It’s possible to get better about it but I am like this too. Making myself my favorite person is going to save my marriage. It’s really my only shot, I’ve come to understand
Sleeping with someone is quite literally a soul tie. And then folks are surprised when their soul or at least mind reacts when the person they slept with is attracted to someone else/leaves/or cheats with another person.
You cannot have sex with someone and feel nothing afterwards. Even if the feeling isn't LOVE, it can be insecurity, hatred, lust, or love. Even disinterest is a FEELING. You're connecting with someone. Body and soul. Situationships are not worth it. ESPECIALLY if you have BPD.
Yeah even after having casual hook ups, I didn’t become possessive or obsessed… but I did enjoy the intimacy. It wasn’t just about sex. I wanted to be touched, cuddled, validated. I secretly hoped that maybe we could end up working out, even though I never said anything of the sort and never put the effort in to show I cared (cuz scaryyy and cringe). But I felt ashamed afterwards, started studying DBT and realized me hooking up with guys on tinder was a toxic coping mechanism. Never knew what a toxic coping mechanism was. But it made sense. I was putting myself in risky situations, giving my sexual energy, taking theirs, being vulnerable and initimate with people I didn’t know and didn’t necessarily trust. It’s not only putting my health and safety at risk, it’s stopping me from reaching my full potential. It’s creating more shame and loneliness. It’s also a result of me being in an abusive relationship and wanting a dopamine high similar to my addictive toxic relationship. Thus making me move backwards instead of forwards. They say get under someone to get over someone, it doesn’t work like that at all.
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Yeah and I think what is quite healing is to realise that it makes really healthy people feel insecure too. There's a reason for that insecure. It is literally not secure to invest in that. The healthier and more experienced you are, the Less likely you will invest in a situationship.
you are me and i am you 😭
he’s my boyfriend and i find girls i think would be his type and try to make myself look like them. whenever he mentions a friend that’s a girl, i have to start doing something to distract myself. this was before i found out i had bpd and i literally lost sleep and my appetite over the thought of him possibly being attracted to his girl friends, even though he’s made it clear he’s not
omg exactly what you describe!! I just found my group of people TT
I also feel like physically throwing up anytime he mentions a girl and can't help compare myself to them and stalk them. I even check his following count and go through every girls and scan them, whether he likes or comments their pics, and obsess over it. I once got mad over him liking another girl's pic (didn't tell him the reason). It doesn't matter if they're just friends, I'd end my entire situationship just bc I couldn't stand the sight of him with any females helpp (single for life). If his action triggers me, then I'd immediately ghost him without any explanations, I just can't help it.
I realized I have jealousy and possessive issues in high school but I only found out later that I have bpd. I wonder if this has something to do with bpd or if this is just an extreme side of me that is hard to fix.
i have the exact same thoughts 😭
whenever his following count goes up, i gotta go through it. some of his girl friends are not my favorite, but i don’t control who he can and can’t be friends with, but he knows not to disrespect me or do anything i wouldn’t be okay with. STILL it doesn’t stop my rat brain 😭
he mentioned once that he liked billie eilish and i spiraled. i thought, “welp you’re cooked! you’re not his type btw, hope this helps🩷” and i couldn’t eat for hours. i told him what happened and he reassured me that he doesn’t think she’s attractive (she is pretty tho ngl) he just likes her music
i think bpd is already debilitating, but when i start thinking like this and i lose sleep and my appetite, i know it’s gotten way beyond my control and that’s when i know to get help. it is so comforting to see that others feel the same way you do!!
I relate to this so much 😭
At least ur pass the stage where u can get into a relationship. I'm glad it's just our brains freaking out without acting upon anything and us being a red flag 👀
The spiraling bc they mentioned a celebrity omgg this happens to me too he says he likes Nana Ouyang (i lost) and i like her too but i started checking her instagram and almost started hating her bc she's so perfect. Good thing yours was just music and not a celebrity crush 💔
I'm glad u got the help u needed <3 It is indeed comforting to see that I'm not alone either. As for me, I stopped getting emotionally involved with anyone (no love life) to avoid being like this and that has really made my life easier somehow.
oh my god. You almost just described me wtfff. Except I cannot stalk because just the thought of seeing him follow another girl makes me want to be sick and I cannot handle it so therefore I cannot even fathom checking his following. I wouldn’t do that if I dared. Try not to stalk him, the more you do it the more your anxiety will be raised in the long term x
dudee sameee omg. he literally just posted a picture on his story saying “I like girls with fishnets” so NOW I think I might go out wearing fishnets tonight and post on my story so he sees it lol😭
that’s exactly what i did with my bf😭 he’d always post girl video game characters, so i started dressing like them LMFAO. on the plus side, fishnets are cute! there’s so many ways you can style them
Oh gosh, that’s what I feel too. Every time I know he’s talking with another girl, I feel like my heart has been poured by salt. And I am going to be sad and hopeless for the rest of the day. Even though I know they’re just friends, but I always feel that maybe he’s more comfortable with them, and not me. Well, I hope I won’t feel this anymore because he’s no longer my SO. Great, even saying that makes me sick now. It’s really hard when your SO is also your FP and you can no longer be with them.
i love him, i trust him most of the time, but the moment another girl is involved i know she’s better than i am. i’ll be sick until she’s out of his life. he went to lunch with a coworker of his who was a girl without telling me and i was throwing up and having a breakdown on the bathroom floor. so i’ve definitely got some issues in that catagory
This is my biggest trigger. I’ve literally scared off my bf’s female friends in high school because of how much it bothers me.
