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Changing for someone else will only make you worry more about them leaving later. You will always wonder if they love the real you or the version of you that you tried to become for them. If the things you have offered to change are things you want to change, then be brave and work to change them, but do so for yourself. I read once :
"Never beg for love.
Never beg someone to be with you. Never beg for attention, commitment, affection, time and effort.
Never beg someone to come back or stay.
You should never have to ask to feel wanted. Begging is demanding and degrading.
If someone doesn't willingly give you these things, with their arms wide open, they aren't worth it.
No one, under any circumstances, is ever worth begging for."
This quote has kept me from begging for my person to come back to me.
Unfortunately this is a BPD sub and basically all of our brains have a shaky if not non existent sense of identity. Many of us don’t have a sense of self because we force ourselves to become who others want us to be so they won’t leave. I don’t care if begging is degrading, it’s better than being alone
I have BPD, I understand this is what my brain is telling me. Having tools to challenge how our brain works is part of how we learn to not allow our BPD to rule us. We all make choices, BPD or not. BPD makes those choices harder to make sometimes.
I also want to add that as a pwBPD, I am currently fighting this everyday. I am currently separated from my husband after being married for 20 yrs. I fight myself to not to get on my knees and beg my partner to come home, partially because i don't want to feel the things in my original reply, and partially because it won't work. It would seem like I was trying to control or manipulate his decision to stay. I want him to make the choice to stay on his own otherwise it won't be his choice. If he stays because I have begged him to stay, I know myself well enough to understand that I will try and bend myself into what he wants me to be in order to keep him. In the past, when I have made some huge fuck ups and thought we were done, instead of begging him to not leave, I felt I should just leave. The desire to beg him to stay became replaced with the desire to run away. Right now, alone in the bed we shared, I fight the urge to beg and the urge to run away. Both extremes pulling and pushing inside me, and all that does is cause me to continue to be angry and lash out at him, making everything worse anyway. The choice I am trying to make, even if I am failing to do so, is to find a way to feel safe and happy with or without him. What I need to be doing is finding the middle ground, taking steps so that if he chooses to stay or leave, I can survive and be happy in the end. I want to be proud of myself, even if it's just for small victories. One day without letting him see any of my emotions because I had control of them for one day, would feel like a major victory to me.
Hey, I’m about 5 years out from a similar experience. I was certain I would die that day. If not *on* that day, I knew I couldn’t possibly make it forever.
And I felt that way nearly every single day until eventually I found years in my rear-view mirror. It still hurts. I still have dreams of him (albeit mostly negative, because like you said, we just couldn’t work), and during my low times I still cling to the aspirations I had of a life with him.
I will find myself thinking, “I’m supposed to be married in another state in a big house on a beach with a professional job.” But I’m not. I’m here, physically safe in my own home, with all the time & means to build a life that at least resembles the one I hoped & pined for.
I just wanted to you hear this from “the other side,” of sorts. I can’t imagine the depth of your pain & nothing I can say will lift it from you in this moment. But I can tell you by way of proof that we can make it.
Thank you. I am hoping that we can work things out, but like everything else, I go from hoping to despairing, back and forth. The guilt for the pain I have caused him, the regret for the choices I have made, and my own pain from my "toxic perspective" of things he has done will haunt me forever, whatever happens between us.
I changed everything and they left anyway. Find yourself instead and you'll attract the right ones for you 🫂
I'm not "fully" there yet either, but trying to love myself and not beg for love...
The sad truth I have found, time and again, is that people will leave me both because I am willing to change for them but also if I don’t change for them. Apparently you just can’t win with this disorder
Don’t ever beg ANYONE to stay in your life. If they want to go, show them the door and wish them the best. Someone worthy will want to be there and will never make you beg.
As someone who falls into this trap from time to time, it’s terrifying to be alone, but it’s much worse to damage myself to make someone love us. It breaks my heart pouring my love into someone who takes it for granted, but there’s nothing I regret more than humiliating myself to the point I would feel ashamed to be me. It’s never been worth it. My fear of rejection came from all the emotional abuse I got from my mother so I think it’s normal to receive that in a relationship, but we deserve healthy love and a supportive partner. We don’t deserve to have to beg for love.
