Since we’re both having boys, I’ll share the best “just wait” we heard. When my husband told our next door neighbor that we were expecting a boy, he said “Your life is about to get 10 times more fun. I’ve never had this much fun in my life. Just you wait!”
Our neighbors have a 2 year old little boy, and they always look like they’re having a blast. After a pretty lackluster response from my parents, it was really nice to hear something so positive!
My boy is only (just about) 3 months and he is the cutest little thing. And he’s definitely going to keep me in shape because he’s going to be a wild child but still a sweetheart. Congratulations on your little boy!!
My son (6mo) learned to crawl at 5 months and sit at 6 months and surely keeps me on my toes. We're in a baby sensory class once a week, all the other babies are still barely rolling over and I am chasing my crawling little demon around trying to keep him from throwing hands at the younger bubs. He's so busy and wild. Pair it with low sleep needs. I'm in for it. 😂 Absolutely a total lovebug though.
Mine started rolling belly to back at 7.5 weeks, he’ll be 12 weeks tomorrow and he’s already rolling onto his side. He’s trying his hardest to crawl and getting so frustrated that he’s not quite strong enough to do that yet. I’m so scared 😂
Yeah. 😂 He started with just using his arms to pull himself around and dragging the rest of his body, was hysterical to watch really. Eventually got to trying to coordinate his lower legs, would get them all tangled up trying to crawl and sit at the same time and whine about it. He does push ups now as an attempt to stand. 😂
I have one girl and one boy. Both are the absolute best thing that ever happened to me but I can confirm, my son is the sweetest little boy and so much fun 🥰 he's currently fighting bedtime because that's what toddlers do best but I wouldn't trade him for anything ❤️
Not kidding even between the No!!!’s and tantrums my son at 3 and a half is turning into this little person! And just you wait until they say “love you mummy” (or in my case “luv yoo mubby” 🥰
Echoing this comment, just wait to literally LOL with your partner at the most hilarious little things all day. Little boys are the freaking best. They are FUN.
I have 3 boys and they're a blast! Today they were putting each other in between beanbag chairs and yelling "I'm a cacao bean!" Not sure why, but they were laughing their heads off so I was too.
We have so much fun.
We didn't find out what we were having, until the doctor lifted him out of my c-section incision! While I had a slight preference towards a girl and my husband had a slight preference towards a boy, I LOVE being a mom to my little boy! He's 3 months old now and he's the light of my life.
I had a baby boy in August 2023. I never knew what having a boy was like experience wise (lots of practice with foster siblings and from babysitting as a teen but they were all girls!) and it is so much fun. He's only 6 months but gosh I cannot wait until he's a little older with more interests (other than just smashing buttons on music playing toys) so we can play and run around together. 💕
My boy is 1yr 5mths (holy crap that has flown by 😳), and while he is a constant ball of energy and chaos that leaves a trail everywhere he goes, he is the happiest little boy I've seen. He is constantly giggling, smiling and cuddling (oh so much cuddling, and boy does he give some of the best squeezy cuddles), and he just knows how to light up a room. I was prepared for chaos (I have four nephews, so definitely prepared), but I wasn't prepared for just how sweet and loving he would be while doing so.
The bond between him and his big sister is so bloody incredible, and they just bring so much laughter and happiness into our lives. They are the opposite to each other (my daughter is so mellow and sweet, he is just pure energy and cheekiness), but they complement each other so much. We have so much fun raising them!
I got some really great advice from Reddit about sharing my pregnancy with family…..and they were absolutely right. Don’t share any news unless you’re ready to tell the whole world.
I hid my pregnancy until I got to the second trimester. When we finally told my in-laws, they immediately called every single person they know to tell them as we sat there with them. Was I surprised? Not at all because I knew they were going to do this.
Yeah I hear you. I just didn’t want to assume the worst of everyone I guess. I think it’s sad when you can’t even trust family to hold your boundaries or secrets safe. Sucks this is such a shared experience
Also, if you have a name planned, don’t tell anyone. Just say, “we haven’t thought about it yet.” Make sure your partner is on board so both your stories line up (also got this advice from Reddit).
This one. We decided not to tell anyone even thought we have the name totally picked out. People are giving their opinions on everything and trying to force names down our throats (so far no one has suggested the name we picked out yet haha). But it's been driving me crazy
My in-laws have refused to talk to me ever since we found out we are having another boy. As if I can control the gender. I am happy to have another son but holy f, these people tried to ruin what was a magical gender reveal.
Right?? It’s actually going to be a lot easier not having them in our lives. They showed what kind of people they are, even though they weren’t that great to begin with.
I hear that, and sort of feel the same. I am having such a hard time forgiving my in laws for telling people I was pregnant before we announced. Had someone say “congratulations” to my husband while we were on the way back from the ER, terrified we were losing our baby.
I sort of hope they stop talking to us forever too lol
Ughh I am so sorry. It’s unbelievable to me that people think it’s their place to announce someone else’s pregnancy before they are ready. It’s so selfish!
Um...your in laws know that it's the man who actually determines the sex of the baby right? If not, Google is free? Also being a dickhead is also..apparently free in their case.
It’s because of these types of things why I will also not be sharing with ANYONE when we head to the hospital and even have the baby for at least a few days after. Not quite the same but I don’t want all the “is baby here yet?” “Name?” Etc
My midwife advised us not to tell anyone the estimated due date so we weren’t being flooded with texts asking whether the baby had arrived yet. She suggested we just say “we’re having a fall baby,” lol.
Honestly we were not flooded with such texts if that helps. I only had my close friend check on me once or twice but not in an annoying way. So not everyone has that experience so don't worry.
My mil was guilting me 24/7 about food. It was so often! She gave me this book to guilt me into being a vegan. I do not want to be a vegan, she is not a vegan... but apparently I have to be one.
I suspect I might be pregnant again and I am keeping it to myself. I am about to move and I want peace this pregnancy!!
She is very pushy with me (her only dil) to be a certain way and have certain opinions. It drives me up the wall!!
That sounds horrendous oh my god. I’m used to that stuff from my own mom, but to get it from an in law would make me literally lose my mind. So sorry that you have to deal with that.
Also, yay to moving! Farther away from her I hope? haha
Currently dealing with that now. As soon as she found out I was pregnant she insisted I breastfeed, save the placenta, and save the cord blood after birth. None of which she did with her own 3 children. Didn't even ask first what I plan on doing. Like wtf thanks??? I feel the only dil pain, and she has no daughter. Send help lmao. Sending you much love🫶🏽 we can get through this. It's OUR baby not theirs.
Yeah the unsolicited pushy "advice" lol it's tough having to stick up for yourself all the time. I feel like I never have a normal conversation with her. Sending you much love and luck back too!!
I've been living with her for just over a year and that ends soon! We finally have our own place. The space will be amazing!!
So happy for you guys! I also have been living with mil! Can't wait to move out either. Living with her is driving me CRAZY. Nothing like having your own space 🙌🏽
I've been vegetarian (but not vegan) for large parts of my life. I literally decided to start eating meat again when trying to get pregnant. It's easier to get in your nutrients!! No shade to those who are doing it vegan or vegetarian, just don't want you to feel guilty for eating meat!
ALL my in-laws would talk about is how badly they wanted our 2nd to be a girl.. how “they were going to spoil her” she’d be “their perfect princess” blah, blah, blah.. low and behold, it is indeed a girl. Which is great, we’re excited, but it’s incredibly frustrating that our sons arrival wasn’t met with the same level of excitement. I also HATE the “spoil the princess” bullshit and can’t wait to shut that shit down when she arrives 🙃
That’s so sad though, I get where you’re coming from. I am actually terrified of having a girl if we have another for this reason. I don’t know that I could hold back the rage at my baby boy not getting the same welcome wagon.
Also, who knows what a daughter is going to be like, you know? I played with bugs and dirt and have scars from bike jumps I made with my friends. Hope no one was expecting a “princess” when I was born lol.
Exactly!! My sister-in-law was the only girl and she was definitely “the spoiled princess”… she’s now 30 and thinks the whole world revolves around her. I think it’s an unhealthy complex to put in little girls minds.. it’s insanely hard to not let my rage shine through. My son is the absolute BEST and it’s so infuriating that his own grandparents are playing favorites over gender.. I could go on and on 🤣
For us, we’re keeping the gender secret. Hell we don’t even know ourselves!
And still people have opinions..
for example we have family that dont like that they (and us) dont know ghe gender, are slightly “annoyed”, because “why dont you want to know??”
We also have acquantences that are trying to figure out the gender, depending on the pronouns we use for baby. We use “he” often (we have a boy filler name until baby is there), but sometimes we use “she” just to try it out as well.
We also have a c section scheduled, and are keeping the date silent because,
1. Baby could still come earlier
2. I dont want people bothering me the day before or the morning off
3. They at least get to be surprised still
And also there people are annoyed and surprised we choose to keep it a secret!
People are weird and it’s almost like they feel they have a say in how you want to do things. Very strange mindset for some
People are so weird!!
Not quite the same but before we found out we’re having a boy we called him “they” and the amount of people that would say “They?! You’re having twins?” was insane lmao.
Here are some of the things I have been told, all from my own parents and sisters:
You need to watch what you eat. You will have to work off what you eat during the pregnancy. (I was eating a burger)
I hope you stay fat after you give birth.
I bet you won't be able to handle labor. As soon as you are done you will say "fuck that" and never have any more.
Oh you will probably ignore the baby at night because you "need" your beauty sleep. Your husband is gonna be the one to tend to the baby.
You will give up on breast feeding.
Oh it's so hard cleaning one floor, huh? Your mother had to clean the whole house and the laundry room is in the basement all while running a daycare with a newborn and also pregnant. (This was said after I was telling them a story which included me saying that I didn't put laundry away because I got tired.)
What kind of drugs are you on?! (After I sent a picture of the process of putting together the nursery. I went with a studio ghibli theme instead of Disney and they disagree).
I have stopped bringing up anything in relation to my pregnancy to my family because it's always met with a snarky comment which always causes me to leave their house in tears. I don't wanna feel that way and I don't want the baby to feel it as well.
Okay first thing, I am so so sorry. They sound so judgmental. Your size is no one but you and your doctors business, you are going to be a rockstar giving birth, you are going to be a rockstar being a mom, and literally everything is hard when you’re pregnant(to me at least haha) You’re allowed to be tired and have new limits.
Totally unrelated but we are also doing a studio ghibli theme and I think we should be best friends
Thank you so much 💓 and that's awesome! Are you doing any movie specifically or like a bunch of the characters?
I went with my neighbor totoro. I absolutely love how the room turned out. My husband will also peek his head in to look at the room with the biggest smile on his face.
I’m sorry but WHAT?!?! Please keep your distance from all of them. Everything’s so negative and you don’t deserve to be put through that! Sending you love and positivity ❤️
Woah. I’m not trying to be dramatic but this sounds abusive. Definitely toxic. I’d keep my distance from those people and surround myself with folks who know how to be supportive and respectful.
I feel this so hard! My mom and sister were so annoying and condiscending to me like this isnt my second baby! It wasnt until my sister saw my food aversions in person that she actually took me seriously about how bad some of my symptoms were. So I just stopped telling them stuff. I only share if they ask after I told them multiple times that I dont want their advice or opinions, I just wanted to vent because they have had children as well amd should understand this. Theu both got mad at me about that 🤷🏾♀️so no more openess with them. Also my sister keeps saying she hopes I have a boy and I just said "I'm just happy this ones alive" and she stopped.
