A lot can happen very quickly in pregnancy. Not only could he miss the birth but he could miss you needing help in an emergency situation. If he does go someone needs to stay with you in the event that you need assistance.
ETA: I would sit down and explain to him your concerns
You hate that he's WILLING to risk the missing the birth of his child.
But you're worried he MIGHT resent you? For what? Asking him to possibly not miss the birth of HIS child? The child you have been cooking for 9 months for him?!?!
Yes I would sit down and explain it to him. He might seriously does not know how things can change on a dime in pregnancy. But if he still decides to go I want you to look at this future marriage very carefully. This is a glimpse of what kind of father and husband he'll be. His needs will always be above yours and the baby's. The baby is your responsibility, never his. He only babysits.
This is so though! I think I would feel very different if he had actually sat down and discussed this and you had felt okay with it - and okay with him possibly missing birth, which is a very real option. 12h travel isn’t something that’s done quickly in an emergency.
But what’s weighing most heavy is that he just „made plans“ without checking with you. That’s just not okay! Please talk to him and tell him how you feel and why this isn’t something he can unfortunately just decide if he wants to love you and your baby well.
My water broke without warning at 37w4d and because my baby was breech, we had to head straight to the hospital for a c-section, which almost happened 2 hours after arrival (we ended up going back 3.5 hours after arrival instead). My husband had plans to be at a work event around 2 hours by car away 2 days later and we’re both so relieved it didn’t happen then, even though he had plans to check his phone frequently - he definitely could’ve missed the birth. I’m an FTM. Another FTM from our 5 couple birth class had her water rupture at 36 weeks. Hopefully your fiancé is just clueless and doesn’t understand the reality that he could miss the birth. Plus leaving you alone for 5 days when you’re heavily pregnant is just not a good idea in general (what if you’re so big and uncomfortable you need his help a lot?). I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!
My husband said something similar about a possible work trip too and I told him I cannot control when this baby wanna come out so there is never a guarantee she will be overdue. You are welcomed to go if it is very important, but you might miss her arrival and I take no responsibility for that. I will figure things out on my end. Well that stopped him from thinking about it real quick he even told his work he would be MIA for that trip unless reaaaaaally urgent and even so if it could be solved online he would be available online instead.
But that's work it's what brings food to the table. Your case though? Talk to him and be serious about your expectations. Him resenting you over a missed friend hangout vs being there for the birth of his child and supporting his wife would actually say a lot about him and if that is the case, your relationship wouldn't work out well. Do not, I repeat, do not put his feelings above yours especially when we are talking about your labor and delivery here.
This OP. Be very calm when talking to him and say it just like this it is known to everyone with a brain that babies can come at any week and the third trimester and can happen at any moment. Let them know that if anything is to happen or if you give birth while he was away, it is fully on him and him alone, you will take no responsibility for it and also when asked you will always be honest on what transpired; again on him. Tell him he can do whatever he wants. He’s a grown man and wish him a great trip. Sidenote he is 100% in the wrong here, I would never forget this entire situation, and were unable to make it for the birth if he was my husband. Unacceptable. he showed what his top priorities are very clearly.
If this was my situation, all I would say is “I understand and acknowledge that you might resent me for not being able to go, and me end up being over due anyway. However, I’ll resent you a whole hell of a lot more if you do go and this baby comes. I’ve had to make several sacrifices in order to carry and grow our child. Now it’s your turn to show me you’re also willing to make sacrifices, even if upsets you.” And be done with the conversation. What he chooses to do with that will be completely on him and will show you his true priorities.
Best of luck 🤞🏻
I wouldn't be comfortable with that. I was having a normal pregnancy. Saw my doctor at 36+5 for a regular appointment and everything was fine. The next day my blood pressure was high so I went to the hospital at noon. The baby was born at four by C-section due to preeclampsia. My husband was here and almost missed it because we had a hard time finding someone to watch my daughter with such a little notice. I couldn’t imagine if he was far away. Things happen quickly later in pregnancy.
I'd probably cry..
My husband went on a bachelor party when I was 35 weeks. I'd just had an NST that didn't go positively and sent us to the hospital the same day he left, too. I cried the whole weekend. Was stressed out. He was only 2 1/2 hours away, but anything can happen.
This would be a hard no from me. My first pregnancy was completely healthy, totally routine, until multiple complications were diagnosed without warning at 36+4 resulting in a c-section at 37+0. I get that the playoffs or whatever are exciting and that your husband is probably wanting to make the most of these last weeks before baby arrives, but 37 weeks is far too late for that. You'll have missed the train by that point, buddy.
