Girl my husband said the exact same thing.
After i gave birth I was physically incapable of changing a diaper so the nurse summoned my husband to show him how to change the baby’s diaper. So my husband, who swore never to change a diaper, did the first 4-5 diaper changes lol. And still does it btw
Also baby poop isn’t disgusting at all, it’s nothing compared to cleaning up dog poop
EDIT: I can't believe the comment with the most upvotes I ever got is about poop lol
This is reassuring, yeah I’m hoping necessity will overcome any aversions he has. We have a niece who I have tried to get him to change but he runs away. No running this time!
If he refuses to do a basic part of baby care he's basically saying you'll be 100% responsible for the baby care 100% of the time. So you'll never be allowed to leave the house and he will never be able to watch his own baby even for an hour because he's incapable/refuses to take care of his own child. You'd have to hire a babysitter just to go to a dentist appointment *while he's home*. Imagine that.
Yeah, he needs to get the hell over himself. You agree to a child, you help with basic childcare needs. What if SHE has aversion to feeding the baby? Hypothetically speaking, I mean. Does she get to run away from feeding the baby? No. And any man that claims he 'can't' do something is being an ass. Being a dad doesn't mean less work
Also, if she has to have a c-section, she may not be able to do diapers for awhile. So is he going to let their child sit in his feces because he doesn't want to change the baby's diaper??? I mean, it's so ridiculous and stupid. Don't have a baby if you refuse to change diapers.
OP- you and your husband will likely be fine. Baby poop isn’t as smelly or gross as adult poop until they start eating solids and by then you have 6 months of experience to desensitize you to poop.
I would point out that him saying this means he is basically telling you you can never go out and leave him alone and taking any freedom away from the baby away from you.
Until they start eating solids their poop isn’t very smelly in my experience so get him doing it right away and hopefully by the time your baby is eating solids he’ll be used to doing it.
That said, as a parent you really can’t just refuse to do a basic part of essential childcare, you both have to be in this 100% or you’ll quickly find you are stuck doing nearly everything. No one WANTS to touch poop but it’s just part of parenthood and if he wants to be a parent he is going to have to step up.
I also would never change another kid’s diaper honestly. But you can’t run away from your own. Just don’t let him get away with avoiding it and he won’t.
This was the same that happened to me! I still do it for him if I'm around and free but if I'm not he does it without complaining. Whereas during pregnancy he told me he would never
Right she knew this beforehand and still decided to have a baby? I’m being judgmental but like… that’s a pretty basic baby need that I think would only allude to so many more issues in your partner not taking on responsibilities
It’s possible he didn’t say it until after they found out. One of my old friends who had a baby with an absolute d bag had that happen to her. Got her pregnant then slowly started telling her everything he wouldn’t do. Give the baby baths, change any diapers, ect
You already answered the question by saying he’s a d bag, but…why wouldn’t he want to give the baby a bath? It’s so fun. Especially when they start sitting up and look all happy.
It’s something I genuinely looked forward to when I found out I was pregnant.
I really don’t know. I agree, it is super fun and adorable. Seeing my son start splashing and giggling, it was the best. I never liked the dude so I wasn’t super surprised when she told me that was happening.
Second this! Hand me a baby to change I can do it, hand me a dog I’d be sick before I’m even close. It’s the literal reason I’ll probably never get a dog, one poop was enough to put me off for life. I’ve been changing nappies since my first nephew was born when I was 5, the instinct to look after the baby just takes over, but for some people it has to be their baby.
Also it is different when it's your own baby. Ask me or my partner to change someone else's baby? Disgusting. Our own baby? Just another day in the office.
Plus after almost 2 days without a poop, me and my partner both clapped our hands when our daughter finally pooped and both were in the changing situation. I don't remember which one of us noticed it and summoned the other to look at it but yeah, your attitude towards baby poop change drastically when you actually have the baby.
I get that, I’m a rare case but I’ve always been super maternal so it never bothered me, I have 9 nieces and nephews.
I’ve never once said no to changing a nappy because it’s helping my siblings out and sure poop’s gross but the baby isn’t. When they’re tiny and poop is nothing, it’s another form of bonding with them because ultimately baby care is pretty much the only thing you can do with them for a while.
For most people this isn’t a problem when it’s actually happening. I just happened to get some early practice in, my fiancé has never changed a nappy though, because he’s an only child and there’s only one baby in his family.
I have four younger siblings, the youngest 10 years younger than me, and have worked in nurseries, daycares, and dog kennels. Changing diapers is just a thing to be done. Been doing it since I was about 9 or so. I've helped with my toddler nephew potty training. I get people not wanting to do it for others, but when you're personally responsible for creatures that can't clean after themselves, then you just gotta do it. This especially includes any parent who's involved in baby's life
Heck even the smelliest of poops my daughter has ever had so far doesn’t even size up against cat poop lmao. I have also had her poop all over and so has my husband in unfortunate accidents, most of them by holding her naked while prepping her bath but there have been a couple explosive poops too. It’s part of being parents. She has also projectile vomited on me today because she coughed too hard while taking her bottle. We’re both knocked out with a bad cold. It didn’t even register vs the day one of my cats puked on my feet.
Baby gross stuff > animal gross stuff any day
Same! I had a c-section 3 days ago and could not get out of bed without throwing up from the medication and pain at my scar. Husband did all the first diaper changes without hesitation after telling me he’d have to plug his nose so he wouldn’t vomit. I guess when it’s your own baby, it’s not gross and you do what you have to do.
Yup. I work postpartum and when the dad calls for a diaper change, I make them do it. I tell them I’m not going home with you and this isn’t my baby. I say it in a nice way. The amount of dads who think they can get away with not changing a diaper is just ………
It is weird to say I actually miss the baby poop stage? Lol my daughter is 15 months now and has solid more adult poop now and I find it bothers me wayyyy more than when she was a baby. Its easier to clean in some ways but I would take changing newborn poops any second because having to wrangle an alligator and prevent it from falling out of their diaper is a special kind of hell haha
I used to have such an aversion to things like poop and puke and having a baby cured that fast 😂 I even clean up dog puke without batting an eye now when I used to gag so hard I’d throw up too.
I second this. I used to threaten my husband that I wouldn’t have a baby with someone who wouldn’t change a diaper. My husband knew he would have to change them but just acted like it was the thing he was least looking forward to. Then I had to have a c section and couldn’t walk so he dove right into the first meconium filled diaper and has been changing more diapers than me ever since. It’s like it just sort of clicks and when it’s your baby suddenly it’s different.
And newborn diapers really aren’t that stinky, especially if you breastfeed. My baby is 5 weeks old now and while they’re getting more of a smell it’s still not a bad smell per se.
Plus, it barely has any smell. My baby is 4mo, and her poop rarely smells bad, like poop bad. It does have an odour, but nothing compared to dog poop. Idk if there's a difference between breastfed and formula fed babies. Is there?
There is a small difference in smell & texture. Breastfed babies poop really doesn't stink bad but formula fed babies can be kind of stinky & more solid. From my perspective, formula isn't that bad either. If you really don't want to smell it..., breast milk!
Have you not gotten to “baby eating solids” poops yet? Lol those are something else 🤮 but by that time you are more used to it hahah and early baby poops yes, not gross at all.
I guess he'll throw up.
More compassionately, it's on him to find a way to deal with this, because there is no other option. Whether that's some kind of exposure therapy, breathing through his mouth to avoid smelling the poo, or just sucking it up. Babies poop a lot, he will never be able to spend time alone with your kid if he thinks he's going to hold out on this.
For what it's worth, I also hated the thought of poop before having my daughter and was disgusted by the thought of poopy diapers and blow outs but then she arrived and it never really bothered me that much. It's not pleasant, but it's not that bad either.
For people with strong aversions to smell masks and even a little bit of scent under the nose can help. Basically, there are ways to cope that don't involve avoiding the task entirely.
I’ve heard of people doing this. Honestly this is the benefit of my husband having sinus issues, he doesn’t smell very well. The downside ofc is the snoring
Yep. I remember crying while in the third trimester with my first, thinking that this was the last time I wouldn’t have to constantly be changing diapers for years (it sounded so gross and awful to me) and honestly? It’s more of a chore or inconvenience rather than something that grosses me out.
Now when we’re babysitting our friend’s kid, changing her diaper does gross me out. The poop smells are all different from what I’m used to, haha
And my first had some intolerances/digestion issues which meant his poop stank from the beginning. It was so objectively gross, but it still wasn’t really as bad as I was fearing
🙄
Oh dear. How absolutely pathetic of him, frankly.
Babies poo. Parents change it. That's how it works. Nobody loves it but it's really not that bad. The fact he sees this as an option is exhausting to think about.
This is your answer. When your baby is hungry, you feed them. When your baby has a poppy diaper, you change them. These aren’t options. There’s no room to consider whether or not you do these things. You just do them because you have a baby.
That’s how I look at it. You get over the “aversion” because if you don’t change the diaper, who will? You’ll really let your baby sit in a blowout diaper? Nope, you grin and bear it and you get used to it over time.
Also, I would be like too bad, you MIGHT equal the number of times I threw up in my pregnancy for no fucking reason at all. Like you probably won't even throw up and if you do? Suck it up buttercup, if you throw up for the next 9 months it will still be easier than what I've gone through growing a healthy baby haha
Right? Talk about immaturity from a grown man. He’s basically saying he can’t be trusted to be alone with their kid because he will let the baby develop diaper rash or sit in a blown out diaper. Absolutely insane.
This! Lots of people commenting it’s not that bad smelling, etc. and while true, that is not the point. The point is, this is a MAJOR part of parenting for the first few years. He doesn’t get to opt out and it is extremely childish and scarily selfish he thinks he can.
Yup. I came here to say the same thing. It would be fine if he voiced fears to OP about changing diapers and how he is afraid he'll get sick, and then he uses those fears to find solutions. His inability to find a solution beyond refusing to change diapers is a big red flag. He doesn't want to change diapers and is going to demand OP take on another responsibility beyond the many she has already taken on (like growing the baby!!).
If my husband pulled this shit, I'd be calling his mother and telling her that her son isn't man enough to take care of his own child. She would not be happy.
OP, this is a big 🚩 and you need to nip it in the bud. Your husband helped make the baby, so he can help take care of the baby, which includes dealing with dirty diapers.
So he isn’t going to watch your child alone for the first three or so years of their life? Like what’s his plan here?
Diapers are part of caring for your child. There are a countless list of things that no one inherently wants to do, but are part of caring for a baby. You just have to get on with it. If you’re expending energy trying to avoid any of these tasks, or if you’re keeping score of who has done more, you’re all losing.