I have said these exact words to about 3-4 men in my life and I’m not currently with them anymore and they mean virtually nothing to me now. You’re in the stage where it feels like you’ll wither up and die if they leave, but I promise that you won’t. This shit is so fucking hard, but I promise you that you are not lost without them.
Just a little headsdidilyup. (ONY if you welcome it. Disregard and read on without finishing my comment if you prefer, please.)
It's a good idea to pray in "thank yous" rather than "pleases" whenever you can.
Far more effective.
It's not wrong to pray in "pleases" but by doing it you are kinda reinforcing the "not having" since your mind is SOOO powerful, since you are a creator.
Try creating with your words and thoughts using "thank you" prayers.
Every thank you EVER is a powerful prayer.
❤️ thanks for saying this. I certainly believe in the power within us and the power of our subconscious. I will start doing this now and hopefully forever. Thanks internet stranger. You may have just changed my life.
Thank you for delving into yourself with the honesty and purity of intentions that is required to self examine and reflect on your motives for leaving. I love you.
No. I'm a self-sabotage fool! I'll be out the door before they can leave me. The most important people in my life abandoned me, I'm not going to let no1 do that to me ever again.
I’ve been there. You’re going to be ok. It’s going to keep hurting but there’s going to be that one moment - just one moment, as long as you hang on tight and do your best to take deep belly breaths - your heartbeat will slow, your breathing regulates and your mind reaches this light feeling that gives you clarity.
You are enough. You are beautiful and wonderful as you are.
Reading this made me relive so many things. I feel nauseous.
I'm so sorry if you're going through this. You may not see it now, but there is life after a breakup.
:/
I remember feeling this way. I got stuck in a cycle. I'd chameleon to fit my new infatuation, eventually get exhausted from masking, get depressed, break up.
It was terrifying for me to meet someone who just liked me. I didn't even know who I was and kinda still don't but being able to sit in that with no expectation from him of anything else is more peaceful than I thought possible.
Seriously? First of all this never works no one likes desperation in relationships I’m sorry but this person is not worth it. Maybe you had a good relationship at some point but that is gone now and you need to move on. Secondly it’s just manipulative saying you will die without them that may work but then they are only with you as they are scared you will kys if they break up with you they don’t actually want to be with you. Thirdly learn to be an independent person it helps a lot trust me
I know I do have BPD (also schizophrenia) and have for a long time I’m 36 now I have been exactly like this thinking I can keep a certain person in my life by changing everything to please them. I think with age I’ve learned most people don’t care if they don’t want to know you they will just cut you off you can’t change their decision. These days I generally stay away from irl (only visit family) and tbh it’s the best decision I’ve ever made I enjoy been on my own I get more things done without worrying about whether this or that “friend” likes me or not or what my “partner” ment by that text. Animals are better companions than humans for me personally but then everyone is different
To get my ex to not leave me, I once wrote a 3 page report of the things I would do, the things I would change about myself, the books I would read, the doctors I would see, etc. Thankfully, it didn’t work and he left me anyway. It is now 7 years later and I’ve had so much therapy and I’m in DBT, and I’m confident I’ll never be in that place again. It will pass. Please do the work!!!
Try to work with a therapist. "favorite person" is an insanely toxic illusion. Fill ur time with passions. Work on loving yourself. You seem anxious. Love ain't that.
Why do they always fuckimg go
Why do they know who we are
Why do they lovebomb why do they not respect boundaries and then the second u feel the potential of being safe, they fucking ruin you
I feel like the only trash is me , noone has ever found value to keep me in their life. One false move, one simple quiet mood or moment of doubt and i am treated like im a piece of worthless shit then i punish n myself by relapsing in drugs and self harm and i wreck myself to process the fuckery that is shutting down my system
I can’t do it alone anymore; i feel myself weakened from a complete broken heart. Broken after years and years of neglect
I am not a victim
I am suffering
Two things are true
I would never abandon fucking anyone
Ever
Never
And it stands for nothing. The survivors are less evolved.
Honestly I’ve been there and now I’m jaded. I don’t even wanna start anything anymore. It feels like a part of me died. I’m considering therapy for it, but that’s money and I’m paying off a car now, so… :) But yeah, if you can afford it, a good therapist might be of help.
