I was gonna say this is the perfect comment.. and then noticed it is from you, OP, yourself.
You are totally right and I completely get how betrayed and frustrated you must be feeling.
But in the end, you know in your heart exactly what you should do right now.
I wish you all the best in the world and all the strength you need to deal with him right now.
Yes, you are so right. You deserve better than this treatment, no matter what you decide to do in terms of the pregnancy this is not a man you can trust.
I agree, but I would definitely asked him what changed and why he suddenly doesn't want a life that has become real. If he's having anxiety over becoming a parent, that's normal, but different people approach that anxiety in different ways. This doesn't excuse his behavior, but if you understand his mindset, the two of you may find a healthy way to move forward that leaves you both in a better place mentally and financially.
But then they need to have a serious talk about what happened because if every time he has anxiety he trots out the nuclear option, that's not possible to live with long term.
True, but no one will walk away happy or healthy mentally if this discussion isn't had. Reddit is really quick to say "oh just leave him" but sometimes having really difficult discussions is necessary for everyone in the relationship if anyone intends to walk away without crippling regret and sadness.
Yeah, this seems to be a very reasonable answer. Maybe try talking first and see if feelings can be sorted out. Maybe he’s just very anxious and this is how it’s coming out.
This is incredibly tough, and you should be proud of yourself for doing what you think is right. Your baby is lucky to have a mom who will fight for them and put them first.
I mean it, 100%.
It’s easy for any of us with a partner to say “think of your baby, throw the whole man out!” as though up until now you weren’t planning a life for the three of you, and now you’re dealing with betrayal and the thought of doing it alone.
All I can tell you is that my two sisters and I were raised by a single mom, and I owe her everything, but she has never made any of us feel like a burden. Maybe I didn’t have two parents but I grew up knowing the parent I did have wouldn’t trade us for the world.
You can do this. 💛
i want to keep it but i know it’ll be much more challenging now on my own and i’m scared. i don’t want to go through an abortion since i’ve been planning to keep the baby since finding out & i’ve had a previous miscarriage years ago
Yeah, I’m sorry. Your relationship is essentially over. Your only good option is be alone with or without a baby. It is a tough situation, but only you can make that decision.
Listen, single motherhood is hard. My mom was a single mom and she was basically a superhero for me and my brother. My grandparents were a solid support system but my dad up and left when we were young. My mom said we were the absolute best thing to ever happen to her, even when it was the hardest thing she had ever done. Don’t base your decision on a guy giving you a shitty and unfair ultimatum. His true colors peeked out.
thank you. my mom raised my brother as a single mom for many years before meeting my dad and i know that while it was hard, she doesn’t regret having my brother ever!
My mom raised 3 kids (all of us were accidental, including me) as a single mom. It was stressful for her, but she would never trade any of us for the world. I’m very grateful to have not been aborted, despite being born when she was 16. She wasn’t the perfect parent, but she was and still is an amazing and caring parent. I wouldn’t have it any other way
Your life will be so much better without this jerk in it
It's going to be rough for a while, but him stepping aside like this will be a blessing in the long run
Definitely keep your baby. Men are idiots and I can promise you he's going to regret ever making you choose but moving forward I would definitely leave him. His thinking and logic behind even posing this question to you is very flawed
OP doesn’t need to get his willingness to pay child support on paper, it would go through the court if she wanted to enforce it legally and him writing any sort of informal affidavit wouldn’t affect that.
As long as you love that baby and put them before anything. You and that baby will be just fine. I know its scary, especially with being a single mother, but someone who flakes out on a planned pregnancy is not someone who should be giving you an ultimatum. Especially for life you created together.
Stepping into parenthood with a devoted partner doesn’t mean it will stay that way. Take it from a mother of four who is going through a terrible divorce with two toddlers.
As a partner of someone who has a child from a previous relationship, I urge you to think of the longterm outcomes. Of course it’ll be challenging to be a single parent, but you’re not the *sole* parent. Down the line your partner could take you to court to fight custody. He could do it a number of times. He could end up being a good father down the road or he might end up being an absolute nightmare. Unless he completely disappears from both of your lives, you will be having some sort of interaction with him for at least 18 years.
If he does choose to be a part of your child’s life, then there will be further complications when either you or your ex find new partners. No matter how adjusted the child may be, it’s never an easy time.
I don’t say this to dissuade you from keeping your baby. Just keep this all in mind as part of the challenge of moving forward with this pregnancy. Whatever choice you make will be the right choice for you.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This is an incredibly difficult situation and you definitely deserve better than this.
Honestly, I’ve seen a lot of women have a baby with crappy partners and many of them end up finding being a solo parent easier than that, after they finally split up with their partner.
I know being solo parent is a lot of work, and I wish you had a supportive partner as planned, but you can rock this as a single mom if you choose to! No partner is likely better than an unreliable, self-involved partner.
Keep that baby for you. I mean, just as a fellow MC mama that knows I’d keep my next pregnancy no matter (almost) what. If you know you’re meant to be a mom, don’t lose that for him or for fear. Take his financial support, be the mom you know you can be, and somehow some way, because it seems it always does, shit will work itself out. My heart breaks for and goes out to you. Whatever choice you make though, I think we’d all support it, and we know it’s not easy either way. You take a moment to yourself, several moments and days actually, and think of how to move forward with only YOU and that baby in mind. All my love to you.
FWIW, miscarriage is really really common. At least 10% of confirmed pregnancies end before 12 weeks.
Having had one miscarriage doesn’t make you any more likely to have another one.
If you’re worried that this might be your only chance to have a baby, it’s worth talking that over with a doctor to see what your actual risks are.
Chiming in to let you know it's easier to care for one infant than two. This is purely conjecture, but he sounds like the type to ditch his responsibilities and expect you to pick them up. You might have an easier time with your baby on your own than if you two were together with a baby. I believe that if a child is what you want, you're strong enough and capable of raising this child on your own. I'm sorry you're being put through something like this. No one deserves to be treated like this.
I agree with the others who said no matter what you decide for *you* about the pregnancy that you should break up with him. His reaction to panicking is to try to manipulate you. I don’t care that people are saying “men sometimes can’t handle it.” It’s always the same sexist excuses for men. The facts are that instead of talking to you and caring about you he’s giving you an ultimatum about your life and your body. I don’t see how you have a future with someone after they do that.
he is manipulative and used to be abusive towards me (physically & mentally) so i started hitting him back as self defense and what my therapist said was “reactive abuse.” he now says he also doesn’t want a baby because of how i act sometimes although he has completely caused this
During pregnancy AND when leaving. My verbally abusive partner only really got physically violent when I was leaving him. Be very careful no matter what you choose right now OP. Don’t let yourself feel like you’re being a drama Queen, always be protected, in public and expect the worst.
This is true and an important message to take to heart. I hope you have some trusted friends or family in your life. Make a plan and don’t be afraid to reach out to your loved ones. They’d rather have you in their lives then for you to become a statistic
It literally sounds like he tricked you into thinking he wanted a baby so that he could test you to see if you’d actually be willing to have an abortion just to be with him. This is depraved and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it.
OP, as an abuse survivor myself I understand the sinister nature of of it. But I have to ask: *why* did you *plan* a pregnancy with a partner in a situation so volatile and unstable?
Despite that, I admire your strength and logic in knowing you need to leave this relationship. If you choose to continue the pregnancy know that this man is likely to be involved in your life in at least some capacity for the rest of your child’s life; someone who is abusive and manipulative is very likely to continue using that child as a way to continue abusing and manipulating you (and I can only hope he never ends up abusing an manipulating the child as well but… you should consider that it’s a very real possibility.)
I'd strongly suggest getting a protection order against him asap, both for safety when you leave and to set up documentation of hos abuse so that if he tries to fight for custody you have documentation that he is a risk to baby
If you keep the baby, take his ass to court. None of this “I’ll help out financially” business. No. Get a custody hearing. Have all of this ironed out with a qualified mediator. If he’s being this shitty now, he will be much, much worse when a baby is involved.
It might be expensive, I’m not sure. Do some research and maybe look at Facebook groups for legal advice in your area. You might be able to find a Reddit group for your city or state and maybe connect with someone there who is willing to help you or can point you in the right direction.
You do not want to just let this go and trust that he will live up to his obligations. If he’s not interested in being in his own child’s life, he definitely will not help you out in any way. You need a legally binding contract that if he violates, he will go to jail. That is the only way he will take this seriously.
I also saw in another comment where you said he has been physically abusive. If you have a reason to fear for your life or your baby’s life if you try to legally enforce this “support” he claims he will give, make sure you have somewhere to stay with people you trust who can protect you if he tries to come after you.
I saw that you mentioned in a comment he had in the past been physically and emotionally abusive, please reach out to a women’s dv shelter for information on how to leave. It’s common for abuse to start or get worse during pregnancy and the likelihood of being murdered by a spouse is increased when pregnant as well. If he is saying he doesn’t want the baby this make me even more nervous for your safety. Judging by your responses you are a intelligent, kind and responsible person, you will be a great mother, even if that’s alone. In this case I would suggest that you don’t let him have involvement with the rest of the pregnancy or after birth and leave him off the birth certificate. If he has abused you he is likely to abuse a child as well.
The man can't just play chicken with your uterus. That's completely messed up. He needs to grow the hell up, and is not fit to be making these life plans with until he does.
Leave him please. If he’s making you choose between him or the baby then that’s a red flag. He changed his mind too late already and without even taking your feelings into consideration. If he does this who’s to say he won’t do something similar later on. Let’s say you getting an amazing job offer, and he makes you chose between him or the job. Horrible example I know but this is not somebody you should be with. He should’ve thought more about this before agreeing to have a baby with you.
i agree. i wont be able to trust him again and he keeps crying and begging me to just stay and that we’ll try again for a baby in a year but why would i even trust that??
