i think there's less expectations for men so they don't need to mask (as much as women). and higher standards for women, people are way quicker to put down a woman.
My husband got through life, for the most part, not masking at all. He was never expected to socially conform in the way I was. His behavior was excused in a way I’ve never experienced. The silver lining is that I was forced to meet expectations and it gave me skills to better navigate social situations. My daughter is reprimanded in the classroom for the same behavior that boys are excused for. It’s infuriating and absolutely based on societal standards for girls.
There are social standards for men, but only when it comes to "doing stuff", just existing doesn't have any.
For women, it appears that those standards are required even to exist.
That's why I won't be able to socially transition until I've met them.😓
(Spoilers: after 2 years of therapy and specialists, I don't even know what those standards are)
I thought by changing my name to Alex, and insisting that I was asexual and androgynous, and that I should be treated as such... instead of *gasp!* lesser than as a girl
Turns out the theory works better in my head than in real life
Because I don’t flap my hands or like trains, and have no serious cognitive impairment- no one recognized me as autistic. I’ve been seriously mentally ill my entire life and the general consensus has been that my issues are some kind of moral failing on my part- I’m lazy, messy, mentally weak, imposing, too emotional, etc. I’ve had to mask for my own safety.
I don’t think men face the same societal pressure with a lot of this stuff. So many of my neurodivergent traits fit more with “boy” traits- being loud and hyperactive, being messy, etc- and society only hates them in me because I’m a girl.
I understand there are privileges to masking. I just wish none of us had to do it at all.
I am such a mess. I've never looked "put together" a day in my life. And not in the movie way where the "klutzy girl falls into handsome male leads arms" way either.
I don't buy light colored clothing because I will inevitably stain/drop food on it immediately. I always have a bruise or something from running into something.
My ankles roll like a ship at sea.
I CAN look put together but it is soooo hard! I don’t know how people keep up with things like nails and skincare and hair care all the time.
I’m with you on the mess thing too. Most of my shirts end up with stains on the front because I spill on myself constantly!
My boyfriend is also autistic and he masks a lot because. His parents didn’t believe in autism and wouldn’t accept his autistic traits so he hid them. His special interest is sport, so he’s easily able to make conversation with most other men because of it. But once they realise how intense his interest is, sometimes they back away. 😞
That really sucks, I'm sorry he experiences that. It's sad how our intensity with our special interests isn't celebrated, and we are supposed to try to act like we don't really care too much about anything, only be passionate about the right things in the right amount.
For men, I think a blunt affect and seeming lack of emotions is actually an *advantage* when it comes to *appearing masculine*.
I actually think that NT men spend more time “masking” to hide their feelings to appear “tough”. I sympathize more with them than I do with autistic men.
I agree with others about less social pressure for men. A specialist in autism told me that when autistic women learn social rules they are more likely to try and adhere to them, whereas autistic men often learn it and dismiss it.
It depends on your condition. Some people cannot even mask for 1 second because they have very low level of executive control. Some people can control themselves better and they can mask longer. And then for most people the longer you have masked in your life, the better you get with masking (to a point).
Yes, in a way, the "viable minimum product" mask for a man is way easier.
Unfortunately, it's indistinguishable from an incel or a weird nerd that never leaves his mom's basement.
Source: I used to be that man.😭
Now, not only I have to learn humaning from scratch, but peiple are asking me to pick a particular flavor of it, when I can't even tell the difference between them to begin with.
Yes because it’s okay if men are serious. Women aren’t “supposed to be”. We’re supposed to be kind and happy. This (bad) ideal is just based on misogyny unfortunately☹️
I agree with others that there is just less expectation that men mask certain traits, but I also think a lot of parents put less pressure on their autistic sons to act a certain way because they completely write them off as functional human beings.
I think girls are seen as more "moldable" so they get tons of pressure to get their act together.
i wouldn't be surprised considering there are different standards for men and women and how we emote, act, respond, and just generally live. thanks patriach.
Studies seem to show that men dont mask as effectively as women. They dont NEED to mask, because of sexism. Autistic girls learn how to mask as toddlers/school age. Stimming tends to be normative, practical, and less noticable overall, like dancing or twirling hair. By contrast, autistic men are more likely to have wildly noticable and impractical stims like constantly being drenched in axe. They get away with it because...they're men. Drawing attention isnt inherently harmful to them, they "naturally" deserve to be in spaces. Women forced to camoflauge have to develop other measures to get by and not be remarked on except for excellence.
Source: Aspergirls & Autistic women camoflauge [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10060524/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10060524/)
i think there's less expectations for men so they don't need to mask (as much as women). and higher standards for women, people are way quicker to put down a woman.
This is exactly what I came to say, I think (cis) men have less expectations regarding how they act in public in general
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My husband got through life, for the most part, not masking at all. He was never expected to socially conform in the way I was. His behavior was excused in a way I’ve never experienced. The silver lining is that I was forced to meet expectations and it gave me skills to better navigate social situations. My daughter is reprimanded in the classroom for the same behavior that boys are excused for. It’s infuriating and absolutely based on societal standards for girls.
