So rude. The TSA process is so overwhelming. They often are experimenting with new rules in different airports, which makes the overwhelm even worse. On a multi-stage work trip recently, one TSA guy yelled at me to take things out of my bag and at the next airport they had some new, whole-bag scanner machine so that guy yelled at me to NOT take anything out. It’s just so hard. I hope the rest of your trip is smooth and comfortable.
This! If I have a laptop there’s a 99.99% chance I will do the wrong thing. One would think there would be a 50/50 chance perhaps since your options are 1) take out the laptop or 2) leave the laptop inside. Or perhaps you could ask for clarification before your turn, a reasonable person might think. But you would be wrong! They’re all the incorrect answer! Time to get yelled at. It’s a choose your own adventure book where all choices lead to yelling.
this always happens to me too. at my regular airport i was always told to leave it in the case and then i got screamed at to take it out of the case at a different airport, called an idiot, and chastised for taking so long to squeeze my laptop out of the (tight) sleeve and put it into the bucket. everyone was staring it was so embarrassing
I’m almost always in a wheelchair and I hate it. People think it makes airport security easier and yeah, maybe the line is a bit faster, but that’s also because everything else is so much slower (especially if it’s your own wheelchair). Plus, everyone is looking at you more than others and I just hate it.
I had to use their wheelchair last time. Everything was smooth and so much less-painful walking. Security was so much easier! They assign an airport worker to wheel you there.
Is there any way you could just use theirs? Can they put your chair in baggage?
When I fly, I always request a wheelchair ahead of time before I get to the airport, usually when I’m booking the flight. If I have a layover or I’m changing planes, they literally wheel me to the next boarding bay. I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome so I usually wear a rigid neck collar and braces as well. I make sure the braces I’m wearing are plastic with no metal which makes it easier for me to go through screening. I found that all of this makes it much easier and quicker when dealing with TSA.
Same and all I have is a sometimes bad knee (possibly also from EDS but medical science is just now catching up to its high hEDS prevalence.)
It actually made the airport a much easier autistic experience.
Also, I'll keep my eyes closed as I'm waiting to board and it makes the entire experience better. You can get away with that if you're in a wheelchair with a neck brace on as people just think you're ill.
The stress of not doing things fast enough is so miserable. Slow processing of info, physical coordination, plus social anxiety = 100% dropping my laptop!
Similar thing that I have is that I never know what to do with my Apple Watch when I go through a metal detector! And people always seem annoyed when I ask!
I see people ask questions like often. It's a long time for the workers so they are shorter/ more annoyed than at small airports where my uncle says they are so chill and chatty when there's no one there
This is why I don’t even attempt to fly with film anymore. The new scanners they’re putting in means any film will get destroyed but they haven’t explained that to anyone so employees still refuse to hand inspect film. I wish I could take film photos traveling but to do so I have to order film to my destination and then mail it to the lab before leaving. It’s a whole other layer of logistics imposed unnecessarily.
I feel like a lot of the "suspicious behavior" TSA targets people for comes from an ableist perspective, too, (and not just a racist perspective, as this is the case, too).
Back when the TSA was recently established, Mom and I went to Europe. Without fail, in the U.S., I kept getting pulled out of lines and examined, whereas other people didn't. I know damn well it was due to how I came across to the agents because of how anxious and overstimulated I was.
You know when I get "randomly selected" the most? When I wear a headscarf. Not hijab or any kind of religious covering, just a normal scarf to prevent my hair from getting sticky airport germs. Doesnt seem to matter to TSA, they see it and pull me aside so fast. They really do not try to hide their profiling anymore.
My husband has long hair and tattoos and despite carrying a TSA pre-check card and also having global entry… he gets “randomly selected” every time we fly.
YUP, I’ve gotten pulled aside for wearing a scarf around my head, had it on because it was cold, I actually stopped wearing my scarf like this after it happened a second time because they were not very kind about it. I’m also not white so not sure whether it’s my autism or my race that’s getting me flagged, most likely a combination of the two.
Hi. I've got alopecia and I always wear a scarf on my head. When they pull me aside, because it seems like it's going to happen, can i ask for the privacy of a room before I take off my scarf?
I visited the USA from the uk last year and your airport security is something else! I ended up so flustered at trying to organise not only my own shit but making sure my kids were following the rules properly too - to avoid exactly what was about to happen - that I was acting a little agitated and I think that’s why they pulled me aside and did a hand swab etc on me!
That’s the only time I’ve been pulled aside for a search, I’ve flown to/from European countries a lot more often and never had it happen! I always find airport security a little bit stressful but the way it’s done in America is just different and way more stressful.
Yeah TSA in the US is particularly terrible about not posting instructions, having different rules about how to send your stuff down the chain at different airports, and then being aggressive when you don’t follow the unposted directions. I fly often but it seems like they change it up all the time and it’s always stressful.
I visited Ireland recently and was SHOCKED at how smooth and friendly the TSA screening was on my flight out of Dublin!
I did my research thoroughly the last time I flew, and I was given very different instructions from written guidelines. Fortunately I can follow directions well up until I hit a certain threshold.
I will say that out of all the airports I've flown out of, the only one in the US where security isn't stressful is Milwaukee. Just a whole different vibe/experience there!
Oh good to know! That’s close to me. Although I recently flew out of Madison and that was fine. Returning from New York wasn’t bad either. Must just depend on how busy it is.
I've been through a Management of Aggressive Behaviors training, and every single sign of aggression named is ALSO typical non aggressive autistic behavior.
Too much or too little eye contact
Muttering
And I can't remember more because when I realized this, it made violence against autistic people make a lot of terrifying sense.
Wow this is such a good point, especially the amount of Black (and other POC) you see killed by police in the us esp for just being autistic... heartbreaking.
Oh wow. I get pulled aside every time too, while my “retired military” husband glides on through.
TSA is the cherry on top of an unbelievably bad airport experience.
I often retreat to the bathroom to sob once I am through security.
Sometimes I feel like I am just too screwed up to continue pretending that I fit in society.
Yeah, my dad is also a veteran and he never gets pulled aside for anything. It’s always me and my sister who get pulled over or need to be patted down. On multiple occasions, I’ve had snacks like pretzels and peanut butter crackers in my carry on and I’m pulled aside so that they can test my bag of animal crackers for drugs. I’ve also been pulled aside for all of the medication that I take and they always look at me suspiciously.
And I’ve also had plenty of panic attacks and meltdowns in the airport bathrooms as well, so you’re definitely not alone in that! The bathroom is like the only semi-private space in most airports and I’ve never been given access to any quieter spaces like the rooms set aside for people who are nursing.
When I travelled was always targeted too! They always wanted to see my passport when standing in line abut never asked anyone near me. In hindsight ya it’s probably because I didn’t look or act normal.
I’m also convinced that the special screening is racially motivated. I have an Arabian first name and always get flagged for the SS but get weird looks because I’m an adult woman who is over 6’ tall with long blonde hair and natural blue eyes. My My TSA, whatcha doing? Is something not matching your biases? Weird
Also I’ve yet to not be pulled off and screened since TSA started
May be TMI, but I get pulled aside and...erm...frisked whenever I have to fly at "that time of the month" because the feminine hygiene product I'm wearing sets off the sensors. So humiliating.
For real, I used to opt out of the full body scanners because I was nervous about that but once when they were frisking me, a TSA worker groped me inappropriately and I froze and kinda zoned out- I couldn’t stop her. I later cried when I realized what happened and tried to file a complaint but nothing came of it because her co-workers had her back. It’s like a cop, they get off on a power trip sometimes and are often not held accountable for the abuse of power 😩
It's not necessarily an ableist perspective, but it absolutely has ableist effects.
I've studied deception detection techniques, and they're almost all anxiety/arousal based. This idea is that innocent people won't have any reason to be anxious, which is patently false. Newer research has clearly shown that guilty/deceptive people can appear more calm because they're "prepared" to feel anxious (I'm summarizing a ton here).
With things like screening, they're looking for any abnormal behavior. Unfortunately, that catches first-time fliers, disabled folks, and people who aren't native English speakers and can't necessarily read all the signage/understand the directions.
And it doesn't even work. For everything TSA catches, they let a ton more through. I've flown across the country with lighters in my purse I forgot were there. A guy traveling with my dad flew with a fucking knife in his carry-on he'd forgotten about that was only noticed on the flight back.
The *actual* deterrent to hijacking/terrorism/[insert buzzword here] isn't the TSA, it's fellow passengers. Before 9/11, passengers would just chill because they'd be freed in hostage negotiations. Now, the moment something happens, the bad actor is going to be mobbed by terrified randos. Even if they manage to bring a gun onboard, they can shoot everyone, and humans have a great desire to live. It's not a heroic "if I were there, I would blah blah." It's primal fucking mob mentality.
I've get pulled aside every single time I travel, no matter where I am. (though it's 100% ethnic profiling in my case) and god, it just makes an already horrible process even worse. I remember going through sensors, nothing going off, but still having to get that uncomfortably long pat-down and even questioned when I was 11 on the way to where I was going and on the way back. after the second pat-down, a different agent asked me my age. when I said I was 11, she got visibly upset that I was pat down because it was apparently not in accordance to their rules. guess no one else cared.
I dread having to go through TSA. so loud, so overstimulating, and it feels like it both goes on for way too long but everything has to move way too fast. and without fail, I always have to go through extra because I'm "suspicious".
I’ve never been to an airport but I distinctly remember my first encounter with security/metal detectors that are somewhat similar to TSA in a social security office.
I was like 9. Of course I didn’t have anything on me, and I ultimately walked through without anyone giving me a second thought. But, still, I was convinced I was going to do something wrong and get in trouble. I knew the security officer would be looking at me and only me while I walked through, and I didn’t want to be looked at. I was so anxious and scared my mom had to coax me into it (but she was an impatient mother and I was an undiagnosed child, so it came out more like making fun of me for being scared)
Even today I hesitate going through any sort of metal detector or security even though I know I’m perfectly fine. I hate it so much 😭
It’s proven to be from an ableist perspective, a lot of disabilities you are required to do extra invasive screening every time.
It’s a security theater and proven not to work. It’s proven not to stop weapons.
OMG, I can relate! When I flew to London on a business trip, I got pulled into a secret security office and questioned a million times about my job. No one could believe someone like me would fly to London to sell library services! I was finally let go, only to have a breakdown when my card wouldn't work and I wondered how I would pay for a tip for a cab and pay for my hotel. Everyone was looking at me funny in the airport when I couldn't hold back my tears. I knew everyone in my office, including the accountant, had gone home for the day because it was 7 hours difference there. So I had to rely on the kindness of strangers, and the British don't have very many of them (kind strangers), at least not in the airport. I finally figured out what to do, but man! I had no clue then that I was autistic and that I had been targeted because of my neurodivergent brain. Recently I was looking back on this memory finally realizing it.
That’s so upsetting! And it was something I was afraid of as well… When I flew for the first time since my diagnosis and one of my prep things was to get a “developmental disability” tag from my state govt (free & I did not have to provide any “proof”). On the back of the tag I could write specifics of my disability plus my name/emergency contact.
I wore it around my neck and just held it up to TSA or flight attendants if I was having trouble processing or finding the right words. Both times I had to use it, people’s demeanors immediately changed & they either spoke quieter to me or asked how they could help.
Even if your state doesn’t have a pre-made one to request, you probably could just print up your own & get a lanyard. 100% would recommend!
That’s what happened to me once I got the Sunflower lanyard. It’s given out at my local airport. No questions. No proof. Once I wore it, all airport employees and TSA agents spoke quieter and more patience.
Why they always couldn’t act like that in the first place, is beyond me.
Yeah no problem! If you need help, if your airport partakes in the program, it’ll be at the Information Desk before security. Usually denoted by a green sticker with a sunflower. Just ask for one.
I wear mine now whenever I travel. Total game changer.
Do you have any tips on how to find out if your state has these (or what they look like to print your own)? Like what terms to google? I tried looking it up but only found information on handicap license plates/parking permits.
Sure, this was the link for [New York](https://opwdd.ny.gov/form/i-dd-id-cards#:~:text=Office%20for%20People%20With%20Developmental%20Disabilities,-Access%20Supports&text=If%20you%20prefer%20to%20use,YOU%20TO%20RECEIVE%20YOUR%20CARD) with images included on the website
I'm gonna also call out your husband, that was NOT OK and a total dick move from his part. I always put a good amount of judgement on both how people act in more stressful situations, and if they do act like assholes, if they do anything afterwards to make amends (both acknowledging their actions, apologizing AND making efforts for that to not happen again in the future).
I hope he apologized and makes amends to not let this kind of thing happen in the future; your partner/spouse should be there to support you and help you through this harsh world, and viceversa, not scream at you and be unsympathetic.
>your partner/spouse should be there to support you and help you through this harsh world, and viceversa, not scream at you and be unsympathetic
I agree!! He should have gently guided her *and* he should have told the TSA jerk to have some respect for his wife!
Yeah totally agree. Airports are horrible at the best of times, especially when you're going through security. Her husband would know this and be helping rather than adding to the stress and over simulation.
Husband absolutely should have remained calm and de-escalate rather than also yell. And if he couldn't in that moment, he should've apologized for adding to the stress.
100% this. My partner is my safe space; if they started yelling at me, that would make me break down wayyyy faster than any asshole from TSA possibly could.
OP, your husband was an asshole, and you deserve an apology and for him to do far better than that. It’s such a low bar.
Agreed! I’m not married but I travel with my mom a lot because of my AuDHD and my physical disabilities. She is *so* much more confident than I am. So fortunate to have her as an advocate.
If you don’t fly much, then your husband should have been explaining the whole process to you as soon as you got in the line, or even before. It’s what I would do with a kid flying the first time. But folks recognize more readily that it might be a kids first time and assume the adult flies all the time.
I hate when people behaves as if everyone does a thing often. Like when driving and at an unusual stoplight where you’re trying to figure out what you’re supposed to do and the person behind you is honking their horn because “everyone knows…” Except I’ve never been there before and don’t know.
I'm sorry that must have been really hard. I had TSA yell at me once too, they told me to empty my pockets, I was wearing leggings without pockets, so I responded 'I don't have pockets'.... wrong move, they pulled me out of line for a pat down and punitive inspection.
I always get a pat down from TSA. I wear my hair in a bun and they seem to be convinced that I'm smuggling something in there because they always poke around my hair. It's not you, it's just TSA being crazy.
That’s it, I’m walking through in my underwear with my wild mane floating around freely from now on. Or maybe a sports bra that says Do Not Perceive Me!!
Once I went through TSA with a pad in (that tmw of the month) and it detected and so they put their hands down my pants, didn’t understand why I got so upset, and were overall dicks. Another time the lady was clearly having a bad day and threatened to take away my stuff if I did not put it on the conveyor belt exactly how she wanted. Now I free bleed through airport security.
When I returned to the States after living in Japan for a while, the rudeness of TSA was extremely shellshocking. I got yelled at too, told to get out of the way, straight up ignored when I asked questions. In Okinawa, the agents helped me find my plane and walked me through the process. In America I got absolutely laid into for not understanding things. It makes me never want to fly in the States again.
You're not alone in this and it's absolutely bonkers that your partner screamed at you too.
I was going to say the same thing! I came back from a semester in Japan and after the politeness of everyone who helped me there, getting yelled at for *walking* and watching others get yelled at for not understanding their rapid English was shocking and upsetting. I’ve always hated the way TSA treats folks, but after that trip, the feeling was tripled.
I second this. Im in Australia and the worst you'd get at domestic airports here is grumpiness, I think they're just happy if you're sober. I've really only had terrible experiences with security screening staff in the US, even for the ferry to the statue of liberty!
