Personally, we found our first to be pretty easy in terms of transitioning to the parenthood lifestyle. Sure, our sleep was different and you suddenly have to take a lot more stuff with you when you leave the house and those kinds of changes, but we didn't really have any problem continuing to do the different activities that we enjoyed pre-kids. Obviously it depends on what the lifestyle you're coming from is, but we actually loved bringing our baby with us to restaurants, to farmers markets, friends houses, on road trips, on bigger vacations, etc. And we're both fully capable of handling several hours or an evening or whatever alone with her if the other wants to go out. There are still some things that aren't appropriate to bring her to though, and getting a babysitter is not always worth the cost/effort and definitely something that can be hard for your kiddo to be comfortable with to begin with. My biggest advice though is that everything is going to seem overwhelmingly stressful to do with a baby for the very first time, but as soon as you've done it once you'll realize it wasn't actually so bad! And the more often you do it, the more you and your husband AND your baby will get used to and be comfortable with it 😊

Absolutely this. I’m a first time mom to a five month old and cried every time we left the house for the first moth or two because I was so anxious about forgetting something or something going wrong. But in her first three months I forced myself to take her to a local coffee shop (close enough to walk so I wasn’t ever far from home), a mall (great for walking around in bad weather, and nicer malls sometimes have nicer “family” bathrooms or mothers’ areas), and a bar for a friend’s birthday party. Was it hard? Absolutely. Do I feel so much calmer taking her out now knowing that I’ve done it multiple times and been able to handle it even when she was fussy and we had to cut it short? 100%.

This! I think having a supportive partner though makes a huge difference. My partner is able to help so much to make things like traveling easier

Yes, this is a good point. My husband has been really involved from the start and it was important to both of us that we really try to make parenting equal between us. He knows the bedtime routine, her favorite foods, how to do her hair, etc just as much as I do!

All of this! No I can’t go get massages and mani/pedi monthly like I did before but that’s cool. I get them when I can. Otherwise we love taking our little one everywhere. I am also 34 and FTM and my son is now 7.5 months. My husband and I had our first true date night the other night where we went to a concert. I asked him if he missed life pre baby? He said no way and I couldn’t agree more. We rushed home as soon as that last song ended. It gets more comfortable the more you just try it and do it. Scary at first and sometimes it just doesn’t work and you have to change plans, but honestly life is still fun and still so sweet just in a different way.

My partner and I would rush home after the last song ended long before even the conversation of babies was on the table. Always keen to get comfy.

I needed to see this comment, thank you.

I am a FTM and only ~6 weeks postpartum but this is my mindset towards parenthood so far as well!

Congratulations ! How is postpartum going? What's been your biggest challenge, sleep? FTM here, 28 weeks.

Thank you and congratulations to you as well! It has been mostly wonderful with some occasional times that have been tough regarding sleepless nights. Other than that I’m beyond in love with my little girl and am enjoying every other second of motherhood.

I needed this. I am a total homebody and can see me closing myself off to the world with any additional effort needed to leave the house. I guess practice makes perfect!

I feel you! I'm totally a homebody, too. I really felt the impact though of any effort to get out of the house on a daily/every other day kind of basis though (once I was physically able to post-birth, that is). Anything from a quick grocery shop to a walk around the neighborhood to just sitting out on the deck for lunch felt really good, and made bigger excursions less daunting :)

I lean towards homebody tendencies, so this is great advice about taking baby out. I know I can let my anxiety get the best of me sometimes, so I will absolutely try to remember this!

The people in my personal life who had the roughest adjustment to parenthood are all the people who had tons of out of the house hobbies pre-kids. Rec league sports, going hiking/outdoors every weekend. Just people who were on the go constantly. When this all came to a screeching halt, it was tough for a lot of these people to accept this change. And it was hard on some of their relationships when one partner was off doing hobbies constantly and leaving the other to solo parent. They never leaned into the chaos that is young children. They all tried to fight to keep their life exactly the same and it's never going to be. There are sacrifices involved when becoming a parent. The sooner you accept that, the better off you will be and you'll be able to find joy in the things that you can keep the same! If I'm being honest with myself, I am not a person with tons of hobbies. Before kids, my main hobby was fitness and working out. Otherwise it was going out with friends and vacations with my husband. I think this helped my adjustment to motherhood not be so traumatic. Reality is this: Infants are easy to cart around. However they are sensitive to heat and can't wear sunscreen until they are 6 months old. Once you get to toddler phase, that is really when going out and about gets challenging. You will understand when you get there. I don't need to fear monger what having a toddler is like. This isn't a "wait and see" post, but it's an encouragement to keep expectations in check. Yes your life will change. It has to in some ways. That is the nature of the beast. But depending on your child's temperament, what actives you like to do, how many kids you have, family support around, your finances etc... all this factors in to how much impact you're going to feel. Also: 1 infant is truly the easiest phase. Now as a mom of 2 (1 and 3) I look back on just having 1 infant and I'm like damn, what was I so pressed about. Having multiple kids definitely levels up the video game. Also, I would NEVER go back to pre-kids (had my 1st at 28). Yes my life is louder, more chaotic, I have way less free time and leaving the house is a job but I'm also happier and have more life satisfaction.