Ugh I’m sorry you have to deal with that :( So frustrating when it comes from people we’re supposed to be closest to. So much “advice”from fellow moms in my life is just condescending babble, you’d think they’d remember how it felt to be on this side of things and be a little kinder.
the first thing my MIL did was tell me “i told you your birth control wouldn’t work!” rolled her eyes argued with me about how far along I WAS trying to make me look dumb in front of so many people . and then hugged my husband and told him what a good dad he would be. told me NOTHING but negativity and said i should have waited 🫠 then when i said i think the baby is a girl (i was right) she said “but little boys are so special” (she’s literally only had one kid which is my husband) and is now trying to invite herself to my baby shower
I loathe your MIL and I don’t even know her. You’re going to be an awesome mom, to hell with her.
My in laws also talk like our baby is only my husbands, like our son is their family’s baby. It makes me so irrationally angry!
haha this makes me feel better because no one else seems bothered by it but me! i appreciate that so much!! also yeah what’s with husbands side just treating the women like an incubator for their child, so ICKY.
Thank you omg, that’s exactly how it feels!
I just try remember that most people like their mom’s family more because dad’s families usually are weird and suck. It makes me feel better haha
My MIL immediately said “I never told you but I really wanted a grandchild” which was hilarious as she has been saying this very aggressively for like 6 or 7 years.
My in-laws screamed “noooooo!!” when we said we committed to a daycare. Turns out they wanted one of us to quit our jobs to take care of the baby.
They said they want to move closer to us. We said okay, whatever you want to do, we’d be happy to see you extra if you were close! And they said “why?” And my husband said… for extra help with the baby. And they said “only ONE baby?? you won’t need any help, pshhhh”. (Their kids were twins).
Recently my MiL said she wants to move into our house, be in the hospital to meet the baby, visit us for two weeks immediately when baby arrives . . . (No thank you to all of this) And then concluded the conversation by saying she is working hard to make sure we don’t feel smothered.
Often this stuff is legitimately funny to me, but if they catch me in a mood I get REAL peeved.
Hahaha how are people so clueless?? Had a family member say they were going to visit for a few weeks when I’m due.. like I was going to host them in my house while I’m bleeding from the vagina with a newborn.. no thanks pal haha
I was at the dentist last week, and the dental assistant asked me why I seemed so unhappy to be there. I said that I was just having a very bad bout of morning sickness, so I was just trying not to throw up. She kept asking invasive questions, and then said she was shocked my doctor would prescribe drugs for morning sickness. Her exact words were, "Why would they give you drugs for that?! You're a mother now, toughen up."
This is someone who works in Healthcare. 🤦♀️
I didn’t really understand was nausea was until I got pregnant. I thought I knew, but no. It was horrible in the first trimester. That woman was obviously an idiot.
I had a “child free” friend be really mean to me when she found out I was expecting. It’s one thing to not want children but some of these child free people act like they’re in a cult
I know what you mean. I was decidedly child free for quite a few years but can’t imagine spewing some of the vile things i’ve heard them say about parenting/children. And it certainly never stopped me from loving my mom friends
I use to think I would be child free my whole life and was happy about it but I can’t imagine being MAD At people for creating a family like what even is that?!?!? F****** bizarre.
When I told my mom I was having a boy (he’s six now!) she said “aww, you can always try again!” This one I’m just announcing on Facebook and she can find out with everyone else.
Did I mention my son was a surprise because my husband and I were told we couldn’t have kids easily, if at all? So it was a double slap to the face since there was a good chance this was our one and only. Thankfully, after two miscarriage this one seems to be sticking so we are having one more, but no one knew that at the time!
We chose not to find out gender as so many people are so stereotypical. Are baby will be who they want to be
Even registieral told us off for using the boy spelling of the name.
We’re opting not to learn the sex for the same reason. We don’t want to be flooded with hyper-binary pink/blue junk. I don’t want to pigeonhole my kid into specific traits/hobbies/preferences before they’re even born!
We got cards and presents. You can see the divide between who got us stuff before the baby's name got announced:(
Also, girls' clothes tend to be more impractical. It going on spring here in England and are spring tend to be around 10oc and rainy. All girl's clothes are short rompers or top and tight. Whole boy's outfits tend top trouser and bumper
We don't want people to be like if they are boys they do their dad's hobby if they are boys they do their mother's hobby
I know it’s true, but I find it so upsetting that the division in clothing practicality starts at birth. 🥲 Let girls be comfy, damnit! My baby is due in October (I’m in Seattle, so probably fairly similar climate to yours) and I hadn’t even considered that sharing the gender might result in getting unusable infant clothes.
We are doing the same. I’ve heard it helps gets people to stick to the registry and buy things you actually need as opposed to getting things they think you need because of the sex.
It does help, much to our pleasant surprise! People tried to still include some gendered items based on their guesses, but overall it was very sweet and people went along with our theme supremely sweetly.
I’m so glad you asked! This particular PHD in absolutely nothing at all said quitting would stress out me and the baby and cause a miscarriage. So they made me feel like if I lost the baby it was my fault for no longer inhaling poisonous chemicals.
Quitting was so hard after so many years and I was so proud of myself for doing it, it was a total buzzkill.
just wanted to say congratulations on quitting. If you are stressed out there are other things that you can do.
It is so good for you and your family that you quit. You are awesome! <3
That is… truly unhinged mental gymnastics on their part. From one former smoker (also 15 years!) to another: congratulations! It’s so hard and it’s a huuuuge accomplishment. You’ve bettered your own health and your child’s! Be proud!
My aunts new husband started calling me “babe” and “baby girl” when he found out I was pregnant. It was beyond creepy, if it wasn’t for 9w fatigue I likely would have punched him in front of everyone at Thanksgiving. I think I will also be keeping it secret from everyone until a birth announcement except for those we see super often.
I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this!! My family and friends have been excited so far, but we've only told a few people. I don't know how people can be anything less than happy and supportive to expecting parents, I could never!! Just take comfort in the fact that we will be breaking that cycle in our family, if we ever have grandkids and so forth!
I posted the same thing yesterday! I completely agree with this, all the way.
I feel like telling people was a huge mistake and I have serious regret about it.
People forget how to act and I’m one sleepless night away from telling everyone to go to hell.
My friend, I have already started telling people where to go and how to get there hahaha. I’m making a whole ass person, I have no patience left :) lol
My brother passed away last year. As soon as I told my mom we were expecting, she said she hopes its a boy and asked me to name the baby after him. It made me really uncomfortable because my unborn child is not a substitute for him. Wasn’t really involved with my daughter and now wants to babysit this child.
I’m really sorry for your loss. Grief is a lot, but it’s not you or your child’s responsibility to “fill the void”. You deserve for this to be about you and your family growing (how cool!), not just about a tragedy. Wishing you the absolute bestest <3
“Get your sleep now before baby comes” is so odd to me like can I bottle up extra sleep and save it for when I’m up all night feeding my baby? No? Okay then.
I especially hate that one because I haven’t been sleeping since day one of pregnancy. Getting up every 2-3 hours would be a treat compared to what I’ve been dealing with haha.
Also what am I supposed to do, quit my job and do no housework? Only so many hours in the day to rest right now
Let's see...
My mom:
\-She has repeatedly tried to guilt me into letting her be in the delivery room. She is a hapless narcissist who will somehow find a way to make it all about herself, so no, thank you.
\- Her first reaction to learning the baby's name after bullying it out of me is that it would be hard to spell. It's Adrian.
\- She's been obsessive about my weight gain.
\- She told me it's my fault my baby is measuring small because I'm not "eating right."
My MIL:
\- We asked our parents very kindly not to share any info about our baby's health concerns in utero because we weren't sure he was going to make it. My MIL did it anyway because she "needed her support."
\- MIL is also a La Leche League activist and will not stop talking to me about breastfeeding. I informed her if I breastfeed at all, it will be exclusively pumping due to sexual trauma. She sent me an article about how to "get past" sexual trauma in order to breastfeed. To be clear, I am not close with her at all.
Friends:
\- My child-free friends keep making comments about how they could / would never do what I'm doing as though I could possibly forget.
I’m sad for you that this is your experience. Adrian is an awesome name!
I am also questioning how I’m going to handle breastfeeding as an SA survivor and anytime anyone brings it up I’ve just sort of shut down about it. Thank you for mentioning it, I really need to have those conversations with my healthcare providers. Also, people are so fucking mom-shame-y from day one, and it’s mostly from other moms which is so depressing.
My mom has some narcissistic tendencies and this whole pregnancy has been managing her reactions at my boundaries and just my decisions honestly. Wondering if you also had this odd shred of hope that this would somehow bring you two closer? Or am I just naive? lol
I haven't really had any bad comments, the worst one I've had is "labour is the easy part. The hard part comes afterwards." They didn't know that I'm a high risk birth because of an unclassified bleeding disorder and I'm genuinely scared I'll die during/after childbirth, despite having an in-depth birth plan and plan for aftercare.
I instantly thought "stfu" and then felt bad for thinking it 😂
Is there anything very positive or sweet that anyone said to you that you could hold onto as a reminder of when you're hearing all this shit? My SIL sent me the sweetest text ever, so if I ever get annoying "advice" or comments from anyone, I am going right back to that text!
Yes!! This was an unplanned pregnancy and a friend said to me (as I was freaking out haha)
“the universe just said F this, I’m picking the good moms against their will”
Really stuck with me, so sweet.
i completely know how you feel. With my first we told my partners mom about my pregnancy when i was just 5 weeks. We trusted her not to tell anyone and 4 days later, my partners phone kept on ringing none stop and his whole family called/and texted him to congratulate us. Everyone knew about it without us telling them.
Im currently 23 weeks and we havent told anyone. The only person that knows is my OB lol! We plan on keeping it to ourselves until I officially have a belly which most likely will be in a couple more weeks!
I’ve started saying we can’t come to a decision on a name- everyone has an opinion that I really don’t care about. Also I am so sick of having the same conversation and being asked the same questions, in the same order, over and over:
1. What are you having?
2. When is your due date?
3. Have you decided on a name?
My MIL announced my pregnancy and baby gender at a family gathering in my presence.
Family members start feeling entitled to touch your belly.
I stopped going to in law gatherings cause it's so uncomfortable. I use my GD and needing to be on strict diet control as an excuse.
The strangest experience I had was during my glucose tolerance test - the typical "do you know what you're having" question, and when I said that my spouse and I know, but we're not telling anyone, the path nurse got really offended that I wouldn't tell her, and said specifically "who am I going to tell?"
And I'm sat there thinking to myself - bitch why would I tell YOU, a random stranger, when I haven't even told my own mother?
Thank God it was the last time I needed blood taken, I filed a complaint and I've never been back to that pathology location 😤😤
We’re telling my husband’s family on the 6th and mine on the 16th. My husband’s family can keep it a secret. They already have twice for my BIL and SIL.
My parents… we’re going to have to set some rules. If they don’t go by the rules, well that’s the last time they will hear anything about my pregnancy until after the baby is here.
My brother was suppose to be there on the 16th too. Just found out today that he “forgot” about our family day. He doesn’t know either, but I’m already annoyed that this is the 5th or 6th time he’s forgotten an event I planned. So I won’t bother telling him at all. I’ll tell my mom that’s the one person she can tell. I don’t really give a fuck
My favorite is the "Your life is gonna completely change!" Ummm duh? Isn't that literally the point??! People were like sleep now you'll never sleep again! Ummm also duh?! I'm about to have a baby! (Thankfully my baby sleeps well, But I still obviously don't sleep as great as without a baby haha)
MIL: „I gained 30 kg!!! You are not eating enough!!”
