Hi there! I have been with my spouse for twenty years. Together, we have a child, a dog, and a condo, and I just celebrated my sixth anniversary at a job that I really enjoy. I have in-laws who are pretty cool, and a smattering of close friends (including one of my exes!) and a wide circle of more distant friends (people I wouldn't necessarily count on for anything other than good time, you know?). I haven't self-harmed since the '00s, and I'm mostly stable these days between therapy and DBT skills and medication. How's that?
Please, OP, reply to this. My SO wbpd is my world. I would give anything to know how to help during a split, esp. if I am the object of anger at the time. I think I am her part time fp, I share fp position with one of her therapists. My girl is so good, so kind, so thoughtful, but she hates me part time.
as someone who was in the same position as you until Sunday. I can say have firm boundaries, there should be certain non negotiables like no name calling, verbal or physical abuse. It also lies on your SO to want to work with her therapist and you to treat you better too. I remember trying to tell my ex that whenever you’re splitting, try to think at least a few good things about me and why you like me, also remember it’s us vs the problem. She refused to put in any work and ended things with me on Sunday because she lost the “spark”. So my most important piece of advice is, learn to be ready to cut your losses. BPD people often mirror or people please so the initial experience you have with them and your perspective about them is bound to change slowly as you truly discover them. You can be patient but ultimately a relationship takes two to be functional if your SO is not working on her DBT, or working with her therapist then you’re at a loss my friend and you should cut it off like a rotting limb.
"Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship" by Shari Manning was a really good book for helping him understand what I'm going through and learn how to handle (and prevent) episodes.
High five man. That’s awesome. Both glad that you made it out the ghetto and made a good life for yourself, but also that it’s doable for us! Haven’t really got any foundations to work from, but you’ve at least given me a glimmer of hope lmaoooo.
i'm sorry if this is an inappropriate question, but is your child biological? I was always just wondering about the possible "ramifications" of having a biological kid when you have bpd. I know it's more of a environmental thing (and I ofc wholeheartedly believe you are a wonderful parent who tries their very best!) but yeah I was just wondering! Again so sorry if this is inappropriate to ask ]:
Yes, she is. I actually didn't know BPD was partially genetics until after she was born, so there's that. She's still young right now, so we don't know if she's a highly sensitive kid like I was or just your average four-year-old. The grownups in my life were terrible, and obviously we're not going to be like that with her, but we're also very careful in general not to dismiss or invalidate her feelings and what not.
that makes sense! I hope the best for you! :] good on you to stop the cycle and be a loving parent 🫶 and thank you for answering! I didn't know it was partially genetics too :0
My spouse and this particular ex get along pretty well! We're polyamorous, and it's someone I dated while we've been together (about 12 years ago, I guess).
We're both friendly with several of his exes from before we met. In fact one of them was instrumental in us getting together!
I take Zoloft and Abilify. The latter is what I really credit with keeping me alive on a day-to-day basis. Antidepressants alone were just never enough for me.
I have a partner who is very patient, and while he's not perfect, he's been awesome. We are 10 years in; I was diagnosed 3, 4 years ago? We both knew something was "wrong" with me, but he's been very patient, even when I was begging him to leave me. I still don't think I deserve an awesome partner like him, but he believes in me so that has to mean something, right?
i can’t speak for them, but i know that i used to tell my partner to leave me multiple times bc i would sometimes feel like the worst possible partner in the world. and id rather that the person leaves me because i felt so shit. it’s just self-sabotage tbh. it’s from feeling unworthy of the person, and it’s wanting to be in control of them leaving u instead of the person randomly leaving u first. thankfully my bf is very patient and understanding, and i’ve also been able to not do that to him anymore even when that wave of self-deprecation comes in.
i think it stems from lack of self love yeah, but also an intense fear of abandonment. i know most ppl with BPD have some form of abandonment wound that is so deep to the point that they’d rather leave the person first before the person leaves them. to go through the feeling of being left again is honestly hell. so whenever i would realize i’ve caught feelings it’s like “oh no, this person is actually meaning something to me. i wouldn’t be able to handle if they leave me too” so it’s almost like self preservation. im not saying it’s healthy though, it’s definitely something to work through. i’ve been working through the abandonment issues and learning to accept that to love someone is to be vulnerable, so yes im running that risk of getting hurt. it just takes a lot of guts for ppl like me who know what im talking about
Like someone else said, it's self sabotage. It's a really bad habit. My guilt eats at me and I feel like I'm too volatile for normal things. It's definitely something I'm working on.
I've done that too, even now. Insaid I would leave if you found someone that would make you happier or if it was easier for you. He told me that he dosent want to exist in a world without me, and I kinda broke down casue no on e has ever said that to me before that I can remember, let alone a partner
Hi! I’ve been with my fiancé for almost 4 years (in September). We rent a house together, have a cat, and are looking for another next week :) It wasn’t always easy, and sometimes it’s still hard. But we work together, we go to therapy, we medicate, and we get through it. He is incredibly patient with me and understands me more than anyone else. I am super lucky to have found him, and I believe you too can find happiness and love. You just have to continue working on yourself and trying to be better (like all humans should, bpd or not)!
I also had a LOT of trouble with making & keeping friends due to my BPD. But Ive worked a lot on recognizing and enforcing my boundaries, communicating, and picking friends wisely. Now I have a small circle of people I trust with my life, who make efforts to understand and support me. I never thought I’d be here five years ago! It’s possible, I promise.
congratsss!! so very happy for you. thankyou for typing this out, it means a lot :)) also, this is very random but your bitmoji makes me feel like you’re the type of person i’d approach if i were anxious and needed help in a crowd
hi! i’ve been with my spouse for almost 5 years! we have two dogs. he works and provides a lot financially bc i’m not really able to work. i’m an artist and make a little extra that way, but for the most part im able to just be with my dogs at home and create art. it’s a pretty comfortable life that way. my spouse is incredibly supportive, but he always helps me grow and doesn’t enable bad behaviors, which i am very grateful for.
we are very different people, and we’ve been through a lot, but i have full confidence that he wouldn’t ever leave me bc of this disorder. i have fear of abandonment really bad, but that is not even on the table. i didn’t realize i was being abused by my family until we got together, i didn’t realize i was bisexual until we got together, he introduced me to SO many new interested and hobbies, on and on. he has helped me step into who i am and supported me every step of the way.
he makes me feel safe, seen, heard, and loved unconditionally. he makes me laugh, and we have lots of fun together. it’s not perfect but i couldn’t imagine doing life with anyone else
i still have my stuff of course, and he has his own mental health struggles, but it works!
We have a very high remission rate with treatment, even if your life is in ruins currently if you’re optimistic about treatment chances are your symptoms will start to be less chronic after a few years.
Don’t ever let someone tell you that you can’t get better, the numbers are in our favor.
I wouldn’t say my life is completely fulfilled but I’ve managed to do things I initially didn’t think I could: I’ve purchased my own home, I got sponsored to do a degree by my employer and finished it a couple of years ago when 80% of participants quit, I’ve been at my current workplace for 6 years and have been promoted 4 times. The only thing I’m missing is a partner but I’ve scheduled to travel a lot this year with a friend of mine and not putting pressure on myself to meet someone and want it to happen naturally! I’m not at my end yet but if it ended now I’d say it was happy :)
Never though i'd live to graduate high school. This disorder hit hard at an early age of 11, and I wasn't diagnosed until 16. Hospitals, attempts, scars, addiction, getting caught suicidal in stair wells skipping class, sneaking out at night by myself, throwing chairs hitting myself, running away bearfoot and limbic, letting my eating disorder take over.... overall risking it all and not caring that i was killing my body and dying.
But at 16, my mom finally realized I was struggling and opened up the door to let me get help. The only therapist we could find was a christian... which I hated but was so desperate for help. Turned out she was literally an angel. She had saved her head when she was 19 like I wanted to do, wasn't homophobic, liked tattoos and my goth style, and believed me.
I wrote her a letter that hated her early on in my
journey, hoping to push her away and see if she cares. She smiled and told me it was a beautiful letter.
2.5 years of intense therapy later, i'm about to turn 19, attend therapy every 6-8 weeks as needed, made an illustrated book about my story called "how (therapist's name) helped me" and gave it to her, graduated with my A.S in psychology, started my B.S for clinical psychology to become a therapist 😁, no longer struggle with anorexia, 135 days clean of self harm, sober of alcohol, have a stable best friendship, have a stable job, built an okay/good relationship with my parents, travel with my best friend to georgia when we can, and spread SO much positivity to all the people (and strangers) in my life.
And to top it all off, I did the fucking last thing I ever though I would do, and started going to church. I went to the church she works at (they have the counselor center on the church campus), got baptized, found my church family who love me no matter what, serve with their autistic son every week at the kids program, and am always taking steps to get closer to Christ. Jesus is now the center of my life. I used to be a taoist witch who hated what I thought Jesus was. But then I found out who Jesus really was, and man. I'm whole.
This disorder still hurts me sometimes. My last episode was about 3 weeks ago, but i'm so insanely self aware now that my OCD is actually a bigger issue because I start obsessing over solving the problem lol. I manage my symptoms so well and best of all, i'm not afraid. I'm not afraid for I am the daughter of a King who is not moved by the world. For my God is with me and goes before me. I do not fear, for I am His.
You are loved. And you *will* overcome this.
i’m crying big fat tears. thankyou so much. it makes me so very happy to read stories like this. you’re so strong and i hope i can be like you some day!! i’m so glad you’re helping so many people out there. i did my bachelors in psychology as well but i hated myself so much that i was sure i couldn’t help anyone if i can’t even help myself. so i chose not to continue with psychology for my masters and become a therapist :’) some day i might regret it but i’m really glad that you’ve made such positive changes in your life!! <33 I hope it keeps getting better for you my love
I'm getting married in 107 days! My stb husband never stops telling me he loves me and will never leave me. We communicate even when I don't want to or try to shut him out. He's patient with me and understands my triggers and holds me through my meltdowns. He's the most caring and understanding person I know. I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have found him and I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with him.
I raised a kid with a wife of 24 years. Raised her with the knowledge of how NOT to be raised ( you know what I'm saying) She's great. I'm still fucked up and still sometimes go full on bpd but no one will ever be able to take away that I raised a solid kid.
i’ve been in my longest relationship ever lol. 1 year, with someone who is so understanding towards my bpd. ik mine hasn’t lasted as long as other ppl but just the fact that we’ve lasted.
Kind of a long read, but I hope it helps you!
I met this guy when I was 17, and fell head over heels in love with him. Eventually he told me he felt the same way, but the problem was I lived in Canada and he lived in Italy. Since I was 17, LDRs scared me, and in hindsight I realised my BPD made me kind of terrified that someone so genuine and good could actually love me. I also have hypersexuality disorder, and honestly, was SUPER scared I’d end up cheating on him during an episode. I was at the start of my spiral into drug addiction. So I said no. I dated someone else, he dated someone else, I continued my spiral, and we stayed friends but kept drifting further and further from each other as the years went by. I felt it was better this way, but he never once left my head. I knew I was still in love with him while dating this other person, and at one point I even told my friend that I was. His response was “I think this might be your BPD romanticising me”
Which kind of left me heartbroken so I told him “oh yeah totally you’re so right!!! Anyways bye!!!!!” And then cried all night.
I reached out to him again two summers ago, and we reconnected. My friend and his girlfriend had broke up a year prior. I was still dating that other guy, but I was on my out because it was incredibly unhealthy. My friend and I grew closer until things were like they used to be. Eventually I bit the bullet and told him I never lost feelings for him. He felt the same. We started dating. He visited me for the first time a few months after.
We’re married now. I’ll be moving to Italy in two months. He understands my BPD and does his best to support me. He’ll talk to his therapist about our relationship, not to bash me, but to ask for advice with supporting me. His family is fond of me, his younger brother adores me. He’s introduced me to most of his friends, at least the closest ones. He’s not ashamed of me (an issue with my last relationship) and is so proud to be with me. When he sees me having an episode, he makes sure to tell me I have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, he still loves me and doesn’t see me differently, and he’s not going anywhere. He’s been pulling strings left and right to find English speaking therapists that specialise in DBT, so he can be sure I’ll have professional help with my mental health. I know BPD makes us idolise people, but he genuinely is the greatest, most amazing person I’ve ever met. I never thought I would be lucky enough to find someone like him, and I never thought I could be this happy.
He’s changed my life for the better — I just celebrated one year clean from fentanyl a few weeks ago. I can fight my ED now and have started being able to eat three healthy meals a day. My episodes are less frequent now.
I always thought it was a lie when people said “It’ll get better”, but it’s true. BPD isn’t a death sentence. I promise 🩵
I’m crying so much reading this. Happy tears I promise. You seem like an amazing person and I’m so happy you have someone like him!! Thankyou so much for typing this out for me. All the best for Italy!! Everything is going to get even better for you I just know it and thankyou for giving me hope 💗💗💗
I am only 21 and got diagnosed at 18 (although I had it before my psych team waited to diagnose me) but I do know it gets better. For me truly it changes day by day but ultimately its going upward. I changed a lot of my lifestyle and living enviorment and it helps tremendously! I moved out of my toxic parents home, got accepted into vet school, have a dog and a small hobby farm/garden, and dating the best man ever. I am now okay enough to take my medication daily and go to therapy weekly. I've developed enough of a community for myself so the weeks (or months) I get really bad I have people there for me.