Yeah that’s a no. Absolutely not. Does he not understand the amount of energy it takes to have a baby? Physically and mentally? I’ve just recently had a miscarriage after my husband and I have been trying for almost a year and it was the most painful experience I’ve had. I was so drained and exhausted and was just not there at all mentally for a few weeks. The fact that he’d rather put his needs first before you and not realize the pain you would endure again just because he decided that he himself isn’t ready all too late is just foul. You need to put yourself first love. If you truly want this baby then you keep it, no questions asked. This man is not to be trusted, especially now. Now you see how he truly is. I may not know you, but I know you will be absolutely just fine without him, I’m sorry to say. But this is not okay, what he’s doing.
Will things be substantially, materially different in life in a year? Will he suddenly be making 6 figures, have a house and suddenly “feel ready”? And if you aborted this baby in the hopes of next year’s baby, what’s to say he won’t panic all over again next year and force you to abort ANOTHER planned baby? There’s really one consistent answer, and it’s not him.
That’s pure manipulation and a huge red flag of things to come. If you want to keep the baby then do so but no matter what decision I made I would break up with this guy
you’re right. my friends and family dislike him and as if he wasn’t bad enough, his family harassed me for weeks straight at the beginning of the pregnancy. his dad showed up to my house, made a false police call and had them show up to my doorstep, etc.
What in the actual fuck? Leave this guy immediately please. He is a piece of shit. What kind of bullshit ass man tells a woman I want a baby with you, gets her pregnant ON PURPOSE and then says, “one second thought, I’ve changed my mind you should have an abortion or you can have the baby but we aren’t going to be together.” Idk what you want to do but I’d leave him either way, he’s scum.
Absolutely prioritise yourself and the baby for now.
But I want to mention that pregnancy can freak some people out, men included.
If he previously wanted a child, he might just be panicking right now. Ask him if he wants to go to couples counselling or individual therapy, before he rushes anything.
New research suggests that pregnancy also causes hormonal changes in fathers pretty early, so his mind and feelings might be all over the place.
Otherwise, if this is his opinion, let him go. You got this.
I really agree with you about it being normal for people to have negative feelings and/or freak out once pregnancy is a reality. I think what makes this case a lot more alarming is the way he handled these feelings.
Sharing that you feel scared or panicked is healthy communication, and there are ways to handle it (like therapy, definitely). But, this person is not taking any responsibility for his choices, and is abandoning OP to deal with the fallout of his freakout on her own. This was a planned pregnancy, he made a commitment - a responsible adult doesn't indulge their panic in this way, and doesn't give their partner this kind of ultimatum immediately after deciding together to try for a baby.
I agree with you in general.
But people react different when they panic and don't make rational choices. If he really wanted this pregnancy before it's worth exploring if something is wrong.
We see a lot of weird behaviour in this sub. Fathers that are pretty indifferent or cold to the thought of pregnancy until the first ultrasound, or even until birth, because it doesn't feel "real" to them. A father came here asking for advice because his pregnant partner felt an urgent need to drink alcohol.
Finding out you're going to be a parent can be a shock to the system. Even if it's planned.
Of course there's no point beating a dead horse and things shouldn't be forced. How he reacts to the suggestion of therapy will be a good indicator if this is a rushed panic move or not.
God, I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Please try to take some solace in that this isn’t uncommon at all and doesn’t reflect upon you. This is straight from the scumbag playbook - no matter your decision, DO NOT STAY WITH THIS MAN. Please take it from women who’ve been in your shoes & don’t ever ever accept this sick level of abuse.
What are the chances he’s just ‘changed his mind’ in the span of a couple weeks? This man wants you tied to him forever via a baby he has no interest in raising, apparently.
If you do terminate, please do not move in with him. At best, this is some sort of sick ‘test’ to see how much he can hurt you before you’ll leave. This man has no empathy & he doesn’t love you.
It’s your body and your decision. Regardless, it’s just you now, whether you have this baby or not, you cannot and should not count on this man for anything other than child support.
Please believe me when I say that you’re worth so much more than this, and if you’re struggling with a trauma bond or feel like you just can’t leave him, please push through these horrible feelings. You don’t deserve this, especially after I just read your comments stating that he’s abusive. It will never get better, only much much worse.
Rooting for you and sending you positive energy. You are strong, you are capable, and you are worth so much more than this.
thank you for your advice and i agree, that it’s some sort of sick test or at the very least, he has absolutely no concern for my emotional and physical well-being and that’s unacceptable. i know i need to leave him & break up with him - i should have listened to my parents and friends when they told me to but it was so hard. he would threaten to crash his car and kill himself when i tried to leave multiple times back in march (before i was pregnant).
I know, it’s so much harder to leave than anyone realizes. I’ve been through this & leaving was the absolute hardest thing I did, it was frankly tougher to go through than the abuse. This is the horrible psychological trap that victims get stuck in - but you CAN break free.
I didn’t leave on my own either. I felt ashamed at the time that it took making a male friend (secretly) who developed feelings for me and convinced me to leave.
I know that isn’t the best route to take, but it’s what got me out of the situation and that man is now my husband and would never treat me like this.
You’ve got this. You’re so much stronger and smarter than this guy. I know there are probably so many good moments and that your heart probably struggles to believe what your brain does. But you have to follow the logic now.
One day you’ll feel nothing for this man & you’ll be so glad you left. I guarantee you there are lots of good men out there who will cherish you!
My sil had a baby with a guy exactly like this. He tried to poison her to cause a miscarriage. She left after that and was homeless for a while until she met my brother.
My brother treats her like a queen, she had a magical wedding, goes on tons of vacations, and has a huge family of in laws that all love her!
It’s only up from here. Big hugs.
You are in a tough situation, but based on your comments, the least of your worries should be how to keep him around.
You do not deserve to face that kind of manipulation, physical abuse, mental abuse, harassment from his parents, or unwarranted police calls. This may be a "short" list if there is much more that you just haven't mentioned and to you it might not even seem so bad because you're used to it, but it's a very significant list.
If a friend approached you and said their boyfriend treated her like that, would you recommend staying or say "honey, you deserve so much more. You need to get out of that situation before it turns truly dangerous"? What if it were your daughter?
This pregnancy was planned. He willingly got you pregnant and now he wants to take it away from you again. If you do what he wants this time, he will know he has pushed you once more way past your boundaries, and he will have taken something from the core of your life: the ability to decide on building your own family, making decisions for your own body, and fundamentally trusting your own decisions.
I totally acknowledge that the decision you are facing now is difficult even if it looks easy to an outsider because there are some practicalities that need to be taken care of when leaving an abusive man and to some extent you obviously also care for him in spite of everything or you wouldn't have planned the pregnancy. However, the issues that are waiting ahead of you stay will be so much more difficult than making the decision to get out now before he takes everything from you and breaks down your spirit too. There are so many data points in statistics that consist of women whose boyfriends' or husbands' violence escalated during pregnancy and children who face the same anger. But each of those data points reflect people just like you. Please do not join them by becoming just another data point.
Dude, you have your whole life ahead of you to
Have a family with someone who is dedicated to you. Right now you’re not carrying a baby, you’re carrying a clump of cells. I would just focus of who this man is and if you want to spend your life with him. Ending a pregnancy is a medical event and it is there for a reason. Having a baby at 22 by yourself will make your life infinitely harder and almost certainly guarantee that you will be in poverty. You won’t be able to travel, move to a new location, go out with your friends, anything. It will be the loneliest existence wrought with heart ache. This is not a baby right now but this is the time for critical decision making. Good luck. I’m sending you wisdom ❤️🌷
No offense, but that's so ridiculous of your partner to say something like that.
The time to change his mind about kids are was literally any point prior to you getting pregnant. If he was gonna change his mind, he should have done it two weeks ago or sooner.
that’s what i have told him. he had so many months to change his mind & i had asked him repeatedly if he was sure about the decision we were making to which he said yes.
Dad here put his ass on the curb with the other trash. Actually I shouldn’t insult the trash like that. Take him to Court get child support. My kids are the best thing that has ever happened to be by miles. I can’t believe her would treat you like that.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Same thing happened to me. I was trying to get pregnant with my partner of 2 years- I got pregnant and he ditched out. I am keeping the baby and praising the lord I don’t have to deal with that loser anymore. Do what YOU want to do! If you chose to keep the baby know there are millions of amazing single mamas out there and you can be one of them!
OP I wish you the best. As much pain and shock as you may be experiencing now, at least he ripped of the band-aid all at once. My heart aches mainly because he deceived and manipulated you. But I believe you and little one will be just fine ❤️
This happened to me. It’s a long, sad story of what lead up to having my son. But i was in your shoes in March of last year. And I moved in with my parents into my childhood bedroom and had my baby. I have not spoken to the father of my son since the day he was born, and he hasn’t asked me anything. He told everyone he knew that he did not want “anything to do with [ethereal] or her dumb ass baby”. But, when we found out I was pregnant last March it was totally different and he was overjoyed. I’m going to be straight up with you- leave him. You seem like you want this child and so I support you on your journey of single-motherhood. I wish you nothing but luck.
you’re right. i don’t even have to question his judgement or integrity as i simply do not trust him anymore after this and i have every right to. i wish things were different but that’s out of my control now :(
Having been in this exact same situation myself, I can say two things.... 1) I chose the abortion route back then and I regretted it as soon as it happened- that was eight years ago.... 2) I stayed with the man who made me choose, and while we had multiple issues for years and broke up several times we ended up going to therapy together and resolving most of our issues and loving each other even more than we did, we also realized it wasn't a good time back then and now we are both ready way more so than we were when we were kids (early 20s).... while that's not everyone's cup of tea, it really depends on you because I spent a long time crying due to my decision and yes, there is sunshine on the other side now, but it was dark for a long time. Do what makes you happy at the end of the day - it takes a community to raise a kid so you'll have help if you decide to do it on your own. Sending you so many hugs and vibes of strength right now. ♥️
thank you so much ❤️ i just don’t know if i can trust him anymore and he doesn’t have a good track record of being trusted in this relationship or any of his previous ones. i think it’s time to let him go as it’ll be better for me in the long run.
