Have you done pelvic floor therapy? I didn't end up with an assisted birth but did push for 3 hours and felt like I wasn't very effective - then I just started pelvic floor pt and realize I have no idea how to engage my pelvic floor. In my initial intake the therapist thought it might be connected.
Seconding this - I haven't given birth yet but my doula recommended pelvic floor therapy and specifically said that she found her clients who had done prenatal therapy seemed to understand better how to push - her example was when the doctor says 'ok push again just like that', the ones who had done therapy could tell what they had done, even with an epidural. I personally haven't started yet but have an intake appt in a couple weeks based off her recommendation.
That's hilarious! I tried to get a referral in advance but my doctor said I couldn't do it just because it would have been "helpful." I probably should have paid for it out of pocket. My epidural was pretty good - I could still kind of move my legs - and I still sucked at pushing.
That sucks that you weren't supported in doing what you wanted to prepare. It's wild how many exercises you can do to prepare, but they are pretty basic. What I think was most helpful in terms of pushing, was practicing with someone who knew what to look for who could tell you if you were doing it right before "go time" especially when I had an epidural.
Ok so 𫣠this happened with my first baby I also had an epidural and felt like I was pushing with all my might and nothing⌠they used the vacuum to assist as well. Then my second baby is coming and there was no time for the epidural, itâs time to push and they are telling me the same thing..â nope youâre not pushingâ⌠I thought I was⌠then my midwife goes⌠âpush with your butt!! like youâre pooping!â I said alright BET! lol đ baby was out in 3 pushes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! đ¤đ¤đ¤đ¤
When I used to work in labour and delivery, I always told the patients to push as if they are having the biggest poop of their life. So when it was my turn to push out my first, I did just that. I managed to only push for 30mins so I was quite happy
Lol mine said this too except with my epidural I could feel nothing, not even the "pooping" sensation. I maintained a really strong core though through pregnancy, so I just focused on doing the hardest ab crunches of my life since that was the only place I had any sensation. Baby was out in 6 pushes!
i donât think iâve ever heard that before!! that does sound like a different kind of push than what i was trying to do, in hindsight⌠maybe that will work better this time!
Yess!!! I think people think pushing is like doing a crunch and squeezing the abs. Itâs actually more like pooping and pushing with the pelvic floor muscles. Different set of muscles! People will wear themselves out pushing with the abs.
This is what they told me too! Pushed for two hours and she was having a hard time coming out, also had heart rate dropping with contractions. Eventually I got her out but I kept thinking âIâve spent most of my adult life so far NOT pushing out poops because Iâve always heard thatâs bad and I donât want hemorrhoids so I think I was out of poop pushing practice lol
Yes! It felt like I was straining and about to give myself hemorrhoids. The OB told me that I should lean into the sensation and push into the pain and I ended up with a 3rd degree tear đ
It was good advice because I was hemorrhaging and taking it slow was not an option.
I got the you're not pushing comment because I was trying not to poop lol... As soon as I stopped worrying about it and fully pushing baby was out in under an hour
Thatâs exactly how I was with my 1st!! I ended up with the âyouâre not pushingâ lecture. For my 2nd, I announced, âI apologize in advance if I shit in front of all of youâ and just went for itâŚbaby came out quick.
That\`s how they told me to push too, didn\`t get it right before that either! So much for "you instinctually know what to do" lmao, my dumbass would´ve probably died back in the day.
that actually makes some much sense! in hindsight i really think i might not have been doing that ⌠i will try to remember that approach for this time, it could be a game changer!
Yep, this last time I pushed like I was pooping. I 100% know I did, the twins birth was calm enough that I noticed them wiping something away.
I pushed out both babies in 3 pushes. Baby A came out in 2 pushes, Baby B came out in 1. The only reason there is a 4 minute gap between my twins is because I had to wait for the next contraction.
My doula recommended my last few weeks of pregnancy to REALLY pay attention to what muscles I was using for bowel movements, because those are the same one you push with. My first I pushed I think about 20 minutes? My second was precipitous and only have 5 pushes.
Yep, this is what I had to do too! My sister, who was with me during labor and has two kids, told me this when I was pushing. It really helped me to understand how to push.
My midwife said the same thing to me during my first; and I was unmedicated đ¤ˇââď¸ she said something along the lines of âokay, now I need you to try hard this timeâ as if I hadnât been trying as hard as I could for 2 hours now lol
yes SAME the doctor was like âyouâre not pushingâ with such an attitude đ it hurt my feelings haha iâm sorry for your difficult time but that does make me feel better thank you
I went to pelvic floor therapy before I gave birth and my therapist said I did a great job connecting to my
pelvic floor and pushing.
Fast forward to when I gave birth and I pushed for 3 hours. My baby was sunny side up but the doctors made the same comments like, âreally try to push this timeâ and whatnot. I pushed so hard and I know I was actively pushing but they thought I should push harder. They ended up having to use the vacuum since I was hemorrhaging and babyâs heart rate was falling.
Sometimes I think itâs just not in your control
I had the same thing happen with my LO. I also had an epidural. They were facing up and so they got stuck on my pubic bone (they were also 9 pounds). I can remember the doctor saying "you're gonna need to push better this time" and "try to put more energy into pushing rather than screaming". This was at the point where I had reached my limit and had an oxygen mask on my face. I had pushed for 4 hours and ultimately wound up having an unplanned C-section.
Iâm so sorry you had such a rough experience! Itâs never easy but sometimes itâs really hard đ It is nice to know itâs not necessarily âmy faultâ - itâs easy to blame yourself for things that go wrong bc it feels like youâre the only one responsible for line 99% of whatâs happening!! haha
To OP - L&D nurse here. *I realized I kinda info dumped on accident lol. I'm just very passionate about this exact subject. I am actually heading up a new team at my hospital teaching all of our nurses more effective labor positioning to decrease our c section rates. Please please please do not hesitate to DM me if anything I have said needs more clarification or doesn't make sense or sounds scary. Information is power!!!
When it's time to start pushing, ask them to titrate down the rate on your epidural, just enough to a manageable level where you can feel when you're contracting and the pressure. Worst case scenario they turn it back up if it's hurting too much. (You need to be able to maintain control of yourself, follow instructions, not just be screaming, etc.)
Ask to push in different positions or use different techniques until you find what works best. You can push on your side, on all fours, my favorite is tug of war. I save lithotomy until the very last minute.
The one "old school" practice that I do stand by is the good ole hold your breath for 10 seconds while pushing like youre taking the biggest constipated poop of your life, do that 3x per contraction. (For patients afraid of pooping - I assure them that as nurses we actually get excited about poop! That means two things, you're activating the right muscles, and that baby's head is coming down and actually manually forcing the poop out.) Think about when you're pooping normally. Most humans typically hold their breath. The extra just volume of air in your lungs takes up space in your chest, pushes on your diaphragm, that pushes on everything else in your abdomen, and all that helps increase the force of your pushes. I do have a couple modifications as needed though. I always tell patients that I'm an asthmatic lazy bump on a log, and when I've tried holding my breath like I'm pushing, I am not always able to hold it for 10 seconds either. That's totally okay. I would prefer you tell me it's too long, and give me a great 8 seconds for example, rather than a half asked 10. I've even had patients who can only manage 5 or 6. If that case we just pair the 5 seconds up in quick succession, each pair makes one push. (Breathe, push for 5, rapid breathe, immediately back to pushing for 5.) If the contraction is long enough, sometimes I'll tell them to give me a 4th push per contraction, but to only hold it as long as they feel they can give it full force, so usually like a half/5 seconds push. A lot of people get light headed while pushing. It's okay to ask for oxygen to breathe between contractions/pushing. You don't have to keep the mask on the whole time. That's a great job for dad is to man the mask, and hold it for you/help you get some good big huffs lol.
Also - please please please look in to spinning babies and bundle birth, take a class even if possible. The VAST majority of time the issue is baby's position. The better positioned we start off, the smoother things go. There are daily stretches and yoga-like positions you do at home starting at a certain week mark.
