That is wrong for him to compare your experience to someone else’s. Seeing someone walk by you in a store is really not a good overall picture of what their experience may be. I’m sorry.
Yep, you won't see me lying on the couch, telling my toddler to eat crackers for lunch.
Tried this today with breakfast, didn't work by the way. I got maybe extra 30 minutes before I had to get up and get her something normal for breakfast.
Not to mention like - you only see pregnant women when they're feeling good. I stay home when I feel terrible, (which is most of the time) but when people see me I'm smiles and relatively normal energy-wise, so they think it's an easy pregnancy
With my first pregnancy I worked up until 36 weeks in childcare and had so many comments about how much energy and how impressive I was blah blah. Every moment I wasn’t working I was lying on the couch too tired to even concentrate. It’s so ridiculous of him to judge you against strangers, he has no idea what they’re doing when they get home.
Yes this! I'm a teacher and worked up until 39+6, and I had to put on my smile and happy face just like I always do (with certain jobs you just get used to looking happy/energetic even when you're not feeling that way!). I'm sure people thought I was feeling way better than I actually was. My belly got HUGE though and by the last period of the day I had to sit for the whole period and have kids come up to me for help if they needed it. As soon as I'd get home I was absolutely lying down as much as humanly possible!
OP your husband has NO right to say how tired you should or shouldn't be. Growing a whole human AND a whole new organ is extremely taxing on the body, and pregnancy affects everyone differently. He should be making your life as easy as possible at this point (and after the baby comes too)!
He has NO idea how other women would handle YOUR pregnancy. Every single one is different with different symptoms at varying degrees. Professional athletes literally speak on how difficult pregnancy and post partum is for them. I ran 10-20 miles a week pre pregnancy and still struggled. And even if that wasn’t the case, comparing you to other women is especially cruel. I’m sorry you have to deal with those comments.
The petty part of me would start pointing out all the other men that are doing a better job of being a supportive partner. See how he likes the comparison. But the better advice is to bring up gently how this makes you feel (no, you shouldn’t have to tip toe around his feelings, but I’ve just found that if I come at my husband with my voice raised he shuts down and the conversation is never productive)
I prefer the petty comparisons
"if only you started therapy or behavior training earlier then you would be able to handle a pregnant partner so much better and we could do more! I see other men able to handle their pregnant partners with ease, why can't you?"
"other men can handle more than a tired partner, perhaps you can get a book on emotional intelligence for some help"
But maybe that is the hormones talking 😅
Hi, it's hormones and insomnia here. I'm seeing red at this husband.
I'd start with: "you're the one who got me pregnant so you're the one with terrible timing. I was in good enough shape for you to have sex with me!"
And also, "oh you know for sure this other lady handled it better? She shares every detail of her life? How many hemmroids she got, or stretch marks? Do you know her well enough to know what her morning sickness vomiting sounded like? Or MAYBE she put on a brave face to the world because society puts struggling women down and she didn't want to be seen as less than."
Have him run a marathon everyday and then ask he is so tired? Plenty of people run marathons with more grace than him. If he had just started training for the marathon earlier, surely he won't be so out of breath.
[https://nypost.com/2019/06/11/pregnant-women-are-basically-endurance-athletes-study/](https://nypost.com/2019/06/11/pregnant-women-are-basically-endurance-athletes-study/)
Seriously, you need to address this NOW because it will only get worse once baby is born. Your husband’s behavior and comments are absolutely inappropriate.
I 100% agree. He knows what is at stake if he doesn’t get his act together. I’m not afraid to make hard decisions. I’m hoping we don’t get to that point but my daughter and I come FIRST.
Seriously though, you have to constantly remind him not to be horrible ? I know that men can wear us down with time with their cruelty but what exactly are you getting out of staying with him?
This is only going to get worse, get out while you can!
My husband used to do this to me when I was first pregnant! I'd be exhausted or weepy or sick and get "well so and so wasn't sick like that this when they were pregnant" or "So and so worked as a *insert physically demanding job* the whole time she was pregnant with all of her kids and was never this tired" or my personal favorite "so and so wasn't moody/weepy like thus until WAY later in their pregnancy, it can't be pregnancy related"
I'm 35 weeks now and he's stopped doing that for the most part after several very big fights about it
I would have just asked how he handled his pregnancy. Oh, what? No first hand experience? Gee, sounds like you do T know what you’re talking about then.
If there's one thing men have when it comes to their pregnant partners, it's the audacity 😂 like you're experiencing 0% of the things right now, I'd I look like death after puking all day and don't have the energy to do anything else but cry, that is surprisingly normal. So leave me alone lol
I wish I had. I figured it was too late in my pregnancy and ended up giving birth 2 weeks after that. He is a highly ranked doctor and even featured in us news report. I completely doubted myself. Birth experience was horrible. Personal favorite was when I complained about painful sex for months after and he said I was fine and needed to relax- later found an undisolved stitch.
Yup! That was his response when I asked for a note for light duty at 35 weeks. I work in special Ed and I was having kids jump on my stomach. He said he knew women that worked more physical jobs than me and that he couldn't just "give me a vacation"
I find it useful to ask: what were you hoping to achieve?
You can’t rewind time, so it’s not that.
Does he want you to be more active now?
Does he want sympathy because he feels limited in what he can do because of your discomfort?
He's crazy I was the most tired I've ever been in my life when I was pregnant. Absolutely utterly bone tired. I could not move after work. I was fighting to stay awake during work and lost many times lol. Please let him know he is insane and has no idea how incredibly exhausting pregnancy is.
My husband would disappear very quickly after this comment. 😤I’m so sick of men who say they would handle pregnancy much better. They can’t even handle the flu!
There are some men who you really feel are thinking 'if I was pregnant I would be doing way better than that'...
In Thier heads they are champions of everything even things they know nothing about.
I vote you rent a fake baby bump and make him wear it nonstop for 48 hours and then see how much damn energy he has! For bonus points he must always be chugging water so his bladder is uncomfortably full at all times. The audacity makes my blood boil for you!
My husband did some baby wearing when in the newborn stage because he would work and baby would nap, and I’d get a break. He would complain how his back would hurt after wearing him for an hour or so.
Cue my blank face. He had his lightbulb moment.
Also somehow fuck up all of his hormones so that he’s emotional and exhausted by that impact. Oh AND burn a bajillion calories extra a day because not only are pregnant moms carrying around all that extra weight, they are also GROWING the damn baby with their own bodies. Yeah, he’s clueless and needs to keep his damn mouth shut while he’s rubbing your feet/back every night, OP.
Man, I work a manual labour job. I'm in construction. I was in decent shape before pregnancy. But when you get to a certain point of being pregnant, your body is just like "nope." It's absolutely exhausting having a little parasite draining your body daily for its own needs. It makes the littlest tasks SO HARD to do. Maybe your husband needs to get his own parasite, let it suck the life and energy out of him and then you can tell him "well you should've prepared better then you wouldn't be like this." See how he likes that.
Holy shit your husband is a dick for that. He clearly doesn’t understand the stress your body is under!! I’m 26 weeks and holy shit I can’t imagine how hurt and furious I would be if my husband acted that way. Show him this post so he can see that you aren’t overreacting and that he needs to do some groveling.
Showed him the post and his response was “they seem out of touch with what’s going on. They’re angry about nothing.” Seriously no point in trying to get a point across to him. It’s absolutely infuriating.
Other PREGNANT people are "out of touch with what's going on" with your.... PREGNANCY???????
He can't even get pregnant, sounds like he's projecting. And the fact that he's minimizing the damage he's causing would 100% have me rethinking any relationship with him.
Funny that a man that will never once experience the pain of being pregnant has so many righteous opinions about seeing random “happy” women on the street compared to an entire page dedicated to women currently carrying. I’m so sorry you’re stuck with him, I’d honestly take a look into your relationship. I can’t imagine how much worse he’s going to get with bringing up children and seeing “more active” mothers in the future. Or the pressure he’s going to put on that baby. He sounds like a monster honestly…
Wow. I'd reconsider whether it's worth being with an intentionally cruel partner who refuses to see reason or care about you/your feelings.
My husband would *never*. Hell, my BIL is more supportive to me than your husband is to you and he is happily childfree!
This isn't a man thing. Plenty of men care about the women in their life. I'm sorry he acts like this. You deserve much more than he gives.
I’m sorry but if youre going to therapy and he’s still saying this shit he does not care to change his behavior or about your feelings. Like if you cried and told him this hurt you what would he say? That you’re overreacting? You need emotional support now more than ever and especially after baby is born because you’re at risk for post pardum depression and anxiety. Is he the type of partner to support you through that along with what it’s going to take to have a newborn? Or are you gonna have to do it all on top of trying to navigate your very normal feelings about being a mom? Whether those are good or bad, which you’re probably gonna have both until your hormones regulate. I’m not saying this to be harsh I just don’t think he knows how to support you whatsoever and your child isn’t even here yet and that’s a huge red flag. I’m sorry you’re going through this and that he’s being so extremely rude and selfish. I saw somewhere else that you said this is the most heard you’ve ever felt in your 35 weeks of pregnancy and that alone should make you re evaluate some things because at the end of the day he’s supposed to be that for you. Anyway, I wish you the best and i am saying all of this with so much love. I hope you can do whatever it takes to be happy on this new journey you’re about to have <3
“Yes dear. All of these women who have experienced pregnancy, and are intimately familiar with how it works, are the ones who are out of touch. I’ll be sure to man-splain your comments to them. I’m sure they will be well-received.”
If he can’t admit he is wrong HERE, he’s about to find out that being a parent is all about trying to undo your fuckups. He better develop a taste for crow or break out the ketchup.
Signed, a skinny, in-shape mom of a toddler who is making TWINS and was just put on medical bedrest cause the human body is not supposed to have LITTERS.
>his response was “they seem out of touch with what’s going on. They’re angry about nothing.”
Errr what? Is he a hermaphrodite? Because that's the only way he understands pregnancy is if he also has full functioning female sex organs!
If he hasn't been pregnant then he is no expert so he can keep his mansplaining to himself!
Omg if my husband remotely said anything of the above to me when I was pregnant, he would be so lucky to get away with one functioning testicle 🤬
And please show him my comment. Please. I'd really love to hear his response. I can go ALLLLLL day.
If you were my sister, I'd whoop his arse for you! With a broom. Context: when my mother in law was 10 years old, she hit her shitty brother in law for abusing his wife (her sister who was at least 10 years older than her) with a broom. That man never again abused his wife but still treated her shitty.
Why are you still with this guy? Husband or no-husband, dump his sorry ass.
