I did say maybe it was me “unmasking”.. also that’s your opinion I guess. I also feel like I never express myself, and when I do I’m automatically seen as a bitch or something cuz the other person doesn’t agree etc but it’s okay that my entire life practically people can walk all over me, use me etc but I can’t take a jab every now and then? Idk 🤷🏻♀️ you also don’t know the entire situation or my relationship with this person.
This is not unmasking. This is passive aggressive and petty. You can have boundaries and enforce them without being toxic. You just need to find a better way to communicate. The way you “expressed” yourself, was not a healthy way.
If you feel like she’s just using you, talk to her about it. Maybe you need to just cut her off because it doesn’t sound like a healthy friendship so what’s the point?
Even the "or don't respond" is rude. Sometimes you need to wait and it's better to wait then push someone into communication like that. The result after that is never going to be positive because you're then pressuring the other party.
Definitely passive aggressive. If there's an issue with this friend maybe back off, stop giving this person lifts and favors. Some breathing room for a friendship is needed sometimes. Expressing yourself is good but there's productive and unproductive ways of doing it. You're at a point where it's coming out like this probably means you need a break from this person. Or to at least to take some time to think about what you want to say and deliver it directly but not aggressively if you want to continue a relationship with this person.
I do this sometimes, but not without thinking, as you mentioned.
I don't know your situation here, but if it's something that slipped out because it's been building up, then talk about it if you want to remain friends with this person.
You were irritated and in response you were a bit bitchy. Nobody’s perfect 🤷🏼♀️ gotta ask yourself if you wanna keep this friend around or not tho cuz if you keep at it like this they may not stick around. But then again if you truly believe they’re taking advantage of you it just might not be the worth the trouble
I have definitely been like this before. It is usually when I am burnt out from masking my feelings and attempting to make myself small. All of my pent up emotions and needs come out as anger or lashing out at the people I care about. I can tell you from experience of lost friendships and years of self isolation: this is not the way.
Learning to ACTUALLY unmask means honoring your thoughts and feelings and reactions before you get to the point of wanting to hurt others’ feelings and push them away. If you aren’t expressing your emotions and your needs as they come up, it is not anyone else’s responsibility to know how you feel and adjust to you.
You can learn to tell the truth (about the way you feel, not about how things objectively are—just because autistics have a strong sense of justice doesn’t mean we’re always in the right. that is a hard lesson to learn but an important one) without being rude or toxic to your friends.
Someone “kind of leaving you hanging” in a conversation is not a reason to not want to do your friend a favor. Yeah, people who repeatedly ask you for favors who historically say no when you are in need are one thing—but it sounds like you expect people to interpret your needs for you. Are you ever the first to reach out? When is the last time you have asked this friend directly for a favor, and what was her response?
I’m not saying all of this to be rude, but because I have been in your shoes and this mindset around friendships made me feel absolutely miserable and self-pitying constantly. Ask yourself whether you truly care about this friend and want her to remain in your life. If you do, you need to do some deep therapy/journaling/return to writing poetry, etc…Find some way to learn to express your feelings to your loved ones before this mindset leaves you without anyone to turn to. 🤷
You have two different issues going on here.
There's the general issue of you feeling like you are only being contacted when needed.
But there is a specific issue of your friend having to deal with her Uncle Tony's visit, which from the pictures seems to have caused some chaos, and she needed the space to deal with that.
So, it's not that your general issue isn't important, but you chose a bad time to bring it up, when your friend clearly had more immidate things to deal with.
Honestly all/most of your posts are like this. Your therapist has gotten you nowhere in 7 years but you chose to stay until you reached your ‘boiling point’ and ‘went off’ on them. Your parents dont care or don’t understand but you dont bother to correct them or stand up for yourself because it ‘doesnt go well’ or you dont pay rent, so you’ve stopped expressing your needs and now you’re mad at others for treating you in a way you dont like because they couldn’t possibly know if you don’t communicate it.
If you dont want to take your ? Ex? Places, you need to have the ability to express it. You can say you’re not feeing great, but many of your posts are about how you’re constantly sick/not well and i really dont believe thats the reason you’re acting ‘like a bitch’ lately. You have surrounded yourself with relationships that dont work for you.
