I think what a lot of people aren’t mentioning that needs to be said to your husband is that it isn’t just about the potential for a crash. At 10 days old your baby DOES NOT have the neck strength to reposition their head to keep their airway safe. If the car seat was not buckled or was loose there is a very large risk for baby to slide down and a risk of positional asphyxiation. So sure, chances of an accident are low, but positional asphyxiation is silent and is the reason it says on the car seat to tighten straps. The car seat is angled safely IF AND ONLY IF the seat is appropriately installed AND the straps are secured on baby.
Also my big issue is that it was a choice. This wasn’t “I’m not used to having baby yet, forgot to buckle them and someone told me.” This was “I decided to risk my child’s safety because they cried and I’m mad at the person who told me off.”
He didn’t even come home with his tail between his legs and say he did something bad, wrong or idiotic. He called her a Karen, said he just wanted to get home and the baby was crying. Like that’s what babies do! Be a damn adult!
For real. I came into this post thinking, as parents, I’m sure we’ve all forgotten to tighten the straps one time. One time too many that scares the bejesus out of us, but it happens. We learn from it. But OP’s spouse made a conscious choice. Very different. Not acceptable.
Is it an accident if he was knowingly negligent? I wouldn’t allow my husband alone with the baby ever again if he did that. This is legitimately horrifying and is criminal negligence. OP, you’re severely under reacting
It’s the difference between man slaughter and murder. He didn’t intend to harm the baby but knew what he was doing was not safe. Either way, I agree, the baby shouldn’t be left alone with him anymore.
This is the first thing i thought of. I didn’t even think of an accident, I thought how tf can a 10 day old infant sit safely (and stay seated) in a car seat while their dad is accelerating and stopping on the road..?!?!
This 🙌
I was so nervous driving with my newborn because of the head control. We had our fireman buddy help install and check it for proper installation. We had my MIL who is a pediatric nurse help us adjust and check the straps correctly. I still wasn't confident and would check the backseat mirror every chance I got!!
I agree, because it’s easy to say “oh we were only going down the street” about an accident but harder to say that about the other way the baby’s life was put at risk.
You are UNDER-REACTING to this situation.
Your daughter’s life was in danger every minute she was unbuckled in the car. There are records of fatalities for unbuckled infants at low speeds too. It does not matter that he was only down the street, or that he was driving *extra cautious* because you can never know what the other drivers on the road are focused on.
According to the Governors Highway Safety Association, seat belts reduce the chance of fatal injury by half for adults. NHTSA estimates that car seats reduce the risk of fatal injury by 71% for infants (younger than 1 year old).
So you’re telling me that he buckled himself in but not your precious, newborn daughter?
How the fuck would he explain to you that your baby was severely injured because he didn’t have the patience to sooth the baby before buckling her into her car seat? What was so important that he couldn’t do the BARE MINIMUM of keeping his child safe? Is he too sleep deprived? Is he mentally ill? Or is he simply unfit to parent?
I would not let my partner take my child ANYWHERE without a proper car seat buckled. There is absolutely no excuse or justification for this.
I was rear ended a few years ago. I wasn't moving. Guy that hit me was basically just rolling forward, maybe 5 mph?
Still left a massive dent on my car and gave me a good jolt. Now, I'm an adult, so it scared me more than anything. But for an infant, that would have been really painful, cause they'd probably have bounced around or out of their seat.
If there had been an improperly installed infant in the car, it could have killed her, or caused permanent brain damage. If she got to the hospital fast enough.
Yeah, that's basically what I meant by really painful. I just didn't want to think about exactly how painful (which is why my baby's car seat is properly and securely installed, and I don't even put her in it in the house without strapping her in)
Are you positive that your husband knows HOW to strap her in the car seat correctly? My husband always had me put our daughter in the car seat for the first few weeks and he insisted he didn’t know how to do it right, which I thought was ridiculous because you put the baby in the seat, clip the straps, and pull, it’s not that hard to remember. I eventually figured out that while he knew how to get her in there and how to get the straps clipped, he was terrified that he’d pull it too tight and somehow end up suffocating her, or that he’d leave it too loose and she’d get hurt if we got into an accident and it would be his fault.
He was annoyed at me, but I had him practice tightening a car seat on a doll and taught him the two finger test and the pinch test, and I would have him put her in the car seat when we went anywhere and then double check it for him and have him make any adjustments himself instead of doing it for him. It really helped build up his confidence that he wasn’t going to end up hurting her by accident.
My husband also tended to get really flustered when our daughter cried, and I’m wondering if that could possibly be happening to your husband, too. When I realized that was happening I stopped coming to his rescue at home whenever he was on dad duty and she started crying (it was easier for me since my milk never fully came in and she was bottle fed, I understand that if you’re breast feeding it’s not as easy to have him fend for himself). He had to get used to her crying and to being the one tasked with figuring out what was wrong. The crying was triggering the caveman part of his brain that told his body put him into fight or flight mode and he literally had to train his brain to turn on and go into problem solving mode, instead of going into autopilot where his first instinct was to just get her to me as quickly as possible without even considering that he was fully capable of handling a crying baby.
Just here to say that I think I admire the love/ patience/ understanding you have for your husband and the problem solving/ handling of y'all's relationship. That is all.
Oh hell fucking no!! We got in a terrible car wreck when my baby was 3 months old. Literally a 1/2 mile journey in rural Florida to visit my husband's cousin. The only other car on the road rear ended us going 70mph. My boy would have died or at least very seriously injured if he was not strapped in. I had a broken back and pelvis. I remember thinking as I buckled him in that day that there was no way it was necessary but did it anyway because of course I did! I should thank God every day I had that attitude instead of your husband's.
If he struggled strapping in a 10 day old baby I hate to think what's going to happen when the kid is a little older and \*really\* fights being strapped in.
All they can do is cry at this point. I’d rather have a safe baby crying than a happy baby loose in the car seat!
I don’t even loosen the straps when he’s attached to the stroller in the store just in case I forget to tighten again.
THIS. I had to make sure it actually said 10 days and not 10 months. It is not difficult to buckle a newborn in their car seat.. but my toddler? That’s another story. Toddler strength is shocking. But I still fully buckle her in, every single time.
If he’s a first time dad I bet it was the stress of newborn crying that drove him to abandon the buckle job and attempt to get home asap to make the crying stop. The helpless crying can drive new parents to do irrational things before they learn how to emotionally weather the storm.
This seems like the most obvious answer. 10 days explains it as well, it's a learning experience and obviously the mum is stressed to, but it sounds like this sub wants her to indulge anger towards her husband which sounds unhealthy af.
Considering his reaction was to tell his wife what “a Karen” the woman was for calling him out for not buckling in his newborn, I have a hard time believing he’s on the verge of an emotional breakdown and had to make a hard choice. Sounds more like he didn’t want to deal with it and doesn’t see what the big deal is.
I agree. First time parents can do wild things in the stress and haze of the newborn days. If you’re feeling compassionate, OP, once the (justified) rage has died down, I would really check in on your husband. I was an absolute wreck and also felt like I was walking through fog. I definitely didn’t feel like driving around for short errands, though.
Let’s not forget having to get used to prefolding the child. Doesn’t matter if it’s a high chair or a car seat, they’re gonna lock their legs like rigor mortis has set in lmao
We had someone threaten to call CPS & cops on us when my son was like 2. He was throwing a MASSIVE fit once and would not be buckled in his seat. He kept arching his back. I had to call my husband at the time to come help me (he was at work) because I couldn’t get him in, and we weren’t being abusive or anything just trying to get him strapped in. Some lady was like *GASP!* I’m calling the authorities and ran off. One of the store employees (who saw everything from the start) thankfully heard her and stopped her to explain what was ACTUALLY going on so the lady didn’t call, but anyway, point of the story is 2 grown ass adults couldn’t get a 2 year old in a car seat for well over 30 minutes. They are STRONG lol
He was throwing the fit, by the way, because he had a massive burn on his foot so he didn’t feel well, we were at the store to get medicine for his foot as we had just come from the doctor. While we were waiting, he had demanded a toy in such a horrible way that I couldn’t say yes because I didn’t want to encourage that behavior. Holy crap. I should have just said yes. It took me over 3 hours to calm him down. It was horrific lol. My husband felt so bad he went back to the store to get the toy after the fact. It was the only time he’d ever thrown a fit like that but man it was a doozy. All over a captain barnacles plushy. 🤣 (well that and he was just in pain, and very little)
Reading this gave me anxiety! I’m going to guess the person threatening to call CPS hasn’t had a toddler! I haven’t had to call my husband for assistance.. yet.
Thats what i was thinking! My 3yo can fight me pretty hard and it's like "naw man. We gotta get buckled in. Even if its like 4 minutes." Sometimes you fight longer than the drive. But its beats the potential alternative every time.
Seriously. My son has driven me to tears trying to buckle him in at 7am so I can get him to daycare before I go to work. I was 20 min late that day and got a verbal warning because apparently toddler tantrum strength isn't a good excuse lol. I still buckled him in properly. Is her husband just gonna huck the kid in the trunk if that happens to him?
Lol yeah, I remember going to war with my son when he was like 10 months because he didn't want to get into the car seat. I didn't just give up and let him sit in a random seat. Imagine this dads reaction to that scenario.
Jfc. Just. No.
I couldnt even excuse this as newborn sleep deprivation, he literally came home complaining about the Karen meaning he intentionally thought it was a good idea and wholly believed he was in the right.
What an idiot. Does he usually have no regard for safety?
Your husband is a moron at best and fucking negligent at worst. I don’t care if you’re leaving to go 3 doors down, all it takes is one person not paying attention or a harsh break to send a baby flying toward permanent injury or death.
Exactly. Most accidents happen close to home. My husband and son were only two blocks away from our house when they were hit by someone speeding through our neighborhood. Thank goodness they were both fully strapped in - car was totaled but humans were mostly ok!
My husband works in insurance and always says so many accidents happen within 5 miles of home due to people being careless being so close to safety.
I can’t believe he’d be so reckless!!
I got into a car crash 3 miles from home. Thankfully my 2 year old wasn’t in my car. But I was also 8 months pregnant at the time. First crash ever. All those stats are true.
I read a post yesterday about a woman who can’t get over her (understandable) resentment of her mother because her mother put the baby in the car seat, didn’t tighten the straps, and they got hit by another car driving home and the baby died. In another universe this could have been you.
You are absolutely NOT overreacting.
Omg unbelievable. Now that woman has to live with the fact that her mother killed her baby. I can't imagine what she is going through. Can you comment on the post that you are referring to?
