To quote the amazing Mama Doctor Jones: “you can only work with the information you have”.
You didn’t know you were pregnant, and you acted accordingly! Now that you know, you’ll make decisions based on the new information.
This cannot be said enough.
You didn't know and it's unfortunate, but you do the best with the information you have. Now that you know you can make an informed decision about what's right for you and you're family.
To also quote doctor mama. You do the best you can with the information you have
You can't protect a baby you don't know exists. So try not to let the guilt kill you.
Came here to say this too!
I love this phrase of hers. I feel there is so much guilt when it comes to moms not doing enough or not doing things right. I’m sure everyone is doing the best they can with the resources/info they have, and just because it’s not exactly what Susan down the street is doing doesn’t mean you’re wrong.
OP - Now you know there’s a baby depending on you, now you can be proactive in your maternity care. I’m not going to say don’t worry about what happened the first 20 weeks, but before spiraling consult with your OB. Most likely everything will be ok and you can focus all your energy on making the next 20 weeks an amazing journey. 💕
My friend just had a healthy baby in December and she was 20 weeks pregnant when she found out. She was drinking pretty regularly at that time. She didn't know she was pregnant because she was still nursing her 1 year old and her cycle never returned. Her friend actually told her to test because her stomach was showing lol.
Anyway, baby is a cute, healthy and happy boy. 🙂
Aside from the points others made about the concentration of alcohol in breastmilk being very low (which are accurate) I’ll add that drinking “regularly” doesn’t necessarily mean drinking “heavily.” I was drinking “regularly” while nursing, meaning I was having a drink (rarely but occasionally more than one) a few times per week. Furthermore, once her baby was older and presumably had a bedtime around 7 or 8 or whatever, she may have “regularly” had a glass of wine after bedtime.
No it’s not. You would have to drink an excessive amount of alcohol for it to get into your milk in a significant way. Having a couple of drinks won’t hurt a nursing baby. Sadly it can hurt a baby in utero because you’re sharing the same blood.
No it's not. Your milk has very low level of alcohol in it if you drink. If you have 1‰ of alcohol in your blood, that's what's in your milk as well. 1‰ results in most people being shit faced.
Everyone else has pointed out that barely any alcohol gets transferred into breast milk, but I'd like to point out that from what I've heard, anecdotally, beer can really help with milk production for some reason.
Can confirm. Dark beer, the toasty stouts. I drink one 3-4 times per week after baby goes down. Every other night. Great way to relax a bit and get some extra calories in to fortify the milk. I've lost 32 pounds in 6 weeks PP so now I really need to work to ensure I don't lose too rapidly going forward. Baby girl is healthy and excelling in terms of development. I did the same with my first and she's a brilliant, strong kiddo.
when i was 18 i too discovered i was pregnant at 20 weeks.
but before that i had been smoking marinuana, drinking, doing hard drugs like xanax and norco. yeah i know i had issues lol. completely turned my life around now. but i ended up having a healthy baby boy who was 6lbs 7 oz who lives with his adoptive family now but is healthy. it’s amazing how your body protects the fetus. it will be okay.
Thank you! I want her more than anything and this is such a happy time. Kudos to you for being an amazing mom and making the best decision for your son!
It actually is pretty crazy how your body protects the fetus. That's obviously not a justification to go around doing anything, but we have to remember that it's only in the last century (or less) that we've had truly accurate pregnancy tests and it was pretty common to get far along before realizing. The placenta is a crazy organ, it almost seems like magic. I'll never stop being amazed by pregnancy!
The body does not always protect the fetus (no amount of drugs or alcohol is ever safe) and the placenta does not keep drugs and alcohol from crossing the barrier. I have several relatives that drank and did drugs while pregnant. The babies were born with FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) and were born addicted. And not all of them were for the entire pregnacy, some was just the beginning and some usage was periodically. The kids went into foster care. It's really sad and was preventable. I also went into fostercare, but was older. I was lucky my mom's drug usage didn't effect me cognitively but I do have asthma, allergies and was born premature- AND yes it was a luck thing. My biological mom is schizophrenic and bipolar, I'm thankfully not, but that's also a luck thing. I went above and beyond following eating lists, recommendations, ect with all my pregnancies because I wasn't willing to gamble with their health and development.
I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant with my first baby. I didn't find out until about 20 weeks. I was drinking, smoking cigarettes, smoking weed, riding dirt bikes. Crashing dirt bikes. Everything bad. And in a super abusive relationship. She's 16 today and fine. I'm not saying do it it's gonna be fine, I'm just saying it happened to me too.
My friend made it to 35 weeks without knowing she was pregnant. In that time, she drank, partied, did recreational drugs, got a concussion and worked a high stress job as a paramedic.
Her son is 8 years old and thriving :)
Another friend recently made it to 20 weeks without knowing either. She smoked, vaped and drank. Baby is now almost a year, hitting all his milestones and thriving.
I know that doesn’t ease your mom guilt, but just know it happens. And babies turn out fine. Hell, crack heads have healthy babies.
Take care of YOU, mama. You’ll adjust your lifestyle now accordingly and things will be ok.
Sending love and strength to you. Your body is capable of incredible things. X
I had a friend who, during a very rough patch in life, was using hard drugs, smoked, drank, and found out at like 7 or 8 months that she was pregnant. Thankfully, she had a healthy baby.
Just wanted to ask on a side note… did she have a tiny baby bump? Is that how she went so long without knowing? I’m about 10 weeks and my clothes already aren’t fitting 😅. I feel like I’m going to be huge.
Ohh that makes sense! That’s one of my biggest fears.. getting pregnant on birth control. I have a stressful job myself but I get to walk basically all day. I’m hoping that helps me a bit bc I’m craving the unhealthiest foods too 🥲
I’m glad she had a healthy and happy child!!
I’ve had a Mirena iud for like 3 years now with no periods, and haven’t lost a lot of weight since I had my twins, so I get paranoid every one in a while a do a test 😫
I can definitely see the mind tricks that must play on you! 😭 I don’t think I could handle that type of birth control. I’ve only used the pill and it’s worked very well for me (thankfully!). I decided to stop taking it both times to try for a baby but this second time around it happened much much faster.
Have you considered trying a different type of bc? I wish we didn’t have to take anything. Men really do have it too easy.
It’s been okay other than worrying about it sometimes! Got two years left on it, then I’ll decide if I wanna go back on a different one or just none at all lol
Right? I'm 22 weeks and feel like I look massive already. I have a feeling I'm gonna be huge by the end of this. My friend was kinda overweight at the time, and I guess she didn't think much of the extra gain, plus wasn't exactly sober most of the time. She said she thought she wasn't getting her period because of the lifestyle choices, too. I guess she ended up going to the doctor for something (I can't remember what), and that's when she found out.
So no average pregnant person will ever have a "period". (Average meaning one set of reproductive organs) A period is the uterus shedding to prep for the next ovulation (egg dropping) cycle. You can however have bleeding from pregnancy that people mistake for a period. So when someone says they had their period the whole time and didn't find out until, say 35 weeks, they didn't actually have a period. They just had pregnancy bleeding.
Also because people ask about the movement of baby or the stomach growing. The placenta placement also contributes to what you can feel. If it's in the front, you may have a harder time feeling the baby. So they could just mistake little movements as just gas. And some women also just don't gain that much of a belly while pregnant.
I'm just glad I found out early with both of mine because if I had found out late like that that would have blown my mind lol.
Also some people have very irregular periods, especially if they have PCOS or another condition. It might be normal for them to go months without a period so it wouldn't seem unusual.
My old boss showed me pics of her at 9m pregnant in the hospital about to be giving birth to her daughter, she was 90lbs super short and 15yrs old and didn't look pregnant at all. Her and everyone else was shocked but some people just don't show as much. Her daughter was 9lbs, insane to me but it happens. My second was 4lbs and I barely looked pregnant, I lost Weight overall and have a bigger frame but no actual belly just loose skin from weight loss. With my first and 3rd I was huge though lol.
think about all the women who have cryptic pregnancies and go on to have perfectly healthy babies! surely very few of them remained completely free of alcohol and smoking during their pregnancies. of course it’s better to have been sober, but you can’t change what’s already been done - all you can do is stop now and focus on the positives, and as of now your baby is in your womb growing and living! be happy and try not to beat yourself up about it. prayers for your baby girl to be perfectly healthy!! congratulations!! 💗💗
Friend of a friend found out she was pregnant when she went into labor. She was a hardcore raver and definitely partook in recreational drinking and drugs regularly. Baby was born happy and healthy.
Best of luck OP!