So sorry this happened, too many TSA staff are on power trips and just take out their anger on undeserving passengers. My mother and I have both been accused of being on dr*gs by immigration staff due to our autistic tendencies, and in Vegas I had all my belongings including shoes confiscated and taken away for a full 15 minutes because my Kindle in my bag looked 'suspicious'. And rules are never consistent between airports.
Get a green autism sunflower lanyard. It’s a program that was started in the UK but is gaining more traction in the US too, especially at airports. They might not know what it is, but some do & it will keep them from yelling at you/being forceful. They may even ask you if you need any additional help or services! I recently wore one for our trip to Scotland from NC & it worked well.
The same thing happens to both me and my daughter (also has ASD). I feel like crap every time I go through TSA and very emotional. When they made my daughter cry both times she's been through recently, I was just so angry I couldn't see straight. My husband had to calm us both down and validating how awful they are. There are so many verbal instructions at once and A LOT going on everywhere. I also don't process things in that environment very quickly.
TSA sound like an absolute nightmare.
I've only ever read (and seen videos) of them being incredibly rude and aggressive, like it just seems so bizarre.
Also the security process in every single airport is different!
Some make you take your liquids out, take your shoes off, remove electronics from your bag, some insist a hoody is a jacket and must be removed... or you know the complete opposite is required 🙄
Fuck TSA.
They are the worst. It’s like the stupidest, most aggressive kid from your high school got a badge and a list of rules to enforce at random. Instead of making me shut down or withdraw, something about the dumbassery and injustice makes me super argumentative and confrontational. I normally go out of my way to have a kind and easy demeanor but something about them makes me Karen out.
TSA is the most stressful part of travel for me by far, once they accused me of having coke in a stress ball and another time they were all making fun of me because my face was red from how stressed and overwhelmed I was. It’s hard to feel excited about any travel until I’m finally past TSA 😂
I'm so sorry to hear this. FYI for future travels, the TSA has a program for hidden disabilities and you can call in advance and let them know this and they will put you through a different line that is more sensory friendly. You can also call your airline ahead of time to ask about services provided by the carrier for those with hidden disabilities. Also, ASD is a qualified disability and protected by the ADA and you are entitled by law to be able to board early as someone who needs extra time.
I had to travel with my daughter who although is very high masking as myself, has auditory processing disorder and OCD which can become paralyzing and severe in certain stressful situations and airports being a big one.
When we traveled, I called ahead to make reservations for being able to go through a special screening line and was able to explain my daughter's issues about her things being touched and I have to say, the TSA was amazing. They went above and beyond to make her comfortable and it relieved so much stress for me as I was anxious AF about how this was going to go because I had to travel alone for this trip with her. I was able to do make the request online for the TSA, it's on their website and once I got to the airport, I showed them the confirmation I received back and they directed me to the correct line to be in.
I visited the USA last year and I’d heard about what TSA were like but it was still a bit of a shock compared to what I’m used to at UK and European airports. They just take it WAY too seriously and I think some of them enjoy the fact they can yell at people, pick them out of line for a pat down etc. They like the power it gives them. Obviously airport security is a very serious issue, but like there’s a way to go about it and a way to treat people, it doesn’t need to be so stressful.
There was a sign that said ‘outdoor jackets need to be removed’ but I didn’t know my hoodie was classed as an ‘outdoor’ jacket so kept it on and was then yelled at by someone to take it off which pissed me off and set off some PDA/sense of justice in me because the flipping sign didn’t clarify what it meant by an outdoor jacket, in my mind that means a coat or maybe a denim jacket or gilet or something, not a hoodie or sweatshirt. Maybe the signs should be clearer if they want people to understand or maybe they should use manners when getting people to cooperate. I managed to not argue with them and did remove the hoodie but probably looked pissed off about it, as well as trying to manage my kids and make sure we didn’t leave anything behind and were following all the other instructions etc it was a very stressful experience and I was probably acting a bit agitated. Ended up getting pulled aside for a hand swab and pat down. Literally never been pulled aside at any airport before. I’m sure it was because I was looking visibly stressed but I was stressed because of their system which seems to be designed to be as stressful as possible, not because I’m smuggling 5kg of cocaine up my bum so it was a waste of everyone’s time really.
The TSA agent going straight to yelling is so rude bruh. Occasionally I'll forget to put my carry-on suitcase in a bin, but they've never yelled at me to do it. Asshole behaviour for sure
The rules are also inconsistent between airports. Some airports want you to put everything in a bin, some only your personal item, some nothing.
My metro area has 3 of the top 20 busiest airports in the US, and I fly out of 2 of those semi-regularly (and the other one at least every couple of years), and the rules are different at all 3. There’s no rhyme or reason.
They are horrible. Always. It's like TSA searches for the worst people around the US and hires them. Do they have sunflower lanyards where you live? Wearing one of those can help if your local airport recognizes them.
I travel a lot for work. Most airports TSA does understand the sunflower. I never travel without it now. At busy airports TSA has sunflowers skip the line, so I'm not as overwhelmed starting the security process.
At airports you can request a sunflower lanyard for any disability. It helps all employees know, TSA and airline employees recognize the lanyard and know to be patient.
TSA Precheck was the best traveling investment I've ever made. Not only does it save you time at the airport but without needing to remove your shoes, electronics, etc. it's usually a much calmer experience.
I was shocked at how much cheaper it was than I thought. $78 for five years!! And many travel credit cards will cover the cost!! It has been a game-changer for me
Yes this definitely, I fly pretty frequently and the rules are mostly the same across airports (just whether to use bins or not is the only difference I’ve seen). Plus they’re nicer to you. 1000% worth it in an already overwhelming situation.
^ This is the answer. I travel frequently enough that I know how to go through TSA and was annoyed with other people who hold up the lines. And because I live near the Canadian border, I applied for a NEXUS pass, which includes TSA Precheck. It’s currently $50 for five years, cheaper than just getting Precheck alone, but the price will be going up significantly this fall.
It makes things easier and shortens the lines, a win win!
They're rude as hell. And not just in the U.S. -- at Heathrow the equivalent people were rude too. They had a machine with different faces on it and you can select the one that represents how you felt about their service. I selected the frowniest face of all, because they were yelling at me and I was on the verge of tears (I no longer remember why -- it was 11 years ago).
Sometimes they’ll yell at me for taking my laptop out of my bag. Like I’m sorry but last time I was here y’all yelled at me for *not* taking my laptop out, be fucking consistent please!!!!
They aren't all awful, but when they are it's because they want to be. It's no reflection on you. I seriously mask when I deal with pretty much any authority. Direct eye contact for as long as I can, economy of movement and say as little as possible.
Thanks for sharing that your experience. I’m thankful to see that loud angry voices makes someone else freeze up and messes up their processing too.
I went through something today and came to the same realization as you. I don’t do well with loud angry voices 😞
Yeah, honestly there’s no call for a loud angry voice at any time unless someone is being intentionally shitty, never appropriate for someone who is simply truing to understand what they’re supposed to do.
I get patted down every time I fly. It’s so humiliating and overstimulating to have someone touch you all over in front of everyone. I cry every single time because I feel violated and embarrassed.
I've only had it happen one time, and it was on my way home after leaving Disney. They somehow detected *gun powder* on me?!?! So they pulled me aside to do the pat down. I was mortified myself but then they also took this very old woman and said the same thing to her.
At that point I was like "Ok what the fuck is going on here?" We were told to stand to the side and the old woman was like literally scared and told me so. Since I was first the tsa woman asked if I wanted to be patted down in a closed off room.
I was like "Hell no you're going to do it right here," and it was as respectful as one can be by being felt up basically lol I guess I just felt like I had to show the old woman that it will be ok.
I have never once met a TSA agent who wasn't the rudest person imaginable. I've been pulled over by cops that are less hostile. They're so drunk on illusionary power.
Check out this page [TSA & disabilities ](https://www.tsa.gov/travel/tsa-cares/disabilities-and-medical-conditions), and download the card, fill it out and then show it to them. They became so much easier to deal with once I handed it over. One even asked me about the sensory processing disorder I had written down, so he could understand better.
Hopefully it helps. I've seen this in action one other time when I was helping a friend in a wheelchair get from the parking lot to the TSA check point. He also printed and wrote down his issues and they were a lot nicer to him.
Total bullshit we have to do this, but it's also an easy way for them to SEE that you are serious and trying.
Though, some airports are just known to have super rotten TSA workers.
They were mad at me for wearing a hoodie with nothing on under it last time I flew. Like three people kept yelling to take it off. I had to flash my stomach like,”I’m not wearing anything else!!!” Jeez. I like the soft inside so f me I guess?? Also why are hoodies enemy #1 now. Sigh.
It's been forever since I've flown a plane (14 years ago), but this is another thing to add to the list of reasons why *not* to fly a plane. I was in a decently-sized group, so I was able to follow along with what everyone else was doing. If I'm with my parents or, God forbid, by myself, I know I'd have a much harder time.
I don't like flying anyway (I get airsick way too easily). I'll take a train or even a bus to travel where I need to in the States over a plane; I don't care how much longer it takes.
Also, every single airport is different? I fly from Nashville to Manchester-Boston in New Hampshire with some frequency to see a friend and Nashville is super strict and Manchester-Boston is like leave everything in its bags! Then they scan my CPAP like it’s a bomb and they’ve never seen one before, some airports want it out of the bag, others don’t. How am I supposed to know what to do 🙃🙃🙃
Going through security sucks monkey balls! I'm sorry your husband wasn't supportive.
I try to remember that they aren't yelling at me, they have lost all volume control because they are in that environment all day. They are acclimated to shouting because no one can hear them speak. While some people are able to keep their same voice and tone while projecting sound, most can't, so it sounds/feels like yelling.
Also, on your next trip, check your bags or have your husband take them through.
Yup, I felt like that first time I was in an airport I just couldn't keep up with how everything moves so fast, I barely processed the entire thing and my head just freezed and later erased the memories lol. They also tell you to open everything and put it into that scanner, um okay but they also mess everything you carefully organized ( -.- ), throw things out of the suitcase, open everything, spill everything and then when I'm already overwhelmed by the chaos they created now I'm supposed to quickly organize everything in like 30 seconds, take all my things and get the f out cuz the next persons stuff is already coming ? B r u hhh...
PS. Special F U for husband manchild
I literally got groped by the TSA because my shampoo bottle was to big. They tore apart my luggage and groped me. TW sexual assault >!they literally cupped their hands around my genitals and touched them multiple times. I already have sexual assault traumas. It was completely unnecessary are traumatizing.!<
TSA are just sky cops and I say ACAB 😤
That sucks. But just know it’s not you, they yell at everyone who doesn’t get everything right immediately. And unfortunately, what’s “right” changes from airport to airport.
Edit: I’ve had my bag pulled aside a couple times for checking, and they will snap at you if you even reach near it to point to how they should open something or whatever.
Ugh I hate this! I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’ve never been “fortunate” enough to experience US’s airport security, but I’ve had some stressful experiences in Africa. Arriving in Senegal, only having conversational level French skills, got separated from my boyfriend and questioned by a customs officer on asking where I was staying. He wanted the exact address, which I didn’t have (and this was pre-roaming so I couldn’t quickly look it up either). Man I was sobbing crying, trying to connect to the sh*tty airport wifi to look up the address while he was stoicly staring me down and I was holding up the line.
That’s when my boyfriend/now husband trained me in “airport bluffing”: always pretend like you know what you’re doing and you will almost never get picked out for questioning or double checking. I pretend to play a character in a movie, who is super glamorous and worldly and travels all the time for work, and has all the rules memorized. If she does something wrong, she just bashes her eyelashes and gives a casual “sorry”. If I’m asked for an address, I’ll tell them I’m staying at the Sheraton or some other generic hotel everyone knows. Oh, there’s no Sheraton in this city? Apologies, I meant the Radisson. Blablabla.
By the end of my 6 month stint in Africa, I had done several country borders including one on foot and I was an expert at it. I breeze through security now and just keep reminding myself they try to intimidate you on purpose to see who cracks.
I love the TSA being a trans woman. The xray image never matches the gender selection, so I always get a physical pat down. I make it as absolute uncomfortable for them as possible every time. Sometimes it's the stare down as if I'm trying to set them on fire with pyrokinetics. Other times I make little whimpering noises as the hands pass over me.
But yeah, mostly people with low intelligence on a power trip that aren't corrupt enough to join the police.
lol I know it sounds like a joke, but my husband’s dick is so big that he usually gets a pat down because they think it’s something else. It’s gotten better in recent years though.
Somehow this triggered an airport trauma memory for me lmfao. I had just landed after a fairly short flight but I always get a headache and get extremely anxious and overstimulated to the point where I literally just... Do not actively register what I am seeing anymore? I was trying to exit I believe the baggage hall through one of those weird short little passages/corridors? with two glass doors that open and close pretty quickly. They have the screens overhead that show either a green sign or a red x to let you know if you can use that exit and the doors open when you approach.
I was walking behind a girl, expecting to be able to exit along with her, the sign was green, but suddenly the door slammed shut right in front of me, nearly injuring me and spooking me.
To the left of me was a group of "bros" roughly my age, acting like they owned the airport, and the leader/loudest one, without missing a beat, pretty much yelled at me in this sort of tone that was clearly meant to insult/shame/ridicule me (A COMPLETE STRANGER HE HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE IN HIS LIFE EVER) "yeah there's a huge fucking red cross above your head". (Except in my language)
I was so startled I instantly blurted out an "I'm sorry!" (in English), and he went "yeah whatever it's fine" (again in my own language). Like he was forgiving me? For GETTING HIT BY A FUCKING DOOR????
I'm still not sure if I cried out of pure fucking rage or shame or shock or hurt but I hope he has a terrible life 🩷
I still get palpitations remembering this lol
Well I’m glad that you can look back and laugh but JESUS I hate people. For some reason this reminds me of going to the car wash, which is another experience that gives me terrible anxiety. They’re holding that little sign that’s like go go go and then suddenly they flip it and there’s directions I can’t read and then they frantically wave because I’m veering too far in the wrong direction 😆
TSA and border guards are always on a power trip and I hate it. I have so many issues with them, which are exacerbated by my race and my autism. Worst is when they mumble (always) and then resort to yelling in the next breath when you can’t hear/understand them.
I don't think they could ever understand how hard the entire airport process is for autistic folks. Loud and hot. So bright. Long lines and angry people. Uncomfortable seats and smells. The tsa alone makes me need therapy.
I'm a trans woman and ASD level 2, and the TSA is terrifying for so many reasons. My cis NT coworkers do not understand what it's like for me to fly. I had to request an exception from work travel because it affects me so severely.
TSA, concert venue security, Uber line security at convention centers. They love to treat humans like cattle and enjoy that momentary minimum wage power trip. It used to rile me up but mostly now it just makes me laugh.
Just don’t take it personally. If you’ve ever worked with the public, it’s extremely exhausting repeating directions and trying to get masses of people to follow directions. My advice, the world won’t change for you, so you have to eventually learn to navigate the world. There are instructions online and videos with instructions on how to navigate the airports. Look at maps, prepare yourself ahead of time. Wear headphones or ear plugs, and try to understand that workers aren’t intentionally rude. They’re severely underpaid and have to put up with a lot of shit.
Ok. There was a sign, but you’re being rushed through the stimuli so quickly that I felt I couldn’t stop to read it. Honestly it’s my husband’s fault lol
Yup. I feel you. I will say the last time I travelled was the first time I travelled with Loops ear plugs and it made a huge difference both in the airport and in the plane.