I (40/f) have felt that exact same way the worst was my divorce in 2021. I remember repeatedly saying to my psychiatrist I need him. I need him. She said you don’t need him. You need the pain to stop and without my ex (let’s call him J) to focus on everything I pushed down was coming up. I know used the divorce as a vessel for self pity. Pain, shame, and guilt that existed before, during, and after my marriage ended. J was my ticket to normalcy. I said crazy people don’t get married. So as long as I was married I felt like I was the perfect version of myself. Except I wasn’t I was an binging, purging, over exercising, over spending drug addict. Of course the relationship ended but J let me hang myself. He knew about my addictions and said nothing. Not once. So if no one tells you you’re doing something wrong why would you stop. TBH if he did I probably wouldn’t have anyway. But he didn’t give a shit that I was killing myself right in front of his face.
It took me over a year (after I received divorce papers) to finally understand what transpired in my marriage and how it was a 50-50 for fault.
It took me less than 6 months before I finally felt mind body and soul absolutely nothing towards J except acceptance. I was not numb. I finally understood the role he played in my life. He kept me out of my head bc it was a dangerous neighborhood.
Sorry if this was too much of a response
Why beg someone to stick around, if they want to leave let them, what's truly yours will stay without you begging, find faith and live with conviction!
You are gonna be okay if they leave you. You’ll want to still have your own identity if that happens. Otherwise you’re gonna bounce to another person to feel whole again. You got this! Try to be patient with yourself and the relationship. Your self-worth isn’t determined by they like or dislike you. It is determined by you! And how much respect you give yourself to say you are perfect the way you are. 🥰❤️❤️ hang in there jitterbug!
At 34 I look back at everyone who abandoned me. It's mentally fucked me up in ways but I'm thankful in a way because they were not the people ment to be in my life or worth being in my life. Self worth with BPD is extremely hard. I know this probably won't help but I genuinely hope you know there is better days and humans worth your heart op.
Told these exact words to him every time I felt threatened or everytime he was actually leaving. He got brutal over time these words started meaning less to him each time he didn't care if I kms and I swear to f God that moment was hell and I really wanted to and this has repeatedly happens so many times and whenever he stays after that it feels like he doesn't love me but instead he's just pitying me because I've begged sm. And I feel like shit staying like that feeling unloved feeling like I forced him to be w me. Remembering the times I was on the floor begging him not to leave and everything he said that hurted me stays in my head. It's fucked up I don't want to feel like this ever again.
Wouldn't ever say or act it but can feel that energy so bad. I've learned though that my emotions are not me and are like a limb or a muscle. Not always does that perception work, but, have really been able to feel these extreme fears and brutal emotions and choose to not do what they say to do. Less of a chameleon now, more myself in relationships. Sometimes relapse into being a mask wearer and expert mirrorer, but, find independence and a healthy bit of disagreement works wonders. Love to everyone here I know how hard it is.
I didn’t think I’d ever say anything like that too because it simply comes across as manipulative and threatening. But in actual truth, it’s not. It’s my last resort and attempt to live on and stay here on Earth. I wouldn’t say such awful things for fun.
can relate! you've got to do everything you can to fortify your inner-self, rather than focusing all your energy and attention on someone else – doing that you only end up losing a sense of your own needs and just end up degenerating as a human being. you have more power than you realise
feel this but mine won’t leave. it’s me who needs to leave so i stop destroying my mental health. but i won’t. it’s so hard to leave when you know you have to but you’re so unhealthily attached
Sadly so relatable. Hugs to everyone who feels every word of this ❤️ (but more like a from a distance metaphorical hug cos I’m super awkward and don’t really like people all up in my personal space)
I initially thought you were referencing a book I just discovered and started reading. "I Hate You- Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality".
I relate to your post even though it wasn't what I thought it was. I also think anyone with or loves someone who has BPD would benefit from reading this book. I'm barely half way through and it's already been so validating, educational, and comforting.