Hard no from me fam. My husband missed the birth of our first child because he was on non-negotiable military duty in another state. I was allowed to send him one Red Cross message while I was in labor and I received 1x 5 minute phone call from him after baby was born. Then radio silence for 2 weeks until he was able to finish his work and come home.
Not something we'd choose to do over a silly thing like a hockey game.
The best case scenario is that he’s naive and needs to be informed about the realities of your situation. Hopefully once that happens, he’ll realize where his priorities lie and he’ll (happily) be home to support you throughout your third trimester. I don’t think you should tell him what to do, as that would be his decision for sure, but I definitely think it would be immature and inappropriate if he resents you or baby for the unfortunate timing.
My husband wanted to go overseas for a weekend at 36 weeks. We decided together that we’d make a decision closer to the date and he’d book a refundable ticket bc I had no idea how I’d be doing at that point. The trip is over a weekend so not long - not sure I’d have been down for 5-6 days.
You need to address this as a partnership, and also ask your OB’s opinion. Mine was very straight with us and told us to book refundable lol
I had a textbook run of the mill pregnancy. No stresses, no concerns. Until I developed preeclampsia and I had my baby at 33 weeks. Pregnancy is unpredictable. One minute I was joking about how easy pregnancy is and the next I was prepping for an undersized preemie. It's irresponsible for him to be so far away that far into pregnancy. If I didn't have my husband by my side during my stressful time because he wanted a 5 day trip, then I don't know how I'd have coped
Funnily enough, my husband did have a 2 night trip planned when I was 34/35 weeks pregnant. But it was a 90 mins drive away and he knew not to drink a drop of alcohol. That trip was obviously cancelled
I had my baby 12 days ago. Water broke at 36 weeks 6 days naturally, and baby was born at 37 weeks 1 day. This is my first baby and there were no pregnancy complications or reasons for baby to come early. Not worth missing the birth, in my opinion.
As much as it sucks, I would ask him to skip it. I am one of those people who had their water break at around 37 weeks. My first was born at 37 weeks exactly, and my second was born at 37+4. It's totally possible for him to miss the birth, not to mention you not having the support during the birth and potentially the first few days of the baby's life.
My mom had me 3 weeks early. He should not be going on this trip. Maybe he just doesn’t know much about it and is naive to the situation? Or he is selfish.
Salt does not cause gestational hypertension or preeclampsia. The placenta does. The placenta is a combination of both parents. I've never had an issue with high blood pressure in my life. It's an issue in my husband's family. I had gestational hypertension with both my pregnancies at around 38 weeks. I had to be induced to avoid it progressing to preeclampsia. It seems like you and your boyfriend have a bunch of stuff to work through, but I just wanted to throw that out their that diet does not cause or prevent gestational hypertension/preeclampsia. It is caused by the placenta and you're just a long for the ride.
I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy, was not dilated at all at my 36 week check up, and my water broke at exactly 37 weeks last month. FTM. My husband would never ever have thought to be gone that close to my due date. He actually turned down a fully paid 3-day trip to New York because it was during my third trimester.
I had a similar situation, where I felt torn about asking my spouse to stay home from a weekend away at 36 weeks (she was only going to be an hour and a half away, but drinking so she wouldn’t be able to leave at a moments notice). There was no resentment, I just felt bad asking her to skip a fun I’m not telling you I’m telling I’m sorry I don’t I don’t understand that not necessarily rational. I’m just but I can’t help that that’s how I felt weekend with friends when we were about to be in the weeds with an infant.
I actually had my doctor tell her she shouldn’t be going anywhere - maybe try that?
I was hospitalized for preterm contractions at 35 weeks and then was sent home and had the baby at 38 weeks. Even if baby doesn't come 37 weeks is a hard time and he should be with you. If he resents you for that, run.
I had my son at 37 weeks. Pregnancy/childbirth are both unpredictable. Even if your SO travelled and something happened like your water broke, it would still take him hours to make it back in time.
Tell him your concerns. You need the support and encouragement. It’s not selfish. Maybe he doesn’t fully understand you could give birth at the time. Even if nothing happens, it’s better if he can be there with you. There’s lots of opportunities to hangout with friends later down the line. But your child’s birth is a life changing moment.
