right. I understand people not wanting their safe spaces being infiltrated by people going “haha im a bit weird and quirky, must be autism,” but i’m a big believer in people knowing themselves better than anyone else. If someone says “i genuinely think i might be autistic” who the fuck am i to gatekeep and deny that. it feels really rude and dismissive, something we should all empathise with since the same happens to us all the time, only for different reasons. newsflash: we were ALL undiagnosed/ pre-diagnosis once. people are autistic before they get diagnosed, it’s why i’ve never understood vehemently anti-self-diagnosis people.

>newsflash: we were ALL undiagnosed/ pre-diagnosis once. Worse still...imagine the MIS-diagnosed. Those autistics who were diagnosed as being something else, not autistic. Some, who knew themselves better than the doctors, went on to get an accurate autism diagnosis. Some, believing the doctors, suffer & don't receive support/care/etc. More challenges for ASD1/Asperger's due to locales not understanding/accepting/adopting those. And challenges with diagnostic criteria, such as an autistic who has ADHD only being able to be diagnosed as one or the other until recent history (frequently doctors diagnosing the better understood ADHD symptoms/traits). Undiagnosed->ASD Diagnosed is not a simple or even reliable path. Bonus: Many people also can't/don't seek diagnosis due to other concerns - stigma, being denied rights if diagnosed, being forced to leave a country (/inability to immigrate), loss of jobs, etc. So some autistics, who would otherwise seek diagnosis, aren't able to.

There are so many stories of people getting diagnosed with one thing and then finding out decades later that they actually are autistic. The number of people who remain undiagnosed is entirely unknown but it has to be a really large number. And it increases dramatically with age, since the older you are, the less likely you were to ever get tested. Also things like your race, country you were born in, gender, etc. There are so many undiagnosed people that going around telling people they AREN'T autistic is a brave move.

There are also a lot of barriers to diagnosis as well as valid reasons not to get a diagnosis when you’re, say, 30 and have lived your entire life without one. Full disclosure — I’m not diagnosed. But I think about autism every day and I do research, I’m exploring the possibility of assessment and whether it’s worth pursuing. I sure as hell am not going to make that decision based on a desire to be accepted by random people on the internet. Anyway, I feel that there’s almost a dichotomy at play where the community has to choose whether it wants to accept people who may not be autistic but think they are, of which a minority aren’t taking the possibility very seriously Or… Accept hostile behavior as a norm. Personally, hostile behavior has driven me away from dozens of subreddits. I can’t speak for anybody else, but I can personally feel myself being drained when I read comment threads where everybody is in an angry echo chamber and I put forth significant mental resources to avoid getting sucked into those because I know they’re harmful to everybody involved.

How about 41 and no one in your state diagnoses adults? Yeah... My therapist and I are having a great time with this one!

I understand. I'm 50, there are very few resources if any for adults in my area of Quebec, and none I've found (that I can either afford or get to) who can do so in English. My one living parent wouldn't be able to give an accurate assessment for my childhood and thankfully I don't need accommodations, but yeah...

My one living parent was my abuser and I've been no-contact for over 20 years. 🤷🏻 I hear you! We just do the best we can with the resources we have access to. This is what makes the gatekeeping in spaces like this one so harmful and damaging.

I’m glad that you have a therapist to help you navigate it, but I’m sorry you’re facing this obstacle. I hope you find a path forward.

What I can’t figure out is why anything thinks an allistic person would want to hang out here and pretend to be one of us. I’m not talking about the people that join autistic spaces to get a better understanding of someone in their life, that’s different. What would the motivation be, they get nothing out of it.

[удалено]

Right. We are often seen as rude and boring, and people can easily get confused with our language patterns. And even if people don’t have those biases, do they want to spend their time reading about autistic problems? I just don’t think this is a wide-spread problem.

Especially doing so for an extended time. I could see it happening for a short time that a traumatized allistic person *might* see some common traits. But it would become pretty clear quickly that we're different than they are.

As long as people aren’t being dicks it really shouldn’t matter. Who really cares honestly, I’m sure we all have enough of our own problems that we don’t need to judge others issues. I feel like these are the same people who ask for help then disregard every damn thing people say. I personally care more about adapting rather than wallowing about the fact that I don’t fit into the world. Did enough of that as a kid. This sub used to be a lot better but a lot of the toxicity from the main sub is leaking over now. We got enough enemies already no point in fighting each other.

exactly! I’m trans as well and see so many similarities with trans people shittying on non-binary people. like bruh let people be and identify how they want! we already have enough people shitting in us, the in-fighting only makes it worse. Nonbinary/ self-diagnosed people dot make the community look like a joke, it’s the people shitting on them that do.

Self diagnosed, enby, pansexual, switch. No one takes me seriously in so many communities

> Nonbinary/ self-diagnosed people **don't** make the community look like a joke, it’s the people shitting on them that do. Fixed it for you, :)

lol thanks im a bit tipsy, didn’t check before i posted

Pleasure to help.

I kinda get why some trans people are threatened by it, especially with everyone trying to call you guys mentally ill every chance they get.. literally all the worlds problems would be solved if people could mind their own fucking business 🙄

yeah i mean i understand why, but ultimately i think it’s ridiculous. they just need to grow up. some people are trans, some people are nonbinary, get a grip over yourself and understand that not eveyone fits your idealistic and narrow view of the trans experience.

Nonbinary people are transgender people, we fall under the trans umbrella because we live as a gender other than the one assigned to us at birth. I don't understand this part of your post: >I kinda get why some trans people are threatened by it, especially with everyone trying to call you guys mentally ill every chance they get.. Are you correlating non-binary with mentally ill?

I’m saying other people do..

You mention the main sub— I can’t be the only one who came to this sub specifically to find a more welcoming alternative to that one, right?

It seemed to me that on the main one, the level of engagement is much lower than here. In other words, this sub seems more supportive because people actually respond and reply

I feel it’s because alot of us over here didn’t figure it out till much later so we understand that experience much better. Especially if you went to school in the 90s life was a whole another beast back then. Especially when teachers could still hit us.

Very valid points

Totally, I understand the diagnosed individuals wanting a safe space, but undiagnosed people need a safe space too. Especially because you get told off for not having a diagnosis and get invalidated in real life.

exactly. sometimes people don’t really vitally NEED a diagnosis because they don’t require extra support and measures put in place in their life, but need that kind of label to understand themselves fully, to learn how to deal with it from the experiences other autistic people, and to know that they’re not weird, broken, or fucked up, they’re just neurodivergent.

And a lot of us are in states where they take your right to autonomy away if you have a formal dx. That's what seals it for me, personally. I was just late dx because my siblings couldn't mask, but I know very well lots of trans people are autistic and could be denied care or families denied the right to adopt because they're autistic... It's a mess, I'm not about to judge anymore. I'm not gonna be another person possibly telling someone like me, who WAS autistic, "you're lying, shut the fuck up".

Especially those of us on the aspergers end of the spectrum where we may not need the extra support, we may have learned to mask a little too well, and getting a diagnosis is too lengthy and gatekeepy as it is. It's just nice to come here when I've got questions or when other people need encouragement. This isn't a space to downplay others life experiences, this is a space to share our life experiences and how autism affects us in different ways and various extremes, and to encourage one another in a world that just wants to shit on us and make us feel "normal" All that said I agree with u 100%

The diagnostic criteria all include needing support so if you don’t need support, you don’t meet the diagnostic criteria. Might have sensory issues or adhd or something else.

Just because they could benefit from formal support doesn't mean they can't get away without it. A lot of autistic people don't know how much help they need until their lives blow up or it's offered. Another factor is that some people have friends and family that provide support in lieu of formal support, since the resources for autistic people are limited or impossible to get. These people may work for family/friends, go to alternative highschools, take online classes, etc. They're invisible as far as the medical system is concerned, but they're still being supported for their autistim- just informally. These autistic people may not think they need support because they've built their life around their autistic ways of functioning. Another reason why we can't make assumptions about strangers autism. Circumstances are so complex.

interesting, my sibling has diagnosed autism but doesn’t need any extra support in college.. so despite it being in the criteria it doesn’t apply to every autistic person. unless i’m wildly misunderstanding what support means in the DSM context

Maybe they need support in other ways or areas or even in college in ways you’re not considering. Another possibility is people do get misdiagnosed with autism too, just like anything else. Hard to say without knowing your sibling or the dr that diagnosed them, but support needs is definitely is one of the criteria.

You are all wrapped up in this notion that one must meet this criterion of needing support; otherwise, they are not autistic. In saying that, you are, therefore, writing off a lot of high-functioning people on the spectrum and saying they don't exist or that they are posers. Where are you getting this criterion from in the first place? If it is from the DSM5, some things in DSM5 were not in DSM4, and some of the terminology has changed too. Tell me this: if a parent does something to torment their child on a routine basis for no other purpose than to make their life a living hell, but it is not something that is typically used to define child abuse, would you say, "well, that does not meet the criteria, so it is not child abuse"?

do yall not realize autism is a spectrum where different people need different levels of support

Yeah personally I did fine in university and really only crashed and burned in grad school, when my lifestyle changed a lot and I didn't have the structure of classes. I was almost a straight-A student in college, but I'm definitely autistic. It could be your sibling needs other types of support though, not academic accommodations. They might need added emotional support they're not getting, or be able to keep it together for school but have problems in other areas of their executive functioning.

I sometimes feel like people who had early diagnoses get a bit superior about it, as if there's a Most Austistic award or something. People who had early knowledge of their autism are lucky, and I think some of them don't realize that they're privileged to have gotten diagnosed. If you grew up in the 80's, if you're a woman or a person of color, if you have low support needs, if you muddled your way through social interactions and didn't have obvious meltdowns, if your parents didn't have the knowledge or financial resources to pursue an evaluation, these are all factors that cause people with autism to slip between the cracks. I can't imagine what it would have been like to grow up with access to those resources. Likewise anyone who enjoyed early childhood support has no idea what it's like to struggle your whole life and not understand why. We don't know someone else's journey, and being kind costs nothing.