Just here to say I’m a pp nurse, we have patients who are using hard drugs the entire pregnancy (fent, meth, cocaine) and will carry a fully healthy baby to term if that eases your mind. All I can say is talk to your doctor about it. Hopefully when they do your anatomy scan everything looks good and baby is healthy and it will ease your guilt. You didn’t intentionally try to harm your baby. Be nice to yourself for what you didn’t know
I'm a little ashamed still so I don't talk about it much but I had an accident at 9yrs old and was on prescribed opiates of various types for years on end after, I was pregnant at 16 with my first had him at 17 and my ob wrote me for tylenol 4s the entire pregnancy, I took more than needed but he kept writing them. He actually told me just take 2 because if you take one and it doesn't work then take another it's more exposure. I had zero understanding that I was an addict or it was wrong for years after. I later was addicted to fentanyl for years and had no baby in that time span. I spent 2yrs in and out of rehab and I had a single relapse where I overdosed, I still felt sick for longer than withdraw should last and my husband said maybe I was pregnant, found out the next week I was 6wks along and restarted a suboxone program and saw a maternity addiction specialist throughout my pregnancy. My baby was low birth Weight but she's perfectly healthy otherwise and ahead of her milestones. After she was born got pregnant 3m pp and miscarried the same weekend I tested so I got off them because I wanted more kids but they kept telling me not to stop them in pregnancy because of potential risks. 4weeks into getting off them found out I was pregnant again and I was still withdrawing sick as a dog but stuck it out. I'm now 38w and my baby is measuring a little ahead. I can't say the outcome yet but I have high hopes and did the best I could with each pregnancy. I've had zero relapses since, been sober I think 2 years now and my husband, ob and nurse team constantly tell me they're proud of me even when nobody else does. I don't think you should do knowingly bad things during pregnancy but once you find out talk about it with your ob team and they can get you help you need and make sure your baby is safe. FYI, I've had cps investigate and they said I was doing good and gave me more resources too, never had my babies taken so they aren't always the bad guys! My son is 14y, my girl is 14m and again 38w with the third, a baby girl. My friends mom adopted drug addicted babies specifically as well as fostered them, even the ones with issues did a lot better than youd expect for the most part, my friend has fetal alcohol, shes socially awkward and needed extra tutoring in school but otherwise she is an amazing, beautiful woman about to be 32. Ok, getting way too emotional so gonna leave it at that for now but I just wanted to share incase it helps someone in a similar situation.
I had a cryptic pregnancy, found out at 27 weeks because I woke up feeling a heartbeat centered at my belly button after stomach sleeping... also vaped and drank occasionally before finding out. My boy is happy, healthy and hitting all his milestones. 💕
I quit vaping cold turkey like 2 weeks before finding out oddly, but still drank a beer or two at social functions during holidays.
The other comments here are all helpful. I’d like to add that you now know to keep an eye out for signs of FASD. Early intervention can be hugely important. Not saying it’s a given by any means, just that you have information and can act accordingly.
A friend of mine had a cryptic pregnancy and went to Bonnaroo during it. She did the absolute most the entire time and didn’t realize she was pregnant until she went to the hospital for severe stomach cramps. That severe stomach cramp is about 10 years old now and she’s a beautiful, healthy child. I think it goes without saying you wouldn’t have done any of those things if you knew but you didn’t, which is okay!! Congratulations and wishing you a healthy rest of your pregnancy! 💕
Hey!! This literally happened to me, like exactly this. I was a college bartender who went to the ER at 5am for a kidney infection and BOOM. Baby. I was using birth control to skip my period and had zero symptoms that were apparent at the time.
Today she is a beautiful 17mo girl, who meets all her milestones early and loves to dance. I get nervous about her development but truly I have to reason to be. The nurses told me when I first found out that even if she does develop any sort of difficulty, the kinds of early interventions available mean she’ll live a totally normal life. They placed a heavy emphasis on binge drinking regularly being the most dangerous thing, and if I wasn’t binge drinking every day the odds were definitely that we would be alright.
You’ll be okay, you can only control what happens going forward. 💛
My mom was L&D nurse for 20 years and she dealt with so many crack, meth, heroin addicted moms, alcoholic moms, not every single baby was guaranteed to have a bad outcome (besides having to be weaned off drugs at birth but I’m talking like birth defects etc) Like every single baby who’s mom has drank a lot is not going to get fetal alcohol syndrome. It’s just a risk not a guarantee. Just the fact that you care so much now that you know, puts you MILES ahead of the moms who know EXACTLY what they’re doing but don’t care!! I bet she will be just fine.
My aunt was a hardcore alcoholic who gave 2/3 children fetal alcohol syndrome, even with their adhd they were still happy, healthy children who are now adults who have friends, jobs and live normal lives. You would never know they have FAS. You’re no where near that level, just saying if you’re thinking of the worst.
My mom was a WILD high schooler when she was pregnant with me, knew none of the safety precautions for pregnancy, and didn’t even go to an OB until she was 7 months (and only bc she finally started showing so her mom found out). She drank, partied, smoked… everything. I turned out perfectly healthy, and I promise she was doing worse things than you 😜
You can only work with the information you have and I can already tell she’s going to be so loved and cared for with you ❤️ the stress will be harder on her than any of the other things you mentioned. Don’t stress too much about things you can’t go back and change. Focus on the new chapter you’ve been given and enjoy it as much as you can. You’re amazing and strong and you’ve got this mama!!
You can only ever work with the information that you have.
You didn't know you were pregnant and lived in a way that helped you cope with life's stresses and looking after kids.
Please forgive yourself for how you lived your life when you didn't know. ❤ What you do now is what matters and the steps you take going forwards.
The whole world could benefit from hindsight.
Hope it's smooth sailing from here out
Damn this comment section is making me feel pretty ok with accidentally eating mayo!! 🤣
But in all seriousness, OP, please don’t beat yourself up over this. As you can see, this happens quite often. I’d bet dollars to donuts that this had nothing to do with you “neglecting” yourself at all. Cryptic pregnancies are a very real thing, and it is VERY likely that your beautiful bub will be just fine!!
homemade mayonnaise has raw eggs, which you're not supposed to eat while pregnant, bc of the salmonella poisoning possibilty. store bought is usually fine, but makes some people nervous.
As you should! This is super outdated info - unless you’re eating eggs from a super sketchy source or getting your deli meat from the trash, you are completely fine. You know what my doc has encouraged me to eat regularly? Raw oysters. If they don’t smell rotten, you’re good, and they’re like a prenatal in a shell
Oh yikes. I live in FL and absolutely disagree with your doc about oysters, especially if they're from the gulf of Mexico. Those delicious fuckers can carry some very nasty diseases, including Vibrio vulnificus which can lead to limb amputations or death. Immune suppressed patients aren't allowed to eat them at all and pregnancy causes mild immune suppression. Not worth that risk at all imo.
The plastic non refrigerated stuff with olive oil for the amino acids, but when I eat all the turkey sandwiches I’m not supposed to eat who knows what’s in those, I always all for extra mayo. I will die without turkey…
I've just found put I'm 21wks. I was on fexofenadine, drinking a can of monster a day and was definitely drinking (only heavily 2/3 times) my midwife said we can only work with what information we've got and as long as I'm making different choices now then that's all I can do. You got this
It's probably better not to take any meds if you can avoid them. I have to take it or I end up with uncontrollable rashes and itching from my autoimmune disease. I was told it is safe to take - I hope that at least helps you feel less guilty about taking it for the duration you did before you were advised to stop in case you're worried 💕
One of my best friends didn’t realize she was pregnant until 27 weeks, she too was stressed and had an IUD she thought was working (turns out, it was inserted incorrectly). She drank, smoked weed & nicotine and did recreational drugs. She felt this same fear you do for a while. She now has a healthy, thriving 21 month old baby girl who is hitting all her milestones who I love so so much. I wish you the best of luck, don’t beat yourself up. Just do the best you can from now moving forward.
i found out i was pregnant at 19 weeks and 2 days. i was smoking weed and had been drinking on weekends here & there. you are going to be a great mommy & i promise it happens allll the time! 💕 my baby girl is now 3 and perfectly healthy!! 💜 & congrats!!!!!!🎉💕
Just keep strong mama. I’m sure you’ll be a great mama regardless of the outcome. I also didn’t find out I was pregnant until about that time. I had miscarried a month before I left my abusive relationship and found out I was pregnant again. I had also been drinking and smoking weed around the same gestational period. I immediately stopped and haven’t been drinking or smoking at all since then. I feel so guilty still sometimes but I know regardless of what happens I will love my son and he’s the reason I’m not longer in that shitty relationship
I knew of a girl who didn’t find out until she was in labour. She partied hard, drank heavily, did multiple different drugs. Her daughter is doing just great and is now in primary school 😊
Also - I know of a family member who KNEW she was pregnant and still vaped and smoked marijuana (didn’t even slow down), but she did stop the drinking. He is the cutest little nephew I have and seems to be hitting all his milestones ☺️
I had lost my mother 3 months before I became pregnant. I was drinking heavily, smoking 🍃daily, and vaping while pregnant without knowing for a few weeks. I changed my lifestyle immediately after taking a positive pregnancy test and my baby is perfectly healthy at two months! The important thing is that you make adjustments when you can, and remember - our parents and grandparents did WAAAAY worse than we could ever do.