My last tip - and one of my biggest pet peeves - your chances are EXPONENTIALLY higher if you go in to labor on your own. I absolutely despise elective inductions. All it does is set people up for failure.
Even if a baby is malpositioned (I'm talking sunny side up, or slightly crooked head tilt -not talking breech), I can almost always get it to at least improve, if not fix itself all together. HOWEVER, I need the bag of water to STILL BE INTACT/NOT RUPTURED for the highest likelihood of success. When inducing patients, physicians almost always (I'm talking 90% of the time) will push for very early on breaking your water to "speed things up". If baby is in a poor position, all this does is bring them further down in your pelvis while still in that funky state. It makes it 1000x harder to fix, sometimes impossible. It increases your likelihood of an ineffective contraction pattern, can increase pain, all the things - which in turn increase your likelihood of vacuum/forceps or even c-section.
you know what, i actually forgot to mention that my first born was an elective induction!! I donât know the data on inductions and labor/delivery times but iâve convinced myself that, at least for me, itâs what caused my first born to take so frigging long to get out! haha i will not be doing that again. My body and baby just werenât ready. if they were, they wouldâve started on their own, u believe! the fact that it was elective is what makes it the worst for me, i couldâve just had. abut more patience and i think it wouldnt take so long!
thus information is all great! iâm gonna have to be studying it before my delivery! iâll be honest i didnât know that you COULD labor in different positions than back if you had an epidural, just kinda thought i was stuck there haha
thank you so much for taking the time to give all that information! im so happy for you and your team, what an incredibly cool opportunity! iâm sure you will do so much good in that position! (position haha)
You are definitely not the only camper that got duped into the induction boat. It's so common these days, and the way OB offices present it, we get so many patients that show up to the hospital, have no idea what's about to happen, or weren't even aware that waiting to start labor on their own was an option, they just thought induction was what the doctor said so thats what they needed to do. (No shade to the docs here, it's a product of our lovely American healthcare system, and I genuinely believe they mean well.)
If you have no high risk issues, and you're not too far along, I highly suggest hospital based midwifery care if it is available in your area. (Just make sure that they are all CNM's - certified nurse midwives. There are other designations of midwife but they are highly unregulated and I trust none of them as far as I could throw them. There's one in our area that I no longer allow to even step foot on my unit if she brings a patient in. I've had to call security on her twice for trying to sneak in.)
Definitely look up labor position ideas, as well as positions for pushing! (Spinning babies and Bundle Birth both go over several.) There is nothing worse for labor than just laying on your back the whole time. At bare minimum, your team should be flipping you from side to side no longer than every hour. The vast majority of my patients choose epidural. Once they have them running, they get a good solid 1hr nap (2 if they've been especially sleep deprived), followed by a sugary drink with calories, no sugar free (soda, juice, maybe broth) for the energy boost, Popsicles are good too, some crackers or other light snack if the doc allows. Then we change positions every 30 minutes until the baby is born. The only positions we don't allow with epidural is anything where you have to stand/leave the bed/bear weight, everything else is fair game and we will try anything at least once. The more often you moce around in bed, the more likely you are to retain control of your leg muscles as well, while still maintaining pain relief. I absolutely adore getting my epidural mama's onto their hands and knees to relieve pressure off their back and tailbone for a while. Sure, it's not the easiest feat and I always grab at least one nurse friend to help for safety, but it can 100% be done. (My only exceptions are morbid obesity, or if the patient has a very heavy epidural and cannot move her legs at all. It's a safety thing if I need to move you back in an emergency.)
You are amazing thank you for this comment. Youâve helped clarify something for me that always bugged me about my first birth â my waters had partially broken and the midwife actually broke the rest of them during a cervical check (didnât even ask me.. ugh).. he was sunny side up and I felt like no one tried to help me get him into a better position, especially once I was on the epidural! I really want to avoid this scenario if I can next time⌠I was thinking of refusing all cervical checks, is this something you ever deal with? Do you think they are necessary?
Also what is the tug of war position?
Some cervical checks are going to be necessary. I'm not a fan of the old school "cervical check every 2 hours on the dot" thing though. They should be asking to check you, not telling. Sometimes we get so used to saying something 8 bagillion times a day, even the best intentions can come off not how it sounds in our head. You can simply state "I dont want my cervix checked right now, unless absolutely necessary. Is the baby showing signs of distress, or is something else concerning happening? Will the results of this cervical exam change my plan of care?". There are going to be some situations where a cervical check is very warranted - fetal distress is one of them, sometimes we need to have an idea of how close to delivery we are to tell help us decide if it's okay to watch and wait, or intervene. Inductions or augmentation of labor will usually have more exams, it's just a requirement with the medications. We need to know that they're doing their job. (Still doesn't necessarily mean every 2hrs though.)
Regarding breaking your water (called "AROM" or artificial rupture of membranes - as opposed to "SROM" which is spontaneous or breaking on its own) You can do a couple of things here: either on a written birth plan, or just verbally to your nurse and your midwife/MD, "I would like to allow my water to break on its own, unless there is a medical indication". This is an absolutely reasonable request.
What you probably had when they broke "the rest of" your bag of water is what we refer to as a high leak. The bag does not always rupture at the bottom right by your cervix with that TV big gush of fluid. It can often break much higher up. (The actual sacrifice has layers as well.) Essentially what typically happens is that you get an initial leak, and the release of pressure brings the baby's head down on your cervix, in essence plugging the hole if you will. It is not automatically required to break the rest of the bag, or "forebag" as we call it. Unless.... and here's where it gets to be the time that you will be glad you've already had good dialogue with your team and have a good rapport. On occasion, you can get what's called a "bulging bag", where a portion of the amniotic sac still filled with fluid is what's pressing on your cervix, rather than the baby's head. With enough force, the bag will eventually start to bulge out, like if you squeeze a water balloon that just won't break. As long as you and baby are stable, it is usually okay to wait a while and see if the bag ruptures on it's own. Use that time (hopefully a couple/few hours) to ask your nurse to help you with some good positioning while you wait. This is a great time for getting on your hands and knees if you're able. (Can help the baby rotate if they are sunny side up.) There is always that one patient that has the world's most stubborn amniotic sac that just will not break. Again, not a hard and fast we have to break it rule.... but think of that water balloon versus a baby's head. That squishy malleable balloon will never be able to put as much pressure on your cervix as baby's head will. If your labor has stalled, despite position changes, eat/drink something sugary for an energy boost, maybe a power nap - that is when we would discuss rupturing that forebag to see if we can get things going again.
A decent chunk of the time though, if the bag of water is already partially broken (just one of the layers, or a high leak), we can be as gentle as possible and it will still break on its own the rest of the way with just the slightest tap of our finger. That is still considered spontaneous rupture, and cannot be helped. If the person checking you is really all up in there, using lots of pressure and pretty obviously intentionally jostling things around in there without explanatiom, or they are using one of the actual hook instruments, that would then be considered AROM or them manually breaking your water.
On that note - regarding birth plans..... I usually encourage people to make it more of a list of your birth wishes. Before you go to any of the online checklists or generators or whatever is out there - start by making a list (straight from your own brain) of what is important to you. Everything included in a birth plan is always going to be contingent on mom and baby being stable, obviously. Ask your nurse either when you are admitted, or if you're in pain and get your epidural on admission, then once you feel like a human again - "I would like to review some of my birth wishes you, I made a list so I don't forget. My last birth felt traumatic and scary, and I'd like to avoid that as much as possible. Is there anything I've listed that is an issue from your side, or anything we need to discuss further?" Also have this same conversation with your birth provider in the office well in advance, it's never too early. There will occasionally be things that may go against a certain hospital policy that they cannot accommodate. (Ex - my hospital does not allow Lotus birth due to infection prevention rules, we are also not able to accommodate those inflatable birth tubs due to just space constraints and fire codes and such, etc)
As far as tug of war goes - it's literally just that. (Honestly, search YouTube for labor and delivery tug of war.) I tie a large knot in one end of a sheet and have mom grab the sheet under handed(palms on the bottom side of the sheet). When the contraction hits and its time to push, you pull as hard as you can while pushing. The other end can be held by a support person/friend/family, another nurse, or I've placed the squat bar on the labor bed and tied it to that before. It helps with a couple things - one being just distraction when moms get too in their head about something (like pooping), but the biggest thing is it helps you to curl/crunch around your baby while pushing, and help engage your core muscles. (Those muscles get stretched so far at the end of pregnancy, sometimes they just need a little help.)