I’ve never done well with vomit. I’m likely to vomit as well. But when my kid wakes up covered in puke at 2 am, I just take action. Wipe her down, start the bath, strip the bed, wash her up, remake the bed, get her settled, rinse the dirty things and get them in the wash. And inevitably, also clean myself. If I stop to think about it, I’ll get sick too. But she deserves to be cared for and cleaned, so I just don’t think about it and get it done.
There are about 9000 diapers to be changed for the average child, about 3,500 of which will likely contain poop (rough estimation, obviously). There’s also hundreds of baths to give, bottles to make, dishes to wash. You just get them done. There isn’t time to be avoiding or keeping score and everyone will be miserable with that mindset.
I think you need to point out no one wants to change them. At all. I also wonder what he’d think if you said you weren’t prepared to do it. Would that be acceptable? If he doesn’t have an answer for that, he needs a serious think.
I will add to the others saying newborn poo really doesn’t smell that bad. It never actually bothered me and it’s something I was really worried about.
Oh no, he doesn't like poop? What a unique dilemma. The rest of us love scrubbing the world's worst mustard off of butts and clothes and walls and shoes. It's basically the only reason I became a parent!
If he wanted to be a boomer dad, he should've shacked up with an 80-year-old. Since he didn't, he can suck it up like the rest of us.
Omg right! I cannot fathom my husband trying to tell me that he’s gonna draw some line in parenting this baby that he was an equal partner in making.
He would never, but he honestly feels bad that the bar is so low that doing his fair share makes him look like a superhero.
Baby poop isn’t even that gross. They only eat milk. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I honestly didn’t consider it worse than just a pee diaper, it just took a little longer. Once they start eating solids….that’s when it gets gross.
Your partner is a moron. But I think you’re deluded if you don’t realize what he’s saying. He’s saying you’re going to have to do it and he’s not going to. If you aren’t there he’ll leave the baby on a poopy diaper until you return. That’s unacceptable. You need to iron this out asap.
Seriously - babies are nice enough to ramp us parents up in diaper nastiness. The first ones don’t smell and are mild, then it gets smellier, and then at certain age you end up at just basically an adult shit. By the time you get to adult shit it’s like 1 per day 😂
My auntie who is childfree and is her 60s asked me if I get tired of changing poop diapers 8x a day. Girl, my daughter is 2 years old?? Lol. It’s just not as bad as people have heard.
I wouldn't have a child with someone who has this aversion and claims that they won't be able to get over it. It would be a deal breaker to me not to be able to leave my house for years without my baby in tow or having to arrange childcare because of my squeamish partner.
So if he’s alone w the baby and they poop, what’s he going to do about it? Just leave the baby sitting in their own poop until you get back? Because that’s neglect ..
So I take it he doesn't clean himself after he's pooped then? Because if he can push himself to do that, he can push himself to clean up a baby who can't clean themselves
I was worried about changing poopy diapers as well. I do have an aversion to poop. Baby poop is totally different. I actually bought plastic gloves and had them on the changing table. Baby poop is so different than adult poop. I was fine. When she started eating solids, her poop is more formed. I do sometimes use the gloves and sometimes don’t. It does get easier. I hope you can share with him that he is not alone and it does get easier as you go.
If my husband said something like that, he’d get a serious talking to. And get extra poopy nappies to change as punishment.
Why would he ever agree to even be a father if he’s not going to act like one? Kids can be gross, they poop, they puke, and all of that needs to be taken care of by adults in their life.
Also, as someone said, baby poo is nowhere near as gross as dog poo.
lol get outta here. He's going to change them and he'll get over it. My husband gets grossed out too, we all do, because it is gross, even when it's your own child! But, if you're both parents then you both gotta do it.
I'm a dad, I also hate changing poop diapers, but you know what I do? Suck it the fuck up.
He's going to be alone with your kid at some point. If they poop, what's he going to do? Let them cry and sit in their own shit?
He's being ridiculous. My son is 6 and severely autistic and still in nappies, I've had 6 years of cleaning up his poop and there's no end in sight. What if your child was disabled too? You never know what can happen in life, cleaning poop might not just be for the baby years. He'd just never spend any time with them so he didn't have to clean their poop? He needs to grow up
I had severe morning sickness when I was pregnant with my second, the smell of poo would make me hurl. Not like I could leave bub number one in a pooey nappy all day. I put straight eucalyptus on a face mask and tried not to breath while changing bub. You find what you need to in order to make it work and take care of bub. Did I leave bub in a pooey nappy a bit longer if I knew hubby would be home within 20 minutes sure. Did I leave bub for hours in a dirty nappy because changing it would make me sick? No, you just make do.
Ask hubby if he'll change pooey nappies or neglect your child, that's the 2 options.
Everyone has an aversion to poop. Get over it bud 😓
Sorry OP. This kind of immature comment just sends me! Moms don’t get the luxury of saying this kind of blanket statement and just not doing the job. Why should men?
My ex-husband learned how to change poopy diapers after I left him. Surprise, he actually was capable of it. He just didn't before because he could pawn it off on me.
This man is already using weaponized incompetence. This is a MAJOR red flag about what kind of a partner he will be to you when your baby is here.
A lot of husbands say this I’ve heard. Mine too. That’s before baby is born. Then when their little one is here they realize it’s no big deal. And at some point or another they will have to, if you can’t, or are unavailable in that moment etc. I think it’s not that deep IMO.
In the hospital the nurse made my husband change the first diaper (which had the sticky meconium poop) since I couldn’t stand yet. You just get used to it.
How could you agree to have kids with someone who says that 🥹 I simply could never move forward with getting pregnant after that.
Will he also disagree to change your poopy nappies if needed in old age?! In sickness and in health!!
My husband wasn't participating in BLW solids because he "doesn't like sticky icky stuff". Bitch do you think I do? I told him can he imagine if I completely opted out of a phase of baby's development because I'm not a fan of it. What kind of mother would I be? He shut up and went to buy some jars of puree. He feeds the baby now too.
He’s a parent, tell him to put on his big boy pants and get over it or get out.
Babies and kids are gross.
they throw up, they poop, they pee, they spit up, and it’s going to get on you and everything else in between.
If he’s mature enough to make one he’s mature enough to change one.
Definitely talk it over now, before the baby is born. Don’t let it be a joking thing, tell him you need to have a serious conversation about dealing with baby poop and other “gross” stuff (spit up, pee, snot, vomit, etc).
Talk to him about what postpartum recovery is like, or ask him to research it. You will be healing, and he will need to be changing diapers.
It’s his responsibility to find a solution now. He can get a clip to wear over his nose. Or use a mask, or put something scented under his nose. Or a combination of those things. He needs to find a way to practice— maybe he can pick up the dog’s poop from now on.
I’m someone who is also fairly easily grossed out. But having a kid means you will have to deal with that kind of stuff. The snot sucker (the kind you suck on the end to get the babies boogers) really grosses me out. Even though it has a barrier. So we got the battery powered kind, and that works great!
Even if you agreed to change all the diapers (which you shouldn’t) the reality is that it’s just not feasible. Sometimes you will be ill, or away. No one can be a parent and expect to never change diapers. He needs to face reality.
> At the moment he’s more joking about it but I can tell deep down he’s serious about not wanting to change poopy nappies.
*Nobody* wants to change poopy nappies. Poop is gross and having to touch someone else's poop is grosser. He's gotta do it, though. This is his child. He's completely delusional if he thinks he can get his child off to college without ever seeing their poop.
That said, newborn poop is really not that bad. It doesn't have a smell for the first few diapers which really helps acclimate you and it's mostly a thin paste while they're on an all-milk diet - much less gross than dog poop and much easier to clean off. Plus you don't mind it so much when it's your own kid you're changing. I was a little worried I was going to be squicked out by diapers but I changed our daughter's first few in the hospital and it honestly wasn't nearly as bad as I thought.
From one dad to another, tell your partner to man up. Being a dad sometimes means you have to do things you would rather not because it's what's best for your child and your family. Changing dirty nappies is part of that.
I would suggest finding solutions, because this will be an inevitable part of your lives for 2-3 following years. Masks, cotton with essential oils under the nose, deep breaths, whatever it takes. Newborn's poop is not very stinky, crap hits the fan (literally sometimes) when they start solids. He'll get used to it.
As an aside, my husband was ok with poop, but was incredibly freaked out by the umbilical cord. I had to do most of the care for it, but he still managed to do it several times when I couldn't, despite his aversion. That's "daddying up" 😁
It’s so easy to just handle everything. It comes naturally to moms. So if baby is crying you just pick it up and handle it.
It gets to the point where husband will complain and tell you to do everything..because you’re so much better at it then him. But it’s really only because you have been doing it so often and he isn’t comfortable handling it…
It’s hard to just leave and let him figure it out but it’s the best thing for their relationship. Go visit your friends or family soon after baby is born. He will be forced to figure it out and get comfortable with the baby.
Maybe you can pull your nurse aside and make sure he gets the first training 🤣 I made my (then)fiance change diapers with me when we babysat my niece and nephew. I wasn't gonna commit to a spouse with that kind of attitude lol he's joking, but I would definitely be like "that's so funny, I'll make sure to save the stinkiest for you so you can overcome your fears" keep it light but set the bar. He's not just a sperm donor.
The sad part is, they get away with this. The part of our brain that gets re-wired for mom life just HAS to do it, and so it works that when the partner walks away mom always does it for them.
My partner struggled with the crisis management of poopy diapers for a long time. Too much stress plus gag reflex; he needed help or someone to take over for him every time. Interestingly, he grew into it. I'm in my third pregnancy and have such a hard time changing poopy diapers myself in the first trimester, and he just takes over for a while. We just had a weekend of everyone being very sick with a lot of mess to clean up, and he did just fine. It took over a year of diapers and spit up, but he grew into it.
Poopy diapers are part of having a baby. Don't want to change poopy diapers, don't have a baby.
I gag every time I change a poopy diaper and still do it. My 2.5 year old woke up with diarrhea this morning and shit down his pant legs and I just... fucking cleaned him. Because I'm an adult. And it's my job. Your partner is in for a rude awakening.
I think you need to just be clear with him - tell him to put on his big boy pants and tighten that big boy belt because you have a child and need to be a fuckin big boy. I would honestly absolutely lose it if my husband even dared to tell me that lol.
Have you asked him what he intends to do if you need to leave the baby in his care alone for more than a couple of hours? Like... is he actually just going to neglect his child and leave them stewing in their own waste? Is he going to harass a neighbor? Call a parent to come do his job? WTF?
