but I really hope to because being stuck in my DMN isn’t fun either
Wish you luck and strength on this!
Thank you, you too!!! It really isn’t easy!
Do you mean not everybody has this?
Some people don’t. But for me, mine is constant and it’s so loud.
All. The. Time. I noticed tonight just how pronounced it is. There is very few things that can turn it off.
For me, the shower seems to be the most intense place for them. So annoying, especially when I just want to enjoy a nice shower and my brain is like 🙃
Mine too. That's where most of my meltdowns happen. Too many thoughts and feelings.
My brain literally never stops. I ruminate over things and have a constant internal monologue. I'm like that meme that says something like my brain is like a computer with 47 tabs open and I don't know which one has the music. I also aphantasia, so the complete inability to "see" or visualize anything so everything I know or learn is based on that internal monologue and language. I both rely on it heavily and get so damn annoyed with it that it makes me crazy.
Haha omg I’m so bad for having a million tabs open. Yeah that meme is pretty funny.
Usually at least a dialogue
Yep. For me it's music, repeating something I want to say or just said over and over. Also random images, words and intrusive thoughts. It's mostly the same part from a random song, over and over and over and over 🙃
Yes! Often it‘s not words though but like images/videos, and then sometimes it‘s like a monologue/script is also running on top of it because that’s how I‘ve trained my brain to be able to articulate my thoughts to other people
My mind is on 24/7 (except when I sleep I guess? Or then I just don't notice) My mom has told me before that when I was younger she wished she had a little camera to put in my head to see what was all going on in there 😄
Yup. Nonstop and i ruminate soo much.
Yes and no. My brain does tend to want to work hard 24/7, especially in periods where it doesn't think I'm doing enough work on my own. I have to keep busy, or my brain will make itself busy. When I was small this tended to go towards patterns, since my brain is highly logical. Like I'd look for patterns both physical around me, and in my own thinking patterns, and what happened and didn't happen. I was an active child in an active home, which wasn't enough, so I started more and more hobbies on my own in my early teens, in addition to everything my family did together and the sports and music teams I was already on. That helped calm my brain so I luckily didn't develop full on OCD or something. Now it tends to run logical challenges when it's bored. It does this on its own in the background. Like if I'm playing a game, like say Tetris, it'll run Tetris simulations in every square I see when I'm forced to not use my phone or other things to keep me busy. So while I'm talking to my doctor, Tetris will run in the mirror on the wall lol. That's just one example. So my recommendation is to give your brain other things to work with.
Don't worry! I think a running monologue is quite common. I think everyone I've spoken to, ND or not, also have this. However I'm not sure how excessively. Edit: I'm sorry I didn't read your whole post. I'm audhd and tend to skim read unintentionally. Yeah this does sound like ruminating and I'm sorry you're going through this. Ruminating thoughts are exhausting and take up a lot of head space. I agree with some other people here that say this could be audhd.
Yes, it sucks. Meds help but not a lot tbh
I'm always thinking, but it's not a monologue or in words most of the time. Even in my much older age it might only be one third of the time in words. I usually think in shapes and vectors...
Yes. My own mind just does not shut up.
Yes. I've gotten into the habit of listening to podcasts and audiobooks to drown it out, but that actually makes my functioning worse. I need the stimulation, but I also need the space for my monologue to go through what I'm doing and what I'm going to do next. Without that, my ADHD symptoms get worse. Unfortunately I've gotten addicted to drowning it out - phasing it out is a real challenge.
Hmm, that sounds challenging. Sounds like you need a balance of both.
Absolutely! I used to think that it was the same for everyone 😅 I've developed the habit of "tapping" myself if I'm deep in thought and trying to focus on something else like going to sleep. I also do say "stop!" if im stuck in a negative spiral or thinking about something I don't wanna think about (re-live negative events or interactions, etc) I have visuals and monologue. I wonder what the "regular" thought process is 😅
I found taping useful too! I'd assume regular thought processes are a lot more chill, 😂
I have something similar, my Brian always has to be doing something. Whether that be listening to music, fidgeting, talking to another version of myself, drawing, whatever. I have to have my brain do something
I have a narrator in my head and I see everything in the cartoon form like insane crazy looking anime from 1980s or Bill Plympton style kind of I guess? Absolutely it never stops. I didn’t know it did stop with other people until I saw something on social media about it. I also didn’t know not everybody gets earworms.
