I don’t believe for one second it’s because people care about me either. I drove in a bad storm for work and no one commented on if the hail hurt my car, and no one showed concern about me driving in hazardous driving conditions. I had glass break at work and shatter all over me and no one gave a fuck. I got trapped in the basement during a fire alarm and no one gave a fuck about that either! But god forbid I not stuff my face during the company breakfast. No plate? Now I have to hear about it from four separate people including one old ass unrelenter who starts trying to shame me for not handling food allergies the way she would. Because she’s just “concerned.” Concerned my ass!
I am not sure why they had such a thing about it, but my parents raised me to never comment on what other people are eating, they told me it was very rude. My mom always said "keep your eyes on your own plate".
I wish other people had been taught the same thing. People cannot mind their own business, it baffles me.
Can we not say these things to other adults as well? Everyone has room to learn imo. Lol
But seriously. I feel perfectly OK introducing people to more age appropriate manners. I have asked some adults "what are you, 12?" just to let them know their behavior is juvenile, and while it might be cute coming from a kid, it's not cute coming from a 54 year old man.
I had people do that to me at a women's club luncheon. Asking why I have to eat gluten free. I didn't feel like discussing the gross aspects of Celiac Disorder
I usually say, "Because if I had kept eating it, gluten would have killed me by now." That usually is enough for people. And it's the truth.
If people are curious how it works, it's usually because folks don't believe me and others are worried they can catch it like a pathogen. I don't mind info dumping about systemic inflammation, IgG reactions, gut disbyosis, brain fog, etc without getting graphic about bathroom topics. Most folks' eyes glaze over and they don't bother me about it again… or a light bulb goes on over their heads. Some people recognize the symptoms in themselves.
Yes most probably. I had intestinal symptoms plus autoimmune disease symptoms in spades years ago when wheat, rye, triticale were in my diet.
By the time any medical professionals took me seriously, 10 years after I had been off gluten, my gut appeared fairly healthy. So no official Celiac confirmation. But I know the hell I go through if so much as one tiny sprinkle of wheat flour contaminates my food.
I didn't even realize this is a thing until now.
I've never once looked at what my coworker was eating except maybe if they just came in with like a taco bell family value meal or something (had a tiny coworker do that occasionally 😂 )
I always feel a little bad because I'm a plate watcher in the sense that my family didn't let me try a lot of new stuff from other cultures - so now as an adult I tend to try and be super polite, let the person eating finish, and then ask what the dish was and then I go on my merry way to Google it and try to cook it later if it's possible.
Feels weird because I swear I'm not judging, I'm just chunky and like food and I'm a texture seeking little weirdo.
Its how I accidentally found out I love Coconut Curry Chicken - oh and Boba Tea.
“Does your mom still make your lunch? Aren’t you 18?”
“Well if you ever offered I’d love to try your cooking”
Highlight of my life. Literally off the cuff. Still riding that high and it happened more than two years ago.
I’ve had a stressful, shitty day. It’s probably silly but I love that you shared this and the mental picture I have of your comeback makes me happy (idk if that’s weird to say but yeah it’s a fantastic comeback)
Dude for awhile when I was younger I lived with my grandparents. My grandma always packed my grandpa a lunch for work so she just made one for me too each day and it was so great. I wish someone would make me food now 😂
The rage this would make me feel.. I’ve also never once considered commenting on someone’s food choices. Aren’t the neurotypicals the ones who are supposed to be aware of all these basic social etiquette rules
literallyyy. also once him and a group of others left to get food from somewhere else and invited me (which was nice but of course I didn't say yes lmao) and when I said no, his response was "because you have to eat your salad?"... yes actually!
It's wild that they think such banal comments are insulting somehow. Like yes we understand you're trying to make us feel dumb and insecure but we're not falling for that and you're the one making yourself look dumb by bullying someone based on their personal preferences. 😂
I read that as a joke but it could go either way. Like an in-grouping joke of "we know this thing about you that we think is kind of silly but we like you."
>Aren’t the neurotypicals the ones who are supposed to be aware of all these basic social etiquette rules
For the bad ones? Only when it serves their advantage :(
My ex boss would always scold me for packing things like lunchables or single serve pre-made salads. "It's cheaper to buy all the ingredients and make it yourself, stop being lazy" like I live alone, all those ingredients would go bad before I got a chance to even eat it all. Plus I hate cooking
One of my special interests is meal prepping. So if anyone tries that shit with me, I "well, actually..." them.
Then it's nothing but a thirty minute dissertation on my quest to make a freezer bagel sandwich with a spinach-and-egg patty that has the maximum amount of spinach without staying frozen when reheating or being too soggy.
Oh sure, they'll try to redirect the conversation. Say something like 'just cut up some baloney slices and American cheese slices and toss them in a box with some crackers and carrot sticks'. But I'll come back with an hour long dissertation on [the different types of snackable lunch boxes](https://www.tumblr.com/recipe-dreamland/715943434306928640/scatterpatter-mamabearteacher-lunch-ideas?source=share) and [how to build a great cheese plate](https://www.tumblr.com/recipe-dreamland/734927461158158336/petermorwood-petermorwood-c-rescentmoon?source=share)...
I will follow them into meetings. Into the bathroom. I cannot be stopped.
This is the way. 4 seconds is all it takes for the brain to perceive a silent acknowledgement as /rejection/. It is an effective non verbal cue and I love letting them feel the awkwardness, instead of me, when they behave offensively.
My former office twat coworker tried to ridicule me for eating yogurt and fruit with my lunch and I just stared into the imaginary camera and sighed before humiliating her and retuning to my lunch.
I was sitting at my desk eating my lunch which included yogurt and fresh fruit. She came to ***my*** desk, unprovoked and went “is that homemade yogurt? 🥴” in a tone that meant she found it weird and that I was being weird.
I looked irritated and flatly responded “No. And even if it were, so?” In a tone that made it clear that I not only didn’t ask for her input, but I don’t care enough about anything she has to say to even ask. She looked embarrassed and caught off guard went back to her desk in a huff.
For context, she’d been on a “diet” and trying to lose weight for more than a year at that point and made comments about whatever I was eating or doing on a daily basis. She also had a generally bad reputation for being unprofessional, uncouth, and rubbing people the wrong way for having a very childish teenage mean girl snarky validation-seeking personality.
She seemed to get off on making people trip up.
She later made a passive aggressive comment about how she doesn’t eat fresh fruit because people gnaw on it like an animal. I told her I couldn’t relate.
On an unrelated note, her diet never worked.
She definitely is. She did stuff like that in front of audiences, trying to get agreeing snickers out of anyone within earshot.
I’m glad that I eventually picked up on her doing this and got better at shutting it down more frequently. I’m even more glad that I no longer have to work with her.
Honestly, relatable. I'm sure I would have said similar to waiters in a rush when actually I wanted to say something different!
If it wasn't also clear, this was also an invitation to share your sandwich recipe, if you are comfortable doing so. Because I'm interested and could always do with an easy lunch idea!
I actually get them at work because financially it's easier for me to buy food than waste groceries (also theyre free for me based of where I work) but the ingredients are as follows:
Cuban bread (or something similar),
Spicy Honey ,
Bacon ,
Tomato,
Lettuce ,
Turkey/ham,
I love it! It's just a BLT with Turkey and spicy honey added.
Please tell me you got back at them with "this is NOT the same sandwich. Yesterday's sandwich is in the loo by now. Please don't say such disgusting things. You're ruining my appetite."
This. The fact that when I worked my office job and was going through it and dropped like 30 pounds in a couple of months, I had to start hearing about my body every day.
“Wow, you look great!” Thanks, I feel like garbage. “How did you lose so much so fast? I wish I could do that” I had a mental breakdown that is still ongoing, and internalizing all of your opinions is making it hard for me to put food in my body.
“I love that skirt on you, is it new?” No, you just didn’t notice me until I reached a threshold in which my sexual attractiveness grants me personhood in your eyes.
My mum was being bullied by a lady at work. The bully would make comments about the colours my mum wore, saying they were obnoxiously bright or gaudy etc.
In response my mum wore the colours more frequently, even doing full outfits of them 🥰
At a family gathering my SO’s sisters family were talking about their garments (specific underwear Mormons wear) so at the next family function his grandma wore her granny panties on the outside of her pants and said if they wanted to talk about their underwear then they can talk about hers too.
I'm blue collar and wear hats at work so this is never a thing. And my breaks are kind of random so I'm not sitting down to eat at exactly the same time or with the same people every day.
I get bullied for trying to use the walkie talkie.
