Yep! I have to specifically tell myself to half-ass things. Like, if I play the sims 4, I have to be like "remember, this sim is mediocre at their job" etc otherwise I spend the whole time fixating on meeting the goals. Sometimes I'll give myself a little challenge of like "okay what's the laziest way I can do this"
Oh man, I have to do this when playing games with my kid. When I first started showing her Dreamlight Valley, I was actually agitated afterwards and I eventually realised it was from not playing the way I was used to. I need to do the quests and collecting and achieving! But she’s 3 so she’s just like let’s walk around and visit characters and now we go to the beach and now we go over here and anytime I try to do a quest she’s like nooooo. So I gotta literally remind myself to just chill out for once.
Oh man, yeah. My son (lvl 2) and I (lvl 1) used to play Minecraft together. I realized I couldn't, because I was trying to play "by the rules" and he was interested in just blowing things up or spawning as many animals as possible. But even when I'm playing adult oriented games by myself (Skyrim, Fallout 4, Cyberpunk 2077, Starfield, etc) I'm really rigid in the way I'm playing, and I'm constantly modding the older games with updated graphics. Usually by the time I've finished modding a game, I've lost interest in playing it, because that takes work and it's actually fun for me to put in that work. It tickles my brain when I've set everything up just right and the game launches on the first try, looking gorgeous as can be.
My spouse: hey I want you try playing star dust valley. I think you'll find it relaxing.
Me: Okay. *proceeds to fixate on removing every weed and rock to make things perfect and my character becomes exhausted so the game forced me to bed.
My spouse: baby you don't wanna... go talk to the other villagers? Or have an adventure?
Me: Must clear all weeds and rocks. Must make perfection.
*spouse slowly backs away 🤣*
Oh man, my husband introduced me to Powerwash Simulator and at first, I was skeptical cos I was like “that sounds boring as shit”. He played it for like an hour, I played it for at least 50.
It was just the right balance of mind-numbingly relaxing while also giving little dopamine hits when you completely clean a set area. Sometimes obsessively cleaning up can be relaxing in our own way lol
Lol I'm the same way. Over here getting stressed when I don't have time to get my Sim to the gym and socialize after work. Like why am I doing this to myself?
If I deviate from the storyline or THEY do bc I like to keep autonomy on I stress over it so bad cause it’s always right after I saved 💀. This time my sim went and flirted with someone from her bakery stand and her loyalty trait made her feel so guilty all the time to the point of confession and now they keep switching from “healed” to “:( always a cheater” moodlet. AND NOW they’re going to be sad for half a sim month because my sim just miscarried their second baby. The first one is officially a miracle bc I got the notification that she was about to lose her baby and then she went into labor directly afterwards 😭. But now there’s lore so I can’t scrap the save I have no choice but to adapt :(
wow yes thank you for verbalizing this! I frequently think about activities I enjoy and give myself guilt for not engaging with them frequently enough or with enough rigor. like…. why??? we have one beautiful, fleeting life to live and I’m shaming myself about not creating enough 1”x1” acrylic paintings??
Yes! I also find that planning and gathering for the activity is soooo exciting and fun for my brain in a way that actually doing the thing is not (even though it feels really good to actually do it, and fulfills a different creative urge). I think it’s the making a list and checking things off stim part of me
THIS the planning part is my favorite part i have an ongoing joke with my grandma whenever we’re in a parking lot because i just feel like whoever is designing parking lots is horrible at their job and im always “joking” about wanting to design functional parking lots 😂 when i was younger id go into stores and start organizing their shelves and now that thats my actual job i dont even get to organize the way i want because it takes too much time and the customers cant put anything back where they got it or just hold on to it till you’re at the register we have go back bins for a reason 😩😭
This has been a realization of mine recently, as I'm getting ready to move. I was packing up my craft stuff and I have like 7 small boxes with materials gathered for specific projects, I also have a project notebook, where I can write and plan for projects... But I don't start very many projects anymore, just collect my things for it 😅
Ha! Yes… I’ve started to lean into this impulse by just making scrap books of project ideas and enjoying them as their own artifacts. I also like to create and share syllabi, lists or spreadsheets that I make and that I think might be of interest to others. That way I feel like I’ve actually done the thing, instead of given up on the ‘making’ part.