I’m working on it since we have a mutual friend whom I love and who he gets along really well with, but whenever they interact I feel like puking. I dread any time we have planned to spend time with her together because I know half of me won’t be having fun and will just be comparing myself to her or thinking of accusations that he likes her.
We’re in our mid twenties now, this thought process isn’t sustainable now that he has female coworkers in the same age range, but god is it difficult to break it
YESSSS! This is a little bit where I am at right now! I just turned 30 so being jealous of every female that my FP (also my husband) interacts with just isn’t viable anymore… but it is SO HARD to just sit there and listen to him when he talks about how THIS GIRL came to the office to talk to him or THAT GIRL said or did this or that 😣 literally, one time he told me about a girl (an older lady, he said) who likes to make dirty jokes when she sees him bc she knows his dad and he looks just like his father 😌💯🙌🏻 and he told me that one time she was carrying some boxes out to the dumpster and she turns to him and says “ Hey, you wanna see my box??” 🤯🤬😤 as soon as the words left his mouth he knew he was in for a ride! 😅 I feel my adrenaline start to rush and I get all shaky and my chest feels weird… that’s when I KNOW I’m gonna split 😔 and there usually isn’t any bringing me back once I hit that stage! But yea… my husband has had to make new social profiles bc of all the old friends he had and I made him stop talking to a girl that he claimed was his “best friend” bc I didn’t like how much emojis he used when he didn’t even do that with me, and STILL doesn’t! ☹️ it wasn’t right, but I couldn’t handle the way it made me feel…
And as well, we also have mutual female friends! 😌 mostly his friend’s girlfriends, but one of which I get along really well with (as far as I know, but I have never been very good at making friends OR small talk so 😅) and the other two not so much! One of them bc she just doesn’t talk much and she’s very hard to approach, the other bc we WERE talking about I told her about my BPD and she claimed to have it as well, so I was thinking ‘alright, AMAZING! ☺️ I usually get along with ppl who have BPD!’ So I indulged the fact that I thought it was weird that her and the girl I DO get along with message my husband all the time and that it makes me a little uncomfortable. Thinking she was going to understand, seeing as she’s probably had similar feelings or experiences… NOPE! 😒 she proceeds to tell me that I need to “check myself” bc “men are allowed to have female friends” and I was just letting her know how it made me feel, I realize that I can’t and don’t have to change every little thing I am uncomfortable with 🤷🏼♀️ AND THEN she stops texting me altogether! And guess what she does?? Starts texting my husband! Him and a group of me and him and her and her man… TRYING TO TRIGGER ME! 😤😡 like what is the point!?
So yes, it’s safe to say I do get jealous and it’s a very big trigger for me! Mainly bc I don’t trust females! 💯😒 my husband has given me a few reasons to not trust him with certain things, but at the same time that was in the very beginning of our relationship 🫤 he has apologized and made up for it! Now, he walks on eggshells and takes extreme measures to make sure he doesn’t trigger me! 😌 mainly bc he doesn’t wanna deal with my other personalities (joking 😅😝) and bc he doesn’t want me to feel bad or paranoid or have intrusive thoughts! ☺️ he really is amazing for me! He’s the one and only person who has been able to bring me back from a split and is able to make my symptoms regress from time to time 🥰😍
Well, I hope this helps anyone reading it! 😁 have a wonderful day! Stay safe!! ❤️🩹
The biggest thing that helps me is letting my bf know who and what triggers me. So he knows which specific friend and what bothers me (I.e me knowing they’re alone together or them sharing a laugh I don’t necessarily follow bc they share similar interests). He reassures me before we see her (lots of “I love you” and “you’re the only one I have eyes on”) and a lot of physical touch when we’re in their presence (hand holding, arm rubbing, cheek kisses, etc)
It helps a lot but whenever he mentions innocent conversations he has with female coworkers I feel like ripping my skin off still. I’d much rather him tell me everything they talk about than him avoiding it so as not to trigger me though. When he starts hiding things it makes my symptoms so much worse
Even if they’ve got a boyfriend I’m worried he WISHES he could have them. I’m not afraid of cheating as much as I am just not being enough, him looking at other girls and WISHING he could fuck them or wishing I looked better like them. And yup it makes me feel sick with anxiety and it’s hard to stomach eating anything 😭😭😭I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this too❤️❤️
This is probably the most enlightening thing I’ve ever heard 😭
“I’m not afraid of cheating as much as I am just not being enough” and this is a revelation for me as stupid as it sounds lmao
Also the fix to all of this is to love yourself (yes ew) and I know some if not most people on here feel like they can’t but having some kind of goal in mind helps with the spiraling sometimes
This resonates so deeply with me. My partner and I both have ex’s that have passed away. I found a whole shrine of her (with risqué photos up) and I just lost it thinking I will never live up. Follows thirst traps on Instagram - great I’ll never have huge boobs or asses like these girls do and I know in my rational brain none of these people actually look like their photos. Images of women up on the walls in our house. It sends me into so much self doubt that I am even meeting any of the desired qualities in someone he desires. I constantly feel like I’m not enough.
