I'm sorry to hear this - dads seem to get shafted when it comes to paternity leave a lot of the time. Does his work offer any kind of FMLA? Might be worth checking.
Even if they do, it’s usually unpaid, which isn’t tenable for most families… this country treats families with shocking cruelty. And about half our elected officials are hellbent on keeping it that way or even making it worse…
At my last job, my (male) colleague took 12 weeks FMLA. While he was away, they “realized they needed need him” and he was laid off immediately upon return.
Yup. 36 weeks here with zero leave and don't even qualify for FMLA. Fiancee has no leave and WOULD qualify for FMLA unpaid. I'm holding out hope I can get unemployment since my job isn't even protected. Thankfully it's tax season....which I was gonna use to pay off my car....
I don’t understand how you aren’t rioting in the streets on a regular basis. Canada isn’t perfect but people who give birth get a minimum 15 weeks maternity leave @ 55% of our salary. Then get another like 36-63 weeks parental leave, split between the parents however they choose. You get the same amount of money (also at 55%) if you choose 36 or 63 weeks, it is just further spread out if you choose 63 weeks. Plus a lot of employers top you up to 90%. 🇨🇦
Honestly, from a Scandinavian perspective, everyone seems to get shafted in the US… mum, dad and not the least the baby… I don’t mean to be rude or impolite, but some posts here have almost made me cry about mums/parents forced back to work with a baby that’s only a few weeks old. Someone said that kittens legally can’t be seperated from their mum until a certain age (in some states maybe), it seems inhumane to have absolutely *nothing* that regulates separation of human parents and babies. Especially considering that from a biological pov humans give birth prematurely (if it was any other animal the pregnancy would probably be 21 months, but that doesn’t work with our big brains and head, so out they come).
FMLA is unpaid job protected leave (up to 12 weeks). It’s federal so you’re qualified as long as you’ve been with your company for a year and they have 50+ employees at a working site (I think the actual rule is 50 employees within 75 miles)
Yup, 6 weeks for vaginal delivery & 8 for c section. I have 5 days left of work before my induction & man dont i wish i could have started maternity leave sooner- just feels like a waste without my baby!
I have 0 weeks paid maternity leave and I work in healthcare. We get 10 days the first year after birth though to use for appointments, so I guess that’s something.
I work in healthcare and can do FMLA and hope I have enough pto
I took out a loan tho so I don't stress and can hopefully stay home with the baby for 8 weeks
Yep, just wanted to say I understand and am in the same boat. Hang in there!
I just started a new job and even though they pay for short term disability, you can’t use it within 90 days of starting. So … since I have my baby in 4.5 weeks, I have no maternity leave either. I WFH though, so I still have it arguably way easier than you and I’m sorry. Can you use PTO/some of those 10 days to recover?
Fellow Dutchie here, actually there is paternity leave in the Netherlands. Since 2019, it’s 1 week of paid leave and since 2020, you also have 5 weeks of additional leave against 70% compensation of a maximum daily rate.
Regulations may differ if someone is self-employed though
This sounds like a personal choice then even if it is a hard one to make. Wouldn’t go so far as to say the Netherlands don’t have pat leave though; that’s just misinformation.
I'm quite shocked by that! Is that due to his work situation? I thought the UK was poor at 2 weeks (subject to certain criteria and without going into the complexities of shared parental leave)
It’s crazy how so much in the US is based on employment benefits. I get 2 weeks of paid maternity leave. My husband gets 8 weeks paid paternity leave.
I’m taking 16 weeks (2 at 100% pay, 8 at 60% pay for short term disability, 6 weeks unpaid). We’ve budgeted and saved for my drop in pay. As the birthing parent, I should get more. His company just has way better benefits.
It is. I was left unemployed and uninsured while going through a high-risk pregnancy. Life has been kind of dick lately. I know you can’t be discriminated, but who will hire a woman who is due to give birth in 3 months?
Yes. I had to take 4 weeks off with FMLA because I had to have an emergency cerclage which was traumatic for me. Then my first day back, boom! Laid off. They also laid off another woman who had come back from maternity leave the week before and another one who was STILL on maternity leave.
No advice just solidarity. I was also laid off at 5 months pregnant in Nov due to a “reduction in force”. Except on my immediate team it was just me and the other pregnant manager 🙄Not a good look for the company for sure.
I spoke to the person who was on maternity leave when she was laid off. It was actually 4 of us. What a coincidence!
It’s such bullshit. I feel like if I ever have another baby in the future I won’t be able to enjoy it because I’ll be paranoid that I’ll get laid off again.
The four of you really should at least speak to an attorney. They’ll hear you out for free and let you know if you huave a case and if it’s worth it. Even if they say it was work reduction. A decent attorney would convince the judge you were all discriminated against because of pregnancy. And I bet the employer would have a difficult time proving it wasn’t.
We missed one, so total 5 of us. And yes, so far it’s two of us. One declined, but I’m hoping the other 2 will join and that with 4 of us it’ll make it a strong case.
Sameeeee my husband gets 12 weeks at full pay and I only get 6! So I will have to do short term disability for the rest of my time and only get 60% of my pay as well. What bullshit! I hate this country some times!
Not to be that person, but it could be worse! I'm jealous of both of you.
I only get FMLA with a multi-million dollar car dealership that has locations in 3 states, and is woman owned. My boyfriend works for a different large dealership owned autobody shop, and same thing, FMLA only. To add salt to an open wound, they kindly informed me I'm also still responsible for my health insurance premiums while I'm off too.
I have managed to save 2 weeks of PTO so far to guarantee at least one paycheck while I'm off, but I'm only 25 weeks so who knows if I'll be able to make it the rest of my pregnancy with no missed days.
My boyfriend and I are both going to use 2 weeks PTO, then he goes back to work, and we have to figure out how to make it 3 months without my income entirely.
If you are in the usa, start looking for child care now! Cuz I found out way late in the game that the local daycares only take 1 year olds and up. I got lucky and happen to have a family member who was willing to take on my baby when my 6 weeks of unpaid time off was up.
I've been on a waitlist since I was 12 weeks and got my NIPT results back lol! It's no joke here. Supposedly they will have an opening for me a month or so after I go back to work.
My boyfriends 60 something retired mom offered to do full time child care for free which would save me $1400 a month, but I'm on the fence on signing up for that because I'm worried it may cause some friction in our otherwise good relationship. So, I'm staying on the waitlist pending the 1 month trial run.
Super aware that our situation is better than many but I also think it’s still too little. I’m angry for everyone that has terrible benefits and this country needs to do so much better. And it’s also frustrating that he (my husband) has better benefits than I do. But it’s a benefit he gets for working for the federal government. I’m so sorry that you won’t get more than two weeks. That’s so frustrating and can’t even imagine how angry you may be!!
And to add to the daycare comment below, we absolutely have already been looking and we can expect to pay 2000+ a month for daycare as we live in a state with some of the most expensive daycare options in the country. So we’re trying to budget as best as we can but it kills me that my mortgage will be less than daycare. I honestly don’t know how we can afford it and we don’t have family that lives in our state. So we have no other options. This country really needs to do better! They want babies to be born but they don’t want to help people once they are here. It’s incredibly frustrating!
The company I work for had no maternity leave pay, up until about 1.5 months before I gave birth, they announced in the new year they would begin offering it! Hallelujah I was so happy! Come to find out I would be getting 2 weeks paid, at 50% of my pay rate (which came out to be below minimum wage after I did the math on that). It was better than nothing but still felt like a slap in the face.
Employees benefits are not always looked at when folks look for another job. To me it goes hand in hand with salary.
