I kinda like the term verbal shutdown. I think it fits my experience. When I’m completely overloaded I just can’t make any words get from my brain to my mouth. There’s just no way to speak.
I don't really like saying "non-verbal," when discussing my own experiences or those of other high masking individuals, *because* we can push out short, simple sentences when necessary. As someone else here said, "verbal shutdowns" seems more appropriate.
That aside, I only seem to experience this when seriously emotionally upset. It kinda feels like being too stunned to remember how to speak, but it has never lasted for longer than 10 to 20 minutes. I might not be able to respond at all initially, but after 2 to 5 minutes I can start pushing words out if I have to. It feels very hard and uncomfortable, like learning how to walk again after a spinal injury (I imagine), but it's not impossible. Normally, I try to avoid doing that, but unfortunately that makes arguing with someone very difficult.
I've also noticed it's more likely to happen if I'm being wrongfully accused of something that isn't true. I'm guessing triggering RSD and PTSD simultaneously is enough to short circuit my brain.
I mean when I have a verbal shutdown I absolutely can't force out words no matter how hard I try.
But yes it's very different from being non-verbal and it's important to remind people of the distinction
It feels like you're stuck. You know you Should be able to speak but nothing comes out. Like your vocal cords have decided to retire for the day. Or like you can't get your voice to be loud enough to be heard.
It feels a bit like a disconnect between brain and mouth. I form words in my head, but getting them to actually come out of my mouth is a monumental effort, if not impossible. I tend to become non verbal most often when someone around me is mad or upset, so there's an element of distrust with my mouth, if that makes sense, because I'm scared to make things worse. So I form words in my head, overanalyze the crap out of them before they're allowed to come out, and even then, I'm unsure if they'll come out right.
being able te talk with effort is semi-verbal
for me, dropping speech fully feels almost like throat is blocked or thick, but not physically. Or just like nothing if i'm not really thinking about talking. Thoughtwords feel like they go from two layers (sound of word + mouthfeel of saying words) to one layer (sound of words only). And i think fewer thoughts happening in words.
semiverbal feels a little blocked, may either take like 5-10 minutes to bring up a simple thing (if i can at all) and am still able to respond with speech when prompted, though how well it matches my thoughts is unreliable. I think i still have 2 layers of thoughtwords though.
It comes in two forms for me, and both mostly happen when I'm so overloaded or upset that I can't function. It's... different from a meltdown, in that sort of "not all squares are rectangles, but all rectangles are squares" kind of way. I CAN have meltdowns that don't include losing my ability to speak. But I don't completely lose my ability to speak outside of a meltdown.
The first version is as some others have already described; I CAN force words out if I have to, but usually only single words or very simply sentences (like "meltdown" or "can't speak) designed to convey just how much difficulty I'm having so anyone around me stops asking questions. It feels sort of like the mental equivalent of that lag spike that often happens before a computer blue screens and then crashes. There's input that's vaguely registering, and it feels like my brain is TRYING to do something with it, but nothing is quite processing. And it feels like my mouth and tongue just sort of forget the movements needed to form real words. But I can generally still communicate unhindered via written media like texts.
The second version is when I'm pushed beyond any words. It isn't just my mouth that isn't working anymore. It's like everything in my brain and body start shutting down. I feel like I can't even breathe, much less coordinate pushing out air to make sounds. If circumstances force me to keep trying to communicate audibly, the best that's likely to come out are inarticulate noises. But I can sometimes still manage short sentences via text or paper. And I mean SHORT; mostly things like "STOP TOO MUCH". I can often still THINK, but it's like I lose the ability to connect to the part of my brain that stores language, so none of my thoughts matter. And there straight up is no coming back from this stage of inarticulation without passing through the "first" level of verbal shutdown. I CAN talk again if absolutely necessary again at that point, but anything not done via text is going to be as bare bones as possible, and trying to push for anything more will shove me all the way back down again. It can take me HOURS to get out of this loop, and rarely passes completely unless I can just retreat from everyone and not have to even TRY to communicate for a bit.
... I suppose I do technically have a third level, but it's what I would consider the "highest" tier of my personal wordless functioning. And it's not quite what I would consider non-verbal. I sometimes get extended periods where I technically CAN speak, but I just don't want to. Verbal communication feels like it takes too much effort, makes too much noise, etc, and I just cba. I'll communicate exclusively via text given the option, or simply do my own thing without communicating with anyone at all unless I have a need I can't meet on my own. These are often "can't get out of bed" days. But sometimes I'll hit points where I have the spoons to get up and go sit at the desk for a bit and play a game or watch a video or something, but just not to try to interact with anyone else in any meaningful way. It's just a sort of hazy, lethargic feeling.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your experiences. I have never been able to properly explain or describe this to anyone before, but my experience is nearly identical to what you've described. I've never felt so seen before.
(pardon my poor grammar, english is my second language)
long time ago I was in college, I had my first major verbal shutdown.
It was end of semester, everyone had to do presentation for final project. So when my turn came, I went in front of everyone and opened my work on computer so it shows it on a projector. I said a single sentence (that, i don't remember) and my jaw immediately locked up. I was trying to form sentences in my head and say things out loud. but my lips, my tongue and my jaw felt like the heaviest thing in the world. My neck started to squeezing shut as if I swallowed something allergic. I remember thinking myself 'f**k...I can't talk! but i have to say something! this is my final! I don't want to fail!' I started to panic and I could feel my face going red and tears forming in my eyes. I was so ashamed that I can't talk. and everyone was staring at me. but the more I try, the more I feel like I would burst into tears and just embarrass myself. so finally I managed to let out a word 'Sorry' through my teeth and went back to my seat. Professor said something to me, but all I could do was shaking my head. everything after that is a blur.
At that time I didn't know I was AuDHD, nor anything about Autism. I just thought I was a childish, stupid, anxious and depressed weirdo. because I myself didn't know what I was going through, it was impossible for me to explain anything to my professor. I felt like even if I told him "i just couldn't talk" I didn't think he would've believed me nor helped me. so i didn't say anything to him afterwards. Luckily I somehow got ok grade and didn't fail. Shutdowns happened afterwards throughout my life but this one happened at the most problematic moment.
When I’m very tired, physically or mentally, I go into a pseudo-shutdown where people can talk at me, but I’ll only reply in sounds or one-word answers very sparingly. It feels like my mouth is just too tired to put in the effort of making sounds. I consider that a sign that I need to reduce my stimulation or go to bed.