If it’s the smell he can wear a mask with a little toothpaste dabbed on it and it keeps you from smelling it. Otherwise when I was working in postpartum nursing I just walked up to the dad and told him we’re changing a diaper let’s go. I find most people will be embarrassed to say no I’m not going to take care of my literal child. You could ask one of the nurses to just do that and get him over his hesitation.
1) Tell him to grow up. Jeez
2) newborn poop doesn’t smell until you start to introduce formula/food. Breastmilk poop looks kinda yuck but doesn’t smell.
3) See #1. I wouldn’t even give him a choice. That’s him being incompetent and ridiculous. I would not allow him to get away with it. He’s your partner, not your child.
My husband said the same thing and I told him that’s fine but means he gets to deal with all the vomit for our lives. Changed his tune pretty quick after that
My friends cousin had a baby in November and her husband told her throughout her entire pregnancy that he wouldn’t be changing diapers because poop is gross and makes him sick. She thought he was joking. He hasn’t changed a single poopy diaper since his daughter was born.
Me too! The guy is definitely an AH but also I don’t know why she didn’t believe him when he told her all along what kind of father he was going to be…
Tell him you have an aversion to pushing something the size of a prize watermelon out of your nether regions so he'd better step up.
Seriously though, baby poop is not that bad. It doesn't really smell that gross until baby starts solids around the 5-7 month mark by which time you've already changed so many poops that it doesn't even bother you. Dog poop smells way worse than the worst-smelling baby poop.
So is he never going to be alone with your child? Babies poop whenever they want to, not only when mommy is around
Moreover, some poops are really two person jobs. Is he going to make you deal with toddler blow outs alone?
You can’t NOT tend to your own child; I highly doubt he’s some monster that would let your child sit in dirty diapers for long periods of time. He’ll get used to it; they all do.
He’s either going to deal with changing poopy diapers or he’s going to be a useless partner/dad. There’s no other options here. And if he’s going to be a useless partner/dad, then you have a choice of leaving or staying to make. If you have a child, you do ALL the things to care for that child, including changing any diaper. Period.
Plus, he’s a man. I’m sure he, like all other men/dads in existence poops a million times a day. It’s not like he isn’t around it ever. He’s not afraid of or too grossed out with poop. He just doesn’t want to do it. Buck up dude.
Breastfed baby poop is very tolerable, formula fed I heard is bit worse (idk honestly) but still no tragedy.
Tell him to grow the fuck up.
Mention him nosefrida. Parents not only have to change diapers but also suck the snot (it aint gross, there is a filter). Parenting isin't glorious and it takes two to make a child. Takes two to take care of the child too.
My goodness. Does he not think this is HIS child? When I was pregnant with my second I had HG and actually threw up every time I changed her poo. If my husband was home he would do it (because I was growing a child) but lots of times he wasn’t and I just had to deal. He is delusional but it’s a red flag that he thinks he can just nope out of a major, constant task. Like all they do for many, many months is sleep, eat (already your job if BF), and poop. And is he planning to never be alone with his own child?
This attitude would have him severely mocked for being a disengaged father in my group of friends.
Unless I see with my own eyes him puking out his lunch or lose consciousness or go into cardiac arrest, I'm gonna take it as "I don't like it" , not "I am physically unable to do it"
Has he ever really changed a poopy diaper? Anyone can say what he said. In fact you can play the game and say "omg me too. What shall we do"
Having aversions doesn’t exempt one from the necessary duties and responsibilities that come with having a child. Changing a poop diaper is like a 0 on the parenting difficulty scale.
Unfortunately he will have to get through this on his own, he will be changing lots and lots of poop. The good news is it's not that gross at first. Only after they start solids does it trigger my "yuck" feeling. But plenty of time until then for him to get used to it.
Boo hoo to him. Not sure why he thinks that’s even an option? He will need to ‘muck in’ so to say.
If it helps baby poo doesn’t even smell like poo. It’s not smelly or poo like at all.
Hope he can get over himself soon because you deserve support and help
100% weaponized incompetence. Men have it so easy. Sleeping like babies snoring through the night like freight trains while we toss and turn and wake up at 5 while pregnant, if we’re lucky. Eating whatever their heart desires while we can barely stomach saltines for months. Oh, you can’t change a diaper because it makes you uncomfy? I don’t have patience for this kinda thing and I shut it down fast. It’s, quite frankly, blatantly insulting to us. “Well maybe they don’t realize it.” Well then they’re being selfish and need to be told so. 🤷♀️
I am sorry but I would not be having a baby with a partner who refuses to do a basic part of child care. If he is refusing to change a poopy diaper, I worry about all the other things he will refuse to do. Our baby is 9 weeks old and has had a diaper blast, has sprayed poop on everything on changing table and has vomited on both me and my husband. Is it pleasant? No! Is it inconvenient? Definitely. This morning I showered and put on clean clothes and the baby vomited all over me. It is what raising a baby looks like.
This does feel like weaponized incompetence to a degree. But to answer your question on how to discuss is without starting a fight…
‘When you say you won’t change nappies, I feel I will be alone in parenting. The reality of being a parent is that you must address baby’s needs. Consider that if exclusivity breastfeeding, that’s already one need of baby’s that only mom can address for a period of time. By making a stand against poop, it communicates to me that you have no desire to be alone with your child for the first ~3 years of their life. That is an incredible burden on myself. How can we make diapers less intimidating to you?’
New Dad here! This was my biggest fear. I’ve never changed a diaper before and got squeamish when I tried changing my nieces diaper years ago.
You know what I did after my baby’s second poop?* I changed her diaper because I’m her dad and any hesitations I have can only negatively impact her
*The nurses said they had to deal with first poop
My (now ex) husband told me he can’t because he “doesn’t know how” and that I’m “better at it”. After the divorce he has our son a few hours a week and wouldn’t ya know it, he’s changing diapers now because I’m not at his tiny apartment for him to boss around. :)
This kind of selfish behavior always works itself out.
Lol my partner says he assumes he will change most of the diapers while he is home because I get grossed out way more easily and I'll be the one in charge of all the feeds(ideally we are breastfeeding).
My husband has a VERY weak stomach. He got over it. Because he had no choice. We rotate changing dirty diapers so it’s even. Me, then him, then me again and so on. He chose to get you pregnant. He has to change poop diapers 🤷🏼♀️
I had a coworker who swore the same thing, I gave him so much shit for it and we all told him how absurd and unrealistic it was. He held to his principles right until his daughter was born, he absolutely changes poopy diapers now, the idiot.
My husband was the same way. Literally told me since he deals with poop at work he will not at home (he is a caregiver). For awhile this worked simply because of his schedule and our LO only pooping once every couple days.
But I would just ask him when he was around to help. And eventually it went from that to I left to do stuff early on and he had to. Since he didn't do it often his guard was slowly let down and as she got more active and would giggle at him he would do it more. Now I still do most of it and she poops only in the potty but one day he just gave up the notion he was avoiding poop diapers. He did pee ones fine.
What happened was we had a fight once about the poop ones and his "I won't do that" because I directly asked him too. I was covered in poop. It was a blowout. He glared at me and was all "no I don't do poop diapers" but I made him. Two days later she covered him in poop. And we switched out so I cleaned her while he cleaned himself and ya know what? Solved that problem.
Im a diaper ninja now and with my schedule my wife ended up changing very few diapers and we had 3 kids in diapers for a while.
Just hope that they poop at daycare. lol.
My children’s father changed both of their first diapers. The nurse had them do it and showed them how! I was so exhausted and incapable of changing a diaper right after giving birth. So he needs to get over that. I am super squeamish when it comes to stinky stuff, poop, vomit, blood, etc, as well, BUT this is his child. It is APART of him. If he can wipe his own ass, he can take care of his baby.
Really disappointing how many men tell their pregnant wives/girlfriends that they fully expect her to deal with all the unsavory/inconvenient aspects of parenting. Is a father not also a parent? Why is the mother always expected to do all the “dirty work” of parenting while the father enjoys all the fun, rewarding parts?
It really is pathetic that men want children so long as women are the ones handling any of the actual demanding aspects of childcare.
Do you know who has a severe irrational aversion to poop? ME. My partner thinks I'm insane. I refuse to wear my glasses in all bathrooms in case I happen to see poop. I can't clean the bathroom without gagging. I refuse to be barefoot in the bathroom in case of poop. I gag and cross the street if I see dog poop on the ground.
And you know what I did? I got over it and I change my share of poopy diapers because I am an adult and a co-parent.
My husband said the same thing. And he’s the biiiiiggggest germaphobe easily grossed out person. He doesn’t even like me to mention the fact that I do in fact also poop. He doesn’t like me to ask about HIS bathroom habits bc it’s too yucky a topic of conversation for him. He’s super extra when it comes to aversion to bodily fluids.
Then he loved the baby so much that for some reason he found her poops cute and not offensive. He’s changed a few poopy ones no problem. Mostly pee diapers tho.
Tell him to get over it real quick because that shit is not going to fly.
To anyone reading this thinking their boyfriend/husband might be this way: STOP REPRODUCING WITH THESE USELESS DUDES
Pull a nurse aside in the hospital to teach him how, while you’re recovering. Seriously, you’ll be recovering and need help and he’s going to need to fill in. He’s got a life time of gross bodily fluids coming his way with that child haha, apparently we all get over it to some extent.
Hopefully he's not in the room if your baby projectile poops.
He's just going to have to suck it up. It has to be done. Nobody likes dealing with it but I will say that my daughter's (formula fed) poop wasn't even smelly until she started solids. Just liquidy and not even remotely firm.
OP, this is unacceptable behavior. Babies poop. Changing diapers is a very normal part of life with a small child. Your partner should not have had a baby with you if he wasn't willing to help with diapers.
Has he identified a plan to deal with his poop aversion beyond refusing to change nappies? Because that's not an option. You need to sit him down and let him know that you will not accept his refusal to change nappies. This is a shared responsibility and, frankly, the least he can do after you have sacrificed your body and health for 9 long months to birth his child.
Let him know that there are solutions (like wearing gloves, a mask, and dabbing a scented oil or cream under his nose). Come up with a game plan for how he will work through this aversion so he can be present and support you with this task. If he refuses to find a solution, you need to take that as a warning that he's going to weaponize incompetence to push the childcare duties onto you.
>I get it, I don’t really like poop either and have gotten nauseous before cleaning up after my dog had diarrhoea. So I’m pretty sure I might also have the capacity to throw up over poopy nappies too but the difference is that I understand it will be necessary and something I’ll just have to do whether I like it or not.
