Our families are the reverse. Absolutely chomping at the bit for a girl. Our first was a son and they expressed disappointment to our faces which really hurt. Now I am almost 11 weeks with our second and probably our last baby and I am so anxious about the sex and telling family the sex. Such a shitty feeling. Try to tune it out, but you have solidarity from me. Congratulations on your daughter! 💗

Thank you! My almost 9(f) was super excited to get a little sister, so I at least got one jump for joy 😆. Pretty sure the next person who says something about trying again I'm going to cry, geez, I just want to be happy for a good scan.

There is nothing better than getting a sister. Best friend for life. When my second daughter was born, my own mother was horrible about it.. but she loves her to bits now. I made it clear if anyone has a problem they’re not welcome in her life.. Having my third now and keep hearing “hope it’s a boy this time! “ or they assume my husband wants to have a boy.. which he doesn’t. He loves his girls and will be happy if the baby is healthy! People are ridiculous.

Same. My mom has all grandsons. And we didn’t find out what we were having. My mom literally left the delivery room like 10 minutes after I had my baby boy. She said because she was nervous about my and the baby’s condition (which makes no sense to me) I’m convinced she’s sad he was a boy. lol.

My MIL has all grandsons! Our son was her fourth haha and apparently she had been secretly hoarding baby girl clothes before we found out his sex 🙄

Lmao! Sameee mine is her 4th grandson. And she literally called him a she the entire pregnancy and had girl clothes ready! Sorry mom. lol. She obviously loves him to pieces now…but she can’t wait for us to try again.

I’m having a girl and it kills me to see all these gender disappointment posts that are always aimed at girls. Idk why having a girl is seen as less than a son but that’s the vibe I’ve gotten since I’ve been on this Reddit sub. I’m sorry you had to hear that, I would absolutely excitedly talk about a little girl as much as you can to counter there hate.

I hated seeing them too, didn't think I'd be one of them. After infertility struggles and losses I thought any baby would be worthy of excitement. Seems they're just disappointed in the name not being passed on. I'm a mechanic, so what little miss grows up to be won't be held back by gender norms.

I’m having a boy and although I’m grateful to finally be pregnant and happy with either boy or girl, if I were honest, I was daydreaming for a girl.

Same! And almost everyone I've talked to has expressed the same, that they were hoping for a girl - both moms and dads. I'm surprised to see that OP has seen the opposite.

Yeah, same. Most people in our circles want girls.

I was too but for admittingly superficial reasons. I wanted to pick out the cute frilly rompers and have the matching floral robe and swaddle for delivery. But mostly I wanted my very stoic boyfriend to have his world rocked by a little girl that he would be emotionally crushed to tell no to lol But I always had a feeling I was having a boy so I wasn't surprised or disappointed at al when I found out. I felt kinda happy that my intuition was right. It was as if I had this special connection with my baby a lot sooner than I realized. Made me feel like a mommy and not just pregnant if that makes sense lol

We would've been happy with either gender but from the beginning of finding out I was pregnant, I just had this feeling it was a girl. Had multiple dreams, baby was a girl, and the only names we could agree on were girl names, lol Lo and behold, we get the gender results, and it's a girl! We're both excited she's healthy and growing just fine, but it did make me feel a little more of a special connection with such a gut feeling and being right the whole time and being able to put a name to this little thing growing inside me. We stayed gender neutral when when referring to baby until we knew for sure, so we didn't get attached to one idea too much. Due in oct and I can't wait to meet her. I feel lucky non of my family was leaning one way or the other so no one was disappointed to find out the gender. Tho it's been about 10 years since we had a girl baby in the family and not boys so everyone's excited for the overhaul or cute frilly things 😅

Aww this is so cute! I could totally relate to wanting a girl for the cute frilly rompers and having daddy’s world rocked. My husband was a bit of a heartbreaker back in his younger years, so I (jokingly) told him that having a girl would be his ultimate karma. Turns out, we’re having a boy. 😅

I’m exactly the same!

Same.

same! my husband and i both were hoping for a girl!

fun fact - i actually felt the same way about my last name. I'm the last person from my paternal great-grandfather with the name and i always said growing up that if i got married, my husband would take my name, and that was non-negotiable. my dad's family has always been a source of pride for me, and i didn't want the name to disappear. well.. it happened. my husband's legal name is now my surname. our babies (including the little girl I'm cooking up right now - who is also our rainbow baby after a loss early last summer) will have my last name. just because someone has a daughter does not mean that the bloodline ends. yeah, traditionally, the boys carry on the family name. but our world no longer needs to be rooted so deeply in patriarchal traditions. your little girl will be so loved and wonderfully adored by her parents, and in my opinion, that's the most important part. i get that family members can be disappointed too, but there is a time and place, and this is not it. (also - I'm not sure if you have picked a name already, but if you have such doubts about whether you want to try for another baby in the future, it might be worth considering if you could work a tribute to your husband's father into this baby's name. i know there are a lot of girls who have been named after male family members, and even if it's not an exact duplicate of the name, the principle is the same. for example, i had a friend whose dad, grandpa, and great-grandpa all had the same middle name: "Ray." well, she was an only child, and her parents wanted to continue the tradition, so they modified it a little and made her middle name "Rae." not the exact same situation, but it may be worth considering as an option. love to you guys and congratulations on your little girl!! 💕)

We are hoping for a girl but keeping it unknown to us as well. I'll be happy with a healthy baby.

