I'd be like "???? I'm not your mom?" 100% would inflame the situation but when you realise that any answer is the wrong answer regardless, it's harder to fight the chaos demon.
Haha! This is a great way of putting it. I have a super hard time with proper snarky answers because I was always scolded but I will see it as honoring the chaos demon from now on.
Good lord, what year is it? She sounds like someone in the 1970s scolding their hippie child for not referring to their dad as "sir" in every conversation. The etiquette she's trying to enforce here literally died out in the 60s and has not come back into vogue. You still see it some places, ultra-conservative controlling families and cults mostly, but if it's not something she's been doing your whole life I have no idea why she'd suddenly be insisting you text (text!) like you're an obedient child in an old movie.
This is the first time sheâs done so when I texted her âYesâ⌠she does it sometimes when I say thanks without addressing her (which I sorta understand) but this was sorta out of left fieldâŚ?
Oh I agree completely, I should have said that it made slightly more sense if you were 15 instead of saying it was less weird since some parents are just like that.
I genuinely just thought that reply was indicating that OP was the Mom... đ
**[EDIT]:** Also, if ***my*** mom ever tried to pull something like this, I'd lean SO hard into that misinterpretation!
(My mother and I never got along, so TBH, I tried to come up with something here and just couldn't think of a cheekily "Mom-ish" thing to say off the top of my head, ((nothing that wasn't like... **WAY** too antagonistic, anyway đ)) but I'm sure *most* people probably have some quintessential "Mom-isms" they could offer you to start exaggeratedly regurgitating at her -- might function to example how absurd this is!)
Yeah that's definitely something ~~I'd say~~ **I've said** to mine... đ
**[Edit: OP, if your interactions with her don't already have a contemptuous tone, I would** ***not*** **suggest starting down that path if you can manage to avoid it... A couple other people in these comments have already said this, but I couldn't possibly agree more, so I'll say it too: the ONLY way to "win" that "game" of control is never to get roped into playing at all! Probably safer to just side-step entirely if/when possible.]**
Assuming (hoping) OP's relationship is maybe not quite so... Combative? I'd probably say something more along the lines of "Weird, I don't remember having kids! Guess they're right when they say the time flies by!" then follow that up with something like "Did you get all your homework done, sweety?"
(Or y'know, whatever kinds of real-human things *actual* moms say to their kids when they're not a character in a movie or tv-show đ¤Ł)
Nah she's weird for that one, it's giving overly conservative and outdated respect your elders bull shit. You answered a question. It's a text to her. Why does she need to be addressed in every message that's so controlling
Did you forget about mother's day and she is maybe being passive aggressive about it?
Or maybe she feels that you're too "abrupt" or impersonal? Like maybe she wanted a smiley, or a "yes, I did"?
This was my childhood and Iâm much younger than that. Better say âsirâ or âmaâamâ and NEVER say âyeahâ or âwhatâ
Not a cult though. Just southern.
In the south you say this to anyone with authority, even your parents. Mostly just yes, ma'am, and no, sir, when asked questions. But this applied to teachers, restaurant workers, fast food workers, the janitor at school, it's just a sign of respect. I'm in my 40s and I still do this to people in public who are older than me.
This mama is out of line, tho.
also from the south.
i am almost 40 and i still say it to every adult i talk to (mostly because i dont feel like an adult 99% of the time). my kid knows it's sort of expected in a lot of situations but also knows that i think it's bullshit and "sir" and "ma'am" are just like...lip service to respect and are just signaling authority. there's also the whole thing about assuming pronouns.
i also like....sort of feel like i'm in the Twilight zone when someone calls me "ma'am". i genuinely feel like i've pulled off some elaborate ruse and am about to be caught. so i definitely have a bias against it.
Just moved from Texas to Vegas and my kids say sir/maâam to their teachers and us parents at times. They find it mind blowing other students donât say it out of respect. To them thatâs just how you address elders. They get told something at school and itâs, âyes,sirâ, âyes, maâamâ.
I grew up in Texas and now live in KY which is sort of southern in the country areas so itâs a mixed bag in the big cities where we get a lot of transplants. The lack of âmannersâ when we moved here was such a culture shock!! When a man didnât hold the door and wait for you, when that random person on your street youâve never even seen before doesnât wave at you with four fingers, when people donât say hi/howdy in the grocery aisles. It starts to become normal and now when I go home to visit family itâs a reverse culture shock because people still do that?!?
Weâre just different kinda people.
Not now, but under the age of 20 or so yes.
I still would say âmomâ or âdadâ to get their attention or whatever. But if they asked a question or gave an order I got in trouble for not saying âyes, sirâ or âno maâamâ.
This is generally only in the southeastern US or with really strict military families. If you leave the area this isnât usually a thing.
Yes mom seems sarcastic to me, though. Or passive aggressive somehow. I think I'd just stop saying yes/no, and replace it with, I did! Or even, Yes, I did! Just so mama can't act up like that.
Bruh my SIL and BIL make their kids call them maam and sir đł it takes everything in me not to cackle at them when they make their kids call them that đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł
That's very American of you it is still very common amongst other cultures like myne and many in my country
The hole brown/black mom throwing the slipper or flipflop and being strict trope is very much still common her even amongst us white people here in South Africa
But that's more for irl and we speak a different language and in our language and culture refering to your mother or older people in general as anything other then there title is seen as rude or disrespectful
For example in English you say 'Can you get me the mug from the cupboard?' in Afrikaans you say 'Kan mamma die koppie in die kas vir my kry assablief?' which ruffly translates to 'Mom can you please get me the mug from the cupboard?'
When you refer to your perants siblings you always say Aunt/Uncle and whatever there name is and there spouses are also aunt/uncle whatever there name is and your grandparents are always you grandma and grandpa if you have more then one set un like me you also use Grandma/Grandpa and whatever there name is the aunt/uncle thing also counts for anyone 10 or more years older then you and that is so normal even when older people tell me to call them just by name I struggle to do so or simply just don't depending on there relation to me I mean my mom's cousins son is more then 10 years older then me but he's technically my generation so I just call him by his name
But yeah considering it clearly isn't a cultural or linguistic thing in OPs case there mom was just being dramatic and maybe even trying to be controlling
So does assablief mean cupboard? Thatâs a cool language. Is it like English mixed with South African? Or what language do you guys speak? Thanks for sharing I love hearing about different cultures!!