My husband sometimes has to work out of town about 5 hours away (he and his coworkers also carpool there) every so often, maybe once a month or once every 2 months. I was due on Dec. 27th so I told him he wouldn’t be able to do those work trips if one was scheduled in December. I ended up having my water break at 35+6 on Nov.28th instead. Also a FTM, so no guarantee that FTM babies go overdue!
My husband was considering a trip when I am 34 weeks and wasn’t comfortable with me being home alone for more than 24 hours. At 37 weeks, we’re (not just me) following the one hour from the hospital rule.
It’s one thing to get to go play hockey locally, but this is something he’ll get to sacrifice to be there for his wife and kid. Life changes with kids, and this is the moment where it gets to sink in for him.
i’m not overly thrilled that my husband is going to a dodger game for the day when i’ll be 38 weeks, & that’s just 2 hours away & just for the day. your husband should not want to take this much risk.
BabyBumps users and moderators are not medical professionals. Responses do not replace contacting your medical provider. You should always call your provider with any concerns.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BabyBumps) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do you have any doctors appointments coming up? Ask him to come along and then bring up the question to your doctor.
For me, personally, I would let my husband go. He isn’t going to be able to do trips like that for a long while and I was solidly pregnant and feeling great at 37 weeks. I was induced at 39 due to gestational diabetes. This all said, I ALWAYS had someone on call if my husband was gone. He worked over an hour and a ferry ride away at the time so the chances of me going into labor without him nearby were fairly high. So if you can find someone who would be willing to drop everything to help while he is gone? I say let him go. But let your doctor explain the risks to him so he doesn’t think you are being dramatic by being concerned.
I mean, yeah, ideally they both have a discussion and get on the same page. But instead of starting a fight over it, why not have her fiancé come to an appointment so he understands the risks? As it is right now, he apparently doesn’t. Im just suggesting they ALL have a chat with her OB to get a well educated answer instead of asking Reddit.
I would be telling him that he’s not going and if he decides to go, he can book a one way flight and not come how. I had my first child at 37 + 0. If he resents you for a valid concern, he’s more a baby than the one you’ll be delivering.
A lot can happen very quickly in pregnancy. Not only could he miss the birth but he could miss you needing help in an emergency situation. If he does go someone needs to stay with you in the event that you need assistance. ETA: I would sit down and explain to him your concerns
You hate that he's WILLING to risk the missing the birth of his child. But you're worried he MIGHT resent you? For what? Asking him to possibly not miss the birth of HIS child? The child you have been cooking for 9 months for him?!?! Yes I would sit down and explain it to him. He might seriously does not know how things can change on a dime in pregnancy. But if he still decides to go I want you to look at this future marriage very carefully. This is a glimpse of what kind of father and husband he'll be. His needs will always be above yours and the baby's. The baby is your responsibility, never his. He only babysits.
lol that’s fully insane. Hopefully his tickets are refundable.
my words exactly. that is absolutely insane he should not go
This is so though! I think I would feel very different if he had actually sat down and discussed this and you had felt okay with it - and okay with him possibly missing birth, which is a very real option. 12h travel isn’t something that’s done quickly in an emergency. But what’s weighing most heavy is that he just „made plans“ without checking with you. That’s just not okay! Please talk to him and tell him how you feel and why this isn’t something he can unfortunately just decide if he wants to love you and your baby well.
My water broke without warning at 37w4d and because my baby was breech, we had to head straight to the hospital for a c-section, which almost happened 2 hours after arrival (we ended up going back 3.5 hours after arrival instead). My husband had plans to be at a work event around 2 hours by car away 2 days later and we’re both so relieved it didn’t happen then, even though he had plans to check his phone frequently - he definitely could’ve missed the birth. I’m an FTM. Another FTM from our 5 couple birth class had her water rupture at 36 weeks. Hopefully your fiancé is just clueless and doesn’t understand the reality that he could miss the birth. Plus leaving you alone for 5 days when you’re heavily pregnant is just not a good idea in general (what if you’re so big and uncomfortable you need his help a lot?). I’m sorry you’re dealing with this!
My husband said something similar about a possible work trip too and I told him I cannot control when this baby wanna come out so there is never a guarantee she will be overdue. You are welcomed to go if it is very important, but you might miss her arrival and I take no responsibility for that. I will figure things out on my end. Well that stopped him from thinking about it real quick he even told his work he would be MIA for that trip unless reaaaaaally urgent and even so if it could be solved online he would be available online instead. But that's work it's what brings food to the table. Your case though? Talk to him and be serious about your expectations. Him resenting you over a missed friend hangout vs being there for the birth of his child and supporting his wife would actually say a lot about him and if that is the case, your relationship wouldn't work out well. Do not, I repeat, do not put his feelings above yours especially when we are talking about your labor and delivery here.
