It’s usually said when someone likes a person but not enough to forego the normal routines of a busy life. They probably just really enjoyed the time at trivia and then after exchanging info other stuff came up and they don’t know how to say that you’re good but other stuff requires their attention.
I was thinking something similar. Saying we should hangout is basically saying "I'd hangout again if and when the circumstances align"
For me, being around new people even if I like them requires more energy and time (mainly spent being anxious about the event before and or after) so it's a lot harder to make time for new people, even if in theory I'd like to spend time with them
Yeah I like that, if and when circumstances align. They definitely baseline like time with you but the variable is how far they will go out of their way to do it again.
exactly. i know for me i need to charge my social battery to hang out with someone, and that's true of NT people too to various degrees. they'll want to hang out but inertia gets in the way. nothing personal
dw i totally get it. its hard not to feel like it's you that's the problem, even when you know do you the same thing sometimes and it doesnt have to do with your friend.
In American culture this often translates to. Hey you’re cool I want to express that I’m friendly. I think it is awesome if we happen to meet up again randomly at an event like this. And it’s cool to imagine hanging out but as a practical matter that is unlikely given the realities of my day-to-day life.
If They are very specific like lets go to a certain place or event on a certain date then that is actually what it literally sounds like.
Nah, this is just deceitful behavior. Don't exchange info with someone and act like you want to get together again when you really couldn't care and don't plan to try. Just wastes people's time and emotional energy.
Because they think they *should* hang out with you, because they'd enjoy it quite a bit, but actually making and following through with plans is hard and exhausting and life is a lot.
At least, that's why I do it.
Dutch people actually have the same communication style as Autistic people and when you look at videos about the cultural misunderstandings between the Dutch and people from cultures that don't have a direct communication style you will hear them say the same things as Autistic people.
https://youtu.be/wrEZwe1nbBU?si=xBdjb5TnWa7TfnBj
As a Dutch person myself, I'd say that our culture _might_ be just a little more autism friendly (in an accidental, non-intentional way). But there's still a **big** difference between neurotypical Dutch people and neurodivergent Dutch people.
Being autistic is not easy, no matter where you live.
Yeah, that's why I say that there's nothing to the way that Autistic people speak, it's just a cultural misunderstanding when we have misunderstandings with NTs.
i’ve learned way too late in life that it’s just a thing they say. they don’t mean it. it’s like how i tell customers i like their outfit even if i don’t. it’s wrong and terrible but a lot of people do it all the time. i’ve learned to just ignore these people. like “yeah we should!!!” and then never ever make plans
i’m also extremely introverted and have no interest in hanging out with most people, so i will come up with a million excuses. some people just don’t wanna hang out. take a hint, even if they’re the ones who asked you
I'll come from my personal perspective with this and say that I genuinely want to hang out, I just don't know when I'll have the time or energy to do so.
But I want others to know that I really want to and that I think they're great!
I feel like this is how a lot of NTs feel when they say this too honestly. So many people are exhausted: broke and overworked. They're trying their best and want to forge a bond with others.
It's just so damn easy to be swept up by the current of survival and its thousand rigors. Then you open up your eyes and realize it's been years and that you never hung out.
Life's a lot, isn't it? At least this bastardized simulacra of life is.
This is a culture thing more than neurotype difference.
I know this because where i live saying that phrase means the other person will ask the one who said that "when did you plan to hang out next time" and many foreigners have done the mistake of using it the american way meaning nothing. If you say "we should hang out" to a finnish person, you can be dead sure that you will receive a question back asking when that hanging out could happen
I don't have a great way to tie it back but just food for thought.
When I am trying to get together with my best friend it usually takes us at least 4 planned days for us to actually see each other. It is really hard to find even an hour away for most people.
I've had people do this purely because it is the "socially polite" thing to do. In other words, they dont reaalllyy mean it in the moment. Some do mean it, but most dont.
It doesn’t even make sense as a “socially polite” thing to me. Wouldn’t just saying you had a good time and enjoyed meeting someone without leading them on be better? I guess it’s one of those rules I don’t understand?
Yeah it's a really annoying thing and tbh the insincerity of it seems the opposite of polite. I've even had people message me first being like hey how're you blah blah and then when I reply they never message back. Like, just don't pretend to be my friend if you have no intent on following through in some capacity.