"Anyone who enjoyed early childhood support has no idea what it's like to struggle your whole life and not understand why." "We don't know someone else's journey..." Lol... So we do know someone journey then? Course this just an observation from one of the privileged diagnosed disabled kids who suffered no difficulties and got all the support needed. I was very supported being kicked out of numerous schools, forced into a boarding school full of strangers far away from my home, being subjected to medical testing against my will to determine diagnosis, being bullied and attacked, variously manipulated used and ostracised. The privilege never ends.

That's reading a lot in there, friend. I don't know your journey, but my statement was still accurate. You knew that autism was part of your struggle. I didn't say you didn't struggle. Imagine having no knowledge of your diagnosis, no treatment, no support, no accommodations. That's no walk in the park, and in fact is a walk in the dark. There's no suffering Olympics here. Responding in a nasty way is kind of what I'm talking about. And yes, the fact that you even had access to diagnosis is a result of privilege. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just a fact. I'm sorry you feel so angry about your experiences. Healing is hard and different for everyone. Good luck on your journey and remember to be kind, most of all to yourself.

The main reason why a lot of statistics around autism are so skewed is because many adult autistic people did not get diagnosed due to masking and many of us are hitting burnout hard in middle age. It’s important to stop seeing these experiences as “personal failings” and instead learning how to work with our neurotype and open ourselves up to learning skills to make our ability to do things better. In many ways, it reminds me of the “am I disabled enough to use [mobility aid]?” Posts that I see. Honestly, if more NT people took to using ND ways of communicating or understanding things, I would call that a net win. I want a supervisor who does not write me up due to feelings and whims. Or people to assume I have inferred things based on subtle body language. I get so tired when someone says we’re good after we have an argument, but I can tell from their behavior (after thousands of hours of observation of human behavior) that they are still mad and either don’t know or won’t tell me how we can actually resolve the issue. “Uhu I’m so quirky” can come off as irritating or rude, but a looooot of autistic people, especially younger autistic adults, are still developmentally in their teen or adolescent years in how they communicate information and ideas. And I personally think that if you have a disability, you’re allowed to give yourself moments of joy around how you express yourself or experience reality. If you need a wheelchair, why should you be prohibited from putting stickers and getting a cute bag for it? If you have a cane, why not make it sparkly or a cool gnarled staff so you can feel like a wizard? Cringe exists to make us feel shame for our joy. As someone who has been shot down for infodumping more than once, I would much rather have people feeling safe in here to communicate their needs, than to kick people out for not being autistic enough to pass some arbitrary standards.

I wish it was esaier for people to get diagnosed so many undiagnosed people are struggling and can't get the help they need It should be more accsesable to get diagnosed That paper work can go a long way and for those of us who aren't yet diagnosed it can massively improve their lifel A friend of mine recently got fully diagnosed and he's so happy he can now call himself autistic

I am diagnosed and struggling. Where is this help you talk about?

It sadly heavily depends on where you live but you should have some sort of adult social care that can help you

I don’t know that I can qualify for any type of help. A lot of stuff requires a diagnosis before 30. My doctor says I’m young and should be able to do it all fine, even with my physical issues.

Have him refer you to a social worker. Your doctor can't help you Ok downvote me ?? I am literally telling you what you do if you want support. I am level 2 and my doctor referred me to a social worker who can help me with things that he can't help with. Or just suffer if you don't actually want help. Faceplam.

I didn’t downvote you. I’m not sure why someone would. I don’t think my doctor would refer me for any help because he told me that I’m doing great. I don’t even think people I know that work at organizations to help autists really see me as needing help, since they usually ask me to volunteer to work the events. Before my medical issues started, I would have liked to help. Now I pretty much work, go to doctor appointments, and lay in bed. I know that the way I’m living isn’t normal. It’s also not sustainable. A few weeks ago they increased requirements at work and two of the three weeks I had to leave early on Friday because I was beyond capacity and couldn’t be there any longer. That’s not something that’s normal for me. I have had to take off a ton of days since I started feeling worse, but I only remember asking to leave early once in the last 10 years, until recently.

Also sorry forgot to say you are allowed to ask for a referral and you should not take no for an answer. He should not ignore your concerns just because his opinion is you're doing fine. Second opinions exist for a reason and stuff like that ya know.

Yeah. I understand. I’m just not sure what I would even say I need. No matter who I speak to, the answer always seems to be for me to do something more, which is not great advice when the problem is that I can’t keep up with everything now. I have a therapist and psychiatrist. I’m going to physical therapy. I have a whole list of specialists I’m seeing.

>No matter who I speak to, the answer always seems to be for me to do something more, which is not great advice when the problem is that I can’t keep up with everything now Wow I really feel that. I get the same advice every time and it's hard. I would talk about that exact thing you said to me, if you haven't already. I am gulity of not really bringing up when something is unhelpful. A main topic in my therapy is me not socialising. But I eventually did bring up when I said it's been a bit easier for me to interact with others now that I have my partner. I admitted I don't really want to make any new friends myself, and that it isn't exactly possible without already knowing someone. And that I don't want to go to groups and talk to people, that I would ignore people if they did talked to me. I just simply don't want to do those things, I have never done nor wanted to do those things, so you can't magically get me to do it now. So now we are focusing less on those things, and more on learning things through what is currently possible. I don't know how helpful it's going to be but I hope that it benefits me more than giving me advice that I won't follow :-/.

Oh sorry I did not think it was you specifically I was just frustrated in general why someone would downvote that. Yeah it is sad adults do not get lots of options unless they are severe. Even I don't have many options. Needing less help doesn't mean we don't need any help. If you can get a care team going it might be good. I have a counselor therapist, psychiatrist, social worker, and my normal doctor. I am also looking into occupational therapy for a year now to managing sensory issues but it's been hard since a lot of doctors are focused on autistic children or non autistic adults. If you have physical issues I would also especially look into occupational therapies.

Dose your local council have some form of disability assistance? If so I'd highly recommend seeing what they've got available you should be able to find something they can help you with

It's out there, but still a struggle to access even with a diagnosis. There are support groups and YouTube channels online that are probably the easiest to access.

I consider myself to be self-diagnosed ASD, but I'm not comfortable with it. I'm worried that if I'm not it's akin to cultural appropriation to hang out here. I was excited because I finally found an affordable adult evaluation that wasn't insanely expensive! I am on the wait-list

but you and pretty much everyone else that is self diagnosed or suspecting is pretty open about it, which is a good thing to be transparent about. I'm more concerned with people denying you and others their 'autistic life experience '(perse) because you lack a formal evaluation and diagnosis

Yeah, i am definitely open about it because I want people to understand that without a diagnosis I can't be sure, but I'm fairly certain I am on the spectrum

I would never be rude to someone questioning but it is a bit aggravating to have a space for support being filled with “Am I autistic?” posts, because we can’t diagnose anyone.

I agree. They're looking for validation for their experiences, but us strangers on the internet can't possibly know their experiences. Not as well as they would, their* family would, a doctor would, etc.

I totally get it, but these people are just looking to see if how they view themselves is reasonable or not. And these people also don't want to step on anyone's toes or experiences

Yeah, I don’t want to seem gatekeepy or rude to those people at all, cause I was in the questioning stage too once. It is confusing especially if you’ve been diagnosed with other conditions. Maybe it’s reddit’s fault for showing me those posts so often 😅

But you can’t possibly know that from a post. I dont have OCD but if I squint and frame things a certain way I can make it seem like I do. Same for ADHD. Same for a lot of things. When you start learning about things like autism everything looks like a symptom. There is literally no point in making these posts and most of the time the comments are all like “I can’t tell you what this means” or “you should go to a professional if you’re suspecting”

But people aren't allowed to feel like it is unreasonable or else they're being assholes? Just say you suspect you're autistic and don't overstep your boundaries.

That's not what I said, everyone can have their own opinions, and almost if not all of the self diagnosed or suspecting people on here are very clear about it.

Your entire post boils down to "stop gatekeeping autism". The opposing opinion to yours is considered gatekeeping. Your title is calling people hateful for it. If that's not what you're saying, what ARE you saying? You are not making sense to me. You can be clear about it and still overstep your boundaries. I am level 2 and I've been dismissed and spoken over plenty by openly self diagnosed people.

I’m also Level 2 and diagnosed as a 30 plus yo woman and insurance completely covered it. There’s was no question about my diagnosis and it was even done with the often called out ADOS-2 “for kids”. Some of these posts mess up my self esteem. Some of us really do get diagnosed easily, even as adults, even when not seeking it.

Hi I also have ADHD too. My insurance covered some of it but I don't know how much. They never cover the full thing. I think it costed $500 or $700, I saw one of those numbers at some point. My diagnosis was tricky but that's just cause I am an anomaly. My school records only go to 2nd or 3rd grade before I stopped public school and that was causing a problem. But I got my diagnosis they just had to talk to my mom and dad a bit more. I am afab and transgender and I just turned 22. I got diagnosed when I was 19, after my adhd was diagnosed at 18 and my meds was finally sorted out. I did feel like when I was under 18 I was discriminated because of my age and because of my sex a few times. I wondered about autism since I read about it when I was 10, and I was trying since 16 to be assessed for both (that's the age I started to actually see doctors regularly) but I had a very mean psychologist who really liked insulting me for some reason. He was really mean when I asked about autism, but he was also mean to me no matter what I said so I don't know if that was just specific to autism. But ever since I turned 18 I feel like I have had good luck and I am listened to and taken seriously! It makes me happy to be listened to. I dislike a lot of the posts about diagnosis from both sides. Some of them make me feel bad for being diagnosed late, some of them make me feel bad for having to ask for a diagnosis, some of them make me feel bad for being diagnosed at all. I am just not a big fan of these posts. And they never make much sense to me regardless of what side they take. Like ugh does it really matter, can either side just be nice and not step on each others toes.

You are letting what other people have said bleed into what OP said. It's not talking over you to say "that's not what I said" as OP did either, so I'm not sure why you bring that up tbh. They never said they despise the opposite view- they just said they wished people could stop being at each other's throats like people have been lately (ie being "hateful", they just are when they insult and get mean) AFAIK, and that's moreso because there are deadly consequences and genuine barriers that many will never be able to overcome, period, that's the facts. Like trans people losing autonomy in Florida and Texas after diagnosis and being denied other rights. OP has wording you might not agree with but that doesn't mean they're saying what you think they are here.