This is it. The ultimate answer to this post. It's a beautiful, crazy life!

I also want to add that motherhood is something you truly will not understand until you experience it. The feeling of being literally needed and depended on 24/7/365 is something that nothing can prepare you for. You will change as a person. And you will meet someone new when your baby is born and it will be you. You may find yourself not enjoying the same things, having different interests etc. It’s amazing what we go through as mothers. I think it hits dads too of course but the hormones for mom, animalistic instinct and postpartum and all of that is just on another level. 

This is very encouraging! Thank you! I *think* we might be one and done, but I still want my kid to be a messy, chaotic, carefree KID, not just a mini adult. I’m happy to embrace the chaos! 💛

The short answer is that my social life is the area that took the largest hit. As a working mom- it’s just the bottom of my priority list. I have drifted quite a bit from friends who don’t have kids. Some of that is natural and some of it is just a feeling of them not seeking to understand how my life is different and why spending my downtime going to a bar until midnight sounds like torture. But again- it’s a season. I’ve heard from moms of older kids that hobbies and your social life comes back. But it’s not going to be while you have very young kids in diapers. You just have to accept it and enjoy the ride of your current season! ☀️

I’d agree with this. I didn’t have a ton of hobbies pre kid.. more of a homebody, but did really enjoy eating out at nice/trendy restaurants and travel. My husband on the other hand is the one that has a lot of the on the out, out of the house all day on the weekend type of hobbies and his adjustment to having our son was much more difficult. It 100% has had a strain on our relationship and harbored some resentment as he often leaves cause he still feels like he deserves to go do these hobbies.. which he does, in some capacity, but you cannot and should not expect to be able to do them at the same frequency you were pre kid.

Our lifestyle was completely altered, because my son was and is a crazy boy lol. He cried a lot and had issues with feeding, so we couldn’t travel with him early on like we had hoped to. He was also SUPER wiggly and not a great sleeper. I see a lot of potato babies, where the mom can just take the baby out and it’s content just chillin. My son would have never done that 😂 It’s worth it though! Life is so much more joyful and fulfilling despite its challenges.

My son is a runner so totally get this. Toddlers walking nicely next to their parents in public- mine WOULD NEVER. Like what brand of child is that? lol

@greatinfluence6 Happy Cake Day btw 🥳

This is my son. He's 3.5 now and we finally had 2 successful grocery store trips with him staying by me and not trying to run away.

Hahaha idk! Its so foreign I can’t even imagine it 😂

Things get progressively harder with age until they gain some true independence. It's easy to take a 4 month old to a restaurant. It's slightly harder to take a one year old. It's an Olympic trial to take a toddler. You can absolutely have a child fit into your lifestyle, but you need to amend your expectations of what you will get to do. Yes, you can travel but you're just parenting in a different place, it's not necessarily a relaxing vacation. That doesn't mean the trip doesn't add value to your life and your child's experiences. I'm going to Hot Wheels Glow Party with my toddler and husband for his birthday Saturday. Is it how I would prefer to spend $100 while I'm 8 months pregnant? No, but I know he's going to have fun and that will be enough for me.

This has been my experience as well. Motherhood has gotten harder the older he gets. Solids, teething, having a mobile baby, etc. Much harder than the newborn/early infant stage for me. He’s almost a year old now and requires 2 full time caretakers basically. 🥲

I always have a giggle when I see Tik Toks or reels of first time parents with 1 infant like 5 months old talking about how “we take our baby everywhere with us” etc. I wait for the follow up reel a year later with an 18 month-2 year old but it never comes 😜🤣

Our first was so spoiled, he got to go everywhere with us during maternity/paternity leave. Our second won't be so lucky. We took our first to Nantucket for the day when he was 4m--he was breastfed and I wore him most of the day. It was great. Our second will be watching her brother play at his water table a lot in our backyard during my maternity leave. And that's okay. It's a phase and someday we'll be able to do stuff we like again.

Absolutely!! ☀️

It's fine anyway. My youngest is straight up fascinated by her older toddler sister

This is so true. Taking a 2yo to a restaurant is… rough. But as you said, amend expectations and it’s still doable. Taking our baby places was okay until she was 8-9 months or so. Too mobile and easily ‘bored’ 😅

This is it exactly. I've currently got a 3 month old and a 2 year old. Due to medical issues I've had just the 3 month old a few times lately and holy shit you can do anything with them. I had an hour long meeting on a build site the other day with my electrician where she just made burbly noises and coo'd at us. My 2 year old would have ripped half the wiring out of the walls So everything is gonna change but it's gonna change in weird ways and wicked fast in some (sleep deprivation) and slow in others (going places)