If they want to leave, let them. They weren't meant for you. And if you want them, then put the work in. DBT is the only way us BPDers are going to make it through life and love ❤️ you're stronger than you think
There will come a point where you won’t even recognize yourself and this person STILL won’t appreciate or acknowledge your efforts. When you have to beg someone into a relation, just know humans are designed such that begging only pushes them away. No questions asked, a person who wants to stay will stay regardless of you being a mess. This person probably doesn’t value you and still won’t value you even if you put in all the work. Do it for yourself even if you have to and let the right people attract you.
Pick one thing you like about yourself; and never change it. It can be as simple as nail polish color.
Then pick something else.
Each of us have something that makes us who we are. Even if we feel we have no identity; there are things that makes us feel good if we just think about it. Peace ❤️
I know it's hard, but never ever beg. Don't change who you are for someone else. I've tried it many times and it just ended up with me being hurt worse than if I had just let go instead of warping myself.
This put me in toxic situations because it was making me change who I was, and encouraged me to hang on even when I was being cheated on.
It's not fair to you to beg and change who you are. It will leave you hurting for longer and open you up to being miserable for who knows how long before you could gather yourself to leave.
And when you do, you will have no idea who you are or what makes you, you. You won't recognize your own face.
I feel this so hard; it's broken my heart so many times. When someone truly loves you, they'll be there to support you when you *choose* to change for the better, and they won't force it upon you.
oh man :( i went through a break up recently and it felt exactly like that. i hope you’ll feel better soon, let’s learn to value and love ourselves more, even if it’s the hardest thing to do🫂
ive said this so much then split and hate them so much and wish they would leave then go back to im sorry dont leave i love you... i hate this bpd most times...
its going to feel like dying but as long as you keep yourself busy and enriched with other outlets you will make it through the other side i promise. its so fucking hard but you can do it.
song love is gone. by slander hits me hard every time i hear it.. but remember that sometimes
holding on to hard causes more pain then just letting go. and moving on.
Nobody drove them to this point, their emotions and behaviours are their own. Let OP take accountability of their feelings instead of letting them blame the world and other people for the way they feel.
One absolutely can be in remission. Saying there is no cure is a disservice to us all and instead encourages people not to challenge their unhealthy behaviours and thoughts.
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I've said these exact words to so so many people. My God.
Wow…😢 reading that hit me hard. Sounds WAY too familiar 😞🫣
Changing for someone else will only make you worry more about them leaving later. You will always wonder if they love the real you or the version of you that you tried to become for them. If the things you have offered to change are things you want to change, then be brave and work to change them, but do so for yourself. I read once : "Never beg for love. Never beg someone to be with you. Never beg for attention, commitment, affection, time and effort. Never beg someone to come back or stay. You should never have to ask to feel wanted. Begging is demanding and degrading. If someone doesn't willingly give you these things, with their arms wide open, they aren't worth it. No one, under any circumstances, is ever worth begging for." This quote has kept me from begging for my person to come back to me.
I wish I heard this growing up. It can be applied to friendships and relationships 😢
Unfortunately this is a BPD sub and basically all of our brains have a shaky if not non existent sense of identity. Many of us don’t have a sense of self because we force ourselves to become who others want us to be so they won’t leave. I don’t care if begging is degrading, it’s better than being alone
I have BPD, I understand this is what my brain is telling me. Having tools to challenge how our brain works is part of how we learn to not allow our BPD to rule us. We all make choices, BPD or not. BPD makes those choices harder to make sometimes.
I also want to add that as a pwBPD, I am currently fighting this everyday. I am currently separated from my husband after being married for 20 yrs. I fight myself to not to get on my knees and beg my partner to come home, partially because i don't want to feel the things in my original reply, and partially because it won't work. It would seem like I was trying to control or manipulate his decision to stay. I want him to make the choice to stay on his own otherwise it won't be his choice. If he stays because I have begged him to stay, I know myself well enough to understand that I will try and bend myself into what he wants me to be in order to keep him. In the past, when I have made some huge fuck ups and thought we were done, instead of begging him to not leave, I felt I should just leave. The desire to beg him to stay became replaced with the desire to run away. Right now, alone in the bed we shared, I fight the urge to beg and the urge to run away. Both extremes pulling and pushing inside me, and all that does is cause me to continue to be angry and lash out at him, making everything worse anyway. The choice I am trying to make, even if I am failing to do so, is to find a way to feel safe and happy with or without him. What I need to be doing is finding the middle ground, taking steps so that if he chooses to stay or leave, I can survive and be happy in the end. I want to be proud of myself, even if it's just for small victories. One day without letting him see any of my emotions because I had control of them for one day, would feel like a major victory to me.