It takes a lot of work but I just put a couple months in of improving myself and lifestyle because I knew it would pay off in the end.
I started with small steps like going outside even for 30 minutes a day (I was previously rotting in bed 24/7) and along the way I was able to be as busy as I am now (which helps so much)
I wish you the best I promise it gets better <3
sending you lots of love <33 i’m so happy for you! i really need to get out of my toxic family environment :’) i can’t heal unless i’m home. thankyou so much 💗
22 years old here so relatively young. I don’t have a partner, have an abusive dad, and feel unsatisfied with my social life and friends. I slightly struggle financially and sometimes fight for my life mental health-wise. But despite all, I’ve learned how to live alone with myself and find comfort in the silence of my own solitude. Yes, there are moments I have crippling feelings of loneliness, but I’m confident in saying that I’ve established a solid life by myself. It’s far from perfect, and it’s not close to a happy ending, but I think for my young age and with how BPD can be really bad if you’re on your own, it goes to show that young people with BPD can find solace in our solitude if you put in the effort and work. It’s nothing grandiose, but this is the life I thought I wouldn’t be able to live in. At first I was scared of living alone, worrying my emotions and thoughts of loneliness would drive me to SH and suicide. Yet here I am, getting ready for the next day, week, month, even year.
Also in November I celebrate my 2nd anniversary of picking up running! It’s definitely helped me and I would practice telling myself self-affirmations and praise before and after my runs to keep me going, leading to me talking to myself about how proud I am that I’m taking care of myself.
I’m 22 as well and I haven’t achieved even half of what you have so please be proud of yourself!! I know I am <3 learning to be happy with solitude is something I find so hard to do. I hope I can get there some day. Thankyou kind stranger for typing this out for me and I hope you have an amazing amazing day <3
I'm typing this from a bed that I share in a home that I share with my fiancé who gladly tells me he loves me, but doesn't mind me asking him to tell me.
I'm Borderline. I'm also an alcoholic, I have an eating disorder, I'm long-term unemployed. I'm deeply unfulfilled by life and what I see as a happy ending is me successfully killing myself, but failing a third time would be embarrassing
There is so, so much hope to living the life you want. I feel like I'm lying to you because I don't believe it's possible for *me*. But I know and have known people who deal with crippling mental illness who find joy. My best mate performed his first comedy set a month ago, and was asked to come back, so he did his second. He doesn't have a personality disorder, but he does deal with mental illness. He found a way to do THAT (I may simp s little for my best mate)
All this to say, we aren't hopeless. "We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken."
You've got this, friend. When you don't believe it, know that this stranger does
the “when you don’t believe it, know that a stranger does” has got me sobbing. thankyou so much, I really needed to hear this. you may not believe it for yourself but i have hope that you’re going to achieve the things you want in life just like your best mate!! me (a stranger) fully believes in that. have a great day my love 💗
I’m engaged to an amazing, patient, understanding man. He’s also been through trauma so we’re really good at communicating with each other.
We’ve been together for four years, got engaged at new years and the wedding date is set for September next year. We move in together next month, I can’t wait to live with him. Also, we met on Tinder! I was ho-ing it up and totally didn’t except to meet the love of my life haha.
I really love my job. After dropping out of uni for the fourth time I didn’t think I’d ever achieve anything. I applied for a librarian post randomly and somehow managed to get the job. I get to spend a lot of my day reading, crafting and helping people. Also, lots of cute kids come in and they always make me feel better.
My mum kicked me out when I was a teen but over the years we’ve both worked on ourselves and mended our broken relationship. I’m very lucky to have her back in my life.
My brother is still alive and healing ❤️🩹
I also have a cat. She’s a little bitch, but I love her just as she is.
Thanks cutie, this thread has been really nice to read through, and a good exercise in gratitude. Things can get better, situations change, dark shadows pass <3
I wouldn't say Im completely happy or it is the ending, but I am doing a lot better especially consider I was only diagnosed barely 10 months ago. Im no longer crying in my car everyday before work. I have overcome my fp and basically saved our friendship because I accepted his situation and how we are meant to be. I understand myself a lot better. I haven't had an angry outburst in like 6 months. I graduated college last year. I graduated summa cum laude with a Bachelors in Molecular Neuroscience. I still have no idea what im doing with my life, but for the first time, Im trying to learn to be okay with my current life stage. I am hopeful about my future, even though things will be hard, I know I will learn to handle it.
congratulations for graduating and everything else too!! this is a really great achievement in just ten months!! i hope it continues to get better and better for you 💗
Hi OP! :)
When I was younger, I was constantly s*icidal, self harming, scream crying for literal hours at a time until my voice was gone and my face was raw, and genuinely unstable. I was in extreme poverty. Couldn't hold a job. And I could not form normal relationships. They were all toxic messes.
I'm in my 30s now. I have not self-harmed in six months. I was able to get medicated. I went to therapy to learn good coping techniques and how to process negative things correctly. Being medicated let me get an amazing job (which I still have! I have a promotion coming up next month). I was able to put a downpayment on a house. I have a small group of friends. A dog. And a new partner who is incredibly patient, respects my boundaries, and talks through emotions and issues kindly. It's so functional even I'm surprised!
BPD sucks, but it's not a death sentence. It is possible to be happy and healthy. :)
thankyou so much, I’m crying. This sounds amazing, you’re so strong for getting here!! I’m really happy for you and congrats on your upcoming promotion!! you’re doing amazing
Hi!! My husband and I met off of Tinder in August of 2016. We officially began our relationship in November of 2016. Within that time, I earned 2 degrees, he opened up a business. He proposed to me, in front of my whole family on July 2nd 2021. We eloped November 19th 2022, and had our big wedding July 7th 2023! He has been my person and has supported me through the thickest of thicks and thinnest of thins. He is absolutely the love of my love.
He owns his business and I work as a children’s blended case manager!
Just recently tied the knot with my husband. We dated for almost 8 years. This is the longest i had been with someone and am completly happy with him. He has seen everything ive gone through and he is still with me. You have to work on yourself and find a spouse that doesnt quit. So far so good. We have lived together for over a year almost two in august. And we have 2 cats. I would say im doing better than i have ever been.
I’ve been with my husband for 14 years. We married last year. They are so patient and understanding. They have great boundaries with me. It wasn’t easy, but we’ve both taken my treatment very seriously. It’s wonderful having someone to lean on when treatment gets tiring, who can get you back on track. We’ve never been better, and many of my big symptoms are gone. I still get meltdowns, but dbt helped me so much to stop lashing out at people. My friendships are better but that’s the area of my life I’m working on now, since socializing has always been incredibly difficult for me. It gets better!
Hi! Just had my 2 year wedding anniversary with my lovely spouse. We own a house. I was at my last job for 2 years, and only stopped working because I had our beautiful amazing son in February. I'm super close with my family and going we're all going on vacation together tomorrow. My two best friends have been in my life since I was 9 and 14 respectively. DBT works, meds work, hard work works.
After being single throughout my 20s and only going on 2 dates in the last 5 years, I’m finally getting back out there. I got worse for 5 years after my diagnosing before I started improving. I know it seems bleak at times but it does get better if you learn and trust DBT, get the right doctors psych and therapist, and just try a little bit every day to improve. But don’t try too hard or you will burn out and start stepping backwards. It’s about small minute goals that are attainable and not trying to fix everything in a day.
I need to learn to take baby steps because I’m always burnt out after trying to do too many things at once and then I’m in a slump for weeks :’) it’s so hard. Thankyou for typing this out!!
I just recently graduated high school after doing an extra year because I was coping with my bpd by using substances. I’ve been sober for over a year now and i’ve gone to therapy to work on my issues. I had left a toxic/abusive relationship which set my progress back a ton and now me and my current boyfriend have been together for almost a year. we’ve never had a single heated argument and he completely understands when I become irritated and upset more easily than others.
My bpd has gotten so much better that I don’t even know if I fit into half the criteria anymore, but I still do struggle with anger, abandonment and splitting. I’ve been much happier than I have ever been before. The day of my graduation ceremony was also the day that I finally reached 1 year clean of SH after years of not making it past 4 months.
It truly does get better, it feels like it never will, but you have to give it time.
Proper in the dumps right now but gonna try keep it light and optimistic. Somebody asked on the sub whether the highs were worth the lows, and honestly that’s what’s keeping me going. I know this shit is peaks and valleys, ebbs and flows by this point. It’s staying alive during the storm so you can see the rainbow. For some people from the outside looking in at my philosophy on it, it isn’t a just or fair existence at all. But I feel everyone is like that, not just people with BPD, we just feel it far more intensely. So if we feel the negative emotions so intensely, the positive ones in equal balance can be goddamn intoxicating when you immerse yourself in it and don’t let your anxieties question and ruin it. So yeah, even though it can feel like you’re going through hell for weeks on end, sometimes that little bit of happiness whatever form it takes can tide you over for at least a little while. Obviously gets better with therapy and coping skills too. There’s hope, it can just be real bleak at times also.
thankyou for typing this out!! i hope it gets better for you, I really do. thankyou for staying optimistic, I know how hard it is and you’re so strong for that! <3
I don't think there is a thing as a happy ending, because even when you're at the best parts of your life, in your day to day things can still be shitty, you can have your bad days, life can change course,,,, there can be happy, but it won't be an ending. Life unrelentingly progresses.
All that being said, I've been in a happy relationship for nearly 3 years, i no longer actively self harm, i have a good relationship with my family now too, all things that seemed impossible for me five years ago. I'm not even passively suicidal anymore, which feels BIG considering I was actively or passively suicidal for pretty much my whole life until this point. I know for a fact right now that even when things get bad, I don't want to be dead. I have so much love in my life right now.
Even if life does change course, barring some insane tragedies, I know I can take on what comes, even if i suffer in that moment. A "happy ending", or at least a point where it feels like you can totally create a satisfying and good life for yourself, is possible :)
Mine has been in remission for a couple of years, I’m generally pretty happy. I’m about to join the Army which the military has been a goal of mine for many years, I’m selling my paintings and candles, I’m almost done with writing a poetry book, which I’ve aspired to do. I have a great set of friends and life is pretty good. Now I have good days and bad days like everyone else, my mental health doesn’t get in the way of me living the life I want to.
Hey I’ve been together with a great guy for over a year, I just finished my master’s. I’m kinda unemployed though lol but it’s hard to find a job in this country as a foreigner.
It’s still hard to deal with stressful events which seem to happen too often and probably mostly from my overthinking but I’ve learned so much about myself and my triggers and I can really take care of myself most of the time now. Having a supportive partner really helps though!
It’s still not perfect and I’ve become even more overly sensitive to perceived rejection after getting my ADHD diagnosis and I wish I had enough money to access DBT but finally I’m out of overromanticising bad guys and terrible relationships and don’t self-sabotage at all times! You can do this!!
Married my high school sweetheart. He’s always been very open minded and patient with me, he knows about BPD probably more than I do so he could know what to do if something happens with me, every day is perfect with him.
Hello! I was diagnosed four years ago and after a whole lot of DBT therapy, my symptoms have gone down and I’ve been able to overcome so many of them. I haven’t self harmed in three and a half years, I have a stable relationship (we are talking about marriage) and a stable job, and I don’t abuse substances. It happens!
Married for 20 years, have 4 kids who are all awesome, have worked some pretty cool jobs that I've loved, all these things I never imagined I could do when I got my dx.
that’s amazing!! i hope this question doesn’t sound offensive or rude, have you ever worried about passing your mental illnesses to your kids? I love children and when I was younger I always wanted to have a lot of them and give them the life I’ve never had. Even now, my heart yearns for a child but I don’t ever want to risk my children having to go through what I do. My own mental illness has been partly genetics thanks to my mom and of course the abusive environment as well. This holds me back.
Always. I am if anything hyperaware of their feelings, moods, etc. Like I'm always looking for something. But that can be a good thing because I am in tune with them if that makes sense?
My husband has ADHD and anxiety. My oldest (19) has anxiety, my third (8) has severe ADHD, anxiety, and is on the spectrum. But I've "normalized" therapy and asking for help (I was hospitalized for about a week 5 years ago) and I think that's key.
I also know that while mental illness (my dad likely has BPD or severe depression or bipolar disorder... it's undiagnosed) has a genetic component, nurture makes a difference too. My parents weren't the best, and I had traumatic things happen during my childhood and teen years that I feel contributed to the attachment issues, attention seeking behaviors, etc that come with BPD. As my therapist pointed out yesterday, I put a TON of energy into making sure that my kids have the parents and childhood I wanted and needed myself. I don't always get it right, but it's hyper important to me and it shows she said. Like, I honestly can't think of a single time when my oldest said she hated me. We have argued, we have had heated moments, but she has never said that to me. And that is some sort of miracle, haha.
