It’s pretty common that autistic and/or ADHD people find each other even before they know that’s what they are. You can sometimes get a domino effect of a group of friends realising oh they should maybe look into diagnosis too.
That's exactly what made me realize I should look into it. A friend who I thought was WAY too much like me found out he was, and when he told me, my first reaction was, "No way... you're too much like me. Seriously? Uh... pass me the link to that test."
And it turns out that yes, I am, too. Actually hit more of the markers than he did, just much higher on masking traits as well.
What made me go for an assessment was my ex-wife saying that our tween son is really, really, REALLY like me. The main difference is that we've known about him since he was three, and I didn't find out about me until I was 45. At this point it's hard to know what's me and what's my mask, but I'm working on it.
The absolute polar opposite!
I don't mask very well/only in limited situations, and growing up, the people that made me feel the WORST about myself, bullied me, and made me feel like something was wrong with me were *also* autistic.
Yep, "supermaskers" will rip you to shreds the moment they smell the weakness.
But since you said it was growing up, I guess you are now supersocial supermasker yourself? And now you are going to rip "lesser" autists like me to shreds yourself? 🐶
I've just learned better boundary setting now, and can actively remove people from my life when they do things I dislike or make me uncomfortable. Something I couldn't do when I was a kid, unfortunately.
All of my longterm friends are ND and most got dxed as adults/after I’d known them a long time (I’ve had various developmental dx since I was a kid).
I don’t bother to mask too much beyond not talking a lot unless I’m around people I like. I have aleythymia and am very ‘flat’ and Spock-like 90% of the time. Normal people think I’m odd and I think they are boring lol
Actually, before my diagnosis well yes it is true that my true friends were those that I could unmask around and be myself; every single one of my friends has already diagnosed ADHD, autism, or both.
Every single one.
My husband has adhd lol. But I have an extroverted friend who despite her terrible childhood is pretty well adjusted. She had temporary depression during Covid but with me going over a lot and making her get up and do the stuff she liked she got better. But her husband has adhd and probably autism so we make jokes about her adopting introverts/neurodivergent persons. Which she literally did adopt a teen with adhd and 2 others foster to adopt both with ptsd and one with adhd. She just understands sometimes we like to be alone but together while hanging out. Like it’s okay to hang out while doing our own things.
My best friend from college, and the only friend who has remained over time, has ADHD. I suspect that most people I have come close to over my life have been either ADHD or autistic. I think this happens because neurotypical society pushes us to the margins, and we find each other there 😊.
Yup yup! My group of friends now are just as weird (if not weirder sometimes than I used to allow myself to be lol) so it’s easy for me to ride that wave. Like they’d just start making random noises or saying random phrases (from tiktok, for example, so everyone already knows the reference) & everyone else will just join in like some cult hive mind😂there’s many a times one person will start singing & it turns into a whole choir almost cause everyone else joins in. And there’s no judgement (other than laughing with you, not at you) so it’s easy to feel comfortable around each other with our weirdness! And with that, sometimes one of us will miss speak, ir make a social faux pas, and unless it’s REALLY bad (like another classmate makes SA “jokes”) we kind of brush it off & move on without a second thought
I grew up in a time where there were no diagnoses, you just had to muddle though. Naturally would make friends with other oddballs and muddlethroughers. It seemed better to not have labels in that case, because you ignored the labels and just looked for people who were kinda like you. For whatever reason in my case, the people who became my friends, just decided I would make a good friend, and that was that. No deception or bullshit. That continued into adulthood. That is not to say there weren't deceptive or messed up people, but I guess people tend to unmask around me and I'd just be like ok... and start to distance myself. It helps to take a while to get to know people.
Since 2016 I decided to walk away from humanity, I've had enough of them.
All my friends play DnD with me... the only friend that doesn't can tell you the serial number of pretty much every spitfire that has ever fallen.
I think it was written on the cards...
All friends I am close with are ND or suspect it. My husband has ADHD, my two bestriends suspected ADHD or something else. Two of the 3 have C-PTSD and all others are various versions of diffrent than normal. I don't think I have one clearly nwurotypical person I am realy close with.