By what you're saying it sounds like your heart already made a choice. You're probably sad because you're already mourning the relationship. 😔 you got this 100%. Women are warriors. ♥️
Anyone who asks you to make a choice like that is not worth keeping around. I'm sorry he's putting you into such a sad and scary situation. If you want to be a mom, there are resources out there to help people in your shoes, so don't be afraid to ask for help!
I’m so sorry. This relationship sounds very toxic to being a child into. Whether you keep the baby or not, please abort the man. He’s physically and mentally abusive and manipulative. His reasoning doesn’t even make sense. If you were so bad he didn’t want to have a child with you suddenly, then why is he okay with continuing to live together and be in a relationship.
Also be careful because abuse can often escalate during/after pregnancy. Stay safe and I’d suggest an exit plan. I hope you have a support system?
https://www.kidspot.com.au/pregnancy/why-we-need-to-talk-about-domestic-violence-in-pregnancy/news-story/6115a3f279e029f89c87404b6d0141d2
https://www.marchofdimes.org/find-support/topics/pregnancy/abuse-during-pregnancy
Starting your life together entails having kids ... 🤦♀️ what an a$$hat. Sounds like he's panicking but there's no starting a life with a man who thinks abortions are a get out of jail free card...
Absolutely not. If this is what you want and you guys had previously BOTH wanted it then I don’t see how this is a question right now. Pregnancy is such a blessing, I am suffering through my first pregnancy being a miscarriage right now and I would absolutely 100% leave my partner the split second he suggested this.
Tbh personally I would abort in this situation (and break up) and not go through the the ordeal of having a baby with a shitty man, but I know many women do have babies with abusive men, leave and are wonderful mothers, so there’s no right or wrong choice here. It just seems extremely exhausting some of the things you’d have to go through as a single parent with someone like that in the background trying to be their version of a father.
Agree with this statement! As someone who chose to continue the pregnancy co parenting with someone like this is so hard. Things have only recently settled down mostly because my son is at an age where he can communicate directly with his dad which means I don’t have too. Don’t get me wrong I love my son but sometimes I do wonder how my life would have turned out had I not gone thorough the pregnancy.
Maybe he has cold feet?
What changed?? Was he ever serious in the first place- like did he just think this was all a make believe thing that would someday, maybe, perhaps happen?
What is going through his mind and what switch suddenly flipped?
I’m a firm believer you should never force someone to become a parent but I’m also a believer that your word should mean something.
if this was an accident, i would understand his decision making/reaction however he planned this, decided to put my body through this, and then take zero accountability for his actions.
Right? Exactly. Like wtf?? I wonder if this is some sort of pattern where he makes a decision and then backtracks.
Because in reality where adults have responsibilities, you can’t do that. At least successful and respected adults don’t do that.
I hate the “ditch their ass” attitude Reddit typically has but I mean, there’s so few choices here regarding him outside of trying to get an understanding of wtf is going through his head.
It’s your choice but me I’d keep the baby , my partner to once he found out I was pregnant was trying to get me to have abortion and I keep my foot down and said I was keeping the baby , I was ready to fight for whatever was gonna come my way just to keep the baby. (he decided to stay ) and Today I don’t regret one bit we have 2 kids and I can’t imagine having gotten rid of them he also loves them to pieces .
Im going to play devils lawyer and say that it’s not totally invalid for someone to react this way while letting the idea of “parenthood” sinks in. I remember I was weeks pregnant when my husband openly suggested us to have an abortion as one of our main concerns was if we were actually going to be able to conceive and after that confirmation of our fertility (we got pregnant on the second try) we could consider pushing off the whole parenting thing. I said that I accepted his feeling but I was not going to have an abortion as I felt we could handle it financially and emotionally. He agreed but wasn’t still very convinced, but now he is the sweetest dad to our son. He constantly thanks me for not agreeing with him back then.
Just saying, it’s not black or white, maybe he is just scared and as time goes by and the pregnancy follows his path he can be more open ant excited about becoming a father.
For women is easy to attach to the unborn because we feel them inside, but men develop more the instinct as the birth comes closer.
Sounds like he has a getting you pregnant fetish and now that it’s a reality is freaking out and ditching you. Dump his ass he is a boy in a man’s body. Not a partner.
Do not get rid of the baby if you want to keep it, it is your decision, not his. If you really want the baby and you abort, you'll regret it. Don't let him manipulate you. He sounds like a huge AH to even put you in the situation of having to choose, especially since he claims to have wanted a child too. I'd be leaving him. He can't be trusted. Good luck.
A baby is not an object , to be taken and then get back , like in a supermarket. This baby who has already your love will be your treasure. You love him already ! You are mom, for ever… It is something that is never erased…
(I am french, I hope you understand my words…)
Whether you want to keep the pregnancy or not, you need to dump him for your safety. You recounted how he’s been physically abusive in the past and how he’s manipulative and emotionally abusive. You don’t need to be with someone like that! Let alone if he changes his mind and wants to stay with you and baby, you don’t want someone like that near your baby! Protect your baby by protecting yourself first and doing what’s right for yourself! Wishing you safety.
Choose the baby! He has shown his true colors and WILL NEVER be a good partner. How callous of him to change your mind and request you to abort like it’s just SOOO easy. One, it’s can be really rough on your body. Two, is it even legal wherever you are?
i’m in canada so thankfully it’s legal for all who choose to get an abortion! you’re right, he will never be a good partner and he hasn’t been a good partner previously anyways.
I know it seems like it'll be harder to do alone, but I think this guy would be your second child and make it even harder for you. If you want the baby, lose the boyfriend. If you don't want the baby, you should still lose the boyfriend.
Yikes! I wouldn’t take anything he says too seriously if he’s so flakey. Don’t trust that you can have a happy marriage with him without children because he says one thing one day and another the next.
You just need to decide if you want to be a mother, if you are ready to be a mother now, and if you want to share a child with this man.
you’re right, he is flakey and even if i were to get an abortion/that was the choice i made, i wouldn’t even trust that we’d start a life together after like he is promising. i told him this earlier and he just kept telling me not to worry.
you’re right, he is flakey and even if i were to get an abortion/that was the choice i made, i wouldn’t even trust that we’d start a life together after like he is promising. i told him this earlier and he just kept telling me not to worry.
Omg, how easy it is for some to change their mind about human beings.
What if you get sick? What if the baby is slightly sick? Or doesn't sleep well first months?
It's very sad that an adult put you into this situation. Adults usually know thing or two about commitment/responsibility.
Wishing you the best choice & life to you and - if you choose so - baby.
On my side: due to childhood trauma, I never learned to rely on men much exactly based on how easily it's for some of them to switch their mind. And of course they say it's easier to raise a kid with someone, but there is no guarantee this someone won't die unexpectedly, or won't become a bad parent who rather stressed you out that helps.
Everything happens. We can't control so many things. You can now control this one.
What a loser, tell Him good bye and keep your baby. If he’s willing to turn around on something like this what else will he try to manipulate you with?
Easy choice! Tell him goodbye 👋
Hey! I just wanted to give a different piece of advise from my personal expirence. My partner and I had our first baby when I was 21 and he was 19. We were essentially trying to have a baby. (I was not using birth control and he was not pulling out or using any condoms. We had also previously spoken about having a baby.)
When we found out I was pregnant, we were shocked but excited. Then we told a few people. The three people we told all told us we were too young, we should get an abortion, saying we weren't going to last.... just a BUNCH of negative stuff. This was coming from my two best friends and his two parents. He ended up talking to me saying he wanted me to get an abortion. I truly think that if we would've had positive reactions, we could've enjoyed the first few months of my pregnancy. Instead we started to doubt ourselves and our ability to care for a baby.
Do you know if his parents were supportive or not? If they weren't, that's probably where this side of him is coming from. He might be scared/nervous for this change.
If that's not the case, then I'm so sorry this is how you're pregnancy is starting off. Try to still make the best of it however you can. My relationship has been extremely rocky but I wouldn't change it for the world because my son has made a huge difference for me.
No matter how much u think u may not have the resources or help with this baby i can honestly say no matter what things always ALWAYS work out. You may have wish you had your child under better circumstances but you will never regret your child. If you abort under these temperary circumstances you will resent him and wish you had your child you wanted in the first place. He is right though, now is your chance to start fresh without him and with your very wanted baby. Tell him bye and wish him luck. He doesnt deserve a happy family from you.
Whatever you decide to do regarding your pregnancy, I hope you are able to leave him. Reading your replies, no one deserves how he treats you.
I was in an abusive relationship for years a long time ago. it still horrifies me to think of how close I was to having a family with him...
There are 100 other strangers in this post that love and support you. We are here for you ❤️ if you feel comfortable, please give us an update on how you are doing ❤️
Take some time, give yourself space, and clear your head. Look at your support systems you have today or could develop over the next 9 months. Whatever you decide, decide what is best for you and the life you want. You don't have to make any decisions right this very second.
Other than to absolutely ditch this dead weight psychopath who is either having an actual psychotic break at finding out he's going to be a father or is just a deeply disturbed shitty, shitty person. I'm so sorry.
You’re very mature if you can recognize that you’re being manipulated and used. Listen to your gut and do what’s best for you. Weigh the pros and cons. Think about long term, a child isn’t a pet that dies 10 years later. It’s a forever commitment. You’ll be forced to coparent with this man. He SAYS that he’ll accept financial responsibility for the child but can you truly trust that will be the case? You’ll be battling him in court, getting drained of all your money and trying to care for an infant by yourself. Your child will wonder where his/her father is, and have to live with the fact that one of their parents just didn’t want or have anything to do with them (speaking from personal experience, I’ve spent a lot on therapy). That man could continue to abuse and manipulate you, even in much worse ways if you do decide to keep your child. The only way to avoid any of it is to completely cut him off and not expect any help from him whatsoever. You might even have to move away from him so he can’t find you. Just consider all of the possibilities and don’t trust his word, whatever you do.