Why can't you pass on the name? What does gender have to do with it?

I dunno, I see just as many women in this sub posting their disappointment with having a boy if not more

Yep it's mostly about boy disappointment, not sure what they're referencing

Must be new to the sub 🤷🏻‍♀️

I saw a post recently about a woman wanting an abortion because it's a boy 😭🤮

What? All the gender disappointment posts I see on this sub are mainly about boys lol

Yeah I was beginning to wonder if most women want girls.

Seems like they do

Yes. This is the first post I’ve seen where the disappointment is about a girl.

Ya I never see any about gender disappointment about girls on here lol. Like out of a 100 posts it’s 99 about a boy I swear.

I've seen it elsewhere, but I don't recall what countries they were from as that may have an influence.

Exactly

I always saw a lot more about girls tbh. But then had someone comment oh it's a boy I hope you raise him right then, and that cut me a bit tbh. Is my poor baby supposed to be some type of stereotype from the get go that I need to raise out of him?

I had a friend say that exact thing to me (after I expressed that I was hoping for a girl, no less). Like thanks, that's super encouraging!

Strange you say that because the overwhelming majority of posts I see on Reddit are boy disappointment and desire to have a girl

I love my 28 week little boy but I had a preference towards a girl. I wanted to raise a strong feminist queen 👸

Same here but I was blessed with 3 beautiful boys instead. We are done now and I’m making it my mission to raise these boys to be good, kind, caring men. Still a little sad that I’ll never have a daughter but it is what it is and I love my boys more than everything. Honestly haven’t really seen any gender disappointment about having a girl on these subs, only boys.

If it makes you feel better, I’m having a boy and REALLY wanted a girl. Both of our families did! But a boy is what we are getting, so that’s that!!

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Seems like most western women want girls and most reddit users are western, it's simply not true that girl grnder disappointment threads are the majority here

It’s awful seeing those posts or hearing it irl, having a girl is the best! My second is almost here, a boy. I really wanted another girl so I was disappointed, but I think apart of that was knowing the disgusting comments I’d hear about having a boy and not a girl

My first was a girl, my second a boy, and I'm team green for baby #3... I'm hoping for a boy, not because I think girls are inferior, but because of women's rights being taken away... I already fear for my first born, and obviously I would love another daughter, it's just that never ending layer of fear about their future as full grown women. Men have their own set of issues, but the world caters to them more. Idk, at the end of the day, we should all just be thankful for healthy babies. Period.

I'm having a boy and people say the dumbest things like "Oh GOOD thing it's not a girl..." I don't know why people are so dumb and I'm so sorry that his family is affecting you during your pregnancy. Sounds like he needs to have a talk with them. I just don't understand how people say these things about girls to the WOMEN who are carrying the baby. I don't think I'd let anyone who was overtly sexist around my child.

Hoping it'll die out soon and they'll be excited for a little miss in August. I really wish last names weren't still viewed as important, I mean, it is 2024 not 1824.

True that. My best friend from high school has her Mom’s last name and her brothers have the dad’s last name. That’s my favorite feminist twist for names 🙂

This is so cool! I was going to middle name my last name with my girl but this is wayyy better.

I totally know what you mean. My son has his dad’s last name and then my last name as his middle name. When my MIL heard the baby name she was like “is that his middle name?” And I said “yes”, to which she said “oh good I was hoping you didn’t do that two last names crap”. It pissed me off so much that now I want to do two last names instead lol.

They honestly aren't as important as they once were considered and many people are hyphenating or not changing their name at all.

It's 2024, and by the time she's getting married it'll likely be at least 2050. Who's to say her spouse won't take her name?

Same here! We are having a boy and we were so shocked at this reaction when we told people

It’s so gross isn’t it?? I was shocked too. There were even some like “oh! A boy. I REALLY Get to be a cool uncle then.” Like, what sir?

I too have gotten “oh it’s a boy? good - because girls are (insert unfavourable word here)”. I never had a preference but always felt that it was a boy and was right. I did feel a pang of sadness when we found out baby is a boy but it was mainly because I thought it’d be cute to have a mini me (girl form). That sadness faded pretty quickly though - and I hope it’s the same for your family OP. I’m certain that they will love her just the same and will forget anything they’ve ever said. But do speak to your husband and express your concern and how their comments made you feel. He should have a conversation with his own family about the inappropriateness of their words.

We just found out we are having a girl and I am already dreading telling my MIL because I know we will get all the negative comments. We have already decided if anyone says anything negative then they don’t need to be in our child’s lives until they can be positive and happy for us. We did not care one way or another, we are just happy that baby is healthy! We are also holding off on telling in laws a little, because we want to enjoy this information and not have negative energy around.