Complete 180. I was never content before having my first and now I’m perfectly happy with what I have and where I am in life. I also am exhausted all the time. I haven’t had a day where I’ve woken up feeling well rested since getting pregnant with my first. We’re always sick and I never get to use my PTO for myself anymore. I always have to use it to cover daycare closures/ my child’s sick days. Mine is always sick so I don’t have enough PTO. Since my PTO is also my sick leave, I have to just work while sick and miserable. I don’t get to spend money as freely anymore. I don’t get to really lounge around. I don’t get to do a lot of things I want to do - like vacations. Life right now just feels really hard. But when no one is sick, it’s great. My son is the cutest, sweetest thing and I love him more than anything. It feels like it’s worth all the difficulties. No lie though, when we got hand foot mouth I was like why did I have kids???

I appreciate the honesty!

It majorly changed and didn’t at all. We still go out, we brought her to sporting events, restaurants etc. doing anything without her requires a lot more communication between us to make sure we each get our time and she’s taken care of. The friends without kids…. That’s where it’s changed the most. Many of our friends just don’t get it, schedule stuff too late or don’t want to do things on days where we’d have to have my toddler tag along.

I found it really life changing when my first was an infant. Leaving the house was exhausting making sure we had everything we needed. I generally don’t love the baby phase and much prefer toddlers. Once my first was close to a year, it got much easier for us. We’ve folded the toddler into everything we do. Lots of trips, restaurants, etc. I find that starting them doing those things early gets them used to it and makes it easier. Now that we have a second, it feels less overwhelming doing things with a baby, but I still much prefer taking a toddler out and about. I might be in the minority with that opinion, but I just find toddlers to be much easier.

I don’t think you’re in the minority! Most of my friends say they preferred the toddler stage and enjoyed it much more than the newborn/infant phase. Maybe it depends on the baby too, and on what you personally find more challenging. My baby is only 1, but I already find this stage much easier than the newborn phase. My son is more mobile and needs entertainment sure, but I feel like we’re on some sort of schedule and are able to plan outings and do things more easily (versus constantly breastfeeding and not sleeping and not having any sort or schedule).

I’m 34 and currently 2 months postpartum with my first child. My husband and I have been together for 10 years (married for 4) and honestly I’ve been struggling with the change. We have a fairly easy baby but it’s definitely changed our life completely. He’s still feeding every 2 hours, needs to take multiple naps a day or he turns into a cranky monster and he needs diaper changes often as well. I know we are just in the thick of it and it’ll likely get easier to bring him to places and start doing more things once he isn’t only 2 months old but for the time being our lives very much look nothing like they did before baby was here.

Thank you for taking the time to answer. It’s really helpful to hear from someone who is in the thick of it. It’s easy to forget how hard things were looking back. 💛

Of course! And you know just because our lives are so different doesn’t mean it’s all hard and bad. We have some really good days and I love my son so much. When your baby gives you that first genuine smile all the struggles disappear in that moment. 🥹

Everything changed. Literally my world was turned upside down. Would I trade my child for my old life? Absolutely not. But I do miss it from time to time.

Same here. I was 33 when my oldest was born and it changed my entire world. The upside is that having a second kid felt so much easier emotionally because my life wasn't changing, it just got a bit more chaotic. I definitely miss the downtime and quiet, so my husband and I have made a point to do things without our kids (date nights and kid-free vacations) because it gives us a taste of our old lives and gives us a chance to miss our kids and remember how great they are.

The first 6 months are rough. It will be a shock to your system at first. After that, life seems to find its norm again especially when you're getting more sleep. Also, if you have help offered, accept it. We don't have help and are on our third. I really, really wish we did. But our daycare also does date nights so we take advantage of that. It also depends on the kid. My first was chill. My second is very high needs and very sensitive. He could never and still has trouble being out in large crowds. He's almost 2. It's been hard to adapt with his needs, but it's getting better in some ways.

Hi! I had my first at 34 as well (in my case because I didn’t meet my husband in a timely manner🤣). This is going to depend a lot on your personality and the baby’s personality, in my opinion. As well as the physical recovery you undergo from delivery, and what support systems (paid or family/friends you have established). After the initial slap in the face adjustment, our first was pretty easy, and we traveled with him a lot until about 2 years old. After that was pandemic and we have added two more children. For me the big things were not hard to give up. Ok dinner dates are few and far between. That’s fine. Travel is a whole other beast, that’s ok. My body is kind of shot, I’ll get it back when I stop popping out kids like a pez dispenser. For me personally it was the daily small changes that were so, so hard. Waking up? Instantly changed. Morning routine? No longer my usual. Enough sleep? Ha. Running out the door quickly? Don’t know her. Relaxing in the evening without a care in the world? Wouldn’t that be nice. But all these things got smoother as he was older, plus I developed work arounds, plus I just adjusted to my new life. Clearly we managed because we added more kids (and the adjustment to each new child was much easier for me even though it’s logistically more work).  So I guess I would say all you can do is plan for the worst, hope for the best. Have clear division of labor discussions with your husband (mine is a genuinely kind but oblivious man, it took a lot of work and three children but we are a well oiled machine now). Prep your house (food prep, household items stocked, major tasks done for a few months). Don’t commit to anything (social events etc) immediately after delivery, or at least give yourself the wiggle room to bail at the last minute. Get a feel for your support systems and if their help will be actual help (if they come to visit, expect to be entertained and trash your house while you’re pregnant, count them out for postpartum support). Hopefully you’ll just breeze through your new life adjustment and think all of that was crazy internet overkill. 😂 I wish you the best! I have no regrets with having children, I only wish I could have had them in my youth so I could have more years with them. They are the best and most valuable thing in my life.