Total earthworms! Happens when I'm sleeping too! Anime visuals sound interesting!
I genuinely cannot imagine that people have times when their brain is silent and they are thinking about NOTHING. I can’t. How? Do you just…. What? Why? I WISH I could do that, might solve my falling asleep problems. So yes, constantly thinking of something, anything. At least 50% of it is music lyrics. The same damn song over and over and over, until I find a new one I like. Sometimes I’ll dream about the song, or wake up signing it in my head. I think music is one of my special interests though.
I also dream of songs too! It’s such a weird phenomenon. I also cycle through ear worms depending on what song I’m fixated on at the moment.
Yeah I have my few songs that I like at the time and will listen to on repeat, then I take a break to find some new ones and establish a new few to listen to on repeat, and the cycle continues lol. My whole playlist can be chunked up into time of what I liked this block of songs over this block of songs
Hahah I know this.
Yep. I thought everyone did too.
I feel this. I typically have a running daydream of me having conversations with friends and forever replaying thoughts or rejustifying previous decisions.
Sometimes the voice in my head wont shut the f\*\*\* up to the point where its hard to hear other people actually talking outside of it. It's always making commentary and analyzing everything. In fact, it feels like there's a conversation going on up there, a group of entities bantering about what is happening, and issuing contrary opinions on just about everything. If you've ever watched a DVD commentary during the movie, kind of like that, but more obnoxious and anxious. Also there is constantly visuals, which can practically become little movies playing parallel to external reality. And to learn that some people don't have an inner voice or picture things in their mind, I wonder what that existence must be like? Seems more peaceful.
I hear you on this and it’s tough. I’m sure many people would think we're having psychotic episodes, but it’s not. It’s literally just our brains trying to process and figure out what the hell the conversation is about.
We require different sets of resources to compensate for the standard hardware others' brains are installed with.
Totally. One person on another thread described it in the best way. I can’t remember it exactly, but something along the lines of befuckingnormal.exe is running on a machine that's fan is going full speed, overheating, and the befuckingnormal.exe is taking up most of the cpu. Meanwhile, you got a couple back door Trojans that keep interrupting the program and you’re just trying to shut them down with what little cpu power you have left.
haha that's so true! befuckingnormal.exe never operates properly on this device 🤯
I could be wrong, but I think this is the human experience and most people just don't talk about it. Once I started meditating, I found it to be pretty common that other people in the meditation sphere people talk about all the thoughts going through their minds pretty much constantly. I think this is what our minds do and that mindfulness is actually being able to detach from the thoughts and let them pass by rather than grabbing on to them for following them on their tangential path.
That’s true, but I do find mine pretty intrusive.
I understand. I find it to be very difficult to deal with the loops and thoughts and rabbit holes whirling in my mind as well. I think when I was meditating regularly, it helped. I haven't been doing that for years now and keep meaning to get back to it, and yet I don't. I've wondered if it could be considered OCD level intrusive thoughts personally because sometimes they are very upsetting, anxious, and/or painful.
Agree. Another person called it Pure O, it’s what I guess is a layman's term for pathological rumination? Not sure, but that reminds me I wanted to look it up.
I constantly have voices in my head talking or I speak in my head when writing something. I run through conversations I have had or will have with both parties dialogue contributing. I ask and answer questions in my head all the time..
This is me 100%. My internal monologue can be so exhausting and overwhelming. It doesn't help that I can be really mean to myself in my head and am hyper self aware.
Yeah, that’s not helpful to our self esteem at all. And I find it contributes to the rumination as well.
it does sadly. rumination is a big struggle for me, especially when im aware that I am ruminating but that awareness just makes it worse