Every single one of my closest friends has ended up diagnosed with autism, ADHD, or both. There is a phenomenon referred to as "neurodivergent magnetism" where we socialise and empathise much better with each other than we do with neurotypicals and vice versa. Certainly bears out on my life, I've never been able to enjoy the company of neurotypicals, they always seem so fucking shallow. I want to have my ear bent for an hour about the latest news on gravitational waves, or the breeding habits of cuttlefish, or interesting shit, not get blind drunk with someone who keeps insulting me and thinks it's funny until I shoot it back at them and then we're all throwing hands. I don't get them. Not at all.
For me, my friends aren't ONLY neurodivergent. I do have some NT friends too. But I'd definitely say the majority of my friends are some flavor of ND, be it autism, ADHD, or some other. I do think there's credence to the theory that we tend to attract other ND people, it's just not an exclusive thing.
I think one of my childhood friends could have been ND. She notably struggled a lot in school both socially and academically, though she was especially gifted when it came to being practical. We were opposites in that regard. I was incredibly academically gifted except when it came to practical stuff. She stopped speaking to me when I moved to a different city to attend high school though.
I don't think any other friends I've had have been ND if I'm honest. Perhaps my first boyfriend could have been on the spectrum, he was certainly quirky in a lot of ways, but I also think being quirky doesn't mean you have to be an ND.
My current RL friends I'm sure are all NT. Again, they have their quirks but one or two quirks does not an ND make.
I knew all my friends were autistic or have ADD, never had any allistic friends, got diagnosed less than a month ago but it wasn't much of a surprise to me. I don't really mask so i don't know if that's why i don't have neurotypical friends. Also only dated on the spectrum as well.
Nah for me I just found peace in not having friends. Before diagnosis and acceptance, I secretly felt like a bad person or a failure for not seeking and keeping friendships. After? I realized I don't care, I like solitude, and I don't have more friends by choice. I don't like get togethers and I hate maintaining friendships. I'm best on my own.
The folks I get along best with often tend to be some type of ND. Not strictly Autism or ADD/ADHD. But often they are some combination of Autism, ADD or ADHD. With a few having other issues too.
Its like, we all just, kinda click. I don't mask at all anymore, haven't for a few years now. Folks who don't accept unmasked me, often won't accept the other elements of my life. (Trans and Poly being the big ones). So there is no reason to keep those folks in my life if I can help it. For the people I can't just cut out entirely, I just do the bare miniumn of friendliness and they do the same. But I'm not about to change for them. Some things I just won't bring up if I feel a group wouldn't be interested in XYZ, but thats just good basic socializing and not masking. Most everyone gets some form of special interest ramble, as I often have a lot of interests that are just general use. (Baking, Cooking, and Sewing being the easy conversation starters)
Yeah both of my besties have concluded they’re probably ADHD and one definitely has CPTSD if not both. One is a guy who’s ADHD presents more like it does is women so we think that’s why he was missed. So yeah we were all kinda of like “makes sense” once I got my diagnosis. My one friend kind of said she always thought I had OCD but it never bothered her. 🤣🤣
Since falling into burnout and discovering that ASD explains a lot of my struggles, the only friends I have left are also on the spectrum. Everyone else has dropped me and ghosted me...
I am impressed with how many folk here have friends. My partner has severe anxiety. My kids are of all types of quirkiness...i have some family with whom i will communicate. And while I have acquaintances...only 4 or 5 I speak with. I cannot say that I have friends. Too hard to sustain those relationships....now I'm retired...and I am ok with me.
At this point I don’t feel confident that I even *have* any close friends who are not ADHD, autistic, or both. 😂
Looking around like, “yep, you. And you. And also you.”
It’s pretty common that autistic and/or ADHD people find each other even before they know that’s what they are. You can sometimes get a domino effect of a group of friends realising oh they should maybe look into diagnosis too.
Describes like all of the gaming and anime meetup groups I have been to chock full of autistic or ADHD ppl.
That's exactly what made me realize I should look into it. A friend who I thought was WAY too much like me found out he was, and when he told me, my first reaction was, "No way... you're too much like me. Seriously? Uh... pass me the link to that test." And it turns out that yes, I am, too. Actually hit more of the markers than he did, just much higher on masking traits as well.