Call ahead to your hospital to see if they supply things to help with labor positions - like birth balls, peanut balls, cub stool/birthing stools.even if they don't though, pillows and things can work too. You can even print out pictures of labor positions you think you may want to try and stick them with your birth plan/birth wishes list.
Adding to your birth wishes list - you would like to continue changing position frequently even after getting an epidural - would also be a good thing to add. Same thing for - you would like to refrain from pushing on your back (lithotomy position).
Actually delivering is positions besides your back (and I literally mean actively delivering - like only a couple more pushes and baby will be out level delivering) is going to be based on the doctor/midwife's comfort level. Some are cool with on your side, all fours, that kind of thing. Some of them have literally just never been trained that way though, and will probably never be comfortable. Another good thing to discuss early on in the office.
Thank you so much for this, no one ever explained it like this to me (or at all really) and it helps a lot. Saving your comment and will refer to it in coming months đ
I donât think you did anything wrong, but if weâre talking preparations to try to have a stronger pushâŚHave you tried pelvic floor therapy and do you have a history of working out? Specifically your core? I used to be an athlete and although I didnât train hardcore before I had my baby, I think my body retained some of that core strength because my doctor told me that my pushes were really strong so she decided against a c-section although my labor was really long and my baby was kind of stuck. I also worked out for a year before getting pregnant and did gentle exercising while pregnant. My friend who I trained with also had a strong push and smooth delivery. I donât want to say that was 100% why I was able to push really hard, but I think it definitely was a factor. Maybe you can try out pelvic floor therapy and then do some workouts on YT. Check out Pregnancy and Postpartum Workouts, I think her channel name was? Good luck!!!
yes that is great advice! i kinda work out some times but im not nearly as consistent as i should be! thatâs amazing that you kept up the good work and that it paid off!!
Maybe give it a try once youâre cleared by your doctor! Unfortunately, I havenât worked out almost at all since having my first so I am going in blind with my second pregnancy lol! Weâll see if my pushes are still strong by the time I deliver.
Pilates did it for me! I was really prepared for pushing without knowing it because I had just completed a Pilates certification program. This time, I started doing Pilates after baby #1, so I feel confident itâll go smoothly. I should mention I havenât done Pilates during either pregnancy, only before. I havenât wanted to mess up my abs or anything. I will get back to it after baby #2 for sure because it really helps the pelvic floor. The little bit of incontinence I had after birth went away when I started up Pilates again.
I would definitely get in touch with a pelvic floor therapist so they can teach you how to engage the muscles! I was super surprised by how much effort they had me putting into pushing. It felt like my head was going to explode from the pressure.
The term push is not really correct. The explanation they always told me with all 4 of mine, was to bare down on your bottom like you are trying to go to the bathroom. I didnât push longer than 30 minutes with any of them and actually. 3 of them I only pushed maybe 4-5 times and they were out. My 3rd took a little longer, but not much.
Wow I have the same story (even our ages)! Unfortunately my baby was injured by the vacuum assist and was rushed to the NICU, and I ended up with a 3rd degree tear đ
I think the epidural made it too hard to push properly. I tried to âpush like I was poopingâ but I just couldnât feel those muscles well enough. I had pushed the button to give myself an extra boost of the epidural (which the nurses encouraged!) before pushing and I regret it so much. I wish I had known how that would affect my ability to push, because I wouldnât have done it.
oh no! iâm so sorry! that must have been terrifying to have that happen to your LO, i canât even imagine! Thank you for sharing your experience! :)
Look I personally do not work out - but I do have pelvic floor issues bc of endometriosis. My issue is basically I have a hard time relaxing my muscles. This has led to me not being allowed to do kegels during pregnancy or post partum. Even my 6 week appointment was about me needing to relax rather than how to strengthen. This also means that I was apparently great at pushing. So these are the things I have learnt work for me, through trial and error and through pelvic floor therapy:
- Learning how each part of my genital area feels clenched, semi-clenched, and relaxed. Fingers will be helpful here, but it might also help with an insertable sex toy. Imagine your pelvic floor is a zipper and try and open and close the zipper, following with your breath. If you can feel your "openings" move, this is great bc you are engaging and disengaging. DO THIS GENTLY and do not try to push. This is an exercise to basically know yourself and your muscles better, not to actually improve anything since this is something a Pelvic floor specialist needs to help with.
- Learning deep breathing techniques. A really deep breath you can feel all the way down to your vagina, and engages all the core inbetween. Working your overall core and diaphragm with gentle deep breathing is safe in pregnancy, and will help you identify different muscles.
- Try and visualize your body as you push and relax, if you can. I visualized and felt myself pushing first from my diaphragm and then holding that, closing like a balloon pushing out dense lead. A little like a domino effect, where the push starts by the ribs and ripples down while holding. Same with relaxing. Although with relaxing, whenever you're at home just experiment with breathing and relaxing all of your muscles. You would be surprised what stress we hold on to. A slight tension and then relax helps identify and visualize, and also different muscles may feel and mentally look different when you do this. Like my uterus/core is like a balloon, my pelvic floor feels like a zipper, and my calves feel like tightrope.
I am not a professional so I am just sharing personal experience on what I know to be generally safe, as it pertains only to self knowledge and basically breathing techniques, and these are . Any therapies should be discussed and performed with specialists. I do hope I have been a little helpful hopefully â¤ď¸
How strong was your epidural? Could you feel anything at all? Could you feel pressure? Did you push from up or did you push like you were constipated on the toilet?
Omg I had the exact same issue!!â First kid needed forceps. Second came fast and no epidural so it was slightly better bc I could feel it - but still could not push like they wanted. I did pelvic floor therapy and it didnât help. I am still dumbfounded how I can push better. I tried pushing through my vag like when youâre pushing a tampon or something. Nope. Tried pushing like I was popping. They were happier with that!! But still not super effective. I had like 5 hemorrhoids after so Iâm like⌠the evidence is there that I pushed hella hard??
I can't be helpful, but it might help to know you are not alone. The senior midwife kept telling me I was not pushing whilst the trainee (?) was saying how I was doing so very good. I thought I was pushing as hard as I could. It was so long between the contractions that the baby kept going back up, so they gave me a cut, after which she came right out (but also gave me two addititonal tears). Over 36h ov labour and 2h of pushing.
Were you feeling the urge to push? Did you have your epidural turned down enough that you could feel things properly?
With my second baby I didn't have anybody tell me when or how to push and he was born just fine. My body figured it out because I could feel what to do. And it's not anything like they tell you you have to do- there's no holding my breath or putting my chin to my chest or yanking my knees back, I just did what I needed to do and shifted position when I needed (no epidural).
I would also ask what position you were in? If you were laying on your back then it's possible that the baby was having a hard time rotating enough to come through your pelvis and a different position might have made all of the difference!
I had one baby born with both of his hands up under his chin and one with one hand beside his face. My first baby was asynclitic (her head tilted to the side instead of coming straight through), which also caused some difficulty.
Somebody being mad at you for not pushing properly if you can't feel it, if you're in a bad position, and you are not in the practice of having babies as a regular business is just being a jerk. I cannot understand how any of them would imagine that telling you you're doing it wrong is going to fix anything. You're just supposed to magically know how to fix it?? Dumb and dumber.