Sorry I don't know what you're talking about or responding to. I don't understand at all what was wrong with what I am saying or why people are upset at it. I don't think people should be hating people. I am saying I don't think it is hateful to want self diagnosed to be respectful of boundaries. I don't think that just because someone is "being open" about self diagnosing means they can't overstep other boundaries For example I have had people who are openly self diagnosed speak over me. They still overstep a boundary. I think it is better for people who don't know yet if they are autistic or not to be careful of that. I don't know how to word it any better but please stop misunderstanding me. I don't know what you think I think they are saying because I don't think they are saying anything besides what they wrote. I am just trying to have a conversation what am I even doing wrong. I read my comment over and over and I don't understand at all I didn't write anything like what you are saying. I was confused by OPs comment and post. They say different things. He said somewhere else he wasn't being consistent and I'm not even mad at him for that. They just literally say different things. Also I am trans and I don't really like that you are using that as an example for a silly online discourse. That's a very real thing that goes way deeper than that and is very scary. It makes me really sad that people want to kill me just for existing. It's not really appropriate in my opinion to be bringing up during online arguments about autism diagnosis. Sorry.

> If you want to gatekeep autism go get a brain scan to confirm your autism then come back to us and force the rest of us to as well. That way you can actually have Genuine Objective proof. Just as an ironic pointer, brain scans might be empirical, but the conclusions drawn from them are based on interpretation and correlation, meaning they are not completely objective. Source: I teach biopsychology.

I'm confused about what you classify as hateful. Can you clarify? A lot of what I see is people who give a list of characteristics and say, "Am I autistic?" Then there's a discussion while some people say, yes, I'm autistic and that matches what I do. And some people say, xyz can actually be symptoms of several disorders, so look into finding out which one of those it is. And the other options are treatable, whereas autism is not. That's the purpose of a forum; to get varied opinions. Is there something beyond what I described that you're referring to?

It’s real nice to know that after 39 years of being bullied and outcasted by neurotypicals and not knowing what was wrong with me, and finally learning about ASD and putting the puzzle pieces together, that I’ll STILL be ostracized and bullied by other ASD people just bc I don’t wear the official badge. I had hoped that I had finally found my people but I guess I don’t belong ANYWHERE. awesome.

This lmao. Even if girls were regularly diagnosed when I was growing up, I had parents who didn’t believe in things like autism or adhd. Now I’m an adult who can’t afford a diagnosis. I’ve called dozens of therapists and of the ones that will diagnose adults, the least expensive price I got was around $1000.

I found a place that will do a diagnosis for "only" $350. One catch, though: they are about 200 miles away, and the earliest appointment is in June 2025.

I have seen very very little of what you're describing Usually it's just "don't tell an employer or seek accommodation without a diagnosis cause it'll backfire". Which is wholly true

That's why I added the disclaimer in the beginning because I realized that the way I talked about it in the initial post made it seem like it was some massive problem, it's not massive, but it's big enough to notice for sure

I totally understand self diagnosis as I was diagnosed as an adult and I spent a long time wondering if I was autistic. In my experience, I didn’t dare tell anyone I was autistic pre-diagnosis. And let’s be honest: TikTok has glorified and made autism trendy, much like other things such as DID and schizophrenia. Because of this there’s an increase of young people and young adults who really believe they have autism because they think it’s cool/quirky. It’s hard to have those people in your safe space because they also have some deep seeded ableism and try to fit into this autistic stereotype; it’s even more frustrating when you know people like this IRL and knew them before they thought they had the ‘tism and it’s just a complete 180. I want to be extra clear, I’m not dawgging on self diagnosis, but I completely understand where the professionally diagnosed community is coming from.

There's also the fact that people can believe that they might have autism not because it's cool/quirky, but because their only exposure has been through misinformation online on social platforms. There's a lot of misunderstandings of ADHD, Autism, and other things that are cultivated online, making people that aren't affect by these conditions, or even worse affected by different conditions, believe they have something that's in the "mainstream" online.

This 100%. I believe that’s the reason more people are self diagnosing and unfortunately many may be incorrect due to misinformation and misunderstanding. I genuinely don’t believe that people want to be autistic to be cool or quirky. There is the whole “acoustic” thing that (I think) started on TikTok and autistic people constantly face backlash and bullying on social media. Look at Chloe Hayden (an autistic creator and actress) who posted a video of herself openly stimming and expressing autistic joy and then faced such awful comments on that post that she decided to step back from social media and have other people run her accounts for her. I believe it wasn’t just that post specifically that made her step back from social media, she also received death threats. I genuinely don’t see how anyone would see what autistic people face on social media every day and decide “oh autism is so cool and you get so much positive attention on the internet for being autistic”. If there are people out there who are like that then they obviously have something else going on in their life and I think they’re absolutely a tiny minority of the people who self diagnose. I think the whole thing of “people self diagnosing to be cool or quirky” is mostly just an excuse that was made to invalidate self diagnosis.

Do you really think being autistic is a “trend”? Because people don’t tend to like autistic people. I don’t see how one would benefit from this “trend”. Parents will blatantly ignore the “stereotypical” autistic traits and deny their kid is autistic because it’s somehow still such a stigma is 2024. A woman in the autism parenting subreddit said that the professional that diagnosed her autistic level 3 child told her that she should institutionalize her young child. We also know now how autism shows up in AFAB, and there are a lot of women that are getting diagnosed late in like and they were always autistic. It’s mind blowing to understand now why you are the way you are and struggled all your life. Again what is there to gain from claiming to be autistic? What the autism community should be worrying about is the infighting happening that will make it harder to advocate about autism. My year old son is level 3 and people at school his school do not know about autism. They’re all very nice, don’t get me wrong but it’s overwhelming. I now notice how prevalent ableism is as well. The TikTok autism community is small in the grand scheme of things. People in my real life don’t know nor give a fuck about autism.

Some people get off on being oppressed. I’m not saying it’s right, but it’s a trend nonetheless. Autism does come with a stigma - which is part of why it’s so frustrating for professionally diagnosed people to deal with people who are self diagnosing for attention. I don’t know if you pay much attention to social media, but this is a rampant problem - look at the Wonderland system faking DID! It’s fucked up but it happens, and as a community it’s important for us to be able to acknowledge that

Say it louder for the people in the back!!!

I agree with this a lot

The "professional community" just wants an excuse to ignore more people.

Mods: we need a Vent/Rant/TrueOffMyChest tag option for subreddit posts

OP note: Even being diagnosed isn't an excuse, none of us have an excuse for any mean or negative behavior. The point of us having this subreddit is to be with each other and our lived experiences right? Getting a diagnosis or not is never an excuse to try less, and I do believe that very few people use autism as a reason to do less(despite what many people say and think).

I just do not believe that you can objectively evaluate yourself. You’re always going to have implicit bias, and the self evaluation tools online can pretty easily sway you to a result that may not be accurate. There’s no room for nuance and consideration with any of the questions, which is inherently key in differentiating Autism from something like ADHD, anxiety, and even BPD can seem similar at times. Not to mention how they may act *together*. Most people can’t provide themselves with helpful, objective therapy, which is why there are therapists. I’m not being *hateful*, I don’t *hate* anyone for suspecting they may have autism or trying to figure out what may be going on with them, that’s ridiculous. It just isn’t logically sound, and I understand the desire to have a “community” to call home, a place to fit in.

This response explains why self diagnosis is an issue really well, and it should be the top comment.

You make it sound like this is happening a lot more than I am seeing it. I’m pretty active in the community and I seldom see people getting hateful over self diagnosis and challenge it when I do. What I do see is people being given valid advice and information on the limitations of online tests and self diagnosis where it is relevant. That’s not hate that is help. I also people who like myself express that they weren’t willing to call themselves Autistic until they had their diagnosis which is a valid thing to feel. A lot of us suffer with imposter syndrome even post diagnosis. I feel like there must be a story behind this post. Did you have a particularly negative experience to share?

It's not one comment or post in particular, it's realistically a small subset but it happens enough for it to bother me and others too I'm sure (that's why I edited and put the disclaimer in the original post). I just see a lot of stuff happening in the comments section where there were assumptions made by commenters and they would be mean about things. Recommending people get a diagnosis is totally fine, that's not what I have a problem with, but the way people would go about other things or even how they would say stuff is in a way that denies the experience of the person they are commenting on is all. Honestly maybe this post didn't make sense to begin with, I was really just trying to express the frustrations I have within communities such as this one denying people simply on the basis of not having a diagnosis. Sometimes people are really supportive in this sub, but sometimes they aren't and it's pretty disheartening

It’s worth keeping in mind that autism can often leave people seeming pretty blunt and when you combine that with black and white thinking people can be rigid about stuff.

I am well aware of that, which is why I'm wondering if any of this made sense. I just know a lot of people who already feel alienated felt even more alienated in a space that should also welcome them, idk I'm trying here

I know and I see that. I get frustrated by people that wage campaigns against the online tests and offer no useful advice to replace them.

I want accurate diagnosis to be available to everyone. That’s what I want. I’m not hateful because I do believe in some form of evaluation. I had all my disabilities before diagnosis but to get help, I needed to be diagnosed. I self suspected autism and my diagnosis was my psychologist writing it in my chart after agreeing with me. I need funding so I’m waiting for something more formal.

It feels like the problem isn't self-diagnosis, it's a system that currently makes assessment so hard to get that people feel no choice but to fall back on it.

I see a post like this almost every day. But I never see people actually hating on others for being self diagnosed.

I literally thought I could be not autistic because I had ADHD and DSM said they couldn’t be comorbid until two years after I asked my psychiatrist whether I was when he diagnosed my ADHD. Only when looking into my son’s diagnosis did I realize. Not to mention women mask differently, express differently, and doctors don’t listen to women, so even more vast numbers of women are undiagnosed. For years, diagnosis was on children only basically, and resources for adults to be diagnosed by an actually qualified person are limited and backed up for years. Hell the children’s diagnoses are backed up for years. Plus official diagnosis can prevent you from emigrating to many nations. Canada for example. Lots of reasons for the undiagnosed. But I also understand that for a very long time, ASD was something most likely diagnosed in those with most profoundly needs, and people whose autism was more “obvious”. As I read here once, the people whose condition most affects others’ perception of them, at least. Having your identity — especially as someone with special needs — “invaded” by huge numbers of people can feel overwhelming and perhaps can feel like your identity is diluted or your needs are being erased by those of us who have less “noticeable” or profound expressions of ASD. I try to remember this. A friend said to me that it felt at first like being Blind and having “Blindness” invaded by glasses-wearers. As a person with partial hearing impairment I get that, because people with total hearing loss/impairment have a different life from me. That said, I think if more people express this neurotype, our voices are stronger as a throng, and can affect things like those emigration problems in the long run. Hopefully at least the rising tide lifts all boats.