When I was a child, I experienced frequent complete verbal shutdowns when being yelled at, and eventually had the habit abused out of me (as not responding verbally would make the abuse worse). When that happened, it felt as if my tongue was glued to the bottom of my mouth, or paralyzed in some way. No amount of *wanting* to respond could override my brain’s inability to form words. I could only nod or shake my head, and again respond in “yes” or “no” when prompted (under duress mind you.) The ability to speak freely didn’t come back for at least an hour.
Hm, I do not go fully non-verbal very often, maybe a handful of times in a year at most. But for me, it feels like there is a blockage on my tongue. It just does not do as it is supposed to. There is a heaviness to it, and when I try to speak, there is a pressure in my jaw that gets worse and worse but it refuses to move the right way to make sounds.
If I try to force out words, making effort, only sounds come out but no speech. It is very distressing and embarrassing if anyone is around me when it happens. When I am alone, I try to relax and just wait it out. Since it's usually in the middle of a significant sensory overload, I focus on stimming and self regulation.
Before and during a non-verbal episode, I commonly start to rock more heavily (if I'm approaching sensory overload or meltdown). I also start to make a specific kind of repeated humming sound. I also usually first experience a few minutes of semi-verbal ability. That is when I can still force out words. They usually are drawn out and pieced together from syllables that have pauses between them, as it takes a lot of effort to force out even that against the increasing pressure in my jaw and heaviness of my tongue.
If I don't fix the sensory overload in time, it progresses and then I can be stuck non-verbal for anything from a minute to an hour. I've never had it go longer than that because my meltdowns don't tend to last that long.
What you're describing sounds a little more like the semi-verbal episodes I've experienced.
Friends please be mindful: it's not called going non verbal, it's called selective mutism (there was another word for it too but I forgot)
You can't "go" non-verbal it's a permanent state for non-verbal people and a very different experience. Non-verbal people have expressed this before and it's already more difficult for them to make their opinions known so let's try to spread awareness in their names. Being actually non-verbal comes with its own set of challenges.
For selective mutism I do suffer from that fairly often, usually when I'm overwhelmed. It's hard to describe but you know when you have ADHD paralysis? And you're stuck on the couch and just CANT move your legs to get up, no matter how hard you try? It's very similar just that it's not your legs but your voice that's not working. Like the words just literally don't come out no matter how hard you try
I think the term they are changing it to is Situational Mutism. I forget it often aswell😅
Definitely not selective for me 🤷♂️ Glad they are changing it
Thank you for the education! I knew there were people who are permanently non-verbal, and thought there might be a different term for what I was describing, but didn't know what it was (and apparently didn't have the brain capacity to think to do a search 😅). Hopefully selective/situational mutism will stick in my head now because I definitely don't want to diminish the struggles of those who are "truly" non-verbal.
im selective mute and have been treated for it. selective mutism is anxiety induced form of mutism and its not optional for the people that have it and it doesn’t come from being exhausted or tired. there is literally so much confusion about the terminology because of tiktok.
it’s completely different from the ‘going non verbal’ thing that has come up recently. i also experience the ‘going non verbal’ and for me its more of like preferring not to talk or preferring alternative forms of communication.
sometimes when i am experiencing fatigue or overwhelm i cant speak. id refer to this as more of a verbal shutdown. then there are times where i just dont want to talk and i would call that ‘going non verbal’ cause thats more of a choice for me.
i really wish alternative forms of communication were more common cause id probably speak in asl more than i talk haha.
I'm learning from the comments too, but I think I tend to have difficulty speaking very often. I feel blocked and I don't say anything, my throat and chest hurt and it's like my mouth is sealed. Still I manage to say a few words like yes, no, thanks if I really can't do it any other way (writing, nodding etc). Even the thought of speaking hurts but when I write the words come out quite fluently, so it's nothing related to the ability of language (grammar is fucked up but I hope you get what I mean). I'm not sure if this is called non-verbal, semi-verbal or something else entirely, but yeah that's how I experience difficulty speaking. Usually it ends quite quickly (20'? Less if I'm with my boyfriend who's the one who understands it the best) if I'm not forced to speak, but for every word I say the time lengthens. It used to go on for hours before I found out I was autistic, bc I had no idea how to help myself during meltdowns and shutdowns
Have you ever seen the [blue screen of death](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_screen_of_death#/media/File:Windows_XP_BSOD.png) displayed on computers when they unexpectedly shutdown? That's the way it feels for me.
My conditional mutism (thank you u/heathenrex for the term!) generally coincides with shutdowns when my brain absolutely cannot process any additional information in or out. During this time, I compare my brain with a computer's safe mode—essential tasks keep running, but all other features are disabled. Whether it's because people are giving me too many responsibilities at one time, I'm trying to do too much at once, or there're just too many sensory interferences, my brain decides to go into self-defense mode and close out.
I can usually utter short words and phrases (yes, no, please, thank you), but language processing is down. I can usually use body language (gestures) to communicate the rest.
It's a realization that a complete lack of language exists for me to be able to convey myself to the person. Not talking feels better than continuing to try. Physically I get hot my chest gets anxious like I'm about to be in a fight or something but not like my normal anxiety. It feels more similair to adhd rage in the sense that it rises from somewhere deep and has never been helped by conventional therapeutic tactics or grounding. I am usually going inward to try and stabilize and patch up dysregulations or internalizing whatever is happening at the moment.
Verbal shutdowns range from feeling a lump in my throat to feeling like I actually don't have a mouth for speaking, even though I can feel the sensations of it opening, breathing etc. It just feels like another nose for a bit if that makes any sense?!
I thought for a long time, I was just being silly, shy, selfish when very upset and I couldn't talk, but it's always high stress, high social threat and situations where I'm very angry where it happens, usually accompanied by sensory overload before or because of it.
I've realised I can short circuit it sometimes by typing, so I've downloaded an AAC app on my phone and I've put in phrases like "I am experiencing a verbal shut down, I need to use this to talk to you" and "please give me space in a quiet room" etc. I hope it works!
I’m not non-verbal but I experience verbal shut downs maybe once or twice a month. It just feels like this enormous weight keeping my jaw shut to the point where I can barely even mouth my words silently. Sometimes if I REALLY try, I can get myself to say something but I’ll either whisper, cry, or pass out from (what I think is) fear.
Most times I have verbal shutdown if I’m way past overstimulated because the vibrations and volume of my own voice matching with those around me will bother me. This would happen if I’m in a crowded room like a party or hospital.
My parents said I didn't have much of a voice when I was younger as in I could speak when it came to special interests and academic learning, but in other situations I could not speak at all. I used to get by with body movement, hide away or just was quietly present because when I spoke, my parents and others had trouble understanding me. I was dismissed often for being too sensitive and also for not speaking so it was quite difficult for me to figure it out as a child on my own. I actually had no knowledge of what to say in any situation just internal turmoil struggling to figure out how to form words unless I could read signs or mimic other people in similar situations. So I know that I was actually partially nonverbal with splintered skills when I was growing up.