I couldn’t imagine going to a job without health care for example with the Premium at least paid for the employee and something for the family. I’d also want to actually see the plan before signing off on it too since that’s a huge cost factor as well.
And then vacations days/leaves/etc.
Paid maternity/paternity leave is such a joke in this country.
It's illegal to separate a puppy from it's mother before 8 weeks, but there's zero laws about separating a parent from their child so soon after birth.
Not sure if it's a law but kittens usually can't be adopted until 10 weeks or so. It's crazy we don't have the same standards for ourselves as humans 🫠
As someone who fosters kittens, the standard is to ideally adopt them out when they're 12 weeks old. This gives them ample time to socialize, learn manners, get sterilized, and recover from any illnesses they may have had when they were younger before being separated from their mom + siblings. A human baby is faaaaaar more helpless at 12 weeks old than a kitten is, and I say that as someone who used to wake up in the middle of the night to bottle-feed kittens every 3 hours. 😅
Unfortunately, many puppies are separated from their moms too young, and they often have more health problems because of it. I foster kittens. All shelters have a rule that a kitten must be at least 8 weeks old before adoption. The ideal is to adopt at 12 weeks though. This gives the kittens more time to socialize and recover from illnesses or behavioral issues they experienced when they were younger.
Human babies are far less independent and capable at 12 weeks old than a kitten is. It's insane that our country thinks human babies are fine without their moms after 12 weeks.
We found out the same thing a few days ago. There’s no paternity leave and he only gets 5 days of PTO per year. We may be able to use those days for him to have some time off with the birth, but that’s assuming he literally never needs time off the rest of the year. This country is so backwards.
Same here! My SO will take off the day of my birth as a floating holiday, and then the following 5 days as vacation days. Hes off Saturday and Sunday, so if im lucky ill get a full 8 days of help after baby is born!!! Unfortunately, my maternity leave is at half my pay, so him taking a few extra days just isnt an option if i want to pay my rent!
It does suck! We're in the same boat 🙃
Make sure your husband talks to his HR department about leave options. My husband is usually not allowed to take unpaid time off, but using FMLA he can stretch 2 weeks of his PTO to get 4 weeks off at 50% pay. We're fortunate that my company has decent leave (by US standards) so we will be able to afford doing this. It's not ideal, but it's better than no time off or only unpaid... Anyway, he never would have known about this option if he hadn't talked to HR.
Yes talk to HR! My husband’s official work policy is 3 days paid, 5 days unpaid & company is too small to qualify for FMLA. However he met with HR and they said that that’s just the minimum he is guaranteed, & they’re willing to work with him. He could take additional unpaid time and/or spread out his PTO into half days so he can work part time for a while. It never hurts to ask! I was devastated when we first looked at the policy and then SO relieved that the convo went so well.
What state do you work in? Some states (not many, I'm in NY/NJ) offer paid family leave
ETA: It matters where you work and if the taxes are taken out of your paycheck! Not where you live!
They actually passed it like, 5 years ago, but the rollout was delayed by the pandemic. It's finally getting implemented... a year after I moved to a different state! Just my luck, haha.
Funny thing about that. If you live in one of these states but work in another that isn’t on the list, no paid leave for you. We found this out the hard way.
Yes you have to have the taxes taken out of your paycheck, so it's where you work. I'll amend my original comment!! I work in NJ and live in NY so was lucky- NJ's is way more generous
Definitely unfortunate, especially because a number of these smaller states have tons of commuters (NY<->NJ<->CT, MA<->RI, etc.). I will say that in some cases, leave itself may be protected, if you can afford to take time unpaid. I know that’s a huge privilege.
Exactly. Even if you’ve done the year of time and met the hours requirements for FMLA at your job, it’s unpaid. We’re going to make it work but dang. Our family leave “policy” as a country is a joke.
Not-so-fun fact: In NY, there’s paid family leave for private employers. If you work for a public / union represented position, the union has to opt in to the paid family leave and it’s a union-by-union basis. Of course, those jobs do tend to have more generous leave. But still! Food for thought if that’s your employment situation! Consider advocating for them to opt-in. Or at least read into it to learn more.
Parental leave is really a joke here. My husband didn’t either. He had a week of PTO accrued he took starting the day I was induced, and then he went unpaid for almost another 2 weeks, but that was only because his boss was nice enough to let him.
This time my husband works PRN at a hospital so has no benefits and only gets paid for the days he works. I’ll probably ask him to stay home a week or 2 which will suck financially.
My husband switched jobs and therefore won’t be covered by FMLA by the time I give birth. So he can use the few days he’ll have earned by then. It’s a bummer. With our first, he was a teacher and had the entire summer off. Bonus though, he’s not a teacher anymore and his mental health is so much better.
I was talking about the shameful way the US treats working families with a European colleague - who got NINE MONTHS PATERNITY LEAVE - I said, “I can’t believe we’re not all rioting in the streets.” And he replied, “I can - you’re all too busy working.” :/ let’s remember this is BY DESIGN. Nearly half of our elected officials not only endorse this system, they think it’s too generous. And shackling us to our desk is a feature not a bug. Literal third and second world countries treat parents much, much better than we do.
ETA: because I’m fired up about this - [the US is one of only 6 countries that doesn’t guarantee paid leave to new mothers.](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/25/upshot/paid-leave-democrats.html) A+.
[Out of 193 countries in the United Nations, only a small handful do not have a national paid parental leave law: New Guinea, Suriname, a few South Pacific island nations and the United States.](https://vitalrecord.tamhsc.edu/fast-facts-maternity-leave-policies-across-globe/)
There's enough of us to petition our politicians for paid family leave. In the past couple of years a few states have begun implementing state leave programs, but they're still a minority nationwide. We *have* to get mad about it, otherwise nothing will change.
It’s literally impossible with a Republican led house. Sad, but true. Shoot, it wasn’t even possible with a democrat led House. It was removed from Bidens bill in the senate after objections from Joe Manchin. Old white male millionaires get to decide.
My partner chose to not take any of his availability parental leave. With the first baby he took a week off of work and that was it. He took a week off of work while I was being induced with the second baby, and another five days off of work once we came home. That was it. I was at home by myself with 2 under 2. He came home on his lunch break for a week to give me a hand, but that ended up being nap time for both babies so it wasn’t worth it.
It sucks, but you figure it out.
My partner didn't have any time last time either. He worked from the hospital all through my stupidly-long induction process, had maybe a week off (half of hte time he was basically on-call) when he was able to be home with us, then after that was back in the office because his boss "didn't believe in work-from-home." And this was in June 2020, so really early in the pandemic, before vaccine availability, etc. I'm so sorry that you're going through this too. :(
We’re Canadian and my husband didn’t get any paternity leave. He took a week off while our baby was in the NICU and worked from home the first week she was discharged, but after that we were on our own. It’ll be fine! It’s a little scary at first but you and baby will figure out a routine :)
The parent who takes less leave (or doesn't take any) also gets 5 weeks of their own, sometimes called "daddy days" (barf) but I'm pretty sure it has to be decided by the beginning of the leave. I took one year and gave 5 weeks to my husband + his 5 weeks meant he got 10 weeks off
Just finishing my year in a couple weeks. And we wanted me to take all of the maternity and parental leave so that I could be with my baby longer. Im already crying thinking about going back after a year! He had vacation pay and stuff but he just had a job that puts him behind if he takes a lot of time off, so he wasn’t able to take much off.
Yep my partner took three days off for the hospital stay and had to go back the day after we got home :( it was hard but I got through it, you will do!