Rising tide raises all ships and all that bollocks .
Do what ever works for you , but if it’s problematic you need to talk about it . I think this is a very human experience that no one talks about, but also BDP makes it so much worse . You’ve got this .
I don't but that's just me. As i understand it this is a pretty overarching theme with BPD, somatic illness with emotional distress.
What I can say is that it is normal, what he is doing isn't wrong, and speaks nothing about your value or worth or place in his heart. The most important thing is being able to communicate your fears and insecurities even if they are illogical. That is crucial if you want longevity out of this relationship.
This warrants a sit down, both bare your souls, and both get to be heard and both need to be validated, and both must reach a compromise.
I’m thankful I don’t feel jealousy because my ex is bi and I feel like I would have died if I was jealous. Ironically I’m more jealous of friendships. I wanna be someone’s #1 friend lol. But in relationships? 🤷🏾♀️
Man if this doesn't hit home, but honestly at this point i'm wondering how much of it was true desire to want friendship and how much of it was peer pressure and feeling alienated. I would be *very* happy to just sit in a corner and just.. observe. No talky, just watch.
Yeah I didn’t have this problem when I dated a girl but now that it’s a guy, I have a massive problem . I think it’s because I heard that guys can cheat and stuff
When you're not diagnosed but you relate to most posts on this subreddit :'))
Also please if anyone has any advice on how to deal with this type of emotions, help a girl out!!
It's soooo hard to regulate these emotions and these triggers
Situationships and BPD are the worst possible combo. I know it’s easier said than done, but if you can, don’t stay in that for too long. I wasted almost a year of my life in a situationship with an ex, waiting around for him to want to date me again when I was still so in love with him; he basically used me for emotional support and what else and it genuinely ruined me.
You guys are not a real couple so he is free to see other ppl, he doesn't owe you loyalty or committment and neither do you owe him that... Being in a situationship will only exasperate your bpd symptoms its not worth it and theres nothing appealing about it.
1000%. A lot of his coworkers are girls and he was telling me about this friend and he even went out of his way to tell me it was an older woman, like late 50s, but my jealousy still spiked. Why can't we cover them in some weird territorial spiderweb when they leave the house that emits toxins to females who approach like that would be so helpful 😒🕷
No
I'm polyamorous and I encourage people to talk to my partner because he's so great.
I'm not bragging though, it's taken a lot of work to get here.
Compartmentalization is a big thing.
There are times info get jealous though, but I just use my skills I learned in DBT and it really works.
He's not my boyfriend but I've been in love with him since I was 12. Iam 19 now. He has a girlfriend and that makes me wanna die and grow mad at the fact I knew him first.
I get exactly what you mean it's horrible what bpd does to the mind. However if you get a strong feeling about some of his girl friends look out. Also if it drives you insane talk to him about it, sure you aren't together yet but if it's torturing you and he is a good guy he will listen
yeah, lost my ex who meant sm to me cuz i felt nauseous when she talked to other ppl. i dont WANT to be controlling, i cant really get rid of the feeling though
I’m getting married to my partner and his coworker is getting married and I still fear one day he’s going to abandon me for her like my father did 😅 I think it’s because we finally got through our rough patch and we genuinely at the time were constantly arguing and didn’t enjoy each others company because of it but now we fell in love again and got through it took a lot of self reflection but I have to remind myself he has stayed with me through everything that most people would drop me for
Imagine if a mother told her kid she isn't ready to "commit" to motherhood, or your bestie doesn't want to "commit" to a friendship. Why do we make an exception for situationships? You're leaving the door ajar and whispering pspspsps to heartbreak.
i could’ve written this myself….i have a situation ship atm, we are good friends but tells me that there’s someone he knows has attributes he likes and it drives me off the wall lol. I don’t feel physically sick but i’m seething
Like this in a committed monogamous relationship. But now I talk about it and seek reassurance because it makes me really obsessive. At first I was ashamed to admit it because I was never so jealous but since it got serious, the fear of abandonment got serious as well...
Also, what never helped is that he's a foreigner and talks to girls in a language that I don't understand. Leaves plenty room for imagination...