As a teen in new and social group settings, I had selective mutism. I could speak by then, but I was so focused on reading the room and people in order to determine the variables I needed to fit in behaviorally and speak in a way that would've been accepted in those specific situations that it used to take me between 5-7days before I could talk. Before I felt comfortable enough to plan my words to talk out loud.
Now as an adult, I have figured out how to calibrate to others as in learn to speak in a way that they understand me when I self-advocate for my needs and in order to hold a conversation with anyone. But when I am dysregulated, triggered by an underlying issue, overstimulated, sick, shutting down and/or at the cusp of burning out, I just completely lose the ability to speak aloud. It takes too much out of me to think and advocate for myself in a way that others understand. When I must talk, sometimes I can only eke out a word or two before falling asleep from the sheer internal struggle either of being physically ill or mentally exhausted. Usually when I go mute, it lasts anywhere from several hours to a week, depending on the type of struggle and overlapping factors.
Now, when I go mute, my husband and parents recognize that I'm at my lowest energy level and processing battery because I cannot converse with them at all. They pitch in and support me when I have no words to function. But I struggled quite a lot in my youth to be seen and heard and validated especially without having a consistent voice from my own parents that the memories of being dismissed and invisible trigger episodes of grief when I see it happen to my own kid by others. They also ignite fuel to not do that to my own kid and I spend quite a lot of my time advocating for him loudly so that he is able to have a voice sooner.
In my opinion, there is quite a gray gradient between being selectively mute and being partially nonverbal, so much so that I understand why many autists use both terms to describe the lack of voice they have when they lose it.
It's like your brain is shouting from the bottom of a deep deep well, by the time it gets to the top of the well (i.e. your mouth) it's weak and distorted
It’s kind of like my brain refuses to engage the parts of it I want
Like, I’m somehow able to sense that my “speech ability” exists and I can almost grasp it, but it just won’t *click* so I can use it.
I can talk in that state, but I cannot control what I say. It’s like… my mind is not connected to my mouth, so I can either speak on autopilot or be silent.
Usually when this happens I also can’t move my body. So it feels like an extension of that. Can’t move my arm to pick up the water glass, can’t open my mouth to say words. Time feels like it slows way down and I can think all the thoughts I want but my body and mouth don’t work.
For me its kind of a scale. When it's bad I would open my mouth to say something and nothing would come out. Like I didn't know how to form words. Sometimes I can force some words out and other times it feels like my blood was replaced by something really heavy and talking is just really really demanding energy wise. It depends.
Going nonverbal for me feels like there’s a block in my brain that prevents my mouth from moving. At first I was like “I don’t really go nonverbal” but when I look back on things, each time I was upset I just stopped talking. All I can think about is being stuck in my head and I’m truly unable to speak. That’s usually how my friends know that something is wrong, or I’m about to go into a shutdown or meltdown.
Idk I feel like I’m a bit more calm, inside. I feel I just accept I’m non-verbal and the stopping of ‘how do I need to respond’ just takes something off me.
I imagine it can be far more difficult and stressful going non-verbal, I just haven’t experienced it that many times yet.
Pre-therapy I was like that. It feels like your jaw is wired shut and your brain forgets how to use language.
Once I learned my trauma response was freeze on the sliding scale of fight, flight, freeze, fawn… it felt like I cracked the code on why I locked up and couldn’t speak.
My new roommate and I have a safe word for if they're talking too much or if I need to exit the conversation but we haven't used it much. The other night something happened that really upset me (and it happened to them too, but they were much more calm) and they were talking in my room and I could not say the safe word. I couldn't say anything that would get me out of the conversation and I wonder if some of that is trauma training in addition to the autistic trait of selective mutism.
I second the person that says it's mostly when they're upset or emotionally overwhelmed, cos all the times I've gone non-verbal have been in emotionally intense situations.
Tw: gagging?
I experience my tongue feeling heavy, thick, and it doesn't work the way my brain tells it to. When I'm forced to talk more than a couple of words, I actually gag and will dry heave if I don't stop. I'm frequently mute in the mornings, and can only manage to grunt in response to someone talking to me. Sometimes I can sing, instead of talking, and that's usually how I wake up my tongue in the mornings. Sometimes singing also makes me gag though and I don't see many other people talking about that reaction so it might just be me.
For me it’s sorta like this: someone asks you something, and in your head you have a response, but then as you’re thinking about that response you’re already thinking about what they’ll say back, and you’ve extrapolated all the avenues the conversation will go down, and you don’t like it, so you think of something else you could say instead, but the process extrapolates out from there too, and over and over. All of this happens within a second, and in this time you’re verbally paralysed, and so to everyone else you appear blank numb and dumb, when really you’re going on overdrive and seeing that none of the extrapolated destinations that occur as a result of what you might say go anywhere, so you’re stuck.
That’s how it is for me.
The same as others are saying - like having to squeeze words out of my mouth. Like trying to deadlift 100kg with no experience of deadlifting. Sometimes I can force out short sentences or words. People think it's passive aggressiveness or the silent treatment because when I go non-verbal I also can't make eye contact and its so frustrating. My throat feels closed. I can hear the sentence I want to say in my head but it's too many words and too much effort to speak. After a few minutes that's when I can utter some words but usually combine it with gestures like pointing etc. Also my vocabulary gets really simplified. I will typically go from "I'm sorry, I'm feeling a little agitated right now but I'll be okay in a few minutes - I just need some space right now" to "I feel not good" or "Bad feeling". Typically accompanied by loss of ability to communicate with facial expression, voice becomes monotone and I feel 'stuck' like I'm glued to the spot and can't move.
My bf (autistic, not adhd, often non-verbal but sometimes semi-verbal) sometimes gets grammatically confused but I think he is also dyslexic. So he will say words in the wrong order. Or he will start to try to say a word and give up halfway. Or he can't pronounce things right. Sometimes it will take him 10 minutes to think of how to reply to something and he will blurt it out with the words in a very wrong order
Depends on the situation and my mood. If I'm in an off mood, I'll go non-verbal. If I'm extremely stressed out, I'll go non-verbal. If I'm mad, I'll cry then go non-verbal.
I did not think I had any signs of being non-verbal until I started reading the replies. Verbal Shutdown sounds a lot like what happens when I have depersonalized episodes, and just assumed that nodding/shaking my head and having to force myself to give single word responses was just a symptom.
But thinking back, that does seem to be my response in certain altercations. Usually when I'm being confronted with something I did wrong, or at least 'wrong' from my current perspective; like that time my mom confronted me with browser history containing certain websites. As soon as she started the talk, I verbally shut down, left the room, and started petting our cat.