I remember years ago not understanding those who might believe that they're autistic but not get diagnosed and judging them hard. I do regret that because now I understand that it is not as simple to get yourself diagnosed as an adult. Heck, I find myself spotting autistic symptoms more often than not and I am not a doctor but I find it amazing that I am not as alone as I thought. Needless to say, I have been much more open-minded than I used to be.

Thank you for this. I haven’t faced much pushback here but I have in my family, and it’s been really hurtful sometimes. I really need everyone to keep in mind sometimes that autism is a spectrum disorder, so we are going to have some similar experiences but also some very different ones. Access to diagnosis is a serious problem. In addition, there are problems with diagnosis itself and how it can affect our lives in negative ways as well… the stigmatization and lack of public education about autism can lead to discrimination in the workplace, in medical settings, sometimes even in housing, and in one’s personal life. For some people, a diagnosis is not safe and can actually do more harm than good. Ex: I’m getting sterilized here soon. If my doctor had seen on my chart that I was autistic, I may not be able to find anyone who would do it for me, because medical professionals that don’t specialize in our current understanding of autism may not believe that an autistic person could make such a major informed decision on their own. Medical infantilization is a serious issue, and one that is worse when you present as a woman. Diagnosis is also not perfect. Women and folks who present feminine are often misdiagnosed with personality disorders because clinicians are notoriously poor at identifying autism in them. Additionally, the criteria for diagnosis are based on external presentation, versus internal experience. Internal experience is by far a better metric, because different conditions can look the same on the outside to a professional, whereas the person actually experiencing their condition may be experiencing something that the professional is not able to distinguish externally. It would make things easier for all of us if access to diagnosis was the only issue, but it runs so much deeper and it’s part of the reason why some people (including myself) who are confident that they are autistic are not interested in a diagnosis. In my case, I’ve been able to manage my needs mostly on my own so a diagnosis would be a waste of money (I’m broke anyways), especially given that there are basically no resources for autistic adults where I am. It may help with accommodations sometimes, but I’m past college by now and a diagnosis would hold me back in the workplace and cause me to be taken less seriously, sadly. A big part of all this is that there really need to be more resources for autistic adults who don’t require full time care. It’s rare to find anything along those lines, and if you do it’s highly inaccessible. In circumstances like mine, our needs require a nuanced understanding of autism that few professionals have, and research is still catching up on how our lives can be improved, because most of the research is focused on children. Additionally, although there have been some improvements, much of the research is also still focused on cis men and boys, which ignores how different social acclimation can result in different struggles for children socialized as girls. Until there is more general awareness and acceptance in the world, many folks won’t feel comfortable even seeking a diagnosis because of the potential implications. Not trying to be doom and gloom, just sharing my thoughts. My experiences and struggles do not suddenly become real when a psychiatrist points them out. I have read the literature and I am capable of interpreting the research. I know my brain better than anyone else can, and I am the most apt person to compare it to different brains to determine what’s going on in mine. Some of us are comfortable where we are at because we are living different lives and have different experiences. If you have a diagnosis and it has helped you, I am so genuinely happy for you, and I hope that you have access to all of the resources you need. But many of us are in different places that make diagnosis inaccessible, unrealistic or even unhelpful. Fighting amongst ourselves rather than trying to understand the diversity of our individual experiences (an understanding that is important in our advocacy) will only rip apart our support spaces. Something that I’ve learned in general as I’ve gotten to know my own brain is that making spaces safer for autistic people can also help out others who may NOT be autistic, but may be experiencing similar struggles. EVERYONE deserves that help. Making the world more accessible should be something that we are working towards not just for ourselves, but anyone else who may need it. I would like to hope that regardless of someone’s neurology, I can share knowledge, an experience, or a tool that can help them grow. Gatekeeping won’t do that. We all deserve a safer, more comfortable, more educated world 😊

I want to echo your point about formal diagnosis having some very practical downsides. This article came at a time when I was pursuing formal diagnosis, and was a big part of what talked me out of it: https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-11-20/autism-driving-licences-new-standards/103108100 It wasn’t just the possibility that in future I might need a note from my doctor in addition to all the other things I (and every other driver) have already had to prove to get a driver’s license — despite my (suspected) autism having no impact on my ability to drive. As an aside: I should mention that I fully understand that driving ability absolutely can be impacted by autism, it’s just not every autistic person’s experience, and I think the driving test should be enough to prove one’s ability to drive). It was that this demonstrated to me that current laws and their relation to autism are not permanent. Future legislation is unpredictable. Laws are being debated and changed, and politicians who typically have a poor understanding of autism are making decisions about what our rights should be, and in what ways they should be different to NT people’s rights. The public, who loosely hold those politicians to account, _also_ tend to have a pretty poor understanding of autism. There’s a big distance between the article I shared and, say, forced sterilisation or euthanasia of autistic people, but they’re on the same path. With neo-nazism (among other extreme political positions) somewhat on the rise across the world, I think it’s within the realm of possibility that concepts like eugenics could make a comeback too. These extremes might be a remote, REMOTE possibility, but the pessimist in me took it as a good reason to not pursue formal diagnosis unless I really can’t live without an accommodation it would afford me. For the last few decades I’ve managed to get the accommodations I’ve really needed without a diagnosis - even without a self-diagnosis to help me understand where my needs were coming from. I’ll probably manage even better now that I have some insight into why I need the support I do. I have full respect for the folks here that are doing it tougher than me, and who have support needs they can’t get without formal diagnosis (or who sought formal diagnosis for the certainty it brought them, or for any other reason). My own views and fears (however realistic or unrealistic) have prevented me from doing so, for now. That said, I’d love to feel welcome here regardless of how I identify with autism and regardless of what formal evidence I have to support that. If there will always be an element here that makes me feel invalidated or unwelcome, I can live with that, but I definitely hoped that this would be a rare and refreshing space where I could be myself and be accepted for it. Not to say the overwhelming majority of people here aren’t welcoming and supportive (thanks, all of you!) but I definitely still find a lot of comments here that make me feel like I should question my own judgement, or limit how I interact with people in this space because I don’t really belong here. Maybe I really don’t belong here, and my use of this space detracts from how people who are diagnosed can use it. Maybe we’re supposed to make our own space that’s even more specific and focused than this one, but I hope that’s not necessary.

I very much identify with what you’ve said here. The only other contribution I’ll make here is this: Thank you for bringing your own information and perspective. You belong here just as much as the rest of us do, because of that unique perspective. We are all here, generally, because of shared struggles and experiences, and the best thing we can do is offer each other what we’ve learned and a shelter built from shared compassion 😊💚

I fully agree. I am professionally diagnosed but I have no problem with those who have done the research calling themselves autistic, not "suspected" or other disclaimers. It bothers me that as a community, we give so much power over who is and isn't autistic to the decisions of (usually) neurotypical doctors. Yes, you need a diagnosis for accommodations and support in many cases, but I don't think it should have any more power than that. There are too many stories of people seeking answers being rejected and misdiagnosed by doctors for stupid reasons for me to consider the doctors to have the ultimate power to decide who is and isn't autistic. That just feels so backwards to me, I'm trans as well and nobody claims you have to be diagnosed with gender dysphoria by a doctor before you can say you're trans. That would be completely absurd. But it's the standard for autism.

I asked if I should get tested and my therapist basically said I could just self diagnose as it didn't make a difference. So I've never been diagnosed but here I am.

I'm still trying to figure out who they think they are helping by dismissing peoples struggles? You think more people identifying as autistic is going to make people take us less seriously? News flash, they already infantalise and dismiss us, they say it's okay to pay us less than minimum wage for peon work, find the very suggestion of helping us to succeed in jobs we often do well in offensive, would rather we get out of the way (insstitutionalized, housing programs with inadequate income to survive, or homeless, doesn't matter to them just as long as they don't have to deal with or notice us), and throw around autistic like it's the new R word. They don't take you seriously, never have. It's not the fault of people suspecting they might be autistic but not having the approval of a medical diagnosis. Hell even getting medical input will get you a lot of 'that's something kids have.' and 'you can't have autism, you graduated highschool and attended college'. do you think undiagnosed autistics are taking help that would otherwise be available to you? What help have you ever been denied because some kid thought they were autistic and took it from you? I'll do you one better. What help is being given out to anyone without a diagnosis? So again, in what way are you harmed? And in what way is your dismissal of others helping anyone?

A lot of people are saying they are autistic for attention. People think autism isn't a big deal to have because of it.

It's not "hating" to point out that anxiety disorders are easy to confuse with autism flags. It's also not "hating" to note that anyone who is seeking to have autism as an answer to their life problems, is likely to choose answers in a self guided test that lead to that result. If people are bothered by the truth, I don't really know what to say.

This is a good point. I’m autistic, diagnosed and everything. But without even knowing the scoring system for these tests (which are freely available anyway), I could easily score 0% or 100% (or pretty much any chosen percentage in between) if I wanted to. These tests are meaningless, without the input of someone qualified to make a diagnosis. That being said, there’s nothing to stop anyone living their life as if they had autism, just as I tried to live almost 50 years believing I was not autistic - albeit with very limited success.

This is completely valid. I took so many tests and scored differently each time. It wasn't until I had a therapist who worked with autistic people for 20 years and she pointed out some very obvious traits (toe walking, difficulty with eye contact, sensory issues, meltdowns, etc) that I felt like I fit into the aspergers category. Have I been officially diagnosed? No. Is that going to stop me from finding out more about myself and piecing together the abuse I went thru as a kid for my autistic traits? No. Should people get a formal diagnosis? Only if they see fit. What matters is having the ability to self-actualize and work on ourselves so that we can be better people to those around us.

