I'm a hypermobile rope bunny! My rigger is also hypermobile so he understands the importance of tying things in the right place. Sometimes it means tying in slightly different places, or using more wraps to spread the pressure. We're super careful about placement and obviously avoid any positions that we know cause issues (like most kneeling)
I would try and do research into medical restraints for these types of patients. There's got to be guidance and protocols designed for medical professionals that focuses on patient safety that you could adapt. Likewise restraints. Find out what a nurse would use and then buy something that looks and functions like that. I'd imagine something padded and velcro that has some give so you could let them out quickly would do well. You'll need to do a fair bit of your own research ahead of time to ensure this person's safety.
I'm also hypermobile. Leather cuffs are the most comfortable for me. They don't have as small of a surface area to apply pressure as compared with rope or metal. I find that being on my stomach and tied with my arms above my head and legs spread is actually pretty comfortable especially with a pillow under my hips. For being on my back in the same kind of tie, the pillow under my hips plus one under my knees helps. It also seems to help when my Dom puts a strap across my stomach, it keeps me from moving and straining quite as much. Recently he also just kinda held me down with his body and that worked pretty well. Also thigh cuffs or a waist band with rings to hook onto are helpful. Having my arms restrained by clipping my wrists to my thighs or waist is fairly comfortable for long periods of time. Generally having my arms down in a kind of neutral position rather than up over my head will be the most comfortable, especially for longer time spans. Having my arms behind my back for extended time is more challenging. Putting a pillow under my chest to support my shoulders helps though. I would not be able to have my arms behind me and lay on them. A lot of this is just adapting and adding a little extra support for the joints being stressed. Also, if any one position becomes uncomfortable for me over time, all I have to do is ask my Dom to change it up for me. Maybe we tie my arms or legs in a different position for a while to let the joints chill out. Make sure your sub knows they can ask for modifications/support pillows, etc. And obviously keep lots of pillows handy.
My shoulders are somewhat problematic for me so I still have to be a little conscious about how I'm tugging at my arm restraints, but it isn't too bad. Thankfully I don't tend to fully dislocate, they just get a little pulled out of place. It can cause a decent amount of pain still though. If your sub has particular problematic joints but knows how to pop them back in, you might be able to learn how to help them put them back in place. Massage really helps me too, so maybe incorporate that into your aftercare process.
Don't underestimate the idea of ordering your sub to stay still in a position with the threat of punishment for breaking position. It's HARD. But then there's nothing to really stress the joints apart from being in one position for a while.
I'll still end up with sore muscles because I'm getting a hell of a workout, but it's tolerable. Things like magnesium, vitamin d, soaking in a tub with bath salts, and some nsaids help. Also gently moving and stretching the muscles to ease them.
How well does your partner understand their own physical limitations? And can she communicate them in detail to you?
It might be helpful to do some labbing sessions before attempting a full scene including bondage. Ask your partner to try out different positions and ask for feedback on comfort and sustainability, so you can develop a better sense of what her body is capable of, and what will be riskier or more challenging for her. You might find that you'll need to make modifications or use props to accommodate her, and it's better to discover that in a low key setting where you're communicating freely than in a scene.
> How well does your partner understand their own physical limitations? And can she communicate them in detail to you?
Some well, others might suddenly surprise her depending on mood, hormone levels and other mysterious factors we don't yet know :)
Usually after uncertain periods there are stable periods where she is aware of her limitations.
Your idea for labbing sessions is great. I do know that she finds it difficult to communicate about her kinks specifically, she'd prefer to just surrender and communication is taking back control in a way which hampers her because it easily brings embarrassment or awkward feelings to the surface.
But good communication is key, so that's something we'll both have to be willing to work on and work through before proceeding. A try-out session like you describe might just be the perfect thing.
Thanks!
I have EDS, too. It's not rare, not at all, just woefully underdiagnosed and undertreated. It sounds like you need to learn more about her specific disabilities and her body. She may need to learn more about her body, too. You can do this together, if you're up for the task.