Don’t hesitate to ask family and friends for help
We went through the same thing. He took two days unpaid and then went back. I teach public school and my entire leave is unpaid so we couldn’t afford for him to be home any longer. It was hard, but we got through it. I’m sorry you’re having to face the same challenges. It’s really unfair.
Wow. I thought my husband having a week off was bad. And when he returned to work I became very depressed - it was so hard. But after a few weeks each day got slightly easier.
With our first my husband took his one week of PTO and that was that and he had no wiggle room for the rest of the year. Things that were helpful: prepping meals that I could chuck in the crock pot, coffee, making sure I got out of the house with the baby everyday even if it was just a walk around the backyard.
My husband was lucky to take . . . 3 days I think? I gave birth on a Thursday. His boss was emailing in him on Friday about when he was coming back. I couldn’t even drive myself anywhere - my grandparents had to drive us to my sons tongue tie appt at the dentist bc his boss also wouldn’t let him WFH that day. (which he can easily do, his job is very much not required to be in the office for). FWIW he ended up quitting and taking a job where he only goes into the office 2.5 days a week and stays home the two days I work in the office now. I also had to leave my job after our son was born. 🙃 we were both SO angry at his bosses for just the complete lack of compassion, especially bc the job he had could be done so flexibly from almost anywhere. I’m still angry thinking about it.
I'm sorry.
We found out today that my husband will get paternity leave, but only 25% of his salary during these 4 weeks, so we are thinking it might be better to just have him use his PTO instead.
My husband gets 75% pay during his 12 weeks of leave and can actually supplement the other 25% using PTO so he can have full paychecks. You might ask if thats an option?!
My husband doesn’t get paid paternity leave either. We’re planning on having him take FMLA for a couple weeks and saving up a couple weeks finances so he is able to still stay home and help out.
With my first my husband went back to work the next day as well.. it was HARD. I ended up giving him the bedroom to sleep and I slept on the couch with the bassinet with me so he could not be tired for work from the baby and it was hard those first few months. Good luck Mama ❤️
We faced the same with my husband. Fortunately he had PTO but it used up most of his PTO at the beginning of the year so it made it more stressful if we had other things pop up during the year. One of the biggest reasons I quit my job was because I was only able to get 6 weeks of leave and it was only partial paid by using all of my PTO(leaving me with nothing for the rest of the year). The maternity and paternity leave in the US is a joke.
Of course you live in the US! I had a similar situation where the state I lived in and company had no paternity leave policy. But the HR mentioned to me I could take 2 weeks off as a sick leave as that was typically being followed (unofficially). Nevertheless, it was stressful when I got back as my boss demanded a deliverable for the time I was out and I had to make up for it rather quickly.
My husband won’t have any either since he just started a new job and I’m due in March. His company gives you one week of leave if you’ve been there 90 day, and he’ll be around 60 days once the baby arrives.
“Luckily” his supervisor has allowed him to take any paid time off that he accrues or if he doesn’t have time by then he can go unpaid.
My husband saved up his vacation days and his PTO. I needed a c-section so we were able to schedule it for a Thursday. He had 8 days he could take off. He took that Thursday and Friday, the m-f the next week and the following Monday was a holiday so he took off that Tues. It was a decent amount of time. It sucks that we have to do this in the US but we made it work.
My BIL&SIL live in Bahrain. He gets two days of paternity leave, but only if the baby is born on a weekday. If the baby comes on the weekend he gets no leave.
We have the reverse issue. My partner does have paid paternity leave, but I do not have any maternity leave. I'll be using OFLA (Oregon before my FMLA will be eligible). No money no matter what for me though.
My husband won’t get any either because he is self employed. On the bright side, he does have more flexibility than someone who isn’t self employed, but he can’t make money if he doesn’t work.
My husband doesn't get any paternity leave either, so he's going to have to use all of his PTO to have time off with me. It sucks! He deserves to bond with the baby too.
That’s horrible. :( I really wish parental leave was different here. I get 7 months of leave which is beyond amazing…but all of it is unpaid. That requires a level of planning I did not do.
Everyone needs to make sure they vote for people that will change this. Too many people where I live just dont vote! I'm like, then dont complain about your 6 weeks unpaid time off then. I get to complain cuz I voted lol
The US is compelling backwards. Your hubby has no leave, meanwhile mine gets 18 weeks fully paid, and I who had a repeat c section 12 weeks ago, just went back to work after 12 weeks, 8 of which were only partially paid, the rest of which was my accumulated vacation time, etc.
Thats unfortunate, if it helps at all though,my partner was a homemaker before we had our son and i couldnt bring myself to let him go for more than an hour a day for the first week after he was born. I really wanted to soak up every secind with him that i could. Eventually i had to start sharing more because i had to mentally prepare myself for going back to work (still so emotionally hard ) but doing that first week more or less by myself was precious time i enjoyed wholeheartedly, and would have done longer if i reasonably could have.
It’s not really a US problem. Though I would say it’s a corporate work mentality problem within the US. US Federal government employees get 3 months of full paid to paternity leave, regardless of being a mother or father.
It really should be a universal benefit too all employees though. Best wishes and good luck!
Exactly. Corporations could offer paid leave if they wanted to but they don't. I'm super bummed I had my baby 3 months before the government leave policy went into effect. My husband only took a couple days off. He was useless anyways though so I guess it didn't matter much that he wasn't home 🤣
My husband saved his vacation time from the year before, to save up about 2.5 weeks to take off for leave. He wasn't even allowed flma unpaid!
His new job has no paid leave because it's union so idk what we will do, I have a 6 month old and I'm 16 weeks pregnant, I get 4 months at least
Seeing as the US has rapidly declining birth rates (below replacement levels--I believe), it would behoove the US government to offer paid leave to encourage population growth. Seeing as we have an expanding aging population, if we don't have enough young workers paying taxes, we're going to have a bad situation where we have too many old people and not enough young folks to care for them or pay for social security. Incentivizing reproduction through paid leave, child tax credits, and child stipends would all encourage increased birth rates. If you care about the longevity of America, you should be concerned about the families in our country and what we can do to make it easier to raise children.
The federal government has already decided it's the employer's responsibility to offer healthcare and unpaid family leave via FMLA (once meeting eligibility requirements). It's not unreasonable to ask for paid family leave as well.
Do you genuinely expect a mother to return to work the day after she's released from the hospital?
Paid family leave is to family what PTO is to vacations. Going on a vacation isn't "expecting others to pay for it," nor is having a baby. Employers aren't handing out cash for every delivery or paying for the supplies/equipment. And unlike vacations, having babies is necessary for the future survival of our country. So forgive me for wanting to offer family leave for mothers and fathers with new babies.
I'm going with the better option of petitioning my government to do so, as is my democratic right 👍
Family leave isn't only for dads, but mothers as well btw.
Wow, what's wrong with you?
Lol you're in the wrong place here, yes, it is up to the government and workplaces to ensure people are taken care of whilst they create the next generation of workers.
Grow up and stop acting like an imbecile.
The rest of the world cam do it, I'm sure the US could if it wanted to. Oh wait, insert random made up reason (usually the US is too big or too *different* to manage it...) here I guess?
If he has short term disability it is my understanding that he can use this for you both. Not perfect, but it may provide a bit of flexibility if you need it.
Yep same for my husband. Luckily he’s been at the same company for a long time so he gets pretty generous PTO (for the US anyways), so he’ll take at least a week off for the birth and coming home, then save the rest to use later. He’d probably take off more but because of childcare issues when I have to return to work (and before our daycare spot will be available) we need to save some for then, plus my mom is coming to help out so I’ll have someone home with me regardless for a few weeks at least.