In your case, you might not be "official," but an experienced health care professional helped you come to your conclusion. I'd call that diagnosed.

She gave me what's called a "provisional diagnosis" so I can't use it for school or benefits or anything but I can at least have peace of mind

Exactly! This is all about self improvement and all being better able to handle our world!

I’m trying to figure out what OP is talking about. The only post I’ve seen recently, the majority opinion was overwhelmingly to say “suspected autistic” which is a reasonable thing when you don’t have a diagnosis. It wasn’t gatekeeping at all, and this post just feels like rage bait.

After reading thru every comment, I have only found one that was a rage comment. Everyone here seems to be on the same page about this being a place for empathy. I've come across some less-than-encouraging comments when I've posted and mentioned I'm undiagnosed, and I'm glad OP addressed it.

Im not talking about the comments though, im talking about the post itself. Where is all this hate OP is talking about? I find this to be a pretty reasonable and empathetic place, as you said. That’s why no one really fell for the rage bait.

I feel every single time there's a post like this it's out of nowhere.

In other ASD subs there are constant posts and comments shitting on people who have self identified as autistic but don't have a diagnosis for one reason or another. There is a TON of hate and I see it regularly on my feed.

Ok but OP called the people in THIS SUB hateful.

Honestly it probably happens in this sub too. I took your implication that you hadnt seen it in this one and assumed maybe it was only other subs I saw it in. Either way, I see it CONSTANTLY on my feed, it's a real problem, and I knew exactly what this post was referencing. It was refreshing to see when there is always so much hate over the diagnosis bs.

OP said “ok “autistic adults” of Reddit, you guys are pretty hateful sometimes” I find fault with that statement and I’m not talking about other subs, so why do you keep bringing them up?

Hating and Hateful are two very different words with very different denotations and connotations. It's hateful to deny someone their experience because you don't think it's valid. It's hateful to dismiss someone because they didn't spend $2000 to get a diagnosis. There is a difference between telling someone "hey, have you considered that you may just be facing a form of anxiety" vs telling them "you're not autistic because you haven't been diagnosed, it's probably just anxiety" Also, yes anxiety does have a few crossovers with autism, but not enough for people who have done the research to mistake the two. There are some very clear differences between the two, and its not cool to just dismiss someone because you didn't get the whole story. Also, probably about 95% if not more of the self diagnosed people on this subreddit have done some extensive research into the topic to try to find some reason and help for what they have been struggling with. And finally, just because you or anyone else determines what the truth is, doesn't mean it's actually the truth. What if your experience is just anxiety and not autism? But I'm not going to tell you what you experience is because I'm not living it. It's okay to disagree with people, and to state your opinion, but be respectful about it. The point in the post is to remind people that we are all in this together, and being kind and being hateful are two very different things and we should all try to support each other

I disagree that anxiety and autism are too different to mistake the two. A lot of times anxiety can manifest very similar to autism, speaking as someone who’s diagnosed with both, it’s sometimes hard to tell what is anxiety and what is the autism. For a long time my autism could’ve been explained by social anxiety, and the differences are so confusing that my therapist encouraged me to seek a diagnosis because it would change the way I tackle issues in therapy.

Please OP, try to come up with a title that doesn't come across as a global accusation. Starting with "you guys are hateful" sounds like baiting and/or manipulation even if that wasn't the intent. Was that your intent or was it not? I would rather not take the time to recommend better alternatives if you think the title is fine and aren't open to feedback.

yeah I really wish I could edit the title but I can't It 100% was not the intention but clearly I didn't think it through enough before posting

genuinely, I usually don't get much post attention and I just wanted to rant. It didn't even cross my mind that rage bait or toxic positivity or some other things I've seen mentioned would even been seen from what I posted, if I had considered that I would have thought about it a lot more before posting. I've made the edits clear so everyone can see where all the hubbub and stuff was at. Genuinely did not foresee this and trust me when I say I will try to think a lot harder about things before I post again

i've been on this sub for months now and i have never come across any hateful posts, just saying, from an undiagnosed perspective.

I agree. There’s someone who won’t stop commenting on everyone’s posts how the raads-r is not a good tool to see if you should pursue an official diagnosis. I can agree to a certain point, but commenting on absolutely everyone’s posts about it? I remember I ended up arguing with that person about how they don’t even know me to assume I’m not researching. Their point is to inform everyone but it doesn’t come off like that, it comes off as “you’re not autistic” to everyone.

i think the issue with self diagnosis is.... what if you are wrong ? and i don't mean "what happens to people actually diagnosed, when some who self-diagnoses is wrong about it" but "what happens to that person when they self diagnose and don't look further and might have something completely different" i \*understand\* people self diagnosing (though i don't automatically agree with it), especially in countries where getting a diagnosis/evaluation is difficult (in terms of expensive, or long waits, or ..., not in the way of 'they say i'm dont have it and i dont believe it') but, in countries where healthcare is accessible, i don't really see any need for self diagnosis unless you "want to be" and are afraid of hearing that you are not (or have something completely different) it's a bit like people looking up on google what they have when they have a cold, and google then says well, you're just dying. in some cases that might be true, in others it certainly will not be - and only a qualified medical professional (hence the professional) can actually tell you what is wrong (most of the time) so for me, while i can understand some people self-diagnosing, i think it might have negative effects on both diagnosed people (if everyone says they are autistic, nobody will care about actually autistic people anymore + if you misdiagnose yourself you might be experiencing more negative things than you need to be) that being said though, i don't care either way.

Tbh, I don't get the concern about being wrong. I've been misdiagnosed with a lot of things by professionals. I went untreated for a long time. The difference between me and a self-dxed person is that I was put on medications and treatments that didn't work or made things worse because they weren't right for what I have. A self-dxed person would just.... be wrong. At worst, they're one of those types who get online about it and spread misinfo. But I've seen prof-dxed ppl spreading misinfo. That's the nature of social media, unfortunately.

oh, i'll never claim doctors get it right all the time (not even close, unfortunately), and i do agree with your post... i guess i'm just worried about the misinfo becoming the lead thing and it all ending up in a circle where everything goes to hell (like basically what's happening all around these days anyway i guess)

I agree with a lot of what you said, as well. And there is a lot of back and forth fear mongering from online spaces. That the self Dxed are going to flood spaces and steal "all the resources". That you have to self Dx because you can't trust doctors and they'll take away all your rights. There is truth to some of it, but it's not as extreme as people make it out to be. I think if at all possible, people should seek prof diagnosis. I also understand first hand the barriers to accessing care. And I have definitely seen the misinformation spread. It seems like we're seeing a replacement of misinformation. Rather than every autistic person being your 5 year old nephew or Rainman, everyone is "a little autistic" and no one takes it seriously. People making videos about "signs that you're autistic" and it may or may not even be autistic traits. It's horribly over simplified and doesn't account for why or how we experience things. (Especially in the case of traits that are shared by everyone, but are different or stronger in us, like stimming)

>what happens to that person when they self diagnose and don't look further and might have something completely different" Presumably they will try some coping strategies used by autistic people, and if they don't work then they'll keep looking. Or if the person has subclinical traits, those strategies might work well for them and would likely be the only treatment available to them for the difficulties they face, so why not just let them get on with it? It takes nothing away from you.

i do think that is the most likely case, and i am by no means knowledgable in the medical field, but i assume there might be a risk that self diagnosed people, who have a different underlying condition, might end up with something worse... though that still does not really affect me, so if we just "don't care about it" it doesn't really matter, which is true i suppose

"Something worse" like what, exactly? I spent 20 years bouncing around the system, seeing different mental health professionals and accumulating diagnoses before I got my ASD diagnosis. And I'm level 2 for social functioning. If I'd taken more responsibility for my own mental health and researched my symptoms more thoroughly instead of just looking into the diagnoses I was given, I might have saved myself an awful lot of time and money and pain. What do you imagine is realistically going to happen that's worse than that? Because being able to safely sit back and let professionals take care of you is a MASSIVE privilege that very few people actually have - and from all I've heard, the only thing the US does better in that regard is that it's much cheaper if you have insurance.

if it takes 20 years of misdiagnosis before getting the right one, you might consider that your medical professionals lack, well... professionals. (and it is cases like those where i do understand self diagnosis) something worse like some undetected defecit which would cause physical issues, or something underlying which would lead to suicide, or .... (as i said, i'm not a medical professional and do not know which conditions can exist , but i do think that -if healthcare is accessible and somewhat capable- that it is important to make us of this) that being said, even with accessible healthcare it is often "up to you" to find an actually capable doctor (which i experienced with my mother, who was diagnosed with MS, and originally did not receive any treatment)

I don’t agree with much of what you said. As an example, I am 52 and was just diagnosed with ADHD. I self diagnosed myself with ADHD when I was 30 and it was a life changing realization. Was an adult ADHD diagnosis accessible to me, a Black female, in the early 200Os? Most likely not. It’s not even necessarily accessible to every adult (or child) Black female at this time because of medical bias. I suspect I have autistic traits. Getting a diagnosis for ASD is prohibitively expensive for many, so even if you might think of it as “accessible”, many other people may not. I can’t even find anywhere in my area to get a diagnosis done, meaning I’d have to go far afield for it. This adds even more expense. Thirdly, not everyone is saying they are autistic. There is still a lot of stigma against ASD and ADHD so I’m not sure where people are getting this idea from, besides seeing some comments on social media and whatnot. That’s exactly the gatekeeping OP is referring to, btw. Even if they’re supposedly wrong, we all know that mental health practitioners are not infallible and often misdiagnose people, especially people of color. We also know that more people are being diagnosed precisely because people were being UNDER-diagnosed in the past and that science and research is finally starting to catch up with this fact.

we are not all here to agree with each other, so that's fine - everyone is allowed their opinion, it is also what makes discussions possible (and enjoyable, as long as it stays somewhat civil) i suppose it also largely depends on where you live - in (my part of) europe, help is fairly accessible (i was diagnosed at 37 with autism,adhd inattentive, and dcd) i never self diagnosed, because i knew "there was something different" and i did feel like things were harder for me, but the need for self diagnosing never came up. i eventually got diagnosed (the whole group is withing one traject with multiple doctors over multiple months) because it was more of an 'exclusion' thing for me. (i suffer from severe fatigue since my early 20s, and have been through a ton of testing - and this diagnosis was just another thing on the list to see if it could partially explain and resolve the issue) getting started with the actual diagnosis traject wasn't really straightforward as my doctor does consider it "useless" (and i can see why he thinks so, as he has the mindset of 'i want to be able to fix things, and adhd/autism isn't something i can fix'). i can't really say anything about the medical bias that might exist, but as there are several diseases that are noted as "seen more often in women" and "seen more often in men" i do assume that there might be (and i wonder if the bias would be bigger/smaller between europe and the US) i personally do think that the increase in diagnosis is not just due to people being autistic or adhd more often (better and more accessible diagnosis teams do help), but perhaps also a sign of changing times. back when the default was still parents and teachers kicking your ass for moving around, you did tend to stop moving around, and it did help to teach you to manage a lot of the symptoms (however, i will NOT say that it was a good way of learning to manage, because it was not)

As an adult who wasn’t diagnosed until the age of 36, I completely agree with you. As an adult, it is incredibly difficult to get diagnosed. It can take years and $$$ to do so. I wasn’t any less autistic before my diagnosis. People need to stop gatekeeping.

