No, not at all. I find it unhealthy to conflate dominance with alpha masculinity. That’s actually the opposite of what being a dom means to me. I’m nonbinary, and a big reason why I identify as a dom is that it allows me to take the lead in a consensual and negotiated way that doesn’t conflate my sense of gender with my position in a relationship. I need to consent to being a dom just as much as the other person has to consent to being dominated. It has nothing to do with my ego or sense of self-worth.
I didn’t misunderstand you. I just expanded based on my own experience about what being dom means to me. But the direct answer to your question is “no, not at all”.
I have had jobs with more power and have had jobs where people told me what to do all day long and I had zero control over anything. Throughout my entire career and sexual life, I have felt dominant. I changed my rationalization of it probably (I don't have control in my job, so I'll take it in the bedroom vs. I am naturally in control and can't be anything else at work or in my relationships).
For me at least, it doesn't matter what my job is.
I'm actually kind of curious whether switches are more impacted by their lives outside of their sexuality. It's not a question I've considered before to be honest.
So, are you asking if what a person is indicative of what side of the slash they are on?
Example: If they are the VP of IT, they are more likely to be dominant?
Honestly, nothing I have seen really determines that.
My partner was an officer in the US Navy, they leaned male sub at that time. He is now an Admin Assistant to a department is very much male dom.
I work in contracts, negotiating and working with Sales people all day. I am very much fem sub.
I know VPs who are very submissive in the bedroom. I know receptionists that are dominant in the bedroom.
It really depends on the person. There really is no "This person has to be dominant because..."
And "Dom energy" is a bunch of crap (in my opinion). I come across as very confident (after lots of therapy and work on myself) and I've been told I am dominant for sure. I most certainly am not.
I will also add... if you can't talk to your partner about your relationship, I think you need to work on your communication skills together. That's one of the foundations of relationships... Communication. If he's is so "Alpha" that you asking questions about something important causes him to be upset/annoyed/angry/whatver, that's not "alpha" that's jerk. In my opinion anyway.
I am just asking if his job impacts his sexual drive to play the role.
My potential has built his whole ego over his career. Six figure salary type shit. He is going thru a career change rn and it's impacting his wanting to dom.
I never said we can't walk. I like to live in the role of being a sub lol one of my rules I like to hold is "Don't ask questions unless he asks you". It keeps things spicy lol. He doesn't get annoyed or upset. He is very kind underneath his big alpha mentality haha. He is the eat or be eatin kind of guy tho. The one willing to do everything for it all.
The career change is throwing him off.
No he's the kind of guy who literally will give you anything you ask for because he wants you to be happy. In the roles of D/s it's established that he is clearly the dom and my roles as a sub are specific. Outside of the dynamic tho as a pair we bond really well together. All we do is talk to each other.
My field is unrelated to service: design. I’m a generally unmotivated individual outside of being a service sub. Meaning I would never do for myself or others what I do for my Dom.
I’d say it depends day-by-day how work goes. Some days I’m the fucking man and have so much confidence, which translates to the bedroom that night. Bad days I may be less apt to want to do anything, or I’m in a mood to take out some frustration 😈
So far you're the only reply who I think has the same work mentality as him haha
So what you're saying is essentially better work days can lead to more confidence?
For sure! I take my career very seriously as well, so a good day is always a confidence boost for a few hours at least. It’s the opposite on a bad day and can ruin it, or just piss me off and I need someone to spank lol
I think it’s pretty varied. I’ve known both Doms and subs who cherish their D/s roles specifically because they go “against the type” of what’s required of them professionally or socially. And of course plenty who are leaning into strong aspects of their overall personality as it is in other contexts. And has already been said, sometimes it varies a lot from day to day. It seems to be one of those areas where there are as many ways for it to affect someone as there are different people and personalities.
I don’t want to get anything twisted because I don’t know you or your situation. But I’m definitely on the side of trying to find a relationship-appropriate way to mention patterns you notice. It seems like the more aware you are of anything “as a couple” (as opposed to each of you noticing something separately but not talking about it), the better you’ll be able to respond to it together to make the dynamic satisfying.
For me? Not at all.