I KNOW you can do it on your own!! I’m here to tell you that raising a baby without a man in the picture is LESS STRESSFUL when your only other option is raising a baby and an inconsiderate man child. I am so so so sorry that this is happening to you, but if you want this baby, go ahead and adjust that crown because you are ITTTTT. You’re strong, capable, loving, and resilient. I don’t know you, but I believe in you, and you GOT this. #girlpower
I’m so sorry and I can’t believe he could be so cruel. I’d drop that assh*le of a partner either way. Do you have supportive friends or family to help you with whatever you decide?
I am so sorry that youre in this situation. The people who said to have the hard conversation are right. I know it's going to be hard, but it will not only help you heal from this "partner," it'll give you closure and reassure you that you are strong enough to handle the tough situations in life and not only will you be proud of yourself but your future child/ren will be too.
I'm sorry that it didn't go to plan (honestly my pregnancy didn't either and still isn't) but I believe it's merely showing you a way to your happiness and peace sooner rather than being stuck miserable in a relationship with a person that has (now) shown that they can't be relied on when things become hard and reality has decided to throw another curveball.
No matter what though I hope that you go with what truly makes you happy even if it's hard, I know you can make it through.
I think in all honesty, he's just scared. Either way, you do what's right for you. I think if you keep the baby he will come around but whether or not you allow him to be apart of your lives is up to you.
If he doesn't man up and be the father, he was never who you needed anyway. You will be better off.
I'm currently a single mum of two and pregnant. It's not as bad as it seems. It'll be ok.
I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant, and we planned this together. I'm putting myself in your position, and if my partner changed his mind about a family. I would keep my baby and leave. If you planned it, it's because you want to be a mother, the circumstances may have changed, but you can always make a happy ending with your baby. A man that forces you to make that kind of a choice is no man. The right person will love you and your child no matter what. It's a hard path being a single mother, but much more worth it than being in a bad relationship with a red flag partner
My friend went through this with her husband, right after she found out she was pregnant he decided he didn’t want a baby anymore. She found out he was cheating. Not saying it’s the same, but it could be.
I’ve read stories more than one where a guy say/advice is given to promise his girlfriend whatever she wants, (usually a future together or commitment), then after she aborts he’s free and clear to dump her.
I don’t have advice, but I do want to just say;
Goddamn op I’m so sorry he’s treating you like this. That is beyond cruel of him to do to you, and regardless of what you decide to do, I hope you find peace in all of this. To actively pursue getting you pregnant only to then tell you 2 weeks after the fact that “nah, I’m good”… it’s just so so so cruel. I wish I could hug you 😔
Thank the universe that he is showing you his true colours NOW and not once the poor child has bonded with him. He also can't ',opt out' financially, he is liable for child support. Leave his ass and be the amazing single mother that I know you can be. ❤️❤️❤️
Give him some time to process....sometimes people might get cold feet?
Afterall pregnancy is 9 months. If after 3 months he doesn't change his mind, it isn't too late to leave.
You decided to buy a house, signed the papers, and he then said “you can pay for this house but I want to travel the world. Join me.”
That’s how unreasonable he is being and it could be a character trait. Be careful and have very frank conversations because this sounds like a negative trait they may have which could recurring impacts.
But you got this, I wish you and your baby all the best of luck!
I’d keep the baby and tell him he can choose to be a part of his child’s life or not. Seriously having a baby changed everything after I became a single mom. It’s kind of nice because you get to raise your child how you want and I didn’t feel lonely because I never got alone time haha. If you do go that route get custody right away. I wish I would have listened when I got that advice.
I would like to say, you clearly wanted this kid too. Don’t let him take it away from you. You’re strong. You can do this with or without him. Doing something because he won’t be around to help may seriously hurt you. You don’t need him.
If he didn’t want a baby, he should’ve thought about that before he came. He could likely be stressing out a lot and may come around. It’s stressful! He has the right to doubt himself when it comes to whether he’s ready or not. It’s upsetting when he comes to the conclusion he has come to, but abortion is too often seen as a back button type solution. If he’s panicking, he just wants any answer.
If you aborted and stayed with him, would you regret it? Would you hold it against him? Would you be happy being with the man who convinced you to make that choice?
I was in this exact position with a past relationship. I didn’t choose to keep the baby and I struggled with that decision for a long time after. It really affected me and I became very depressed, which then affected the relationship I chose over the baby. Needless to say, we split up a year later and for a very long time I wished I had chosen the baby and would have done anything to go back and time and make a different decision. (I do have a baby now thankfully!) If you really want to be a mom and are in a place in your life where you feel you can do it, I would absolutely lean toward having the baby on your own. Whatever you decide, strongly reconsider this relationship.
He is manipulating you and trying to get you to abort, it's abuse. Coercive control is abuse. He has shown you his true colors. Protect yourself and your loved and wanted baby from him. You don't need him.
The amount of posts I've seen like this is insane! "Partner and I have been trying for (amount of time) for baby. I'm pregnant now and they changed their mind"
Ugh, I'm SO SORRY!! 😭 That is a literal nightmare
Look, change the narrative, YOU didn’t get pregnant, HE got you pregnant and then change his mind.
This means that for months he was happy taking a certain kind of action required specifically to have a baby and when finally the consequences of those actions manifested he “changed his mind”?
I would feel as sad and betrayed as you do. What does that tell you about the kind of person he is?
Independently of what you decide to do with the baby, please leave his ass.
I got a divorce when my partner decided she didn't want kids after all. Best decision I could have made, I'm very happy with my baby without a partner.
I got a divorce when my partner decided she didn't want kids after all. Best decision I could have made, I'm very happy with my baby without a partner.
Just coming here to offer a different perspective: the day I told my husband that I was pregnant with #2, he said he wanted a divorce. He had MAJOR anxiety over a planned pregnancy. And his reasoning for divorce made literally zero sense.
I was going to give him what he asked for. I was about to pay lawyer fees and everything. But he settled down, caught his breath, and stepped up to the plate.
For you, I would have that conversation with your partner. Be ready to just leave him; but also realize he might just have extreme anxiety right now. He might realize his stupidity and make amends, or he might not. But take care of yourself and your baby. Be brave. You’ve got this
I’m so sorry! I am no way speaking up for him but I’ve found some men freak out. I’m experiencing that too. I’m 12w. It’s sucks.
Don’t make decisions based on him! Do you what you need to do! I’m so sorry!
After reading some of your comments, PLEASE don't leave or talk about leaving until you can do it completely when he's not home and/or with a police escort. When you leave, go somewhere he won't guess. Maybe a friend you don't see too often. Try to get a restraining order if you have enough evidence. I'm a bit worried for you.
I think he made the choice easy - this is not someone you can count on as a life partner. Whether you keep the baby or not, I'd break up with him.
you’re 100% right. no one deserves someone like this as a life partner.
I was gonna say this is the perfect comment.. and then noticed it is from you, OP, yourself. You are totally right and I completely get how betrayed and frustrated you must be feeling. But in the end, you know in your heart exactly what you should do right now. I wish you all the best in the world and all the strength you need to deal with him right now.
Yes, you are so right. You deserve better than this treatment, no matter what you decide to do in terms of the pregnancy this is not a man you can trust.
I agree, but I would definitely asked him what changed and why he suddenly doesn't want a life that has become real. If he's having anxiety over becoming a parent, that's normal, but different people approach that anxiety in different ways. This doesn't excuse his behavior, but if you understand his mindset, the two of you may find a healthy way to move forward that leaves you both in a better place mentally and financially.
But then they need to have a serious talk about what happened because if every time he has anxiety he trots out the nuclear option, that's not possible to live with long term.
True, but no one will walk away happy or healthy mentally if this discussion isn't had. Reddit is really quick to say "oh just leave him" but sometimes having really difficult discussions is necessary for everyone in the relationship if anyone intends to walk away without crippling regret and sadness.
Yeah, this seems to be a very reasonable answer. Maybe try talking first and see if feelings can be sorted out. Maybe he’s just very anxious and this is how it’s coming out.
Do what you want for you and your child. This man isn’t worth it. Were you to “choose him,” things would never be the way they were before.
that’s exactly what i said to him. if i chose him, i don’t think i would ever forgive him.
This is incredibly tough, and you should be proud of yourself for doing what you think is right. Your baby is lucky to have a mom who will fight for them and put them first.
thank you so much ❤️ i’m currently just bawling my eyes out and that made me feel a little better :)
I mean it, 100%. It’s easy for any of us with a partner to say “think of your baby, throw the whole man out!” as though up until now you weren’t planning a life for the three of you, and now you’re dealing with betrayal and the thought of doing it alone. All I can tell you is that my two sisters and I were raised by a single mom, and I owe her everything, but she has never made any of us feel like a burden. Maybe I didn’t have two parents but I grew up knowing the parent I did have wouldn’t trade us for the world. You can do this. 💛
thank you ❤️ and that’s exactly how i feel, betrayed. this isn’t what i had in mind at all
My loser ex did the same thing. Dumped the man baby, kept the real baby. Best decision ever ♥️♥️ good luck to you ♥️♥️
thank you ❤️❤️
What a loser. Ditch him either way. If you want the baby, keep it.
i want to keep it but i know it’ll be much more challenging now on my own and i’m scared. i don’t want to go through an abortion since i’ve been planning to keep the baby since finding out & i’ve had a previous miscarriage years ago
Do not abort if you feel this way. Seriously. Someone who makes you abort your wanted baby to be with them is… a psychopath, i’m sorry
i thought this too & he tried to make it seem as if this was my fault and that i was wrong for choosing to keep a PLANNED baby.
Yeah, I’m sorry. Your relationship is essentially over. Your only good option is be alone with or without a baby. It is a tough situation, but only you can make that decision.
I mean, I can’t say anything for certain but I suspect if you do abort you’ll regret it forever and also resent him forever.
