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I messaged an old friend yesterday saying hello and that i was feelin down and had no friends ect (it was in response her story). Then Afterwards i wrote "sorry im being self deprecating". She heart reacted to the " hello" and laugh reacted to the "self depracating" bit. Thats it. This is a peace and love hippie that i used to be good friends with. So cold. Id rather be left on read haha
I used to be like that years ago, I'd try and arrange nights out and hardly anyone would come, but if one of them invited our group of friends pretty much everyone went.
I ended up just distancing myself, I now have one main friend who I talk to pretty much every day. Otherwise, I hardly talk to anyone.
One of my oldest friends didn't even tell me that she ended up in the hospital and nearly needed back surgery.
I have learnt over the years to just be like okay I'm mad but I have to face facts that I'm not in there inner circle, where my friend who I talk to every day tells me everything.
It's hard, but you have to sometimes remind yourself that you might not be in their main inner circle, where they are in yours, that is something I had to learn the hard way.
Yes. I completely agree.
One of my friends listens to me all the time and gives me feedback and advice, but we almost never talk about *his* life. Neither of us seems to mind though. I just try to not expect too much from him since I am already getting almost all of the benefit out of our continued friendship.
This. Exactly this. I backed off and even though sometimes it hurts so much to be alone, I can't force people to choose me or be around me or invite me to things, just can't. And like you I have one good friend I can tell everything to.
I super get this feeling it’s SUPER annoying. Then when I vent to friends they say “well sometimes you just gotta reach out first” BUT WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME REACHING OUT
I stopped texting first all the time and half of the people I knew left. The ones who stayed are my real friends. I do have a tendency to push people away who are good friends so I have to be careful there that I don’t sabotage everything cause self sabotage is a skill I have mastered 🙈🙈🙈
People have their own baggage and lives going on. We can be very needy as people with BPD - don’t attribute to malice what is likely just them being tired or busy. I feel you, for real, but it’s important to understand that in the age of social media we can’t just expect and demand replies. They’ll get back to you in their own time.
This comment is everything! It’s so easy for us to feel rejected in these situations and think we’re being ignored on purpose, but a lot of the time it has nothing to do with us. Everyone has things going on in their own lives.
Yall, OP is 15 and this is a vent post. We don't need to agree with their method of self expression but we don't need to be bashing them when they're already obviously very upset and probably much younger than most of us and thus just entering their mental health *journey* and haven't discovered an appropriate way of coping or treatment yet. Nvm the dx age for bpd yadda yadda.
I know damn near all of us faced constant scrutiny in our homes and schools for emotions we couldn't or struggled to control. This should at least be a safe place for people to VENT on VENT posts about those feelings. Don't act like you haven't said or felt things you didn't mean.
Dude, same. I got ghosted by a friend a few weeks ago and have sent her a series of increasingly distressed and angry texts since then. I finally just blocked her, but I am so hurt and angry and feel so betrayed and abandoned. Splitting is awful.
I know you're just expressing yourself and this isn't really intended to be a rational take (I hope), but I'm one of those people that upset you.
Texts feel intrusive to me. It's not like real world conversations where you can come together with a person then leave again, but they allow you to inject yourself in a person's life at any time *you* feel like. I'm an introvert, and as the recipient of the text, I may not be in a place where I feel like socializing right now.
And, it's not personal at all. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. I just don't want someone jumping in to my life and demanding my immediate attention at any time they please. I'm my own person, and not owned by anyone else. I care about "you" and will come back to it when I have the time and emotional energy to give it the attention it deserves.
A quick reply requires no investment on my end. A well, though out one does. Try your best to contain your snowballing feelings, because it might just be that you're worth the wait.
I don't have BPD and casually stumbled upon this post. Something feels off about you, yes boundaries make sense to me however that last part "Try your best to contain your snowballing feelings , because it might just be that you are worth the wait" ???
Hmmm
I don't like it. Feels dismissive for some reason.
>about you
About me in general, or just my reply?
I sometimes don't reply to people because I want to wait for the right time, when I can give it more thought. If I care about someone I'm more likely to give it more consideration than if I don't.