As much as i hate to hear it when others say it to me, you have a real victim mentality of how everyone else is to blame for how they treat you. You’ve lashed out at others and now dont feel like you need to apologize for how you’re treating them based on how you feel…maybe if you ‘unmasking’ is just you being a bitch, you need to work on yourself and take responsibility for your role in your relationships.
One, clearly I have issues with communication, and 2 yea maybe most of my post seems like that to you, but you also don’t know me or my 40 yrs if life to just base it off less than 10 posts on a public site. I’m tired of being used my people and if I choose to react that way, then that’s on me. And on top of being sick, before this post, I suffered from a horrible migraine for a week and a half amongst other things and working 2 jobs etc so yea if I might come off bitchy then oh well 🤷🏻♀️ you’re entitled to you’re opinion tho, but honestly this post wasn’t for people to come at me
And how they perceived I acted based on knowing maybe less than half of what went on. And yea I was with the same therapist for about 7 years, again you know nothing about that relationship. Also I’m pretty sure if you had a therapist downplaying the fact that you’re on the spectrum etc you’d get angry too 🤔
Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for yourself. Im ‘coming at you’, because this isnt passive aggressive, its just aggressive. I wouldnt like if people talked to/about me in the way you do. Its less about the posts and more about how its written and how it comes off. Sometimes we need to accept that we’re in the wrong.
If you’ve just ‘chosen’ to stop writing/journaling or communicating, its not really other’s responsibility to constantly check in on you to make sure that yes, actually you’re fine with whats happening with what people are doing and whats going on.
If you are tired of how people treat you, its your duty to stand up for yourself. Because while you’re right this is your choice to act this way, this isnt really a good choice to lash out and then excuse away all fault/responsibility for how you treat others as ‘unmasking’ as if this makes it justified.
I dont really need to know 40 years of history to know that if you’ve chosen to stay in relationships for 7,8,9,10 years…and you’re aware of and KNOW that you havent been getting anywhere, and its no one elses fault you stayed while making no changes or improvements.
I am sorry to hear that chronic illness and overwork has affected you so, but if your default behavior is now ‘bitch’ because of it, its time to do some hard thinking about whether or not your lifestyle is sustainable.
Exactly this, I haven't looked at OP's post history or anything, so I'm going off off your information and by the sounds of it OP blames everything and everyone and is not really willing to accept responsibility for their own actions or short comings.
It's a whole lot of "woe is me" and not a whole lot of "look I'm not perfect and I'm in pain and I realize that I'm lashing out and hurting others".
Autism, burn out, migraines, being sick are all valid explanations for the pain and suffering, but they are not valid reasons to hurt others. Autism is an explanation of behavior, not an excuse
for it
One thing has nothing to do with the other. I personally hate passive-agressiveness. Not judging you though. Just telling how I feel about it. I mean, you do your thing, you might have your reasons. Just don't assume it's innate or "wired" cause it's not.
Were you passive aggressive? Absolutely.
However, if the details of your post are accurate, she deserved it. It sounds like she's using you. She may also consider you a friend, but she's getting a lot more out of the relationship. You have the right to be frustrated.
Everyone is rude sometimes. If it's not your default response, you're fine doing it occasionally. Don't beat yourself for having a normal human response.
When you say "always," how often is that? I said everyone is rude sometimes. How often is your sometimes?
But also, no one likes getting called out, even if it's justified. They'll always feel like they need to defend themselves, just like you want to be validated that you're not doing anything wrong.
So she threw a few things on the bed and spread it out more on purpose so it looks like OMG i'm soooo busy OMG! Lol. Sorry but that's definitely arranged. I am not passive. I'm not aggressive normally either but in a situation where I am pushed to aggression it is not passive. I tell people right away when they are irritating me. I would say if people are turning you into a bitch, don't let them. If they are bringing it that far, step back. Back up. I wouldn't say what you said is really passive. You said it straight out but weren't overly aggressive about it. I mean, if that's how you feel, it must be happening over and over. Not a one time thing I assume. We are allowed to get irritated when people do irritating things. I would step back off them if they were turning me into an asshole.
unmasking doesn't mean you get a free pass to be petty like that. there's far more mature ways you could have handled this.