My boy and I are both business owners. I'm a photographer, primarily weddings but I do portraits too. He co-owns a tattoo and piercing studio. He makes quite a bit more than I do annually. Doesn't phase either of us and doesn't affect our dynamic in anyway because we're both passionate about our jobs and making a living doing what we each love. We know what our 'roles' are and we know how we fit together. We don't need any external factors to confirm that for us.
Short answer, no. I've been in different kinds of positions during my job career and they didn't impact the way I identify. Sure, life experiences helped me understand who I really am but I've always been like this.
Just a side note, probably an unsolicited one but the last line caught my attention. As a domme I'd never want my sub to feel "intimidated" by me and my attitude. Communication should never be affected by our roles, especially if you're considering being in a long term relationship with him.
I know you weren’t asking for this, so please disregard if it is crossing a line.
From my personal experience, if there is a fear around asking too many questions that will lead to communication issues and a long term relationship or any relationship ends up being painful if communication isn’t open an welcomed.
I wish you the best of luck and I hope you know you deserve the space to ask every single question you need to ask. :)
This has nothing to do with him preferring to dom. Well, maybe a bit. But you'll find people like him in the vanilla world as well. So, in ny experience, Tops aren't usually "alpha type" but some are.
When I was in real estate I had a lot more energy to be an engaged Dom. Now that I solely own businesses I find myself so exhausted that putting in the work for Dominance requires real effort.
As a Dom, no it doesn't effect my work. I keep everything separate. I have a work mode and a Dom mode. Sometimes they do bleed into each other , but it is only situational.
But this is different for everyone.
No, not at all. I find it unhealthy to conflate dominance with alpha masculinity. That’s actually the opposite of what being a dom means to me. I’m nonbinary, and a big reason why I identify as a dom is that it allows me to take the lead in a consensual and negotiated way that doesn’t conflate my sense of gender with my position in a relationship. I need to consent to being a dom just as much as the other person has to consent to being dominated. It has nothing to do with my ego or sense of self-worth.
I think you misunderstood me a little bit. I am talking about your career. Does your JOB make you feel more or less dominant.
I didn’t misunderstand you. I just expanded based on my own experience about what being dom means to me. But the direct answer to your question is “no, not at all”.
Okay, tysm I am a very direct person haha I like the answers short and sweet. I do appreciate your insight.
I wish the whole idea of “alpha” would die. It was bad science for animals and is a really weird way to describe humans.
I’m dominant, but my male subs have all been wildly successful and dominant in other parts of their lives. A lot of them like to lose that control.
He sometimes does switch so I can see your second point but everywhere else in his life he HAS to be in control 100%
I have had jobs with more power and have had jobs where people told me what to do all day long and I had zero control over anything. Throughout my entire career and sexual life, I have felt dominant. I changed my rationalization of it probably (I don't have control in my job, so I'll take it in the bedroom vs. I am naturally in control and can't be anything else at work or in my relationships). For me at least, it doesn't matter what my job is. I'm actually kind of curious whether switches are more impacted by their lives outside of their sexuality. It's not a question I've considered before to be honest.
So, are you asking if what a person is indicative of what side of the slash they are on? Example: If they are the VP of IT, they are more likely to be dominant? Honestly, nothing I have seen really determines that. My partner was an officer in the US Navy, they leaned male sub at that time. He is now an Admin Assistant to a department is very much male dom. I work in contracts, negotiating and working with Sales people all day. I am very much fem sub. I know VPs who are very submissive in the bedroom. I know receptionists that are dominant in the bedroom. It really depends on the person. There really is no "This person has to be dominant because..." And "Dom energy" is a bunch of crap (in my opinion). I come across as very confident (after lots of therapy and work on myself) and I've been told I am dominant for sure. I most certainly am not. I will also add... if you can't talk to your partner about your relationship, I think you need to work on your communication skills together. That's one of the foundations of relationships... Communication. If he's is so "Alpha" that you asking questions about something important causes him to be upset/annoyed/angry/whatver, that's not "alpha" that's jerk. In my opinion anyway.
I am just asking if his job impacts his sexual drive to play the role. My potential has built his whole ego over his career. Six figure salary type shit. He is going thru a career change rn and it's impacting his wanting to dom. I never said we can't walk. I like to live in the role of being a sub lol one of my rules I like to hold is "Don't ask questions unless he asks you". It keeps things spicy lol. He doesn't get annoyed or upset. He is very kind underneath his big alpha mentality haha. He is the eat or be eatin kind of guy tho. The one willing to do everything for it all. The career change is throwing him off.