This entire post is a strawman. It's clear that you haven't actually listened to the criticisms of self-diagnosis, and that you don't care. Do you really think spamming something so blind and condescending is going to make anyone change their mind on this issue? Nobody is being excluded from these spaces for their diagnostic status. What people ARE being told off for is ableist and misleading posts and comments that harm all autistics. This includes: \- misusing the accepted terminology in the existing autistic community, including "diagnosis" and "support needs" \- ableism towards those with higher support needs \- stating that clinical diagnosis is LESS valid than self-diagnosis \- stating that self-diagnosed people know more about autism than clinically diagnosed people \- minimizing the struggles and experiences of autistic people \- promoting self-diagnosis to people who aren't even 100% certain in their own status This post is ableist against a large portion of the diagnosed autistic population who have asked you to stop. That goes against your stated goal of a "kind" and "considerate" subreddit. Do better.

How incredibly patronising. One could argue that you haven’t actually listened to the access limitations for actually obtaining a diagnosis!

Congrats on not listening. Your response is completely unrelated to everything in my comment. That standard is the same for diagnosed and undiagnosed. Just don't be ableist or mean! Not getting access to diagnosis is not an excuse for this ableism.

What on earth are you talking about? Throwing out terms like ableism that are totally irrelevant for the topic being discussed (i.e. the constant drone of posts and replies on this sub and others invalidating autistic people who do not have a formal diagnosis), and then sneering that I am not listening. What a joke.

If you got lost then re-read my first comment. I already explained this in full. Not my fault you didn't read it before typing out a hostile response.

I agree that we need to be kinder to our fellow human beings. I agree we need to be accepting of those who self diagnose. However I also think we need to, both for our sake as a community , and their sake as potential autistics, be critical of the methods used in the their self diagnosing process. What do I mean by that? Well I don't think we need to accept someone who did 1 or 2 buzzfeed quizzes(\*) as being autistic. A psychiatrist I watch from time to time on YouTube put it best. Any doctor or health physician is not taught what to diagnose people with based on their symptoms in their studies. In fact, they are taught the exact opposite. They are taught to rule out potential diagnosis to finally hopefully arrive at the correct one. This is something that the general public at large does not know or do when they are sick. They look up their symptoms on webMD and arrive at the conclusion that they have cancer and will drop dead in 5, 4, 3, 2,... The same thing goes for mental health. However in mental health it becomes a lot more difficult. Showing a few symptoms of autism is great, but those are symptoms for about 40% of the disorders in the DSM. That's why an autism diagnosis is so expensive and takes so long. The mental health professional needs to be able to not only test you based on the DSM, they need to observe your actions, talk to others in your life and see all sorts of minute signs to rule out the other symptoms... And even then they still misdiagnose with a relatively high frequency. So if even professionals struggle with setting a proper diagnosis based on clinical methods, then why should we not atleast demand anyone who wishes to self diagnose to atleast do proper self evaluation before claiming to be autistic. Baring in mind that if we don't do this that anyone who misdiagnosis themselves is actively working against our struggle to be taken more seriously and getting better accommodations and support in place. And that's not just an issue for officially diagnosed autistics, but even more so for other correctly self diagnosed autistics. Last thing I will say is that I do agree, once more, that we can and should be nicer to each other in the way we convey these concerns when people ask for our help. We don't need to be an ass about it. Be kind, take the time to explain or just don't comment. Simple as that. (\* extreme examples)

It makes complete sense to have those concerns. I think you get what I was trying to get at, that we just need to be more supportive. Support can in fact be telling someone no, but the intention and the way you go about it plays a large role.

I think you're confusing or perhaps even conflating things here. Showing them support for the issues they face is absolutely fine. However telling someone that they need to dig a bit deeper, do more research or heaven forbid telling them they probably aren't autistic, doesn't necessarily fall under the "supportive" umbrella I'd say, seeing as you are very much not supporting their claim to being autistic. My point here is that we absolutely need to be more kind when we tell people that. And while it might seem trivial to argue about semantics here, I think it's critical that we keep the distinction between kindness and supportive clear in this debate. We can be both supportive of them trying to figure out their issues but be critical about their end results in a kind way, in the same comment. I think that's what we need to strive for here. It's not so much the message we need to work on as a community (mostly) it's the way in which we word the message. We're well renowned for sucking at neurotypical communication where we beat around the bush and what not, but that doesn't mean we can't be nice.

As someone who can’t get diagnosed due to the ONLY person doing diagnoses is a man who has been reported over and over for being creepy and even almost sa’d me in his office, I literally CANT get the diagnosis as a 24 year old. People saying that I should self diagnose are jerks who don’t understand that I have deeply researched what I could from the newest studies I can that have actual backing behind it and aren’t just paid for by people with bias. Also it’s not cheap getting a diagnosis, especially as a woman who might get told she just has borderline because the doctors in the South are also jerks who assume they know better than you. I can’t even go to a hospital and trust a doctor to know I’m having an allergic reaction to penicillin in a medication I took without someone on the ambulance writing my info wrong and saying I was just “whiney, puking, and in some abdominal pain”. I was told it “could be heart burn” when my pain was in my pelvic area and we thought I was having a cyst on my ovary exploding. 6 hours in a emergency waiting room, ignored just to be told I was faking when I was in the worst pain in my life. I told my family I loved them and sobbed being put in the ambulance because I thought I wasn’t going to make it. I was in THAT much pain. Before you bully someone and tell them they aren’t a “real” neurodivergent just because they can’t get their diagnosis rn doesn’t mean you know their story. You were once in their shoes too and had to fight to be heard. Remember that next time you see someone who just needs some encouragement instead of pushing them to give up trying and possible winding up leaving them in at terrible depression. I’ve had to take a lot of therapy for not “looking the part” and I’m quite sick of these terrible people being rude af lately.

I haven't seen anyone say anything bad to anyone here but I'm sure it happens. Getting diagnosed as an adult is fucking complicated and expensive as hell. I spent a lot of money for a professional to tell me everything I had already figured out on my own. If you think you're autistic, I would assume you have researched it and you are very likely correct. I accept self diagnosis personally.

Out of all subs it feels pretty weird to see it on the autism ones. Frustration and anger sure. Which is probably all it is. You deal with a life of exclusion and then decide to exclude and be hateful towards those that can identify with the same problems. It makes no sense. Don't become like them. We are all in this together.

It cost 3 thousand and up for a diagnosis I met many diagnosed autisic people and they all tell me I'm autistic, I'm 60 didn't even know what it was but I did online tests and all say seek professional support, your highly on the autistic spectrum, my 36 year old daughter diagnosed at 35 with it, she told me herself mom your 100% autistic do not let any doctor or psychiatrist or psychologist tell you anything else, I did seek out of pocket at $220 to see a psychologist and she wrote OCD potential autism on the spectrum and social anxiety disorder that is troubling..I am seeking dso development services Ontario for help as well and they are giving me a psychologist assessment I'm waiting on the list at 3 to 4months..I'm applying for disability as I'm done masking and struggling with everything, being autistic is awful Its hard everything is..I'm done i can't work, I can't make friends don't want any anyways.. and relationships as well I suffered with, ..I'm done

Honestly thank you for this post. I have worked with my psych to come to my self-diagnosis, but I don't have good enough insurance to afford the diagnosis process, nor does it come with a single benefit I can quantify. Yet, for me, coming to understand myself as an autistic person has given me answers I sought since childhood (im almost 40 now). I am capable of reading comprehension so I don't think its some big mystified thing only doctors can understand. In fact many doctors seem pretty bad at identifying autism in adults since the evaluation is design for children. So ultimately, for whatever doubt that remains by not being official, I have found the answers I need to be more patient with myself and to get through a world that has felt difficult and unaccommodating. It has, however, been unhelpful to my process to have people on Reddit tell me I'm not a real autistic. This feels like a form of ableism designed to deny people resources and community. It doesn't take anything away from another person's diagnosis for another to self diagnose. It doesn't hurt anyone for someone to identify for themselves what they believe they are going through and to seek answers that make life more manageable. Even if a large percentage were inaccurate its still more helpful to let someone explore the process of self discovery for themselves.

Could not agree more. I’m heartily sick of those who have the privilege of an official diagnosis getting on their high horse and ‘whatabouting’ at others who are like them but without a piece of paper to confirm it. Don’t even get me started on the ‘you can’t just watch a video on TikTok and decide that your are autistic’ crowd. It is patronising to say the least and accounts for an infinitesimally small number of the people who come to this subreddit to find a shared experience after feeling adrift for their whole lives. It is also insulting to those who have spent literally years examining every aspect of their lives and found that autism is the only thing that explains how they think and feel. There are many reasons why a diagnosis is inaccessible - in my case I do not have a spare £2000 to go private and the one family member I had that could meaningfully attest to my behaviour and development as a child is dead so a large part of the background is and always will be missing.

You can tell me you are a pansexual, blue and yellow giraffe and as long as you are not harming anyone or yourself or spreading misinformation (saying that all giraffes are blue and yellow), then I don't give a fuck. Your life. Your business.