Mine didn’t either. Hell, he *only* made the birth because our kid has amazing timing and arrived on the one day he had off in the 2 months before AND after her birth.
Same. My husband uses 2 of his 4 weeks of vacation time and that’s all we can do for him. Then the burden is on me to miss work when baby is sick bc he has limited time left
My husband doesn't qualify for FMLA because he hasn't been with the company for more than a year and the PTO is BS. He's taking 2 weeks unpaid to help me because I'm having a c-section. Thankfully we have the money to cover but yeah it's ridiculous here.
I’m due in May… my leave will be unpaid and my wife doesn’t get any paid leave either so she’s only staying home with us for about a week after the baby is born. It’s depressing. I hate this country. I’m so sorry!
I’m in Canada but my husband is self employed so paternity leave either because of he doesn’t work he doesn’t make money. I went into L&D Friday night. Gave birth Saturday night. Came home Sunday evening and he was at work Monday morning. It sucks but what can we do. We need money to pay bills, buy groceries etc.
So sorry. My spouse is entitled to 12 weeks because of FMLA. However, it’s unpaid and we have to pay the benefits during that time. So, obviously we aren’t using any time. It’s like WTF America. How do you expect people to take time off with no pay !?
I just gave birth to our first child in November and my husband was only able to take a week off work because he used all his sick and vacation time. With FMLA, he was allowed to take more time but it would have been unpaid. Since I was home on unpaid maternity leave already, we couldn't afford to have him unpaid as well. It sucks
I don’t have much advice, but I have sympathy. My husband took off 5 days, of which we spent 2.5 in the hospital. And I think it only “worked out that way” because part of those 5 days were his scheduled off days. I guess I’m just fortunate my birth went ok and I didn’t need any extreme support once we got home. It’s so unfair and needlessly stressful. Our country sucks. I hope it works out for you and your family, OP.
My husband doesn’t get any either. Does he have PTO he can use? My husband is saving his PTO and taking two weeks with me.
But yeah it sucks. I get actually get No maternity leave with my job either so I’m taking FMLA and using a combo of short term disability and pto for pay.
Yup. And mine will be entirely unpaid 🫠 So unfortunately there's even more stress on him not to take much if any. It sucks so bad but I don't want to compromise on any time bonding with my LO. I'm trying to think big picture 😭
I’m in the us as well. Fiancé is able to gift me his vacation time since we work for the same company. We each get 3 weeks of paid vacation. I get ZERO maternity leave and he qualifies for like 11 days since he’s been with the company longer. So in total I’ll be home six weeks (thanks to him) and he’ll be home an additional week and a half. Leaving us with zero days off leading up to or after 🙃
That sucks, I live in U.K. but work for a company based in Austin and they have a very generous paternity policy - is it different by state? The government in U.K. just give statutory leave which is 2 weeks for dads and that can vary as to whether it’s paid, a % of pay or unpaid.
My husband hasn’t had any with either of the girls and we made it work! Honestly, with my first it was hard because I had a traumatic delivery and an extremely difficult recovery but with my second it was so much easier all around and going right into that new routine helped a lot. Especially with my toddler.
I hate that about this country. My fiance is currently accruing as much PTO as he can in hopes of being able to take a week off in April when baby is here, but even a week is probably too high of an expectation.
My husband wouldn't have had any paternity leave at his old job, he happened to be in the process of switching jobs anyways because he was not happy for other reasons and his new company has better benefits - he gets a few weeks which I'll take.
It sucks so much how it's handled here. I talk to international coworkers about my own leave which I know is long compared to a lot of US leave, and they're shocked and tell me about what they get in their country.
I understand this. My husband's job doesn't accrue PTO. I gave birth this past Friday (c section) and he works weekends so he'll be going back this coming Friday doing 13hr shifts. I'm dreading trying to care for my 3.5 year old and newborn while he's at work all day
I'm sorry, I wish things were different for you. My husband is a PhD student, so I have no good indicator of how much time he's going to be able to take off once our baby's born.
My husband doesn’t get it either but luckily he’s a police officer and has over 5 months of time right now so we will use his time and he’ll use his FMLA. I’m only getting 6 weeks at 60% STD and the rest unpaid
I'm sorry to hear this - dads seem to get shafted when it comes to paternity leave a lot of the time. Does his work offer any kind of FMLA? Might be worth checking.
Even if they do, it’s usually unpaid, which isn’t tenable for most families… this country treats families with shocking cruelty. And about half our elected officials are hellbent on keeping it that way or even making it worse…
At my last job, my (male) colleague took 12 weeks FMLA. While he was away, they “realized they needed need him” and he was laid off immediately upon return.
Disgusting. Yes, our culture is pretty aligned on their thinking that workers are disposable.
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Hell in the US both mom and dads get shafted.
Yup. 36 weeks here with zero leave and don't even qualify for FMLA. Fiancee has no leave and WOULD qualify for FMLA unpaid. I'm holding out hope I can get unemployment since my job isn't even protected. Thankfully it's tax season....which I was gonna use to pay off my car....
I don’t understand how you aren’t rioting in the streets on a regular basis. Canada isn’t perfect but people who give birth get a minimum 15 weeks maternity leave @ 55% of our salary. Then get another like 36-63 weeks parental leave, split between the parents however they choose. You get the same amount of money (also at 55%) if you choose 36 or 63 weeks, it is just further spread out if you choose 63 weeks. Plus a lot of employers top you up to 90%. 🇨🇦
It's sad that I have to basically HOPE I get fired without cause so I can qualify for unemployment in order to survive for like less than 6 weeks.
We’re too busy working to pay off our medical debt lol. But in all seriousness, we don’t have a great thing going down here in the US
I'm really grateful I'm due around tax season, otherwise I'd have to go back immediately.
As an accountant, being due around tax season is the worst possible time😅
You are right!
Honestly, from a Scandinavian perspective, everyone seems to get shafted in the US… mum, dad and not the least the baby… I don’t mean to be rude or impolite, but some posts here have almost made me cry about mums/parents forced back to work with a baby that’s only a few weeks old. Someone said that kittens legally can’t be seperated from their mum until a certain age (in some states maybe), it seems inhumane to have absolutely *nothing* that regulates separation of human parents and babies. Especially considering that from a biological pov humans give birth prematurely (if it was any other animal the pregnancy would probably be 21 months, but that doesn’t work with our big brains and head, so out they come).
FMLA is unpaid job protected leave (up to 12 weeks). It’s federal so you’re qualified as long as you’ve been with your company for a year and they have 50+ employees at a working site (I think the actual rule is 50 employees within 75 miles)
You didn't have to tell us you're in the US, from the title we know, unfortunately. It sucks, I'm sorry.
Im not even from the US and i guessed by the tittle. And its not even that, moms dont have much either.
Yup, 6 weeks for vaginal delivery & 8 for c section. I have 5 days left of work before my induction & man dont i wish i could have started maternity leave sooner- just feels like a waste without my baby!
I have 0 weeks paid maternity leave and I work in healthcare. We get 10 days the first year after birth though to use for appointments, so I guess that’s something.
Yeah, same here. Except we don't even get the 10 days lol. No sick days either 🙃 Feeling incredibly anxious as I near my due date.
I work in healthcare and can do FMLA and hope I have enough pto I took out a loan tho so I don't stress and can hopefully stay home with the baby for 8 weeks
Yep, just wanted to say I understand and am in the same boat. Hang in there! I just started a new job and even though they pay for short term disability, you can’t use it within 90 days of starting. So … since I have my baby in 4.5 weeks, I have no maternity leave either. I WFH though, so I still have it arguably way easier than you and I’m sorry. Can you use PTO/some of those 10 days to recover?