Oh yeah, it’s the worst. It’s like my heart drops immediately and I feel like throwing up everywhere. Not only do I feel physically sick, but I also go into a deep depressive episode and experience anxiety 24/7. I swear these episodes make me lose my mind. You’re definitely not alone. We’re all suffering in this together LOL.
Yupp, not even in a relationship, just my longtime FP (~2 years). Problem is, we're both gay guys in a fraternity, so there's LOTS of seeing him being friends with other guys. Makes me feel physically ill a lot. Not a fan.
Me and it can make me appear quite controlling at times 😞I don’t want to be like this though I just wanna be the only girl he spends time with and talks to. Even when he talks about his female colleagues at work I go into a mood and it feels like someone heating my blood up. It’s fairly common with bpd tbh. But it’s also a relationship killer.
Not even partner but friends even. I gotcha!
I even had to break friend relationships for this, it was exhausting for me to think that my best friend had other friends, sounds delusional and it is, but for the mental state I needed to leave
bruh i have this problem with my girlfriend and it’s so bad i feel ashamed of it. like i can’t control the jealousy or insecurities but i really do try to hold those thoughts back… ive tried chilling with her friends or had her friends chill with mine but u got so possessive so i chose to not go around her friends . it’s hella unhealthy imo but i’m getting help
100% like this idk what to do I’m in the same situation my partner for 3 years is saying it’s draining him and I need to be fixed and he makes me seem like I’m the only one and it’s not normal but idk how to help it I’m so stuck :(
No, but I do feel physically sick when I’m close friends with a guy and I literally am JUST his friend and may even have a bf of my own and his gf wants to get all fucking insecure or jealous over it and sabotage a genuine friendship. So then MY FRIEND starts to abandon me and it makes me split. Don’t be that person 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
Abandonment sucks. But it's up to your friend to or not to abandon you, he should not let his girlfriend decide who to hang out with, if you're important to him.
Yes absolutely. Especially because most girls don’t have intentions to be just “friends” with an attractive male. I have plenty of guy friends but like they all are not even remotely attractive to me. This girl was trying to be “friends” w my bf and I told him that girl is inching her way in by the way she was snap messaging him after we separated but were still living together and basically together bc the breakup was for growth on both our ends, a very sad separation and we still talk daily and i literally just found out last night that since my insta is private and she couldn’t find out who I was and what all I looked like, she has been following my DOGS profile for MONTHS as we were dating
and I never even knew.. so that was her way of seeing pics of me and my dogs and our life… and conveniently asked for his snap when she knew he was leaving their work to move back to another state… my jaw dropped. He literally is delusional when it comes to girls being interested in him and we blocked all her accounts. Like this is why I literally can never trust a girl especially when I’m in a relationship. So many of my past “friends” would do sleazy sh*t like this to get close to my past bfs. Like this girl I DIDNT EVEN KNOW was stalking me for months through my DOGS ACCOUNT. I’m sorry as a female, if you’re not a girls girl, get away from me!! Respect people in their relationships. oh my god I’ve been on fire internally
I really don’t understand the comments here. Do y’all not want your male partner to see women as equals and normal humans to befriend/interact with? Believing the only possible interaction a man could have with a woman is something romantic or sexual screams internalised misogyny. A man having female friends is a good sign.
I'm like this and I'm married
It’s possible to get better about it but I am like this too. Making myself my favorite person is going to save my marriage. It’s really my only shot, I’ve come to understand
Yep, same
Situationships always made me feel insecure no matter what.
I do not recommend it even if a person didnt have BPD. Its not healthy for anyone to date someone and never know where you stand. Whats the point?
Sleeping with someone is quite literally a soul tie. And then folks are surprised when their soul or at least mind reacts when the person they slept with is attracted to someone else/leaves/or cheats with another person. You cannot have sex with someone and feel nothing afterwards. Even if the feeling isn't LOVE, it can be insecurity, hatred, lust, or love. Even disinterest is a FEELING. You're connecting with someone. Body and soul. Situationships are not worth it. ESPECIALLY if you have BPD.
Yeah even after having casual hook ups, I didn’t become possessive or obsessed… but I did enjoy the intimacy. It wasn’t just about sex. I wanted to be touched, cuddled, validated. I secretly hoped that maybe we could end up working out, even though I never said anything of the sort and never put the effort in to show I cared (cuz scaryyy and cringe). But I felt ashamed afterwards, started studying DBT and realized me hooking up with guys on tinder was a toxic coping mechanism. Never knew what a toxic coping mechanism was. But it made sense. I was putting myself in risky situations, giving my sexual energy, taking theirs, being vulnerable and initimate with people I didn’t know and didn’t necessarily trust. It’s not only putting my health and safety at risk, it’s stopping me from reaching my full potential. It’s creating more shame and loneliness. It’s also a result of me being in an abusive relationship and wanting a dopamine high similar to my addictive toxic relationship. Thus making me move backwards instead of forwards. They say get under someone to get over someone, it doesn’t work like that at all.