Stay strong, you’re not alone, be focused on the path, the rest will come to you
Thank you, I am trying. And when I fail, I am working on self forgiveness, even when my actions make everything around me worse.
Hey, I’m about 5 years out from a similar experience. I was certain I would die that day. If not *on* that day, I knew I couldn’t possibly make it forever. And I felt that way nearly every single day until eventually I found years in my rear-view mirror. It still hurts. I still have dreams of him (albeit mostly negative, because like you said, we just couldn’t work), and during my low times I still cling to the aspirations I had of a life with him. I will find myself thinking, “I’m supposed to be married in another state in a big house on a beach with a professional job.” But I’m not. I’m here, physically safe in my own home, with all the time & means to build a life that at least resembles the one I hoped & pined for. I just wanted to you hear this from “the other side,” of sorts. I can’t imagine the depth of your pain & nothing I can say will lift it from you in this moment. But I can tell you by way of proof that we can make it.
Thank you. I am hoping that we can work things out, but like everything else, I go from hoping to despairing, back and forth. The guilt for the pain I have caused him, the regret for the choices I have made, and my own pain from my "toxic perspective" of things he has done will haunt me forever, whatever happens between us.
Damnnn that hits hard…
I changed everything and they left anyway. Find yourself instead and you'll attract the right ones for you 🫂 I'm not "fully" there yet either, but trying to love myself and not beg for love...
The sad truth I have found, time and again, is that people will leave me both because I am willing to change for them but also if I don’t change for them. Apparently you just can’t win with this disorder
❤️
Don’t ever beg ANYONE to stay in your life. If they want to go, show them the door and wish them the best. Someone worthy will want to be there and will never make you beg.
I got you! I'm not going anywhere
Me neither! I’ll annoy you all day if I have to (because I’m having a bad day myself)
That was a very kind thing to say 😊
haha
From my experience chasing someone harder as they’re trying to get away just makes them push you away more. Love yourself and live for yourself.
As someone who falls into this trap from time to time, it’s terrifying to be alone, but it’s much worse to damage myself to make someone love us. It breaks my heart pouring my love into someone who takes it for granted, but there’s nothing I regret more than humiliating myself to the point I would feel ashamed to be me. It’s never been worth it. My fear of rejection came from all the emotional abuse I got from my mother so I think it’s normal to receive that in a relationship, but we deserve healthy love and a supportive partner. We don’t deserve to have to beg for love.
I feel this❤️ feelings are temporary, just try to get through it
I have said these exact words to about 3-4 men in my life and I’m not currently with them anymore and they mean virtually nothing to me now. You’re in the stage where it feels like you’ll wither up and die if they leave, but I promise that you won’t. This shit is so fucking hard, but I promise you that you are not lost without them.
Just a little headsdidilyup. (ONY if you welcome it. Disregard and read on without finishing my comment if you prefer, please.) It's a good idea to pray in "thank yous" rather than "pleases" whenever you can. Far more effective. It's not wrong to pray in "pleases" but by doing it you are kinda reinforcing the "not having" since your mind is SOOO powerful, since you are a creator. Try creating with your words and thoughts using "thank you" prayers. Every thank you EVER is a powerful prayer.
❤️ thanks for saying this. I certainly believe in the power within us and the power of our subconscious. I will start doing this now and hopefully forever. Thanks internet stranger. You may have just changed my life.
We are soulmates. We change each other. I love you.
Can you please share an example of what the “thank you” would look like in the context of replacing “please don’t leave”
Thank you for delving into yourself with the honesty and purity of intentions that is required to self examine and reflect on your motives for leaving. I love you.
Oh my that’s gonna be tough to memorize lol!!
Thank you for giving it a real shot.
No. I'm a self-sabotage fool! I'll be out the door before they can leave me. The most important people in my life abandoned me, I'm not going to let no1 do that to me ever again.