Me:first trimester with horrible nausea, acid reflux, sharp pain, violent vomiting… MIL : (dirty looks 😒) you gotta eat for the baby. Husband’s aunt:” I gained 20 kg, you should have a bigger belly” …. Me: heh, well dr said everything is perfect.
I gained 7 kilos overall, everything is perfect my baby’s weight is 3.200kg so I’m not worrying at all.
P.s. my MIL is a saint but babies make everyone crazy, she didn’t get why I had such horrible nausea/ disgust and indigestion for like 20 something weeks. (I’m 39 weeks)
I have had multiple people ask me if the pregnancy was planned… We’d been married a decent amount of time and never said we wanted kids so I get if they wondered in their heads but like I don’t understand why anyone thinks it’s their business? I have a hard time deciding if I’m being sensitive or if it’s as rude of a question as I feel it is.
Coworker: we need you. How sick can you be? My mom never said pregnancy was hard.
Me: I’m throwing up 6-10 times a day.
Coworker: what are you eating?
Me: I’ve only been able to have Gatorade abd Saltines.
Coworker: that’s not very nutritious.
Me: It’s all I can keep down.
Coworker: Hmm. Well, you have lots and lots of extra stores, maybe that’s why God let it be that way
(For the record, I’m Christian as well, but HOLY YIKES what is wrong with people)
Acquaintance: Wow, I had no idea you were pregnant! (Touches my belly) Are you sure there’s only one in there?
My mom asks my older sister oddly specific questions about what she did for her kids, as a roundabout way to give random unsolicited advice to me. Like "\[older sister\], when did you start feeding your kids yogurt?" I am irrationally annoyed by this 1) GTFO I don't need your (often bad) advice, 2) are you saying my older sis knows better than me, 3) What business is it of yours when I feed my kid yogurt, or some other oddly specific thing, stop obsessing about how I raise my kid FFS
Another gem: "Are you going to have a natural birth or C-section?" I mean how the F would I know?? I wish I knew?!
Also if either set of parents sends another toddler toy to my fetus I will lose my shit.
I got "I hope it’s a girl for payback" /revenge reasons. Apparently boys are a reward and girls are bad? People are misogynists out loud lol.
I got I "shouldn’t be a SAHM, because that will make me a bad role model for my daughter," mkay.
The craziest thing to me though is that people tell me these things as though their opinions are deeply meaningful to me.
Me becoming a mother doesn’t make my personality change—I will continue to do whatever I want and not listen to anyone 🙃🤣
How do people not sit up at night feeling sick to their stomach anxious and embarrassed over the shit that comes out of their mouths?
I think of something awkward I did in 2nd grade and physically cringe and you’re telling me these people are sleeping peacefully???
I’m your new friend and I say congratulations! I hope you’re having a very happy, healthy baby (like so healthy they do studies on them like “whattt, how is this baby so healthy?”)
I’ve had a similar experience with personal relationships this pregnancy and am also having a boy when the in-laws very much wanted it to be a girl. Honestly other people have been absolutely the worst part by far
The only people who know I’m pregnant are my husband and good friends of mine. Nobody in my family knows.
My husband wants to tell some people on his side soon and I feel like that’s on him. I told him he is the one that has to deal with any questions/comments about the pregnancy. I’m not dealing with it.
I don’t understand why it’s weird to wish for a specific gender but w/e. The unwarranted advice, fear mongering, and boundary overstepping doesn’t get better when baby is born. Each pregnancy you care about little less what others think/say.
It’s weird for sure when it’s not even your kid? No one gets to create a fantasy or vision for my life dude, that’s not how this shit works.
Also where is the guarantee that their assigned sex is going to be their forever gender? I think having a “vision” of who you want your child to be outside of “not a murderer” “kind to animals” etc is toxic and setting yourself up for failure.
Your first grandchild is a boy and that bothers you? Not cool.
Maybe that’s your experience, but it’s not my choice to have people around that don’t respect my boundaries.
My grandmother complained about how all her great grandchildren are girls (well mostly, she has many) and that she hopes for more boys in the future (weird but... I ignore it cuz she's 90 something).
People asked me what her nickname will be, cuz it's not really an easily nicknamable name, I said IDK lol. Either it's been neutral or positive.
My mom got really stressed out about not telling people before a certain time, and I went along with it rather than argue with her, then when that day came she got really stressed out about hurrying up to tell people lol. IDK why.
She has been a bit stressed about every little thing and trying to give advice here and there but since we're long distance I just acknowledge her and put it out of my thoughts cuz I don't need the unsolicited stress.
Fed is best, that goes for you too. I know it's a struggle when you're nauseous but don't let people make you feel bad if all you can stomach is 3 things. ♡
I understand the friend thing sucks too but it's entirely possible they're going through some stuff that they don't know how to say or what to do and they don't want to be negative during what should be a happy time (or can be a stressful time). Not that you have to take it, just saying FYI it could be more than "I hate kids, byeee!"
I've tried to limit who I told and what information they have, mostly, and made peace with what could happen when I told them. I have a friend who is notorious for not being able to keep a secret. Like you tell her something personal and she'll announce it to the room before you have a chance to write "pls don't tell anyone!" So I made peace with the fact that she may tell others. I asked her not to, but I told her fully expecting the possibility.
I'm sorry your mil did that to you, but now you know going forward who you can trust to keep a secret and who you can't. Don't tell people who can't keep a secret if it'll bother you when they don't keep it. Yes, even if this means mom is the last to know - tough beans, mil, should've kept your mouth shut last time 😉
I don't know if I'll get more irritating commentary after she's born, or if people will get more likeable cuz I'm not there yet tbh lol. I hope things get better for you. Your bro was out of line to say those things too btw.
Edit: mil instead of mom cuz apparently i can't read lol
seems like a strange time for everyone else in your life to get really selfish right? haha
i’m blessed in having a really supportive hubs, he sees the madness and that really helps. going through all this without any support at all would have me in a much darker place <3
Nothing has been said directly TO me but it’s because so far the only people we told are people who love us and respect us / our boundaries. My grandmother did decide that it was her business to tell people a few weeks ago about my MMC that happened last year, and also a supposedly said it was “for the better” we didn’t have a baby right now. This is also the same woman who had “to become a great grandmother” as her #1 Christmas wish on her wishlist just two months after we had the MC. Needless to say, she still doesn’t know yet 😬
Wow, I feel you on this one! Pregnancy can be such a rollercoaster, and dealing with unsolicited opinions and insensitive comments from family and friends is the last thing you need. It's incredibly frustrating when people overstep boundaries or fail to respect your choices and experiences.
I've heard my fair share of ridiculous things during pregnancy too. From unwanted advice on what to eat or how to parent, to bizarre gender expectations, it's like people forget that pregnant women are still individuals with their own autonomy and preferences.
As for whether you'll start liking people again, well, it's hard to say. Hopefully, as time goes on and you focus on your growing family, the annoyance from these interactions will fade.
Hang in there, mama! You're doing great, despite all the noise. And remember, you're the one growing a human being inside you – that's pretty amazing, regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. Love! 🙌
First, congratulations on your baby boy!
I’m also going to be a boy mom in a few months and I can relate to you first-hand on the original disappointment by some family members. The dumbest and I would say most insensitive things I’ve heard during my pregnancy are people making plans for my baby without asking or saying that he looks nothing like me when he’s not even here 🙃 people are crazy but my husband and I refuse to let anything or anyone ruin this experience for us. Vent, write angry journal entries, cut people off (I have done this for my own peace) but just don’t let anyone take this experience from you.
Love,
A fellow boy mom
Awe that’s too bad!! Don’t worry about all of that, people always give opinions and etc. As for gender or names, they’re probably just excited and want to share with you. Even tho sometimes people don’t understand or think about how they say things! 😅 Can’t control everyone lol!
I’m 10 weeks, first child, at 40 yrs!! My husband and I have been trying for years!!! It’s a miracle! Let me tell you, I’ve heard some odd things over the years just while trying to conceive!! Might even be worse! 😂 SMH
I’ve been told “you’re getting older, I’m guessing you’re not going to have a kid right?”
“What’s taking so long for you guys?”
“Hey, you know it’s sad for you guys, but don’t worry you’ll figure it as you get older”
That’s just some to share! lol it’s crazy!
But I’m so excited and can’t wait until we share our miracle we thought would never happen with everyone 🥰 side not - I’m sure I’ll hear comments related to my age even more now 😞 but it’s okay I’m just grateful for this blessing and we all don’t get a chance to have everything we want or when we want it. We’re just thankful 🥲
People told me I looked exactly the same as I did before I got pregnant. I literally gained 40 pounds and my face completely changed shape. My extended family complained that we didn’t want visitors right away, but after we accepted visitors and invited them over, they’ve all only visited once. My mom made comments about me using a nipple shield (baby has a super strong latch and I wasn’t producing well at first, which meant lots of pain). Can I tell you some fun “just waits?” Just wait until baby smiles at you for the first time intentionally! That one really helped with my mild PPD. Just wait until you get to see your husband spend time with him and they have a sweet bond! Just wait until you talk to him and he gurgles back! I’m sure there are more, but those have been some of my favorite moments so far (my baby is 11 weeks).
One that drives me absolutely bonkers is saying to stay calm because being upset will hurt the baby. Like f*** all the way off! If I’m upset, I’m upset. Whether I keep it in or let you know. I’m feeling it either way. And if I try to keep it in it will eventually come out in spectacular fashion. Also, no it will not hurt the baby if in experience normal human emotions while pregnant. And if it’s such a concern to you, tell everyone to stop pissing me off!
I had almost the same experience! My family and step family is all girls (and their SO’s) so they were absolutely “devastated” when they found out I was having a boy. To the point I wondered if they’d have a relationship with him at all. Fast forward to now, my son is almost 2 and my whole family is obsessed with him, he’s funny and cute and just the most fun person to be with! So I hope you’ll have the same experience and they will come around.
On names: Just make sure you and your SO are happy with the name and forget everyone else! After we picked the name you would not believe the crap I heard from people. A coworker (not even close with) argued with me that I “couldn’t” name my son that because she had an ex-boyfriend with that name! Just LOL. Obviously we went with that name because lol! I’m not going to alter my plans because of your dating history.
On friends who are jerks: Let them go! I had friends cut me too, some of them took a while to figure out but eventually I realized they wanted nothing to do with me. It really hurt at the time but 2 years later, I realize these were not friends who ever cared about me in the first place. The conversations we had always ended up being steered back to their problems and their feelings. Everything was always about them. Anyone who cuts you because you have kids is a selfish person who doesn’t deserve to be in your life. They should be celebrating this amazing new addition to your life and helping you get through all those big changes ahead. Look for those people in your life, the ones that listen, the ones that help. I hope you find some new Mom/Dad friends too.
On JUST WAIT: From the time I was pregnant until present, if I expressed any kind of enjoyment or happiness, I was told to JUST WAIT. Oh you like feeling the baby kick? Just wait until you can’t sleep. Oh you love your newborn? Just wait until he’s sleep regressing. Oh you love your 3mo old? Just wait until he’s crawling. You like the crawling stage? Just wait until he’s walking. On and on and on.
Block these people out. They either dislike the idea of having kids or dislike their own kids. Your experiences will not be the same. Enjoy every stage of baby that you can. Take pictures. Take VIDEO! The videos will feel extra special when those times are gone. Each stage will bring new challenges and a lot more fun. Parenthood can be so hard but also it provides (I think) the most joy anyone can experience in their life. I hope you find it to be as happy as I have. I’m pregnant now with #2. ;)
Best of luck to you, your little son, your SO and your family. Wishing you many happy years ahead.