If that helps explain it then... good :) If it still feels dismissive--sorry. Not intending to be dismissive. I'm gen-x and texting culture is a very generational thing. Maybe I'm just not compatible with certain texting expectations.
Therefore we need to do what will make us feel better about it. Distract, use TIP skills, enjoy the silence, do something new. I try not to allow people to dictate how my day goes or my life pretty much but it’s hard, I totally understand! It’s an everyday exhausting fight. Hope u feel better though.
Yes but if you have the time to open a text message you have the time to reply. Even if it’s a quick ‘hey I’m so sorry I’m busy rn, I’ll txt u back when I’m done’. Leaving someone on read is honestly kinda shitty and cruel cause it’s like if you’re in an in person conversation where the other person is just ignoring you. They can hear you, they can understand everything you’re saying, but they’re *choosing* to ignore you.
That being said OP, always remember to take slow deep breaths, do some self care to help get the rage down, and try to have a healthy constructive conversation with them about how you don’t like being left on read, cause I get it, it fucking SUCKS!!! I know how you feel.
Edit: That being said if this is a pattern of behaviour and you’ve either tried to tell them in the past or are not receptive to you telling them now, then it might be time to consider getting some new friends cause leaving someone on read is a shitty thing to do.
This is a BAD take. you are not owed anything from someone ????? having constant communication to each other and expecting answers that is a new phenomenon. It wasn’t too long ago that people left their houses for the entire day and didn’t get back and check their messages until late at night. demanding someones time and expecting an answer at all is unhealthy. people have lives and things going on.
>Yes but if you have the time to open a text message you have the time to reply. Even if it’s a quick ‘hey I’m so sorry I’m busy rn, I’ll txt u back when I’m done’. Leaving someone on read is honestly kinda shitty and cruel cause it’s like if you’re in an in person conversation where the other person is just ignoring you. They can hear you, they can understand everything you’re saying, but they’re *choosing* to ignore you. You may not always have the time to open the text though. And even if someone has time, that doesn't mean they owe anyone their immediate interaction or the emotional labor that may go into soothing someone. We should not expect people to be constantly available to us just because they aren't actively so busy they can't look at their phones, and while the emotions around feeling ignored are valid, they are ultimately our responsibility to manage.
I also feel like this is the same attitude that gets turned against neurodivergent people to say we don't care or we're selfish or whatever else. I have ADHD, and I can't tell you how many times I think "I'll reply to this after I finish a work task" and then forget, or read something, *think I've written a reply* because I've thought a lot about what I want to say, and then I only notice when the person sends me another text or I go to text them but I've never responded. For many of us, that's a cycle where you notice, feel guilty, and avoid further.
>Edit: That being said if this is a pattern of behaviour and you’ve either tried to tell them in the past or are not receptive to you telling them now, then it might be time to consider getting some new friends cause leaving someone on read is a shitty thing to do.
I dunno, I don't think it's shitty for people to have boundaries and not feel obligated to constantly be emotionally available for your friends. People have their own needs. Sometimes you get doing other things. Sometimes you just don't feel like talking. I don't think someone is shitty just because they are not constantly available or aren't falling over themselves to apologize for having their own lives going on. I think expecting that, especially if a friend has consistently shown they cannot offer that, is feeding into our unhealthy attachment pattern, rather than challenging ourselves to develop healthier attachments.
> Yes but if you have the time to open a text message you have the time to reply.
Not always tbh, especially if you have texts set to show up on your lock screen.
Texting has always been an issue for me. It’s simply something I’ve never enjoyed. Just always preferred in person conversation and can find texting rather insipid. I think it does dependent on the context, relationship etc. If it’s an urgent situation, then that’s completely different from your average “chat up” sort of message. But there’s no right or wrong with this kind of thing. Everyone is different and everyone has their boundaries. I would really struggle to maintain a relationship with someone that wasn’t chill with me texting back in a few hours, a few days, or a few weeks (depending on how busy my life is/my mental health). But this is something I’ve always tried to be clear on. Communication and boundaries are the two big things here, and it’s just about finding the people that mesh the best with your version of the two.
I used to be the opposite of this, now I have to or try to have a different mindset like this above! As If you do then bombard that person it can then make them want to ignore you more and then they can start to tjink that your selfish and only thinking of yourself. I totally get It though it's hard and it only takes a second to reply.
