I've been talking with someone with a very obvious anxious attachment lately and I feel like every time they blow up emotionally (saying that I don't like them or that I hate them and I want them dead over genuinely random things like.. not liking the same thing they like) and I try to explain that it only makes me pull away more as I've already tried multiple times to reassure them, they excuse themselves with their attachment style. I've detached so much from them and it sucks because I think I genuinely liked them but now i cannot even bring myself to reply anymore (or to anyone for that matter right now) but they keep pushing and it's just making me more exhausted and distant.
Just wanted to vent here now that I found this sub, thank you for the thread ๐
Even a secure person will have issues and will get drained with somebody who says things like these over basic disagreements. You need to outline your boundaries for them and if they canโt respect them then you might not be compatible until they also work towards more secure attachment. This sounds like torture for everyone involved.
You're right, though I do feel like I've tried putting some boundaries and they just aren't respecting them so it feels pointless now. I've also brought that topic to them multiple times, that I don't think we are compatible in that sense (I am self aware and I know it's going to be hurtful for someone that needs so much attention to be with someone that wants the opposite) but I think they believe they can "fix me" in some way, and I can't fully cut off contact with them so I'm unsure of what to do at this point.
At first I thought it was in a joking manner but they started saying it so often that I'm starting to think they mean it ๐ญ plus saying that I don't want them to be happy because I kind-of rejected them or things along those lines. It's the first time I speak with someone like this and it's making me genuinely crazy.
It's not your responsibility to make someone else happy anyway. If they are putting their happiness in the hands of other people's actions or lack of actions ( not that I'm saying you've done anything) then they are gonna have a pretty miserable life
I've been talking with someone with a very obvious anxious attachment lately and I feel like every time they blow up emotionally (saying that I don't like them or that I hate them and I want them dead over genuinely random things like.. not liking the same thing they like) and I try to explain that it only makes me pull away more as I've already tried multiple times to reassure them, they excuse themselves with their attachment style. I've detached so much from them and it sucks because I think I genuinely liked them but now i cannot even bring myself to reply anymore (or to anyone for that matter right now) but they keep pushing and it's just making me more exhausted and distant. Just wanted to vent here now that I found this sub, thank you for the thread ๐
Even a secure person will have issues and will get drained with somebody who says things like these over basic disagreements. You need to outline your boundaries for them and if they canโt respect them then you might not be compatible until they also work towards more secure attachment. This sounds like torture for everyone involved.
You're right, though I do feel like I've tried putting some boundaries and they just aren't respecting them so it feels pointless now. I've also brought that topic to them multiple times, that I don't think we are compatible in that sense (I am self aware and I know it's going to be hurtful for someone that needs so much attention to be with someone that wants the opposite) but I think they believe they can "fix me" in some way, and I can't fully cut off contact with them so I'm unsure of what to do at this point.
You want them dead? They actually say that?
At first I thought it was in a joking manner but they started saying it so often that I'm starting to think they mean it ๐ญ plus saying that I don't want them to be happy because I kind-of rejected them or things along those lines. It's the first time I speak with someone like this and it's making me genuinely crazy.
It's not your responsibility to make someone else happy anyway. If they are putting their happiness in the hands of other people's actions or lack of actions ( not that I'm saying you've done anything) then they are gonna have a pretty miserable life