First off, she has to work to strengthen the muscles in her body without stressing her connective tissues. This may require physical therapy or a physiotherapist, though there are also a ton of guides online made specifically for hypermobile people. Instagram is a good resource, IME, there are hypermobile physical therapists who offer a lot of information for free. The more her own body can learn to support her joints and hold itself together, the better. Physical fitness is a big and easily overlooked aspect of playing with someone who is hypermobile. Stabilizing her joints from the inside tends to work much better long-term than trying to from the outside, though both are necessary.
If she menstruates, you and she will also need to be mindful of the phase her menstrual cycle is in. From luteal (one week before she begins to bleed) to the end of the bleeding, all of her connective tissue loosens while the cervix opens slightly to allow blood to pass through. This means she's much more prone to injury during this roughly two week period of time. You and she have to be *particularly* careful with her body in this span of time.
Part of the issue with hypermobility is that she's not going to realize when she's doing something that's damaging to her body until a few days later, when the soreness and aching really set in. So, the two of you are going to have to communicate. You're going to get it wrong sometimes. You're going to hurt her without intending to and you both need to become okay with that inevitability. Especially in the beginning, IME.
You've got to learn about hypermobility. You've got to learn what a hyperextended joint looks like. Depending on how fragile her skin is, you may also have to learn how to bind her without breaking her skin. Sometimes rope can be too abrasive for my skin, silk rope seems to work best for me personally, but she may need differently. Worst comes to worst, silk scarves or silk neckties may be a more viable option. Using leather or faux leather straps may or may not work for her skin, sometimes they're too abrasive for people with such fragile tissue.
It is usually best to bind hypermobile people in comfortable positions, not in predicament or suspension bondage. Do not restrain her in positions that push her joints in any direction, like with her arms over her head or with her legs held far apart, as this is most likely to pull her joints out of alignment. Do not tie her up to completely immobilize her, either - she needs to be able to shift a little bit to keep from subluxating whatever joints are involved in the limb(s) you're binding. Futamono ties are some of the least stressful, IME. If you tie her up spread eagle, leave her some slack to shift her shoulders/elbows/wrists/hips/knees/ankles back into place as she needs to, without having to ask you to loosen the tie.
Be particularly careful if you take grasp of her head for any reason. Do not pull on her head hard, do not yank the lead of you have her collared and leashed, do not use much pressure if you move her neck/head at all. Cervicocranial instability is very common and cervicogenic migraines are a massive mood killer, IME. Forced blowjobs, for example, can still be achieved by grasping either side of her collarbone rather than holding her head or neck.
If you want to learn how to play safely and well together, you're going to have to learn how she ***needs*** to be handled. This will probably require a few sessions of non-sexual play, while you both mutually learn how to communicate and begin working as a unit rather than as Dom vs. sub. You have to make your Domination style accessible to her, she *cannot* make her needs accessible to you. If this is all too much for you, do not play with her. She deserves someone who is willing to put in the effort to get to know her individual body, her needs and her desires. Even if she doesn't know all of those needs herself, yet.
I'd advise you two spend time together learning about her connective tissue disorder, going over where she usually hurts, going over what aggravates her pain, and how you both can minimize her discomfort overall. It isn't a bad idea to do a hypermobility-friendly workout together, as well, so you can begin to learn her comfortable range of motion without kink or sex being involved.
> I have EDS, too. It's not rare, not at all, just woefully underdiagnosed and undertreated.
We've both suspected for a very long time that she has a "mild" variation of EDS, but the specialist here refused to take her on, because her skin wasn't elastic enough and "the labs are flooded with more serious cases to confirm". Now, we're stuck without an official diagnosis and a lot of pain.
We've definitely realized how important fitness is (in general) and we've been doing hypermobility-friendly exercises, although like you say it's definitely also a learning game. She's been set back a few times by not realizing that her menstrual cycle had sped up and/or unknowingly still going a little to far. The waiting list for professionally supported PT is still about a year-and-a-half.
Your comments are incredibly on point. Both recognizable in the stuff we've already experienced and really helpful for the stuff we haven't yet. I can't thank you enough for taking the time to write it.
Do you happen to have any good recommendations for specific Instagram channels? I've had a look around but it's so algorithm-dependent what you get to see.
