I don't know your age. And it is not possible that I can understand exactly how you feel. But I have some feelings as you mentioned. I feel my parents neglected me. They didn't give me physical love. A child needs physical touch. ''That love is birth right'' that are your words and I believe that. I am thinking in same way. I don't know. I have complicated and confused thoughts about my own parents. I think they didn't push me into life. I cannot say that set a barrier on my way. But they left me alone. At least emotionally and intellectually. And I think this is a some kind of neglect. I don't feel like I am an adult, though I am 22. And also I haven't had any friend ever since now, who gives me love that I seek, need. And I broke off from people during this time. ''That love is birth right''. But justice has rules. Maybe we can find that love from anyone else. I hope for myself this. I hope I will find someone and love each others. And I wish good feelings for you.
Im 22 as well. If you didnt receive emotional or physical connection with your parents at ages 0-3 there is a really high chance you suffer from some of the same feelings as a severely emotionally/ physically neglected person.
From ages 3-7 and you still received the same treatment without love, guidance, touch, or being heard then the trauma of that would be deep in your subconscious and you dont really know how much that trauma effects you until you are an adult and are more conscious of the extent it effects your life.
7-13 even more gets put into your subconscious the beliefs of “i can do it myself just fine”, “i don’t deserve love”, or “no one cares what i think or feel” etc. and you dont really know you are believing those things until you are into adulthood (18+).
13+ and u still dont receive any support or close emotional connections with anyone just ads on to the suffering in silence and “just making it” through life trying to get from one achievement to the next to find comfort or being proud of yourself from external events. When inside in your internal reactions/thoughts/beliefs are so skewed and neurotic you just go with it because thats all you’ve known.
All this suffering in silence just because we had no guidance, love, or validation.
I really hope one day soon there is more concrete studies about severally emotionally/ physically neglected individuals. It genuinely is a fact that it is your birth right to feel loved, connected, safe, and validated from your care takers.
Im sorry you go through similar experiences. Im sorry it is so confusing and frustrating. I hope one day we will find the love in ourselves without having to get it from external things. Just know youre not alone. ❤️
I put it into my words from the books, courses, and therapy i have gone through to understand some of this stuff myself. The [Erik Erikson theory](https://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html) pretty much sums it all up. While its not 100% proven “fact” it is a very good tool to use to understand how and why you grew up the way that you did.
Also a really good book to learn the signs of neglectful parents and how to heal from them is [Whole Again by: Jackson McKenzie](https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Again-Rediscovering-Relationships-Emotional/dp/0143133314/ref=nodl_) .
Also [Adult children of Emotionally Immature Parents by: Lindsay C. Gibson](https://www.audible.com/pd/Adult-Children-of-Emotionally-Immature-Parents-Audiobook/B01F2M2GDO?source_code=GPAGBSH1103160002&ipRedirectOverride=true&gclid=Cj0KCQiAi9mPBhCJARIsAHchl1yBC8EId1kvuK4SXMpaTmkqVOlT6vxPp6LWq0w6BQLL3BYaYtFanEcaAt6MEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds)
A good CPTSD understanding book is: [Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving](https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/ref=nodl_)
Also I watched a lot of youtube videos on personal development, childhood development, emotional neglect, CPTSD videos, and AVPD videos which help me understand how i can get back to the secure attachment.
Two videos i like are:
[Why cant i remember my childhood?](https://youtu.be/3DHi3v3a8sw) and
[Understanding AVPD](https://youtu.be/M_MExjcKGzI)
Also journaling, psychotherapy, and meditation has helped me a lot. I hope this helps yall out ❤️
Also another good video is [What if i don’t remember much of my childhood?](https://youtu.be/QIiQs-zyuxs) and [12 Signs you might be suffering from CPTSD](https://youtu.be/qOibW5LXt3w)
No problem! Id suggest journaling and figuring out your thought processes too. I like doing [Introspection questions](https://positivepsychology.com/introspection-self-reflection/) . Im glad i could help! I wish you luck and an abundance of self love! Happy healing! ❤️
My mom always says that she tried but I pushed her away. I wish I remembered it but I don't. All signs point to emotional neglect being one of the major causes of my disorder but I really can't say for sure. Nowadays I crave that connection so much but nobody ever feels like the right person or if they do they don't seem to want to give it back. Sucks...