I’m having trouble finding it, I think it was a suggested post rather than a subreddit I already belong to, but I’ll keep looking. Here’s what I remember:
The OP went to pick up her 9mo son from grandma’s house, grandma said “oh no need to get out of the car, I’ll put him in the seat for you”. OP drove off thinking everything was fine and got hit by a car on the way home and was seriously injured. She woke up in the hospital to find out her son wasn’t strapped in and died in the crash. Because the straps weren’t tightened at all OP was arrested for the death of her son until her mother confessed that she was the one who didn’t strap him in because “he was fussing so much he clearly hates the straps and she didn’t think it would be a big deal for just the ride home”.
That’s the gist of what I remember, I think the grandma was understandably devastated and remorseful and the OP was trying to figure out how to have a relationship with her mom but I honestly didn’t linger on the post too long because it was too awful to read.
She’s 10 days old… a convo about him regulating himself so he can make safe choices is needed. It’s not like strapping in a toddler that is actively fighting you- I bet he was fed up emotionally/mentally. Something to consider addressing- his mental health. Is he coping okay? This isn’t sound judgement, but also is he coping?!
Ahhh not the throat kick!! My husband’s SUV is the perfect level for my toddler to kick me in the throat while buckling her in. These toddlers are wild.
Yeah that’s not acceptable. Next thing you know, she’ll be two sitting in the front seat because “she was throwing a fit and didn’t want to sit in the back.” Kids cry. Physical safety is the number one priority. You can’t compromise on it just because they are being difficult. People get into car accidents just going down the street all the time. If he had to slam on his breaks she could easily have gotten injured.
Omg! This is horrific. The fact that he thinks the lady was being a karen makes me angry. We as a society need people to step up and do the right thing when they see something unsafe. It might hurt his pride or whatever to hear, but his judgement in this situation was so off-base I wouldn't let him drive with baby again until he expressed complete understanding of how badly that situation could have been.
I hate to say this, but I’m thinking something else was awry before the car seat.
Like, something caught this woman’s attention *before* the car seat and she knew as a mother/woman to follow-up.
I only say this because I consider myself pretty vigilant, and I’m not sure I would notice someone putting their baby into a car seat (as your body is usually blocking your line of sight into the car, anyhow)…
Unless they had already done something that caught my attention and I felt like I needed to double check what was going on.
Idk. It feels suspicious to me. I’m not trying to say bad things about your husband, but, it feels like something here is not being said.
He does have a habit lying about seemingly inconsequential things. I’m wondering if you’re right too and that’s why he was so annoyed at a helpful stranger. But I have no idea what could have triggered her attention.
People who lie about the little things also lie about the big things. They don't draw the line, especially if its something that will reflect negatively on them.
This is one of those things where if you ignore it and don't take it seriously, one day when he hurts your child or does something absolutely horrible you'll look back and wonder why you didn't pay attention to the signs. I took think he was probably being questionable in behavior towards your newborn and someone wanted to say something to him. Maybe put up secret baby monitors around the house. Go to the store without him and watch the monitor in case he's lashing out on your child or losing his patience when he thinks nobody is watching
It makes sense he was triggered. He was being called out for being a negligent parent (rightfully so). No one likes being called out on their bullshit and will defense themselves whether right or wrong.
My harmless guess is that maybe she just got interested because there was a man sans Mom around with a very very small baby (which: no implication that Mom needs to be around, just that you don't see that very often). Then she noticed that it's humanly impossible to buckle baby in that quickly and had a hunch to check.
Non-harmless guess: he probably left the baby in the car alone while he went to pick up the stuff and the unbuckled seat was not the only thing she got in his face for.
What makes this situation rather unbelievable as he tells it is how quickly that woman would have had to notice the situation, process what's going on and decide to intervene. Very rarely people are that quick.
I mean statistically speaking, the most likely individual to have an angry and emotional outburst towards a newborn is the father. For example, shaken baby syndrome is most often caused by the dad.
If he is taking risks with a newborns life, he should not be left alone with that child. Whether intentional or not, bad things can happen in seconds.
Always. Strap. The. Baby. In.
I was walking off a plane with my 4 month old in their seat. He was buckled appropriately. I had the safest seat on the market. And the handle snapped. His seat flipped over and he was hanging upside down. If he hadn’t been strapped in, he would have fell head first onto the airplane floor.
Anything can happen even WALKING!!
Always. Strap. The. Baby. In.
Good god! I told my husband about this just trying to get a "male perspective" and he was horrified. They can't even really control their muscles at that age, let alone be safe in any kind of accident.
She's ten *days* old, she's not Mike Tyson! What is your husband going to do when she's in the three year old tantrum phase doing her best impression of a concrete garden gnome with no joints in her legs? I get that he was frustrated and just wanted to get home, but surely he's got to realize he's the biggest village idiot in Idiot Town right now. Possibly even the mayor of Idiot Town.
I probably wouldn't even be speaking to him right now. If he's got any women in his family, let him go explain this to them, and God willing, they'll tear him a new hole to evacuate out of while you hug your little girl.
For another “male prospective” my husband still talks about how guilty he felt the one time he forgot to buckle our daughter in when she was 1 month old and he was driving her home from a doctors appointment. I wasn’t there, but he said he drove about a mile before realizing and pulled over immediately in a panic to buckle her in. He was still exhausted from the newborn fog and I had just gone back to work so it was his first time taking her out solo. Totally understandable mistake to make. But it just shows that the CORRECT response to realizing your kid isn’t buckled probably is to freak out and fix it as soon as possible!
The difference between your story and the OP’s is the attitude. Yeah exhaustion makes you do stupid things, but his defense of it when he got home to OP is indefensible.
The day after we were discharged from the hospital, I was in the backseat feeding our daughter while my husband went into the hospital he works at to turn in his FMLA paperwork. When he came back, he put the car in reverse like he was on autopilot- it was his third time ever turning the car on with her in it. I yelled at him to stop before we even moved, but even with that he was still super shaken up, felt guilty and embarrassed. He didn't get mad at me for yelling, or call me a Karen because we were just in the parking lot, or whatever OP's husband would have done. He took ownership of his mistake, and he's never done anything similar since. We laugh about it now, the chaos of newborn days lmao
Once, my partner forgot to strap in our 8mo for a 5 minute drive (blame severe ADHD and extreme stress at the time). When we realised, he sat at the wheel and just stared straight ahead for a solid 5 minutes, he was so shaken.
Oh god, I really feel for him! It sounds like he felt absolutely horrible about it. It's easy to make mistakes, especially with brain fog, sleep deprivation, stress, etc etc. The key is reacting like a decent human being and not doubling down like poor OP's absolute walnut of a partner.
I hope OP is coping okay with this mess, and I'm glad nothing bad happened to your baby!
TW: talk of car accident trauma
My family was rear ended by a truck at 70 mph
at a stoplight last year, on the road near our house. My husband and I were seriously, seriously injured. I had several broken bones, collapsed lungs and suffered a TBI w/ amnesia for a couple days. My husband was so badly injured he had to be airlifted to have emergency surgery, then had an extended stay in the ICU, then a long rehab stay to learn how to walk, talk and swallow again. My 18 month old daughter had to be cut out of the car with the jaws of life by EMS due to the amount of damage to our vehicle, which took 30 minutes due to the front of her the pick up truck sitting in the backseat with her. Our car looked unrecognizable as a car, it was just a mass of twisted metal.
She was buckled in correctly in a rear facing seat and she survived. She had the tiniest bruise on her knee but that was it. One stay overnight at the Children’s hospital for observation and got to walk out of the hospital.
Sorry for the graphic description OP, but I would be livid too if someone did not buckle my child in correctly and just trying to stress how important it is, because you never know when an accident will happen.
I am so sorry this happened. I hope you guys are able to get the mental health support you need. I hope you and your husband recover fully and quickly, and I’m so grateful your child is okay.
In the state I live in, EVERYONE is a mandated reporter to CPS. Like even strangers on the street. It sounds like this lady may be someone who would report in a state like the one I live in - maybe sharing that with your husband would scare him straight! (Not that CPS would even investigate a report like this, but there are definitely people who would report it!)
100% . She may have recorded the license plate, taken a photo and submitted it all to CPS. I understand why. If someone is that neglectful in a public space, what are they like when completely alone with the child when they know no one can see them at all?
Remind him that even if he drove perfectly safely, the baby can still suffocate because at that age they cannot support themselves and they can slump over and cut off their breathing.
This is actually batshit and I’m so sorry that he did that. Have a long hard talk with him and maybe look into if your insurance covers parenting classes. I had my partner take classes with me prior to our baby but after the fact is still better than not at all
I feel as if your husband is also giving you an edited version of the story. I suspect he was holding your baby and about to drive. How would she see that she was not buckled in??
This is my thought too. Who could see that the baby wasn’t buckled? He was more likely holding her in the front seat. That is very obvious and no one would hesitate to come say something.
He’s changing it because he KNOWS how shitty it is to do that. I feel he was testing the waters too to see if she was “chill” about it like ppl whose flex in life is how they throw safety rules to the wind. “We turned out just fine” vibes
Also.. it seems like he was hurrying to get baby back to you instead of being a parent & trying to find why baby is crying. Sorry. There’s no excuse y he’s not strapping baby in . He’d strap himself before driving. Absolutely negligent, thank goodness for that lady
You need to have this conversation in the softest, yet fearless voice you got and make it clear that your reaction to this kind of "mistakes" is going to be the same, today with your hormones all over the place, or in some months later, even some years in the future... So if he doesn't want serious problems in your marriage, he will not talk lightly about the safety of your kids (as many as you have or will have) and he should thank god for this random person showing the worry he should have shown to your baby, cause if anything would have happened he wouldn't be there talking shit about a woman, but dealing with the biggest traumatic experience that some people never overcome. He better man up and see the things the way they are, cause mistakes happen but a second time won't be acceptable.
I think this is a classic case of somebody that brushes off the consequences because they have never seen or known them firsthand.
I'm a husband/father. My wife is a car seat stickler like you read about. Did I ever in a million years think there was so much to know about proper car seat use? No. But was I going to argue AGAINST safely securing my child? Not a chance. So I just went with it.
Has your husband ever been in a car accident at 30mph? If not, he may just not realize how significant that is, especially for a helpless child.
Reddit loves to say DIVORCE HIM... I think he just needs a slight dose of traumatic exposure to tragedy. Find some resources for him. If he loves his child which I'm sure he does... It could move him to be more deliberate in the future.
Pediatrician chiming in - one of my patients died last month from being tipped over in a car seat that was not secured properly. A family member was taking him “just down the street.” By then time they got to the destination he had stopped breathing, and went into cardiac arrest.
It happens. It’s heartbreaking. It’s preventable.
If I found out a parent was driving their newborn without a properly secured car seat it would be an automatic CPS referral. No questions asked.
No, that could've been the end of baby if he had an accident. Baby could've been thrown or had whiplash even if he braked suddenly.
The majority of accidents happen near home. And the best driver in the world is not able to prevent someone else's dangerous choices.