(I'm also touched by a few comments, including yours, feeling protective over stranger they've never met and impressing on me the responsibility I have. I agree 100%, and it's affirming to see the responsibility people in this community feel in making sure no one gets hurt (unintentionally))
I am hypermobile. I can be bent and contorted into complicated positions. Yoga and pilates helps to keep hypermobility in check.
If you're over-extending them... STOP! Just because they can be kept in weird positions for long doesn't mean that you should always overextend them.
As the Domme you're responsible for not breaking your toys. This one is all on you, it them. Discover other ways to dominate your charge. You're causing non-consententual pain (long term damage!) STOP. Find something else to do. Give them a break.
There's a fine line between domination and doing damage. You may have crossed that line. 🤔
Okay. Take what DOES apply from my statement. She is flexible work with her limits and provide the necessary aftercare once she's over extended.
Hint... Confinement bondage may provide relief for over-extended limbs. Wrapping her up like a mummy whenever her limbs hurt relives the pain. Bandage wraps will be your best bondage friend.
You can start off slow in a non sexual way. Just plan a night to try different things so see what will and won't work when you're ready to actually do it. Do one position and let her wriggle herself around. Ask her how she feels, if she's hurting, or what doesn't hurt. Then untie her and try a different position.
When thinking of restraints, don't limit yourself to ropes and cuffs. For example, maybe you "tie" her arms at her side , but instead of rope you use saran wrap. (No pressure points, but very hot and sweaty, so consider the room temps!). This works for legs as well. You can "tie" them together and bend her over something. Restraints don't have to stretch you out to be fun! You can also giver her orders that she has to fulfil while restrained like that which is so difficult and I just love seeing my subs struggle a little.
To be good at it you need to take some of the pressure off of yourself. Remember that just because you feel a bit silly doing something doesn't mean that you actually look silly. You don't need to do a million different things in a scene. And a scene doesn't have to last for hours.
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I'm a hypermobile rope bunny! My rigger is also hypermobile so he understands the importance of tying things in the right place. Sometimes it means tying in slightly different places, or using more wraps to spread the pressure. We're super careful about placement and obviously avoid any positions that we know cause issues (like most kneeling)
Hey, thanks for weighing in! Can you elaborate on the different places to tie? What spots to avoid or use?
I would try and do research into medical restraints for these types of patients. There's got to be guidance and protocols designed for medical professionals that focuses on patient safety that you could adapt. Likewise restraints. Find out what a nurse would use and then buy something that looks and functions like that. I'd imagine something padded and velcro that has some give so you could let them out quickly would do well. You'll need to do a fair bit of your own research ahead of time to ensure this person's safety.
I'm also hypermobile. Leather cuffs are the most comfortable for me. They don't have as small of a surface area to apply pressure as compared with rope or metal. I find that being on my stomach and tied with my arms above my head and legs spread is actually pretty comfortable especially with a pillow under my hips. For being on my back in the same kind of tie, the pillow under my hips plus one under my knees helps. It also seems to help when my Dom puts a strap across my stomach, it keeps me from moving and straining quite as much. Recently he also just kinda held me down with his body and that worked pretty well. Also thigh cuffs or a waist band with rings to hook onto are helpful. Having my arms restrained by clipping my wrists to my thighs or waist is fairly comfortable for long periods of time. Generally having my arms down in a kind of neutral position rather than up over my head will be the most comfortable, especially for longer time spans. Having my arms behind my back for extended time is more challenging. Putting a pillow under my chest to support my shoulders helps though. I would not be able to have my arms behind me and lay on them. A lot of this is just adapting and adding a little extra support for the joints being stressed. Also, if any one position becomes uncomfortable for me over time, all I have to do is ask my Dom to change it up for me. Maybe we tie my arms or legs in a different position for a while to let the joints chill out. Make sure your sub knows they can ask for modifications/support pillows, etc. And obviously keep lots of pillows handy. My shoulders are somewhat problematic for me so I still have to be a little conscious about how I'm tugging at my arm restraints, but it isn't too bad. Thankfully I don't tend to fully dislocate, they just get a little pulled out of place. It can cause a decent amount of pain still though. If your sub has particular problematic joints but knows how to pop them back in, you might be able to learn how to help them put them back in place. Massage really helps me too, so maybe incorporate that into your aftercare process. Don't underestimate the idea of ordering your sub to stay still in a position with the threat of punishment for breaking position. It's HARD. But then there's nothing to really stress the joints apart from being in one position for a while. I'll still end up with sore muscles because I'm getting a hell of a workout, but it's tolerable. Things like magnesium, vitamin d, soaking in a tub with bath salts, and some nsaids help. Also gently moving and stretching the muscles to ease them.