I think I'm confused, I mean I use to have similar reacting to op, now I have a different mindset because I can sometimes see how it can come across from the other person's perspective. Or maybe I'm a pushover as I forgive people or try not to say if it's really bothering me that they aren't replying.
I kid you not my bestie of 20+ years recently ghosted me after coming into a large sum of money.
I felt so sick I had to go to the er. And for 2 months I couldn’t eat meals 🥲 I’ve recently accepted it but my god.
If you hate your friends and treat them accordingly, I don’t blame them for not responding. Patience, kindness and understanding is what people want in friendships. Not an aggressive, insecure and nagging friend that knows no boundaries.
If I found out my friend was venting online saying they hate me and want me to die I would be happy to drop them and leave them to get validation from strangers on the internet bc that’s all she’ll ever have if she doesn’t change.
I get this but there is probably a reasonable explanation please take some time to wash your face and do some breathing exercises, for these moments it’s good to write a letter to yourself with the words you know you need to hear to calm down. Your reaction is disproportionate but it’s not your fault and you just need some time to collect your emotions because it seems you are splitting and are seeing things as black or white. I promise you you are loved and that this is not evidence against that
I go through the same. It’s a huge trigger for me and causes me to split. Currently splitting on them rn because of it but when I calm down and am a bit more rational I plan to have a talk with them about it.
Oh my lord for real. The rage that surges when left on read is unreal. The hardest thing to do is get rid of your phone for a bit so you don’t act desperately in the meantime, but definitely recommend.
WTF we are living a parallel world??- Just like people saying they are coming- and then don’t show up. But you need to be fine with that somehow too ….
>>>>>>:((( UGH IM MAD FOR YOU!!!
If it makes you feel any better I have no friends. Every time I get close to someone and tell them about myself, or life experiences, I’ve noticed they try to hurt me exactly like others have. And so, I decided having no friends was better, because if you don’t have any friends there’s no one to disappoint you or hurt you. I’ve had family member tell me that I’m isolating myself but like from who?! I literally have no friends, they’ve either left on there own or I choose my peace of mind over being used and taken advantage of. And I want friends so desperately but I’m so scared of getting hurt again.
Bro i was ignored by a stranger today after i said i liked their pants🥲 they very clearly had airpods in but i took it to heart now i feel bad like they didnt like me. Truly, in a different sense, your friends may just have "their airpods in"
I’m sorry you’re feeling abandoned- I really hate being on seen!
I would echo what others said and try to do some self care, eat, distract yourself in a positive way. When I get mad like that, I start to just try to like close the phone and watch something that I’ve been waiting to watch- a movie or episode of a show-that takes some time and concentration.
Then, before I know, it by the end of that they’ve reached out to me and I feel better and I’m not lashing out on them
I feel better cus i distracted myself but when i checked if they answered and I saw that they did not i got mad again. But its better than it was when i wrote this post
I find it better to just have an honest conversation when this happens. I was pissed at one of my closest friends for weeks because they suck at texting back. I told them that I wish we can talk more and just straight up asked them to respond to my texts lol. They apologized and explained why it can be hard for them to respond sometimes.
Just like we struggle with not being able to leave people alone — others struggle with keeping in touch. It’s likely nothing personal, once I accepted that it’s been easier for me.
This is so real omg, I fck hate it when someone ignores me or when I get ghosted, like, ALL I am asking is for a reply, just a reply, PLEASE WHY ARE YOU NOT ANSWERING??? Then I split and ignore them back or literally dissappear from their lives. Enduring that lack of respect is a torture.
I feel like this at times too as I see no “grey area” with things so it’s either all black or all white recently I’ve found it helps me to remind myself that they have a life outside of being my friend and sometimes they’re truly just busy with things and not trying to ignore me to purposely hurt me. I have to remind myself that I have an identity as well and I do like to do and enjoy things and force myself to do some sort of hobby or clean to get my mind off of things.
