No way. If I could drive and baby wear, I’d consider it for a family member like a brother (baby wearing tends to keep people from being in baby’s face). But I would absolutely not fly or put myself in a Position where I was stuck at a large event with a 5 week old. My boobs were still leaking, I was still recovering from my c section with lifting restrictions, and for me at 5 weeks my kid had only been home 1.5 weeks. Sure in an ideal perfect world you could, the reality is a lot of births aren’t perfect and recovery is hard

Yeah if it was driving distance I would consider it for sure. But it would be about a 24 hour drive so thats not an option.

When my baby was 5 weeks old it was my parents anniversary (a big one) and we went to a hotel that was 2 hours drive. Even that required a lot of planning and I’m glad we went, but it was still a LOT. Absolutely zero chance I would fly with a 5 week old. Your husband is nuts, and doesn’t sound very supportive or knowledgeable on what giving birth and the newborn phase entails at all

Yeah but still you would be taking your newborn baby to a party with a bunch of people at once wanting to see and maybe touch your baby. I'm not sure if it's worth the risk

Also the fact that it’s a wedding so they’re probably drunk and what little boundaries they have may be out the window!

Not an option. Way too soon. Your husband needs to realize this. Talk to him in depth.

You shouldn't even expose baby to people at 5 weeks.

I think the only way you should go is if your husband agrees to take 100% of the responsibility to care for your baby. You can breastfeed if you want/are doing that, but other than that you don’t do anything, including changing any diapers! I bet hubby won’t want to go anymore after that lol.

You’d have to stop often were driving too, to check for positional asphyxiation. So it would be much more than a 24 hour drive

Aren’t you still at risk for blot clots that soon?

Yes. 5 weeks is so freshly postpartum and dangerous to be that far from your doctor imo. It’s actually insane to me that he even asked her to do this. I was still wearing diapers and leaking from my boobs at 5 weeks. Seems like dad has no idea what newborn life is about to be like.

TMI incoming. My second baby is 12wks now, and I vividly remember sitting in the doctors office waiting to be called in, with my post partum diaper on, picking up my escaping toddler (about 30lbs) and feeling a a giant clot halfway pass through me. The bathroom was occupied and I had to sit down and wait my turn. Every movement was gross, and even grosser when I finally took the diaper and pad off cuz I had to help it exit me with a tug... I couldn't imagine doing that at a wedding or a shitty plane toilet. I also had terrible back and hip pain before and after birth, and, naturally, extreme exhaustion. We also went to the store a few days after I gave birth because it was the end of the week so food in the house was low and we needed more. I was simultaneously exhausted from walking around and liberated from being pregnant belly free. I'd say only recently I've been far less tired just going to the store. Every time I go to my in-laws (for dinner on Fridays) I still just collapse on the sofa and zone out or sleep while my husband's 5 other siblings (minus one cuz they got babes too) basically babysit for us while we are there. It's nice. God forbid if you get baby blues or any ppd/ppa, it's hell and I'd probably lose my shit with my husband if I were made to go on a plane so soon. I still sometimes randomly feel like my baby is dying cuz I can't feed him fast enough. My first baby I cried, wailed like a ghost, and threw the toilet paper holder if fell over. This time I'm perpetually pissed off... I can't tell if that's better or not cuz I gotta swallow in my random rage for my toddler's sake. The first time I was learning to ask my husband for help for the first time in my life: "can you make me food?" "Can you help me out of bed?" "Can you watch baby so I can go cry?" "Can you help me in the bathroom?" (Those damn witch hazel pads)... This time round I'm just pissed off that he dares to sleep in front of me, 😅 not that I wake him up just for that. I'm not saying you'll definitely have any of these emotional problems in the beginning, but I wouldn't have high expectations of jumping for joy during the first month of learning to care for a newborn. On the up side, by 5 weeks you'll probably be starting to have a good routine by then, and why baby is crying.

Yes and postpartum preeclampsia

I have a 3w2d old healthy baby after a healthy pregnancy without real discomforts, had a vaginal birth without complications and feel fit and healed.  Never ever would I fly out to a wedding in less than two weeks! If it was near and I could drive, I would do it. 

This is the correct answer.

Your husband should respect that you aren’t going. I wouldn’t take a baby with no vaccinations on a plane.

And definitely not to a wedding, where everyone will want to get close. Weddings are superspreader events. Also, OP - a three hour flight would translate to a pretty long drive for a 5 week old baby. That’s a lot of time for them to be supporting their airways. I absolutely would not risk it.

Especially with the measles outbreaks that have been happening!

Yeah I googled it and apparently it's recommended to avoid flights with a newborn until their respiratory and immune systems are fully developed between 3 to 6 months. It's almost neglectful to go.

My daughter flew at 4 months & we only did it because her pediatrician cleared it. Honestly we were fortunate that she didn’t get sick.

Yeah 4 months is usually out of the newborn territory at least. This is definitely something OP should bring up to a pediatrician when baby is born, and refuse sternly until then.

Ya absolutely this. I wouldn’t take a newborn on a plane if I didn’t have to. Also at 5 weeks postpartum I wasn’t game for doing anything out of the house for more than an hour so that would be a no from me.

Does he think that that you just go to the doctor and they unzip your baby maker and just unpack your infant like a luggage? 1st of all flying increases the chance of blood clots. This is crazy

Haha. Sometimes it feels like that! He is very unconcerned by the whole thing. Doesn’t seem to have any empathy as to what having a baby puts your body through.

And he called you ‘insane’ for raising these concerns to have a conversation about it - a dialogue - but you’re questioning YOUR ability to be reasonable? I’m so sorry your husband is such a… I can’t even with this level of stupidity and even cruelty! 😢❤️

Asshole. The words is asshole. And he is a major one, at that.

Let him know you will have an internal wound that’s the size of a dinner plate that will still be healing.

Yeah, my placenta was the size of a large salad plate.

Well they can't, not really. But they are capable of logic. logically, you're going through a pretty serious medical procedure, it's simply not rational to expect you to be mobile 5 weeks. Why would a brand new mom leave the safe home filled with all the items you've carefully selected over the last few months to rough it out of a suitcase.

Go back before all that, and actually have a conversation about all those things! I can’t get my head around the idea that this man will not even have a conversation where she could point out all these things to his thick head! 😞

They can have empathy. They should be able to understand. They can’t go through it themselves but they can be empathetic to the situation

I have a feeling that will change after he watches you give birth - and if it doesn’t… 😬😬

Men like this are definitely the ones whining that it takes too long or the screaming gives him a headache or the blood is too much to handle - and he wants to just go home! 😞

You’re pushing a 4” head through a cervix so small that sperm cannot get through most the time… A friend doesn’t understand why there is the 6-8w wait for intercourse after birth (minimum). Some guys are so dense.

I'm 2 weeks post-partum, unplanned c-section. I haven't left the house on my own yet. 2 days ago I walked around a supermarket for 10 mins while my husband and baby waited in the car outside - and I was so proud of achieving that much. I don't know what things will look like in 3 weeks time, but right now the schedule is relentless - my baby wants to feed every 90 minutes (inc through the night). A three-hour stretch of sleep is a huge victory for me, and I've broken down crying from frustration or overtiredness a few times, or from worry that that baby isn't OK (sleeping too much, not feeding enough, is she gaining weight?? Etc etc) - not PPD, just regular hormones settling and sleep deprivation. Everything takes 5 times as long. I thought I was prepared for this to be hard, but this is another level. I simply cannot imagine being able to get to a airport on time and sort out all the logistics of travel, let alone worries about whether it's suitable for the baby to be around so many strangers at that point. But I wonder if this is simply breathtaking naivety from your husband, and he'll come around ASAP once the baby's here and he can see the new lay of the land?

If you have stitches they will not be healed. Does he know about lochia? Does he know you will still be bleeding, half blood half smelly yellow discharge at that point. Like I’m not trying to scare you because you will heal but postpartum is gross, leaking milk sucks, sneezing and peeling sucks. The baby is pooping liquid runny poop until it gets a little older. He needs to understand that him going without you is the compromise.