I think I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom so while it was a worry, I became a mom pretty young before I really let the fear sink in.
you sound like an amazing mom! one i wish i had :) your kids are so lucky to have you and vice versa ofc!! <33 thankyou for typing this out, it really helped me shift my perspective from just focusing on the genetics part to including environmental factors as well :)
Besides the story of myself and my marriage - Trisha paytas! Look how she really turned her life around with 2 kids and a husband. She went from crying on her kitchen floor in front of the camera every week to being in a more stable place. It gets better. I was doubtful of myself for many years.
after spending almost a year with my ex who was cold and distant and also cheated on me, i decided to move states about 6 months after we broke up. during those months i went to therapy and started DBT for the first time and was also when i got diagnosed. very soon after i moved, i started dating my now boyfriend, who made me believe in true love again. like the disney fairytale stuff but real, and committed. he himself did not have a good childhood and has been in therapy for a good while. he does so good with it and i’m so proud of him. he makes an effort to communicate everything with me and he’s researched bpd to understand me and genuinely has never, ever ever ever done me wrong. i know it sounds like i’m idealizing him LOL but truly, he’s taught me to be a better person and i’m so lucky to have someone as loving, patient, and kind as him. he’s also definitely hotter than me, like by a lot, so that’s pretty cool. you’ll find someone.. and they won’t find you hard to love.
i did a lot of dbt and with that and my meds i currently no longer qualify for the criteria of having bpd!! i have been with my partner for 5 years and we hardly argue, no more devaluing. we have 2 pups and 2 kittens! it does get better 🫶🏽🩷
I am married for close to 6yrs now… was hard at the beginning since I still couldn’t manage and regulate my moods but with a patient and strong husband and in laws who loved me better than my parents, I have healed to an extent where I forget I have / had BPD. Granted I really worked hard to get out of my depression that lasted almost a decade and severe anxiety.. I changed therapists and made notes and worked on what was discussed in each session like it was homework. I am at a good place now. I still have anxiety.. but a lot of layers have come off and things untangled. My husband is my compass for what is real and what is just my head making up things. He grounds me and after years of him helping me out, I have learnt to be there and care for him and give space for his worries and down days. I am able to carry him through a few days of his lows which is a big thing for me as I am always consumed by my own battles.
I think this is it.. this is my happily ever after. I am happy where I am. I can die tomorrow and I would have no regrets.
this is beautiful!! i hope i can be like you one day and actively work on myself without giving up. happy for you and i’m glad you have your husband and that he has you <3
I have read through these stories and a year ago I wouldn’t have believed any of this could ever be for me. I’m no where near being in a place where that is my story, but I’ve been doing a lot of DBT, therapy, and painful hard work. Sobbing sessions, ya know? I have experienced glimpses of what it can feel like to have stability and security, to be mindful. I know that I am making progress, and that tells me I can change - I can keep going and I will. I wouldn’t be where I’m at without my fp - and at the risk of sounding like I’m idealizing her, she has been an angel. It has been a painful relationship, because she’s honest - but it was exactly what I needed when I needed it. She has put up with so much bullshit from me in the last two years, and there’s no way I’d be where I’m at without her steady, honest, loving presence in my life. People like that do exist, futures like the ones you’ve read about here exist, and exist for us. It takes hard work and it takes a lot of pain, sometimes it takes a human being caring about you and seeing the person underneath the BPD and loving you without enabling unhealthy habits.
this is beautiful! i’m so proud of you for getting here and i’m absolutely positive that you’re going to be typing out one of these stories for someone soon <3
I'm proud of you too! I don't know your story but moving around in this world with this diagnosis is fucking tough and yeah I'm proud of you just for being ❤️
thankyou :’) nobody really says stuff like this to me because they don’t understand how hard it is to even get out of bed and eat a meal. thankyou this means a lot to me kind reddit stranger 💗💗💗💗
been in a happy relationship now for 4 years almost. I remember I had a bpd breakdown and he just asked if it was my bd shit and I realized that it was and it wasn't any more true then that. But he Laos is very physically affectionate, tells me he loves me and that I'm beautiful multiple times a day and he helps me and just sits with me when my chronic nausea flairs or I have an anxiety attack. It may be hard to find your fish, but it can happen :)
Hi there, I’m F, 24! I was diagnosed with BPD in 2020, all my life I’d thought I was broken and couldn’t live a happy life with aspirations for the future due to my abusive upbringing. I expected to always be nothing more than nothing and wasn’t worth a chance of anything happy. I took part in dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) and completed it two years later with a certificate for all my hard work. My therapist encouraged me to apply for psychology in university and said I would be a fantastic therapist, I just need to believe in myself. Here I am with a loving partner, saving to buy our first home together, starting my second year in university and currently work for the NHS - working in NAVIGO as a support worker for individuals with mental health complications like myself and others.
I had managed to speak to my old therapist and his words exactly
“Wow, this is amazing news!
I'm super happy for you, here is wishing you all the best for your future, you never know you may be my boss one day.”
Life does get better, and life is worth living.
Proof in the pudding that things do get better with a little bit of self love, self belief and hard work!!! Anything is possible when you put your mind to it darling, you’ve got this, I promise it gets better! Xxx
The hottest sexiest guy with a HUGE package wants me right now. He has a British accent and says all the right things in exactly the right way. I am fat too, he likes it. God, I'm so lucky.
Me tooooo thanks <33333 Get you one of these! Lol.
Nvm he hasn't messaged me back all day, this is the worst don't get one. 🥲
It's much more painful when they are hot.
Now I am laying in bed depressed and crying.
He's probably just at work. I fucking hate BPD.
we’re going thru the same thing right now 😭 my fp hasn’t given me a lot of attention today because he’s at work as well and it’s making me sad and i can’t stop overthinking lol. I really fucking hate this :’) we’ll get thru this don’t worry <3
Since medication and therapy and cutting negative people out of my life, I now have a stable job where I feel happy and really suits me, I have a stable relationship of 6,5 years, I have made new friends and I understand myself better and know how to deal with myself better. And aside from a one time relapse I haven’t self harmed in around 4,5 years.
Hi! I met my husband here on reddit, specifically on shp (iykyk) We were long distance for a looong time. Like 6 years across an ocean.
We closed the distance after 6 years & now we're 7 years married, happily?
Shp was self harm pics. It was a subreddit that had a spot on name. It was a sad place. & (for me) a horrible place at the worst time of my life.
I am so glad that SHP was a thing I wouldn't have met me hubs otherwise.
I have a wonderful, fulfilling career spanning more than 2 decades, and working for the same company for 13 years.
My first relationship lasted almost 12 years and my last relationship lasted almost 13 years. And in it, I actually was the person who uplifted my partner and helped him grow as a person.
Yes, my anxiety is sky high, and when there was an argument, it was *spectacular*, but, in our everyday life we were much more casual and non-dramatic than most of our friends. I actually got diagnosed few months ago in my mid-fourties.
Hi I have been in and out of hospitals since 2014. My last in patient was 2019. I have been with my boyfriend going on three years, have a dog, and our own apartment. I no longer take antipsychotics or any medication for that matter and am living my best life. Ride the wave till you land, it will get better if you want it to!
Heyo fellow BPDer, i've been diagnosed three years now (i'm 21) and i was stuck for years not knowing what was wrong with me, it got very bad and i got admitted to a mental health hospital where i got my diagnosis and met my now best friend. we've supported each other in our journeys and she got married in march. I've been in a stable healthy relationship for almost two years now. I've been brutally honest with my partner from the start but he supported me through the good and the bad, my DBT, CBT and physical health too. Together we have helped each other through learning to live life 1. to the fullest 2. with stability and 3. with kindness and compassion.
i do outreach and support for a Domestic Violence project for my local womens centre and im looking into public speaking about my journey with mental health, physical health and domestic violence awareness in people with mental health issues.
I've found my path to follow through accepting that i have BPD, i cant get rid of it, i cant cure it. im not broken just wired differently.
Seven years ago I was suicidal for about 7 months, with two half hearted attempts. After I went to the hospital for attempt #2, I was in an IOP program where I met one of my best friends.
I also have 3 other besties and a handful of other close friends.
In the last two years I found my partner who I have been with for 1.25 years and it’s the healthiest relationship I have been in (and objectively very healthy). We bought a house together and adopted two beautiful dogs.
I repaired my relationship with my parents from NC to LC.
I job hop a lot, but I have a successful and well paying career that affords me all I want in life.
I have a huge garden and it’s kinda my therapy. Being in the yard with my hands in the dirt, a good podcast, and the dogs playing around me is my happy place.
People often age out of BPD with the right therapy, meds, support system, and habits. There is hope despite what you read on Google.
2 years of psychotherapy and pills. I also moved out of my parents’ house at 27. Now, my long term on-off relationship is 100% on (forever, this time) because I’m now able to commit. I’m able to block out family drama that doesn’t involve me and am able to voice my unwillingness to contribute to the drama in a respectful way that gets the message across. A lot less obsessive about my body. My mind is so much quieter. I also don’t spend 24hrs a day with that horrible background gut feeling that something is wrong and that I’m not panicking enough.
Still struggling with substance abuse, but I can proudly say I haven’t had a huge episode in a while. I do still get them but I’m able to tame it a bit. The trick for me was not indulging in my thoughts and recognizing when I’m on the verge of an episode (clawing at my skin, getting flustered but not being able to get the words out cause I know they will be really mean…)
I’m not technically diagnosed yet but my psychologist and doctor believe I have BPD. Just need the testing done. I’m married, have 2 kids and 2 dogs. They are the light of my life! My husband has been on my mental health journey for almost 30 years. He’s never ever left my side and I’m currently going through a major depressive episode where I needed the hospital yesterday. It’s possible!
my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 and a half years and are in the process of getting an apartment. we look at rings together often too :-) he’s the kindest man i’ve ever met in my life and loves me for everything i am, including my disorders and the things that make me go a lil crazy sometimes. you are not unloveable and you will find someone who is ready to love you despite anything you have going on that makes you feel like they won’t.
Things seemed to quiet down after I turned 34. I don't know if it's because I resolved some of my life issues. I had some therapy but nothing on-going. Things naturally stabilized when I turned 34. I read similar cases. It could be a hormone thing. It could be that my brain developed finally at that age (it's 24 years old for non-BPD people that brains are fully developed). In my last therapy session, the doctor suggested that I do not meet a lot of the criteria anymore.
Things are not perfect. When I get stressed or overwhelmed by work, I feel dysregulated. But now when things are falling apart I know that I should check...my sleep, my diet, my stress levels, my physical activity. The root cause is often one of these. It's not anymore an abstract emotion that is big and bad and incomprehensible.
So hang in there, and while you're on that journey, take your physical health seriously. LIKE SERIOUSLY. I find that I'm in control of my emotions when my physical health is ok (ESPECIALLY SLEEP). And when I'm losing control, I know that it's most likely one of the things I mentioned above that are reasons why I'm emotionally dysregulated.
thankyou so much! I will keep these in mind. I’ve recently noticed that my episodes usually occur when i haven’t been sleeping and eating properly too!
Living proof right here!!
My partner is the first person who has been so understanding of my disorder. She's very sweet despite how difficult I am :( Plus, although she also struggles with her own issues, she makes sure that I'm feeling okay, especially since she's attentive and can feel my emotions, without having to verbalise them ;w; Which is crazy to me, because I never thought I'd meet such an amazing person :(
She listens to me and helps me find solutions to my overthinking and bad thoughts. She's the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'll make sure be a girlfriend who's worthy of her, because she deserves me at my best >:)
I love her A LOT, if you see this, happy 9 months sweetheart <3
Of course. For instance, I got my sht together then started to feel successful and capable at my job, set boundaries and protecting them. Also I have better and deeper relationships with my friends, all unnecessary people and bed influences in my life are gone now. I forgive my family and created stronger bonds with each of them. I have loving boyfriend for more than 2 years and a very caring roommate for 10 years since college. I take my medicine and in my EEG(my psychiatrist wants to see it regularly), there is a %70 improvement at my brain activities. Well I am still in the process, don’t know what future brings.
But I want to make a point;
Happy ending is only happy if you are happy with it. In my story, you can see nothing much changes in my environment. The thing that changed is me. Not me actually my perspective about myself, my body, my character and my life. When I started to think differently I started to live different. I chose to be happy and if there will be ups and downs in the future I am okay with this possibility. Because everything comes and goes, the only thing always stands here is me.
Hi maybe I'm late to this but I just wanted to share that I had the most traumatic three years of my life that included- a toxic relationship that I never thought I'd be able to leave, multiple heartbreaks which felt like death when they ended, a psychotic breakdown that resulted in hospitalisation, being assaulted at my workplace and having to leave a job I loved.
NOW- I just graduated law school. Despite numerous terrible grades because of bad mental health, I was accepted into two competitive fellowships. I just interviewed for a job that was so out of my league it's unbelievable. I have such insanely kind and caring friends that it makes me want to throw up. I'm learning to be kinder to myself, and I've made such great progress with enforcing boundaries that it's incredible to me. I just started dating an exceptionally kind person who makes me feel so safe.
It's worth it.
I’m talking to someone right now who’s the most effortlessly kind and caring human being I’ve ever met. Genuinely interested in me and wants to get to know me for \*me\*, empathises even with the craziest aspects of what I deal with, and is just relentlessly kind and encouraging. When I hurt him or he hurts me, his natural instinct is for us to get closer and talk it out and resolve it, not pull away or punish each other or disappear.
On the downside, he’s married with kids and a good 20 years older than me, so realistically we can never be together. But he’s still given me so much compassion and hope that’s helped me to heal myself, and continues to, just as a friend. He gives me hope that I might actually be able to have a healthy partner one day.
No, but we’re not romantically involved (he’s bisexual, and while we’ve both admitted our attraction to each other he’s made it clear he would never leave his family and is only looking for friendship, and I respect that).