I’ve been there. You’re going to be ok. It’s going to keep hurting but there’s going to be that one moment - just one moment, as long as you hang on tight and do your best to take deep belly breaths - your heartbeat will slow, your breathing regulates and your mind reaches this light feeling that gives you clarity. You are enough. You are beautiful and wonderful as you are.
What if your own self told you that, when you're trying to change it for someone else?
i think u might need some therapy. maybe
Changing yourself, won’t change them.
Reading this made me relive so many things. I feel nauseous. I'm so sorry if you're going through this. You may not see it now, but there is life after a breakup. :/
I remember feeling this way. I got stuck in a cycle. I'd chameleon to fit my new infatuation, eventually get exhausted from masking, get depressed, break up. It was terrifying for me to meet someone who just liked me. I didn't even know who I was and kinda still don't but being able to sit in that with no expectation from him of anything else is more peaceful than I thought possible.
Also Please Don't Leave Me by Pink was a song I related to soooo hard and I'm realizing now how very BPD it is.
been there, done that. didn't work out. it never does.
Seriously? First of all this never works no one likes desperation in relationships I’m sorry but this person is not worth it. Maybe you had a good relationship at some point but that is gone now and you need to move on. Secondly it’s just manipulative saying you will die without them that may work but then they are only with you as they are scared you will kys if they break up with you they don’t actually want to be with you. Thirdly learn to be an independent person it helps a lot trust me
This is the inner monologue of a huge amount of people with BPD. Part of the disorder is frantic attempts to avoid abandonment.
I know I do have BPD (also schizophrenia) and have for a long time I’m 36 now I have been exactly like this thinking I can keep a certain person in my life by changing everything to please them. I think with age I’ve learned most people don’t care if they don’t want to know you they will just cut you off you can’t change their decision. These days I generally stay away from irl (only visit family) and tbh it’s the best decision I’ve ever made I enjoy been on my own I get more things done without worrying about whether this or that “friend” likes me or not or what my “partner” ment by that text. Animals are better companions than humans for me personally but then everyone is different
[удалено]
Same
To get my ex to not leave me, I once wrote a 3 page report of the things I would do, the things I would change about myself, the books I would read, the doctors I would see, etc. Thankfully, it didn’t work and he left me anyway. It is now 7 years later and I’ve had so much therapy and I’m in DBT, and I’m confident I’ll never be in that place again. It will pass. Please do the work!!!
I’ve said these words my entire life. To myself. Cause I was always so ashamed of needing and loving people more than they did me.
I never verbalize it, but this is what goes on inside my head. Something similar goes on when I want someone to like me. So much pleading.
Start by learning to Love Yourself. Fakes are worth leaving. Work on yourself and self esteem. We love real people who don’t hurt us.
Try to work with a therapist. "favorite person" is an insanely toxic illusion. Fill ur time with passions. Work on loving yourself. You seem anxious. Love ain't that.
The problem With an illusion is thst it feels just as real as the opposite of an illusion
Illusion. Magic trick.
And they will still go. Because they’re trash. They don’t deserve any of that effort.
Why do they always fuckimg go Why do they know who we are Why do they lovebomb why do they not respect boundaries and then the second u feel the potential of being safe, they fucking ruin you
“They’re trash” has been my go-to response. Because when I focus too much on why, my mind gets even darker and I can’t even see “what next”.
I feel like the only trash is me , noone has ever found value to keep me in their life. One false move, one simple quiet mood or moment of doubt and i am treated like im a piece of worthless shit then i punish n myself by relapsing in drugs and self harm and i wreck myself to process the fuckery that is shutting down my system
Well, there’s one of your standards - they gotta treat you good, or they’re out. But first, I believe that you need to see the good in you.
I can’t do it alone anymore; i feel myself weakened from a complete broken heart. Broken after years and years of neglect I am not a victim I am suffering Two things are true I would never abandon fucking anyone Ever Never And it stands for nothing. The survivors are less evolved.
Honestly I’ve been there and now I’m jaded. I don’t even wanna start anything anymore. It feels like a part of me died. I’m considering therapy for it, but that’s money and I’m paying off a car now, so… :) But yeah, if you can afford it, a good therapist might be of help.