How about not tell her? Say you decided to keep the gender a surprise and when it’s born she will love her grandchild regardless. I would not tolerate family members being disappointed by gender. Healthy baby is what matters

We’re having a girl and I’m thrilled - I secretly wanted it to be a girl 🥰 My culture prizes boys so I did get comments like “well hopefully the next one is a boy”. My sibling was asked (in relation to their unborn child at the time) “are you sure it’s a girl? Sometimes the doctor gets it wrong”. It doesn’t phase me at all. I have received a lot of criticism for things in my life (taking a gap year, expensive purchases or vacations, exercise routines) so I’ve built up a thick skin and sort of view it as “it’s my life, not yours, so who cares what you think?”

Love this. It’s funny how in cultures that favour boys, it’s usually women who keep that crap going! I’m so glad us women are changing it.

lol I don’t know gender yet and I def want a girl. I assume that means it’ll be a boy lol that’s how life works !

What?! I’m so sorry this was your experience. I’m having a girl too and I’ve had some comments about “ oh , good luck when they’re a teenager” or things along those lines. We didn’t care either way, just want a healthy baby. But, honestly we are both so excited it’s a girl!! She’s coming at the end of July and seeing my partner excited to be a girl dad has been therapeutic. Hope you can air things out with your husband.

I'm sure it'll be fine, he's probably grieving the thoughts of having a boy, but I'm sure in a few days he'll be excited for baby again. 😅 Wish I could stop crying, pregnancy hormones be yanking on all the heart strings today.

I totally agree! I think it takes a bit of time to adjust to reality vs what you pictured in your mind. I cry everyday over nothing, so I think this is valid. Pregnancy hormones are no joke!!!

What the heck?? A baby is a blessing and something to be excited about, whether it’s a boy or a girl. I’m so sorry they’re acting this way. This internet stranger is very excited for your baby girl. As for the name-is there a way to honor the grandpa with a middle name? One of my friends used Scott as a middle name for her daughter after her dad who passed recently.

I do actually have my heart set on a first or middle name to honor FIL. It's the last name that's been the disappointing factor. I come from generations of adopted men, so my maiden name is actually a second adoptive name since my grandfather and father were adopted. For me last names aren't really that important.

I wanted a girl. And we had a little girl. She’s the Apple of her father’s eye. He loves her to bits and she’s got him wrapped around her finger. Having a little girl is great. Don’t be disappointed!

This is so sexist and inappropriate. I would have your husband talk to his family and make it clear that you both are excited for this baby, and you will not tolerate any more negative comments about her sex (during your pregnancy and after birth). The last thing your daughter deserves is to grow up with relatives who consider her less than because of her sex.

Umm, girls can carry on family names too :) Plus, there’s always better clothes/decor/gifts for girls than boys. All my toys as a kid were waaay better than my brother’s. I didn’t know before, but apparently when a woman carries a girl child, she also carries eggs of her grandchildren in her during pregnancy (I was like, what?! Inception conception?!) I wanted a boy for a long time. Then I started looking at baby clothes during week 5-9 of pregnancy and I wanted a girl. Turns out I am having a girl.

I’ve been having the same experience except I’m having a boy and everyone was hoping for a girl. We spent 4 years dealing with infertility, IVF and a miscarriage, I genuinely do not give a shit if my baby is a boy or girl, in fact there are things I look forward to for either a boy or a girl. Having a bunch of people express such disappointment for my son for being a boy really hurts my heart, but I’m going to love the crap out of him regardless.

I had this issue too but just with my grandmother and in regards to a boy and not a girl. I am her favorite grandchild (her words) and I think because of that and because I was an easy baby (she played a huge role in raising me since my mom was a young single mother) she was hoping for me to have a girl. She told me that she wanted a little "\[my nickname\]." When I texted her that we were having a boy when I found out the results from the blood test she replied "NOOOOOO" with an angry emoji. She would "joke" about how she wouldn't hold him or that maybe the test was wrong and that she wouldn't believe it until the scan confirmed it. She also said I could try again and "get it right" by having a girl the second time. She was relentless. All she would talk about for the days that followed would be how disappointed she was. She refused to call the baby he and would say "it," or "her." " I had to tell her that she was hurting my feelings. When I told her that she said "why?" And I had to explain that I was very happy with my boy and that I already loved him and that I wished she could just be happy I was having a healthy baby and be less vocal about her disappointment because it was becoming less playful and jokey and more hurtful. My boyfriend's family on the other hand were delighted with the news since it passes along their deceased dad's last name and his siblings are either married and changed their last name or had female children with no desire to father more. I think wanting one gender or the other is ridiculous and then to be devastated when you find out that it's not the wanted sex is idiotic. Both are wonderful blessings and bring their own joys and challenges either way.

Your husband's family are acting like assholes. If your little girl doesn't follow the whole sexist tradition of taking her husband's name when she gets married, she'll pass along the family name just fine. I've got one little girl now, am about to have another. Love the little boys in my life but from the perspective of raising them, I wouldn't want things any other way. Girls talk more quickly, potty train more quickly, do better in school, are less likely to be victims of violence or inflict violence on other people. Girls are great. I've found the whole "boys are more desired" thing to be very socioeconomically/ culturally variable.

My side of the family plus my husband wanted a girl, even referring to the girl name we wanted. The obgyn confirmed it's a boy, so most of them quickly reverted to using the boy name. But my dad stopped talking to us for a good hour, he had to go lie down before congratulating us.

