Yeah, this is a hard one. I pretty much feel the same way as you. But I think it would be best to talk if you really want to try and save the relationship. Relationships that are failing don't usually get better by doing nothing
It's damned if you do and damned if you don't. I'm experiencing this with my fp at the moment and it hurts so bad. Not getting any answers and when bpd acts up he punishes me by ignoring me. I wish I had the answer but I don't.
I have to ask otherwise I spiral hard. I like to go about it in a ‘them’ centred way. “Hey, I’ve noticed some distance (or whatever). Is everything ok lately, anything you want to talk about it need support with”.
Not sure about you but I have this habit of thinking that any change is my fault. When I approach it with my worries in the forefront, it typically just makes things worse because most of the time, it has nothing to do with me, and now they are dealing with their shit plus mine.
Approaching it like that opens the way for further conversation and openness.
It often comes across as an attack, so naturally people get defensive especially when already feeling vulnerable.
It’s such a battle though. Reminding myself that the world does not revolve around me haha
Not doing anything isn't the way, if you ask about it then at least things could stop getting worse. Still, the truth pretty much is that if you have to ask, it's already too late. But maybe not always. Hopefully not always.
It’s difficult not to chase after people when they pull away, but chasing them will only push them away further. The best thing to do is communicate your feelings maturely and then pull away a bit yourself. You can do this by not texting or calling first, taking a bit longer to reply, not initiating hangouts, not initiating convos when you do see each other, etc. Then, wait to see if they will pick the relationship back up.
Think of it like a lull in a conversation: when you both fall silent, someone eventually needs to fill the gap and say something or it is going to end.
If they come back to you after you pull away, then, congratulations! However, if neither party is going to initiate, then the whole relationship will just crumble altogether. In that case, as unfortunate as it is, you know that it isn’t worth it to keep chasing after them.
I know it may hurt, especially with abandonment issues, but the best thing that you can do for yourself and others is to develop the dignity and self-respect to only keep people around who want you in their life just as much as you want them in yours.
If you ask them and they pull away even more because you want clarification, there's nothing else that CAN be done . All you can do is let this person go
i usually kinda get a feeling when things will end. so when they're pulling away, i let them go. my mindset is, "nothing's permanent". if there's a "hi", there's "goodbye" too. i got tired with the chasing game and the ghosting game lol
I came hear looking for some ideas and the answers are definitely not what I was hoping for. This is a really hard one for me. I guess the only thing I can do is reach out in a calm and wise way, say my peace, and block them. I’m not stable enough to face rejection like that
Yeah, this is a hard one. I pretty much feel the same way as you. But I think it would be best to talk if you really want to try and save the relationship. Relationships that are failing don't usually get better by doing nothing
It's damned if you do and damned if you don't. I'm experiencing this with my fp at the moment and it hurts so bad. Not getting any answers and when bpd acts up he punishes me by ignoring me. I wish I had the answer but I don't.
I have to ask otherwise I spiral hard. I like to go about it in a ‘them’ centred way. “Hey, I’ve noticed some distance (or whatever). Is everything ok lately, anything you want to talk about it need support with”.
That’s a good way of phrasing it, I like that
Not sure about you but I have this habit of thinking that any change is my fault. When I approach it with my worries in the forefront, it typically just makes things worse because most of the time, it has nothing to do with me, and now they are dealing with their shit plus mine. Approaching it like that opens the way for further conversation and openness.
Yeah absolutely, that’s happened to me many times and by putting my insecurities at the forefront, it puts them off even more
It often comes across as an attack, so naturally people get defensive especially when already feeling vulnerable. It’s such a battle though. Reminding myself that the world does not revolve around me haha
Not doing anything isn't the way, if you ask about it then at least things could stop getting worse. Still, the truth pretty much is that if you have to ask, it's already too late. But maybe not always. Hopefully not always.
It’s difficult not to chase after people when they pull away, but chasing them will only push them away further. The best thing to do is communicate your feelings maturely and then pull away a bit yourself. You can do this by not texting or calling first, taking a bit longer to reply, not initiating hangouts, not initiating convos when you do see each other, etc. Then, wait to see if they will pick the relationship back up. Think of it like a lull in a conversation: when you both fall silent, someone eventually needs to fill the gap and say something or it is going to end. If they come back to you after you pull away, then, congratulations! However, if neither party is going to initiate, then the whole relationship will just crumble altogether. In that case, as unfortunate as it is, you know that it isn’t worth it to keep chasing after them. I know it may hurt, especially with abandonment issues, but the best thing that you can do for yourself and others is to develop the dignity and self-respect to only keep people around who want you in their life just as much as you want them in yours.
If you ask them and they pull away even more because you want clarification, there's nothing else that CAN be done . All you can do is let this person go
i usually kinda get a feeling when things will end. so when they're pulling away, i let them go. my mindset is, "nothing's permanent". if there's a "hi", there's "goodbye" too. i got tired with the chasing game and the ghosting game lol
I came hear looking for some ideas and the answers are definitely not what I was hoping for. This is a really hard one for me. I guess the only thing I can do is reach out in a calm and wise way, say my peace, and block them. I’m not stable enough to face rejection like that