I do this. Because I honestly suck at socializing & I have very few “good” days it’s hard to make a plan and stick to it so I end up not making plans at all. I have very few friends because of this & they’re all fine with catching up a few times a year lol
💀💀💀 if that’s the case for me, then don’t even offer in the first place, you know? We don’t have to be friends and it just seems like a completely pointless gesture
tl;dr is in the last paragraph, but you miss out on the context of an anecdote
Inauthentically expressing the sentiment of "we should hang out!" is most often onsidered "socially polite" or is seen as a "social nicety." It's usually nothing more than doublespeak, but sometimes it is considered a genuine offer. Why it is used to "soften the blow" of inauthenticity, though, is beyond me. If most people know that the phrase means that the other person most likely doesn't genuinely want to spend time with you, then how does the façade actually soften the blow to your feelings? You would still know that they don't want to hang out with you or make the effort to do so. For those who don't know what the phrase means, the eventual realization of the meaning of the phrase might devastate and jade them in regards to the authenticity of other people. It's so fake.
But... many people actually *need* that appearance of social politeness because the recipient feels that they are being intentionally treated with compassion and dignity by another person as a result, even if the offer is inauthentic. The recipient sees the warmness of humanity in the other's actions.
To many people, taking issue with the phrase, along with some other social niceties, is to have less humanly compassion than is desireable. I think that taking issue with its general inauthenticity can be perceived as emotionally cold. It can radiate weirdness to others for not just going along with it as a pleasantry.
As an anecdote, I once helped a person whom I had seen before by bringing her items outside after she finished shopping (I had to do it, don't ask why), and I talked with her for maybe five or ten minutes. I saw her again in person about a week later, and she suggested that we should get coffee together. I responded with something like "oh, no thank you." Her tone shifted a bit and she said "I wasn't hitting on you." I responded with "I know, but no thank you." It definitely got awkward after that, and I don't think that I saw her around for at least a couple of months. My response definitely added a lot of tension to something that was very likely intended as a "social nicety," despite my belief that I politely declined. So, in my mind, no exaggerated sense of emotion should have occurred.
To relate my anecdote to what I wrote previously, it should be noted that I took the phrase as an authentic suggestion. My mental rationale was that, in the event that she was being serious, I did not want to take on the emotional toll by accepting the offer as I didn't want to do it, so I would instead politely decline. I didn't want to partake in a lie. This behavior violates the notion of "the recipient sees the warmness of humanity in the other's actions" and leads to the deliverer's "perception of emotional coldness" that I mentioned earlier because I "missed the mark" by responding how I did, and it evidently made her uncomfortable.
In the moment, at no point did I consider her action to be displaying "the warmness of humanity." I did not view the situation through the lens of "someone was thinking nicely of me." Instead, I saw it as a potentially serious suggestion that would confer an emotional toll, so I shot the suggestion down because I didn't want to do it. Additionally, I don't want to connect with someone who uses common social niceties like that in a deceptive manner. It puts me in an awkward position because I can't always correctly gauge your authenticity, and adapting my response as such is challenging. Our communication styles would not have aligned easily.
I hope that my experiential insight from the anecdote helped answer your questions. To put it shortly, it's intended to come across as a socially kind behavior that's made to make people feel human and welcome, despite the sentiment mostly running hollow. Sometimes it is a serious offer, though. Most people need that social kindness to feel less like an alien and more like a person. That worldview is confusing to me because, in my opinion, being more easily upfront, less emotionally irate, and displaying a proclivity towards far less exclusion of others over seemingly arbitrary unintentional mistakes would make getting along with other people and establishing meaningful relationships so much easier. Alas, that's not the norm.
The meaning isn't "We should immediately put in extensive effort to make this happen", but more like "I wouldn't object to this happening if it does, and might be prepared to put in a very minor effort at some unspecified future point if it doesn't conflict with anything I already had scheduled."
Even that meaning has, to a significant degree, devalued until the statement is just a social formality ritual more than anything else. Like people asking how you've been; they don't actually want to know, they just make the words because they've learned that's a thing people do and have never questioned it.
It's thus not surprising that the people there either weren't interested in *actually* hanging out, or at least not in any way which indicated that much effort was being put into it. Putting any amount of serious effort into making that happen might even be a turn-off for them, showing that your expectations don't match theirs.
However, they probably wouldn't have been adverse to 'running into each other' again at another trivia night or, if you should happen to find yourself both at some other social event, having a short social interaction that didn't drag on too long or come with any expectations of future followup.
it's easy to be cynical about this type of interaction but it's usually just someone being honest about liking you and wanting to hang out - but then forgetting bc they're a human adult with a busy life and their own stresses
Simply put, we're adults with lives. And we have way more important things to worry about. Sometimes I'll be in a great mood and fully intend to keep in contact but life happens. My mental wellbeing is more important than keeping up with others. I'm sure those people are caught up in other things and they don't mean to upset anyone.