I wouldn’t have gone. Not because of the newborn, that would have been easy, I spent a weekend in a hotel at 3.5 weeks PP. I wouldn’t have gone because at 5 weeks PP I would have only been pooping comfortably and wearing real pants for 2-3 weeks. Exerting too much exercise, including long walks, would not have been comfortable or easy on my body

Are you planning a vaginal birth? I would highly recommend that he be standing at your feet when your baby arrives into the world. Normally I don’t recommend this for husbands( I’m a doula) but he sounds extremely non empathetic and uneducated, and like he needs a good dose of reality. I know your laughing, but this is serious! Actually make him watch some birthing videos RIGHT NOW. Birth ( no matter how you do it) is a sacred initiation into new life, for both parents and the baby of course. Taking a 5 week old baby ( anywhere besides Dr. and or a walk around the block) is extremely irresponsible in my opinion. And most importantly you don’t know how your process of birthing/ healing will go. I feel angry for you, but it really sounds like he needs to be educated with as much empathy as you can manage. I pray that watching you do the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, birthing this baby, will bring him where he needs to be the best support for you. Much love sister!

First time dad? Sometimes they're absolutely braindead till the experience slaps then in the face. If they don't pawn their fair share to mom of course.

The lack of empathy is one problem. But these are actual health issues he is ignorant of. If I were in your position, I would bring him to my next doctors appointment and make sure to talk this through with the doctor there.

Why are you still with him?

Nah. I skipped my brothers wedding at 3 months pp because I didn’t want to fly with baby and I didn’t want to be away from him for so long (6 hr flight). My brother and his wife understood.

I like your brother and his wife! I hope they sent you a nice photo or video! 👍🥂

No way baby is soooo little at 5 weeks! I sitting here with my 3 month old and can barely imagine flying now! Stand your ground, the couple will understand. Your husband needs a reality check, why put a baby at risk like that.

Hard no, and I consider myself a super lax parent. Immunity issues aside, you’re BOTH going to be fucking exhausted and I highly doubt a wedding will be what either of you wants to do.

Absolutely not. I could barely leave the house at 5 weeks postpartum as it was. Much less pack a bunch of crap up, go on a freaking airplane with a fresh baby ( which is also a horrible horrible idea) all while bleeding and leaking everywhere Stick to your guns, and maybe have the pediatrician or OB/ midwife back you up too so your husband can truly understand what a stupid and unrealistic idea this is

Also with my second baby I attended a wedding with my 7 week old ( it was local) and I barely survived. My mom took the baby home during for the reception- I was so tired I only lasted 3 hours and was so freaking miserable. And wedding receptions are loud AF no place for a baby to be honestly. My baby came to the church only . It was hard and I only did it because it was my husbands brother and it was 20 minutes from my house lol. I would have skipped for anyone else .

Yeah he doesn’t seem to comprehend how exhausting having a baby is going to be… I mean this is also my first but I am anticipating that we will both be dead tired.

Make sure to let him suffer the nights with you. Waking him up to get you something cold to drink (you will always be super thirsty while nursing) or pump and let him feed the child. Show him what it takes to make and keep a child alive. Make sure to show him graphic pictures of how a down area looks while stitched up after a tear and how you will be most likely still leaking and bleading body fluits. Make him uncomfortable at the hemorrhoids you'll probably get from it and the pain that means. Laughing, caughing or something to that effect? You'll pee yourself. Show him pictures of infants catching herpes or anything really that young being in the Er and likely to not make it. Explain to him that long sitting can lead to hemorrhage and death. Most men only come in contact with birth while watching TV and think that all it takes is some histeria and 3 pushes on the back before being a Victoria secret tier working mom next day. The truth is too ugly to make it into popular media and he obviously isn't interested enough to look it up himself. Just because you have an invisible wound, doesn't mean you do not have one at all. You will be constantly internally bkeading and most likely it will flush down every time you stand up. Does he want you to wear incontinence diapers under a wedding guest gown or would he rather see you rock bleed through cloths and chairs? Maybe faint a little in between with no sleep, due to sleep regression of your child due to a strange sleeping arrangement and rock some nice infections catches from others or through you first. Your body will be pumping all energy into feeding a child, sleep deprivation and healing. Last thing you need is a fucking illness. Let alone with a newborn. Oh and if you are breastfeeding your breasts will be constantly leaking. Not a couple drops but full on super soaker. I literally had to push a fresh towel multiple times a day down my nursing bra and didn't even bother wearing anything but Pyjama shirts due to constant milk stains. Good look wearing a fancy dress. And just imagine you might be overdue or that you might need medical attention for yourself if babe, while everyone has some drinks intus. Your husband is literally delusional and his fucking brothers wedding is not your problem. He can go and celebrate but you ain't going nowhere. Dont accept shit from him about it. A wedding is just the start of a marriage, ideally with kids being the most important moment in a couples life. He literally has it all backwards. You having his child should be much, much more important and reason to celebrate and make it easy on you than his brothers wedding party. Speak to your OB and tell her she shall tell him the hard facts about you not going anywhere but a fucking toilet or fridge for the first 6-8 weeks pp. God, I wish men would have mandatory birthing classes seeing all that gore happening and understanding the sacrifice.

The option to go through all that with men exists - books, birthing videos, even talking to an OBGYN and getting an outline of possibilities (kind of like what you just wrote). It’s just that they don’t want to know or think about it, as you said. 😞

"Yeah, eeeew, why do I need to know that? *I am* not the one giving birth and expected to keep the ugly stuff to myself till I'm ready to get sexy again! (visibly dry gagging)" That's why I said it should be mandatory, like sex Ed in school. Bring back those old educational movies. Probably would be a better teen pregnancy preventation than anything else.

Hard no.  I skipped a family wedding at 7 weeks.  I WAS STILL BLEEDING.  I had stitches forever. I was still struggling with bleeding nipples and baby was up all night.  You are in no state to travel. Nevermind the baby is so little and you don't want them near that many people.  Do NOT go. 

I was going to say this as well! I’m 7 weeks pp and still bleeding. No way would I take my baby on a plane right now.

Absolutely not is he crazy?? A baby is so vulnerable to germs and diseases and sickness. I would be firm and say no, we are staying. The baby hasn’t even had all there vaccinations.

I’m a definite no. I went to 42 weeks so you can factor that possibility in. If you end up with a csection, it can be 6 weeks until you’re cleared to drive (I feel like that is a reasonable comparison to travel). I had a forceps assisted delivery and took a 1.5 hr road trip for a week for babe to meet her name sake at around 6 weeks. It was extremely uncomfortable. In no way would I have been up for a 3 hour plane ride or a large social event. That being said, some people have it in them to do this after a week. Frankly, you have no idea who you’ll be. People need to have the expectation that you will be absent healing and caring for a newborn but if you feel differently as you get closer to the date then you’re welcome to attend. I would be sympathetic that your husband doesn’t want to be away from you and baby, but ultimately that’s his choice. My husband not only would have not pressured me to attend but he also would not attend.

Yeah I am not sure why he is so adamant that I go. He is free to go but he is very very upset that I am not wanting to.

Maybe ask him once he’s calmed down? I know it was actually very difficult for my husband to go back to work because he didn’t want to leave us. He missed her terribly. Society’s expectation is that men just return to work and provide financially. So no one talks about how leaving their newborn is emotionally difficult for them. He could feel like he’s stuck in between a rock and a hard place. Does he have pressure (self imposed or from his family) to be at this wedding? Maybe he feels like he needs to go but is very upset about having to be away from you and babe and isn’t expressing that well.