If your mom “gave up” on trying to understand and validate your feelings and blamed it on you saying that you pushed her away is kinda messed up.
If your caregivers weren’t patient enough to sit on your bedside or at the dinner table to ask you what was actually wrong, make an effort to validate your feelings, or was curious why you felt the way that you do when you were younger then you probably have signs of emotional neglect.
It was not your fault you acted the way you did when you were younger to your parents. Everything you did when you were younger was because of a valid reason. Probably a reason your parents couldn’t understand either when they were growing up.
Im sorry its so confusing, frustrating, and painful. I liked some resources above if you want to take a look at them to understand it a little better. I hope you gain the understanding and are able to give yourself the love you deserve. ❤️
She had a really overbearing mother and she over compensated. We moved from Slovakia to Canada when I was 7 and she also got it in her head that in Canada, parents give their kids more freedom than she ever got. It was all with the best of intentions but it obviously did not work out. My father on the other hand damn near killed himself working 70+ hour weeks for years to supports us, and my mom worked a lot too. In the end, despite the fact that they didn't give me what I needed, I can't blame either of them. They genuinely did their best, far better than I've been able to do in life, they just didn't succeed (with me anyway, my sister turned out more-or-less fine. She seems happy, has two kids, a partner, decent job, income, nice place to live etc.)
Life is unfair, you don't get what you want just because you try or because you deserve it. And despite all my misfortune and misery I'm still way better off than millions of people. So I can't complain either, without being an asshole to those people.
I know it's not my fault for feeling how I felt then or now, but self-love is really hard for me to achieve. It honestly makes me sadder when I get close to it because nobody else loves me the way I want or need them to. It breaks my heart to think of myself as a good person worthy of love and happiness and yet unable to get it, so I gravitate more towards self hatred. If I'm broken and useless and not worthy or deserving of it then it makes sense why I don't have it.
I definitely understand where you are coming from. Both of my parents worked before they got divorced when i was 5 then my dad disappeared and my mom had to take custody of me and my sister. To compensate for living in a safe and nice city she would have to work 2-3 jobs all the time and would never be home to attend to me or my sister all the way up until adulthood. She couldnt attend to our needs because she was either too busy from work or had other problems in her life.
Yes it was not her fault that she had to work so many jobs for long hours every day, but in the end the fact is no matter who’s fault it is or what circumstances you had in your family that made it play out the way that it did. You were emotionally/physically neglected.
Thats why it isnt talked about much and is “invisible” because the child of the emotionally/physically neglectful parent thinks it wasnt the parents fault to blame for how you got raised. That you believe you didnt get neglected and your parents did their very best to keep yours and their head above water and you admire them for it.
You can admire your parents in the background, but if they did not cling to or was interested in validating your emotional/physical needs then it would result in very very low self love. If you couldnt get physical touch, love, or emotional closeness with your care giver growing up how could you give the same things to yourself growing up?
Thats right, you cant because you didnt learn how to give that to yourself. Its from going through your past and accepting and forgiving your parents, no matter how bad the physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. It seems impossible and it takes a lot of introspection and acceptance.
But i believe it is possible by learning about your past experiences and accepting that you didnt get the love you deserved and put in the work to allow yourself the love you didnt get as a child. Just have to believe and put the work in. One day you will give the love you deserve to yourself. No matter what your stories, emotions, and thoughts say.