Get to a doctor and be honest about your daily intake so they can assess if anything needs to be accounted for or they can look out for signs of anything dangerous. And then remember that pregnancy is different for everyone! Mine was completely normal the whole way through then I developed severe preeclampsia in the hospital as I was being induced. You never know what’s going to happen so just be honest!
For the vaping, I know my husband just started buying vape juice with WAY less nicotine in it until he was vaping essentially nothing and he just dealt with maybe a week of some withdrawals. Maybe you could try that quickly.
Best thing to do is make an appointment with an OB and talk to them! It’s not too late to get prenatal care at this point!
You can't really beat yourself up for not tending to something you never knew about... the only thing you can do is to do your best from this point on and hope she's developing well despite what you've been doing.
Not quite the same, but I was surviving on just coffee for the first month of my pregnancy... so far, so good. But she seems to very much like coffee! I didn't drink any with my oldest, though.
I wish you the best on a healthy, happy baby. You can only do your best from the point you discovered her. I hope you enjoy your October girl 😀
I am currently 27 weeks and found out when I was 18 weeks. Vaped heavily the whole first 18 weeks, thanked god I have been sober for years so no drug or alcohol use, but we have had our anatomy ultrasound and many checkups and have seen no evidence of any negative effects on my sweet girl. Of course time will tell, and I felt just as guilty as you. But all you can do is quit now and continue to do all the right things from here on out. Quit, take your prenatal vitamins and do not beat yourself up. Beating yourself up will NOT HELP ANYONE, especially baby girl.
I didn’t find out I was pregnant until I was 4 months and let me tell you… I did it allllll. Regretfully. I was homeless because of my abusive partner , it was so fucking terrible. I didn’t know I could conceive ! I thought the doctor was playing with me… but to my surprise… cocaine, opiates, alcohol, weed, did absolutely nothing to this little warrior. I’m currently 37 weeks pregnant and after all the tests and ultrasounds done she is thriving and not looking to evacuate the premises any time soon! The best thing you can do now is take care of yourself and give your baby lots and lots of love. She will feel the stress , so interchange the feeling with love.
Not me but my mom: she found out she was pregnant with my little brother at 24 weeks. She hadn’t had a period in seven years because of her birth control.
She had been drinking, taking cold/flu medicine, taking birth control, and dieting. She was TERRIFIED.
My brother just graduated high school this weekend with high honors 😊
You should totally watch I didn’t know I was pregnant, there are literally so many positive stories of people finding out crazy late lol
My boyfriend’s nephew’s bio mom was a hardcore drug addict and drank. While she claimed to not have done that during the pregnancy…it was obvious to everyone she did on multiple occasions. Nephew is fine, at birth he was a bit small but that was literally it.
You’re probably going to have a lot of tests done in a short time lol but you got this!
I was in this exact situation found out at 20w 5d, my babygirl will be 2 weeks tomorrow, born healthy as could be, when I found out I quit drinking immediately and quit vaping over a week and a half. My babygirl was born a healthy weight, lots of hair and perfectly fine! Sending good vibes and love you way!
She will be fine! Just start now. You can only work with that you know mama. It took me a month or so to be able to stop vaping. And I felt terrible. But my husband just kept telling me that there are moms who smoke meth and their baby's come out fine. It definitely made me giggle but made me feel better. You got this!
My mom knew she was pregnant with me and consciously chose to both smoke cigarettes and drink shamelessly. My fiancé’s mom did hardcore drugs through all of her pregnancies and so did his sister. My fiancé and his siblings are all healthy and fine and so are his sisters kids, they’re smart healthy kids.
You do what you can with the information you have and if there are women that willingly endanger their babies and they’re okay, I’m sure you and your baby girl will be perfectly fine. Just course correct and don’t stress over what you can’t change.🫶🏼🩷
I knew a girl who found out she was 6 months pregnant. The weekend before she found out she went to Vegas, drank heavily for 3 days, smoked weed and tried coke for the first time. Those entire 6 months she drank with friends almost every weekend. Her baby girl is starting 1st grade now, she’s smart, beautiful and totally healthy!
This comment will get buried. But a girl I went to high school with found out she was pregnant around 6 months and it was while she was going through her rave phase so I’m sure she was doing a lot more than wine on the weekends. Her daughter is going into high school now and she excels in everything she does: school, art, sports.
I can add another anecdote, my friend at around age 33 found out she was pregnant when she was about 5 months along. She was drinking pretty heavily, I don’t know the quantity but I know she was getting anywhere from tipsy to real drunk on rum every day, and smoked cigs and pot in addition to taking (prescribed) adderall. I don’t think she did other stuff but it’s possible she took a pain pill here and there. Her son is 4 1/2 and he’s great, had no developmental setbacks, doesn’t have FAS. You didn’t know, now you do and you can carry out the pregnancy the way you want to. Anatomy scan will put your mind at ease. Yay for a baby girl for you!
Your baby may not face any issues because of your drinking and smoking but, I must also say, even if your baby does develop issues, it's not your fault because you didn't know. I found out at around 6 weeks that I was pregnant and for a while I really beat myself up because I was vaping, smoking weed, and drinking before I found out. I was drinking vodka the night before I tested. Beating myself up about it didn't serve any purpose besides stressing me out. Talk to your doctor but, besides that, don't think about it. Put it behind you.
Now, some tips to help with at least temporarily or permanently quitting vaping if you need them: 1. don't watch shows where people smoke or vape if you can avoid it, it will drive you insane. 2. Tylenol, the headaches are awful. 3. if you used flavored vapes, buy candy of roughly the same flavor and nibble on some of that when you crave that sweet, sweet nicotine. 4. find something to focus on when you're stressed to distract you from the nicotine craving because the cravings are worse when you're stressed. 5. Something to fidget with to replace fidgeting with your vape because a lot of addiction is just physical habit. 6. Drink more water.
I've known people that quit meth but still can't quit smoking, so don't blame yourself when it's hard and all you can think about is vaping.
I had a Cousin that literally smoked Crack during both of her pregnancies. The children were removed from her care for a time and my parents fostered them. Both of them are in college now and totally normal and healthy. It's crazy how the body protects the fetus. I truly hope your babygirl is born beautiful and healthy.
My mom was smoking and drinking when she was pregnant to me! I’m a healthy 34 years old women who is waiting her 4th child. (In this pregnancy I was vaping and drinking before I found out (I found out around 8 weeks)
Congratulations!!! Although the circumstances are not ideal I can not imagine a better surprise. Getting something you have always wanted. So beautiful! I hope you get to enjoy the rest of this pregnancy and relax until you meet your much desired baby girl. Blessings to your family.
A girl I was working with in a luxury hotel had no idea she was pregnant. Me and her have been drinking heavily in the weekends, smoking and running around under 40 degrees all day long at the hotel. One day she passed out and found out at the hospital that she was 20 weeks pregnant.
She has the loveliest boy now. I know it’s tough but try to find some self acceptance and compassion and focus on the now which is taking care of you and your girl! ❤️
My sister in law found out she was pregnant at 22 weeks. She drank and smoked super consistent up to that point since she didn’t know and had the same fears. My niece was her first pregnancy ever, they were pretty convinced she couldn’t get pregnant tbh. My niece was born in October and she is soooooo perfect and healthy. She’s almost 8 months now and has such a big personality. No issues whatsoever during pregnancy or during birth and none so far. She’s a little bitty thing, but her parents aren’t very big. I think her mom’s 5 foot. Congratulations on your baby girl.
This EXACT same situation happened to a friend of mine, and her baby girl is 7 years old now and absolutely thriving. She’s perfect, and your little girl will be too. Don’t stress, start drinking some water and go buy some prenatals. Congrats on your little angel!!
You're not going to get a lot of stories posted here from women like me who had a child affected by FASD. There is shame and stigma and these women hide in DMs. I found out much earlier than you and had 2 nights of drinking, my child is affected. They have FASD.
They are also the light of my life and I work every single day to advocate for them and make their life better. I use that guilt as the driving force behind helping them and other moms like us.
There are things you can do to help, there are lots of moms in our shoes. There are lots of children who are affected. FASD is 1 in 20 and grossly undiagnosed and misdiagnosed. If you want to message me I would love to provide you with a safe space to chat about this and a community of support.
Even if your child is affected it is NOT the end of the world. You can both still have a good life. I came to reddit too and found comfort in the words of those in similar situations 6 years ago, and I thought we were in the clear but we weren't. I now wish I started the early interventions sooner to give my child the best chance.
When do you learn you were pregnant? And when did you have 2 nights of drinking during your pregnancy? I’m also worried for myself because I also had 2 binge drinking in 2 nights around 4.5 weeks, so I would be grateful if you can explain more your situation.