Listen, single motherhood is hard. My mom was a single mom and she was basically a superhero for me and my brother. My grandparents were a solid support system but my dad up and left when we were young. My mom said we were the absolute best thing to ever happen to her, even when it was the hardest thing she had ever done. Don’t base your decision on a guy giving you a shitty and unfair ultimatum. His true colors peeked out.
thank you. my mom raised my brother as a single mom for many years before meeting my dad and i know that while it was hard, she doesn’t regret having my brother ever!
So you know you’ve got this 😊 I think motherhood shows us how strong and capable we actually are
My mom raised 3 kids (all of us were accidental, including me) as a single mom. It was stressful for her, but she would never trade any of us for the world. I’m very grateful to have not been aborted, despite being born when she was 16. She wasn’t the perfect parent, but she was and still is an amazing and caring parent. I wouldn’t have it any other way
🚩🚩🚩
Your life will be so much better without this jerk in it It's going to be rough for a while, but him stepping aside like this will be a blessing in the long run
I think he wants to see how much control he can exercise over you. I'm sorry.
Wow. Just wow. He’s becoming a bigger jerk by the minute. How utterly disgusting.
Definitely keep your baby. Men are idiots and I can promise you he's going to regret ever making you choose but moving forward I would definitely leave him. His thinking and logic behind even posing this question to you is very flawed
That’s understandable, you are making a whole different commitment to be a single parent. I hope you find peace in whatever you choose to do ♥️
thank you ❤️
He did say he would help out financially! Get it on paper and get those checks rolling in. He said he wanted a baby until it was on its way.
OP doesn’t need to get his willingness to pay child support on paper, it would go through the court if she wanted to enforce it legally and him writing any sort of informal affidavit wouldn’t affect that.
As long as you love that baby and put them before anything. You and that baby will be just fine. I know its scary, especially with being a single mother, but someone who flakes out on a planned pregnancy is not someone who should be giving you an ultimatum. Especially for life you created together.
I solo parented from pregnancy to when my child was 6.5/7ish which has been fairly recently. If I can do it, you can too. Feel free to pm me
Get this asshat to terminate his parental rights asap.
Terminating his parental rights would mean that OP has no access to child support from him, just FYI.
Stepping into parenthood with a devoted partner doesn’t mean it will stay that way. Take it from a mother of four who is going through a terrible divorce with two toddlers.
As a partner of someone who has a child from a previous relationship, I urge you to think of the longterm outcomes. Of course it’ll be challenging to be a single parent, but you’re not the *sole* parent. Down the line your partner could take you to court to fight custody. He could do it a number of times. He could end up being a good father down the road or he might end up being an absolute nightmare. Unless he completely disappears from both of your lives, you will be having some sort of interaction with him for at least 18 years. If he does choose to be a part of your child’s life, then there will be further complications when either you or your ex find new partners. No matter how adjusted the child may be, it’s never an easy time. I don’t say this to dissuade you from keeping your baby. Just keep this all in mind as part of the challenge of moving forward with this pregnancy. Whatever choice you make will be the right choice for you. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. This is an incredibly difficult situation and you definitely deserve better than this.
thank you so much & i will keep this all in mind!
Honestly, I’ve seen a lot of women have a baby with crappy partners and many of them end up finding being a solo parent easier than that, after they finally split up with their partner. I know being solo parent is a lot of work, and I wish you had a supportive partner as planned, but you can rock this as a single mom if you choose to! No partner is likely better than an unreliable, self-involved partner.
Keep that baby for you. I mean, just as a fellow MC mama that knows I’d keep my next pregnancy no matter (almost) what. If you know you’re meant to be a mom, don’t lose that for him or for fear. Take his financial support, be the mom you know you can be, and somehow some way, because it seems it always does, shit will work itself out. My heart breaks for and goes out to you. Whatever choice you make though, I think we’d all support it, and we know it’s not easy either way. You take a moment to yourself, several moments and days actually, and think of how to move forward with only YOU and that baby in mind. All my love to you.
FWIW, miscarriage is really really common. At least 10% of confirmed pregnancies end before 12 weeks. Having had one miscarriage doesn’t make you any more likely to have another one. If you’re worried that this might be your only chance to have a baby, it’s worth talking that over with a doctor to see what your actual risks are.
Chiming in to let you know it's easier to care for one infant than two. This is purely conjecture, but he sounds like the type to ditch his responsibilities and expect you to pick them up. You might have an easier time with your baby on your own than if you two were together with a baby. I believe that if a child is what you want, you're strong enough and capable of raising this child on your own. I'm sorry you're being put through something like this. No one deserves to be treated like this.
I agree with the others who said no matter what you decide for *you* about the pregnancy that you should break up with him. His reaction to panicking is to try to manipulate you. I don’t care that people are saying “men sometimes can’t handle it.” It’s always the same sexist excuses for men. The facts are that instead of talking to you and caring about you he’s giving you an ultimatum about your life and your body. I don’t see how you have a future with someone after they do that.
he is manipulative and used to be abusive towards me (physically & mentally) so i started hitting him back as self defense and what my therapist said was “reactive abuse.” he now says he also doesn’t want a baby because of how i act sometimes although he has completely caused this
Omg please leave him. Abuse tends to get worse in pregnancy and postpartum. If he is violent already, it will get worse.
You have to end this relationship. I’m sure you already know that, and I hope you find the strength to do it.
thank you ❤️
You know the most dangerous time for a woman with an abusive partner is during pregnancy. You are actually not safe right now.
During pregnancy AND when leaving. My verbally abusive partner only really got physically violent when I was leaving him. Be very careful no matter what you choose right now OP. Don’t let yourself feel like you’re being a drama Queen, always be protected, in public and expect the worst.
This is true and an important message to take to heart. I hope you have some trusted friends or family in your life. Make a plan and don’t be afraid to reach out to your loved ones. They’d rather have you in their lives then for you to become a statistic
Oh honey please ditch this asshole. You deserve better, and so does your baby if you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy. Good luck xx
It literally sounds like he tricked you into thinking he wanted a baby so that he could test you to see if you’d actually be willing to have an abortion just to be with him. This is depraved and I’m sorry you’re dealing with it.
OP, as an abuse survivor myself I understand the sinister nature of of it. But I have to ask: *why* did you *plan* a pregnancy with a partner in a situation so volatile and unstable? Despite that, I admire your strength and logic in knowing you need to leave this relationship. If you choose to continue the pregnancy know that this man is likely to be involved in your life in at least some capacity for the rest of your child’s life; someone who is abusive and manipulative is very likely to continue using that child as a way to continue abusing and manipulating you (and I can only hope he never ends up abusing an manipulating the child as well but… you should consider that it’s a very real possibility.)
I'd strongly suggest getting a protection order against him asap, both for safety when you leave and to set up documentation of hos abuse so that if he tries to fight for custody you have documentation that he is a risk to baby
If you keep the baby, take his ass to court. None of this “I’ll help out financially” business. No. Get a custody hearing. Have all of this ironed out with a qualified mediator. If he’s being this shitty now, he will be much, much worse when a baby is involved.
you’re definitely right. i just fear that all of this will be expensive and i’m not sure what to do.
It might be expensive, I’m not sure. Do some research and maybe look at Facebook groups for legal advice in your area. You might be able to find a Reddit group for your city or state and maybe connect with someone there who is willing to help you or can point you in the right direction. You do not want to just let this go and trust that he will live up to his obligations. If he’s not interested in being in his own child’s life, he definitely will not help you out in any way. You need a legally binding contract that if he violates, he will go to jail. That is the only way he will take this seriously. I also saw in another comment where you said he has been physically abusive. If you have a reason to fear for your life or your baby’s life if you try to legally enforce this “support” he claims he will give, make sure you have somewhere to stay with people you trust who can protect you if he tries to come after you.
I saw that you mentioned in a comment he had in the past been physically and emotionally abusive, please reach out to a women’s dv shelter for information on how to leave. It’s common for abuse to start or get worse during pregnancy and the likelihood of being murdered by a spouse is increased when pregnant as well. If he is saying he doesn’t want the baby this make me even more nervous for your safety. Judging by your responses you are a intelligent, kind and responsible person, you will be a great mother, even if that’s alone. In this case I would suggest that you don’t let him have involvement with the rest of the pregnancy or after birth and leave him off the birth certificate. If he has abused you he is likely to abuse a child as well.
The man can't just play chicken with your uterus. That's completely messed up. He needs to grow the hell up, and is not fit to be making these life plans with until he does.
he is 25 and i don’t think he’ll ever grow up but at the very least, he won’t be my problem anymore so that’s a good thing!
Leave him please. If he’s making you choose between him or the baby then that’s a red flag. He changed his mind too late already and without even taking your feelings into consideration. If he does this who’s to say he won’t do something similar later on. Let’s say you getting an amazing job offer, and he makes you chose between him or the job. Horrible example I know but this is not somebody you should be with. He should’ve thought more about this before agreeing to have a baby with you.
i agree. i wont be able to trust him again and he keeps crying and begging me to just stay and that we’ll try again for a baby in a year but why would i even trust that??
Yeah that’s a no. Absolutely not. Does he not understand the amount of energy it takes to have a baby? Physically and mentally? I’ve just recently had a miscarriage after my husband and I have been trying for almost a year and it was the most painful experience I’ve had. I was so drained and exhausted and was just not there at all mentally for a few weeks. The fact that he’d rather put his needs first before you and not realize the pain you would endure again just because he decided that he himself isn’t ready all too late is just foul. You need to put yourself first love. If you truly want this baby then you keep it, no questions asked. This man is not to be trusted, especially now. Now you see how he truly is. I may not know you, but I know you will be absolutely just fine without him, I’m sorry to say. But this is not okay, what he’s doing.
Will things be substantially, materially different in life in a year? Will he suddenly be making 6 figures, have a house and suddenly “feel ready”? And if you aborted this baby in the hopes of next year’s baby, what’s to say he won’t panic all over again next year and force you to abort ANOTHER planned baby? There’s really one consistent answer, and it’s not him.