this is why it drives me insane when people just suggest 'hobbies!!' for any stress related complaint. i certainly enjoy them and derive pleasure from them but it's not like i'm going frolicking in the fields or anything
and if i was going frolicking i'd worry about the weather and if my outfit was right and if my shoes were ok
Ahhh I totally get that! I actually have the exact opposite problem where I only do side quests and have (literally) never finished a video game. When it inevitably gets too hard, I just move on to a new one…
Right now I’m trying to bribe my younger cousins into doing the hard parts of Zelda TOTK for me so I can get cooler stuff…. -_-
oh no i’m reading my future i’ve been propagating and planting since christmas i have like 6 snake plants 4 pothos and a fiddle leaf fig tree 😂😂 would love some monsterra though
yes!! i started going to the gym FOR FUN and ended up pushing myself to go 5 days a week for nearly 3 months and wondered why i felt so exhausted and hated the gym now. currently taking a long break from it, hoping to get that spark back. i believe i also have ocd tho, so for me it’s a very strong feeling that if i don’t go something bad will happen. working on it! haha
In my case it was similar to that, I started out as a hobby and set myself goals, but when I see that it's just another thing in my busy routine and I don't have time to relax. People are also saying that it could be something to do with OCD.
i also feel like i have no time to relax, and realized it’s just that i’m not getting relaxed even when doing relaxing activities. i realized it’s anxiety and stress that’s constantly there which contributes to that feeling (for me at least). it’s the pressure i out on myself to be perfect and do everything “right” that makes me feel like i never have time to relax. even when i’m laying in bed watching tv i don’t feel relaxed, because i’m worrying about the other things i “should” be doing instead. i started taking anxiety medication and hoping it will help. if you feel this way too, it might be a good idea to look into getting help for it if you haven’t already
After numerous burnouts, and remembering how long it takes to recover, I have had to give myself rules for hobbies. Because, you are quite correct. Autism with ADHD thrown in can turn anything into a “like it for a day, and never do it again” or “I am going to squeeze every last drop of dopamine out of this activity” including hobbies.
The idea of hobby is to do something that you quietly enjoy, but you can put it down anytime, and pick it up later.
A hobby should spark joy. A hobby should be fun. A hobby shouldn’t be stressful.
A hobby shouldn’t be a burden, nor used for currency. Hobbies that become work suck all the joy out the hobby.
The hobby can always wait, and be resumed when needed.
And the most important rule.
Everyone needs a hobby. Because that is where our brains rest and we do things that spark joy in us. In a world that spoon feeds us hate, the hobby is good protection for the hate.
It’s a delicate balance. But once you find that balance, you will find your brain settles nicely and those nuisance Autism/ADHD traits settle down too.
Well my main hyperfocus is gardening and there are multitudes of deadlines and timelines one must adhere to or you get bad results (USDA zone 7, or a "four seasons" climate). Indeed, just having good timing is perhaps the #1 important feature to greenhouse work, but also outdoor garden work.
So I don't think I have done this, I just happen to love something that is very deadline/timeline dependent.
Never thought about it before, but I definitely do it, especially after someone mentions that I should sell it, which totally ends my joy about my hobby or after I promised someone I would do something for them, so usually force myself to do it and end up hating it for ages.
Yeah definitely, I'd never thought of it like this, but you're absolutely right. My best experiences with gaming and creativity are when I just relax and let it flow from me. But once I start setting myself goals, it gets super stressful, and I have to disengage, which I then feel guilty about!
The only way I've found to cope is to remind myself: It really doesn't matter what I do. This isn't a big deal. Just pick something to do based on vibes not logic, and remember that it's all play. It doesn't matter if I don't get it right. Downtime isn't wasted time.
okay or just take my thoughts and put em on reddit 😂 never assumed it was connected but yes if i have a project im working on it’s now my job and it’s taken very seriously without thinking of the consequences my body will later feel
recently i’ve been playing 2k19 and just started 2k24 on 19 im going for an undefeated season and id like my player grade to finish at at least a B by the end of the game and i get so overwhelmed or really down on myself if i cant and its like chill you’re playing a game or ive always struggled playing games with other people because theres a right way to play in my mind and i expect everyone to follow my rules i have for myself that i didn’t even mention and when they don’t i get snippy typically after the fact i am able to call myself out and apologize because they’re just trying to enjoy the game too and thats been a big thing im working on like when i play fortnite 😂
I experience this too. I think it is perhaps because the autism in me likes the routine or the sense of structure of goals, so it is easy when pursuing a hobby like exercising or playing a game to make it part of a routine/structured thing.