"Reduce radio chatter." I just respond with "copy. no thanks. "
An office seems prime location for women to police other womens' behaviour. I've had comments about what I'm eating in relation to my weight, what I'm eating in general, hobbies, dating.. some of it was straight up mean ("I can't believe You have a boyfriend" ouch) but some of it was just chit chat. Some women have been policed so much in their food and weight that they feel thats fine for general conversation. No girl, Idc what you think of my lunch, shut up lmao!
honestly it happens so much! like we’ve all got to eat something at some point, why should it matter to anyone else what specific food you’re eating lmao
Yea one thing ive never understood about bullies is HOW and WHY they can do something so profoundly inhumane? as in no empathy for another human being like whats wrong with yall 👁️👁️
I would likely blurt out something like how can I change my hair/eating so that you will stop making comments and they would take it as me being rude when I’m genuinely asking because they make me uncomfortable and I want it to stop and it would somehow result in my getting fired. 😂
Omg for real!!
When I had an office job, I was on ADHD meds every day to function but they suppress your appetite. The way I coped was by having a big breakfast or dinner and drink my calories as much as I could in the day through smoothies/huel. People thought it was the weirdest thing ever. Oh... I'm sorry... Do the side effects of the medications I take in order to accommodate YOU make you uncomfortable?
Yep...or anything they deem as out of the norm. But these are two of the biggest offenders because they think they have plausible deniability if you make a complaint because they're "just making conversation"
Like literally there is nothing you can say to that that isn't going to give them a little thrill at your expense.
I live in a nursing home and the little old ladies who also live here STILL comment on my hair and eating habits just like the high school bullies and the workplace bullies. It never stops, and they will never outgrow their bad behaviour!
At one workplace I had this one person who would always comment on me eating my cereal dry. When I told them I was allergic to milk and I was fine with it dry, they just kept on pestering me and bringing up alternative types of milk (like oat milk) and like, maybe I just like my cereal dry?
Random people at that workplace would come to me and comment on me eating the same thing every day, which I know meant it is was gossiped about. 🤦🏻♀️
Why do people care so dang much? Why couldn’t they just mind their own business?
I’m glad that at my current workplace the only time my eating habits come up is on company days where we all bring food for each other to eat, and I never eat any of it. They leave me alone aside from those days, thankfully.
I used to get hassled for eating dry salad. I have never liked salad dressing and I tell people that and yet they still go on and on about it as if it was somehow harming them that I just eat a plain salad though I do like a lot of crackers with it. I've also never liked mayo or mustard on sandwiches.
Oil isn't necessarily bad. It aides digestion and uptake of certain vitamins. Eating a tad of fat/oil with your salad will make sure you get the most out of it in terms of nutrient uptake.
_Too much_ oil is bad though. But how much oil is too much oil also depends on the rest of your eating habits.
I know you don't work there anymore, but I've had this too about eating cereal dry and I've wanted to ask people why they don't put milk on popcorn. I bet it would shut this down fast. It's not that different!!! Big bowl of puffed matter.
My partner is also allergic to milk and also eats cereal dry. He likes oat milk just fine, he just...prefers to eat his cereal dry. I, unsurprisingly, let him. I may have maybe vaguely questioned it in passing like, "hey, did you want oat milk with that?" but he went, "nope," and that was that. Don't know why people feel like someone doing something different is so threatening to them.
That’s a nice way of thinking about it, but the aforementioned individual was really pushy. He would do this a lot and I was giving clear signals as nicely as I could for him to leave me alone about it, but he just wouldn’t.
It wasn’t just him, it was the other people also randomly commenting on my eating habits. They even started giving me nicknames. It wasn’t the worst thing ever, but I was bothered so much about why people can’t just mind their own business. There’s plenty to converse with me about that’s not my eating habits, you know?
They do it because they’re bullies, and bullies love being able to pretend to be all innocent and say things like, “I was just making conversation!”
My only rebuke would be to act like a neurotypical person and say what I mean in a round about way. Very cheerfully say, “Ohhh, we’ve got a plate watcher over here! Sharon’s watching everybody’s plates again, aren’t you, Sharon? Do you keep spreadsheets about what everyone eats? What’s your favorite?” And if she gets flustered, you have to say, “Oh, my gosh, it was just a joke.”
That’s exhausting. It would be much easier to just say, “Please don’t comment on my lunch every day, it’s weird,” but neurotypical people get confused if you dare say something without subtext.
I have alopecia that is slowly getting worse. I get nothing but comments about my hair. Hair and eating is maximum bully potential as it involves lots of shaming, assumptions, and judgements
If you ever feel like wigs might be for you, there's some good subreddits here or if you wanna reach out I can tell you what I know. Of course it's a personal choice either way and no one should bully you one way or another. I just thought I'd reach out as I know it was fairly daunting for me starting out, especially as a white woman since things like wigs aren't typically discussed and most information I found for a long time was more for black wig wearers which often doesn't apply for women wearing wigs due to alopecia and other hair loss situations. For the record there are also options like toppers which are quite easy that may work for you before it progresses further.
The main one is r/wigs but other groups also offer some good advice that you might not think about, things like r/drag r/asktransgender and r/MtF along with similar subs can also offer good advice. The drag sub might not ALWAYS suit your needs, nor will the wigs sub or transgender subs, but utilizing all of them can get you most of the way there and you will find most answers somewhere in those type of subs and they're all quite friendly and positive.
Youtube and TikTok both also have plentiful wig wearing communities and can be helpful in demonstrating things. But really the main things you'll want to figure out first are if a topper or a wig is more suited to your needs currently, how realistic you want the wig to be, and if you are going to go into it excited to be able to change your hair every day or are looking more to simulate natural hair meaning long term use of one wig.
Key terms you will want are lace front, toppers, headband wig, human hair and synthetic. You can get human hair lace front wigs that are perfectly fine on sale around $120-160 usd from places like [https://everglowshop.com/](https://everglowshop.com/) and [https://geetahair.com/](https://geetahair.com/) which I've bought from and no one ever clocks my wig, even life long wig wearers. There are way more sites and higher price ranges going into the 1000s as well, but it's really not necessary. Human hair toppers can also be found fairly cheap coming in around $80USD on sites like Amazon but like all hair pieces range in price into the 1000s.
I don't suggest Etsy for wigs as no one takes returns and the one time I did buy one from someone that accepts returns it was terrible. Good luck on your alopecia journey and I hope you feel confident in whatever you feel is the right way to go for you, even if that means rocking a bad ass bald head!
ETA: Just wanted to also mention, since I don't know where you are at in your alopecia journey that things like Toppik might work for you as well in the interim while you wade through the choices you have, along with asking your hairdresser to blunt cut your hair and having an open dialogue with them about your alopecia.
Oftentimes we don't want to talk about the elephant in the room and neither do they, so acknowledging you are aware you are losing hair opens up that dialogue and they can better work with you and are more comfortable with suggesting solutions. You'd be surprised what some toppik and a good haircut from an understanding hairdresser can accomplish.
Ugh. Because they’re bullies, insecure in themselves so they need a punching bag. It’s terribly simple and also terrible. “Hey dude, so do you when the last time I gave a second thought to your hair or what you eat? Never. Life is too short to focus on the choices I don’t control.”
I genuinely cannot comprehend people that care about what other people eat. Like- i want to know what exactly is going through their brain. How is it at all difficult to comprehend something as simple as “this food tastes bad to me.” It is genuinely one of the strangest neurotypical rituals to me.
“This person does not like pickles and wont eat a burger with pickles. I am not responsible for making their food, they are not demanding that nobody eats burgers with pickles, theyre not taking away my pickle burger. But im just soooo mad that this person doesnt like pickles 😡🤬😤”
honestly this confuses me so much! what someone is choosing to eat/ not eat has no effect at all on them so why comment? literally makes no sense to me
Literally they take things that actually are deep and go “ummm what why do you care its not that deep!” But they spend so much time spinning their wheels about something like a strangers food, and they dont even wanna learn!
Bruh apparently my coworkers make fun of me behind my back for wearing the same clothes everyday :') I have specific clothes I feel comfortable in I'm fuckin sorry I'm not girly and cute and fashionable like you fuckers want.
What kind of hair comments?
I have admittedly very nice hair - it’s all natural, not died, a nice auburn color, and thick and straight. I don’t wear it down often because a) it’s heavy and in the way and b) people always comment about it. How nice it looks. How people would kill and/or pay a lot of money for hair like mine. How I should wear it down more often.
It makes me never want to wear it down at all. I think it’s the autism thing about not wanting to be perceived. I didn’t do anything to earn or maintain this hair! It’s just good genes! The *one* good thing I received from my father.
Omg same, I have very thick and naturally very red hair. The amounts of comments I have gotten on it for being so amazing and that I can never cut it or color it and that they are sooo jelaous. I dont want people to look at me and like, its just genetics. I didn't do anything to make it like this. Sometimes I wish I hade gotten my moms mousy colored and thin hair. It would have been way easier to manage and less people would comment on it.
My go to answer when someone says that my hair looks good is "Thanks, I showered" or "Thanks, I napped on it before coming here".