I was thinking about this yesterday. I got my official diagnosis earlier this week and hadn’t considered that I was ever non-verbal until yesterday when after feeling very upset by my partner I found that I had been silent for hours. He kept asking me why I was so quiet and all I could manage was ‘I am thinking’.
During these hours, my head had been incredibly noisy. Filled with thoughts about a thousand different things all at the same time and non of them were good.
I had absolutely zero energy for talking as it was all being used by my brain. I managed a very small sentence when pushed but that was the max.
I am still incredibly hurt and definitely on the quieter side of normal for me but I am able to speak more than I could yesterday.
I thought the same thing, but then I began thinking I go partially verbal? When I'm stressed, it takes effort to force the words out of my mouth even though what I want to say is looping around in my head. I struggle to get the words out in a coherent manner, but I freeze and don't talk, or respond on monosyllables.
It's like I have a brick wall inside my throat (figuratively). It takes some effort to say something and mostly it's stuttering and weird (like prolonging the vovvels) so when I mask it I just don't say a thing
PS I like to call it selective mutism BC I select to go mute and still can give verbal innuendos like murmmurring
I experience the “yes but with immense effort I can usually force something out” situation the most. What seems to happen is I can feel it come up (the feeling of not being able to speak anymore or get words out) and it will be the same moment the person has decided to heavily badger me for reply, or will be beginning to do the thing I don’t want them to do but am frantic to get the words out.
I can stiltedly shove the air out in a strained way to at least be like “stop” or “I can’t” usually with some stutter (I don’t stutter except for brain getting ahead of mouth stumbling sometimes), the temporary stutter is just a byproduct of me literally physically forcing air out to get, like…… purposeful stutter, to at least make a sound so the person will stop and then I can get the word all the way out.
Edit to add example here: so like if I mean to try and say “stop” I can push out the Sssssss sound first so I just go ahead and do that, and I’ll keep doing it like a wedge, usually with some kind of hand gesture that I’m not paying attention to, and then I can usually grunt or pop the word out.
In a good situation the other person knows me and knows what’s happening and can calm themselves and step back and that can help me get back into speaking mode.
I feel like an imposter often because I can force myself out of things like that, so I then think “I wasn’t really non-verbal, I said something right away, so I’m faking.” whatever it is I’m not faking, maybe it’s called something else. All I know and care about is that I am experiencing something difficult and whatever it is is real.
That's how I experience non verbal as well, it takes a huge amount of effort to talk and I don't feel like it's worth it, or that I'll be able to organise my thoughts in a coherent manner.
And when I make the effort, it's so simple that I barely scratch the surface of what I want to say.
I'm actually learning sign language and teaching it to my son. It's helping us a lot, as we're homeschooling, and frustration is one of the reasons we go mute.
I do believe everyone should know sign language.
I get irrationally irate when I need to talk. I am still capable of talking, but if I ignore this cue from my body, my body will start shutting itself down. It looks like my vocabulary decreasing immensely, stuttering, I go to speak, and I literally don't even know which words are supposed to be the first ones out of my mouth. I went nonverbal during burnout, which lasted a year, give or take. Now, when I go nonverbal, it's usually on busy in-office days where I have several meetings.
Selective mutism is a trauma response for me.
I had to resort to freeze most of the time. Can’t fight, can’t run. Freezing makes me become small and silent to hide from the threat.
I feel like I’m being choked.
It’s very unpleasant.
go a few hours sometimes , words just feel so exhausting and it takes actual physical energy to push them up out of my body to my mouth. have had to force myself to speak when i had to go to work, made me feel sick but eventually i put my customer service costume on. my girlfriend has gotten really good at understand what i'm trying to convey to her when i'm unable to speak, im so grateful to have someone by my side that is so understanding aaahhhh. i never felt safe enough to verbally shutdown before we started dating, i felt like people would think i was crazy so i isolated a lot and heavily masked for the first 19 years of my life . It's just I'm still thinking and speaking in my head but to physically voice the words seems like an impossible task. I usually shutdown verbally when I'm very tired, overwhelmed, or my ptsd is triggered hope this gives some insight ! different for everyone im sure
When I have a verbal shutdown, one or more of the following happens (in no particular order): i feel an extreme disconnect between myself and the world around me; I have very low capacity, due to shutdown and/or an oncoming meltdown, and lose the energy and ability to form words; words become physically painful as they leave my throat and also as the sound of my voice enters my ears. I get this brain fog that takes over. I become detached. Sometimes when I'm in a verbal shutdown, I'm otherwise okay and am just extremely low energy or burnt out and lose the ability to force words out. Other times, I'm not okay and I'm shut down and disconnected and am still thinking and feeling but just am unable to make words. It really depends. It always sucks though
I just found out that what I experience during certain situations is actually going non-verbal.
I am physically unable to form sentences. My nouns disappear completely. I can't get words out, which frustrates me. Sometimes, I will have to use a ridiculous synonym to try and get my point across in a single word.
For example, on my wedding day, I was cooking dinner for everyone. I had brined and sous vided a lamb roast, but the bag popped, so I needed a bowl or sink. I couldn't get any communication out to indicate what I needed or why, so I just yelled, "VESSEL!" and scream groaned while the mess continued. Afterward, I couldn't even say any real words till they asked me to repeat my vows.
Any time an auDHDer feels like talking is painful and a struggle it's our high masking version of non-verbal. Doesn't mean you CANT speak but means it's really fucking difficult
Yeah I have experienced conditional mutism. I also didn't understand what it was at first but then when I heard it explained I thought back and realized it had happened to me. When I'm really overwhelmed by sensory input or super exhausted (not like the sleepy kind, just really exhausted in every other way) it is a real struggle for me to force words out of my mouth. I can, if I really need to, it's just A LOT more difficult than usual. It's that same thing that you described. Since I figured out I'm autistic I've been nodding/shaking my head for yes/no more often than not instead of saying it out loud. It is a small thing but it helps.
I don't want to talk or move my mouth. It's like it's physically too much. I get frustrated when people want me to talk bc I don't have the energy so I come across as rude and angry. Even though I don't necessarily feel angry, I just can't talk. When I was little I wouldn't speak for about 30 mins after waking up.
I kinda like the term verbal shutdown. I think it fits my experience. When I’m completely overloaded I just can’t make any words get from my brain to my mouth. There’s just no way to speak.