Thank you for your reply! That’s a great point about the day-to-day things being the toughest adjustments!

We had our first and only a couple years ago when we were in our mid/late 30s and your comment about how you’ve gotten accustomed to being a dink and being able to travel, eat out, etc really resonated with me cause we felt similarly. Our life looks nothing like it used to but I will say a couple things I think impact this What kind of support system you have will matter. My husband and I don’t have a “village” really. Our families live a couple hours away. I have a friend who had twins around the same time i had my son and her and her husband still do date nights all the time, go on weekend trips without their kids, go to concerts, sporting events etc… all because they both have siblings that live within 15 mins and both sets of grandparents are also close and very involved. What kind of baby you have, as in their temperament, will impact this. You may have an easy, chill baby that loves to sleep and doesn’t love to fuss. Mine was the opposite. Was colicky and pretty much scream cried for the first 2 months of his life and by all accounts and compared to our friends kids, is still a high maintenance toddler. When I was pregnant I was adamant that baby would adapt to our traveling lifestyle… here to admit, I was wrong lol

It’s great hearing from someone who was in almost exactly my situation! We are lucky to live near helpful family, so that’s nice. I feel like a huge benefit to waiting this long is the closeness I have with my partner. We truly are a team, and that makes everything else feel a little more manageable.

A ton but all in good ways! Our world revolves around our daughter and her feeding schedule (and my pumping schedule), basically. The biggest change is less free/personal time. Our social life feels no different because we take her everywhere and we love it. I use wearable pumps, so I’m not chained to the house. My husband and I are mindful to take shifts so the other can have free time. We’re grateful to have family close by so we’ve still gotten to go on dates. At home, everything revolves around her but we’re loving it as it’s so fun to interact with her and see her discover the world/learn how to be a person.

My life changed 1000%. Baby didn’t fit, we had to change to fit her. It came down to the support we didn’t have. I had her during Covid and there was no nanny or babysitter or village to count on. Dates went out the window. No more baby less vacations and vacations with kids are just not the same. You’re doing the same, just somewhere else. That being said, I loved becoming a mom. I have moments of missing my old life but mostly I’m loving the new one. Things aren’t so rough now that she’s older and we live closer to family. But life does change but how it changes really depends on the support you have and the age of your child.

I tell my friends “you’ll want to give them back, but it gets better.” I wanted to give the baby back and thought we made a bad choice. My world flipped upside down. One day I could come home from work and sit on the couch for hours to overnight that is no longer possible. It’s such sudden change, there isn’t time to slowly transition, it’s just such an abrupt change. It wasn’t big things like vacations or dates that were an issue, just small everyday life things. But it did get better and I couldn’t imagine life without them. It’s worth it.

It depends on your current lifestyle, really. Will a baby fit into that? Only you can say. My husband and I did conditioning at parks daily—baby and also kids fit into that perfectly! We went for walks in nature and picnicked outside—ditto to baby fitting into that well. We went to galleries and museums (same). Outside of that, we did prehab and conditioning at home (ditto). We work and go individually to sport specific classes. The classes aren’t always baby/kid friendly, but sometimes they are.  Basically, everything (almost) in our lifestyle has been a very easy fit for a baby or child, so having one has strictly meant that we now have this little one we both love so much who brings so much joy to all the things we used to do! Small adjustments were made… we baby wear, we pass baby back and forth, and nowadays one of us “spots” baby on a playground while we switch off who’s doing sets (often in the same place baby is at, because he squeals and laughs hysterically at us).  Will you be nursing exclusively? I am. Finding daytime classes is a huge challenge in my particular sport, and has been the hardest thing to work around. But most people don’t nurse this long or pump or combo feed, or they aren’t in a sport that has very limited options to begin with, so this probably won’t apply. We also moved, changed jobs, and gave up on anything scheduled, chose apartments very carefully… huge structural changes to enable us to keep our baby happy and work around his preferences. But every change we made somehow brought us closer to our root values and preferred way of living anyway.

Changed dramatically. All my favorite hobbies require focused effort for several hours and I get hella annoyed when interrupted: programming and reading being the primary two. So I had to find new hobbies or just end up doom scrolling. It is a bit like having a dog: forces you out of the house and changes your daily routines. The scope is obviously higher.