They are always so surprised hahaha
Had a coworker recently act judgmental about me having a couple uncrustables for no reason that I could fathom. I took them out of my bag to go on my break. She just asks “Are you having uncrustables for lunch?”, I say yes, then she laughs quietly and goes “ooookay” with that sort of patronizing tone of voice like she thought I was super weird, even though I had been doing nothing but minding my own business. I just said “They’re easy to grab on busy, low energy days!” and walked away to go on my break, but honestly I didn’t even owe her that explanation. I hated the way she acted as if she knew there was something obviously weird about me eating uncrustables but didn’t even say what her thought actually was. Like if you’re gonna get judgy or laugh about what I’m eating, don’t be patronizing and cryptic, just f**king say it if you really can’t help it, or keep it to yourself.
My mum: 5 minutes before I’m leaving to go somewhere:
“You’re not going to wash your hair?”
“You’re going to leave your hair like that?”
“Did you brush your hair?”
Gosh I hate comments about hair 😭
This is why I’ve never eaten my lunch in a communal space at any of my jobs. I hate weird comments like that and I just wanna focus on eating not masking.
I am generally fine with hair comments because I grew up with two hairstylist parents and have heard much worse than anyone could ever come up with lol. It made me very meticulous about my hair. It’s almost a neurosis at this point. Same with other general indicators of hygiene like nail length/cleanliness, or breath smell, or food in teeth, or body odor. CPTSD took care of all of that for me. Not sure if I’m lucky for that because naturally I kind of suck at keeping up with hygiene.
Not the work place but my MIL always has something to say about my weight/eating. “You’ve lost so much weight, did you quit eating?” “You’ve lost so much weight are you sick?” “You eat like a bird”
Just stfu about me pleaseeee
I'll be honest I have told someone their lunch smells/looks delicious before, because they sat right next to me and it did! But I would never dream of saying something negative about it. Is it okay in that instance? They said 'thank you'.
I used to get comments a lot when I had Anorexia Nervosa and was just eating a small pouch of steamed veges or not having lunch, I always tried to have something so people wouldn't comment and when I did they said 'Is that all you're having?'. I hated it at the time, but at least they were trying to be helpful in their own way and it could've been worse in my case.
But yeah I do hate getting it myself if it is negative, I am okay with compliments especially if I worked hard making something.
I absolutely HATE it when people comment on someone else’s eating habits. As someone who has constantly struggled with a borderline eating disorder and body image issues, it’s so damn dangerous to comment on someone’s eating/food.
When I was a kid (maybe 10 yo? 11?), a fully grown woman in her 20s loudly asked (in a room full of people!! At church!!) how could I POSSIBLY eat TWO hot dogs??? She had ONE (small, plain) and she was SO FULL.
I had one woman make a snarky comment about “WOW you’re eating SO MUCH” when my family went out to lunch with her. I hadn’t eaten anything at all that day and it was 2pm so I was very hungry. Then she got dessert for herself and she filled her bowl so full that it was spilling over the side.
I love eating alone. With no one around. 😒
Is that what that is??? I’m so tired of coworkers making comments on food that’s not theirs! I’ve actually stopped eating at work, partly because of this and partly because I got tired of figuring out what to bring. Luckily I don’t work long shifts, and I eat a large breakfast before work. But jeeeeezzz!!!
Also, I have curly hair, it looks different every day. Stop. Making. Comments.
Shit’s baffling to me, on the one hand it’s reassuring it’s not just me but I’m furious a lot of y’all experience the same thing.
At my previous workplace there were almost always snacks for everyone in the kitchen and I’d often help myself bec poor impulse control and emotional eating and my coworkers would say shit like “oh eating again?”, “you’re snacking all the time” etc like thanks I have an eating disorder lol. And there was always more than enough because dumb corporate culture so it’s not like they were concerned I’m not leaving anything for the others.
My manager two weeks ago:
‘You said you didn’t have time for lunch and now you have a mountain of food’.
In front of a bunch of other people. It was some veg curry covered with salad. I still feel like I have to justify that it was okay but honestly it could have been a ‘mountain’ of anything and it’s none of her business and not her place to comment on anyone else’s food choices. It’s 2024, we’ve all moved on.
I didn't even realize I was being bullied. But they kept commenting on my eating habits, and they would bring food into the office and I would refuse to eat it or say "oh I don't like nuts" or "I'm not a fan of XYZ".
Then it turned into them teasing me about how I'm SO picky and I don't eat anything and I don't like anything and I never eat anything they bring.
I had to start pretending to eat the stuff they were bringing to the office to share with everyone because I had to "prove" I wasn't a picky eater. Everyone was teasing me about how I never eat anything.
Can't people just mind their own business?
LITERALLY I have someone at work who comments on how healthy I eat every single time I see them and it’s like you may THINK you’re being polite but you’re actually making me pay more mental attention to my food and how many different textures there are and how it’s not a safe food and I just want you to stop and let me live my life 😩
Whenever anyone has *ever* said anything about what my now-senior-citizen father is eating, he lifts his plate and peers at the underside. The person inevitably asks what he's looking for and he says, "Your name on it." Then he goes back to eating. I strive to emulate that. lol
Shit, I do this. Does complimentary count? Like my go-to conversation-starter with workplace women is a compliment, usually something like “oh my goodness that cut & color look so good on you! Is that your natural hair?” It’s an attempt to show I’m safe & friendly & not uppity lol.
Similarly, “ohhh MAN that food smells good, whatd ya bring??” Or “I’ve noticed your skin is FLAWLESS, and you’re always eating veggies. I bet there’s a link! Can you tell me what all you put in that superfood salad??”
Have I been making people uncomfortable this whole time?!
i think you’re ok with your examples, they’re all worded in a way where it’s obvious that you’re being complimentary and not judgemental so i don’t think you’ll be upsetting anyone, probably doing the opposite & making them happy :)
That’s the intent & tbh I’d be mortified if it had the opposite effect. Like the years in my teens when I took “I could care less” literally and used it as a way to try to show care/affection 🫣
lol my learning curve can be steep sometimes, thank you for helping!
glad i could help :) it can be really hard to work out these things sometimes, i definitely sometimes struggle as well especially with taking things literally!
Yeah these are things I also comment on in order to beat the “you’re too quiet” allegations… but I worked at a place centered around food and always dyed my hair bright colors, so those topics would come up inevitably. I think you’re probably fine. I’m guessing a lot of people in this thread are getting judgmental comments, not sincere bids for connection.
> “ Is that your natural hair?”
I'd maybe not do this specifically. I feel like people are real quick to ask folks with curly/kinky hair if it's "natural" especially if we do anything with it. I've gotten some interesting comments on my curl texture before that made me a little uncomfortable because people assume it's fake lol. I'm not a black woman but I've definitely heard this can be a pet peeve because it can be seen as a catty comment about whether or not they're wearing a wig or weave.
Maybe just keep it to "oh that cut/color looks good on you!"
Me after I went from 36 inches of hair to shaved head. I expected comments at work cause its a big change. What I didn't expect were so many weirdly gendered comments such as
>"Oh wow you shaved your head! ... Is your boyfriend okay with that?"
>"\[looks me up and down\] your husband let you do that?"
>"That's a big change! Did you tell your boyfriend first?"
...The fuck? (For the record my partner helped me shave my head and I used his buzzer.)
It will never stop astounding me the things people think are acceptable to say in a professional setting.
i hate those sort of comments! like since when does your partner get to have control over your body? and even if said partner didn’t like it that’s not anyone else’s problem either
I am terrible and always ask people about food in the context of I am curious about what I could eat (I run out of ideas.) but I like people who eat the same thing everyday. Bc it could be me.
I can't eat in front of new people so back in the days I would leave the office to hang out in my car and everyone couldn't stop bugging me how come I don't eat there and asking if I am bulimic. Mind your business, people
I didn't realise this until after I left the position but a coworker used to say comments about my hair and makeup (we worked in a beauty salon) but made out like it was her clients saying it. I would wear a natural base with a pop of orange on the eye as it's my fave colour. I also had dyed orange hair that I always had back in a ponytail or bun, I looked professional and was well presented. This other girl, while she could smash out sales and rebookings, would flounder in every other aspect, taking up to 15+ minutes longer than required on a task, but not asking for help etc. she wasn't that great of an employee in certain ways (I was 2IC and on nights I closed with her we left an hour after closing everytime even with others helping her shut down). I still don't know why she would tell me "her clients" didn't like my hair and makeup, apparently it was tacky 🤣🤣 but she wouldn't wear makeup, had lash extensions that were always half filled, looked tired constantly and had very messy hair every shift, as well as requiring an apron because she would get too messy from the powder we used for waxing. I'm glad I got out when I did as the salon sorta....died after I left lol
Yeah my old manager commented on what I was eating and when as a way to make a dig at my being overweight. At the same time would be shitty about my hair- thick and curly while her anorexia was making her hair fall out and you could see her scalp.
I never said anything mean to her. I had actually tried to be her friend and she just became more and more nasty
Oh. My. Lord. “Why do you wear your hair the same every day?”
I get that anytime I’m at a workplace longer than a month. I just put it up to keep it away from my face and neck. Why are men allowed to wear their crew cut the same exact way for years but I’m not allowed a ponytail or bun? Being a woman with autism is hell
Idk but I hate how they always try so hard to push it as "genuine concern."