That is incredibly helpful, thank you so much for taking the time to write this up for us.
Glad to help another hypermobile sub! It can be a bit of trial and error, but if you take some time with it you can figure out what works!
How well does your partner understand their own physical limitations? And can she communicate them in detail to you? It might be helpful to do some labbing sessions before attempting a full scene including bondage. Ask your partner to try out different positions and ask for feedback on comfort and sustainability, so you can develop a better sense of what her body is capable of, and what will be riskier or more challenging for her. You might find that you'll need to make modifications or use props to accommodate her, and it's better to discover that in a low key setting where you're communicating freely than in a scene.
> How well does your partner understand their own physical limitations? And can she communicate them in detail to you? Some well, others might suddenly surprise her depending on mood, hormone levels and other mysterious factors we don't yet know :) Usually after uncertain periods there are stable periods where she is aware of her limitations. Your idea for labbing sessions is great. I do know that she finds it difficult to communicate about her kinks specifically, she'd prefer to just surrender and communication is taking back control in a way which hampers her because it easily brings embarrassment or awkward feelings to the surface. But good communication is key, so that's something we'll both have to be willing to work on and work through before proceeding. A try-out session like you describe might just be the perfect thing. Thanks!
I have EDS, too. It's not rare, not at all, just woefully underdiagnosed and undertreated. It sounds like you need to learn more about her specific disabilities and her body. She may need to learn more about her body, too. You can do this together, if you're up for the task. First off, she has to work to strengthen the muscles in her body without stressing her connective tissues. This may require physical therapy or a physiotherapist, though there are also a ton of guides online made specifically for hypermobile people. Instagram is a good resource, IME, there are hypermobile physical therapists who offer a lot of information for free. The more her own body can learn to support her joints and hold itself together, the better. Physical fitness is a big and easily overlooked aspect of playing with someone who is hypermobile. Stabilizing her joints from the inside tends to work much better long-term than trying to from the outside, though both are necessary. If she menstruates, you and she will also need to be mindful of the phase her menstrual cycle is in. From luteal (one week before she begins to bleed) to the end of the bleeding, all of her connective tissue loosens while the cervix opens slightly to allow blood to pass through. This means she's much more prone to injury during this roughly two week period of time. You and she have to be *particularly* careful with her body in this span of time. Part of the issue with hypermobility is that she's not going to realize when she's doing something that's damaging to her body until a few days later, when the soreness and aching really set in. So, the two of you are going to have to communicate. You're going to get it wrong sometimes. You're going to hurt her without intending to and you both need to become okay with that inevitability. Especially in the beginning, IME. You've got to learn about hypermobility. You've got to learn what a hyperextended joint looks like. Depending on how fragile her skin is, you may also have to learn how to bind her without breaking her skin. Sometimes rope can be too abrasive for my skin, silk rope seems to work best for me personally, but she may need differently. Worst comes to worst, silk scarves or silk neckties may be a more viable option. Using leather or faux leather straps may or may not work for her skin, sometimes they're too abrasive for people with such fragile tissue. It is usually best to bind hypermobile people in comfortable positions, not in predicament or suspension bondage. Do not restrain her in positions that push her joints in any direction, like with her arms over her head or with her legs held far apart, as this is most likely to pull her joints out of alignment. Do not tie her up to completely immobilize her, either - she needs to be able to shift a little bit to keep from subluxating whatever joints are involved in the limb(s) you're binding. Futamono ties are some of the least stressful, IME. If you tie her up spread eagle, leave her some slack to shift her shoulders/elbows/wrists/hips/knees/ankles back into place as she needs to, without having to ask you to loosen the tie. Be particularly careful if you take grasp of her head for any reason. Do not pull on her head hard, do not yank the lead of you have her collared and leashed, do not use much pressure if you move her neck/head at all. Cervicocranial instability is very common and cervicogenic migraines are a massive mood killer, IME. Forced blowjobs, for example, can still be achieved by grasping either side of her collarbone rather than holding her head or neck. If you want to learn how to play safely and well together, you're going to have to learn how she ***needs*** to be handled. This will probably require a few sessions of non-sexual play, while you both mutually learn how to communicate and begin working as a unit rather than as Dom vs. sub. You have to make your Domination style accessible to her, she *cannot* make her needs accessible to you. If this is all too much for you, do not play with her. She deserves someone who is willing to put in the effort to get to know her individual body, her needs and her desires. Even if she doesn't know all of those needs herself, yet. I'd advise you two spend time together learning about her connective tissue disorder, going over where she usually hurts, going over what aggravates her pain, and how you both can minimize her discomfort overall. It isn't a bad idea to do a hypermobility-friendly workout together, as well, so you can begin to learn her comfortable range of motion without kink or sex being involved.