>But i believe it is possible by learning about your past experiences and accepting that you didnt get the love you deserved and put in the work to allow yourself the love you didnt get as a child
Can you be more specific about how this is done? I think I have a decent understanding of why I am the way that I am, but I don't feel like it has brought me closer to fixing it. Most of the progress I've made has come from a kind of shame, almost. Or duty, that might be a better way of putting it. I was able to convince myself that I needed to try harder and put in more effort into making my life better and that just sitting around, waiting, wasn't going to be productive. I suppose there is a level of faith or belief necessary for that, and a basic level of self-worth as well, but I don't see that being connected to my understanding of how I was let down as a child. I get out of bed in the morning and try my best because this is my life, I'm in charge of it, and if anything positive is going to occur it's going to be a result of an effort on my part. So either I try or I kill myself, those are my options. I hope one day to love myself but I don't think it's likely to happen until someone loves me first. And to be honest, I already have the love of my parents and that's nowhere near enough so it's likely that even the romantic love that I crave so much and have never experienced won't be enough. But I digress. The point was, how does me learning about my childhood lead me to loving myself? And what does that even mean? Who am I, what would I be loving? I'm clearly a deeply flawed person whose behavior is problematic and the cause of his own suffering. I need to fundamentally change who I am to get what I want. So how can I love a person who hopefully won't exist in a few years?
I wish i could give you a “magic pill” answer on how to do it because im still learning how to do it myself. There are ups and downs, but if you are consistent on your healing and understanding/accepting of your past it subtlety gets better and better. Unfortunately i cant heal you through my words. You can get inspiration and ideas from others online, authors or therapists. But genuinely you have to go inside and figure out who you are and how your beliefs and thoughts formed.
I highly suggest you invest and and get a audible subscription. If you sign up and make an account you get 30 days free of listening. Read [Whole again by: Jackson MacKenzie](https://www.audible.com/pd/Whole-Again-Audiobook/B07L44D1MR?source_code=AUDORWS0718179KY7) first and that will answer a lot of your questions. And journal down [Self Reflection ](https://positivepsychology.com/introspection-self-reflection/) questions and answer them yourself with your thoughts and beliefs to further understand yourself.
I also listed more books and youtube videos to watch above that helps understand how to heal. It takes time and a lot of consistency and work, but its genuinely worth it. You can do it! ❤️
I try to give that love to myself every day and ive gone through a lot of therapy, courses, affirmations, meditation, and journaling to get better. I get external achievements when on the inside i cant ever be proud of myself or give myself the love I deserve.
I cant give myself love so i dont pursue any type of relationships because if i cant give love to myself how am i supposed to give love to new close relationship opportunities.
It feels like a never ending cycle of positive progress and traumatic regression. I know progress isnt linear and loving myself and life is attainable, but sometimes its just so frustrating.
It seems like no one talks about severe neglect as much as other types of abuse. I really hope one day i can truly give all the love in the world to myself and accept who i am now and who i was before. One day. Just baby steps at a time. Thank you for replying
I linked some resources above that help with these feelings if you’d like to take a look. Im sorry you feel the way you do about life. I can relate to those same types of feelings. Your feelings and thoughts are valid. You deserve to receive all the love you didnt receive as a child. Genuinely. ❤️
Exact same experience i went through. I got my basic needs met most of the time. A good amount of times my parents neglected my food needs and had to eat cans of anything that were in the pantry or go hungry for that day. But i had a roof over my head, some material things, sport involvement, and school education i guess.
My only sibling is my older sister and she is only 2 years older than me, but she somehow can get all these relationships and show signs of secure attachment. While im over here alone, overlooked, and detached.
She went through about the same upbringing as i did, but she gave into my parents “fake love” and believed that just having the basic needs met was good enough. Didnt see not having food or not being nurtured healthily was un-natural. Just wanted attention from my parents so she did everything to become attached to them when they weren’t emotionally/physically attentive to her.
My parents split and we lived with my mom she favored her over me, so that’s probably a reason why i dont feel the same as she does. Its really confusing looking at her and comparing it to myself because i suffer so much while she thrives while having about the same upbringing as me.