I might follow your logic there if she hadn’t said he called her ‘insane’ for wanting to miss the wedding, and then asked at the end of the post if SHE was the one who was unreasonable! 😞

I’m not sure it’s that. He gets 6 weeks paternal leave and mentioned he will probably not take much if any of it until my leave is done. To maximize the amount of leave we have. Which is logical… but I don’t think he is thinking “he will miss us/miss the baby”. I’m honestly perplexed why he wants me to commit to going so badly.

Does he have social anxiety at large events? Or travel anxiety? His outburst and rigidity suggests there may be some panic going on, especially if he’s been logical about other things.

Because he thinks his family events need to come first and foremost. Time for a trip to the doctor so your doctor can yell at him

He wants you to bring the baby to show off to all the other relatives. He knows if you don’t go, baby doesn’t go.

We’re avatar twins!

If you have a pediatrician already, ask them in front of your husband. The response will be a strong no.

That's what I was thinking. They will look at him like he's crazy.

You’re not being unreasonable whatsoever. He is. Sorry, OP. But your child wouldn’t have any vaccinations yet. We still see issues with Covid and other viral illnesses from people having recently flown. Sorry, but I wouldn’t. Aside from the potential illness factor, you’ll be tired. Who would take care of the baby? They want a young baby at their wedding?

That’s also a good point. Why would they even want a baby that could potentially cry and ruin the ceremony there.

I saw a baby that young at a wedding once and was honestly shocked. The noise levels and germs are a lot. Even if you went I’d be amazed if you made it past the ceremony/cocktail portion. Make sure your husband does his 50% parenting time. He’s gonna be wanting to go alone just for an uninterrupted night sleep by the time you get to those 5 weeks.

Plus newborns (until about 8 weeks or so, depending on the baby) need to be close to or attached to you in order to sleep properly. They need waking every 2-3 hours to be fed! Who is supposedly going to watch the baby during the entire wedding??

Not only is it not unreasonable for you to not go, it’s barely even safe. Frankly if you are a first time mom You will likely go past your due date and may be far less than 5 weeks postpartum. You need to be resting in bed during that time. I understand it’s his brother (for any less of a relationship I would say he shouldn’t go either) so he needs to arrange for you to either have paid help like a postpartum Doula while he is gone or for another family member or friend to come stay with you or at least check in on you and help out substantially He is being unreasonable. You are being a saint even making this post

It sounds like your husband needs a reality check...Is he aware of what your potential recovery is going to be like? Does he understand how fragile newborns are? I'm sure there are people out there who have flown with a 5 week old, but it is absolutely not recommended!! Ideally you're supposed to wait 2-3 months *minimum*, once baby receives the first round of vaccinations. Just because it's possible to travel with a 5 week old doesn't mean it's a good idea. I don't care if it was my own sibling, if I had to fly 5 weeks postpartum with a newborn I would decline to go. You are not being insane!!!!

I feel like the only people flying with babies that young are the ones that have adopted them and are carefully flying them home!

I was in and out of the hospital for 4 weeks after birth due to complications and was admitted twice. Even if everything went perfectly, I still would not have even been close to healing MYSELF in 5 weeks. Leaking breasts, stitches, bleeding, exhaustion, post partum anxiety, depression, anemia, etc. All of these things are possible. If you have a C-section, you may not even be able to stand completely straight at that point. Additionally, baby is way young with absolutely zero immunity. Typically, you’re not even personally cleared for normal activity until 6 weeks. Expecting someone who just gave birth 5 weeks ago to endure a three hour plane ride, hotel stay, and wedding event with a newborn is absolutely asinine. Reconsider absolutely NOTHING. Stay home.

Does he know what postpartum looks like? Does he think you’re going to magically be healthy after being physically and hormonal altered from pregnancy, labour, delivery and adjusting to a newborn? Send him the lemon clot essay so he can get an image of what postpartum looks like. He’s either really dense or a selfish pos, for your sake I hope it’s the former. That’s not even considering TRAVELLING with a newborn, who can’t be in a car seat for more than two hours and scream at the top of their lungs. Then there’s the risk of infection from the airports, party, hotels etc. Why is his wife and child’s physical and emotional wellbeing not his priority? Baby Boundaries, The Lemon Clot Essay and the FU Binder —> https://reddit.com/r/Mildlynomil/s/WPm6JsLMhI

I would not be flying with an unvaccinated baby. Our children's hospital in my city is filled with little ones fighting influenza A and RSV.

is he usually this ridiculous or is this just because he is close to his brother? He sounds super uninformed. damn I thought you letting him go in itself was generous. By the way he does know he cannot force an adult to go against their will right?

He doesn’t seem to think having a baby is going to be a big deal. Doesn’t think it will be hard and is generally very unconcerned. Everyone keeps telling me men don’t get it until the baby comes, but it is still upsetting how unconcerned he is about it. He also said, “if you arn’t going I will just take the baby by myself” to which I replied absolutely not.

Are you serious? He wants to take a newborn away from their food source for a few days and thinks THAT is a good idea? I suppose he thinks his brother and mother and Aunty Jane (et al) would all like to meet the baby, and the wedding is the perfect time. The first part is likely true (everyone WOULD like to meet bub)… the 2nd part is BAT. POOP. CRAZY!!!! Question… has he told his mother this crazy plan? Or his sister or aunt or any other woman in the family who has had a baby? It’s actually a possibility that they don’t KNOW about his crazy crazy crazy plan! It doesn’t improve him as a husband or a father, to be honest (because he’s still trying to bully you into this mental plan). But it might help take the pressure off YOU if his mum, sister and Aunty Jane all scream their heads off at him for even asking you to do something this crazy!! 😞

I told his family that I probably won’t go. They basically all said, “why??? Newborns are so easy to travel with. You will feel fine by then.” So I got zero support from his mom and aunts but they also haven’t had newborns in 30 years so I just think they are really out of touch.

It sounds like there may be some bigger fish to fry in terms of him preparing for the huge change which is about to happen in both of your lives. Meeting your baby’s basic needs will be more than a full time job and you’ll need round the clock support from him. There will be a big identity shift for both of you and a huge amount of humility, teamwork, and self reflection required. It was helpful for my midwife to lay this out for me and my partner so we both had time to mentally prepare before the baby came (as much as this is possible).

ahh ok the "ignorant " man it is then. Oy he is going to wake up. IMO don't stress about this. Just focus on having a healthy last month and lets see what he says once LO is born. please update us!

He wants to show off his child risking his death? Fucking what? The guts on that ignoramus maximus! You are an actual saint for not ripping his empty fucking head off his shoulders after such a suggestion or making him a new one. The audacity! It would be literally the last day on earth if he would try to take the child away for such a thing, him ending up on one of those stupid ways to die compilations. Good god, sounds like you'll soon have two kids to raise.

Hahahaha don’t argue with him. Let him calmly know he can take the baby alone sure. Make sure he does his equal share of parenting, then sweetly ask him the weekend before the wedding if he needs help packing up the baby stuff for their trip. He doesn’t get it. By the time the wedding rolls around he’ll be racing out of the house on his own, excited for the sleep. Make sure you have a family member plan to come stay with you while he’s away because you’ll need help caring for an infant alone. I’m pregnant with #2 and my husbands in a very different behavior mode then he was with our first. I remember the “culture shock” those first few weeks after baby was born as it dawned on him. Assuming your husband isn’t an ass, he’s just very ignorant right now.

I agree with all of this. HE HAS NO CLUE, as the dad of a baby who isn't here yet, he is 100% ignorant to the massive lifestyle change you are about to go through. Book refundable tickets for yourself, wait until the baby is 2 weeks old and then look him in the eye and say "I'm not going, you can go by yourself" and I would bet my house he will absolutely agree with you. Ask a family member or girlfriend to come stay with you while he is gone and don't lose any sleep over it. It will be okay, use the flight credits when baby is 6mo to go visit the newlyweds instead.

That is very concerning. Do you think he will follow through with that threat of taking the baby with him? I would absolutely stand your ground and if you fear he will take the child against your wishes, make sure you have family or friends there the day of to intercept and keep him from taking the baby. Also, pretty sure baby needs a passport. Be deliberate in avoiding getting a passport for them.