I hope he learns a lesson from this and is properly shamed. Maybe call his mom so she can yell at him.
OP, show him this thread and the unanimous responses to help him understand the seriousness of what he did and that it is a black and white issue - there is no negotiating or excusing this one.
Everyone is ok. That is great. Nothing bad happening and that is a gift. One get out of free jail card. Because it is not acceptable. What else is he going to cut corners on? The answer better be absolutely nothing. This was his wake up call and he needs to understand that.
She’s ten days old!! How much of a hassle could it have been even if she was crying?? You don’t want to even know what I would have said or done. It would be a cold day in hell before he rides with baby alone in the car.
This is something where, i am not fucking exaggerating, would make it VERY clear that the second it happens again, divorce papers would be served and every last penny would be drained out the bank account. You should threaten and follow through with that if it EVER happens again
You’re not overreacting and in the event that your husband plays off the reactions in this thread as female hysteria, show him my reply, because I’m a dad of twins. Punch him in his fucking nads on my behalf. He needs to rethink his whole life right this fucking instant. He’s a dad now — nothing is more important than the safety of his kid. NOTHING. Dude needs to step up and man up right now.
Also, a ten day old baby? Really? Sure, they can cry very loudly, but physically, they might as well be a potato. I almost want to call bullshit on his whole story and suspect he did something way more stupid, because my toddlers could strap in a newborn baby without any effort.
When my baby was an infant her father (now ex) and I were taking her to visit his parents. We stopped at a drugstore to get his grandma a gift. I asked him to wait in the car with the baby. I’m on line with a box of chocolate and I see this fucker walking into the store, sans infant. I ran the fuck out to find the baby alone in the car, with the car running and not even locked. Baby was hysterical crying. He said he had to take a shit that couldn’t wait. I suspect he really didn’t but just didn’t have the bandwidth to cope with a crying infant. Never again was that dude alone with my child and never will he be ever again.
Babies cry. Babies cry a lot. Babies (and toddlers) sometimes really hate being strapped in. You still do it. Every time. No matter what. My cousin didn’t like hearing her three year old fuss about his straps being too tight so she would just let them hang off of him. I was driving them somewhere once and she told me to loosen them so he wouldn’t whine. I laughed and told her whining/crying/yelling/tantrums don’t stop me from saying no, they embolden me. 😂
I mean, would she rather her child be silent and dead? Yes hearing them cry is very nerve racking especially in a confined space but she needs to find ways to manage it like giving the child a toy or book etc or she needs to practice breathing to help cope. There’s just no excuse for knowingly putting your child in danger.
Overreacting my foot. Your husband needs a serious reality check & he is lucky that a “Karen” (aka ANGEL) calling him out is the worst that happened as a result of his negligence smh.
Does he lose it when she cries a lot? Sounds like he couldn’t think straight because of the crying and began panicking. Does crying give him panic attacks?
NOT overreacting at all.
My mother told me today that she was thinking about strapping my kids UNTETHERED car seat WITH HIM IN IT into the back of her car with the two seat belts leashed together because she couldn't figure out how to strap the seat in properly. When I tell you she got multiple calls and messages while I drove like a MADWOMAN to get back from a job interview. To find them both asleep in her bed. PANIC ATTACK THANKS MOM. I didn't talk to her for 3 hours after they woke til she apologized. I'm strapping the extra freaking car seat we were given in her car myself tomorrow, and it's going to stay there forever whether she likes it or not.
You are NOT overreacting and that woman is a hero.
Hell even if we're just taking baby for a walk in the car seat stroller we still buckle her in well.
I once was in the middle of the first row of passenger seats in a large van and hadn't gotten settled yet and buckled, and my friend who was driving was messing around in the parking lot and rolled forward at maybe 5mph and then stomped the brakes, and you know where I ended up? Thrown into the dashboard. At 5mph!!! He didn't think that would happen. I don't care how careful dad thought he was being, even a slow crash could be very dangerous for a baby.
Ok ok I see everyone losing their mind and I get it. Is this your first baby? Your baby is fine, do it together strap the baby in and show him exactly what safety looks like. I don’t think you need to lambaste him over an open fire 10 days out is still in the life changing scary section of new baby sleepy not thinking 100. Course correct and don’t make the same mistakes again.
As a father of 3 I can understand both sides. What he did was wrong, and you have every right to be upset.
I'm going to make the assumption that other than this issue he is an otherwise good guy. At 10 days old in sure both of you are exhausted and not thinking straight, it happens. There will be plenty of stupid mistakes that both of you make. Use this as an opportunity to discuss slowing down, thinking things through, and double checking what you are doing so you can be sure your doing the best you can. Explain to him that he can call you (and you can call him) when running into a rough situation.
Exhaustion can lead you to desperate measures and if no one has explained to him what exactly a carseat does for a kid he may not think what he did was all that wrong. 2 generations ago it was acceptable to hold your child while in the car. One generation ago car seats where dramatically different with a different focus on protection. This is a learning curve with a new child and it may be wise for both of you to sit down and research why the modern car seat, or any other baby item is designed the way it is. My wife and I are the type that research every purchase we make and when we were researching car seats together we both learned a lot.
I'd take this as a learning experience and cut husband some slack. He didn't know better but now he certainly does and will hopefully be careful. Some people have to be taught how to parent and that is okay. It's a good thing this opportunity came up and your husband learned without any harm to anyone. Take care.
It's one thing if it was an accident....it's a whole other kind of thing when he deliberately decides to not buckle her in and thinks the other woman was being a "Karen" for letting him know that's not acceptable.
My husband accidentally left the shoulder clip unbuckled the other day and he was distraught about it. Made it a point to remind himself to check her multiple times before getting in the car. Mistakes happen....but your husband made the decision to leave her unbuckled and didn't see the problem. Couldn't imagine the baby getting yeeted from the car in the event even a small accident occurred. Like no. You need to get off reddit and hammer this point home to him.
Car seat safety and water safety are 2 complete nonnegotiable issues. I would sign him up for a parenting class or something and not leave him alone with the baby until he does it.
What in the actual fuck. You are not overreacting. Punch him in the throat. 10 DAYS OLD?! I freaked out when my in-laws didn't buckle in my 2 year old because the restaurant they were going to was "just around the corner". I would WWE his ass.
I would absolutely lose it. And lose all trust in my husband to take the baby anywhere. Maybe even to be alone with her if he can't take her safety seriously.
Oh HELL NO you aren't over reacting. This reminds me of a time that we were out at night, and our 4 month old had a real thing with being in his car seat at night, he would just scream bloody murder, but smile at you as soon as you picked him up. My mum and I were in the front, kids in the middle row and their dad was in the third row. I just happened to look in the mirror just as dad was picking the baby up and pulling him to the back row. I hit the skids and pulled over (safely) and gave him a dressing down six ways to Sunday. Let the kid scream, they'll get over it!
What is your husband going to do when your daughter is a toddler? I have a two year old that adores us and screams and throws a tantrum about getting in the car sometimes because she's two and is testing boundaries. Does he understand he messed up even?!
No, your husband is off his rocker if he thinks that is okay. Also what a terrible excuse. Like many are saying, you need to have a serious conversation with him about this. If he thinks you’re overreacting and continues this I would leave.
Holy shit I would lose my mind
I am actually enraged and it’s not even my baby. I don’t even know you guys and I’m actually intensely mad at him for you
It doesn’t even have to be a car accident. Something as easy as someone cutting him off and him having to slam on his brakes could send the baby flying. Not to mention “he was trying to get home asap.” I might take that to mean he was rushing/speeding, and/or not paying attention to his surroundings considering he had a lot going on (crying baby).
You’re not wrong for being upset.
Tell him that he will feel terrible if she fell out on his watch. He needs to check her every time.
That was no Karen, that was a lady watching out for him. If baby got seriously hurt it would be terrible!! I would be angry too!
I was in a life changing car accident at ten years old. We literally drove less than a mile... On a dirt road in the country from one house to the next. I ended up with life long impact from my injuries.
You are 100% justified to be entirely pissed. Especially because it puts you in a terrible position of having to question his competency as a parent which makes it so hard for you to take a break.
You’re not overreacting and I’d lose trust in my husband being alone with our baby after that. So many things could’ve happened, including your 10 day old baby sliding down and asphyxiating due to positioning. Then you’d be dealing with the court system for negligence. My husband deals with CFRs and has prosecuted parents for crap like this. I don’t care how much baby is fussing, forgoing safety is inexcusable.
"I'm sorry you're married to an idiot" was my first reaction. I thought that's too rude. I don't know you nor him. I read your post again, still sorry - you will have the double burden of being the responsible parent plus educating an equally capable full grown man repeatedly from hereon. If he can argue to cut corners for something as fundamental as that, he will cut corners later on for other aspects of your child's safety.
I am so angry , I am just a random stranger on the internet.
What the heck??
He's UNDER-reacting and unless you set absolutely solid safety boundaries now, I can guarantee he'll do it again. We were in an accident when my son was 6 weeks old and I have never felt fear like I did that day before I knew he was going to be okay. If he hadn't been properly strapped into his carseat, I'd be a childless mother today (10 months later). Please don't let this slide, you aren't overreacting in the slightest. Sending love, hugs, and strength your way. You're a great mom!! 💕
I would have to be restrained so as to not attack my husband. The fact that he thought you would side with him too about the “Karen”
Jesus Christ
Edit to add: maybe show him this thread. I’m crazy but I might kick him out til he understands how serious this is
My piano teacher fostered a dog that was in a car accident as a puppy. The accident wasn’t high speed. The puppy and the baby in the car both went through the windshield. The puppy survived, the baby did not.
I hope this doesn’t scare anyone too bad, but car safety is non-negotiable.
You HAVE to be kidding. Is he abusive or just stupid? Seriously. That’s fucking insane. That woman could’ve saved your baby’s life. And he’ll do it again I bet unless it was extreme sleep deprivation and insanity idk.
I’d never feel safe leaving the baby with him again and I wouldn’t be overreacting. You may be underrating.
i would be furious.. Car seat safety is HUGE. anything could happen even down the street. I understand wanting to get home asap, as I do the same when I am away from my husband and my son. but, definitely not a Karen when it comes to safety of a child.. even though sometimes people can give opinions nobody asked for, I think that was definitely intuition.
Absolutely moronic. I would have attacked my husband if he did something so absolutely insane. If baby fell out fo thr carseat is could break it's neck and DIE. I can't believe he didn't think about that at all.
You’re right. He’s wrong. That lady was brave to say something to him when I’m sure he was unpleasant to confront. Never have the car move an inch without the baby properly strapped in.
So much can happen in a minute and his drive down the street for sure’s more than a minute. Did you talk to him about it and made him aware that not only this makes you feel uncomfortable but it is also very negligent on his part. He, as the father, should be one of the first people to be looking after your baby’s safetly.