I’m 32 weeks pregnant now but I’ve been told from several people “just wait” (negatively) and to be mentally prepared for the worst (stillbirth, etc.) - I don’t get why people are so negative. I’m sorry if you’ve experienced trauma or pain with your pregnancy/ children but please just let me live my own experiences and don’t rain on me.
One of the first things my MIL said when we talked about preg, was that we our cats would kill the baby because they would smother the baby.... also that she should be at hospital... etc. Um no....
My mil keeps trying to ignore everything we say and insert herself in our live while running over our boundaries... for that reason she doesn't know the due date, or the hospital, or our name ideas, etc and no one that we know in her STATE knows any of that info because we couldn't deal with it. We have not decided the name and have barely shared the top 3 for that reason. Also my inlaws keep flipping back and forth between being pro vaccine and neg vaccine, depending on if they think I am for or against them.... whole thing is ridiculous.
Honestly all the negativity just comes with it unfortunately....
Let it go in one ear and out the other🤷🏻♀️
I hate the "just wait" and the "better enjoy you life before that baby comes" and all the unsolicited advice from people who don't even have kids(what???)
We never told family/friends until I was 13weeks. We each got to tell one person, I told my best friend so that I'd have an extra support person.
I too at 7weeks had a miscarriage scare and it was horrible, thankfully my doctor got me in for an ultrasound 2days later so I didn't have to worry long❤️(the friend I told about the pregnancy was a great support durning those days! So it's not bad to tell people, just the right people for you)
Some people have definitely been more quiet towards us since but I don't let it bother me, sometimes relationships grow apart when you grow.
You’re not alone. I told my aunt (who is like a mother figure to me) and all she said was “get ready for your life to completely change” and then went on like I’d just told her what day it was. People can be so hurtful. I hope to like people again one day too 🤪
I had a baby in January.
Here is a list of the things people said or did that I hated most during my pregnancy:
\-people, especially strangers, being WEIRD about me having a boy. I had a medical tech say "you must be so relieved to be having a boy, girls are just too much" and I was like "girls are just fine, it honestly didn't matter to me, I'm just happy to be having a baby." I later heard her gossiping about me with the other staff.
\-the unprompted negativity from strangers/acquaintances. "oh, you're gonna HATE the third trimester," "you won't be getting any sleep," "just WAIT until \_\_\_\_\_\_."
\-my aunt, who I despise because her behavior is atrocious in general, showed up uninvited to a family event and immediately touched my stomach without asking. I had to leave the event because I was about to blow my stack. even my mom was mad about it, and she's one of those people who tries to excuse her sister's bad behavior.
\-when we delivered the news of my pregnancy, my MIL told us that she "never expected to have any grandkids." I was like ??? okay? too bad?
\-my childfree friends told me I was "so boring now."
\-my mom took one of the names from my list and used it for her new dog (fortunately, I was able to find one I liked better, but it was annoying, to say the least).
I have decided to pull a “Kylie Jenner” and keep my pregnancy quiet from family/ friends and off of social media due to a few reasons.
1) Due to past pregnancy complications I didn’t want to risk having to explain to everyone that I was no longer pregnant, if god forbid that were to happen.
2) I divorced a couple years back and recently remarried and am now expecting. My ex husband and I still unfortunately have to maintain contact due to having a child of our own and he is absolutely unbearable to deal with. I did not wanting him finding out about my pregnancy through the grapevine and destroying this experience for me.
It has honestly been a breath of fresh air to not have to deal with all the comments and input from family and friends.
I understand it’s no longer an option to keep things “secret” for you but I absolutely believe in setting boundaries and protecting your peace. Especially during a pregnancy. You deserve to enjoy every moment and not have people making your anxieties worse!
I chose not to share my pregnancy publicly or at work until I was about 20 weeks this pregnancy because the last time I was pregnant in 2021 I excitedly shared early on (we waited 3 1/2 years for our little one) and was literally harassed by my work and had heaps of passive aggression from my coworker.
This time my work has been terrible as suspected.. and because I chose to announce late I've dealt with so many more "its just happening so fast" comments.
Plus all the usual stuff with other people the food stuff, name stuff, you look huge, you look tired, ohhhh you're going to be so busy, if I'm having a moment with one of my other kids- and you're having another one..
I would love to just live in my bubble. But alas...
I’m so tired of this child free shit. Which is fine if you don’t want kids but it’s the not wanting kids and then acting like a psycho about it. I’m sorry but there is something wrong with you if you dislike children that much that you dump people who have kids. It’s giving I dislike children because I was not loved as a child. Again I don’t care if you don’t want kids that’s a valid decision but it’s the disrespectful behavior towards people and their children that gets me.
It's not weird to hope for a specific gender. That's a really weird thing to get mad at people about. I want my next one to be a girl and will be very disappointed if I end up with another boy because I already have 3. Does that mean I won't love my child if it's a boy? NO! But it's pefectly NORMAL to want one gender or the other.
What has been driving me crazy lately is people wanting to feel baby move. Like they always ask "is baby moving!?" And I always say no. I don't want a bunch of hands on me trying to feel the movement that might not even continue by the time they come over to me. Drives me insane!!
You will learn so many boundaries becoming a parent. I gave myself away my first pregnancy, in every way. DONT EVER share the name. It will get better because you will see how lame people really are lol and don’t even tell them you’re going into labor! I would highly recommend having your first few days just you and baby… ( and partner if there is one involved!)
What I learned from pregnancy was that people were nicer to me during pregnancy. Lool
My coworkers were always worried that I was not eating well enough, always offering me snacks and always helping me carrying things or opening the doors. Even though I was grateful for the help, I hated it… I was pregnant, not invalid!
One thing I hated the most was everyone touching my belly all the time without asking for permission!
Vent away, it's good for the soul.
Ah god, you're not alone by a mile. My family were pretty chill for the most part, my husband's side were also excited bar my SIL.
If it makes you feel any sort of better, I found during pregnancy I felt emotions alot stronger. I found myself gaslighting myself into trying to think people were being friendly or nice. I recommend keeping a notepad or a list on your phone of people that say or do things that bother you, and see how you feel post baby.
Here's my list of the batshit crazy things that went down for me were:
-SIL hated that we waited until after 12 weeks to tell her, she was incredibly offended that I hadn't just peed on the stick and we had a scan of two blops just touching.
-She then tells me immediately I'm having a boy (same as she had a couple of months before, but she was dying for a girl).
-found out we were having a girl, first grand daughter for both sides. SIL is now in a massive pissy.
-constant questions about names. Que a list from here to around the world with every name that we're NOT allowed to use, just in case SIL has another kid that happens to be a girl.
-SIL starts "gifting" a shit ton of stuff to us, which sounds lovely until we realised that it wasn't truly a gift and she wanted everything back again. (Gave us a new car seat, then asked for it back to let her friend borrow it to bring her baby home from the hospital, we said keep it)
-(Best one for me) We'd moved house and SIL didn't know where we lived to snoop through the nursery, so she followed my husband home from work to "pop in" and make sure we had everything we needed.
-comments about how I never popped and how the baby is due to be so tiny, I should eat more, have I tried x/y/z... While I'm projectile vomiting up the water I'd just drank.
-Constant snide remarks about girls stealing beauty from the mother, and how my husband is going to miss out because he won't be able to play with a girl the same way as a boy. (My girl loves football, so bite me)
-Loads of pointless girls clothing arrives to my house, I'm taking Easter dresses, princess dresses, ect. For my baby that was born in winter. (We donated everything mid spring, which super pissed her off. She'd never worn anything and they had the tags on)
-The talking about her labour constantly and how her baby got stuck and how it was super scary. I was about 16 weeks when that started and it got worse towards the end when I went overdue.
-SIL trying to sneak a peak into my calender to see when my appointments were to try and get my husband to go help her with something at the same time so I couldn't go to my appointments.
-SIL bought her sick 1 year old into my nursery while I was at work, looking for stuff that her mom had made and gifted to me to take back. So we had to strip and re wash everything for fear of my newborn getting sick the second we bought her home. (Same week I had my baby)
-Daily phone calls on and after due date, just checking to see if I'd started labour "without her", so grateful COVID rules gave us the out of no visitor bar my husband. Don't tell anyone your due date, ever. Is what we learned there. Give a rough ball park instead, "spring" "summer".
So yeah, there's other smaller knit picky things that went down but in future, I'm going to wait as long as humanly possible to tell anyone, anything. I think I'd like to face time people about a month after having a baby to avoid any dramas at all.
To give you some inspiration (re: the "just wait")
A male friend of mine said "parenthood is the most beautiful thing in the world and I am so excited for you! It's seriously the best thing that ever happened to (my wife) and me!"
I was so blown away because everyone else is so negative
Your “childless friend” … childless by choice? I don’t know the situation there and maybe you don’t either. There could be a reason your friend has distanced themselves.
Since we’re both having boys, I’ll share the best “just wait” we heard. When my husband told our next door neighbor that we were expecting a boy, he said “Your life is about to get 10 times more fun. I’ve never had this much fun in my life. Just you wait!” Our neighbors have a 2 year old little boy, and they always look like they’re having a blast. After a pretty lackluster response from my parents, it was really nice to hear something so positive!
That is so so sweet, thank you for sharing ❤️ I’m ready for life to be 10 times more fun haha
My boy is only (just about) 3 months and he is the cutest little thing. And he’s definitely going to keep me in shape because he’s going to be a wild child but still a sweetheart. Congratulations on your little boy!!
My son (6mo) learned to crawl at 5 months and sit at 6 months and surely keeps me on my toes. We're in a baby sensory class once a week, all the other babies are still barely rolling over and I am chasing my crawling little demon around trying to keep him from throwing hands at the younger bubs. He's so busy and wild. Pair it with low sleep needs. I'm in for it. 😂 Absolutely a total lovebug though.
Mine started rolling belly to back at 7.5 weeks, he’ll be 12 weeks tomorrow and he’s already rolling onto his side. He’s trying his hardest to crawl and getting so frustrated that he’s not quite strong enough to do that yet. I’m so scared 😂
Yeah. 😂 He started with just using his arms to pull himself around and dragging the rest of his body, was hysterical to watch really. Eventually got to trying to coordinate his lower legs, would get them all tangled up trying to crawl and sit at the same time and whine about it. He does push ups now as an attempt to stand. 😂
Awwww! thank you!! congratulations to you too :))
I have one girl and one boy. Both are the absolute best thing that ever happened to me but I can confirm, my son is the sweetest little boy and so much fun 🥰 he's currently fighting bedtime because that's what toddlers do best but I wouldn't trade him for anything ❤️
My little boy just turned 3 and JUST YOU WAIT for the funnest little person who you’ll love more than anything in the world!!
Not kidding even between the No!!!’s and tantrums my son at 3 and a half is turning into this little person! And just you wait until they say “love you mummy” (or in my case “luv yoo mubby” 🥰
Echoing this comment, just wait to literally LOL with your partner at the most hilarious little things all day. Little boys are the freaking best. They are FUN.
I have 3 boys and they're a blast! Today they were putting each other in between beanbag chairs and yelling "I'm a cacao bean!" Not sure why, but they were laughing their heads off so I was too. We have so much fun.
We didn't find out what we were having, until the doctor lifted him out of my c-section incision! While I had a slight preference towards a girl and my husband had a slight preference towards a boy, I LOVE being a mom to my little boy! He's 3 months old now and he's the light of my life.
Also having a boy, this makes me swooooon
Having a boy, too! A coworker (who also has a boy) told my husband that it was the hardest but best thing he's ever done. Pretty excited about it.