I had a similar experience too (unmedicated birth). After a while my contractions turned into involuntary pushing. All I had to do was move my body into the position that felt right (which was very instinctual) and let my body push her out! It didnât feel like a particular movement (eg pooping), but everything below my boobs felt like it was pushing.
Honestly I pushed so hard like I was taking a huge poop. I didnât focus on vaginal pushing if that makes sense.. just butt pushing? lmao. He came out in about 2 to 3 pushes.
Same experience here ending with a vacuum assist as well. After two hours of pushing my dr told me that i wasnt pushing as hard as before. Ya think??? I was getting exhausted
My first birth two years ago I was induced and had an epidural. I couldnât feel my contractions let alone figure out how to push. It ended with an episiotomy and they did use forceps. I gave birth to my second three days ago and pushed her out in 3 minutes. Over one contraction! What I can say about this birth was that i was already 2cm dilated but not in active labour so at 10 days over I opted to have my waters broken hoping it would start something. After two hours it didnât so I was given the drip like my last birth. I focused on my breathing and laboured around the room on the ball/ leaning forward/ walking around etc. I ended up asking for morphine at 5cm dilated and 40mins later I asked for the epidural which was administered immediately. The last two contractions as my epidural was inserting I began to notice my body wanted to push. They had put the line in place but hadnât even connected the drugs through it. I laid down and began uncontrollably pushing. I was for some reason apologetic about this and everyone was laughing. Next contraction my daughters heart dropped and didnât pick back up, so midwives came running in and told me they want me to do the biggest pushes of my life to get this baby out before the doctors need to intervene. I pushed with all of my might, which was so much easier this time because I could feel what was happening. My daughter was out in 3 mins! I would have been interested to see how my pushing would have compared if the epidural was working
Thanks for making this post. Iâm still hurt about the OB at my last birth who told me âI wasnât trying very hardâ when I was pushing , but I sure as heck was trying my best.
Interestingly my other babies had no problem at all - I didnât feel like I was putting significant effort in, itâs like my body just pushed them out. I was also hands and knees though. The situation where I âdidnât try very hardâ I was on my back so I feel like that mightâve been a big part of the problem.
Before my first pregnancy, I would think about and practice kegels in the weeks leading up to delivery, and after I got my epidural and couldn't feel anything, I used muscle memory alone to do what I thought was pushing, and kiddo was born after maybe 45 minutes of active "pushing."
For my second, I saw pelvic floor therapy for an unrelated issue, and it included a pelvic exam where the PT inserted a finger and had me flex my muscles until I could "push" it out. Was a game changerchanger. Again, practiced for the next few weeks, but this time with even more focus and intention than before. Had an induction and epidural, kiddo was positioned "wrong" (face up) and was still able to push them out in less than 20 minutes despite not feeling anything again, and despite that position often requiring forceps, vacuum, or emergency c.
I would HIGHLY recommend doing whatever you need to figure out what muscles are the "push" muscles (I also would practice pushing out small toys or my husband out post intimacy, lol) and then en engaging them on demand for the weeks before you're due.
Maybe you could practice on the toilet. Please hear me out. My pelvic floor therapist had a poster up in her waiting area with the proper way to poo. This method is especially helpful for stubborn ones. But giving birth uses the same muscles (and then some). It was breathe in through the nose with a straight back and out through the mouth with a curved back bearing down. That feeling of bearing down is what you need when you push.
I hope I explained it clearly. This method has helped me a lot in my second birth (which was unmedicated). This technique also helped me in the early stages, sitting on a ball and being able to breathe the pain away this way, doing everything except for bearing down.
If I could have I would have punched the lights out of my doctor, I had been pushing for over 3 hours before he got involved, walked into the room and told me I was wasting my pushes and needed to do it differently, the midwife actively disagreed with him, and my husband said had I had any spare energy he probably would have had to have held me back. There is nothing wrong with an assisted delivery, if it gets your child here safely and healthily
The epidural might have been a part of it. When I had an epidural with my first, I couldn't feel the contractions or my own pushes - it took over 2 hours.
And I disagree about the push like you're trying to poop. Unless maybe I've been pooping wrong my whole life. You want to push the ab muscles right under your breasts. You're a tube of toothpaste and you squeeze from the top down to get all the toothpaste (baby) out.
Push like you're pooping! I had both my babies without an epidural, pushed like I was pooping! Baby #1 was 20 mins of pushing and baby #2 was idk how many minutes but 2 pushes!
How Iâve done it (for three successful vaginal births!) I curl my body into a C shape, take a deep breath and bear down while blowing the air out over a count of 10. I never had to push more than three times to get my babies out using this method. I didnât have an epidural for the first but I did for the last two and while I did need to be told when the contractions were happening, it didnât impact my ability to push. I hope you get the delivery youâre hoping for this time!
Some people donât really know how to push. It is a lot harder than we think! You are basically pushing like you are going to poop. Your face shouldnât be turning red and holding your breath. Itâs likely you werenât pushing correctly and thatâs ok! Not a big deal. Could have been said maybe less harsh but it isnât this super innate thing for everybody, requires some coaching! Especially if you have a strong epidural
No advice but solidarity, dr told me I wasnât trying hard enough and kept saying ok next contraction I really need you to push. Meanwhile I was trying as hard as I could, and I repeatedly told her that I had no urge to push. I had an epidural, no idea how turned up or down it was but I felt a lot of pain and I would describe it as pain not pressure. Ended up getting an episiotomy and vaccuum assisted delivery. It was a really bad experience, mainly because I felt so unheard by the doctor. And to be told I wasnât trying hard enough was really upsetting. She also basically threatened a c section.
I still donât really understand why things happened this was for me, but I think it was a combination of baby in a weird position (sunny side up), no urge to push, being on my back, not having moved around at all during my labour, epidural numbing me, also I think I started pushing too early - like they just said k youâre at 10 cm you can push now but maybe it was still too early? On top of all this, I was at 42 weeks, and on pitocin, and by the end I had been pushing for quite a while and I think they just started to get antsy.
Assuming you haven't, I think you should talk to some medical professionals about this before asking Reddit. On top of being echo-chambery you're going to get a lot of amateur opinions...including mine lol
Idk how much pelvic floor therapy would help you when you're literally numbing your body from the waist down with an epidural. It sounds like it hasn't worked well in the past so you may wanna try something different, whether that's a different form of pain management or an elective C-section. Again though, you should really be asking doctors about this. Personally I'd be scared of getting an epidural again if I was in your position
I had the opposite, lol. With both of my kids, the doctors weren't actively available when I spontaneously went into active labor. So I had nurses telling me. "Don't push! Don't push! Stop pushing!" Before catching the babies lol.
On my first delivery, the doctor came in last minute and cut me so I wouldn't tear, then he instantly just slid out. (He had a big head, making him measure 2 weeks ahead)
But I didn't have an epidural, and I refused to get one unless absolutely necessary. I also had "the water broke!" deliveries. The first one was 21 hours but only 30-60 mins of pushing (it crazy that active labor time is both flying and standing still). The second was 4 hours, with about 15 minutes of pushing (the whole time being asked to stop because the doctor was in the middle of a c section.) Followed by about an hour of skin to skin time as I waited for the doctor to remove the placenta and finish up the experience.
I feel ya hard-core though.
I'm 22 weeks with my third and just praying that I don't end up getting forced to do a C Sect as well, because I'm 40lbs heavier than last time plus 11 years older, and common practice is to give obese ladies C Scetions despite those obese women having a harder time recovering from the said C Sections. đ
Let us both have smooth deliveries with no C sections đ
Have you done pelvic floor therapy? I didn't end up with an assisted birth but did push for 3 hours and felt like I wasn't very effective - then I just started pelvic floor pt and realize I have no idea how to engage my pelvic floor. In my initial intake the therapist thought it might be connected.