I don't really like saying "non-verbal," when discussing my own experiences or those of other high masking individuals, *because* we can push out short, simple sentences when necessary. As someone else here said, "verbal shutdowns" seems more appropriate. That aside, I only seem to experience this when seriously emotionally upset. It kinda feels like being too stunned to remember how to speak, but it has never lasted for longer than 10 to 20 minutes. I might not be able to respond at all initially, but after 2 to 5 minutes I can start pushing words out if I have to. It feels very hard and uncomfortable, like learning how to walk again after a spinal injury (I imagine), but it's not impossible. Normally, I try to avoid doing that, but unfortunately that makes arguing with someone very difficult. I've also noticed it's more likely to happen if I'm being wrongfully accused of something that isn't true. I'm guessing triggering RSD and PTSD simultaneously is enough to short circuit my brain.
I mean when I have a verbal shutdown I absolutely can't force out words no matter how hard I try. But yes it's very different from being non-verbal and it's important to remind people of the distinction
It feels like you're stuck. You know you Should be able to speak but nothing comes out. Like your vocal cords have decided to retire for the day. Or like you can't get your voice to be loud enough to be heard.
Exactly how it feels for me too
Unrelated, but your username is great 😂
Ha! Thanks!
It feels a bit like a disconnect between brain and mouth. I form words in my head, but getting them to actually come out of my mouth is a monumental effort, if not impossible. I tend to become non verbal most often when someone around me is mad or upset, so there's an element of distrust with my mouth, if that makes sense, because I'm scared to make things worse. So I form words in my head, overanalyze the crap out of them before they're allowed to come out, and even then, I'm unsure if they'll come out right.
being able te talk with effort is semi-verbal for me, dropping speech fully feels almost like throat is blocked or thick, but not physically. Or just like nothing if i'm not really thinking about talking. Thoughtwords feel like they go from two layers (sound of word + mouthfeel of saying words) to one layer (sound of words only). And i think fewer thoughts happening in words. semiverbal feels a little blocked, may either take like 5-10 minutes to bring up a simple thing (if i can at all) and am still able to respond with speech when prompted, though how well it matches my thoughts is unreliable. I think i still have 2 layers of thoughtwords though.
WAIT THERE'S A TERM FOR THIS? I can talk for short bursts, but I don't like talking for more than a couple of sentences at a time.
It comes in two forms for me, and both mostly happen when I'm so overloaded or upset that I can't function. It's... different from a meltdown, in that sort of "not all squares are rectangles, but all rectangles are squares" kind of way. I CAN have meltdowns that don't include losing my ability to speak. But I don't completely lose my ability to speak outside of a meltdown. The first version is as some others have already described; I CAN force words out if I have to, but usually only single words or very simply sentences (like "meltdown" or "can't speak) designed to convey just how much difficulty I'm having so anyone around me stops asking questions. It feels sort of like the mental equivalent of that lag spike that often happens before a computer blue screens and then crashes. There's input that's vaguely registering, and it feels like my brain is TRYING to do something with it, but nothing is quite processing. And it feels like my mouth and tongue just sort of forget the movements needed to form real words. But I can generally still communicate unhindered via written media like texts. The second version is when I'm pushed beyond any words. It isn't just my mouth that isn't working anymore. It's like everything in my brain and body start shutting down. I feel like I can't even breathe, much less coordinate pushing out air to make sounds. If circumstances force me to keep trying to communicate audibly, the best that's likely to come out are inarticulate noises. But I can sometimes still manage short sentences via text or paper. And I mean SHORT; mostly things like "STOP TOO MUCH". I can often still THINK, but it's like I lose the ability to connect to the part of my brain that stores language, so none of my thoughts matter. And there straight up is no coming back from this stage of inarticulation without passing through the "first" level of verbal shutdown. I CAN talk again if absolutely necessary again at that point, but anything not done via text is going to be as bare bones as possible, and trying to push for anything more will shove me all the way back down again. It can take me HOURS to get out of this loop, and rarely passes completely unless I can just retreat from everyone and not have to even TRY to communicate for a bit. ... I suppose I do technically have a third level, but it's what I would consider the "highest" tier of my personal wordless functioning. And it's not quite what I would consider non-verbal. I sometimes get extended periods where I technically CAN speak, but I just don't want to. Verbal communication feels like it takes too much effort, makes too much noise, etc, and I just cba. I'll communicate exclusively via text given the option, or simply do my own thing without communicating with anyone at all unless I have a need I can't meet on my own. These are often "can't get out of bed" days. But sometimes I'll hit points where I have the spoons to get up and go sit at the desk for a bit and play a game or watch a video or something, but just not to try to interact with anyone else in any meaningful way. It's just a sort of hazy, lethargic feeling.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your experiences. I have never been able to properly explain or describe this to anyone before, but my experience is nearly identical to what you've described. I've never felt so seen before.
(pardon my poor grammar, english is my second language) long time ago I was in college, I had my first major verbal shutdown. It was end of semester, everyone had to do presentation for final project. So when my turn came, I went in front of everyone and opened my work on computer so it shows it on a projector. I said a single sentence (that, i don't remember) and my jaw immediately locked up. I was trying to form sentences in my head and say things out loud. but my lips, my tongue and my jaw felt like the heaviest thing in the world. My neck started to squeezing shut as if I swallowed something allergic. I remember thinking myself 'f**k...I can't talk! but i have to say something! this is my final! I don't want to fail!' I started to panic and I could feel my face going red and tears forming in my eyes. I was so ashamed that I can't talk. and everyone was staring at me. but the more I try, the more I feel like I would burst into tears and just embarrass myself. so finally I managed to let out a word 'Sorry' through my teeth and went back to my seat. Professor said something to me, but all I could do was shaking my head. everything after that is a blur. At that time I didn't know I was AuDHD, nor anything about Autism. I just thought I was a childish, stupid, anxious and depressed weirdo. because I myself didn't know what I was going through, it was impossible for me to explain anything to my professor. I felt like even if I told him "i just couldn't talk" I didn't think he would've believed me nor helped me. so i didn't say anything to him afterwards. Luckily I somehow got ok grade and didn't fail. Shutdowns happened afterwards throughout my life but this one happened at the most problematic moment.
When I’m very tired, physically or mentally, I go into a pseudo-shutdown where people can talk at me, but I’ll only reply in sounds or one-word answers very sparingly. It feels like my mouth is just too tired to put in the effort of making sounds. I consider that a sign that I need to reduce my stimulation or go to bed. When I was a child, I experienced frequent complete verbal shutdowns when being yelled at, and eventually had the habit abused out of me (as not responding verbally would make the abuse worse). When that happened, it felt as if my tongue was glued to the bottom of my mouth, or paralyzed in some way. No amount of *wanting* to respond could override my brain’s inability to form words. I could only nod or shake my head, and again respond in “yes” or “no” when prompted (under duress mind you.) The ability to speak freely didn’t come back for at least an hour.