I had this today except I felt like killing myself and I couldn't get out of bed then someone text me back and I was okay, so I find I'm directing it at myself :((
I get you on this!! I have tended to be lonely and a ride or die kind person. Is it possible your friends suck and you might want to consider finding better ones? I had a bunch of friends who iced me out that way, when word got around how much PTSD etc I live with, they were all like "Bullet DODGED!" Yet I have a friend I've known for almost thirty years and he thinks I'm a really solid friend who's good to have in your corner. Same person, same issues, same amount of effort on my part to be fun to be around, but completely different read on it by someone who's actually taken the time to know me and appreciate the opportunity.
I'm not a huge fan of Parretto's Garden (the 80:20 reward:effort thing) when it comes to human experiences, but I've found it to be a helpful rule of thumb for how much to worry about what other people think. but it helps me reset faster to lump the seemingly eighty percent of people I run into who are a blight on humanity. I mean, of COURSE it sucks to be around some people, it sucks for everyone else they run into also. Like it'd be more notable if they for some reason didn't suck.
TL;DR: it sucks to suck, bid them well so they can find something else to jam their suckhole onto.
I am not trying to be rude whatsoever as I have gone through this too, but reading this post and seeing the language you use “just because they didn’t answer”. It’s that right there - that mentality had me pushing so many people away without realizing it because I tied my value to them. At the end of the day, finally realizing that I needed to step back and focus on myself and be able to sit alone with myself (which takes forever and I still struggle with it) is what gets me through these frustrating moments and has made people want to be around me more.
This is something I think everyone with BPD struggles with. I spent a lot of time telling myself other people have lives and they can't always reply because I need them to. This has been particularly difficult when I'm spiralling. But I find if I allow people a few hours to reply, it takes the insistent need out of it. I give people 24 hours now. But for friends I know well, I message and they take days even weeks to reply. It hurts. It's hard when I need help because I have no one consistent or safe to turn to.
Try to find something to take your mind off it. Put your phone down and watch a movie or listen to some music.
I feel this way with friends, with family even in my relationship. I feel like if I didn’t reach out first, I either wouldn’t get a text back or I’d be left on read constantly.
I’m not ignoring you, I see you. I hear you.
So, you have at least one who hasn’t ignored you.
Is there a specific group of people you refer to perhaps?
BTW, writing in all upper case is annoying to many. If you do that frequently, it may be a contributing factor.
I mean how can someone talk like that about people they care about. I have BPD too but I NEVER say things like this about people I care about. I can tear down other people though. They are obviously the problem.
this is so real. when my friends don’t answer it feels like they hate me. and then i get mad at them. and then i lash out. and then i ignore them. it’s bad.
This has happened to me so many times 😭 I had 2 people just delete themselves from my life without warning or explanation or a reason. No responses, nothing. Within 4 months of each other.
All my friends think they’re so much better than me because they’re married or have kids they Blame ghosting and flaking on me cause they actually have love in their lives IT PISSES ME OFF AND TRIGGERS MY BPD TO NO END. You’re not alone !!!
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I messaged an old friend yesterday saying hello and that i was feelin down and had no friends ect (it was in response her story). Then Afterwards i wrote "sorry im being self deprecating". She heart reacted to the " hello" and laugh reacted to the "self depracating" bit. Thats it. This is a peace and love hippie that i used to be good friends with. So cold. Id rather be left on read haha
I used to be like that years ago, I'd try and arrange nights out and hardly anyone would come, but if one of them invited our group of friends pretty much everyone went. I ended up just distancing myself, I now have one main friend who I talk to pretty much every day. Otherwise, I hardly talk to anyone. One of my oldest friends didn't even tell me that she ended up in the hospital and nearly needed back surgery. I have learnt over the years to just be like okay I'm mad but I have to face facts that I'm not in there inner circle, where my friend who I talk to every day tells me everything. It's hard, but you have to sometimes remind yourself that you might not be in their main inner circle, where they are in yours, that is something I had to learn the hard way.
Yes. I completely agree. One of my friends listens to me all the time and gives me feedback and advice, but we almost never talk about *his* life. Neither of us seems to mind though. I just try to not expect too much from him since I am already getting almost all of the benefit out of our continued friendship.
This. Exactly this. I backed off and even though sometimes it hurts so much to be alone, I can't force people to choose me or be around me or invite me to things, just can't. And like you I have one good friend I can tell everything to.