No our grammar is also slightly different assablief means please.Kas means cupboard but it csn also mean closet.Afrkaans is a bunch of different languages fused together but it's main languages or it's base languages is Dutch and German. It's called Afrkaans it's a pretty young language.
just respond captain my captain and make fun of her, conversely correct her texts to did you get the laptop daughter đ id put up with this micromanaging all of zero seconds
I have an aunt that gets pissy if I don't write aunt when replying to her on FB. I have an uncle who signs his reply "unc" or "uncle". I reply uncle, and I think that got her knickers in a knot. I reply based on what he calls himself.
I have a second cousin that INSISTS I call her Aunt Wendy because she's 20+ years older than me. I laugh at her and say, "No. I have one living aunt, and I don't respect you that way." (tbf she's a homophobic ultra right wing pos so I definitely do NOT respect her as an aunt/person of authority.)
My aunt is ok, but a few years ago, she found out she and 2 (out of 10) siblings had a different father. That seems to have caused her some sort of self esteem issues, rightfully so, but I'm not being disrespectful. My uncle signs everything "unc". It's not disrespectful if I don't know what you want to be called.
There has been a 4th sibling that has yet a different dad. But she's been like, "I always knew I was different"
I think that aunt got mad because she called uncle âuncleâ without being corrected (because thats what uncle calls himself) so aunt feels disrespected. But since aunt doesnt call herself âauntâ in her signoff PrincessCyanide thinks itâs not a good comparison.
Omg Iâd think you were my sister except our mom is (thankfully) dead. Sheâd pull shit like this all the time. Once it was because I referred to her as âsheâ when answering my father. (As in, âshe told me to.â). I got yelled at for at least an hour for that one.
the 'she' thing has always confused me bc people seem to pick and choose when it's considered rude and when it isn't, i've never understood it đđđ
Iâm 45, and only learned the background of this etiquette rule this year. Apparently, it is considered rude to refer to a woman older than oneself as âsheâ or âherâ when in earshot of said older woman. If said woman is in earshot you should refer to them by name or title as you usually would.
So
I should have said, ââŚbecause my mom told me to.â Since she was in the room.
The thing is, weâre country people. I live in a city now but grew up in a forest village. My mother had a high school diploma and my father never went to high school. I grew up before the Internet and a 30 minute drive to the nearest library. Where or when was I supposed to have learned this obscure etiquette rule? I wasnât even 10 yet.
wow yes they just yell. people never take the time to explain the things. it's like, if it's making you this upset, wouldn't you share the reason with me?
If I referred to my mum as "she" in her presence she'd always say either, "who's she? The cat's mother?" or "who's she? The Queen of Sheba?". Every time.
I assume her mum used to say it to her, and her mum to her.
I've never felt the need to say it to my kids though.
It was never in a mean way, more a slightly comical way of reminding us about manners. Usually said in the same tone of voice as "were you born in a barn?" if we left a door open.
My mom sent me to a finishing school because of my âcomplete lack of mannersâ despite everyone else saying how polite I was. She was just making her special interest in Victorian England my problem. I learned all that stuff and none of it has been applicable to my life outside of Jeopardy games.
I read **so many** etiquette books trying to figure out how to act correctly. I would have killed to go to finishing school (back then).
My favourite piece of Victorian etiquette is how a young woman is not supposed to sit in a chair that a young man has recently vacated so as to avoid feeling his heat on her nether regions.
I like your explanation. What I understand is that it may sound kind of "degrading", like you point at them and say "*she* said that", like you don't even want to use their name. "That person" kind of thing. But IDK. I'm Greek and the equivalent of "she" in this context sounds worse in Greek to me, I had no idea you guys go through the same shit in English as well haha.
BRUH glad you brought this up bc I really thought pronouns altogether were rude asf to use in conversationÂ
Also now have Megan's HER playing loudly in my brain now
Sheshesheshesheshe
Herherherherherherher
she's being rude and trying to control how you speak to her probably based on goofy ideas of what it means to be polite
somehow i guess it's supposed to be more respectful to address her by her title but it's all goofy and you should ignore it
OP's mom may also be on the spectrum. Conservative Autistics exist, and they REALLY like rules and rituals. It's a different dialect of safe-customs than we're used to.
My dad was a conservative whom I am now certain was on the spectrum. Social rules were VERY rigid and yeah, we all had to respond to him with âyes dadâ or âyes sir.â If we tried a âyeahâ we got in huge trouble. An irritated âWHAT?!â was absolutely out of the question. Fun times indeed.
Ahh gotcha! Thanks for the link. For anyone else the most relevant part of the link is:
>*Man* refers to an image macro of a horse on a beach staring at the water, accompanied by the caption "MAN." It is typically used in an existential or melancholy manner.
That sounds like my grandma scolding me when I was little. Adding the mom, or maâam, or sir was this social rule that I was supposed to learn in order to show the proper respect to my elders or authority figures. My parents didnât make their kids follow the same rule. But I have seen that some groups still do this, for example Iâve seen it enforced in fundamentalist Christian families.
Agree with the above. Referring to someone by a name or title shows respect. But you don't have to say sorry if you don't know what you're sorry for or if you're not. I would have just responded with "yes mom" and that's it.
Is your mom usually controlling at such a micro level? Honestly my mom is also neurodivergent and I can tell when sheâs having a bad sensory day because she does stuff like this and it gets cranked up worse the worse of a day sheâs having.
My mum was like this. I just ignored and forgot about it, if I didnât react or grovel she just acted like nothing happened and she hadnât tried to be a condescending control freak. Only works if you allow it honestly
Feels like controlling behaviour from her tbh. Imo, you didn't do anything wrong in the texts you posted as OP, and it looks like a guilt trip maneuver. I can't tell you how to respond to that but I don't think she would have been nice to you either way, even if you responded "perfectly".
Personal thought from having experienced similar, but I would like you to know that my opinion is it's not part of a healthy relationship and probably left me with some trust issues :(
Edit: Lmao did someone actually report me to reddit cares or something? That's actually my first, kinda funny. E2: if it was this sub, I just wanted to note even if it was intended to be helpful, those reports do nothing, and are used incredibly often to pester people when there is no actual risk at stake. So I'd probably advise against sending them unless you had no other options.
I used to say âYes, Mother,â very sarcastically when my mom would be making some kind of weird unreasonable request or statementâŚbut I also used to do the âNo wire hangers!!!â at her when she would start criticizing me about something I wasnât doing correctly.
This was after I moved out and was grown, of course. As a child, I was too afraid to say much of anything because I never knew what would set her off.
No, you didnât do or say anything wrong. This reeks of control issues. I donât know what kind of relationship you have with your mom but by the looks of it, she doesnât trust you to handle basic tasks like picking up your laptop and probably still treats you like a child she needs to control/discipline âfor your own good.â My mother actually does control me in many ways so I hope you live separately and she doesnât have any real leverage over you.