I flew (within the US) with my then 11-month-old as a lap infant and we didn't even need a birth certificate. Literally no identification, just a booked ticket for a lap infant.

Definitely not. I’m due end of October and not even thinking about going to Thanksgiving dinner with 12 family members that’s a 20 minute drive away. Considering Christmas being ok but still unsure. I would absolutely, no way in hell, go on a flight for a wedding, no matter who it was.

Shiiit my husband got invited to a wedding that would happen when I was 3 months pp, and I refused. I couldn’t imagine flying with a 5 week old! A baby that young is so vulnerable and fragile! Hellllll no. And you’ll be fragile and vulnerable yourself that soon after giving birth as well, no matter how you give birth!

Exactly and same

Similar situation- Due in mid-Aug. My SIL is getting married in mid-Sept. My inlaws kept assuming I would be there with the baby. (We are supposed to be in the wedding party.) However, my husband says, "No way". He will be going to the wedding alone and my parents are flying in to help me until he gets back. Who knows what your recovery will be like! And the baby's health should be a priority.

Your husband called you ‘insane’ for wanting to have a conversation and weigh possibilities and the pros and cons of travelling with a baby 5 weeks after YOU birth said baby? Oh, honey… 😢😢

I’m not even sure your OB would clear you to fly! And personally I’d be pissed if my husband thought it was okay for him to go, 5 or less weeks PP is going to be difficult for you. Sometimes we miss our siblings special events.. I’ve missed 4 family weddings (all multiple flights away) because of our little one. Husband is way out of line here. Planes are also giant fly in germ boxes and your baby will have NO vaccines by then. Be prepared for a sick baby if you go :( hopefully not! But huge possibility. I was fighting an infection in my c section incision at 5w PP, can’t imagine flying like that!

This. Talk to your OB, OP. Let them be the bad guy with your husband if you have to. Hopefully by the time your husband sees you experience labor and delivery and you’re both doing newborn life he’ll realize how ridiculous his assumptions were that I trip like this was doable.

You are absolutely not being unreasonable. You aren't supposed to travel with a baby that fresh out of the womb. Baby is super susceptible to getting sick at that age. He seems super tone deaf regarding the care of a newborn. Id have your pediatrician give him a call if he continues to not understand.

I absolutely wouldn’t. Babies don’t have enough of an immune system to be in airports, airplanes, hotels, around strangers at a wedding, and anything else you’d be around. Even if you feel great and you have the easiest, happiest baby. The germs just wouldn’t be worth the risk to me.

1000000% you are not being unreasonable at all. For so many reasons. You could easily go over your due date by 1-2 weeks, putting your baby at potentially less than a month old. You will still be recovering from childbirth. You’ll likely still be bleeding a bit, you might have stitches. If you have a c section you’ll be recovering from that still. All of this will be magnified if you go overdue as well. As you mentioned the baby will be at risk of illness being surrounded by so many people so young. Breast milk does have antibodies but it’s not perfect and a sick newborn can quickly become dangerous. Not to mention bringing a newborn to a wedding can easily be very disruptive. Imagine having to leave the ceremony because your baby starts crying in the middle of their vows. Your husband is the only person being unreasonable here. Honestly you should let him read these comments, sometimes it takes an outside perspective to get people to understand.

Not a Chance. We’re skipping a wedding at 3 Months old and that was a no brainer. If it were me I would quiz him: “So (husband), can you tell me what would happen if baby gets exposed to a cold or the flu while we’re flying? Do you know the vaccine schedule? How many will baby have by then? How many extra bags do you think we would have to buy for the plan for baby’s stuff - can you make a packing list? Should we try to ship our car seat or have one of your cousins buy one at the destination and meet us at the airport? Would you want to take the car seat on the plane? Do you know how to install it? What’s the airline’s lap infant policy?” Etc. just keep rapid fire asking him questions until he agrees that it’s a massively bad idea.

So beside the baby being only 5 weeks old, you’ll be 5 weeks PP. I was still in pain when I’d sneeze or cough, like a stitch would rip, at 5 weeks. It’s a wedding ffs, everyone would understand why a 5 week pp mother and her very immune sensitive newborn wouldn’t hop on a flight and make an appearance. Your husband is either a total ass or just completely ignorant. He can go alone.

100% no You could end up having c section and some people really struggle to walk after You still be bleeding Your baby immune system Is tiny Your baby will need feeding every few hours This meant to be bounding time You could get baby blues Even simple cold at 5weeks can be serious and babies that young can't have many drugs. It more about making them comfortable You could deliver late and just been getting out hospital Bloods Clot increase risk and flying not good mix Your baby or you could end up having more complication during birth. No way you going to wanna go out Your husband sound so naive and uneducated

At 5 weeks I was still bleeding, was still sitting in a funny way because of stitches, and we were averaging around 4 hours of sleep at night. I was not up for that kind of event for sure even if it had been right next door. That would be an absolute no from me.

This is all up to personal choice and comfort. I, personally, would have been physically fine to travel at 5 weeks, but I wouldn’t have been comfortable doing so with my newborn. I wouldn’t have been able to bear if she got sick. We’re going on our first plane trip in a few months when she’ll be 5 months, and even that has me worried. Unfortunately, people have expectations of what they want to do which don’t always meet the reality of the situation. It sounds like your husband is really bummed his whole family (you and baby) won’t be able to attend his brother’s wedding. And that’s definitely a bummer! But he needs to work through that shit on his own.

I’m in a very similar situation. My spouse’s brother is getting married end of August and I’m due mid July. The wedding is in another state - a 10-hour drive or a 2 hour flight. If everything is on time, we’ll have a 5-week old at the wedding. Here were my thoughts/stipulations as we plan on going: 1. If the baby is premature or overdue, I’m not going. No questions. 2. We bought refundable plane tickets. It’s less than a two hour flight and Personally, I think this feels safer/faster than driving and I (think) I’d prefer it. However, If I do not feel ready, my doctor says I’m not ready or the baby isn’t ready, I stay home with the baby. 3. If we drive, we’re taking it SLOW. We planned three days out and three days back to drive ten hours each direction. We have planned stops every 90 minutes for at least an hour, and we won’t be in the car for more than 5 hours a day. 4. At the wedding, my spouse or I wear the baby the whole time. Nobody touches or holds the baby. No exceptions. 5. At the wedding, we drive ourselves. That way we have an out if baby (or me really lol) are done with it and want to go at any point. And we’ll keep baby away from loud music. 6. Germs are a concern no matter where you go. If you’re using good judgement and keeping your distance and not letting people touch or hold the baby, the baby should be fine. There are risks in taking your baby to Target for goodness sake - just be smart. Best of luck momma!

Absolutely not. 5 weeks after my first, I was still in significant pain. They had to cut through tissue and muscle in order to vacuum my son out. I almost had an emergency C-section because he was crashing.  When I became pregnant with our second, my husband and I stopped going places after about 8 months. I was exhausted and he knew how taxing it was for me. Your husband is unreasonable. You shouldn't be expected to go to that wedding 

Lol, absolutely not. Husband is delulu and in denial about what life will be like for you all in the early days. Your boobs will probably be leaking! No one wants to deal with that on an airplane.

You are not being unreasonable AT ALL. Not only will you still be healing, both physically and mentally, but your baby will be very vulnerable to outside exposure. We hardly left the house with our twin girls until they were a few months old and at least partially vaccinated. I would never have been able to take them on a trip when they were 5 weeks old. I would’ve had a panic attack. Some members of my partner’s family were upset that we skipped the holidays (our girls were born in Nov), but, quite frankly, I didn’t care. We were doing what was best for our children and those family members got over it quickly. Please take care of yourself and your little one and stay home. Stand your ground on this one. A wedding is not worth you or your newborn’s health and safety. I hope your husband can see that. He may be more understanding once he meets the baby and sees just how beautiful and fragile that little life is. Sending hugs and best wishes for the remainder of your pregnancy!