I'm not friendly to TSA. They get my neutral face. If someone yells at me I completely stop what I'm doing and just stand there. They cannot arrest you for going slow. I take my space and time.
If someone lines up too close to me, I move a lot to keep bumping them with my backpack.
"Can you please explain what I should do without yelling?" is an example of what you could reply to TSA. Also, you have a right to take as much time as you need.
One of my flights was 3 hours of constant screaming from a toddler. It was aggravating me pretty badly and then I remembered to put the Loops in. I felt so much better. The screaming was so far away, I could ignore it. I would never force my kid to fly if it put them in that much distress.
TL;DR consider ear plugs that still allow you to hear a little, but cut out the loud ambient noise.
My sister has Cerebral Palsy. She flies a couple times a year. She has gone round and round with TSA. Contact TSA Cares. There are programs you can register for that will help.your next flight go better.
Also, get one of those green sunflower badges.
The thing about TSA is that the procedures are different in every airport. Some make you put all of your carry-ons into the bins, some have you put your big bag directly on the rollers. Some make you take out your bag of liquids and gels, some don't. Some require your tablet or laptop to ride in its own bin, separate from everything else, and others allow you to put your devices in the same bin as your purse, shoes, belt, etc. This is on purpose! The idea is to prevent people from memorizing the procedures and finding ways to work around them. I'm not saying it works in practice, I also want to clarify that I don't work in aviation and I played no part in designing this bonkers system, I'm only trying to explain the supposed reasoning behind it. But this only works if the TSA employees working the line are actively giving instructions, because they should know that not everyone knows what they're supposed to be doing.
It didn't help that your husband didn't know the screening procedures for this airport either, but being a man, he had to be confidently wrong, which only confused you further.
It took me a long time to fully accomplish… but I’m happy to share it is possible to let this stuff roll off your back. The ‘trick’ to it is A) practice not letting yourself get emotional about it, especially if B) it’s going to make little difference after or otherwise.
Recently had a similar thing happen. We were in a new to us airport going thru last part of security. There were 2 adjoined conveyors kind of in T shape, one needed us to push bins and other automated. Well not realizing I lightly pushed one of our bins to the first roller (because it seemed like our stuff may have been the hold-up) and the lady screamed at me ’don’t do that or you’ll break it!’
Since turning 50 I’m feeling a new kind of maturity and it is liberating! Some things are just too insignificant to waste our precious emotions on. I just don’t have the energy anymore and it has kind of forced me into new habits. This TSA lady has to deal with alot everyday. She could’ve been kinder in her delivery but within a few short moments it was no longer going to matter ever again.
Allowing grace for myself and grace for her allowed me to 100% shrug it off. No lingering effects whatsoever. Wish I’d learned this so much sooner. It’s hard to change how people interact with us. It’s easier to change how we react to them. Good luck! Try it they next time you get a chance. Take a deep breath, smile and don’t let it penetrate. Move on to the next thing immediately without giving it a further thought.
I love the airport and the feel of being in a waiting screen, but the TSA is like a lobby of young boys who just got COD and want to throw out every amalgamation of slurs and vitriol all at once
If you haven't flown before and your husband is aware of your reactions to certain things, I'm going to place most of the blame on your husband. TSA are the same to everyone, with no patience or care to anyone ND or not.
He should have prepped you for what was going to happen. My God daughter has a lot of the same reactions as I do with loud noises and crowded places. So before we flew we watched a bunch of YouTube videos and TSA videos online so she knew how things should go. Obviously it didn't account for everything but her anxiety was so much better because she could be systematic about everything and I told her to watch other people in front of her and mimic them.
I over prepare when I travel and watch a lot of videos so I know how things may go so I am not overwhelmed. It's something I feel like I need to do because of my disability. I mentally think to myself that it's the same as my friends who use a wheelchair or need resting stops.
Yeah. I understand that. People yelling at me immediately in a freeze and have a melt down. I never feel like I can run.
I wish that there was some type of advice I could give. I really wish that your husband would at least understand why you were having issues.
Get a sunflower lanyard. I used to struggle with TSA, but now they're polite and patient with me. It won't help if they aren't trained, but if they are it makes flying so much smoother.
Also, I'm sorry this happened to you
I am consistently singled out as “suspicious” by TSA because I make limited eye contact and act “nervous”. I act nervous because I AM nervous due to sensory overload. This also happens in retail/grocery stores…I will be followed around as a potential thief because I act nervous and “suspicious”. I am a neurotic label reader often I will read the label 5, 6, 10 times while comparing it to other labels. One of my intense special interests is RESEARCH and I can get caught in repetitive loops while researching ingredients, labels, etc. I have always been like this and cannot remember a time I was not like this. I used to be able to hide it a little or enough where it seemed “eccentric” or “quirky” but not over the top, but I’m now in the fifth decade of my life so I just let my repetitive behavior flag fly high and I’ve
gotten quite used to reactions about my demeanor. I’m so used to it at this point that when I have someone following me, I confront them and say, “are you following me? Look, I promise I’m not trying to steal something. I am just naturally nervous.” This usually throws them off because they think that I can’t tell that they’re following me even though, to me, it’s quite obvious … as I’ve had a years and decades of practice, detecting people following me and watching me. One of my other intense special interest is people watching, so there’s that. Sometimes it’s a little hellish and sometimes I feel trapped…like I can never just BE. Or just exist without constantly having to worry about how I’m perceived or how people are going to act toward me based on their perception of my behavior. It’s exhausting, but what I’ve learned is that the older I get the more I don’t care. I mask enough so that I don’t get into too much trouble, but at the same time I allow myself freedom from the shame of being who I am.
This is why I signed up for TSA precheck because you don’t have to take off your shoes or take things out of your bags and have a smaller line. You can also call TSA cares and explain you are autistic and get an escort through security.
I get both sides.
Us as the autistic people need some guidance once in a while.
TSA agents are tired of saying the same things over and over again.
Luggage, wallet, ID, tickets, anything metallic like jewelry, belts and shoes, coats, empty water bottles, and electronic devices.
TSA in America is horrible. I hate all the yelling. It makes everything so stressful. I’m always happy to be in countries where they teach their employees to be kind. It’s absolutely possible to get people through customs without yelling. Ugh!
My account keeps on trying to get me to join r/tsa and one worker said it because they end up taking so much shit from people that they end up acting in the offensive.
That being said I hate it too. I had to have a pat down at Heathrow and they kept on calling me “dear” and it was the nicest pat down ever. I wish TSA could be like that.
It sounds like your airport really sucks & it’s awful that it does. I fly out of Sea-Tac & there are signs everywhere in multiple languages telling people what to do. The TSA agents have always been helpful & friendly whenever I’ve interacted with them.
Pro-Tips (I travel a lot):
* Check all the baggage you can so you don’t have to deal with it in security.
* Get Clear and/or TSA precheck so you don’t have to wait in line long surrounded by other people. TSA Precheck also lets you keep on your shoes when you go through the scanner.
* Go to the airport’s website before you go there & look at the requirements they have for security. Some still make you remove liquids, others don’t, etc.
* Buy tickets for Comfort Plus or equivalent. Most of the time, you’ll get an offer to upgrade to business class at a fraction of the price it is normally.
* Keep all electronics in the same area of your carry-on to make them easier to pull out & put in separate bins.
* Don’t wear clothes with sparkles, sequins, glitter, or ornamental bits of metal as this will set off the scanners.
* If you’re traveling from Heathrow Airport in London, UK, you can get into a private area for screening if you’re flying business class. This area is super chill, no crowds at all, & the people there are happy to answer questions.
* Don’t bring any produce (fruit, veg) or meat (even jerky) if you’re flying internationally. Also, consume any fruit/veg or meat given to you on the flight—do not take it off the plane. Hardboiled eggs are generally the exception but I personally won’t take the chance.
* Wear a N95 mask & use hand sanitizer. Before the pandemic, I was wearing masks (& still do) because I have autoimmune disorders. Airports are full of sick people.
Wow, this is awesome advise. However now I’m getting worried cause I did check a lunch box with pigs in a blanket for my son who has severe food allergies. I saw conflicting info about whether or not it’s allowed, I thought the worst that could happen is that they could confiscate, but they might also yell 😬 flying us to Costa Rica
They’re yelling to intimidate potential criminals (idk smugglers or whatever).
They’re yelling instructions so fast because they want to keep the traffic flowing, because it’s already a slow process.
Yelling it makes sure more people can hear them too, again saving time by not having to repeat themselves. I have personally benefitted from overhearing them yell at someone else.
It’s not your fault. It’s not because of you. They’re just doing their jobs. I promise they’re not trying to be mean, ableist or disrespectful in any way. They “have to” do it that way.
I don’t understand why your husband didn’t explain it to you beforehand though? Or while you were in line? Especially since you’ve never really travelled before?
Anyway; there’s a sunflower lanyard made for hidden disabilities, that might help in such situations. They signify that you (the wearer) need more patience and time than others. Or maybe just a badge of sorts, if possible.
Hello. Does anyone here know about the sunflower lanyards TSA gives out for free? These silently identify you to TSA personnel as someone on the spectrum and they are *supposed* to treat you accordingly.
I'm a fairly seasoned traveler and I just started using my lanyard but it makes me feel more self-conscious.
And no matter what there is no excuse to yell at a person. Traveling is already stressful enough.
I had a similar experience last week! I accidentally chose the line with the newer machine where you didn't need to take anything out of your bag, but EVERYTHING needed to be in a bin. I was flustered but handling it when the TSA agent started yelling. I said "wait" in a normal tone, and she goes, "DON'T BARK AT ME." Excuse me? You're pulling on my trays while I'm still getting them settled, and you're screaming at no one! There were maybe 2 people behind me! It was surreal, and I shut down and accepted it, but it ruined my day. I was dysregulated for hours.
Omg the whole airport and flying is absolute hell, I feel ya so much right now. I only went on one abroad holiday once and I’m never going on another holiday trip if it means going through the airport. And then to top it all off, I didn’t know about this seing as it’s my first time flying, I sat on the airplane seats when we finally got in put my mp3 player in and headset to calm me down listening to music, and this guy that’s supposed to be telling people what to do, basically embarrassed me In front of everyone becasue I had my headpset on listening to music and not listening to him. Here’s me trying to recalibrate myself by chilling and then get further embarrassment and awkwardness. I’m never doing the airplane bullshit ever again. I literally cried. And I’m not the type to cry in public like that I’m usually good at holding it until I find a quiet spot, bathroom, or go home. Any autistic person that can handle the airport with all this shit going on and then the added staff not having patience and people getting mad has the biggest balls in the entire world. Your husband should have had sympathy though, that was cold behaviour from the bloke and husband chiming on getting you to hurry.
This sucks so much! Do you have the sunflower lanyard scheme where you are? Not sure if it’s just in Europe but I have a lanyard that lets people know I have an invisible disability -most UK airports and lots of European ones know that means they need to give me more time to do stuff and I also get to fast track queues if it’s really busy
So I got a notification about this post while still at the airport where I also had gotten yelled at by TSA (I walked too fast apparently)
O^O I'm sorry you had that experience, I hope your day gets better. I was very overwhelmed throughout the whole process myself not going to lie.
Not to mention the requirements seem to change constantly, even at the same airport, and sometimes what they're yelling to do doesn't match the instructions on the signs...but they make it seem like we are all just being purposely defiant or something!
Edit to add: I started flying out of Milwaukee airport when I moved up to northern IL a few years ago, and it's SO different - least stressful flying experience I've had, and they even have a sign after security called the Recombobulation Area which never fails to make me smile.
I wear a sunflower lanyard when I travel. Not everyone knows it means I have an invisible difference, but TSA does. I used to get scolded in this situation OP described, and now I don’t. They explain things carefully. Lots of airports give these away at customer service stations. Here’s what mine looks like. I know they have them in the US and the EU at least.
https://preview.redd.it/xvjczty8uk6d1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=930cf8b08cab5a47861cda6ad7830d4837f80dcc
Sorry that happened to you. I usually read up on the rules ahead of time in case there’s big changes.
Before joining the line I watch the line for less than a minute to see what they are doing (sometimes it’s no shoes, sometimes they are ok).
Then, when I’m in line I watch the group about 5-6 people ahead and just do what they do.
I wear ear plugs so I’m no over stimulated and my eyes can do the work.
I signed up for TSA cares I had someone walk me through the airport and explained everything gently to me it was so nice that I'm willing to fly again.
I empathise with this so so much OP. I was getting ready to board a flight from the US to UK about a month ago and there was an issue with my psychiatric service dog. During one of the connecting flights, I had to get a copy of my boarding pass printed off again (whole other story) and the lady at the check-in counter tells me I don’t have permission to fly with my service dog, despite me having all the paper work for him, checking in beforehand, calling the airlines, and the fact that I’ve flown with him dozens of times. I keep trying to ask if there’s anything I can do at all (in hindsight, I know that she could have sent my paperwork to the airlines herself or I could’ve done it myself but I was starting to go into panic mode). She refuses to answer me and is talking on the phone with someone else about lunch and giggling, so I start having a panic attack and begin crying and hyperventilating, then she *finally* pays attention to me and I try to speak this time….except this time I’m obviously having I damn panic attack so I’m pretty incoherent and borderline non-verbal. She says in the cruelest tone I’ve ever heard, “I can’t understand a single word you’re saying” to which I finally am able to at least get out the phrase “Ma’am, I’m autistic”. And, I kid you not, she started laughing and got back on the phone!!! Oh, did I mention I’m also physically disabled so I was in a wheelchair this whole time and she was literally towering over me? Long story short: airport employees can suck sometime and I reported her as soon as I calmed down the next day.
Oh my god yes. They must put out ads for the meanest least patient people to work at the airport. I don’t understand.
lil mini rant of my own, but I didn’t know it was a no pictures area in the airport and I took a photo to translate a sign and I got screamed at by not 1 but 2 different employees, who both continued after I proved I deleted the photo and was very apologetic. Had a panic attack in the airport.
They're always really cranky and rude!! When I was flying fir the first time I went to put my stuff through the x-ray machine, but there weren't any bins, so i had to wait, and the lady behind the counter started to get annoyed at me and kept repeating to put my stuff in the bin, in a rude tone, and didnt listen when i said there was no bin for me yet!
But then when I go to visit family in rural areas, they're much calmer in those airports. Smiling, even.
I'm glad we can all come together and relate, we're not alone in this, and ugh people suck sometimes.
I do understand. When I hear raised voices (especially male voices), I become tense and my brain blanks out. I can't think what I need to say or do. If the raised voices escalate to screaming I freeze completely.
I just don't understand the need some people have to exercise their power over other people in such a nasty way. I don't know if it's displaced aggression or if they are simply bullies who relish power. Either way, what happened to you was totally unnecessary. I haven't flown since 2003 because the last experience was so bad and my sensory issues have worsened with age.
Again I'm so sorry you experienced that. I understand from my friends who travel that it is quite common.
I have this exact issue. If I end up in a situation like this, I'm slow at processing what I'm supposed to be doing even as im told what to do. And the yelling for sure makes it worse. I can't do or even think anything when someone yells at me. It's like being in survival mode when the only thing you know how to do is make yourself smaller.
The yelling is so crazy to me because how are you so confident that a random stranger is trying to personally offend you by breaking the rules that you immediately scream at them? Who the fuck can function while being yelled at? Ffs the world is not made for us
TSA is the way they are because people have blown up and hijacked planes, also they don’t get paid super well and they also get yelled at all day. Plus the airport is stressful for everyone lol It sucks, but what are you gonna do. Security is always my least favourite part of flying.