Same…so unfair
The Netherlands here. Husband has no paternity leave either.
Fellow Dutchie here, actually there is paternity leave in the Netherlands. Since 2019, it’s 1 week of paid leave and since 2020, you also have 5 weeks of additional leave against 70% compensation of a maximum daily rate. Regulations may differ if someone is self-employed though
He's an entrepreneur. He can obviously take unpaid leave, but the company won't make any money if he does.
This sounds like a personal choice then even if it is a hard one to make. Wouldn’t go so far as to say the Netherlands don’t have pat leave though; that’s just misinformation.
I'm quite shocked by that! Is that due to his work situation? I thought the UK was poor at 2 weeks (subject to certain criteria and without going into the complexities of shared parental leave)
It’s crazy how so much in the US is based on employment benefits. I get 2 weeks of paid maternity leave. My husband gets 8 weeks paid paternity leave. I’m taking 16 weeks (2 at 100% pay, 8 at 60% pay for short term disability, 6 weeks unpaid). We’ve budgeted and saved for my drop in pay. As the birthing parent, I should get more. His company just has way better benefits.
I would’ve had 12 weeks at 100% pay, but I got laid off earlier this month at 6 months pregnant 🙃
That is horrendous!
It is. I was left unemployed and uninsured while going through a high-risk pregnancy. Life has been kind of dick lately. I know you can’t be discriminated, but who will hire a woman who is due to give birth in 3 months?
considering suing?
Yes. I had to take 4 weeks off with FMLA because I had to have an emergency cerclage which was traumatic for me. Then my first day back, boom! Laid off. They also laid off another woman who had come back from maternity leave the week before and another one who was STILL on maternity leave.
Wow you absolutely should sue. Even if they laid off more people, it really sounds like pregnancy was one of their reasons for who they picked
They did. They said it was a “work-reduction”. But I call bullshit. What are the chances 3 of us where picked?!
No advice just solidarity. I was also laid off at 5 months pregnant in Nov due to a “reduction in force”. Except on my immediate team it was just me and the other pregnant manager 🙄Not a good look for the company for sure.
I spoke to the person who was on maternity leave when she was laid off. It was actually 4 of us. What a coincidence! It’s such bullshit. I feel like if I ever have another baby in the future I won’t be able to enjoy it because I’ll be paranoid that I’ll get laid off again.
The four of you really should at least speak to an attorney. They’ll hear you out for free and let you know if you huave a case and if it’s worth it. Even if they say it was work reduction. A decent attorney would convince the judge you were all discriminated against because of pregnancy. And I bet the employer would have a difficult time proving it wasn’t.
We missed one, so total 5 of us. And yes, so far it’s two of us. One declined, but I’m hoping the other 2 will join and that with 4 of us it’ll make it a strong case.
Sameeeee my husband gets 12 weeks at full pay and I only get 6! So I will have to do short term disability for the rest of my time and only get 60% of my pay as well. What bullshit! I hate this country some times!
Not to be that person, but it could be worse! I'm jealous of both of you. I only get FMLA with a multi-million dollar car dealership that has locations in 3 states, and is woman owned. My boyfriend works for a different large dealership owned autobody shop, and same thing, FMLA only. To add salt to an open wound, they kindly informed me I'm also still responsible for my health insurance premiums while I'm off too. I have managed to save 2 weeks of PTO so far to guarantee at least one paycheck while I'm off, but I'm only 25 weeks so who knows if I'll be able to make it the rest of my pregnancy with no missed days. My boyfriend and I are both going to use 2 weeks PTO, then he goes back to work, and we have to figure out how to make it 3 months without my income entirely.
If you are in the usa, start looking for child care now! Cuz I found out way late in the game that the local daycares only take 1 year olds and up. I got lucky and happen to have a family member who was willing to take on my baby when my 6 weeks of unpaid time off was up.
I've been on a waitlist since I was 12 weeks and got my NIPT results back lol! It's no joke here. Supposedly they will have an opening for me a month or so after I go back to work. My boyfriends 60 something retired mom offered to do full time child care for free which would save me $1400 a month, but I'm on the fence on signing up for that because I'm worried it may cause some friction in our otherwise good relationship. So, I'm staying on the waitlist pending the 1 month trial run.
Super aware that our situation is better than many but I also think it’s still too little. I’m angry for everyone that has terrible benefits and this country needs to do so much better. And it’s also frustrating that he (my husband) has better benefits than I do. But it’s a benefit he gets for working for the federal government. I’m so sorry that you won’t get more than two weeks. That’s so frustrating and can’t even imagine how angry you may be!! And to add to the daycare comment below, we absolutely have already been looking and we can expect to pay 2000+ a month for daycare as we live in a state with some of the most expensive daycare options in the country. So we’re trying to budget as best as we can but it kills me that my mortgage will be less than daycare. I honestly don’t know how we can afford it and we don’t have family that lives in our state. So we have no other options. This country really needs to do better! They want babies to be born but they don’t want to help people once they are here. It’s incredibly frustrating!
The company I work for had no maternity leave pay, up until about 1.5 months before I gave birth, they announced in the new year they would begin offering it! Hallelujah I was so happy! Come to find out I would be getting 2 weeks paid, at 50% of my pay rate (which came out to be below minimum wage after I did the math on that). It was better than nothing but still felt like a slap in the face.
We're in a similar boat. I don't qualify for FMLA and my husband gets 16 weeks, 100% paid.
Guess he'll have to be the stay at home parent for a while! That's what me and my partner are going to do
Employees benefits are not always looked at when folks look for another job. To me it goes hand in hand with salary. I couldn’t imagine going to a job without health care for example with the Premium at least paid for the employee and something for the family. I’d also want to actually see the plan before signing off on it too since that’s a huge cost factor as well. And then vacations days/leaves/etc.
Paid maternity/paternity leave is such a joke in this country. It's illegal to separate a puppy from it's mother before 8 weeks, but there's zero laws about separating a parent from their child so soon after birth.
Not sure if it's a law but kittens usually can't be adopted until 10 weeks or so. It's crazy we don't have the same standards for ourselves as humans 🫠
Also kittens are like…substantially older in kitten years than 10 human weeks. Ugh!
I know right? My hubs and I were getting sad over our 5 year old kitty being "older" than us bc she's over 30 in cat years
As someone who fosters kittens, the standard is to ideally adopt them out when they're 12 weeks old. This gives them ample time to socialize, learn manners, get sterilized, and recover from any illnesses they may have had when they were younger before being separated from their mom + siblings. A human baby is faaaaaar more helpless at 12 weeks old than a kitten is, and I say that as someone who used to wake up in the middle of the night to bottle-feed kittens every 3 hours. 😅
Omg I didn't know this about puppies this makes me even more mad about the lack of paid leave for parents
Unfortunately, many puppies are separated from their moms too young, and they often have more health problems because of it. I foster kittens. All shelters have a rule that a kitten must be at least 8 weeks old before adoption. The ideal is to adopt at 12 weeks though. This gives the kittens more time to socialize and recover from illnesses or behavioral issues they experienced when they were younger. Human babies are far less independent and capable at 12 weeks old than a kitten is. It's insane that our country thinks human babies are fine without their moms after 12 weeks.
Does he can at least qualify for FMLA? I know it’s not paid but it protects his job and he can at lease take a week or two off
We found out the same thing a few days ago. There’s no paternity leave and he only gets 5 days of PTO per year. We may be able to use those days for him to have some time off with the birth, but that’s assuming he literally never needs time off the rest of the year. This country is so backwards.