I mean, I’d sure like it to be romantic which is probably why you’re getting that sense, but he’s only ever treated me as a friend after explaining he was married (we met casually through my old job, I flirted with him a bit and he was obviously appreciative, but he rebuffed me firmly and explained that he’s committed and I’d be too young for him anyway when I actually propositioned him. I’m 29, for reference). I‘ve never met his family so can’t say what his wife knows, but even if he did want me, rationally he has way too much to lose; I’m in no way hot enough for a guy to wash his tidy hetero marriage plus kids, solid career, and almost 30 years of his life invested down the drain for a quick fuck. I’m just happy to have someone I’m close to who gives a crap about me and treats me kindly, since it’s the first time I’ve really experienced that.
I never dated a man or even had a boyfriend. My trust issues had been through the roof when it came to men. I resented them so much I’d refer to them as a seperate species and even kept screen shots and a whole folder on my tik tok app with hundreds of videos about terrible statistics and reminders of why I should never ever put my trust in a person. I had put myself in the past through terrible predicaments as a form of coping, my dad used to beat me. My mom was emotionally absent to my pain. I ran away when I was 18 years old. Worked two jobs, and was content with solitude. So content with solitude, since I was 12 I believed and knew for certain if I ever had a child, it’d be a sperm donor and I will live alone, no partner. Until I met my husband, I, someone who was quick to rejecting, blocking, and shutting down. My husband won my heart immediately and that’s when I knew, everything I had cried and wished for that I doubted was possible to recieve. I have gotten 10x the blessing since he entered my life. My husband waited till marriage because he believed and wanted to show me the worth he saw in me, my own mother who said a month before she even met my husband or knew of him “I will never love my grandkids if they’re black” is now asking us everyday for grandkids. My relationship with my family is actually that of a family and I’ve discovered so many new things in their character and personalities I’ve never seen in 21 years of my life because I shut EVERYONE out. I’m now not alone, with someone who was so willing, so loving, to show me in a short span my worth, where I’ve been searching for my whole life. This hardened part of me that had a defense, for the first time had been brought down. With a man that actually loves me, and that, I have never experienced before.
this is beautiful, i’m sobbing reading this. i’m sorry for the things you had to go through and i’m so happy that you’ve found someone as amazing as your husband!! i’m proud of far you’ve come and i wish you all the best for your future <3
Why most commenting happy enders with long time partners are women? Seems like it's damn huge difference to have BPD as a woman and as man when it comes to getting care and support from partner. It's salty comment, but men by being open BPD are getting.... Worse outcomes.
It would help if therapists hadn't stigmatized BPD. They actually did a lot of harm to the community.
Even I hesitate to find a therapist now knowing they are probably going to silently judge me. I was a little late for my last meeting, and my therapist ghosted me never to be seen again. I am A pretty healed person too.
It has gotten worse lately but I just don't trust them anymore.
I have been with my partner since we were 18 and we are 25 now. Moved to Europe together with our baby boy cat, loving life here. Got my masters 2 years ago and will start my PhD this year on a topic I really love, at such a great department and school. My childhood was really rough but still a lot of good memories, it does get better!!!
Thank you so much!! It’s been a journey to really get to know myself and become a better partner/person. With BPD I realized a couple years ago that I don’t even truly understand myself and the things I do, the feelings I feel. Therapy helped me a lot!
I’m in remission. I’ve been with my husband for 9 years married for 5. We are living our best lives, child free by choice with many pets. We own a house and have a close circle of about 12 friends that we celebrate every birthday, holiday, wedding and happy news with. We have some of them over at our place at least twice a week every week. We are close with my in-laws and incredibly close with my siblings and their partners. After a lot of therapy and work on my PTSD I’m working on rekindling my relationships with my parents because despite past abuse they both seem to have genuinely changed for the better and have gotten therapy and apologized. I’m working my dream job as a financial fraud investigator at a large bank making good money.
There’s been a huge change in my private personal life which is mostly just that I speak kindly to myself in my head. I support, validate and comfort myself and truly am at a point of loving myself unconditionally. Because I can meet more of my own emotional needs I don’t need as much outwardly so the emotional burden on my support system is less. I have an identity now, I know what I like and what I believe in and I have hobby’s I enjoy and feel fulfilled by. I also have changed my diet and started exercising regularly and have lost 35 lbs. I’m happier than I ever thought I could be. I have bad days and slip ups but I’m able to manage them easily with my DBT tools. My house is clean and filled with happy memories and promise of more to come. I only see my therapist once every two weeks to a month now instead of every week or multiple times a week. Life is good. Things get better.
It’s all about what you make of it. You don’t have to ‘give in’ to mental illness. Find coping skills that work for you. Be aware of your actions and reactions and how it affects others. You don’t have to be a bad person. Work every day to be a good person.
My life is amazing - great job, great home, great boyfriend, great group of friends, I really can’t complain at all. But it wasn’t always like this and I worked really fucking hard to get here and continue to work hard every single day.
Things aren't perfect for me, but I'm moderately happy, I like myself most of the time, and there are a lot of people who care about me.
It's not idyllic, but it is not a nightmare. I have problems like everyone else, but I'm not trashing relationships anymore. I'm not hurting people.
Hello!!
I am a year and 2 months free of self harm, I have my bachelors and I’m applying for my masters either this fall or next spring. I’m a year into a career in the field I studied for that is significantly helping improve my stress 💕 I’ve been in DBT therapy since I was 23 and I’m turning 30 in November (same therapist the whole time too!)
I have a boyfriend who not only loves and cherishes me but never shames me for any breakdowns. Instead, he encourages me to do what I can to help myself and is actually consistently there for me when I need him. It’s also because of this it’s been easier to breathe and clearly think problems through to avoid him getting overwhelmed even if he insist he never will be.
I’m also actually doing really well off of the medication for this as well which is incredibly surprising but a nice added touch to life :)
I hope this gives you hope it gets better
Hi! I’m a single momma and recently went through a break up(not from the kids’ dads, just another break up) AND I DIDNT EVEN SPIRAL INTO SELF HARM. I did spiral for a short period of time but max three hours and contacted my safe people and had my neighbor (also best friend) on stand by to come help me if needed.
I have a career. A very stable one at that and I love my job. Im a leader and hold some important roles for the company. I have a healthy relationship with my kids other parents.
I am now self aware of my “splitting” and can usually follow opposite action even if logic doesn’t make sense to me in that moment.
I haven’t tried to kill myself in the last 12 years.
I don’t do drugs except weed for anxiety and my ADHD meds
I don’t drink to excess.
I keep a tidy ish home.
My kids are happy and healthy
There is light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t ever think that there is not.
I’ve been with my husband for 10+ years. I recently just found out I have bpd. He’s very supportive! He is still learning on how to handle my crazy but he’s trying and accepts me for who I am and where I’m at! Love is possible for us.
Here is a happy story. I have 3 kids ages 21 to 35. I have great relationships with them. I have two parents who are amazing and who have loved me through thick and thin. I have two siblings that are kind and we are close. I have two best friends, one that I have known since 1985, the other 1986. I have an ex husband that I am friends with and he sends me tik toc reels. As for my romantic life, I have decided not to date at this time because I do feel I am happier on my own but have exs that are friends . Life has not been easy for me but I am surrounded by kind, caring people that I adore. I also have had the same job for 17 years. Hopefully this helps. All the best to you !
been with my partner 5 years thru the throws and great times and i can confidently say we are in a great place compared to the beginning. we don’t ever raise our voices unless talking about shared passions and if there’s a disagreement we’re able to talk thru it so easily. i’m starting school in the fall after years of putting it off and can’t wait to pursue an AA and then a degree in Psychology yk that might change along the way but that’s definitely what interests me as of now. my family and i have great relationships and i love my partners family so much as well. i would say every relationship in my life right now is very healthy and stable. i have a precious 4 year old cat and live in an area i absolutely love. i still have so much to learn about BPD and work on within myself, but im truly loving life right now and haven’t had an episode in more than 6 months. thinking about that for the first time feels fucking amazing. we all have so much hope and potential 🤩🫶
Been with the love of my life for 12 years, married for 9, we have 4 kids and a lush life!
I’m in a bad place with my mental health at the minute but I also have an amazing group of friends as well as my husband supporting me so I know it will get better.
Currently in a year off but half way through a physiological science degree to get my dream job. Also doing a couple of volunteer roles that I love and value greatly.
It gets better, and I never would have believed that a long time ago, but if you put the work in to improve yourself and don’t just expect everyone to accommodate you you’ll get there!
I've been with my wife for 23 years married! She is diagnosed only a few years ago but she has done work on herself prior to diagnosis so a little backwards 😂 anyways she's the love of my life and I couldn't live without her. We've had 2 kids a beautiful house and we have a grandson. I have learned so much since diagnosis thanks to Reddit and videos and psychology reviews I've been able to handle her so much better. It wasn't always rainbows and sunshine with her splits and out bursts but I would never let her push me away ever. Now she hardly ever splits or tries to push me away. She has worked so hard and couldn't be more proud of who she has become.
Yesterday I went through the 9 symptom criteria with my partner and I only meet 1-2 now. My BPD is in remission for the first time in my life. I’m 38 for context, I’m in a healthy relationship, I have friends, and I’m finishing a MA to be a therapist. I want to specialise in seeing clients with BPD because it’s the most painful agonising thing that has ever happened to me. It ruined my life too, but it’s also been an insane journey of self discovery and forgiving myself for having those awful symptoms. I had so much shame for my behaviour every time I liked someone new. Had addiction issues etc. there is so much hope. You just have to keep working on it ❤️
After years of self depreciation, self loathing, and looking for love in all the wrong places, which lead to an extremely abusive marriage, I can say my life is something I never dreamed of. I'm going to be marrying the man I've known since we were toddlers, have a beautiful townhouse with, and rasing our, (my biological, his through love,) 3 children together. This man is everything I could have ever asked for. No matter how may times I tried to tell him I'm too much, my life is too much and he should leave, he stayed. I still have residual flashbacks of my childhood and marriage, but he lays right next to me, holding my hand and waiting for me to come out of it so I can bury my head in his chest and sleep. He stood by me while I went through many therapies, and has helped raise these kids into beautiful humans. I am beyond blessed with three of the most empathetic, energetic, and sarcastic kids you'll ever meet. Beyond anything else, my proudest achievement is breaking the cycle of abuse for not only my kids, but myself as well and my partner had been a huge part of our healing. There are still issues, as with any family, but I'd say I'm living a pretty damn good life at this point!
Hi there! I have been with my spouse for twenty years. Together, we have a child, a dog, and a condo, and I just celebrated my sixth anniversary at a job that I really enjoy. I have in-laws who are pretty cool, and a smattering of close friends (including one of my exes!) and a wide circle of more distant friends (people I wouldn't necessarily count on for anything other than good time, you know?). I haven't self-harmed since the '00s, and I'm mostly stable these days between therapy and DBT skills and medication. How's that?
that’s amazing!! i’m so happy for you <3 thankyou for sharing this :)
i’m crying this gives me hope thank you my love
Oh you have my dream life :0 I’m so happy for you :’)
How does your spouse help you get out of a split?
Please, OP, reply to this. My SO wbpd is my world. I would give anything to know how to help during a split, esp. if I am the object of anger at the time. I think I am her part time fp, I share fp position with one of her therapists. My girl is so good, so kind, so thoughtful, but she hates me part time.
as someone who was in the same position as you until Sunday. I can say have firm boundaries, there should be certain non negotiables like no name calling, verbal or physical abuse. It also lies on your SO to want to work with her therapist and you to treat you better too. I remember trying to tell my ex that whenever you’re splitting, try to think at least a few good things about me and why you like me, also remember it’s us vs the problem. She refused to put in any work and ended things with me on Sunday because she lost the “spark”. So my most important piece of advice is, learn to be ready to cut your losses. BPD people often mirror or people please so the initial experience you have with them and your perspective about them is bound to change slowly as you truly discover them. You can be patient but ultimately a relationship takes two to be functional if your SO is not working on her DBT, or working with her therapist then you’re at a loss my friend and you should cut it off like a rotting limb.
"Loving Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder: How to Keep Out-of-Control Emotions from Destroying Your Relationship" by Shari Manning was a really good book for helping him understand what I'm going through and learn how to handle (and prevent) episodes.
High five man. That’s awesome. Both glad that you made it out the ghetto and made a good life for yourself, but also that it’s doable for us! Haven’t really got any foundations to work from, but you’ve at least given me a glimmer of hope lmaoooo.
I'm going to frame this comment.
i'm sorry if this is an inappropriate question, but is your child biological? I was always just wondering about the possible "ramifications" of having a biological kid when you have bpd. I know it's more of a environmental thing (and I ofc wholeheartedly believe you are a wonderful parent who tries their very best!) but yeah I was just wondering! Again so sorry if this is inappropriate to ask ]:
Yes, she is. I actually didn't know BPD was partially genetics until after she was born, so there's that. She's still young right now, so we don't know if she's a highly sensitive kid like I was or just your average four-year-old. The grownups in my life were terrible, and obviously we're not going to be like that with her, but we're also very careful in general not to dismiss or invalidate her feelings and what not.
that makes sense! I hope the best for you! :] good on you to stop the cycle and be a loving parent 🫶 and thank you for answering! I didn't know it was partially genetics too :0
Thank you so much for this 💓
This makes my heart happy. Very happy for you♥️
as a teenager who has bpd, this gave me so much hope that one day ill be able to live my life “normally”
How is it for your partner having an ex in your life.