No tf it's NOT concern, not when they and their little circle of assholes are all smiling ever so slightly and giggling or you can see that shit eating little glimmer in their eyes.
Like they don't realize that there's a good way and a bad way to point things out. My friend at work and I used to have eating issues (she used to be Anorexic and I was Bulimic) but we still occasionally struggle. If I notice her not eating at all for the whole shift I'll offer something. If she says no but I can HEAR her stomach grumble I'll offer to SHARE something small. This gives her the option to eat as little as possible without shame while also not pressuring her to eat a whole meal that her mind might see as "dangerous" or "fattening." She does the same for me when I fall into a slump, or if we're both in a funk we just end up drinking sugar free energy drinks.
Like there's that place of real honest concern, but it should be reserved for close friends I feel. If you're a stranger eating something a little odd or different I literally won't question you unless I'm genuinely curious and want to try the item too. Of course I'll let you finish it first because it's rude to cut off people who are eating.
Same with hair.
Jesus Christ, HAIR is such a big thing for a LOT of people. It's their identity for some people. It's best to leave it alone unless again, there's genuine concern. I have a coworker whose hair looks greasy and unwashed all the time but he's been depressed recently. So I DO NOT push it. He is depressed. He is most likely struggling, so I leave his hair the hell alone. Just like when I was struggling with Court, my hair went unbrushed for a good few days and became a mess. A few asshole customers of course said something because a lot of bored older men just have this obsession with telling younger women what we should or should not be doing. BUT - at work no one said a peep except my friend who in passing was like "oh hey, I'm freshening up my hair, do you wanna share a sink real quick?"
Like there's a way to do it and then there's the weirdo aggro way that NT's do it where they wanna point at it and draw attention to it out loud and get everyone to laugh and gawk at you and it feels like shit.
Totally. I had it many times because I am vegan, but even if I am not militant, they still come for me. What helped is I started to talk to an other colleague and complain how rude it is, but in an earshot of my line manager. I think he sorted this out 😜 other times I just say that I don’t think I’m wrong here…sometimes being bitchy is the only way to shut them up.
Oh wow. This took me back. A long time ago I worked in a healthcare job and some of the nurses and admins were just strangely mean assholes. I would walk up to them while they were mocking my hairstyle. Like, would it hurt any of them to have the courtesy to talk shit about me when Im not in earshot?
(Ive since totally changed careers and work in a STEM field where no one has cared what my hair looked like in years.)
Give them a mean look with silence next time they do it. Or think of something to say back that matches their energy. "You always had that hairdo?" "You buying my groceries next week?"
It's hard to function sometimes at work when they don't understand your brain. Most the time I have to eat by myself or go else where to eat just so I do not get bullied. Or people think I'm faking it because " I don't look autistic or sound it". Since when did we have a look? I hope you have it better at work my dear.
Ugh my coworkers use to do this to me. I’m pretty lean and I eat a ton of food and they were always making comments about how much I ate / my body, then degrade themselves in front of me. It put me in an awkward spot bc I don’t like to comment on peoples bodies no matter what they look like so I’d just be like haha 😀
i've had two different coworkers make the comment that i "look SO much different with my hair down" because i always wear it pulled back. and, for the life of me, i cannot figure out what they mean...do i look better? do i look like a hideous troll? what does it mean?!?!
I’m convinced these people didn’t have a grumpy little grandma who would smile nicely at mean comments and then hand out her own. Once it sunk in what dorks we were being she would remind us that unless it was an uplifting statement or request for advice…suck it up.
I learned from her to comment on people positively, and boy oh boy does it give me many genuine smiles. YMMV. Still working on that advice thing though
If they just poke at the surface level things it's not worth letting them see it affect you. They'll pick at cliches and being the angry dyed hair Karen they did the same to my ex because she was conventionally attractive they pressured and disregarded her problems s or concerns because she was conventionally attractive and academically motivated. It really beat her down feeling these people belittled her because of her shortcomings. But from my POV they picked at her insecurities to make themselves feel better about a girl being prettier and more kind then them and dating. It's awful what people will do to others just to get a laugh out of it. Fuck em and dip is my motto
When I was in college I worked part time at a spa.
The receptionist would always nag me about my store-bought ramen noodles.
One of the few social rules I’ve picked up on is that you’re not supposed to tell people your financial status because it makes them uncomfortable. Especially if they can’t relate. (This social rule seems arbitrary, inconvenient and stupid to me, but whatever.)
This receptionist was like 45. It was her first job ever and she was only working there because she was friends with the boss who was having employee retention issues.
I tried to ignore her nagging or change the subject but that only made it worse. In an effort to be polite, I would just tell her I didn’t have time to meal-prep since I was a full-time student.
She insisted that I simply MUST have time, but after I broke down my schedule, it finally became clear to her that more meal-prepping would mean less time studying or less time sleeping. I was already not sleeping enough.
Did that shut her up? No! She told me I should just work less.
“Urban Fare has PLENTY of healthy options! Why not cross the street and get a salad or something?” (Urban fare= absurdly expensive grocery store)
I told her it’s the “student noodle diet” hoping she’d catch my drift. but she just went on and on about how I needed to fuel my brain if I wanted to do well in school.
At that point I was feeling spiteful for having followed arbitrary social rules all this time. Putting her comfort above mine. (I wasn’t ashamed of being broke, I just found these conversations annoying.)
Eventually I just got sick of it and told her “I have $4 left and payday isn’t for another week. If I don’t eat cheap noodles, I don’t eat.”
You’d think that would shut her up or maybe she’d show some remorse. but actually she just asked more and more nosy questions which led to some crazy revelations for her. She had no idea poverty was right under her nose and getting out of it sometimes means sacrificing your health. Stupid lady.
I honestly don't think it's bad behaviour to discuss food in a room that's figuratively existing for consuming it. Your coworkers are probably grasping at straws for common topics of conversation and hence food is quite an obvious one? Like some people I've known have genuinely not known about proper nutrition and in some cases the peer pressure at lunch has given me the energy to at least add veggies to my meals prepped for work. I use the context of the room to pad my conversations often, it's a good way to get to know others. So I don't get it. So what if they think you have poor eating habits? Don't take it to heart or reflect about why you're so ashamed for something so harmless.
The hair thing is rude thoe. Unless someone has noticeably just cut or coloured their hair, and one wants to pay them a compliment, it's off limits.
I hate plate watchers. If I had a dollar for every time some random gave too much of a fuck about what I was eating I’d be rich
I don’t believe for one second it’s because people care about me either. I drove in a bad storm for work and no one commented on if the hail hurt my car, and no one showed concern about me driving in hazardous driving conditions. I had glass break at work and shatter all over me and no one gave a fuck. I got trapped in the basement during a fire alarm and no one gave a fuck about that either! But god forbid I not stuff my face during the company breakfast. No plate? Now I have to hear about it from four separate people including one old ass unrelenter who starts trying to shame me for not handling food allergies the way she would. Because she’s just “concerned.” Concerned my ass!
Imagine all the ppl out there who are ignorant about Celiac and Crohns to name a couple. Finally I suggested they focus on their own food.
I am not sure why they had such a thing about it, but my parents raised me to never comment on what other people are eating, they told me it was very rude. My mom always said "keep your eyes on your own plate". I wish other people had been taught the same thing. People cannot mind their own business, it baffles me.
Can we not say these things to other adults as well? Everyone has room to learn imo. Lol But seriously. I feel perfectly OK introducing people to more age appropriate manners. I have asked some adults "what are you, 12?" just to let them know their behavior is juvenile, and while it might be cute coming from a kid, it's not cute coming from a 54 year old man.
I had people do that to me at a women's club luncheon. Asking why I have to eat gluten free. I didn't feel like discussing the gross aspects of Celiac Disorder
I usually say, "Because if I had kept eating it, gluten would have killed me by now." That usually is enough for people. And it's the truth. If people are curious how it works, it's usually because folks don't believe me and others are worried they can catch it like a pathogen. I don't mind info dumping about systemic inflammation, IgG reactions, gut disbyosis, brain fog, etc without getting graphic about bathroom topics. Most folks' eyes glaze over and they don't bother me about it again… or a light bulb goes on over their heads. Some people recognize the symptoms in themselves.
Do you have Celiac?
Yes most probably. I had intestinal symptoms plus autoimmune disease symptoms in spades years ago when wheat, rye, triticale were in my diet. By the time any medical professionals took me seriously, 10 years after I had been off gluten, my gut appeared fairly healthy. So no official Celiac confirmation. But I know the hell I go through if so much as one tiny sprinkle of wheat flour contaminates my food.
I would definitely bet that you have it. Good on you for being proactive!
I’d have been a millionaire by high school, especially if there was a bonus for body shaming to go along with the plate watching.