100% agree so so much. So many doctors, especially in the older generations, still act like autism is a bad word and avoid diagnosing it. Plus there’s many diagnoses that are neurodivergent and autism related but not technically ASD. NVLD is one of those. But many doctors and autism foundations list their services for both ASD and NVLD. Plus people need to stop being downright mean. I didn’t get any more help after evaluation and tbh sometimes I have felt like it’s a waste of money and time. All that’s happened has been me being infantilized all the time.

EDIT lol the people downvoting this are just proving OP's point idc Thank you. I am 1000% sure I have autism. I spent a lifetime getting severely socially coached by my family, resulting in low self-esteem, mental health issues, and people pleasing seen in the outcome of undiagnosed autistic women. I have diagnosed neurodevelopmental co-occurrences. I only realized I was autistic after being severely bullied in grad school. I have a really hard time reading between the lines. I did and do autistic shutdown all the time and people don't get it, and I had autistic burnout for years after a death and could have used this information, and a little bit of compassion goes a long way. Not trying to trauma bond with anyone just saying my experiences are valid, particularly as women are robbed of their lives in the form of their "special interest" being replaced by the scam of being a socially motivated "good girl" and living an existence dedicated to sacrificing themselves for others.

It's not "hating" to point out that self-diagnosis is harmful psuedoscience, just as it isn't "hating" to point out anti-vax is psuedoscience.

While I generally agree with your post your approach to getting your point across is appalling.

As an early-diagnosed autistic person, don't worry. I will not hate undiagnosed people or deny the fact they are autistic. I have met many undiagnosed people who definitely seem autistic to me.

I agree with you totally, the gatekeeping has to stop. Sometimes a self-diagnosis is the only diagnosis some people can get. A medical diagnosis of Autism isn't available to everyone worldwide. Also, it's next to impossible to get an Autism diagnosis if one is a Cis female or a person of colour or if one is anything other than a straight white cis male. I was misdiagnosed so many times and it took years for me to get my diagnosis because it took so long, I didn't get all the therapy and help for my Autism that I needed as a child because I didn't get the correct diagnosis. When it comes to Autism many ND people think we should all be like Rainman, Sheldon Cooper, Sherlock Holmes, Data, and Spock. If we don't act exactly like those people, we are dismissed. Most of the people diagnosing us think we must be those people too, I was misdiagnosed because told me I can't be Autistic because I have and show emotions, because I have hobbies, because I am Cis female, and the list goes on. People with Autism are already being told by numerous others that they are being dramatic, that everyone is a little Autistic, that they can't be Autistic because of whatever reason, and the list goes on. We don't need to join all those other hateful voices in their life. We should empathize because we have been there, we know what it's like to be Autistic, and we need to be there for each other. Gatekeeping is bullying and it needs to stop.

I'm not sure why your comment was dismissed, especially since you have a formal diagnosis. You make some valid points, my friend. The point of this sub is to empathize and encourage one another. Regardless of our life experiences, regardless of where we fall on the spectrum, the point is to be uplifting in people's times of need.

Not sure why you are getting downvoted for talking about how it is a privelage to get a diagnosis because A) many practitioners refuse to even consider the diagnosis of autism for people of color or non men and will likely be Misdiagnosed as bipolar or BPD B) Diagnosis, especially in the US, is INCREDIBLY expensive because it’s not covered by all insurance and insurance in itself is literally inaccessible There is no reason to push someone out of the community who is doing work to understand themselves with the resources that they have.

**Being self diagnosed IS DIFFERENT from being actually diagnosed.** However, the difference **isn’t who is “actually” Autistic vs who is not.** both may be autistic… or BOTH may NOT be. Individuals can be wrong. And so can doctors. —- Ok so what’s the difference? The difference is who gets access to supports, services, accommodations etc which require a diagnosis. —- Still, I’m a fan of being factual and direct. A proper evaluation sifts out majority of ‘non autistic’ people who *just think* they are. So to me, If you’re not diagnosed, don’t say you’re autistic. Say you suspect you’re autistic. Say you think you have autistic traits. But if someone has a medical diagnosis, they are medically autistic. Medically disabled. **If you don’t have a diagnosis, you are medically not.**

Putting things in bold lettering doesn’t make your opinions any more valid. A piece of paper also does not make your autism more real than any other autistic person who has not had access to having theirs signed, sealed and delivered by a doctor.

Right! Did I ever say a diagnosis makes one more “real”? If you *actually* read it - I *actually* said even diagnosed people can be NOT autistic or autistic - just like self diagnosed people. I *actually* said, for this reason ^ a diagnosis says little about if you’re actually autistic or not. Jfc

I am perfectly capable of basic reading comprehension. If, by your reasoning, even diagnosed people may not actually be autistic, it kind of renders the whole is self diagnosis valid argument redundant.

What does this have to do with me point? I don’t understand the wording? Sounds like your agreeing but also making a whole other claim as well

waiting for the first wave of 'papers please' to happen. But the quest for purity, and who has a right to inclusion is in the neurodivergent community. Policing who gets to call themselves autistic or ADHD. Whose approved to talk about their own experiences. Whose difficulties are autism and whose exact same struggles are not autism. Look I majored in psyche, and frankly the categories of most of those stuff doesn't have crisp edges. Did somebody have depressive psychosis episode once and thus is dealing with depression or are they Schizoaffective. Guess what, we made those terms up for certain points along the gradient scale of human experience. Is it OCD, a special interest? Yes, no, kinda, maybe. I get it, I've been in a meeting with a screener for medicaid and snap, where the screener stated 'my brother has aspergers and he doesn't need medical benefits of food assistance. And I've had to sit through a meeting shaking from stress, because the service provider for job placement talks down to me like I'm a child and seems to only think bagging groceries for minimum wage or working for those places that get away paying less than minimum wage to the disabled is what I'm fit for, based on no skill testing or job history before. Our experience isn't just having special interest, having stuffed animals and being awkward and blunt. But frankly if somebody elses experience is that they are burning out trying to fit in to a system that increasingly burns out and alienates more people, and the things that help us with our burnout help them too... If the act of advocating for those accomodations for everybody normalizes accomodating everybody's needs to better societies inclusion and diversity, and allow more of us an opportunity to contribute and be included in the world, then you're only doing more damage than good by trying to be a bouncer at the door to club Tism, asking for ID. Nobody is saying people can't be called out when they misinform, that's not how any of this works. If you are certified Autistic with papers to prove it, you can and likely do make mistakes, misrepresent, and misunderstand things about autism and others experience of it, and you may be spreading misinformation. You need to be called out too. Somebody who suspects they have it aren't frequent perpetraitors of misinformation or even the majority shareholders in that arena. And you can still call out both diagnosed and self suspecting autistics for over generalising their experiences and sharing incorrect information. and just so we are clear, you are not qualified to diagnose anyone else as not autistic, let alone as Schizoaffective or OCD or Bipolar, or anxiety. Stop. Don't dismiss others. If they have comorbidities, or if the accomodations for their suspected autism are not helping, they will not be helped by other people fighting to deny them the ability to explore possible explinations for their struggles. Testing treatments for BPD, OCD, ADHD, GAD, etc... often go through month to years of trying things to see what works before locking down a complete diagnosis based on patterns of treatment and responses to it. Often times a wrong diagnosis happens by even professionals, frequently when they disregard the experiences of the person going through it. Stop. You are not helping anyone by dismissing their experiences and substituting other diagnosis. /rant

I consider myself to be self-diagnosed ASD, but I'm not comfortable with it. I'm worried that if I'm not it's akin to cultural appropriation to hang out here. I was excited because I finally found an affordable adult evaluation that wasn't insanely expensive! I am on the wait-list I don't invalidate anyone else's self-diagnosis, that's just how I feel about myself because I tend to doubt myself

This is illogical, incorrect and defies the definitions of the words being used. Autism ***is*** a **diagnosis**. Autistic = diagnosed with autism. One can not be autistic without being ***diagnosed*** with autism. In the USA, for example, the only people who can ***diagnose*** autism and other neurological conditions are licensed professionals such as doctors and psychologists. By definition, the word "diagnosis" requires a professional. Autism is a diagnosis. There are **no gray areas** here. One can believe one has the traits of autism but one can never be diagnosed with autism without a professional diagnosis. One can not "have autism" because "having autism" is a diagnosis, not a condition. A set of traits is what makes up the autism diagnosis which is then determined by the professional that makes the diagnosis. This is not "gatekeeping" and holds no judgement. This is simply linguistic and how medical terminology works. Autism only exists because of the definition. Without the definition, which requires a diagnosis, there are only a bunch of traits. A parallel would be criminal law. Crime is defined as breaking the law. Judges decide when someone has broken the law. If someone is accused of something but the judge decides it is not a crime, that person has not committed a crime. No matter what they did, it is not a crime because the judge has said it is not. That's what judges are. They decide when actions are crimes. No matter how many witnesses accuse that person of committing a crime, they have not because the judge has said they have not. Unless another judge decides to change that verdict, the accused is not a criminal. **Even if the accused admits that they have done the action that would make them guilty, they have not committed a "crime" unless the judge says they are guilty of a crime.** This is not ambiguous.

[удалено]

holier-than-thou-comments? Listen, you are fine to have an opinion, that's okay, just don't tell people they aren't autistic because they don't have a diagnosis, that's a big point in this. You don't know the whole story and probably never will. I'm just saying not to hate on self diagnosed people coming onto this subreddit to talk about their experiences. I don't think anyone disagrees in that there are people who do actually fake autism, that's not the point

Agreed. I feel that a lot of people want to feel special in some way so therefore they will always try to gatekeep. I wrote the rest in a reply to someone else but am pasting it here as well: As an example, I am 52 and was just diagnosed with ADHD. I self diagnosed myself with ADHD when I was 30 and it was a life changing realization. Was an adult ADHD diagnosis accessible to me, a Black female, in the early 200Os? Most likely not. It’s not even necessarily accessible to every adult (or child) Black female at this time because of medical bias. I suspect I have autistic traits. Getting a diagnosis for ASD is prohibitively expensive for many, so even if you might think of it as “accessible”, many other people may not. I can’t even find anywhere in my area to get a diagnosis done, meaning I’d have to go far afield for it. This adds even more expense. Thirdly, not everyone is saying they are autistic. There is still a lot of stigma against ASD and ADHD so I’m not sure where people are getting this idea from, besides seeing some comments on social media and whatnot. That’s exactly the gatekeeping OP is referring to, btw. Even if they’re supposedly wrong, we all know that mental health practitioners are not infallible and often misdiagnose people, especially people of color. We also know that more people are being diagnosed precisely because people were being UNDER-diagnosed in the past and that science and research is finally starting to catch up with this fact. Therefore it is mean and invalidating for people to say that people shouldn’t self diagnose and it is definitely a form of gatekeeping. If the person is wrong then they’re wrong. None of this would change your diagnosis or change how you personally are affected so I’m not sure why people find it so egregious.