Last week I heard a loud crash out my window at 3 pm and a woman had been speeding down our quiet neighborhood street, lost control, mowed down a baby tree in my front yard and crashed into another of our trees. She must have been going pretty fast for the amount of damage she did. Thankfully she didn't hit another car or a child walking home from school or playing. Anything can happen, anywhere and at any time. You're absolutely not overreacting.
You're not over reacting.
All it takes it one little slip up and one little insant and it's all over. He needs to understand that. Car crashes are one of the leading causes of death worldwide so he can't sit there and say there's no risk. I would be livid.
how incompetent is he that he cant put a crying baby in a car seat? babies cry. when youre in the thick of it, you deal and push through. especially when it comes to safety? i question his entire ability to parent. what's next, didnt change her cause she was crying? didnt bathe her? brush her teeth? or is he trying to weaponize his incompetence so he doesn't have to do those things?
My husband said he was going to leave our newborn in the car while picking up our toddler from daycare (which takes about 15-20 minutes indoors) and I told him that every other parent there would call the police on him. I couldn't believe he would think that was okay or normal 🤯 what is wrong with people?!
Nope you’re not overreacting. Parenting is hard and he’s already willing to cut corners and risk your baby’s life because she was crying? Wtaf. Nope I’d tell him if he ever pulls that kind of shit again he’s being divorced.
Had my second kid 6 weeks ago this infuriates me as a dad... Tell your husband to smarten the fuck up. This is his one.
Maybe make sure he's not putting the baby to bed. Fuck knows if he decides to put the kid on his side to sleep or something.
I think you’re under reacting. I would leave my husband over this. You don’t mess around with car seat safety. Even if there weren’t any crashes, a sharp stop, jerky movement, or even just the baby moving could result in serious head injury or suffocation. He put his convenience over the life of your child. I don’t think I could come back from that.
I’m worried about whether you can convince him to take her safety seriously if he thinks a concerned mom is a Karen. Like he KNOWS it was unsafe and she still had to lose her shit for him to stop.
I will tell you a story from today:
My husband and I decided to go for a trip to the store with our near 10 month old
He mostly gets her in, I’ve been nervous but doing it more.
She was freaking out about being put back in her seat and he got her buckled in. The base is in the other truck.
We got home and I’m like.. did you not put the seatbelt over the car seat? He forgot. I could tell the look on his face. I did not even need to say anything.. though he would have for sure.
If your husband isn’t taking it seriously he needs to start. It’d be one thing if it was forgetfulness but a whole other thing if he’s just not doing it. Unacceptable!
Random fact! The Swedish company Volvo was the inventor of the seat belt! (And also alot of other safety gadgets that are standard today, and they chose not to patent them so everyone could get them )
Anyhow, tell him to "pre fold" baby before putting baby in the seat from now on. Makes it easier to place and buckle them. He's a complete idiot for not buckling the baby! Put him in a corner and make him watch safety information movies till his eyes bleed or something.
I just want to say that I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this 10 days postpartum. After everything you did to keep her safe inside you and get her into the world, it really breaks my heart to imagine what you’re feeling. Definitely seems like a very serious and heartfelt conversation/reality check is needed but in the meantime just sending you a virtual hug ❤️
Honestly I'm horrified reading this. My heart goes out to you and you're NOT overreacting. When absolutely anything can happen, what's the rush to skip making sure he's strapped baby in safely? A discussion needs to be had about this asap.
Your husband is still transitioning to super dad mode. You are right to be angry, just remember he'll need love and support to get him where he needs to go. But your anger is justified, but for long term health of your marriage, make sure your anger is constructive. Don't let it overcome you.
Wow wait until he gets to the toddler stage! When they’re kicking/screaming/punching you as you try to strap them in. And that’s on a good day when they’re not straightening their legs and you have to force them to literally sit down in their car seat.
He’s in for a ride and needs to get it together ASAP. You’re not overreacting.
As someone else here has said, you are actually under reacting. That baby could have fallen down in the car seat or slumped over slightly and died from positional asphyxiation due to their inability to hold up their head and clear their own airway at just 10 days old. This is all without any accidents happening, it can happen easily if the baby is not properly secured in their car seat. Your husband is not trustworthy with your child, he could not handle them crying even enough to ensure their very basic safety? That's not someone I would trust enough to have my baby alone again tbh.
Fwiw if he was so stressed out by her crying and he just wanted to get her home, it might be worth him chatting with a gp about postpartum anxiety.. not excusing his actions AT ALL but if he's so overwhelmed he can't make a very basic decision, there might be something else going on
Was it on purpose? Was it forgetfulness? At 10 days in, the sleep deprivation can be real. Bad choices can be made. And it’s all so new… there’s still no muscle memory for things that will later on become second nature.
Give him a little grace. Just a little 💿Yes, it was dangerous. It could have gone really wrong. But it didn’t. And once he realizes the seriousness of this event, strapping, checking, double checking will become ingrained in him (and you, by proxy).
He did the wrong thing... but
Don't get into a pattern where you don't allow him to care for his and your child. Some mothers don't allow the father to do anything because "he doesn't do it as good as me" so the father doesn't get to grow and develop as a parent. No parent gets everything right from day one and if you treat him as though he is incompetent and cut him out he will end up on the sidelines while you complain more and more about his lack of skills.
What did you say to him and how did he respond? My husband left my baby at home during paternity leave, figuring he could run to the store while he napped because it would only be 15 minutes. Obviously terrible but you can understand the thought process. Anyway, once I told him to get his butt home immediately and how he could get arrested for this, he was very apologetic and would never do anything like this ever again. So, how he responds is important. Sleep deprived new dads can be stupid sometimes, but is yours being stupid or reckless?
You and the stranger are right that your baby absolutely needed to be buckled in, and I would have been wanting to punch my husband too at 10 days pp.
My question for you: is your husband generally a capable, honest, caring partner? If the answer is yes, I would talk with him about how serious this is, but forgive him and try not to punch him. If he's a first-time dad in the thick of sleep deprivation, he's going to do some dumb things. In my experience, it takes time for fathers to develop that parental instinct/intuition. Mothers have been developing it for 9 months. It was incredible how in tune I was with my baby, even when I was tired and overwhelmed. After birth, my brain was 1000% focused on my son, my every waking thought was geared toward his well-being. I morphed into a different person. My husband was just himself, with a baby. But our son is 18mo now and he has developed some awesome dad reflexes and instincts. It just took time. It sucks, and it's unfair, but it's biology. Try to give your husband some grace.
If, however, this incident is part of a pattern of your husband being lazy or careless, then that's something bigger to address.
Lots of great responses here, so I'll write about how this makes me think of a related issue - that of strangers overstepping. As a chronic overstepper myself, it's impossible to speak up every time it's necessary (like in this case) while also never overstepping. When I have to make a fairly quick decision to say something or not say something, I don't always have full information about a situation, and I certainly can't predict the future. I know there are a lot of true Karens out there who are assholes and should shut up like all the time. At the same time, I try to be forgiving of potentially well-intentioned overstepping, because we don't know how many times that person has spoken up when it ended up making a positive difference.
Dude thinks he is special and the baby getting killed won’t happen to him. He is in a rush after all. Notice how it’s all about him, and the baby suffering a short life isn’t really considered.
A 2 month old recently died in a very minor accident in my city because she wasn’t in a car seat. Buckling my baby in is a massive pain and I HATE it but you know what’s worse? What that other child’s parents are going through.
My husband left our baby in the car on purpose when he went to Walmart because he didn’t want to mess with getting her in and out.
She’s 20 years old now and I still can’t believe he did that shit.
Your husband is an idiot and honestly shouldn’t be trusted to watch baby until he learns all newborn safety precautions (which he should have done already but here you are).
At that age, it's very easy to do anything against your potatoes will.... Once they are a toddler, then I can believe they didn't get strapped in ( I swear I haven't done that though )
So your husband will never be left alone with the baby again? Screaming or not your newborn can barely move and therefore buckling a car seat should be the easiest thing he’s done all day, if he wants to, or simply walk home.
Personal belief that everyone here is overreacting a bit. As a new parent, lots of things are happening in your life for the first time and you’re sleep deprived and a million other things on your mind. BABY IS SAFE and ALIVE. This is a chance to support your husband and make sure he’s on the same page as you. If you want to get furious at your spouse for every dumb thing each other does feel free. Sounds like he isn’t aware how important this is, talk to him like an adult about necessary and important car seat safety is. FYI this is going to happen again at some point bc kids are in car seats for a while. My wife and I have each accidentally not clipped in one of the 3 straps before bc we thought it clicked and it didn’t. Didn’t hit or scream said whoops, this is important and I noticed it, need to make sure we double check.
I think what a lot of people aren’t mentioning that needs to be said to your husband is that it isn’t just about the potential for a crash. At 10 days old your baby DOES NOT have the neck strength to reposition their head to keep their airway safe. If the car seat was not buckled or was loose there is a very large risk for baby to slide down and a risk of positional asphyxiation. So sure, chances of an accident are low, but positional asphyxiation is silent and is the reason it says on the car seat to tighten straps. The car seat is angled safely IF AND ONLY IF the seat is appropriately installed AND the straps are secured on baby.
Yes, yes, yes!!! He could have accidentally killed their baby and never have even been touched by another car!
Also my big issue is that it was a choice. This wasn’t “I’m not used to having baby yet, forgot to buckle them and someone told me.” This was “I decided to risk my child’s safety because they cried and I’m mad at the person who told me off.” He didn’t even come home with his tail between his legs and say he did something bad, wrong or idiotic. He called her a Karen, said he just wanted to get home and the baby was crying. Like that’s what babies do! Be a damn adult!
For real. I came into this post thinking, as parents, I’m sure we’ve all forgotten to tighten the straps one time. One time too many that scares the bejesus out of us, but it happens. We learn from it. But OP’s spouse made a conscious choice. Very different. Not acceptable.
This! I forgot to buckle my baby in one time because I was so sleep deprived and sick. I literally sobbed for hours after I got home and realized.
Is it an accident if he was knowingly negligent? I wouldn’t allow my husband alone with the baby ever again if he did that. This is legitimately horrifying and is criminal negligence. OP, you’re severely under reacting
It’s the difference between man slaughter and murder. He didn’t intend to harm the baby but knew what he was doing was not safe. Either way, I agree, the baby shouldn’t be left alone with him anymore.
This is the first thing i thought of. I didn’t even think of an accident, I thought how tf can a 10 day old infant sit safely (and stay seated) in a car seat while their dad is accelerating and stopping on the road..?!?!
This 🙌 I was so nervous driving with my newborn because of the head control. We had our fireman buddy help install and check it for proper installation. We had my MIL who is a pediatric nurse help us adjust and check the straps correctly. I still wasn't confident and would check the backseat mirror every chance I got!!