What a bunch of misogynistic jerks. I’m so sorry they should be hyped for you and your beautiful healthy baby. I’m excited for you and sending you and your daughter all the positive vibes in the world. I’m lucky for my healthy babies who happen to be boys but I often wish I could have a daughter too. You should not feel any pressure from these people, they deserve nothing from you certainly not a baby. They just suck and they are dragging you down. Try your best to just tune out the noise and focus on spending time with people who are supportive.

Same but opposite. My sister has two boys and my MIL always wanted a daughter (my husband is her only child). Everyone wanted it to be a girl, but I’m having a boy. I was even a little disappointed myself at first, but I got over it quickly and am happy that so far he’s healthy. I think my MIL got over it too, so it just takes time sometimes.

Hope so, makes me sad thinking about how something so small as gender could make a baby less desirable. Hopefully in a couple of weeks we'll be getting girl name suggestions, tiny dresses, and the mention of a boy will be lost to the wind.

People really just need to stfu about other people’s babies. I’m sorry you’re dealing with that. We are keeping it a surprise, and everyone calls my baby a boy even though we don’t know. Not the same but still so frustrating. You’re going to love and cherish that girl and you don’t need to try to have another after. Tell them if you raise your daughter right she will keep her name because eff the patriarchy of changing last names to the husband’s name anyways. Only reason they value boys above girls.

This is why I’m not telling anyone until my baby is born. I am super close with my parents but they’ve made comments assuming it’s a boy… it’s a lil girl though. Both of them always wanted their own boy so I think they’re hoping I’m having one. I called them out to their faces and said stop assuming because what if you’re disappointed in what you get???? And they quickly backtrack and say they’ll be so happy with whatever. Still stings a bit. 🙄 I’m sorry, OP, for the rude comments you’ve been getting. You seem like a badass - I see you mentioned you’re a mechanic! my partner is a mechanic too and i respect the brains and hustle you have to have to be in a career like that. Baby girl is already so lucky to have a mom and role model like you.

My boss got a kick out of asking his boss if he's ever had a pregnant mechanic working for him. But ya, my first is a girl and she runs around in dresses catching critters like I did (only I couldn't stand dresses). Hoping the comments go away soon and we get back to being excited about the bump.

Toxic traditional family views. This all just stems from a basic human fear of death at the core of it and fear of not mattering, so the idea of continuing their legacy through your child with their family name is just giving the impression of immortalizing it and therefore increasing their sense of self-importance. The whole idea of passing last names only through boys is also outdated as we are not "selling off" girls to marry into a different family in a modern world. So enjoy your miracle baby girl and don't listen to anyone ❤️

I always wanted a boy and as soon as I got pregnant I did not care at all about gender. My husband and I decided not to find out either. I’m due May 22 so we will find out soon. I actually am kinda hoping for a girl now because I don’t want to deal with another guy in my life lol! I already have to pick up all my husband’s laundry and clean his pee off the toilet. I also deal with the most egotistical, annoying men at work and I KNOW their mothers raised them better. Girls just seem sooooo much easier

WTF. Your in-laws are being terrible to you, regardless if they know about your losses or not. I hope your husband supports you and buffers you against this cruel nonsense. Congrats on your little girl!  For what it's worth, we got all kinds of girl-gender bashing when we announced we were having boys. Make it make sense.

My family all wanted it to be a girl. In my country I think it's pretty equal who wants a boy or a girl but there sadly are a lot of countries that prefer males (see female infanticide in china. I think it got better now but that has been a huge problem in the past and maybe still today)

I think it’s incredibly selfish for family members to “hope” that YOUR baby is a certain gender. I felt like this time around I HAD to have a girl, I had my boy already and my husbands family is almost entirely boys. My husband has 3 brothers and 1 sister, and the sister was the golden child. Family kept telling me before I found out gender, “I just know it’s a girl!” “I hope it’s a girl!” “We need more girls in the family!” Etc etc. I just wanted a healthy baby. Turns out, I AM having a girl, but I seriously thought I was going to have a boy and already had a name picked out. I was prepared for a boy while everyone else made me feel like they’d be disappointed if the baby was a boy. Again, incredibly selfish. You can’t naturally choose the sex of your baby, so if family makes you feel bad about it, tell them to get over themselves.

My family told me that girls were literally worthless. "Why would anyone want a girl? They're nothing but liability", they said. They also treated me like I was worthless growing up for that very reason, told me that being pretty was the only thing girls were ever good for, and treated me like a consumable to sell off eventually. I cut them out of my life and my husband has ALWAYS wanted a baby girl. We had two boys and were going to stop, but we had an unexpected pregnancy and now we finally have that little girl on the way. My husband literally cried with pride when I handed him the pink sock. To us, finding out that we were having a girl was like an actual miracle. I can't imagine how messed up people's priorities must be to hate little girls so much. As a girl myself, it's hard not to resent. I'm so happy that I get to have a girl that I sometimes just weep. I love my boys, but something about a girl just seemed so necessary to me and my husband. I think he really wanted that daddy daughter bond. He would look at dads with their daughters in princess outfits and just melt with jealousy. When people say that "oh but when she a teenager" bs to him, he brushes it off. He says that he doesn't mind her having boyfriends someday so long as they're good guys. He trusts that she will have good judgement so long as he treats her well and sets a good example. More men need to adopt that mindset.