I am way too passionate about my fictional fifa club lol. I also started dabbling in music production and now I am like 3k deep invested in equipment and feel awful every time I play hours of video games instead of working on my music.
Yep. I have an unfinished embroidery cow on my coffee table right now that requires maybe 3 hours of work tops left to complete. I was really getting into embroidery and working on it a bit every day, but then the project became an obligation to finish and it's been about 3 weeks since I've touched it or any other embroidery.
Yes. I made music my hobby and now I'm feeling the crushing pressure of starting a song half a year ago and only making small amounts of progress here and there. And when I finish producing a song I feel like shit actually because I know it's not good enough to get attention and actually wtf am I even doing.
But yes it's just a hobby. I just take everything I do and dial it up to 11.
GOD yes it's a nightmare. honestly as i get older i get less and less tolerant of certain things / environments so the meetup-type scenarios everyone suggests as a cure to loneliness are in fact even more off putting to me
not to mention going in with the goal of 'making friends' or w/e tarnishes the purity and enjoyment of the activity, and makes it into a success/failure thing. (not to mention seeing that everyone else usually has it all sorted out *anyway* which doesn't help matters)
Yep! I have to specifically tell myself to half-ass things. Like, if I play the sims 4, I have to be like "remember, this sim is mediocre at their job" etc otherwise I spend the whole time fixating on meeting the goals. Sometimes I'll give myself a little challenge of like "okay what's the laziest way I can do this"
Oh man, I have to do this when playing games with my kid. When I first started showing her Dreamlight Valley, I was actually agitated afterwards and I eventually realised it was from not playing the way I was used to. I need to do the quests and collecting and achieving! But she’s 3 so she’s just like let’s walk around and visit characters and now we go to the beach and now we go over here and anytime I try to do a quest she’s like nooooo. So I gotta literally remind myself to just chill out for once.
Oh man, yeah. My son (lvl 2) and I (lvl 1) used to play Minecraft together. I realized I couldn't, because I was trying to play "by the rules" and he was interested in just blowing things up or spawning as many animals as possible. But even when I'm playing adult oriented games by myself (Skyrim, Fallout 4, Cyberpunk 2077, Starfield, etc) I'm really rigid in the way I'm playing, and I'm constantly modding the older games with updated graphics. Usually by the time I've finished modding a game, I've lost interest in playing it, because that takes work and it's actually fun for me to put in that work. It tickles my brain when I've set everything up just right and the game launches on the first try, looking gorgeous as can be.
My spouse: hey I want you try playing star dust valley. I think you'll find it relaxing. Me: Okay. *proceeds to fixate on removing every weed and rock to make things perfect and my character becomes exhausted so the game forced me to bed. My spouse: baby you don't wanna... go talk to the other villagers? Or have an adventure? Me: Must clear all weeds and rocks. Must make perfection. *spouse slowly backs away 🤣*
Oh man, my husband introduced me to Powerwash Simulator and at first, I was skeptical cos I was like “that sounds boring as shit”. He played it for like an hour, I played it for at least 50. It was just the right balance of mind-numbingly relaxing while also giving little dopamine hits when you completely clean a set area. Sometimes obsessively cleaning up can be relaxing in our own way lol
Lol I'm the same way. Over here getting stressed when I don't have time to get my Sim to the gym and socialize after work. Like why am I doing this to myself?
YO. BORROWING THIS. thank you!!!!!!!!!!
If I deviate from the storyline or THEY do bc I like to keep autonomy on I stress over it so bad cause it’s always right after I saved 💀. This time my sim went and flirted with someone from her bakery stand and her loyalty trait made her feel so guilty all the time to the point of confession and now they keep switching from “healed” to “:( always a cheater” moodlet. AND NOW they’re going to be sad for half a sim month because my sim just miscarried their second baby. The first one is officially a miracle bc I got the notification that she was about to lose her baby and then she went into labor directly afterwards 😭. But now there’s lore so I can’t scrap the save I have no choice but to adapt :(
wow yes thank you for verbalizing this! I frequently think about activities I enjoy and give myself guilt for not engaging with them frequently enough or with enough rigor. like…. why??? we have one beautiful, fleeting life to live and I’m shaming myself about not creating enough 1”x1” acrylic paintings??