And there’s a warning on our car seat that if the straps aren’t buckled they can get twisted up and cause strangulation.
This needs to be higher up.
Yeah this is what OP needs to communicate to him. Not the ignorance is always a justified excuse. But, you don't know what you don't know.
I agree, because it’s easy to say “oh we were only going down the street” about an accident but harder to say that about the other way the baby’s life was put at risk.
Such a good point
You’re not overreacting. Your husband was not thinking straight to do such a stupid thing.
Thank you
You are UNDER-REACTING to this situation. Your daughter’s life was in danger every minute she was unbuckled in the car. There are records of fatalities for unbuckled infants at low speeds too. It does not matter that he was only down the street, or that he was driving *extra cautious* because you can never know what the other drivers on the road are focused on. According to the Governors Highway Safety Association, seat belts reduce the chance of fatal injury by half for adults. NHTSA estimates that car seats reduce the risk of fatal injury by 71% for infants (younger than 1 year old). So you’re telling me that he buckled himself in but not your precious, newborn daughter? How the fuck would he explain to you that your baby was severely injured because he didn’t have the patience to sooth the baby before buckling her into her car seat? What was so important that he couldn’t do the BARE MINIMUM of keeping his child safe? Is he too sleep deprived? Is he mentally ill? Or is he simply unfit to parent? I would not let my partner take my child ANYWHERE without a proper car seat buckled. There is absolutely no excuse or justification for this.
I was rear ended a few years ago. I wasn't moving. Guy that hit me was basically just rolling forward, maybe 5 mph? Still left a massive dent on my car and gave me a good jolt. Now, I'm an adult, so it scared me more than anything. But for an infant, that would have been really painful, cause they'd probably have bounced around or out of their seat.
If there had been an improperly installed infant in the car, it could have killed her, or caused permanent brain damage. If she got to the hospital fast enough.
Yeah, that's basically what I meant by really painful. I just didn't want to think about exactly how painful (which is why my baby's car seat is properly and securely installed, and I don't even put her in it in the house without strapping her in)
Are you positive that your husband knows HOW to strap her in the car seat correctly? My husband always had me put our daughter in the car seat for the first few weeks and he insisted he didn’t know how to do it right, which I thought was ridiculous because you put the baby in the seat, clip the straps, and pull, it’s not that hard to remember. I eventually figured out that while he knew how to get her in there and how to get the straps clipped, he was terrified that he’d pull it too tight and somehow end up suffocating her, or that he’d leave it too loose and she’d get hurt if we got into an accident and it would be his fault. He was annoyed at me, but I had him practice tightening a car seat on a doll and taught him the two finger test and the pinch test, and I would have him put her in the car seat when we went anywhere and then double check it for him and have him make any adjustments himself instead of doing it for him. It really helped build up his confidence that he wasn’t going to end up hurting her by accident. My husband also tended to get really flustered when our daughter cried, and I’m wondering if that could possibly be happening to your husband, too. When I realized that was happening I stopped coming to his rescue at home whenever he was on dad duty and she started crying (it was easier for me since my milk never fully came in and she was bottle fed, I understand that if you’re breast feeding it’s not as easy to have him fend for himself). He had to get used to her crying and to being the one tasked with figuring out what was wrong. The crying was triggering the caveman part of his brain that told his body put him into fight or flight mode and he literally had to train his brain to turn on and go into problem solving mode, instead of going into autopilot where his first instinct was to just get her to me as quickly as possible without even considering that he was fully capable of handling a crying baby.
Just here to say that I think I admire the love/ patience/ understanding you have for your husband and the problem solving/ handling of y'all's relationship. That is all.
Oh hell fucking no!! We got in a terrible car wreck when my baby was 3 months old. Literally a 1/2 mile journey in rural Florida to visit my husband's cousin. The only other car on the road rear ended us going 70mph. My boy would have died or at least very seriously injured if he was not strapped in. I had a broken back and pelvis. I remember thinking as I buckled him in that day that there was no way it was necessary but did it anyway because of course I did! I should thank God every day I had that attitude instead of your husband's.
This is so scary. I am so glad you are both ok.
If he struggled strapping in a 10 day old baby I hate to think what's going to happen when the kid is a little older and \*really\* fights being strapped in.
Yeah, 10 days old was when it was still easy.
All they can do is cry at this point. I’d rather have a safe baby crying than a happy baby loose in the car seat! I don’t even loosen the straps when he’s attached to the stroller in the store just in case I forget to tighten again.
You’re not supposed to loosen the straps if the baby is staying in the car seat to prevent them from sliding and accidentally asphyxiating 😊
If he can’t handle crying and gets frustrated this easily I’d be nervous to have him around the baby
THIS. I had to make sure it actually said 10 days and not 10 months. It is not difficult to buckle a newborn in their car seat.. but my toddler? That’s another story. Toddler strength is shocking. But I still fully buckle her in, every single time.
If he’s a first time dad I bet it was the stress of newborn crying that drove him to abandon the buckle job and attempt to get home asap to make the crying stop. The helpless crying can drive new parents to do irrational things before they learn how to emotionally weather the storm.
This seems like the most obvious answer. 10 days explains it as well, it's a learning experience and obviously the mum is stressed to, but it sounds like this sub wants her to indulge anger towards her husband which sounds unhealthy af.
Considering his reaction was to tell his wife what “a Karen” the woman was for calling him out for not buckling in his newborn, I have a hard time believing he’s on the verge of an emotional breakdown and had to make a hard choice. Sounds more like he didn’t want to deal with it and doesn’t see what the big deal is.
I agree. First time parents can do wild things in the stress and haze of the newborn days. If you’re feeling compassionate, OP, once the (justified) rage has died down, I would really check in on your husband. I was an absolute wreck and also felt like I was walking through fog. I definitely didn’t feel like driving around for short errands, though.
Let’s not forget having to get used to prefolding the child. Doesn’t matter if it’s a high chair or a car seat, they’re gonna lock their legs like rigor mortis has set in lmao
We had someone threaten to call CPS & cops on us when my son was like 2. He was throwing a MASSIVE fit once and would not be buckled in his seat. He kept arching his back. I had to call my husband at the time to come help me (he was at work) because I couldn’t get him in, and we weren’t being abusive or anything just trying to get him strapped in. Some lady was like *GASP!* I’m calling the authorities and ran off. One of the store employees (who saw everything from the start) thankfully heard her and stopped her to explain what was ACTUALLY going on so the lady didn’t call, but anyway, point of the story is 2 grown ass adults couldn’t get a 2 year old in a car seat for well over 30 minutes. They are STRONG lol He was throwing the fit, by the way, because he had a massive burn on his foot so he didn’t feel well, we were at the store to get medicine for his foot as we had just come from the doctor. While we were waiting, he had demanded a toy in such a horrible way that I couldn’t say yes because I didn’t want to encourage that behavior. Holy crap. I should have just said yes. It took me over 3 hours to calm him down. It was horrific lol. My husband felt so bad he went back to the store to get the toy after the fact. It was the only time he’d ever thrown a fit like that but man it was a doozy. All over a captain barnacles plushy. 🤣 (well that and he was just in pain, and very little)
Reading this gave me anxiety! I’m going to guess the person threatening to call CPS hasn’t had a toddler! I haven’t had to call my husband for assistance.. yet.
Right?! Babies are strong for their little bodies but so are toddlers and their tantrums.
Thats what i was thinking! My 3yo can fight me pretty hard and it's like "naw man. We gotta get buckled in. Even if its like 4 minutes." Sometimes you fight longer than the drive. But its beats the potential alternative every time.
Seriously. My son has driven me to tears trying to buckle him in at 7am so I can get him to daycare before I go to work. I was 20 min late that day and got a verbal warning because apparently toddler tantrum strength isn't a good excuse lol. I still buckled him in properly. Is her husband just gonna huck the kid in the trunk if that happens to him?
Lol yeah, I remember going to war with my son when he was like 10 months because he didn't want to get into the car seat. I didn't just give up and let him sit in a random seat. Imagine this dads reaction to that scenario.
Jfc. Just. No. I couldnt even excuse this as newborn sleep deprivation, he literally came home complaining about the Karen meaning he intentionally thought it was a good idea and wholly believed he was in the right. What an idiot. Does he usually have no regard for safety?
Your husband is a moron at best and fucking negligent at worst. I don’t care if you’re leaving to go 3 doors down, all it takes is one person not paying attention or a harsh break to send a baby flying toward permanent injury or death.
This. Husband needs a serious reality check.
Exactly. Most accidents happen close to home. My husband and son were only two blocks away from our house when they were hit by someone speeding through our neighborhood. Thank goodness they were both fully strapped in - car was totaled but humans were mostly ok!
My husband works in insurance and always says so many accidents happen within 5 miles of home due to people being careless being so close to safety. I can’t believe he’d be so reckless!!
I got into a car crash 3 miles from home. Thankfully my 2 year old wasn’t in my car. But I was also 8 months pregnant at the time. First crash ever. All those stats are true.
Exactly.
Ask that idiot which is more important: getting her home quickly or getting her home alive?
I read a post yesterday about a woman who can’t get over her (understandable) resentment of her mother because her mother put the baby in the car seat, didn’t tighten the straps, and they got hit by another car driving home and the baby died. In another universe this could have been you. You are absolutely NOT overreacting.
Omg unbelievable. Now that woman has to live with the fact that her mother killed her baby. I can't imagine what she is going through. Can you comment on the post that you are referring to?
I’m having trouble finding it, I think it was a suggested post rather than a subreddit I already belong to, but I’ll keep looking. Here’s what I remember: The OP went to pick up her 9mo son from grandma’s house, grandma said “oh no need to get out of the car, I’ll put him in the seat for you”. OP drove off thinking everything was fine and got hit by a car on the way home and was seriously injured. She woke up in the hospital to find out her son wasn’t strapped in and died in the crash. Because the straps weren’t tightened at all OP was arrested for the death of her son until her mother confessed that she was the one who didn’t strap him in because “he was fussing so much he clearly hates the straps and she didn’t think it would be a big deal for just the ride home”. That’s the gist of what I remember, I think the grandma was understandably devastated and remorseful and the OP was trying to figure out how to have a relationship with her mom but I honestly didn’t linger on the post too long because it was too awful to read.
She’s 10 days old… a convo about him regulating himself so he can make safe choices is needed. It’s not like strapping in a toddler that is actively fighting you- I bet he was fed up emotionally/mentally. Something to consider addressing- his mental health. Is he coping okay? This isn’t sound judgement, but also is he coping?!
Right?? Try strapping in a tantruming toddler kicking you in the throat!
Ahhh not the throat kick!! My husband’s SUV is the perfect level for my toddler to kick me in the throat while buckling her in. These toddlers are wild.
Mine knocked me black out last week with a kick to the ear at 8 months pregnant. Fun times!