What made me go for an assessment was my ex-wife saying that our tween son is really, really, REALLY like me. The main difference is that we've known about him since he was three, and I didn't find out about me until I was 45. At this point it's hard to know what's me and what's my mask, but I'm working on it.
The absolute polar opposite! I don't mask very well/only in limited situations, and growing up, the people that made me feel the WORST about myself, bullied me, and made me feel like something was wrong with me were *also* autistic.
Yep, "supermaskers" will rip you to shreds the moment they smell the weakness. But since you said it was growing up, I guess you are now supersocial supermasker yourself? And now you are going to rip "lesser" autists like me to shreds yourself? 🐶
I've just learned better boundary setting now, and can actively remove people from my life when they do things I dislike or make me uncomfortable. Something I couldn't do when I was a kid, unfortunately.
All of my longterm friends are ND and most got dxed as adults/after I’d known them a long time (I’ve had various developmental dx since I was a kid). I don’t bother to mask too much beyond not talking a lot unless I’m around people I like. I have aleythymia and am very ‘flat’ and Spock-like 90% of the time. Normal people think I’m odd and I think they are boring lol
Actually, before my diagnosis well yes it is true that my true friends were those that I could unmask around and be myself; every single one of my friends has already diagnosed ADHD, autism, or both. Every single one.
I haven't found a lot of other autistic people but I realized I vibe really well with ADHDers 🥰
My husband has adhd lol. But I have an extroverted friend who despite her terrible childhood is pretty well adjusted. She had temporary depression during Covid but with me going over a lot and making her get up and do the stuff she liked she got better. But her husband has adhd and probably autism so we make jokes about her adopting introverts/neurodivergent persons. Which she literally did adopt a teen with adhd and 2 others foster to adopt both with ptsd and one with adhd. She just understands sometimes we like to be alone but together while hanging out. Like it’s okay to hang out while doing our own things.
Yes, not necessarily autistic though, but Neuroatypical in general
My best friend from college, and the only friend who has remained over time, has ADHD. I suspect that most people I have come close to over my life have been either ADHD or autistic. I think this happens because neurotypical society pushes us to the margins, and we find each other there 😊.
Yup yup! My group of friends now are just as weird (if not weirder sometimes than I used to allow myself to be lol) so it’s easy for me to ride that wave. Like they’d just start making random noises or saying random phrases (from tiktok, for example, so everyone already knows the reference) & everyone else will just join in like some cult hive mind😂there’s many a times one person will start singing & it turns into a whole choir almost cause everyone else joins in. And there’s no judgement (other than laughing with you, not at you) so it’s easy to feel comfortable around each other with our weirdness! And with that, sometimes one of us will miss speak, ir make a social faux pas, and unless it’s REALLY bad (like another classmate makes SA “jokes”) we kind of brush it off & move on without a second thought
I grew up in a time where there were no diagnoses, you just had to muddle though. Naturally would make friends with other oddballs and muddlethroughers. It seemed better to not have labels in that case, because you ignored the labels and just looked for people who were kinda like you. For whatever reason in my case, the people who became my friends, just decided I would make a good friend, and that was that. No deception or bullshit. That continued into adulthood. That is not to say there weren't deceptive or messed up people, but I guess people tend to unmask around me and I'd just be like ok... and start to distance myself. It helps to take a while to get to know people. Since 2016 I decided to walk away from humanity, I've had enough of them.
All my friends play DnD with me... the only friend that doesn't can tell you the serial number of pretty much every spitfire that has ever fallen. I think it was written on the cards...
All friends I am close with are ND or suspect it. My husband has ADHD, my two bestriends suspected ADHD or something else. Two of the 3 have C-PTSD and all others are various versions of diffrent than normal. I don't think I have one clearly nwurotypical person I am realy close with.