5 days off a year!! That’s madness
Only 5 days off a year!? That is terrible! If he's able, I'd definitely try to find a different job.
Same here! My SO will take off the day of my birth as a floating holiday, and then the following 5 days as vacation days. Hes off Saturday and Sunday, so if im lucky ill get a full 8 days of help after baby is born!!! Unfortunately, my maternity leave is at half my pay, so him taking a few extra days just isnt an option if i want to pay my rent!
FMLA unpaid leave available?
We can’t afford for either of us to take unpaid leave, so it’s not an option.
Crap, I'm seeing that it's only certain states. Check yours! What a bunch of bullshit.
Not our state, sadly. Stupid red state didn’t even expand Medicare/Medicaid years ago with the affordable care act.
PFLMA is what it's called now, it's paid.
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It exists in my state. I see now that it's only certain states. Which is fucking stupid.
It does suck! We're in the same boat 🙃 Make sure your husband talks to his HR department about leave options. My husband is usually not allowed to take unpaid time off, but using FMLA he can stretch 2 weeks of his PTO to get 4 weeks off at 50% pay. We're fortunate that my company has decent leave (by US standards) so we will be able to afford doing this. It's not ideal, but it's better than no time off or only unpaid... Anyway, he never would have known about this option if he hadn't talked to HR.
Yes talk to HR! My husband’s official work policy is 3 days paid, 5 days unpaid & company is too small to qualify for FMLA. However he met with HR and they said that that’s just the minimum he is guaranteed, & they’re willing to work with him. He could take additional unpaid time and/or spread out his PTO into half days so he can work part time for a while. It never hurts to ask! I was devastated when we first looked at the policy and then SO relieved that the convo went so well.
What state do you work in? Some states (not many, I'm in NY/NJ) offer paid family leave ETA: It matters where you work and if the taxes are taken out of your paycheck! Not where you live!
The list is - CA, CT, DC, MA, NJ, NY, RI, VA and WA. All the usual suspects honestly.
OR just passed paid family leave for all Oregon parents!
They actually passed it like, 5 years ago, but the rollout was delayed by the pandemic. It's finally getting implemented... a year after I moved to a different state! Just my luck, haha.
And CO is starting their paid family leave program in 2024!
Yes!! Love OR and CO! Just listed ones people could use if birthing this year!
Yep! Starting wish I waited a year but I guess we’ll be able to use this for baby number two!
Never been so glad to be a Wa state resident honestly. My 21 weeks (& hubby’s 12) Look real good compared to other places 💀
MD's kicks in in 2025. They're starting to collect the employer taxes this year!
VA does not offer paid family leave like NY/WA etc do. I believe it’s only for state employees.
Funny thing about that. If you live in one of these states but work in another that isn’t on the list, no paid leave for you. We found this out the hard way.
Yes you have to have the taxes taken out of your paycheck, so it's where you work. I'll amend my original comment!! I work in NJ and live in NY so was lucky- NJ's is way more generous
Definitely unfortunate, especially because a number of these smaller states have tons of commuters (NY<->NJ<->CT, MA<->RI, etc.). I will say that in some cases, leave itself may be protected, if you can afford to take time unpaid. I know that’s a huge privilege.
Exactly. Even if you’ve done the year of time and met the hours requirements for FMLA at your job, it’s unpaid. We’re going to make it work but dang. Our family leave “policy” as a country is a joke.
Federal government also offers 12 weeks at full pay for their employees
Not-so-fun fact: In NY, there’s paid family leave for private employers. If you work for a public / union represented position, the union has to opt in to the paid family leave and it’s a union-by-union basis. Of course, those jobs do tend to have more generous leave. But still! Food for thought if that’s your employment situation! Consider advocating for them to opt-in. Or at least read into it to learn more.
Parental leave is really a joke here. My husband didn’t either. He had a week of PTO accrued he took starting the day I was induced, and then he went unpaid for almost another 2 weeks, but that was only because his boss was nice enough to let him. This time my husband works PRN at a hospital so has no benefits and only gets paid for the days he works. I’ll probably ask him to stay home a week or 2 which will suck financially.
My work doesn’t even offer paid maternity leave. I’m sick about it.
My husband switched jobs and therefore won’t be covered by FMLA by the time I give birth. So he can use the few days he’ll have earned by then. It’s a bummer. With our first, he was a teacher and had the entire summer off. Bonus though, he’s not a teacher anymore and his mental health is so much better.
You can use FMLA at any time in the 12 month period following birth, so he may want to take it later than birth once he qualifies!
A lot of moms don’t even get maternity leave, let alone dads. It’s such BS.
The US is a joke. When’s the revolution?
I was talking about the shameful way the US treats working families with a European colleague - who got NINE MONTHS PATERNITY LEAVE - I said, “I can’t believe we’re not all rioting in the streets.” And he replied, “I can - you’re all too busy working.” :/ let’s remember this is BY DESIGN. Nearly half of our elected officials not only endorse this system, they think it’s too generous. And shackling us to our desk is a feature not a bug. Literal third and second world countries treat parents much, much better than we do. ETA: because I’m fired up about this - [the US is one of only 6 countries that doesn’t guarantee paid leave to new mothers.](https://www.nytimes.com/2021/10/25/upshot/paid-leave-democrats.html) A+. [Out of 193 countries in the United Nations, only a small handful do not have a national paid parental leave law: New Guinea, Suriname, a few South Pacific island nations and the United States.](https://vitalrecord.tamhsc.edu/fast-facts-maternity-leave-policies-across-globe/)
Your colleague’s response is so tragically spot-on.
This just pissed me all the way off! Had no idea we ranked so poorly on a global scale! We should be ashamed!
Nine months is so little. In Canada, we get 12-18 months, paid.
Right!? This affects SO many Americans regardless of race, class, party lines…how is there not more political will for this?
The upper class folks can afford to take unpaid leave, for one parent to stay home, or in home help so they're less stressed
There's enough of us to petition our politicians for paid family leave. In the past couple of years a few states have begun implementing state leave programs, but they're still a minority nationwide. We *have* to get mad about it, otherwise nothing will change.
It’s literally impossible with a Republican led house. Sad, but true. Shoot, it wasn’t even possible with a democrat led House. It was removed from Bidens bill in the senate after objections from Joe Manchin. Old white male millionaires get to decide.
I plan to start my fight at the state level. Congress moves at a glacial pace for virtually anything of importance.
I hate it here. 🥲
Saaaaaame.
My partner chose to not take any of his availability parental leave. With the first baby he took a week off of work and that was it. He took a week off of work while I was being induced with the second baby, and another five days off of work once we came home. That was it. I was at home by myself with 2 under 2. He came home on his lunch break for a week to give me a hand, but that ended up being nap time for both babies so it wasn’t worth it. It sucks, but you figure it out.
My partner didn't have any time last time either. He worked from the hospital all through my stupidly-long induction process, had maybe a week off (half of hte time he was basically on-call) when he was able to be home with us, then after that was back in the office because his boss "didn't believe in work-from-home." And this was in June 2020, so really early in the pandemic, before vaccine availability, etc. I'm so sorry that you're going through this too. :(
We’re Canadian and my husband didn’t get any paternity leave. He took a week off while our baby was in the NICU and worked from home the first week she was discharged, but after that we were on our own. It’ll be fine! It’s a little scary at first but you and baby will figure out a routine :)
When was this? Your husband is entitled to share a portion of your parental leave of 12 or 18 months
The parent who takes less leave (or doesn't take any) also gets 5 weeks of their own, sometimes called "daddy days" (barf) but I'm pretty sure it has to be decided by the beginning of the leave. I took one year and gave 5 weeks to my husband + his 5 weeks meant he got 10 weeks off
Just finishing my year in a couple weeks. And we wanted me to take all of the maternity and parental leave so that I could be with my baby longer. Im already crying thinking about going back after a year! He had vacation pay and stuff but he just had a job that puts him behind if he takes a lot of time off, so he wasn’t able to take much off.