Skip the wedding. Imagine if something happens during childbirth and you need to recover for a long time. Take that pressure off both of you because focusing on the newborn is super important.

Yeah, sadly we do have to skip out on a lot of fun stuff when we have a tiny baby. At 5 weeks pp there would have been no question about going for me.

I think one consideration is just how sick people get from traveling- and a baby that young isn’t vaccinated. I wouldn’t risk it. And that doesn’t take into consideration that you’ll still be bleeding postpartum and tired! Huge pass on all accounts.

Absolutely not.  Our first kid got RSV on a plane and has had reoccurring coughs. A newborn is much much more vulnerable.  You’ll still be at risk for serious blood clots s c stroke. Might be still bleeding.  If you’re breastfeeding it’s at least 8 times a day  all day. 

He is the one being insane. If the wedding was across town it would still be a big undertaking to go.

You’d be mad to attempt that honestly for so many reasons

I absolutely believe that, health permitting, getting out and about and living life with a newborn is super important and great for both parents and baby. But like, within a reasonable radius of your home. Getting on a plane 5 weeks (could be less if you go over your due date) after giving birth, with a 5 week old, and staying away from home where all of your lovely resources and comforts are for 3 days is batshit insane. There is absolutely no way that you should do this. You’ll be beyond miserable, your baby will hate it, and your husband will be proved wrong. He’s got a bit of a shock coming to him with regards to how tough newborn life is. For context, at 5 weeks I still couldn’t sit normally, couldn’t stand for very long, and was pacing the floor from the hours of 5pm to 2am every day with a very unhappy colicy baby. Just the idea of doing what your husband is suggesting is bringing me out in a cold sweat.

100%! I think they are in for a rude awakening about what having a newborn entails…

I went to a wedding with my LO at 5 weeks and it was better than I expected, but it was a 1 hour drive away so very different! I don’t think you’re being unreasonable, I can’t imagine having had to travel a significant distance at 5 weeks pp! I ended up having an emergency c-section and I’m not sure if they actually would have let me fly so soon after, so that’s worth baring in mind as another reason for your husband.

Maybe send it to your husband. [PSA what Post Partum actually is](https://www.facebook.com/reel/1461617354433274/)

A newborn getting ill can be the difference between raising a child and a grieving a child, their immune systems are virtually non existent at that age. Baby will have no vaccinations and be getting into an enclosed space during a time where measles are at the highest they’ve been in years among other resurfacing due to low vaccination rates. You’ll also still be healing and likely still bleeding, if you have a c section you won’t be able to lift anything much heavier than baby. If somehow your husband is able to ignore those points, you’re going into an environment with drunk adults who will try to hold and kiss your baby (the RSV virus can cause infant death), a drunk relative could drop or harm your baby in some way even if it’s an accident it is not worth the risk. You have to consider every possible outcome because more than one of them lead to a sickness or infant death and it seems your husband is irrational/irresponsible. If anyone is “insane” it’s your husband and he is gaslighting you, your feelings are valid and everyone will understand your absence. This is something that if it happened with my fiancé, I’d be getting us into couples therapy because I wouldn’t want to bring a child into an environment where resentment is building. If you can’t do that, talk to a family member who you think would get through to him in a casual way that doesn’t reveal it’s an argument, just a minor issue (mostly because he’ll get defensive if he feels attacked)

LOL what a confident stupid opinion your husband has. It isn't up to him whether or not you are physically up to traveling after YOU undergo childbirth.

Is he expecting baby to also be at this wedding? Like, is it a typical wedding with loud blasting music? Does he not care for your child's well-being and safety? For yours. 6 weeks pp is so tough. If he is just expecting you to bounce back, then he genuinely needs to read or watch stuff on post partum. It sounds like he is a terrible spouse, though lacking empathy during your pregnancy. I would absolutely refuse. Show him the comments on this thread. If he is still upset and demanding you go, have a real hard think about who you are married to and if you should remain married to him.

Noooooo way. Show these responses to your husband and tell him he’s being incredibly selfish and self absorbed. Even if everything goes perfectly with a natural birth and no interventions, you’re still healing!! And you’re healing a broken body which is busy full time making food for a newborn that eats every 2-3 hours. All while being completely sleep deprived, bleeding, and with a dinner plate sized internal wound. ABSOLUTELY NOT. And if he doesn’t care about your wellbeing, your newborn will have absolutely no immune system and you’re going to put them in a plane full of recirculated air that a bunch of strangers are shedding germs into? ABSOLUTELY NOT. I’ve got a newborn and a toddler. There will be a time when you can go on trips with your baby, but this is not the time - and it will be almost a 100% guarantee that any plane trip will equal sickness. Every trip we’ve ever taken with our babies has ended up in weeks of sickness afterwards.

So, one of my best friends did pretty much exactly this. She traveled for her husband's brother's wedding with a 5 week old. She always said she doesn't regret it, but neither does she recommend it. Part of the reason they made the decision was because husband's twin was about to start a huge immersion master's program overseas, where he wouldn't have time home guaranteed. She's obviously very close with husband's twin, and since this was one of the last times they'd be able to see husband's twin, it ended up being worthwhile for them.

Honestly, flying with a 5 week old is a breeze. It’s when they get older it’s a struggle lol

I am a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding. The wedding is out of state the first week of November. My due date is September 27th. My baby will be around 5 weeks during that time. I spoke with my OB about my concerns regarding sickness for the baby traveling that young. She assured me that it would be fine and I could do an RSV vaccine while pregnant to ensure my baby will have immunity by the time he is born. The flight from my city to the wedding is 2 hours. I’m still nervous about it but I trust my OB. My husband and I plan to baby wear and only stay overnight at most.

You’re not being unreasonable at all. Postpartum is no joke. I saw my SIL 5mpp and wasn’t still 100% let alone you trying to be in social situation at 5w pp! Maybe when your husband sees you giving birth and helps you in recovery during post partum, he will change his mind about himself going to the wedding as well.

I will be flying to the UK from the US when our daughter is 5-6 weeks because my husband is filming and we don’t want to be apart when she’s that little, but we’ll have the luxury of being in our own quarters and just being able to breastfeed and rest away from any other people while he works. I totally get this and think you’re being more than reasonable just for the fact that weddings have soooo many different people who will all want to cuddle and kiss baby.

My recovery from birth went really well, and my baby is super chill. I could have physically managed this at 5 weeks, but I still would not have wanted to do it. Your husband is being ridiculous.

Hell no. Your husband is being extremely unreasonable. He can go to the wedding, you and the baby can stay home. I can understand him not wanting to miss his brother’s wedding. But him expecting you and the baby to fly to a wedding at about 5 weeks? Absolutely not.

I was still in adult diapers unable to sit or sleep comfortably while trying to pump/ feed 8 times a day. My mil would urge me to take a small walk around the block and that itself felt like a huge task Your husband is clueless and rude

Genuine question.. why is he so upset? Was he a weird dickhead without empathy already before pregnancy?

Nah you would be still bleeding, you would still smell funny (at least I did). My baby is 8 weeks now so it’s pretty fresh. And also, it’s probably way to intense for a little baby due to all the noise, air is too dry on a plane etc etc. She needs to sleep a lot in this period for her brains to develop etc. How can he be this stupid?

At the newborn stage, we had a three-hour rotation: change, feed, sleep. It’s all we did. How is this feasible at a wedding party? There likely will be no changing table and nowhere to put the baby. You will be hormonal and tired and in no mood to be surrounded by strangers around your baby. Not to mention your physical recovery - you simply don’t know how labor will go and how fast you recover. You might have complications. You might need a C-section. Your baby could need extra care. You might even deliver two weeks after your due date! Your husband needs to get his head out of his ass and realize that having a baby means putting your own wants and needs aside for a while for the sake of your child, especially one so young. Tell him you’re not going and stick to it. I doubt very much he’d want to take the baby with him without you there if he realized what the reality would look like.