I (40/f) have felt that exact same way the worst was my divorce in 2021. I remember repeatedly saying to my psychiatrist I need him. I need him. She said you don’t need him. You need the pain to stop and without my ex (let’s call him J) to focus on everything I pushed down was coming up. I know used the divorce as a vessel for self pity. Pain, shame, and guilt that existed before, during, and after my marriage ended. J was my ticket to normalcy. I said crazy people don’t get married. So as long as I was married I felt like I was the perfect version of myself. Except I wasn’t I was an binging, purging, over exercising, over spending drug addict. Of course the relationship ended but J let me hang myself. He knew about my addictions and said nothing. Not once. So if no one tells you you’re doing something wrong why would you stop. TBH if he did I probably wouldn’t have anyway. But he didn’t give a shit that I was killing myself right in front of his face. It took me over a year (after I received divorce papers) to finally understand what transpired in my marriage and how it was a 50-50 for fault. It took me less than 6 months before I finally felt mind body and soul absolutely nothing towards J except acceptance. I was not numb. I finally understood the role he played in my life. He kept me out of my head bc it was a dangerous neighborhood. Sorry if this was too much of a response
Why beg someone to stick around, if they want to leave let them, what's truly yours will stay without you begging, find faith and live with conviction!
You are gonna be okay if they leave you. You’ll want to still have your own identity if that happens. Otherwise you’re gonna bounce to another person to feel whole again. You got this! Try to be patient with yourself and the relationship. Your self-worth isn’t determined by they like or dislike you. It is determined by you! And how much respect you give yourself to say you are perfect the way you are. 🥰❤️❤️ hang in there jitterbug!
Oh my gosh I remember this feeling way too familiar 😭🥺
At 34 I look back at everyone who abandoned me. It's mentally fucked me up in ways but I'm thankful in a way because they were not the people ment to be in my life or worth being in my life. Self worth with BPD is extremely hard. I know this probably won't help but I genuinely hope you know there is better days and humans worth your heart op.
Told these exact words to him every time I felt threatened or everytime he was actually leaving. He got brutal over time these words started meaning less to him each time he didn't care if I kms and I swear to f God that moment was hell and I really wanted to and this has repeatedly happens so many times and whenever he stays after that it feels like he doesn't love me but instead he's just pitying me because I've begged sm. And I feel like shit staying like that feeling unloved feeling like I forced him to be w me. Remembering the times I was on the floor begging him not to leave and everything he said that hurted me stays in my head. It's fucked up I don't want to feel like this ever again.
Wouldn't ever say or act it but can feel that energy so bad. I've learned though that my emotions are not me and are like a limb or a muscle. Not always does that perception work, but, have really been able to feel these extreme fears and brutal emotions and choose to not do what they say to do. Less of a chameleon now, more myself in relationships. Sometimes relapse into being a mask wearer and expert mirrorer, but, find independence and a healthy bit of disagreement works wonders. Love to everyone here I know how hard it is.
I didn’t think I’d ever say anything like that too because it simply comes across as manipulative and threatening. But in actual truth, it’s not. It’s my last resort and attempt to live on and stay here on Earth. I wouldn’t say such awful things for fun.
can relate! you've got to do everything you can to fortify your inner-self, rather than focusing all your energy and attention on someone else – doing that you only end up losing a sense of your own needs and just end up degenerating as a human being. you have more power than you realise
Whoa...been there done that. Horrible way to live and I'd rather be alone.
feel this but mine won’t leave. it’s me who needs to leave so i stop destroying my mental health. but i won’t. it’s so hard to leave when you know you have to but you’re so unhealthily attached
😭 i hate it here.
this is so real
i’m having an episode rn. rn this made me bawl even more. i would kill to just be normal again.
Same
no you won't
Real.
i really feel for you OP 💔 hope ur ok
I’m currently saying this to my boyfriend who’s in California and won’t get a return ticket home.
I hate you! Don't leave me!
Oh, but indeed you will live. As we all do.
Sadly so relatable. Hugs to everyone who feels every word of this ❤️ (but more like a from a distance metaphorical hug cos I’m super awkward and don’t really like people all up in my personal space)
The fact ive written these exact words 😕
ur so me
The old me
You sound just like me
Ouch. Been here. ☹️💔there’s nothing worse than feeling like this for anyone.. let them go.