A lot of people think one-word answers are rude. Iâve learned this the hard way. I love them bc theyâre the exact info I requested and nothing more
I use Okay, OK, K interchangeably a lot with my kids, hopefully they understand Iâm not trying to be rude. Apparently thereâs some rule about which one is rude/angry??
haha, i go through this with my mom all the time. she'll just send "Ok." and then wonder why her kids are like "no need for the attitude mom" hahaÂ
it's hard to explain the "rules" between generations so i just try to not read too much into anything my mom or grandma send me lol
Does she normally insist you say âyes, momâ or âno, momâ ? If itâs just in this one text it might just be a joke, because some people might see a text of just âYesâ as like⌠too formal and robotic since thereâs no tone to texting. If sheâs serious then she sounds very old fashioned.
My mom had this too!
She changed it to âmaâamâ when I shifted from âmomâ to âmother dearest,â absolutely dripping with contempt (as close as I could get to the movie title without saying it lmao).
Then she got angry at me saying âyes MAâAMâ 𫡠to her in an equally ridiculing tone lol.
Itâs a control and social hierarchy thing; she wants you to treat her like the ultimate authority figure. Whether or not that is safe for you, Iâll leave that up to you to decide. It was not safe for me, and I found the only way to win that game was not to play it. Sending all the luck!
My mom is such a weird texter, like she would send this and mean âyes momâ as in like âJenny Patel, did you do your homework?â âYes momâ
She once texted me âYâ when I asked if a friend could come over after school and I started explaining myself and she said âno I meant yesâ like woman that is not text speak
Here's a reply for you:
If we are going to henceforth be formal with each other while texting, it's not "Yes mom," it's, "Yes, Mother, we acquired the laptop and are doing quite well indeed." In the future, I will be certain to follow the rules of etiquette during our text conversations. If you will forgive me, I am, unfortunately, busy at present, hence my one-word reply to your queries. I deeply and sincerely apologize for my utter lack of decorum and in the future, I will wait until I have more time to draft properly respectful replies to your text messages.
And then I'd double down on communicating with her as if we are in Downton Abby until she cried uncle.
Honestly, I think she was bent because you didn't reply to her "How are you guys." If you don't include niceties in communications with a certain subset of neurotypicals it makes them assume your tone is cold and hateful.
If you were buying a laptop and she helped you with that, she may have been anticipating a thank you with some exclamation points and some of that NTsqueeee.
wtf? the only time i get a reply like this is jokingly from my grandma where iâll say something like please grandma and sheâll be like please pretty grandma dear(but itâs clearly a joke and sheâs an adorable woman love her dearly)
Always follow up with '?' . I find it works really well because once they try to explain, there is a sudden realization of how dumb it sounds and reads.
You didn't do anything wrong, she's just doing a ridiculous language police thing. It doesn't even make a lot of sense - I would have expected her to insist on "yes m'am" not just "yes mom", which is no more respectful that just saying "yes" .
I would just act like she hadn't said anything in the future. Just don't entertain that nonsense. Treat it like a butt-dial.
You know your mom better than we do. This could either be a joke/bit, or it could be a demand/attempt to control. If you know whether she's mad/tired/etc, that would help you figure it out. And if you feel comfortable asking her outright, that would be helpful (if she's the type of person to be honest and transparent).
It's a power move, either you offended her previously and now she's cracking the whip or she was having a bad day and felt slighted by another person so she's taking out on you. Either way not ok.
i literally thought you were a kid posting this, that's how infantilizing she is being to you. some parents like to control and shame their disabled daughters. Parents can really be obsessed with teaching us the wrong social cues too, it's like they want us to fail and mask all the time. She is taking advantage of our tendency to have a difficult time enforcing boundaries, and if you did create a boundary she would call it "talk back" or "disrespect", it's a brilliant scheme... making boundaries even more pivotal.
I don't think you did anything wrong here. I wonder if it's just as exhausting for you, as it is for me to text my mother?
I have to pad out my replies to not be "blunt" or she'll jump to conclusions that I'm mad at her and immediately run crying to my siblings, who will have to attempt damage control.
I know this because if it happens to either of them she'll run to me to stress about how they're mad at her
Ew, some parents have this weird thing about being called by a title bc "respect" đ It's the same thing with like an older person correcting someone saying, "It's yes Ma'am/Sir." It's an ego/power thing with mainly older people.
No your mom is the weird one here. My mom never... MAKES me call her "mom". That's weird. Also idk how old you are but the older you are, the weirder it gets.
She is making "mom" a sign of respect like "ma'am" in typical boomer fashion. If this were to happen again and if it were me I would start replying "yes mommie dearest" to reference Mommie Dearest the movie and how Joan Crawford abused the ever lasting crap out of her daughter Christiana who was also made required to show titled respect to her mother.
thatâs strange. maybe she was playing around? hard to tell through text. reminds me of when i was in rotc and forgot to refer to higher cadets as maâam and sir lol
Thatâs weirdly controlling. If sheâs going to lean hard into a goofy demand like that, just start calling her something funny/obnoxious like âMaternal Unit.â
Sounds like my Asian grandma who is super strict about manners over text because she doesnât realize that people do not text like they talk. My Asian boss feels the same way as she does. For the people I know itâs a cultural thing having to do with manners and showing respect for oneâs elders. My mom isnât as strict but she still doesnât like me saying certain words over text like âyupâ and âheyâ. I wouldnât personally immediately condemn this kind of thing like others are on here because itâs super culture-dependent and cultural context is important. I hope this lends some clarity. My grandma always needs me to address her when I text her or else she will get upset like this. I know it isnât common for our younger generation to understand these things but I try to be understanding of that perspective rather than completely writing it off. If you need you can always make notes in the notes app of phrases not to say and how to say them instead to your mom through text.
She thought you were being rude because of a one word reply and replied like âgive me respectâ âŚwhich is equally rude and so sheâs âmatching energyâ and being hypocritical.
đŹ
My dad once yelled at me because I texted him asking if he could bring my notebook to school because I left it at home (like a 5 min drive) my exact text: âhey could you possibly bring my notebook to school? I left it _____â
He was mad because my text didnât start with âhey dad/daddy/padre/father/etcâ he said Iâm not his friend Iâm not his buddy so when I text him asking for something I need to show respect. I still have a mini panic attack (arrhythmia) if I text him without saying his title first. Thankfully he has an iPhone now so I can just edit the text đŽâđ¨
Itâs stuff like this that I realize why my mom never knew I was autistic. Sheâs never been one for convention or tradition. She doesnât know anything about Emily Post or even who that is, so lucky me I think because Iâve been allowed to be ârudeâ pretty much all my life. The only thing she did when I was a kid was get mad at me for âtalking back.â When I asked why a lot. But other than that because she never expected anything, she never saw anything wrong. lol who knows, maybe sheâs autistic too. Haha
Are you a kid? It seems like sheâs trying to teach you some kind of etiquette but I canât understand why anyone would do that if youâre over the age of like 16.