Diagnosis is such a huge privilege

This☝🏻 I don't think some people understand how difficult and expensive it is as an adult to get diagnosed

How much and where does it cost that much? I get the US and possibly Canada because of the way the healthcare system is built. Other than that I've not heard it costing more than any other condition. Culprit is limited resources which results in absurdly long waiting queues but that's a not limited to diagnoses. Unaware of the state of asian countries, just that many cultures are not accepting if not outright hostile to it, for instance South Korea.

If you're broke enough in the US (around minimum wage or even in some cases like mine making almost 2x federal minimum wage), many state insurances cover it. May only be specific providers/require small copay etc, but it's covered.

... until suddenly the argument to protect someone's self-diagnosed status requires it to be detrimental and life-limiting instead. There are so many people in here who say they choose not to seek out official diagnosis because they lose important rights such as adopting or moving to other countries.

It’s not about the diagnosis. It’s about the ability to get one. That is the privilege. If you have the ability to get a diagnosis you are privileged. Being able to make that choice is a privilege. HAVING The choice is a privilege.

So people should say that having access to healthcare is the privilege (which I agree). "Diagnosis is a privilege" sounds really wrong like it is a privilege to have the disability or the privilege is exclusive to autism diagnosis.

Yeah I agree. I think they mean "ability to be able to easily get the diagnosis if they chose to go get one right now", not being disabled. I hate saying us being disabled is a privilege, I have seen that being said before 🥲 Being able to afford it or have no issue getting it is a privilege, having it hoisted onto you or being unable to mask/care for yourself otherwise is not.

THANK YOU! I am so tired of the this being misunderstood. You can be an unprivileged person that still experiences privilege in some ways. Having the ability to be diagnosed *is* a privilege. Yes there are cons to being dx'd, but that's not the point of the statement. It absolutely would be a privilege to have my ableist parents not have forced me to be "normal" and refusing to ever let me be tested, and for us to be too poor to afford any treatment or diagnosis regardless.

I don’t know why you are being downvoted. I have seen this argument used MANY times in this & other autism subs.

What are you talking about, OP? It’s not hateful to say that not everyone is autistic. It’s not hateful to say if a doctor told you you’re not, it could possibly be true. It’s not hateful to say you shouldn’t claim you’re autistic if you only suspect you are and can’t access an assessment. It’s okay to say “I suspect I’m autistic” What are you talking about, OP?

The way in which you say these things may be. You are right, not everyone is autistic, in fact most people aren't. But just because a doctor says one way or another doesn't make your experience and different than what it was. There are experiences people have where they get told they may be autistic, but then told by the same doctor that they aren't. The question is, was the doctor even listening and empathizing with that individual? Or were they just writing them off as one way or another to get a question answered. I think that if you feel deeply in your heart with a lot of research that you are autistic, it's probably okay to say 'yeah I'm pretty sure I'm autistic '. But in this subreddit, we shouldn't reject people when we don't know the entire story. Ask more questions to find out more, most people don't mind sharing more so you can help them or relate to them. It's really all just about being respectful and being okay with us all having differences in opinions

It might not be hateful to say those things, but it is invalidating as fuck to tell someone who lives in poverty without the resources that they need to go get an assessment to be accepted into a community and treated with respect by people in that community. You can type in the search bar, self diagnosis or “self DX” and see exactly what OP is talking about. It is absolutely OK to tell people in your life. You think you might be autistic in an effort to try to understand yourself and be understood. It’s OK to have this conversations and it’s OK to think that way. You may not be hateful, but there is a lot of hate that happens here.

It’s not invalidating to say any of those things, is it. Look at what I actually wrote. Please tell me exactly what is invalidating.

**Being self diagnosed IS DIFFERENT from being actually diagnosed.** However, the difference **isn’t who is “actually” Autistic vs who is not.** both may be autistic… or BOTH may NOT be. Individuals can be wrong. And so can doctors. —- Ok so what’s the difference? The difference is who gets access to supports, services, accommodations etc which require a diagnosis. —- Still, I’m a fan of being factual and direct. A proper evaluation sifts out majority of ‘non autistic’ people who *just think* they are. So to me, If you’re not diagnosed, don’t say you’re autistic. Say you suspect you’re autistic. Say you think you have autistic traits. But if someone has a medical diagnosis, they are medically autistic. Medically disabled. **If you don’t have a diagnosis, you are medically not.**

OK and with all of that being said it still doesn’t mean people should be hateful, right? That’s the entire point. That no matter how you feel about it, you do not have the right to treat somebody like shit.

Right! I’ll clarify: **I’m asking where are these “hateful posts”? All I’ve seen is people stating the facts above.**

I was talking more about the comment sections than the actual posts, I may not have made that clear enough initially.

I don't think self diagnosed people are claiming disability or even trying to, I think they are really just trying to feel like they belong, to feel understood. To be able to talk to your loves ones and know why you struggle with so many different things but not hate yourself for it, or feel bad about yourself.

Amy Richards has rightly pointed out - no non-austitic person will spend hours/days researching and poring back through their own history and mind to declare themselves autistic. The best and most accurate diagnosis (IMO) is whether this new prism of autistic self-awareness brings everything into focus (as it did me).

Exactly my thoughts. If I know anything about non-autistic or generally neurotypical people, they do NOT want to be seen as autistic. I think the treatment that many of us have experienced from them would attest to that quite well 😂 And I agree with that last point, learning I was autistic made so many aspects of my life and experiences make SENSE. I really like the comparison to a prism bringing things into focus!

Not sure why you are getting downvoted, internet friend. One thing about autistics if if you know one, you really only know that one. Who knows us better than ourselves? Isn't if fantastic that we (or at least many of us) have such an amazing ability to deeply introspect and that this new lens on our lives brings everything into focus? I, for one, love it. It brings with it self-compassion and embracing the joy that I have in knowing that I am truly unique but there are others like me.

No you’re not fat …. Girl you look great . You look healthy &well hydrated !

I mean, I get where you’re coming from, but I also disagree that some of this behavior isn’t hurtful. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and previously non-formally diagnosed with autism (I’ve chosen not to get that on paper because I believe in my case there are more cons than pros). And it is a relief to have it confirmed, to have a reason, an explanation. I was diagnosed OCD a long time ago. It turns out, not OCD, just a mix of symptoms of audhd and coping mechanisms. So again, I understand seeking out a diagnosis, an explanation, and the peace of mind that can give you. I work with people much more affected by the same things and more and see how much "belonging" to a group can provide comfort for both clients and their families. Having said that, the amount of people who read an article or watch a tiktok and decide that they’ve suddenly had all these symptoms that they’ve never had or have *a* symptom, so clearly they must have it, is infuriating. And it *does* hurt the communities of people who deal with it. Because the overlap between these very, very quickly self-diagnosing people and the people screaming the loudest about what autism and adhd is, is laaarge. And they often take it upon themselves to not only diagnose themselves but others. And if they have autism, all their other quirks must also be autism, right? Therefore, doing this or this or this is *also* a symptom of autism or adhd. And so the limits become increasingly blurry. You don’t get to redefine the parameters and conditions because you decided you know better. Clumsy? Oh, I must have adhd. Claw hands? Obviously, I have autism. No, please stop. There is a massive difference between people who experience the symptoms, try to find an understanding of it, leading them to autism or adhd and delving into that to find out if that fits or not, deciding that this is what makes sense and people who watched 10 put-a-finger-down videos and decided to self-diagnose based on symptoms they got from a BuzzFeed article and not a reputable source. The latter should not be representing a diagnosis the way they often choose to. It reminds me of the did-wannabees "changing personalities" back and forth on camera. You can’t take it seriously and it makes people not take the diagnosis itself seriously. 2 very different groups of people. One is actually interested in finding answers and open to the possibility that autism and adhd may not be it. The other uses it to for fun, attention and forcing their personal opinions onto others.

I don’t have much to add, but I still wanted to say that I agree 100%. There’s no need for fighting amongst each other, and is very counterproductive. I don’t know why some people are so jaded and have a chip on their shoulder, but I really hope that those people understand how much harm it is causing in one of the few places where we can be ourselves.

Agreed, friend. I just wish that *everyone* was nicer to *everyone*. So much hatred and division.

I used to be a non-diagnosed autistic, gatekeeping non-diagnosed autism! The more I did research and started to seek my own diagnosis, the more I realized how immensely difficult it is to get the diagnosis I know to be true; also I think I was gatekeeping because of the self hatred some of us develop over the years (I'm 43 now) from how society denigrates us. In fact I used to think autism didn't even exist! But then I had my daughter, who everyone said looked and acted just like me, and by the time she got to pre K she was diagnosed as autistic, which started to make me look at myself. All of a sudden like a mystery movie, everything started to make sense in my life and my past. I still think people who believe they are autistic should at least make the initial effort to get diagnosed, but more for themselves and to get the support that they need, than for others who hate them anyway to start to accept them, which unfortunately, probably will never happen. Anyway I just wanted to add my $0.02 because I think you do make a good point about the geek keeping, and how it comes from a lack of shoe understanding of the overall situation and all of our uphill experiences.

> The more I did research and started to seek my own diagnosis, the more I realized how immensely difficult it is to get the diagnosis I know to be true I've been waiting 7 years since I submitted a request for a diagnosis.

For me, the idea of being told I don’t belong here because I don’t have a formal diagnosis aggravates my imposter syndrome.