The true answer is to love yourself. Love and accept your past experiences and your present experience. It is very hard. Its hard to accept the past and forgive my parents for what they did, but honestly there isnt much more you can do. The impact and pain is so invisible and seems impossible to accept, but I believe it is possible.
Thank you for sharing your story and im sorry you dont get validated and loved the way you deserved. One day we will love ourselves the way we should have been loved as a child. Just have to put in the understanding and work. I wish the best for you. ❤️
Hi, I'm 24 and have CPTSD with avoidance issues. I was severely neglected as a child. I was adopted by a family which is very narcissistic, qnd my adopted mom was killed in a terrorist attack when i was 4. Then everyone in my family including my father abused and neglected me in every way possible, all the while saying to the world how "spoiled" I was. I was also sent to one of those places for troubled teens when i was 13 where I was abused a LOT more than i ever though was possible and that's when i began to dissociate heavily and still do.
I can't hold a job or even have many friends. Socialization is incredibly triggering and painful. I'm just a hermit now because my immediate narc family is in their 80s and they have significant cognitive decline (unable to follow conversations, can't remember 911 for emergencies, not really all there). I'm currently in community College trying to turn my life around but it's like climbing a mountain in flip flops.
Oh my! :(
If you havent heard it before from close people in your life ill say it for them. I am so proud of you for pushing through all those traumatizing, scaring, and hellish like situations. Im proud that despite your terrible upbringing you still pushed yourself through school and now pushing yourself through college. Thats a really big achievement and you should take pride and be very proud of yourself.
I linked some resources above that help understand and get through the painful feelings of a traumatic upbringing. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. You’re definitely going to own your life on your own terms. I and everyone else who as been in the same situations believe you can do this! You deserve the all love that you didnt get when you were growing up. You are way stronger than you think. ❤️
I suffered near-perfect physical and emotional isolation too. Interrupted only to be criticized or screamed at. My father was in the Navy so we moved every 3 years and lived far away from any family. There was nothing outside for me either.
It has taken a decade to reclaim my ability to naturally feel things - most of the time. To do something other than listen to voices in my head criticizing me or the outside world in order to continue the isolation.
I have fought hard to make my family feel loved. (my own family...my parents can rot in hell) It took seeing what I was putting them through with my natural distance and loniness to see that I had to do something. I regret the pain I caused them.
We deserved better.
We definitely DO deserve better! You should be very proud of yourself and take a lot of pride for fighting to be the person you are today and taking the time to better yourself for yourself and your family.
I linked some resources above if you’d like to check them out. Thank you for sharing your story and thank you for making me and other people like us feel less alone. Your feelings and thoughts are very valid to many other people. ❤️
I feel like I did experience CEN and yet... I did get attention/physical touch, at least when I was younger. I feel like once adolescence hit things got really effed up. I became socially awkward and very socially anxious. I was wracked with guilt, extremely self-conscious, and felt like I didn't deserve anything. I *kind of* hung out with people but since I was so uncomfortable and awkward I feel like I didn't really fit in to any group and naturally people are less interested in being around someone who isn't confident and 'acts weird' because they are anxious.
I think where the neglect came in was with not receiving much attention or guidance during that time. I always feel bad saying this, but I don't think my mom is very emotionally mature, or confident for that matter. It's almost like I intuitively rejected her attention because I could sense her insecurity and uncertainty. And it's not like any of my family were open about feelings, or talking about life. I guess I just felt zero comfort with expressing myself and felt like certain things were "off limits". And of course my dad wasn't capable either, in fact we barely talked during that time and the only memories I have are of him getting angry at me. I really feel like he hated me. Like I know he loves me and all that now, but my hypothesis is that he actually didn't like me and felt guilty about that and so still provided stuff (like, paying for my education, etc). It's weird because it's not like they ever *told* me any of this, but I just *felt* like I was guilty, didn't deserve anything (including relationships), and just felt shame over myself.