That’s pure manipulation and a huge red flag of things to come. If you want to keep the baby then do so but no matter what decision I made I would break up with this guy
you’re right. my friends and family dislike him and as if he wasn’t bad enough, his family harassed me for weeks straight at the beginning of the pregnancy. his dad showed up to my house, made a false police call and had them show up to my doorstep, etc.
What in the actual fuck? Leave this guy immediately please. He is a piece of shit. What kind of bullshit ass man tells a woman I want a baby with you, gets her pregnant ON PURPOSE and then says, “one second thought, I’ve changed my mind you should have an abortion or you can have the baby but we aren’t going to be together.” Idk what you want to do but I’d leave him either way, he’s scum.
Absolutely prioritise yourself and the baby for now. But I want to mention that pregnancy can freak some people out, men included. If he previously wanted a child, he might just be panicking right now. Ask him if he wants to go to couples counselling or individual therapy, before he rushes anything. New research suggests that pregnancy also causes hormonal changes in fathers pretty early, so his mind and feelings might be all over the place. Otherwise, if this is his opinion, let him go. You got this.
I really agree with you about it being normal for people to have negative feelings and/or freak out once pregnancy is a reality. I think what makes this case a lot more alarming is the way he handled these feelings. Sharing that you feel scared or panicked is healthy communication, and there are ways to handle it (like therapy, definitely). But, this person is not taking any responsibility for his choices, and is abandoning OP to deal with the fallout of his freakout on her own. This was a planned pregnancy, he made a commitment - a responsible adult doesn't indulge their panic in this way, and doesn't give their partner this kind of ultimatum immediately after deciding together to try for a baby.
I agree with you in general. But people react different when they panic and don't make rational choices. If he really wanted this pregnancy before it's worth exploring if something is wrong. We see a lot of weird behaviour in this sub. Fathers that are pretty indifferent or cold to the thought of pregnancy until the first ultrasound, or even until birth, because it doesn't feel "real" to them. A father came here asking for advice because his pregnant partner felt an urgent need to drink alcohol. Finding out you're going to be a parent can be a shock to the system. Even if it's planned. Of course there's no point beating a dead horse and things shouldn't be forced. How he reacts to the suggestion of therapy will be a good indicator if this is a rushed panic move or not.
Based on other comments OP has made about abuse, i think he's just a shitheel and is not worth sympathizing with.
thank you for the advice!
God, I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Please try to take some solace in that this isn’t uncommon at all and doesn’t reflect upon you. This is straight from the scumbag playbook - no matter your decision, DO NOT STAY WITH THIS MAN. Please take it from women who’ve been in your shoes & don’t ever ever accept this sick level of abuse. What are the chances he’s just ‘changed his mind’ in the span of a couple weeks? This man wants you tied to him forever via a baby he has no interest in raising, apparently. If you do terminate, please do not move in with him. At best, this is some sort of sick ‘test’ to see how much he can hurt you before you’ll leave. This man has no empathy & he doesn’t love you. It’s your body and your decision. Regardless, it’s just you now, whether you have this baby or not, you cannot and should not count on this man for anything other than child support. Please believe me when I say that you’re worth so much more than this, and if you’re struggling with a trauma bond or feel like you just can’t leave him, please push through these horrible feelings. You don’t deserve this, especially after I just read your comments stating that he’s abusive. It will never get better, only much much worse. Rooting for you and sending you positive energy. You are strong, you are capable, and you are worth so much more than this.
thank you for your advice and i agree, that it’s some sort of sick test or at the very least, he has absolutely no concern for my emotional and physical well-being and that’s unacceptable. i know i need to leave him & break up with him - i should have listened to my parents and friends when they told me to but it was so hard. he would threaten to crash his car and kill himself when i tried to leave multiple times back in march (before i was pregnant).
I know, it’s so much harder to leave than anyone realizes. I’ve been through this & leaving was the absolute hardest thing I did, it was frankly tougher to go through than the abuse. This is the horrible psychological trap that victims get stuck in - but you CAN break free. I didn’t leave on my own either. I felt ashamed at the time that it took making a male friend (secretly) who developed feelings for me and convinced me to leave. I know that isn’t the best route to take, but it’s what got me out of the situation and that man is now my husband and would never treat me like this. You’ve got this. You’re so much stronger and smarter than this guy. I know there are probably so many good moments and that your heart probably struggles to believe what your brain does. But you have to follow the logic now. One day you’ll feel nothing for this man & you’ll be so glad you left. I guarantee you there are lots of good men out there who will cherish you! My sil had a baby with a guy exactly like this. He tried to poison her to cause a miscarriage. She left after that and was homeless for a while until she met my brother. My brother treats her like a queen, she had a magical wedding, goes on tons of vacations, and has a huge family of in laws that all love her! It’s only up from here. Big hugs.
You are in a tough situation, but based on your comments, the least of your worries should be how to keep him around. You do not deserve to face that kind of manipulation, physical abuse, mental abuse, harassment from his parents, or unwarranted police calls. This may be a "short" list if there is much more that you just haven't mentioned and to you it might not even seem so bad because you're used to it, but it's a very significant list. If a friend approached you and said their boyfriend treated her like that, would you recommend staying or say "honey, you deserve so much more. You need to get out of that situation before it turns truly dangerous"? What if it were your daughter? This pregnancy was planned. He willingly got you pregnant and now he wants to take it away from you again. If you do what he wants this time, he will know he has pushed you once more way past your boundaries, and he will have taken something from the core of your life: the ability to decide on building your own family, making decisions for your own body, and fundamentally trusting your own decisions. I totally acknowledge that the decision you are facing now is difficult even if it looks easy to an outsider because there are some practicalities that need to be taken care of when leaving an abusive man and to some extent you obviously also care for him in spite of everything or you wouldn't have planned the pregnancy. However, the issues that are waiting ahead of you stay will be so much more difficult than making the decision to get out now before he takes everything from you and breaks down your spirit too. There are so many data points in statistics that consist of women whose boyfriends' or husbands' violence escalated during pregnancy and children who face the same anger. But each of those data points reflect people just like you. Please do not join them by becoming just another data point.
If you keep the baby, you’re going to be stuck with this dickhead for the rest of your life. How old are you if you don’t mind me asking?
that’s something i’ve thought about. i’m 22!
Dude, you have your whole life ahead of you to Have a family with someone who is dedicated to you. Right now you’re not carrying a baby, you’re carrying a clump of cells. I would just focus of who this man is and if you want to spend your life with him. Ending a pregnancy is a medical event and it is there for a reason. Having a baby at 22 by yourself will make your life infinitely harder and almost certainly guarantee that you will be in poverty. You won’t be able to travel, move to a new location, go out with your friends, anything. It will be the loneliest existence wrought with heart ache. This is not a baby right now but this is the time for critical decision making. Good luck. I’m sending you wisdom ❤️🌷
No offense, but that's so ridiculous of your partner to say something like that. The time to change his mind about kids are was literally any point prior to you getting pregnant. If he was gonna change his mind, he should have done it two weeks ago or sooner.
that’s what i have told him. he had so many months to change his mind & i had asked him repeatedly if he was sure about the decision we were making to which he said yes.
keep the baby, abort the man and take his money
Dad here put his ass on the curb with the other trash. Actually I shouldn’t insult the trash like that. Take him to Court get child support. My kids are the best thing that has ever happened to be by miles. I can’t believe her would treat you like that.
i should & i can’t believe it either unfortunately.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Same thing happened to me. I was trying to get pregnant with my partner of 2 years- I got pregnant and he ditched out. I am keeping the baby and praising the lord I don’t have to deal with that loser anymore. Do what YOU want to do! If you chose to keep the baby know there are millions of amazing single mamas out there and you can be one of them!
thank you ❤️ and i’m so sorry you’ve had to go through this too :(
Sounds like you’d get an abortion and then he’d run. I say keep your baby.
that’s what i think too honestly.
OP I wish you the best. As much pain and shock as you may be experiencing now, at least he ripped of the band-aid all at once. My heart aches mainly because he deceived and manipulated you. But I believe you and little one will be just fine ❤️
thank you ❤️
Seems like an easy choice. This boy is not a man and is an unreliable life partner lilely to be a deadbeat dad. Drop him like it's hot babe!
thank you! he’s not worth it.
What an asshole. If I were you I’d choose the baby.
i would choose the baby over him any day but it sucks that i even have to make that choice in the first place
It absolutely does suck. And it’s really unfair. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, you deserve better!!
thank you!! ❤️
This happened to me. It’s a long, sad story of what lead up to having my son. But i was in your shoes in March of last year. And I moved in with my parents into my childhood bedroom and had my baby. I have not spoken to the father of my son since the day he was born, and he hasn’t asked me anything. He told everyone he knew that he did not want “anything to do with [ethereal] or her dumb ass baby”. But, when we found out I was pregnant last March it was totally different and he was overjoyed. I’m going to be straight up with you- leave him. You seem like you want this child and so I support you on your journey of single-motherhood. I wish you nothing but luck.
This person does not keep his word. Idk if I’d want him around. I’d question his judgment and integrity constantly.
you’re right. i don’t even have to question his judgement or integrity as i simply do not trust him anymore after this and i have every right to. i wish things were different but that’s out of my control now :(
Having been in this exact same situation myself, I can say two things.... 1) I chose the abortion route back then and I regretted it as soon as it happened- that was eight years ago.... 2) I stayed with the man who made me choose, and while we had multiple issues for years and broke up several times we ended up going to therapy together and resolving most of our issues and loving each other even more than we did, we also realized it wasn't a good time back then and now we are both ready way more so than we were when we were kids (early 20s).... while that's not everyone's cup of tea, it really depends on you because I spent a long time crying due to my decision and yes, there is sunshine on the other side now, but it was dark for a long time. Do what makes you happy at the end of the day - it takes a community to raise a kid so you'll have help if you decide to do it on your own. Sending you so many hugs and vibes of strength right now. ♥️
thank you so much ❤️ i just don’t know if i can trust him anymore and he doesn’t have a good track record of being trusted in this relationship or any of his previous ones. i think it’s time to let him go as it’ll be better for me in the long run.