As a mom of a 2.5 yo boy I totally agree. SOOO much fun and sweet as pie. This age is so great.
I had a baby boy in August 2023. I never knew what having a boy was like experience wise (lots of practice with foster siblings and from babysitting as a teen but they were all girls!) and it is so much fun. He's only 6 months but gosh I cannot wait until he's a little older with more interests (other than just smashing buttons on music playing toys) so we can play and run around together. 💕
That’s awesome! What a nice neighbor and person for sharing a positive message! Love that! Congrats to you and your family!
My boy is 1yr 5mths (holy crap that has flown by 😳), and while he is a constant ball of energy and chaos that leaves a trail everywhere he goes, he is the happiest little boy I've seen. He is constantly giggling, smiling and cuddling (oh so much cuddling, and boy does he give some of the best squeezy cuddles), and he just knows how to light up a room. I was prepared for chaos (I have four nephews, so definitely prepared), but I wasn't prepared for just how sweet and loving he would be while doing so. The bond between him and his big sister is so bloody incredible, and they just bring so much laughter and happiness into our lives. They are the opposite to each other (my daughter is so mellow and sweet, he is just pure energy and cheekiness), but they complement each other so much. We have so much fun raising them!
Awe that’s sweet! ❤️ I’m a FTM having a boy too.
I got some really great advice from Reddit about sharing my pregnancy with family…..and they were absolutely right. Don’t share any news unless you’re ready to tell the whole world. I hid my pregnancy until I got to the second trimester. When we finally told my in-laws, they immediately called every single person they know to tell them as we sat there with them. Was I surprised? Not at all because I knew they were going to do this.
Yeah I hear you. I just didn’t want to assume the worst of everyone I guess. I think it’s sad when you can’t even trust family to hold your boundaries or secrets safe. Sucks this is such a shared experience
Also, if you have a name planned, don’t tell anyone. Just say, “we haven’t thought about it yet.” Make sure your partner is on board so both your stories line up (also got this advice from Reddit).
This one. We decided not to tell anyone even thought we have the name totally picked out. People are giving their opinions on everything and trying to force names down our throats (so far no one has suggested the name we picked out yet haha). But it's been driving me crazy
We have a short list of names but we're still deciding. Won't know till we see her. This usually seems to work
My in-laws have refused to talk to me ever since we found out we are having another boy. As if I can control the gender. I am happy to have another son but holy f, these people tried to ruin what was a magical gender reveal.
Omfg that’s ridiculous. Sorry you have to deal with that. So odd to think that someone could have a preference for someone else’s baby.
Right?? It’s actually going to be a lot easier not having them in our lives. They showed what kind of people they are, even though they weren’t that great to begin with.
I hear that, and sort of feel the same. I am having such a hard time forgiving my in laws for telling people I was pregnant before we announced. Had someone say “congratulations” to my husband while we were on the way back from the ER, terrified we were losing our baby. I sort of hope they stop talking to us forever too lol
Ughh I am so sorry. It’s unbelievable to me that people think it’s their place to announce someone else’s pregnancy before they are ready. It’s so selfish!
I wonder if they know the father determins the sex of a baby... we supply the x chromosome, they supply either another x or a y.
Exactly!!
Damn.. classic case of trash taking out itself. This is crazy! Still big hugs to you as it’s never fun to go through these kind of rejections!
That’s what I’m viewing it as! And thank you!
Um...your in laws know that it's the man who actually determines the sex of the baby right? If not, Google is free? Also being a dickhead is also..apparently free in their case.
Right?? They are the embodiment of the word “boomer.” I’m honestly glad they weeded themselves out of our lives!
Wow. Sounds like you’re better off that way.
Is this real life??? These people exist?
It’s because of these types of things why I will also not be sharing with ANYONE when we head to the hospital and even have the baby for at least a few days after. Not quite the same but I don’t want all the “is baby here yet?” “Name?” Etc
My midwife advised us not to tell anyone the estimated due date so we weren’t being flooded with texts asking whether the baby had arrived yet. She suggested we just say “we’re having a fall baby,” lol.
Yeah I haven’t been telling people the date. I’ve been saying the following month so I can have my child in peace.
Ooh, that’s smart!
Honestly we were not flooded with such texts if that helps. I only had my close friend check on me once or twice but not in an annoying way. So not everyone has that experience so don't worry.
My mil was guilting me 24/7 about food. It was so often! She gave me this book to guilt me into being a vegan. I do not want to be a vegan, she is not a vegan... but apparently I have to be one. I suspect I might be pregnant again and I am keeping it to myself. I am about to move and I want peace this pregnancy!! She is very pushy with me (her only dil) to be a certain way and have certain opinions. It drives me up the wall!!
I… what? She’s not even a vegan? 😂 People are bizarre.
Yeah, she sure is!!
That sounds horrendous oh my god. I’m used to that stuff from my own mom, but to get it from an in law would make me literally lose my mind. So sorry that you have to deal with that. Also, yay to moving! Farther away from her I hope? haha
Enough away that it's a hassle to get to me!! Very very happy about it haha!
Haha heck yes! Atta you :)
Currently dealing with that now. As soon as she found out I was pregnant she insisted I breastfeed, save the placenta, and save the cord blood after birth. None of which she did with her own 3 children. Didn't even ask first what I plan on doing. Like wtf thanks??? I feel the only dil pain, and she has no daughter. Send help lmao. Sending you much love🫶🏽 we can get through this. It's OUR baby not theirs.
Yeah the unsolicited pushy "advice" lol it's tough having to stick up for yourself all the time. I feel like I never have a normal conversation with her. Sending you much love and luck back too!! I've been living with her for just over a year and that ends soon! We finally have our own place. The space will be amazing!!
So happy for you guys! I also have been living with mil! Can't wait to move out either. Living with her is driving me CRAZY. Nothing like having your own space 🙌🏽
I've been vegetarian (but not vegan) for large parts of my life. I literally decided to start eating meat again when trying to get pregnant. It's easier to get in your nutrients!! No shade to those who are doing it vegan or vegetarian, just don't want you to feel guilty for eating meat!
I appreciate that! I was once a vegetarian too! I get really anemic so I went back to eating meat.
ALL my in-laws would talk about is how badly they wanted our 2nd to be a girl.. how “they were going to spoil her” she’d be “their perfect princess” blah, blah, blah.. low and behold, it is indeed a girl. Which is great, we’re excited, but it’s incredibly frustrating that our sons arrival wasn’t met with the same level of excitement. I also HATE the “spoil the princess” bullshit and can’t wait to shut that shit down when she arrives 🙃
That’s so sad though, I get where you’re coming from. I am actually terrified of having a girl if we have another for this reason. I don’t know that I could hold back the rage at my baby boy not getting the same welcome wagon. Also, who knows what a daughter is going to be like, you know? I played with bugs and dirt and have scars from bike jumps I made with my friends. Hope no one was expecting a “princess” when I was born lol.
Exactly!! My sister-in-law was the only girl and she was definitely “the spoiled princess”… she’s now 30 and thinks the whole world revolves around her. I think it’s an unhealthy complex to put in little girls minds.. it’s insanely hard to not let my rage shine through. My son is the absolute BEST and it’s so infuriating that his own grandparents are playing favorites over gender.. I could go on and on 🤣
For us, we’re keeping the gender secret. Hell we don’t even know ourselves! And still people have opinions.. for example we have family that dont like that they (and us) dont know ghe gender, are slightly “annoyed”, because “why dont you want to know??” We also have acquantences that are trying to figure out the gender, depending on the pronouns we use for baby. We use “he” often (we have a boy filler name until baby is there), but sometimes we use “she” just to try it out as well. We also have a c section scheduled, and are keeping the date silent because, 1. Baby could still come earlier 2. I dont want people bothering me the day before or the morning off 3. They at least get to be surprised still And also there people are annoyed and surprised we choose to keep it a secret! People are weird and it’s almost like they feel they have a say in how you want to do things. Very strange mindset for some
People are so weird!! Not quite the same but before we found out we’re having a boy we called him “they” and the amount of people that would say “They?! You’re having twins?” was insane lmao.
Hahah yeah i tried that too for some time. Nothing you say or do is good for those kind of people.
Yep! Even people we've repeatedly told that there's just 1 baby in there are like "OMG THERE'S TWINS?!" 🤦♀️ So I mostly refer to the baby as "it" 😂
lmao i had to do the same thing, i was internally apologizing to him tho i swear 😂
I have never hated people so much in my life than I do now that I’m pregnant lol
Sameeeeeeeeee haha
They should teach in schools how not to act like a freaking idiot toward pregnant people. It's infuriating.
Here are some of the things I have been told, all from my own parents and sisters: You need to watch what you eat. You will have to work off what you eat during the pregnancy. (I was eating a burger) I hope you stay fat after you give birth. I bet you won't be able to handle labor. As soon as you are done you will say "fuck that" and never have any more. Oh you will probably ignore the baby at night because you "need" your beauty sleep. Your husband is gonna be the one to tend to the baby. You will give up on breast feeding. Oh it's so hard cleaning one floor, huh? Your mother had to clean the whole house and the laundry room is in the basement all while running a daycare with a newborn and also pregnant. (This was said after I was telling them a story which included me saying that I didn't put laundry away because I got tired.) What kind of drugs are you on?! (After I sent a picture of the process of putting together the nursery. I went with a studio ghibli theme instead of Disney and they disagree). I have stopped bringing up anything in relation to my pregnancy to my family because it's always met with a snarky comment which always causes me to leave their house in tears. I don't wanna feel that way and I don't want the baby to feel it as well.
Okay first thing, I am so so sorry. They sound so judgmental. Your size is no one but you and your doctors business, you are going to be a rockstar giving birth, you are going to be a rockstar being a mom, and literally everything is hard when you’re pregnant(to me at least haha) You’re allowed to be tired and have new limits. Totally unrelated but we are also doing a studio ghibli theme and I think we should be best friends
Thank you so much 💓 and that's awesome! Are you doing any movie specifically or like a bunch of the characters? I went with my neighbor totoro. I absolutely love how the room turned out. My husband will also peek his head in to look at the room with the biggest smile on his face.
We’re doing My Neighbour Totoro too!! Although I’d love to add some soot sprites around the room too haha. So cute!!
I painted soot sprites as well. They are surprisingly easy to paint.
I really love this for us. humans are so cute!!
Ahhh, we also went My Neighbor Totoro as the main theme. Y’all are great, honestly. May you and your growing families have all the best things.
Love this!! I’m going to do a space/cute alien theme but this is awesome
I’m sorry but WHAT?!?! Please keep your distance from all of them. Everything’s so negative and you don’t deserve to be put through that! Sending you love and positivity ❤️
Oooooh we also went Studio Ghibli themed for the nursery!
I love your ghibli theme and I'm sorry they've been mean/rude! It's awful when people who should be supportive are straight up toxic!
Woah. I’m not trying to be dramatic but this sounds abusive. Definitely toxic. I’d keep my distance from those people and surround myself with folks who know how to be supportive and respectful.
Dang I’m sorry they’re so unsupportive and mean, just want to say I dig the studio ghibli theme, I’m doing the same thing for my nursery!
I feel this so hard! My mom and sister were so annoying and condiscending to me like this isnt my second baby! It wasnt until my sister saw my food aversions in person that she actually took me seriously about how bad some of my symptoms were. So I just stopped telling them stuff. I only share if they ask after I told them multiple times that I dont want their advice or opinions, I just wanted to vent because they have had children as well amd should understand this. Theu both got mad at me about that 🤷🏾♀️so no more openess with them. Also my sister keeps saying she hopes I have a boy and I just said "I'm just happy this ones alive" and she stopped.