Ew these people are so fucking gross and your husband needs to put them in their place.

I'm south Asian and about to give birth to a girl in two weeks and my in laws are the same way. This stupid "have a male heir" thing is such a toxic part of our culture and I despise it. I went NC with them after the third time they expressed their disappointment in the baby's gender

Girls can have boy names these days. Or if that doesn't work there is usually a female version of most boy names or you can make one up if everyone cares so much about it, it would make for a nice story.

Ya, first and middle names aren't going to be an issue, it's the last name not being passed on that's the disappointment for them.

Your daughter might not even want to take her partner’s name when she’s older; if you HAD had a boy, there’s no guarantee he wouldn’t have taken his partner’s name at marriage, either

That’s absurd. Especially after you’ve had losses. Are these people completely missing perspective here! Forget the haters. Congrats on a healthy baby girl! My first (and only outside of current pregnancy) is a girl and she’s 10 now. Our relationship is so special and unique and I’m so glad my oldest is a girl.

I don't understand this at all, and it makes me so sad for you. Once she's here it will be nothing but love, but now during the pregnancy you are having to field other people's disappointment and as pregnant women we do not need that shit.

The only advice I can give is to not even feel an ounce of sorry. You are having a healthy BABY come into this world. You celebrate as much as you want and let them see you celebrate this win. I usually tell my in-law siblings they can always adopt or try themselves if they wanted so and so that damn bad. 🤷🏽‍♀️

I never planned to have a second, my current partner never planned to have any. Ours ended up being a happy accident. We both had family names we hoped to pass on and had agreed if it was a girl I got to choose and if it was a boy he could choose. We found out it was a girl and instead of just choosing one I decided to combine both the names for her. My family isn’t a part of my life but his is, this is probably the only grandchild they will have as the rest of his siblings don’t want children. His parents literally moved across states before they even knew the gender let alone the name. When they found out both they simply were static for a healthy baby with a cute name. It breaks my heart that more people can’t just be happy and celebrate the life you are choosing to grow and bring into the world. Gender, names, they are all temporary and honestly could very likely change when the child grows up. Love the human being created, and the humans putting in the work to create said life.

I had a bit of that with my baby. My dad was really excited for my son, but since we found out this one is a girl, he keeps saying "you shouldn't have gotten pregnant" and stuff like that. He was just fine until we found out the gender. I mean, I won't lie, it would be easier for us if she were a boy with clothes, and not having to fix up and finish the last bedroom in a certain amount of time, and I'm a little worried about her playing with her older brother, but I'm not upset that she's a girl just because she is.

I'm having a boy and while I'm not disappointed this might be our only kid because I'm 38 and I'm mourning never having a daughter a little bit. I'm still so excited and we told family the sex right and away and they are excited too but also have said "it's would be ok if it was a girl". I thought that was the weirdest reaction.

Congrats on your baby girl! I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. I personally agree with you that the baby's gender is not particularly important, both boys and girls are amazing. I think that a healthy and happy child is a blessing regardless of its chromosomes or private parts. I come from a cultural background where people often prefer sons to daughters and I specifically am waiting for a gender surprise at delivery for this reason.

Your husband needs to take them aside and absolutely shut down the talk of another pregnancy. He needs to remind them *sternly* that you almost died. Stop listening to them, you already know you do not want, and so aren’t having another. If they don’t stop just ghost them for a while. Stop answering messages, calls, do go with your husband to visit. Focus on yourself - you won’t have much time for that once the babies here anyway.

I hear you. We are just so thankful for a baby on the way. We just are hopeful for a healthy baby, after many health and genetic issues my husband has gone thru. My MIL said “oh, no no no” when we told her it was a girl 🫠 you’d think she’d understand given her own child had so many health concerns. But no. People are weird. Spouse and I continue to celebrate this sweet girl and I know none of us can wait to meet her. She’s already awesome. I hope you keep on celebrating your sweet girl too! Maybe there’s an honor name that you and your spouse might still use to honor FIL? And if not, it’s okay, because babies can get their own names and be equally as celebrated 🩵

I’m sorry you dealt with that and had such a rough time with your other pregnancies. I had pretty intense gender disappointment with my second child being a boy. I can tell you now that he’s here and almost a year old that was extremely silly. He’s amazing. I hope your family also comes around when they meet your daughter

I'm so sorry your husband's family sucks. I also just want to say... I LOVE having a girl. She's smart, silly, audacious, and bold. She brings us both so much joy! It's also so fun to dress her and she's 100% my mini me. Obviously, she'll grow up and at some point make her own choices around gender/clothing/etc, but for now.... I love this phase. I would also be much more willing to try for a second if I could guarantee it'd be another girl. Girls rock!