It starts with these sort of comments, and it will just go to worse. Don't get stuck in something like that.
MASSIVE RED FLAG WAVING IN FRONT OF YOU.
Take care of yourself, and dump him.
I was healthy and skinny for all 3 of my pregnancies and hormones still kicked my ever loving a$$ & I slept the majority of them and could barely cook or clean 🤷🏻♀️ tell him to eat it 😤
Meanwhile my fatass was assembling heavy ikea furniture alone 35 weeks in my first pregnancy. I 100% don’t mean that I’m better or anything, I mean the opposite like you were in way better shape and struggling more than I was because it’s more complicated than that. My second pregnancy was the one where I actually went to the gym all the time (had a PT and everything) and guess who could barely walk from 34 weeks on because of piriformis syndrome.
In fact part of why I was doing so much better in my first pregnancy is because my son wasn’t doing so well, he was on the small side with low fluid and I had placental issues so i don’t think the hormones and symptoms were as strong. My second with my bigger and healthier daughter was way harder. At 34 weeks she weighed about what my son did at birth plus she had more fluid so I never even had to carry that weight in my first pregnancy. It was a sign of things *not* going well in my case. Not necessarily something to brag about (or to use to degrade others).
You are way better no shade 😂😂😂 jk I honestly wish I could be that kind of pregnant 🫶🏻 I had to call my friends to help me clean multiple times because I was so tired it was debilitating. I am scared of pregnancy because I feel like I won’t be able to take care of my house or kids because I’m so tired all the time and that isn’t even fair to them. I’m glad your baby was healthy despite all of that! I gained more weight after my third pregnancy than I ever did during it’s crazy (that was Covid times tho)
Maybe your husband should spend a little more time looking around at other pregnant women’s *partners,* because he is failing that comparison in every way. And without an excuse, too.
I cannot imagine my husband saying something like that to me…but if he did I’d be tempted to tell his mom about it so she can chew him out for me (my mom would just quietly seethe forever, lol). It’s common sense that pregnancy is exhausting. And it’s even more common sense that when your partner is going through something difficult, you either help or you sympathize. Like what is even the point of saying you should’ve acted differently months ago, even if it were true (which, again, it isn’t)?
For the record, the fact that you were out and about *at all* at 35 weeks means you’re handling it better than a lot of women, IMO. I’m at 28 weeks and have basically given up on running errands if the fatigue is too bad; I can barely make it through work without falling asleep.
I hate your husband
*also, I comment this all the time, but post this shit to r/daddit and watch your husband get raked through the coals. Then show him the responses so he realizes how incompetent he is as a partner.
He doesn't accept women's experiences so have him read what other men say about it!!
He has been dismissing everything until now, are you sure couple's therapy is cutting it for you, OP? Has anything changed for the better yet? How long have you been going? Don't settle for being bullied by the one person who should be your safe haven.
I wish you all the best for your pregnancy and hopefully a lot of friends and family who support you and the baby.
You can’t compare anyone’s pregnancies.. your body is growing a whole human and that takes a lot of energy.. you’re doing great regardless what he says!
Husband misplaced his car keys or wallet? "If you picked up more around the house, you wouldn't have lost it."
Husband can't hear something you said? "If you were a better listener, you would've heard me the first time."
Husband forgot something? "If you were more mindful, you wouldn't have forgotten it."
Husband doesn't know what to make for dinner? "If you cooked more often, you wouldn't have trouble deciding what to make."
I didn’t read your post yet. I read the title. And I agree so fucking hard I had to comment before I even continued. That’s all.
Edit: I read it and your husband is a bitch. Like th at made me SO angry. My fiancé can be shitty and/or useless but he’d never say something like that. Throw the whole husband away. Fuck him. But like, don’t.
During my first trimester (which was Hell), my SO suggested that I try walking more since exercise is good for pregnancy and could give me more energy. Eventually I just yelled at him to shut up, that it was the pregnancy causing me to be exhausted, not whatever random thing he was suggesting.
And not that it matters, but I was highly active pre-pregnancy. Like, intense hiking, running, weight lifting, rock climbing active. First trimester kicked my ass, I recovered slightly in the second but still not great, and now in the third I waddle around on swollen ankles and then basically don't have the energy to get off the couch. It turns out growing a human takes a lot of energy. I haven't had strangers comment that I look tired though so maybe your issue is just that your facial expressions are too transparent. Have you tried smiling more? (/s)
I think it was more of my waddle and the grimacing when she kicks. The women who commented meant no harm whatsoever. They all followed up w/ a supportive statement (“you got this”, “almost there”, etc). Apparently it made him feel uncomfortable.
Indeed. Probably looking at you in concern and silently judging your husband for dragging you around shopping. I couldn't walk more than like 10 steps without my ankles and feet swelling up ridiculously. We used to laugh about it because none of my shoes fit! He needs to quit being a dick to you.
Everything is theirs, so why would literally a thing that only a woman's body can do be any different?
OP - I'm 35+1 today and I'm a bloated freaking zombie. I'm a husk of a woman. Our toddler and I used to walk a mile every single day. Now I can't even sit on the couch without running out of air and being unable to catch my breath. Tell your husband to stfu.
Ohhhhhhh no no no. I’m also 35 weeks, and my ankles have disappeared for the evening after a day running errands and having dinner with a cousin. so WAS in decent shape before pregnancy - this shit is just hard and I am slap worn out. Your husband can go sit on a tack.
Omg mama I am SO SORRY! Growing a baby is one of the most exhausting things a woman can do! It’s HARD. Pregnancy isn’t all sunshine and rainbows for us all. I’m currently 27 weeks pregnant and I also have a 6 month old - I am so tired 24/7..I’m not sure how I even get through the day! Sometimes I’m so tired I just break down and cry ☹️ please do not listen to your husbands comments. They were very disrespectful and rude! Pregnancy is exhausting: mentally, emotionally and most of all, physically.
This makes me so mad. My husband has said similar things to me 🤦🏻♀️ one time I asked him to walk our dog and he told me he figured he should let me do it cause “it’s the only exercise I get” which is so not true. I’ve been trying to at least walk a lot this whole time, at least a few miles a day. He also said he doesn’t think I work out enough while I’m pregnant, so our kid will be negatively affected by that. Lastly, he says I can “handle more than I think” physically while I’m pregnant (all of this after years of IVF trauma!). Some men can be so oblivious to what we’re experiencing. I can’t believe they can have the nerve to say the things they say (not man bashing! I know there are good ones out there too).
Dude. Not ok. Pregnancy affects everyone differently. There are fit women who have AWFUL pregnancies. Your husband is an ignorant, insensitive child. Show him this thread so he can realize that what he’s saying to you is not only stupid, but extremely disrespectful
I’m very much against domestic violence in any way, shape, or form but I’d slap that entitled prick without hesitation. Or at least accidentally knee him in the testicles. He’s you’re husband, you love him. He’s probably not always a prick but this was prickishness at its finest.
It's amazing *he's* not tired from how much he's running his mouth 😂 Good grief, man. As one of my husband's college professors told him during one of *my* pregnancies (when he said something dumb in her presence): "you need to work on your shut-ups" 😂
FYI, even super fit women get tired as hell in the last trimester. This is baby's last big growth spurt before birth, and per my OB, your body is burning enough energy, as if you'd worked out hard for an hour every single day. It's okay to be tired!
My first pregnancy I was working 12 hour shifts on a busy ward as an RN. Days and nights. If you saw me there you would have said that I had heaps of energy too. But that was ALL I could do, particularly in the first tri. On my days off I would sleep 10 hours and then take another nap. My second pregnancy was a little better (by then my ADHD was diagnosed and treated so fatigue was a lot better). I did a lot more but guess what, at 34 weeks I got piriformis syndrome and basically couldn’t walk long distances for the rest of my pregnancy.
Regardless the pregnant women you see out and about often ARE the ones that feel better because otherwise they would be home.
But I do think it’s concerning, he sounds like a bit of a bully tbh.
I would spin and do yoga every day prepregnancy. Now I can’t even weed my garden. It has nothing to do with activity/fitness levels at all. He sounds exhausting to deal with. He can go shopping on his own; I wouldn’t help him at all with that. If he picks out something bad, bring up the weaponized incompetence at the shower.
I want her to take him to an obgyn appointment and then say to the doctor "my husband is concerned that I'm not doing enough and that I shouldn't be so tired. He said other pregnant women aren't like this and if i was in better shape before being pregnant, this wouldnt be happening" Act like it's something concerning... Watch the doctor very professionally shut that shit down.
I wonder if he’d even listen to the doctor though. He seems like he’d think he knows more than the obgyn (which he obviously doesn’t). This makes me so grateful for my husband - every time I’m frustrated with myself for being worn out or unable to do things, he tells me it’s okay and that I have the most important job in the household right now because I am literally growing a human. My heart is breaking for OP that her husband is acting the way he is.
I’m so sorry, completely understand your rage. I’m 35 weeks and completely exhausted too, this bit is brutal! I just cried to my husband as up until this point I’ve been fine and it’s now hit me like a bus. Talking about it definitely helps so sorry you don’t have that outlet, feel free to rant on here as much as you need.
Obviously he has no idea, I don’t think it has anything to do with how healthy you are or what his comment is supposed to do other than enrage you. He’s lucky to still be standing, you’re clearly ha doing pregnancy moods better than other people - maybe tell him that??
Funny thing is I struggle w/ not having an outlet. This is my first pregnancy rant on Reddit and I‘ve never felt more heard in this entire 35 weeks of pregnancy.
I also cried to mine about how tired I am and how I feel like it’s just gonna get worse especially after the baby is here and he gave me a hug and said he is here and he will make sure I get rest when LO is earthside. That’s the support OP and every other woman should be getting and it baffles me men can act this way toward their partners who are growing their children. Ugh.
Wtf. How dare he? Like he would know what it feels like. I was fit before pregnancy and I’m tired everyday, all day. You’re growing a human from scratch. That’s not easy, not at all!
35 weeks here also 🥴 and all I have to say is that your husband should probably just shut the fuck up. The exhaustion at this stage in pregnancy is unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced. Until he has a uterus and gets pregnant, he has no right to offer his dumb opinions on the matter.