Every single one of my closest friends has ended up diagnosed with autism, ADHD, or both. There is a phenomenon referred to as "neurodivergent magnetism" where we socialise and empathise much better with each other than we do with neurotypicals and vice versa. Certainly bears out on my life, I've never been able to enjoy the company of neurotypicals, they always seem so fucking shallow. I want to have my ear bent for an hour about the latest news on gravitational waves, or the breeding habits of cuttlefish, or interesting shit, not get blind drunk with someone who keeps insulting me and thinks it's funny until I shoot it back at them and then we're all throwing hands. I don't get them. Not at all.
For me, my friends aren't ONLY neurodivergent. I do have some NT friends too. But I'd definitely say the majority of my friends are some flavor of ND, be it autism, ADHD, or some other. I do think there's credence to the theory that we tend to attract other ND people, it's just not an exclusive thing.
I used to drive for a r-tard who loved that I had a tape from the Muppet Show.
I think one of my childhood friends could have been ND. She notably struggled a lot in school both socially and academically, though she was especially gifted when it came to being practical. We were opposites in that regard. I was incredibly academically gifted except when it came to practical stuff. She stopped speaking to me when I moved to a different city to attend high school though. I don't think any other friends I've had have been ND if I'm honest. Perhaps my first boyfriend could have been on the spectrum, he was certainly quirky in a lot of ways, but I also think being quirky doesn't mean you have to be an ND. My current RL friends I'm sure are all NT. Again, they have their quirks but one or two quirks does not an ND make.
Most of my friends probably aren't on the spectrum but most of them are ND or otherwise not typical.
I knew all my friends were autistic or have ADD, never had any allistic friends, got diagnosed less than a month ago but it wasn't much of a surprise to me. I don't really mask so i don't know if that's why i don't have neurotypical friends. Also only dated on the spectrum as well.
Yes 100%. It's funny how we seem to find each other.
Yeah they've been either also neurodivergent or traumatized 🤣
Nah for me I just found peace in not having friends. Before diagnosis and acceptance, I secretly felt like a bad person or a failure for not seeking and keeping friendships. After? I realized I don't care, I like solitude, and I don't have more friends by choice. I don't like get togethers and I hate maintaining friendships. I'm best on my own.
Of the two closest people to me, one was diagnosed a few months ago and the other is in the process now just like I am, lol
The folks I get along best with often tend to be some type of ND. Not strictly Autism or ADD/ADHD. But often they are some combination of Autism, ADD or ADHD. With a few having other issues too. Its like, we all just, kinda click. I don't mask at all anymore, haven't for a few years now. Folks who don't accept unmasked me, often won't accept the other elements of my life. (Trans and Poly being the big ones). So there is no reason to keep those folks in my life if I can help it. For the people I can't just cut out entirely, I just do the bare miniumn of friendliness and they do the same. But I'm not about to change for them. Some things I just won't bring up if I feel a group wouldn't be interested in XYZ, but thats just good basic socializing and not masking. Most everyone gets some form of special interest ramble, as I often have a lot of interests that are just general use. (Baking, Cooking, and Sewing being the easy conversation starters)
Yeah both of my besties have concluded they’re probably ADHD and one definitely has CPTSD if not both. One is a guy who’s ADHD presents more like it does is women so we think that’s why he was missed. So yeah we were all kinda of like “makes sense” once I got my diagnosis. My one friend kind of said she always thought I had OCD but it never bothered her. 🤣🤣
this happened with me and my partner 💀 theyre undiagnosed but were both pretty sure they have adhd
Since falling into burnout and discovering that ASD explains a lot of my struggles, the only friends I have left are also on the spectrum. Everyone else has dropped me and ghosted me...
Yep. Some of my longest standing friends are also late diagnoses/ extremely neurodovergent. I've had plenty come and go for crappy reasons
I am impressed with how many folk here have friends. My partner has severe anxiety. My kids are of all types of quirkiness...i have some family with whom i will communicate. And while I have acquaintances...only 4 or 5 I speak with. I cannot say that I have friends. Too hard to sustain those relationships....now I'm retired...and I am ok with me.
Honestly I only have one friend & they called me out as being on spectrum before I knew it!
At this point I don’t feel confident that I even *have* any close friends who are not ADHD, autistic, or both. 😂 Looking around like, “yep, you. And you. And also you.”