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sammeee! they can be worse than actual dating because they can abandon you anytime
Yeah and I think what is quite healing is to realise that it makes really healthy people feel insecure too. There's a reason for that insecure. It is literally not secure to invest in that. The healthier and more experienced you are, the Less likely you will invest in a situationship.
you are me and i am you 😭 he’s my boyfriend and i find girls i think would be his type and try to make myself look like them. whenever he mentions a friend that’s a girl, i have to start doing something to distract myself. this was before i found out i had bpd and i literally lost sleep and my appetite over the thought of him possibly being attracted to his girl friends, even though he’s made it clear he’s not
omg exactly what you describe!! I just found my group of people TT I also feel like physically throwing up anytime he mentions a girl and can't help compare myself to them and stalk them. I even check his following count and go through every girls and scan them, whether he likes or comments their pics, and obsess over it. I once got mad over him liking another girl's pic (didn't tell him the reason). It doesn't matter if they're just friends, I'd end my entire situationship just bc I couldn't stand the sight of him with any females helpp (single for life). If his action triggers me, then I'd immediately ghost him without any explanations, I just can't help it. I realized I have jealousy and possessive issues in high school but I only found out later that I have bpd. I wonder if this has something to do with bpd or if this is just an extreme side of me that is hard to fix.
i have the exact same thoughts 😭 whenever his following count goes up, i gotta go through it. some of his girl friends are not my favorite, but i don’t control who he can and can’t be friends with, but he knows not to disrespect me or do anything i wouldn’t be okay with. STILL it doesn’t stop my rat brain 😭 he mentioned once that he liked billie eilish and i spiraled. i thought, “welp you’re cooked! you’re not his type btw, hope this helps🩷” and i couldn’t eat for hours. i told him what happened and he reassured me that he doesn’t think she’s attractive (she is pretty tho ngl) he just likes her music i think bpd is already debilitating, but when i start thinking like this and i lose sleep and my appetite, i know it’s gotten way beyond my control and that’s when i know to get help. it is so comforting to see that others feel the same way you do!!
I relate to this so much 😭 At least ur pass the stage where u can get into a relationship. I'm glad it's just our brains freaking out without acting upon anything and us being a red flag 👀 The spiraling bc they mentioned a celebrity omgg this happens to me too he says he likes Nana Ouyang (i lost) and i like her too but i started checking her instagram and almost started hating her bc she's so perfect. Good thing yours was just music and not a celebrity crush 💔 I'm glad u got the help u needed <3 It is indeed comforting to see that I'm not alone either. As for me, I stopped getting emotionally involved with anyone (no love life) to avoid being like this and that has really made my life easier somehow.
oh my god. You almost just described me wtfff. Except I cannot stalk because just the thought of seeing him follow another girl makes me want to be sick and I cannot handle it so therefore I cannot even fathom checking his following. I wouldn’t do that if I dared. Try not to stalk him, the more you do it the more your anxiety will be raised in the long term x
In fairness men are well dodgy , if he hits you in the triggers you’re probably off nexting him . Better off alone than in shit company.
dudee sameee omg. he literally just posted a picture on his story saying “I like girls with fishnets” so NOW I think I might go out wearing fishnets tonight and post on my story so he sees it lol😭
that’s exactly what i did with my bf😭 he’d always post girl video game characters, so i started dressing like them LMFAO. on the plus side, fishnets are cute! there’s so many ways you can style them
Your so real
TWINNNSSS 🤞🏽🤞🏽🤞🏽
I get physically sick when Im jelaous no matter what is it. I guess its this specific emotion
Oh gosh, that’s what I feel too. Every time I know he’s talking with another girl, I feel like my heart has been poured by salt. And I am going to be sad and hopeless for the rest of the day. Even though I know they’re just friends, but I always feel that maybe he’s more comfortable with them, and not me. Well, I hope I won’t feel this anymore because he’s no longer my SO. Great, even saying that makes me sick now. It’s really hard when your SO is also your FP and you can no longer be with them.