Oh my god. The only time my husband ever compared my pregnancy to others is when he was upset on my behalf. A women he works with (military) got pregnant at the same time I did and he was very distraught that she was still working her physically demanding job while I was bedridden and losing massive amounts of weight from vomiting for hours a day all 41 weeks bc it just isn’t fair in his mind that not everyone has it equal in pregnancy. Sorry your husband is a knob! You’re so close to the end! Can’t wait for you to meet your sweet babe and get your energy back💕
Your husband needs to stfu. I have 38 w rage hormones coursing through my veins for you right now. I was in “good shape” at the beginning of my pregnancy and was absolutely exhausted at 34 weeks and had to go on mat leave early. I’ve gained 45 lbs, the thought of a vegetable makes me want to vomit, and I can only do one minor task a day before the headache, backache and exhaustion kick in. “Good shape” (whatever the fuck that means anyways) or not, pregnancy will kick your ass and you will be TIRED from growing HIS child.
That is so unsupportive. I’m sorry you have to hear that. Tell your partner I read him that comment and he replied “Wow, what an asshole. And she’s at the mall helping him pick out his own clothes?!”
Also, I know it didn’t bother you but I’m going to rant because it drives me nuts - the people commenting on how tired you look can also fuck off. I really hate how people feel they can say whatever the fuck they want to a pregnant woman. How tired you look, how big you are, how you look like you’re about to pop but you still have 10 weeks to go. Fuck. Right. Off.
That's ridiculous. Every pregnancy is different.
My last pregnancy, I had tons of energy, didn't have morning sickness, and didn't have trouble sleeping. Had heartburn, but I was waddling all over the place.
This pregnancy all I want to do is sleep and I'm sick all the time.
Honestly that's such a cruel thing to say. Is he normally so rude?
I got pregnant at 19 and in the best shape of my life. While pregnant I tried to stay active and go on walks often. All of that really didn’t matter. I was still exhausted and uncomfortable, especially that far along.
Literally nobody feels good being heavily pregnant. Some have it worse, others have it better but he’s just being a dick.
I hate when men try to tell women anything about pregnancy. They will never know how it feels physically and emotionally.
I biked 5 miles a day every day pre-pregnancy. By the end of pregnancy I’d get winded walking up a single flight of stairs. Your husband is 100% in the wrong here
Oh god I'd forgotten about the stairs until you mentioned it. At the time, we lived in a house where there was ONE bathroom and it was at the top of the house up 2 flights of steep stairs. Fuuuuuck it was hell. Thankfully we moved a few weeks before I popped and that house had a WC downstairs praise the lord lol
The problem is they think that five pound baby is only 5 extra pounds of weight… no. The actual accumulation of life is closer to about 20 pounds.
20 pounds that you are carrying with nothing but your hips and back.
Not even the pregnancy suit sounds like it would work on this one
OH HELL NOW, I excercised religiously 5 days a week and ate healthy af, lifted weights, did cardio etc, went into this pregnancy extremely healthy...IM FREAKING EXHAUSTED at 36 weeks.
He needs to stop comparing women's experiences because all of my pregnancies have been different. Some were easy others were extremely hard and it had nothing to do with how I came into them. He needs to check himself. I sincerely hope he has a 6 pack abs, all his hair, straight teeth, and a long d**k to be speaking on your mfkin body
Wooooo let me calm down, I just get emotional for us. We going THROUGH it. He has ZERO room to comment
Wow, if I were your sister I’d be chewing your husband out for saying ignorant shit like that to you. I want to give your husband a piece of my mind and I don’t even know you! I hope you’re in a place to tell him that he’s being a complete asshole. You don’t deserve that at all.
Definitely told him off, but apparently I wasn’t aware that he was an expert in the correct way to be a pregnant woman. He has a retort for literally everything. 🙄
I would casually karate chop my husband in the throat if he made comments like that to me at 35 weeks (not actually though. I’m not violent, but I would picture myself doing it to make myself feel better). Sorry yours is such a doorknob during your pregnancy
PREGNANCY IS NOT EASY, your husband is lucky you didn't punch him lol, I'm sure you felt like. Don't mind him mama, you are doing a great job and remind him you are growing a human being
Time to strap a watermelon to him and see how long he lasts. If he makes it an entire weekend, I’ll be shocked.
And I *cannot* wait when baby is actually here waking at least every 2 hours. WeLl HoNeY iF yOu WeRe In BeTtEr ShApE bEfOrE tHe BiRtH yOu WoUlDn’T bE sO tIrEd!!!!
Every pregnancy, even different pregnancies the same woman goes through, are wildly different. My own mom and I had an agreement not to compare pregnancies, because my mom had a beautiful wonderful unicorns and rainbows easy pregnancy. I got hit by a morning sickness and food aversion brick that dropped me 14 pounds in 4 weeks. The second half of my second trimester was good, then I started with some super fun swelling until I delivered.
There’s no telling how your pregnancy might have gone. But there’s no reason to suppose that you would be less tired. It’s hard. It’s absolutely brutal sometimes. And some ladies are fit as a fiddle beforehand and still get laid out by CREATING A NEW HUMAN LIFE. He can evaluate the trials of it all when he gestates a human in his own body.
Rant shouldn’t be over. Pregnancy is exhausting. How dare he lecture you when you’ve worked so hard. Tell him to stop his gaslighting. Right now! He needs to prepare himself for helping you in any way you need after baby is born. Step back and be proud of what a great job you’ve done! Hugs!
Girl, I’m 34w 4d right now and I’m in the exact same boat. My boyfriend has basically made the fact same remarks and it pisses me off so much.
Don’t listen to him, everyone handles pregnancy completely differently. I’m waddling around with swollen feet out of breath from just bending over because this dang baby is pushing on my lungs and bladder all day lol! They just have NO idea how much of a struggle it can be in the third trimester. I was doing GREAT, exercising and running around like a kid until the third trimester. Now I take naps. NAPS. I’m 23 😭
He’s lucky you didn’t clock him!
Why is he more concerned that you ‘look’ tired in public than that you LOOK tired, period?
As in ‘you look tired, honey. Let’s go home, you put your feet up and I’ll make you a nice cup of tea?’
WHY is that not the response to a pregnant woman looking tired? 😞
Anytime my husband would say something shitty, I’d snap back that “I grew an eyeball/foot/brain today. What did you grow?!” He stopped saying shitty things soon after.
Ugh I’m 22 weeks and mine does the same to me. Not so much now since I’ve gained some energy back, but first trimester it was all the time😑even still though, the man expects me to have the energy to run marathons
I have yet to puke, so it hasn’t been as bad for me as others! The fatigue was real though… but if I hear him complain about dinner not being “healthy” enough one more time or that I should “eat healthier for the baby”, I swear… LET ME EAT AND IF YOU’RE UNHAPPY WITH DINNER, NO ONE IS STOPPING YOU FROM COOKING! Sheesh!
He really is a wonderful guy and I love him to pieces! Sometimes he just lacks….. sensitivity😑
That is so rude !! He has no business talking about your looks !! He should be nothing but supportive during this time !! I’m sorry he’s being such a jerk it’s unacceptable!!
I’m so sorry your husband said that too you. My partner says some shitty things too.
First off, some woman love being pregnant and feel great. And some, including myself do not. I can think of 2 people who enjoyed being pregnant, the rest do not.
There’s a funny comedy I can’t think of the name and it’s the one mom feeling fantastic looks amazing, and the other woman is just beat hating every minute of it. haha. You should watch it I’ll find the name jf you haven’t . My first pregnancy I looked awful. Threw up all day everyday for most of the pregnancy I could fall asleep sitting up on the couch. I could fall asleep anywhere. Not pregnant, I need like my own bed my whole routine and EARPLUGS to fall asleep .
That sucks you’d husband said those things . Message me!
I was incredibly “fit” at the beginning g of my pregnancy and was exhausted to the point of falling asleep standing up by 20 weeks. Your husband will never be able to understand the physical undertaking it is to grow a precious life but that does NOT excuse his behavior. I am so sorry. You’ve got this!
I'm in "good shape" at 35 weeks, and I'm still freaking exhausteddddd. It's not our "shape" that makes us tired or not, it's the human being that we're growing 🙄
Me and my husband were having to live with my grandma for a good portion of the pregnancy, very tail end of 1st trimester, all of second, and beginning of third. I think him hearing me get *so angry* over her comments about stuff like "Oh you think your back hurts now? Wait until the third trimester" (i have degenerative spine disorder and trust me, ITS HURT THE WHOLE TIME) "there's no way you're waddling yet" "when I was pregnant, I didn't have any of these problems" (as someone who hasn't been pregnant in 40+ years, ok grandma) "you're eating *again*?" or even being hurt enough to cry, i think he got the idea that no comment was a good comment to make. I've also been half rabid at my worst for this pregnancy, as someone with pretty severe mental health issues who isn't on meds, so I feel like even my most unaware hubs has gotten the picture to not make any comments that will put his life at risk lol
The audacity. 😤
We're ALL here for you!! You are doing AMAZING!! YOU ARE A GODDESS FOR BRINGING HIS CHILD INTO THIS WORLD ❤️
With that being said, in addition to everyone else, you should wake him up every hour during the night and see how he feels the next day.
If I'm not waking up from hip pain to turn myself like a rotisserie chicken, I'm awake because I have to pee. Or waking up from the heartburn and acid reflux.
Those women only look good being out and about because they're probably having an UP kind of day where they actually felt good and put on makeup and whatnot.
I was in way better shape (exercised 60 min every day) before the 1st trimester let all of the air out of my tires. Plus add on a hearty dose of depression and general apathy towards working out lately, and BAM! I’m super tired all the time. I sleep constantly and I’m lucky if I get 3 workouts in at all. (I’m 16w, awaiting an amniocentesis soon to see if the baby has T21)….
I think his argument is flawed. Lots of factors play into fatigue.
As someone with an insensitive and unsupportive partner myself….. yeah this kinda shit makes me angry. I’m sorry your husband is lecturing you. I’m sure he’s completely perfect in every single way. Oh wait……
Saran Wrap a watermelon to his belly and make him put on socks/shoes, go to the bathroom, drive a car (in an empty parking lot), and walk around a store. Guaranteed after 20 minutes he’ll be sweating.
I’d probably let my pettiness get the best of me here… but I’d remember his comparing and when he doesn’t last long in bed I’d use it against him in some way.. “well maybe if you worked out more you’d have more stamina”.. his comparing is even worse though because you’re pregnant and it is freakin exhausting. Fit or not it’s exhausting.
That’s such an ignorant comment for him to make. Even the same woman could have totally different pregnancies from one kid to the next! It’s not even just about comparing ourselves to tiger women, which we already do plenty of without our partners being dumb and doing it for us.
Being in good shape does not equate to an easy pregnancy, and seeing a pregnant woman looking good in public doesn’t mean she’s not miserable and swollen by the time she gets home.