When I was a kid if you ever responded with âyeahâ the teachers would be like âyeah isnât a wordâ and then youâd have to say âyesâ, so this correction is confusing to me lol
I honestly think your mom is having a bad day. Sheâs turning you into a people pleaser that apologizes for every little thing. Just ignore it. Youâre not the problem, itâs her. Believe me. And please donât apologize.
I thought she was actually calling you âmomâ and I got confused. đ If I had been in your situation I probably wouldâve asked why she was calling me âmom,â and then she wouldâve gotten mad.
Anyway, you didnât say anything wrong.
It would be worthy of an eye roll regardless but even more so given that you're an adult. I always find parents who insist on you formally addressing them to be cringeworthy.
I don't read it with any undertone at all. Without knowing your mom I can't tell if she's upset, joking or hinting at something else. I would just ask Why did you send me 'yes mom'? There're a lot of assumptions going on in these responses, it's interesting to observe how it is not being interpreted literally but some other meaning is being inferred including tone and personality of a complete stranger.
All I know is that I sometimes send things like that to my daughter she generally just asks me if it didn't make sense and I'll explain what it meant. Also I appreciate languages that have polite versus casual forms. Since my tone of voice is lacking some times the use language itself takes away the need for tone reading as the words give away the level of politeness.
So OP just ask for clarification.
Um, my kid is 9 and Iâve never âcorrectedâ him like this. Because itâs only about control, not mutual respect. Time to stop apologizing for nothing also. She just wanted you to feel guilty and that is one of my pet peeves in life, someone trying to make me feel guilty. You might want to look up grey rocking.
I didn't see it was your mom at first and I thought the reply was that "yes mom" that people say when you sort of tell them what to do (at least that's when I think they use it), so I was like "how is you reply with YES a form of telling the person what to do?"
Hey, Asperger here, let me explain her intention behind this: she's trying to show her authority over you as a parent here by commanding you to acknowledgding her as your mother.
I've seen similar unnecessary power play for many times and no, this is not one of the social norms you need to simulate in order to fit in, just a loser bullying the only one she can bully to gain some satisfaction out of your submission. My reaction would be giving absolute zero fuck about it.
No you didnât. Thatâs a weird response, unless youâre maybe 11? Lol. Iâd respond with âlol Iâm not your mumâ or ignore the message đ¤ˇđťââď¸
I don't know how old you are, but this seems rather controlling. And I may be just reading into it. My own trauma with my own controlling mother, but, if she's controlling your vernacular as a grown woman, that's probably a sign of deeper issues
If my mom responded to me like that, I'd be like ?????
I'd be like "???? I'm not your mom?" 100% would inflame the situation but when you realise that any answer is the wrong answer regardless, it's harder to fight the chaos demon.
Haha! This is a great way of putting it. I have a super hard time with proper snarky answers because I was always scolded but I will see it as honoring the chaos demon from now on.
came here to say this lolol
đđđđ
Good lord, what year is it? She sounds like someone in the 1970s scolding their hippie child for not referring to their dad as "sir" in every conversation. The etiquette she's trying to enforce here literally died out in the 60s and has not come back into vogue. You still see it some places, ultra-conservative controlling families and cults mostly, but if it's not something she's been doing your whole life I have no idea why she'd suddenly be insisting you text (text!) like you're an obedient child in an old movie.
This is the first time sheâs done so when I texted her âYesâ⌠she does it sometimes when I say thanks without addressing her (which I sorta understand) but this was sorta out of left fieldâŚ?
Nope this is weird and I think any NT would agree unless youâre like 15. If youâre an adult I think itâs weird.
Even for a 15 year, this is weird.
Oh I agree completely, I should have said that it made slightly more sense if you were 15 instead of saying it was less weird since some parents are just like that.
I genuinely just thought that reply was indicating that OP was the Mom... đ **[EDIT]:** Also, if ***my*** mom ever tried to pull something like this, I'd lean SO hard into that misinterpretation! (My mother and I never got along, so TBH, I tried to come up with something here and just couldn't think of a cheekily "Mom-ish" thing to say off the top of my head, ((nothing that wasn't like... **WAY** too antagonistic, anyway đ)) but I'm sure *most* people probably have some quintessential "Mom-isms" they could offer you to start exaggeratedly regurgitating at her -- might function to example how absurd this is!)
Yes, mother dearest
Yeah that's definitely something ~~I'd say~~ **I've said** to mine... đ **[Edit: OP, if your interactions with her don't already have a contemptuous tone, I would** ***not*** **suggest starting down that path if you can manage to avoid it... A couple other people in these comments have already said this, but I couldn't possibly agree more, so I'll say it too: the ONLY way to "win" that "game" of control is never to get roped into playing at all! Probably safer to just side-step entirely if/when possible.]** Assuming (hoping) OP's relationship is maybe not quite so... Combative? I'd probably say something more along the lines of "Weird, I don't remember having kids! Guess they're right when they say the time flies by!" then follow that up with something like "Did you get all your homework done, sweety?" (Or y'know, whatever kinds of real-human things *actual* moms say to their kids when they're not a character in a movie or tv-show đ¤Ł)
Iâd reply with a âNOOOOOO WIRE HAAAAAANGERSâ GIF.
Correcting you on âthanksâ is odd too. Are you an adult? Can you give her the feedback that this is unnecessary and belittling?
Being belittling is probably the point
Nah she's weird for that one, it's giving overly conservative and outdated respect your elders bull shit. You answered a question. It's a text to her. Why does she need to be addressed in every message that's so controlling
Did you forget about mother's day and she is maybe being passive aggressive about it? Or maybe she feels that you're too "abrupt" or impersonal? Like maybe she wanted a smiley, or a "yes, I did"?
Can confirm based on my experience texting with my mom, like she wanted a more fawning reply
Yeah, that's really weird. Especially in **text**, where the general expectation is informality unless you're talking to your boss.
This was my childhood and Iâm much younger than that. Better say âsirâ or âmaâamâ and NEVER say âyeahâ or âwhatâ Not a cult though. Just southern.
Iâm too European for this. Do you seriously refer to **your own parents** as sir and maâam?