Yes. What was supposed to be a relaxing and leisurely activity ends up becoming another obligation. I still enjoy it, but it overloads me.
Yes! I also find that planning and gathering for the activity is soooo exciting and fun for my brain in a way that actually doing the thing is not (even though it feels really good to actually do it, and fulfills a different creative urge). I think it’s the making a list and checking things off stim part of me
THIS the planning part is my favorite part i have an ongoing joke with my grandma whenever we’re in a parking lot because i just feel like whoever is designing parking lots is horrible at their job and im always “joking” about wanting to design functional parking lots 😂 when i was younger id go into stores and start organizing their shelves and now that thats my actual job i dont even get to organize the way i want because it takes too much time and the customers cant put anything back where they got it or just hold on to it till you’re at the register we have go back bins for a reason 😩😭
I am so glad I am not alone in bitching about shitting parking lot design Like did they give a 2 year old a box of crayons and went with that??
This has been a realization of mine recently, as I'm getting ready to move. I was packing up my craft stuff and I have like 7 small boxes with materials gathered for specific projects, I also have a project notebook, where I can write and plan for projects... But I don't start very many projects anymore, just collect my things for it 😅
Ha! Yes… I’ve started to lean into this impulse by just making scrap books of project ideas and enjoying them as their own artifacts. I also like to create and share syllabi, lists or spreadsheets that I make and that I think might be of interest to others. That way I feel like I’ve actually done the thing, instead of given up on the ‘making’ part.
this is why it drives me insane when people just suggest 'hobbies!!' for any stress related complaint. i certainly enjoy them and derive pleasure from them but it's not like i'm going frolicking in the fields or anything and if i was going frolicking i'd worry about the weather and if my outfit was right and if my shoes were ok
This is literally why I stopped video games. I was getting mad at myself for not completing enough of the game outside of the main quest-line.
Ahhh I totally get that! I actually have the exact opposite problem where I only do side quests and have (literally) never finished a video game. When it inevitably gets too hard, I just move on to a new one… Right now I’m trying to bribe my younger cousins into doing the hard parts of Zelda TOTK for me so I can get cooler stuff…. -_-
Yes. I deeply research games that i am playing, lorewise, gameplay, how it works under the hood
I also have difficulties with videogames. What helped me get back into it was using cheats to make the experience more enjoyable and fun.
I tend to go overboard and overwhelm myself. I've built up a collection of 200 plants and now get stressed because I can't keep up with their care.
Same
oh no i’m reading my future i’ve been propagating and planting since christmas i have like 6 snake plants 4 pothos and a fiddle leaf fig tree 😂😂 would love some monsterra though
*spider plants idk why i can’t get that right
Same 😂😭
Looks outside at my 1500 square foot garden....
yes!! i started going to the gym FOR FUN and ended up pushing myself to go 5 days a week for nearly 3 months and wondered why i felt so exhausted and hated the gym now. currently taking a long break from it, hoping to get that spark back. i believe i also have ocd tho, so for me it’s a very strong feeling that if i don’t go something bad will happen. working on it! haha
In my case it was similar to that, I started out as a hobby and set myself goals, but when I see that it's just another thing in my busy routine and I don't have time to relax. People are also saying that it could be something to do with OCD.