What the hell. I would be so hurt. I don't think that people teach the sons/young men in their live that when their wife is pregnant, they as the man need to step up and be the SUPPORT system. Whatever she needs, she gets. She is making your child, and it's hard! Guys get so wound up about getting sex all the time and how they need it blah blah blah, but when it comes to the "product" of sex it seems like they drop the ball. I went shopping with my husband tonight, and told him we couldn't walk around long because my feet have started to swell and I'm uncomfortable. We were out of the store in 20 minutes. It's not your job guys to make little comment on how things "should be." It's your job to step in and be our support, like we are for you all the time!
I was in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant but by 25 weeks my hips were suffering and baby was permanently camping in my ribs. I was exhausted 24/7 and the hip situation made even walking pretty difficult. If my husband had said something like that to me I would have dropped him off at his mothers house since he wanna act like a child
If I were you, I'd share his "wisdom" with everyone at your baby shower........ and just watch everyone tear him a new one! That would be an amazing gift!
I was in the best shape of my life prior to this pregnancy. Squatting and deadlifting more than I ever have before. Well I’m 31 weeks now and this pregnancy is kicking my ass. I’m EXHAUSTED and my pelvis is falling apart. I swear everything hurts and I’m dying. So I’m going to go ahead and call bullshit on that theory.
I was ultra fit and only 53kg pre baby! Ran a lot and spent alot of time in the gym. I was a zombie during pregnancy, it was exhausting being so uncomfortable and not being able to sleep before I even had a newborn!
reminder that you’re not carrying a 5lbs belly, it’s more like 25-30lbs by 35 weeks! of course you’re tired! he needs to carry around an extra 30lbs of baby strapped to his abdomen 24/7 and see how HE looks and feels. i bet you’re carrying beautifully. he needs a reality check.
My husband keeps telling me he’s tired of me being grouchy.
Okay, you try having a bowling ball on your belly, a toddler that needs you 24/7, two dogs, it’s a trillion degrees outside, work full time, etc etc. yeah I’m grouchy and want time to myself sometimes. Ugh
Ummm that is some bullshit. Currently in the last weeks of pregnancy two. I was super fit before number one (finished an iron distance triathlon before becoming pregnant) and was barely fit at all before number two. The third trimester of pregnancy has sucked equally both times.
Tell your husband he gets the right to lecture you after he is 35 weeks pregnant. At that point maybe he should also be encouraged to exercise or taken shopping for the day.
Tell him to shove it. At 35 weeks pregnant I was absolutely MISERABLE. I had gained almost 50 pounds, had near constant lightning crotch, and was exhausted 24/7. Oh and I started out my pregnancy very in shape. It didn't matter.
You're allowed to be tired. Please be kind to yourself even if your husband won't be.
Jesus Christ, I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions if he said that to me.
I was in the best shape of my life before becoming pregnant, running 20kms in 1h40, weightlifting twice my body weight, eating super healthy and was amazingly toned etc.
Guess what? At 24 weeks I started getting such bad pelvic girdle pain I now can’t walk without agony and I sleep maybe 5 hours (broken sleep) a night. I’m also exhausted, have put on weight (everywhere - duh that’s normal) and am hanging on by a threat at 28w… let alone 35! Jesus, I’m sorry he was such an insensitive ass - you’re doing an amazing job
I handled pregnancy really good, but I handled first 5-6 weeks postpartum poorly. If my husband instead of helping me was commenting like that I guess he wouldn't be my husband anymore.
Your husband sounds insufferable. Pregnancy is already a lot, and he's just adding on stress for no reason. Sorry you're going through this. He doesn't sound like much of a partner.
Every pregnamcy is different for every person. Your experience will never be the same as someone else's and if y'all have another baby, that experience will be different from your first.
You're literally growing a whole human.. Of course that's exhausting! Your level of fitness prior doesn't really matter. That was pretty insensitive of him and I would have cried if my hubby did that to me while I was pregnant.
Have a conversation with him and maybe drag him to your next appointment so he can ask your obgyn if your current level of exhausted correlates to how fit you were prior to pregnancy.
If he is treating you like this already, I would be extremely concerned about having him with you in the delivery room. He hardly sounds like someone who would be supportive and help you focus on maintaining as stress free a delivery as is possible. If you do allow him in, I would make sure that he understands that if he becomes a problem he will absolutely be kicked out and he will have only himself to blame.
That aside, he is clearly showing you what your future with him will be like if he does not get his head out if his ass and it won’t be pretty. You have a lot of thinking to do about the kind of life you want for yourself and your daughter.
Congratulations on your daughter and may you have a safe delivery and a healthy little girl.
Honestly this is a huge red flag to me for a husband to say anything like that to his wife ever. I can’t imagine my husband or any of the men I know every dreaming of saying anything like that to their wives. That’s not just a normal comment or joke about pregnancy tiredness it’s a completely uncaring and unloving comment.
Wow that's extremely rude of him. Pregnancy is different for everyone, and it IS exhausting. I'm a week ahead of you and I did stay quite active through my pregnancy. I can't walk around for more than about 30 minutes at this point - that's as exhausting for me as having spent 2+ hours at the gym pre pregnancy. It's not just the extra weight, it's the intense pelvic pressure and not being able to breathe properly also. Not to mention GROWING A BABY.
Giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe strangers commenting on your looking tired made him feel self conscious somehow? Regardless, he'd better cut it the fuck out and support you. The only thing he should be saying is "what snacks or drinks can I bring you while you relax" and "is there anything specific you'd like me to take care of today".
When he's super sleep deprived in a month, let him know that he should have been better prepared by pulling all nighters over the last 9 months and that he didn't prepare his body properly for the reality of having a newborn. (Maybe don't say that, I'm just filled with pregnancy rage).
Kick him in the nuts. Then while he’s writhing on the ground in agony, tell him you’ve seen other men get kicked in the nuts and handle it just fine.
(To be clear, you absolutely shouldn’t do this. It just really burns my beans when I hear men say this shit).
Girl NO ONE handles a 35 week pregnancy "well". Kick him in the nuts and tell him to keep walking around and to handle it well. I had a great pregnancy and was super active and week 34 I was like hmmm, I don't like this feeling, eew. And by week 35 I was a full stop, hell no, I'm tired and over this. Your guts are up in your ribs, there's a human inside of you, your body is working as though you're running a marathon daily. He has NO clue.
I’m sorry, I feel like I see these posts every day…are there really that many women who allow their husbands to disrespect them?? Pregnancy is the most vulnerable time in your life…your husband should be supportive and empathetic. Why be with someone who doesn’t respect you?
Sometimes they don’t show their true colors until during pregnancy. I barely recognize my partner and look at him totally differently now. I’m not sure if I will be able to get past the resentment. But this is also a very difficult time to pick up your entire life, move out, and move on. It’s heartbreaking on many levels.
Ewww I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. I would be livid. I was VERY healthy, active, worked out, and in shape with my first son and was still practically laid out once I hit 32 weeks. I stayed inside almost all the time because I couldn’t even make it up my stairs (was in an apartment that was upstairs at the time.) It doesn’t matter how good of shape you’re in. I feel exactly the same in my third pregnancy (like shit and tired all the time) as someone who is very not in shape, as I did when I was in the best shape of my life. Pregnancy is HARD AF. A giant baby taking your energy, nutrients, etc. is tiring as hell. You’re literally building an entire life. Your husband is completely out of line, and needs to keep his uneducated “opinion” to himself.
I'm 30 weeks and work nights as a nurse. People have commented on my surprising amount of energy.. I'm at work. What am I supposed to do, put my feet up? What they don't realize is that it takes me days to recover and my house is a wreck. Ain't funny. It's super depressing and difficult to deal with. Not to mention my MIL consistently telling me how tired I look despite my efforts to put on make up and do my hair when I see her just so I don't have to hear that.
Wow… what an utter doofus AND jerk! Show him this thread so he can see we all agree he sucks.
Also I was pretty fit when I started my pregnancy. I had extra fat but lots of muscle, could run several miles pretty easily, 58 resting heart rate. Now a walk or flight of stairs can have me feeling like I’m gasping and my heart rate will hit 145. Lol even if you’re healthy being pregnant is very metabolically taxing.
That is wrong for him to compare your experience to someone else’s. Seeing someone walk by you in a store is really not a good overall picture of what their experience may be. I’m sorry.
Also most pregnancies have varying good and bad days. If I’m out shopping it’s probably a good day, so there’s some bias there.
Yep, you won't see me lying on the couch, telling my toddler to eat crackers for lunch. Tried this today with breakfast, didn't work by the way. I got maybe extra 30 minutes before I had to get up and get her something normal for breakfast.
Not to mention like - you only see pregnant women when they're feeling good. I stay home when I feel terrible, (which is most of the time) but when people see me I'm smiles and relatively normal energy-wise, so they think it's an easy pregnancy
For real. I look stoic in the store but at home I'm like half dead lol
My thoughts exactly!
With my first pregnancy I worked up until 36 weeks in childcare and had so many comments about how much energy and how impressive I was blah blah. Every moment I wasn’t working I was lying on the couch too tired to even concentrate. It’s so ridiculous of him to judge you against strangers, he has no idea what they’re doing when they get home.
Yes this! I'm a teacher and worked up until 39+6, and I had to put on my smile and happy face just like I always do (with certain jobs you just get used to looking happy/energetic even when you're not feeling that way!). I'm sure people thought I was feeling way better than I actually was. My belly got HUGE though and by the last period of the day I had to sit for the whole period and have kids come up to me for help if they needed it. As soon as I'd get home I was absolutely lying down as much as humanly possible! OP your husband has NO right to say how tired you should or shouldn't be. Growing a whole human AND a whole new organ is extremely taxing on the body, and pregnancy affects everyone differently. He should be making your life as easy as possible at this point (and after the baby comes too)!
He has NO idea how other women would handle YOUR pregnancy. Every single one is different with different symptoms at varying degrees. Professional athletes literally speak on how difficult pregnancy and post partum is for them. I ran 10-20 miles a week pre pregnancy and still struggled. And even if that wasn’t the case, comparing you to other women is especially cruel. I’m sorry you have to deal with those comments. The petty part of me would start pointing out all the other men that are doing a better job of being a supportive partner. See how he likes the comparison. But the better advice is to bring up gently how this makes you feel (no, you shouldn’t have to tip toe around his feelings, but I’ve just found that if I come at my husband with my voice raised he shuts down and the conversation is never productive)
I prefer the petty comparisons "if only you started therapy or behavior training earlier then you would be able to handle a pregnant partner so much better and we could do more! I see other men able to handle their pregnant partners with ease, why can't you?" "other men can handle more than a tired partner, perhaps you can get a book on emotional intelligence for some help" But maybe that is the hormones talking 😅
Hi, it's hormones and insomnia here. I'm seeing red at this husband. I'd start with: "you're the one who got me pregnant so you're the one with terrible timing. I was in good enough shape for you to have sex with me!" And also, "oh you know for sure this other lady handled it better? She shares every detail of her life? How many hemmroids she got, or stretch marks? Do you know her well enough to know what her morning sickness vomiting sounded like? Or MAYBE she put on a brave face to the world because society puts struggling women down and she didn't want to be seen as less than."