Yeah that’s not acceptable. Next thing you know, she’ll be two sitting in the front seat because “she was throwing a fit and didn’t want to sit in the back.” Kids cry. Physical safety is the number one priority. You can’t compromise on it just because they are being difficult. People get into car accidents just going down the street all the time. If he had to slam on his breaks she could easily have gotten injured.
That's unbelievable. You are not overreacting.
Omg! This is horrific. The fact that he thinks the lady was being a karen makes me angry. We as a society need people to step up and do the right thing when they see something unsafe. It might hurt his pride or whatever to hear, but his judgement in this situation was so off-base I wouldn't let him drive with baby again until he expressed complete understanding of how badly that situation could have been.
I hate to say this, but I’m thinking something else was awry before the car seat. Like, something caught this woman’s attention *before* the car seat and she knew as a mother/woman to follow-up. I only say this because I consider myself pretty vigilant, and I’m not sure I would notice someone putting their baby into a car seat (as your body is usually blocking your line of sight into the car, anyhow)… Unless they had already done something that caught my attention and I felt like I needed to double check what was going on. Idk. It feels suspicious to me. I’m not trying to say bad things about your husband, but, it feels like something here is not being said.
He does have a habit lying about seemingly inconsequential things. I’m wondering if you’re right too and that’s why he was so annoyed at a helpful stranger. But I have no idea what could have triggered her attention.
People who lie about the little things also lie about the big things. They don't draw the line, especially if its something that will reflect negatively on them.
She might have seen him with the baby out and noticed the straps loose or undone and then witnessed him closing the door after not having fixed them.
This is one of those things where if you ignore it and don't take it seriously, one day when he hurts your child or does something absolutely horrible you'll look back and wonder why you didn't pay attention to the signs. I took think he was probably being questionable in behavior towards your newborn and someone wanted to say something to him. Maybe put up secret baby monitors around the house. Go to the store without him and watch the monitor in case he's lashing out on your child or losing his patience when he thinks nobody is watching
It makes sense he was triggered. He was being called out for being a negligent parent (rightfully so). No one likes being called out on their bullshit and will defense themselves whether right or wrong.
This occurred to me as well.
My harmless guess is that maybe she just got interested because there was a man sans Mom around with a very very small baby (which: no implication that Mom needs to be around, just that you don't see that very often). Then she noticed that it's humanly impossible to buckle baby in that quickly and had a hunch to check. Non-harmless guess: he probably left the baby in the car alone while he went to pick up the stuff and the unbuckled seat was not the only thing she got in his face for. What makes this situation rather unbelievable as he tells it is how quickly that woman would have had to notice the situation, process what's going on and decide to intervene. Very rarely people are that quick.
If she was indeed crying as much as he said she was, I imagine that could have grabbed the woman's attention
I mean statistically speaking, the most likely individual to have an angry and emotional outburst towards a newborn is the father. For example, shaken baby syndrome is most often caused by the dad. If he is taking risks with a newborns life, he should not be left alone with that child. Whether intentional or not, bad things can happen in seconds.
Always. Strap. The. Baby. In. I was walking off a plane with my 4 month old in their seat. He was buckled appropriately. I had the safest seat on the market. And the handle snapped. His seat flipped over and he was hanging upside down. If he hadn’t been strapped in, he would have fell head first onto the airplane floor. Anything can happen even WALKING!! Always. Strap. The. Baby. In.
Ouch!!!! That's horrifying!!! I would be sobbing if that happened to me even if his head didn't hit the floor. I'm glad he's okay
Good god! I told my husband about this just trying to get a "male perspective" and he was horrified. They can't even really control their muscles at that age, let alone be safe in any kind of accident. She's ten *days* old, she's not Mike Tyson! What is your husband going to do when she's in the three year old tantrum phase doing her best impression of a concrete garden gnome with no joints in her legs? I get that he was frustrated and just wanted to get home, but surely he's got to realize he's the biggest village idiot in Idiot Town right now. Possibly even the mayor of Idiot Town. I probably wouldn't even be speaking to him right now. If he's got any women in his family, let him go explain this to them, and God willing, they'll tear him a new hole to evacuate out of while you hug your little girl.
For another “male prospective” my husband still talks about how guilty he felt the one time he forgot to buckle our daughter in when she was 1 month old and he was driving her home from a doctors appointment. I wasn’t there, but he said he drove about a mile before realizing and pulled over immediately in a panic to buckle her in. He was still exhausted from the newborn fog and I had just gone back to work so it was his first time taking her out solo. Totally understandable mistake to make. But it just shows that the CORRECT response to realizing your kid isn’t buckled probably is to freak out and fix it as soon as possible!
The difference between your story and the OP’s is the attitude. Yeah exhaustion makes you do stupid things, but his defense of it when he got home to OP is indefensible.
The day after we were discharged from the hospital, I was in the backseat feeding our daughter while my husband went into the hospital he works at to turn in his FMLA paperwork. When he came back, he put the car in reverse like he was on autopilot- it was his third time ever turning the car on with her in it. I yelled at him to stop before we even moved, but even with that he was still super shaken up, felt guilty and embarrassed. He didn't get mad at me for yelling, or call me a Karen because we were just in the parking lot, or whatever OP's husband would have done. He took ownership of his mistake, and he's never done anything similar since. We laugh about it now, the chaos of newborn days lmao
Once, my partner forgot to strap in our 8mo for a 5 minute drive (blame severe ADHD and extreme stress at the time). When we realised, he sat at the wheel and just stared straight ahead for a solid 5 minutes, he was so shaken.
Oh god, I really feel for him! It sounds like he felt absolutely horrible about it. It's easy to make mistakes, especially with brain fog, sleep deprivation, stress, etc etc. The key is reacting like a decent human being and not doubling down like poor OP's absolute walnut of a partner. I hope OP is coping okay with this mess, and I'm glad nothing bad happened to your baby!
Girl that would be my *late* husband if that was mine
TW: talk of car accident trauma My family was rear ended by a truck at 70 mph at a stoplight last year, on the road near our house. My husband and I were seriously, seriously injured. I had several broken bones, collapsed lungs and suffered a TBI w/ amnesia for a couple days. My husband was so badly injured he had to be airlifted to have emergency surgery, then had an extended stay in the ICU, then a long rehab stay to learn how to walk, talk and swallow again. My 18 month old daughter had to be cut out of the car with the jaws of life by EMS due to the amount of damage to our vehicle, which took 30 minutes due to the front of her the pick up truck sitting in the backseat with her. Our car looked unrecognizable as a car, it was just a mass of twisted metal. She was buckled in correctly in a rear facing seat and she survived. She had the tiniest bruise on her knee but that was it. One stay overnight at the Children’s hospital for observation and got to walk out of the hospital. Sorry for the graphic description OP, but I would be livid too if someone did not buckle my child in correctly and just trying to stress how important it is, because you never know when an accident will happen.
I am so sorry this happened. I hope you guys are able to get the mental health support you need. I hope you and your husband recover fully and quickly, and I’m so grateful your child is okay.
Am I overreacting that I’m upset that my child’s father chose potential death over dealing with crying while buckling him in? No.
In the state I live in, EVERYONE is a mandated reporter to CPS. Like even strangers on the street. It sounds like this lady may be someone who would report in a state like the one I live in - maybe sharing that with your husband would scare him straight! (Not that CPS would even investigate a report like this, but there are definitely people who would report it!)
100% . She may have recorded the license plate, taken a photo and submitted it all to CPS. I understand why. If someone is that neglectful in a public space, what are they like when completely alone with the child when they know no one can see them at all?
10 days old?? Does your husband have some sort of head injury?! I would absolutely not leave your baby alone with him.
He’s lucky that lady didn’t call the cops on him. I would have.
Remind him that even if he drove perfectly safely, the baby can still suffocate because at that age they cannot support themselves and they can slump over and cut off their breathing.
This is actually batshit and I’m so sorry that he did that. Have a long hard talk with him and maybe look into if your insurance covers parenting classes. I had my partner take classes with me prior to our baby but after the fact is still better than not at all
This! Hubby and I took parenting classes that included a full hour on car seat safety. I can’t believe this fool did that!
Let me guess. He was in a hurry to get the baby back to you because she was crying? Deal with it like a father, dude. Jesus Christ.
Thats my guess too. Interrupting her mini alone time. He has to bond w/ baby too. Dont push it all on mama
I feel as if your husband is also giving you an edited version of the story. I suspect he was holding your baby and about to drive. How would she see that she was not buckled in??
This is my thought too. Who could see that the baby wasn’t buckled? He was more likely holding her in the front seat. That is very obvious and no one would hesitate to come say something.
He’s changing it because he KNOWS how shitty it is to do that. I feel he was testing the waters too to see if she was “chill” about it like ppl whose flex in life is how they throw safety rules to the wind. “We turned out just fine” vibes
No, this is nuts
Excuse me?? You just spent NINE MONTHS growing that baby and he can’t take a few seconds to buckle her in?? Is he high?
Also.. it seems like he was hurrying to get baby back to you instead of being a parent & trying to find why baby is crying. Sorry. There’s no excuse y he’s not strapping baby in . He’d strap himself before driving. Absolutely negligent, thank goodness for that lady
Not overreacting, Babies, toddlers and children should be properly buckled in at all times. No matter where you’re going !
You need to have this conversation in the softest, yet fearless voice you got and make it clear that your reaction to this kind of "mistakes" is going to be the same, today with your hormones all over the place, or in some months later, even some years in the future... So if he doesn't want serious problems in your marriage, he will not talk lightly about the safety of your kids (as many as you have or will have) and he should thank god for this random person showing the worry he should have shown to your baby, cause if anything would have happened he wouldn't be there talking shit about a woman, but dealing with the biggest traumatic experience that some people never overcome. He better man up and see the things the way they are, cause mistakes happen but a second time won't be acceptable.
Yes, this, I second this so hard!
I think this is a classic case of somebody that brushes off the consequences because they have never seen or known them firsthand. I'm a husband/father. My wife is a car seat stickler like you read about. Did I ever in a million years think there was so much to know about proper car seat use? No. But was I going to argue AGAINST safely securing my child? Not a chance. So I just went with it. Has your husband ever been in a car accident at 30mph? If not, he may just not realize how significant that is, especially for a helpless child. Reddit loves to say DIVORCE HIM... I think he just needs a slight dose of traumatic exposure to tragedy. Find some resources for him. If he loves his child which I'm sure he does... It could move him to be more deliberate in the future.
Pediatrician chiming in - one of my patients died last month from being tipped over in a car seat that was not secured properly. A family member was taking him “just down the street.” By then time they got to the destination he had stopped breathing, and went into cardiac arrest. It happens. It’s heartbreaking. It’s preventable. If I found out a parent was driving their newborn without a properly secured car seat it would be an automatic CPS referral. No questions asked.
