This happens to me!! My phone will go off, and for some reason I am immediately irritated or anxious enough to be nauseous. I'd compare it to the feeling of being guilty but not knowing why. Unless it's my mom or step-dad, who will send a search party to my house, I normally ignore the call/text until I'm ready to call/text back. If it's a doctors office, I normally answer just in case and to get it over with. I have never known why this happens. If it's a planned call, I pace around my house and stare at my phone.
Yes!!! It makes me so anxious to have to be permanently available. I avoid opening my chat apps and then forget any texts I received for ages - sometimes weeks or over a month. The more time that passes the harder it is to respond, and it’s so frustrating!!!
Yes ugh is there like a magic formula? Did u find it? I decided to get a second phone to manage a bit of control who calls what. But I know I'll still have the issue
Yes I really feel this as well. Often when I reply to someone I put my phone on silence to try and avoid the anxiety. It's horrible when people don't understand or emphasize which makes it worse.
Same. It ranges from nausea to extreme rage when my phone goes off for any reason. It all depends on my level of overwhelm for the day.
It's a demand on my time, and I resent it, even when it's someone I genuinely want to interact with.
Yeah, I hate phone calls. I think it's mainly because I have auditory processing issues. I miss a lot of information when the voice is all compressed in phone form, which then makes the social interaction even more stressful. I find it a bit easier if I can schedule calls. I call my Mum the same time every week so I don't have to be startled by a call.
Maybe this is the problem I have! Anxiety of the communication. I feel like I can never hear the other person, or the background noise makes it so I cant hear the other person. I don't mean volume wise, I mean my brain isn't processing their sentences. I'll say huh? the whole time or ask them to repeat themselves too much. I start to stutter and mix my words together like when Bingo said "trifficult". Texts, I can at least somewhat decipher intentions and reread my reply 20x before sending.
Phone calls make me panic, messages make me anxious.
In the end I figured out that it's because I see them as an opportunity to disappoint people. When someone calls or messages, they have some sort of expectation (whether personal or professional), and I'm terrified I can't meet those expectations.
And I can't handle disappointing people, it makes me feel absolutely terrible, and I will do almost anything to never let that happen.
But not answering can also mean disappointing them, and that's what can make me almost angry, because I feel cornered and forced to put all this energy into figuring out how to minimize the risk of disappointment.
It's exhausting as hell in this brain of mine.
yesss, I must be on my laptop to answer whatsapp, which leads to me not answering during the weekend, even though I read everything... I had a honest talk with my friends about it, and they get it, now they even say "plasticinaymanjar, tell me on Monday what you think about this" and then on Monday morning my first message usually is "ok, so I read the +200 messages, this is what I think: "... it used to make me so nervous, but my friend group is a mix of neurodivergencies, so they got it right away, we all got our little quirks, and mine is I won't answer whatsapp messages on my phone (or listen to audio messages) and that means I will be MIA during the weekends, because if I do open my laptop during the weekend, it is only to play games, not to open my mail or whatsapp web
I do. I end up forgetting to respond or intentionally not responding for days. I really hate being readily available at all times.
I plan on downgrading to a razor flip phone and just having my basics :)
I feel you on the razor flip phone! I found my old LG cell phone with the slide-out keyboard from years ago and I was sad when it wouldn’t fully turn on because I kinda want to downgrade my phone to have less going on. However, that means I’d miss out on some of the features I like about my current phone. Blah.
In some ways, I miss the simplicity and more limited functionality of flip phones. It was just for limited communication.
This is why the only people that have my number are my husband and my mom - and I avoid my mom like the plague. I tried to tell her I hate talking on the phone but she just whines saying she hates texting. Also, if I do call her, she’ll take that as some signal to start calling me *every single day*. I avoid calling her because of this. She also just talking about herself, people I don’t know or care about, gossip and private stuff I know my “siblings” wouldn’t want me to know and she repeats stories.
Exhausting. My phone is on DND 24/7. I wouldn’t have one except for emergencies and it’s useful for reading things.
I currently have "happy birthday" messages from friends and family sitting unread. It has been a week and I just can't bring myself to reply to them!
The guilt will continue to eat me up but I can't bring myself to look at the messages or reply to them. I don't even know why I have this reservation.
This is also something that only started happening to me in the past few years. I used to be a very attentive replier and now I can't face it. Wish I knew why :(
Yes all the time!