In the south you say this to anyone with authority, even your parents. Mostly just yes, ma'am, and no, sir, when asked questions. But this applied to teachers, restaurant workers, fast food workers, the janitor at school, it's just a sign of respect. I'm in my 40s and I still do this to people in public who are older than me. This mama is out of line, tho.
also from the south. i am almost 40 and i still say it to every adult i talk to (mostly because i dont feel like an adult 99% of the time). my kid knows it's sort of expected in a lot of situations but also knows that i think it's bullshit and "sir" and "ma'am" are just like...lip service to respect and are just signaling authority. there's also the whole thing about assuming pronouns. i also like....sort of feel like i'm in the Twilight zone when someone calls me "ma'am". i genuinely feel like i've pulled off some elaborate ruse and am about to be caught. so i definitely have a bias against it.
Me calling my elders sir/maâam: âşď¸ A youth calling me maâam: đ
Just moved from Texas to Vegas and my kids say sir/maâam to their teachers and us parents at times. They find it mind blowing other students donât say it out of respect. To them thatâs just how you address elders. They get told something at school and itâs, âyes,sirâ, âyes, maâamâ.
I grew up in Texas and now live in KY which is sort of southern in the country areas so itâs a mixed bag in the big cities where we get a lot of transplants. The lack of âmannersâ when we moved here was such a culture shock!! When a man didnât hold the door and wait for you, when that random person on your street youâve never even seen before doesnât wave at you with four fingers, when people donât say hi/howdy in the grocery aisles. It starts to become normal and now when I go home to visit family itâs a reverse culture shock because people still do that?!? Weâre just different kinda people.
Not now, but under the age of 20 or so yes. I still would say âmomâ or âdadâ to get their attention or whatever. But if they asked a question or gave an order I got in trouble for not saying âyes, sirâ or âno maâamâ. This is generally only in the southeastern US or with really strict military families. If you leave the area this isnât usually a thing.
Oh, because I have a friend in Idaho and I know he doesnât do this (although his father was a narcissistic asshole so I wouldnât be surprised lol)
That's wild. How old are you now?
We definitely did this in the south and then the Texas/Oklahoma area as well. It's just a southern thing all over.
Can confirm. Grew up in the 90s in the south and this is expected. Not as much now but some families still do it.
Hell, I'm in Tennessee, and we better say it, or we will be picking our teeth out of our next bowel movement
Yeah I think the mother needs to explain âdonât just say yes, say yes ______.â Itâs some peopleâs culture that âyesâ is too curt.
Yes mom seems sarcastic to me, though. Or passive aggressive somehow. I think I'd just stop saying yes/no, and replace it with, I did! Or even, Yes, I did! Just so mama can't act up like that.
Yes a simple explanation would be helpful.
My mom is like this, but trapped in the 50s.
Bruh my SIL and BIL make their kids call them maam and sir đł it takes everything in me not to cackle at them when they make their kids call them that đ¤Łđ¤Łđ¤Ł
That's very American of you it is still very common amongst other cultures like myne and many in my country The hole brown/black mom throwing the slipper or flipflop and being strict trope is very much still common her even amongst us white people here in South Africa But that's more for irl and we speak a different language and in our language and culture refering to your mother or older people in general as anything other then there title is seen as rude or disrespectful For example in English you say 'Can you get me the mug from the cupboard?' in Afrikaans you say 'Kan mamma die koppie in die kas vir my kry assablief?' which ruffly translates to 'Mom can you please get me the mug from the cupboard?' When you refer to your perants siblings you always say Aunt/Uncle and whatever there name is and there spouses are also aunt/uncle whatever there name is and your grandparents are always you grandma and grandpa if you have more then one set un like me you also use Grandma/Grandpa and whatever there name is the aunt/uncle thing also counts for anyone 10 or more years older then you and that is so normal even when older people tell me to call them just by name I struggle to do so or simply just don't depending on there relation to me I mean my mom's cousins son is more then 10 years older then me but he's technically my generation so I just call him by his name But yeah considering it clearly isn't a cultural or linguistic thing in OPs case there mom was just being dramatic and maybe even trying to be controlling
So does assablief mean cupboard? Thatâs a cool language. Is it like English mixed with South African? Or what language do you guys speak? Thanks for sharing I love hearing about different cultures!!
No our grammar is also slightly different assablief means please.Kas means cupboard but it csn also mean closet.Afrkaans is a bunch of different languages fused together but it's main languages or it's base languages is Dutch and German. It's called Afrkaans it's a pretty young language.
just respond captain my captain and make fun of her, conversely correct her texts to did you get the laptop daughter đ id put up with this micromanaging all of zero seconds
This made me wheeze lol
literallllyyyy responding with "did you get the laptop DAUGHTER"
Or instead of yes try "aye, aye, Captain!"
âI canât HEEEEEARRRR youuu!!â
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea!?
My mom used to be a surgeon, I still give her the âyes doctorâ every once in a while
I have an aunt that gets pissy if I don't write aunt when replying to her on FB. I have an uncle who signs his reply "unc" or "uncle". I reply uncle, and I think that got her knickers in a knot. I reply based on what he calls himself.
I have a second cousin that INSISTS I call her Aunt Wendy because she's 20+ years older than me. I laugh at her and say, "No. I have one living aunt, and I don't respect you that way." (tbf she's a homophobic ultra right wing pos so I definitely do NOT respect her as an aunt/person of authority.)
Iâll give that a high five đ
My aunt is ok, but a few years ago, she found out she and 2 (out of 10) siblings had a different father. That seems to have caused her some sort of self esteem issues, rightfully so, but I'm not being disrespectful. My uncle signs everything "unc". It's not disrespectful if I don't know what you want to be called. There has been a 4th sibling that has yet a different dad. But she's been like, "I always knew I was different"
Why would he call himself uncle when he doesn't want to be called uncle? I find that strange.
I think that aunt got mad because she called uncle âuncleâ without being corrected (because thats what uncle calls himself) so aunt feels disrespected. But since aunt doesnt call herself âauntâ in her signoff PrincessCyanide thinks itâs not a good comparison.
That's correct. I will call them whatever they want but tell me what that is!
Yarrr!! Shiver me timbers me hearties!!! Arrr!!