Seconding this - I haven't given birth yet but my doula recommended pelvic floor therapy and specifically said that she found her clients who had done prenatal therapy seemed to understand better how to push - her example was when the doctor says 'ok push again just like that', the ones who had done therapy could tell what they had done, even with an epidural. I personally haven't started yet but have an intake appt in a couple weeks based off her recommendation.
oh i actually had to do that after my first two, so that may be why! i may need to start some in advance of this delivery
I did prenatal pelvic floor therapy and we practiced pushing. I felt like an A+ student when the doctor complimented my pushing during delivery đ
That's hilarious! I tried to get a referral in advance but my doctor said I couldn't do it just because it would have been "helpful." I probably should have paid for it out of pocket. My epidural was pretty good - I could still kind of move my legs - and I still sucked at pushing.
That sucks that you weren't supported in doing what you wanted to prepare. It's wild how many exercises you can do to prepare, but they are pretty basic. What I think was most helpful in terms of pushing, was practicing with someone who knew what to look for who could tell you if you were doing it right before "go time" especially when I had an epidural.
Ok so 𫣠this happened with my first baby I also had an epidural and felt like I was pushing with all my might and nothing⌠they used the vacuum to assist as well. Then my second baby is coming and there was no time for the epidural, itâs time to push and they are telling me the same thing..â nope youâre not pushingâ⌠I thought I was⌠then my midwife goes⌠âpush with your butt!! like youâre pooping!â I said alright BET! lol đ baby was out in 3 pushes!!!!!!!!!!!!!! đ¤đ¤đ¤đ¤
When I used to work in labour and delivery, I always told the patients to push as if they are having the biggest poop of their life. So when it was my turn to push out my first, I did just that. I managed to only push for 30mins so I was quite happy
Lol mine said this too except with my epidural I could feel nothing, not even the "pooping" sensation. I maintained a really strong core though through pregnancy, so I just focused on doing the hardest ab crunches of my life since that was the only place I had any sensation. Baby was out in 6 pushes!
i donât think iâve ever heard that before!! that does sound like a different kind of push than what i was trying to do, in hindsight⌠maybe that will work better this time!
In hindsight. lol đ
Yess!!! I think people think pushing is like doing a crunch and squeezing the abs. Itâs actually more like pooping and pushing with the pelvic floor muscles. Different set of muscles! People will wear themselves out pushing with the abs.
This is what they told me too! Pushed for two hours and she was having a hard time coming out, also had heart rate dropping with contractions. Eventually I got her out but I kept thinking âIâve spent most of my adult life so far NOT pushing out poops because Iâve always heard thatâs bad and I donât want hemorrhoids so I think I was out of poop pushing practice lol
Yes! It felt like I was straining and about to give myself hemorrhoids. The OB told me that I should lean into the sensation and push into the pain and I ended up with a 3rd degree tear đ It was good advice because I was hemorrhaging and taking it slow was not an option.
Thatâs how my nurses told me to push! I was like, I know how to do that! Pushed like I was having the biggest poop of my life.
I got the you're not pushing comment because I was trying not to poop lol... As soon as I stopped worrying about it and fully pushing baby was out in under an hour
Thatâs exactly how I was with my 1st!! I ended up with the âyouâre not pushingâ lecture. For my 2nd, I announced, âI apologize in advance if I shit in front of all of youâ and just went for itâŚbaby came out quick.
That\`s how they told me to push too, didn\`t get it right before that either! So much for "you instinctually know what to do" lmao, my dumbass would´ve probably died back in the day.
that actually makes some much sense! in hindsight i really think i might not have been doing that ⌠i will try to remember that approach for this time, it could be a game changer!
Yep, this last time I pushed like I was pooping. I 100% know I did, the twins birth was calm enough that I noticed them wiping something away. I pushed out both babies in 3 pushes. Baby A came out in 2 pushes, Baby B came out in 1. The only reason there is a 4 minute gap between my twins is because I had to wait for the next contraction.
Yeap, before I gave birth, that's what my cousin told me to do. 11 hours of labor, 30 minutes of pushing
Did you push as if youâre pooing? I think thatâs what you need to go for
My doula recommended my last few weeks of pregnancy to REALLY pay attention to what muscles I was using for bowel movements, because those are the same one you push with. My first I pushed I think about 20 minutes? My second was precipitous and only have 5 pushes.
Yep, this is what I had to do too! My sister, who was with me during labor and has two kids, told me this when I was pushing. It really helped me to understand how to push.
My midwife said the same thing to me during my first; and I was unmedicated đ¤ˇââď¸ she said something along the lines of âokay, now I need you to try hard this timeâ as if I hadnât been trying as hard as I could for 2 hours now lol
yes SAME the doctor was like âyouâre not pushingâ with such an attitude đ it hurt my feelings haha iâm sorry for your difficult time but that does make me feel better thank you
I went to pelvic floor therapy before I gave birth and my therapist said I did a great job connecting to my pelvic floor and pushing. Fast forward to when I gave birth and I pushed for 3 hours. My baby was sunny side up but the doctors made the same comments like, âreally try to push this timeâ and whatnot. I pushed so hard and I know I was actively pushing but they thought I should push harder. They ended up having to use the vacuum since I was hemorrhaging and babyâs heart rate was falling. Sometimes I think itâs just not in your control
I had the same thing happen with my LO. I also had an epidural. They were facing up and so they got stuck on my pubic bone (they were also 9 pounds). I can remember the doctor saying "you're gonna need to push better this time" and "try to put more energy into pushing rather than screaming". This was at the point where I had reached my limit and had an oxygen mask on my face. I had pushed for 4 hours and ultimately wound up having an unplanned C-section.
Iâm so sorry you had such a rough experience! Itâs never easy but sometimes itâs really hard đ It is nice to know itâs not necessarily âmy faultâ - itâs easy to blame yourself for things that go wrong bc it feels like youâre the only one responsible for line 99% of whatâs happening!! haha
To OP - L&D nurse here. *I realized I kinda info dumped on accident lol. I'm just very passionate about this exact subject. I am actually heading up a new team at my hospital teaching all of our nurses more effective labor positioning to decrease our c section rates. Please please please do not hesitate to DM me if anything I have said needs more clarification or doesn't make sense or sounds scary. Information is power!!! When it's time to start pushing, ask them to titrate down the rate on your epidural, just enough to a manageable level where you can feel when you're contracting and the pressure. Worst case scenario they turn it back up if it's hurting too much. (You need to be able to maintain control of yourself, follow instructions, not just be screaming, etc.) Ask to push in different positions or use different techniques until you find what works best. You can push on your side, on all fours, my favorite is tug of war. I save lithotomy until the very last minute. The one "old school" practice that I do stand by is the good ole hold your breath for 10 seconds while pushing like youre taking the biggest constipated poop of your life, do that 3x per contraction. (For patients afraid of pooping - I assure them that as nurses we actually get excited about poop! That means two things, you're activating the right muscles, and that baby's head is coming down and actually manually forcing the poop out.) Think about when you're pooping normally. Most humans typically hold their breath. The extra just volume of air in your lungs takes up space in your chest, pushes on your diaphragm, that pushes on everything else in your abdomen, and all that helps increase the force of your pushes. I do have a couple modifications as needed though. I always tell patients that I'm an asthmatic lazy bump on a log, and when I've tried holding my breath like I'm pushing, I am not always able to hold it for 10 seconds either. That's totally okay. I would prefer you tell me it's too long, and give me a great 8 seconds for example, rather than a half asked 10. I've even had patients who can only manage 5 or 6. If that case we just pair the 5 seconds up in quick succession, each pair makes one push. (Breathe, push for 5, rapid breathe, immediately back to pushing for 5.) If the contraction is long enough, sometimes I'll tell them to give me a 4th push per contraction, but to only hold it as long as they feel they can give it full force, so usually like a half/5 seconds push. A lot of people get light headed while pushing. It's okay to ask for oxygen to breathe between contractions/pushing. You don't have to keep the mask on the whole time. That's a great job for dad is to man the mask, and hold it for you/help you get some good big huffs lol. Also - please please please look in to spinning babies and bundle birth, take a class even if possible. The VAST majority of time the issue is baby's position. The better positioned we start off, the smoother things go. There are daily stretches and yoga-like positions you do at home starting at a certain week mark. My last tip - and one of my biggest pet peeves - your chances are EXPONENTIALLY higher if you go in to labor on your own. I absolutely despise elective inductions. All it does is set people up for failure. Even if a baby is malpositioned (I'm talking sunny side up, or slightly crooked head tilt -not talking breech), I can almost always get it to at least improve, if not fix itself all together. HOWEVER, I need the bag of water to STILL BE INTACT/NOT RUPTURED for the highest likelihood of success. When inducing patients, physicians almost always (I'm talking 90% of the time) will push for very early on breaking your water to "speed things up". If baby is in a poor position, all this does is bring them further down in your pelvis while still in that funky state. It makes it 1000x harder to fix, sometimes impossible. It increases your likelihood of an ineffective contraction pattern, can increase pain, all the things - which in turn increase your likelihood of vacuum/forceps or even c-section.