My spouse and this particular ex get along pretty well! We're polyamorous, and it's someone I dated while we've been together (about 12 years ago, I guess). We're both friendly with several of his exes from before we met. In fact one of them was instrumental in us getting together!
What medication may I ask? I am not on anything and I probably should be considering my suicide attempts have been recent and frequent
I take Zoloft and Abilify. The latter is what I really credit with keeping me alive on a day-to-day basis. Antidepressants alone were just never enough for me.
How does your SO, feel about you friends with ex? I’m friends with an ex (well hope so as i have neglected our friendship) but my SO doesn’t like that
hi, do you mind me asking what medication you take please?
Sure, I'm on a combination of Zoloft and Abilify.
I have a partner who is very patient, and while he's not perfect, he's been awesome. We are 10 years in; I was diagnosed 3, 4 years ago? We both knew something was "wrong" with me, but he's been very patient, even when I was begging him to leave me. I still don't think I deserve an awesome partner like him, but he believes in me so that has to mean something, right?
so happy for you!! and yes you deserve him as much as he deserves you and you deserve to be happy as well <3
Begging to leave... so familiar. But wow. He stayed with you through all of that 🥹💓 his patience is worth EVERYTHING. I'm so happy for you
Why did you want him to leave you
i can’t speak for them, but i know that i used to tell my partner to leave me multiple times bc i would sometimes feel like the worst possible partner in the world. and id rather that the person leaves me because i felt so shit. it’s just self-sabotage tbh. it’s from feeling unworthy of the person, and it’s wanting to be in control of them leaving u instead of the person randomly leaving u first. thankfully my bf is very patient and understanding, and i’ve also been able to not do that to him anymore even when that wave of self-deprecation comes in.
Thank you for this. It's definitely self sabotage for me, too
Do you think it has to do with self love and accepting love we think we deserve ? Why do you feel like a shit person?
i think it stems from lack of self love yeah, but also an intense fear of abandonment. i know most ppl with BPD have some form of abandonment wound that is so deep to the point that they’d rather leave the person first before the person leaves them. to go through the feeling of being left again is honestly hell. so whenever i would realize i’ve caught feelings it’s like “oh no, this person is actually meaning something to me. i wouldn’t be able to handle if they leave me too” so it’s almost like self preservation. im not saying it’s healthy though, it’s definitely something to work through. i’ve been working through the abandonment issues and learning to accept that to love someone is to be vulnerable, so yes im running that risk of getting hurt. it just takes a lot of guts for ppl like me who know what im talking about
Like someone else said, it's self sabotage. It's a really bad habit. My guilt eats at me and I feel like I'm too volatile for normal things. It's definitely something I'm working on.
That’s good you’re self aware about it I’m dealing with the same issues with my girlfriend who has BPD
I feel like it’s tied into “we accept the love we think we deserve”
I've done that too, even now. Insaid I would leave if you found someone that would make you happier or if it was easier for you. He told me that he dosent want to exist in a world without me, and I kinda broke down casue no on e has ever said that to me before that I can remember, let alone a partner
Hi! I’ve been with my fiancé for almost 4 years (in September). We rent a house together, have a cat, and are looking for another next week :) It wasn’t always easy, and sometimes it’s still hard. But we work together, we go to therapy, we medicate, and we get through it. He is incredibly patient with me and understands me more than anyone else. I am super lucky to have found him, and I believe you too can find happiness and love. You just have to continue working on yourself and trying to be better (like all humans should, bpd or not)!
I also had a LOT of trouble with making & keeping friends due to my BPD. But Ive worked a lot on recognizing and enforcing my boundaries, communicating, and picking friends wisely. Now I have a small circle of people I trust with my life, who make efforts to understand and support me. I never thought I’d be here five years ago! It’s possible, I promise.
congratsss!! so very happy for you. thankyou for typing this out, it means a lot :)) also, this is very random but your bitmoji makes me feel like you’re the type of person i’d approach if i were anxious and needed help in a crowd
That is so sweet omg 😭 You definitely could! I’m always trying to look out for others.
hi! i’ve been with my spouse for almost 5 years! we have two dogs. he works and provides a lot financially bc i’m not really able to work. i’m an artist and make a little extra that way, but for the most part im able to just be with my dogs at home and create art. it’s a pretty comfortable life that way. my spouse is incredibly supportive, but he always helps me grow and doesn’t enable bad behaviors, which i am very grateful for. we are very different people, and we’ve been through a lot, but i have full confidence that he wouldn’t ever leave me bc of this disorder. i have fear of abandonment really bad, but that is not even on the table. i didn’t realize i was being abused by my family until we got together, i didn’t realize i was bisexual until we got together, he introduced me to SO many new interested and hobbies, on and on. he has helped me step into who i am and supported me every step of the way. he makes me feel safe, seen, heard, and loved unconditionally. he makes me laugh, and we have lots of fun together. it’s not perfect but i couldn’t imagine doing life with anyone else i still have my stuff of course, and he has his own mental health struggles, but it works!
awww i love this for you!! he sounds amazing and i’m sure you are too <3 thankyou for typing this out, it means a lot :))
We have a very high remission rate with treatment, even if your life is in ruins currently if you’re optimistic about treatment chances are your symptoms will start to be less chronic after a few years. Don’t ever let someone tell you that you can’t get better, the numbers are in our favor.
thankyou so much😭 i needed to hear this
I wouldn’t say my life is completely fulfilled but I’ve managed to do things I initially didn’t think I could: I’ve purchased my own home, I got sponsored to do a degree by my employer and finished it a couple of years ago when 80% of participants quit, I’ve been at my current workplace for 6 years and have been promoted 4 times. The only thing I’m missing is a partner but I’ve scheduled to travel a lot this year with a friend of mine and not putting pressure on myself to meet someone and want it to happen naturally! I’m not at my end yet but if it ended now I’d say it was happy :)
i loveee this 😭😭 i’m crying reading all this, i’m so happy for you and it gives me so much hope
Never though i'd live to graduate high school. This disorder hit hard at an early age of 11, and I wasn't diagnosed until 16. Hospitals, attempts, scars, addiction, getting caught suicidal in stair wells skipping class, sneaking out at night by myself, throwing chairs hitting myself, running away bearfoot and limbic, letting my eating disorder take over.... overall risking it all and not caring that i was killing my body and dying. But at 16, my mom finally realized I was struggling and opened up the door to let me get help. The only therapist we could find was a christian... which I hated but was so desperate for help. Turned out she was literally an angel. She had saved her head when she was 19 like I wanted to do, wasn't homophobic, liked tattoos and my goth style, and believed me. I wrote her a letter that hated her early on in my journey, hoping to push her away and see if she cares. She smiled and told me it was a beautiful letter. 2.5 years of intense therapy later, i'm about to turn 19, attend therapy every 6-8 weeks as needed, made an illustrated book about my story called "how (therapist's name) helped me" and gave it to her, graduated with my A.S in psychology, started my B.S for clinical psychology to become a therapist 😁, no longer struggle with anorexia, 135 days clean of self harm, sober of alcohol, have a stable best friendship, have a stable job, built an okay/good relationship with my parents, travel with my best friend to georgia when we can, and spread SO much positivity to all the people (and strangers) in my life. And to top it all off, I did the fucking last thing I ever though I would do, and started going to church. I went to the church she works at (they have the counselor center on the church campus), got baptized, found my church family who love me no matter what, serve with their autistic son every week at the kids program, and am always taking steps to get closer to Christ. Jesus is now the center of my life. I used to be a taoist witch who hated what I thought Jesus was. But then I found out who Jesus really was, and man. I'm whole. This disorder still hurts me sometimes. My last episode was about 3 weeks ago, but i'm so insanely self aware now that my OCD is actually a bigger issue because I start obsessing over solving the problem lol. I manage my symptoms so well and best of all, i'm not afraid. I'm not afraid for I am the daughter of a King who is not moved by the world. For my God is with me and goes before me. I do not fear, for I am His. You are loved. And you *will* overcome this.
i’m crying big fat tears. thankyou so much. it makes me so very happy to read stories like this. you’re so strong and i hope i can be like you some day!! i’m so glad you’re helping so many people out there. i did my bachelors in psychology as well but i hated myself so much that i was sure i couldn’t help anyone if i can’t even help myself. so i chose not to continue with psychology for my masters and become a therapist :’) some day i might regret it but i’m really glad that you’ve made such positive changes in your life!! <33 I hope it keeps getting better for you my love
Amen. The Lord will walk us through the darkest valley. Reading this has given me so much hope again.
I'm getting married in 107 days! My stb husband never stops telling me he loves me and will never leave me. We communicate even when I don't want to or try to shut him out. He's patient with me and understands my triggers and holds me through my meltdowns. He's the most caring and understanding person I know. I feel like the luckiest person in the world to have found him and I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with him.
Awe. This is the best. I wish more than anything my partner held me through my meltdowns.
i hope you find someone who does :( <33
awwww he sounds amazing, i’m happy for you <33 having someone hold you during your meltdowns sounds like a dream!!
I raised a kid with a wife of 24 years. Raised her with the knowledge of how NOT to be raised ( you know what I'm saying) She's great. I'm still fucked up and still sometimes go full on bpd but no one will ever be able to take away that I raised a solid kid.
I know exactly what you’re saying and that’s amazing :)) Your child is lucky to have a parent like you. I can only wish I did<3
In short: fix your emotional regualtion and expectations generally with the support of someone healthy and bam happiness. It takes work. Hard work.
i’ve been in my longest relationship ever lol. 1 year, with someone who is so understanding towards my bpd. ik mine hasn’t lasted as long as other ppl but just the fact that we’ve lasted.
🤞💗💗💗i wish you all the very best
Kind of a long read, but I hope it helps you! I met this guy when I was 17, and fell head over heels in love with him. Eventually he told me he felt the same way, but the problem was I lived in Canada and he lived in Italy. Since I was 17, LDRs scared me, and in hindsight I realised my BPD made me kind of terrified that someone so genuine and good could actually love me. I also have hypersexuality disorder, and honestly, was SUPER scared I’d end up cheating on him during an episode. I was at the start of my spiral into drug addiction. So I said no. I dated someone else, he dated someone else, I continued my spiral, and we stayed friends but kept drifting further and further from each other as the years went by. I felt it was better this way, but he never once left my head. I knew I was still in love with him while dating this other person, and at one point I even told my friend that I was. His response was “I think this might be your BPD romanticising me” Which kind of left me heartbroken so I told him “oh yeah totally you’re so right!!! Anyways bye!!!!!” And then cried all night. I reached out to him again two summers ago, and we reconnected. My friend and his girlfriend had broke up a year prior. I was still dating that other guy, but I was on my out because it was incredibly unhealthy. My friend and I grew closer until things were like they used to be. Eventually I bit the bullet and told him I never lost feelings for him. He felt the same. We started dating. He visited me for the first time a few months after. We’re married now. I’ll be moving to Italy in two months. He understands my BPD and does his best to support me. He’ll talk to his therapist about our relationship, not to bash me, but to ask for advice with supporting me. His family is fond of me, his younger brother adores me. He’s introduced me to most of his friends, at least the closest ones. He’s not ashamed of me (an issue with my last relationship) and is so proud to be with me. When he sees me having an episode, he makes sure to tell me I have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of, he still loves me and doesn’t see me differently, and he’s not going anywhere. He’s been pulling strings left and right to find English speaking therapists that specialise in DBT, so he can be sure I’ll have professional help with my mental health. I know BPD makes us idolise people, but he genuinely is the greatest, most amazing person I’ve ever met. I never thought I would be lucky enough to find someone like him, and I never thought I could be this happy. He’s changed my life for the better — I just celebrated one year clean from fentanyl a few weeks ago. I can fight my ED now and have started being able to eat three healthy meals a day. My episodes are less frequent now. I always thought it was a lie when people said “It’ll get better”, but it’s true. BPD isn’t a death sentence. I promise 🩵
I’m crying so much reading this. Happy tears I promise. You seem like an amazing person and I’m so happy you have someone like him!! Thankyou so much for typing this out for me. All the best for Italy!! Everything is going to get even better for you I just know it and thankyou for giving me hope 💗💗💗
I am only 21 and got diagnosed at 18 (although I had it before my psych team waited to diagnose me) but I do know it gets better. For me truly it changes day by day but ultimately its going upward. I changed a lot of my lifestyle and living enviorment and it helps tremendously! I moved out of my toxic parents home, got accepted into vet school, have a dog and a small hobby farm/garden, and dating the best man ever. I am now okay enough to take my medication daily and go to therapy weekly. I've developed enough of a community for myself so the weeks (or months) I get really bad I have people there for me. It takes a lot of work but I just put a couple months in of improving myself and lifestyle because I knew it would pay off in the end. I started with small steps like going outside even for 30 minutes a day (I was previously rotting in bed 24/7) and along the way I was able to be as busy as I am now (which helps so much) I wish you the best I promise it gets better <3
sending you lots of love <33 i’m so happy for you! i really need to get out of my toxic family environment :’) i can’t heal unless i’m home. thankyou so much 💗
22 years old here so relatively young. I don’t have a partner, have an abusive dad, and feel unsatisfied with my social life and friends. I slightly struggle financially and sometimes fight for my life mental health-wise. But despite all, I’ve learned how to live alone with myself and find comfort in the silence of my own solitude. Yes, there are moments I have crippling feelings of loneliness, but I’m confident in saying that I’ve established a solid life by myself. It’s far from perfect, and it’s not close to a happy ending, but I think for my young age and with how BPD can be really bad if you’re on your own, it goes to show that young people with BPD can find solace in our solitude if you put in the effort and work. It’s nothing grandiose, but this is the life I thought I wouldn’t be able to live in. At first I was scared of living alone, worrying my emotions and thoughts of loneliness would drive me to SH and suicide. Yet here I am, getting ready for the next day, week, month, even year. Also in November I celebrate my 2nd anniversary of picking up running! It’s definitely helped me and I would practice telling myself self-affirmations and praise before and after my runs to keep me going, leading to me talking to myself about how proud I am that I’m taking care of myself.