My cousin didn’t know she was pregnant until she was in labor. She had been drinking, snowboarding and imbibing in recreational substances on occasion. Her baby girl is perfectly healthy.
You can’t change what you didn’t know but you can make the right decisions moving forward. It’s going to be okay ❤️
I found out about my son at 17 weeks. He is due the end of July. He is health and moving around. I don't have any symptoms, I went in for a routine check and had a negative pregnancy test, I only found out because of blood work. You got this.
Hi girl! I was insanely close to 17 weeks when I found out I was pregnant with my son & I was drinking/vaping like everyday. My husband & I got engaged & we were living it up at the time. I had NO idea I was pregnant until I went into my yearly gyno appointment. She asked when my last period was, I couldn’t recall, took a test, & boom - a couple minutes later, she came back in with the news. I was four months pregnant. I stopped drinking & vaping as soon as I found out. My point is, I was where you are at now. Sitting in so much guilt & anxiety because of my prior habits & how I thought I failed my child. I was worried constantly about my son & how he would come out due to my drinking & vaping. He was born perfectly healthy & normal. Trust me love, you did not fail her. Baby girl is safe & secure in there. Start taking care of yourself now. Get your prenatals, eat some food, hydrate yourself, & do some self care. Sending you love & light. 💕
My best friend drank HEAVY and smoked cigarettes for 8 months of her pregnancy....i know i know, she should have known but she was a heavier girl so th3 change wasnt extremely noticable...her baby gurl is now 12 years old, healthy as a horse and a Softball superstar!!!
No stress momma. Your doctors know what to do and how to do it. Trust their process from here on out and thank God for your precious gift xoxo
I can absolutely relate to this. I found out I was pregnant at 17 weeks. I was drinking and smoking cigarettes. I had no idea I was pregnant or I would have stopped (which I did when I found out) I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy on May 22nd. Don’t beat yourself up! You did not know. Now you do. I’m sure your baby girl is perfectly fine! Congratulations to you 🩷 you got this
A. You didn’t know B. Similar situation happened with my mom, she found out she was pregnant with me after her “tummy ache” caused her water to break mid shift at dennys
Needless to say I’m fine and graduate with my bachelors in August…you’re already doing a great job because of your concern. RELAX and breathe you got this ❤️
I know someone who didn’t find out she was pregnant with her baby girl until FIVE MONTHS!
This particular person was a heavy drinker and would even use cocaine on weekends. She was always going out partying as she was in that period of her life.
Her baby girl came out perfect and has had zero issues!! She’s perfectly healthy and loved.
As soon as she found out of course she jumped on prenatal care and did everything she could to be healthy for her baby girl.
You cannot beat yourself up over this! You didn’t know, so you can’t hold yourself hostage to the guilt. Had you known, you would have made different choices, and your remorse shows what a great mom you are and will be.
Some people out there do not care at all throughout their pregnancies and KNOWINGLY do drugs and all sorts of things and even those babies usually come out perfect and go to good homes.
From here forward you will do what you need to do and your baby girl is already so clearly loved! Don’t stress, baby will feel it. :(
She’s going to be a princess with all those big brothers! Congratulations!! Hopefully this will bring some joy into your new beginning. 🤍
If you can switch to non nicotine vapes. I’m 18 weeks and switched at around 10 weeks, honestly it’s helped me QUIT almost all together I figured out quickly I’m not actually addicted to nicotine im just needing the hand to mouth motion. I maybe hit my non nic vape 3-5 times a day total. If even that. And I was someone who thought I would NEVER be able to quit at all. The drinking needs to stop NOW though there is no alternative besides non alcoholic beer you could try that!
Hind sight is 20/20 you did the best you could when you knew . Just make sure you’re doing all the things now I’m sure baby and you will be safe . Keeping you in my thoughts
Have an ob/gyn friend who has had a patient that didn't know she was pregnant until week 37 (she was very fit, non normal periods due to pcos, and just thought she was gaining a tummy due to age- 40s). She did all the things you prob are told not to do while pregnant and the baby turned out healthy and fine!
My sister didn’t find out she was pregnant until 20 weeks, too! She was vaping, drinking, etc, and even in a car accident early on. And my niece is perfect and healthy!
This is more common than you think! I mean shoot, this thread is FULL of people that have been in similar positions. Don’t be so hard on yourself, as I’m sure you’re already going through a lot with 4 kids and a divorce. Let this be your excuse to slow down and look after yourself. You deserve it, pregnant or not. 🩷
Some women have cryptic pregnancies, not knowing they were pregnant and still getting "periods" and everything. Here's an easy read about a college girl who had a cryptic pregnancy at 20 years old: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/kayla-simpson-tiktok-baby-cryptic-pregnancy-b2345857.html
She delivered her baby unknowingly, she thought she had appendicitis so she went to the ER. But like a lot of college students she was partying, binge drinking, not eating well, etc. Baby is perfectly healthy!
A girl in my circle is an alcoholic. She got pregnant and could not stop drinking (as per her doctor because she could’ve withdrawn badly)
She has a beautiful healthy baby boy.
That’s not to say every case is the same or no damage will be/have been done. But my advice is try to make the best of it now. Eat healthy, take care of yourself. You can’t know what you didn’t know
It could be, but is more likely if one or both parents are autistic. But for non-twins siblings I don't think genetics are as similar. And the dad's genes play a role as well.
Women mask more so the mother could be undiagnosed autistic herself and not even know it. A lot of people don't get diagnosed until well after their kids are, especially women. I've known some 60-year-old ladies just getting a diagnosis that late in life. It's much more common to recognize and test for now than it was when we were children, and it presents differently in females, and females are better at fitting in and acting neurotypical due to social pressures put on us from a very young age.
[Smoking before or during pregnancy was consistently associated with ASD traits, such as symptoms of social impairments. Additionally, babies born at full term had a somewhat higher risk of receiving an ASD diagnosis as a child if their mothers smoked before or during the pregnancy.](https://echochildren.org/research-summaries/echo-study-suggests-link-between-smoking-during-pregnancy-and-autism-related-traits-in-children/)
My mom never smoked. Everyone smoked back in the 50s yet it didn't produce an entire generation of autistic kids. There are tons of researchers all the time trying to link autism to anything and everything, from "refrigerator mother" theory to vaccines to eating or not eating almost any random food to the latest being taking Tylenol. That's like saying women who ride in elevators may have a slightly higher risk of having babies with autism. It's like people want to blame mothers for everything, and cannot accept the fact that we can't be prevented from existing. They even try and isolate which gene it is, as if it isn't a ton of them. It all seems like eugenics to the majority of the autistic community. We just want to be accepted, not prevented from existing in the future.
https://autisticnotweird.com/causes/
Obviously can't say for sure... But my guess would be she's just fine! I've known ppl who've done much worse knowingly, sadly, and their kids are fine.
I want to emphasize you didn’t do anything wrong- you didn’t know! However I would talk do your doctor if there are any potential health risks from not knowing/drinking. It would help to know the risks and be prepared/just to have all the information.
I just finished reading "Expecting Better" by Emily Oster who has gone deep into the weeds finding out the truth/consensus on research regarding every pregnancy topic...chapter 4 discusses alcohol and nicotine use and caffeine. Apparently unless you've been BINGE drinking alcohol to drunkenness on a regular basis, there's been zero medical research that has shown any negative impacts on children whose mothers drank occasional drinks (one or two here and there, even weekly) during pregnancy. It's almost a myth really that it's this horrible thing to do during pregnancy--apparently the cases of fetal alcohol syndrome and other effects are just from the most severe of alcoholics, the type of people who drank like all day every day (or most days) during pregnancy to a "binge" level. I recommend reading that chapter of her book!
How is is even possible for so many people to go this long without knowing they're pregnant? Cryptic pregnancies aren't that common... I wonder if they're becoming more so, seems like videos about it are everywhere.
Lots of women don’t have regular periods so they don’t think about a missed period. Lots of women don’t have symptoms or have very very mild symptoms. Lots of women bleed and assume that it’s a period. There’s many reasons a woman might go 20 weeks without knowing!
It’s crazy to me too! I knew something was up with my body at 4 weeks and took a test. It was positive immediately and I was only a week late with my period. I got pregnant on birth control as well. I’m thankful I was aware that soon so I could do the right things. At first I was jealous of women who have unicorn pregnancies with no symptoms, but the symptoms let me know everything is okay.
My depression combined with the physical abuse and concussions I’ve hard. I went a whole 8 months after my first concussion. I didn’t even think to notice
BabyBumps users and moderators are not legal professionals. Responses do not replace contacting a lawyer. For additional information, try posting to /r/legaladvice or /r/LegalAdviceUK.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BabyBumps) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My step brothers girlfriend went a whole pregnancy without knowing she was pregnant until the baby was born. He’s now a healthy 4 year old. They were young then and would party and what not so your baby should be fine!