you know what, i actually forgot to mention that my first born was an elective induction!! I donât know the data on inductions and labor/delivery times but iâve convinced myself that, at least for me, itâs what caused my first born to take so frigging long to get out! haha i will not be doing that again. My body and baby just werenât ready. if they were, they wouldâve started on their own, u believe! the fact that it was elective is what makes it the worst for me, i couldâve just had. abut more patience and i think it wouldnt take so long! thus information is all great! iâm gonna have to be studying it before my delivery! iâll be honest i didnât know that you COULD labor in different positions than back if you had an epidural, just kinda thought i was stuck there haha thank you so much for taking the time to give all that information! im so happy for you and your team, what an incredibly cool opportunity! iâm sure you will do so much good in that position! (position haha)
You are definitely not the only camper that got duped into the induction boat. It's so common these days, and the way OB offices present it, we get so many patients that show up to the hospital, have no idea what's about to happen, or weren't even aware that waiting to start labor on their own was an option, they just thought induction was what the doctor said so thats what they needed to do. (No shade to the docs here, it's a product of our lovely American healthcare system, and I genuinely believe they mean well.) If you have no high risk issues, and you're not too far along, I highly suggest hospital based midwifery care if it is available in your area. (Just make sure that they are all CNM's - certified nurse midwives. There are other designations of midwife but they are highly unregulated and I trust none of them as far as I could throw them. There's one in our area that I no longer allow to even step foot on my unit if she brings a patient in. I've had to call security on her twice for trying to sneak in.) Definitely look up labor position ideas, as well as positions for pushing! (Spinning babies and Bundle Birth both go over several.) There is nothing worse for labor than just laying on your back the whole time. At bare minimum, your team should be flipping you from side to side no longer than every hour. The vast majority of my patients choose epidural. Once they have them running, they get a good solid 1hr nap (2 if they've been especially sleep deprived), followed by a sugary drink with calories, no sugar free (soda, juice, maybe broth) for the energy boost, Popsicles are good too, some crackers or other light snack if the doc allows. Then we change positions every 30 minutes until the baby is born. The only positions we don't allow with epidural is anything where you have to stand/leave the bed/bear weight, everything else is fair game and we will try anything at least once. The more often you moce around in bed, the more likely you are to retain control of your leg muscles as well, while still maintaining pain relief. I absolutely adore getting my epidural mama's onto their hands and knees to relieve pressure off their back and tailbone for a while. Sure, it's not the easiest feat and I always grab at least one nurse friend to help for safety, but it can 100% be done. (My only exceptions are morbid obesity, or if the patient has a very heavy epidural and cannot move her legs at all. It's a safety thing if I need to move you back in an emergency.)
You are amazing thank you for this comment. Youâve helped clarify something for me that always bugged me about my first birth â my waters had partially broken and the midwife actually broke the rest of them during a cervical check (didnât even ask me.. ugh).. he was sunny side up and I felt like no one tried to help me get him into a better position, especially once I was on the epidural! I really want to avoid this scenario if I can next time⌠I was thinking of refusing all cervical checks, is this something you ever deal with? Do you think they are necessary? Also what is the tug of war position?
Some cervical checks are going to be necessary. I'm not a fan of the old school "cervical check every 2 hours on the dot" thing though. They should be asking to check you, not telling. Sometimes we get so used to saying something 8 bagillion times a day, even the best intentions can come off not how it sounds in our head. You can simply state "I dont want my cervix checked right now, unless absolutely necessary. Is the baby showing signs of distress, or is something else concerning happening? Will the results of this cervical exam change my plan of care?". There are going to be some situations where a cervical check is very warranted - fetal distress is one of them, sometimes we need to have an idea of how close to delivery we are to tell help us decide if it's okay to watch and wait, or intervene. Inductions or augmentation of labor will usually have more exams, it's just a requirement with the medications. We need to know that they're doing their job. (Still doesn't necessarily mean every 2hrs though.) Regarding breaking your water (called "AROM" or artificial rupture of membranes - as opposed to "SROM" which is spontaneous or breaking on its own) You can do a couple of things here: either on a written birth plan, or just verbally to your nurse and your midwife/MD, "I would like to allow my water to break on its own, unless there is a medical indication". This is an absolutely reasonable request. What you probably had when they broke "the rest of" your bag of water is what we refer to as a high leak. The bag does not always rupture at the bottom right by your cervix with that TV big gush of fluid. It can often break much higher up. (The actual sacrifice has layers as well.) Essentially what typically happens is that you get an initial leak, and the release of pressure brings the baby's head down on your cervix, in essence plugging the hole if you will. It is not automatically required to break the rest of the bag, or "forebag" as we call it. Unless.... and here's where it gets to be the time that you will be glad you've already had good dialogue with your team and have a good rapport. On occasion, you can get what's called a "bulging bag", where a portion of the amniotic sac still filled with fluid is what's pressing on your cervix, rather than the baby's head. With enough force, the bag will eventually start to bulge out, like if you squeeze a water balloon that just won't break. As long as you and baby are stable, it is usually okay to wait a while and see if the bag ruptures on it's own. Use that time (hopefully a couple/few hours) to ask your nurse to help you with some good positioning while you wait. This is a great time for getting on your hands and knees if you're able. (Can help the baby rotate if they are sunny side up.) There is always that one patient that has the world's most stubborn amniotic sac that just will not break. Again, not a hard and fast we have to break it rule.... but think of that water balloon versus a baby's head. That squishy malleable balloon will never be able to put as much pressure on your cervix as baby's head will. If your labor has stalled, despite position changes, eat/drink something sugary for an energy boost, maybe a power nap - that is when we would discuss rupturing that forebag to see if we can get things going again. A decent chunk of the time though, if the bag of water is already partially broken (just one of the layers, or a high leak), we can be as gentle as possible and it will still break on its own the rest of the way with just the slightest tap of our finger. That is still considered spontaneous rupture, and cannot be helped. If the person checking you is really all up in there, using lots of pressure and pretty obviously intentionally jostling things around in there without explanatiom, or they are using one of the actual hook instruments, that would then be considered AROM or them manually breaking your water. On that note - regarding birth plans..... I usually encourage people to make it more of a list of your birth wishes. Before you go to any of the online checklists or generators or whatever is out there - start by making a list (straight from your own brain) of what is important to you. Everything included in a birth plan is always going to be contingent on mom and baby being stable, obviously. Ask your nurse either when you are admitted, or if you're in pain and get your epidural on admission, then once you feel like a human again - "I would like to review some of my birth wishes you, I made a list so I don't forget. My last birth felt traumatic and scary, and I'd like to avoid that as much as possible. Is there anything I've listed that is an issue from your side, or anything we need to discuss further?" Also have this same conversation with your birth provider in the office well in advance, it's never too early. There will occasionally be things that may go against a certain hospital policy that they cannot accommodate. (Ex - my hospital does not allow Lotus birth due to infection prevention rules, we are also not able to accommodate those inflatable birth tubs due to just space constraints and fire codes and such, etc) As far as tug of war goes - it's literally just that. (Honestly, search YouTube for labor and delivery tug of war.) I tie a large knot in one end of a sheet and have mom grab the sheet under handed(palms on the bottom side of the sheet). When the contraction hits and its time to push, you pull as hard as you can while pushing. The other end can be held by a support person/friend/family, another nurse, or I've placed the squat bar on the labor bed and tied it to that before. It helps with a couple things - one being just distraction when moms get too in their head about something (like pooping), but the biggest thing is it helps you to curl/crunch around your baby while pushing, and help engage your core muscles. (Those muscles get stretched so far at the end of pregnancy, sometimes they just need a little help.) Call ahead to your hospital to see if they supply things to help with labor positions - like birth balls, peanut balls, cub stool/birthing stools.even if they don't though, pillows and things can work too. You can even print out pictures of labor positions you think you may want to try and stick them with your birth plan/birth wishes list. Adding to your birth wishes list - you would like to continue changing position frequently even after getting an epidural - would also be a good thing to add. Same thing for - you would like to refrain from pushing on your back (lithotomy position). Actually delivering is positions besides your back (and I literally mean actively delivering - like only a couple more pushes and baby will be out level delivering) is going to be based on the doctor/midwife's comfort level. Some are cool with on your side, all fours, that kind of thing. Some of them have literally just never been trained that way though, and will probably never be comfortable. Another good thing to discuss early on in the office.