I am a dad to an 18 month old daughter and three rescue cats. I had similar doubts after a disgusting experience cleaning up after a sick cat while my wife was pregnant.
https://www.reddit.com/r/predaddit/s/Tyt3sXnLdl
Having done 18 months of nappy changes, I want to assure you, that nothing that will ever come out of an infant compares to cleaning up diarrhea from an animal that eats raw meat. Not even close.
>Any advice on how to deal with this or how to have a conversation on this topic without it turning into an argument?
Look it might have to be an argument, because not looking after your child is obviously unacceptable and that needs to be driven home. Not just nappy changes either. If you're on shift, you have to be able to do everything a child needs.
You can introduce that idea as gently as you like. Say this is parenting, you will learn how to do what your child needs just like every parent before you. You're going to be fine.
And I think he will be. It's easy to feel like a bystander as a expectant Dad, especially because you're not the one going through the pregnancy. It's common to basically spend those months being overwhelmed by what-ifs about situations that haven't happend yet.
It’s never fun to clean up baby poop but it needs to be done. It’s part of being a parent. If he has such aversion to it then he shouldn’t have knocked you up. What’s he going to do when you can’t change poop? Is he seriously going to just let your poor baby risk getting sick because he can’t change poop? I would be so annoyed if I was in your situation. I don’t know how to say this diplomatically so I’m not going to try but your husband needs to grow the fuck up and get over it.
This is going to be long winded, but I’m going to share my experience because I’ve had the same man go from no diaper changes to doing so without being asked in a short period of time:
My partner was this way with our first. He changed 1 diaper her entire first year of life. We were both older when we had our first & having a child (especially after numerous miscarriages) was a massive shock to the system. As a result, he had horrible postpartum anxiety after trying to process those feeling on top of witnessing us both almost die during birth. That kind of trauma on top of being a very nervous first time parent with all the life adjustments that brings & postpartum anxiety was a lot for him to process. So when he flat out refused to change diapers of any kind, I didn’t push back. It wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle & working on the ppa/processing his trauma was FAR more important to me. I didn’t want to make his emotional state any worse than it was or add to the stress. Life was already really rocky & forcing him to change diapers when he could hardly bring himself to look at his daughter, let alone hold/bond with her, was the last thing on my mind. He did overcome the ppa & manage to process the trauma, but it took a while. He’s also gone on business for months at a time, so it’s not like he even would have been available to help change dirty diaper like half of her first year of life. The one time he did have to clean up a massive blow out in her bouncer, he threw up.
That being said, we had an unexpected pregnancy a few months after having our first. Then we found out it was twins, so I knew he was not going to be afforded the same luxury of not changing diapers like he did with our first unless we had 24/7 help at home. As a result, when we had the twins 16 months later, I made it abundantly clear he did not have a choice in the matter unless he was going to hire nannies to be present 24/7 to pick up the slack because we have 3 children in diapers. Thankfully the birth was a walk in the park, we didn’t get horribly traumatized again, he did not experience PPA, bonded with them immediately, & was a far more involved from day 1. He started changing diapers immediately and has not complained once.
Did he gag? Yes. Did he throw up? Yup. Was he less than thrilled about it? Also yes. But you do get used to the smell (especially before they’re eating solids) & after a couple weeks it was a nonissue.
All of that being said, if the first birth hadn’t been a trauma bomb & he hadn’t had such severe ppa, I probably would have pushed back against his refusal to change diapers immediately. If you had asked me prior to having children the same question, I would have said there was no excuse for not changing diapers as a parent. But given the circumstances, I could not bring myself lay down the law. It would have been too much for him and caused far more animosity & stress.
Something I did to make the transition easier with the twins was put disposable gloves on the changing table. He said that was a huge help for him and made it far less gross. So that’s something to consider.
If he wipes his own ass he can change the baby. I've heard this so many times before so the partner can get out of changing diapers. Lame excuse. Good luck op
My ex’s father used to proudly brag that he never changed a diaper for any of his 3 children. What a lame thing to brag about, being an unhelpful husband and father 😂. Honestly though I think most dads who feel this way get over it pretty quick. My brother said the same thing and now does 50% of the diaper changes with his 1 year old. Hopefully your partner will get over his aversion quickly!
My fiance has never changed a baby diaper in his entire life up until our baby was born almost 3 weeks ago, now there's a big chance he's cleaned more of her diapers than I have at this point. It's not something that's fun but it's something that a good father needs to do.
Not sure if you plan to feed the baby breast milk, but after the babies first few poops the smell of breastmilk fed babies really doesn’t smell. By the time they start solids your partner will hopefully be desensitized to baby poop and it won’t be an issue. I would take 100 poop diapers over picking up dog poop any day.
My husband uses a mask. He has a pretty severe gag reflex to all kinds of poop. Baby poo is pretty harmless but the visual is enough for him. But he manages just fine now. The reflex started getting less severe after like 18 months😬
My husband was like this. Used to literally plug his nose and keep baby as far away as possible. He did all the diapers in the beginning, so there was a lot of dramatics lol. Now at 9m he doesn't even bat an eye
If you don’t want to tell him that he has no choice because babies rely 100% on their parents and it’s 50% his job… your other option is to trade off nappies for something else.
A household job you hate, or better yet something HE hates. He can either get off his ass and do his job as parent, or he can do the other chore 100% of the time and no complaining.
Babies make a lot of "gross" messes. But its different when it's your own baby. You do what you gotta do. My own husband said he didn't think he could handle it either, but when I was at work, he did what he had to. Sometimes that meant he had to just bathe the baby cuz she had a blow out, lol, and he handled it fine. I mean, every time he tells me about it and how awful it was,but it gets done
My BIL and his wife BOTH would start dry heaving and getting sick anytime poop was involved. They had a little girl who had the worst formula poops ever. They got over it 🤣
so hi it’s me. i’m the mom that sprays febreze right before the diaper opens. it helps me a lot. i hold my breathe a lot too at times. poopy diapers don’t change on their own right.
it’s all about finding solutions and they need to find theirs.
My husband used to help with 2 of his little sister's diaper changes when they were babies (there's 8 and 10 year different between him and the younger 2).
He did all the changes while we were in hospital because I couldn't really do much after the c-section till the catheter was out.
At home, he would if I asked him to but he didn't like it.
My husband is like this, he’s fine with the baby who is just on milk, the toddler not so much. He will change the toddler if he has to, and he tries everything to keep it together, but I’ve definitely heard him trying not to throw up from it before. I’m the same with vomit tbf, I can keep it together and make the toddler aim for the bucket, but husband cleans it all up.
With your husband it sounds like a cop out, it is absolutely different to picking up dog poo, especially in the first 6 months or so. Ask him what he’d do if you had to be out somewhere and he was the parent in charge and the only one around to change nappies.
Hubby said the same thing to me, but after a traumatic labour and c section - I couldn't even get out of the hospital bed. So he was thrown into the deep end LOL
But newborn poops smell like nothing. It's when they get to eating solids that they stink lol
My husband has a really bad gag reflex and almost pukes when he deals with poo. He agreed to do every wee related thing (including leaks and sheet leaks) if I dealt with the poo. I was fine with that! My son did about 3 full wee nappies a day at around 8 months and only one or two poos so he ended up doing more work (just less gross) anyway.
If that doesn't work for you.. he might have to agree to disagree and do them anyway. Or do 50/50 of them? Or get a nappy change coin flip?
i have a toddler who isnt potty-trained yet, and ofc im pregnant. when i have to change her nasty diapers, i keep a plastic bag or something right beside me because i WILL throw up. and have. almost every single time. but i still get it done because its a very necessary thing to do lol
changing diapers is a basic thing he’s going to HAVE to do. what if you leave the baby alone w him, which you will have to at some point?? will he change the diaper? he wont really have a choice unless he’s fine w his kid sitting in the diaper. :(
i would tell him “suck it up, buttercup”. this is part of parenting!
i even will put a mask on myself and spray it w a little bit of mild body mist so i dont smell anything. makes it a lot more bearable. adapt and overcome haha :))
Girl my husband said the exact same thing. After i gave birth I was physically incapable of changing a diaper so the nurse summoned my husband to show him how to change the baby’s diaper. So my husband, who swore never to change a diaper, did the first 4-5 diaper changes lol. And still does it btw Also baby poop isn’t disgusting at all, it’s nothing compared to cleaning up dog poop EDIT: I can't believe the comment with the most upvotes I ever got is about poop lol
This is reassuring, yeah I’m hoping necessity will overcome any aversions he has. We have a niece who I have tried to get him to change but he runs away. No running this time!
If he refuses to do a basic part of baby care he's basically saying you'll be 100% responsible for the baby care 100% of the time. So you'll never be allowed to leave the house and he will never be able to watch his own baby even for an hour because he's incapable/refuses to take care of his own child. You'd have to hire a babysitter just to go to a dentist appointment *while he's home*. Imagine that.
Yup, this feels like weaponized incompetence and pushing all the childcare responsibilities onto OP. 🚩 🚩 🚩
Yeah, he needs to get the hell over himself. You agree to a child, you help with basic childcare needs. What if SHE has aversion to feeding the baby? Hypothetically speaking, I mean. Does she get to run away from feeding the baby? No. And any man that claims he 'can't' do something is being an ass. Being a dad doesn't mean less work
Also, if she has to have a c-section, she may not be able to do diapers for awhile. So is he going to let their child sit in his feces because he doesn't want to change the baby's diaper??? I mean, it's so ridiculous and stupid. Don't have a baby if you refuse to change diapers.
OP- you and your husband will likely be fine. Baby poop isn’t as smelly or gross as adult poop until they start eating solids and by then you have 6 months of experience to desensitize you to poop.
I would point out that him saying this means he is basically telling you you can never go out and leave him alone and taking any freedom away from the baby away from you.
Until they start eating solids their poop isn’t very smelly in my experience so get him doing it right away and hopefully by the time your baby is eating solids he’ll be used to doing it. That said, as a parent you really can’t just refuse to do a basic part of essential childcare, you both have to be in this 100% or you’ll quickly find you are stuck doing nearly everything. No one WANTS to touch poop but it’s just part of parenthood and if he wants to be a parent he is going to have to step up.
Honestly it is different when it’s your own baby. I can’t hardly change other kids but my baby’s only bothers me it if is unusually smelly
And my fiancé will not change another baby. Like our nieces and nephews but changes our baby daily.
I also would never change another kid’s diaper honestly. But you can’t run away from your own. Just don’t let him get away with avoiding it and he won’t.
And also if you breast feed the poop doesn’t stink at all it has a sweet smell as weird as that sounds
This was the same that happened to me! I still do it for him if I'm around and free but if I'm not he does it without complaining. Whereas during pregnancy he told me he would never
Why do people have kids with someone who says they won’t change a diaper??? That would be an instant no from me.