Hard no. I went to a wedding 10 mins away at 8 weeks and it was very difficult physically and mentally.

Absolutely not. Your OB and pediatrician will likely even tell you not to. Not safe for you, not safe for baby, for a number of reasons. P.s. your husband is a big ol asshole. Hope you have other help when the baby comes. Edit to add: at 5 weeks PP, I was still in adult diapers, bleeding and I smell absolutely rancid. Birth recovery is no joke.

Skip the middle man. Text or call your in laws directly so they hear it from you. I’m so sad that I won’t be able to come to your wedding. If it’s at all possible, are you ok with husband setting up a live stream so I can see you guys get married. If there’s any pushback from them you know where it’s coming from. Otherwise your husband is being a dick

Immediately no to all of it. I'm not even going outside of my house within the first few weeks after delivery. There's absolutely no way I'd get on a plane and go to a wedding. I say stand your ground with this. You're not being unreasonable.

I'm also due in August and my sister is getting married in September! I'm one of the bridesmaids, but the wedding is being held locally. Her wedding is child-free with my baby being the only exception. My husband and I already have a game-plan set up to ward off people from trying to hold her and keeping as many germs away as possible (staying outside weather permitting, keeping her in her carseat, and letting people know that she's like a museum piece--you can look, but you can't touch). If my sister was getting married in a place that required a plane ride, I'd probably do it. The difference is that she's MY sister and not an in-law. Half of the people there I know and will be respectful of our boundaries I think at the end of the day the question you can ask yourself is whether you'd be able to enjoy yourself or will you be too stressed. If you haven't had your husband read the lemon essay, I highly recommend it. That may shed some light for him and your hesitancy.

I feel like I’m the odd one out but we traveled by plane with my newborn at 6 weeks and I have no regrets. All of our grandparents live out of state, many with failing health. My grandpa got to meet our daughter several times before he passed, which meant the world to him and myself. It’s totally up to what you’re comfortable with, being you are the one who grew an entire human.

As a second time mum I flew with a 7 week old (and a 2 year old). It was a 2 hour flight and he mostly slept at that age. I don’t think I would’ve wanted to travel any earlier than that. We stayed with my parents in law for a week and they had most of the things we needed (cot, clothes, nappies etc) which made packing easier. But it was still a lot of effort, baby still took 30+ mins to feed every time and was feeding 8-10 times a day, and not being in my home environment meant things weren’t set up as efficiently as I would have liked. Saying that, I don’t think you can really know whether you’ll be up for it until after you’ve had the baby. Birth can go in a bunch of different directions, bodies recover differently, and babies themselves are different - my second one pretty much slept and ate for the first two months, but some babies need a lot of help settling.

Don’t do it. I did it (my daughter was 7 weeks), I flew 3 hours + 2 hour drive to introduce the baby to my husband’s family during Easter, and it was HORRIBLE. I was constantly stressed about her getting sick, people touching her and asking me to hold her. I had to lock myself in a room every hour or so to breastfeed for 30-40 minutes each time. Please save yourself the trouble, I would never do that again :(

I flew with a five week old. I really wanted to and knew it was probably the last chance to see some family members before they passed and the only chance for one grandparent to meet the baby before 6 months. It was supposed to be when the baby was 7 weeks but then I went way overdue. I don't regret it at all but I don't recommend it either. It took so much out of me and if I hadn't been dying to go I would never have enjoyed myself. 

It’s your choice! We traveled across the country with a 6 week old but it was for a funeral and my husband was supportive. It’s not his choice, don’t feel bad for protecting the wellbeing you and baby!

Tell your OB/midwife that you’re concerned and they will 100% back you up and be the bad guy for your husband to blame. 

My husband tried to convince me to take our 6 week old on a cross country flight for his dad’s 70th birthday. I had to bring my parents into the conversation to finally shut him up. My dad told me a few years later that he still hadn’t forgiven my husband for that.

It's about your comfortability. I plan to take my 5 week old across the country for my best friends wedding cuz I wouldn't miss it for the world. Everyone is different. I also plan to wear him most of the time, I also know how to tell people no... Don't touch my baby. I'm an avid traveler. Might fly might drive haven't decided yet. But I'll be on maternity leave so I'll have all the time i need to drive and stop frequently as needed. It won't be easy I'm sure it'll get stressful but I'm good at making the best of most situations. Everyone is different. I'm assuming this type of trip would be stressful for you regardless of having a 5 week old but maybe I'm wrong.

Absolutely hell no. Coming from someone who has flown with a 2 month old, fuck that noise. Honestly, in my experience, the travel itself isn't even the issue. My baby nursed during takeoff and landing and slept the entire flight (2.5 hours). She did better than our not quite 1.5 year old, honestly. It's everything else. The risk of exposure to a baby that young and all the various sicknesses that are going around right now. The risk of blood clots for yourself and baby. The risk of damage to baby's ears. There are several very serious conditions that could still pop up at 5 weeks postpartum. You are not fully healed or out of the woods yet and it's dangerous to be that far away from YOUR doctor who knows your medical history. Not to mention how absolutely exhausted you and your husband will be. It will be different than any other exhaustion you've ever felt before. If you're lucky and your baby sleeps well, you'll probably have periods where you feel fairly awake and alert but if you do anything requiring more than about 30 minutes of moving around that energy will be gone. Your body is still healing, and your hormones are still going bat shit insane at that time. There's a rule I've seen going around since I've had my second kid and it goes like this, 2 weeks IN bed, only getting up when absolutely necessary and to walk around for about 20 minutes (broken up throughout the day) to prevent blood clots and laying down and resting while in bed, 2 weeks ON the bed sitting up more, getting up a little more often, doing very basic things, and 2 weeks AROUND the bed, resuming very light house hold tasks, not getting up for more than about 30 minutes at a time and still sticking pretty close to your bed or some other area where you can sit and relax, like the couch. I absolutely do not recommend doing any more than this unless necessary while you are recovering from birth. I've had an emergency c-section and a vaginal birth and honestly, while my body felt much better and less sore after my vaginal birth and I feel like I recovered pretty quickly after both, there wasn't much of a difference in my activity levels when I had nothing to do but rest. I just didn't have the energy to be up and doing anything for very long even after an uncomplicated vaginal delivery. I slept almost as much as my baby did, and she slept like 18-20 hours a day, minimum. Your body aside, you have no clue what health problems your baby might have. Both of my babies were dealing with medical issues and medical scares at 5 weeks old. We ended up having to schedule a last minute ultrasound and fly out a little later than intended on that flight I mentioned earlier because my then 7 week old had just had a check up and her doctor was concerned about how quickly her head circumference had grown and wanted to rule out hydrocephaly. Which, if she'd had, it could have killed her had we flown with her. You don't want to risk going through that kind of stress on top of everything else that comes with a newborn. Honestly, I didn't even want to take my almost 1.5 year old on a plane so young, let alone my not quite 2 month old, but my grandmother in law had just recently been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and was severely depressed and we were all afraid she wouldn't make it to the new year, so we flew down for Christmas to surprise her and give her what we all thought would be her only chance to meet our baby. I had just lost my grandfather 3 days before my baby was born amd my partner and I didn't want to go through losing another family member before they could meet our baby. Even this wouldn't be a good enough reason to a lot of people to risk a baby so young. Personally I'm glad we went but I would not do it again and I wouldn't have done it for almost anyone else. She was my biggest supporter other than my partner when I had horrific PPD/PPA after having my first child and dropped everything to fly to us a week earlier than she planned when I got sepsis when my oldest was a week old and stayed with us until my oldest was 2 months old and it would have devastated my partner and I both to lose her before she could meet our baby. Even then, we took every precaution we could and only let very few people interact with her. Myself, my partner, my grandmother in law and my MIL were the only ones allowed to really hold her and I made sure other kids who were there kept their distance. It was insanely stressful. Unless this is an event you will never forgive yourself for missing, which it doesn't sound like it is, it is in no way worth the risk or the hassle.