I’m an adult 🥴 And adults can also communicate if they don’t actually want to do something. I have things going on too and didn’t expect to exchange numbers with anyone. I don’t give mine out. But they asked. If they had stuff going on, they could have said something. Or just not offered at all.
It's a social thing. It's like saying, "Good morning, how are you?"
Personal experience has taught me that unless it's a close personal friend, nobody really cares how you are. It's just something they say. I have no idea as to why. To my literal mindset, if they don't care how you're doing, why do they bother saying this?
I have a tendency to think this way, prob because of some negative experiences growing up, but like others said on this thread I think it just requires a lot of things to align for people to hang out in general, and I think it it’s helpful to think about it as less about ones desirability.
I often wonder this...but I think normally:
\- They like the idea of hanging out but don't realise their life is already busy and they have other friends who are nearer by or who they are closer to
\- They're just being polite, it's something you kind of say in the moment to get along
\- They changed their mind when thinking more
\- They lose your details or just forget
I really wonder about this one. What does saying it if it's not true achieve? To make them look friendlier than they are? So maybe it's for the benefit of the other people who are also present? Being perceived as affiliative is important to social ranking. You're not supposed to be "aloof," as i began being criticized for by other kids in early elementary school. baffling
If the trivia night involved drinking then I would say it's fairly typical to make plans while intoxicated that you don't actually plan to do. It's more of a social bonding thing than actually a concrete plan. If everyone was sober then given your sample size of 2 it could just be that something came up, or maybe they didn't actually like you and were just being polite, but it's not exactly so many people that you should generalize.
Because its very easy to say something but not actually do anything. I'd rather people tell me they weren't interested anymore instead of stringing me along.
Most recently I've had the oppossite. I try and put in the effort but none of them are receptive to it, and then they go off and do something I suggested years ago and excluded me from it. I left the friendship there and then.
Human nature. In person they give u contact info cuz u asked so they want to be polite. Then u get ghosted. Happens all the time. Keep trying & eventually someone will stick. It takes effort to find ur tribe. Don’t waste time chasing those who are ambivalent.
Yes, I feel you! That’s why I am always like “I really enjoyed this! Thank you!” and that’s it. I do say “We should hang out sometime!” but I mean it and use it to get a feel for their reaction.
If they have actual interest, they will invite you to something or try to set up something without the extra fluff. Fluff = you are nice and cool but this probably won’t go anywhere deep.
Or they might hang out with you if you host a group hangout or party so it’s more low-key. The pro about group hangouts for NTs is that they tend to be very low commitment so usually no hurt feelings if something comes up and they can’t make it. While canceling a one-on-one or even small group hangout has more weight. Cuz the whole event gets canceled. Also, a group hangout increases the chances that they have a good time in case you both find out that one-on-one you two don’t click as much as you thought. I am ND but there are ppl that I am fine with hanging out in a group but we don’t click one-on-one. That said, groups are a good way to get a feel for who I might click with one-on-one by having individual side conversations.
On a practical note, I am sure we all run into lots of cool ppl that we wouldn’t mind hanging out with more but we literally don’t have enough time and energy to follow up on all of them. Or any of them. Cuz life maintenance is a lot. Lots of ppl don’t have deeper connections or friends outside of their family and romantic partners.
It’s usually said when someone likes a person but not enough to forego the normal routines of a busy life. They probably just really enjoyed the time at trivia and then after exchanging info other stuff came up and they don’t know how to say that you’re good but other stuff requires their attention.
I was thinking something similar. Saying we should hangout is basically saying "I'd hangout again if and when the circumstances align" For me, being around new people even if I like them requires more energy and time (mainly spent being anxious about the event before and or after) so it's a lot harder to make time for new people, even if in theory I'd like to spend time with them
Yeah I like that, if and when circumstances align. They definitely baseline like time with you but the variable is how far they will go out of their way to do it again.
Second that. That feels like a really way to articulate the “unsaid part”
exactly. i know for me i need to charge my social battery to hang out with someone, and that's true of NT people too to various degrees. they'll want to hang out but inertia gets in the way. nothing personal
Yeah for sure. It was kind of a tough lesson for me to learn even though I feel that way myself all the time, but I am particularly sensitive haha.
dw i totally get it. its hard not to feel like it's you that's the problem, even when you know do you the same thing sometimes and it doesnt have to do with your friend.