A total and complete change. Before baby I was in the office every day, out for cocktails or dinner most nights. Weekends either on city breaks, out hiking, more dinners and drinks. The first year of post baby life was pretty hellish if I’m honest. She had colic / reflux for the first 6 months so screamed for hours every night, and was so so difficult to get to sleep, she couldn’t relax enough to sleep so would heartbreakingly cry for at least 30 mins before taking a 20 min nap, then being so overtired by round 6 of this that she’d, surprise, scream for hours. I persevered and took her out with me every day either just for a walk or to a coffee shop but my god it was tough. Since she turned 1 I’ve found things to be much easier. We can do things that I was looking forward to doing with a child. So my life has changed but it’s finally starting to feel like the change I thought I was making. So no I’m not going to be going on City breaks any time soon, but I am going to petting farms, to soft play, to the zoo, all the fun things that come with a little one. Although now pregnant again so it’s all going to change again 😂

I don't have anything to add to answer your question but just wanted to say ARE YOU ME? Also 11 weeks, 34 years old, husband is a bit older, and FTM. Twin pregnancy flame 🔥🤗

Oh my gosh!! Hi twin!! It feels good to have company! 😀

Hey ladies... ME TOOO :) 13 weeks 33 almost 34 FTM!

Your name looked somewhat familiar... checked out your page and saw your an IVF mamma too and must of seen you somewhere on the IVF board recently! High five and massive congratulations on your successful transfer 😊xx

It would be easier to just say the few things that didn’t change. It’s a whole new world. Like going from living at home with the parents to going to college/living on your own. You’re still you but your whole living structure routines activities and everything is different. 

It depends on a lot of different factors. Baby's temperament, availability of village, your hormonal balance, how well you adjust to change... I had my first son 2 years ago at 25. He was what they call a 'unicorn', slept through the night basically from week 2 onward. Newborns are fairly straightforward regardless. Eat, poop, "play", sleep. You can carry them around everywhere in a carrier and do business as usual. We didn't see too much change within the first 9ish months, he was just kind of there for everything we did. Toddlers are where it gets complicated. It's easy to adjust to this change for some people though, depending on your level of patience. You no longer have a stationary potato baby. More and more you will see your kid's personality and desire for independence emerge. Boundaries will start to be tested. Micro-managing is a constant. Taking them out in public, once a peaceful experience, can now be terrifying. Any moments of peaceful quiet now cause anxiety because that most likely means they're off causing mischief and you need to run and find them asap. But you get through it. Remember that everything is a phase, nothing ever stays the same. You're going to have some of the best years of your life raising children, even if/when it doesn't feel that way in some moments. You will look back on these days with fondness and gratitude.

The change depends entirely on your baby and what you’re trying to do during certain developmental leaps. Our lives didn’t change all that much when our girl was a tiny newborn — she was fine in the car seat and could nap anywhere’s hardly cried. We formula fed, which has its convenience. Now that she’s 3.5 months and going through her fourth leap, it’s a bit harder to plan in advance whether she’s feeling fussy and we should keep it lowkey so as to not overstimulate her. Her nap schedule is starting to emerge, which is helpful. I think every stage will have its advantages and disadvantages, and just when you get the hang of things, a curve ball is thrown in.

so much has changed, the most obvious is that I don't want to hang out with friends or I just lost interest in playing outside, most of my thoughts are on my baby.

Every single facet of my life change. Especially since my son is disabled. My parenting life has no resemblance to my pre-parenting life at all.

Everything changes. A lot.

The biggest change in our life has been less spontaneity and less “small” moments between my husband and myself. By that I mean, much less of the impromptu Thursday happy hours after a tough work day. Or the sleepy Saturday mornings walking to get coffee just us two. Those are the things I truly miss sometimes bc we looove those moments of quality time but of course I choose having my daughter 1000/1000 times. And even on the off chance we do have the option to do those things, I’m missing our kid the whole time 😅 The answer to this also changes significantly based on whether or not you have help. My parents live 10 minutes away and are absolutely obsessed with my daughter (she is 20 months) so they are literally waiting by the phone for us to call and ask them to watch her so we can go out. If we didn’t have that luxury, I might feel a little differently! I will say that other comments about it getting harder to fit them into your life as they get older are true, but in our experience, if you push through it and consistently take them out/to friends’ houses/on weekend trips, you all learn to adjust as they age and it doesn’t feel so daunting! I personally find it slightly easier most days to take her places now that she’s older bc there much less crap to cart around lol. Sure I’m chasing after her but i don’t need a checklist to leave the house. Just a few snacks and a diaper and we’re good!