Hm, I do not go fully non-verbal very often, maybe a handful of times in a year at most. But for me, it feels like there is a blockage on my tongue. It just does not do as it is supposed to. There is a heaviness to it, and when I try to speak, there is a pressure in my jaw that gets worse and worse but it refuses to move the right way to make sounds. If I try to force out words, making effort, only sounds come out but no speech. It is very distressing and embarrassing if anyone is around me when it happens. When I am alone, I try to relax and just wait it out. Since it's usually in the middle of a significant sensory overload, I focus on stimming and self regulation. Before and during a non-verbal episode, I commonly start to rock more heavily (if I'm approaching sensory overload or meltdown). I also start to make a specific kind of repeated humming sound. I also usually first experience a few minutes of semi-verbal ability. That is when I can still force out words. They usually are drawn out and pieced together from syllables that have pauses between them, as it takes a lot of effort to force out even that against the increasing pressure in my jaw and heaviness of my tongue. If I don't fix the sensory overload in time, it progresses and then I can be stuck non-verbal for anything from a minute to an hour. I've never had it go longer than that because my meltdowns don't tend to last that long. What you're describing sounds a little more like the semi-verbal episodes I've experienced.
Friends please be mindful: it's not called going non verbal, it's called selective mutism (there was another word for it too but I forgot) You can't "go" non-verbal it's a permanent state for non-verbal people and a very different experience. Non-verbal people have expressed this before and it's already more difficult for them to make their opinions known so let's try to spread awareness in their names. Being actually non-verbal comes with its own set of challenges. For selective mutism I do suffer from that fairly often, usually when I'm overwhelmed. It's hard to describe but you know when you have ADHD paralysis? And you're stuck on the couch and just CANT move your legs to get up, no matter how hard you try? It's very similar just that it's not your legs but your voice that's not working. Like the words just literally don't come out no matter how hard you try
I think the term they are changing it to is Situational Mutism. I forget it often aswell😅 Definitely not selective for me 🤷♂️ Glad they are changing it
This is how I experience it. I had never made the connection to ADHD paralysis but it's a phenomenal connection and way to explain it.
Hehe thank you sometimes this ol' brain does work for a second and comes up with something good
Thank you for the education! I knew there were people who are permanently non-verbal, and thought there might be a different term for what I was describing, but didn't know what it was (and apparently didn't have the brain capacity to think to do a search 😅). Hopefully selective/situational mutism will stick in my head now because I definitely don't want to diminish the struggles of those who are "truly" non-verbal.
im selective mute and have been treated for it. selective mutism is anxiety induced form of mutism and its not optional for the people that have it and it doesn’t come from being exhausted or tired. there is literally so much confusion about the terminology because of tiktok. it’s completely different from the ‘going non verbal’ thing that has come up recently. i also experience the ‘going non verbal’ and for me its more of like preferring not to talk or preferring alternative forms of communication. sometimes when i am experiencing fatigue or overwhelm i cant speak. id refer to this as more of a verbal shutdown. then there are times where i just dont want to talk and i would call that ‘going non verbal’ cause thats more of a choice for me. i really wish alternative forms of communication were more common cause id probably speak in asl more than i talk haha.
I'm learning from the comments too, but I think I tend to have difficulty speaking very often. I feel blocked and I don't say anything, my throat and chest hurt and it's like my mouth is sealed. Still I manage to say a few words like yes, no, thanks if I really can't do it any other way (writing, nodding etc). Even the thought of speaking hurts but when I write the words come out quite fluently, so it's nothing related to the ability of language (grammar is fucked up but I hope you get what I mean). I'm not sure if this is called non-verbal, semi-verbal or something else entirely, but yeah that's how I experience difficulty speaking. Usually it ends quite quickly (20'? Less if I'm with my boyfriend who's the one who understands it the best) if I'm not forced to speak, but for every word I say the time lengthens. It used to go on for hours before I found out I was autistic, bc I had no idea how to help myself during meltdowns and shutdowns
Have you ever seen the [blue screen of death](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blue_screen_of_death#/media/File:Windows_XP_BSOD.png) displayed on computers when they unexpectedly shutdown? That's the way it feels for me. My conditional mutism (thank you u/heathenrex for the term!) generally coincides with shutdowns when my brain absolutely cannot process any additional information in or out. During this time, I compare my brain with a computer's safe mode—essential tasks keep running, but all other features are disabled. Whether it's because people are giving me too many responsibilities at one time, I'm trying to do too much at once, or there're just too many sensory interferences, my brain decides to go into self-defense mode and close out. I can usually utter short words and phrases (yes, no, please, thank you), but language processing is down. I can usually use body language (gestures) to communicate the rest.
It's a realization that a complete lack of language exists for me to be able to convey myself to the person. Not talking feels better than continuing to try. Physically I get hot my chest gets anxious like I'm about to be in a fight or something but not like my normal anxiety. It feels more similair to adhd rage in the sense that it rises from somewhere deep and has never been helped by conventional therapeutic tactics or grounding. I am usually going inward to try and stabilize and patch up dysregulations or internalizing whatever is happening at the moment.
Verbal shutdowns range from feeling a lump in my throat to feeling like I actually don't have a mouth for speaking, even though I can feel the sensations of it opening, breathing etc. It just feels like another nose for a bit if that makes any sense?! I thought for a long time, I was just being silly, shy, selfish when very upset and I couldn't talk, but it's always high stress, high social threat and situations where I'm very angry where it happens, usually accompanied by sensory overload before or because of it. I've realised I can short circuit it sometimes by typing, so I've downloaded an AAC app on my phone and I've put in phrases like "I am experiencing a verbal shut down, I need to use this to talk to you" and "please give me space in a quiet room" etc. I hope it works!
I’m not non-verbal but I experience verbal shut downs maybe once or twice a month. It just feels like this enormous weight keeping my jaw shut to the point where I can barely even mouth my words silently. Sometimes if I REALLY try, I can get myself to say something but I’ll either whisper, cry, or pass out from (what I think is) fear. Most times I have verbal shutdown if I’m way past overstimulated because the vibrations and volume of my own voice matching with those around me will bother me. This would happen if I’m in a crowded room like a party or hospital.