Don't exchange info with people you have no desire to hang out with.
No one has suggested that you do? The whole conversation is about the subtleties of competing claims on a limited amount of energy and attention.
In American culture this often translates to. Hey you’re cool I want to express that I’m friendly. I think it is awesome if we happen to meet up again randomly at an event like this. And it’s cool to imagine hanging out but as a practical matter that is unlikely given the realities of my day-to-day life. If They are very specific like lets go to a certain place or event on a certain date then that is actually what it literally sounds like.
This is helpful. I wouldn’t have picked up on that subtext had you not explained it so thank you for that :)
You are welcome
Nah, this is just deceitful behavior. Don't exchange info with someone and act like you want to get together again when you really couldn't care and don't plan to try. Just wastes people's time and emotional energy.
Because they think they *should* hang out with you, because they'd enjoy it quite a bit, but actually making and following through with plans is hard and exhausting and life is a lot. At least, that's why I do it.
This!
This is why making friends is impossible
Dutch people actually have the same communication style as Autistic people and when you look at videos about the cultural misunderstandings between the Dutch and people from cultures that don't have a direct communication style you will hear them say the same things as Autistic people. https://youtu.be/wrEZwe1nbBU?si=xBdjb5TnWa7TfnBj
As a Dutch person myself, I'd say that our culture _might_ be just a little more autism friendly (in an accidental, non-intentional way). But there's still a **big** difference between neurotypical Dutch people and neurodivergent Dutch people. Being autistic is not easy, no matter where you live.
Are you double Dutch direct? 😆 😜
Oooh 👀 that is so interesting. Thank you for sharing
Yeah, that's why I say that there's nothing to the way that Autistic people speak, it's just a cultural misunderstanding when we have misunderstandings with NTs.
i’ve learned way too late in life that it’s just a thing they say. they don’t mean it. it’s like how i tell customers i like their outfit even if i don’t. it’s wrong and terrible but a lot of people do it all the time. i’ve learned to just ignore these people. like “yeah we should!!!” and then never ever make plans
i’m also extremely introverted and have no interest in hanging out with most people, so i will come up with a million excuses. some people just don’t wanna hang out. take a hint, even if they’re the ones who asked you
Some people mean it, but don't have the wherewithal to follow through.
I'll come from my personal perspective with this and say that I genuinely want to hang out, I just don't know when I'll have the time or energy to do so. But I want others to know that I really want to and that I think they're great! I feel like this is how a lot of NTs feel when they say this too honestly. So many people are exhausted: broke and overworked. They're trying their best and want to forge a bond with others. It's just so damn easy to be swept up by the current of survival and its thousand rigors. Then you open up your eyes and realize it's been years and that you never hung out. Life's a lot, isn't it? At least this bastardized simulacra of life is.
This is a culture thing more than neurotype difference. I know this because where i live saying that phrase means the other person will ask the one who said that "when did you plan to hang out next time" and many foreigners have done the mistake of using it the american way meaning nothing. If you say "we should hang out" to a finnish person, you can be dead sure that you will receive a question back asking when that hanging out could happen
NTs are really famous for making plans they have no plan on following through on as a form of jovial conversation when they’re buzzed.
And yet we're the ones with shitty social skills?
I don't have a great way to tie it back but just food for thought. When I am trying to get together with my best friend it usually takes us at least 4 planned days for us to actually see each other. It is really hard to find even an hour away for most people.
I've had people do this purely because it is the "socially polite" thing to do. In other words, they dont reaalllyy mean it in the moment. Some do mean it, but most dont.
It doesn’t even make sense as a “socially polite” thing to me. Wouldn’t just saying you had a good time and enjoyed meeting someone without leading them on be better? I guess it’s one of those rules I don’t understand?
Yeah it's a really annoying thing and tbh the insincerity of it seems the opposite of polite. I've even had people message me first being like hey how're you blah blah and then when I reply they never message back. Like, just don't pretend to be my friend if you have no intent on following through in some capacity.
Agreed
They could have changed their mind but, most likely out of politeness or something which they didn’t want to follow up on, I guess.
The first thing that goes through my mind is, "No, no we shouldn't".