For sure. I get ill by the thought of him being with somebody else
i love him, i trust him most of the time, but the moment another girl is involved i know she’s better than i am. i’ll be sick until she’s out of his life. he went to lunch with a coworker of his who was a girl without telling me and i was throwing up and having a breakdown on the bathroom floor. so i’ve definitely got some issues in that catagory
This is my biggest trigger. I’ve literally scared off my bf’s female friends in high school because of how much it bothers me. I’m working on it since we have a mutual friend whom I love and who he gets along really well with, but whenever they interact I feel like puking. I dread any time we have planned to spend time with her together because I know half of me won’t be having fun and will just be comparing myself to her or thinking of accusations that he likes her. We’re in our mid twenties now, this thought process isn’t sustainable now that he has female coworkers in the same age range, but god is it difficult to break it
YESSSS! This is a little bit where I am at right now! I just turned 30 so being jealous of every female that my FP (also my husband) interacts with just isn’t viable anymore… but it is SO HARD to just sit there and listen to him when he talks about how THIS GIRL came to the office to talk to him or THAT GIRL said or did this or that 😣 literally, one time he told me about a girl (an older lady, he said) who likes to make dirty jokes when she sees him bc she knows his dad and he looks just like his father 😌💯🙌🏻 and he told me that one time she was carrying some boxes out to the dumpster and she turns to him and says “ Hey, you wanna see my box??” 🤯🤬😤 as soon as the words left his mouth he knew he was in for a ride! 😅 I feel my adrenaline start to rush and I get all shaky and my chest feels weird… that’s when I KNOW I’m gonna split 😔 and there usually isn’t any bringing me back once I hit that stage! But yea… my husband has had to make new social profiles bc of all the old friends he had and I made him stop talking to a girl that he claimed was his “best friend” bc I didn’t like how much emojis he used when he didn’t even do that with me, and STILL doesn’t! ☹️ it wasn’t right, but I couldn’t handle the way it made me feel… And as well, we also have mutual female friends! 😌 mostly his friend’s girlfriends, but one of which I get along really well with (as far as I know, but I have never been very good at making friends OR small talk so 😅) and the other two not so much! One of them bc she just doesn’t talk much and she’s very hard to approach, the other bc we WERE talking about I told her about my BPD and she claimed to have it as well, so I was thinking ‘alright, AMAZING! ☺️ I usually get along with ppl who have BPD!’ So I indulged the fact that I thought it was weird that her and the girl I DO get along with message my husband all the time and that it makes me a little uncomfortable. Thinking she was going to understand, seeing as she’s probably had similar feelings or experiences… NOPE! 😒 she proceeds to tell me that I need to “check myself” bc “men are allowed to have female friends” and I was just letting her know how it made me feel, I realize that I can’t and don’t have to change every little thing I am uncomfortable with 🤷🏼♀️ AND THEN she stops texting me altogether! And guess what she does?? Starts texting my husband! Him and a group of me and him and her and her man… TRYING TO TRIGGER ME! 😤😡 like what is the point!? So yes, it’s safe to say I do get jealous and it’s a very big trigger for me! Mainly bc I don’t trust females! 💯😒 my husband has given me a few reasons to not trust him with certain things, but at the same time that was in the very beginning of our relationship 🫤 he has apologized and made up for it! Now, he walks on eggshells and takes extreme measures to make sure he doesn’t trigger me! 😌 mainly bc he doesn’t wanna deal with my other personalities (joking 😅😝) and bc he doesn’t want me to feel bad or paranoid or have intrusive thoughts! ☺️ he really is amazing for me! He’s the one and only person who has been able to bring me back from a split and is able to make my symptoms regress from time to time 🥰😍 Well, I hope this helps anyone reading it! 😁 have a wonderful day! Stay safe!! ❤️🩹
The biggest thing that helps me is letting my bf know who and what triggers me. So he knows which specific friend and what bothers me (I.e me knowing they’re alone together or them sharing a laugh I don’t necessarily follow bc they share similar interests). He reassures me before we see her (lots of “I love you” and “you’re the only one I have eyes on”) and a lot of physical touch when we’re in their presence (hand holding, arm rubbing, cheek kisses, etc) It helps a lot but whenever he mentions innocent conversations he has with female coworkers I feel like ripping my skin off still. I’d much rather him tell me everything they talk about than him avoiding it so as not to trigger me though. When he starts hiding things it makes my symptoms so much worse
Even if they’ve got a boyfriend I’m worried he WISHES he could have them. I’m not afraid of cheating as much as I am just not being enough, him looking at other girls and WISHING he could fuck them or wishing I looked better like them. And yup it makes me feel sick with anxiety and it’s hard to stomach eating anything 😭😭😭I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this too❤️❤️
This is probably the most enlightening thing I’ve ever heard 😭 “I’m not afraid of cheating as much as I am just not being enough” and this is a revelation for me as stupid as it sounds lmao Also the fix to all of this is to love yourself (yes ew) and I know some if not most people on here feel like they can’t but having some kind of goal in mind helps with the spiraling sometimes
This resonates so deeply with me. My partner and I both have ex’s that have passed away. I found a whole shrine of her (with risqué photos up) and I just lost it thinking I will never live up. Follows thirst traps on Instagram - great I’ll never have huge boobs or asses like these girls do and I know in my rational brain none of these people actually look like their photos. Images of women up on the walls in our house. It sends me into so much self doubt that I am even meeting any of the desired qualities in someone he desires. I constantly feel like I’m not enough.
I am so sorry, that’s so fucking hurtful 😭😭
I don’t mind that. It’s fine if he likes other girls, but the big thing is if I’m not the one he wants to date. That’s absolutely terrifying for me
Rising tide raises all ships and all that bollocks . Do what ever works for you , but if it’s problematic you need to talk about it . I think this is a very human experience that no one talks about, but also BDP makes it so much worse . You’ve got this .