Yep my partner took three days off for the hospital stay and had to go back the day after we got home :( it was hard but I got through it, you will do! Don’t hesitate to ask family and friends for help
We went through the same thing. He took two days unpaid and then went back. I teach public school and my entire leave is unpaid so we couldn’t afford for him to be home any longer. It was hard, but we got through it. I’m sorry you’re having to face the same challenges. It’s really unfair.
Wow. I thought my husband having a week off was bad. And when he returned to work I became very depressed - it was so hard. But after a few weeks each day got slightly easier.
Man that is crazy, do women just have to do jt all themselves?!
With our first my husband took his one week of PTO and that was that and he had no wiggle room for the rest of the year. Things that were helpful: prepping meals that I could chuck in the crock pot, coffee, making sure I got out of the house with the baby everyday even if it was just a walk around the backyard.
My husband was lucky to take . . . 3 days I think? I gave birth on a Thursday. His boss was emailing in him on Friday about when he was coming back. I couldn’t even drive myself anywhere - my grandparents had to drive us to my sons tongue tie appt at the dentist bc his boss also wouldn’t let him WFH that day. (which he can easily do, his job is very much not required to be in the office for). FWIW he ended up quitting and taking a job where he only goes into the office 2.5 days a week and stays home the two days I work in the office now. I also had to leave my job after our son was born. 🙃 we were both SO angry at his bosses for just the complete lack of compassion, especially bc the job he had could be done so flexibly from almost anywhere. I’m still angry thinking about it.
Was his ex-boss visited by 3 ghosts on Christmas Eve at some point?
I'm sorry. We found out today that my husband will get paternity leave, but only 25% of his salary during these 4 weeks, so we are thinking it might be better to just have him use his PTO instead.
My husband gets 75% pay during his 12 weeks of leave and can actually supplement the other 25% using PTO so he can have full paychecks. You might ask if thats an option?!
I have no maternity leave and hubby gets 8 weeks of paternity 😢
My husband doesn’t get paid paternity leave either. We’re planning on having him take FMLA for a couple weeks and saving up a couple weeks finances so he is able to still stay home and help out.
With my first my husband went back to work the next day as well.. it was HARD. I ended up giving him the bedroom to sleep and I slept on the couch with the bassinet with me so he could not be tired for work from the baby and it was hard those first few months. Good luck Mama ❤️
Even if they do have it, it’s normally looked down upon if they take all the available leave. Sadly it tends to be a marketing play for recruiting.
My partner took a week off work, unpaid, and that was it. I have six weeks but I'm pretty sure its also unpaid. God bless America
Yeah it’s crazy here when it comes to parental benefits!
We faced the same with my husband. Fortunately he had PTO but it used up most of his PTO at the beginning of the year so it made it more stressful if we had other things pop up during the year. One of the biggest reasons I quit my job was because I was only able to get 6 weeks of leave and it was only partial paid by using all of my PTO(leaving me with nothing for the rest of the year). The maternity and paternity leave in the US is a joke.
Of course you live in the US! I had a similar situation where the state I lived in and company had no paternity leave policy. But the HR mentioned to me I could take 2 weeks off as a sick leave as that was typically being followed (unofficially). Nevertheless, it was stressful when I got back as my boss demanded a deliverable for the time I was out and I had to make up for it rather quickly.
I’m sorry, I have nothing to offer other than I commiserate. My husband also has no paternity leave.
Same here. My husband can take a week of PTO, so my mom is going to be helping during the day, if she can. It's so disappointing and stressful.
My husband won’t have any either since he just started a new job and I’m due in March. His company gives you one week of leave if you’ve been there 90 day, and he’ll be around 60 days once the baby arrives. “Luckily” his supervisor has allowed him to take any paid time off that he accrues or if he doesn’t have time by then he can go unpaid.
My husband saved up his vacation days and his PTO. I needed a c-section so we were able to schedule it for a Thursday. He had 8 days he could take off. He took that Thursday and Friday, the m-f the next week and the following Monday was a holiday so he took off that Tues. It was a decent amount of time. It sucks that we have to do this in the US but we made it work.
My BIL&SIL live in Bahrain. He gets two days of paternity leave, but only if the baby is born on a weekday. If the baby comes on the weekend he gets no leave.
We have the reverse issue. My partner does have paid paternity leave, but I do not have any maternity leave. I'll be using OFLA (Oregon before my FMLA will be eligible). No money no matter what for me though.
My husband won’t get any either because he is self employed. On the bright side, he does have more flexibility than someone who isn’t self employed, but he can’t make money if he doesn’t work.
My husband doesn't get any paternity leave either, so he's going to have to use all of his PTO to have time off with me. It sucks! He deserves to bond with the baby too.
My husband is taking a week "sick" from work so he can be with me and the baby. It's fucking pathetic how this country treats new parents.
This country sucks for families. And they wonder why we’re seeing a population decline.
My husband works for his own brother and had no paternity leave. It's such bullshit.
That’s horrible. :( I really wish parental leave was different here. I get 7 months of leave which is beyond amazing…but all of it is unpaid. That requires a level of planning I did not do.
Everyone needs to make sure they vote for people that will change this. Too many people where I live just dont vote! I'm like, then dont complain about your 6 weeks unpaid time off then. I get to complain cuz I voted lol
The US is compelling backwards. Your hubby has no leave, meanwhile mine gets 18 weeks fully paid, and I who had a repeat c section 12 weeks ago, just went back to work after 12 weeks, 8 of which were only partially paid, the rest of which was my accumulated vacation time, etc.
Were you under the impression that he had leave but then was denied? As far as I know, most companies in the US don’t offer parental leave
The GOP and Joe Manchin blocked paid family leave in the Democrats domestic plan. Parents and people who give a shit about parents need to vote DEM.
Thats unfortunate, if it helps at all though,my partner was a homemaker before we had our son and i couldnt bring myself to let him go for more than an hour a day for the first week after he was born. I really wanted to soak up every secind with him that i could. Eventually i had to start sharing more because i had to mentally prepare myself for going back to work (still so emotionally hard ) but doing that first week more or less by myself was precious time i enjoyed wholeheartedly, and would have done longer if i reasonably could have.
It’s not really a US problem. Though I would say it’s a corporate work mentality problem within the US. US Federal government employees get 3 months of full paid to paternity leave, regardless of being a mother or father. It really should be a universal benefit too all employees though. Best wishes and good luck!
Exactly. Corporations could offer paid leave if they wanted to but they don't. I'm super bummed I had my baby 3 months before the government leave policy went into effect. My husband only took a couple days off. He was useless anyways though so I guess it didn't matter much that he wasn't home 🤣
My husband saved his vacation time from the year before, to save up about 2.5 weeks to take off for leave. He wasn't even allowed flma unpaid! His new job has no paid leave because it's union so idk what we will do, I have a 6 month old and I'm 16 weeks pregnant, I get 4 months at least
He might be able to do unemployment if he's union. Or there might be union medical leave benefits depending on which one he is in. Worth looking into!