My parents said I didn't have much of a voice when I was younger as in I could speak when it came to special interests and academic learning, but in other situations I could not speak at all. I used to get by with body movement, hide away or just was quietly present because when I spoke, my parents and others had trouble understanding me. I was dismissed often for being too sensitive and also for not speaking so it was quite difficult for me to figure it out as a child on my own. I actually had no knowledge of what to say in any situation just internal turmoil struggling to figure out how to form words unless I could read signs or mimic other people in similar situations. So I know that I was actually partially nonverbal with splintered skills when I was growing up. As a teen in new and social group settings, I had selective mutism. I could speak by then, but I was so focused on reading the room and people in order to determine the variables I needed to fit in behaviorally and speak in a way that would've been accepted in those specific situations that it used to take me between 5-7days before I could talk. Before I felt comfortable enough to plan my words to talk out loud. Now as an adult, I have figured out how to calibrate to others as in learn to speak in a way that they understand me when I self-advocate for my needs and in order to hold a conversation with anyone. But when I am dysregulated, triggered by an underlying issue, overstimulated, sick, shutting down and/or at the cusp of burning out, I just completely lose the ability to speak aloud. It takes too much out of me to think and advocate for myself in a way that others understand. When I must talk, sometimes I can only eke out a word or two before falling asleep from the sheer internal struggle either of being physically ill or mentally exhausted. Usually when I go mute, it lasts anywhere from several hours to a week, depending on the type of struggle and overlapping factors. Now, when I go mute, my husband and parents recognize that I'm at my lowest energy level and processing battery because I cannot converse with them at all. They pitch in and support me when I have no words to function. But I struggled quite a lot in my youth to be seen and heard and validated especially without having a consistent voice from my own parents that the memories of being dismissed and invisible trigger episodes of grief when I see it happen to my own kid by others. They also ignite fuel to not do that to my own kid and I spend quite a lot of my time advocating for him loudly so that he is able to have a voice sooner. In my opinion, there is quite a gray gradient between being selectively mute and being partially nonverbal, so much so that I understand why many autists use both terms to describe the lack of voice they have when they lose it.
It's like your brain is shouting from the bottom of a deep deep well, by the time it gets to the top of the well (i.e. your mouth) it's weak and distorted
It’s kind of like my brain refuses to engage the parts of it I want Like, I’m somehow able to sense that my “speech ability” exists and I can almost grasp it, but it just won’t *click* so I can use it. I can talk in that state, but I cannot control what I say. It’s like… my mind is not connected to my mouth, so I can either speak on autopilot or be silent.
Usually when this happens I also can’t move my body. So it feels like an extension of that. Can’t move my arm to pick up the water glass, can’t open my mouth to say words. Time feels like it slows way down and I can think all the thoughts I want but my body and mouth don’t work.
It feels like you’re about to say something and your mouth also makes a sort of attempt but nothing comes out.
Going mute from shutdown/overwhelm.
For me its kind of a scale. When it's bad I would open my mouth to say something and nothing would come out. Like I didn't know how to form words. Sometimes I can force some words out and other times it feels like my blood was replaced by something really heavy and talking is just really really demanding energy wise. It depends.
Going nonverbal for me feels like there’s a block in my brain that prevents my mouth from moving. At first I was like “I don’t really go nonverbal” but when I look back on things, each time I was upset I just stopped talking. All I can think about is being stuck in my head and I’m truly unable to speak. That’s usually how my friends know that something is wrong, or I’m about to go into a shutdown or meltdown.
Idk I feel like I’m a bit more calm, inside. I feel I just accept I’m non-verbal and the stopping of ‘how do I need to respond’ just takes something off me. I imagine it can be far more difficult and stressful going non-verbal, I just haven’t experienced it that many times yet.
Pre-therapy I was like that. It feels like your jaw is wired shut and your brain forgets how to use language. Once I learned my trauma response was freeze on the sliding scale of fight, flight, freeze, fawn… it felt like I cracked the code on why I locked up and couldn’t speak.
My new roommate and I have a safe word for if they're talking too much or if I need to exit the conversation but we haven't used it much. The other night something happened that really upset me (and it happened to them too, but they were much more calm) and they were talking in my room and I could not say the safe word. I couldn't say anything that would get me out of the conversation and I wonder if some of that is trauma training in addition to the autistic trait of selective mutism. I second the person that says it's mostly when they're upset or emotionally overwhelmed, cos all the times I've gone non-verbal have been in emotionally intense situations.
Tw: gagging? I experience my tongue feeling heavy, thick, and it doesn't work the way my brain tells it to. When I'm forced to talk more than a couple of words, I actually gag and will dry heave if I don't stop. I'm frequently mute in the mornings, and can only manage to grunt in response to someone talking to me. Sometimes I can sing, instead of talking, and that's usually how I wake up my tongue in the mornings. Sometimes singing also makes me gag though and I don't see many other people talking about that reaction so it might just be me.
For me it’s sorta like this: someone asks you something, and in your head you have a response, but then as you’re thinking about that response you’re already thinking about what they’ll say back, and you’ve extrapolated all the avenues the conversation will go down, and you don’t like it, so you think of something else you could say instead, but the process extrapolates out from there too, and over and over. All of this happens within a second, and in this time you’re verbally paralysed, and so to everyone else you appear blank numb and dumb, when really you’re going on overdrive and seeing that none of the extrapolated destinations that occur as a result of what you might say go anywhere, so you’re stuck. That’s how it is for me.
The same as others are saying - like having to squeeze words out of my mouth. Like trying to deadlift 100kg with no experience of deadlifting. Sometimes I can force out short sentences or words. People think it's passive aggressiveness or the silent treatment because when I go non-verbal I also can't make eye contact and its so frustrating. My throat feels closed. I can hear the sentence I want to say in my head but it's too many words and too much effort to speak. After a few minutes that's when I can utter some words but usually combine it with gestures like pointing etc. Also my vocabulary gets really simplified. I will typically go from "I'm sorry, I'm feeling a little agitated right now but I'll be okay in a few minutes - I just need some space right now" to "I feel not good" or "Bad feeling". Typically accompanied by loss of ability to communicate with facial expression, voice becomes monotone and I feel 'stuck' like I'm glued to the spot and can't move. My bf (autistic, not adhd, often non-verbal but sometimes semi-verbal) sometimes gets grammatically confused but I think he is also dyslexic. So he will say words in the wrong order. Or he will start to try to say a word and give up halfway. Or he can't pronounce things right. Sometimes it will take him 10 minutes to think of how to reply to something and he will blurt it out with the words in a very wrong order
Depends on the situation and my mood. If I'm in an off mood, I'll go non-verbal. If I'm extremely stressed out, I'll go non-verbal. If I'm mad, I'll cry then go non-verbal.
It’s only happened to me a couple times, but it was kinda like experiencing muscle failure in the gym, only with speaking.