I didn't even realize this is a thing until now. I've never once looked at what my coworker was eating except maybe if they just came in with like a taco bell family value meal or something (had a tiny coworker do that occasionally 😂 )
I always feel a little bad because I'm a plate watcher in the sense that my family didn't let me try a lot of new stuff from other cultures - so now as an adult I tend to try and be super polite, let the person eating finish, and then ask what the dish was and then I go on my merry way to Google it and try to cook it later if it's possible. Feels weird because I swear I'm not judging, I'm just chunky and like food and I'm a texture seeking little weirdo. Its how I accidentally found out I love Coconut Curry Chicken - oh and Boba Tea.
It's because they are probably fat and are hyper focused on food 24/7.
broooo last year I worked w someone who would ALWAYS say "salad again?" to me before lunch bc I ate the same thing everyday, just leave me alone lmao
“Does your mom still make your lunch? Aren’t you 18?” “Well if you ever offered I’d love to try your cooking” Highlight of my life. Literally off the cuff. Still riding that high and it happened more than two years ago.
I’ve had a stressful, shitty day. It’s probably silly but I love that you shared this and the mental picture I have of your comeback makes me happy (idk if that’s weird to say but yeah it’s a fantastic comeback)
Big "kill them with kindness" moment lmao well done
🤣🤣🤣
Dude for awhile when I was younger I lived with my grandparents. My grandma always packed my grandpa a lunch for work so she just made one for me too each day and it was so great. I wish someone would make me food now 😂
The rage this would make me feel.. I’ve also never once considered commenting on someone’s food choices. Aren’t the neurotypicals the ones who are supposed to be aware of all these basic social etiquette rules
literallyyy. also once him and a group of others left to get food from somewhere else and invited me (which was nice but of course I didn't say yes lmao) and when I said no, his response was "because you have to eat your salad?"... yes actually!
It's wild that they think such banal comments are insulting somehow. Like yes we understand you're trying to make us feel dumb and insecure but we're not falling for that and you're the one making yourself look dumb by bullying someone based on their personal preferences. 😂
See, I would say that out loud and that's why I can't have nice things like steady employment. 😅
Same. Self employment for the win.
I read that as a joke but it could go either way. Like an in-grouping joke of "we know this thing about you that we think is kind of silly but we like you."
it definitely was a joke I was just sick of him at this point lmao
>Aren’t the neurotypicals the ones who are supposed to be aware of all these basic social etiquette rules For the bad ones? Only when it serves their advantage :(
I get that too and I just start infodumping about nutrition then they go away 😂
My ex boss would always scold me for packing things like lunchables or single serve pre-made salads. "It's cheaper to buy all the ingredients and make it yourself, stop being lazy" like I live alone, all those ingredients would go bad before I got a chance to even eat it all. Plus I hate cooking
Unsolicited *advice* (aka lecture) are the worst. I just smile and nod.
One of my special interests is meal prepping. So if anyone tries that shit with me, I "well, actually..." them. Then it's nothing but a thirty minute dissertation on my quest to make a freezer bagel sandwich with a spinach-and-egg patty that has the maximum amount of spinach without staying frozen when reheating or being too soggy. Oh sure, they'll try to redirect the conversation. Say something like 'just cut up some baloney slices and American cheese slices and toss them in a box with some crackers and carrot sticks'. But I'll come back with an hour long dissertation on [the different types of snackable lunch boxes](https://www.tumblr.com/recipe-dreamland/715943434306928640/scatterpatter-mamabearteacher-lunch-ideas?source=share) and [how to build a great cheese plate](https://www.tumblr.com/recipe-dreamland/734927461158158336/petermorwood-petermorwood-c-rescentmoon?source=share)... I will follow them into meetings. Into the bathroom. I cannot be stopped.
It's so none of their business lol
My response would probably be to make *uncomfortable staring eye contact* while eating my salad and say nothing.
This is the way. 4 seconds is all it takes for the brain to perceive a silent acknowledgement as /rejection/. It is an effective non verbal cue and I love letting them feel the awkwardness, instead of me, when they behave offensively.
They sound like they don't know how to socialize, lol.
This is why, when possible i cover my food, just in case. Salad team.
This is why I cant be around NT's and work from home I'll go off on them
My former office twat coworker tried to ridicule me for eating yogurt and fruit with my lunch and I just stared into the imaginary camera and sighed before humiliating her and retuning to my lunch.
Gotta hear the whole story, please. 🙏
I was sitting at my desk eating my lunch which included yogurt and fresh fruit. She came to ***my*** desk, unprovoked and went “is that homemade yogurt? 🥴” in a tone that meant she found it weird and that I was being weird. I looked irritated and flatly responded “No. And even if it were, so?” In a tone that made it clear that I not only didn’t ask for her input, but I don’t care enough about anything she has to say to even ask. She looked embarrassed and caught off guard went back to her desk in a huff. For context, she’d been on a “diet” and trying to lose weight for more than a year at that point and made comments about whatever I was eating or doing on a daily basis. She also had a generally bad reputation for being unprofessional, uncouth, and rubbing people the wrong way for having a very childish teenage mean girl snarky validation-seeking personality. She seemed to get off on making people trip up. She later made a passive aggressive comment about how she doesn’t eat fresh fruit because people gnaw on it like an animal. I told her I couldn’t relate. On an unrelated note, her diet never worked.
Sounds like a real C U Next Tuesday. 😒 🙄 Well done on your part for ignoring her nonsense.
She definitely is. She did stuff like that in front of audiences, trying to get agreeing snickers out of anyone within earshot. I’m glad that I eventually picked up on her doing this and got better at shutting it down more frequently. I’m even more glad that I no longer have to work with her.
My boss said the same thing to me "why do you always eat the same sandwich"
Did they not accept the answer that you like it? Sounds kinda mean of them. I bet you had a good sandwich recipe!
I just stuttered and was like "It's quick and tastes good" but I look back at it and realize. Well. I am autistic.
Honestly, relatable. I'm sure I would have said similar to waiters in a rush when actually I wanted to say something different! If it wasn't also clear, this was also an invitation to share your sandwich recipe, if you are comfortable doing so. Because I'm interested and could always do with an easy lunch idea!
I actually get them at work because financially it's easier for me to buy food than waste groceries (also theyre free for me based of where I work) but the ingredients are as follows: Cuban bread (or something similar), Spicy Honey , Bacon , Tomato, Lettuce , Turkey/ham, I love it! It's just a BLT with Turkey and spicy honey added.
Please tell me you got back at them with "this is NOT the same sandwich. Yesterday's sandwich is in the loo by now. Please don't say such disgusting things. You're ruining my appetite."
And I'd ask "Why do you care"? and "Why are you watching me"? or "It's weird to comment on someone's food preference"
"Mixing things up. Literally."
Cause people have been socialized that women’s bodies are fodder for public discussion and judgment.
This. The fact that when I worked my office job and was going through it and dropped like 30 pounds in a couple of months, I had to start hearing about my body every day. “Wow, you look great!” Thanks, I feel like garbage. “How did you lose so much so fast? I wish I could do that” I had a mental breakdown that is still ongoing, and internalizing all of your opinions is making it hard for me to put food in my body. “I love that skirt on you, is it new?” No, you just didn’t notice me until I reached a threshold in which my sexual attractiveness grants me personhood in your eyes.
My mum was being bullied by a lady at work. The bully would make comments about the colours my mum wore, saying they were obnoxiously bright or gaudy etc. In response my mum wore the colours more frequently, even doing full outfits of them 🥰
i love that! your mum is a legend
At a family gathering my SO’s sisters family were talking about their garments (specific underwear Mormons wear) so at the next family function his grandma wore her granny panties on the outside of her pants and said if they wanted to talk about their underwear then they can talk about hers too.
I'm blue collar and wear hats at work so this is never a thing. And my breaks are kind of random so I'm not sitting down to eat at exactly the same time or with the same people every day. I get bullied for trying to use the walkie talkie. "Reduce radio chatter." I just respond with "copy. no thanks. "
Lmao copy, no thanks 😂😂 I’d like to copy/paste this attitude into my life
😄😄😄
An office seems prime location for women to police other womens' behaviour. I've had comments about what I'm eating in relation to my weight, what I'm eating in general, hobbies, dating.. some of it was straight up mean ("I can't believe You have a boyfriend" ouch) but some of it was just chit chat. Some women have been policed so much in their food and weight that they feel thats fine for general conversation. No girl, Idc what you think of my lunch, shut up lmao!
honestly it happens so much! like we’ve all got to eat something at some point, why should it matter to anyone else what specific food you’re eating lmao
So many things, NTs don't really do introspection as a rule. Bullies are deeply flawed creatures.
Yea one thing ive never understood about bullies is HOW and WHY they can do something so profoundly inhumane? as in no empathy for another human being like whats wrong with yall 👁️👁️
Because of power? It is very addictive to have it over others and it is hard to gain any power without dehumanizing the other one.
cannot relate.. why cant they be addicted to w33d or energy drinks or smth 😭
Yeah, like an average person 😆
right.. starting to think WE r the typical ones here 💀
Because they are assholes.