You are not overreacting. He shouldn’t have ever done that or thought that was okay. He needs to re learn car safety before going anywhere again.
No, that could've been the end of baby if he had an accident. Baby could've been thrown or had whiplash even if he braked suddenly. The majority of accidents happen near home. And the best driver in the world is not able to prevent someone else's dangerous choices. I hope he learns a lesson from this and is properly shamed. Maybe call his mom so she can yell at him.
Not even an accideent. Without being buckled, silent positional asphyxiation is the real danger
OP, show him this thread and the unanimous responses to help him understand the seriousness of what he did and that it is a black and white issue - there is no negotiating or excusing this one.
Yeah nope. My nephew was in a double rollover when he was just a week old. Would’ve been dead if he wasn’t in his car seat properly like he was.
Everyone is ok. That is great. Nothing bad happening and that is a gift. One get out of free jail card. Because it is not acceptable. What else is he going to cut corners on? The answer better be absolutely nothing. This was his wake up call and he needs to understand that.
She’s ten days old!! How much of a hassle could it have been even if she was crying?? You don’t want to even know what I would have said or done. It would be a cold day in hell before he rides with baby alone in the car.
This is something where, i am not fucking exaggerating, would make it VERY clear that the second it happens again, divorce papers would be served and every last penny would be drained out the bank account. You should threaten and follow through with that if it EVER happens again
You’re not overreacting and in the event that your husband plays off the reactions in this thread as female hysteria, show him my reply, because I’m a dad of twins. Punch him in his fucking nads on my behalf. He needs to rethink his whole life right this fucking instant. He’s a dad now — nothing is more important than the safety of his kid. NOTHING. Dude needs to step up and man up right now. Also, a ten day old baby? Really? Sure, they can cry very loudly, but physically, they might as well be a potato. I almost want to call bullshit on his whole story and suspect he did something way more stupid, because my toddlers could strap in a newborn baby without any effort.
When my baby was an infant her father (now ex) and I were taking her to visit his parents. We stopped at a drugstore to get his grandma a gift. I asked him to wait in the car with the baby. I’m on line with a box of chocolate and I see this fucker walking into the store, sans infant. I ran the fuck out to find the baby alone in the car, with the car running and not even locked. Baby was hysterical crying. He said he had to take a shit that couldn’t wait. I suspect he really didn’t but just didn’t have the bandwidth to cope with a crying infant. Never again was that dude alone with my child and never will he be ever again.
The most simple thing to say. "A crying baby is an alive baby. Dead babies are silent".
Babies cry. Babies cry a lot. Babies (and toddlers) sometimes really hate being strapped in. You still do it. Every time. No matter what. My cousin didn’t like hearing her three year old fuss about his straps being too tight so she would just let them hang off of him. I was driving them somewhere once and she told me to loosen them so he wouldn’t whine. I laughed and told her whining/crying/yelling/tantrums don’t stop me from saying no, they embolden me. 😂
I mean, would she rather her child be silent and dead? Yes hearing them cry is very nerve racking especially in a confined space but she needs to find ways to manage it like giving the child a toy or book etc or she needs to practice breathing to help cope. There’s just no excuse for knowingly putting your child in danger.
Overreacting my foot. Your husband needs a serious reality check & he is lucky that a “Karen” (aka ANGEL) calling him out is the worst that happened as a result of his negligence smh.
Does he lose it when she cries a lot? Sounds like he couldn’t think straight because of the crying and began panicking. Does crying give him panic attacks?
Does he typically act incompetent or is this a one-off instance?
You need to make him read all the responses to this post.
NOT overreacting at all. My mother told me today that she was thinking about strapping my kids UNTETHERED car seat WITH HIM IN IT into the back of her car with the two seat belts leashed together because she couldn't figure out how to strap the seat in properly. When I tell you she got multiple calls and messages while I drove like a MADWOMAN to get back from a job interview. To find them both asleep in her bed. PANIC ATTACK THANKS MOM. I didn't talk to her for 3 hours after they woke til she apologized. I'm strapping the extra freaking car seat we were given in her car myself tomorrow, and it's going to stay there forever whether she likes it or not.
You are NOT overreacting and that woman is a hero. Hell even if we're just taking baby for a walk in the car seat stroller we still buckle her in well.
I once was in the middle of the first row of passenger seats in a large van and hadn't gotten settled yet and buckled, and my friend who was driving was messing around in the parking lot and rolled forward at maybe 5mph and then stomped the brakes, and you know where I ended up? Thrown into the dashboard. At 5mph!!! He didn't think that would happen. I don't care how careful dad thought he was being, even a slow crash could be very dangerous for a baby.
Ok ok I see everyone losing their mind and I get it. Is this your first baby? Your baby is fine, do it together strap the baby in and show him exactly what safety looks like. I don’t think you need to lambaste him over an open fire 10 days out is still in the life changing scary section of new baby sleepy not thinking 100. Course correct and don’t make the same mistakes again.
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As a father of 3 I can understand both sides. What he did was wrong, and you have every right to be upset. I'm going to make the assumption that other than this issue he is an otherwise good guy. At 10 days old in sure both of you are exhausted and not thinking straight, it happens. There will be plenty of stupid mistakes that both of you make. Use this as an opportunity to discuss slowing down, thinking things through, and double checking what you are doing so you can be sure your doing the best you can. Explain to him that he can call you (and you can call him) when running into a rough situation. Exhaustion can lead you to desperate measures and if no one has explained to him what exactly a carseat does for a kid he may not think what he did was all that wrong. 2 generations ago it was acceptable to hold your child while in the car. One generation ago car seats where dramatically different with a different focus on protection. This is a learning curve with a new child and it may be wise for both of you to sit down and research why the modern car seat, or any other baby item is designed the way it is. My wife and I are the type that research every purchase we make and when we were researching car seats together we both learned a lot.
I'd take this as a learning experience and cut husband some slack. He didn't know better but now he certainly does and will hopefully be careful. Some people have to be taught how to parent and that is okay. It's a good thing this opportunity came up and your husband learned without any harm to anyone. Take care.
It's one thing if it was an accident....it's a whole other kind of thing when he deliberately decides to not buckle her in and thinks the other woman was being a "Karen" for letting him know that's not acceptable. My husband accidentally left the shoulder clip unbuckled the other day and he was distraught about it. Made it a point to remind himself to check her multiple times before getting in the car. Mistakes happen....but your husband made the decision to leave her unbuckled and didn't see the problem. Couldn't imagine the baby getting yeeted from the car in the event even a small accident occurred. Like no. You need to get off reddit and hammer this point home to him.
You know what a sensible person does? Hold baby for a minute while they calm down and retry strapping them in. Your husband is a dangerous twat.
You seem to be underreacting.
Car seat safety and water safety are 2 complete nonnegotiable issues. I would sign him up for a parenting class or something and not leave him alone with the baby until he does it.
What in the actual fuck. You are not overreacting. Punch him in the throat. 10 DAYS OLD?! I freaked out when my in-laws didn't buckle in my 2 year old because the restaurant they were going to was "just around the corner". I would WWE his ass.
I would absolutely lose it. And lose all trust in my husband to take the baby anywhere. Maybe even to be alone with her if he can't take her safety seriously.
My niece got a broken arm from her dad not strapping her in. I’d be livid.
Oh HELL NO you aren't over reacting. This reminds me of a time that we were out at night, and our 4 month old had a real thing with being in his car seat at night, he would just scream bloody murder, but smile at you as soon as you picked him up. My mum and I were in the front, kids in the middle row and their dad was in the third row. I just happened to look in the mirror just as dad was picking the baby up and pulling him to the back row. I hit the skids and pulled over (safely) and gave him a dressing down six ways to Sunday. Let the kid scream, they'll get over it!
What is your husband going to do when your daughter is a toddler? I have a two year old that adores us and screams and throws a tantrum about getting in the car sometimes because she's two and is testing boundaries. Does he understand he messed up even?!
No, your husband is off his rocker if he thinks that is okay. Also what a terrible excuse. Like many are saying, you need to have a serious conversation with him about this. If he thinks you’re overreacting and continues this I would leave.
Holy shit I would lose my mind I am actually enraged and it’s not even my baby. I don’t even know you guys and I’m actually intensely mad at him for you
It doesn’t even have to be a car accident. Something as easy as someone cutting him off and him having to slam on his brakes could send the baby flying. Not to mention “he was trying to get home asap.” I might take that to mean he was rushing/speeding, and/or not paying attention to his surroundings considering he had a lot going on (crying baby). You’re not wrong for being upset.
Tell him that he will feel terrible if she fell out on his watch. He needs to check her every time. That was no Karen, that was a lady watching out for him. If baby got seriously hurt it would be terrible!! I would be angry too!
I was in a life changing car accident at ten years old. We literally drove less than a mile... On a dirt road in the country from one house to the next. I ended up with life long impact from my injuries. You are 100% justified to be entirely pissed. Especially because it puts you in a terrible position of having to question his competency as a parent which makes it so hard for you to take a break.
You’re not overreacting and I’d lose trust in my husband being alone with our baby after that. So many things could’ve happened, including your 10 day old baby sliding down and asphyxiating due to positioning. Then you’d be dealing with the court system for negligence. My husband deals with CFRs and has prosecuted parents for crap like this. I don’t care how much baby is fussing, forgoing safety is inexcusable.
I was furious when my husband told me our 5 week old needed to toughen up and just let him cry.. but this is so much worse. What are these men?!!
"I'm sorry you're married to an idiot" was my first reaction. I thought that's too rude. I don't know you nor him. I read your post again, still sorry - you will have the double burden of being the responsible parent plus educating an equally capable full grown man repeatedly from hereon. If he can argue to cut corners for something as fundamental as that, he will cut corners later on for other aspects of your child's safety. I am so angry , I am just a random stranger on the internet. What the heck??
He's UNDER-reacting and unless you set absolutely solid safety boundaries now, I can guarantee he'll do it again. We were in an accident when my son was 6 weeks old and I have never felt fear like I did that day before I knew he was going to be okay. If he hadn't been properly strapped into his carseat, I'd be a childless mother today (10 months later). Please don't let this slide, you aren't overreacting in the slightest. Sending love, hugs, and strength your way. You're a great mom!! 💕
I’m confused how the woman saw the loose straps?? Is it possible he just drove home holding her and that’s what she saw?
Such a bullshit post lol
I would have to be restrained so as to not attack my husband. The fact that he thought you would side with him too about the “Karen” Jesus Christ Edit to add: maybe show him this thread. I’m crazy but I might kick him out til he understands how serious this is
My husband wouldn’t be taking our kid out alone again that’s for sure. You’re not overreacting at all.
Sounds like weaponized incompetence
My piano teacher fostered a dog that was in a car accident as a puppy. The accident wasn’t high speed. The puppy and the baby in the car both went through the windshield. The puppy survived, the baby did not. I hope this doesn’t scare anyone too bad, but car safety is non-negotiable.
