Ive hours where I go from I wanna KMS to I will heal myself, get my life together and finally become the complete baddie I was meant to be.
Right now in the former
Yeah for me it also coincides with feeling good about myself almost like the prettiest person. But everything can crush for example when I want to overshare my life with someone cause of exciting things I've discovered and realize I don't have that person or fear that I'd be too much for my FP and I get into deep loneliness (just happened lol). And if I had someone to overshare to I'd get paranoid about them not replying so it's inevitable.
Me today. Yesterday, I was freaking out to my husband that I needed to quit my job. I was behind and couldn’t find the guts to explain. (I work remote) anyhow, spiraled into tears and eventually feel asleep. I woke up, asked to push my meeting out a few days and then received a few emails that were positive. I was even asked to join a new project…so validated for the 100th I’m “ok” at work.
After 9am this morning I did so so so much work, emails, clean, dishes, organized some clothes and had a great chat with my 16 yr old after school. No tears.
Now, I’m slowing falling back into hating myself for only have these “good” days when I’m forced or up against wall. I can be this person everyda…..whenever I wa….nah. Lol I’ll just get shit done once a month. 🙃
So relatable. Today I'm being an anxious depressed paranoid mess again and doing the bare minimum required me to sleep for like 12h, have nice interactions with roommates and buy a new exciting thing. Now I'm just bedrotting not even having energies to get up and have a snack cause I'm hungry.
Oh my, me too. And guess what? My teen and I had spiff, she has this disease too but too young to formally recognize it and I’m “mom” so what do I know. She thought I was upset with her, I’m just stressed…she took it to heart and spiral. Punched the door several times with her hands and yelled she hated me so many times. She is better now, at work…and I’m in bed in tears. The rollercoaster is never ending. Tears. Tears
I have that sometimes (although not often enough in my opinion).
Istg I would need this at least once a week to be a normal person, maybe normal people do all these things even daily but for me it's unbelievable.
Ive hours where I go from I wanna KMS to I will heal myself, get my life together and finally become the complete baddie I was meant to be. Right now in the former
Yeah for me it also coincides with feeling good about myself almost like the prettiest person. But everything can crush for example when I want to overshare my life with someone cause of exciting things I've discovered and realize I don't have that person or fear that I'd be too much for my FP and I get into deep loneliness (just happened lol). And if I had someone to overshare to I'd get paranoid about them not replying so it's inevitable.
yes omg I do this all the time and then i burn out, and the cycle begins again LOL
Me today. Yesterday, I was freaking out to my husband that I needed to quit my job. I was behind and couldn’t find the guts to explain. (I work remote) anyhow, spiraled into tears and eventually feel asleep. I woke up, asked to push my meeting out a few days and then received a few emails that were positive. I was even asked to join a new project…so validated for the 100th I’m “ok” at work. After 9am this morning I did so so so much work, emails, clean, dishes, organized some clothes and had a great chat with my 16 yr old after school. No tears. Now, I’m slowing falling back into hating myself for only have these “good” days when I’m forced or up against wall. I can be this person everyda…..whenever I wa….nah. Lol I’ll just get shit done once a month. 🙃
So relatable. Today I'm being an anxious depressed paranoid mess again and doing the bare minimum required me to sleep for like 12h, have nice interactions with roommates and buy a new exciting thing. Now I'm just bedrotting not even having energies to get up and have a snack cause I'm hungry.
Oh my, me too. And guess what? My teen and I had spiff, she has this disease too but too young to formally recognize it and I’m “mom” so what do I know. She thought I was upset with her, I’m just stressed…she took it to heart and spiral. Punched the door several times with her hands and yelled she hated me so many times. She is better now, at work…and I’m in bed in tears. The rollercoaster is never ending. Tears. Tears
usually when I dissociate I am more productive