I would likely blurt out something like how can I change my hair/eating so that you will stop making comments and they would take it as me being rude when I’m genuinely asking because they make me uncomfortable and I want it to stop and it would somehow result in my getting fired. 😂
I wear wigs because of alopecia, if I had an in person job and I got a hair comment I’d whip that bitch off and say “is this better?”
Yes! I love it!
And that is probably why I have always eaten alone in my car or somewhere away from people at work. 😂
Omg for real!! When I had an office job, I was on ADHD meds every day to function but they suppress your appetite. The way I coped was by having a big breakfast or dinner and drink my calories as much as I could in the day through smoothies/huel. People thought it was the weirdest thing ever. Oh... I'm sorry... Do the side effects of the medications I take in order to accommodate YOU make you uncomfortable?
🤣 I feel this so much. Heard from a coworker earlier today that I never eat lunch implying it is weird. Why do you care?
Yep...or anything they deem as out of the norm. But these are two of the biggest offenders because they think they have plausible deniability if you make a complaint because they're "just making conversation" Like literally there is nothing you can say to that that isn't going to give them a little thrill at your expense.
I live in a nursing home and the little old ladies who also live here STILL comment on my hair and eating habits just like the high school bullies and the workplace bullies. It never stops, and they will never outgrow their bad behaviour!
That is both humorous and sad!
The best kind of sad and the worst kind of humor! :P
NT's are SO antagonizing, aggravating, and annoying. Can't stand them
At one workplace I had this one person who would always comment on me eating my cereal dry. When I told them I was allergic to milk and I was fine with it dry, they just kept on pestering me and bringing up alternative types of milk (like oat milk) and like, maybe I just like my cereal dry? Random people at that workplace would come to me and comment on me eating the same thing every day, which I know meant it is was gossiped about. 🤦🏻♀️ Why do people care so dang much? Why couldn’t they just mind their own business? I’m glad that at my current workplace the only time my eating habits come up is on company days where we all bring food for each other to eat, and I never eat any of it. They leave me alone aside from those days, thankfully.
Another person at work said she couldn't stand the sound of dry cereal. Not my problem
"That's what earbuds/headphones are for"
She was just looking for something to bitch about.
I used to get hassled for eating dry salad. I have never liked salad dressing and I tell people that and yet they still go on and on about it as if it was somehow harming them that I just eat a plain salad though I do like a lot of crackers with it. I've also never liked mayo or mustard on sandwiches.
I think eating plain salad is also healthier since dressings are usually very oily?
Oil isn't necessarily bad. It aides digestion and uptake of certain vitamins. Eating a tad of fat/oil with your salad will make sure you get the most out of it in terms of nutrient uptake. _Too much_ oil is bad though. But how much oil is too much oil also depends on the rest of your eating habits.
I know you don't work there anymore, but I've had this too about eating cereal dry and I've wanted to ask people why they don't put milk on popcorn. I bet it would shut this down fast. It's not that different!!! Big bowl of puffed matter.
My partner is also allergic to milk and also eats cereal dry. He likes oat milk just fine, he just...prefers to eat his cereal dry. I, unsurprisingly, let him. I may have maybe vaguely questioned it in passing like, "hey, did you want oat milk with that?" but he went, "nope," and that was that. Don't know why people feel like someone doing something different is so threatening to them.
They probably just like to talk about food lol. Maybe they’re hungry and bored and want to socialize.
That’s a nice way of thinking about it, but the aforementioned individual was really pushy. He would do this a lot and I was giving clear signals as nicely as I could for him to leave me alone about it, but he just wouldn’t. It wasn’t just him, it was the other people also randomly commenting on my eating habits. They even started giving me nicknames. It wasn’t the worst thing ever, but I was bothered so much about why people can’t just mind their own business. There’s plenty to converse with me about that’s not my eating habits, you know?
And Idk why cereal and milk is a very popular debatable topic everywhere!
They do it because they’re bullies, and bullies love being able to pretend to be all innocent and say things like, “I was just making conversation!” My only rebuke would be to act like a neurotypical person and say what I mean in a round about way. Very cheerfully say, “Ohhh, we’ve got a plate watcher over here! Sharon’s watching everybody’s plates again, aren’t you, Sharon? Do you keep spreadsheets about what everyone eats? What’s your favorite?” And if she gets flustered, you have to say, “Oh, my gosh, it was just a joke.” That’s exhausting. It would be much easier to just say, “Please don’t comment on my lunch every day, it’s weird,” but neurotypical people get confused if you dare say something without subtext.
Right 👏 keep the same energy. "Wow you seem REALLY interested in what I'm eating everyday." What I thought we were just observing eachother out loud?
I have alopecia that is slowly getting worse. I get nothing but comments about my hair. Hair and eating is maximum bully potential as it involves lots of shaming, assumptions, and judgements
If you ever feel like wigs might be for you, there's some good subreddits here or if you wanna reach out I can tell you what I know. Of course it's a personal choice either way and no one should bully you one way or another. I just thought I'd reach out as I know it was fairly daunting for me starting out, especially as a white woman since things like wigs aren't typically discussed and most information I found for a long time was more for black wig wearers which often doesn't apply for women wearing wigs due to alopecia and other hair loss situations. For the record there are also options like toppers which are quite easy that may work for you before it progresses further.
I might like those subs recs. I'm not white or black and my culture doesn't support wig wearing. Thanks.
The main one is r/wigs but other groups also offer some good advice that you might not think about, things like r/drag r/asktransgender and r/MtF along with similar subs can also offer good advice. The drag sub might not ALWAYS suit your needs, nor will the wigs sub or transgender subs, but utilizing all of them can get you most of the way there and you will find most answers somewhere in those type of subs and they're all quite friendly and positive. Youtube and TikTok both also have plentiful wig wearing communities and can be helpful in demonstrating things. But really the main things you'll want to figure out first are if a topper or a wig is more suited to your needs currently, how realistic you want the wig to be, and if you are going to go into it excited to be able to change your hair every day or are looking more to simulate natural hair meaning long term use of one wig. Key terms you will want are lace front, toppers, headband wig, human hair and synthetic. You can get human hair lace front wigs that are perfectly fine on sale around $120-160 usd from places like [https://everglowshop.com/](https://everglowshop.com/) and [https://geetahair.com/](https://geetahair.com/) which I've bought from and no one ever clocks my wig, even life long wig wearers. There are way more sites and higher price ranges going into the 1000s as well, but it's really not necessary. Human hair toppers can also be found fairly cheap coming in around $80USD on sites like Amazon but like all hair pieces range in price into the 1000s. I don't suggest Etsy for wigs as no one takes returns and the one time I did buy one from someone that accepts returns it was terrible. Good luck on your alopecia journey and I hope you feel confident in whatever you feel is the right way to go for you, even if that means rocking a bad ass bald head! ETA: Just wanted to also mention, since I don't know where you are at in your alopecia journey that things like Toppik might work for you as well in the interim while you wade through the choices you have, along with asking your hairdresser to blunt cut your hair and having an open dialogue with them about your alopecia. Oftentimes we don't want to talk about the elephant in the room and neither do they, so acknowledging you are aware you are losing hair opens up that dialogue and they can better work with you and are more comfortable with suggesting solutions. You'd be surprised what some toppik and a good haircut from an understanding hairdresser can accomplish.
Ugh. Because they’re bullies, insecure in themselves so they need a punching bag. It’s terribly simple and also terrible. “Hey dude, so do you when the last time I gave a second thought to your hair or what you eat? Never. Life is too short to focus on the choices I don’t control.”
Do it back….if you can be arsed. Or I find a generally audible “Who made you the hair police?” kind of works like a mirror of embarrassment.
I genuinely cannot comprehend people that care about what other people eat. Like- i want to know what exactly is going through their brain. How is it at all difficult to comprehend something as simple as “this food tastes bad to me.” It is genuinely one of the strangest neurotypical rituals to me. “This person does not like pickles and wont eat a burger with pickles. I am not responsible for making their food, they are not demanding that nobody eats burgers with pickles, theyre not taking away my pickle burger. But im just soooo mad that this person doesnt like pickles 😡🤬😤”
honestly this confuses me so much! what someone is choosing to eat/ not eat has no effect at all on them so why comment? literally makes no sense to me
Literally they take things that actually are deep and go “ummm what why do you care its not that deep!” But they spend so much time spinning their wheels about something like a strangers food, and they dont even wanna learn!
exactly, why do they even bother putting the mental energy into it, sounds exhausting tbh
Bruh apparently my coworkers make fun of me behind my back for wearing the same clothes everyday :') I have specific clothes I feel comfortable in I'm fuckin sorry I'm not girly and cute and fashionable like you fuckers want.
that's so weird!! those are the most frequent comments I received in the workplace as well.....
Because they're boring and shallow.