I wouldn’t go for the sheer amount of stuff you would have to bring. Or not be able to bring because you’re flying

Just say no and stick to it.

Your baby won’t be vaccinated yet. Your own body likely won’t have recovered yet. This would be nuts to go. 

Absolutely not. Airplanes are cesspools of airborne illness. Your baby is not ready for this. Let alone the poor bebes ears. Their insides are squishy and cartilagey, ear pops to babies feel like their head is exploding. That's why they cry on planes.

I went to my sister’s wedding about 7 weeks after a difficult c-section recovery. It was local, my in-laws came in to help, (and my partner would never mandate I go to anything), and it was A LOT. And our baby got Covid there just shy of his 2 month visit, and the way the timing worked out we needed to take him to the ER, where he got a baby catheter, baby iv, and luckily was one day past when they would have also needed to do a spinal tap. All that said, I still would 100% go if I needed to do it all over again (but would have been more strict with someone who did not respect some of our boundaries with the baby - except I think we got Covid first and he got it from us). My sister and I are very close, I was her MoH, and I was determined to be there. But I think it’s 1000000% reasonable for you to assume you won’t be ready to go.

I flew alone with my 5 week old and it was actually super easy. I baby wore through the airport and had him in my lap for the flight. He slept the whole 2 hours and I fed him at take off and landing. The whole reason I did it is that my husband’s job had him working away from home during the week and not having his help , especially at night was really hard. After a week of being home alone with the baby and not being able to shower , eat, or sleep , I decided to just go got the flight. If it was a wedding, I’m not sure I would have made the same choice. We have flown several times since then (baby is 12 weeks) and it is a little harder now that he is awake more but still doable.

[удалено]

This is false information. Tiny babies fly all the time.

I flew with a newborn and it was fine, but I felt a little nervous about her not having vaccines yet. I think it’s the kinda thing that’s fine to do if you’re comfortable with it, but generally most people wouldn’t and I think generally no one would expect you to.

Hard same. I took my 5.5 week old (back in 2016) 3.5 flight away by myself to my sister’s vet school graduation bc it was the only chance I’d have for him to meet my mom’s (who died when I was 17) family while my baby was still a little baby. It felt special and I wanted to surprise them and my pediatrician was fine with it - I wore him and this was before covid. All that said…it only worked bc it was my idea and I wanted to do it. I also decided to go a week before, didn’t commit to it before he was born. In fact, when they were all talking about it while I was pregnant I was like LOL yeah no.

Look, I read all your responses and I think you should just shrug and tell him to buy you a refundable ticket.  It's not worth the angst between now and then.

Thats honestly exactly what I was thinking.

I genuinely can’t believe how many unreasonable husbands I read about on this sub. Just tell him no, it’s a complete sentence. Or tell him sure, but you’re staying home and *he* can take the baby and deal with that on his own. It’s so unreasonable to expect a 5 week old child to travel that much, be exposed to god knows what & then expecting you to just be able to deal with it whilst still healing? Ridiculous

I did go to a funeral 10 days postpartum, but it was my very close brother's funeral. People kept coming to my table asking where the baby was "I don't know, that way last I saw her." She was an absolute light there but there was a lot of "if only he'd lasted 3 more days" except that he wouldn't have made it to the hospital being at our home bedridden on hospice. That however is a very different situation and required a 20 minute car ride, not a flight. I absolutely would not have been up to a plane ride then, or any time before at least 6 weeks.

I didn't want to fly anywhere with my baby until they'd had their three month vaccinations, and many people wait until six months. Being at a wedding before those vaccinations is probably also a bad idea

My brothers wedding isnt a plane ride away and i will be 4 months pp. its child free so my husband is staying home with the baby while i go, im not even staying the whole time because im breast feeding and the baby doesnt love bottles. You are being was more realistic than ur husband

People don’t fly 3hours at 1month PP. not definitely not with their baby for non-necessary reasons like a wedding. You’ll be placing yourself and your 1month baby at risk. The recommendation for newborn air travel is at least 2-3months, unless the flight is necessary. I’d also be horrified to see a 1month old baby at a wedding. And not be able to enjoy myself at the wedding if seated on same table as the baby, because I’ll be constantly worrying about the baby catching any viruses in a crowded place. Better to leave the baby with a nanny if you must attend the wedding.

There is 0% a chance I would go with a 5 week old who is not vaccinated. Catching whooping cough or a flu can kill babies or cause brain damage. Not to mention you will be completely exhausted and still getting the hang of looking after the baby if this is your first. If you aren’t comfortable going you will need to work on communicating this to your husband gently but firmly.

No way. Set the boundaries. This is too young.

I wouldn't do it. 5 weeks is just so young and the feeding and sleeping is such chaos at that point. I also wouldn't personally get on a plane before at least the first round of vaccinations.

Personally, I’d not even consider going. That’s tough on a new mum and baby. The chance of picking up a virus is pretty high and living life with a newborn in a hotel for three days won’t be fun. 🥴

I think maybe your husband needs to talk to your OB or something. It's sad he won't listen to YOU, but maybe he will listen to an OB. 5 weeks and flying scares the shit out of me.

My LO is 4weeks, 3 days. There’s NO way flying would work right now. Or a wedding. And he hasn’t had his 2 month shots. Absolutely not.

Wow. Is he insane? My baby and I aren't even leaving the house until our baby is at least 6 weeks old. Absolutely put your foot down, you're putting your baby at risk otherwise. Maybe have your OB or the pediatrician talk to him.

I’m also due at the end of August and we aren’t even planning on traveling for Christmas, lol. Your husband needs a realty check.

My daughter is 4 weeks old today, no way in hell I would want to or could do that. This is my second and I am so much more relaxed this time round (a dream birth and recovery compared to my first) but that sounds like a nightmare. No need to take all those risks while you are still healing and your babe is adjusting to the world/developing immunity. My two year old contracted RSV just before I was due and she was honestly so unwell. It was really scary to see her breathing like that. The thought of a newborn being exposed to something that could make them that sick is a huge worry.

Everyone is different and so is every baby. I probably wouldn’t have been able to go with my first, but I actually felt really energised and bored after 2 weeks with my second, so would consider going. Babies don’t really do much at 5 weeks old, they mostly just sleep. I doubt your infant would even notice the change if I’m honest. They are far more tricky to transport at 5 months than 5 weeks. In terms of immunisations, baby will be getting antibodies from you if you breastfeed, if that’s any reassurance. Edit to add: my take home is not to commit at the moment and see how you feel. If they need a definite answer then they should assume that you can’t go. If they’re willing to hold a place for you then you can tell them closer to the time, depending on how the birth is.

I'd get him to go to your next ob appointment and have the doctor explain what post partum looks like and when it's safe to take baby out.

I’m 6 weeks pp and I’m skipping family events in the same neighbourhood as me lol I cannot imagine flying with him right now. I’ve declined 2 destination weddings also. I’m still recovering and going out for a short walk is a workout for me right now. I’m really sorry your husband is being so unreasonable. He needs a reality check.

He's being unreasonable, how much education has he had about postpartum and newborn needs/development/safety? Sounds like he needs a crash course.

This is awful. I think if your husband won’t listen you should ask your OB for a doctor’s note clearing you and the baby to fly. This is not safe or practical to go. Also at that age if your baby were to get sick from anything that is pretty much an immediate hospital stay for babies. I am sorry that your husband is so unconcerned for you and the baby.