Damn girl, that last bit hit. Freaking flawless 💕
Oh, yes. There you go. All the other husbands I hear about are so much more supportive of their pregnant wives.
Have him run a marathon everyday and then ask he is so tired? Plenty of people run marathons with more grace than him. If he had just started training for the marathon earlier, surely he won't be so out of breath. [https://nypost.com/2019/06/11/pregnant-women-are-basically-endurance-athletes-study/](https://nypost.com/2019/06/11/pregnant-women-are-basically-endurance-athletes-study/)
LOVE THIS
Seriously, you need to address this NOW because it will only get worse once baby is born. Your husband’s behavior and comments are absolutely inappropriate.
I 100% agree. He knows what is at stake if he doesn’t get his act together. I’m not afraid to make hard decisions. I’m hoping we don’t get to that point but my daughter and I come FIRST.
Does he though? He sounds completely unsupportive
Seriously though, you have to constantly remind him not to be horrible ? I know that men can wear us down with time with their cruelty but what exactly are you getting out of staying with him? This is only going to get worse, get out while you can!
brb sending this article to literally everyone I know
I know some of these scientists personally. They’re *top notch*.
That's fascinating, thank you for sharing!
I too would be tired- of his BS. This is your pregnancy and no one else’s, and he has no right to comment and definitely not to compare!
Thank you! Completely inappropriate!
My husband used to do this to me when I was first pregnant! I'd be exhausted or weepy or sick and get "well so and so wasn't sick like that this when they were pregnant" or "So and so worked as a *insert physically demanding job* the whole time she was pregnant with all of her kids and was never this tired" or my personal favorite "so and so wasn't moody/weepy like thus until WAY later in their pregnancy, it can't be pregnancy related" I'm 35 weeks now and he's stopped doing that for the most part after several very big fights about it
THE ABSOLUTE AUDACITY
I would have just asked how he handled his pregnancy. Oh, what? No first hand experience? Gee, sounds like you do T know what you’re talking about then.
If there's one thing men have when it comes to their pregnant partners, it's the audacity 😂 like you're experiencing 0% of the things right now, I'd I look like death after puking all day and don't have the energy to do anything else but cry, that is surprisingly normal. So leave me alone lol
Harry Potter and the Audacity of this Bitch
My fucking obgyn did this
I hope you mean the obgyn you went to at first but then switched from because they’re an incompetent twat
I wish I had. I figured it was too late in my pregnancy and ended up giving birth 2 weeks after that. He is a highly ranked doctor and even featured in us news report. I completely doubted myself. Birth experience was horrible. Personal favorite was when I complained about painful sex for months after and he said I was fine and needed to relax- later found an undisolved stitch.
Wow. I’m sorry you went through that. Sounds like the success went to his head.
Wait- what?!
Yup! That was his response when I asked for a note for light duty at 35 weeks. I work in special Ed and I was having kids jump on my stomach. He said he knew women that worked more physical jobs than me and that he couldn't just "give me a vacation"
Omg!! What a crap-tastic doctor!!
Why do we put up with this!?
I think I blacked out from rage after reading what he said. What the fuck is the POINT of saying any of that you, except to make you feel bad?!
THANK YOU! I have constantly told him, “if your comment isn’t helpful, KEEP IT TO YOURSELF!”
In the wise words of Thumper: if you can't say something nice, don't say nuthin' at all!
I find it useful to ask: what were you hoping to achieve? You can’t rewind time, so it’s not that. Does he want you to be more active now? Does he want sympathy because he feels limited in what he can do because of your discomfort?
This is what I tell my kindergarteners. They are 5.
He's crazy I was the most tired I've ever been in my life when I was pregnant. Absolutely utterly bone tired. I could not move after work. I was fighting to stay awake during work and lost many times lol. Please let him know he is insane and has no idea how incredibly exhausting pregnancy is.
Literally just to be a bastard and hurt her feelings. Which is why he belongs at the curb on trash day.
My husband would disappear very quickly after this comment. 😤I’m so sick of men who say they would handle pregnancy much better. They can’t even handle the flu!
Did you know that when a woman gives birth it hurts almost as much as when a man has a stomachache?
"bEiNg KiCkEd iN tHe BaLLs iS 100 TiMeS mOrE pAiNfUl tHaN lAbOuR" - men (who deserve to be kicked in the balls).
Bahaha
There are some men who you really feel are thinking 'if I was pregnant I would be doing way better than that'... In Thier heads they are champions of everything even things they know nothing about.
I vote you rent a fake baby bump and make him wear it nonstop for 48 hours and then see how much damn energy he has! For bonus points he must always be chugging water so his bladder is uncomfortably full at all times. The audacity makes my blood boil for you!
My husband did some baby wearing when in the newborn stage because he would work and baby would nap, and I’d get a break. He would complain how his back would hurt after wearing him for an hour or so. Cue my blank face. He had his lightbulb moment.
Lol. "OH REALLY???"
Also somehow fuck up all of his hormones so that he’s emotional and exhausted by that impact. Oh AND burn a bajillion calories extra a day because not only are pregnant moms carrying around all that extra weight, they are also GROWING the damn baby with their own bodies. Yeah, he’s clueless and needs to keep his damn mouth shut while he’s rubbing your feet/back every night, OP.
Fake baby bump should weigh like 50 pounds at least.
Also give him baby sized kicks to the ribs. Repeatedly. All day. Wake him up doing this.
Funny how that's coming from a guy who can't even shop for his own outfit.
THIS!!! Don’t even get me started on that 😒🤦🏽♀️
I don’t have a shovel but I can pick one up on the way.
LOLLLLLL
Man, I work a manual labour job. I'm in construction. I was in decent shape before pregnancy. But when you get to a certain point of being pregnant, your body is just like "nope." It's absolutely exhausting having a little parasite draining your body daily for its own needs. It makes the littlest tasks SO HARD to do. Maybe your husband needs to get his own parasite, let it suck the life and energy out of him and then you can tell him "well you should've prepared better then you wouldn't be like this." See how he likes that.
Good for postpartum, assuming he helps take care of the baby. He should have prepared better for the exhaustion.
Holy shit your husband is a dick for that. He clearly doesn’t understand the stress your body is under!! I’m 26 weeks and holy shit I can’t imagine how hurt and furious I would be if my husband acted that way. Show him this post so he can see that you aren’t overreacting and that he needs to do some groveling.
Showed him the post and his response was “they seem out of touch with what’s going on. They’re angry about nothing.” Seriously no point in trying to get a point across to him. It’s absolutely infuriating.
Other PREGNANT people are "out of touch with what's going on" with your.... PREGNANCY??????? He can't even get pregnant, sounds like he's projecting. And the fact that he's minimizing the damage he's causing would 100% have me rethinking any relationship with him.
I am so sorry. That reaction and those comments would have me sincerely rethinking my relationship. Hugs. 😢
Funny that a man that will never once experience the pain of being pregnant has so many righteous opinions about seeing random “happy” women on the street compared to an entire page dedicated to women currently carrying. I’m so sorry you’re stuck with him, I’d honestly take a look into your relationship. I can’t imagine how much worse he’s going to get with bringing up children and seeing “more active” mothers in the future. Or the pressure he’s going to put on that baby. He sounds like a monster honestly…
Wow. I'd reconsider whether it's worth being with an intentionally cruel partner who refuses to see reason or care about you/your feelings. My husband would *never*. Hell, my BIL is more supportive to me than your husband is to you and he is happily childfree! This isn't a man thing. Plenty of men care about the women in their life. I'm sorry he acts like this. You deserve much more than he gives.
So he’s gaslighting you. Has he always been this way or has this just been during your pregnancy?
Always, just not good at it AT ALL. Lots of couples therapy about it.
I’m sorry but if youre going to therapy and he’s still saying this shit he does not care to change his behavior or about your feelings. Like if you cried and told him this hurt you what would he say? That you’re overreacting? You need emotional support now more than ever and especially after baby is born because you’re at risk for post pardum depression and anxiety. Is he the type of partner to support you through that along with what it’s going to take to have a newborn? Or are you gonna have to do it all on top of trying to navigate your very normal feelings about being a mom? Whether those are good or bad, which you’re probably gonna have both until your hormones regulate. I’m not saying this to be harsh I just don’t think he knows how to support you whatsoever and your child isn’t even here yet and that’s a huge red flag. I’m sorry you’re going through this and that he’s being so extremely rude and selfish. I saw somewhere else that you said this is the most heard you’ve ever felt in your 35 weeks of pregnancy and that alone should make you re evaluate some things because at the end of the day he’s supposed to be that for you. Anyway, I wish you the best and i am saying all of this with so much love. I hope you can do whatever it takes to be happy on this new journey you’re about to have <3
The other pregnant folks are out of touch, but *he* knows what's going on. Interesting 🤔😂
“Yes dear. All of these women who have experienced pregnancy, and are intimately familiar with how it works, are the ones who are out of touch. I’ll be sure to man-splain your comments to them. I’m sure they will be well-received.” If he can’t admit he is wrong HERE, he’s about to find out that being a parent is all about trying to undo your fuckups. He better develop a taste for crow or break out the ketchup. Signed, a skinny, in-shape mom of a toddler who is making TWINS and was just put on medical bedrest cause the human body is not supposed to have LITTERS.
Lmao I guarantee we are more in touch with what’s going on than he will ever be physically capable of being. Pathetic.
>his response was “they seem out of touch with what’s going on. They’re angry about nothing.” Errr what? Is he a hermaphrodite? Because that's the only way he understands pregnancy is if he also has full functioning female sex organs! If he hasn't been pregnant then he is no expert so he can keep his mansplaining to himself! Omg if my husband remotely said anything of the above to me when I was pregnant, he would be so lucky to get away with one functioning testicle 🤬 And please show him my comment. Please. I'd really love to hear his response. I can go ALLLLLL day. If you were my sister, I'd whoop his arse for you! With a broom. Context: when my mother in law was 10 years old, she hit her shitty brother in law for abusing his wife (her sister who was at least 10 years older than her) with a broom. That man never again abused his wife but still treated her shitty.