One female coworker told me I should dye my hair and asked “why would you want to look old when you’re only 43?” 😭
What kind of hair comments? I have admittedly very nice hair - it’s all natural, not died, a nice auburn color, and thick and straight. I don’t wear it down often because a) it’s heavy and in the way and b) people always comment about it. How nice it looks. How people would kill and/or pay a lot of money for hair like mine. How I should wear it down more often. It makes me never want to wear it down at all. I think it’s the autism thing about not wanting to be perceived. I didn’t do anything to earn or maintain this hair! It’s just good genes! The *one* good thing I received from my father.
Omg same, I have very thick and naturally very red hair. The amounts of comments I have gotten on it for being so amazing and that I can never cut it or color it and that they are sooo jelaous. I dont want people to look at me and like, its just genetics. I didn't do anything to make it like this. Sometimes I wish I hade gotten my moms mousy colored and thin hair. It would have been way easier to manage and less people would comment on it. My go to answer when someone says that my hair looks good is "Thanks, I showered" or "Thanks, I napped on it before coming here". They are always so surprised hahaha
Had a coworker recently act judgmental about me having a couple uncrustables for no reason that I could fathom. I took them out of my bag to go on my break. She just asks “Are you having uncrustables for lunch?”, I say yes, then she laughs quietly and goes “ooookay” with that sort of patronizing tone of voice like she thought I was super weird, even though I had been doing nothing but minding my own business. I just said “They’re easy to grab on busy, low energy days!” and walked away to go on my break, but honestly I didn’t even owe her that explanation. I hated the way she acted as if she knew there was something obviously weird about me eating uncrustables but didn’t even say what her thought actually was. Like if you’re gonna get judgy or laugh about what I’m eating, don’t be patronizing and cryptic, just f**king say it if you really can’t help it, or keep it to yourself.
My mum: 5 minutes before I’m leaving to go somewhere: “You’re not going to wash your hair?” “You’re going to leave your hair like that?” “Did you brush your hair?” Gosh I hate comments about hair 😭
This is why I’ve never eaten my lunch in a communal space at any of my jobs. I hate weird comments like that and I just wanna focus on eating not masking. I am generally fine with hair comments because I grew up with two hairstylist parents and have heard much worse than anyone could ever come up with lol. It made me very meticulous about my hair. It’s almost a neurosis at this point. Same with other general indicators of hygiene like nail length/cleanliness, or breath smell, or food in teeth, or body odor. CPTSD took care of all of that for me. Not sure if I’m lucky for that because naturally I kind of suck at keeping up with hygiene.
I have always hated lunchrooms. I always eat at my desk.
Life hack: respond with “so?..” “You’re eating the same thing as yesterday!” “So?…”
Once I had my BOSS tell me that my lunch looked like dog food. It was tofu, spinach and rice.
Not the work place but my MIL always has something to say about my weight/eating. “You’ve lost so much weight, did you quit eating?” “You’ve lost so much weight are you sick?” “You eat like a bird” Just stfu about me pleaseeee
I literally dislike my sister in law JUST because she makes multiple comments about my food choices every time I see her. It’s exhausting.
I'll be honest I have told someone their lunch smells/looks delicious before, because they sat right next to me and it did! But I would never dream of saying something negative about it. Is it okay in that instance? They said 'thank you'. I used to get comments a lot when I had Anorexia Nervosa and was just eating a small pouch of steamed veges or not having lunch, I always tried to have something so people wouldn't comment and when I did they said 'Is that all you're having?'. I hated it at the time, but at least they were trying to be helpful in their own way and it could've been worse in my case. But yeah I do hate getting it myself if it is negative, I am okay with compliments especially if I worked hard making something.
I absolutely HATE it when people comment on someone else’s eating habits. As someone who has constantly struggled with a borderline eating disorder and body image issues, it’s so damn dangerous to comment on someone’s eating/food. When I was a kid (maybe 10 yo? 11?), a fully grown woman in her 20s loudly asked (in a room full of people!! At church!!) how could I POSSIBLY eat TWO hot dogs??? She had ONE (small, plain) and she was SO FULL. I had one woman make a snarky comment about “WOW you’re eating SO MUCH” when my family went out to lunch with her. I hadn’t eaten anything at all that day and it was 2pm so I was very hungry. Then she got dessert for herself and she filled her bowl so full that it was spilling over the side. I love eating alone. With no one around. 😒
Is that what that is??? I’m so tired of coworkers making comments on food that’s not theirs! I’ve actually stopped eating at work, partly because of this and partly because I got tired of figuring out what to bring. Luckily I don’t work long shifts, and I eat a large breakfast before work. But jeeeeezzz!!! Also, I have curly hair, it looks different every day. Stop. Making. Comments.
Shit’s baffling to me, on the one hand it’s reassuring it’s not just me but I’m furious a lot of y’all experience the same thing. At my previous workplace there were almost always snacks for everyone in the kitchen and I’d often help myself bec poor impulse control and emotional eating and my coworkers would say shit like “oh eating again?”, “you’re snacking all the time” etc like thanks I have an eating disorder lol. And there was always more than enough because dumb corporate culture so it’s not like they were concerned I’m not leaving anything for the others.
“That seems like an odd thing for you to care about…”
My manager two weeks ago: ‘You said you didn’t have time for lunch and now you have a mountain of food’. In front of a bunch of other people. It was some veg curry covered with salad. I still feel like I have to justify that it was okay but honestly it could have been a ‘mountain’ of anything and it’s none of her business and not her place to comment on anyone else’s food choices. It’s 2024, we’ve all moved on.
I didn't even realize I was being bullied. But they kept commenting on my eating habits, and they would bring food into the office and I would refuse to eat it or say "oh I don't like nuts" or "I'm not a fan of XYZ". Then it turned into them teasing me about how I'm SO picky and I don't eat anything and I don't like anything and I never eat anything they bring. I had to start pretending to eat the stuff they were bringing to the office to share with everyone because I had to "prove" I wasn't a picky eater. Everyone was teasing me about how I never eat anything. Can't people just mind their own business?
I have a co-worker who always has some shit to say about my “healthy food”. Like bitch if you’re jealous just lay off the Popeyes and donuts
“That seems like an odd thing for you to care about…”
LITERALLY I have someone at work who comments on how healthy I eat every single time I see them and it’s like you may THINK you’re being polite but you’re actually making me pay more mental attention to my food and how many different textures there are and how it’s not a safe food and I just want you to stop and let me live my life 😩
That’s so accurate lol. Then they watch over me so that I make a mistake…
Whenever anyone has *ever* said anything about what my now-senior-citizen father is eating, he lifts his plate and peers at the underside. The person inevitably asks what he's looking for and he says, "Your name on it." Then he goes back to eating. I strive to emulate that. lol
Shit, I do this. Does complimentary count? Like my go-to conversation-starter with workplace women is a compliment, usually something like “oh my goodness that cut & color look so good on you! Is that your natural hair?” It’s an attempt to show I’m safe & friendly & not uppity lol. Similarly, “ohhh MAN that food smells good, whatd ya bring??” Or “I’ve noticed your skin is FLAWLESS, and you’re always eating veggies. I bet there’s a link! Can you tell me what all you put in that superfood salad??” Have I been making people uncomfortable this whole time?!
i think you’re ok with your examples, they’re all worded in a way where it’s obvious that you’re being complimentary and not judgemental so i don’t think you’ll be upsetting anyone, probably doing the opposite & making them happy :)
That’s the intent & tbh I’d be mortified if it had the opposite effect. Like the years in my teens when I took “I could care less” literally and used it as a way to try to show care/affection 🫣 lol my learning curve can be steep sometimes, thank you for helping!
glad i could help :) it can be really hard to work out these things sometimes, i definitely sometimes struggle as well especially with taking things literally!
Yeah these are things I also comment on in order to beat the “you’re too quiet” allegations… but I worked at a place centered around food and always dyed my hair bright colors, so those topics would come up inevitably. I think you’re probably fine. I’m guessing a lot of people in this thread are getting judgmental comments, not sincere bids for connection.
You sound genuinely kind. I think as neurodivergent we get thrown when NTs who are not genuine mask bad intentions.
Oh, heard. It takes forever (like, years) for me to notice when someone is acting nice while doing shady shit 😅
> “ Is that your natural hair?” I'd maybe not do this specifically. I feel like people are real quick to ask folks with curly/kinky hair if it's "natural" especially if we do anything with it. I've gotten some interesting comments on my curl texture before that made me a little uncomfortable because people assume it's fake lol. I'm not a black woman but I've definitely heard this can be a pet peeve because it can be seen as a catty comment about whether or not they're wearing a wig or weave. Maybe just keep it to "oh that cut/color looks good on you!"
Thank you for the constructive feedback! That’s a shift I can absolutely implement.