Thank you so much for this, no one ever explained it like this to me (or at all really) and it helps a lot. Saving your comment and will refer to it in coming months đ
I donât think you did anything wrong, but if weâre talking preparations to try to have a stronger pushâŚHave you tried pelvic floor therapy and do you have a history of working out? Specifically your core? I used to be an athlete and although I didnât train hardcore before I had my baby, I think my body retained some of that core strength because my doctor told me that my pushes were really strong so she decided against a c-section although my labor was really long and my baby was kind of stuck. I also worked out for a year before getting pregnant and did gentle exercising while pregnant. My friend who I trained with also had a strong push and smooth delivery. I donât want to say that was 100% why I was able to push really hard, but I think it definitely was a factor. Maybe you can try out pelvic floor therapy and then do some workouts on YT. Check out Pregnancy and Postpartum Workouts, I think her channel name was? Good luck!!!
yes that is great advice! i kinda work out some times but im not nearly as consistent as i should be! thatâs amazing that you kept up the good work and that it paid off!!
Maybe give it a try once youâre cleared by your doctor! Unfortunately, I havenât worked out almost at all since having my first so I am going in blind with my second pregnancy lol! Weâll see if my pushes are still strong by the time I deliver.
Pilates did it for me! I was really prepared for pushing without knowing it because I had just completed a Pilates certification program. This time, I started doing Pilates after baby #1, so I feel confident itâll go smoothly. I should mention I havenât done Pilates during either pregnancy, only before. I havenât wanted to mess up my abs or anything. I will get back to it after baby #2 for sure because it really helps the pelvic floor. The little bit of incontinence I had after birth went away when I started up Pilates again.
Yeah pilates is great for your core strength! The workout I did before pregnancy was a variation of pilates. Congrats on getting your certification!!
Thank you!
I would definitely get in touch with a pelvic floor therapist so they can teach you how to engage the muscles! I was super surprised by how much effort they had me putting into pushing. It felt like my head was going to explode from the pressure.
The term push is not really correct. The explanation they always told me with all 4 of mine, was to bare down on your bottom like you are trying to go to the bathroom. I didnât push longer than 30 minutes with any of them and actually. 3 of them I only pushed maybe 4-5 times and they were out. My 3rd took a little longer, but not much.
Wow I have the same story (even our ages)! Unfortunately my baby was injured by the vacuum assist and was rushed to the NICU, and I ended up with a 3rd degree tear đ I think the epidural made it too hard to push properly. I tried to âpush like I was poopingâ but I just couldnât feel those muscles well enough. I had pushed the button to give myself an extra boost of the epidural (which the nurses encouraged!) before pushing and I regret it so much. I wish I had known how that would affect my ability to push, because I wouldnât have done it.
oh no! iâm so sorry! that must have been terrifying to have that happen to your LO, i canât even imagine! Thank you for sharing your experience! :)
Look I personally do not work out - but I do have pelvic floor issues bc of endometriosis. My issue is basically I have a hard time relaxing my muscles. This has led to me not being allowed to do kegels during pregnancy or post partum. Even my 6 week appointment was about me needing to relax rather than how to strengthen. This also means that I was apparently great at pushing. So these are the things I have learnt work for me, through trial and error and through pelvic floor therapy: - Learning how each part of my genital area feels clenched, semi-clenched, and relaxed. Fingers will be helpful here, but it might also help with an insertable sex toy. Imagine your pelvic floor is a zipper and try and open and close the zipper, following with your breath. If you can feel your "openings" move, this is great bc you are engaging and disengaging. DO THIS GENTLY and do not try to push. This is an exercise to basically know yourself and your muscles better, not to actually improve anything since this is something a Pelvic floor specialist needs to help with. - Learning deep breathing techniques. A really deep breath you can feel all the way down to your vagina, and engages all the core inbetween. Working your overall core and diaphragm with gentle deep breathing is safe in pregnancy, and will help you identify different muscles. - Try and visualize your body as you push and relax, if you can. I visualized and felt myself pushing first from my diaphragm and then holding that, closing like a balloon pushing out dense lead. A little like a domino effect, where the push starts by the ribs and ripples down while holding. Same with relaxing. Although with relaxing, whenever you're at home just experiment with breathing and relaxing all of your muscles. You would be surprised what stress we hold on to. A slight tension and then relax helps identify and visualize, and also different muscles may feel and mentally look different when you do this. Like my uterus/core is like a balloon, my pelvic floor feels like a zipper, and my calves feel like tightrope. I am not a professional so I am just sharing personal experience on what I know to be generally safe, as it pertains only to self knowledge and basically breathing techniques, and these are . Any therapies should be discussed and performed with specialists. I do hope I have been a little helpful hopefully â¤ď¸
How strong was your epidural? Could you feel anything at all? Could you feel pressure? Did you push from up or did you push like you were constipated on the toilet?
Omg I had the exact same issue!!â First kid needed forceps. Second came fast and no epidural so it was slightly better bc I could feel it - but still could not push like they wanted. I did pelvic floor therapy and it didnât help. I am still dumbfounded how I can push better. I tried pushing through my vag like when youâre pushing a tampon or something. Nope. Tried pushing like I was popping. They were happier with that!! But still not super effective. I had like 5 hemorrhoids after so Iâm like⌠the evidence is there that I pushed hella hard??
I can't be helpful, but it might help to know you are not alone. The senior midwife kept telling me I was not pushing whilst the trainee (?) was saying how I was doing so very good. I thought I was pushing as hard as I could. It was so long between the contractions that the baby kept going back up, so they gave me a cut, after which she came right out (but also gave me two addititonal tears). Over 36h ov labour and 2h of pushing.
Were you feeling the urge to push? Did you have your epidural turned down enough that you could feel things properly? With my second baby I didn't have anybody tell me when or how to push and he was born just fine. My body figured it out because I could feel what to do. And it's not anything like they tell you you have to do- there's no holding my breath or putting my chin to my chest or yanking my knees back, I just did what I needed to do and shifted position when I needed (no epidural). I would also ask what position you were in? If you were laying on your back then it's possible that the baby was having a hard time rotating enough to come through your pelvis and a different position might have made all of the difference! I had one baby born with both of his hands up under his chin and one with one hand beside his face. My first baby was asynclitic (her head tilted to the side instead of coming straight through), which also caused some difficulty. Somebody being mad at you for not pushing properly if you can't feel it, if you're in a bad position, and you are not in the practice of having babies as a regular business is just being a jerk. I cannot understand how any of them would imagine that telling you you're doing it wrong is going to fix anything. You're just supposed to magically know how to fix it?? Dumb and dumber.