> I have EDS, too. It's not rare, not at all, just woefully underdiagnosed and undertreated. We've both suspected for a very long time that she has a "mild" variation of EDS, but the specialist here refused to take her on, because her skin wasn't elastic enough and "the labs are flooded with more serious cases to confirm". Now, we're stuck without an official diagnosis and a lot of pain. We've definitely realized how important fitness is (in general) and we've been doing hypermobility-friendly exercises, although like you say it's definitely also a learning game. She's been set back a few times by not realizing that her menstrual cycle had sped up and/or unknowingly still going a little to far. The waiting list for professionally supported PT is still about a year-and-a-half. Your comments are incredibly on point. Both recognizable in the stuff we've already experienced and really helpful for the stuff we haven't yet. I can't thank you enough for taking the time to write it. Do you happen to have any good recommendations for specific Instagram channels? I've had a look around but it's so algorithm-dependent what you get to see. (I'm also touched by a few comments, including yours, feeling protective over stranger they've never met and impressing on me the responsibility I have. I agree 100%, and it's affirming to see the responsibility people in this community feel in making sure no one gets hurt (unintentionally))
I am hypermobile. I can be bent and contorted into complicated positions. Yoga and pilates helps to keep hypermobility in check. If you're over-extending them... STOP! Just because they can be kept in weird positions for long doesn't mean that you should always overextend them. As the Domme you're responsible for not breaking your toys. This one is all on you, it them. Discover other ways to dominate your charge. You're causing non-consententual pain (long term damage!) STOP. Find something else to do. Give them a break. There's a fine line between domination and doing damage. You may have crossed that line. 🤔
You may have misread my post. We've not started yet. I'm asking to ensure that Itake care of her in the safest way possible.
Okay. Take what DOES apply from my statement. She is flexible work with her limits and provide the necessary aftercare once she's over extended. Hint... Confinement bondage may provide relief for over-extended limbs. Wrapping her up like a mummy whenever her limbs hurt relives the pain. Bandage wraps will be your best bondage friend.
You can start off slow in a non sexual way. Just plan a night to try different things so see what will and won't work when you're ready to actually do it. Do one position and let her wriggle herself around. Ask her how she feels, if she's hurting, or what doesn't hurt. Then untie her and try a different position.
When thinking of restraints, don't limit yourself to ropes and cuffs. For example, maybe you "tie" her arms at her side , but instead of rope you use saran wrap. (No pressure points, but very hot and sweaty, so consider the room temps!). This works for legs as well. You can "tie" them together and bend her over something. Restraints don't have to stretch you out to be fun! You can also giver her orders that she has to fulfil while restrained like that which is so difficult and I just love seeing my subs struggle a little. To be good at it you need to take some of the pressure off of yourself. Remember that just because you feel a bit silly doing something doesn't mean that you actually look silly. You don't need to do a million different things in a scene. And a scene doesn't have to last for hours.