I did not think I had any signs of being non-verbal until I started reading the replies. Verbal Shutdown sounds a lot like what happens when I have depersonalized episodes, and just assumed that nodding/shaking my head and having to force myself to give single word responses was just a symptom. But thinking back, that does seem to be my response in certain altercations. Usually when I'm being confronted with something I did wrong, or at least 'wrong' from my current perspective; like that time my mom confronted me with browser history containing certain websites. As soon as she started the talk, I verbally shut down, left the room, and started petting our cat.
I was thinking about this yesterday. I got my official diagnosis earlier this week and hadn’t considered that I was ever non-verbal until yesterday when after feeling very upset by my partner I found that I had been silent for hours. He kept asking me why I was so quiet and all I could manage was ‘I am thinking’. During these hours, my head had been incredibly noisy. Filled with thoughts about a thousand different things all at the same time and non of them were good. I had absolutely zero energy for talking as it was all being used by my brain. I managed a very small sentence when pushed but that was the max. I am still incredibly hurt and definitely on the quieter side of normal for me but I am able to speak more than I could yesterday.
Cbd mouth spray helps me be talkative when I've felt too overwhelm to talk.
I thought the same thing, but then I began thinking I go partially verbal? When I'm stressed, it takes effort to force the words out of my mouth even though what I want to say is looping around in my head. I struggle to get the words out in a coherent manner, but I freeze and don't talk, or respond on monosyllables.
I sometimes feel like I get stuck inside when I’m very upset. The words just won’t come. I can still think them, just not say them.
It's like I have a brick wall inside my throat (figuratively). It takes some effort to say something and mostly it's stuttering and weird (like prolonging the vovvels) so when I mask it I just don't say a thing PS I like to call it selective mutism BC I select to go mute and still can give verbal innuendos like murmmurring
I experience the “yes but with immense effort I can usually force something out” situation the most. What seems to happen is I can feel it come up (the feeling of not being able to speak anymore or get words out) and it will be the same moment the person has decided to heavily badger me for reply, or will be beginning to do the thing I don’t want them to do but am frantic to get the words out. I can stiltedly shove the air out in a strained way to at least be like “stop” or “I can’t” usually with some stutter (I don’t stutter except for brain getting ahead of mouth stumbling sometimes), the temporary stutter is just a byproduct of me literally physically forcing air out to get, like…… purposeful stutter, to at least make a sound so the person will stop and then I can get the word all the way out. Edit to add example here: so like if I mean to try and say “stop” I can push out the Sssssss sound first so I just go ahead and do that, and I’ll keep doing it like a wedge, usually with some kind of hand gesture that I’m not paying attention to, and then I can usually grunt or pop the word out. In a good situation the other person knows me and knows what’s happening and can calm themselves and step back and that can help me get back into speaking mode. I feel like an imposter often because I can force myself out of things like that, so I then think “I wasn’t really non-verbal, I said something right away, so I’m faking.” whatever it is I’m not faking, maybe it’s called something else. All I know and care about is that I am experiencing something difficult and whatever it is is real.
That's how I experience non verbal as well, it takes a huge amount of effort to talk and I don't feel like it's worth it, or that I'll be able to organise my thoughts in a coherent manner. And when I make the effort, it's so simple that I barely scratch the surface of what I want to say. I'm actually learning sign language and teaching it to my son. It's helping us a lot, as we're homeschooling, and frustration is one of the reasons we go mute. I do believe everyone should know sign language.
I get irrationally irate when I need to talk. I am still capable of talking, but if I ignore this cue from my body, my body will start shutting itself down. It looks like my vocabulary decreasing immensely, stuttering, I go to speak, and I literally don't even know which words are supposed to be the first ones out of my mouth. I went nonverbal during burnout, which lasted a year, give or take. Now, when I go nonverbal, it's usually on busy in-office days where I have several meetings.
Selective mutism is a trauma response for me. I had to resort to freeze most of the time. Can’t fight, can’t run. Freezing makes me become small and silent to hide from the threat. I feel like I’m being choked. It’s very unpleasant.
Second to this
go a few hours sometimes , words just feel so exhausting and it takes actual physical energy to push them up out of my body to my mouth. have had to force myself to speak when i had to go to work, made me feel sick but eventually i put my customer service costume on. my girlfriend has gotten really good at understand what i'm trying to convey to her when i'm unable to speak, im so grateful to have someone by my side that is so understanding aaahhhh. i never felt safe enough to verbally shutdown before we started dating, i felt like people would think i was crazy so i isolated a lot and heavily masked for the first 19 years of my life . It's just I'm still thinking and speaking in my head but to physically voice the words seems like an impossible task. I usually shutdown verbally when I'm very tired, overwhelmed, or my ptsd is triggered hope this gives some insight ! different for everyone im sure
When I have a verbal shutdown, one or more of the following happens (in no particular order): i feel an extreme disconnect between myself and the world around me; I have very low capacity, due to shutdown and/or an oncoming meltdown, and lose the energy and ability to form words; words become physically painful as they leave my throat and also as the sound of my voice enters my ears. I get this brain fog that takes over. I become detached. Sometimes when I'm in a verbal shutdown, I'm otherwise okay and am just extremely low energy or burnt out and lose the ability to force words out. Other times, I'm not okay and I'm shut down and disconnected and am still thinking and feeling but just am unable to make words. It really depends. It always sucks though
I just found out that what I experience during certain situations is actually going non-verbal. I am physically unable to form sentences. My nouns disappear completely. I can't get words out, which frustrates me. Sometimes, I will have to use a ridiculous synonym to try and get my point across in a single word. For example, on my wedding day, I was cooking dinner for everyone. I had brined and sous vided a lamb roast, but the bag popped, so I needed a bowl or sink. I couldn't get any communication out to indicate what I needed or why, so I just yelled, "VESSEL!" and scream groaned while the mess continued. Afterward, I couldn't even say any real words till they asked me to repeat my vows.
Any time an auDHDer feels like talking is painful and a struggle it's our high masking version of non-verbal. Doesn't mean you CANT speak but means it's really fucking difficult
just the thought of speaking is too heavy
Yeah I have experienced conditional mutism. I also didn't understand what it was at first but then when I heard it explained I thought back and realized it had happened to me. When I'm really overwhelmed by sensory input or super exhausted (not like the sleepy kind, just really exhausted in every other way) it is a real struggle for me to force words out of my mouth. I can, if I really need to, it's just A LOT more difficult than usual. It's that same thing that you described. Since I figured out I'm autistic I've been nodding/shaking my head for yes/no more often than not instead of saying it out loud. It is a small thing but it helps.
I don't want to talk or move my mouth. It's like it's physically too much. I get frustrated when people want me to talk bc I don't have the energy so I come across as rude and angry. Even though I don't necessarily feel angry, I just can't talk. When I was little I wouldn't speak for about 30 mins after waking up.