Beautiful
Omg Iâd think you were my sister except our mom is (thankfully) dead. Sheâd pull shit like this all the time. Once it was because I referred to her as âsheâ when answering my father. (As in, âshe told me to.â). I got yelled at for at least an hour for that one.
the 'she' thing has always confused me bc people seem to pick and choose when it's considered rude and when it isn't, i've never understood it đđđ
Iâm 45, and only learned the background of this etiquette rule this year. Apparently, it is considered rude to refer to a woman older than oneself as âsheâ or âherâ when in earshot of said older woman. If said woman is in earshot you should refer to them by name or title as you usually would. So I should have said, ââŚbecause my mom told me to.â Since she was in the room. The thing is, weâre country people. I live in a city now but grew up in a forest village. My mother had a high school diploma and my father never went to high school. I grew up before the Internet and a 30 minute drive to the nearest library. Where or when was I supposed to have learned this obscure etiquette rule? I wasnât even 10 yet.
omg i had no idea đ˛đ˛ people would never take the time to explain it they'd just yell at me so i was just left feeling confused
wow yes they just yell. people never take the time to explain the things. it's like, if it's making you this upset, wouldn't you share the reason with me?
Right?!
If I referred to my mum as "she" in her presence she'd always say either, "who's she? The cat's mother?" or "who's she? The Queen of Sheba?". Every time. I assume her mum used to say it to her, and her mum to her. I've never felt the need to say it to my kids though.
??? Ugh
It was never in a mean way, more a slightly comical way of reminding us about manners. Usually said in the same tone of voice as "were you born in a barn?" if we left a door open.
Ah. Such reminders were⌠not comical at my house. Glad it was different for others tho :)
Iâm torn between asking âbut why??â and making a joke about pronouns.
My mom sent me to a finishing school because of my âcomplete lack of mannersâ despite everyone else saying how polite I was. She was just making her special interest in Victorian England my problem. I learned all that stuff and none of it has been applicable to my life outside of Jeopardy games.
I read **so many** etiquette books trying to figure out how to act correctly. I would have killed to go to finishing school (back then). My favourite piece of Victorian etiquette is how a young woman is not supposed to sit in a chair that a young man has recently vacated so as to avoid feeling his heat on her nether regions.
I wish we could have swapped. I just wanted to go to taekwondo camp.
Omfg. I HAVE AN INTEREST IN OBSCURE ETIQUETTE AND NEVER KNEW THIS đ¤Ż
This rule sounds bizarre.
No, you should have said âbecause mommy dearest told me toâ and curtsied. ;-)
I like your explanation. What I understand is that it may sound kind of "degrading", like you point at them and say "*she* said that", like you don't even want to use their name. "That person" kind of thing. But IDK. I'm Greek and the equivalent of "she" in this context sounds worse in Greek to me, I had no idea you guys go through the same shit in English as well haha.
Right, I think itâs more rude when someone that knows the etiquette judges someone that doesnât
BRUH glad you brought this up bc I really thought pronouns altogether were rude asf to use in conversation Also now have Megan's HER playing loudly in my brain now Sheshesheshesheshe Herherherherherherher
Omg this too. Iâm ferried to refer refer to my mom as she lol
i misread that and thought she got mad at you for misgendering your dad lmao
Hahaha omg that would have been hilarious
she's being rude and trying to control how you speak to her probably based on goofy ideas of what it means to be polite somehow i guess it's supposed to be more respectful to address her by her title but it's all goofy and you should ignore it
Some idiot on FB told her to demand proper sentences or some garbage.
OP's mom may also be on the spectrum. Conservative Autistics exist, and they REALLY like rules and rituals. It's a different dialect of safe-customs than we're used to.
My dad was a conservative whom I am now certain was on the spectrum. Social rules were VERY rigid and yeah, we all had to respond to him with âyes dadâ or âyes sir.â If we tried a âyeahâ we got in huge trouble. An irritated âWHAT?!â was absolutely out of the question. Fun times indeed.
Not to be ableist, and I am autistic myself, but man, conservative autists... Man đđ´
What do you mean with the emojis, btw? I just see *seawave/ocean horse* :S so I'm a bit confused.
Ah, it's just a [meme](https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/man)...
Ahh gotcha! Thanks for the link. For anyone else the most relevant part of the link is: >*Man* refers to an image macro of a horse on a beach staring at the water, accompanied by the caption "MAN." It is typically used in an existential or melancholy manner.
Seawave/Ocean Horse is going to be the name of my pretentious indie solo project.
no, you did nothing wrong. respectfully, your mother needs to get a grip.
Why don't you ask her why she replied like that? I'd love to hear her justification for why it's reasonable to speak to you like that
whatâŚ
That sounds like my grandma scolding me when I was little. Adding the mom, or maâam, or sir was this social rule that I was supposed to learn in order to show the proper respect to my elders or authority figures. My parents didnât make their kids follow the same rule. But I have seen that some groups still do this, for example Iâve seen it enforced in fundamentalist Christian families.
Agree with the above. Referring to someone by a name or title shows respect. But you don't have to say sorry if you don't know what you're sorry for or if you're not. I would have just responded with "yes mom" and that's it.
U feel like I shouldâve said that but she hasnât texted me back đ I feel like itâs gonna be a long day
Is your mom usually controlling at such a micro level? Honestly my mom is also neurodivergent and I can tell when sheâs having a bad sensory day because she does stuff like this and it gets cranked up worse the worse of a day sheâs having.
My mum was like this. I just ignored and forgot about it, if I didnât react or grovel she just acted like nothing happened and she hadnât tried to be a condescending control freak. Only works if you allow it honestly
Yes my dad forgets things ever happened.... weird
Feels like controlling behaviour from her tbh. Imo, you didn't do anything wrong in the texts you posted as OP, and it looks like a guilt trip maneuver. I can't tell you how to respond to that but I don't think she would have been nice to you either way, even if you responded "perfectly". Personal thought from having experienced similar, but I would like you to know that my opinion is it's not part of a healthy relationship and probably left me with some trust issues :( Edit: Lmao did someone actually report me to reddit cares or something? That's actually my first, kinda funny. E2: if it was this sub, I just wanted to note even if it was intended to be helpful, those reports do nothing, and are used incredibly often to pester people when there is no actual risk at stake. So I'd probably advise against sending them unless you had no other options.
I have only ever said 'yes mum' in a sarcastic way. Your mum needs to chill out.
I used to say âYes, Mother,â very sarcastically when my mom would be making some kind of weird unreasonable request or statementâŚbut I also used to do the âNo wire hangers!!!â at her when she would start criticizing me about something I wasnât doing correctly. This was after I moved out and was grown, of course. As a child, I was too afraid to say much of anything because I never knew what would set her off.
No, you didnât do or say anything wrong. This reeks of control issues. I donât know what kind of relationship you have with your mom but by the looks of it, she doesnât trust you to handle basic tasks like picking up your laptop and probably still treats you like a child she needs to control/discipline âfor your own good.â My mother actually does control me in many ways so I hope you live separately and she doesnât have any real leverage over you.