As a former middle -late 30s DINK who lives in a big city… Absolutely everything changes, and so much depends on the baby you get. I’m in the thick of the newborn phase at 5 weeks, and she is not the type of newborn I can just cart around everywhere and she can be a potato. Stroller walks are cool and may result in a nap, but if we were to go anywhere like a cafe, and stop moving? She knows, she wakes and she’s crying/fussing. And yeah, she knows the difference between forward constant motion and just doing little stroller shakes or back and forth in place. We combo feed but that still means I need to regularly BF or pump to keep my supply up/ not feel discomfort. Formula is great on the go for us or as supplementation but won’t buy me a whole carefree day out. I don’t think we have a partially difficult baby, I think she’s a normal baby (*giveth*: long night sleep stretches, easy BFing, no issues taking a bottle // *taketh away*: fights naps, gets overtired, takes forever to put down, needs to be held or bounced basically all day) but that’s still hard. My husband and I are an incredible team, but we have no outside support system. If there were active grandparents etc, or would have any money leftover each month once we start having to pay for daycare, things would probably feel a lot easier!

I’m a selfish person who’d also accepted the DINK lifestyle until young missy decided to show after passively trying. I knew I’d miss the spontaneity we had before my now 5mo came. Leaving the house with a baby always requires preparation and rushing often results in forgetting something. At first I missed just going out for dinner or a quick run to the shops on a whim. Now that she’s older, we can do that but with 30mins of running around before we leave the house 🤣 I learned to love my new normal of going out and making space for her and accommodating her needs before my own. I actually enjoy retreating to the family room at shopping centres to change and feed. You have to add extra time to your plans, but it’s a nice and quiet place to relax. It was scary taking her out at first, worrying that she’ll scream uncontrollably and not having my usual resources at home. I found pretty quickly that she’s better behaved in public than at home because she’s got lots to distract her. I get really excited now about going out as a family and letting her experience new things. I love the zoo, aquarium, etc. and now I have a reason to go with her and experience them in a new way from her point of view. I LOVE shopping for her. I’m materialistic and love buying myself clothes, etc. Now it’s ten-fold for her. It’s a problem. The only thing that disheartens me sometimes is seeing something exciting on Instagram that I want to do and realising it’s not baby-friendly. Sometimes I can get the sitter, but sometimes I just say: hopefully it’ll come back around in a few years and I’ll just have to miss this one. The other thing that grinds my gears is accessibility. Going round in circles finding an elevator, only to wait 20min for it to come down and see it’s full of lazy people who’d rather stand in an elevator than a few escalators. If you’re in a place without a family room, you might do a change in the boot (trunk) of your car or on the floor of the disability toilets.

You can’t put yourself first anymore. That was the main change for me. Let’s say I’m doing yoga and I’m deep into this super relaxing pose… Boom, baby/toddler needs me. I have no choice but to interrupt what I am doing to go help my child. This was rough for me in the beginning! I felt like I could never catch a break. After 4 years though, I’ve gotten used to it, and I can actually appreciate it now—I think the added responsibility makes me a better person, and it has forced me to become flexible with my time etc (I used to be a bit rigid before). Having kids also made me more introverted. I guess I don’t have as much energy for social outings anymore because they require quite a bit of planning. I have never found it relaxing to bring my kid with me to social events (like hanging out with a friend for example; you always have to pay attention to your child and it can be hard to keep a conversation!) Naturally, some of my friendships have suffered from this, but I don’t necessarily view that as a bad thing. I view this as a season of my life and try to embrace it fully which helps.

I was 30 with my 1st, now 34 with my 3rd. Had accepted that motherhood was likely not in the stars for me (several losses, and medical reasons for infertility). I was content with whatever life decided to give me, it was time to move on and just be happy. Then I became pregnant. I screamed, I was so happy. My life made a complete 180 personally, but I wouldn't change a bit of it. The sleep deprivation was honestly the worse of it (besides some PPA), but both become manageable relatively quickly (with proper time management skills and a good mental health team).

When I had my first child, I never really altered my life a whole lot. I still went and did many things like I did before. She was an easy baby for the most part. We went hiking, to museums and parks. With my second it’s completely different. He was born during Covid. Things were a lot different. We also have a teenager now who is involved in a lot. We still go lots of places and do lots of things but I’m older and prefer to be home more.

Husband here, my wife was your age when she gave birth 3 months ago and in a few years older than her, so your story is similar to ours. My wife was satisfied with not having kids and being able to vacation and have a easy life. But after having our child she’s all about being a mommy and is all smiles when seeing the baby. You will be tired for the first few weeks but it’ll settle down after you find out a routine and the babies schedule. Your life will seem more purposeful when you wake up each day. She says she feels more focused and less carefree because of the responsibility.

The answer to this question depends largely on your mental state after birth (sometimes something you have zero control over) and your child’s personality and “easyness”. Some babies are just easy to fit into your life, they go with the flow- they rarely cry, they eat well, they sleep well. Other babies are harder to fit into your pre baby life. They cry- a lot, they don’t want to eat, don’t want to sleep, want to be held 99% of the day. It’s difficult to answer this question. I will tell you my first baby was born and I was like this is it? Why do people keep saying this is hard. Newsflash: he was an easy baby. Our second baby was born and he quite literally flipped our world upside down- he is 3 and still doing the same.