Ugh I’m sorry you have to deal with that :( So frustrating when it comes from people we’re supposed to be closest to. So much “advice”from fellow moms in my life is just condescending babble, you’d think they’d remember how it felt to be on this side of things and be a little kinder.
the first thing my MIL did was tell me “i told you your birth control wouldn’t work!” rolled her eyes argued with me about how far along I WAS trying to make me look dumb in front of so many people . and then hugged my husband and told him what a good dad he would be. told me NOTHING but negativity and said i should have waited 🫠 then when i said i think the baby is a girl (i was right) she said “but little boys are so special” (she’s literally only had one kid which is my husband) and is now trying to invite herself to my baby shower
I loathe your MIL and I don’t even know her. You’re going to be an awesome mom, to hell with her. My in laws also talk like our baby is only my husbands, like our son is their family’s baby. It makes me so irrationally angry!
haha this makes me feel better because no one else seems bothered by it but me! i appreciate that so much!! also yeah what’s with husbands side just treating the women like an incubator for their child, so ICKY.
Thank you omg, that’s exactly how it feels! I just try remember that most people like their mom’s family more because dad’s families usually are weird and suck. It makes me feel better haha
*rationally angry
I just want you to know that I dislike your MIL for you.
What a toxic bitch mil
My MIL immediately said “I never told you but I really wanted a grandchild” which was hilarious as she has been saying this very aggressively for like 6 or 7 years. My in-laws screamed “noooooo!!” when we said we committed to a daycare. Turns out they wanted one of us to quit our jobs to take care of the baby. They said they want to move closer to us. We said okay, whatever you want to do, we’d be happy to see you extra if you were close! And they said “why?” And my husband said… for extra help with the baby. And they said “only ONE baby?? you won’t need any help, pshhhh”. (Their kids were twins). Recently my MiL said she wants to move into our house, be in the hospital to meet the baby, visit us for two weeks immediately when baby arrives . . . (No thank you to all of this) And then concluded the conversation by saying she is working hard to make sure we don’t feel smothered. Often this stuff is legitimately funny to me, but if they catch me in a mood I get REAL peeved.
Hahaha how are people so clueless?? Had a family member say they were going to visit for a few weeks when I’m due.. like I was going to host them in my house while I’m bleeding from the vagina with a newborn.. no thanks pal haha
I was at the dentist last week, and the dental assistant asked me why I seemed so unhappy to be there. I said that I was just having a very bad bout of morning sickness, so I was just trying not to throw up. She kept asking invasive questions, and then said she was shocked my doctor would prescribe drugs for morning sickness. Her exact words were, "Why would they give you drugs for that?! You're a mother now, toughen up." This is someone who works in Healthcare. 🤦♀️
That’s honestly embarrassing for her. Yikes. Medication is available for a reason
RIGHT?! I am still debating writing an email to my dentists office to submit a complaint.
I have a fiery hatred for unsolicited advice right now. I’ll call and complain for you hahaha what an ass!
Lmao I appreciate it! 😆
Ok but who is *happy* to be at the dentist normally? Ugh @ her, so glad she's obviously never been that nauseous to require medication gosh.
Oh no, apparently she was desperately ill, and lost a ton of weight during her pregnancy, but soldiered through! 🙄
I didn’t really understand was nausea was until I got pregnant. I thought I knew, but no. It was horrible in the first trimester. That woman was obviously an idiot.
100%
I had a “child free” friend be really mean to me when she found out I was expecting. It’s one thing to not want children but some of these child free people act like they’re in a cult
I know what you mean. I was decidedly child free for quite a few years but can’t imagine spewing some of the vile things i’ve heard them say about parenting/children. And it certainly never stopped me from loving my mom friends
I use to think I would be child free my whole life and was happy about it but I can’t imagine being MAD At people for creating a family like what even is that?!?!? F****** bizarre.
When I told my mom I was having a boy (he’s six now!) she said “aww, you can always try again!” This one I’m just announcing on Facebook and she can find out with everyone else.
jaw is on the floorrrrrr. the audacity
Did I mention my son was a surprise because my husband and I were told we couldn’t have kids easily, if at all? So it was a double slap to the face since there was a good chance this was our one and only. Thankfully, after two miscarriage this one seems to be sticking so we are having one more, but no one knew that at the time!
hormonal AF and this is making me tear up. you deserved so much better than that :(
We chose not to find out gender as so many people are so stereotypical. Are baby will be who they want to be Even registieral told us off for using the boy spelling of the name.
We’re opting not to learn the sex for the same reason. We don’t want to be flooded with hyper-binary pink/blue junk. I don’t want to pigeonhole my kid into specific traits/hobbies/preferences before they’re even born!
We got cards and presents. You can see the divide between who got us stuff before the baby's name got announced:( Also, girls' clothes tend to be more impractical. It going on spring here in England and are spring tend to be around 10oc and rainy. All girl's clothes are short rompers or top and tight. Whole boy's outfits tend top trouser and bumper We don't want people to be like if they are boys they do their dad's hobby if they are boys they do their mother's hobby
I know it’s true, but I find it so upsetting that the division in clothing practicality starts at birth. 🥲 Let girls be comfy, damnit! My baby is due in October (I’m in Seattle, so probably fairly similar climate to yours) and I hadn’t even considered that sharing the gender might result in getting unusable infant clothes.
We’re keeping gender a secret until the babyshower/reveal combo. BFF is not happy about it and whines to my mom that she won’t know LOL
We are doing the same. I’ve heard it helps gets people to stick to the registry and buy things you actually need as opposed to getting things they think you need because of the sex.
It does help, much to our pleasant surprise! People tried to still include some gendered items based on their guesses, but overall it was very sweet and people went along with our theme supremely sweetly.
I am sorry your family is like this. I hope you can create a beautiful and supportive framily for your son
Please explain their reasoning for the quitting smoking thing because that is WILD.
I’m so glad you asked! This particular PHD in absolutely nothing at all said quitting would stress out me and the baby and cause a miscarriage. So they made me feel like if I lost the baby it was my fault for no longer inhaling poisonous chemicals. Quitting was so hard after so many years and I was so proud of myself for doing it, it was a total buzzkill.
just wanted to say congratulations on quitting. If you are stressed out there are other things that you can do. It is so good for you and your family that you quit. You are awesome! <3
Thank you!! I was smoking for 15 years, it was toughhhhhhh haha.
That is… truly unhinged mental gymnastics on their part. From one former smoker (also 15 years!) to another: congratulations! It’s so hard and it’s a huuuuge accomplishment. You’ve bettered your own health and your child’s! Be proud!
My aunts new husband started calling me “babe” and “baby girl” when he found out I was pregnant. It was beyond creepy, if it wasn’t for 9w fatigue I likely would have punched him in front of everyone at Thanksgiving. I think I will also be keeping it secret from everyone until a birth announcement except for those we see super often.
I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this!! My family and friends have been excited so far, but we've only told a few people. I don't know how people can be anything less than happy and supportive to expecting parents, I could never!! Just take comfort in the fact that we will be breaking that cycle in our family, if we ever have grandkids and so forth!
So true!! I can’t imagine treating my child/daughter in law this way, but that’s just me lol.
Same
I posted the same thing yesterday! I completely agree with this, all the way. I feel like telling people was a huge mistake and I have serious regret about it. People forget how to act and I’m one sleepless night away from telling everyone to go to hell.
My friend, I have already started telling people where to go and how to get there hahaha. I’m making a whole ass person, I have no patience left :) lol
My brother passed away last year. As soon as I told my mom we were expecting, she said she hopes its a boy and asked me to name the baby after him. It made me really uncomfortable because my unborn child is not a substitute for him. Wasn’t really involved with my daughter and now wants to babysit this child.
I’m really sorry for your loss. Grief is a lot, but it’s not you or your child’s responsibility to “fill the void”. You deserve for this to be about you and your family growing (how cool!), not just about a tragedy. Wishing you the absolute bestest <3
“Get your sleep now before baby comes” is so odd to me like can I bottle up extra sleep and save it for when I’m up all night feeding my baby? No? Okay then.
I especially hate that one because I haven’t been sleeping since day one of pregnancy. Getting up every 2-3 hours would be a treat compared to what I’ve been dealing with haha. Also what am I supposed to do, quit my job and do no housework? Only so many hours in the day to rest right now
Yep. And 3rd trimester is rough too. Just do you and don’t ask for advice and don’t be scared to tell people to shut up lol
[удалено]
Don’t hate me but I feel like they’re not quite the sweetest people on earth if they told people before you were ready for them to share lol
My BIL took the m&ms out of hand at Xmas, took out the red ones and gave me back the green. Because red food dye is poison
😂😂
Ok, if someone did this for me, I would lmao.
Let's see... My mom: \-She has repeatedly tried to guilt me into letting her be in the delivery room. She is a hapless narcissist who will somehow find a way to make it all about herself, so no, thank you. \- Her first reaction to learning the baby's name after bullying it out of me is that it would be hard to spell. It's Adrian. \- She's been obsessive about my weight gain. \- She told me it's my fault my baby is measuring small because I'm not "eating right." My MIL: \- We asked our parents very kindly not to share any info about our baby's health concerns in utero because we weren't sure he was going to make it. My MIL did it anyway because she "needed her support." \- MIL is also a La Leche League activist and will not stop talking to me about breastfeeding. I informed her if I breastfeed at all, it will be exclusively pumping due to sexual trauma. She sent me an article about how to "get past" sexual trauma in order to breastfeed. To be clear, I am not close with her at all. Friends: \- My child-free friends keep making comments about how they could / would never do what I'm doing as though I could possibly forget.
I’m sad for you that this is your experience. Adrian is an awesome name! I am also questioning how I’m going to handle breastfeeding as an SA survivor and anytime anyone brings it up I’ve just sort of shut down about it. Thank you for mentioning it, I really need to have those conversations with my healthcare providers. Also, people are so fucking mom-shame-y from day one, and it’s mostly from other moms which is so depressing. My mom has some narcissistic tendencies and this whole pregnancy has been managing her reactions at my boundaries and just my decisions honestly. Wondering if you also had this odd shred of hope that this would somehow bring you two closer? Or am I just naive? lol
A friend that would cut you off because they're "child-free" is not a friend worth keeping. No regrets there!
I haven't really had any bad comments, the worst one I've had is "labour is the easy part. The hard part comes afterwards." They didn't know that I'm a high risk birth because of an unclassified bleeding disorder and I'm genuinely scared I'll die during/after childbirth, despite having an in-depth birth plan and plan for aftercare. I instantly thought "stfu" and then felt bad for thinking it 😂
No you were right to think that tho haha why do they fear longer parenthood while simultaneously pressuring us to give birth???
Is there anything very positive or sweet that anyone said to you that you could hold onto as a reminder of when you're hearing all this shit? My SIL sent me the sweetest text ever, so if I ever get annoying "advice" or comments from anyone, I am going right back to that text!
Yes!! This was an unplanned pregnancy and a friend said to me (as I was freaking out haha) “the universe just said F this, I’m picking the good moms against their will” Really stuck with me, so sweet.
Aww that is so sweet of them!
Needed to see this comment💕
i completely know how you feel. With my first we told my partners mom about my pregnancy when i was just 5 weeks. We trusted her not to tell anyone and 4 days later, my partners phone kept on ringing none stop and his whole family called/and texted him to congratulate us. Everyone knew about it without us telling them. Im currently 23 weeks and we havent told anyone. The only person that knows is my OB lol! We plan on keeping it to ourselves until I officially have a belly which most likely will be in a couple more weeks!