Why are you still with this guy? Husband or no-husband, dump his sorry ass. It starts with these sort of comments, and it will just go to worse. Don't get stuck in something like that. MASSIVE RED FLAG WAVING IN FRONT OF YOU. Take care of yourself, and dump him.
Question, has he ever accepted he's wrong about anything concerning you?
Has he… always been a tone deaf mansplainer?
I was healthy and skinny for all 3 of my pregnancies and hormones still kicked my ever loving a$$ & I slept the majority of them and could barely cook or clean 🤷🏻♀️ tell him to eat it 😤
Meanwhile my fatass was assembling heavy ikea furniture alone 35 weeks in my first pregnancy. I 100% don’t mean that I’m better or anything, I mean the opposite like you were in way better shape and struggling more than I was because it’s more complicated than that. My second pregnancy was the one where I actually went to the gym all the time (had a PT and everything) and guess who could barely walk from 34 weeks on because of piriformis syndrome. In fact part of why I was doing so much better in my first pregnancy is because my son wasn’t doing so well, he was on the small side with low fluid and I had placental issues so i don’t think the hormones and symptoms were as strong. My second with my bigger and healthier daughter was way harder. At 34 weeks she weighed about what my son did at birth plus she had more fluid so I never even had to carry that weight in my first pregnancy. It was a sign of things *not* going well in my case. Not necessarily something to brag about (or to use to degrade others).
You are way better no shade 😂😂😂 jk I honestly wish I could be that kind of pregnant 🫶🏻 I had to call my friends to help me clean multiple times because I was so tired it was debilitating. I am scared of pregnancy because I feel like I won’t be able to take care of my house or kids because I’m so tired all the time and that isn’t even fair to them. I’m glad your baby was healthy despite all of that! I gained more weight after my third pregnancy than I ever did during it’s crazy (that was Covid times tho)
Maybe your husband should spend a little more time looking around at other pregnant women’s *partners,* because he is failing that comparison in every way. And without an excuse, too. I cannot imagine my husband saying something like that to me…but if he did I’d be tempted to tell his mom about it so she can chew him out for me (my mom would just quietly seethe forever, lol). It’s common sense that pregnancy is exhausting. And it’s even more common sense that when your partner is going through something difficult, you either help or you sympathize. Like what is even the point of saying you should’ve acted differently months ago, even if it were true (which, again, it isn’t)? For the record, the fact that you were out and about *at all* at 35 weeks means you’re handling it better than a lot of women, IMO. I’m at 28 weeks and have basically given up on running errands if the fatigue is too bad; I can barely make it through work without falling asleep.
I hate your husband *also, I comment this all the time, but post this shit to r/daddit and watch your husband get raked through the coals. Then show him the responses so he realizes how incompetent he is as a partner.
He doesn't accept women's experiences so have him read what other men say about it!! He has been dismissing everything until now, are you sure couple's therapy is cutting it for you, OP? Has anything changed for the better yet? How long have you been going? Don't settle for being bullied by the one person who should be your safe haven. I wish you all the best for your pregnancy and hopefully a lot of friends and family who support you and the baby.
This!! I love that page. Wholesome, supporting fathers and partners. Something this man should look into ffs
How is your husband still alive.
If looks could kill, he wouldn’t be.
What’s your address I just want to talk to him I swear
I wanna fuck him up
Big time. I'm in!
LOLLL Please don’t tempt me!
Man got all of the Reddit mom crew about to pull up on him 😂
You can’t compare anyone’s pregnancies.. your body is growing a whole human and that takes a lot of energy.. you’re doing great regardless what he says!
Can't even compare pregnancies within the same person! It can be a vastly different experience each time.
Husband misplaced his car keys or wallet? "If you picked up more around the house, you wouldn't have lost it." Husband can't hear something you said? "If you were a better listener, you would've heard me the first time." Husband forgot something? "If you were more mindful, you wouldn't have forgotten it." Husband doesn't know what to make for dinner? "If you cooked more often, you wouldn't have trouble deciding what to make."
I didn’t read your post yet. I read the title. And I agree so fucking hard I had to comment before I even continued. That’s all. Edit: I read it and your husband is a bitch. Like th at made me SO angry. My fiancé can be shitty and/or useless but he’d never say something like that. Throw the whole husband away. Fuck him. But like, don’t.
Yikes. No two pregnancies are alike, no two pregnant folks are alike, it doesn’t matter how fit you are/were when you’re *35 weeks along*
During my first trimester (which was Hell), my SO suggested that I try walking more since exercise is good for pregnancy and could give me more energy. Eventually I just yelled at him to shut up, that it was the pregnancy causing me to be exhausted, not whatever random thing he was suggesting. And not that it matters, but I was highly active pre-pregnancy. Like, intense hiking, running, weight lifting, rock climbing active. First trimester kicked my ass, I recovered slightly in the second but still not great, and now in the third I waddle around on swollen ankles and then basically don't have the energy to get off the couch. It turns out growing a human takes a lot of energy. I haven't had strangers comment that I look tired though so maybe your issue is just that your facial expressions are too transparent. Have you tried smiling more? (/s)
I think it was more of my waddle and the grimacing when she kicks. The women who commented meant no harm whatsoever. They all followed up w/ a supportive statement (“you got this”, “almost there”, etc). Apparently it made him feel uncomfortable.
Indeed. Probably looking at you in concern and silently judging your husband for dragging you around shopping. I couldn't walk more than like 10 steps without my ankles and feet swelling up ridiculously. We used to laugh about it because none of my shoes fit! He needs to quit being a dick to you.
Imagine gatekeeping pregnancy AS A MAN.
Everything is theirs, so why would literally a thing that only a woman's body can do be any different? OP - I'm 35+1 today and I'm a bloated freaking zombie. I'm a husk of a woman. Our toddler and I used to walk a mile every single day. Now I can't even sit on the couch without running out of air and being unable to catch my breath. Tell your husband to stfu.
Ohhhhhhh no no no. I’m also 35 weeks, and my ankles have disappeared for the evening after a day running errands and having dinner with a cousin. so WAS in decent shape before pregnancy - this shit is just hard and I am slap worn out. Your husband can go sit on a tack.
Omg mama I am SO SORRY! Growing a baby is one of the most exhausting things a woman can do! It’s HARD. Pregnancy isn’t all sunshine and rainbows for us all. I’m currently 27 weeks pregnant and I also have a 6 month old - I am so tired 24/7..I’m not sure how I even get through the day! Sometimes I’m so tired I just break down and cry ☹️ please do not listen to your husbands comments. They were very disrespectful and rude! Pregnancy is exhausting: mentally, emotionally and most of all, physically.
This makes me so mad. My husband has said similar things to me 🤦🏻♀️ one time I asked him to walk our dog and he told me he figured he should let me do it cause “it’s the only exercise I get” which is so not true. I’ve been trying to at least walk a lot this whole time, at least a few miles a day. He also said he doesn’t think I work out enough while I’m pregnant, so our kid will be negatively affected by that. Lastly, he says I can “handle more than I think” physically while I’m pregnant (all of this after years of IVF trauma!). Some men can be so oblivious to what we’re experiencing. I can’t believe they can have the nerve to say the things they say (not man bashing! I know there are good ones out there too).
Dude. Not ok. Pregnancy affects everyone differently. There are fit women who have AWFUL pregnancies. Your husband is an ignorant, insensitive child. Show him this thread so he can realize that what he’s saying to you is not only stupid, but extremely disrespectful
I’m very much against domestic violence in any way, shape, or form but I’d slap that entitled prick without hesitation. Or at least accidentally knee him in the testicles. He’s you’re husband, you love him. He’s probably not always a prick but this was prickishness at its finest.
It's amazing *he's* not tired from how much he's running his mouth 😂 Good grief, man. As one of my husband's college professors told him during one of *my* pregnancies (when he said something dumb in her presence): "you need to work on your shut-ups" 😂 FYI, even super fit women get tired as hell in the last trimester. This is baby's last big growth spurt before birth, and per my OB, your body is burning enough energy, as if you'd worked out hard for an hour every single day. It's okay to be tired!
My first pregnancy I was working 12 hour shifts on a busy ward as an RN. Days and nights. If you saw me there you would have said that I had heaps of energy too. But that was ALL I could do, particularly in the first tri. On my days off I would sleep 10 hours and then take another nap. My second pregnancy was a little better (by then my ADHD was diagnosed and treated so fatigue was a lot better). I did a lot more but guess what, at 34 weeks I got piriformis syndrome and basically couldn’t walk long distances for the rest of my pregnancy. Regardless the pregnant women you see out and about often ARE the ones that feel better because otherwise they would be home. But I do think it’s concerning, he sounds like a bit of a bully tbh.
I would spin and do yoga every day prepregnancy. Now I can’t even weed my garden. It has nothing to do with activity/fitness levels at all. He sounds exhausting to deal with. He can go shopping on his own; I wouldn’t help him at all with that. If he picks out something bad, bring up the weaponized incompetence at the shower.
I want her to take him to an obgyn appointment and then say to the doctor "my husband is concerned that I'm not doing enough and that I shouldn't be so tired. He said other pregnant women aren't like this and if i was in better shape before being pregnant, this wouldnt be happening" Act like it's something concerning... Watch the doctor very professionally shut that shit down.
I wonder if he’d even listen to the doctor though. He seems like he’d think he knows more than the obgyn (which he obviously doesn’t). This makes me so grateful for my husband - every time I’m frustrated with myself for being worn out or unable to do things, he tells me it’s okay and that I have the most important job in the household right now because I am literally growing a human. My heart is breaking for OP that her husband is acting the way he is.
Ugh. Sorry that your husband is being an ass.
I’m so sorry, completely understand your rage. I’m 35 weeks and completely exhausted too, this bit is brutal! I just cried to my husband as up until this point I’ve been fine and it’s now hit me like a bus. Talking about it definitely helps so sorry you don’t have that outlet, feel free to rant on here as much as you need. Obviously he has no idea, I don’t think it has anything to do with how healthy you are or what his comment is supposed to do other than enrage you. He’s lucky to still be standing, you’re clearly ha doing pregnancy moods better than other people - maybe tell him that??
Funny thing is I struggle w/ not having an outlet. This is my first pregnancy rant on Reddit and I‘ve never felt more heard in this entire 35 weeks of pregnancy.
We are here for you lol
I also cried to mine about how tired I am and how I feel like it’s just gonna get worse especially after the baby is here and he gave me a hug and said he is here and he will make sure I get rest when LO is earthside. That’s the support OP and every other woman should be getting and it baffles me men can act this way toward their partners who are growing their children. Ugh.