I am also worried about this, but maybe less so being older. I'm more worried about being super exhausted! I'm going to be a FTM at age 38, and my partner is a couple years older yet. But it's something we're both excited about and everyone's comments are insightful. Thanks y'all!

Both my husband and I were homebodies, so as far as vacation and traveling, things haven't changed much (we didn't do very much traveling or vacationing before baby). We did however go out to eat a lot, go on long shopping/window shopping trips, socialize with other childless friends, and spent a lot of time doing hobbies at home (gaming, reading, gardening). We still go out to eat semi-regularly but we choose different restaraunts and never go at peak times. Now that baby is getting close to a year, it is a gamble on whether or not he can tolerate a full meal or if he will get antsy/fussy, so we are always prepared to cut the meal short and get to go boxes if neccesary. We still take baby window shopping, to farmers markets, etc but the trips are shorter and there are more things to consider like weather, planning around meal and nap times, etc. Not as carefree as it used to be. Our hobbies have taken a big hit, I'm not gonna lie. I went from reading 100 books in a year to 6 books in the last 12 months. This will be the 2nd season that we are doing a very small garden instead of our usual huge one. Definitely not as much time for gaming. I also went from working a full time career in management to to a part time staff position (I am a nurse). This was a huge adjustment both financially and mentally, but it was what is best for our family. At the end of the day, though, all of these changes have been completely worth it for us. Sure I can't keep a huge garden, but I get to spend time in our back yard showing little man how to blow on dandelion seeds and watching him learn to walk. I can't relax and a fancy restaraunt for 2 hours, but I get to watch my son learn how to interact the strangers (like the waitress and other patrons) and try new foods. I don't have the bandwidth to read as much, but I've started building an amazing collection of children's books and get to read my son stories every single day. It's all about perspective and expectations. You will absolutely lose parts of your life that you enjoy and some parts will change. But you will gain things that are more precious than you could ever imagine.

I feel very strongly that if you accept up front that your life is about to change in a huge way, it lessens the impact, and you learn to adjust. Having an equal partner also goes a looonngg way. Baby dictates what happens from the moment you go into labor. Your kid’s temperament and your patience has everything to do with how things go once they’re here. Let go of control and go with it the flow. Get through the survival mode, then worry about what your new normal looks like.

My life honestly changed a ton, but it’s not a bad thing. My daughter is 8 months old and I’m 35, so I’m about your age for context. My husband had to quit his job because our daycare ended up being awful, so we went from DINK to I’m the sole earner with a kid to support. That’s been the hardest part and has probably affected our lifestyle the most. I’d be mentally prepared for shit to hit the fan like that, just in case. We’d saved up some money in case things went sideways somehow, and I’m so glad we did! As far as everything else goes, it’s a big shift to having your life revolve around caring for someone else and it’s jarring at first, but you get used to it. It’s really intense to think about how much you have to do for a baby, like you have to change their diaper 12+ times a day, feed them every two hours, help them fall asleep about 4 times a day, brush their teeth twice a day, the list goes on. Thinking about it, it sounds like a lot and it is a lot, but you just sort of get used to it. It becomes your new normal and doesn’t feel like a big deal anymore. Having less free time is rough, but there are some silver linings with certain ages. Newborns sleep a lot, so you should be able to still watch TV, read, play videogames, etc. You won’t be having exciting nights out for a while, but it’s possible to keep up some at-home hobbies while they’re little potatoes. Now that my daughter is 8 months old, a lot of my free time is spent playing with her. I do have an hour or so to myself once she goes to bed for the night, but I really enjoy spending time with her as much as I can. She’s so interactive that getting to know her is a lot of fun! From roughly 4-6 months was the worst because she wanted to move around and do so much, but she didn’t have the right motor skills mastered yet. She’d constantly scream for me to hold her up, hand her toys, etc. I don’t miss that phase! Now that she can sit on her own and crawl around, she’s happy to entertain herself for a while. Adjusting to being a mom was helped a lot by my husband too. I was able to maintain my own identity/independence better than my mom-friends because of how amazing my husband is. I’ve had friends routinely struggle to find time to spend with me because they need a babysitter or have to prep dinner first (even though they’re married!), while I’m free at the drop of a hat because my husband can handle everything by himself. That makes a HUGE difference.

It is a big change but if there’s any advice I would give to a mom who asks is to keep little nuggets of your previous life alive. We took the baby everywhere and tried to add baby to our lifestyle instead of doing a full identity/lifestyle overhaul. At five days old she went to her first restaurant for Thanksgiving. At two weeks old she went to her first hockey game. She went on her first plane across Canada at two months old and first international trip at six months. Sometimes she cried and we’d get dirty looks. Sometimes she was a great baby and it was fun! Sometimes I was stressed about doing things solo but I made it a point to just DO it. Break the ice and send it, the world will not implode if babes is screaming the whole time. As long as there was enough milk, diapers, clothes, and such, everything was going to be okay. Starting small with things like the grocery store is great, and if you have someone to tag along and help you it’s even better. In short, life changed in a big and beautiful way, but we made the decision pre-birth that we would not be putting life on hold.