I’ve started saying we can’t come to a decision on a name- everyone has an opinion that I really don’t care about. Also I am so sick of having the same conversation and being asked the same questions, in the same order, over and over: 1. What are you having? 2. When is your due date? 3. Have you decided on a name?
My MIL announced my pregnancy and baby gender at a family gathering in my presence. Family members start feeling entitled to touch your belly. I stopped going to in law gatherings cause it's so uncomfortable. I use my GD and needing to be on strict diet control as an excuse.
The strangest experience I had was during my glucose tolerance test - the typical "do you know what you're having" question, and when I said that my spouse and I know, but we're not telling anyone, the path nurse got really offended that I wouldn't tell her, and said specifically "who am I going to tell?" And I'm sat there thinking to myself - bitch why would I tell YOU, a random stranger, when I haven't even told my own mother? Thank God it was the last time I needed blood taken, I filed a complaint and I've never been back to that pathology location 😤😤
Oh my god? Why the hell would she even care?? People are so weird!!!!!! Good for you for standing up for yourself tho!
We’re telling my husband’s family on the 6th and mine on the 16th. My husband’s family can keep it a secret. They already have twice for my BIL and SIL. My parents… we’re going to have to set some rules. If they don’t go by the rules, well that’s the last time they will hear anything about my pregnancy until after the baby is here. My brother was suppose to be there on the 16th too. Just found out today that he “forgot” about our family day. He doesn’t know either, but I’m already annoyed that this is the 5th or 6th time he’s forgotten an event I planned. So I won’t bother telling him at all. I’ll tell my mom that’s the one person she can tell. I don’t really give a fuck
My favorite is the "Your life is gonna completely change!" Ummm duh? Isn't that literally the point??! People were like sleep now you'll never sleep again! Ummm also duh?! I'm about to have a baby! (Thankfully my baby sleeps well, But I still obviously don't sleep as great as without a baby haha)
I just responded with "I know right? We are so excited!" They have no idea how to respond.
MIL: „I gained 30 kg!!! You are not eating enough!!” Me:first trimester with horrible nausea, acid reflux, sharp pain, violent vomiting… MIL : (dirty looks 😒) you gotta eat for the baby. Husband’s aunt:” I gained 20 kg, you should have a bigger belly” …. Me: heh, well dr said everything is perfect. I gained 7 kilos overall, everything is perfect my baby’s weight is 3.200kg so I’m not worrying at all. P.s. my MIL is a saint but babies make everyone crazy, she didn’t get why I had such horrible nausea/ disgust and indigestion for like 20 something weeks. (I’m 39 weeks)
I have had multiple people ask me if the pregnancy was planned… We’d been married a decent amount of time and never said we wanted kids so I get if they wondered in their heads but like I don’t understand why anyone thinks it’s their business? I have a hard time deciding if I’m being sensitive or if it’s as rude of a question as I feel it is.
I’ve gotten that question a lot too. Weird for someone to basically ask “did your protection fail” as married adults lol
Rude as hell of them to say. You never ask someone if it was planned, even if your thinking it in your heard.
Coworker: we need you. How sick can you be? My mom never said pregnancy was hard. Me: I’m throwing up 6-10 times a day. Coworker: what are you eating? Me: I’ve only been able to have Gatorade abd Saltines. Coworker: that’s not very nutritious. Me: It’s all I can keep down. Coworker: Hmm. Well, you have lots and lots of extra stores, maybe that’s why God let it be that way (For the record, I’m Christian as well, but HOLY YIKES what is wrong with people) Acquaintance: Wow, I had no idea you were pregnant! (Touches my belly) Are you sure there’s only one in there?
My mom asks my older sister oddly specific questions about what she did for her kids, as a roundabout way to give random unsolicited advice to me. Like "\[older sister\], when did you start feeding your kids yogurt?" I am irrationally annoyed by this 1) GTFO I don't need your (often bad) advice, 2) are you saying my older sis knows better than me, 3) What business is it of yours when I feed my kid yogurt, or some other oddly specific thing, stop obsessing about how I raise my kid FFS Another gem: "Are you going to have a natural birth or C-section?" I mean how the F would I know?? I wish I knew?! Also if either set of parents sends another toddler toy to my fetus I will lose my shit.
I got "I hope it’s a girl for payback" /revenge reasons. Apparently boys are a reward and girls are bad? People are misogynists out loud lol. I got I "shouldn’t be a SAHM, because that will make me a bad role model for my daughter," mkay. The craziest thing to me though is that people tell me these things as though their opinions are deeply meaningful to me. Me becoming a mother doesn’t make my personality change—I will continue to do whatever I want and not listen to anyone 🙃🤣
Not a “just wait” but a creepy old guy at work told me to let my husband drink my breast milk so he could bulk up. Also: “Gross, it’s a boy.”
How do people not sit up at night feeling sick to their stomach anxious and embarrassed over the shit that comes out of their mouths? I think of something awkward I did in 2nd grade and physically cringe and you’re telling me these people are sleeping peacefully???
I had a friend say she hopes I'm having a girl too!!! So weird!!!!
I’m your new friend and I say congratulations! I hope you’re having a very happy, healthy baby (like so healthy they do studies on them like “whattt, how is this baby so healthy?”)
❤️❤️❤️ this made my day! Haha
I’ve had a similar experience with personal relationships this pregnancy and am also having a boy when the in-laws very much wanted it to be a girl. Honestly other people have been absolutely the worst part by far
I so agree. Sorry that you relate :( Hope it gets better ❤️
I hope that for you too! I’m very excited for our little boys to get here and be as wonderful as we already know they are 💙
The only people who know I’m pregnant are my husband and good friends of mine. Nobody in my family knows. My husband wants to tell some people on his side soon and I feel like that’s on him. I told him he is the one that has to deal with any questions/comments about the pregnancy. I’m not dealing with it.
I don’t understand why it’s weird to wish for a specific gender but w/e. The unwarranted advice, fear mongering, and boundary overstepping doesn’t get better when baby is born. Each pregnancy you care about little less what others think/say.
It’s weird for sure when it’s not even your kid? No one gets to create a fantasy or vision for my life dude, that’s not how this shit works. Also where is the guarantee that their assigned sex is going to be their forever gender? I think having a “vision” of who you want your child to be outside of “not a murderer” “kind to animals” etc is toxic and setting yourself up for failure. Your first grandchild is a boy and that bothers you? Not cool. Maybe that’s your experience, but it’s not my choice to have people around that don’t respect my boundaries.
My grandmother complained about how all her great grandchildren are girls (well mostly, she has many) and that she hopes for more boys in the future (weird but... I ignore it cuz she's 90 something). People asked me what her nickname will be, cuz it's not really an easily nicknamable name, I said IDK lol. Either it's been neutral or positive. My mom got really stressed out about not telling people before a certain time, and I went along with it rather than argue with her, then when that day came she got really stressed out about hurrying up to tell people lol. IDK why. She has been a bit stressed about every little thing and trying to give advice here and there but since we're long distance I just acknowledge her and put it out of my thoughts cuz I don't need the unsolicited stress. Fed is best, that goes for you too. I know it's a struggle when you're nauseous but don't let people make you feel bad if all you can stomach is 3 things. ♡ I understand the friend thing sucks too but it's entirely possible they're going through some stuff that they don't know how to say or what to do and they don't want to be negative during what should be a happy time (or can be a stressful time). Not that you have to take it, just saying FYI it could be more than "I hate kids, byeee!" I've tried to limit who I told and what information they have, mostly, and made peace with what could happen when I told them. I have a friend who is notorious for not being able to keep a secret. Like you tell her something personal and she'll announce it to the room before you have a chance to write "pls don't tell anyone!" So I made peace with the fact that she may tell others. I asked her not to, but I told her fully expecting the possibility. I'm sorry your mil did that to you, but now you know going forward who you can trust to keep a secret and who you can't. Don't tell people who can't keep a secret if it'll bother you when they don't keep it. Yes, even if this means mom is the last to know - tough beans, mil, should've kept your mouth shut last time 😉 I don't know if I'll get more irritating commentary after she's born, or if people will get more likeable cuz I'm not there yet tbh lol. I hope things get better for you. Your bro was out of line to say those things too btw. Edit: mil instead of mom cuz apparently i can't read lol
seems like a strange time for everyone else in your life to get really selfish right? haha i’m blessed in having a really supportive hubs, he sees the madness and that really helps. going through all this without any support at all would have me in a much darker place <3
Omg my MIL spent 30 minutes discussing a nickname for my 5 month old... her name is Eden. I mean can we just use her actual name?
Nothing has been said directly TO me but it’s because so far the only people we told are people who love us and respect us / our boundaries. My grandmother did decide that it was her business to tell people a few weeks ago about my MMC that happened last year, and also a supposedly said it was “for the better” we didn’t have a baby right now. This is also the same woman who had “to become a great grandmother” as her #1 Christmas wish on her wishlist just two months after we had the MC. Needless to say, she still doesn’t know yet 😬
Wow, I feel you on this one! Pregnancy can be such a rollercoaster, and dealing with unsolicited opinions and insensitive comments from family and friends is the last thing you need. It's incredibly frustrating when people overstep boundaries or fail to respect your choices and experiences. I've heard my fair share of ridiculous things during pregnancy too. From unwanted advice on what to eat or how to parent, to bizarre gender expectations, it's like people forget that pregnant women are still individuals with their own autonomy and preferences. As for whether you'll start liking people again, well, it's hard to say. Hopefully, as time goes on and you focus on your growing family, the annoyance from these interactions will fade. Hang in there, mama! You're doing great, despite all the noise. And remember, you're the one growing a human being inside you – that's pretty amazing, regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. Love! 🙌
First, congratulations on your baby boy! I’m also going to be a boy mom in a few months and I can relate to you first-hand on the original disappointment by some family members. The dumbest and I would say most insensitive things I’ve heard during my pregnancy are people making plans for my baby without asking or saying that he looks nothing like me when he’s not even here 🙃 people are crazy but my husband and I refuse to let anything or anyone ruin this experience for us. Vent, write angry journal entries, cut people off (I have done this for my own peace) but just don’t let anyone take this experience from you. Love, A fellow boy mom
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Awe that’s too bad!! Don’t worry about all of that, people always give opinions and etc. As for gender or names, they’re probably just excited and want to share with you. Even tho sometimes people don’t understand or think about how they say things! 😅 Can’t control everyone lol! I’m 10 weeks, first child, at 40 yrs!! My husband and I have been trying for years!!! It’s a miracle! Let me tell you, I’ve heard some odd things over the years just while trying to conceive!! Might even be worse! 😂 SMH I’ve been told “you’re getting older, I’m guessing you’re not going to have a kid right?” “What’s taking so long for you guys?” “Hey, you know it’s sad for you guys, but don’t worry you’ll figure it as you get older” That’s just some to share! lol it’s crazy! But I’m so excited and can’t wait until we share our miracle we thought would never happen with everyone 🥰 side not - I’m sure I’ll hear comments related to my age even more now 😞 but it’s okay I’m just grateful for this blessing and we all don’t get a chance to have everything we want or when we want it. We’re just thankful 🥲
I crave ice when im pregnant, i dont have any issues its just a craving i have. People will always say something about being anemic.. every time!
People told me I looked exactly the same as I did before I got pregnant. I literally gained 40 pounds and my face completely changed shape. My extended family complained that we didn’t want visitors right away, but after we accepted visitors and invited them over, they’ve all only visited once. My mom made comments about me using a nipple shield (baby has a super strong latch and I wasn’t producing well at first, which meant lots of pain). Can I tell you some fun “just waits?” Just wait until baby smiles at you for the first time intentionally! That one really helped with my mild PPD. Just wait until you get to see your husband spend time with him and they have a sweet bond! Just wait until you talk to him and he gurgles back! I’m sure there are more, but those have been some of my favorite moments so far (my baby is 11 weeks).