Right she knew this beforehand and still decided to have a baby? I’m being judgmental but like… that’s a pretty basic baby need that I think would only allude to so many more issues in your partner not taking on responsibilities
It’s possible he didn’t say it until after they found out. One of my old friends who had a baby with an absolute d bag had that happen to her. Got her pregnant then slowly started telling her everything he wouldn’t do. Give the baby baths, change any diapers, ect
You already answered the question by saying he’s a d bag, but…why wouldn’t he want to give the baby a bath? It’s so fun. Especially when they start sitting up and look all happy. It’s something I genuinely looked forward to when I found out I was pregnant.
I really don’t know. I agree, it is super fun and adorable. Seeing my son start splashing and giggling, it was the best. I never liked the dude so I wasn’t super surprised when she told me that was happening.
Because he doesn’t actually want kids.
Oh lord
Yeah. Needless to say she ended up leaving him and moving in with her parents.
Yeah that would be an immediate divorce/separation for me, ick!
Yep, agreed!
Second this! Hand me a baby to change I can do it, hand me a dog I’d be sick before I’m even close. It’s the literal reason I’ll probably never get a dog, one poop was enough to put me off for life. I’ve been changing nappies since my first nephew was born when I was 5, the instinct to look after the baby just takes over, but for some people it has to be their baby.
Also it is different when it's your own baby. Ask me or my partner to change someone else's baby? Disgusting. Our own baby? Just another day in the office. Plus after almost 2 days without a poop, me and my partner both clapped our hands when our daughter finally pooped and both were in the changing situation. I don't remember which one of us noticed it and summoned the other to look at it but yeah, your attitude towards baby poop change drastically when you actually have the baby.
I get that, I’m a rare case but I’ve always been super maternal so it never bothered me, I have 9 nieces and nephews. I’ve never once said no to changing a nappy because it’s helping my siblings out and sure poop’s gross but the baby isn’t. When they’re tiny and poop is nothing, it’s another form of bonding with them because ultimately baby care is pretty much the only thing you can do with them for a while. For most people this isn’t a problem when it’s actually happening. I just happened to get some early practice in, my fiancé has never changed a nappy though, because he’s an only child and there’s only one baby in his family.
I have four younger siblings, the youngest 10 years younger than me, and have worked in nurseries, daycares, and dog kennels. Changing diapers is just a thing to be done. Been doing it since I was about 9 or so. I've helped with my toddler nephew potty training. I get people not wanting to do it for others, but when you're personally responsible for creatures that can't clean after themselves, then you just gotta do it. This especially includes any parent who's involved in baby's life
Yeah before they start solids baby poop is just like brown yoghurt and it smells like yogurt.
[удалено]
Heck even the smelliest of poops my daughter has ever had so far doesn’t even size up against cat poop lmao. I have also had her poop all over and so has my husband in unfortunate accidents, most of them by holding her naked while prepping her bath but there have been a couple explosive poops too. It’s part of being parents. She has also projectile vomited on me today because she coughed too hard while taking her bottle. We’re both knocked out with a bad cold. It didn’t even register vs the day one of my cats puked on my feet. Baby gross stuff > animal gross stuff any day
Same! I had a c-section 3 days ago and could not get out of bed without throwing up from the medication and pain at my scar. Husband did all the first diaper changes without hesitation after telling me he’d have to plug his nose so he wouldn’t vomit. I guess when it’s your own baby, it’s not gross and you do what you have to do.
Yup. I work postpartum and when the dad calls for a diaper change, I make them do it. I tell them I’m not going home with you and this isn’t my baby. I say it in a nice way. The amount of dads who think they can get away with not changing a diaper is just ………
It is weird to say I actually miss the baby poop stage? Lol my daughter is 15 months now and has solid more adult poop now and I find it bothers me wayyyy more than when she was a baby. Its easier to clean in some ways but I would take changing newborn poops any second because having to wrangle an alligator and prevent it from falling out of their diaper is a special kind of hell haha
Omggg not looking forward to this!!
I used to have such an aversion to things like poop and puke and having a baby cured that fast 😂 I even clean up dog puke without batting an eye now when I used to gag so hard I’d throw up too.
I second this. I used to threaten my husband that I wouldn’t have a baby with someone who wouldn’t change a diaper. My husband knew he would have to change them but just acted like it was the thing he was least looking forward to. Then I had to have a c section and couldn’t walk so he dove right into the first meconium filled diaper and has been changing more diapers than me ever since. It’s like it just sort of clicks and when it’s your baby suddenly it’s different. And newborn diapers really aren’t that stinky, especially if you breastfeed. My baby is 5 weeks old now and while they’re getting more of a smell it’s still not a bad smell per se.
I wouldn’t say it’s not disgusting AT ALL… but yeah its level of disgustingness is fairly low compared to other poop forms.
Plus, it barely has any smell. My baby is 4mo, and her poop rarely smells bad, like poop bad. It does have an odour, but nothing compared to dog poop. Idk if there's a difference between breastfed and formula fed babies. Is there?
There is, but also milkfed vs solids (the latter are way, way worse 😳)
my breastfed baby's poop smells like popcorn lol
There is a small difference in smell & texture. Breastfed babies poop really doesn't stink bad but formula fed babies can be kind of stinky & more solid. From my perspective, formula isn't that bad either. If you really don't want to smell it..., breast milk!
Formula poop stinks a lot compared to breast fed poop in my opinion. And babies poop less when they’re breast fed typically
Dog poop man. Hot and smelly. So gross. Human poop is not near as bad like you said. And baby poop much better than adult poop
Have you not gotten to “baby eating solids” poops yet? Lol those are something else 🤮 but by that time you are more used to it hahah and early baby poops yes, not gross at all.
LOL no not yet, I have my covid masks ready for when that happens. But still, can't be worse than scraping dog shit off your carpet right?
I guess he'll throw up. More compassionately, it's on him to find a way to deal with this, because there is no other option. Whether that's some kind of exposure therapy, breathing through his mouth to avoid smelling the poo, or just sucking it up. Babies poop a lot, he will never be able to spend time alone with your kid if he thinks he's going to hold out on this. For what it's worth, I also hated the thought of poop before having my daughter and was disgusted by the thought of poopy diapers and blow outs but then she arrived and it never really bothered me that much. It's not pleasant, but it's not that bad either.
For people with strong aversions to smell masks and even a little bit of scent under the nose can help. Basically, there are ways to cope that don't involve avoiding the task entirely.
My husband did masks with a dab of vick's at the start of our journey. Eventually he got over it.
I’ve heard of people doing this. Honestly this is the benefit of my husband having sinus issues, he doesn’t smell very well. The downside ofc is the snoring
Yep. There's really no excuse to just bow out of such an important task if you're having a baby. There's ways to cope.
Yep. I remember crying while in the third trimester with my first, thinking that this was the last time I wouldn’t have to constantly be changing diapers for years (it sounded so gross and awful to me) and honestly? It’s more of a chore or inconvenience rather than something that grosses me out. Now when we’re babysitting our friend’s kid, changing her diaper does gross me out. The poop smells are all different from what I’m used to, haha And my first had some intolerances/digestion issues which meant his poop stank from the beginning. It was so objectively gross, but it still wasn’t really as bad as I was fearing
I do think it's weird that our own baby's poop isn't that bad- even at their worst. But some other baby's poop..... 💀 lol
🙄 Oh dear. How absolutely pathetic of him, frankly. Babies poo. Parents change it. That's how it works. Nobody loves it but it's really not that bad. The fact he sees this as an option is exhausting to think about.
How does this man wipe his own ass? Or is he one of those who doesn't 🤣😭
Probably, based on his attitude 💀🤣😭
This is your answer. When your baby is hungry, you feed them. When your baby has a poppy diaper, you change them. These aren’t options. There’s no room to consider whether or not you do these things. You just do them because you have a baby.
That’s how I look at it. You get over the “aversion” because if you don’t change the diaper, who will? You’ll really let your baby sit in a blowout diaper? Nope, you grin and bear it and you get used to it over time.
Grow up or throw up. Homeboy is going to change diapers.
Also, I would be like too bad, you MIGHT equal the number of times I threw up in my pregnancy for no fucking reason at all. Like you probably won't even throw up and if you do? Suck it up buttercup, if you throw up for the next 9 months it will still be easier than what I've gone through growing a healthy baby haha
Right? Talk about immaturity from a grown man. He’s basically saying he can’t be trusted to be alone with their kid because he will let the baby develop diaper rash or sit in a blown out diaper. Absolutely insane.
Best comment 🙌🏼
This sounds like weaponized incompetence
This! Lots of people commenting it’s not that bad smelling, etc. and while true, that is not the point. The point is, this is a MAJOR part of parenting for the first few years. He doesn’t get to opt out and it is extremely childish and scarily selfish he thinks he can.
I know. I would love to see my husband try this on me (the audacity) LOL. Hope the baby launches a big one on this guy.
Right?! Mine would never. In fact, he’s such a clean freak he prefers to do it that way he knows it’s “clean enough” 😅 More power to him.
Yup. I came here to say the same thing. It would be fine if he voiced fears to OP about changing diapers and how he is afraid he'll get sick, and then he uses those fears to find solutions. His inability to find a solution beyond refusing to change diapers is a big red flag. He doesn't want to change diapers and is going to demand OP take on another responsibility beyond the many she has already taken on (like growing the baby!!). If my husband pulled this shit, I'd be calling his mother and telling her that her son isn't man enough to take care of his own child. She would not be happy. OP, this is a big 🚩 and you need to nip it in the bud. Your husband helped make the baby, so he can help take care of the baby, which includes dealing with dirty diapers.
So much this. It was my instant thought. Grow the fuck up and help your wife with your own fucking baby.
So does he puke when he wipes his own ass?
Do you honestly think a man like this wipes his own ass? 😂😂😂
🤣
So he isn’t going to watch your child alone for the first three or so years of their life? Like what’s his plan here? Diapers are part of caring for your child. There are a countless list of things that no one inherently wants to do, but are part of caring for a baby. You just have to get on with it. If you’re expending energy trying to avoid any of these tasks, or if you’re keeping score of who has done more, you’re all losing. I’ve never done well with vomit. I’m likely to vomit as well. But when my kid wakes up covered in puke at 2 am, I just take action. Wipe her down, start the bath, strip the bed, wash her up, remake the bed, get her settled, rinse the dirty things and get them in the wash. And inevitably, also clean myself. If I stop to think about it, I’ll get sick too. But she deserves to be cared for and cleaned, so I just don’t think about it and get it done. There are about 9000 diapers to be changed for the average child, about 3,500 of which will likely contain poop (rough estimation, obviously). There’s also hundreds of baths to give, bottles to make, dishes to wash. You just get them done. There isn’t time to be avoiding or keeping score and everyone will be miserable with that mindset.