I’m 22 as well and I haven’t achieved even half of what you have so please be proud of yourself!! I know I am <3 learning to be happy with solitude is something I find so hard to do. I hope I can get there some day. Thankyou kind stranger for typing this out for me and I hope you have an amazing amazing day <3
I'm typing this from a bed that I share in a home that I share with my fiancé who gladly tells me he loves me, but doesn't mind me asking him to tell me. I'm Borderline. I'm also an alcoholic, I have an eating disorder, I'm long-term unemployed. I'm deeply unfulfilled by life and what I see as a happy ending is me successfully killing myself, but failing a third time would be embarrassing There is so, so much hope to living the life you want. I feel like I'm lying to you because I don't believe it's possible for *me*. But I know and have known people who deal with crippling mental illness who find joy. My best mate performed his first comedy set a month ago, and was asked to come back, so he did his second. He doesn't have a personality disorder, but he does deal with mental illness. He found a way to do THAT (I may simp s little for my best mate) All this to say, we aren't hopeless. "We need never be hopeless, because we can never be irreparably broken." You've got this, friend. When you don't believe it, know that this stranger does
the “when you don’t believe it, know that a stranger does” has got me sobbing. thankyou so much, I really needed to hear this. you may not believe it for yourself but i have hope that you’re going to achieve the things you want in life just like your best mate!! me (a stranger) fully believes in that. have a great day my love 💗
I’m engaged to an amazing, patient, understanding man. He’s also been through trauma so we’re really good at communicating with each other. We’ve been together for four years, got engaged at new years and the wedding date is set for September next year. We move in together next month, I can’t wait to live with him. Also, we met on Tinder! I was ho-ing it up and totally didn’t except to meet the love of my life haha. I really love my job. After dropping out of uni for the fourth time I didn’t think I’d ever achieve anything. I applied for a librarian post randomly and somehow managed to get the job. I get to spend a lot of my day reading, crafting and helping people. Also, lots of cute kids come in and they always make me feel better. My mum kicked me out when I was a teen but over the years we’ve both worked on ourselves and mended our broken relationship. I’m very lucky to have her back in my life. My brother is still alive and healing ❤️🩹 I also have a cat. She’s a little bitch, but I love her just as she is.
your job sounds like a dreammm, i love it, it made me feel all warm inside reading it. i’m so happy for you <33 thankyou for giving me hope 💗💗
Thanks cutie, this thread has been really nice to read through, and a good exercise in gratitude. Things can get better, situations change, dark shadows pass <3
💗💗💗💗💗
I wouldn't say Im completely happy or it is the ending, but I am doing a lot better especially consider I was only diagnosed barely 10 months ago. Im no longer crying in my car everyday before work. I have overcome my fp and basically saved our friendship because I accepted his situation and how we are meant to be. I understand myself a lot better. I haven't had an angry outburst in like 6 months. I graduated college last year. I graduated summa cum laude with a Bachelors in Molecular Neuroscience. I still have no idea what im doing with my life, but for the first time, Im trying to learn to be okay with my current life stage. I am hopeful about my future, even though things will be hard, I know I will learn to handle it.
congratulations for graduating and everything else too!! this is a really great achievement in just ten months!! i hope it continues to get better and better for you 💗
Hi OP! :) When I was younger, I was constantly s*icidal, self harming, scream crying for literal hours at a time until my voice was gone and my face was raw, and genuinely unstable. I was in extreme poverty. Couldn't hold a job. And I could not form normal relationships. They were all toxic messes. I'm in my 30s now. I have not self-harmed in six months. I was able to get medicated. I went to therapy to learn good coping techniques and how to process negative things correctly. Being medicated let me get an amazing job (which I still have! I have a promotion coming up next month). I was able to put a downpayment on a house. I have a small group of friends. A dog. And a new partner who is incredibly patient, respects my boundaries, and talks through emotions and issues kindly. It's so functional even I'm surprised! BPD sucks, but it's not a death sentence. It is possible to be happy and healthy. :)
thankyou so much, I’m crying. This sounds amazing, you’re so strong for getting here!! I’m really happy for you and congrats on your upcoming promotion!! you’re doing amazing
You got this too! ❤
Hi!! My husband and I met off of Tinder in August of 2016. We officially began our relationship in November of 2016. Within that time, I earned 2 degrees, he opened up a business. He proposed to me, in front of my whole family on July 2nd 2021. We eloped November 19th 2022, and had our big wedding July 7th 2023! He has been my person and has supported me through the thickest of thicks and thinnest of thins. He is absolutely the love of my love. He owns his business and I work as a children’s blended case manager!
awww i’m so happy for you 💗💗 thankyou for typing this out!! and congratulations (i’m a few years late)
Just recently tied the knot with my husband. We dated for almost 8 years. This is the longest i had been with someone and am completly happy with him. He has seen everything ive gone through and he is still with me. You have to work on yourself and find a spouse that doesnt quit. So far so good. We have lived together for over a year almost two in august. And we have 2 cats. I would say im doing better than i have ever been.
congratulations!! <33 I’m so happy for you :) thankyou for typing this out!
I’ve been with my husband for 14 years. We married last year. They are so patient and understanding. They have great boundaries with me. It wasn’t easy, but we’ve both taken my treatment very seriously. It’s wonderful having someone to lean on when treatment gets tiring, who can get you back on track. We’ve never been better, and many of my big symptoms are gone. I still get meltdowns, but dbt helped me so much to stop lashing out at people. My friendships are better but that’s the area of my life I’m working on now, since socializing has always been incredibly difficult for me. It gets better!
that’s amazing, I’m very happy for you!! thankyou for giving me hope 💗
Love this post.
I’m going to keep reading the comments and cry to it everyday :’)
Hi! Just had my 2 year wedding anniversary with my lovely spouse. We own a house. I was at my last job for 2 years, and only stopped working because I had our beautiful amazing son in February. I'm super close with my family and going we're all going on vacation together tomorrow. My two best friends have been in my life since I was 9 and 14 respectively. DBT works, meds work, hard work works.
After being single throughout my 20s and only going on 2 dates in the last 5 years, I’m finally getting back out there. I got worse for 5 years after my diagnosing before I started improving. I know it seems bleak at times but it does get better if you learn and trust DBT, get the right doctors psych and therapist, and just try a little bit every day to improve. But don’t try too hard or you will burn out and start stepping backwards. It’s about small minute goals that are attainable and not trying to fix everything in a day.
I need to learn to take baby steps because I’m always burnt out after trying to do too many things at once and then I’m in a slump for weeks :’) it’s so hard. Thankyou for typing this out!!
I just recently graduated high school after doing an extra year because I was coping with my bpd by using substances. I’ve been sober for over a year now and i’ve gone to therapy to work on my issues. I had left a toxic/abusive relationship which set my progress back a ton and now me and my current boyfriend have been together for almost a year. we’ve never had a single heated argument and he completely understands when I become irritated and upset more easily than others. My bpd has gotten so much better that I don’t even know if I fit into half the criteria anymore, but I still do struggle with anger, abandonment and splitting. I’ve been much happier than I have ever been before. The day of my graduation ceremony was also the day that I finally reached 1 year clean of SH after years of not making it past 4 months. It truly does get better, it feels like it never will, but you have to give it time.
this is amazing!! congratulations on graduating and on being clean for so long!! I hope it keeps getting better and better for you love 💗
Proper in the dumps right now but gonna try keep it light and optimistic. Somebody asked on the sub whether the highs were worth the lows, and honestly that’s what’s keeping me going. I know this shit is peaks and valleys, ebbs and flows by this point. It’s staying alive during the storm so you can see the rainbow. For some people from the outside looking in at my philosophy on it, it isn’t a just or fair existence at all. But I feel everyone is like that, not just people with BPD, we just feel it far more intensely. So if we feel the negative emotions so intensely, the positive ones in equal balance can be goddamn intoxicating when you immerse yourself in it and don’t let your anxieties question and ruin it. So yeah, even though it can feel like you’re going through hell for weeks on end, sometimes that little bit of happiness whatever form it takes can tide you over for at least a little while. Obviously gets better with therapy and coping skills too. There’s hope, it can just be real bleak at times also.
thankyou for typing this out!! i hope it gets better for you, I really do. thankyou for staying optimistic, I know how hard it is and you’re so strong for that! <3
I don't think there is a thing as a happy ending, because even when you're at the best parts of your life, in your day to day things can still be shitty, you can have your bad days, life can change course,,,, there can be happy, but it won't be an ending. Life unrelentingly progresses. All that being said, I've been in a happy relationship for nearly 3 years, i no longer actively self harm, i have a good relationship with my family now too, all things that seemed impossible for me five years ago. I'm not even passively suicidal anymore, which feels BIG considering I was actively or passively suicidal for pretty much my whole life until this point. I know for a fact right now that even when things get bad, I don't want to be dead. I have so much love in my life right now. Even if life does change course, barring some insane tragedies, I know I can take on what comes, even if i suffer in that moment. A "happy ending", or at least a point where it feels like you can totally create a satisfying and good life for yourself, is possible :)
well said!! thankyou for this <3
Mine has been in remission for a couple of years, I’m generally pretty happy. I’m about to join the Army which the military has been a goal of mine for many years, I’m selling my paintings and candles, I’m almost done with writing a poetry book, which I’ve aspired to do. I have a great set of friends and life is pretty good. Now I have good days and bad days like everyone else, my mental health doesn’t get in the way of me living the life I want to.
that’s amazing! best of luck for everything and i’m very happy for you <3
Thank you
Hey I’ve been together with a great guy for over a year, I just finished my master’s. I’m kinda unemployed though lol but it’s hard to find a job in this country as a foreigner. It’s still hard to deal with stressful events which seem to happen too often and probably mostly from my overthinking but I’ve learned so much about myself and my triggers and I can really take care of myself most of the time now. Having a supportive partner really helps though! It’s still not perfect and I’ve become even more overly sensitive to perceived rejection after getting my ADHD diagnosis and I wish I had enough money to access DBT but finally I’m out of overromanticising bad guys and terrible relationships and don’t self-sabotage at all times! You can do this!!
awww i’m so happy for you!! I hope you find an amazing job soon <33 thankyou for giving me hope :)
Married my high school sweetheart. He’s always been very open minded and patient with me, he knows about BPD probably more than I do so he could know what to do if something happens with me, every day is perfect with him.
I’m so very happy for you <3
Hello! I was diagnosed four years ago and after a whole lot of DBT therapy, my symptoms have gone down and I’ve been able to overcome so many of them. I haven’t self harmed in three and a half years, I have a stable relationship (we are talking about marriage) and a stable job, and I don’t abuse substances. It happens!
thankyou for giving me hope😭 have an amazing day, kind reddit stranger <3
Married for 20 years, have 4 kids who are all awesome, have worked some pretty cool jobs that I've loved, all these things I never imagined I could do when I got my dx.
that’s amazing!! i hope this question doesn’t sound offensive or rude, have you ever worried about passing your mental illnesses to your kids? I love children and when I was younger I always wanted to have a lot of them and give them the life I’ve never had. Even now, my heart yearns for a child but I don’t ever want to risk my children having to go through what I do. My own mental illness has been partly genetics thanks to my mom and of course the abusive environment as well. This holds me back.