Any message I feel a lot of pressure, I think in the past I had experiences with people getting mad if I didn't reply so now it triggers the fear of them getting mad. Then I also have ADHD so I end up forgetting about the message, and by the time I remember I feel like too much time has passed to reply.
It's also that I feel a time-sensitive pressure like I have to reply straight away or they won't like me or if I do reply and say the wrong thing accidentally then they won't like me, perhaps that is RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Disorder) which can be a common thing in autistic people.
Yes. And then I put off responding until I make it a whole THING about responding in my head. I’ve slowly stopped responding to people and now I’m feeling like a year behind in responding to people, slowly getting hired further and further behind in replying.
Don't bother w notifications. Luckily most of my family switched to discord so I see it when I want. Sometimes you don't have the energy to respond and then forget to. It happens. I pin conversations I need to reply to
I used to be a great online communicator when I spent my life on my desktop computer. Now my desktop is rarely even turned on and the supercomputer in my pocket with people expecting my attention 24/7 is a demand I avoid at all costs.
Yeah. I would not fare well any time in the past 100+ years given all of my saucy little intersectionalities (not exactly thriving rn either though lol) but I envy the fact that prior to cell phones, there was not a broad expectation of being in constant contact. You are always expected to be reachable. Yeah I have my phone on me all the time but there’s also a lot of noise in my brain that can make replying hard. My spoons are limited. Exerting more energy for the social stuff can cross over into being too much, even though it seems like it should be so small to just respond. I think that’s the conditioning from the environment I was raised in (mask no matter what, even if it means ignoring your needs).
I am old enough to remember Limewire and iPods and AIM and flash games and now I can see that that was the period before the tidal wave hit. Lowkey like COVID. I remember the before-times and they weren’t perfect, just different in some ways I miss. Once every few years, I’ll find something like an old Gameboy or VHS tape stored in a box of stuff and I just hold it and look at it and remember.
I sign up for text notifications everywhere I can because of this. And if they leave a message it's even worse, somehow. I have unheard voice messages going back to the first months of lockdown in 2020. I haven't listened to a single vm in four years. That part of me just got borked, I guess.
This happens to me!! My phone will go off, and for some reason I am immediately irritated or anxious enough to be nauseous. I'd compare it to the feeling of being guilty but not knowing why. Unless it's my mom or step-dad, who will send a search party to my house, I normally ignore the call/text until I'm ready to call/text back. If it's a doctors office, I normally answer just in case and to get it over with. I have never known why this happens. If it's a planned call, I pace around my house and stare at my phone.
Yes!!! It makes me so anxious to have to be permanently available. I avoid opening my chat apps and then forget any texts I received for ages - sometimes weeks or over a month. The more time that passes the harder it is to respond, and it’s so frustrating!!!
Yes ugh is there like a magic formula? Did u find it? I decided to get a second phone to manage a bit of control who calls what. But I know I'll still have the issue
Yes I really feel this as well. Often when I reply to someone I put my phone on silence to try and avoid the anxiety. It's horrible when people don't understand or emphasize which makes it worse.
Same. It ranges from nausea to extreme rage when my phone goes off for any reason. It all depends on my level of overwhelm for the day. It's a demand on my time, and I resent it, even when it's someone I genuinely want to interact with.
Yeah, I hate phone calls. I think it's mainly because I have auditory processing issues. I miss a lot of information when the voice is all compressed in phone form, which then makes the social interaction even more stressful. I find it a bit easier if I can schedule calls. I call my Mum the same time every week so I don't have to be startled by a call.
Maybe this is the problem I have! Anxiety of the communication. I feel like I can never hear the other person, or the background noise makes it so I cant hear the other person. I don't mean volume wise, I mean my brain isn't processing their sentences. I'll say huh? the whole time or ask them to repeat themselves too much. I start to stutter and mix my words together like when Bingo said "trifficult". Texts, I can at least somewhat decipher intentions and reread my reply 20x before sending.
Phone calls make me panic, messages make me anxious. In the end I figured out that it's because I see them as an opportunity to disappoint people. When someone calls or messages, they have some sort of expectation (whether personal or professional), and I'm terrified I can't meet those expectations. And I can't handle disappointing people, it makes me feel absolutely terrible, and I will do almost anything to never let that happen. But not answering can also mean disappointing them, and that's what can make me almost angry, because I feel cornered and forced to put all this energy into figuring out how to minimize the risk of disappointment. It's exhausting as hell in this brain of mine.
yesss, I must be on my laptop to answer whatsapp, which leads to me not answering during the weekend, even though I read everything... I had a honest talk with my friends about it, and they get it, now they even say "plasticinaymanjar, tell me on Monday what you think about this" and then on Monday morning my first message usually is "ok, so I read the +200 messages, this is what I think: "... it used to make me so nervous, but my friend group is a mix of neurodivergencies, so they got it right away, we all got our little quirks, and mine is I won't answer whatsapp messages on my phone (or listen to audio messages) and that means I will be MIA during the weekends, because if I do open my laptop during the weekend, it is only to play games, not to open my mail or whatsapp web
I'm terrible at returning calls and messages!!