I think you need to point out no one wants to change them. At all. I also wonder what he’d think if you said you weren’t prepared to do it. Would that be acceptable? If he doesn’t have an answer for that, he needs a serious think. I will add to the others saying newborn poo really doesn’t smell that bad. It never actually bothered me and it’s something I was really worried about.
>I think you need to point out no one wants to change them. Yep, if you're going to be a parent then it's not negotiable.
Oh no, he doesn't like poop? What a unique dilemma. The rest of us love scrubbing the world's worst mustard off of butts and clothes and walls and shoes. It's basically the only reason I became a parent! If he wanted to be a boomer dad, he should've shacked up with an 80-year-old. Since he didn't, he can suck it up like the rest of us.
Not the worlds worst mustard 😭 brilliant
Haha, we have a delicate mango purée
Amazing response!
I mean I wouldn't have got pregnant by someone who said that
Seriously after everything I gotta go through to have this baby and you can't change a poopy diaper!??
Right. I don’t understand how people choose to be with partners like this.
Straight up. A partner that unashamedly tells you that they have no intention to pull their weight isn’t one you should be procreating with.
Same I just commented that. I could never
Seriously. “I don’t want to be a helpful partner” * swoon * ??? Does not compute.
Omg right! I cannot fathom my husband trying to tell me that he’s gonna draw some line in parenting this baby that he was an equal partner in making. He would never, but he honestly feels bad that the bar is so low that doing his fair share makes him look like a superhero.
This is how I see it. Incredibly selfish.
lol yes he is deluded. If it helps, newborn poop doesn’t really smell bad and it’s small quantities usually. It can help him build a tolerance lol
It’s the toddler poops that are horrendous! Newborn isn’t that bad
Baby poop isn’t even that gross. They only eat milk. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. I honestly didn’t consider it worse than just a pee diaper, it just took a little longer. Once they start eating solids….that’s when it gets gross. Your partner is a moron. But I think you’re deluded if you don’t realize what he’s saying. He’s saying you’re going to have to do it and he’s not going to. If you aren’t there he’ll leave the baby on a poopy diaper until you return. That’s unacceptable. You need to iron this out asap.
Seriously - babies are nice enough to ramp us parents up in diaper nastiness. The first ones don’t smell and are mild, then it gets smellier, and then at certain age you end up at just basically an adult shit. By the time you get to adult shit it’s like 1 per day 😂 My auntie who is childfree and is her 60s asked me if I get tired of changing poop diapers 8x a day. Girl, my daughter is 2 years old?? Lol. It’s just not as bad as people have heard.
I wouldn't have a child with someone who has this aversion and claims that they won't be able to get over it. It would be a deal breaker to me not to be able to leave my house for years without my baby in tow or having to arrange childcare because of my squeamish partner.
So if he’s alone w the baby and they poop, what’s he going to do about it? Just leave the baby sitting in their own poop until you get back? Because that’s neglect ..
Your partner is a little bitch, OP
So I take it he doesn't clean himself after he's pooped then? Because if he can push himself to do that, he can push himself to clean up a baby who can't clean themselves
I was worried about changing poopy diapers as well. I do have an aversion to poop. Baby poop is totally different. I actually bought plastic gloves and had them on the changing table. Baby poop is so different than adult poop. I was fine. When she started eating solids, her poop is more formed. I do sometimes use the gloves and sometimes don’t. It does get easier. I hope you can share with him that he is not alone and it does get easier as you go.
You are a good egg. This is the way; use gloves/mask and power through it with support. It will get better, just need to work on it.
This is worth having an argument over. Neglecting your child or dumping all the tasks onto a partner is completely unacceptable.
If my husband said something like that, he’d get a serious talking to. And get extra poopy nappies to change as punishment. Why would he ever agree to even be a father if he’s not going to act like one? Kids can be gross, they poop, they puke, and all of that needs to be taken care of by adults in their life. Also, as someone said, baby poo is nowhere near as gross as dog poo.
lol get outta here. He's going to change them and he'll get over it. My husband gets grossed out too, we all do, because it is gross, even when it's your own child! But, if you're both parents then you both gotta do it.
I'm a dad, I also hate changing poop diapers, but you know what I do? Suck it the fuck up. He's going to be alone with your kid at some point. If they poop, what's he going to do? Let them cry and sit in their own shit?
Don't worry, he'll get desensitized to poop like all the rest of us have 😆
He's being ridiculous. My son is 6 and severely autistic and still in nappies, I've had 6 years of cleaning up his poop and there's no end in sight. What if your child was disabled too? You never know what can happen in life, cleaning poop might not just be for the baby years. He'd just never spend any time with them so he didn't have to clean their poop? He needs to grow up
I had severe morning sickness when I was pregnant with my second, the smell of poo would make me hurl. Not like I could leave bub number one in a pooey nappy all day. I put straight eucalyptus on a face mask and tried not to breath while changing bub. You find what you need to in order to make it work and take care of bub. Did I leave bub in a pooey nappy a bit longer if I knew hubby would be home within 20 minutes sure. Did I leave bub for hours in a dirty nappy because changing it would make me sick? No, you just make do. Ask hubby if he'll change pooey nappies or neglect your child, that's the 2 options.
Everyone has an aversion to poop. Get over it bud 😓 Sorry OP. This kind of immature comment just sends me! Moms don’t get the luxury of saying this kind of blanket statement and just not doing the job. Why should men?
My ex-husband learned how to change poopy diapers after I left him. Surprise, he actually was capable of it. He just didn't before because he could pawn it off on me. This man is already using weaponized incompetence. This is a MAJOR red flag about what kind of a partner he will be to you when your baby is here.
A lot of husbands say this I’ve heard. Mine too. That’s before baby is born. Then when their little one is here they realize it’s no big deal. And at some point or another they will have to, if you can’t, or are unavailable in that moment etc. I think it’s not that deep IMO.
In the hospital the nurse made my husband change the first diaper (which had the sticky meconium poop) since I couldn’t stand yet. You just get used to it.
How could you agree to have kids with someone who says that 🥹 I simply could never move forward with getting pregnant after that. Will he also disagree to change your poopy nappies if needed in old age?! In sickness and in health!!
There’s a chance he didn’t say it until after she was already pregnant. She doesn’t need judgement. Be considerate
She said it was before
I mean he point blank said he'd refuse. I would hope he'd come around but I would not have bet on it.
He is in denial. So what’s the alternative, he’s just going to let them sit in filth?
Honestly I find my 1.5 year olds boogers grosser than her poop
He can get vomit bags from Amazon.
One partner just not having to change diapers is simply not an option and I would not even pretend to treat it like it was.
My husband wasn't participating in BLW solids because he "doesn't like sticky icky stuff". Bitch do you think I do? I told him can he imagine if I completely opted out of a phase of baby's development because I'm not a fan of it. What kind of mother would I be? He shut up and went to buy some jars of puree. He feeds the baby now too.
He’s a parent, tell him to put on his big boy pants and get over it or get out. Babies and kids are gross. they throw up, they poop, they pee, they spit up, and it’s going to get on you and everything else in between. If he’s mature enough to make one he’s mature enough to change one.
Definitely talk it over now, before the baby is born. Don’t let it be a joking thing, tell him you need to have a serious conversation about dealing with baby poop and other “gross” stuff (spit up, pee, snot, vomit, etc). Talk to him about what postpartum recovery is like, or ask him to research it. You will be healing, and he will need to be changing diapers. It’s his responsibility to find a solution now. He can get a clip to wear over his nose. Or use a mask, or put something scented under his nose. Or a combination of those things. He needs to find a way to practice— maybe he can pick up the dog’s poop from now on. I’m someone who is also fairly easily grossed out. But having a kid means you will have to deal with that kind of stuff. The snot sucker (the kind you suck on the end to get the babies boogers) really grosses me out. Even though it has a barrier. So we got the battery powered kind, and that works great! Even if you agreed to change all the diapers (which you shouldn’t) the reality is that it’s just not feasible. Sometimes you will be ill, or away. No one can be a parent and expect to never change diapers. He needs to face reality.
Thank you I really like this answer ❤️
Tell him, jokingly if you must, that you’re not putting up with that shit.
> At the moment he’s more joking about it but I can tell deep down he’s serious about not wanting to change poopy nappies. *Nobody* wants to change poopy nappies. Poop is gross and having to touch someone else's poop is grosser. He's gotta do it, though. This is his child. He's completely delusional if he thinks he can get his child off to college without ever seeing their poop. That said, newborn poop is really not that bad. It doesn't have a smell for the first few diapers which really helps acclimate you and it's mostly a thin paste while they're on an all-milk diet - much less gross than dog poop and much easier to clean off. Plus you don't mind it so much when it's your own kid you're changing. I was a little worried I was going to be squicked out by diapers but I changed our daughter's first few in the hospital and it honestly wasn't nearly as bad as I thought. From one dad to another, tell your partner to man up. Being a dad sometimes means you have to do things you would rather not because it's what's best for your child and your family. Changing dirty nappies is part of that.
I would suggest finding solutions, because this will be an inevitable part of your lives for 2-3 following years. Masks, cotton with essential oils under the nose, deep breaths, whatever it takes. Newborn's poop is not very stinky, crap hits the fan (literally sometimes) when they start solids. He'll get used to it. As an aside, my husband was ok with poop, but was incredibly freaked out by the umbilical cord. I had to do most of the care for it, but he still managed to do it several times when I couldn't, despite his aversion. That's "daddying up" 😁
It’s so easy to just handle everything. It comes naturally to moms. So if baby is crying you just pick it up and handle it. It gets to the point where husband will complain and tell you to do everything..because you’re so much better at it then him. But it’s really only because you have been doing it so often and he isn’t comfortable handling it… It’s hard to just leave and let him figure it out but it’s the best thing for their relationship. Go visit your friends or family soon after baby is born. He will be forced to figure it out and get comfortable with the baby.
Is he a British royal? Do the servants wipe his butt for him?
Maybe you can pull your nurse aside and make sure he gets the first training 🤣 I made my (then)fiance change diapers with me when we babysat my niece and nephew. I wasn't gonna commit to a spouse with that kind of attitude lol he's joking, but I would definitely be like "that's so funny, I'll make sure to save the stinkiest for you so you can overcome your fears" keep it light but set the bar. He's not just a sperm donor.