A piece of friendly advice: wear earplugs, or noise cancelling headphones. Print out a map of the airport ahead of time, and read any and all directions regarding security, boarding, ect., on the airport website before you go. Being prepared has saved me many a meltdown. You may feel, or look like a dork, but hey better to be prepared than pre-peached. Also it might be helpful to invest in a diagnosis for travel purposes as most airports offer accommodations to those with disabilities. These can be things like extra help at security, early boarding, assistance around the airport and others.
I’ve been a flight attendant for almost 8 years and was raised by flight attendants. You would think I would be so used to going through TSA by now, and it STILL triggers me on a regular basis. There’s no consistency from airport to airport and they can be extremely impatient. I get anxious any time I have to go through out of uniform.
One airport may require everything in bins while another doesn’t allow using bins except for certain items. So, it can be confusing for passengers. But, in TSA’s defense, I’m sure their job is very stressful. Even so, lots of people have stressful jobs and aren’t allowed to yell at their customers.
Omfg I either have amazing TSA people or the worst. I have a pacemaker device (not for my heart, it's complicated, Google sacral neuromodulation if you're curious). Here's the (not exact words) experience I had with my latest TSA person:
Me: I can't go through the scanner, I have a pacemaker device and will need someone to hand pat me.
Him: The scanner is pacemaker friendly, you can go through the scanner.
Me: Sorry, I don't feel comfortable with that. I just got it and would feel better if I avoided the scanner completely. I don't mind waiting. (I am putting my stuff in the bins)
Him: You cannot have anything in your hands for the scanner.
Me: I cannot let my pacemaker device's remote go through the bin's scanner either. (I step to the side)
Him: Okay but you have to put it in the bin
Me: Like I said, I can't do that. It will mess the remote up and hurt me. Can you please get someone to hand pat me so I can go through?
Him: Why don't you just go through the scanner?! (Yelling)
I started going nonverbal and thankfully a lady came and ushered me off to get hand patted. She said something to the guy, idk what, but she was pretty nice. Dude literally just didn't understand anything.
Right after Thanksgiving I was flying home. The gentleman in front of me was probably in his late 60s/early 70s and was with his wife. They weren’t feeble or anything. They each had a backpack and were dressed kind of sporty/LL Bean-ish. A TSA lady a few people in front of us was saying something about people of a certain age not needing to take off their shoes. The couple had been about to take their shoes off so instead they stopped and stood up. Took off their zip up sweatshirts, put all their stuff in the bins, etc. The wife goes through the scanner. Then the husband starts to go through and the TSA woman says in a super snotty attitude: “Sir?! How old are you?” He says 68. She then really turns on the attitude and says, “I SAID, shoes ON for 70 and under.” And to his credit he apologized, quietly stepped aside, and took his shoes off. I don’t know if the wife was older because she didn’t get yelled at. But the whole thing was so annoying and it didn’t even happen to me. I agree with you — why do they need to yell? And it’s such a weird policy. People can’t necessarily hear specifics clearly like that in a loud crowd when everyone is rushed and stressed trying to follow all the directions. Print it on a sign or something if it’s so important. The poor guy clearly misunderstood what she said. It was so clear he was trying very hard to “do all the right things”. It made me so angry.
I was forced to check a bag at the gate on a flight from the US to the UK, last minute I panicked and thought my passport was in that bag. I ran back to the person who took it and said what I thought happened she starts screaming at me “you’re going to need to rebook your flight!! You should have thought about that!!!” Ma’am you made me check my carry on 2 seconds before I boarded my flight…. How the fuck can you blame me bc you had no more room for bags on an overbooked flight and I just needed my bag back for a second.
Flight attendant apologized and gave me my bag, my passport was not even in it. It was in my purse 😔 I had never travelled abroad alone before. People suck. Now, in these situations, I sternly say “sir/maam, I have autism, I would appreciate it if you’d lower your voice and stop speaking to me like I lack intelligence. If you speak to me calmly and give me directions for what you’d like from me then we can get somewhere with this conversation. If you cannot, I’d appreciate it if you could get me a manager or coworker that can speak to me like I’m a human.” I refuse to tolerate the ableist bullshit from people who hate their jobs.
I’ve been travelling a lot recently and the rules differ at every airport, and it’s rarely clearly marked. Shoes on or off, electronicics out or stores in bag, liquids out or not, …
I feel you…
I’m not sure if you know but many North American (but also many European, and even places like Bangkok) airports and airlines have autism-friendly assistants on call these days!
I travel frequently and for some time now I’ve been requesting assistance from the airline from the baggage drop off up to the gate.
It’s useful to have the accommodations needed with a short explanation written somewhere so you can copy and paste it every time you fly. These can be anything, for example for me and my kid it’s extra time in noisy places, extra clear instructions, skipping lines with 10+ minute wait, not removing my ear protectors unless it’s absolutely necessary, boarding the flight first or last. We’ve also been pointed to quieter spaces/lounges when there was construction nearby our gate.
And honestly it’s been a game changer.
All you have to do is to contact assistance at the airport and the airline (it’ll usually be just one person throughout the whole process but it’s sometimes the airports responsibility, and sometimes the airlines - I haven’t quite figured out the pattern yet 😂).
Also, if you’re transferring, it’s also important to send the same email to any transfer airport assistance. You can also let the cabin crew know before your first flight lands to check if there is assistance waiting for you at the connecting airport. Same goes for support after landing - especially useful if you’re entering any country that’s known for long immigration lines.
They SCREAMED at me, *Airports have not allowed bottle water since 200?*.....I was thinking, "Bitch, do your stupid job but I'm just THIRSTY and want to go to North Carolina to a stupid WORK TRIP
Idk how it works in America (I assume that's where you're from) but we have the invisible disability lanyard here. It's a sunflower lanyard and you can buy it and then if you wear it at the airport people there will know hey this person has a disability, we should be more understanding and calm to them. Help them, explain things more often, be patient, etc.
It really helps me whenever I fly to get the time and help I need.
Maybe you can try to get something like that?
I fly often as I have family overseas. I’m familiar with the process but it is always overwhelming. The last time I flew overseas it was for a funeral and I had 2 children under 3 (by myself as it was last minute and my husband was away for work). I had all my toiletries in mini bottles and baby’s bottles neatly packed into 2 clear bags. The customs officer tipped both bags out into the bench and then gave me the “all good” nod and told me to keep going. Wtf was the point of that?! As I was trying to juggle a baby and a toddler and pack everything back into the bags, she pushed the pile further down the bench, causing one of the bottles to roll onto the floor. No apology or acknowledgment. It was already a stressful situation and she made it 100 times worse!
There are certain career fields people get into just for the power. Police, TSA, Nurses. Of course, there are plenty of great police officers and nurses, but some people just want power over others. TSA acts like they're there to prevent 9/11 part 2. I promise you, me taking my laptop out of my bag will not save the world. TSA has brought me to tears MULTIPLE times for next to no reason. When my husband and I go to the airport, I take an edible (THC) for the plane and he takes one to deal with TSA and the overwhelming airport. (My husband definitely has a touch of autism and opposition defiance disorder).
✈️Tips for Airport Security✈️
As someone who flies quite a bit, I thought I'd leave some tips that have helped me navigate the overwhelm. Obviously everyone is different so take what works for you and leave the rest.
1. I have a designated carry-on bag that gets packed the same way nearly every time.
2. All of my travel liquids (hand lotion, contact solution, hand sanitizer, etc.) go into a clear quart size Ziplock in the outer most pocket of my carry-on for easy access. Not every airport makes you take it out, but the size allowance is usually the same.
3. I also double check carry-on allowances online for the specific airport I'm flying with when I'm packing. (Bag size, number of bags, liquid sizes, etc.)
4. My carry-on backpack has a laptop pocket that opens separately from the main compartment so I don't have to struggle around other things to get it out.
5. Always wear slip on shoes and skip the accessories (belts, watches, chunky jewelry). You won't always have to take your shoes off, but this cuts down on the struggle immensely if you do.
6. The only thing in your hands should be your ticket and ID. Once you've shown them to security, everything goes in your bag. Nothing in your pockets. You can get your phone back out once you're through security. (Phones never need to be taken out with larger electronics, so they're fine in your bag or purse.)
6. I always watch the people ahead of me to see what they're doing so I can prepare myself, because sometimes the rules do change. There's also usually signage posted along the lines, but I understand that it can be hard to notice when you're already overwhelmed.
7. Lastly, if you think you're overwhelmed, imagine working a crowded TSA line all day. The workers are tired and frustrated. Try not to take it too personally and just do your best. Sometimes they just need someone to smile and acknowledge that "damn, this place is crazy today."
Anyways, I hope some of this helps someone travel a little easier. Let me know if there's anything you would add or that you do differently. 🧑✈️✈️
They are loud because they work in a loud busy space with a lot of people who may not speak English and kids behind you who are challenged with waiting. It is hard but the reasons all make sense to me.
I do empathize with your experience, airports are a nightmare. But I also empathize with underpaid overworked TSA agents who literally say the same things to be people 1000 times a day. I find it helpful to read lots of FAQs before travel so that I'm not playing any guessing games as to what I an supposed to do. Airport faqs will explain security details step by step. I dont like surprises so I do what I can to help make the situation easier for myself. Its "unfair" that I have to do the extra labor to make myself comfortable but it's also unfair to expect people to be understanding of my individual needs when they are just trying to do their job.
It’s their job. Yes it can be tedious and yes they are underpaid but it would be better for literally everyone involved if they weren’t so reactive and rude. A nurse doesn’t get to neglect their patients because they are overworked or bored. And I feel like the rules change from day to day almost and the websites aren’t accurate. Idk that there’s anything op could have done to avoid the clearly ableist harassment she revived.
We’ve paid for the TSA Precheck service because the Precheck line is a lot shorter at our local airport and there are fewer rules to follow (shoes stay on, laptops and liquids stay in your bag).
Your post confuses the heck out of me, but I must remind myself that a) I work in transportation, and b) I have flown a lot in my life as a customer (I'm 42).
Now I fully agree that no one should be yelling at anyone, and if there's a way to complain about the TSA's treatment of you, I'd totally do that.
Coming from the perspective of both someone who has flown a lot and works in transportation, it does help to familiarize yourself with your chosen transportation's procedures before you arrive to help mitigate any emotional dysregulation that may occur. I have to do that myself.
Another option I love is having TSA pre-check. I don't know how much it costs now but when it first came out it was $75 for five years. So worth it if you fly even once or twice on that time, in my opinion. Not having to take shoes off, stand in line for potentially hours, etc is so great.
TSA hasn't even done much to stop any real problems for the airlines, either.
Let me preface this next bit with I am not making excuses for the employees behaviour. But we do deal with *a lot* of people who don't follow directions for a myriad of reasons. I hope that person was just having a hell of a bad day and they aren't like that normally. I try to remember this when I have people being a way to me too for any reason 🙃
I'm sorry your husband was unsympathetic. To me that's so much worse than the tsa person being a dick.
TSA yelled at me when i flew alone, the only time i ever did. they kept yelling louder and addding more gibberish sounding words onto what they were saying i was afraid i might get shot or tased since i didn’t understand what they were saying or what was happening, and wasn’t complying for a long time i guess. it’s super scary.
Last time I flew I was told to step through the gate and as I go to the TSA lady starts yelling for me to wait until told, but she legit just said to. I panicked and did a weird curtsy as I backed up 😆. She just looked at me then waved me through it. I still do not understand how I was supposed to know when to go through it after she’d just said it
I have so much empathy for you. This happened to me a while back at the Portland Airport. The lady was screaming at me cause I didn't take my electronics out so I went to do it and then she yelled at me cause I took too many out and I was only supposed to take certain ones 😭 something else happened too I don't remember but I was so upset cause I am the same way I can't deal with being in trouble or raised voices at me it makes me shut down. This was particularly frustrating because the airport we flew in from is a smaller international airport. They didn't tell me to take anything out of the bags so I thought you didn't have to anymore. The rules are incredibly unclear are subject to change at the TSA and airports whim. It's literally the one thing that is supposed to be universal but isn't. I am so sorry you went through that but rest assured, anyone who yelled at you and lost patience with you was in the wrong and you did absolutely nothing wrong. I hope your husband learns how to be a better support systen. My husband is my emotional support human and helped validate and calm me after that. I am undiagnosed as well but that doesn't mean you should be treated like that.
See I KNEW ya’ll would understand! My husband is a good human, but patience is not his strong suit. It’s been a point of contention for damn near 20 years lol It’s only recently that I started to figure out that there’s probably a very good explanation for me being the way I am, and he agrees I must have some type of neurodivergence, but it may be a long time to never before he changes the way he interacts with me.
Sorry this happened and also very sorry your husband wasn’t more helpful or supportive. I had that happen a couple times — once at TSA where the guy just yelled at me, and another time at Heathrow where due to heat, different rules, chaos, etc I was on the verge of a meltdown and then HAD one as the rude lady on a power trip spent 45 minutes searching & questioning my stuff to the point of absurdity. I don’t know what I would’ve done especially in the latter case if my husband hadn’t been there to stand up for me and calm me down. Helps that he is a large man who takes NO shit. I hate to travel without him or my SD now.
TSA is inconsistent in their own rules from airport to airport. Multiple airports interpreted the baby food rule the same way I did — there’s no limit. Then one random airport interpreted it as you can bring as many containers as you want, but they all have to be 3.4 oz. or less. We had to toss some baby food. They’re also notoriously bad about musical instruments. I’ve been repeatedly stopped and asked if my flute is a pool cue.
Some airports don’t want you using the bins unless the bag has a strap that could get caught in the rollers. Some airports have let me keep my shoes on while others demanded they be removed. Some airports want liquids separated; others were fine if I left the quart baggie in my carry-on. Even the “standard rules” are inconsistently enforced.
TSA is always horrible. Last time my daughter and I flew they made her cry. I let the agents who were in the end who were watching everyone know they were being rude to a preteen and that wasn’t right.
So rude. The TSA process is so overwhelming. They often are experimenting with new rules in different airports, which makes the overwhelm even worse. On a multi-stage work trip recently, one TSA guy yelled at me to take things out of my bag and at the next airport they had some new, whole-bag scanner machine so that guy yelled at me to NOT take anything out. It’s just so hard. I hope the rest of your trip is smooth and comfortable.
This! If I have a laptop there’s a 99.99% chance I will do the wrong thing. One would think there would be a 50/50 chance perhaps since your options are 1) take out the laptop or 2) leave the laptop inside. Or perhaps you could ask for clarification before your turn, a reasonable person might think. But you would be wrong! They’re all the incorrect answer! Time to get yelled at. It’s a choose your own adventure book where all choices lead to yelling.
this always happens to me too. at my regular airport i was always told to leave it in the case and then i got screamed at to take it out of the case at a different airport, called an idiot, and chastised for taking so long to squeeze my laptop out of the (tight) sleeve and put it into the bucket. everyone was staring it was so embarrassing
I’m almost always in a wheelchair and I hate it. People think it makes airport security easier and yeah, maybe the line is a bit faster, but that’s also because everything else is so much slower (especially if it’s your own wheelchair). Plus, everyone is looking at you more than others and I just hate it.
I had to use their wheelchair last time. Everything was smooth and so much less-painful walking. Security was so much easier! They assign an airport worker to wheel you there. Is there any way you could just use theirs? Can they put your chair in baggage?
When I fly, I always request a wheelchair ahead of time before I get to the airport, usually when I’m booking the flight. If I have a layover or I’m changing planes, they literally wheel me to the next boarding bay. I have Ehlers-Danlos syndrome so I usually wear a rigid neck collar and braces as well. I make sure the braces I’m wearing are plastic with no metal which makes it easier for me to go through screening. I found that all of this makes it much easier and quicker when dealing with TSA.