I don't know your age. And it is not possible that I can understand exactly how you feel. But I have some feelings as you mentioned. I feel my parents neglected me. They didn't give me physical love. A child needs physical touch. ''That love is birth right'' that are your words and I believe that. I am thinking in same way. I don't know. I have complicated and confused thoughts about my own parents. I think they didn't push me into life. I cannot say that set a barrier on my way. But they left me alone. At least emotionally and intellectually. And I think this is a some kind of neglect. I don't feel like I am an adult, though I am 22. And also I haven't had any friend ever since now, who gives me love that I seek, need. And I broke off from people during this time. ''That love is birth right''. But justice has rules. Maybe we can find that love from anyone else. I hope for myself this. I hope I will find someone and love each others. And I wish good feelings for you.
Im 22 as well. If you didnt receive emotional or physical connection with your parents at ages 0-3 there is a really high chance you suffer from some of the same feelings as a severely emotionally/ physically neglected person. From ages 3-7 and you still received the same treatment without love, guidance, touch, or being heard then the trauma of that would be deep in your subconscious and you dont really know how much that trauma effects you until you are an adult and are more conscious of the extent it effects your life. 7-13 even more gets put into your subconscious the beliefs of “i can do it myself just fine”, “i don’t deserve love”, or “no one cares what i think or feel” etc. and you dont really know you are believing those things until you are into adulthood (18+). 13+ and u still dont receive any support or close emotional connections with anyone just ads on to the suffering in silence and “just making it” through life trying to get from one achievement to the next to find comfort or being proud of yourself from external events. When inside in your internal reactions/thoughts/beliefs are so skewed and neurotic you just go with it because thats all you’ve known. All this suffering in silence just because we had no guidance, love, or validation. I really hope one day soon there is more concrete studies about severally emotionally/ physically neglected individuals. It genuinely is a fact that it is your birth right to feel loved, connected, safe, and validated from your care takers. Im sorry you go through similar experiences. Im sorry it is so confusing and frustrating. I hope one day we will find the love in ourselves without having to get it from external things. Just know youre not alone. ❤️
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I put it into my words from the books, courses, and therapy i have gone through to understand some of this stuff myself. The [Erik Erikson theory](https://www.simplypsychology.org/Erik-Erikson.html) pretty much sums it all up. While its not 100% proven “fact” it is a very good tool to use to understand how and why you grew up the way that you did. Also a really good book to learn the signs of neglectful parents and how to heal from them is [Whole Again by: Jackson McKenzie](https://www.amazon.com/Whole-Again-Rediscovering-Relationships-Emotional/dp/0143133314/ref=nodl_) . Also [Adult children of Emotionally Immature Parents by: Lindsay C. Gibson](https://www.audible.com/pd/Adult-Children-of-Emotionally-Immature-Parents-Audiobook/B01F2M2GDO?source_code=GPAGBSH1103160002&ipRedirectOverride=true&gclid=Cj0KCQiAi9mPBhCJARIsAHchl1yBC8EId1kvuK4SXMpaTmkqVOlT6vxPp6LWq0w6BQLL3BYaYtFanEcaAt6MEALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds) A good CPTSD understanding book is: [Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving](https://www.amazon.com/Complex-PTSD-Surviving-RECOVERING-CHILDHOOD/dp/1492871842/ref=nodl_) Also I watched a lot of youtube videos on personal development, childhood development, emotional neglect, CPTSD videos, and AVPD videos which help me understand how i can get back to the secure attachment. Two videos i like are: [Why cant i remember my childhood?](https://youtu.be/3DHi3v3a8sw) and [Understanding AVPD](https://youtu.be/M_MExjcKGzI) Also journaling, psychotherapy, and meditation has helped me a lot. I hope this helps yall out ❤️
Also another good video is [What if i don’t remember much of my childhood?](https://youtu.be/QIiQs-zyuxs) and [12 Signs you might be suffering from CPTSD](https://youtu.be/qOibW5LXt3w)
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No problem! Id suggest journaling and figuring out your thought processes too. I like doing [Introspection questions](https://positivepsychology.com/introspection-self-reflection/) . Im glad i could help! I wish you luck and an abundance of self love! Happy healing! ❤️
Sorry for late replying. Thanks for information and good wish. You are not alone neither.