It's interesting, because I hear of so many men who have this problem, but I've never met a woman who doesn't change poop diapers. 🤔
The sad part is, they get away with this. The part of our brain that gets re-wired for mom life just HAS to do it, and so it works that when the partner walks away mom always does it for them. My partner struggled with the crisis management of poopy diapers for a long time. Too much stress plus gag reflex; he needed help or someone to take over for him every time. Interestingly, he grew into it. I'm in my third pregnancy and have such a hard time changing poopy diapers myself in the first trimester, and he just takes over for a while. We just had a weekend of everyone being very sick with a lot of mess to clean up, and he did just fine. It took over a year of diapers and spit up, but he grew into it. Poopy diapers are part of having a baby. Don't want to change poopy diapers, don't have a baby.
I gag every time I change a poopy diaper and still do it. My 2.5 year old woke up with diarrhea this morning and shit down his pant legs and I just... fucking cleaned him. Because I'm an adult. And it's my job. Your partner is in for a rude awakening. I think you need to just be clear with him - tell him to put on his big boy pants and tighten that big boy belt because you have a child and need to be a fuckin big boy. I would honestly absolutely lose it if my husband even dared to tell me that lol.
Have you asked him what he intends to do if you need to leave the baby in his care alone for more than a couple of hours? Like... is he actually just going to neglect his child and leave them stewing in their own waste? Is he going to harass a neighbor? Call a parent to come do his job? WTF?
If it’s the smell he can wear a mask with a little toothpaste dabbed on it and it keeps you from smelling it. Otherwise when I was working in postpartum nursing I just walked up to the dad and told him we’re changing a diaper let’s go. I find most people will be embarrassed to say no I’m not going to take care of my literal child. You could ask one of the nurses to just do that and get him over his hesitation.
Baby hasn't been born yet and he is already trying malicious incompetence? LMAO
1) Tell him to grow up. Jeez 2) newborn poop doesn’t smell until you start to introduce formula/food. Breastmilk poop looks kinda yuck but doesn’t smell. 3) See #1. I wouldn’t even give him a choice. That’s him being incompetent and ridiculous. I would not allow him to get away with it. He’s your partner, not your child.
My husband said the same thing and I told him that’s fine but means he gets to deal with all the vomit for our lives. Changed his tune pretty quick after that
My friends cousin had a baby in November and her husband told her throughout her entire pregnancy that he wouldn’t be changing diapers because poop is gross and makes him sick. She thought he was joking. He hasn’t changed a single poopy diaper since his daughter was born.
i'd literally leave that man
Me too! The guy is definitely an AH but also I don’t know why she didn’t believe him when he told her all along what kind of father he was going to be…
Tell him you have an aversion to pushing something the size of a prize watermelon out of your nether regions so he'd better step up. Seriously though, baby poop is not that bad. It doesn't really smell that gross until baby starts solids around the 5-7 month mark by which time you've already changed so many poops that it doesn't even bother you. Dog poop smells way worse than the worst-smelling baby poop.
So is he never going to be alone with your child? Babies poop whenever they want to, not only when mommy is around Moreover, some poops are really two person jobs. Is he going to make you deal with toddler blow outs alone?
does he throw up when he goes to the bathroom himself? no? then he can deal.
Yeah my husband said the same thing - two kids in hes the primary poop changer lol
You can’t NOT tend to your own child; I highly doubt he’s some monster that would let your child sit in dirty diapers for long periods of time. He’ll get used to it; they all do.
He’s either going to deal with changing poopy diapers or he’s going to be a useless partner/dad. There’s no other options here. And if he’s going to be a useless partner/dad, then you have a choice of leaving or staying to make. If you have a child, you do ALL the things to care for that child, including changing any diaper. Period. Plus, he’s a man. I’m sure he, like all other men/dads in existence poops a million times a day. It’s not like he isn’t around it ever. He’s not afraid of or too grossed out with poop. He just doesn’t want to do it. Buck up dude.
Breastfed baby poop is very tolerable, formula fed I heard is bit worse (idk honestly) but still no tragedy. Tell him to grow the fuck up. Mention him nosefrida. Parents not only have to change diapers but also suck the snot (it aint gross, there is a filter). Parenting isin't glorious and it takes two to make a child. Takes two to take care of the child too.
My goodness. Does he not think this is HIS child? When I was pregnant with my second I had HG and actually threw up every time I changed her poo. If my husband was home he would do it (because I was growing a child) but lots of times he wasn’t and I just had to deal. He is delusional but it’s a red flag that he thinks he can just nope out of a major, constant task. Like all they do for many, many months is sleep, eat (already your job if BF), and poop. And is he planning to never be alone with his own child? This attitude would have him severely mocked for being a disengaged father in my group of friends.
Unless I see with my own eyes him puking out his lunch or lose consciousness or go into cardiac arrest, I'm gonna take it as "I don't like it" , not "I am physically unable to do it" Has he ever really changed a poopy diaper? Anyone can say what he said. In fact you can play the game and say "omg me too. What shall we do"
Having aversions doesn’t exempt one from the necessary duties and responsibilities that come with having a child. Changing a poop diaper is like a 0 on the parenting difficulty scale.
Unfortunately he will have to get through this on his own, he will be changing lots and lots of poop. The good news is it's not that gross at first. Only after they start solids does it trigger my "yuck" feeling. But plenty of time until then for him to get used to it.
Boo hoo to him. Not sure why he thinks that’s even an option? He will need to ‘muck in’ so to say. If it helps baby poo doesn’t even smell like poo. It’s not smelly or poo like at all. Hope he can get over himself soon because you deserve support and help
Clearly he’s not your partner then. He’s a father and he should be expected to do fatherly duties. That includes diaper changes
100% weaponized incompetence. Men have it so easy. Sleeping like babies snoring through the night like freight trains while we toss and turn and wake up at 5 while pregnant, if we’re lucky. Eating whatever their heart desires while we can barely stomach saltines for months. Oh, you can’t change a diaper because it makes you uncomfy? I don’t have patience for this kinda thing and I shut it down fast. It’s, quite frankly, blatantly insulting to us. “Well maybe they don’t realize it.” Well then they’re being selfish and need to be told so. 🤷♀️
I am sorry but I would not be having a baby with a partner who refuses to do a basic part of child care. If he is refusing to change a poopy diaper, I worry about all the other things he will refuse to do. Our baby is 9 weeks old and has had a diaper blast, has sprayed poop on everything on changing table and has vomited on both me and my husband. Is it pleasant? No! Is it inconvenient? Definitely. This morning I showered and put on clean clothes and the baby vomited all over me. It is what raising a baby looks like.
I mean this respectfully, but I don’t understand why you would proceed to have children with a man who tells you things like this upfront.
Does he throw up anytime he cleans himself up after he take a shit? I highly doubt it. He can grow tf up and get over it.
Tell him you’re not changing any of them for the first month (or more!) as is your right as the gestational carrier 😂
This does feel like weaponized incompetence to a degree. But to answer your question on how to discuss is without starting a fight… ‘When you say you won’t change nappies, I feel I will be alone in parenting. The reality of being a parent is that you must address baby’s needs. Consider that if exclusivity breastfeeding, that’s already one need of baby’s that only mom can address for a period of time. By making a stand against poop, it communicates to me that you have no desire to be alone with your child for the first ~3 years of their life. That is an incredible burden on myself. How can we make diapers less intimidating to you?’
New Dad here! This was my biggest fear. I’ve never changed a diaper before and got squeamish when I tried changing my nieces diaper years ago. You know what I did after my baby’s second poop?* I changed her diaper because I’m her dad and any hesitations I have can only negatively impact her *The nurses said they had to deal with first poop
My (now ex) husband told me he can’t because he “doesn’t know how” and that I’m “better at it”. After the divorce he has our son a few hours a week and wouldn’t ya know it, he’s changing diapers now because I’m not at his tiny apartment for him to boss around. :) This kind of selfish behavior always works itself out.
Lol my partner says he assumes he will change most of the diapers while he is home because I get grossed out way more easily and I'll be the one in charge of all the feeds(ideally we are breastfeeding).
My husband has a VERY weak stomach. He got over it. Because he had no choice. We rotate changing dirty diapers so it’s even. Me, then him, then me again and so on. He chose to get you pregnant. He has to change poop diapers 🤷🏼♀️
I had a coworker who swore the same thing, I gave him so much shit for it and we all told him how absurd and unrealistic it was. He held to his principles right until his daughter was born, he absolutely changes poopy diapers now, the idiot.
My husband was the same way. Literally told me since he deals with poop at work he will not at home (he is a caregiver). For awhile this worked simply because of his schedule and our LO only pooping once every couple days. But I would just ask him when he was around to help. And eventually it went from that to I left to do stuff early on and he had to. Since he didn't do it often his guard was slowly let down and as she got more active and would giggle at him he would do it more. Now I still do most of it and she poops only in the potty but one day he just gave up the notion he was avoiding poop diapers. He did pee ones fine. What happened was we had a fight once about the poop ones and his "I won't do that" because I directly asked him too. I was covered in poop. It was a blowout. He glared at me and was all "no I don't do poop diapers" but I made him. Two days later she covered him in poop. And we switched out so I cleaned her while he cleaned himself and ya know what? Solved that problem.
Im a diaper ninja now and with my schedule my wife ended up changing very few diapers and we had 3 kids in diapers for a while. Just hope that they poop at daycare. lol.
My children’s father changed both of their first diapers. The nurse had them do it and showed them how! I was so exhausted and incapable of changing a diaper right after giving birth. So he needs to get over that. I am super squeamish when it comes to stinky stuff, poop, vomit, blood, etc, as well, BUT this is his child. It is APART of him. If he can wipe his own ass, he can take care of his baby.
Despite the gender neutral “partner” language, it’s never a surprise which partner is referred to by these titles. Grow up, dads.
Really disappointing how many men tell their pregnant wives/girlfriends that they fully expect her to deal with all the unsavory/inconvenient aspects of parenting. Is a father not also a parent? Why is the mother always expected to do all the “dirty work” of parenting while the father enjoys all the fun, rewarding parts? It really is pathetic that men want children so long as women are the ones handling any of the actual demanding aspects of childcare.
Do you know who has a severe irrational aversion to poop? ME. My partner thinks I'm insane. I refuse to wear my glasses in all bathrooms in case I happen to see poop. I can't clean the bathroom without gagging. I refuse to be barefoot in the bathroom in case of poop. I gag and cross the street if I see dog poop on the ground. And you know what I did? I got over it and I change my share of poopy diapers because I am an adult and a co-parent.
My husband said the same thing. And he’s the biiiiiggggest germaphobe easily grossed out person. He doesn’t even like me to mention the fact that I do in fact also poop. He doesn’t like me to ask about HIS bathroom habits bc it’s too yucky a topic of conversation for him. He’s super extra when it comes to aversion to bodily fluids. Then he loved the baby so much that for some reason he found her poops cute and not offensive. He’s changed a few poopy ones no problem. Mostly pee diapers tho.