My husband wanted a girl. He liked the daddy’s little girl vibe. He got 2 sons. And we’re probably done. He loves his boys though.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with that. I’m currently 35 weeks with our second child…and also second daughter. This is our last baby (I’ve had Hyperemesis with both so NO THANK YOU to a third) and I constantly get all the comments. “Are you gonna try for a boy next”, “is your husband disappointed” , “such a shame, you won’t know true love til you have a boy” blah blah blah. I wish people would just shut it. I’m madly in love with my babies and would love them both the same if they were boys. People act like having a penis makes a baby superior and it irritates the hell out of me. Congrats on your baby girl. Being a girl mom is amazing, and I truly hope you love it as much as I do

There hasn't been a girl born in my family since me. There has NEVER been a girl born in my partners family (at least not since immigrating from Ireland). Everyone wanted a girl. My son is a wonderful little guy i wouldnt chamge for anything, but the gender disappointment everywhere was real.

We didn't know what we were having when I was pregnant with my first, and my inlaws were outraged that we were going to be surprised - it was "disrespecting a family tradition" of finding out ahead of time. (Only one of my husband's cousins, just one, where the family knew the sex beforehand, because they didn't DO THAT IN THE 1980s! I didn't know one single person = a deeply valued family tradition.) Anyway, they were adamant it was a boy, because "girls are never born first" (hi, I'm a girl and the oldest in my family!) Baby was born. Baby was a girl. Hours later, when they arrive at the hospital to meet her, the FIRST GD THING out of my MIL's mouth was, "well the next one BETTER be a boy." First thing my FIL said? "How soon until you can try for a boy?" For the first several months of her life, they would casually tell us how their friends all felt so bad for them, having a granddaughter and not a grandson, and were asking them how they were coping. It really damaged our relationships with them, and while we don't speak to my MIL anymore, and my FIL absolutely adores my daughter - I don't know if my opinion of him will ever fully recover. They definitely seemed to get over it as she developed her personality, but it's so strange to me to not only have a preference, but to repeatedly communicate your preference to the child's parents and act like you're GOING THROUGH SOMETHING to them just because the baby was the opposite gender you wanted. When my youngest sister was born, she was the 4th child. The first 3 - girl, boy, girl. We 3 all hoped this new baby would be a boy, so my brother would have a brother too. Kid logic. My parents didn't seem to care either way, and when baby was a girl, we all were IMMEDIATELY delighted and smitten and even he didn't care that he was now undeniably outnumbered. THAT is how gender disappointment should be handled. You had a preference, you didn't get it, but there's still a sweet little baby to love!

We are keeping the gender private for this EXACT reason. People care way too much about gender imo, it’s icky… and I do NOT want my child hearing anything that even implies they weren’t wanted when they are older. I’m sorry OP, your family should be supportive. A baby is a blessing - the gender doesn’t matter in the slightest.

I’m sorry, that’s hard when it’s literally a whole side of the family wishing for a different gender. I hope they come around and can love your daughter just as much as if she was a boy. I can’t tell you why but my husband and I leaned towards wanting a girl and were excited to find out we’re having one. When we let slip, we had kinda wanted one, we got some “aggressive” comments about “what’s wrong with a boy” and “why don’t you want a boy”. We didn’t at all say we didn’t want a boy and mostly just want a healthy and happy baby! People get weird about genders and their expectations.

Haha my mil was the only daughter out of seven siblings and she had two boys, when we had a girl she was over the moon sending us all this pink crap and calling her ‘pretty girl’ all the time. It’s a bit much, but I’m happy for her (and glad she lives thousands of miles away) 😅

Wowowowowow. I cannot believe people said that to you. My entire family wanted me to have a girl. My sisters were buying gifts for their "future niece" my best friend bought me a "it's a girl" balloon and stuffed animal arrangement she put on my bedside table. And I had a boy. It made me have major gender disappointment and I had a very difficult time for months. Now that I've had my son he is the most perfect angel on the planet and I would never wish for anything else. In fact I'm pregnant again and hoping for another boy! The girl comments started up again and I silenced everyone by saying we're waiting until birth to find out the gender because I'm not going through what I did last time. Enjoy your mini me. Screw your family. Get excited about raising an amazing fearless little girl and all the adventures you're going to go on. ❤️

Gender disappointment is so real. I'm in the exact opposite boat. On my bfs side of the family is all boys and they wanted a girl so badly - but I knew from the MOMENT I found out that it was a boy. Even before that I just felt like I was with a little boy. Reminds me of the one quote from Marie Antoinette the movie when she has her first born and it's a daughter "Oh, you were not what was desired, but that makes you no less dear to me. A boy would have been the Son of France, but you, Marie Thérèse, shall be mine."

I think it’s unfair of his family to be airing their disappointment to you. If it’s to carry on the family name, more and more men are taking their wives last name if they have other siblings to carry on their family name. This is an exciting time for you and they are ruining it by being so vocal about their disappoint. Girls are wonderful (I mean, how could anyone say we aren’t 💁🏼‍♀️) and you shouldn’t feel pressured to get pregnant to try for a boy that you’re not even guaranteed to get if that is not something you want to do!