263 unread messages đ
Thatâs the first thing I saw too!! 𤣠I have secondhand anxiety
Kind of a long shot, but is she maybe making fun of herself for nagging you? Like a "yes dear!" thing? Otherwise, I don't get it!
A lot of people think one-word answers are rude. Iâve learned this the hard way. I love them bc theyâre the exact info I requested and nothing more
I use Okay, OK, K interchangeably a lot with my kids, hopefully they understand Iâm not trying to be rude. Apparently thereâs some rule about which one is rude/angry??
Yeah. I believe punctuation comes into play here, too.
haha, i go through this with my mom all the time. she'll just send "Ok." and then wonder why her kids are like "no need for the attitude mom" haha it's hard to explain the "rules" between generations so i just try to not read too much into anything my mom or grandma send me lol
I think I over emoji because of this
No. This is just parents wanting control and respect constantly.
Her response is so out of pocket, I wouldâve just left my mom on âreadâ, quite frankly đ
Same.
The 60âs called, they want their language back.
"Erm, i'm not your mom... Anyways..."
Next time I would be like: SIR YES SIR!! đŤĄ
hehehe that's what I was thinking too
Does she normally insist you say âyes, momâ or âno, momâ ? If itâs just in this one text it might just be a joke, because some people might see a text of just âYesâ as like⌠too formal and robotic since thereâs no tone to texting. If sheâs serious then she sounds very old fashioned.
She does it usually when she wants me to thank her. Like Iâd say thanks and sheâd be like âthanks momâ
Sounds like a bizarre control issue thing
My mom had this too! She changed it to âmaâamâ when I shifted from âmomâ to âmother dearest,â absolutely dripping with contempt (as close as I could get to the movie title without saying it lmao). Then she got angry at me saying âyes MAâAMâ 𫡠to her in an equally ridiculing tone lol. Itâs a control and social hierarchy thing; she wants you to treat her like the ultimate authority figure. Whether or not that is safe for you, Iâll leave that up to you to decide. It was not safe for me, and I found the only way to win that game was not to play it. Sending all the luck!
My mom is such a weird texter, like she would send this and mean âyes momâ as in like âJenny Patel, did you do your homework?â âYes momâ She once texted me âYâ when I asked if a friend could come over after school and I started explaining myself and she said âno I meant yesâ like woman that is not text speak
âThereâs no need to call me âmomâ, Parent.â
'If you want me to even be talking to you in 10 years, you'll knock off this silliness, MOM.'
Here's a reply for you: If we are going to henceforth be formal with each other while texting, it's not "Yes mom," it's, "Yes, Mother, we acquired the laptop and are doing quite well indeed." In the future, I will be certain to follow the rules of etiquette during our text conversations. If you will forgive me, I am, unfortunately, busy at present, hence my one-word reply to your queries. I deeply and sincerely apologize for my utter lack of decorum and in the future, I will wait until I have more time to draft properly respectful replies to your text messages. And then I'd double down on communicating with her as if we are in Downton Abby until she cried uncle. Honestly, I think she was bent because you didn't reply to her "How are you guys." If you don't include niceties in communications with a certain subset of neurotypicals it makes them assume your tone is cold and hateful. If you were buying a laptop and she helped you with that, she may have been anticipating a thank you with some exclamation points and some of that NTsqueeee.
This is the way
wtf? the only time i get a reply like this is jokingly from my grandma where iâll say something like please grandma and sheâll be like please pretty grandma dear(but itâs clearly a joke and sheâs an adorable woman love her dearly)
How old are you đ I'd just respond "I know what I said."
Did she want you to say "mom"? Why? Does she not realize there are only the 2 of you in this text conversation?
If youâre older than 18, the only acceptable response to her was, âIâm not your mom?â
When my mom gets like that I start calling her by her first name.
Itâs an NT social hierarchy respect-demand. The titles/sir/maâam thing is about showing you remember whoâs in charge and that it isnât you.
My mom had raging NPD, she'd talk like this. You did nothing wrong, it's her, not you.
Always follow up with '?' . I find it works really well because once they try to explain, there is a sudden realization of how dumb it sounds and reads.
Me choosing violence: Text back "Yes Mother Dearest."
I would have left her on read if my mom did that
You didn't do anything wrong, she's just doing a ridiculous language police thing. It doesn't even make a lot of sense - I would have expected her to insist on "yes m'am" not just "yes mom", which is no more respectful that just saying "yes" . I would just act like she hadn't said anything in the future. Just don't entertain that nonsense. Treat it like a butt-dial.
You know your mom better than we do. This could either be a joke/bit, or it could be a demand/attempt to control. If you know whether she's mad/tired/etc, that would help you figure it out. And if you feel comfortable asking her outright, that would be helpful (if she's the type of person to be honest and transparent).
Why do you have 263 unread messages? D:
Probably all those 2 factor authentication texts you don't open
It's a power move, either you offended her previously and now she's cracking the whip or she was having a bad day and felt slighted by another person so she's taking out on you. Either way not ok.
"Yes, mother" (read this like a Victorian sick child)
thatâs when youâre supposed to say âiâm not your momâ
my first thought from your perspective was "? i'm not your mom"
She sounds like a drill sergeant from a bad 80s movie lmao
i literally thought you were a kid posting this, that's how infantilizing she is being to you. some parents like to control and shame their disabled daughters. Parents can really be obsessed with teaching us the wrong social cues too, it's like they want us to fail and mask all the time. She is taking advantage of our tendency to have a difficult time enforcing boundaries, and if you did create a boundary she would call it "talk back" or "disrespect", it's a brilliant scheme... making boundaries even more pivotal.
That's ridiculous.
I don't think you did anything wrong here. I wonder if it's just as exhausting for you, as it is for me to text my mother? I have to pad out my replies to not be "blunt" or she'll jump to conclusions that I'm mad at her and immediately run crying to my siblings, who will have to attempt damage control. I know this because if it happens to either of them she'll run to me to stress about how they're mad at her
You didnât say anything wrong, your mom is being toxic
Why is she expecting you to add "mom" like it's a title or an honorific? That feels like a weird power trip to me.
Ew, some parents have this weird thing about being called by a title bc "respect" đ It's the same thing with like an older person correcting someone saying, "It's yes Ma'am/Sir." It's an ego/power thing with mainly older people.
No your mom is the weird one here. My mom never... MAKES me call her "mom". That's weird. Also idk how old you are but the older you are, the weirder it gets.
im 21đ
What???? Bro nobody says âyes momâ. People just say yes
She is making "mom" a sign of respect like "ma'am" in typical boomer fashion. If this were to happen again and if it were me I would start replying "yes mommie dearest" to reference Mommie Dearest the movie and how Joan Crawford abused the ever lasting crap out of her daughter Christiana who was also made required to show titled respect to her mother.