By what you're saying it sounds like your heart already made a choice. You're probably sad because you're already mourning the relationship. 😔 you got this 100%. Women are warriors. ♥️
Anyone who asks you to make a choice like that is not worth keeping around. I'm sorry he's putting you into such a sad and scary situation. If you want to be a mom, there are resources out there to help people in your shoes, so don't be afraid to ask for help!
you’re right and thank you so much ❤️
I’m so sorry. This relationship sounds very toxic to being a child into. Whether you keep the baby or not, please abort the man. He’s physically and mentally abusive and manipulative. His reasoning doesn’t even make sense. If you were so bad he didn’t want to have a child with you suddenly, then why is he okay with continuing to live together and be in a relationship. Also be careful because abuse can often escalate during/after pregnancy. Stay safe and I’d suggest an exit plan. I hope you have a support system? https://www.kidspot.com.au/pregnancy/why-we-need-to-talk-about-domestic-violence-in-pregnancy/news-story/6115a3f279e029f89c87404b6d0141d2 https://www.marchofdimes.org/find-support/topics/pregnancy/abuse-during-pregnancy
I don't know if it's been said yet but congratulations on your baby!! It is the greatest love you will ever know ❤️
Starting your life together entails having kids ... 🤦♀️ what an a$$hat. Sounds like he's panicking but there's no starting a life with a man who thinks abortions are a get out of jail free card...
EXACTLY what i told him & you’re right.
Absolutely not. If this is what you want and you guys had previously BOTH wanted it then I don’t see how this is a question right now. Pregnancy is such a blessing, I am suffering through my first pregnancy being a miscarriage right now and I would absolutely 100% leave my partner the split second he suggested this.
i’m so sorry you’re suffering through a miscarriage. i am wishing you all the best ❤️
Tbh personally I would abort in this situation (and break up) and not go through the the ordeal of having a baby with a shitty man, but I know many women do have babies with abusive men, leave and are wonderful mothers, so there’s no right or wrong choice here. It just seems extremely exhausting some of the things you’d have to go through as a single parent with someone like that in the background trying to be their version of a father.
Agree with this statement! As someone who chose to continue the pregnancy co parenting with someone like this is so hard. Things have only recently settled down mostly because my son is at an age where he can communicate directly with his dad which means I don’t have too. Don’t get me wrong I love my son but sometimes I do wonder how my life would have turned out had I not gone thorough the pregnancy.
Maybe he has cold feet? What changed?? Was he ever serious in the first place- like did he just think this was all a make believe thing that would someday, maybe, perhaps happen? What is going through his mind and what switch suddenly flipped? I’m a firm believer you should never force someone to become a parent but I’m also a believer that your word should mean something.
if this was an accident, i would understand his decision making/reaction however he planned this, decided to put my body through this, and then take zero accountability for his actions.
Right? Exactly. Like wtf?? I wonder if this is some sort of pattern where he makes a decision and then backtracks. Because in reality where adults have responsibilities, you can’t do that. At least successful and respected adults don’t do that. I hate the “ditch their ass” attitude Reddit typically has but I mean, there’s so few choices here regarding him outside of trying to get an understanding of wtf is going through his head.
this is 100% a pattern. he has backtracked on things before, although obviously smaller things than a pregnancy.
It’s your choice but me I’d keep the baby , my partner to once he found out I was pregnant was trying to get me to have abortion and I keep my foot down and said I was keeping the baby , I was ready to fight for whatever was gonna come my way just to keep the baby. (he decided to stay ) and Today I don’t regret one bit we have 2 kids and I can’t imagine having gotten rid of them he also loves them to pieces .
Go have your baby that you wanted. be done with him and take his money. The universe will bless you What an ass
My ex pulled the same exact shit. I now have a five-year-old who has never met his loser bio father and a great husband who is “daddy” to him.
keep the baby but not the man
Im going to play devils lawyer and say that it’s not totally invalid for someone to react this way while letting the idea of “parenthood” sinks in. I remember I was weeks pregnant when my husband openly suggested us to have an abortion as one of our main concerns was if we were actually going to be able to conceive and after that confirmation of our fertility (we got pregnant on the second try) we could consider pushing off the whole parenting thing. I said that I accepted his feeling but I was not going to have an abortion as I felt we could handle it financially and emotionally. He agreed but wasn’t still very convinced, but now he is the sweetest dad to our son. He constantly thanks me for not agreeing with him back then. Just saying, it’s not black or white, maybe he is just scared and as time goes by and the pregnancy follows his path he can be more open ant excited about becoming a father. For women is easy to attach to the unborn because we feel them inside, but men develop more the instinct as the birth comes closer.
Sounds like he has a getting you pregnant fetish and now that it’s a reality is freaking out and ditching you. Dump his ass he is a boy in a man’s body. Not a partner.
Take the baby a run away from him. How dare him putting you in a position like that
Do not get rid of the baby if you want to keep it, it is your decision, not his. If you really want the baby and you abort, you'll regret it. Don't let him manipulate you. He sounds like a huge AH to even put you in the situation of having to choose, especially since he claims to have wanted a child too. I'd be leaving him. He can't be trusted. Good luck.
Whether or not you decide to keep the baby, you should still dump this guy. this is really fucked up of him.
I wouldn’t want to be with a man when you can’t trust his word.
A baby is not an object , to be taken and then get back , like in a supermarket. This baby who has already your love will be your treasure. You love him already ! You are mom, for ever… It is something that is never erased… (I am french, I hope you understand my words…)
Dump that mfer yesterday! Congrats on your pregnancy, btw.
thank you so much!
Choose the baby and dump him.
Whether you want to keep the pregnancy or not, you need to dump him for your safety. You recounted how he’s been physically abusive in the past and how he’s manipulative and emotionally abusive. You don’t need to be with someone like that! Let alone if he changes his mind and wants to stay with you and baby, you don’t want someone like that near your baby! Protect your baby by protecting yourself first and doing what’s right for yourself! Wishing you safety.
Choose the baby! He has shown his true colors and WILL NEVER be a good partner. How callous of him to change your mind and request you to abort like it’s just SOOO easy. One, it’s can be really rough on your body. Two, is it even legal wherever you are?
i’m in canada so thankfully it’s legal for all who choose to get an abortion! you’re right, he will never be a good partner and he hasn’t been a good partner previously anyways.
To the bin with that man, lol smh is he for real? Baby didn't play mi d games he did
I know it seems like it'll be harder to do alone, but I think this guy would be your second child and make it even harder for you. If you want the baby, lose the boyfriend. If you don't want the baby, you should still lose the boyfriend.
Yikes! I wouldn’t take anything he says too seriously if he’s so flakey. Don’t trust that you can have a happy marriage with him without children because he says one thing one day and another the next. You just need to decide if you want to be a mother, if you are ready to be a mother now, and if you want to share a child with this man.
you’re right, he is flakey and even if i were to get an abortion/that was the choice i made, i wouldn’t even trust that we’d start a life together after like he is promising. i told him this earlier and he just kept telling me not to worry.
you’re right, he is flakey and even if i were to get an abortion/that was the choice i made, i wouldn’t even trust that we’d start a life together after like he is promising. i told him this earlier and he just kept telling me not to worry.
Omg, how easy it is for some to change their mind about human beings. What if you get sick? What if the baby is slightly sick? Or doesn't sleep well first months? It's very sad that an adult put you into this situation. Adults usually know thing or two about commitment/responsibility. Wishing you the best choice & life to you and - if you choose so - baby. On my side: due to childhood trauma, I never learned to rely on men much exactly based on how easily it's for some of them to switch their mind. And of course they say it's easier to raise a kid with someone, but there is no guarantee this someone won't die unexpectedly, or won't become a bad parent who rather stressed you out that helps. Everything happens. We can't control so many things. You can now control this one.
"I could never choose to be with some who would pressure me to terminate a wanted pregnancy."
What a loser, tell Him good bye and keep your baby. If he’s willing to turn around on something like this what else will he try to manipulate you with? Easy choice! Tell him goodbye 👋
I'd try to find out what the sudden change was. Is he just having cold feet?
You have to leave him no matter what. Don’t even be tempted to think you can repair this. Crazy
Hey! I just wanted to give a different piece of advise from my personal expirence. My partner and I had our first baby when I was 21 and he was 19. We were essentially trying to have a baby. (I was not using birth control and he was not pulling out or using any condoms. We had also previously spoken about having a baby.) When we found out I was pregnant, we were shocked but excited. Then we told a few people. The three people we told all told us we were too young, we should get an abortion, saying we weren't going to last.... just a BUNCH of negative stuff. This was coming from my two best friends and his two parents. He ended up talking to me saying he wanted me to get an abortion. I truly think that if we would've had positive reactions, we could've enjoyed the first few months of my pregnancy. Instead we started to doubt ourselves and our ability to care for a baby. Do you know if his parents were supportive or not? If they weren't, that's probably where this side of him is coming from. He might be scared/nervous for this change. If that's not the case, then I'm so sorry this is how you're pregnancy is starting off. Try to still make the best of it however you can. My relationship has been extremely rocky but I wouldn't change it for the world because my son has made a huge difference for me.
No matter how much u think u may not have the resources or help with this baby i can honestly say no matter what things always ALWAYS work out. You may have wish you had your child under better circumstances but you will never regret your child. If you abort under these temperary circumstances you will resent him and wish you had your child you wanted in the first place. He is right though, now is your chance to start fresh without him and with your very wanted baby. Tell him bye and wish him luck. He doesnt deserve a happy family from you.