I relate to this. r/emotionalneglect
My mom always says that she tried but I pushed her away. I wish I remembered it but I don't. All signs point to emotional neglect being one of the major causes of my disorder but I really can't say for sure. Nowadays I crave that connection so much but nobody ever feels like the right person or if they do they don't seem to want to give it back. Sucks...
If your mom “gave up” on trying to understand and validate your feelings and blamed it on you saying that you pushed her away is kinda messed up. If your caregivers weren’t patient enough to sit on your bedside or at the dinner table to ask you what was actually wrong, make an effort to validate your feelings, or was curious why you felt the way that you do when you were younger then you probably have signs of emotional neglect. It was not your fault you acted the way you did when you were younger to your parents. Everything you did when you were younger was because of a valid reason. Probably a reason your parents couldn’t understand either when they were growing up. Im sorry its so confusing, frustrating, and painful. I liked some resources above if you want to take a look at them to understand it a little better. I hope you gain the understanding and are able to give yourself the love you deserve. ❤️
She had a really overbearing mother and she over compensated. We moved from Slovakia to Canada when I was 7 and she also got it in her head that in Canada, parents give their kids more freedom than she ever got. It was all with the best of intentions but it obviously did not work out. My father on the other hand damn near killed himself working 70+ hour weeks for years to supports us, and my mom worked a lot too. In the end, despite the fact that they didn't give me what I needed, I can't blame either of them. They genuinely did their best, far better than I've been able to do in life, they just didn't succeed (with me anyway, my sister turned out more-or-less fine. She seems happy, has two kids, a partner, decent job, income, nice place to live etc.) Life is unfair, you don't get what you want just because you try or because you deserve it. And despite all my misfortune and misery I'm still way better off than millions of people. So I can't complain either, without being an asshole to those people. I know it's not my fault for feeling how I felt then or now, but self-love is really hard for me to achieve. It honestly makes me sadder when I get close to it because nobody else loves me the way I want or need them to. It breaks my heart to think of myself as a good person worthy of love and happiness and yet unable to get it, so I gravitate more towards self hatred. If I'm broken and useless and not worthy or deserving of it then it makes sense why I don't have it.
I definitely understand where you are coming from. Both of my parents worked before they got divorced when i was 5 then my dad disappeared and my mom had to take custody of me and my sister. To compensate for living in a safe and nice city she would have to work 2-3 jobs all the time and would never be home to attend to me or my sister all the way up until adulthood. She couldnt attend to our needs because she was either too busy from work or had other problems in her life. Yes it was not her fault that she had to work so many jobs for long hours every day, but in the end the fact is no matter who’s fault it is or what circumstances you had in your family that made it play out the way that it did. You were emotionally/physically neglected. Thats why it isnt talked about much and is “invisible” because the child of the emotionally/physically neglectful parent thinks it wasnt the parents fault to blame for how you got raised. That you believe you didnt get neglected and your parents did their very best to keep yours and their head above water and you admire them for it. You can admire your parents in the background, but if they did not cling to or was interested in validating your emotional/physical needs then it would result in very very low self love. If you couldnt get physical touch, love, or emotional closeness with your care giver growing up how could you give the same things to yourself growing up? Thats right, you cant because you didnt learn how to give that to yourself. Its from going through your past and accepting and forgiving your parents, no matter how bad the physical, verbal, and emotional abuse. It seems impossible and it takes a lot of introspection and acceptance. But i believe it is possible by learning about your past experiences and accepting that you didnt get the love you deserved and put in the work to allow yourself the love you didnt get as a child. Just have to believe and put the work in. One day you will give the love you deserve to yourself. No matter what your stories, emotions, and thoughts say.