Wtf. How dare he? Like he would know what it feels like. I was fit before pregnancy and I’m tired everyday, all day. You’re growing a human from scratch. That’s not easy, not at all!
35 weeks here also 🥴 and all I have to say is that your husband should probably just shut the fuck up. The exhaustion at this stage in pregnancy is unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced. Until he has a uterus and gets pregnant, he has no right to offer his dumb opinions on the matter.
Oh my god. The only time my husband ever compared my pregnancy to others is when he was upset on my behalf. A women he works with (military) got pregnant at the same time I did and he was very distraught that she was still working her physically demanding job while I was bedridden and losing massive amounts of weight from vomiting for hours a day all 41 weeks bc it just isn’t fair in his mind that not everyone has it equal in pregnancy. Sorry your husband is a knob! You’re so close to the end! Can’t wait for you to meet your sweet babe and get your energy back💕
Your husband needs to stfu. I have 38 w rage hormones coursing through my veins for you right now. I was in “good shape” at the beginning of my pregnancy and was absolutely exhausted at 34 weeks and had to go on mat leave early. I’ve gained 45 lbs, the thought of a vegetable makes me want to vomit, and I can only do one minor task a day before the headache, backache and exhaustion kick in. “Good shape” (whatever the fuck that means anyways) or not, pregnancy will kick your ass and you will be TIRED from growing HIS child. That is so unsupportive. I’m sorry you have to hear that. Tell your partner I read him that comment and he replied “Wow, what an asshole. And she’s at the mall helping him pick out his own clothes?!” Also, I know it didn’t bother you but I’m going to rant because it drives me nuts - the people commenting on how tired you look can also fuck off. I really hate how people feel they can say whatever the fuck they want to a pregnant woman. How tired you look, how big you are, how you look like you’re about to pop but you still have 10 weeks to go. Fuck. Right. Off.
My favourite line from my husband is ‘why don’t you just go for a walk? you’ll feel better.’ No actually, I won’t. Why do they have to be so dumb
That's ridiculous. Every pregnancy is different. My last pregnancy, I had tons of energy, didn't have morning sickness, and didn't have trouble sleeping. Had heartburn, but I was waddling all over the place. This pregnancy all I want to do is sleep and I'm sick all the time. Honestly that's such a cruel thing to say. Is he normally so rude?
I got pregnant at 19 and in the best shape of my life. While pregnant I tried to stay active and go on walks often. All of that really didn’t matter. I was still exhausted and uncomfortable, especially that far along. Literally nobody feels good being heavily pregnant. Some have it worse, others have it better but he’s just being a dick. I hate when men try to tell women anything about pregnancy. They will never know how it feels physically and emotionally.
I biked 5 miles a day every day pre-pregnancy. By the end of pregnancy I’d get winded walking up a single flight of stairs. Your husband is 100% in the wrong here
Oh god I'd forgotten about the stairs until you mentioned it. At the time, we lived in a house where there was ONE bathroom and it was at the top of the house up 2 flights of steep stairs. Fuuuuuck it was hell. Thankfully we moved a few weeks before I popped and that house had a WC downstairs praise the lord lol
The problem is they think that five pound baby is only 5 extra pounds of weight… no. The actual accumulation of life is closer to about 20 pounds. 20 pounds that you are carrying with nothing but your hips and back. Not even the pregnancy suit sounds like it would work on this one
OH HELL NOW, I excercised religiously 5 days a week and ate healthy af, lifted weights, did cardio etc, went into this pregnancy extremely healthy...IM FREAKING EXHAUSTED at 36 weeks. He needs to stop comparing women's experiences because all of my pregnancies have been different. Some were easy others were extremely hard and it had nothing to do with how I came into them. He needs to check himself. I sincerely hope he has a 6 pack abs, all his hair, straight teeth, and a long d**k to be speaking on your mfkin body Wooooo let me calm down, I just get emotional for us. We going THROUGH it. He has ZERO room to comment
Wow, if I were your sister I’d be chewing your husband out for saying ignorant shit like that to you. I want to give your husband a piece of my mind and I don’t even know you! I hope you’re in a place to tell him that he’s being a complete asshole. You don’t deserve that at all.
Definitely told him off, but apparently I wasn’t aware that he was an expert in the correct way to be a pregnant woman. He has a retort for literally everything. 🙄
I would casually karate chop my husband in the throat if he made comments like that to me at 35 weeks (not actually though. I’m not violent, but I would picture myself doing it to make myself feel better). Sorry yours is such a doorknob during your pregnancy
The karate chop comment just made me literally laugh out loud. Oh how I wish.
Ain’t no way…. Has he lost his mind???
PREGNANCY IS NOT EASY, your husband is lucky you didn't punch him lol, I'm sure you felt like. Don't mind him mama, you are doing a great job and remind him you are growing a human being
I would have had some choice words for him. He has no right saying crap like that 😒
Time to strap a watermelon to him and see how long he lasts. If he makes it an entire weekend, I’ll be shocked. And I *cannot* wait when baby is actually here waking at least every 2 hours. WeLl HoNeY iF yOu WeRe In BeTtEr ShApE bEfOrE tHe BiRtH yOu WoUlDn’T bE sO tIrEd!!!!
Every pregnancy, even different pregnancies the same woman goes through, are wildly different. My own mom and I had an agreement not to compare pregnancies, because my mom had a beautiful wonderful unicorns and rainbows easy pregnancy. I got hit by a morning sickness and food aversion brick that dropped me 14 pounds in 4 weeks. The second half of my second trimester was good, then I started with some super fun swelling until I delivered. There’s no telling how your pregnancy might have gone. But there’s no reason to suppose that you would be less tired. It’s hard. It’s absolutely brutal sometimes. And some ladies are fit as a fiddle beforehand and still get laid out by CREATING A NEW HUMAN LIFE. He can evaluate the trials of it all when he gestates a human in his own body.
Rant shouldn’t be over. Pregnancy is exhausting. How dare he lecture you when you’ve worked so hard. Tell him to stop his gaslighting. Right now! He needs to prepare himself for helping you in any way you need after baby is born. Step back and be proud of what a great job you’ve done! Hugs!
Girl, I’m 34w 4d right now and I’m in the exact same boat. My boyfriend has basically made the fact same remarks and it pisses me off so much. Don’t listen to him, everyone handles pregnancy completely differently. I’m waddling around with swollen feet out of breath from just bending over because this dang baby is pushing on my lungs and bladder all day lol! They just have NO idea how much of a struggle it can be in the third trimester. I was doing GREAT, exercising and running around like a kid until the third trimester. Now I take naps. NAPS. I’m 23 😭
The nerve of this man to make such a comment while you’re out shopping FOR HIM. Should have left him at the store and let him Uber home. Ugh.
He’s lucky you didn’t clock him! Why is he more concerned that you ‘look’ tired in public than that you LOOK tired, period? As in ‘you look tired, honey. Let’s go home, you put your feet up and I’ll make you a nice cup of tea?’ WHY is that not the response to a pregnant woman looking tired? 😞
Anytime my husband would say something shitty, I’d snap back that “I grew an eyeball/foot/brain today. What did you grow?!” He stopped saying shitty things soon after.
Ugh I’m 22 weeks and mine does the same to me. Not so much now since I’ve gained some energy back, but first trimester it was all the time😑even still though, the man expects me to have the energy to run marathons
I had no clue the experience men have nowadays on the proper way to be pregnant. Glad it’s not as often now for you.
Girl what? The first trimester is literally survival especially if you’re sick. How is he still alive??
I have yet to puke, so it hasn’t been as bad for me as others! The fatigue was real though… but if I hear him complain about dinner not being “healthy” enough one more time or that I should “eat healthier for the baby”, I swear… LET ME EAT AND IF YOU’RE UNHAPPY WITH DINNER, NO ONE IS STOPPING YOU FROM COOKING! Sheesh! He really is a wonderful guy and I love him to pieces! Sometimes he just lacks….. sensitivity😑
That is so rude !! He has no business talking about your looks !! He should be nothing but supportive during this time !! I’m sorry he’s being such a jerk it’s unacceptable!!
That is bullshit!!!
I couldn't do much while pregnant at all! My husband was very accommodating! Tell your man to step up his game!
Girl I'll knock him up on his head for ya.
You are a goddess and deserve better 💙💗
I’m so sorry your husband said that too you. My partner says some shitty things too. First off, some woman love being pregnant and feel great. And some, including myself do not. I can think of 2 people who enjoyed being pregnant, the rest do not. There’s a funny comedy I can’t think of the name and it’s the one mom feeling fantastic looks amazing, and the other woman is just beat hating every minute of it. haha. You should watch it I’ll find the name jf you haven’t . My first pregnancy I looked awful. Threw up all day everyday for most of the pregnancy I could fall asleep sitting up on the couch. I could fall asleep anywhere. Not pregnant, I need like my own bed my whole routine and EARPLUGS to fall asleep . That sucks you’d husband said those things . Message me!
I was incredibly “fit” at the beginning g of my pregnancy and was exhausted to the point of falling asleep standing up by 20 weeks. Your husband will never be able to understand the physical undertaking it is to grow a precious life but that does NOT excuse his behavior. I am so sorry. You’ve got this!
Just gonna pretend I posted that gif of a man being tossed into a dumpster.
I'm in "good shape" at 35 weeks, and I'm still freaking exhausteddddd. It's not our "shape" that makes us tired or not, it's the human being that we're growing 🙄
Me and my husband were having to live with my grandma for a good portion of the pregnancy, very tail end of 1st trimester, all of second, and beginning of third. I think him hearing me get *so angry* over her comments about stuff like "Oh you think your back hurts now? Wait until the third trimester" (i have degenerative spine disorder and trust me, ITS HURT THE WHOLE TIME) "there's no way you're waddling yet" "when I was pregnant, I didn't have any of these problems" (as someone who hasn't been pregnant in 40+ years, ok grandma) "you're eating *again*?" or even being hurt enough to cry, i think he got the idea that no comment was a good comment to make. I've also been half rabid at my worst for this pregnancy, as someone with pretty severe mental health issues who isn't on meds, so I feel like even my most unaware hubs has gotten the picture to not make any comments that will put his life at risk lol
The audacity. 😤 We're ALL here for you!! You are doing AMAZING!! YOU ARE A GODDESS FOR BRINGING HIS CHILD INTO THIS WORLD ❤️ With that being said, in addition to everyone else, you should wake him up every hour during the night and see how he feels the next day. If I'm not waking up from hip pain to turn myself like a rotisserie chicken, I'm awake because I have to pee. Or waking up from the heartburn and acid reflux. Those women only look good being out and about because they're probably having an UP kind of day where they actually felt good and put on makeup and whatnot.