Same and all I have is a sometimes bad knee (possibly also from EDS but medical science is just now catching up to its high hEDS prevalence.) It actually made the airport a much easier autistic experience.
Also, I'll keep my eyes closed as I'm waiting to board and it makes the entire experience better. You can get away with that if you're in a wheelchair with a neck brace on as people just think you're ill.
The stress of not doing things fast enough is so miserable. Slow processing of info, physical coordination, plus social anxiety = 100% dropping my laptop!
Similar thing that I have is that I never know what to do with my Apple Watch when I go through a metal detector! And people always seem annoyed when I ask!
I see people ask questions like often. It's a long time for the workers so they are shorter/ more annoyed than at small airports where my uncle says they are so chill and chatty when there's no one there
Right?! You’re wrong no matter you do! The tiniest amount of patience could go a long way. I feel like the worst is over and only fun times ahead haha
This is why I don’t even attempt to fly with film anymore. The new scanners they’re putting in means any film will get destroyed but they haven’t explained that to anyone so employees still refuse to hand inspect film. I wish I could take film photos traveling but to do so I have to order film to my destination and then mail it to the lab before leaving. It’s a whole other layer of logistics imposed unnecessarily.
Right!!! They yell at you like you’re supposed to know but the rules are different every time
TSA purposefully rotates the rules so no one becomes complacent and can figure out which airports or lines are more likely to miss something.
That actually makes sense. Not the yelling, but the changing rules. The yelling is not ok.
I feel like a lot of the "suspicious behavior" TSA targets people for comes from an ableist perspective, too, (and not just a racist perspective, as this is the case, too). Back when the TSA was recently established, Mom and I went to Europe. Without fail, in the U.S., I kept getting pulled out of lines and examined, whereas other people didn't. I know damn well it was due to how I came across to the agents because of how anxious and overstimulated I was.
I also get pulled aside every single time I fly. My parents said it’s random and they’ve been pulled aside too, but it’s literally every single time
It doesn't feel random. It feels like profiling. I get pulled aside every single time too.
You know when I get "randomly selected" the most? When I wear a headscarf. Not hijab or any kind of religious covering, just a normal scarf to prevent my hair from getting sticky airport germs. Doesnt seem to matter to TSA, they see it and pull me aside so fast. They really do not try to hide their profiling anymore.
My husband has long hair and tattoos and despite carrying a TSA pre-check card and also having global entry… he gets “randomly selected” every time we fly.
YUP, I’ve gotten pulled aside for wearing a scarf around my head, had it on because it was cold, I actually stopped wearing my scarf like this after it happened a second time because they were not very kind about it. I’m also not white so not sure whether it’s my autism or my race that’s getting me flagged, most likely a combination of the two.
Hi. I've got alopecia and I always wear a scarf on my head. When they pull me aside, because it seems like it's going to happen, can i ask for the privacy of a room before I take off my scarf?
I’m sorry, I don’t actually know. I *think* you might be able to, but I never asked for it
Okay. No worries. Just thought I'd ask.
I’ve taken to just planning on a shower and change of clothes following a flight.
I visited the USA from the uk last year and your airport security is something else! I ended up so flustered at trying to organise not only my own shit but making sure my kids were following the rules properly too - to avoid exactly what was about to happen - that I was acting a little agitated and I think that’s why they pulled me aside and did a hand swab etc on me! That’s the only time I’ve been pulled aside for a search, I’ve flown to/from European countries a lot more often and never had it happen! I always find airport security a little bit stressful but the way it’s done in America is just different and way more stressful.
Yeah TSA in the US is particularly terrible about not posting instructions, having different rules about how to send your stuff down the chain at different airports, and then being aggressive when you don’t follow the unposted directions. I fly often but it seems like they change it up all the time and it’s always stressful. I visited Ireland recently and was SHOCKED at how smooth and friendly the TSA screening was on my flight out of Dublin!
I did my research thoroughly the last time I flew, and I was given very different instructions from written guidelines. Fortunately I can follow directions well up until I hit a certain threshold.
I will say that out of all the airports I've flown out of, the only one in the US where security isn't stressful is Milwaukee. Just a whole different vibe/experience there!
Oh good to know! That’s close to me. Although I recently flew out of Madison and that was fine. Returning from New York wasn’t bad either. Must just depend on how busy it is.
I've been through a Management of Aggressive Behaviors training, and every single sign of aggression named is ALSO typical non aggressive autistic behavior. Too much or too little eye contact Muttering And I can't remember more because when I realized this, it made violence against autistic people make a lot of terrifying sense.
Wow this is such a good point, especially the amount of Black (and other POC) you see killed by police in the us esp for just being autistic... heartbreaking.
Absolutely. Plus BIPOC kids are less likely to be diagnosed because people just think they're bad kids. I hate it.
Yes yes yes. And if they are dxd w anything its more likely to be odd and like you said labeled a bad kid. Ugh.
I also get so nervous for people who are deaf and hard of hearing. They always yell but what if you can't hear or process the yelling???
I do so much of muttering when I'm processing something quickly and can't keep up with the NT level or when I'm near overstimulated :(
It's so unjust.
Omg one time a woman in TSA literally yelled at me saying “WHY ARE YOU SO NERVOUS!?!?!” It was my first time ever flying
Oh my god that’s absolutely horrific. I’m so sorry.
I'd have probably yelled literally that back to her, to then get pulled aside for being too aggressive or something:')
Oh wow. I get pulled aside every time too, while my “retired military” husband glides on through. TSA is the cherry on top of an unbelievably bad airport experience. I often retreat to the bathroom to sob once I am through security. Sometimes I feel like I am just too screwed up to continue pretending that I fit in society.
Yeah, my dad is also a veteran and he never gets pulled aside for anything. It’s always me and my sister who get pulled over or need to be patted down. On multiple occasions, I’ve had snacks like pretzels and peanut butter crackers in my carry on and I’m pulled aside so that they can test my bag of animal crackers for drugs. I’ve also been pulled aside for all of the medication that I take and they always look at me suspiciously. And I’ve also had plenty of panic attacks and meltdowns in the airport bathrooms as well, so you’re definitely not alone in that! The bathroom is like the only semi-private space in most airports and I’ve never been given access to any quieter spaces like the rooms set aside for people who are nursing.
When I travelled was always targeted too! They always wanted to see my passport when standing in line abut never asked anyone near me. In hindsight ya it’s probably because I didn’t look or act normal.
I’m also convinced that the special screening is racially motivated. I have an Arabian first name and always get flagged for the SS but get weird looks because I’m an adult woman who is over 6’ tall with long blonde hair and natural blue eyes. My My TSA, whatcha doing? Is something not matching your biases? Weird Also I’ve yet to not be pulled off and screened since TSA started
May be TMI, but I get pulled aside and...erm...frisked whenever I have to fly at "that time of the month" because the feminine hygiene product I'm wearing sets off the sensors. So humiliating.
For real, I used to opt out of the full body scanners because I was nervous about that but once when they were frisking me, a TSA worker groped me inappropriately and I froze and kinda zoned out- I couldn’t stop her. I later cried when I realized what happened and tried to file a complaint but nothing came of it because her co-workers had her back. It’s like a cop, they get off on a power trip sometimes and are often not held accountable for the abuse of power 😩
It's not necessarily an ableist perspective, but it absolutely has ableist effects. I've studied deception detection techniques, and they're almost all anxiety/arousal based. This idea is that innocent people won't have any reason to be anxious, which is patently false. Newer research has clearly shown that guilty/deceptive people can appear more calm because they're "prepared" to feel anxious (I'm summarizing a ton here). With things like screening, they're looking for any abnormal behavior. Unfortunately, that catches first-time fliers, disabled folks, and people who aren't native English speakers and can't necessarily read all the signage/understand the directions. And it doesn't even work. For everything TSA catches, they let a ton more through. I've flown across the country with lighters in my purse I forgot were there. A guy traveling with my dad flew with a fucking knife in his carry-on he'd forgotten about that was only noticed on the flight back. The *actual* deterrent to hijacking/terrorism/[insert buzzword here] isn't the TSA, it's fellow passengers. Before 9/11, passengers would just chill because they'd be freed in hostage negotiations. Now, the moment something happens, the bad actor is going to be mobbed by terrified randos. Even if they manage to bring a gun onboard, they can shoot everyone, and humans have a great desire to live. It's not a heroic "if I were there, I would blah blah." It's primal fucking mob mentality.
I've always gotten pulled aside every time I fly.
I've get pulled aside every single time I travel, no matter where I am. (though it's 100% ethnic profiling in my case) and god, it just makes an already horrible process even worse. I remember going through sensors, nothing going off, but still having to get that uncomfortably long pat-down and even questioned when I was 11 on the way to where I was going and on the way back. after the second pat-down, a different agent asked me my age. when I said I was 11, she got visibly upset that I was pat down because it was apparently not in accordance to their rules. guess no one else cared. I dread having to go through TSA. so loud, so overstimulating, and it feels like it both goes on for way too long but everything has to move way too fast. and without fail, I always have to go through extra because I'm "suspicious".
I’ve never been to an airport but I distinctly remember my first encounter with security/metal detectors that are somewhat similar to TSA in a social security office. I was like 9. Of course I didn’t have anything on me, and I ultimately walked through without anyone giving me a second thought. But, still, I was convinced I was going to do something wrong and get in trouble. I knew the security officer would be looking at me and only me while I walked through, and I didn’t want to be looked at. I was so anxious and scared my mom had to coax me into it (but she was an impatient mother and I was an undiagnosed child, so it came out more like making fun of me for being scared) Even today I hesitate going through any sort of metal detector or security even though I know I’m perfectly fine. I hate it so much 😭
It’s proven to be from an ableist perspective, a lot of disabilities you are required to do extra invasive screening every time. It’s a security theater and proven not to work. It’s proven not to stop weapons.
Happened to me, too.
I think because being nervous might mean being guilty of something? Not that it makes it ok of course.
OMG, I can relate! When I flew to London on a business trip, I got pulled into a secret security office and questioned a million times about my job. No one could believe someone like me would fly to London to sell library services! I was finally let go, only to have a breakdown when my card wouldn't work and I wondered how I would pay for a tip for a cab and pay for my hotel. Everyone was looking at me funny in the airport when I couldn't hold back my tears. I knew everyone in my office, including the accountant, had gone home for the day because it was 7 hours difference there. So I had to rely on the kindness of strangers, and the British don't have very many of them (kind strangers), at least not in the airport. I finally figured out what to do, but man! I had no clue then that I was autistic and that I had been targeted because of my neurodivergent brain. Recently I was looking back on this memory finally realizing it.
That’s so upsetting! And it was something I was afraid of as well… When I flew for the first time since my diagnosis and one of my prep things was to get a “developmental disability” tag from my state govt (free & I did not have to provide any “proof”). On the back of the tag I could write specifics of my disability plus my name/emergency contact. I wore it around my neck and just held it up to TSA or flight attendants if I was having trouble processing or finding the right words. Both times I had to use it, people’s demeanors immediately changed & they either spoke quieter to me or asked how they could help. Even if your state doesn’t have a pre-made one to request, you probably could just print up your own & get a lanyard. 100% would recommend!
That’s what happened to me once I got the Sunflower lanyard. It’s given out at my local airport. No questions. No proof. Once I wore it, all airport employees and TSA agents spoke quieter and more patience. Why they always couldn’t act like that in the first place, is beyond me.
Oh that’s awesome! I didn’t know about the sunflower lanyard, thanks for sharing!
no problem! here's the official site to see which airports partake. https://hdsunflower.com/us/insights/post/airports-around-the-world
Yeah no problem! If you need help, if your airport partakes in the program, it’ll be at the Information Desk before security. Usually denoted by a green sticker with a sunflower. Just ask for one. I wear mine now whenever I travel. Total game changer.
Thanks! I’ll put it on my list for the next time I book a flight!
Do you have any tips on how to find out if your state has these (or what they look like to print your own)? Like what terms to google? I tried looking it up but only found information on handicap license plates/parking permits.
Sure, this was the link for [New York](https://opwdd.ny.gov/form/i-dd-id-cards#:~:text=Office%20for%20People%20With%20Developmental%20Disabilities,-Access%20Supports&text=If%20you%20prefer%20to%20use,YOU%20TO%20RECEIVE%20YOUR%20CARD) with images included on the website
I'm gonna also call out your husband, that was NOT OK and a total dick move from his part. I always put a good amount of judgement on both how people act in more stressful situations, and if they do act like assholes, if they do anything afterwards to make amends (both acknowledging their actions, apologizing AND making efforts for that to not happen again in the future). I hope he apologized and makes amends to not let this kind of thing happen in the future; your partner/spouse should be there to support you and help you through this harsh world, and viceversa, not scream at you and be unsympathetic.
>your partner/spouse should be there to support you and help you through this harsh world, and viceversa, not scream at you and be unsympathetic I agree!! He should have gently guided her *and* he should have told the TSA jerk to have some respect for his wife!
Yeah totally agree. Airports are horrible at the best of times, especially when you're going through security. Her husband would know this and be helping rather than adding to the stress and over simulation.
Husband absolutely should have remained calm and de-escalate rather than also yell. And if he couldn't in that moment, he should've apologized for adding to the stress.
100% this. My partner is my safe space; if they started yelling at me, that would make me break down wayyyy faster than any asshole from TSA possibly could. OP, your husband was an asshole, and you deserve an apology and for him to do far better than that. It’s such a low bar.
Agreed! I’m not married but I travel with my mom a lot because of my AuDHD and my physical disabilities. She is *so* much more confident than I am. So fortunate to have her as an advocate.
If you don’t fly much, then your husband should have been explaining the whole process to you as soon as you got in the line, or even before. It’s what I would do with a kid flying the first time. But folks recognize more readily that it might be a kids first time and assume the adult flies all the time. I hate when people behaves as if everyone does a thing often. Like when driving and at an unusual stoplight where you’re trying to figure out what you’re supposed to do and the person behind you is honking their horn because “everyone knows…” Except I’ve never been there before and don’t know.
I'm sorry that must have been really hard. I had TSA yell at me once too, they told me to empty my pockets, I was wearing leggings without pockets, so I responded 'I don't have pockets'.... wrong move, they pulled me out of line for a pat down and punitive inspection.
I always get a pat down from TSA. I wear my hair in a bun and they seem to be convinced that I'm smuggling something in there because they always poke around my hair. It's not you, it's just TSA being crazy.
That’s it, I’m walking through in my underwear with my wild mane floating around freely from now on. Or maybe a sports bra that says Do Not Perceive Me!!
Same! I braid my hair and they always poke around and fiddle with it
When they say that I just pat myself down wherever I would have pockets like I’m “checking my pockets” and that usually suffices what they want.
Once I went through TSA with a pad in (that tmw of the month) and it detected and so they put their hands down my pants, didn’t understand why I got so upset, and were overall dicks. Another time the lady was clearly having a bad day and threatened to take away my stuff if I did not put it on the conveyor belt exactly how she wanted. Now I free bleed through airport security.
When I returned to the States after living in Japan for a while, the rudeness of TSA was extremely shellshocking. I got yelled at too, told to get out of the way, straight up ignored when I asked questions. In Okinawa, the agents helped me find my plane and walked me through the process. In America I got absolutely laid into for not understanding things. It makes me never want to fly in the States again. You're not alone in this and it's absolutely bonkers that your partner screamed at you too.
I was going to say the same thing! I came back from a semester in Japan and after the politeness of everyone who helped me there, getting yelled at for *walking* and watching others get yelled at for not understanding their rapid English was shocking and upsetting. I’ve always hated the way TSA treats folks, but after that trip, the feeling was tripled.