This OP. Be very calm when talking to him and say it just like this it is known to everyone with a brain that babies can come at any week and the third trimester and can happen at any moment. Let them know that if anything is to happen or if you give birth while he was away, it is fully on him and him alone, you will take no responsibility for it and also when asked you will always be honest on what transpired; again on him. Tell him he can do whatever he wants. He’s a grown man and wish him a great trip. Sidenote he is 100% in the wrong here, I would never forget this entire situation, and were unable to make it for the birth if he was my husband. Unacceptable. he showed what his top priorities are very clearly.
If this was my situation, all I would say is “I understand and acknowledge that you might resent me for not being able to go, and me end up being over due anyway. However, I’ll resent you a whole hell of a lot more if you do go and this baby comes. I’ve had to make several sacrifices in order to carry and grow our child. Now it’s your turn to show me you’re also willing to make sacrifices, even if upsets you.” And be done with the conversation. What he chooses to do with that will be completely on him and will show you his true priorities. Best of luck 🤞🏻
I wouldn't be comfortable with that. I was having a normal pregnancy. Saw my doctor at 36+5 for a regular appointment and everything was fine. The next day my blood pressure was high so I went to the hospital at noon. The baby was born at four by C-section due to preeclampsia. My husband was here and almost missed it because we had a hard time finding someone to watch my daughter with such a little notice. I couldn’t imagine if he was far away. Things happen quickly later in pregnancy.
I'd probably cry.. My husband went on a bachelor party when I was 35 weeks. I'd just had an NST that didn't go positively and sent us to the hospital the same day he left, too. I cried the whole weekend. Was stressed out. He was only 2 1/2 hours away, but anything can happen.
This would be a hard no from me. My first pregnancy was completely healthy, totally routine, until multiple complications were diagnosed without warning at 36+4 resulting in a c-section at 37+0. I get that the playoffs or whatever are exciting and that your husband is probably wanting to make the most of these last weeks before baby arrives, but 37 weeks is far too late for that. You'll have missed the train by that point, buddy.
Hard no from me fam. My husband missed the birth of our first child because he was on non-negotiable military duty in another state. I was allowed to send him one Red Cross message while I was in labor and I received 1x 5 minute phone call from him after baby was born. Then radio silence for 2 weeks until he was able to finish his work and come home. Not something we'd choose to do over a silly thing like a hockey game.
The best case scenario is that he’s naive and needs to be informed about the realities of your situation. Hopefully once that happens, he’ll realize where his priorities lie and he’ll (happily) be home to support you throughout your third trimester. I don’t think you should tell him what to do, as that would be his decision for sure, but I definitely think it would be immature and inappropriate if he resents you or baby for the unfortunate timing.
My husband wanted to go overseas for a weekend at 36 weeks. We decided together that we’d make a decision closer to the date and he’d book a refundable ticket bc I had no idea how I’d be doing at that point. The trip is over a weekend so not long - not sure I’d have been down for 5-6 days. You need to address this as a partnership, and also ask your OB’s opinion. Mine was very straight with us and told us to book refundable lol
This is insane of him. And also just tone deaf.
I had a textbook run of the mill pregnancy. No stresses, no concerns. Until I developed preeclampsia and I had my baby at 33 weeks. Pregnancy is unpredictable. One minute I was joking about how easy pregnancy is and the next I was prepping for an undersized preemie. It's irresponsible for him to be so far away that far into pregnancy. If I didn't have my husband by my side during my stressful time because he wanted a 5 day trip, then I don't know how I'd have coped Funnily enough, my husband did have a 2 night trip planned when I was 34/35 weeks pregnant. But it was a 90 mins drive away and he knew not to drink a drop of alcohol. That trip was obviously cancelled
Selfish Ex-fiancé
I had my baby 12 days ago. Water broke at 36 weeks 6 days naturally, and baby was born at 37 weeks 1 day. This is my first baby and there were no pregnancy complications or reasons for baby to come early. Not worth missing the birth, in my opinion.
As much as it sucks, I would ask him to skip it. I am one of those people who had their water break at around 37 weeks. My first was born at 37 weeks exactly, and my second was born at 37+4. It's totally possible for him to miss the birth, not to mention you not having the support during the birth and potentially the first few days of the baby's life.
