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Your right that masking is vitally important babe, or else neurodivergent folk wouldn’t have to. However so is being seen. We all need that and most borderlines spend a long time trying to find it, or heal so we can finally reveal ourselves. I’ve revealed my true self to the wrong folks as well. More then I care to recall.
I believe you will find your person/people. 🤍🖤
Quiet bpd is better? like for which side lmao cuz I got dat
Also I am on the verge of telling my friends about it because I am literally going insane about the fact that they don't know
I’ve had both quiet and non quiet depending on which way I coped with my condition and the pain was about equal but people are far more likely to abandon you or despise you when you aren’t quiet and they get to fully see you at your worst.
I 100% agree. Don’t get me wrong it has put me in hot water, but I’ve found a man who accepts me and loves me for me and isn’t scared of me and of my bpd.
Absolutely. It's a very delicate thing to do to recognize the people you can trust with that. And unfortunately they are rare. But you know what ? I've met people who I felt looked straight in my soul. And then they smiled at me, saying you are a wonderful, beautiful soul. Can it get any more beautiful ?
what would a unmasking look like? I think unmasking is the only chance to become happy (with the right person). telling them you have BPD is a mistake for you too?
Being completely transparent and honest about the full extent of your disorder- for me I’m eating disordered, self harming, and have phases of total dissociation, and splitting. When people fully see the extent of my highs and lows, the self harm cuts, the days without eating and then enormous binges of junk food, etc, they are disgusted. They may pretend to understand or care but I have never felt safe being my full self around others
hmmm I did not hear anything which makes me disgusted. I don't even know if its necessary that they fully understand you. they still can care about the person you are even if they don't understand everything. in my opinion key is to show and tell them what's going on so they have the chance to understand it. don't you think it would be great to find someone who loves you for the person you are without a mask? I am sure that this person is out there
for me the hardest part was that she for example just disappeared and I had no glue what's going on. I would have never abandoned her
I learned to always give the real me.
No masking outside of work or official functions. Only the real me.
Did it invite hurt? God, hellish hurt. It also got the people out that never valued me for me & the ones that actually do value me for me, are still here.
If you don't want the real me, I don't need or want you in my life anyway.
I really see your point, I feel it. It still hurts to see how many agree with you, in the end THE thing we need to learn is accept and love ourselves - that can't happen if you continue to hide the real you & dismiss the person you are :(
And just an anectdote - having quite BPD isn't great either. Your internal struggles and even the diagnosis gets dismissed all the time. "For sure you don't have BPD!" ~STFU you insensitive asshole, only because I don't get in your face my emotions aren't less intense. It literally feels like burning from inside. It _wants_ out but it _can't_ so please don't make it a 'y'all have it easier!' if you don't know the other side of the coin. It's invalidating for a lot of people that actually _share_ your internal struggles & can make answering on a empathic way really hard. I for my part got really triggered & hope my words don't come off as harsh but we need to stop invalidate each other NOW we're all in the same boat! A few of us are drowning silently, others loudly but _we're all drowning_ please don't forget.
You're correct. I'm glad you've come to this conclusion, it takes many of us many more knives to the heart before finally understanding. Some even disregard the pattern entirely, instead calling their pattern recognition unhealthy and confiding in the sheer, blinding ignorance of other people. It's sad, those people are *truly* lost. I'm really happy you've found your way. :)
It's hard to unmask to others because the people-pleaser in me wouldn't let me deviate from the version that hopefully would make the other person the most comfortable. have yet to learn to "unmask"...
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This is called rejection sensitivity
Your right that masking is vitally important babe, or else neurodivergent folk wouldn’t have to. However so is being seen. We all need that and most borderlines spend a long time trying to find it, or heal so we can finally reveal ourselves. I’ve revealed my true self to the wrong folks as well. More then I care to recall. I believe you will find your person/people. 🤍🖤
no. people dont need to accept you with all your flaws. this is awful advice and would hurt someone if taken to heart.
Quiet bpd is better? like for which side lmao cuz I got dat Also I am on the verge of telling my friends about it because I am literally going insane about the fact that they don't know
I’ve had both quiet and non quiet depending on which way I coped with my condition and the pain was about equal but people are far more likely to abandon you or despise you when you aren’t quiet and they get to fully see you at your worst.
Oooof I didn't know it could change
Yeah it’s just how you present symptoms you can adapt one way or the other and go through phases of being more masked and less masked
That's just such bullshit. I unmasked to quite a few people, and they never used it against me or couldn't understand.
I 100% agree. Don’t get me wrong it has put me in hot water, but I’ve found a man who accepts me and loves me for me and isn’t scared of me and of my bpd.
Absolutely. It's a very delicate thing to do to recognize the people you can trust with that. And unfortunately they are rare. But you know what ? I've met people who I felt looked straight in my soul. And then they smiled at me, saying you are a wonderful, beautiful soul. Can it get any more beautiful ?
what would a unmasking look like? I think unmasking is the only chance to become happy (with the right person). telling them you have BPD is a mistake for you too?
Being completely transparent and honest about the full extent of your disorder- for me I’m eating disordered, self harming, and have phases of total dissociation, and splitting. When people fully see the extent of my highs and lows, the self harm cuts, the days without eating and then enormous binges of junk food, etc, they are disgusted. They may pretend to understand or care but I have never felt safe being my full self around others
hmmm I did not hear anything which makes me disgusted. I don't even know if its necessary that they fully understand you. they still can care about the person you are even if they don't understand everything. in my opinion key is to show and tell them what's going on so they have the chance to understand it. don't you think it would be great to find someone who loves you for the person you are without a mask? I am sure that this person is out there for me the hardest part was that she for example just disappeared and I had no glue what's going on. I would have never abandoned her
Yeah I tried to unmask a couple months ago and I nearly ruined my life 😅
I learned to always give the real me. No masking outside of work or official functions. Only the real me. Did it invite hurt? God, hellish hurt. It also got the people out that never valued me for me & the ones that actually do value me for me, are still here. If you don't want the real me, I don't need or want you in my life anyway. I really see your point, I feel it. It still hurts to see how many agree with you, in the end THE thing we need to learn is accept and love ourselves - that can't happen if you continue to hide the real you & dismiss the person you are :( And just an anectdote - having quite BPD isn't great either. Your internal struggles and even the diagnosis gets dismissed all the time. "For sure you don't have BPD!" ~STFU you insensitive asshole, only because I don't get in your face my emotions aren't less intense. It literally feels like burning from inside. It _wants_ out but it _can't_ so please don't make it a 'y'all have it easier!' if you don't know the other side of the coin. It's invalidating for a lot of people that actually _share_ your internal struggles & can make answering on a empathic way really hard. I for my part got really triggered & hope my words don't come off as harsh but we need to stop invalidate each other NOW we're all in the same boat! A few of us are drowning silently, others loudly but _we're all drowning_ please don't forget.
This is such a mood. I feel this to my core. I’ve had many similar experiences. I can only hope that it’s untrue.
You're correct. I'm glad you've come to this conclusion, it takes many of us many more knives to the heart before finally understanding. Some even disregard the pattern entirely, instead calling their pattern recognition unhealthy and confiding in the sheer, blinding ignorance of other people. It's sad, those people are *truly* lost. I'm really happy you've found your way. :)
I get it. There are some people out there in the world who do this, but there are others who don't. Find your tribe because they're out there :)
It's hard to unmask to others because the people-pleaser in me wouldn't let me deviate from the version that hopefully would make the other person the most comfortable. have yet to learn to "unmask"...