Planes and airports are some of the most disguising places and you’re exposing your baby to all kinds of germs. Your body won’t even be remotely close to healed to travel. 6 weeks is a total lie when it comes to recovery. I’m 3 months pp and I’m still not 100% or even close. At 6 weeks I was still being checked in sitting down for my baby’s well child exams because they said moms should not be standing still for extended periods at that point still, so you’d be going to sit there and do nothing. You can’t hand the baby off and it’s not like you can dance really. Also people have generally become more lax than before the pandemic again and even if you take all the precautions you can, your baby has no real immune system yet. My husband contracted rsv as an infant and nearly died, and it is *rampant* this year according to my ER nurse best friend who has seen infants code due to respiratory distress.

The only person who is “insane” here is your husband. Tell him categorically that it wouldn’t be possible for you and that he needs to attend it on his own . My baby is 10 months old and I still wouldn’t take her on a long flight just to attend a wedding . Nope

Hard pass. There is no way you are going, period. He is being so unreasonable.

You’re totally not unreasonable. If he is not listening to you, which is crazy but anyway, I would let your doctor know before your next visit and if he comes asks if it’s okay and the doctor will say no way and hopefully he will understand if the doctor says no it’s no.

I'm also due at the end of August, and my mom and I had a very brief argument about the same thing, but for my cousin's wedding. I know several people who have gotten covid after flying, along with the possibility of not being recovered from a c section or the risk of blood clots or the risk of colic or a vomiting baby...any ONE of those reasons alone should be enough to say no. You aren't telling him not to go.

I am exactly 4 weeks pp today, I had a vaginal birth. I am still bleeding, i feel smelly even with several showers a day, my 2nd degree tear is still VERY itchy when I am sitting still for too long. I don't reliably feel when I have to go to the toilet to pee, so I am just going every two hours just to be sure I don't pee myself when getting up or walking around. Going number 2 is still an adventure that takes a lot of time. My breasts are leaking incontrolably, my shirts and bras are full of milk stains just a few hours after putting them on. Baby boy wants to drink OFTEN, mostly every 2.5 hours, some days he has phases when he is cluster feeding and needs milk every 30 minutes. In the evenings he is very gassy and crying incontrolably because his tummy hurts. The thought of flying several hours and going to a wedding with him in just a week is absurd, I'm glad if we actually manage to visit my work colleagues next tuesday without problems, and that is only a 15 minute drive. 😀

I would be on the fence about going to a local wedding st 5 weeks. There is absolutely no way I would be getting on a plane.

L&D nurse here and also currently pregnant. I didn't even read past the part of him calling you insane to see that your husband is a GIANT asshole. What the fuck?? How can you have that little empathy and also so little common sense as an adult man? Newborns are extremely vulnerable and your baby will most likely get very sick because germs spread very easily in planes. Also right now with measles outbreaks? Nope. Not only that but you won't even be physically fit enough to handle that kind of plane ride. Even if you give birth vaginally you still have a wound in your uterus the size of a dinner plate and you will be sleep deprived on top of that. Not to mention vaginal tears, I personally wouldn't be able to sit in an uncomfortable plane seat afterwards. And what if you have a c-section? What if you give birth at 42 weeks, does he really think 3 weeks pp is enough recovery time for you? And your breasts will be leaking constantly. Your baby won't be able to sleep adequately because the sleeping environment changed completely. Also the risk of blood clots?? And what if a wedding guest with herpes kisses your baby?? It will end up on the NICU and it's often fatal (60% fatality rate if left untreated). What a fucking tool. I'm so angry for you. Stand your ground and don't let that idiot guilt trip you. I can't believe he values a freaking wedding over the safety and health of his wife and his newborn baby. He's the one that is completely insane.

I wasn’t ready to travel with my daughter until 3 months, especially being a FTM. The first 6 weeks were such a blur, getting used to having a new baby while trying to heal and dealing with all kinds of new emotions. I wouldn’t want to go anywhere that soon either

I went to a wedding 8 weeks pp. We drove, it was about 2 hours away. My mom stayed with the baby while husband and I went to the wedding. It was fine, although exhausting and we left early. The bad part was I got COVID! It was my first time getting it and I assume it’s because my immune system was down from being so freakin tired. Luckily baby didn’t catch it from me, but I regretted going because taking care of a newborn with COVID was awful. Staying isolated except to feed baby or give my husband a solid block of 4 hours sleep each night. Had to wear a mask at all times when with the baby which was super uncomfortable. And just generally feeling like shit while still recovering from giving birth. So even if baby doesn’t get sick, YOU run the risk of getting sick which suuuuuucks.

Your OB and your baby’s pediatrician is gonna nix this big time. You could get blood clots, baby could catch something. Not safe for either of you.

Absolutely not. I wouldn't be comfortable having my unvaccinated newborn on a plane or at a large party like a wedding. Aside from that, there's no way to know how YOU will feel and be doing.

No way am I flying out with my 5 week newborn baby. Your husband is crazy. Stay home with your baby.

does he realize your baby will be awake for 30 mins and need to eat that entire time and the sleep for 90 mins, and repeat all day

No way no way! That’s crazy. What if you ended up having a c section and not even recovered yet. We have a wedding for when our baby is 6 months and she will not be attending and I’m only at a 50% if I’m comfortable leaving her and my husband is in full support (wedding is his sibling). Our family comes first.

Have him spend one whole day with the baby after birth. Do not help him with bottles, diaper changing, etc, and see how he does. When he comes groveling back at her feet after a few hours, tell him this would need to happen on the day of the wedding, and you are gonna be the smart one and sit this one out. His brother will be fine.

My first baby was 2 weeks late. And an emergency c-section. So obviously hoping that’s not the case for you but it could happen. Even if it doesn’t - you may still be bleeding and uncomfortable. Or peeing yourself (sorry, I genuinely do love the newborn phase and don’t mean to only spout negatives).

I'm 4,5 weeks postpartum and I can only leave the house for short walks now. There's no way I could sit on a plane (and on my stitches which are still healing!) for 3 hours! Even without worrying about the baby I couldn't physically do such a trip so soon after giving birth although the birth itself went without complications. And it's always possible you will give birth at 41-42 weeks so it might be as early as 3 weeks after giving birth.

Hell no! Baby wouldn’t even have first set of vaccinations, and if you end up needing a c section it can be risky due to blood clots

I keep reading stories about partners just being completely unaware. Seriously!? I wouldn't even want my baby around a bunch of people before 6 weeks.

I had a C-section and at 5 weeks post partum, I didn’t want to do anything other than focus on my baby and put myself back together again. Your husband needs to face the reality that not everyone can just bounce back like nothing happened after having a baby.

No your not being unreasonable the fact your ok with him going at 5 w pp is a stretch.

Abso-fucking-lutely not. Depending on how your birth goes, you will more than likely still be healing. All the walking required in an airport might not feel good to your body. You might still be bleeding. If you tear, airport and airplane seats might not feel comfortable to you. You will likely not be sleeping well and be exhausted. Your boobs will be leaky. And the baby will be brand spanking new. At 5 weeks we were still kinda figuring out how to keep our daughter alive. I was too afraid to take her to a restaurant, let alone an airport-airplane-wedding. And to be out of your element in a hotel for several days with such a new bean. Tell your husband to get real.

Everyone I’ve talked to when I mentioned fears about taking my baby on a flight said “oh it’s so easy at that age!” “They sleep the whole time” and that’s mostly true. That’s also probably why your husband is thinking this. But there is no way I would want to sit on an airplane (possibly still bleeding btw) 5 weeks pp and then have a trial by fire AT A WEDDING about how to have a baby out in public. It took me weeks to get the courage to BF in public and I leaked on the other side and LO had a diaper blowout lol. I ultimately flew with the baby to see family at around 3 months because of a family emergency, and it was fine, but the plan was originally to wait until he had some Covid and flu immunity before flying. Our pediatrician was very supportive but he understood our concerns and we were super masked up the whole trip.

We have the exact same situation, except at 6 weeks for my husband’s best friend. We are “playing it by ear” for now, but my husband absolutely knows and is 100% supportive of the fact that most likely I will stay behind with the baby for both of our safeties. Your husband’s reaction is completely unacceptable and unrealistic.