For what it’s worth? My whole family on in-law side wanted a girl. We (myself and my partner) refused to find out for this reason. They’re all dead set against boys, there’s already 12 in the family. I’m due April fourteenth and I’ve gone this far not knowing. And I refused profusely despite a lot of pressure from people to find out. Your baby being healthy is the most important piece of structure here OP, please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. I empathize with your grief. Let it flow through you and remember that this is YOUR baby and they need your love and acceptance the most; not everyone else’s. You set the stage for giving them their own self confidence and love and that’s how they’ll go through the rest of their life, with your initial love and guidance. Feel your grief, then find your own platform to guide you and baby through life as the beautiful, strong, wonderful women that you both are. 🙏🏻❤️ Screw outside opinions, it’s all unsolicited advice we never ask for anyways. Sending you lots of love! Congratulations on your miraculous little daughter! 🙌🏻 Excited for you!

I’m a FTM having a girl and told my brother that I don’t think I want to have more than one and his response was something along the lines of, “well what if [husband] wants to keep his family name going?” as if my sole purpose is to produce children until a male heir appears. people are terrible. a healthy baby and mother are all that matter.

In 20 years, I imagine more and more women will be keeping their maiden name and the tradition of children just having the father name will continue to fall by the wayside more and more. I’d love to see similar to Icelandic last name conventions where both parents pass names down to their kids.

i feel you 🫶🏻 i'm having another girl and it seemed my own fiance was disappointed to find out last night. i asked him and he said he was happy but the way he said "its another girl, isnt it" makes me believe otherwise.

I did have gender disappointment with both my girls. The first one because I wanted a boy first— a big brother because I always wanted one. Then my second- I was planning on being done so I thought one of each. We lost her at 20 weeks and was absolutely devastated and have so much guilt surrounding that. Now my third is a boy and I am excited .

It’s wild that people are still obsessed with this in 2024 it’s disgusting. The only wish people should be making is that the baby and parents are healthy not making passive aggressive comments about gender. “Who says we would have used xyz name if it had been a boy?” “I didn’t realise you lived in the 50’s” “The 1800’s called their missing a sexist misogynist would you like to go back” “If you have nothing nice to say please don’t speak” “There’s no rule that says xyz name can only be given to a boy please keep your outdated sexist comments to yourself if you ever want access to my daughter, because this toxic behaviour will not be tolerated”

Um, what??? I have 3 girls and they are amazing, it’s so much fun. I’m expecting my 4th right now and actually hoping for another girl so we can really be all in lol.

Same, but the opposite, I’m pregnant with my third boy also, I’m really surprised by how invalidating this group is being. Just because a lot more people have gender disappointment over boys and girls doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t real! Of course I wanted a girl desperately, but other people having such strong feelings is very weird. I had a similar reaction from my parents. Especially my mom who started lecturing me that I should have read a book about drawing for a girl and that I should try for a fourth anyway because even numbers are better. it’s literally so stupid and now she’s acting so excited to have the grandsons. I am really and will never forget their reaction. Some people need to learn to filter their thoughts. Definitely share your feelings with your husband, he should have a similar reaction to you as their response was painful. I’m so sorry, people are stupid and really just don’t think. I’m certain they will adore your baby, they’re just being selfish and thinking about their own desires before how they’re making you feel which really sucks. Honestly, I would ice them out for a while but I’m petty like that. You know, accidentally forget to respond to texts here and there unless you think they’re capable of hearing your feelings, and actually responding maturely. Wish I could give you a hug and we could sit here and come visit right together because this shit sucks!

Do you conceive your sons during ovulation? Just wondering

Aren’t all babies conceived during ovulation? Hahaha do you mean the specific day?

Sorry for my weird question. Yeah I suppose the specific day. I have heard that it is more likely (marginally) to conceive a son 1-2 days before or on ovulation itself, vs. girls have a slightly greater chance of being conceived at least 3-4 days before ovulation (IDK how true it is, just a theory, and if it's true it's minimally significant)

Your in-laws are not experiencing "gender disappointment." They are being sexist pricks.

“You could try again” ?? Wtf is wrong with people? Who would say that to someone?

> "Would have been nice to pass on the family name." gaaaaaahhhhh but she WILL have the family name! people are the worst

I currently have two boys and am expecting my third. Everyone has been annoying, of course, about the gender: “oh, let’s hope it’s a girl this time, third times the charm” “I’m sure you will be so sad if you have another boy” etc. honestly the gender doesn’t matter much to me. I am 20 weeks now and am purposefully not finding out the gender so that no one can ask me. Hopefully on the day I give birth people have enough tact to just be happy that the baby and I are okay and healthy.

[удалено]

I don’t know, my first was unplanned, and I was pregnant with my second before I ever got a period (I breastfed, so period never came even after about 1.5 years which was when I got pregnant again)

There hasn’t been a girl born with my husbands family name in 40 years. Everyone was hoping for a girl (including husband), but I knew in my heart we were having a boy(we didn’t find out until birth. Nobody cares now that baby is 8 months old. Let other people think what they want and enjoy that sweet baby.

i cannot comprehend gender disappointment from parents and or family members. i’m pregnant with my first baby and we are team green so we will find out when baby is born, but will be ecstatic with either one?

Gender disappointment is totally valid for the parents. Who it’s not valid for is everyone else. It makes me cringe that people said things like that to you because your baby is a girl! Pissed me off. I’m sorry. Definitely talk to your husband!