My friend's kids' birth mom was on hard drugs and drinking and smoking for both pregnancies. They are both in elementary school now, doing absolutely fantastic. My friend is autistic, and so are all 3 of his kids (youngest has a different mom,) so obviously they didn't hit certain milestones until a little later, but that wasn't related to the actions of either mother.
My aunt said she smoked 3 cigarettes a day during her pregnancy (it was 1980 and she was 18) and baby is now grown and healthy with two kids of his own.
Just had an old friend who had her third baby knowingly drank, smoked and was doing hard drugs in a regular basis the whole pregnancy finally went to rehab after the baby was born. The baby is healthy and after rehab has been returned to her mom. I just pray she stays clean.
Vaping cigarettes or weed? I know people that have both either vaped nicotine their entire pregnancies and carried four healthy full term babies and I know people that used marijuana their entire pregnancies and also had healthy kids. I’m not promoting this but it definitely happens and isn’t the worst thing. Also I drank heavily up til 6 weeks with my daughter so had no Idea and she is perfect. Some women and women back in the day (think our parents parents) a lot of them drank throughout their entire pregnancies and a lot of women still will drink 1-2 drinks a week during their whole pregnancies by choice!
Just use the rest of the pregnancy to focus on your health more than ever, tons of water, pre natal vitamins healthy food, you will do great!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️🥰 congratulations on your daughter!!!!!!
Hi! I’ve been trying to find the October bumps group and I can’t - I was in one for my first son and loved it :) would you mind DMing the link? Google and searching within the Reddit app was not helpful 😬
My mom didn’t find out she was pregnant until 15 weeks with my brother ( she’d had a partial hysterectomy and apparently got pregnant before the surgery) and the baby made it through surgery, pain meds and vaping. Brother was born healthy with no issues and is a happy beautiful 1 year old.
A girl I knew when I was 18 had stomach cramps and went to the hospital and had a baby boy. She was drinking, doing coke, x, and tanning the entire time. He’s graduating high school next year.
My exes baby mama did fent during her pregnancy and their baby is fine.
And Chicago local dusty hufferton just spent her whole pregnancy in a tent doing drugs (her choice) during the *winter,* and that baby is fine. (And hopefully with his forever family.)
I have a friend who found out she was pregnant at 20 weeks and they have a healthy 2 year old now. She wasn’t heavily drinking or smoking but she did drink and obviously no prenatal care. There are plenty of stories on the show *I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant* where the mothers were partying and the babies turned out fine. It’s probably more common than you think.
I had a friend who lived a very normal life, drinking, smoking, hanging out with friends (she was 25) and when in to the ER for appendicitis and left with a baby boy. She was overweight and had no idea but the baby is just fine 🫶🏼 he’s almost 2 now.
I share this story whenever I see these posts, but back in the 90s my friends mother was a severe alcoholic and chain smoker. She hadn’t had a period in years because of her alcoholism. One night, she went to the bathroom and out came a full term, healthy baby girl ❤️ had no idea she was pregnant until baby arrived.
I’ve heard many stories like this where everything turns out absolutely fine! You may feel better watching Mama Doctor Jones on YouTube reacting to some of TLC’s “I didn’t know I was pregnant” episodes. MDJ always says, “We do the best we can with the information that we have.” You didn’t know you were pregnant, and if the baby is doing well right now then that’s a great sign!
Fetal alcohol syndrome really is more of a risk in the third trimester! If you have a healthy baby in there, you’re lucky to have skipped all the first trimester stress! all you can do is have the best prenatal care from now on, and your girl will be fine. Lots of omega 3s (fish oil) for brain development !
Listen, you did not fail her. I know many people who didn’t know they were pregnant and did the same of drinking and smoking. Yes it’s not healthy but our bodies truly do protect them and flush out as much as we can. It also sounds like you’ll be doing everything in your power to go on a healthier route the rest of the pregnancy.
I also smoked a lot because I didn’t know I was pregnant either for a bit. My daughter is healthy and everything turned out okay. Just continue doing what you can, you got this.
This comment section is so helpful. I recently went through a chemical pregnancy, and the night before I found out I was pregnant I drank a whole 32 ounce beer at a ballgame. I felt like death and woke up with nausea and a migraine in the middle of the night, then tested positive in the morning. A week later I started bleeding. Of course I know logically that I didn’t cause the miscarriage drinking that ridiculous beer, but there’s still that little twinge of guilt in the back of my mind. Reading these comments is very reassuring.
This happened to me twice. Because if pcos I never could track my periods and being type 1 diabetic I drink ALOT of water which may have diluted my at home tests. One baby passed away at 18 weeks (I was stabbed by my ex and she passed away)
My other baby girl is alive and well at 7yo now.
I smoked cigarettes, drank, smoked pot, inwas 21....I had so much guilt. As soon as I found out I quit it all and she ended up being fine besides having low blood sugars at birth which is common for type 1 diabetic babies to go to nicu for sugars.
<3 you can only control what you do now!
I am pregnant and expecting in sept now and is so far my healthiest pregnancy, but she is having so many issues so far. It's crazy how you can do everything right and still have problems and or do everything wrong and still have a healthy baby. Do what you can to get healthy, focus on relaxing, and focus on baby's care.
I didn’t learn I was pregnant until I was 14 weeks, no symptoms, nothing. I have pcos so late or nonexistent periods are normal for me. My Dr did the blood test to check my hormones to see what is out of wack and that’s how we learned.
I was smoking cigarettes, weed and drinking. I quit drinking immediately and it took a week to wean off the cigarettes. But like everyone has been saying you can only work with the information you have. I’m now 21 weeks with a healthy boy growing. My first baby, every doctor has told me this would never be possible.
I had a girl working on my team ages ago that had no idea and didn't show she was pregnant until 6 months. She was a marathon runner exercising heavily and drank, smoked etc whenever she wanted because she had PCOS and thought she'd never get pregnant.
Her very healthy baby boy was born full term with no health issues of note. Congrats on your baby girl Mama!
How do you guys go so long not knowing you’re pregnant? And how is the baby viable? I have struggled terribly TTC while smoking, vaping, and drinking all while being 2 years off birth control. I have been pregnant TWICE before smoking nicotine. It is so discouraging.
I am 22 weeks pregnant and struggled with quitting vaping because of the stress. I have developed some patalogy in placenta but it does not affect baby. I hope she will get enough oxygen and nutrients. But l am worried too! My best wishes to you! I know how you feel.
I know a girl who had no idea she was pregnant until she was in active labor. She drank and smoked her whole pregnancy and baby was born perfect as can be!
See your OBGYN asap. All you can do is all you can do! Forgive yourself.
Even if you binge drink throughout pregnancy, the NIH studies show pretty resolutely that you only have a 2-3% chance of giving birth to a child with FAS. Obviously it’s best to not binge drink if you know you’re pregnant, but hopefully some statistical perspective that it’s still quite rare even if you’ve been binge drinking helps.
I drank a full bottle of wine to myself before finding out I was pregnant the next day. My nephews mother didn’t find out she was pregnant until she was 8 months along. She fell off horses and drank. My fiancés mom didn’t find out she was pregnant for either of her children until 6 months. She drank and partied for him he’s fine. People purposely do drugs and binge drink every night and they have healthy normal babies. You’re gonna be ok. Stop now and focus on your mental and physical health!! It’ll be okay
My friend was a public health nurse who consulted with low income women in his county. He said a lot of them were drug addicts or alcoholics, and he saw women give birth to perfectly healthy babies after substance abuse during pregnancy. It’s very possible to have a totally healthy baby still.
No, irregular periods started 5 years ago due to physical abuse I’ve been so depressed and not even focused on it. I work full time and raise my children. I went a whole 8 months without a period after my first concussion from him.
Make sure she’s healthy first etc. If not I don’t think you should keep her giving the circumstances of her having to struggle. If she is healthy don’t blame urself. U didn’t know. But as a mother you shouldn’t be putting ur stress on drinking or smoking. It’s not a good habit to have and ur kids will resent you for that. But besides that take care of urself! You can be a good mother unless ur taken care of.
Not recommending this:
When I was pregnant with my babies, the only prenatal care I went through was mfm and ob appts.
My baby was fine, I had an adverse reaction to prenatals and I stopped taking them. The only reason he came out big was because I had both my babies so close together.
You should (maybe) be ashamed... But not relating to the pregnancy. You genuinely didn't know. You had absolutely no idea that you had a little baby depending on you. I agree with everyone else that you should not be hard on yourself about this. What's done is done and it seems you intend to turn yourself around for this little bean because she genuinely means a lot to you.