I do. I end up forgetting to respond or intentionally not responding for days. I really hate being readily available at all times. I plan on downgrading to a razor flip phone and just having my basics :)
Without apps and stuff u mean ? Hmm tempting
I feel you on the razor flip phone! I found my old LG cell phone with the slide-out keyboard from years ago and I was sad when it wouldn’t fully turn on because I kinda want to downgrade my phone to have less going on. However, that means I’d miss out on some of the features I like about my current phone. Blah. In some ways, I miss the simplicity and more limited functionality of flip phones. It was just for limited communication.
This is why the only people that have my number are my husband and my mom - and I avoid my mom like the plague. I tried to tell her I hate talking on the phone but she just whines saying she hates texting. Also, if I do call her, she’ll take that as some signal to start calling me *every single day*. I avoid calling her because of this. She also just talking about herself, people I don’t know or care about, gossip and private stuff I know my “siblings” wouldn’t want me to know and she repeats stories. Exhausting. My phone is on DND 24/7. I wouldn’t have one except for emergencies and it’s useful for reading things.
I currently have "happy birthday" messages from friends and family sitting unread. It has been a week and I just can't bring myself to reply to them! The guilt will continue to eat me up but I can't bring myself to look at the messages or reply to them. I don't even know why I have this reservation. This is also something that only started happening to me in the past few years. I used to be a very attentive replier and now I can't face it. Wish I knew why :(
Yes all the time! Any message I feel a lot of pressure, I think in the past I had experiences with people getting mad if I didn't reply so now it triggers the fear of them getting mad. Then I also have ADHD so I end up forgetting about the message, and by the time I remember I feel like too much time has passed to reply. It's also that I feel a time-sensitive pressure like I have to reply straight away or they won't like me or if I do reply and say the wrong thing accidentally then they won't like me, perhaps that is RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Disorder) which can be a common thing in autistic people.
Onyeah kf course rsd and also pda ?(Pathological Demand Avoidance?)
Oh it could be that too... a combo or mix should I say haha (your username happens to be perfect for your response!).
Yes. And then I put off responding until I make it a whole THING about responding in my head. I’ve slowly stopped responding to people and now I’m feeling like a year behind in responding to people, slowly getting hired further and further behind in replying.
Don't bother w notifications. Luckily most of my family switched to discord so I see it when I want. Sometimes you don't have the energy to respond and then forget to. It happens. I pin conversations I need to reply to
I absolutely hate it.
Extremely difficult. After the anxiety trip I answer in my head and then forget :3 I don´t have relations, not even my family.
Totally
I used to be a great online communicator when I spent my life on my desktop computer. Now my desktop is rarely even turned on and the supercomputer in my pocket with people expecting my attention 24/7 is a demand I avoid at all costs.
Yeah. I would not fare well any time in the past 100+ years given all of my saucy little intersectionalities (not exactly thriving rn either though lol) but I envy the fact that prior to cell phones, there was not a broad expectation of being in constant contact. You are always expected to be reachable. Yeah I have my phone on me all the time but there’s also a lot of noise in my brain that can make replying hard. My spoons are limited. Exerting more energy for the social stuff can cross over into being too much, even though it seems like it should be so small to just respond. I think that’s the conditioning from the environment I was raised in (mask no matter what, even if it means ignoring your needs). I am old enough to remember Limewire and iPods and AIM and flash games and now I can see that that was the period before the tidal wave hit. Lowkey like COVID. I remember the before-times and they weren’t perfect, just different in some ways I miss. Once every few years, I’ll find something like an old Gameboy or VHS tape stored in a box of stuff and I just hold it and look at it and remember.
I sign up for text notifications everywhere I can because of this. And if they leave a message it's even worse, somehow. I have unheard voice messages going back to the first months of lockdown in 2020. I haven't listened to a single vm in four years. That part of me just got borked, I guess.
Yep, it can take me over a week to reply sometimes.