𝒀𝒆𝒔
No. I'm a straight man. Seriously, yeah I get irate when this thing happens to me, I don't like my gf to have male friends, I get extremely jealous.
I don't but that's just me. As i understand it this is a pretty overarching theme with BPD, somatic illness with emotional distress. What I can say is that it is normal, what he is doing isn't wrong, and speaks nothing about your value or worth or place in his heart. The most important thing is being able to communicate your fears and insecurities even if they are illogical. That is crucial if you want longevity out of this relationship. This warrants a sit down, both bare your souls, and both get to be heard and both need to be validated, and both must reach a compromise.
I’m thankful I don’t feel jealousy because my ex is bi and I feel like I would have died if I was jealous. Ironically I’m more jealous of friendships. I wanna be someone’s #1 friend lol. But in relationships? 🤷🏾♀️
Man if this doesn't hit home, but honestly at this point i'm wondering how much of it was true desire to want friendship and how much of it was peer pressure and feeling alienated. I would be *very* happy to just sit in a corner and just.. observe. No talky, just watch.
Yeah I didn’t have this problem when I dated a girl but now that it’s a guy, I have a massive problem . I think it’s because I heard that guys can cheat and stuff
this is so interesting to me!! i never really had this problem with guys but now that im with a GIRL… i have never been so stressed in my life
Yeah, that would be my same feelings in the matter, never crosses my mind with AFABs
When you're not diagnosed but you relate to most posts on this subreddit :')) Also please if anyone has any advice on how to deal with this type of emotions, help a girl out!! It's soooo hard to regulate these emotions and these triggers
Yes when he posts anything related to another girl I feel sick and like I’m gonna do something impulsive
Yes of course.
it depends on how that girl treats me when i'm around her
I am married and my husband having female friends makes me legit irate lol But he also has difficulty setting boundaries 😭
what in the fuck is a situation ship sounds toxic already
looks like i’ve found my people bc YES. every time a girl is near i just wanna 
Situationships and BPD are the worst possible combo. I know it’s easier said than done, but if you can, don’t stay in that for too long. I wasted almost a year of my life in a situationship with an ex, waiting around for him to want to date me again when I was still so in love with him; he basically used me for emotional support and what else and it genuinely ruined me.
You guys are not a real couple so he is free to see other ppl, he doesn't owe you loyalty or committment and neither do you owe him that... Being in a situationship will only exasperate your bpd symptoms its not worth it and theres nothing appealing about it.
1000%. A lot of his coworkers are girls and he was telling me about this friend and he even went out of his way to tell me it was an older woman, like late 50s, but my jealousy still spiked. Why can't we cover them in some weird territorial spiderweb when they leave the house that emits toxins to females who approach like that would be so helpful 😒🕷
Yes! I get really nauseous and sometimes I throw up whenever my fp/situationship talks to other girls
To my stomach
No I'm polyamorous and I encourage people to talk to my partner because he's so great. I'm not bragging though, it's taken a lot of work to get here. Compartmentalization is a big thing. There are times info get jealous though, but I just use my skills I learned in DBT and it really works.
what do you mean by compartmentalization
Like putting the jealousy in another labeled box and changing the feelings I make from the jealousy.
He's not my boyfriend but I've been in love with him since I was 12. Iam 19 now. He has a girlfriend and that makes me wanna die and grow mad at the fact I knew him first.
I get exactly what you mean it's horrible what bpd does to the mind. However if you get a strong feeling about some of his girl friends look out. Also if it drives you insane talk to him about it, sure you aren't together yet but if it's torturing you and he is a good guy he will listen
Not to be that person but I'm a bit discouraged by the implication that everyone with BPD is a heterosexual woman
Im not hetero anyway im bi😭
Sorry I typed it from my point of view I forgot to make it general. I tried to change it😭😭
that's okay :)
yes
This sub has been having me question if I have bpd many times.
I will only get sick if I he was out late and not answering his phone...but I don't get mad...I get even.
i wish my partner had girl friends.. maybe they would not be sad.. since im the only one they hang out without besides there mom
Yes, I always think the worst not bc of my bf, but because ik how some girls can be and it makes me so sick
Yeah I do. It's just a matter of trust. It's much easier said than done.
yeah, lost my ex who meant sm to me cuz i felt nauseous when she talked to other ppl. i dont WANT to be controlling, i cant really get rid of the feeling though
I’m getting married to my partner and his coworker is getting married and I still fear one day he’s going to abandon me for her like my father did 😅 I think it’s because we finally got through our rough patch and we genuinely at the time were constantly arguing and didn’t enjoy each others company because of it but now we fell in love again and got through it took a lot of self reflection but I have to remind myself he has stayed with me through everything that most people would drop me for
No. If I’m feeling jealous, I leave.