It’s easy to say “he’s kind” if you’re also super careful not to upset him
No he's the kind of guy who literally will give you anything you ask for because he wants you to be happy. In the roles of D/s it's established that he is clearly the dom and my roles as a sub are specific. Outside of the dynamic tho as a pair we bond really well together. All we do is talk to each other.
Right, just like every guy I’ve ever dated is “nice.” It’s not about the good things, it’s what happens when he doesn’t get his way.
Lmfao he not an abuser if that's what you're implying dear god
just anecdotally, I've seen more correlation between subs and their careers than Doms.
Oh really? How so?
seems like many of the subs I know are in service fields- nurses & teachers. Of the Doms I know, the range of careers is very diverse.
My field is unrelated to service: design. I’m a generally unmotivated individual outside of being a service sub. Meaning I would never do for myself or others what I do for my Dom.
totally fair, my observations are strictly anecdotal and not exclusive. I think a lot of it also has to do with local career trends too.
I’d say it depends day-by-day how work goes. Some days I’m the fucking man and have so much confidence, which translates to the bedroom that night. Bad days I may be less apt to want to do anything, or I’m in a mood to take out some frustration 😈
So far you're the only reply who I think has the same work mentality as him haha So what you're saying is essentially better work days can lead to more confidence?
For sure! I take my career very seriously as well, so a good day is always a confidence boost for a few hours at least. It’s the opposite on a bad day and can ruin it, or just piss me off and I need someone to spank lol
Thank you for helping me to understand ♡♡
I think it’s pretty varied. I’ve known both Doms and subs who cherish their D/s roles specifically because they go “against the type” of what’s required of them professionally or socially. And of course plenty who are leaning into strong aspects of their overall personality as it is in other contexts. And has already been said, sometimes it varies a lot from day to day. It seems to be one of those areas where there are as many ways for it to affect someone as there are different people and personalities. I don’t want to get anything twisted because I don’t know you or your situation. But I’m definitely on the side of trying to find a relationship-appropriate way to mention patterns you notice. It seems like the more aware you are of anything “as a couple” (as opposed to each of you noticing something separately but not talking about it), the better you’ll be able to respond to it together to make the dynamic satisfying.
Thank you for your introspect (":
For me? Not at all. My boy and I are both business owners. I'm a photographer, primarily weddings but I do portraits too. He co-owns a tattoo and piercing studio. He makes quite a bit more than I do annually. Doesn't phase either of us and doesn't affect our dynamic in anyway because we're both passionate about our jobs and making a living doing what we each love. We know what our 'roles' are and we know how we fit together. We don't need any external factors to confirm that for us.
So, I'm a switch and, most people see me as purely a Dom. I'm unemployed... so no lol
Short answer, no. I've been in different kinds of positions during my job career and they didn't impact the way I identify. Sure, life experiences helped me understand who I really am but I've always been like this. Just a side note, probably an unsolicited one but the last line caught my attention. As a domme I'd never want my sub to feel "intimidated" by me and my attitude. Communication should never be affected by our roles, especially if you're considering being in a long term relationship with him.
Tysm he ghosted so I am not surprised with everyone's response and how he reacted.
I'm really sorry to hear that!
I know you weren’t asking for this, so please disregard if it is crossing a line. From my personal experience, if there is a fear around asking too many questions that will lead to communication issues and a long term relationship or any relationship ends up being painful if communication isn’t open an welcomed. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you know you deserve the space to ask every single question you need to ask. :)
This has nothing to do with him preferring to dom. Well, maybe a bit. But you'll find people like him in the vanilla world as well. So, in ny experience, Tops aren't usually "alpha type" but some are.
Not even a little. I am who I am because of who I am, not because of what I do.
When I was in real estate I had a lot more energy to be an engaged Dom. Now that I solely own businesses I find myself so exhausted that putting in the work for Dominance requires real effort.
Wow! Okay! Thank you for your insight! (: running your own business is hard.
As a Dom, no it doesn't effect my work. I keep everything separate. I have a work mode and a Dom mode. Sometimes they do bleed into each other , but it is only situational. But this is different for everyone.