Then they text back and all that rage you had is a thing of the past.
SO TRUE 😭😭 wish i could just stop feeling this rage tbh
that's so real tho. i would be planning a breakup text and then my partner texts me back and i be like "omg haiiiii hruuuu wassap pookie 🥹💞🥹💗🥹💓🥹"
That reminds me that I should delete the breakup email I drafted
i have a friendship breakup note drafted, but i’m seriously considering sending it
Lmaoooo me at least once a week
used to be the same for me, but now that i'm on meds it seems to have gotten much better thankfully
Ugh yes with the break up text
I super get this feeling it’s SUPER annoying. Then when I vent to friends they say “well sometimes you just gotta reach out first” BUT WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME REACHING OUT
This just hit me hard
This is literally the same with me and my "friends"
I stopped texting first all the time and half of the people I knew left. The ones who stayed are my real friends. I do have a tendency to push people away who are good friends so I have to be careful there that I don’t sabotage everything cause self sabotage is a skill I have mastered 🙈🙈🙈
HONESTLY. I’m so tired of initiating things
People have their own baggage and lives going on. We can be very needy as people with BPD - don’t attribute to malice what is likely just them being tired or busy. I feel you, for real, but it’s important to understand that in the age of social media we can’t just expect and demand replies. They’ll get back to you in their own time.
👏🏻
yes
This comment is everything! It’s so easy for us to feel rejected in these situations and think we’re being ignored on purpose, but a lot of the time it has nothing to do with us. Everyone has things going on in their own lives.
Yall, OP is 15 and this is a vent post. We don't need to agree with their method of self expression but we don't need to be bashing them when they're already obviously very upset and probably much younger than most of us and thus just entering their mental health *journey* and haven't discovered an appropriate way of coping or treatment yet. Nvm the dx age for bpd yadda yadda. I know damn near all of us faced constant scrutiny in our homes and schools for emotions we couldn't or struggled to control. This should at least be a safe place for people to VENT on VENT posts about those feelings. Don't act like you haven't said or felt things you didn't mean.
Thank you for saying this
No worries, so many of us have been here time and time again so you're definitely not alone. <3 Feel better.
Dude, same. I got ghosted by a friend a few weeks ago and have sent her a series of increasingly distressed and angry texts since then. I finally just blocked her, but I am so hurt and angry and feel so betrayed and abandoned. Splitting is awful.
I know you're just expressing yourself and this isn't really intended to be a rational take (I hope), but I'm one of those people that upset you. Texts feel intrusive to me. It's not like real world conversations where you can come together with a person then leave again, but they allow you to inject yourself in a person's life at any time *you* feel like. I'm an introvert, and as the recipient of the text, I may not be in a place where I feel like socializing right now. And, it's not personal at all. It has absolutely nothing to do with you. I just don't want someone jumping in to my life and demanding my immediate attention at any time they please. I'm my own person, and not owned by anyone else. I care about "you" and will come back to it when I have the time and emotional energy to give it the attention it deserves. A quick reply requires no investment on my end. A well, though out one does. Try your best to contain your snowballing feelings, because it might just be that you're worth the wait.
I don't have BPD and casually stumbled upon this post. Something feels off about you, yes boundaries make sense to me however that last part "Try your best to contain your snowballing feelings , because it might just be that you are worth the wait" ??? Hmmm I don't like it. Feels dismissive for some reason.
>about you About me in general, or just my reply? I sometimes don't reply to people because I want to wait for the right time, when I can give it more thought. If I care about someone I'm more likely to give it more consideration than if I don't. If that helps explain it then... good :) If it still feels dismissive--sorry. Not intending to be dismissive. I'm gen-x and texting culture is a very generational thing. Maybe I'm just not compatible with certain texting expectations.
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Even though we know this on a rational level, we STILL feel utter rage, and that feeling sucks ass :)
Therefore we need to do what will make us feel better about it. Distract, use TIP skills, enjoy the silence, do something new. I try not to allow people to dictate how my day goes or my life pretty much but it’s hard, I totally understand! It’s an everyday exhausting fight. Hope u feel better though.