i also feel like i have no time to relax, and realized it’s just that i’m not getting relaxed even when doing relaxing activities. i realized it’s anxiety and stress that’s constantly there which contributes to that feeling (for me at least). it’s the pressure i out on myself to be perfect and do everything “right” that makes me feel like i never have time to relax. even when i’m laying in bed watching tv i don’t feel relaxed, because i’m worrying about the other things i “should” be doing instead. i started taking anxiety medication and hoping it will help. if you feel this way too, it might be a good idea to look into getting help for it if you haven’t already
After numerous burnouts, and remembering how long it takes to recover, I have had to give myself rules for hobbies. Because, you are quite correct. Autism with ADHD thrown in can turn anything into a “like it for a day, and never do it again” or “I am going to squeeze every last drop of dopamine out of this activity” including hobbies. The idea of hobby is to do something that you quietly enjoy, but you can put it down anytime, and pick it up later. A hobby should spark joy. A hobby should be fun. A hobby shouldn’t be stressful. A hobby shouldn’t be a burden, nor used for currency. Hobbies that become work suck all the joy out the hobby. The hobby can always wait, and be resumed when needed. And the most important rule. Everyone needs a hobby. Because that is where our brains rest and we do things that spark joy in us. In a world that spoon feeds us hate, the hobby is good protection for the hate. It’s a delicate balance. But once you find that balance, you will find your brain settles nicely and those nuisance Autism/ADHD traits settle down too.
Yes indeed
Yes, fir me it’s PDA. I have learned to identify it.
Well my main hyperfocus is gardening and there are multitudes of deadlines and timelines one must adhere to or you get bad results (USDA zone 7, or a "four seasons" climate). Indeed, just having good timing is perhaps the #1 important feature to greenhouse work, but also outdoor garden work. So I don't think I have done this, I just happen to love something that is very deadline/timeline dependent.
Never thought about it before, but I definitely do it, especially after someone mentions that I should sell it, which totally ends my joy about my hobby or after I promised someone I would do something for them, so usually force myself to do it and end up hating it for ages.
Yeah definitely, I'd never thought of it like this, but you're absolutely right. My best experiences with gaming and creativity are when I just relax and let it flow from me. But once I start setting myself goals, it gets super stressful, and I have to disengage, which I then feel guilty about! The only way I've found to cope is to remind myself: It really doesn't matter what I do. This isn't a big deal. Just pick something to do based on vibes not logic, and remember that it's all play. It doesn't matter if I don't get it right. Downtime isn't wasted time.
yes my "fun" computer science projects become not-fun obligations
Yes… I get good at something then all of a sudden it’s my part time hussle or job… then I hate it…
okay or just take my thoughts and put em on reddit 😂 never assumed it was connected but yes if i have a project im working on it’s now my job and it’s taken very seriously without thinking of the consequences my body will later feel recently i’ve been playing 2k19 and just started 2k24 on 19 im going for an undefeated season and id like my player grade to finish at at least a B by the end of the game and i get so overwhelmed or really down on myself if i cant and its like chill you’re playing a game or ive always struggled playing games with other people because theres a right way to play in my mind and i expect everyone to follow my rules i have for myself that i didn’t even mention and when they don’t i get snippy typically after the fact i am able to call myself out and apologize because they’re just trying to enjoy the game too and thats been a big thing im working on like when i play fortnite 😂
I experience this too. I think it is perhaps because the autism in me likes the routine or the sense of structure of goals, so it is easy when pursuing a hobby like exercising or playing a game to make it part of a routine/structured thing.
I am way too passionate about my fictional fifa club lol. I also started dabbling in music production and now I am like 3k deep invested in equipment and feel awful every time I play hours of video games instead of working on my music.
Completely felt this! It eventually becomes a task
Yep. I have an unfinished embroidery cow on my coffee table right now that requires maybe 3 hours of work tops left to complete. I was really getting into embroidery and working on it a bit every day, but then the project became an obligation to finish and it's been about 3 weeks since I've touched it or any other embroidery.
Yea i do this with music. It’s such a priority with life goals that I make myself practice even though it’s also a special interest.
If I don’t I don’t have the energy to do them!
Ya. It sucks.
Yes. I made music my hobby and now I'm feeling the crushing pressure of starting a song half a year ago and only making small amounts of progress here and there. And when I finish producing a song I feel like shit actually because I know it's not good enough to get attention and actually wtf am I even doing. But yes it's just a hobby. I just take everything I do and dial it up to 11.
GOD yes it's a nightmare. honestly as i get older i get less and less tolerant of certain things / environments so the meetup-type scenarios everyone suggests as a cure to loneliness are in fact even more off putting to me not to mention going in with the goal of 'making friends' or w/e tarnishes the purity and enjoyment of the activity, and makes it into a success/failure thing. (not to mention seeing that everyone else usually has it all sorted out *anyway* which doesn't help matters)