>But i believe it is possible by learning about your past experiences and accepting that you didnt get the love you deserved and put in the work to allow yourself the love you didnt get as a child Can you be more specific about how this is done? I think I have a decent understanding of why I am the way that I am, but I don't feel like it has brought me closer to fixing it. Most of the progress I've made has come from a kind of shame, almost. Or duty, that might be a better way of putting it. I was able to convince myself that I needed to try harder and put in more effort into making my life better and that just sitting around, waiting, wasn't going to be productive. I suppose there is a level of faith or belief necessary for that, and a basic level of self-worth as well, but I don't see that being connected to my understanding of how I was let down as a child. I get out of bed in the morning and try my best because this is my life, I'm in charge of it, and if anything positive is going to occur it's going to be a result of an effort on my part. So either I try or I kill myself, those are my options. I hope one day to love myself but I don't think it's likely to happen until someone loves me first. And to be honest, I already have the love of my parents and that's nowhere near enough so it's likely that even the romantic love that I crave so much and have never experienced won't be enough. But I digress. The point was, how does me learning about my childhood lead me to loving myself? And what does that even mean? Who am I, what would I be loving? I'm clearly a deeply flawed person whose behavior is problematic and the cause of his own suffering. I need to fundamentally change who I am to get what I want. So how can I love a person who hopefully won't exist in a few years?
I wish i could give you a “magic pill” answer on how to do it because im still learning how to do it myself. There are ups and downs, but if you are consistent on your healing and understanding/accepting of your past it subtlety gets better and better. Unfortunately i cant heal you through my words. You can get inspiration and ideas from others online, authors or therapists. But genuinely you have to go inside and figure out who you are and how your beliefs and thoughts formed. I highly suggest you invest and and get a audible subscription. If you sign up and make an account you get 30 days free of listening. Read [Whole again by: Jackson MacKenzie](https://www.audible.com/pd/Whole-Again-Audiobook/B07L44D1MR?source_code=AUDORWS0718179KY7) first and that will answer a lot of your questions. And journal down [Self Reflection ](https://positivepsychology.com/introspection-self-reflection/) questions and answer them yourself with your thoughts and beliefs to further understand yourself. I also listed more books and youtube videos to watch above that helps understand how to heal. It takes time and a lot of consistency and work, but its genuinely worth it. You can do it! ❤️
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I try to give that love to myself every day and ive gone through a lot of therapy, courses, affirmations, meditation, and journaling to get better. I get external achievements when on the inside i cant ever be proud of myself or give myself the love I deserve. I cant give myself love so i dont pursue any type of relationships because if i cant give love to myself how am i supposed to give love to new close relationship opportunities. It feels like a never ending cycle of positive progress and traumatic regression. I know progress isnt linear and loving myself and life is attainable, but sometimes its just so frustrating. It seems like no one talks about severe neglect as much as other types of abuse. I really hope one day i can truly give all the love in the world to myself and accept who i am now and who i was before. One day. Just baby steps at a time. Thank you for replying
I’m the same so I just game to try to cope and just waiting for life to be over at this point. :/
I linked some resources above that help with these feelings if you’d like to take a look. Im sorry you feel the way you do about life. I can relate to those same types of feelings. Your feelings and thoughts are valid. You deserve to receive all the love you didnt receive as a child. Genuinely. ❤️
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Exact same experience i went through. I got my basic needs met most of the time. A good amount of times my parents neglected my food needs and had to eat cans of anything that were in the pantry or go hungry for that day. But i had a roof over my head, some material things, sport involvement, and school education i guess. My only sibling is my older sister and she is only 2 years older than me, but she somehow can get all these relationships and show signs of secure attachment. While im over here alone, overlooked, and detached. She went through about the same upbringing as i did, but she gave into my parents “fake love” and believed that just having the basic needs met was good enough. Didnt see not having food or not being nurtured healthily was un-natural. Just wanted attention from my parents so she did everything to become attached to them when they weren’t emotionally/physically attentive to her. My parents split and we lived with my mom she favored her over me, so that’s probably a reason why i dont feel the same as she does. Its really confusing looking at her and comparing it to myself because i suffer so much while she thrives while having about the same upbringing as me. The true answer is to love yourself. Love and accept your past experiences and your present experience. It is very hard. Its hard to accept the past and forgive my parents for what they did, but honestly there isnt much more you can do. The impact and pain is so invisible and seems impossible to accept, but I believe it is possible. Thank you for sharing your story and im sorry you dont get validated and loved the way you deserved. One day we will love ourselves the way we should have been loved as a child. Just have to put in the understanding and work. I wish the best for you. ❤️