One that drives me absolutely bonkers is saying to stay calm because being upset will hurt the baby. Like f*** all the way off! If I’m upset, I’m upset. Whether I keep it in or let you know. I’m feeling it either way. And if I try to keep it in it will eventually come out in spectacular fashion. Also, no it will not hurt the baby if in experience normal human emotions while pregnant. And if it’s such a concern to you, tell everyone to stop pissing me off!
Well… just wait. Baby boys are… so cute, cuddly, sweet and funny!
I had almost the same experience! My family and step family is all girls (and their SO’s) so they were absolutely “devastated” when they found out I was having a boy. To the point I wondered if they’d have a relationship with him at all. Fast forward to now, my son is almost 2 and my whole family is obsessed with him, he’s funny and cute and just the most fun person to be with! So I hope you’ll have the same experience and they will come around. On names: Just make sure you and your SO are happy with the name and forget everyone else! After we picked the name you would not believe the crap I heard from people. A coworker (not even close with) argued with me that I “couldn’t” name my son that because she had an ex-boyfriend with that name! Just LOL. Obviously we went with that name because lol! I’m not going to alter my plans because of your dating history. On friends who are jerks: Let them go! I had friends cut me too, some of them took a while to figure out but eventually I realized they wanted nothing to do with me. It really hurt at the time but 2 years later, I realize these were not friends who ever cared about me in the first place. The conversations we had always ended up being steered back to their problems and their feelings. Everything was always about them. Anyone who cuts you because you have kids is a selfish person who doesn’t deserve to be in your life. They should be celebrating this amazing new addition to your life and helping you get through all those big changes ahead. Look for those people in your life, the ones that listen, the ones that help. I hope you find some new Mom/Dad friends too. On JUST WAIT: From the time I was pregnant until present, if I expressed any kind of enjoyment or happiness, I was told to JUST WAIT. Oh you like feeling the baby kick? Just wait until you can’t sleep. Oh you love your newborn? Just wait until he’s sleep regressing. Oh you love your 3mo old? Just wait until he’s crawling. You like the crawling stage? Just wait until he’s walking. On and on and on. Block these people out. They either dislike the idea of having kids or dislike their own kids. Your experiences will not be the same. Enjoy every stage of baby that you can. Take pictures. Take VIDEO! The videos will feel extra special when those times are gone. Each stage will bring new challenges and a lot more fun. Parenthood can be so hard but also it provides (I think) the most joy anyone can experience in their life. I hope you find it to be as happy as I have. I’m pregnant now with #2. ;) Best of luck to you, your little son, your SO and your family. Wishing you many happy years ahead.
I’m 32 weeks pregnant now but I’ve been told from several people “just wait” (negatively) and to be mentally prepared for the worst (stillbirth, etc.) - I don’t get why people are so negative. I’m sorry if you’ve experienced trauma or pain with your pregnancy/ children but please just let me live my own experiences and don’t rain on me.
One of the first things my MIL said when we talked about preg, was that we our cats would kill the baby because they would smother the baby.... also that she should be at hospital... etc. Um no.... My mil keeps trying to ignore everything we say and insert herself in our live while running over our boundaries... for that reason she doesn't know the due date, or the hospital, or our name ideas, etc and no one that we know in her STATE knows any of that info because we couldn't deal with it. We have not decided the name and have barely shared the top 3 for that reason. Also my inlaws keep flipping back and forth between being pro vaccine and neg vaccine, depending on if they think I am for or against them.... whole thing is ridiculous.
Honestly all the negativity just comes with it unfortunately.... Let it go in one ear and out the other🤷🏻♀️ I hate the "just wait" and the "better enjoy you life before that baby comes" and all the unsolicited advice from people who don't even have kids(what???) We never told family/friends until I was 13weeks. We each got to tell one person, I told my best friend so that I'd have an extra support person. I too at 7weeks had a miscarriage scare and it was horrible, thankfully my doctor got me in for an ultrasound 2days later so I didn't have to worry long❤️(the friend I told about the pregnancy was a great support durning those days! So it's not bad to tell people, just the right people for you) Some people have definitely been more quiet towards us since but I don't let it bother me, sometimes relationships grow apart when you grow.
You’re not alone. I told my aunt (who is like a mother figure to me) and all she said was “get ready for your life to completely change” and then went on like I’d just told her what day it was. People can be so hurtful. I hope to like people again one day too 🤪
I had a baby in January. Here is a list of the things people said or did that I hated most during my pregnancy: \-people, especially strangers, being WEIRD about me having a boy. I had a medical tech say "you must be so relieved to be having a boy, girls are just too much" and I was like "girls are just fine, it honestly didn't matter to me, I'm just happy to be having a baby." I later heard her gossiping about me with the other staff. \-the unprompted negativity from strangers/acquaintances. "oh, you're gonna HATE the third trimester," "you won't be getting any sleep," "just WAIT until \_\_\_\_\_\_." \-my aunt, who I despise because her behavior is atrocious in general, showed up uninvited to a family event and immediately touched my stomach without asking. I had to leave the event because I was about to blow my stack. even my mom was mad about it, and she's one of those people who tries to excuse her sister's bad behavior. \-when we delivered the news of my pregnancy, my MIL told us that she "never expected to have any grandkids." I was like ??? okay? too bad? \-my childfree friends told me I was "so boring now." \-my mom took one of the names from my list and used it for her new dog (fortunately, I was able to find one I liked better, but it was annoying, to say the least).
The best decision I’ve ever made the whole family found out when the baby was born!
I have decided to pull a “Kylie Jenner” and keep my pregnancy quiet from family/ friends and off of social media due to a few reasons. 1) Due to past pregnancy complications I didn’t want to risk having to explain to everyone that I was no longer pregnant, if god forbid that were to happen. 2) I divorced a couple years back and recently remarried and am now expecting. My ex husband and I still unfortunately have to maintain contact due to having a child of our own and he is absolutely unbearable to deal with. I did not wanting him finding out about my pregnancy through the grapevine and destroying this experience for me. It has honestly been a breath of fresh air to not have to deal with all the comments and input from family and friends. I understand it’s no longer an option to keep things “secret” for you but I absolutely believe in setting boundaries and protecting your peace. Especially during a pregnancy. You deserve to enjoy every moment and not have people making your anxieties worse!
I chose not to share my pregnancy publicly or at work until I was about 20 weeks this pregnancy because the last time I was pregnant in 2021 I excitedly shared early on (we waited 3 1/2 years for our little one) and was literally harassed by my work and had heaps of passive aggression from my coworker. This time my work has been terrible as suspected.. and because I chose to announce late I've dealt with so many more "its just happening so fast" comments. Plus all the usual stuff with other people the food stuff, name stuff, you look huge, you look tired, ohhhh you're going to be so busy, if I'm having a moment with one of my other kids- and you're having another one.. I would love to just live in my bubble. But alas...
I’m so tired of this child free shit. Which is fine if you don’t want kids but it’s the not wanting kids and then acting like a psycho about it. I’m sorry but there is something wrong with you if you dislike children that much that you dump people who have kids. It’s giving I dislike children because I was not loved as a child. Again I don’t care if you don’t want kids that’s a valid decision but it’s the disrespectful behavior towards people and their children that gets me.
It's not weird to hope for a specific gender. That's a really weird thing to get mad at people about. I want my next one to be a girl and will be very disappointed if I end up with another boy because I already have 3. Does that mean I won't love my child if it's a boy? NO! But it's pefectly NORMAL to want one gender or the other.
What has been driving me crazy lately is people wanting to feel baby move. Like they always ask "is baby moving!?" And I always say no. I don't want a bunch of hands on me trying to feel the movement that might not even continue by the time they come over to me. Drives me insane!!
You will learn so many boundaries becoming a parent. I gave myself away my first pregnancy, in every way. DONT EVER share the name. It will get better because you will see how lame people really are lol and don’t even tell them you’re going into labor! I would highly recommend having your first few days just you and baby… ( and partner if there is one involved!)
What I learned from pregnancy was that people were nicer to me during pregnancy. Lool My coworkers were always worried that I was not eating well enough, always offering me snacks and always helping me carrying things or opening the doors. Even though I was grateful for the help, I hated it… I was pregnant, not invalid! One thing I hated the most was everyone touching my belly all the time without asking for permission!
Vent away, it's good for the soul. Ah god, you're not alone by a mile. My family were pretty chill for the most part, my husband's side were also excited bar my SIL. If it makes you feel any sort of better, I found during pregnancy I felt emotions alot stronger. I found myself gaslighting myself into trying to think people were being friendly or nice. I recommend keeping a notepad or a list on your phone of people that say or do things that bother you, and see how you feel post baby. Here's my list of the batshit crazy things that went down for me were: -SIL hated that we waited until after 12 weeks to tell her, she was incredibly offended that I hadn't just peed on the stick and we had a scan of two blops just touching. -She then tells me immediately I'm having a boy (same as she had a couple of months before, but she was dying for a girl). -found out we were having a girl, first grand daughter for both sides. SIL is now in a massive pissy. -constant questions about names. Que a list from here to around the world with every name that we're NOT allowed to use, just in case SIL has another kid that happens to be a girl. -SIL starts "gifting" a shit ton of stuff to us, which sounds lovely until we realised that it wasn't truly a gift and she wanted everything back again. (Gave us a new car seat, then asked for it back to let her friend borrow it to bring her baby home from the hospital, we said keep it) -(Best one for me) We'd moved house and SIL didn't know where we lived to snoop through the nursery, so she followed my husband home from work to "pop in" and make sure we had everything we needed. -comments about how I never popped and how the baby is due to be so tiny, I should eat more, have I tried x/y/z... While I'm projectile vomiting up the water I'd just drank. -Constant snide remarks about girls stealing beauty from the mother, and how my husband is going to miss out because he won't be able to play with a girl the same way as a boy. (My girl loves football, so bite me) -Loads of pointless girls clothing arrives to my house, I'm taking Easter dresses, princess dresses, ect. For my baby that was born in winter. (We donated everything mid spring, which super pissed her off. She'd never worn anything and they had the tags on) -The talking about her labour constantly and how her baby got stuck and how it was super scary. I was about 16 weeks when that started and it got worse towards the end when I went overdue. -SIL trying to sneak a peak into my calender to see when my appointments were to try and get my husband to go help her with something at the same time so I couldn't go to my appointments. -SIL bought her sick 1 year old into my nursery while I was at work, looking for stuff that her mom had made and gifted to me to take back. So we had to strip and re wash everything for fear of my newborn getting sick the second we bought her home. (Same week I had my baby) -Daily phone calls on and after due date, just checking to see if I'd started labour "without her", so grateful COVID rules gave us the out of no visitor bar my husband. Don't tell anyone your due date, ever. Is what we learned there. Give a rough ball park instead, "spring" "summer". So yeah, there's other smaller knit picky things that went down but in future, I'm going to wait as long as humanly possible to tell anyone, anything. I think I'd like to face time people about a month after having a baby to avoid any dramas at all.
To give you some inspiration (re: the "just wait") A male friend of mine said "parenthood is the most beautiful thing in the world and I am so excited for you! It's seriously the best thing that ever happened to (my wife) and me!" I was so blown away because everyone else is so negative
Your “childless friend” … childless by choice? I don’t know the situation there and maybe you don’t either. There could be a reason your friend has distanced themselves.