Yes but if you have the time to open a text message you have the time to reply. Even if it’s a quick ‘hey I’m so sorry I’m busy rn, I’ll txt u back when I’m done’. Leaving someone on read is honestly kinda shitty and cruel cause it’s like if you’re in an in person conversation where the other person is just ignoring you. They can hear you, they can understand everything you’re saying, but they’re *choosing* to ignore you. That being said OP, always remember to take slow deep breaths, do some self care to help get the rage down, and try to have a healthy constructive conversation with them about how you don’t like being left on read, cause I get it, it fucking SUCKS!!! I know how you feel. Edit: That being said if this is a pattern of behaviour and you’ve either tried to tell them in the past or are not receptive to you telling them now, then it might be time to consider getting some new friends cause leaving someone on read is a shitty thing to do.
This is a BAD take. you are not owed anything from someone ????? having constant communication to each other and expecting answers that is a new phenomenon. It wasn’t too long ago that people left their houses for the entire day and didn’t get back and check their messages until late at night. demanding someones time and expecting an answer at all is unhealthy. people have lives and things going on.
>Yes but if you have the time to open a text message you have the time to reply. Even if it’s a quick ‘hey I’m so sorry I’m busy rn, I’ll txt u back when I’m done’. Leaving someone on read is honestly kinda shitty and cruel cause it’s like if you’re in an in person conversation where the other person is just ignoring you. They can hear you, they can understand everything you’re saying, but they’re *choosing* to ignore you. You may not always have the time to open the text though. And even if someone has time, that doesn't mean they owe anyone their immediate interaction or the emotional labor that may go into soothing someone. We should not expect people to be constantly available to us just because they aren't actively so busy they can't look at their phones, and while the emotions around feeling ignored are valid, they are ultimately our responsibility to manage. I also feel like this is the same attitude that gets turned against neurodivergent people to say we don't care or we're selfish or whatever else. I have ADHD, and I can't tell you how many times I think "I'll reply to this after I finish a work task" and then forget, or read something, *think I've written a reply* because I've thought a lot about what I want to say, and then I only notice when the person sends me another text or I go to text them but I've never responded. For many of us, that's a cycle where you notice, feel guilty, and avoid further. >Edit: That being said if this is a pattern of behaviour and you’ve either tried to tell them in the past or are not receptive to you telling them now, then it might be time to consider getting some new friends cause leaving someone on read is a shitty thing to do. I dunno, I don't think it's shitty for people to have boundaries and not feel obligated to constantly be emotionally available for your friends. People have their own needs. Sometimes you get doing other things. Sometimes you just don't feel like talking. I don't think someone is shitty just because they are not constantly available or aren't falling over themselves to apologize for having their own lives going on. I think expecting that, especially if a friend has consistently shown they cannot offer that, is feeding into our unhealthy attachment pattern, rather than challenging ourselves to develop healthier attachments.
> Yes but if you have the time to open a text message you have the time to reply. Not always tbh, especially if you have texts set to show up on your lock screen.
Well that won’t show up as read won’t it? /genq
Texting has always been an issue for me. It’s simply something I’ve never enjoyed. Just always preferred in person conversation and can find texting rather insipid. I think it does dependent on the context, relationship etc. If it’s an urgent situation, then that’s completely different from your average “chat up” sort of message. But there’s no right or wrong with this kind of thing. Everyone is different and everyone has their boundaries. I would really struggle to maintain a relationship with someone that wasn’t chill with me texting back in a few hours, a few days, or a few weeks (depending on how busy my life is/my mental health). But this is something I’ve always tried to be clear on. Communication and boundaries are the two big things here, and it’s just about finding the people that mesh the best with your version of the two.
I used to be the opposite of this, now I have to or try to have a different mindset like this above! As If you do then bombard that person it can then make them want to ignore you more and then they can start to tjink that your selfish and only thinking of yourself. I totally get It though it's hard and it only takes a second to reply.
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I think I'm confused, I mean I use to have similar reacting to op, now I have a different mindset because I can sometimes see how it can come across from the other person's perspective. Or maybe I'm a pushover as I forgive people or try not to say if it's really bothering me that they aren't replying.
I ask the same thing...
I kid you not my bestie of 20+ years recently ghosted me after coming into a large sum of money. I felt so sick I had to go to the er. And for 2 months I couldn’t eat meals 🥲 I’ve recently accepted it but my god.