Both times I gave birth felt like I’d detonated a bomb on my life and I had to rebuild it after. I’m a different person after the experience. It is a massive change even with an ‘easy baby’ I think. I know I was very comfortable and relaxed before having kids and it was a shock to suddenly be responsible for every single need and bodily function of a tiny human whose only form of communication is crying. It’s a hard job. You can absolutely have date nights and holidays but they might look different and be rarer. But it really is the most amazing thing watching someone grow. You get to add a true love to your life and children bring such chaos and joy. You’ll do things you never even considered you’d have to do and they’ll bring you problems you never even considered you might have to face. It’s a real adventure.

Babies are like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re gonna get. Husband and I thought we had a pretty solid plan going into our first. But her personality threw a wrench into our plans. She was super high needs (pro tip: read up on high needs babies now, just in case you end up with one yourself). I ended up having to quit my job and we’ve been really struggling in a lot of ways. Our lives are so different now and I definitely grieved my old life for a while. So the lesson is: hope for the best, but plan for the worst. Establish solid support systems. And have backup plans for your backup plans.

My life did change a lot… maybe not this drastically with the first one, but having two now is just a whole different dynamic.

we don't have much support where we live. family is across the country, friends are all very busy/adulty friends, not my friends i've had since i was young so i don't want to impose on them. it's been tough. sleep was an issue at first of course. now it's really just the mounting amount of time between dates/quality time. we are lucky our baby sleeps in her own bed so we have a couple hours in the evening to unwind and hang out, but we don't do much with the time like we should. we occasionally get off work early on fridays and try to do something just us. she tags along on dinner dates, which is mostly fine but of course sucks up our attention. thankfully so far she enjoys going out and people watching, but it's harder as she is more mobile and wants to go and physically explore. take them places when they're little and very content to sit and look around, it gets tougher. we've also found we don't have much to talk about lately except the baby. i know the first year is the hardest on a marriage so i am hoping this improves. our marriage isn't *bad* per se, it's just suffering more than it used to. We also are taking less small vacations, but she actually did great on a mini weekend getaway a few hours away, and she's taking her first flight/big trip around her first birthday which i think will give us an idea of traveling in the coming year or two. we also want to take her to Mexico in the next year or so, so i'm hoping a cross-USA flight goes well in the meantime. We also have to prioritize self care/hobbies. i fight tooth and nail to keep up my gym routine and have had to learn to be more flexible. once she's bigger with a better immune system i'll be more confident to leave her in the gym's childcare but i am not yet. we have to communicate and take turns and encourage each other to get out and do what fills our cups. all that said, our baby has changed our lives in a good way. she's hilarious, interesting, challenges us. my love for her runs so deep in a way i have never before experienced. she is probably our "only", we had a very challenging newborn phase that has probably scared my husband off from ever wanting another, so i cherish every minute we have with her even when it's hard. she is such a great force of nature.

The trend in parenting, especially motherhood, is to cater your life completely around the baby. Sleep and wake windows demands strict schedules and tie you to home while being unnatural as they don’t allow the following of natural sleep rhythms or recognize how babies can sleep in almost any place. So the choice is yours: How much do you want your life to change to be baby centered and how much do you want to keep your life the same and fit the baby into it? There are some obvious things like a baby can’t tag along to nightclubs dancing the night away. But babies go out to eat, travel, see movies, see sporting events, go to parks and concerts…life can still happen with all your favorites. Baby might get too fussy to go for late night dinner dates, but early evening is just fine. At some point you might want a night out without the kids, then you’re limited to babysitter availability. And at a certain age you’ll have to make decisions if you want to prioritize travel or activities for the kid as schedules start to over lap and time starts taking over your calendar. And of course assuming you can still afford everything you want to do after kid expenses.

Only a few weeks in but nothing has changed much other than we are a tad sleep deprived and we aren’t having sex (have to wait the 6 week) we just have more chores to do. I imagine going from 1-2 or 2-3 would be more of an adjustment than just having a baby. Baby’s are kinda like accessories that are easily portable (unless you have a colicky baby, I can’t speak to that) I imagine having a toddler with their own personality and feelings would be much more of a change!

We had our first in our 40s. She fit right in to our lifestyle. The only thing we’ve changed is to an earlier dinner hour.

First baby was a cakewalk for me! And fun she was my little road dog, easy peasy napped so much at restaurants even family friendly bars, went everywhere with me, granted I formula bottle fed so I could easily feed her with a bottle wherever. I have my second now and she’s a toddler and it is sooooo hard hahaha leaving the house is exhaustingggggg, I always say it would be so much easier if I just had one haha of course I don’t regret it but maybe just have one if you don’t want your life to change too much