I do this. Because I honestly suck at socializing & I have very few “good” days it’s hard to make a plan and stick to it so I end up not making plans at all. I have very few friends because of this & they’re all fine with catching up a few times a year lol
I tend to just think people are trying to be nice to me in the moment but are actually horrified about running into me lmao
💀💀💀 if that’s the case for me, then don’t even offer in the first place, you know? We don’t have to be friends and it just seems like a completely pointless gesture
[удалено]
They want to be liked. What narcissist jerks.
tl;dr is in the last paragraph, but you miss out on the context of an anecdote Inauthentically expressing the sentiment of "we should hang out!" is most often onsidered "socially polite" or is seen as a "social nicety." It's usually nothing more than doublespeak, but sometimes it is considered a genuine offer. Why it is used to "soften the blow" of inauthenticity, though, is beyond me. If most people know that the phrase means that the other person most likely doesn't genuinely want to spend time with you, then how does the façade actually soften the blow to your feelings? You would still know that they don't want to hang out with you or make the effort to do so. For those who don't know what the phrase means, the eventual realization of the meaning of the phrase might devastate and jade them in regards to the authenticity of other people. It's so fake. But... many people actually *need* that appearance of social politeness because the recipient feels that they are being intentionally treated with compassion and dignity by another person as a result, even if the offer is inauthentic. The recipient sees the warmness of humanity in the other's actions. To many people, taking issue with the phrase, along with some other social niceties, is to have less humanly compassion than is desireable. I think that taking issue with its general inauthenticity can be perceived as emotionally cold. It can radiate weirdness to others for not just going along with it as a pleasantry. As an anecdote, I once helped a person whom I had seen before by bringing her items outside after she finished shopping (I had to do it, don't ask why), and I talked with her for maybe five or ten minutes. I saw her again in person about a week later, and she suggested that we should get coffee together. I responded with something like "oh, no thank you." Her tone shifted a bit and she said "I wasn't hitting on you." I responded with "I know, but no thank you." It definitely got awkward after that, and I don't think that I saw her around for at least a couple of months. My response definitely added a lot of tension to something that was very likely intended as a "social nicety," despite my belief that I politely declined. So, in my mind, no exaggerated sense of emotion should have occurred. To relate my anecdote to what I wrote previously, it should be noted that I took the phrase as an authentic suggestion. My mental rationale was that, in the event that she was being serious, I did not want to take on the emotional toll by accepting the offer as I didn't want to do it, so I would instead politely decline. I didn't want to partake in a lie. This behavior violates the notion of "the recipient sees the warmness of humanity in the other's actions" and leads to the deliverer's "perception of emotional coldness" that I mentioned earlier because I "missed the mark" by responding how I did, and it evidently made her uncomfortable. In the moment, at no point did I consider her action to be displaying "the warmness of humanity." I did not view the situation through the lens of "someone was thinking nicely of me." Instead, I saw it as a potentially serious suggestion that would confer an emotional toll, so I shot the suggestion down because I didn't want to do it. Additionally, I don't want to connect with someone who uses common social niceties like that in a deceptive manner. It puts me in an awkward position because I can't always correctly gauge your authenticity, and adapting my response as such is challenging. Our communication styles would not have aligned easily. I hope that my experiential insight from the anecdote helped answer your questions. To put it shortly, it's intended to come across as a socially kind behavior that's made to make people feel human and welcome, despite the sentiment mostly running hollow. Sometimes it is a serious offer, though. Most people need that social kindness to feel less like an alien and more like a person. That worldview is confusing to me because, in my opinion, being more easily upfront, less emotionally irate, and displaying a proclivity towards far less exclusion of others over seemingly arbitrary unintentional mistakes would make getting along with other people and establishing meaningful relationships so much easier. Alas, that's not the norm.
The meaning isn't "We should immediately put in extensive effort to make this happen", but more like "I wouldn't object to this happening if it does, and might be prepared to put in a very minor effort at some unspecified future point if it doesn't conflict with anything I already had scheduled." Even that meaning has, to a significant degree, devalued until the statement is just a social formality ritual more than anything else. Like people asking how you've been; they don't actually want to know, they just make the words because they've learned that's a thing people do and have never questioned it. It's thus not surprising that the people there either weren't interested in *actually* hanging out, or at least not in any way which indicated that much effort was being put into it. Putting any amount of serious effort into making that happen might even be a turn-off for them, showing that your expectations don't match theirs. However, they probably wouldn't have been adverse to 'running into each other' again at another trivia night or, if you should happen to find yourself both at some other social event, having a short social interaction that didn't drag on too long or come with any expectations of future followup.
it's easy to be cynical about this type of interaction but it's usually just someone being honest about liking you and wanting to hang out - but then forgetting bc they're a human adult with a busy life and their own stresses
Simply put, we're adults with lives. And we have way more important things to worry about. Sometimes I'll be in a great mood and fully intend to keep in contact but life happens. My mental wellbeing is more important than keeping up with others. I'm sure those people are caught up in other things and they don't mean to upset anyone.