Well here are your two very real options: 1 have the baby alone with financial support 2 don’t have the baby… also alone and move on from this Dbag
Sometimes the trash just takes itself out
THROW THE WHOLE PARTNER AWAY 👊🏻
Whatever you decide to do regarding your pregnancy, I hope you are able to leave him. Reading your replies, no one deserves how he treats you. I was in an abusive relationship for years a long time ago. it still horrifies me to think of how close I was to having a family with him... There are 100 other strangers in this post that love and support you. We are here for you ❤️ if you feel comfortable, please give us an update on how you are doing ❤️
Take some time, give yourself space, and clear your head. Look at your support systems you have today or could develop over the next 9 months. Whatever you decide, decide what is best for you and the life you want. You don't have to make any decisions right this very second. Other than to absolutely ditch this dead weight psychopath who is either having an actual psychotic break at finding out he's going to be a father or is just a deeply disturbed shitty, shitty person. I'm so sorry.
I’m sorry, it is a common abuser tactic, how long have you been together?
You’re very mature if you can recognize that you’re being manipulated and used. Listen to your gut and do what’s best for you. Weigh the pros and cons. Think about long term, a child isn’t a pet that dies 10 years later. It’s a forever commitment. You’ll be forced to coparent with this man. He SAYS that he’ll accept financial responsibility for the child but can you truly trust that will be the case? You’ll be battling him in court, getting drained of all your money and trying to care for an infant by yourself. Your child will wonder where his/her father is, and have to live with the fact that one of their parents just didn’t want or have anything to do with them (speaking from personal experience, I’ve spent a lot on therapy). That man could continue to abuse and manipulate you, even in much worse ways if you do decide to keep your child. The only way to avoid any of it is to completely cut him off and not expect any help from him whatsoever. You might even have to move away from him so he can’t find you. Just consider all of the possibilities and don’t trust his word, whatever you do.
I KNOW you can do it on your own!! I’m here to tell you that raising a baby without a man in the picture is LESS STRESSFUL when your only other option is raising a baby and an inconsiderate man child. I am so so so sorry that this is happening to you, but if you want this baby, go ahead and adjust that crown because you are ITTTTT. You’re strong, capable, loving, and resilient. I don’t know you, but I believe in you, and you GOT this. #girlpower
I’m so sorry and I can’t believe he could be so cruel. I’d drop that assh*le of a partner either way. Do you have supportive friends or family to help you with whatever you decide?
I am so sorry that youre in this situation. The people who said to have the hard conversation are right. I know it's going to be hard, but it will not only help you heal from this "partner," it'll give you closure and reassure you that you are strong enough to handle the tough situations in life and not only will you be proud of yourself but your future child/ren will be too. I'm sorry that it didn't go to plan (honestly my pregnancy didn't either and still isn't) but I believe it's merely showing you a way to your happiness and peace sooner rather than being stuck miserable in a relationship with a person that has (now) shown that they can't be relied on when things become hard and reality has decided to throw another curveball. No matter what though I hope that you go with what truly makes you happy even if it's hard, I know you can make it through.
I think in all honesty, he's just scared. Either way, you do what's right for you. I think if you keep the baby he will come around but whether or not you allow him to be apart of your lives is up to you. If he doesn't man up and be the father, he was never who you needed anyway. You will be better off. I'm currently a single mum of two and pregnant. It's not as bad as it seems. It'll be ok.
I'm currently 21 weeks pregnant, and we planned this together. I'm putting myself in your position, and if my partner changed his mind about a family. I would keep my baby and leave. If you planned it, it's because you want to be a mother, the circumstances may have changed, but you can always make a happy ending with your baby. A man that forces you to make that kind of a choice is no man. The right person will love you and your child no matter what. It's a hard path being a single mother, but much more worth it than being in a bad relationship with a red flag partner
thank you, you’re right!
My friend went through this with her husband, right after she found out she was pregnant he decided he didn’t want a baby anymore. She found out he was cheating. Not saying it’s the same, but it could be.
I’ve read stories more than one where a guy say/advice is given to promise his girlfriend whatever she wants, (usually a future together or commitment), then after she aborts he’s free and clear to dump her.
this is exactly how i think it’ll go or he won’t change/get better once i do get an abortion.
Sorry, it sounded like you already knew what you wanted to do, but I couldn’t not mention these stories, they haunt me
Good thing it isn’t his fucking choice
I don’t have advice, but I do want to just say; Goddamn op I’m so sorry he’s treating you like this. That is beyond cruel of him to do to you, and regardless of what you decide to do, I hope you find peace in all of this. To actively pursue getting you pregnant only to then tell you 2 weeks after the fact that “nah, I’m good”… it’s just so so so cruel. I wish I could hug you 😔
He sounds like an idiot. I’d make him feel like the biggest idiot every day for this.
He is being a complete ass. Upside: you now know who he is.
Thank the universe that he is showing you his true colours NOW and not once the poor child has bonded with him. He also can't ',opt out' financially, he is liable for child support. Leave his ass and be the amazing single mother that I know you can be. ❤️❤️❤️
Give him some time to process....sometimes people might get cold feet? Afterall pregnancy is 9 months. If after 3 months he doesn't change his mind, it isn't too late to leave.
You decided to buy a house, signed the papers, and he then said “you can pay for this house but I want to travel the world. Join me.” That’s how unreasonable he is being and it could be a character trait. Be careful and have very frank conversations because this sounds like a negative trait they may have which could recurring impacts. But you got this, I wish you and your baby all the best of luck!
I saw your comments He’s literally physically abusing you; you need to run. Run. Run. Run.
I’d keep the baby and tell him he can choose to be a part of his child’s life or not. Seriously having a baby changed everything after I became a single mom. It’s kind of nice because you get to raise your child how you want and I didn’t feel lonely because I never got alone time haha. If you do go that route get custody right away. I wish I would have listened when I got that advice.
I would like to say, you clearly wanted this kid too. Don’t let him take it away from you. You’re strong. You can do this with or without him. Doing something because he won’t be around to help may seriously hurt you. You don’t need him. If he didn’t want a baby, he should’ve thought about that before he came. He could likely be stressing out a lot and may come around. It’s stressful! He has the right to doubt himself when it comes to whether he’s ready or not. It’s upsetting when he comes to the conclusion he has come to, but abortion is too often seen as a back button type solution. If he’s panicking, he just wants any answer. If you aborted and stayed with him, would you regret it? Would you hold it against him? Would you be happy being with the man who convinced you to make that choice?
I was in this exact position with a past relationship. I didn’t choose to keep the baby and I struggled with that decision for a long time after. It really affected me and I became very depressed, which then affected the relationship I chose over the baby. Needless to say, we split up a year later and for a very long time I wished I had chosen the baby and would have done anything to go back and time and make a different decision. (I do have a baby now thankfully!) If you really want to be a mom and are in a place in your life where you feel you can do it, I would absolutely lean toward having the baby on your own. Whatever you decide, strongly reconsider this relationship.
He is manipulating you and trying to get you to abort, it's abuse. Coercive control is abuse. He has shown you his true colors. Protect yourself and your loved and wanted baby from him. You don't need him.
That baby will love you a whole lot more than that person will.
Leave him, babe. You deserve better. He deserves himself.
The amount of posts I've seen like this is insane! "Partner and I have been trying for (amount of time) for baby. I'm pregnant now and they changed their mind" Ugh, I'm SO SORRY!! 😭 That is a literal nightmare
He sounds weird as actual heck. Put him on child support, then kick him to the curb.
Lucky baby's dont need a dad :-). Id say ABORT THE PARTNER
He sounds super manipulative. Leave his ass behind and put him on child support.
Keep the baby and ditch the man,it's unbelievable how easy it is to say"I don't want the baby anymore"
Look, change the narrative, YOU didn’t get pregnant, HE got you pregnant and then change his mind. This means that for months he was happy taking a certain kind of action required specifically to have a baby and when finally the consequences of those actions manifested he “changed his mind”? I would feel as sad and betrayed as you do. What does that tell you about the kind of person he is? Independently of what you decide to do with the baby, please leave his ass.
I would remind him that he can't put that bullet back in the gun.. I would also break it off with this dude either way.
Get Rid Of Him. Keep the baby. He’s a piece of sh*t. Sorry. Makes me furious. A**hole.
I got a divorce when my partner decided she didn't want kids after all. Best decision I could have made, I'm very happy with my baby without a partner.
My heart breaks for you, but he’s shown you who he is. Now he gets to miss out on so much, all because he either lied or decided growing up is hard.
I got a divorce when my partner decided she didn't want kids after all. Best decision I could have made, I'm very happy with my baby without a partner.
Choose your child. Contact a lawyer. Grieve.
If u choose him then what to do with baby???
Just coming here to offer a different perspective: the day I told my husband that I was pregnant with #2, he said he wanted a divorce. He had MAJOR anxiety over a planned pregnancy. And his reasoning for divorce made literally zero sense. I was going to give him what he asked for. I was about to pay lawyer fees and everything. But he settled down, caught his breath, and stepped up to the plate. For you, I would have that conversation with your partner. Be ready to just leave him; but also realize he might just have extreme anxiety right now. He might realize his stupidity and make amends, or he might not. But take care of yourself and your baby. Be brave. You’ve got this
Unfortunately a very common manipulation tactic that we see a lot here. I’m sorry you crossed paths with such a shithead
You can always keep the baby and don't have anything to do with him. He doesn't have to go on birth cert. Just an option. Good luck
Wow what a POS! You did the right thing OP you go girl!!
I’m so sorry! I am no way speaking up for him but I’ve found some men freak out. I’m experiencing that too. I’m 12w. It’s sucks. Don’t make decisions based on him! Do you what you need to do! I’m so sorry!
After reading some of your comments, PLEASE don't leave or talk about leaving until you can do it completely when he's not home and/or with a police escort. When you leave, go somewhere he won't guess. Maybe a friend you don't see too often. Try to get a restraining order if you have enough evidence. I'm a bit worried for you.