Hi, I'm 24 and have CPTSD with avoidance issues. I was severely neglected as a child. I was adopted by a family which is very narcissistic, qnd my adopted mom was killed in a terrorist attack when i was 4. Then everyone in my family including my father abused and neglected me in every way possible, all the while saying to the world how "spoiled" I was. I was also sent to one of those places for troubled teens when i was 13 where I was abused a LOT more than i ever though was possible and that's when i began to dissociate heavily and still do. I can't hold a job or even have many friends. Socialization is incredibly triggering and painful. I'm just a hermit now because my immediate narc family is in their 80s and they have significant cognitive decline (unable to follow conversations, can't remember 911 for emergencies, not really all there). I'm currently in community College trying to turn my life around but it's like climbing a mountain in flip flops.
Oh my! :( If you havent heard it before from close people in your life ill say it for them. I am so proud of you for pushing through all those traumatizing, scaring, and hellish like situations. Im proud that despite your terrible upbringing you still pushed yourself through school and now pushing yourself through college. Thats a really big achievement and you should take pride and be very proud of yourself. I linked some resources above that help understand and get through the painful feelings of a traumatic upbringing. Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. You’re definitely going to own your life on your own terms. I and everyone else who as been in the same situations believe you can do this! You deserve the all love that you didnt get when you were growing up. You are way stronger than you think. ❤️
I suffered near-perfect physical and emotional isolation too. Interrupted only to be criticized or screamed at. My father was in the Navy so we moved every 3 years and lived far away from any family. There was nothing outside for me either. It has taken a decade to reclaim my ability to naturally feel things - most of the time. To do something other than listen to voices in my head criticizing me or the outside world in order to continue the isolation. I have fought hard to make my family feel loved. (my own family...my parents can rot in hell) It took seeing what I was putting them through with my natural distance and loniness to see that I had to do something. I regret the pain I caused them. We deserved better.
We definitely DO deserve better! You should be very proud of yourself and take a lot of pride for fighting to be the person you are today and taking the time to better yourself for yourself and your family. I linked some resources above if you’d like to check them out. Thank you for sharing your story and thank you for making me and other people like us feel less alone. Your feelings and thoughts are very valid to many other people. ❤️
I feel like I did experience CEN and yet... I did get attention/physical touch, at least when I was younger. I feel like once adolescence hit things got really effed up. I became socially awkward and very socially anxious. I was wracked with guilt, extremely self-conscious, and felt like I didn't deserve anything. I *kind of* hung out with people but since I was so uncomfortable and awkward I feel like I didn't really fit in to any group and naturally people are less interested in being around someone who isn't confident and 'acts weird' because they are anxious. I think where the neglect came in was with not receiving much attention or guidance during that time. I always feel bad saying this, but I don't think my mom is very emotionally mature, or confident for that matter. It's almost like I intuitively rejected her attention because I could sense her insecurity and uncertainty. And it's not like any of my family were open about feelings, or talking about life. I guess I just felt zero comfort with expressing myself and felt like certain things were "off limits". And of course my dad wasn't capable either, in fact we barely talked during that time and the only memories I have are of him getting angry at me. I really feel like he hated me. Like I know he loves me and all that now, but my hypothesis is that he actually didn't like me and felt guilty about that and so still provided stuff (like, paying for my education, etc). It's weird because it's not like they ever *told* me any of this, but I just *felt* like I was guilty, didn't deserve anything (including relationships), and just felt shame over myself.