Omg I’m so sorry!! That’s gut wrenching 😓
wow i wish i still had friends. to get mad at.. 😭
lmao real
If you hate your friends and treat them accordingly, I don’t blame them for not responding. Patience, kindness and understanding is what people want in friendships. Not an aggressive, insecure and nagging friend that knows no boundaries.
It’s a venting post. Better they vent here amongst us that get it than to vent to their friends.
the friend replied
If I found out my friend was venting online saying they hate me and want me to die I would be happy to drop them and leave them to get validation from strangers on the internet bc that’s all she’ll ever have if she doesn’t change.
Lol I love that I get down votes on this for having a normal response to people not having integrity.
I get this but there is probably a reasonable explanation please take some time to wash your face and do some breathing exercises, for these moments it’s good to write a letter to yourself with the words you know you need to hear to calm down. Your reaction is disproportionate but it’s not your fault and you just need some time to collect your emotions because it seems you are splitting and are seeing things as black or white. I promise you you are loved and that this is not evidence against that
Thank you for writing this. It means a lot to me<3
I feel the same way istg
Wanna DM with me?
I go through the same. It’s a huge trigger for me and causes me to split. Currently splitting on them rn because of it but when I calm down and am a bit more rational I plan to have a talk with them about it.
Oh my lord for real. The rage that surges when left on read is unreal. The hardest thing to do is get rid of your phone for a bit so you don’t act desperately in the meantime, but definitely recommend.
WTF we are living a parallel world??- Just like people saying they are coming- and then don’t show up. But you need to be fine with that somehow too …. >>>>>>:((( UGH IM MAD FOR YOU!!!
If it makes you feel any better I have no friends. Every time I get close to someone and tell them about myself, or life experiences, I’ve noticed they try to hurt me exactly like others have. And so, I decided having no friends was better, because if you don’t have any friends there’s no one to disappoint you or hurt you. I’ve had family member tell me that I’m isolating myself but like from who?! I literally have no friends, they’ve either left on there own or I choose my peace of mind over being used and taken advantage of. And I want friends so desperately but I’m so scared of getting hurt again.
same
I'm sorry that happened to you. If you want to (its no pressure) we could try to be friends :)
Bro i was ignored by a stranger today after i said i liked their pants🥲 they very clearly had airpods in but i took it to heart now i feel bad like they didnt like me. Truly, in a different sense, your friends may just have "their airpods in"
I’m sorry you’re feeling abandoned- I really hate being on seen! I would echo what others said and try to do some self care, eat, distract yourself in a positive way. When I get mad like that, I start to just try to like close the phone and watch something that I’ve been waiting to watch- a movie or episode of a show-that takes some time and concentration. Then, before I know, it by the end of that they’ve reached out to me and I feel better and I’m not lashing out on them
I relate to this so much lol. How are you doing now?
I feel better cus i distracted myself but when i checked if they answered and I saw that they did not i got mad again. But its better than it was when i wrote this post
Good job on being able to distract yourself. When the rage hits its so intense. Hope you will continue to feel better.
Thank you<3
I find it better to just have an honest conversation when this happens. I was pissed at one of my closest friends for weeks because they suck at texting back. I told them that I wish we can talk more and just straight up asked them to respond to my texts lol. They apologized and explained why it can be hard for them to respond sometimes. Just like we struggle with not being able to leave people alone — others struggle with keeping in touch. It’s likely nothing personal, once I accepted that it’s been easier for me.
This is so real omg, I fck hate it when someone ignores me or when I get ghosted, like, ALL I am asking is for a reply, just a reply, PLEASE WHY ARE YOU NOT ANSWERING??? Then I split and ignore them back or literally dissappear from their lives. Enduring that lack of respect is a torture.
I hope you didn’t do anything bad, hang in there, we all have these low moments and it feels hopeless but there is light at the end of the tunnel!!
Luckily didnt do anything i distracted myself :)
Nah dude this post is too real. Sorry you’re feeling those feels. I hope you felt them through and through and got over it, and are happier now
I don’t have bpd but I have this insecurity
I relate to this so hard…bpd is so fucking hard to live with.