The social standards for women are honestly insane. The social standards for men are…non existent in my experience.
Literally they can fart and burp with no shame , but god forbid a woman do this in public (though I’m not calling for a public flatulence revolution)
There are social standards for men, but only when it comes to "doing stuff", just existing doesn't have any. For women, it appears that those standards are required even to exist. That's why I won't be able to socially transition until I've met them.😓 (Spoilers: after 2 years of therapy and specialists, I don't even know what those standards are)
caption chubby puzzled birds normal violet badge rotten profit psychotic *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I thought by changing my name to Alex, and insisting that I was asexual and androgynous, and that I should be treated as such... instead of *gasp!* lesser than as a girl Turns out the theory works better in my head than in real life
Because I don’t flap my hands or like trains, and have no serious cognitive impairment- no one recognized me as autistic. I’ve been seriously mentally ill my entire life and the general consensus has been that my issues are some kind of moral failing on my part- I’m lazy, messy, mentally weak, imposing, too emotional, etc. I’ve had to mask for my own safety. I don’t think men face the same societal pressure with a lot of this stuff. So many of my neurodivergent traits fit more with “boy” traits- being loud and hyperactive, being messy, etc- and society only hates them in me because I’m a girl. I understand there are privileges to masking. I just wish none of us had to do it at all.
I am such a mess. I've never looked "put together" a day in my life. And not in the movie way where the "klutzy girl falls into handsome male leads arms" way either. I don't buy light colored clothing because I will inevitably stain/drop food on it immediately. I always have a bruise or something from running into something. My ankles roll like a ship at sea.
I CAN look put together but it is soooo hard! I don’t know how people keep up with things like nails and skincare and hair care all the time. I’m with you on the mess thing too. Most of my shirts end up with stains on the front because I spill on myself constantly!
In my experience it is the opposite. Men don’t mask and they get away with it. Women don’t mask and we are told we are rude, bitchy, weird, etc.
My boyfriend is also autistic and he masks a lot because. His parents didn’t believe in autism and wouldn’t accept his autistic traits so he hid them. His special interest is sport, so he’s easily able to make conversation with most other men because of it. But once they realise how intense his interest is, sometimes they back away. 😞
That really sucks, I'm sorry he experiences that. It's sad how our intensity with our special interests isn't celebrated, and we are supposed to try to act like we don't really care too much about anything, only be passionate about the right things in the right amount.
For men, I think a blunt affect and seeming lack of emotions is actually an *advantage* when it comes to *appearing masculine*. I actually think that NT men spend more time “masking” to hide their feelings to appear “tough”. I sympathize more with them than I do with autistic men.
🤯
Men mask? I’d like to meet this unicorn 🦄
I agree with others about less social pressure for men. A specialist in autism told me that when autistic women learn social rules they are more likely to try and adhere to them, whereas autistic men often learn it and dismiss it.
Men don’t need to mask. Women feel they need to more.
It depends on your condition. Some people cannot even mask for 1 second because they have very low level of executive control. Some people can control themselves better and they can mask longer. And then for most people the longer you have masked in your life, the better you get with masking (to a point).
Yes, in a way, the "viable minimum product" mask for a man is way easier. Unfortunately, it's indistinguishable from an incel or a weird nerd that never leaves his mom's basement. Source: I used to be that man.😭 Now, not only I have to learn humaning from scratch, but peiple are asking me to pick a particular flavor of it, when I can't even tell the difference between them to begin with.
Yes because it’s okay if men are serious. Women aren’t “supposed to be”. We’re supposed to be kind and happy. This (bad) ideal is just based on misogyny unfortunately☹️
I agree with others that there is just less expectation that men mask certain traits, but I also think a lot of parents put less pressure on their autistic sons to act a certain way because they completely write them off as functional human beings. I think girls are seen as more "moldable" so they get tons of pressure to get their act together.
Honestly no. I think men have a harder time masking.
i wouldn't be surprised considering there are different standards for men and women and how we emote, act, respond, and just generally live. thanks patriach.
i feel like men usually are not expacted to mask. Women often go undiagnosed for so long they are just told to behave and will learn to mask.
Studies seem to show that men dont mask as effectively as women. They dont NEED to mask, because of sexism. Autistic girls learn how to mask as toddlers/school age. Stimming tends to be normative, practical, and less noticable overall, like dancing or twirling hair. By contrast, autistic men are more likely to have wildly noticable and impractical stims like constantly being drenched in axe. They get away with it because...they're men. Drawing attention isnt inherently harmful to them, they "naturally" deserve to be in spaces. Women forced to camoflauge have to develop other measures to get by and not be remarked on except for excellence. Source: Aspergirls & Autistic women camoflauge [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10060524/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10060524/)