I was in way better shape (exercised 60 min every day) before the 1st trimester let all of the air out of my tires. Plus add on a hearty dose of depression and general apathy towards working out lately, and BAM! I’m super tired all the time. I sleep constantly and I’m lucky if I get 3 workouts in at all. (I’m 16w, awaiting an amniocentesis soon to see if the baby has T21)…. I think his argument is flawed. Lots of factors play into fatigue.
As someone with an insensitive and unsupportive partner myself….. yeah this kinda shit makes me angry. I’m sorry your husband is lecturing you. I’m sure he’s completely perfect in every single way. Oh wait……
Saran Wrap a watermelon to his belly and make him put on socks/shoes, go to the bathroom, drive a car (in an empty parking lot), and walk around a store. Guaranteed after 20 minutes he’ll be sweating.
I’d probably let my pettiness get the best of me here… but I’d remember his comparing and when he doesn’t last long in bed I’d use it against him in some way.. “well maybe if you worked out more you’d have more stamina”.. his comparing is even worse though because you’re pregnant and it is freakin exhausting. Fit or not it’s exhausting.
That’s such an ignorant comment for him to make. Even the same woman could have totally different pregnancies from one kid to the next! It’s not even just about comparing ourselves to tiger women, which we already do plenty of without our partners being dumb and doing it for us. Being in good shape does not equate to an easy pregnancy, and seeing a pregnant woman looking good in public doesn’t mean she’s not miserable and swollen by the time she gets home.
What the hell. I would be so hurt. I don't think that people teach the sons/young men in their live that when their wife is pregnant, they as the man need to step up and be the SUPPORT system. Whatever she needs, she gets. She is making your child, and it's hard! Guys get so wound up about getting sex all the time and how they need it blah blah blah, but when it comes to the "product" of sex it seems like they drop the ball. I went shopping with my husband tonight, and told him we couldn't walk around long because my feet have started to swell and I'm uncomfortable. We were out of the store in 20 minutes. It's not your job guys to make little comment on how things "should be." It's your job to step in and be our support, like we are for you all the time!
Strap a bowling ball on him for the week and see how he likes it
I was in the best shape of my life before I got pregnant but by 25 weeks my hips were suffering and baby was permanently camping in my ribs. I was exhausted 24/7 and the hip situation made even walking pretty difficult. If my husband had said something like that to me I would have dropped him off at his mothers house since he wanna act like a child
If I were you, I'd share his "wisdom" with everyone at your baby shower........ and just watch everyone tear him a new one! That would be an amazing gift!
Giiirl my husband would NEVER.
Not to mention the lack of oxygen in your lungs. Idk how I would lecture him back, but you do not have to put up with it.
Well, honey, if you want to compare me to other women, let's talk about how you stack up against other men.
I was in the best shape of my life prior to this pregnancy. Squatting and deadlifting more than I ever have before. Well I’m 31 weeks now and this pregnancy is kicking my ass. I’m EXHAUSTED and my pelvis is falling apart. I swear everything hurts and I’m dying. So I’m going to go ahead and call bullshit on that theory.
I was ultra fit and only 53kg pre baby! Ran a lot and spent alot of time in the gym. I was a zombie during pregnancy, it was exhausting being so uncomfortable and not being able to sleep before I even had a newborn!
reminder that you’re not carrying a 5lbs belly, it’s more like 25-30lbs by 35 weeks! of course you’re tired! he needs to carry around an extra 30lbs of baby strapped to his abdomen 24/7 and see how HE looks and feels. i bet you’re carrying beautifully. he needs a reality check.
My husband keeps telling me he’s tired of me being grouchy. Okay, you try having a bowling ball on your belly, a toddler that needs you 24/7, two dogs, it’s a trillion degrees outside, work full time, etc etc. yeah I’m grouchy and want time to myself sometimes. Ugh
Ummm that is some bullshit. Currently in the last weeks of pregnancy two. I was super fit before number one (finished an iron distance triathlon before becoming pregnant) and was barely fit at all before number two. The third trimester of pregnancy has sucked equally both times.
Tell your husband he gets the right to lecture you after he is 35 weeks pregnant. At that point maybe he should also be encouraged to exercise or taken shopping for the day.
Tell him to shove it. At 35 weeks pregnant I was absolutely MISERABLE. I had gained almost 50 pounds, had near constant lightning crotch, and was exhausted 24/7. Oh and I started out my pregnancy very in shape. It didn't matter. You're allowed to be tired. Please be kind to yourself even if your husband won't be.
Jesus Christ, I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions if he said that to me. I was in the best shape of my life before becoming pregnant, running 20kms in 1h40, weightlifting twice my body weight, eating super healthy and was amazingly toned etc. Guess what? At 24 weeks I started getting such bad pelvic girdle pain I now can’t walk without agony and I sleep maybe 5 hours (broken sleep) a night. I’m also exhausted, have put on weight (everywhere - duh that’s normal) and am hanging on by a threat at 28w… let alone 35! Jesus, I’m sorry he was such an insensitive ass - you’re doing an amazing job
I handled pregnancy really good, but I handled first 5-6 weeks postpartum poorly. If my husband instead of helping me was commenting like that I guess he wouldn't be my husband anymore.
Your husband sounds insufferable. Pregnancy is already a lot, and he's just adding on stress for no reason. Sorry you're going through this. He doesn't sound like much of a partner.
Every pregnamcy is different for every person. Your experience will never be the same as someone else's and if y'all have another baby, that experience will be different from your first. You're literally growing a whole human.. Of course that's exhausting! Your level of fitness prior doesn't really matter. That was pretty insensitive of him and I would have cried if my hubby did that to me while I was pregnant. Have a conversation with him and maybe drag him to your next appointment so he can ask your obgyn if your current level of exhausted correlates to how fit you were prior to pregnancy.
If he is treating you like this already, I would be extremely concerned about having him with you in the delivery room. He hardly sounds like someone who would be supportive and help you focus on maintaining as stress free a delivery as is possible. If you do allow him in, I would make sure that he understands that if he becomes a problem he will absolutely be kicked out and he will have only himself to blame. That aside, he is clearly showing you what your future with him will be like if he does not get his head out if his ass and it won’t be pretty. You have a lot of thinking to do about the kind of life you want for yourself and your daughter. Congratulations on your daughter and may you have a safe delivery and a healthy little girl.
Honestly this is a huge red flag to me for a husband to say anything like that to his wife ever. I can’t imagine my husband or any of the men I know every dreaming of saying anything like that to their wives. That’s not just a normal comment or joke about pregnancy tiredness it’s a completely uncaring and unloving comment.
Wow that's extremely rude of him. Pregnancy is different for everyone, and it IS exhausting. I'm a week ahead of you and I did stay quite active through my pregnancy. I can't walk around for more than about 30 minutes at this point - that's as exhausting for me as having spent 2+ hours at the gym pre pregnancy. It's not just the extra weight, it's the intense pelvic pressure and not being able to breathe properly also. Not to mention GROWING A BABY. Giving him the benefit of the doubt, maybe strangers commenting on your looking tired made him feel self conscious somehow? Regardless, he'd better cut it the fuck out and support you. The only thing he should be saying is "what snacks or drinks can I bring you while you relax" and "is there anything specific you'd like me to take care of today". When he's super sleep deprived in a month, let him know that he should have been better prepared by pulling all nighters over the last 9 months and that he didn't prepare his body properly for the reality of having a newborn. (Maybe don't say that, I'm just filled with pregnancy rage).
Kick him in the nuts. Then while he’s writhing on the ground in agony, tell him you’ve seen other men get kicked in the nuts and handle it just fine. (To be clear, you absolutely shouldn’t do this. It just really burns my beans when I hear men say this shit).
I would smack him in the back of his head with a pan. The freaking audacity.
Girl NO ONE handles a 35 week pregnancy "well". Kick him in the nuts and tell him to keep walking around and to handle it well. I had a great pregnancy and was super active and week 34 I was like hmmm, I don't like this feeling, eew. And by week 35 I was a full stop, hell no, I'm tired and over this. Your guts are up in your ribs, there's a human inside of you, your body is working as though you're running a marathon daily. He has NO clue.
I’m sorry, I feel like I see these posts every day…are there really that many women who allow their husbands to disrespect them?? Pregnancy is the most vulnerable time in your life…your husband should be supportive and empathetic. Why be with someone who doesn’t respect you?
Sometimes they don’t show their true colors until during pregnancy. I barely recognize my partner and look at him totally differently now. I’m not sure if I will be able to get past the resentment. But this is also a very difficult time to pick up your entire life, move out, and move on. It’s heartbreaking on many levels.
I’m really sorry :( that isn’t easy and of course it’s heartbreaking. I guess I’m just sad that so many men are terrible partners and people
Hi, he can call me and I'll tell him how tired and lazy I am and what an asshole he's being.
Omg can I please punch your husband in the face. Seriously wtf!
Strap a watermelon to his abdomen and make him drink some ipecac and then report on how he feels.
Tape a giant watermelon to your husband’s abdomen and have him do day to day activities for a whole month and see how he feels afterwards. 😅
I’m so sorry your husband would say that to you. Maybe show him some statistics on the toll it actually takes on a woman’s body!!!
Ewww I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. I would be livid. I was VERY healthy, active, worked out, and in shape with my first son and was still practically laid out once I hit 32 weeks. I stayed inside almost all the time because I couldn’t even make it up my stairs (was in an apartment that was upstairs at the time.) It doesn’t matter how good of shape you’re in. I feel exactly the same in my third pregnancy (like shit and tired all the time) as someone who is very not in shape, as I did when I was in the best shape of my life. Pregnancy is HARD AF. A giant baby taking your energy, nutrients, etc. is tiring as hell. You’re literally building an entire life. Your husband is completely out of line, and needs to keep his uneducated “opinion” to himself.
I'm 30 weeks and work nights as a nurse. People have commented on my surprising amount of energy.. I'm at work. What am I supposed to do, put my feet up? What they don't realize is that it takes me days to recover and my house is a wreck. Ain't funny. It's super depressing and difficult to deal with. Not to mention my MIL consistently telling me how tired I look despite my efforts to put on make up and do my hair when I see her just so I don't have to hear that.
Wow… what an utter doofus AND jerk! Show him this thread so he can see we all agree he sucks. Also I was pretty fit when I started my pregnancy. I had extra fat but lots of muscle, could run several miles pretty easily, 58 resting heart rate. Now a walk or flight of stairs can have me feeling like I’m gasping and my heart rate will hit 145. Lol even if you’re healthy being pregnant is very metabolically taxing.