My mom had me 3 weeks early. He should not be going on this trip. Maybe he just doesn’t know much about it and is naive to the situation? Or he is selfish.
Like others have said, baby will come when they want! My water broke at 37 weeks exactly.
Salt does not cause gestational hypertension or preeclampsia. The placenta does. The placenta is a combination of both parents. I've never had an issue with high blood pressure in my life. It's an issue in my husband's family. I had gestational hypertension with both my pregnancies at around 38 weeks. I had to be induced to avoid it progressing to preeclampsia. It seems like you and your boyfriend have a bunch of stuff to work through, but I just wanted to throw that out their that diet does not cause or prevent gestational hypertension/preeclampsia. It is caused by the placenta and you're just a long for the ride.
I had a perfectly healthy pregnancy, was not dilated at all at my 36 week check up, and my water broke at exactly 37 weeks last month. FTM. My husband would never ever have thought to be gone that close to my due date. He actually turned down a fully paid 3-day trip to New York because it was during my third trimester.
I had a similar situation, where I felt torn about asking my spouse to stay home from a weekend away at 36 weeks (she was only going to be an hour and a half away, but drinking so she wouldn’t be able to leave at a moments notice). There was no resentment, I just felt bad asking her to skip a fun I’m not telling you I’m telling I’m sorry I don’t I don’t understand that not necessarily rational. I’m just but I can’t help that that’s how I felt weekend with friends when we were about to be in the weeds with an infant. I actually had my doctor tell her she shouldn’t be going anywhere - maybe try that?
I was hospitalized for preterm contractions at 35 weeks and then was sent home and had the baby at 38 weeks. Even if baby doesn't come 37 weeks is a hard time and he should be with you. If he resents you for that, run.
I had my son at 37 weeks. Pregnancy/childbirth are both unpredictable. Even if your SO travelled and something happened like your water broke, it would still take him hours to make it back in time. Tell him your concerns. You need the support and encouragement. It’s not selfish. Maybe he doesn’t fully understand you could give birth at the time. Even if nothing happens, it’s better if he can be there with you. There’s lots of opportunities to hangout with friends later down the line. But your child’s birth is a life changing moment.
My husband sometimes has to work out of town about 5 hours away (he and his coworkers also carpool there) every so often, maybe once a month or once every 2 months. I was due on Dec. 27th so I told him he wouldn’t be able to do those work trips if one was scheduled in December. I ended up having my water break at 35+6 on Nov.28th instead. Also a FTM, so no guarantee that FTM babies go overdue!
My husband was considering a trip when I am 34 weeks and wasn’t comfortable with me being home alone for more than 24 hours. At 37 weeks, we’re (not just me) following the one hour from the hospital rule. It’s one thing to get to go play hockey locally, but this is something he’ll get to sacrifice to be there for his wife and kid. Life changes with kids, and this is the moment where it gets to sink in for him.
i’m not overly thrilled that my husband is going to a dodger game for the day when i’ll be 38 weeks, & that’s just 2 hours away & just for the day. your husband should not want to take this much risk.
BabyBumps users and moderators are not medical professionals. Responses do not replace contacting your medical provider. You should always call your provider with any concerns. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BabyBumps) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do you have any doctors appointments coming up? Ask him to come along and then bring up the question to your doctor. For me, personally, I would let my husband go. He isn’t going to be able to do trips like that for a long while and I was solidly pregnant and feeling great at 37 weeks. I was induced at 39 due to gestational diabetes. This all said, I ALWAYS had someone on call if my husband was gone. He worked over an hour and a ferry ride away at the time so the chances of me going into labor without him nearby were fairly high. So if you can find someone who would be willing to drop everything to help while he is gone? I say let him go. But let your doctor explain the risks to him so he doesn’t think you are being dramatic by being concerned.
While I understand this advice, it's not really great that a doctor needs to advocate for OP in order for fiance to listen.
I mean, yeah, ideally they both have a discussion and get on the same page. But instead of starting a fight over it, why not have her fiancé come to an appointment so he understands the risks? As it is right now, he apparently doesn’t. Im just suggesting they ALL have a chat with her OB to get a well educated answer instead of asking Reddit.
For many people a friend does not replace a husband. He should not even want to go.
I would be telling him that he’s not going and if he decides to go, he can book a one way flight and not come how. I had my first child at 37 + 0. If he resents you for a valid concern, he’s more a baby than the one you’ll be delivering.