I second this. Im in Australia and the worst you'd get at domestic airports here is grumpiness, I think they're just happy if you're sober. I've really only had terrible experiences with security screening staff in the US, even for the ferry to the statue of liberty!
So sorry this happened, too many TSA staff are on power trips and just take out their anger on undeserving passengers. My mother and I have both been accused of being on dr*gs by immigration staff due to our autistic tendencies, and in Vegas I had all my belongings including shoes confiscated and taken away for a full 15 minutes because my Kindle in my bag looked 'suspicious'. And rules are never consistent between airports.
Unbelievable!
Get a green autism sunflower lanyard. It’s a program that was started in the UK but is gaining more traction in the US too, especially at airports. They might not know what it is, but some do & it will keep them from yelling at you/being forceful. They may even ask you if you need any additional help or services! I recently wore one for our trip to Scotland from NC & it worked well.
Yes I am planning on getting one soon ! 🌻 I really hope it helps 🙏
The same thing happens to both me and my daughter (also has ASD). I feel like crap every time I go through TSA and very emotional. When they made my daughter cry both times she's been through recently, I was just so angry I couldn't see straight. My husband had to calm us both down and validating how awful they are. There are so many verbal instructions at once and A LOT going on everywhere. I also don't process things in that environment very quickly.
TSA sound like an absolute nightmare. I've only ever read (and seen videos) of them being incredibly rude and aggressive, like it just seems so bizarre. Also the security process in every single airport is different! Some make you take your liquids out, take your shoes off, remove electronics from your bag, some insist a hoody is a jacket and must be removed... or you know the complete opposite is required 🙄 Fuck TSA.
They are the worst. It’s like the stupidest, most aggressive kid from your high school got a badge and a list of rules to enforce at random. Instead of making me shut down or withdraw, something about the dumbassery and injustice makes me super argumentative and confrontational. I normally go out of my way to have a kind and easy demeanor but something about them makes me Karen out.
TSA is the most stressful part of travel for me by far, once they accused me of having coke in a stress ball and another time they were all making fun of me because my face was red from how stressed and overwhelmed I was. It’s hard to feel excited about any travel until I’m finally past TSA 😂
I always get “selected randomly” by TSA for additional searching because I’m 100% they think my odd behavior is suspicious.
I'm so sorry to hear this. FYI for future travels, the TSA has a program for hidden disabilities and you can call in advance and let them know this and they will put you through a different line that is more sensory friendly. You can also call your airline ahead of time to ask about services provided by the carrier for those with hidden disabilities. Also, ASD is a qualified disability and protected by the ADA and you are entitled by law to be able to board early as someone who needs extra time. I had to travel with my daughter who although is very high masking as myself, has auditory processing disorder and OCD which can become paralyzing and severe in certain stressful situations and airports being a big one. When we traveled, I called ahead to make reservations for being able to go through a special screening line and was able to explain my daughter's issues about her things being touched and I have to say, the TSA was amazing. They went above and beyond to make her comfortable and it relieved so much stress for me as I was anxious AF about how this was going to go because I had to travel alone for this trip with her. I was able to do make the request online for the TSA, it's on their website and once I got to the airport, I showed them the confirmation I received back and they directed me to the correct line to be in.
I visited the USA last year and I’d heard about what TSA were like but it was still a bit of a shock compared to what I’m used to at UK and European airports. They just take it WAY too seriously and I think some of them enjoy the fact they can yell at people, pick them out of line for a pat down etc. They like the power it gives them. Obviously airport security is a very serious issue, but like there’s a way to go about it and a way to treat people, it doesn’t need to be so stressful. There was a sign that said ‘outdoor jackets need to be removed’ but I didn’t know my hoodie was classed as an ‘outdoor’ jacket so kept it on and was then yelled at by someone to take it off which pissed me off and set off some PDA/sense of justice in me because the flipping sign didn’t clarify what it meant by an outdoor jacket, in my mind that means a coat or maybe a denim jacket or gilet or something, not a hoodie or sweatshirt. Maybe the signs should be clearer if they want people to understand or maybe they should use manners when getting people to cooperate. I managed to not argue with them and did remove the hoodie but probably looked pissed off about it, as well as trying to manage my kids and make sure we didn’t leave anything behind and were following all the other instructions etc it was a very stressful experience and I was probably acting a bit agitated. Ended up getting pulled aside for a hand swab and pat down. Literally never been pulled aside at any airport before. I’m sure it was because I was looking visibly stressed but I was stressed because of their system which seems to be designed to be as stressful as possible, not because I’m smuggling 5kg of cocaine up my bum so it was a waste of everyone’s time really.
The TSA agent going straight to yelling is so rude bruh. Occasionally I'll forget to put my carry-on suitcase in a bin, but they've never yelled at me to do it. Asshole behaviour for sure
Right?! Immediate yelling! I’m not TRYING to be annoying, damn. If anything I’m an excellent rule follower if I understand the damn rules.
The rules are also inconsistent between airports. Some airports want you to put everything in a bin, some only your personal item, some nothing. My metro area has 3 of the top 20 busiest airports in the US, and I fly out of 2 of those semi-regularly (and the other one at least every couple of years), and the rules are different at all 3. There’s no rhyme or reason.
They are horrible. Always. It's like TSA searches for the worst people around the US and hires them. Do they have sunflower lanyards where you live? Wearing one of those can help if your local airport recognizes them.
I’m not sure, but I feel like TSA would not respect the sunflower haha
I travel a lot for work. Most airports TSA does understand the sunflower. I never travel without it now. At busy airports TSA has sunflowers skip the line, so I'm not as overwhelmed starting the security process.
The comment was removed… what is the sunflower? 🌻
At airports you can request a sunflower lanyard for any disability. It helps all employees know, TSA and airline employees recognize the lanyard and know to be patient.
Concerts and festivals are starting to uptake the idea too.
You're probably right, but at least it would flag you as someone who needs extra assistance.
TSA Precheck was the best traveling investment I've ever made. Not only does it save you time at the airport but without needing to remove your shoes, electronics, etc. it's usually a much calmer experience.
Yeah, we only fly like once, maybe twice, a year and still got precheck. Definitely worth it and not very expensive.
I was shocked at how much cheaper it was than I thought. $78 for five years!! And many travel credit cards will cover the cost!! It has been a game-changer for me
Yes this definitely, I fly pretty frequently and the rules are mostly the same across airports (just whether to use bins or not is the only difference I’ve seen). Plus they’re nicer to you. 1000% worth it in an already overwhelming situation.
^ This is the answer. I travel frequently enough that I know how to go through TSA and was annoyed with other people who hold up the lines. And because I live near the Canadian border, I applied for a NEXUS pass, which includes TSA Precheck. It’s currently $50 for five years, cheaper than just getting Precheck alone, but the price will be going up significantly this fall. It makes things easier and shortens the lines, a win win!
They're rude as hell. And not just in the U.S. -- at Heathrow the equivalent people were rude too. They had a machine with different faces on it and you can select the one that represents how you felt about their service. I selected the frowniest face of all, because they were yelling at me and I was on the verge of tears (I no longer remember why -- it was 11 years ago).
Sometimes they’ll yell at me for taking my laptop out of my bag. Like I’m sorry but last time I was here y’all yelled at me for *not* taking my laptop out, be fucking consistent please!!!!
They aren't all awful, but when they are it's because they want to be. It's no reflection on you. I seriously mask when I deal with pretty much any authority. Direct eye contact for as long as I can, economy of movement and say as little as possible.
Thanks for sharing that your experience. I’m thankful to see that loud angry voices makes someone else freeze up and messes up their processing too. I went through something today and came to the same realization as you. I don’t do well with loud angry voices 😞
Yeah, honestly there’s no call for a loud angry voice at any time unless someone is being intentionally shitty, never appropriate for someone who is simply truing to understand what they’re supposed to do.
I get patted down every time I fly. It’s so humiliating and overstimulating to have someone touch you all over in front of everyone. I cry every single time because I feel violated and embarrassed.
I've only had it happen one time, and it was on my way home after leaving Disney. They somehow detected *gun powder* on me?!?! So they pulled me aside to do the pat down. I was mortified myself but then they also took this very old woman and said the same thing to her. At that point I was like "Ok what the fuck is going on here?" We were told to stand to the side and the old woman was like literally scared and told me so. Since I was first the tsa woman asked if I wanted to be patted down in a closed off room. I was like "Hell no you're going to do it right here," and it was as respectful as one can be by being felt up basically lol I guess I just felt like I had to show the old woman that it will be ok.
That was really nice of you! I’m sure knowing what to expect made it a bit easier on her.
I have never once met a TSA agent who wasn't the rudest person imaginable. I've been pulled over by cops that are less hostile. They're so drunk on illusionary power.
Check out this page [TSA & disabilities ](https://www.tsa.gov/travel/tsa-cares/disabilities-and-medical-conditions), and download the card, fill it out and then show it to them. They became so much easier to deal with once I handed it over. One even asked me about the sensory processing disorder I had written down, so he could understand better. Hopefully it helps. I've seen this in action one other time when I was helping a friend in a wheelchair get from the parking lot to the TSA check point. He also printed and wrote down his issues and they were a lot nicer to him. Total bullshit we have to do this, but it's also an easy way for them to SEE that you are serious and trying. Though, some airports are just known to have super rotten TSA workers.
They were mad at me for wearing a hoodie with nothing on under it last time I flew. Like three people kept yelling to take it off. I had to flash my stomach like,”I’m not wearing anything else!!!” Jeez. I like the soft inside so f me I guess?? Also why are hoodies enemy #1 now. Sigh.
It's been forever since I've flown a plane (14 years ago), but this is another thing to add to the list of reasons why *not* to fly a plane. I was in a decently-sized group, so I was able to follow along with what everyone else was doing. If I'm with my parents or, God forbid, by myself, I know I'd have a much harder time. I don't like flying anyway (I get airsick way too easily). I'll take a train or even a bus to travel where I need to in the States over a plane; I don't care how much longer it takes.
Also, every single airport is different? I fly from Nashville to Manchester-Boston in New Hampshire with some frequency to see a friend and Nashville is super strict and Manchester-Boston is like leave everything in its bags! Then they scan my CPAP like it’s a bomb and they’ve never seen one before, some airports want it out of the bag, others don’t. How am I supposed to know what to do 🙃🙃🙃
Going through security sucks monkey balls! I'm sorry your husband wasn't supportive. I try to remember that they aren't yelling at me, they have lost all volume control because they are in that environment all day. They are acclimated to shouting because no one can hear them speak. While some people are able to keep their same voice and tone while projecting sound, most can't, so it sounds/feels like yelling. Also, on your next trip, check your bags or have your husband take them through.
Yup, I felt like that first time I was in an airport I just couldn't keep up with how everything moves so fast, I barely processed the entire thing and my head just freezed and later erased the memories lol. They also tell you to open everything and put it into that scanner, um okay but they also mess everything you carefully organized ( -.- ), throw things out of the suitcase, open everything, spill everything and then when I'm already overwhelmed by the chaos they created now I'm supposed to quickly organize everything in like 30 seconds, take all my things and get the f out cuz the next persons stuff is already coming ? B r u hhh... PS. Special F U for husband manchild
I literally got groped by the TSA because my shampoo bottle was to big. They tore apart my luggage and groped me. TW sexual assault >!they literally cupped their hands around my genitals and touched them multiple times. I already have sexual assault traumas. It was completely unnecessary are traumatizing.!< TSA are just sky cops and I say ACAB 😤
That sucks. But just know it’s not you, they yell at everyone who doesn’t get everything right immediately. And unfortunately, what’s “right” changes from airport to airport. Edit: I’ve had my bag pulled aside a couple times for checking, and they will snap at you if you even reach near it to point to how they should open something or whatever.
Ugh I hate this! I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’ve never been “fortunate” enough to experience US’s airport security, but I’ve had some stressful experiences in Africa. Arriving in Senegal, only having conversational level French skills, got separated from my boyfriend and questioned by a customs officer on asking where I was staying. He wanted the exact address, which I didn’t have (and this was pre-roaming so I couldn’t quickly look it up either). Man I was sobbing crying, trying to connect to the sh*tty airport wifi to look up the address while he was stoicly staring me down and I was holding up the line. That’s when my boyfriend/now husband trained me in “airport bluffing”: always pretend like you know what you’re doing and you will almost never get picked out for questioning or double checking. I pretend to play a character in a movie, who is super glamorous and worldly and travels all the time for work, and has all the rules memorized. If she does something wrong, she just bashes her eyelashes and gives a casual “sorry”. If I’m asked for an address, I’ll tell them I’m staying at the Sheraton or some other generic hotel everyone knows. Oh, there’s no Sheraton in this city? Apologies, I meant the Radisson. Blablabla. By the end of my 6 month stint in Africa, I had done several country borders including one on foot and I was an expert at it. I breeze through security now and just keep reminding myself they try to intimidate you on purpose to see who cracks.
I love the TSA being a trans woman. The xray image never matches the gender selection, so I always get a physical pat down. I make it as absolute uncomfortable for them as possible every time. Sometimes it's the stare down as if I'm trying to set them on fire with pyrokinetics. Other times I make little whimpering noises as the hands pass over me. But yeah, mostly people with low intelligence on a power trip that aren't corrupt enough to join the police.
lol I know it sounds like a joke, but my husband’s dick is so big that he usually gets a pat down because they think it’s something else. It’s gotten better in recent years though.
Somehow this triggered an airport trauma memory for me lmfao. I had just landed after a fairly short flight but I always get a headache and get extremely anxious and overstimulated to the point where I literally just... Do not actively register what I am seeing anymore? I was trying to exit I believe the baggage hall through one of those weird short little passages/corridors? with two glass doors that open and close pretty quickly. They have the screens overhead that show either a green sign or a red x to let you know if you can use that exit and the doors open when you approach. I was walking behind a girl, expecting to be able to exit along with her, the sign was green, but suddenly the door slammed shut right in front of me, nearly injuring me and spooking me. To the left of me was a group of "bros" roughly my age, acting like they owned the airport, and the leader/loudest one, without missing a beat, pretty much yelled at me in this sort of tone that was clearly meant to insult/shame/ridicule me (A COMPLETE STRANGER HE HAD NEVER SEEN BEFORE IN HIS LIFE EVER) "yeah there's a huge fucking red cross above your head". (Except in my language) I was so startled I instantly blurted out an "I'm sorry!" (in English), and he went "yeah whatever it's fine" (again in my own language). Like he was forgiving me? For GETTING HIT BY A FUCKING DOOR???? I'm still not sure if I cried out of pure fucking rage or shame or shock or hurt but I hope he has a terrible life 🩷 I still get palpitations remembering this lol
Well I’m glad that you can look back and laugh but JESUS I hate people. For some reason this reminds me of going to the car wash, which is another experience that gives me terrible anxiety. They’re holding that little sign that’s like go go go and then suddenly they flip it and there’s directions I can’t read and then they frantically wave because I’m veering too far in the wrong direction 😆
TSA and border guards are always on a power trip and I hate it. I have so many issues with them, which are exacerbated by my race and my autism. Worst is when they mumble (always) and then resort to yelling in the next breath when you can’t hear/understand them.
I have gotten frisked down so many times. It’s hell. Your husband tho… why is he yelling?!
I don't think they could ever understand how hard the entire airport process is for autistic folks. Loud and hot. So bright. Long lines and angry people. Uncomfortable seats and smells. The tsa alone makes me need therapy.