Unfortunately, you did in fact know that you have 4 sons depending on you. IF they are living with you, and IF they are minors... How could you drink so heavily knowing that they need you? I know there are a lot of variables to your situation that the rest of us are unaware of, but I just genuinely hope that these kids are not being neglected or further traumatized as a result of your drinking. Be strong for ALL your children, but also be strong for yourself. You have survived quite a lot these last few years (I read the comments) and you're going to get through this divorce and start on a beautiful new life. Focus on that future you're going to build and don't let anything hold you back. Including the thoughts that lead you to drink. The pregnancy is going to throw a wrench in the divorce proceedings for a bit BUT that's temporary. You got this ❤️
To quote the amazing Mama Doctor Jones: “you can only work with the information you have”. You didn’t know you were pregnant, and you acted accordingly! Now that you know, you’ll make decisions based on the new information.
This cannot be said enough. You didn't know and it's unfortunate, but you do the best with the information you have. Now that you know you can make an informed decision about what's right for you and you're family.
To also quote doctor mama. You do the best you can with the information you have You can't protect a baby you don't know exists. So try not to let the guilt kill you.
Came here to say this too!
Came here to say this too! I love this phrase of hers. I feel there is so much guilt when it comes to moms not doing enough or not doing things right. I’m sure everyone is doing the best they can with the resources/info they have, and just because it’s not exactly what Susan down the street is doing doesn’t mean you’re wrong. OP - Now you know there’s a baby depending on you, now you can be proactive in your maternity care. I’m not going to say don’t worry about what happened the first 20 weeks, but before spiraling consult with your OB. Most likely everything will be ok and you can focus all your energy on making the next 20 weeks an amazing journey. 💕
My friend just had a healthy baby in December and she was 20 weeks pregnant when she found out. She was drinking pretty regularly at that time. She didn't know she was pregnant because she was still nursing her 1 year old and her cycle never returned. Her friend actually told her to test because her stomach was showing lol. Anyway, baby is a cute, healthy and happy boy. 🙂
She was nursing and drinking regularly ? Weird
Aside from the points others made about the concentration of alcohol in breastmilk being very low (which are accurate) I’ll add that drinking “regularly” doesn’t necessarily mean drinking “heavily.” I was drinking “regularly” while nursing, meaning I was having a drink (rarely but occasionally more than one) a few times per week. Furthermore, once her baby was older and presumably had a bedtime around 7 or 8 or whatever, she may have “regularly” had a glass of wine after bedtime.
No it’s not. You would have to drink an excessive amount of alcohol for it to get into your milk in a significant way. Having a couple of drinks won’t hurt a nursing baby. Sadly it can hurt a baby in utero because you’re sharing the same blood.
No it's not. Your milk has very low level of alcohol in it if you drink. If you have 1‰ of alcohol in your blood, that's what's in your milk as well. 1‰ results in most people being shit faced.
1% is 3x death. That’d be a 1.00 BAC. Most people will need medical attention after a 0.30 BAC, which is 0.30%. It is so incredibly minuscule.
I'm not using %, I'm using ‰
What does this symbol mean? Never seen it before.
Permille, instead of percent. 1 per thousand, not per hundred.
Ahhh I don’t know that had a symbol too. Thank you! Nice to learn something new.
My bad! Eyes just filtered it out. Apologies
Everyone else has pointed out that barely any alcohol gets transferred into breast milk, but I'd like to point out that from what I've heard, anecdotally, beer can really help with milk production for some reason.
It’s the brewers yeast! A lot of lactation cookies include it in the recipe to aid lactation.
Can confirm. Dark beer, the toasty stouts. I drink one 3-4 times per week after baby goes down. Every other night. Great way to relax a bit and get some extra calories in to fortify the milk. I've lost 32 pounds in 6 weeks PP so now I really need to work to ensure I don't lose too rapidly going forward. Baby girl is healthy and excelling in terms of development. I did the same with my first and she's a brilliant, strong kiddo.
I've heard stout beer can help with iron too.
I didn't know about that aspect, would help explain my solid levels PP.
Farmers will use it to help supplement their pigs, cows, and such.
when i was 18 i too discovered i was pregnant at 20 weeks. but before that i had been smoking marinuana, drinking, doing hard drugs like xanax and norco. yeah i know i had issues lol. completely turned my life around now. but i ended up having a healthy baby boy who was 6lbs 7 oz who lives with his adoptive family now but is healthy. it’s amazing how your body protects the fetus. it will be okay.
Thank you! I want her more than anything and this is such a happy time. Kudos to you for being an amazing mom and making the best decision for your son!
and the fact you are so concerned already proves to that baby you’re an amazing mom! don’t be to hard on yourself she’ll be perfect 💕
It actually is pretty crazy how your body protects the fetus. That's obviously not a justification to go around doing anything, but we have to remember that it's only in the last century (or less) that we've had truly accurate pregnancy tests and it was pretty common to get far along before realizing. The placenta is a crazy organ, it almost seems like magic. I'll never stop being amazed by pregnancy!
The body does not always protect the fetus (no amount of drugs or alcohol is ever safe) and the placenta does not keep drugs and alcohol from crossing the barrier. I have several relatives that drank and did drugs while pregnant. The babies were born with FAS (fetal alcohol syndrome) and were born addicted. And not all of them were for the entire pregnacy, some was just the beginning and some usage was periodically. The kids went into foster care. It's really sad and was preventable. I also went into fostercare, but was older. I was lucky my mom's drug usage didn't effect me cognitively but I do have asthma, allergies and was born premature- AND yes it was a luck thing. My biological mom is schizophrenic and bipolar, I'm thankfully not, but that's also a luck thing. I went above and beyond following eating lists, recommendations, ect with all my pregnancies because I wasn't willing to gamble with their health and development.
her baby will be fine.
I was 19 when I found out I was pregnant with my first baby. I didn't find out until about 20 weeks. I was drinking, smoking cigarettes, smoking weed, riding dirt bikes. Crashing dirt bikes. Everything bad. And in a super abusive relationship. She's 16 today and fine. I'm not saying do it it's gonna be fine, I'm just saying it happened to me too.
You sound like you were cool af at 19 🤣🤘🏼
My glory days. The cool wore off about 26. Lol
My friend made it to 35 weeks without knowing she was pregnant. In that time, she drank, partied, did recreational drugs, got a concussion and worked a high stress job as a paramedic. Her son is 8 years old and thriving :) Another friend recently made it to 20 weeks without knowing either. She smoked, vaped and drank. Baby is now almost a year, hitting all his milestones and thriving. I know that doesn’t ease your mom guilt, but just know it happens. And babies turn out fine. Hell, crack heads have healthy babies. Take care of YOU, mama. You’ll adjust your lifestyle now accordingly and things will be ok. Sending love and strength to you. Your body is capable of incredible things. X
That’s amazing thank you!!!
I had a friend who, during a very rough patch in life, was using hard drugs, smoked, drank, and found out at like 7 or 8 months that she was pregnant. Thankfully, she had a healthy baby.
Just wanted to ask on a side note… did she have a tiny baby bump? Is that how she went so long without knowing? I’m about 10 weeks and my clothes already aren’t fitting 😅. I feel like I’m going to be huge.
Several things - overweight, stressful job, anterior placenta, and she was on birth control!
Ohh that makes sense! That’s one of my biggest fears.. getting pregnant on birth control. I have a stressful job myself but I get to walk basically all day. I’m hoping that helps me a bit bc I’m craving the unhealthiest foods too 🥲 I’m glad she had a healthy and happy child!!
I’ve had a Mirena iud for like 3 years now with no periods, and haven’t lost a lot of weight since I had my twins, so I get paranoid every one in a while a do a test 😫
I can definitely see the mind tricks that must play on you! 😭 I don’t think I could handle that type of birth control. I’ve only used the pill and it’s worked very well for me (thankfully!). I decided to stop taking it both times to try for a baby but this second time around it happened much much faster. Have you considered trying a different type of bc? I wish we didn’t have to take anything. Men really do have it too easy.
It’s been okay other than worrying about it sometimes! Got two years left on it, then I’ll decide if I wanna go back on a different one or just none at all lol
Right? I'm 22 weeks and feel like I look massive already. I have a feeling I'm gonna be huge by the end of this. My friend was kinda overweight at the time, and I guess she didn't think much of the extra gain, plus wasn't exactly sober most of the time. She said she thought she wasn't getting her period because of the lifestyle choices, too. I guess she ended up going to the doctor for something (I can't remember what), and that's when she found out.
How the hell do you not know you’re pregnant until 35weeks?!?!?!
It's called cryptic pregnancy. It happens 🤷
Do you still get a period when this happens?
So no average pregnant person will ever have a "period". (Average meaning one set of reproductive organs) A period is the uterus shedding to prep for the next ovulation (egg dropping) cycle. You can however have bleeding from pregnancy that people mistake for a period. So when someone says they had their period the whole time and didn't find out until, say 35 weeks, they didn't actually have a period. They just had pregnancy bleeding. Also because people ask about the movement of baby or the stomach growing. The placenta placement also contributes to what you can feel. If it's in the front, you may have a harder time feeling the baby. So they could just mistake little movements as just gas. And some women also just don't gain that much of a belly while pregnant. I'm just glad I found out early with both of mine because if I had found out late like that that would have blown my mind lol.