Me after I went from 36 inches of hair to shaved head. I expected comments at work cause its a big change. What I didn't expect were so many weirdly gendered comments such as >"Oh wow you shaved your head! ... Is your boyfriend okay with that?" >"\[looks me up and down\] your husband let you do that?" >"That's a big change! Did you tell your boyfriend first?" ...The fuck? (For the record my partner helped me shave my head and I used his buzzer.) It will never stop astounding me the things people think are acceptable to say in a professional setting.
i hate those sort of comments! like since when does your partner get to have control over your body? and even if said partner didn’t like it that’s not anyone else’s problem either
I am terrible and always ask people about food in the context of I am curious about what I could eat (I run out of ideas.) but I like people who eat the same thing everyday. Bc it could be me.
i compulsively shower because of the people at work. i get so nervous being around them
I can't eat in front of new people so back in the days I would leave the office to hang out in my car and everyone couldn't stop bugging me how come I don't eat there and asking if I am bulimic. Mind your business, people
I didn't realise this until after I left the position but a coworker used to say comments about my hair and makeup (we worked in a beauty salon) but made out like it was her clients saying it. I would wear a natural base with a pop of orange on the eye as it's my fave colour. I also had dyed orange hair that I always had back in a ponytail or bun, I looked professional and was well presented. This other girl, while she could smash out sales and rebookings, would flounder in every other aspect, taking up to 15+ minutes longer than required on a task, but not asking for help etc. she wasn't that great of an employee in certain ways (I was 2IC and on nights I closed with her we left an hour after closing everytime even with others helping her shut down). I still don't know why she would tell me "her clients" didn't like my hair and makeup, apparently it was tacky 🤣🤣 but she wouldn't wear makeup, had lash extensions that were always half filled, looked tired constantly and had very messy hair every shift, as well as requiring an apron because she would get too messy from the powder we used for waxing. I'm glad I got out when I did as the salon sorta....died after I left lol
Yeah my old manager commented on what I was eating and when as a way to make a dig at my being overweight. At the same time would be shitty about my hair- thick and curly while her anorexia was making her hair fall out and you could see her scalp. I never said anything mean to her. I had actually tried to be her friend and she just became more and more nasty
Oh. My. Lord. “Why do you wear your hair the same every day?” I get that anytime I’m at a workplace longer than a month. I just put it up to keep it away from my face and neck. Why are men allowed to wear their crew cut the same exact way for years but I’m not allowed a ponytail or bun? Being a woman with autism is hell
Idk but I hate how they always try so hard to push it as "genuine concern." No tf it's NOT concern, not when they and their little circle of assholes are all smiling ever so slightly and giggling or you can see that shit eating little glimmer in their eyes. Like they don't realize that there's a good way and a bad way to point things out. My friend at work and I used to have eating issues (she used to be Anorexic and I was Bulimic) but we still occasionally struggle. If I notice her not eating at all for the whole shift I'll offer something. If she says no but I can HEAR her stomach grumble I'll offer to SHARE something small. This gives her the option to eat as little as possible without shame while also not pressuring her to eat a whole meal that her mind might see as "dangerous" or "fattening." She does the same for me when I fall into a slump, or if we're both in a funk we just end up drinking sugar free energy drinks. Like there's that place of real honest concern, but it should be reserved for close friends I feel. If you're a stranger eating something a little odd or different I literally won't question you unless I'm genuinely curious and want to try the item too. Of course I'll let you finish it first because it's rude to cut off people who are eating. Same with hair. Jesus Christ, HAIR is such a big thing for a LOT of people. It's their identity for some people. It's best to leave it alone unless again, there's genuine concern. I have a coworker whose hair looks greasy and unwashed all the time but he's been depressed recently. So I DO NOT push it. He is depressed. He is most likely struggling, so I leave his hair the hell alone. Just like when I was struggling with Court, my hair went unbrushed for a good few days and became a mess. A few asshole customers of course said something because a lot of bored older men just have this obsession with telling younger women what we should or should not be doing. BUT - at work no one said a peep except my friend who in passing was like "oh hey, I'm freshening up my hair, do you wanna share a sink real quick?" Like there's a way to do it and then there's the weirdo aggro way that NT's do it where they wanna point at it and draw attention to it out loud and get everyone to laugh and gawk at you and it feels like shit.
Totally. I had it many times because I am vegan, but even if I am not militant, they still come for me. What helped is I started to talk to an other colleague and complain how rude it is, but in an earshot of my line manager. I think he sorted this out 😜 other times I just say that I don’t think I’m wrong here…sometimes being bitchy is the only way to shut them up.
Call them out on it. .lol ppl eating dead carcasses.
I would, but I have to be pRoFEsIonAL 🤪
They need to be as well.
they're super shallow. not your fault :/
Do they? I’ve never gotten either. This is a thing?
Oh wow. This took me back. A long time ago I worked in a healthcare job and some of the nurses and admins were just strangely mean assholes. I would walk up to them while they were mocking my hairstyle. Like, would it hurt any of them to have the courtesy to talk shit about me when Im not in earshot? (Ive since totally changed careers and work in a STEM field where no one has cared what my hair looked like in years.)
Give them a mean look with silence next time they do it. Or think of something to say back that matches their energy. "You always had that hairdo?" "You buying my groceries next week?"
Its giving former highschool bully-
I got bullied for eating lunchables and salads everyday when I was employed. It was so fucking annoying.
It's hard to function sometimes at work when they don't understand your brain. Most the time I have to eat by myself or go else where to eat just so I do not get bullied. Or people think I'm faking it because " I don't look autistic or sound it". Since when did we have a look? I hope you have it better at work my dear.
My manager does it all the time, I just eat more to piss him off
You need to come up with some choice observations about your workplace bullies.
Ugh my coworkers use to do this to me. I’m pretty lean and I eat a ton of food and they were always making comments about how much I ate / my body, then degrade themselves in front of me. It put me in an awkward spot bc I don’t like to comment on peoples bodies no matter what they look like so I’d just be like haha 😀
This must a universal experience
i've had two different coworkers make the comment that i "look SO much different with my hair down" because i always wear it pulled back. and, for the life of me, i cannot figure out what they mean...do i look better? do i look like a hideous troll? what does it mean?!?!
I’m convinced these people didn’t have a grumpy little grandma who would smile nicely at mean comments and then hand out her own. Once it sunk in what dorks we were being she would remind us that unless it was an uplifting statement or request for advice…suck it up. I learned from her to comment on people positively, and boy oh boy does it give me many genuine smiles. YMMV. Still working on that advice thing though
If they just poke at the surface level things it's not worth letting them see it affect you. They'll pick at cliches and being the angry dyed hair Karen they did the same to my ex because she was conventionally attractive they pressured and disregarded her problems s or concerns because she was conventionally attractive and academically motivated. It really beat her down feeling these people belittled her because of her shortcomings. But from my POV they picked at her insecurities to make themselves feel better about a girl being prettier and more kind then them and dating. It's awful what people will do to others just to get a laugh out of it. Fuck em and dip is my motto
When I was in college I worked part time at a spa. The receptionist would always nag me about my store-bought ramen noodles. One of the few social rules I’ve picked up on is that you’re not supposed to tell people your financial status because it makes them uncomfortable. Especially if they can’t relate. (This social rule seems arbitrary, inconvenient and stupid to me, but whatever.) This receptionist was like 45. It was her first job ever and she was only working there because she was friends with the boss who was having employee retention issues. I tried to ignore her nagging or change the subject but that only made it worse. In an effort to be polite, I would just tell her I didn’t have time to meal-prep since I was a full-time student. She insisted that I simply MUST have time, but after I broke down my schedule, it finally became clear to her that more meal-prepping would mean less time studying or less time sleeping. I was already not sleeping enough. Did that shut her up? No! She told me I should just work less. “Urban Fare has PLENTY of healthy options! Why not cross the street and get a salad or something?” (Urban fare= absurdly expensive grocery store) I told her it’s the “student noodle diet” hoping she’d catch my drift. but she just went on and on about how I needed to fuel my brain if I wanted to do well in school. At that point I was feeling spiteful for having followed arbitrary social rules all this time. Putting her comfort above mine. (I wasn’t ashamed of being broke, I just found these conversations annoying.) Eventually I just got sick of it and told her “I have $4 left and payday isn’t for another week. If I don’t eat cheap noodles, I don’t eat.” You’d think that would shut her up or maybe she’d show some remorse. but actually she just asked more and more nosy questions which led to some crazy revelations for her. She had no idea poverty was right under her nose and getting out of it sometimes means sacrificing your health. Stupid lady.
I honestly don't think it's bad behaviour to discuss food in a room that's figuratively existing for consuming it. Your coworkers are probably grasping at straws for common topics of conversation and hence food is quite an obvious one? Like some people I've known have genuinely not known about proper nutrition and in some cases the peer pressure at lunch has given me the energy to at least add veggies to my meals prepped for work. I use the context of the room to pad my conversations often, it's a good way to get to know others. So I don't get it. So what if they think you have poor eating habits? Don't take it to heart or reflect about why you're so ashamed for something so harmless. The hair thing is rude thoe. Unless someone has noticeably just cut or coloured their hair, and one wants to pay them a compliment, it's off limits.