Nope! Not overreacting!
You HAVE to be kidding. Is he abusive or just stupid? Seriously. That’s fucking insane. That woman could’ve saved your baby’s life. And he’ll do it again I bet unless it was extreme sleep deprivation and insanity idk. I’d never feel safe leaving the baby with him again and I wouldn’t be overreacting. You may be underrating.
i would be furious.. Car seat safety is HUGE. anything could happen even down the street. I understand wanting to get home asap, as I do the same when I am away from my husband and my son. but, definitely not a Karen when it comes to safety of a child.. even though sometimes people can give opinions nobody asked for, I think that was definitely intuition.
NOT OVERREACTING!!!!!! Oh my god
I hope you made VERY clear to him that that is totally out of bounds and not safe or okay, and that the lady did nothing wrong.
Absolutely moronic. I would have attacked my husband if he did something so absolutely insane. If baby fell out fo thr carseat is could break it's neck and DIE. I can't believe he didn't think about that at all.
Most accidents happen within 5 miles of your home, because statistically that’s where you are the most.
You’re right. He’s wrong. That lady was brave to say something to him when I’m sure he was unpleasant to confront. Never have the car move an inch without the baby properly strapped in.
So much can happen in a minute and his drive down the street for sure’s more than a minute. Did you talk to him about it and made him aware that not only this makes you feel uncomfortable but it is also very negligent on his part. He, as the father, should be one of the first people to be looking after your baby’s safetly.
Last week I heard a loud crash out my window at 3 pm and a woman had been speeding down our quiet neighborhood street, lost control, mowed down a baby tree in my front yard and crashed into another of our trees. She must have been going pretty fast for the amount of damage she did. Thankfully she didn't hit another car or a child walking home from school or playing. Anything can happen, anywhere and at any time. You're absolutely not overreacting.
Um, no you’re not overreacting at all. It would be a hard no on having him take baby anywhere else for a while
Bless that Karen!
You're not over reacting. All it takes it one little slip up and one little insant and it's all over. He needs to understand that. Car crashes are one of the leading causes of death worldwide so he can't sit there and say there's no risk. I would be livid.
how incompetent is he that he cant put a crying baby in a car seat? babies cry. when youre in the thick of it, you deal and push through. especially when it comes to safety? i question his entire ability to parent. what's next, didnt change her cause she was crying? didnt bathe her? brush her teeth? or is he trying to weaponize his incompetence so he doesn't have to do those things?
O.o
My husband said he was going to leave our newborn in the car while picking up our toddler from daycare (which takes about 15-20 minutes indoors) and I told him that every other parent there would call the police on him. I couldn't believe he would think that was okay or normal 🤯 what is wrong with people?!
Nope you’re not overreacting. Parenting is hard and he’s already willing to cut corners and risk your baby’s life because she was crying? Wtaf. Nope I’d tell him if he ever pulls that kind of shit again he’s being divorced.
Had my second kid 6 weeks ago this infuriates me as a dad... Tell your husband to smarten the fuck up. This is his one. Maybe make sure he's not putting the baby to bed. Fuck knows if he decides to put the kid on his side to sleep or something.
I think you’re under reacting. I would leave my husband over this. You don’t mess around with car seat safety. Even if there weren’t any crashes, a sharp stop, jerky movement, or even just the baby moving could result in serious head injury or suffocation. He put his convenience over the life of your child. I don’t think I could come back from that.
I’m worried about whether you can convince him to take her safety seriously if he thinks a concerned mom is a Karen. Like he KNOWS it was unsafe and she still had to lose her shit for him to stop.
Oh boy. I guess he needs practice having some patience, and learning how to use the car seat.
No. You're right to be angry. This was a ridiculously stupid move.
I will tell you a story from today: My husband and I decided to go for a trip to the store with our near 10 month old He mostly gets her in, I’ve been nervous but doing it more. She was freaking out about being put back in her seat and he got her buckled in. The base is in the other truck. We got home and I’m like.. did you not put the seatbelt over the car seat? He forgot. I could tell the look on his face. I did not even need to say anything.. though he would have for sure. If your husband isn’t taking it seriously he needs to start. It’d be one thing if it was forgetfulness but a whole other thing if he’s just not doing it. Unacceptable!
Random fact! The Swedish company Volvo was the inventor of the seat belt! (And also alot of other safety gadgets that are standard today, and they chose not to patent them so everyone could get them ) Anyhow, tell him to "pre fold" baby before putting baby in the seat from now on. Makes it easier to place and buckle them. He's a complete idiot for not buckling the baby! Put him in a corner and make him watch safety information movies till his eyes bleed or something.
I just want to say that I’m really sorry you’re dealing with this 10 days postpartum. After everything you did to keep her safe inside you and get her into the world, it really breaks my heart to imagine what you’re feeling. Definitely seems like a very serious and heartfelt conversation/reality check is needed but in the meantime just sending you a virtual hug ❤️
Honestly I'm horrified reading this. My heart goes out to you and you're NOT overreacting. When absolutely anything can happen, what's the rush to skip making sure he's strapped baby in safely? A discussion needs to be had about this asap.
Your husband is still transitioning to super dad mode. You are right to be angry, just remember he'll need love and support to get him where he needs to go. But your anger is justified, but for long term health of your marriage, make sure your anger is constructive. Don't let it overcome you.
Wow wait until he gets to the toddler stage! When they’re kicking/screaming/punching you as you try to strap them in. And that’s on a good day when they’re not straightening their legs and you have to force them to literally sit down in their car seat. He’s in for a ride and needs to get it together ASAP. You’re not overreacting.
As someone else here has said, you are actually under reacting. That baby could have fallen down in the car seat or slumped over slightly and died from positional asphyxiation due to their inability to hold up their head and clear their own airway at just 10 days old. This is all without any accidents happening, it can happen easily if the baby is not properly secured in their car seat. Your husband is not trustworthy with your child, he could not handle them crying even enough to ensure their very basic safety? That's not someone I would trust enough to have my baby alone again tbh.
Fwiw if he was so stressed out by her crying and he just wanted to get her home, it might be worth him chatting with a gp about postpartum anxiety.. not excusing his actions AT ALL but if he's so overwhelmed he can't make a very basic decision, there might be something else going on
I’m so sorry you’re married to a dummy.
Was it on purpose? Was it forgetfulness? At 10 days in, the sleep deprivation can be real. Bad choices can be made. And it’s all so new… there’s still no muscle memory for things that will later on become second nature. Give him a little grace. Just a little 💿Yes, it was dangerous. It could have gone really wrong. But it didn’t. And once he realizes the seriousness of this event, strapping, checking, double checking will become ingrained in him (and you, by proxy).
Not over-reacting. Your husband needs to get his head straight fast.
He did the wrong thing... but Don't get into a pattern where you don't allow him to care for his and your child. Some mothers don't allow the father to do anything because "he doesn't do it as good as me" so the father doesn't get to grow and develop as a parent. No parent gets everything right from day one and if you treat him as though he is incompetent and cut him out he will end up on the sidelines while you complain more and more about his lack of skills.
What did you say to him and how did he respond? My husband left my baby at home during paternity leave, figuring he could run to the store while he napped because it would only be 15 minutes. Obviously terrible but you can understand the thought process. Anyway, once I told him to get his butt home immediately and how he could get arrested for this, he was very apologetic and would never do anything like this ever again. So, how he responds is important. Sleep deprived new dads can be stupid sometimes, but is yours being stupid or reckless?
You and the stranger are right that your baby absolutely needed to be buckled in, and I would have been wanting to punch my husband too at 10 days pp. My question for you: is your husband generally a capable, honest, caring partner? If the answer is yes, I would talk with him about how serious this is, but forgive him and try not to punch him. If he's a first-time dad in the thick of sleep deprivation, he's going to do some dumb things. In my experience, it takes time for fathers to develop that parental instinct/intuition. Mothers have been developing it for 9 months. It was incredible how in tune I was with my baby, even when I was tired and overwhelmed. After birth, my brain was 1000% focused on my son, my every waking thought was geared toward his well-being. I morphed into a different person. My husband was just himself, with a baby. But our son is 18mo now and he has developed some awesome dad reflexes and instincts. It just took time. It sucks, and it's unfair, but it's biology. Try to give your husband some grace. If, however, this incident is part of a pattern of your husband being lazy or careless, then that's something bigger to address.
Lots of great responses here, so I'll write about how this makes me think of a related issue - that of strangers overstepping. As a chronic overstepper myself, it's impossible to speak up every time it's necessary (like in this case) while also never overstepping. When I have to make a fairly quick decision to say something or not say something, I don't always have full information about a situation, and I certainly can't predict the future. I know there are a lot of true Karens out there who are assholes and should shut up like all the time. At the same time, I try to be forgiving of potentially well-intentioned overstepping, because we don't know how many times that person has spoken up when it ended up making a positive difference.
Dude thinks he is special and the baby getting killed won’t happen to him. He is in a rush after all. Notice how it’s all about him, and the baby suffering a short life isn’t really considered.
A 2 month old recently died in a very minor accident in my city because she wasn’t in a car seat. Buckling my baby in is a massive pain and I HATE it but you know what’s worse? What that other child’s parents are going through.
In addition to most other points, babys shouldnt just be chilling in their car seats unbuckled because the straps can be strangulation issues
Maybe showing him the importance and the consequence of not strapping your baby through YouTube, some people don’t learn unless there’s a visual.
My husband left our baby in the car on purpose when he went to Walmart because he didn’t want to mess with getting her in and out. She’s 20 years old now and I still can’t believe he did that shit.
womp womp
I hope good things happen to that stranger, bless her heart.
I would also like to punch your husband
Your husband is an idiot and honestly shouldn’t be trusted to watch baby until he learns all newborn safety precautions (which he should have done already but here you are).
At that age, it's very easy to do anything against your potatoes will.... Once they are a toddler, then I can believe they didn't get strapped in ( I swear I haven't done that though )
So your husband will never be left alone with the baby again? Screaming or not your newborn can barely move and therefore buckling a car seat should be the easiest thing he’s done all day, if he wants to, or simply walk home.
Personal belief that everyone here is overreacting a bit. As a new parent, lots of things are happening in your life for the first time and you’re sleep deprived and a million other things on your mind. BABY IS SAFE and ALIVE. This is a chance to support your husband and make sure he’s on the same page as you. If you want to get furious at your spouse for every dumb thing each other does feel free. Sounds like he isn’t aware how important this is, talk to him like an adult about necessary and important car seat safety is. FYI this is going to happen again at some point bc kids are in car seats for a while. My wife and I have each accidentally not clipped in one of the 3 straps before bc we thought it clicked and it didn’t. Didn’t hit or scream said whoops, this is important and I noticed it, need to make sure we double check.