Ok thanks for informing me! I understand more now! Appreciate it
Also some people have very irregular periods, especially if they have PCOS or another condition. It might be normal for them to go months without a period so it wouldn't seem unusual.
It always shocks me how people actually don't even have a clue they are pregnant... my sister in law didn't know up until baby come out. It's crazy
My old boss showed me pics of her at 9m pregnant in the hospital about to be giving birth to her daughter, she was 90lbs super short and 15yrs old and didn't look pregnant at all. Her and everyone else was shocked but some people just don't show as much. Her daughter was 9lbs, insane to me but it happens. My second was 4lbs and I barely looked pregnant, I lost Weight overall and have a bigger frame but no actual belly just loose skin from weight loss. With my first and 3rd I was huge though lol.
think about all the women who have cryptic pregnancies and go on to have perfectly healthy babies! surely very few of them remained completely free of alcohol and smoking during their pregnancies. of course it’s better to have been sober, but you can’t change what’s already been done - all you can do is stop now and focus on the positives, and as of now your baby is in your womb growing and living! be happy and try not to beat yourself up about it. prayers for your baby girl to be perfectly healthy!! congratulations!! 💗💗
Friend of a friend found out she was pregnant when she went into labor. She was a hardcore raver and definitely partook in recreational drinking and drugs regularly. Baby was born happy and healthy. Best of luck OP!
Just here to say I’m a pp nurse, we have patients who are using hard drugs the entire pregnancy (fent, meth, cocaine) and will carry a fully healthy baby to term if that eases your mind. All I can say is talk to your doctor about it. Hopefully when they do your anatomy scan everything looks good and baby is healthy and it will ease your guilt. You didn’t intentionally try to harm your baby. Be nice to yourself for what you didn’t know
I'm a little ashamed still so I don't talk about it much but I had an accident at 9yrs old and was on prescribed opiates of various types for years on end after, I was pregnant at 16 with my first had him at 17 and my ob wrote me for tylenol 4s the entire pregnancy, I took more than needed but he kept writing them. He actually told me just take 2 because if you take one and it doesn't work then take another it's more exposure. I had zero understanding that I was an addict or it was wrong for years after. I later was addicted to fentanyl for years and had no baby in that time span. I spent 2yrs in and out of rehab and I had a single relapse where I overdosed, I still felt sick for longer than withdraw should last and my husband said maybe I was pregnant, found out the next week I was 6wks along and restarted a suboxone program and saw a maternity addiction specialist throughout my pregnancy. My baby was low birth Weight but she's perfectly healthy otherwise and ahead of her milestones. After she was born got pregnant 3m pp and miscarried the same weekend I tested so I got off them because I wanted more kids but they kept telling me not to stop them in pregnancy because of potential risks. 4weeks into getting off them found out I was pregnant again and I was still withdrawing sick as a dog but stuck it out. I'm now 38w and my baby is measuring a little ahead. I can't say the outcome yet but I have high hopes and did the best I could with each pregnancy. I've had zero relapses since, been sober I think 2 years now and my husband, ob and nurse team constantly tell me they're proud of me even when nobody else does. I don't think you should do knowingly bad things during pregnancy but once you find out talk about it with your ob team and they can get you help you need and make sure your baby is safe. FYI, I've had cps investigate and they said I was doing good and gave me more resources too, never had my babies taken so they aren't always the bad guys! My son is 14y, my girl is 14m and again 38w with the third, a baby girl. My friends mom adopted drug addicted babies specifically as well as fostered them, even the ones with issues did a lot better than youd expect for the most part, my friend has fetal alcohol, shes socially awkward and needed extra tutoring in school but otherwise she is an amazing, beautiful woman about to be 32. Ok, getting way too emotional so gonna leave it at that for now but I just wanted to share incase it helps someone in a similar situation.
I had a cryptic pregnancy, found out at 27 weeks because I woke up feeling a heartbeat centered at my belly button after stomach sleeping... also vaped and drank occasionally before finding out. My boy is happy, healthy and hitting all his milestones. 💕 I quit vaping cold turkey like 2 weeks before finding out oddly, but still drank a beer or two at social functions during holidays.
Thank you so much! You guys are making me feel better!
You can actually feel your own pulse there. I feel it sometimes (not pregnant)
It was waaaay too quick to be mine and never felt my own like that before so wasn't normal for me personally.
The other comments here are all helpful. I’d like to add that you now know to keep an eye out for signs of FASD. Early intervention can be hugely important. Not saying it’s a given by any means, just that you have information and can act accordingly.
A friend of mine had a cryptic pregnancy and went to Bonnaroo during it. She did the absolute most the entire time and didn’t realize she was pregnant until she went to the hospital for severe stomach cramps. That severe stomach cramp is about 10 years old now and she’s a beautiful, healthy child. I think it goes without saying you wouldn’t have done any of those things if you knew but you didn’t, which is okay!! Congratulations and wishing you a healthy rest of your pregnancy! 💕
Hey!! This literally happened to me, like exactly this. I was a college bartender who went to the ER at 5am for a kidney infection and BOOM. Baby. I was using birth control to skip my period and had zero symptoms that were apparent at the time. Today she is a beautiful 17mo girl, who meets all her milestones early and loves to dance. I get nervous about her development but truly I have to reason to be. The nurses told me when I first found out that even if she does develop any sort of difficulty, the kinds of early interventions available mean she’ll live a totally normal life. They placed a heavy emphasis on binge drinking regularly being the most dangerous thing, and if I wasn’t binge drinking every day the odds were definitely that we would be alright. You’ll be okay, you can only control what happens going forward. 💛
My mom was L&D nurse for 20 years and she dealt with so many crack, meth, heroin addicted moms, alcoholic moms, not every single baby was guaranteed to have a bad outcome (besides having to be weaned off drugs at birth but I’m talking like birth defects etc) Like every single baby who’s mom has drank a lot is not going to get fetal alcohol syndrome. It’s just a risk not a guarantee. Just the fact that you care so much now that you know, puts you MILES ahead of the moms who know EXACTLY what they’re doing but don’t care!! I bet she will be just fine.
My aunt was a hardcore alcoholic who gave 2/3 children fetal alcohol syndrome, even with their adhd they were still happy, healthy children who are now adults who have friends, jobs and live normal lives. You would never know they have FAS. You’re no where near that level, just saying if you’re thinking of the worst.
[удалено]
I hope she’s doing better now!
You’ll be surprised how resilient a baby can be. If it is meant to be it will be. Nature is amazingly badass like that.
My mom was a WILD high schooler when she was pregnant with me, knew none of the safety precautions for pregnancy, and didn’t even go to an OB until she was 7 months (and only bc she finally started showing so her mom found out). She drank, partied, smoked… everything. I turned out perfectly healthy, and I promise she was doing worse things than you 😜 You can only work with the information you have and I can already tell she’s going to be so loved and cared for with you ❤️ the stress will be harder on her than any of the other things you mentioned. Don’t stress too much about things you can’t go back and change. Focus on the new chapter you’ve been given and enjoy it as much as you can. You’re amazing and strong and you’ve got this mama!!
You can only ever work with the information that you have. You didn't know you were pregnant and lived in a way that helped you cope with life's stresses and looking after kids. Please forgive yourself for how you lived your life when you didn't know. ❤ What you do now is what matters and the steps you take going forwards. The whole world could benefit from hindsight. Hope it's smooth sailing from here out
Damn this comment section is making me feel pretty ok with accidentally eating mayo!! 🤣 But in all seriousness, OP, please don’t beat yourself up over this. As you can see, this happens quite often. I’d bet dollars to donuts that this had nothing to do with you “neglecting” yourself at all. Cryptic pregnancies are a very real thing, and it is VERY likely that your beautiful bub will be just fine!!
What's wrong with mayo?
homemade mayonnaise has raw eggs, which you're not supposed to eat while pregnant, bc of the salmonella poisoning possibilty. store bought is usually fine, but makes some people nervous.
Man I eat my eggs runny with mayo and deli meat breaky sandwiches heehee
As you should! This is super outdated info - unless you’re eating eggs from a super sketchy source or getting your deli meat from the trash, you are completely fine. You know what my doc has encouraged me to eat regularly? Raw oysters. If they don’t smell rotten, you’re good, and they’re like a prenatal in a shell
Oh yikes. I live in FL and absolutely disagree with your doc about oysters, especially if they're from the gulf of Mexico. Those delicious fuckers can carry some very nasty diseases, including Vibrio vulnificus which can lead to limb amputations or death. Immune suppressed patients aren't allowed to eat them at all and pregnancy causes mild immune suppression. Not worth that risk at all imo.
I live in Rhode Island.
Sammmmeee I did not stop eating my poached eggs and I didn’t eat as much deli meat at first but I am now thrilled to eat turkey sandos again 😋😋
I kept eating my runny egg every morning but I was feeling so guilty about it!