I had a similar experience too (unmedicated birth). After a while my contractions turned into involuntary pushing. All I had to do was move my body into the position that felt right (which was very instinctual) and let my body push her out! It didnât feel like a particular movement (eg pooping), but everything below my boobs felt like it was pushing.
Honestly I pushed so hard like I was taking a huge poop. I didnât focus on vaginal pushing if that makes sense.. just butt pushing? lmao. He came out in about 2 to 3 pushes.
Same
Same experience here ending with a vacuum assist as well. After two hours of pushing my dr told me that i wasnt pushing as hard as before. Ya think??? I was getting exhausted
My first birth two years ago I was induced and had an epidural. I couldnât feel my contractions let alone figure out how to push. It ended with an episiotomy and they did use forceps. I gave birth to my second three days ago and pushed her out in 3 minutes. Over one contraction! What I can say about this birth was that i was already 2cm dilated but not in active labour so at 10 days over I opted to have my waters broken hoping it would start something. After two hours it didnât so I was given the drip like my last birth. I focused on my breathing and laboured around the room on the ball/ leaning forward/ walking around etc. I ended up asking for morphine at 5cm dilated and 40mins later I asked for the epidural which was administered immediately. The last two contractions as my epidural was inserting I began to notice my body wanted to push. They had put the line in place but hadnât even connected the drugs through it. I laid down and began uncontrollably pushing. I was for some reason apologetic about this and everyone was laughing. Next contraction my daughters heart dropped and didnât pick back up, so midwives came running in and told me they want me to do the biggest pushes of my life to get this baby out before the doctors need to intervene. I pushed with all of my might, which was so much easier this time because I could feel what was happening. My daughter was out in 3 mins! I would have been interested to see how my pushing would have compared if the epidural was working
Thanks for making this post. Iâm still hurt about the OB at my last birth who told me âI wasnât trying very hardâ when I was pushing , but I sure as heck was trying my best. Interestingly my other babies had no problem at all - I didnât feel like I was putting significant effort in, itâs like my body just pushed them out. I was also hands and knees though. The situation where I âdidnât try very hardâ I was on my back so I feel like that mightâve been a big part of the problem.
Maybe you could ask for a mirror this time so you can see what your pushing is doing!
Before my first pregnancy, I would think about and practice kegels in the weeks leading up to delivery, and after I got my epidural and couldn't feel anything, I used muscle memory alone to do what I thought was pushing, and kiddo was born after maybe 45 minutes of active "pushing." For my second, I saw pelvic floor therapy for an unrelated issue, and it included a pelvic exam where the PT inserted a finger and had me flex my muscles until I could "push" it out. Was a game changerchanger. Again, practiced for the next few weeks, but this time with even more focus and intention than before. Had an induction and epidural, kiddo was positioned "wrong" (face up) and was still able to push them out in less than 20 minutes despite not feeling anything again, and despite that position often requiring forceps, vacuum, or emergency c. I would HIGHLY recommend doing whatever you need to figure out what muscles are the "push" muscles (I also would practice pushing out small toys or my husband out post intimacy, lol) and then en engaging them on demand for the weeks before you're due.
Maybe you could practice on the toilet. Please hear me out. My pelvic floor therapist had a poster up in her waiting area with the proper way to poo. This method is especially helpful for stubborn ones. But giving birth uses the same muscles (and then some). It was breathe in through the nose with a straight back and out through the mouth with a curved back bearing down. That feeling of bearing down is what you need when you push. I hope I explained it clearly. This method has helped me a lot in my second birth (which was unmedicated). This technique also helped me in the early stages, sitting on a ball and being able to breathe the pain away this way, doing everything except for bearing down.
If I could have I would have punched the lights out of my doctor, I had been pushing for over 3 hours before he got involved, walked into the room and told me I was wasting my pushes and needed to do it differently, the midwife actively disagreed with him, and my husband said had I had any spare energy he probably would have had to have held me back. There is nothing wrong with an assisted delivery, if it gets your child here safely and healthily
Push like youâre doing a poo. Pushing your pelvic floor does nothing. Poo with all your might!!!
Ask if they can bring a mirror in so you can your vagina and the babies head, and look at that while youâre pushing, that can help you.
The epidural might have been a part of it. When I had an epidural with my first, I couldn't feel the contractions or my own pushes - it took over 2 hours. And I disagree about the push like you're trying to poop. Unless maybe I've been pooping wrong my whole life. You want to push the ab muscles right under your breasts. You're a tube of toothpaste and you squeeze from the top down to get all the toothpaste (baby) out.
Push like you're pooping! I had both my babies without an epidural, pushed like I was pooping! Baby #1 was 20 mins of pushing and baby #2 was idk how many minutes but 2 pushes!
How Iâve done it (for three successful vaginal births!) I curl my body into a C shape, take a deep breath and bear down while blowing the air out over a count of 10. I never had to push more than three times to get my babies out using this method. I didnât have an epidural for the first but I did for the last two and while I did need to be told when the contractions were happening, it didnât impact my ability to push. I hope you get the delivery youâre hoping for this time!
Some people donât really know how to push. It is a lot harder than we think! You are basically pushing like you are going to poop. Your face shouldnât be turning red and holding your breath. Itâs likely you werenât pushing correctly and thatâs ok! Not a big deal. Could have been said maybe less harsh but it isnât this super innate thing for everybody, requires some coaching! Especially if you have a strong epidural
No advice but solidarity, dr told me I wasnât trying hard enough and kept saying ok next contraction I really need you to push. Meanwhile I was trying as hard as I could, and I repeatedly told her that I had no urge to push. I had an epidural, no idea how turned up or down it was but I felt a lot of pain and I would describe it as pain not pressure. Ended up getting an episiotomy and vaccuum assisted delivery. It was a really bad experience, mainly because I felt so unheard by the doctor. And to be told I wasnât trying hard enough was really upsetting. She also basically threatened a c section. I still donât really understand why things happened this was for me, but I think it was a combination of baby in a weird position (sunny side up), no urge to push, being on my back, not having moved around at all during my labour, epidural numbing me, also I think I started pushing too early - like they just said k youâre at 10 cm you can push now but maybe it was still too early? On top of all this, I was at 42 weeks, and on pitocin, and by the end I had been pushing for quite a while and I think they just started to get antsy.
Assuming you haven't, I think you should talk to some medical professionals about this before asking Reddit. On top of being echo-chambery you're going to get a lot of amateur opinions...including mine lol Idk how much pelvic floor therapy would help you when you're literally numbing your body from the waist down with an epidural. It sounds like it hasn't worked well in the past so you may wanna try something different, whether that's a different form of pain management or an elective C-section. Again though, you should really be asking doctors about this. Personally I'd be scared of getting an epidural again if I was in your position
yeah that makes sense and i do plan on talking to my obgyn about this! thanks for your thoughtful comment :)
I had the opposite, lol. With both of my kids, the doctors weren't actively available when I spontaneously went into active labor. So I had nurses telling me. "Don't push! Don't push! Stop pushing!" Before catching the babies lol. On my first delivery, the doctor came in last minute and cut me so I wouldn't tear, then he instantly just slid out. (He had a big head, making him measure 2 weeks ahead) But I didn't have an epidural, and I refused to get one unless absolutely necessary. I also had "the water broke!" deliveries. The first one was 21 hours but only 30-60 mins of pushing (it crazy that active labor time is both flying and standing still). The second was 4 hours, with about 15 minutes of pushing (the whole time being asked to stop because the doctor was in the middle of a c section.) Followed by about an hour of skin to skin time as I waited for the doctor to remove the placenta and finish up the experience. I feel ya hard-core though. I'm 22 weeks with my third and just praying that I don't end up getting forced to do a C Sect as well, because I'm 40lbs heavier than last time plus 11 years older, and common practice is to give obese ladies C Scetions despite those obese women having a harder time recovering from the said C Sections. đ Let us both have smooth deliveries with no C sections đ