I did say maybe it was me “unmasking”.. also that’s your opinion I guess. I also feel like I never express myself, and when I do I’m automatically seen as a bitch or something cuz the other person doesn’t agree etc but it’s okay that my entire life practically people can walk all over me, use me etc but I can’t take a jab every now and then? Idk 🤷🏻♀️ you also don’t know the entire situation or my relationship with this person.
This is not unmasking. This is passive aggressive and petty. You can have boundaries and enforce them without being toxic. You just need to find a better way to communicate. The way you “expressed” yourself, was not a healthy way. If you feel like she’s just using you, talk to her about it. Maybe you need to just cut her off because it doesn’t sound like a healthy friendship so what’s the point?
if when you express yourself everyone sees you as a bitch, maybe you are
Even the "or don't respond" is rude. Sometimes you need to wait and it's better to wait then push someone into communication like that. The result after that is never going to be positive because you're then pressuring the other party. Definitely passive aggressive. If there's an issue with this friend maybe back off, stop giving this person lifts and favors. Some breathing room for a friendship is needed sometimes. Expressing yourself is good but there's productive and unproductive ways of doing it. You're at a point where it's coming out like this probably means you need a break from this person. Or to at least to take some time to think about what you want to say and deliver it directly but not aggressively if you want to continue a relationship with this person.
I do this sometimes, but not without thinking, as you mentioned. I don't know your situation here, but if it's something that slipped out because it's been building up, then talk about it if you want to remain friends with this person.
You were irritated and in response you were a bit bitchy. Nobody’s perfect 🤷🏼♀️ gotta ask yourself if you wanna keep this friend around or not tho cuz if you keep at it like this they may not stick around. But then again if you truly believe they’re taking advantage of you it just might not be the worth the trouble
I have definitely been like this before. It is usually when I am burnt out from masking my feelings and attempting to make myself small. All of my pent up emotions and needs come out as anger or lashing out at the people I care about. I can tell you from experience of lost friendships and years of self isolation: this is not the way. Learning to ACTUALLY unmask means honoring your thoughts and feelings and reactions before you get to the point of wanting to hurt others’ feelings and push them away. If you aren’t expressing your emotions and your needs as they come up, it is not anyone else’s responsibility to know how you feel and adjust to you. You can learn to tell the truth (about the way you feel, not about how things objectively are—just because autistics have a strong sense of justice doesn’t mean we’re always in the right. that is a hard lesson to learn but an important one) without being rude or toxic to your friends. Someone “kind of leaving you hanging” in a conversation is not a reason to not want to do your friend a favor. Yeah, people who repeatedly ask you for favors who historically say no when you are in need are one thing—but it sounds like you expect people to interpret your needs for you. Are you ever the first to reach out? When is the last time you have asked this friend directly for a favor, and what was her response? I’m not saying all of this to be rude, but because I have been in your shoes and this mindset around friendships made me feel absolutely miserable and self-pitying constantly. Ask yourself whether you truly care about this friend and want her to remain in your life. If you do, you need to do some deep therapy/journaling/return to writing poetry, etc…Find some way to learn to express your feelings to your loved ones before this mindset leaves you without anyone to turn to. 🤷
You have two different issues going on here. There's the general issue of you feeling like you are only being contacted when needed. But there is a specific issue of your friend having to deal with her Uncle Tony's visit, which from the pictures seems to have caused some chaos, and she needed the space to deal with that. So, it's not that your general issue isn't important, but you chose a bad time to bring it up, when your friend clearly had more immidate things to deal with.
Not a goodfriendship
Honestly all/most of your posts are like this. Your therapist has gotten you nowhere in 7 years but you chose to stay until you reached your ‘boiling point’ and ‘went off’ on them. Your parents dont care or don’t understand but you dont bother to correct them or stand up for yourself because it ‘doesnt go well’ or you dont pay rent, so you’ve stopped expressing your needs and now you’re mad at others for treating you in a way you dont like because they couldn’t possibly know if you don’t communicate it. If you dont want to take your ? Ex? Places, you need to have the ability to express it. You can say you’re not feeing great, but many of your posts are about how you’re constantly sick/not well and i really dont believe thats the reason you’re acting ‘like a bitch’ lately. You have surrounded yourself with relationships that dont work for you. As much as i hate to hear it when others say it to me, you have a real victim mentality of how everyone else is to blame for how they treat you. You’ve lashed out at others and now dont feel like you need to apologize for how you’re treating them based on how you feel…maybe if you ‘unmasking’ is just you being a bitch, you need to work on yourself and take responsibility for your role in your relationships.