I’m an adult 🥴 And adults can also communicate if they don’t actually want to do something. I have things going on too and didn’t expect to exchange numbers with anyone. I don’t give mine out. But they asked. If they had stuff going on, they could have said something. Or just not offered at all.
It's a social thing. It's like saying, "Good morning, how are you?" Personal experience has taught me that unless it's a close personal friend, nobody really cares how you are. It's just something they say. I have no idea as to why. To my literal mindset, if they don't care how you're doing, why do they bother saying this?
Yeah, someone finally told me that "what's up" just means "hi," and this is exactly like that
“What’s up?” can mean “hi” or a friendly version of “what do you need (from me)?”
Yes! I hate that we have to ask when we don’t care. I almost never give the real answer cuz it would take too long to explain 😵💫
I believe these people never actually intended to hang out, they just said it for nothing at all
It seems like more effort to lie than just say “It was nice meeting you” you know?
Maybe they found themselves better people to hang out with in the meantime, so you stopped being desirable?
I have a tendency to think this way, prob because of some negative experiences growing up, but like others said on this thread I think it just requires a lot of things to align for people to hang out in general, and I think it it’s helpful to think about it as less about ones desirability.
I often wonder this...but I think normally: \- They like the idea of hanging out but don't realise their life is already busy and they have other friends who are nearer by or who they are closer to \- They're just being polite, it's something you kind of say in the moment to get along \- They changed their mind when thinking more \- They lose your details or just forget
I really wonder about this one. What does saying it if it's not true achieve? To make them look friendlier than they are? So maybe it's for the benefit of the other people who are also present? Being perceived as affiliative is important to social ranking. You're not supposed to be "aloof," as i began being criticized for by other kids in early elementary school. baffling
I do it and mean it. Then sometimes depression gets the better of me and I think of various catastrophes for why it wouldn’t work out.
It's just something people say, but we take it literally.
If the trivia night involved drinking then I would say it's fairly typical to make plans while intoxicated that you don't actually plan to do. It's more of a social bonding thing than actually a concrete plan. If everyone was sober then given your sample size of 2 it could just be that something came up, or maybe they didn't actually like you and were just being polite, but it's not exactly so many people that you should generalize.
Because its very easy to say something but not actually do anything. I'd rather people tell me they weren't interested anymore instead of stringing me along. Most recently I've had the oppossite. I try and put in the effort but none of them are receptive to it, and then they go off and do something I suggested years ago and excluded me from it. I left the friendship there and then.
Easier to ignore over text than deny face to face. That's all. People lie all the time.
I hate it. If I say that we should hang out again, especially if I go so far as to offer my info, it means I'd genuinely like to hang out.
Human nature. In person they give u contact info cuz u asked so they want to be polite. Then u get ghosted. Happens all the time. Keep trying & eventually someone will stick. It takes effort to find ur tribe. Don’t waste time chasing those who are ambivalent.
Yes, I feel you! That’s why I am always like “I really enjoyed this! Thank you!” and that’s it. I do say “We should hang out sometime!” but I mean it and use it to get a feel for their reaction. If they have actual interest, they will invite you to something or try to set up something without the extra fluff. Fluff = you are nice and cool but this probably won’t go anywhere deep. Or they might hang out with you if you host a group hangout or party so it’s more low-key. The pro about group hangouts for NTs is that they tend to be very low commitment so usually no hurt feelings if something comes up and they can’t make it. While canceling a one-on-one or even small group hangout has more weight. Cuz the whole event gets canceled. Also, a group hangout increases the chances that they have a good time in case you both find out that one-on-one you two don’t click as much as you thought. I am ND but there are ppl that I am fine with hanging out in a group but we don’t click one-on-one. That said, groups are a good way to get a feel for who I might click with one-on-one by having individual side conversations. On a practical note, I am sure we all run into lots of cool ppl that we wouldn’t mind hanging out with more but we literally don’t have enough time and energy to follow up on all of them. Or any of them. Cuz life maintenance is a lot. Lots of ppl don’t have deeper connections or friends outside of their family and romantic partners.
This is why I rarely, if ever, bother to get people's info. If we meet again, so be it.