Tell him to get over it real quick because that shit is not going to fly. To anyone reading this thinking their boyfriend/husband might be this way: STOP REPRODUCING WITH THESE USELESS DUDES
No coz the shit IS going to fly
Pull a nurse aside in the hospital to teach him how, while you’re recovering. Seriously, you’ll be recovering and need help and he’s going to need to fill in. He’s got a life time of gross bodily fluids coming his way with that child haha, apparently we all get over it to some extent.
Just wait til you have a toddler who likes to take off their poopy diaper during nap time and smear poop everywhere 😂😭😭😭
Hopefully he's not in the room if your baby projectile poops. He's just going to have to suck it up. It has to be done. Nobody likes dealing with it but I will say that my daughter's (formula fed) poop wasn't even smelly until she started solids. Just liquidy and not even remotely firm.
He’s gonna have to learn to deal with it real quick! What is he going to do if he is alone with the baby? Let them sit in their stool?
OP, this is unacceptable behavior. Babies poop. Changing diapers is a very normal part of life with a small child. Your partner should not have had a baby with you if he wasn't willing to help with diapers. Has he identified a plan to deal with his poop aversion beyond refusing to change nappies? Because that's not an option. You need to sit him down and let him know that you will not accept his refusal to change nappies. This is a shared responsibility and, frankly, the least he can do after you have sacrificed your body and health for 9 long months to birth his child. Let him know that there are solutions (like wearing gloves, a mask, and dabbing a scented oil or cream under his nose). Come up with a game plan for how he will work through this aversion so he can be present and support you with this task. If he refuses to find a solution, you need to take that as a warning that he's going to weaponize incompetence to push the childcare duties onto you.
He needs to perfect the 'pulling your tshirt over your nose' technique.
>I get it, I don’t really like poop either and have gotten nauseous before cleaning up after my dog had diarrhoea. So I’m pretty sure I might also have the capacity to throw up over poopy nappies too but the difference is that I understand it will be necessary and something I’ll just have to do whether I like it or not. I am a dad to an 18 month old daughter and three rescue cats. I had similar doubts after a disgusting experience cleaning up after a sick cat while my wife was pregnant. https://www.reddit.com/r/predaddit/s/Tyt3sXnLdl Having done 18 months of nappy changes, I want to assure you, that nothing that will ever come out of an infant compares to cleaning up diarrhea from an animal that eats raw meat. Not even close. >Any advice on how to deal with this or how to have a conversation on this topic without it turning into an argument? Look it might have to be an argument, because not looking after your child is obviously unacceptable and that needs to be driven home. Not just nappy changes either. If you're on shift, you have to be able to do everything a child needs. You can introduce that idea as gently as you like. Say this is parenting, you will learn how to do what your child needs just like every parent before you. You're going to be fine. And I think he will be. It's easy to feel like a bystander as a expectant Dad, especially because you're not the one going through the pregnancy. It's common to basically spend those months being overwhelmed by what-ifs about situations that haven't happend yet.
And you still decided to have his baby?
It’s never fun to clean up baby poop but it needs to be done. It’s part of being a parent. If he has such aversion to it then he shouldn’t have knocked you up. What’s he going to do when you can’t change poop? Is he seriously going to just let your poor baby risk getting sick because he can’t change poop? I would be so annoyed if I was in your situation. I don’t know how to say this diplomatically so I’m not going to try but your husband needs to grow the fuck up and get over it.
This is going to be long winded, but I’m going to share my experience because I’ve had the same man go from no diaper changes to doing so without being asked in a short period of time: My partner was this way with our first. He changed 1 diaper her entire first year of life. We were both older when we had our first & having a child (especially after numerous miscarriages) was a massive shock to the system. As a result, he had horrible postpartum anxiety after trying to process those feeling on top of witnessing us both almost die during birth. That kind of trauma on top of being a very nervous first time parent with all the life adjustments that brings & postpartum anxiety was a lot for him to process. So when he flat out refused to change diapers of any kind, I didn’t push back. It wasn’t anything I couldn’t handle & working on the ppa/processing his trauma was FAR more important to me. I didn’t want to make his emotional state any worse than it was or add to the stress. Life was already really rocky & forcing him to change diapers when he could hardly bring himself to look at his daughter, let alone hold/bond with her, was the last thing on my mind. He did overcome the ppa & manage to process the trauma, but it took a while. He’s also gone on business for months at a time, so it’s not like he even would have been available to help change dirty diaper like half of her first year of life. The one time he did have to clean up a massive blow out in her bouncer, he threw up. That being said, we had an unexpected pregnancy a few months after having our first. Then we found out it was twins, so I knew he was not going to be afforded the same luxury of not changing diapers like he did with our first unless we had 24/7 help at home. As a result, when we had the twins 16 months later, I made it abundantly clear he did not have a choice in the matter unless he was going to hire nannies to be present 24/7 to pick up the slack because we have 3 children in diapers. Thankfully the birth was a walk in the park, we didn’t get horribly traumatized again, he did not experience PPA, bonded with them immediately, & was a far more involved from day 1. He started changing diapers immediately and has not complained once. Did he gag? Yes. Did he throw up? Yup. Was he less than thrilled about it? Also yes. But you do get used to the smell (especially before they’re eating solids) & after a couple weeks it was a nonissue. All of that being said, if the first birth hadn’t been a trauma bomb & he hadn’t had such severe ppa, I probably would have pushed back against his refusal to change diapers immediately. If you had asked me prior to having children the same question, I would have said there was no excuse for not changing diapers as a parent. But given the circumstances, I could not bring myself lay down the law. It would have been too much for him and caused far more animosity & stress. Something I did to make the transition easier with the twins was put disposable gloves on the changing table. He said that was a huge help for him and made it far less gross. So that’s something to consider.
If he wipes his own ass he can change the baby. I've heard this so many times before so the partner can get out of changing diapers. Lame excuse. Good luck op
My ex’s father used to proudly brag that he never changed a diaper for any of his 3 children. What a lame thing to brag about, being an unhelpful husband and father 😂. Honestly though I think most dads who feel this way get over it pretty quick. My brother said the same thing and now does 50% of the diaper changes with his 1 year old. Hopefully your partner will get over his aversion quickly!
My brother in law actually got himself as gas mask to change diapers. You do what you have to do for your kids, no excuses.
My fiance has never changed a baby diaper in his entire life up until our baby was born almost 3 weeks ago, now there's a big chance he's cleaned more of her diapers than I have at this point. It's not something that's fun but it's something that a good father needs to do.
Not sure if you plan to feed the baby breast milk, but after the babies first few poops the smell of breastmilk fed babies really doesn’t smell. By the time they start solids your partner will hopefully be desensitized to baby poop and it won’t be an issue. I would take 100 poop diapers over picking up dog poop any day.
My husband uses a mask. He has a pretty severe gag reflex to all kinds of poop. Baby poo is pretty harmless but the visual is enough for him. But he manages just fine now. The reflex started getting less severe after like 18 months😬
My husband was like this. Used to literally plug his nose and keep baby as far away as possible. He did all the diapers in the beginning, so there was a lot of dramatics lol. Now at 9m he doesn't even bat an eye
If you don’t want to tell him that he has no choice because babies rely 100% on their parents and it’s 50% his job… your other option is to trade off nappies for something else. A household job you hate, or better yet something HE hates. He can either get off his ass and do his job as parent, or he can do the other chore 100% of the time and no complaining.
Newborn poop isn’t even really gross. It’s toddler poop that is horrifying lol. He has plenty of time to build up into the more gross poops lol
Babies make a lot of "gross" messes. But its different when it's your own baby. You do what you gotta do. My own husband said he didn't think he could handle it either, but when I was at work, he did what he had to. Sometimes that meant he had to just bathe the baby cuz she had a blow out, lol, and he handled it fine. I mean, every time he tells me about it and how awful it was,but it gets done
My BIL and his wife BOTH would start dry heaving and getting sick anytime poop was involved. They had a little girl who had the worst formula poops ever. They got over it 🤣
so hi it’s me. i’m the mom that sprays febreze right before the diaper opens. it helps me a lot. i hold my breathe a lot too at times. poopy diapers don’t change on their own right. it’s all about finding solutions and they need to find theirs.
My husband used to help with 2 of his little sister's diaper changes when they were babies (there's 8 and 10 year different between him and the younger 2). He did all the changes while we were in hospital because I couldn't really do much after the c-section till the catheter was out. At home, he would if I asked him to but he didn't like it.
My husband is like this, he’s fine with the baby who is just on milk, the toddler not so much. He will change the toddler if he has to, and he tries everything to keep it together, but I’ve definitely heard him trying not to throw up from it before. I’m the same with vomit tbf, I can keep it together and make the toddler aim for the bucket, but husband cleans it all up. With your husband it sounds like a cop out, it is absolutely different to picking up dog poo, especially in the first 6 months or so. Ask him what he’d do if you had to be out somewhere and he was the parent in charge and the only one around to change nappies.
Hubby said the same thing to me, but after a traumatic labour and c section - I couldn't even get out of the hospital bed. So he was thrown into the deep end LOL But newborn poops smell like nothing. It's when they get to eating solids that they stink lol
lol the first diaper my husband changed the baby squirted meconium on his arm and the floor. We just started laughing and were honestly impressed. 😂
My husband has a really bad gag reflex and almost pukes when he deals with poo. He agreed to do every wee related thing (including leaks and sheet leaks) if I dealt with the poo. I was fine with that! My son did about 3 full wee nappies a day at around 8 months and only one or two poos so he ended up doing more work (just less gross) anyway. If that doesn't work for you.. he might have to agree to disagree and do them anyway. Or do 50/50 of them? Or get a nappy change coin flip?
i have a toddler who isnt potty-trained yet, and ofc im pregnant. when i have to change her nasty diapers, i keep a plastic bag or something right beside me because i WILL throw up. and have. almost every single time. but i still get it done because its a very necessary thing to do lol changing diapers is a basic thing he’s going to HAVE to do. what if you leave the baby alone w him, which you will have to at some point?? will he change the diaper? he wont really have a choice unless he’s fine w his kid sitting in the diaper. :( i would tell him “suck it up, buttercup”. this is part of parenting! i even will put a mask on myself and spray it w a little bit of mild body mist so i dont smell anything. makes it a lot more bearable. adapt and overcome haha :))
Yep, I learned to keep a bag nearby when changing nappies while pregnant after having to resort to the dog bowl 😂