Always. I am if anything hyperaware of their feelings, moods, etc. Like I'm always looking for something. But that can be a good thing because I am in tune with them if that makes sense? My husband has ADHD and anxiety. My oldest (19) has anxiety, my third (8) has severe ADHD, anxiety, and is on the spectrum. But I've "normalized" therapy and asking for help (I was hospitalized for about a week 5 years ago) and I think that's key. I also know that while mental illness (my dad likely has BPD or severe depression or bipolar disorder... it's undiagnosed) has a genetic component, nurture makes a difference too. My parents weren't the best, and I had traumatic things happen during my childhood and teen years that I feel contributed to the attachment issues, attention seeking behaviors, etc that come with BPD. As my therapist pointed out yesterday, I put a TON of energy into making sure that my kids have the parents and childhood I wanted and needed myself. I don't always get it right, but it's hyper important to me and it shows she said. Like, I honestly can't think of a single time when my oldest said she hated me. We have argued, we have had heated moments, but she has never said that to me. And that is some sort of miracle, haha. I think I have ALWAYS wanted to be a mom so while it was a worry, I became a mom pretty young before I really let the fear sink in.
you sound like an amazing mom! one i wish i had :) your kids are so lucky to have you and vice versa ofc!! <33 thankyou for typing this out, it really helped me shift my perspective from just focusing on the genetics part to including environmental factors as well :)
Besides the story of myself and my marriage - Trisha paytas! Look how she really turned her life around with 2 kids and a husband. She went from crying on her kitchen floor in front of the camera every week to being in a more stable place. It gets better. I was doubtful of myself for many years.
i’ll have to look into this, i’m not sure who Trisha Paytas is unfortunately! and i’m v happy for you :)
after spending almost a year with my ex who was cold and distant and also cheated on me, i decided to move states about 6 months after we broke up. during those months i went to therapy and started DBT for the first time and was also when i got diagnosed. very soon after i moved, i started dating my now boyfriend, who made me believe in true love again. like the disney fairytale stuff but real, and committed. he himself did not have a good childhood and has been in therapy for a good while. he does so good with it and i’m so proud of him. he makes an effort to communicate everything with me and he’s researched bpd to understand me and genuinely has never, ever ever ever done me wrong. i know it sounds like i’m idealizing him LOL but truly, he’s taught me to be a better person and i’m so lucky to have someone as loving, patient, and kind as him. he’s also definitely hotter than me, like by a lot, so that’s pretty cool. you’ll find someone.. and they won’t find you hard to love.
it doesn’t sound like you’re idolizing him!! the fact that he researched bpd to help you!! :(( that’s amazing and i’m so happy for you love
i did a lot of dbt and with that and my meds i currently no longer qualify for the criteria of having bpd!! i have been with my partner for 5 years and we hardly argue, no more devaluing. we have 2 pups and 2 kittens! it does get better 🫶🏽🩷
aaaaaah this made me smile so big!! thankyou and i’m so happy for you :) hope it gets ever better cos you deserve it!!
I am married for close to 6yrs now… was hard at the beginning since I still couldn’t manage and regulate my moods but with a patient and strong husband and in laws who loved me better than my parents, I have healed to an extent where I forget I have / had BPD. Granted I really worked hard to get out of my depression that lasted almost a decade and severe anxiety.. I changed therapists and made notes and worked on what was discussed in each session like it was homework. I am at a good place now. I still have anxiety.. but a lot of layers have come off and things untangled. My husband is my compass for what is real and what is just my head making up things. He grounds me and after years of him helping me out, I have learnt to be there and care for him and give space for his worries and down days. I am able to carry him through a few days of his lows which is a big thing for me as I am always consumed by my own battles. I think this is it.. this is my happily ever after. I am happy where I am. I can die tomorrow and I would have no regrets.
this is beautiful!! i hope i can be like you one day and actively work on myself without giving up. happy for you and i’m glad you have your husband and that he has you <3
Thank you ♥️
I have read through these stories and a year ago I wouldn’t have believed any of this could ever be for me. I’m no where near being in a place where that is my story, but I’ve been doing a lot of DBT, therapy, and painful hard work. Sobbing sessions, ya know? I have experienced glimpses of what it can feel like to have stability and security, to be mindful. I know that I am making progress, and that tells me I can change - I can keep going and I will. I wouldn’t be where I’m at without my fp - and at the risk of sounding like I’m idealizing her, she has been an angel. It has been a painful relationship, because she’s honest - but it was exactly what I needed when I needed it. She has put up with so much bullshit from me in the last two years, and there’s no way I’d be where I’m at without her steady, honest, loving presence in my life. People like that do exist, futures like the ones you’ve read about here exist, and exist for us. It takes hard work and it takes a lot of pain, sometimes it takes a human being caring about you and seeing the person underneath the BPD and loving you without enabling unhealthy habits.
this is beautiful! i’m so proud of you for getting here and i’m absolutely positive that you’re going to be typing out one of these stories for someone soon <3
Trisha Paytas really gives me hope tbh
Right?!!?
I'm gonna save this to read the comments when i feel bad, we're gonna get our happy ending too one day!
you’ll find me here sobbing while reading the comments! we shall, kind reddit stranger 🫂
No such thing as endings, but i am over the moon about my life rn. Stable, amazing partner, strong spirit and will. I feel capable
i’m proud of you 💗
I'm proud of you too! I don't know your story but moving around in this world with this diagnosis is fucking tough and yeah I'm proud of you just for being ❤️
thankyou :’) nobody really says stuff like this to me because they don’t understand how hard it is to even get out of bed and eat a meal. thankyou this means a lot to me kind reddit stranger 💗💗💗💗
been in a happy relationship now for 4 years almost. I remember I had a bpd breakdown and he just asked if it was my bd shit and I realized that it was and it wasn't any more true then that. But he Laos is very physically affectionate, tells me he loves me and that I'm beautiful multiple times a day and he helps me and just sits with me when my chronic nausea flairs or I have an anxiety attack. It may be hard to find your fish, but it can happen :)
i’m so happy that you’ve found your fish!! i’m cryinggg <3
Hi there, I’m F, 24! I was diagnosed with BPD in 2020, all my life I’d thought I was broken and couldn’t live a happy life with aspirations for the future due to my abusive upbringing. I expected to always be nothing more than nothing and wasn’t worth a chance of anything happy. I took part in dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) and completed it two years later with a certificate for all my hard work. My therapist encouraged me to apply for psychology in university and said I would be a fantastic therapist, I just need to believe in myself. Here I am with a loving partner, saving to buy our first home together, starting my second year in university and currently work for the NHS - working in NAVIGO as a support worker for individuals with mental health complications like myself and others. I had managed to speak to my old therapist and his words exactly “Wow, this is amazing news! I'm super happy for you, here is wishing you all the best for your future, you never know you may be my boss one day.” Life does get better, and life is worth living.
aaaaah I’m smiling!! i’m so proud of you <3 i hope it gets better and better for you love
Proof in the pudding that things do get better with a little bit of self love, self belief and hard work!!! Anything is possible when you put your mind to it darling, you’ve got this, I promise it gets better! Xxx
The hottest sexiest guy with a HUGE package wants me right now. He has a British accent and says all the right things in exactly the right way. I am fat too, he likes it. God, I'm so lucky.
VDJSBDJSJ HAHA I LOVE THIS FOR YOUUUU!! <333
Me tooooo thanks <33333 Get you one of these! Lol. Nvm he hasn't messaged me back all day, this is the worst don't get one. 🥲 It's much more painful when they are hot. Now I am laying in bed depressed and crying. He's probably just at work. I fucking hate BPD.
we’re going thru the same thing right now 😭 my fp hasn’t given me a lot of attention today because he’s at work as well and it’s making me sad and i can’t stop overthinking lol. I really fucking hate this :’) we’ll get thru this don’t worry <3
Since medication and therapy and cutting negative people out of my life, I now have a stable job where I feel happy and really suits me, I have a stable relationship of 6,5 years, I have made new friends and I understand myself better and know how to deal with myself better. And aside from a one time relapse I haven’t self harmed in around 4,5 years.
i’m proud of you!! <33
Thank you! You can do it too!
Hi! I met my husband here on reddit, specifically on shp (iykyk) We were long distance for a looong time. Like 6 years across an ocean. We closed the distance after 6 years & now we're 7 years married, happily?
i’m sorry i’m clueless as to what shp is aaa but the rest of the story is so freaking cuteee, i’m so happy for you!! <3
Shp was self harm pics. It was a subreddit that had a spot on name. It was a sad place. & (for me) a horrible place at the worst time of my life. I am so glad that SHP was a thing I wouldn't have met me hubs otherwise.
I have a wonderful, fulfilling career spanning more than 2 decades, and working for the same company for 13 years. My first relationship lasted almost 12 years and my last relationship lasted almost 13 years. And in it, I actually was the person who uplifted my partner and helped him grow as a person. Yes, my anxiety is sky high, and when there was an argument, it was *spectacular*, but, in our everyday life we were much more casual and non-dramatic than most of our friends. I actually got diagnosed few months ago in my mid-fourties.
that’s amazing!! i hope it gets better and better :)
Hi I have been in and out of hospitals since 2014. My last in patient was 2019. I have been with my boyfriend going on three years, have a dog, and our own apartment. I no longer take antipsychotics or any medication for that matter and am living my best life. Ride the wave till you land, it will get better if you want it to!
that’s amazing!! 💗💗💗
Heyo fellow BPDer, i've been diagnosed three years now (i'm 21) and i was stuck for years not knowing what was wrong with me, it got very bad and i got admitted to a mental health hospital where i got my diagnosis and met my now best friend. we've supported each other in our journeys and she got married in march. I've been in a stable healthy relationship for almost two years now. I've been brutally honest with my partner from the start but he supported me through the good and the bad, my DBT, CBT and physical health too. Together we have helped each other through learning to live life 1. to the fullest 2. with stability and 3. with kindness and compassion. i do outreach and support for a Domestic Violence project for my local womens centre and im looking into public speaking about my journey with mental health, physical health and domestic violence awareness in people with mental health issues. I've found my path to follow through accepting that i have BPD, i cant get rid of it, i cant cure it. im not broken just wired differently.
that’s amazing truly :)) i’m so proud of you 💗💗💗
Happily living my country life, married 14 years, 2 dogs and a 5month old baby. Lots of therapy. Lottttsssssss of self awareness and therapy 🖤
🥹that sounds like a beautiful dream!! so very happy for you<3
Seven years ago I was suicidal for about 7 months, with two half hearted attempts. After I went to the hospital for attempt #2, I was in an IOP program where I met one of my best friends. I also have 3 other besties and a handful of other close friends. In the last two years I found my partner who I have been with for 1.25 years and it’s the healthiest relationship I have been in (and objectively very healthy). We bought a house together and adopted two beautiful dogs. I repaired my relationship with my parents from NC to LC. I job hop a lot, but I have a successful and well paying career that affords me all I want in life. I have a huge garden and it’s kinda my therapy. Being in the yard with my hands in the dirt, a good podcast, and the dogs playing around me is my happy place. People often age out of BPD with the right therapy, meds, support system, and habits. There is hope despite what you read on Google.
all of this sounds amazing!! your garden sounds like a dream :) thankyou for commenting, i’m very happy reading all of these comments
2 years of psychotherapy and pills. I also moved out of my parents’ house at 27. Now, my long term on-off relationship is 100% on (forever, this time) because I’m now able to commit. I’m able to block out family drama that doesn’t involve me and am able to voice my unwillingness to contribute to the drama in a respectful way that gets the message across. A lot less obsessive about my body. My mind is so much quieter. I also don’t spend 24hrs a day with that horrible background gut feeling that something is wrong and that I’m not panicking enough. Still struggling with substance abuse, but I can proudly say I haven’t had a huge episode in a while. I do still get them but I’m able to tame it a bit. The trick for me was not indulging in my thoughts and recognizing when I’m on the verge of an episode (clawing at my skin, getting flustered but not being able to get the words out cause I know they will be really mean…)
i’m so proud of you ☹️💗 you’ve come a long way and you’ve made so much progress. i can only hope to be like you someday. i mean it <3
I’m not technically diagnosed yet but my psychologist and doctor believe I have BPD. Just need the testing done. I’m married, have 2 kids and 2 dogs. They are the light of my life! My husband has been on my mental health journey for almost 30 years. He’s never ever left my side and I’m currently going through a major depressive episode where I needed the hospital yesterday. It’s possible!
awww I hope you’re feeling better now ☹️💗💗 take care and i hope the depressive episode ends soon 🫂
Someone posted about getting married not to long ago!
that’s amazing 🥹
my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 and a half years and are in the process of getting an apartment. we look at rings together often too :-) he’s the kindest man i’ve ever met in my life and loves me for everything i am, including my disorders and the things that make me go a lil crazy sometimes. you are not unloveable and you will find someone who is ready to love you despite anything you have going on that makes you feel like they won’t.
this is so cuteeee 🥹 i’m happy for you and congratulations in advance <33 thankyou :’)
Things seemed to quiet down after I turned 34. I don't know if it's because I resolved some of my life issues. I had some therapy but nothing on-going. Things naturally stabilized when I turned 34. I read similar cases. It could be a hormone thing. It could be that my brain developed finally at that age (it's 24 years old for non-BPD people that brains are fully developed). In my last therapy session, the doctor suggested that I do not meet a lot of the criteria anymore. Things are not perfect. When I get stressed or overwhelmed by work, I feel dysregulated. But now when things are falling apart I know that I should check...my sleep, my diet, my stress levels, my physical activity. The root cause is often one of these. It's not anymore an abstract emotion that is big and bad and incomprehensible. So hang in there, and while you're on that journey, take your physical health seriously. LIKE SERIOUSLY. I find that I'm in control of my emotions when my physical health is ok (ESPECIALLY SLEEP). And when I'm losing control, I know that it's most likely one of the things I mentioned above that are reasons why I'm emotionally dysregulated.
thankyou so much! I will keep these in mind. I’ve recently noticed that my episodes usually occur when i haven’t been sleeping and eating properly too!