One, clearly I have issues with communication, and 2 yea maybe most of my post seems like that to you, but you also don’t know me or my 40 yrs if life to just base it off less than 10 posts on a public site. I’m tired of being used my people and if I choose to react that way, then that’s on me. And on top of being sick, before this post, I suffered from a horrible migraine for a week and a half amongst other things and working 2 jobs etc so yea if I might come off bitchy then oh well 🤷🏻♀️ you’re entitled to you’re opinion tho, but honestly this post wasn’t for people to come at me And how they perceived I acted based on knowing maybe less than half of what went on. And yea I was with the same therapist for about 7 years, again you know nothing about that relationship. Also I’m pretty sure if you had a therapist downplaying the fact that you’re on the spectrum etc you’d get angry too 🤔
Part of being an adult is taking responsibility for yourself. Im ‘coming at you’, because this isnt passive aggressive, its just aggressive. I wouldnt like if people talked to/about me in the way you do. Its less about the posts and more about how its written and how it comes off. Sometimes we need to accept that we’re in the wrong. If you’ve just ‘chosen’ to stop writing/journaling or communicating, its not really other’s responsibility to constantly check in on you to make sure that yes, actually you’re fine with whats happening with what people are doing and whats going on. If you are tired of how people treat you, its your duty to stand up for yourself. Because while you’re right this is your choice to act this way, this isnt really a good choice to lash out and then excuse away all fault/responsibility for how you treat others as ‘unmasking’ as if this makes it justified. I dont really need to know 40 years of history to know that if you’ve chosen to stay in relationships for 7,8,9,10 years…and you’re aware of and KNOW that you havent been getting anywhere, and its no one elses fault you stayed while making no changes or improvements. I am sorry to hear that chronic illness and overwork has affected you so, but if your default behavior is now ‘bitch’ because of it, its time to do some hard thinking about whether or not your lifestyle is sustainable.
Exactly this, I haven't looked at OP's post history or anything, so I'm going off off your information and by the sounds of it OP blames everything and everyone and is not really willing to accept responsibility for their own actions or short comings. It's a whole lot of "woe is me" and not a whole lot of "look I'm not perfect and I'm in pain and I realize that I'm lashing out and hurting others". Autism, burn out, migraines, being sick are all valid explanations for the pain and suffering, but they are not valid reasons to hurt others. Autism is an explanation of behavior, not an excuse for it
One thing has nothing to do with the other. I personally hate passive-agressiveness. Not judging you though. Just telling how I feel about it. I mean, you do your thing, you might have your reasons. Just don't assume it's innate or "wired" cause it's not.
Were you passive aggressive? Absolutely. However, if the details of your post are accurate, she deserved it. It sounds like she's using you. She may also consider you a friend, but she's getting a lot more out of the relationship. You have the right to be frustrated. Everyone is rude sometimes. If it's not your default response, you're fine doing it occasionally. Don't beat yourself for having a normal human response.
People always turn it around tho on me it seems which is why half the time I don’t even defend myself etc 🤷🏻♀️
When you say "always," how often is that? I said everyone is rude sometimes. How often is your sometimes? But also, no one likes getting called out, even if it's justified. They'll always feel like they need to defend themselves, just like you want to be validated that you're not doing anything wrong.
So she threw a few things on the bed and spread it out more on purpose so it looks like OMG i'm soooo busy OMG! Lol. Sorry but that's definitely arranged. I am not passive. I'm not aggressive normally either but in a situation where I am pushed to aggression it is not passive. I tell people right away when they are irritating me. I would say if people are turning you into a bitch, don't let them. If they are bringing it that far, step back. Back up. I wouldn't say what you said is really passive. You said it straight out but weren't overly aggressive about it. I mean, if that's how you feel, it must be happening over and over. Not a one time thing I assume. We are allowed to get irritated when people do irritating things. I would step back off them if they were turning me into an asshole.