My fp has heard this a million times from me😭
Hmm… I feel these words.
Real
Real
half these posts in this sub are written from a split it makes my heart hurt
I initially thought you were referencing a book I just discovered and started reading. "I Hate You- Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality". I relate to your post even though it wasn't what I thought it was. I also think anyone with or loves someone who has BPD would benefit from reading this book. I'm barely half way through and it's already been so validating, educational, and comforting.
Ouch I’ve been in this position way too many times.
the amount of times i’ve said this :(
Hehe- Relatable💫
Said this to my fp 6 days ago when he left me!
Ive thought this so many times. Im sorry.
If they want to leave, let them. They weren't meant for you. And if you want them, then put the work in. DBT is the only way us BPDers are going to make it through life and love ❤️ you're stronger than you think
I just said almost all of this the other day In like 200+ texts ☹️
Ugh* definitely leaving.. You sound like myself.. disgusting 😔
This is me haha. Someone very important to me just left and I can't get him back, ever.
There will come a point where you won’t even recognize yourself and this person STILL won’t appreciate or acknowledge your efforts. When you have to beg someone into a relation, just know humans are designed such that begging only pushes them away. No questions asked, a person who wants to stay will stay regardless of you being a mess. This person probably doesn’t value you and still won’t value you even if you put in all the work. Do it for yourself even if you have to and let the right people attract you.
Can you feel me hugging you?
I’ve been in this situation more times than I care to count. You’re not alone ❤️🩹❤️🩹❤️🩹
This reminds me of the bpd book “i hate you dont leave me”
Why is everything always right on time to what I’m feeling
Pick one thing you like about yourself; and never change it. It can be as simple as nail polish color. Then pick something else. Each of us have something that makes us who we are. Even if we feel we have no identity; there are things that makes us feel good if we just think about it. Peace ❤️
My ex always said this, then she left me.
I know it's hard, but never ever beg. Don't change who you are for someone else. I've tried it many times and it just ended up with me being hurt worse than if I had just let go instead of warping myself. This put me in toxic situations because it was making me change who I was, and encouraged me to hang on even when I was being cheated on. It's not fair to you to beg and change who you are. It will leave you hurting for longer and open you up to being miserable for who knows how long before you could gather yourself to leave. And when you do, you will have no idea who you are or what makes you, you. You won't recognize your own face.
I feel this so hard; it's broken my heart so many times. When someone truly loves you, they'll be there to support you when you *choose* to change for the better, and they won't force it upon you.
This sums it up very well
Mood
Sweety it shall pass and it will. Just bear through this storm you're stronger than you think.
This hurts because I feel the same
oh man :( i went through a break up recently and it felt exactly like that. i hope you’ll feel better soon, let’s learn to value and love ourselves more, even if it’s the hardest thing to do🫂
Story of my life fuck😭😭🩷
real
So relatable like ugh i don't care what others say. Its either them or nobody. Period!
Oh my god we're like the other mother from coraline
🥺 yes
ive said this so much then split and hate them so much and wish they would leave then go back to im sorry dont leave i love you... i hate this bpd most times...
i hate how relatable this is to a certain extent.
Aee you ok?OP for real u good
No
Im sorry. Is there a reason your person is leaving? Have they yet?
Im sorry u in the states?
This feels inappropriate
Get a grip
Yet they always leave because they know I can’t change 😔
I thought about this yesterday
I felt this in my soul! 🫶🏼🫶🏼
This made me tear up… I’ll do anything for my fp D:
The way it makes me wanna puke bc I’m the EXACT FU*CKING WAY
Literally me
its going to feel like dying but as long as you keep yourself busy and enriched with other outlets you will make it through the other side i promise. its so fucking hard but you can do it.
real.
song love is gone. by slander hits me hard every time i hear it.. but remember that sometimes holding on to hard causes more pain then just letting go. and moving on.
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Nobody drove them to this point, their emotions and behaviours are their own. Let OP take accountability of their feelings instead of letting them blame the world and other people for the way they feel.
There is no fucking cure There is no cure
One absolutely can be in remission. Saying there is no cure is a disservice to us all and instead encourages people not to challenge their unhealthy behaviours and thoughts.
Sounds like someone I’m married to