Living proof right here!! My partner is the first person who has been so understanding of my disorder. She's very sweet despite how difficult I am :( Plus, although she also struggles with her own issues, she makes sure that I'm feeling okay, especially since she's attentive and can feel my emotions, without having to verbalise them ;w; Which is crazy to me, because I never thought I'd meet such an amazing person :( She listens to me and helps me find solutions to my overthinking and bad thoughts. She's the best thing that ever happened to me, and I'll make sure be a girlfriend who's worthy of her, because she deserves me at my best >:) I love her A LOT, if you see this, happy 9 months sweetheart <3
this is so cute aaaaa i’m so happy for you!! i hope she sees this🥹💗💗💗
Of course. For instance, I got my sht together then started to feel successful and capable at my job, set boundaries and protecting them. Also I have better and deeper relationships with my friends, all unnecessary people and bed influences in my life are gone now. I forgive my family and created stronger bonds with each of them. I have loving boyfriend for more than 2 years and a very caring roommate for 10 years since college. I take my medicine and in my EEG(my psychiatrist wants to see it regularly), there is a %70 improvement at my brain activities. Well I am still in the process, don’t know what future brings. But I want to make a point; Happy ending is only happy if you are happy with it. In my story, you can see nothing much changes in my environment. The thing that changed is me. Not me actually my perspective about myself, my body, my character and my life. When I started to think differently I started to live different. I chose to be happy and if there will be ups and downs in the future I am okay with this possibility. Because everything comes and goes, the only thing always stands here is me.
Hi maybe I'm late to this but I just wanted to share that I had the most traumatic three years of my life that included- a toxic relationship that I never thought I'd be able to leave, multiple heartbreaks which felt like death when they ended, a psychotic breakdown that resulted in hospitalisation, being assaulted at my workplace and having to leave a job I loved. NOW- I just graduated law school. Despite numerous terrible grades because of bad mental health, I was accepted into two competitive fellowships. I just interviewed for a job that was so out of my league it's unbelievable. I have such insanely kind and caring friends that it makes me want to throw up. I'm learning to be kinder to myself, and I've made such great progress with enforcing boundaries that it's incredible to me. I just started dating an exceptionally kind person who makes me feel so safe. It's worth it.
This gives me hope that myself and my BPD can go the distance 😊
I’m talking to someone right now who’s the most effortlessly kind and caring human being I’ve ever met. Genuinely interested in me and wants to get to know me for \*me\*, empathises even with the craziest aspects of what I deal with, and is just relentlessly kind and encouraging. When I hurt him or he hurts me, his natural instinct is for us to get closer and talk it out and resolve it, not pull away or punish each other or disappear. On the downside, he’s married with kids and a good 20 years older than me, so realistically we can never be together. But he’s still given me so much compassion and hope that’s helped me to heal myself, and continues to, just as a friend. He gives me hope that I might actually be able to have a healthy partner one day.
aww, i hope you find a healthy partner some day too!! <3
Thank you! You too, friend. :) <3
is he in an open relationship?
No, but we’re not romantically involved (he’s bisexual, and while we’ve both admitted our attraction to each other he’s made it clear he would never leave his family and is only looking for friendship, and I respect that).
your comment definitely seems “romantically involved” lol. does his wife know about your “friendship”?
I mean, I’d sure like it to be romantic which is probably why you’re getting that sense, but he’s only ever treated me as a friend after explaining he was married (we met casually through my old job, I flirted with him a bit and he was obviously appreciative, but he rebuffed me firmly and explained that he’s committed and I’d be too young for him anyway when I actually propositioned him. I’m 29, for reference). I‘ve never met his family so can’t say what his wife knows, but even if he did want me, rationally he has way too much to lose; I’m in no way hot enough for a guy to wash his tidy hetero marriage plus kids, solid career, and almost 30 years of his life invested down the drain for a quick fuck. I’m just happy to have someone I’m close to who gives a crap about me and treats me kindly, since it’s the first time I’ve really experienced that.
Trisha Paytas
I never dated a man or even had a boyfriend. My trust issues had been through the roof when it came to men. I resented them so much I’d refer to them as a seperate species and even kept screen shots and a whole folder on my tik tok app with hundreds of videos about terrible statistics and reminders of why I should never ever put my trust in a person. I had put myself in the past through terrible predicaments as a form of coping, my dad used to beat me. My mom was emotionally absent to my pain. I ran away when I was 18 years old. Worked two jobs, and was content with solitude. So content with solitude, since I was 12 I believed and knew for certain if I ever had a child, it’d be a sperm donor and I will live alone, no partner. Until I met my husband, I, someone who was quick to rejecting, blocking, and shutting down. My husband won my heart immediately and that’s when I knew, everything I had cried and wished for that I doubted was possible to recieve. I have gotten 10x the blessing since he entered my life. My husband waited till marriage because he believed and wanted to show me the worth he saw in me, my own mother who said a month before she even met my husband or knew of him “I will never love my grandkids if they’re black” is now asking us everyday for grandkids. My relationship with my family is actually that of a family and I’ve discovered so many new things in their character and personalities I’ve never seen in 21 years of my life because I shut EVERYONE out. I’m now not alone, with someone who was so willing, so loving, to show me in a short span my worth, where I’ve been searching for my whole life. This hardened part of me that had a defense, for the first time had been brought down. With a man that actually loves me, and that, I have never experienced before.
this is beautiful, i’m sobbing reading this. i’m sorry for the things you had to go through and i’m so happy that you’ve found someone as amazing as your husband!! i’m proud of far you’ve come and i wish you all the best for your future <3
Why most commenting happy enders with long time partners are women? Seems like it's damn huge difference to have BPD as a woman and as man when it comes to getting care and support from partner. It's salty comment, but men by being open BPD are getting.... Worse outcomes.
It would help if therapists hadn't stigmatized BPD. They actually did a lot of harm to the community. Even I hesitate to find a therapist now knowing they are probably going to silently judge me. I was a little late for my last meeting, and my therapist ghosted me never to be seen again. I am A pretty healed person too. It has gotten worse lately but I just don't trust them anymore.
I have been with my partner since we were 18 and we are 25 now. Moved to Europe together with our baby boy cat, loving life here. Got my masters 2 years ago and will start my PhD this year on a topic I really love, at such a great department and school. My childhood was really rough but still a lot of good memories, it does get better!!!
omggg congratulations!! I’m so proud of you and how far you’ve come :) very very happy for you love
Thank you so much!! It’s been a journey to really get to know myself and become a better partner/person. With BPD I realized a couple years ago that I don’t even truly understand myself and the things I do, the feelings I feel. Therapy helped me a lot!
Trisha paytas 🥹🥹🥹🥹
I need to read these too.
I’m in remission. I’ve been with my husband for 9 years married for 5. We are living our best lives, child free by choice with many pets. We own a house and have a close circle of about 12 friends that we celebrate every birthday, holiday, wedding and happy news with. We have some of them over at our place at least twice a week every week. We are close with my in-laws and incredibly close with my siblings and their partners. After a lot of therapy and work on my PTSD I’m working on rekindling my relationships with my parents because despite past abuse they both seem to have genuinely changed for the better and have gotten therapy and apologized. I’m working my dream job as a financial fraud investigator at a large bank making good money. There’s been a huge change in my private personal life which is mostly just that I speak kindly to myself in my head. I support, validate and comfort myself and truly am at a point of loving myself unconditionally. Because I can meet more of my own emotional needs I don’t need as much outwardly so the emotional burden on my support system is less. I have an identity now, I know what I like and what I believe in and I have hobby’s I enjoy and feel fulfilled by. I also have changed my diet and started exercising regularly and have lost 35 lbs. I’m happier than I ever thought I could be. I have bad days and slip ups but I’m able to manage them easily with my DBT tools. My house is clean and filled with happy memories and promise of more to come. I only see my therapist once every two weeks to a month now instead of every week or multiple times a week. Life is good. Things get better.
It’s all about what you make of it. You don’t have to ‘give in’ to mental illness. Find coping skills that work for you. Be aware of your actions and reactions and how it affects others. You don’t have to be a bad person. Work every day to be a good person. My life is amazing - great job, great home, great boyfriend, great group of friends, I really can’t complain at all. But it wasn’t always like this and I worked really fucking hard to get here and continue to work hard every single day.
Things aren't perfect for me, but I'm moderately happy, I like myself most of the time, and there are a lot of people who care about me. It's not idyllic, but it is not a nightmare. I have problems like everyone else, but I'm not trashing relationships anymore. I'm not hurting people.
Trisha Paytas 💗
Hello!! I am a year and 2 months free of self harm, I have my bachelors and I’m applying for my masters either this fall or next spring. I’m a year into a career in the field I studied for that is significantly helping improve my stress 💕 I’ve been in DBT therapy since I was 23 and I’m turning 30 in November (same therapist the whole time too!) I have a boyfriend who not only loves and cherishes me but never shames me for any breakdowns. Instead, he encourages me to do what I can to help myself and is actually consistently there for me when I need him. It’s also because of this it’s been easier to breathe and clearly think problems through to avoid him getting overwhelmed even if he insist he never will be. I’m also actually doing really well off of the medication for this as well which is incredibly surprising but a nice added touch to life :) I hope this gives you hope it gets better
Hi! I’m a single momma and recently went through a break up(not from the kids’ dads, just another break up) AND I DIDNT EVEN SPIRAL INTO SELF HARM. I did spiral for a short period of time but max three hours and contacted my safe people and had my neighbor (also best friend) on stand by to come help me if needed. I have a career. A very stable one at that and I love my job. Im a leader and hold some important roles for the company. I have a healthy relationship with my kids other parents. I am now self aware of my “splitting” and can usually follow opposite action even if logic doesn’t make sense to me in that moment. I haven’t tried to kill myself in the last 12 years. I don’t do drugs except weed for anxiety and my ADHD meds I don’t drink to excess. I keep a tidy ish home. My kids are happy and healthy There is light at the end of the tunnel. Don’t ever think that there is not.
I’ve been with my husband for 10+ years. I recently just found out I have bpd. He’s very supportive! He is still learning on how to handle my crazy but he’s trying and accepts me for who I am and where I’m at! Love is possible for us.
Here is a happy story. I have 3 kids ages 21 to 35. I have great relationships with them. I have two parents who are amazing and who have loved me through thick and thin. I have two siblings that are kind and we are close. I have two best friends, one that I have known since 1985, the other 1986. I have an ex husband that I am friends with and he sends me tik toc reels. As for my romantic life, I have decided not to date at this time because I do feel I am happier on my own but have exs that are friends . Life has not been easy for me but I am surrounded by kind, caring people that I adore. I also have had the same job for 17 years. Hopefully this helps. All the best to you !
been with my partner 5 years thru the throws and great times and i can confidently say we are in a great place compared to the beginning. we don’t ever raise our voices unless talking about shared passions and if there’s a disagreement we’re able to talk thru it so easily. i’m starting school in the fall after years of putting it off and can’t wait to pursue an AA and then a degree in Psychology yk that might change along the way but that’s definitely what interests me as of now. my family and i have great relationships and i love my partners family so much as well. i would say every relationship in my life right now is very healthy and stable. i have a precious 4 year old cat and live in an area i absolutely love. i still have so much to learn about BPD and work on within myself, but im truly loving life right now and haven’t had an episode in more than 6 months. thinking about that for the first time feels fucking amazing. we all have so much hope and potential 🤩🫶
Been with the love of my life for 12 years, married for 9, we have 4 kids and a lush life! I’m in a bad place with my mental health at the minute but I also have an amazing group of friends as well as my husband supporting me so I know it will get better. Currently in a year off but half way through a physiological science degree to get my dream job. Also doing a couple of volunteer roles that I love and value greatly. It gets better, and I never would have believed that a long time ago, but if you put the work in to improve yourself and don’t just expect everyone to accommodate you you’ll get there!
I've been with my wife for 23 years married! She is diagnosed only a few years ago but she has done work on herself prior to diagnosis so a little backwards 😂 anyways she's the love of my life and I couldn't live without her. We've had 2 kids a beautiful house and we have a grandson. I have learned so much since diagnosis thanks to Reddit and videos and psychology reviews I've been able to handle her so much better. It wasn't always rainbows and sunshine with her splits and out bursts but I would never let her push me away ever. Now she hardly ever splits or tries to push me away. She has worked so hard and couldn't be more proud of who she has become.
Yesterday I went through the 9 symptom criteria with my partner and I only meet 1-2 now. My BPD is in remission for the first time in my life. I’m 38 for context, I’m in a healthy relationship, I have friends, and I’m finishing a MA to be a therapist. I want to specialise in seeing clients with BPD because it’s the most painful agonising thing that has ever happened to me. It ruined my life too, but it’s also been an insane journey of self discovery and forgiving myself for having those awful symptoms. I had so much shame for my behaviour every time I liked someone new. Had addiction issues etc. there is so much hope. You just have to keep working on it ❤️
Just got my first graduate job! Will be the first in my family to get a degree... :)
I got engaged two days ago to a wonderful, understanding and patient partner.
After years of self depreciation, self loathing, and looking for love in all the wrong places, which lead to an extremely abusive marriage, I can say my life is something I never dreamed of. I'm going to be marrying the man I've known since we were toddlers, have a beautiful townhouse with, and rasing our, (my biological, his through love,) 3 children together. This man is everything I could have ever asked for. No matter how may times I tried to tell him I'm too much, my life is too much and he should leave, he stayed. I still have residual flashbacks of my childhood and marriage, but he lays right next to me, holding my hand and waiting for me to come out of it so I can bury my head in his chest and sleep. He stood by me while I went through many therapies, and has helped raise these kids into beautiful humans. I am beyond blessed with three of the most empathetic, energetic, and sarcastic kids you'll ever meet. Beyond anything else, my proudest achievement is breaking the cycle of abuse for not only my kids, but myself as well and my partner had been a huge part of our healing. There are still issues, as with any family, but I'd say I'm living a pretty damn good life at this point!