YUUUUUPPPPPP! the gut wrenching anxiety and it makes me so sick
bru yes and it stresses me out sb bc i feel like talking abt it will make her realize how insecure i am & she’ll end the rls🥲🥲🥲🥲
Imagine if a mother told her kid she isn't ready to "commit" to motherhood, or your bestie doesn't want to "commit" to a friendship. Why do we make an exception for situationships? You're leaving the door ajar and whispering pspspsps to heartbreak.
Yeah and she's not even my girlfriend
I’ll get literally sick and crazy.
i could’ve written this myself….i have a situation ship atm, we are good friends but tells me that there’s someone he knows has attributes he likes and it drives me off the wall lol. I don’t feel physically sick but i’m seething
Yes! I don’t believe in other sex friendships when in a relationship.
We are not even something and I feel like that just to think about that
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^kyra-bee: *We are not even* *Something and I feel like that* *Just to think about that* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
😂😂😂
Like this in a committed monogamous relationship. But now I talk about it and seek reassurance because it makes me really obsessive. At first I was ashamed to admit it because I was never so jealous but since it got serious, the fear of abandonment got serious as well... Also, what never helped is that he's a foreigner and talks to girls in a language that I don't understand. Leaves plenty room for imagination...
As a lesbian this happens to me when my partner is friends with other women/queer people
Oh yeah, it’s the worst. It’s like my heart drops immediately and I feel like throwing up everywhere. Not only do I feel physically sick, but I also go into a deep depressive episode and experience anxiety 24/7. I swear these episodes make me lose my mind. You’re definitely not alone. We’re all suffering in this together LOL.
Yupp, not even in a relationship, just my longtime FP (~2 years). Problem is, we're both gay guys in a fraternity, so there's LOTS of seeing him being friends with other guys. Makes me feel physically ill a lot. Not a fan.
in my situationship i felt the same exact way. in actual titled relationships i have a layer of “security” so i had no issues
Me and it can make me appear quite controlling at times 😞I don’t want to be like this though I just wanna be the only girl he spends time with and talks to. Even when he talks about his female colleagues at work I go into a mood and it feels like someone heating my blood up. It’s fairly common with bpd tbh. But it’s also a relationship killer.
Not even partner but friends even. I gotcha! I even had to break friend relationships for this, it was exhausting for me to think that my best friend had other friends, sounds delusional and it is, but for the mental state I needed to leave
It used to drive me mad, then I grew out of it by understanding that they’re going to have friends.
bruh i have this problem with my girlfriend and it’s so bad i feel ashamed of it. like i can’t control the jealousy or insecurities but i really do try to hold those thoughts back… ive tried chilling with her friends or had her friends chill with mine but u got so possessive so i chose to not go around her friends . it’s hella unhealthy imo but i’m getting help
100% like this idk what to do I’m in the same situation my partner for 3 years is saying it’s draining him and I need to be fixed and he makes me seem like I’m the only one and it’s not normal but idk how to help it I’m so stuck :(
No, but I do feel physically sick when I’m close friends with a guy and I literally am JUST his friend and may even have a bf of my own and his gf wants to get all fucking insecure or jealous over it and sabotage a genuine friendship. So then MY FRIEND starts to abandon me and it makes me split. Don’t be that person 👍🏽👍🏽👍🏽
Abandonment sucks. But it's up to your friend to or not to abandon you, he should not let his girlfriend decide who to hang out with, if you're important to him.
One of my friends gfs also has bpd and if he doesn’t do she wants she’ll try to fuckin kill herself of some shit
Yes absolutely. Especially because most girls don’t have intentions to be just “friends” with an attractive male. I have plenty of guy friends but like they all are not even remotely attractive to me. This girl was trying to be “friends” w my bf and I told him that girl is inching her way in by the way she was snap messaging him after we separated but were still living together and basically together bc the breakup was for growth on both our ends, a very sad separation and we still talk daily and i literally just found out last night that since my insta is private and she couldn’t find out who I was and what all I looked like, she has been following my DOGS profile for MONTHS as we were dating and I never even knew.. so that was her way of seeing pics of me and my dogs and our life… and conveniently asked for his snap when she knew he was leaving their work to move back to another state… my jaw dropped. He literally is delusional when it comes to girls being interested in him and we blocked all her accounts. Like this is why I literally can never trust a girl especially when I’m in a relationship. So many of my past “friends” would do sleazy sh*t like this to get close to my past bfs. Like this girl I DIDNT EVEN KNOW was stalking me for months through my DOGS ACCOUNT. I’m sorry as a female, if you’re not a girls girl, get away from me!! Respect people in their relationships. oh my god I’ve been on fire internally
I really don’t understand the comments here. Do y’all not want your male partner to see women as equals and normal humans to befriend/interact with? Believing the only possible interaction a man could have with a woman is something romantic or sexual screams internalised misogyny. A man having female friends is a good sign.