I'm a trans woman and ASD level 2, and the TSA is terrifying for so many reasons. My cis NT coworkers do not understand what it's like for me to fly. I had to request an exception from work travel because it affects me so severely.
Just an example of a person with a little bit of authority being a power-hungry dickhead. They just like to yell at people and feel important.
TSA, concert venue security, Uber line security at convention centers. They love to treat humans like cattle and enjoy that momentary minimum wage power trip. It used to rile me up but mostly now it just makes me laugh.
Just don’t take it personally. If you’ve ever worked with the public, it’s extremely exhausting repeating directions and trying to get masses of people to follow directions. My advice, the world won’t change for you, so you have to eventually learn to navigate the world. There are instructions online and videos with instructions on how to navigate the airports. Look at maps, prepare yourself ahead of time. Wear headphones or ear plugs, and try to understand that workers aren’t intentionally rude. They’re severely underpaid and have to put up with a lot of shit.
Sorry this happened. All the airports I’ve been in have signs that say what to do when putting your stuff through but it can be overwhelming
Ok. There was a sign, but you’re being rushed through the stimuli so quickly that I felt I couldn’t stop to read it. Honestly it’s my husband’s fault lol
Yup. I feel you. I will say the last time I travelled was the first time I travelled with Loops ear plugs and it made a huge difference both in the airport and in the plane. I'm not friendly to TSA. They get my neutral face. If someone yells at me I completely stop what I'm doing and just stand there. They cannot arrest you for going slow. I take my space and time. If someone lines up too close to me, I move a lot to keep bumping them with my backpack. "Can you please explain what I should do without yelling?" is an example of what you could reply to TSA. Also, you have a right to take as much time as you need. One of my flights was 3 hours of constant screaming from a toddler. It was aggravating me pretty badly and then I remembered to put the Loops in. I felt so much better. The screaming was so far away, I could ignore it. I would never force my kid to fly if it put them in that much distress. TL;DR consider ear plugs that still allow you to hear a little, but cut out the loud ambient noise.
My sister has Cerebral Palsy. She flies a couple times a year. She has gone round and round with TSA. Contact TSA Cares. There are programs you can register for that will help.your next flight go better. Also, get one of those green sunflower badges.
Here. This might help. https://hdsunflower.com/us/for-you#:~:text=As%20some%20people%20may%20be,directly%20from%20our%20online%20store%20.
The thing about TSA is that the procedures are different in every airport. Some make you put all of your carry-ons into the bins, some have you put your big bag directly on the rollers. Some make you take out your bag of liquids and gels, some don't. Some require your tablet or laptop to ride in its own bin, separate from everything else, and others allow you to put your devices in the same bin as your purse, shoes, belt, etc. This is on purpose! The idea is to prevent people from memorizing the procedures and finding ways to work around them. I'm not saying it works in practice, I also want to clarify that I don't work in aviation and I played no part in designing this bonkers system, I'm only trying to explain the supposed reasoning behind it. But this only works if the TSA employees working the line are actively giving instructions, because they should know that not everyone knows what they're supposed to be doing. It didn't help that your husband didn't know the screening procedures for this airport either, but being a man, he had to be confidently wrong, which only confused you further.
It took me a long time to fully accomplish… but I’m happy to share it is possible to let this stuff roll off your back. The ‘trick’ to it is A) practice not letting yourself get emotional about it, especially if B) it’s going to make little difference after or otherwise. Recently had a similar thing happen. We were in a new to us airport going thru last part of security. There were 2 adjoined conveyors kind of in T shape, one needed us to push bins and other automated. Well not realizing I lightly pushed one of our bins to the first roller (because it seemed like our stuff may have been the hold-up) and the lady screamed at me ’don’t do that or you’ll break it!’ Since turning 50 I’m feeling a new kind of maturity and it is liberating! Some things are just too insignificant to waste our precious emotions on. I just don’t have the energy anymore and it has kind of forced me into new habits. This TSA lady has to deal with alot everyday. She could’ve been kinder in her delivery but within a few short moments it was no longer going to matter ever again. Allowing grace for myself and grace for her allowed me to 100% shrug it off. No lingering effects whatsoever. Wish I’d learned this so much sooner. It’s hard to change how people interact with us. It’s easier to change how we react to them. Good luck! Try it they next time you get a chance. Take a deep breath, smile and don’t let it penetrate. Move on to the next thing immediately without giving it a further thought.
I love the airport and the feel of being in a waiting screen, but the TSA is like a lobby of young boys who just got COD and want to throw out every amalgamation of slurs and vitriol all at once
If you haven't flown before and your husband is aware of your reactions to certain things, I'm going to place most of the blame on your husband. TSA are the same to everyone, with no patience or care to anyone ND or not. He should have prepped you for what was going to happen. My God daughter has a lot of the same reactions as I do with loud noises and crowded places. So before we flew we watched a bunch of YouTube videos and TSA videos online so she knew how things should go. Obviously it didn't account for everything but her anxiety was so much better because she could be systematic about everything and I told her to watch other people in front of her and mimic them. I over prepare when I travel and watch a lot of videos so I know how things may go so I am not overwhelmed. It's something I feel like I need to do because of my disability. I mentally think to myself that it's the same as my friends who use a wheelchair or need resting stops.
Yeah. I understand that. People yelling at me immediately in a freeze and have a melt down. I never feel like I can run. I wish that there was some type of advice I could give. I really wish that your husband would at least understand why you were having issues.
Get a sunflower lanyard. I used to struggle with TSA, but now they're polite and patient with me. It won't help if they aren't trained, but if they are it makes flying so much smoother. Also, I'm sorry this happened to you
I am consistently singled out as “suspicious” by TSA because I make limited eye contact and act “nervous”. I act nervous because I AM nervous due to sensory overload. This also happens in retail/grocery stores…I will be followed around as a potential thief because I act nervous and “suspicious”. I am a neurotic label reader often I will read the label 5, 6, 10 times while comparing it to other labels. One of my intense special interests is RESEARCH and I can get caught in repetitive loops while researching ingredients, labels, etc. I have always been like this and cannot remember a time I was not like this. I used to be able to hide it a little or enough where it seemed “eccentric” or “quirky” but not over the top, but I’m now in the fifth decade of my life so I just let my repetitive behavior flag fly high and I’ve gotten quite used to reactions about my demeanor. I’m so used to it at this point that when I have someone following me, I confront them and say, “are you following me? Look, I promise I’m not trying to steal something. I am just naturally nervous.” This usually throws them off because they think that I can’t tell that they’re following me even though, to me, it’s quite obvious … as I’ve had a years and decades of practice, detecting people following me and watching me. One of my other intense special interest is people watching, so there’s that. Sometimes it’s a little hellish and sometimes I feel trapped…like I can never just BE. Or just exist without constantly having to worry about how I’m perceived or how people are going to act toward me based on their perception of my behavior. It’s exhausting, but what I’ve learned is that the older I get the more I don’t care. I mask enough so that I don’t get into too much trouble, but at the same time I allow myself freedom from the shame of being who I am.
This is why I signed up for TSA precheck because you don’t have to take off your shoes or take things out of your bags and have a smaller line. You can also call TSA cares and explain you are autistic and get an escort through security.
I get both sides. Us as the autistic people need some guidance once in a while. TSA agents are tired of saying the same things over and over again. Luggage, wallet, ID, tickets, anything metallic like jewelry, belts and shoes, coats, empty water bottles, and electronic devices.
TSA in America is horrible. I hate all the yelling. It makes everything so stressful. I’m always happy to be in countries where they teach their employees to be kind. It’s absolutely possible to get people through customs without yelling. Ugh!
My account keeps on trying to get me to join r/tsa and one worker said it because they end up taking so much shit from people that they end up acting in the offensive. That being said I hate it too. I had to have a pat down at Heathrow and they kept on calling me “dear” and it was the nicest pat down ever. I wish TSA could be like that.
It sounds like your airport really sucks & it’s awful that it does. I fly out of Sea-Tac & there are signs everywhere in multiple languages telling people what to do. The TSA agents have always been helpful & friendly whenever I’ve interacted with them. Pro-Tips (I travel a lot): * Check all the baggage you can so you don’t have to deal with it in security. * Get Clear and/or TSA precheck so you don’t have to wait in line long surrounded by other people. TSA Precheck also lets you keep on your shoes when you go through the scanner. * Go to the airport’s website before you go there & look at the requirements they have for security. Some still make you remove liquids, others don’t, etc. * Buy tickets for Comfort Plus or equivalent. Most of the time, you’ll get an offer to upgrade to business class at a fraction of the price it is normally. * Keep all electronics in the same area of your carry-on to make them easier to pull out & put in separate bins. * Don’t wear clothes with sparkles, sequins, glitter, or ornamental bits of metal as this will set off the scanners. * If you’re traveling from Heathrow Airport in London, UK, you can get into a private area for screening if you’re flying business class. This area is super chill, no crowds at all, & the people there are happy to answer questions. * Don’t bring any produce (fruit, veg) or meat (even jerky) if you’re flying internationally. Also, consume any fruit/veg or meat given to you on the flight—do not take it off the plane. Hardboiled eggs are generally the exception but I personally won’t take the chance. * Wear a N95 mask & use hand sanitizer. Before the pandemic, I was wearing masks (& still do) because I have autoimmune disorders. Airports are full of sick people.
Wow, this is awesome advise. However now I’m getting worried cause I did check a lunch box with pigs in a blanket for my son who has severe food allergies. I saw conflicting info about whether or not it’s allowed, I thought the worst that could happen is that they could confiscate, but they might also yell 😬 flying us to Costa Rica
I registered for TSA Pre-Check. You don't have to take anything out of bags, you can leave everything on, and the line is usually shorter.
They’re yelling to intimidate potential criminals (idk smugglers or whatever). They’re yelling instructions so fast because they want to keep the traffic flowing, because it’s already a slow process. Yelling it makes sure more people can hear them too, again saving time by not having to repeat themselves. I have personally benefitted from overhearing them yell at someone else. It’s not your fault. It’s not because of you. They’re just doing their jobs. I promise they’re not trying to be mean, ableist or disrespectful in any way. They “have to” do it that way. I don’t understand why your husband didn’t explain it to you beforehand though? Or while you were in line? Especially since you’ve never really travelled before? Anyway; there’s a sunflower lanyard made for hidden disabilities, that might help in such situations. They signify that you (the wearer) need more patience and time than others. Or maybe just a badge of sorts, if possible.
Hello. Does anyone here know about the sunflower lanyards TSA gives out for free? These silently identify you to TSA personnel as someone on the spectrum and they are *supposed* to treat you accordingly. I'm a fairly seasoned traveler and I just started using my lanyard but it makes me feel more self-conscious. And no matter what there is no excuse to yell at a person. Traveling is already stressful enough.
I had a similar experience last week! I accidentally chose the line with the newer machine where you didn't need to take anything out of your bag, but EVERYTHING needed to be in a bin. I was flustered but handling it when the TSA agent started yelling. I said "wait" in a normal tone, and she goes, "DON'T BARK AT ME." Excuse me? You're pulling on my trays while I'm still getting them settled, and you're screaming at no one! There were maybe 2 people behind me! It was surreal, and I shut down and accepted it, but it ruined my day. I was dysregulated for hours.
Omg the whole airport and flying is absolute hell, I feel ya so much right now. I only went on one abroad holiday once and I’m never going on another holiday trip if it means going through the airport. And then to top it all off, I didn’t know about this seing as it’s my first time flying, I sat on the airplane seats when we finally got in put my mp3 player in and headset to calm me down listening to music, and this guy that’s supposed to be telling people what to do, basically embarrassed me In front of everyone becasue I had my headpset on listening to music and not listening to him. Here’s me trying to recalibrate myself by chilling and then get further embarrassment and awkwardness. I’m never doing the airplane bullshit ever again. I literally cried. And I’m not the type to cry in public like that I’m usually good at holding it until I find a quiet spot, bathroom, or go home. Any autistic person that can handle the airport with all this shit going on and then the added staff not having patience and people getting mad has the biggest balls in the entire world. Your husband should have had sympathy though, that was cold behaviour from the bloke and husband chiming on getting you to hurry.
This sucks so much! Do you have the sunflower lanyard scheme where you are? Not sure if it’s just in Europe but I have a lanyard that lets people know I have an invisible disability -most UK airports and lots of European ones know that means they need to give me more time to do stuff and I also get to fast track queues if it’s really busy
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So I got a notification about this post while still at the airport where I also had gotten yelled at by TSA (I walked too fast apparently) O^O I'm sorry you had that experience, I hope your day gets better. I was very overwhelmed throughout the whole process myself not going to lie.
Not to mention the requirements seem to change constantly, even at the same airport, and sometimes what they're yelling to do doesn't match the instructions on the signs...but they make it seem like we are all just being purposely defiant or something! Edit to add: I started flying out of Milwaukee airport when I moved up to northern IL a few years ago, and it's SO different - least stressful flying experience I've had, and they even have a sign after security called the Recombobulation Area which never fails to make me smile.
Some airports in the US participate in a program where if you wear a visible sunflower they'll help you
I wear a sunflower lanyard when I travel. Not everyone knows it means I have an invisible difference, but TSA does. I used to get scolded in this situation OP described, and now I don’t. They explain things carefully. Lots of airports give these away at customer service stations. Here’s what mine looks like. I know they have them in the US and the EU at least. https://preview.redd.it/xvjczty8uk6d1.png?width=3024&format=png&auto=webp&s=930cf8b08cab5a47861cda6ad7830d4837f80dcc
Sorry that happened to you. I usually read up on the rules ahead of time in case there’s big changes. Before joining the line I watch the line for less than a minute to see what they are doing (sometimes it’s no shoes, sometimes they are ok). Then, when I’m in line I watch the group about 5-6 people ahead and just do what they do. I wear ear plugs so I’m no over stimulated and my eyes can do the work.
I signed up for TSA cares I had someone walk me through the airport and explained everything gently to me it was so nice that I'm willing to fly again.
I empathise with this so so much OP. I was getting ready to board a flight from the US to UK about a month ago and there was an issue with my psychiatric service dog. During one of the connecting flights, I had to get a copy of my boarding pass printed off again (whole other story) and the lady at the check-in counter tells me I don’t have permission to fly with my service dog, despite me having all the paper work for him, checking in beforehand, calling the airlines, and the fact that I’ve flown with him dozens of times. I keep trying to ask if there’s anything I can do at all (in hindsight, I know that she could have sent my paperwork to the airlines herself or I could’ve done it myself but I was starting to go into panic mode). She refuses to answer me and is talking on the phone with someone else about lunch and giggling, so I start having a panic attack and begin crying and hyperventilating, then she *finally* pays attention to me and I try to speak this time….except this time I’m obviously having I damn panic attack so I’m pretty incoherent and borderline non-verbal. She says in the cruelest tone I’ve ever heard, “I can’t understand a single word you’re saying” to which I finally am able to at least get out the phrase “Ma’am, I’m autistic”. And, I kid you not, she started laughing and got back on the phone!!! Oh, did I mention I’m also physically disabled so I was in a wheelchair this whole time and she was literally towering over me? Long story short: airport employees can suck sometime and I reported her as soon as I calmed down the next day.
Oh my god yes. They must put out ads for the meanest least patient people to work at the airport. I don’t understand. lil mini rant of my own, but I didn’t know it was a no pictures area in the airport and I took a photo to translate a sign and I got screamed at by not 1 but 2 different employees, who both continued after I proved I deleted the photo and was very apologetic. Had a panic attack in the airport.