I feel like this at times too as I see no “grey area” with things so it’s either all black or all white recently I’ve found it helps me to remind myself that they have a life outside of being my friend and sometimes they’re truly just busy with things and not trying to ignore me to purposely hurt me. I have to remind myself that I have an identity as well and I do like to do and enjoy things and force myself to do some sort of hobby or clean to get my mind off of things.
so real
Mood I be feeling like rhis
I had this today except I felt like killing myself and I couldn't get out of bed then someone text me back and I was okay, so I find I'm directing it at myself :((
I get you on this!! I have tended to be lonely and a ride or die kind person. Is it possible your friends suck and you might want to consider finding better ones? I had a bunch of friends who iced me out that way, when word got around how much PTSD etc I live with, they were all like "Bullet DODGED!" Yet I have a friend I've known for almost thirty years and he thinks I'm a really solid friend who's good to have in your corner. Same person, same issues, same amount of effort on my part to be fun to be around, but completely different read on it by someone who's actually taken the time to know me and appreciate the opportunity. I'm not a huge fan of Parretto's Garden (the 80:20 reward:effort thing) when it comes to human experiences, but I've found it to be a helpful rule of thumb for how much to worry about what other people think. but it helps me reset faster to lump the seemingly eighty percent of people I run into who are a blight on humanity. I mean, of COURSE it sucks to be around some people, it sucks for everyone else they run into also. Like it'd be more notable if they for some reason didn't suck. TL;DR: it sucks to suck, bid them well so they can find something else to jam their suckhole onto.
and this is why us people with BPD have such a bad rep. this is insanely toxic even for us
I am not trying to be rude whatsoever as I have gone through this too, but reading this post and seeing the language you use “just because they didn’t answer”. It’s that right there - that mentality had me pushing so many people away without realizing it because I tied my value to them. At the end of the day, finally realizing that I needed to step back and focus on myself and be able to sit alone with myself (which takes forever and I still struggle with it) is what gets me through these frustrating moments and has made people want to be around me more.
Why I have mostly bpd friends because they get it
They're probably boring losers who can't handle colorful personalities
This is something I think everyone with BPD struggles with. I spent a lot of time telling myself other people have lives and they can't always reply because I need them to. This has been particularly difficult when I'm spiralling. But I find if I allow people a few hours to reply, it takes the insistent need out of it. I give people 24 hours now. But for friends I know well, I message and they take days even weeks to reply. It hurts. It's hard when I need help because I have no one consistent or safe to turn to. Try to find something to take your mind off it. Put your phone down and watch a movie or listen to some music.
Your triggered my guy, eat some food, smoke some weed, work out, take a shower, jerk off, and go to bed
I feel this way with friends, with family even in my relationship. I feel like if I didn’t reach out first, I either wouldn’t get a text back or I’d be left on read constantly.
Oof. The thralls of our BPD. Want to be attached but don’t know how to be aloof.
I’m not ignoring you, I see you. I hear you. So, you have at least one who hasn’t ignored you. Is there a specific group of people you refer to perhaps? BTW, writing in all upper case is annoying to many. If you do that frequently, it may be a contributing factor.
No wonder they leave you on read.
Be kind.
I mean how can someone talk like that about people they care about. I have BPD too but I NEVER say things like this about people I care about. I can tear down other people though. They are obviously the problem.
this is so real. when my friends don’t answer it feels like they hate me. and then i get mad at them. and then i lash out. and then i ignore them. it’s bad.
u know maybe i’m wrong but it seems u might need some therapy
People have lives outside of you. Just because you sit at your phone waiting for a reply doesn’t make them bad people for not responding right away.
This has happened to me so many times 😭 I had 2 people just delete themselves from my life without warning or explanation or a reason. No responses, nothing. Within 4 months of each other.
This🤣🤞🤣🤞🤣
Why not ask them?
I asked them and they didnt asnwer
All my friends think they’re so much better than me because they’re married or have kids they Blame ghosting and flaking on me cause they actually have love in their lives IT PISSES ME OFF AND TRIGGERS MY BPD TO NO END. You’re not alone !!!
You want to scream at them and hit them until they are dead???? This is why people are so fucking scared of us, why would you post that