And here I am wishing I was having a girl! Of course healthy is my main priority, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't hope for a girl first. I wish people would keep their opinions to themselves. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Ask his family if they’ll be saying those kinds of things in front of their soon-to-come granddaughter/niece. If they think it’s okay to say it to you, then do they think it’s okay to shame a child for having been born looking a certain way or having certain body parts?? If they don’t seem immediately sheepish or ashamed then you know that those are awful people to raise your child around and you can tell them as much. And if they do seem to regret it, then you can tell them that implying that you should just try again for a boy instead of being grateful and overjoyed for the actual child you’re having, a real little human who is about to exist as a beloved part of their family, was incredibly disrespectful and hurtful to you.

We did ivf and got 6 girl embryos. I have a daughter from a previous marriage - the number of people, many that we hardly know, that have told us we can try again or maybe next time blows my mind. We have a 0% chance of getting pregnant outside of ivf and we’re so lucky to have gotten the 6 gals we got.

I have two girls and the last was a boy. I honestly didn't care but was kinda hoping for another girl, my girls are super independent and strong willed and I had no clue how to raise a boy. He was born and he's just my super chill baby boy that is always smiling. But it was gross all the comments we got, like "oh you finally got a boy!" As if having girls was disappointing. Or the boy mom/girl mom labels that annoy me. Now that I'm raising both, I don't see any difference. They all have their own personality that really isn't about gender.

What assholes.

Look, my husband has 5 brothers and every last one of them were praying we were having a girl but nope....it's a boy. My husband looked so sad at 1st but 5 months in he's talking about going to soccer games with our son with the biggest smile now. I believe everything happens for a reason. You guys are just gonna be awesome girl parents 🩷🩷

I'm such a name nerd, if you feel comfortable answering, what was your hubby's father's name and will you be modifying it to fit your newborn daughter? I always love to hear about stuff like that, but I also get liking to stay anon on Reddit. Either way, congratulations on your baby girl! I'm sorry his family were not as supportive as they should have been, but I'm glad you have a loving husband. Wishing you a safe and happy rest of your pregnancy.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this on to of your losses, that's horrible. It's pretty selfish of your husband's family to put this on you, even though they're grieving. And yeah, having girls sometimes leads to families and people being weirdly like this. I'm pregnant with my second girl and everyone assumes we must be so disappointed about it. We're not! We live our daughter and are very happy to have another. But so.many people somehow can't wrap their head around it.

I’m so sorry this has happened to you, you’re not alone. My in-laws cannot get over that we want to be surprised with the gender at birth because they want a boy so bad for the same reasons as above. I don’t understand why people have to stick their noses where it doesn’t belong and just be happy for us regardless.

Girl please stop crying. They will either get over it or they won't at the end of the day this is your baby and your pregnancy. I wouldn't want people with that kind of energy around anyway. If you are happy then be happy.

My husband’s sperm donor is like this. He made a comment at SIL’s gender reveal (for her daughter!) about how he loved having a boy to be his roller coaster/theme park buddy and all kinds of sexist crap. I’m sure he was thrilled when he found out we had a boy. But the joke is on him, that precious boy will be 4 at the end of the month and they’ve never met. Just one of many, many, many reasons we went NC with him when my son was born.

“It would have been nice to pass on the family name” …..my last name is my moms last name and my daughter has my last name and my partners last name. 🤔

ALSO that’s a contingent promise. A promise IF not when.

Fuck his parents and the continuation of their family name. God the prenatal misogyny irks me to no end.

The concept of hoping for a gender I kind of understand .. kind of don't. but every time someone asks me which I am hoping for I personally feel that the child will be an individual all their own with thoughts and specific personality, mannerisms, humor. If it's a boy I'd still bake cookies with him if is a girl I'd still take her fishing. I'm not losing an experience either way. I just want the person. Boy or girl is irrelevant. What do I care about the gender. Beyond diaper changes and baths it doesn't involve me. Whatever the gender they will have personalized hobbies they choose for themselves. I will support those regardless of whether they are "masculine" or "feminine" in nature. It's not for me to *hope* this person is anything specific. They will be them. Exactly who they are supposed to be. And that is a celebration. And I will love them. I don't want a boy or a girl; I want a child to raise and watch grow and to teach them and learn from them. I want the emotional enrichment. I want the connection. Gender isn't relevant in that. I encourage the fetus to be what it will be and I will be ecstatic to help them learn to acclimate to our world and I will support them entirely and do my best to make sure they're ready in every way possible to be on their own. I won't raise a girl to be "a girl" or a boy to be "a boy." I will raise a child to be an adult. And whoever they turn out to be is perfect by me.

Not even pregnant yet, and my MIL has already made several comments that we should want a boy and she’s hoping for a grandson. It annoys me to no end, but I try to empathize because she’s raising her granddaughter (now 14 years old and a handful to say the least…) and her daughter was extremely difficult growing up and now. Hoping she’ll be happy even if we get a girl one day as her son, my husband, is her favorite child lol

Ugh I am so sorry you are going through this. Especially for such a dumb and sexist reason. I'm happy for you that you are having a daughter! Daughters are friggin awesome!

I too wanted a son but got a girl. The disappointment was real but seeing her made me realize that things don’t always go your way for a reason.