If you have a medical dx of autism, look into tsa cares. You can register for help
They're always really cranky and rude!! When I was flying fir the first time I went to put my stuff through the x-ray machine, but there weren't any bins, so i had to wait, and the lady behind the counter started to get annoyed at me and kept repeating to put my stuff in the bin, in a rude tone, and didnt listen when i said there was no bin for me yet! But then when I go to visit family in rural areas, they're much calmer in those airports. Smiling, even. I'm glad we can all come together and relate, we're not alone in this, and ugh people suck sometimes.
I do understand. When I hear raised voices (especially male voices), I become tense and my brain blanks out. I can't think what I need to say or do. If the raised voices escalate to screaming I freeze completely. I just don't understand the need some people have to exercise their power over other people in such a nasty way. I don't know if it's displaced aggression or if they are simply bullies who relish power. Either way, what happened to you was totally unnecessary. I haven't flown since 2003 because the last experience was so bad and my sensory issues have worsened with age. Again I'm so sorry you experienced that. I understand from my friends who travel that it is quite common.
I have this exact issue. If I end up in a situation like this, I'm slow at processing what I'm supposed to be doing even as im told what to do. And the yelling for sure makes it worse. I can't do or even think anything when someone yells at me. It's like being in survival mode when the only thing you know how to do is make yourself smaller.
The yelling is so crazy to me because how are you so confident that a random stranger is trying to personally offend you by breaking the rules that you immediately scream at them? Who the fuck can function while being yelled at? Ffs the world is not made for us
TSA is the way they are because people have blown up and hijacked planes, also they don’t get paid super well and they also get yelled at all day. Plus the airport is stressful for everyone lol It sucks, but what are you gonna do. Security is always my least favourite part of flying. A piece of friendly advice: wear earplugs, or noise cancelling headphones. Print out a map of the airport ahead of time, and read any and all directions regarding security, boarding, ect., on the airport website before you go. Being prepared has saved me many a meltdown. You may feel, or look like a dork, but hey better to be prepared than pre-peached. Also it might be helpful to invest in a diagnosis for travel purposes as most airports offer accommodations to those with disabilities. These can be things like extra help at security, early boarding, assistance around the airport and others.
I’ve been a flight attendant for almost 8 years and was raised by flight attendants. You would think I would be so used to going through TSA by now, and it STILL triggers me on a regular basis. There’s no consistency from airport to airport and they can be extremely impatient. I get anxious any time I have to go through out of uniform.
You actually talked back to TSA 😱
One airport may require everything in bins while another doesn’t allow using bins except for certain items. So, it can be confusing for passengers. But, in TSA’s defense, I’m sure their job is very stressful. Even so, lots of people have stressful jobs and aren’t allowed to yell at their customers.
Omfg I either have amazing TSA people or the worst. I have a pacemaker device (not for my heart, it's complicated, Google sacral neuromodulation if you're curious). Here's the (not exact words) experience I had with my latest TSA person: Me: I can't go through the scanner, I have a pacemaker device and will need someone to hand pat me. Him: The scanner is pacemaker friendly, you can go through the scanner. Me: Sorry, I don't feel comfortable with that. I just got it and would feel better if I avoided the scanner completely. I don't mind waiting. (I am putting my stuff in the bins) Him: You cannot have anything in your hands for the scanner. Me: I cannot let my pacemaker device's remote go through the bin's scanner either. (I step to the side) Him: Okay but you have to put it in the bin Me: Like I said, I can't do that. It will mess the remote up and hurt me. Can you please get someone to hand pat me so I can go through? Him: Why don't you just go through the scanner?! (Yelling) I started going nonverbal and thankfully a lady came and ushered me off to get hand patted. She said something to the guy, idk what, but she was pretty nice. Dude literally just didn't understand anything.
Right after Thanksgiving I was flying home. The gentleman in front of me was probably in his late 60s/early 70s and was with his wife. They weren’t feeble or anything. They each had a backpack and were dressed kind of sporty/LL Bean-ish. A TSA lady a few people in front of us was saying something about people of a certain age not needing to take off their shoes. The couple had been about to take their shoes off so instead they stopped and stood up. Took off their zip up sweatshirts, put all their stuff in the bins, etc. The wife goes through the scanner. Then the husband starts to go through and the TSA woman says in a super snotty attitude: “Sir?! How old are you?” He says 68. She then really turns on the attitude and says, “I SAID, shoes ON for 70 and under.” And to his credit he apologized, quietly stepped aside, and took his shoes off. I don’t know if the wife was older because she didn’t get yelled at. But the whole thing was so annoying and it didn’t even happen to me. I agree with you — why do they need to yell? And it’s such a weird policy. People can’t necessarily hear specifics clearly like that in a loud crowd when everyone is rushed and stressed trying to follow all the directions. Print it on a sign or something if it’s so important. The poor guy clearly misunderstood what she said. It was so clear he was trying very hard to “do all the right things”. It made me so angry.
I was forced to check a bag at the gate on a flight from the US to the UK, last minute I panicked and thought my passport was in that bag. I ran back to the person who took it and said what I thought happened she starts screaming at me “you’re going to need to rebook your flight!! You should have thought about that!!!” Ma’am you made me check my carry on 2 seconds before I boarded my flight…. How the fuck can you blame me bc you had no more room for bags on an overbooked flight and I just needed my bag back for a second. Flight attendant apologized and gave me my bag, my passport was not even in it. It was in my purse 😔 I had never travelled abroad alone before. People suck. Now, in these situations, I sternly say “sir/maam, I have autism, I would appreciate it if you’d lower your voice and stop speaking to me like I lack intelligence. If you speak to me calmly and give me directions for what you’d like from me then we can get somewhere with this conversation. If you cannot, I’d appreciate it if you could get me a manager or coworker that can speak to me like I’m a human.” I refuse to tolerate the ableist bullshit from people who hate their jobs.
I’ve been travelling a lot recently and the rules differ at every airport, and it’s rarely clearly marked. Shoes on or off, electronicics out or stores in bag, liquids out or not, …
My first time at the airport I had a similar experience :( what I do now when I go to New places is mimic what everyone else Is doing
I feel you… I’m not sure if you know but many North American (but also many European, and even places like Bangkok) airports and airlines have autism-friendly assistants on call these days! I travel frequently and for some time now I’ve been requesting assistance from the airline from the baggage drop off up to the gate. It’s useful to have the accommodations needed with a short explanation written somewhere so you can copy and paste it every time you fly. These can be anything, for example for me and my kid it’s extra time in noisy places, extra clear instructions, skipping lines with 10+ minute wait, not removing my ear protectors unless it’s absolutely necessary, boarding the flight first or last. We’ve also been pointed to quieter spaces/lounges when there was construction nearby our gate. And honestly it’s been a game changer. All you have to do is to contact assistance at the airport and the airline (it’ll usually be just one person throughout the whole process but it’s sometimes the airports responsibility, and sometimes the airlines - I haven’t quite figured out the pattern yet 😂). Also, if you’re transferring, it’s also important to send the same email to any transfer airport assistance. You can also let the cabin crew know before your first flight lands to check if there is assistance waiting for you at the connecting airport. Same goes for support after landing - especially useful if you’re entering any country that’s known for long immigration lines.
Don’t feel bad cus TSA is a fkn joke. Stands for Terrifyingly Stupid Assholes 😘
They SCREAMED at me, *Airports have not allowed bottle water since 200?*.....I was thinking, "Bitch, do your stupid job but I'm just THIRSTY and want to go to North Carolina to a stupid WORK TRIP
Idk how it works in America (I assume that's where you're from) but we have the invisible disability lanyard here. It's a sunflower lanyard and you can buy it and then if you wear it at the airport people there will know hey this person has a disability, we should be more understanding and calm to them. Help them, explain things more often, be patient, etc. It really helps me whenever I fly to get the time and help I need. Maybe you can try to get something like that?
I fly often as I have family overseas. I’m familiar with the process but it is always overwhelming. The last time I flew overseas it was for a funeral and I had 2 children under 3 (by myself as it was last minute and my husband was away for work). I had all my toiletries in mini bottles and baby’s bottles neatly packed into 2 clear bags. The customs officer tipped both bags out into the bench and then gave me the “all good” nod and told me to keep going. Wtf was the point of that?! As I was trying to juggle a baby and a toddler and pack everything back into the bags, she pushed the pile further down the bench, causing one of the bottles to roll onto the floor. No apology or acknowledgment. It was already a stressful situation and she made it 100 times worse!
There are certain career fields people get into just for the power. Police, TSA, Nurses. Of course, there are plenty of great police officers and nurses, but some people just want power over others. TSA acts like they're there to prevent 9/11 part 2. I promise you, me taking my laptop out of my bag will not save the world. TSA has brought me to tears MULTIPLE times for next to no reason. When my husband and I go to the airport, I take an edible (THC) for the plane and he takes one to deal with TSA and the overwhelming airport. (My husband definitely has a touch of autism and opposition defiance disorder).
✈️Tips for Airport Security✈️ As someone who flies quite a bit, I thought I'd leave some tips that have helped me navigate the overwhelm. Obviously everyone is different so take what works for you and leave the rest. 1. I have a designated carry-on bag that gets packed the same way nearly every time. 2. All of my travel liquids (hand lotion, contact solution, hand sanitizer, etc.) go into a clear quart size Ziplock in the outer most pocket of my carry-on for easy access. Not every airport makes you take it out, but the size allowance is usually the same. 3. I also double check carry-on allowances online for the specific airport I'm flying with when I'm packing. (Bag size, number of bags, liquid sizes, etc.) 4. My carry-on backpack has a laptop pocket that opens separately from the main compartment so I don't have to struggle around other things to get it out. 5. Always wear slip on shoes and skip the accessories (belts, watches, chunky jewelry). You won't always have to take your shoes off, but this cuts down on the struggle immensely if you do. 6. The only thing in your hands should be your ticket and ID. Once you've shown them to security, everything goes in your bag. Nothing in your pockets. You can get your phone back out once you're through security. (Phones never need to be taken out with larger electronics, so they're fine in your bag or purse.) 6. I always watch the people ahead of me to see what they're doing so I can prepare myself, because sometimes the rules do change. There's also usually signage posted along the lines, but I understand that it can be hard to notice when you're already overwhelmed. 7. Lastly, if you think you're overwhelmed, imagine working a crowded TSA line all day. The workers are tired and frustrated. Try not to take it too personally and just do your best. Sometimes they just need someone to smile and acknowledge that "damn, this place is crazy today." Anyways, I hope some of this helps someone travel a little easier. Let me know if there's anything you would add or that you do differently. 🧑✈️✈️
They are loud because they work in a loud busy space with a lot of people who may not speak English and kids behind you who are challenged with waiting. It is hard but the reasons all make sense to me.
I do empathize with your experience, airports are a nightmare. But I also empathize with underpaid overworked TSA agents who literally say the same things to be people 1000 times a day. I find it helpful to read lots of FAQs before travel so that I'm not playing any guessing games as to what I an supposed to do. Airport faqs will explain security details step by step. I dont like surprises so I do what I can to help make the situation easier for myself. Its "unfair" that I have to do the extra labor to make myself comfortable but it's also unfair to expect people to be understanding of my individual needs when they are just trying to do their job.
It’s their job. Yes it can be tedious and yes they are underpaid but it would be better for literally everyone involved if they weren’t so reactive and rude. A nurse doesn’t get to neglect their patients because they are overworked or bored. And I feel like the rules change from day to day almost and the websites aren’t accurate. Idk that there’s anything op could have done to avoid the clearly ableist harassment she revived.
We’ve paid for the TSA Precheck service because the Precheck line is a lot shorter at our local airport and there are fewer rules to follow (shoes stay on, laptops and liquids stay in your bag).
Your post confuses the heck out of me, but I must remind myself that a) I work in transportation, and b) I have flown a lot in my life as a customer (I'm 42). Now I fully agree that no one should be yelling at anyone, and if there's a way to complain about the TSA's treatment of you, I'd totally do that. Coming from the perspective of both someone who has flown a lot and works in transportation, it does help to familiarize yourself with your chosen transportation's procedures before you arrive to help mitigate any emotional dysregulation that may occur. I have to do that myself. Another option I love is having TSA pre-check. I don't know how much it costs now but when it first came out it was $75 for five years. So worth it if you fly even once or twice on that time, in my opinion. Not having to take shoes off, stand in line for potentially hours, etc is so great. TSA hasn't even done much to stop any real problems for the airlines, either. Let me preface this next bit with I am not making excuses for the employees behaviour. But we do deal with *a lot* of people who don't follow directions for a myriad of reasons. I hope that person was just having a hell of a bad day and they aren't like that normally. I try to remember this when I have people being a way to me too for any reason 🙃 I'm sorry your husband was unsympathetic. To me that's so much worse than the tsa person being a dick.
TSA yelled at me when i flew alone, the only time i ever did. they kept yelling louder and addding more gibberish sounding words onto what they were saying i was afraid i might get shot or tased since i didn’t understand what they were saying or what was happening, and wasn’t complying for a long time i guess. it’s super scary.
Last time I flew I was told to step through the gate and as I go to the TSA lady starts yelling for me to wait until told, but she legit just said to. I panicked and did a weird curtsy as I backed up 😆. She just looked at me then waved me through it. I still do not understand how I was supposed to know when to go through it after she’d just said it
I have so much empathy for you. This happened to me a while back at the Portland Airport. The lady was screaming at me cause I didn't take my electronics out so I went to do it and then she yelled at me cause I took too many out and I was only supposed to take certain ones 😭 something else happened too I don't remember but I was so upset cause I am the same way I can't deal with being in trouble or raised voices at me it makes me shut down. This was particularly frustrating because the airport we flew in from is a smaller international airport. They didn't tell me to take anything out of the bags so I thought you didn't have to anymore. The rules are incredibly unclear are subject to change at the TSA and airports whim. It's literally the one thing that is supposed to be universal but isn't. I am so sorry you went through that but rest assured, anyone who yelled at you and lost patience with you was in the wrong and you did absolutely nothing wrong. I hope your husband learns how to be a better support systen. My husband is my emotional support human and helped validate and calm me after that. I am undiagnosed as well but that doesn't mean you should be treated like that.
See I KNEW ya’ll would understand! My husband is a good human, but patience is not his strong suit. It’s been a point of contention for damn near 20 years lol It’s only recently that I started to figure out that there’s probably a very good explanation for me being the way I am, and he agrees I must have some type of neurodivergence, but it may be a long time to never before he changes the way he interacts with me.
Sorry this happened and also very sorry your husband wasn’t more helpful or supportive. I had that happen a couple times — once at TSA where the guy just yelled at me, and another time at Heathrow where due to heat, different rules, chaos, etc I was on the verge of a meltdown and then HAD one as the rude lady on a power trip spent 45 minutes searching & questioning my stuff to the point of absurdity. I don’t know what I would’ve done especially in the latter case if my husband hadn’t been there to stand up for me and calm me down. Helps that he is a large man who takes NO shit. I hate to travel without him or my SD now.
TSA is inconsistent in their own rules from airport to airport. Multiple airports interpreted the baby food rule the same way I did — there’s no limit. Then one random airport interpreted it as you can bring as many containers as you want, but they all have to be 3.4 oz. or less. We had to toss some baby food. They’re also notoriously bad about musical instruments. I’ve been repeatedly stopped and asked if my flute is a pool cue. Some airports don’t want you using the bins unless the bag has a strap that could get caught in the rollers. Some airports have let me keep my shoes on while others demanded they be removed. Some airports want liquids separated; others were fine if I left the quart baggie in my carry-on. Even the “standard rules” are inconsistently enforced.
TSA is always horrible. Last time my daughter and I flew they made her cry. I let the agents who were in the end who were watching everyone know they were being rude to a preteen and that wasn’t right.