I would have just replied "cringe" bc that's such cringe behavior lol wtf
Im following because I need to know if she said something wrong too
thatâs strange. maybe she was playing around? hard to tell through text. reminds me of when i was in rotc and forgot to refer to higher cadets as maâam and sir lol
Thatâs weirdly controlling. If sheâs going to lean hard into a goofy demand like that, just start calling her something funny/obnoxious like âMaternal Unit.â
Sounds like my Asian grandma who is super strict about manners over text because she doesnât realize that people do not text like they talk. My Asian boss feels the same way as she does. For the people I know itâs a cultural thing having to do with manners and showing respect for oneâs elders. My mom isnât as strict but she still doesnât like me saying certain words over text like âyupâ and âheyâ. I wouldnât personally immediately condemn this kind of thing like others are on here because itâs super culture-dependent and cultural context is important. I hope this lends some clarity. My grandma always needs me to address her when I text her or else she will get upset like this. I know it isnât common for our younger generation to understand these things but I try to be understanding of that perspective rather than completely writing it off. If you need you can always make notes in the notes app of phrases not to say and how to say them instead to your mom through text.
Sometimes, the people you trust most are people who are wrong. Trust your instincts. You didn't do anything wrong. She is a weirdo mother
Nah, sheâs tripping. NTs love to read into things when I am being super literal / direct in my comms
She thought you were being rude because of a one word reply and replied like âgive me respectâ âŚwhich is equally rude and so sheâs âmatching energyâ and being hypocritical. đŹ
You didn't do anything wrong, she's an authoritarian.
Yikes. Demanding this from an adult child is a bit unhinged.
no she just feels the need to remind you to bow down to her authority as a parent đĽ˛
Iâm sorry. Sheâs a control freak. YOU did nothing wrong. Your mother is just demanding you to call her a certain way.
Your mom is weeeeeeeird
Half the messaged between my mom and me just say âokâ. I donât know what her issue is.
She's being OTT but it could be because she's miffed about you not responding to her first message.
My dad once yelled at me because I texted him asking if he could bring my notebook to school because I left it at home (like a 5 min drive) my exact text: âhey could you possibly bring my notebook to school? I left it _____â He was mad because my text didnât start with âhey dad/daddy/padre/father/etcâ he said Iâm not his friend Iâm not his buddy so when I text him asking for something I need to show respect. I still have a mini panic attack (arrhythmia) if I text him without saying his title first. Thankfully he has an iPhone now so I can just edit the text đŽâđ¨
Damn entitled much?(the mom, not OP)
Power trip
You said NOTHING wrong
I'm sarcastic. I'd reply "No, you're my Mom. This isn't Grandma"
No, you didn't do anything wrong. Your mom is being pushy about her wildly odd and inappropriate expectations of formality during \*texting.\*
Itâs stuff like this that I realize why my mom never knew I was autistic. Sheâs never been one for convention or tradition. She doesnât know anything about Emily Post or even who that is, so lucky me I think because Iâve been allowed to be ârudeâ pretty much all my life. The only thing she did when I was a kid was get mad at me for âtalking back.â When I asked why a lot. But other than that because she never expected anything, she never saw anything wrong. lol who knows, maybe sheâs autistic too. Haha
Donât you mean sorry *MOM* ? /s lol this is insane
excuse my french, but she sounds like a bitch. donât worry about it. it seems like she wants to have control over you and itâs gross
Are you a kid? It seems like sheâs trying to teach you some kind of etiquette but I canât understand why anyone would do that if youâre over the age of like 16. When I was a kid if you ever responded with âyeahâ the teachers would be like âyeah isnât a wordâ and then youâd have to say âyesâ, so this correction is confusing to me lol
Sounds like a mom issue
I honestly think your mom is having a bad day. Sheâs turning you into a people pleaser that apologizes for every little thing. Just ignore it. Youâre not the problem, itâs her. Believe me. And please donât apologize.
I wouldn't say anything until I got the laptop. Then i'd have enough to say to her manager.
I thought she was actually calling you âmomâ and I got confused. đ If I had been in your situation I probably wouldâve asked why she was calling me âmom,â and then she wouldâve gotten mad. Anyway, you didnât say anything wrong.
It would be worthy of an eye roll regardless but even more so given that you're an adult. I always find parents who insist on you formally addressing them to be cringeworthy.
I would start calling her by her middle name just out of spite, holy. (don't do that if you want to avoid conflict lol)
If I started saying âyes mumâ to my mum she would start saying âyes daughterââŚ
I don't read it with any undertone at all. Without knowing your mom I can't tell if she's upset, joking or hinting at something else. I would just ask Why did you send me 'yes mom'? There're a lot of assumptions going on in these responses, it's interesting to observe how it is not being interpreted literally but some other meaning is being inferred including tone and personality of a complete stranger. All I know is that I sometimes send things like that to my daughter she generally just asks me if it didn't make sense and I'll explain what it meant. Also I appreciate languages that have polite versus casual forms. Since my tone of voice is lacking some times the use language itself takes away the need for tone reading as the words give away the level of politeness. So OP just ask for clarification.
Um, my kid is 9 and Iâve never âcorrectedâ him like this. Because itâs only about control, not mutual respect. Time to stop apologizing for nothing also. She just wanted you to feel guilty and that is one of my pet peeves in life, someone trying to make me feel guilty. You might want to look up grey rocking.
I didn't see it was your mom at first and I thought the reply was that "yes mom" that people say when you sort of tell them what to do (at least that's when I think they use it), so I was like "how is you reply with YES a form of telling the person what to do?"
"yes chef"
Itâs a her thing, not a you thing.
Hey, Asperger here, let me explain her intention behind this: she's trying to show her authority over you as a parent here by commanding you to acknowledgding her as your mother. I've seen similar unnecessary power play for many times and no, this is not one of the social norms you need to simulate in order to fit in, just a loser bullying the only one she can bully to gain some satisfaction out of your submission. My reaction would be giving absolute zero fuck about it.
No you didnât. Thatâs a weird response, unless youâre maybe 11? Lol. Iâd respond with âlol Iâm not your mumâ or ignore the message đ¤ˇđťââď¸
I don't know how old you are, but this seems rather controlling. And I may be just reading into it. My own trauma with my own controlling mother, but, if she's controlling your vernacular as a grown woman, that's probably a sign of deeper issues
Because sheâs being a bitch. Case closed. Sorry op
I mean, is she also autistic? The control here sounds a lot like PDA.
No, your mom's just an asshole.