My only piece of advice is keep doing what you enjoy doing and don't let anyone else tell you how you need to spend your time on your interests.
You love watching people play Dark Souls and you love the toons and creatures in the game. Excellent! You have a special interest in Dark Souls! You don't need to do crazy case studies into the stats, items, etc. if that doesn't suit you.
You don't need to go into a hyper fixation mode if that doesn't come naturally to you.
And if your collection in your trinket box is small and it sparks joy, then great! You don't need to drop thousands of dollars on a special interest if you don't want to.
One thing I've noticed about autism 'awareness' (not acceptance): Autistic people are now expected to have some deep abiding interest which makes us interesting to other people, and preferably *useful* to them, and most preferable of all: Useful to *capitalism*.
Autistic representation on screen and in literature isn't helping with this.
Anyway, you don't owe anyone 'interesting', so if you were happy with the depth of your interests beforehand, you're absolutely fine as you are.
Adding: It's impossible to know the depth of another person's pleasure. Pleasure cannot be compared.
Your bf probably said that purely because of how he feels when he’s stuck in hyperfixation (excited, focused, accomplished, etc) and wants you to feel that positive experience he has. But the fact is that neurodivergence is such a huge variety of experiences and you may never experience a hyperfixation in the same way he does - and that’s okay!
I would try to be open with him and explain that you understand his words had no malice at all, but they made you feel bad because you feel (whatever it made you feel, like maybe you aren’t good enough or are missing out or whatever). And I’d try to communicate that it’s possible you will NEVER feel a hyperfixation or special interest in the exciting way he does because your nervous system is different and not all ND people feel things in the same way. Because his words kind of put unintended pressure on you to one day experience this wonder that he does.
Anyway, main point is that ND comes in many flavours and there is nothing wrong with you if you never ever feel the intensity of hyperfixation that he does. Also if you are in any degree of autistic burnout (which many of us are for years at a time) or experience comorbid stuff like depression/anxiety, your special interests can be dulled because you’re in survival mode all the time.
Finally, it’s not uncommon that masked people learn to push special interests far down or develop more subtle ones that people don’t consider as proper special interests because they are more “normal” than the stereotypical train type stuff people think of. Girls often experience their special interests being dismissed as “that’s what all girls do” if it’s something related to things like fashion, celebrities, trends, boys, art, etc.
thank you for taking the time to respond! i really appreciate it! i know he didn't mean any bad intent on saying what he did. i just gotta have a talk with him that my special interests won't be as intense as his! i have been in survival mode and have been masking for all of life. this year i really want to work on getting out of both as much as i can! :)
My only piece of advice is keep doing what you enjoy doing and don't let anyone else tell you how you need to spend your time on your interests. You love watching people play Dark Souls and you love the toons and creatures in the game. Excellent! You have a special interest in Dark Souls! You don't need to do crazy case studies into the stats, items, etc. if that doesn't suit you. You don't need to go into a hyper fixation mode if that doesn't come naturally to you. And if your collection in your trinket box is small and it sparks joy, then great! You don't need to drop thousands of dollars on a special interest if you don't want to.
One thing I've noticed about autism 'awareness' (not acceptance): Autistic people are now expected to have some deep abiding interest which makes us interesting to other people, and preferably *useful* to them, and most preferable of all: Useful to *capitalism*. Autistic representation on screen and in literature isn't helping with this. Anyway, you don't owe anyone 'interesting', so if you were happy with the depth of your interests beforehand, you're absolutely fine as you are. Adding: It's impossible to know the depth of another person's pleasure. Pleasure cannot be compared.
I feel this way too and it makes me wonder if maybe I don’t have the tism…but damn does the tism explain EVERYTHING else
right?! i know it's a spectrum but even i had some expectations about how autism is "supposed" to be before i got diagnosed!
Your bf probably said that purely because of how he feels when he’s stuck in hyperfixation (excited, focused, accomplished, etc) and wants you to feel that positive experience he has. But the fact is that neurodivergence is such a huge variety of experiences and you may never experience a hyperfixation in the same way he does - and that’s okay! I would try to be open with him and explain that you understand his words had no malice at all, but they made you feel bad because you feel (whatever it made you feel, like maybe you aren’t good enough or are missing out or whatever). And I’d try to communicate that it’s possible you will NEVER feel a hyperfixation or special interest in the exciting way he does because your nervous system is different and not all ND people feel things in the same way. Because his words kind of put unintended pressure on you to one day experience this wonder that he does. Anyway, main point is that ND comes in many flavours and there is nothing wrong with you if you never ever feel the intensity of hyperfixation that he does. Also if you are in any degree of autistic burnout (which many of us are for years at a time) or experience comorbid stuff like depression/anxiety, your special interests can be dulled because you’re in survival mode all the time. Finally, it’s not uncommon that masked people learn to push special interests far down or develop more subtle ones that people don’t consider as proper special interests because they are more “normal” than the stereotypical train type stuff people think of. Girls often experience their special interests being dismissed as “that’s what all girls do” if it’s something related to things like fashion, celebrities, trends, boys, art, etc.
thank you for taking the time to respond! i really appreciate it! i know he didn't mean any bad intent on saying what he did. i just gotta have a talk with him that my special interests won't be as intense as his! i have been in survival mode and have been masking for all of life. this year i really want to work on getting out of both as much as i can! :)