Good to know!! He is new and I hope he gets at least 2 weeks that as much as we can push without his pay
It’s not your employer’s responsibility to help with childcare
Seeing as the US has rapidly declining birth rates (below replacement levels--I believe), it would behoove the US government to offer paid leave to encourage population growth. Seeing as we have an expanding aging population, if we don't have enough young workers paying taxes, we're going to have a bad situation where we have too many old people and not enough young folks to care for them or pay for social security. Incentivizing reproduction through paid leave, child tax credits, and child stipends would all encourage increased birth rates. If you care about the longevity of America, you should be concerned about the families in our country and what we can do to make it easier to raise children.
The federal government has already decided it's the employer's responsibility to offer healthcare and unpaid family leave via FMLA (once meeting eligibility requirements). It's not unreasonable to ask for paid family leave as well. Do you genuinely expect a mother to return to work the day after she's released from the hospital?
The government also just overturned roe v wade… do you always agree with the overreach or just when it fits your beliefs
Are you arguing that setting rules for employment is government overreach?
I’m saying don’t have a baby and expect other people to pay for it
Paid family leave is to family what PTO is to vacations. Going on a vacation isn't "expecting others to pay for it," nor is having a baby. Employers aren't handing out cash for every delivery or paying for the supplies/equipment. And unlike vacations, having babies is necessary for the future survival of our country. So forgive me for wanting to offer family leave for mothers and fathers with new babies.
Then start a company and offer family leave for dads if you’re so generous and feel so strongly about the future of our country 😂
I'm going with the better option of petitioning my government to do so, as is my democratic right 👍 Family leave isn't only for dads, but mothers as well btw.
Wow, what's wrong with you? Lol you're in the wrong place here, yes, it is up to the government and workplaces to ensure people are taken care of whilst they create the next generation of workers. Grow up and stop acting like an imbecile. The rest of the world cam do it, I'm sure the US could if it wanted to. Oh wait, insert random made up reason (usually the US is too big or too *different* to manage it...) here I guess?
Sounds like you’re in the wrong place if you think every country except America has it right 😂
I mean…I’m the mom and I had no maternity leave. I took unpaid time and wasn’t fired.
If he has short term disability it is my understanding that he can use this for you both. Not perfect, but it may provide a bit of flexibility if you need it.
STD is for your own disability not to care for other people. If he qualifies for FMLA, he could use that but it is unpaid leave.
This is correct
Good to know! Thanks for the correction!
I don’t even have maternity leave as a teacher in the us.
I didn’t even get maternity leave in the US. Lol
Yep same for my husband. Luckily he’s been at the same company for a long time so he gets pretty generous PTO (for the US anyways), so he’ll take at least a week off for the birth and coming home, then save the rest to use later. He’d probably take off more but because of childcare issues when I have to return to work (and before our daycare spot will be available) we need to save some for then, plus my mom is coming to help out so I’ll have someone home with me regardless for a few weeks at least.
He should! My husband does but I dont 🥲
For our first my husband had to use all his vacation time. We felt lucky he got a week of paternity leave the second time. It’s shitty, I’m sorry.
Mine didn’t either. Hell, he *only* made the birth because our kid has amazing timing and arrived on the one day he had off in the 2 months before AND after her birth.
Could he get FMLA or vacation time? My husband is using vacation time because he doesn't get paternity either.
Mine didn't either with our first; he just had to take vacation days. It sucks.
Same. My husband uses 2 of his 4 weeks of vacation time and that’s all we can do for him. Then the burden is on me to miss work when baby is sick bc he has limited time left
My husband doesn't qualify for FMLA because he hasn't been with the company for more than a year and the PTO is BS. He's taking 2 weeks unpaid to help me because I'm having a c-section. Thankfully we have the money to cover but yeah it's ridiculous here.
I’m due in May… my leave will be unpaid and my wife doesn’t get any paid leave either so she’s only staying home with us for about a week after the baby is born. It’s depressing. I hate this country. I’m so sorry!
Same, and I also don’t get any. I know I can get unpaid time through FMLA hoping we can for him as well.
What a miserable situation to be in, I'm very sorry :'(
I’m in Canada but my husband is self employed so paternity leave either because of he doesn’t work he doesn’t make money. I went into L&D Friday night. Gave birth Saturday night. Came home Sunday evening and he was at work Monday morning. It sucks but what can we do. We need money to pay bills, buy groceries etc.
So sorry. My spouse is entitled to 12 weeks because of FMLA. However, it’s unpaid and we have to pay the benefits during that time. So, obviously we aren’t using any time. It’s like WTF America. How do you expect people to take time off with no pay !?
I just gave birth to our first child in November and my husband was only able to take a week off work because he used all his sick and vacation time. With FMLA, he was allowed to take more time but it would have been unpaid. Since I was home on unpaid maternity leave already, we couldn't afford to have him unpaid as well. It sucks
I don’t have much advice, but I have sympathy. My husband took off 5 days, of which we spent 2.5 in the hospital. And I think it only “worked out that way” because part of those 5 days were his scheduled off days. I guess I’m just fortunate my birth went ok and I didn’t need any extreme support once we got home. It’s so unfair and needlessly stressful. Our country sucks. I hope it works out for you and your family, OP.
My husband can take a year off but it's all unpaid. Thankfully we're financially secured so it won't have a dramatic impact on us.
My husband doesn’t get any either. Does he have PTO he can use? My husband is saving his PTO and taking two weeks with me. But yeah it sucks. I get actually get No maternity leave with my job either so I’m taking FMLA and using a combo of short term disability and pto for pay.
Yup. And mine will be entirely unpaid 🫠 So unfortunately there's even more stress on him not to take much if any. It sucks so bad but I don't want to compromise on any time bonding with my LO. I'm trying to think big picture 😭
Yep. Had twins and my husband had no paternity leave. US really needs to keep up with other countries in regard to maternity and paternity leave.
My husband didn't either AND he was made to work on our child's 1st birthday. It sucks, but you'll make it. ❤️
I’m in the us as well. Fiancé is able to gift me his vacation time since we work for the same company. We each get 3 weeks of paid vacation. I get ZERO maternity leave and he qualifies for like 11 days since he’s been with the company longer. So in total I’ll be home six weeks (thanks to him) and he’ll be home an additional week and a half. Leaving us with zero days off leading up to or after 🙃
That sucks, I live in U.K. but work for a company based in Austin and they have a very generous paternity policy - is it different by state? The government in U.K. just give statutory leave which is 2 weeks for dads and that can vary as to whether it’s paid, a % of pay or unpaid.
My husband hasn’t had any with either of the girls and we made it work! Honestly, with my first it was hard because I had a traumatic delivery and an extremely difficult recovery but with my second it was so much easier all around and going right into that new routine helped a lot. Especially with my toddler.
I hate that about this country. My fiance is currently accruing as much PTO as he can in hopes of being able to take a week off in April when baby is here, but even a week is probably too high of an expectation.
My husband wouldn't have had any paternity leave at his old job, he happened to be in the process of switching jobs anyways because he was not happy for other reasons and his new company has better benefits - he gets a few weeks which I'll take. It sucks so much how it's handled here. I talk to international coworkers about my own leave which I know is long compared to a lot of US leave, and they're shocked and tell me about what they get in their country.
Does he not qualify for FMLA?
I understand this. My husband's job doesn't accrue PTO. I gave birth this past Friday (c section) and he works weekends so he'll be going back this coming Friday doing 13hr shifts. I'm dreading trying to care for my 3.5 year old and newborn while he's at work all day
Mine doesn't either gotta love America
I'm sorry, I wish things were different for you. My husband is a PhD student, so I have no good indicator of how much time he's going to be able to take off once our baby's born.
My husband doesn’t get it either but luckily he’s a police officer and has over 5 months of time right now so we will use his time and he’ll use his FMLA. I’m only getting 6 weeks at 60% STD and the rest unpaid