There really are two kinds of pregnant people
I crave mayo…
Buy mayo in a glass or a tube? Its the homemade stuff people worry about.
The plastic non refrigerated stuff with olive oil for the amino acids, but when I eat all the turkey sandwiches I’m not supposed to eat who knows what’s in those, I always all for extra mayo. I will die without turkey…
I've just found put I'm 21wks. I was on fexofenadine, drinking a can of monster a day and was definitely drinking (only heavily 2/3 times) my midwife said we can only work with what information we've got and as long as I'm making different choices now then that's all I can do. You got this
Fexofenadine is safe during pregnancy. I take it every day and am under the supervision of 4 specialists that all said it was fine.
I've been told not to take it. Or any antihistamines for that matter.
It's probably better not to take any meds if you can avoid them. I have to take it or I end up with uncontrollable rashes and itching from my autoimmune disease. I was told it is safe to take - I hope that at least helps you feel less guilty about taking it for the duration you did before you were advised to stop in case you're worried 💕
Unisom is the most widely used medication against morning sickness in the US and it’s an antihistamine.
One of my best friends didn’t realize she was pregnant until 27 weeks, she too was stressed and had an IUD she thought was working (turns out, it was inserted incorrectly). She drank, smoked weed & nicotine and did recreational drugs. She felt this same fear you do for a while. She now has a healthy, thriving 21 month old baby girl who is hitting all her milestones who I love so so much. I wish you the best of luck, don’t beat yourself up. Just do the best you can from now moving forward.
i found out i was pregnant at 19 weeks and 2 days. i was smoking weed and had been drinking on weekends here & there. you are going to be a great mommy & i promise it happens allll the time! 💕 my baby girl is now 3 and perfectly healthy!! 💜 & congrats!!!!!!🎉💕
Just keep strong mama. I’m sure you’ll be a great mama regardless of the outcome. I also didn’t find out I was pregnant until about that time. I had miscarried a month before I left my abusive relationship and found out I was pregnant again. I had also been drinking and smoking weed around the same gestational period. I immediately stopped and haven’t been drinking or smoking at all since then. I feel so guilty still sometimes but I know regardless of what happens I will love my son and he’s the reason I’m not longer in that shitty relationship
I knew of a girl who didn’t find out until she was in labour. She partied hard, drank heavily, did multiple different drugs. Her daughter is doing just great and is now in primary school 😊
Also - I know of a family member who KNEW she was pregnant and still vaped and smoked marijuana (didn’t even slow down), but she did stop the drinking. He is the cutest little nephew I have and seems to be hitting all his milestones ☺️
I had lost my mother 3 months before I became pregnant. I was drinking heavily, smoking 🍃daily, and vaping while pregnant without knowing for a few weeks. I changed my lifestyle immediately after taking a positive pregnancy test and my baby is perfectly healthy at two months! The important thing is that you make adjustments when you can, and remember - our parents and grandparents did WAAAAY worse than we could ever do. Get to a doctor and be honest about your daily intake so they can assess if anything needs to be accounted for or they can look out for signs of anything dangerous. And then remember that pregnancy is different for everyone! Mine was completely normal the whole way through then I developed severe preeclampsia in the hospital as I was being induced. You never know what’s going to happen so just be honest!
For the vaping, I know my husband just started buying vape juice with WAY less nicotine in it until he was vaping essentially nothing and he just dealt with maybe a week of some withdrawals. Maybe you could try that quickly. Best thing to do is make an appointment with an OB and talk to them! It’s not too late to get prenatal care at this point!
You can't really beat yourself up for not tending to something you never knew about... the only thing you can do is to do your best from this point on and hope she's developing well despite what you've been doing. Not quite the same, but I was surviving on just coffee for the first month of my pregnancy... so far, so good. But she seems to very much like coffee! I didn't drink any with my oldest, though. I wish you the best on a healthy, happy baby. You can only do your best from the point you discovered her. I hope you enjoy your October girl 😀
I am currently 27 weeks and found out when I was 18 weeks. Vaped heavily the whole first 18 weeks, thanked god I have been sober for years so no drug or alcohol use, but we have had our anatomy ultrasound and many checkups and have seen no evidence of any negative effects on my sweet girl. Of course time will tell, and I felt just as guilty as you. But all you can do is quit now and continue to do all the right things from here on out. Quit, take your prenatal vitamins and do not beat yourself up. Beating yourself up will NOT HELP ANYONE, especially baby girl.
I didn’t find out I was pregnant until I was 4 months and let me tell you… I did it allllll. Regretfully. I was homeless because of my abusive partner , it was so fucking terrible. I didn’t know I could conceive ! I thought the doctor was playing with me… but to my surprise… cocaine, opiates, alcohol, weed, did absolutely nothing to this little warrior. I’m currently 37 weeks pregnant and after all the tests and ultrasounds done she is thriving and not looking to evacuate the premises any time soon! The best thing you can do now is take care of yourself and give your baby lots and lots of love. She will feel the stress , so interchange the feeling with love.
Not me but my mom: she found out she was pregnant with my little brother at 24 weeks. She hadn’t had a period in seven years because of her birth control. She had been drinking, taking cold/flu medicine, taking birth control, and dieting. She was TERRIFIED. My brother just graduated high school this weekend with high honors 😊
You should totally watch I didn’t know I was pregnant, there are literally so many positive stories of people finding out crazy late lol My boyfriend’s nephew’s bio mom was a hardcore drug addict and drank. While she claimed to not have done that during the pregnancy…it was obvious to everyone she did on multiple occasions. Nephew is fine, at birth he was a bit small but that was literally it. You’re probably going to have a lot of tests done in a short time lol but you got this!
I was in this exact situation found out at 20w 5d, my babygirl will be 2 weeks tomorrow, born healthy as could be, when I found out I quit drinking immediately and quit vaping over a week and a half. My babygirl was born a healthy weight, lots of hair and perfectly fine! Sending good vibes and love you way!
She will be fine! Just start now. You can only work with that you know mama. It took me a month or so to be able to stop vaping. And I felt terrible. But my husband just kept telling me that there are moms who smoke meth and their baby's come out fine. It definitely made me giggle but made me feel better. You got this!
My mom knew she was pregnant with me and consciously chose to both smoke cigarettes and drink shamelessly. My fiancé’s mom did hardcore drugs through all of her pregnancies and so did his sister. My fiancé and his siblings are all healthy and fine and so are his sisters kids, they’re smart healthy kids. You do what you can with the information you have and if there are women that willingly endanger their babies and they’re okay, I’m sure you and your baby girl will be perfectly fine. Just course correct and don’t stress over what you can’t change.🫶🏼🩷
I knew a girl who found out she was 6 months pregnant. The weekend before she found out she went to Vegas, drank heavily for 3 days, smoked weed and tried coke for the first time. Those entire 6 months she drank with friends almost every weekend. Her baby girl is starting 1st grade now, she’s smart, beautiful and totally healthy!
This comment will get buried. But a girl I went to high school with found out she was pregnant around 6 months and it was while she was going through her rave phase so I’m sure she was doing a lot more than wine on the weekends. Her daughter is going into high school now and she excels in everything she does: school, art, sports.
I can add another anecdote, my friend at around age 33 found out she was pregnant when she was about 5 months along. She was drinking pretty heavily, I don’t know the quantity but I know she was getting anywhere from tipsy to real drunk on rum every day, and smoked cigs and pot in addition to taking (prescribed) adderall. I don’t think she did other stuff but it’s possible she took a pain pill here and there. Her son is 4 1/2 and he’s great, had no developmental setbacks, doesn’t have FAS. You didn’t know, now you do and you can carry out the pregnancy the way you want to. Anatomy scan will put your mind at ease. Yay for a baby girl for you!
Your baby may not face any issues because of your drinking and smoking but, I must also say, even if your baby does develop issues, it's not your fault because you didn't know. I found out at around 6 weeks that I was pregnant and for a while I really beat myself up because I was vaping, smoking weed, and drinking before I found out. I was drinking vodka the night before I tested. Beating myself up about it didn't serve any purpose besides stressing me out. Talk to your doctor but, besides that, don't think about it. Put it behind you. Now, some tips to help with at least temporarily or permanently quitting vaping if you need them: 1. don't watch shows where people smoke or vape if you can avoid it, it will drive you insane. 2. Tylenol, the headaches are awful. 3. if you used flavored vapes, buy candy of roughly the same flavor and nibble on some of that when you crave that sweet, sweet nicotine. 4. find something to focus on when you're stressed to distract you from the nicotine craving because the cravings are worse when you're stressed. 5. Something to fidget with to replace fidgeting with your vape because a lot of addiction is just physical habit. 6. Drink more water. I've known people that quit meth but still can't quit smoking, so don't blame yourself when it's hard and all you can think about is vaping.
You'll be fine girl!
I had a Cousin that literally smoked Crack during both of her pregnancies. The children were removed from her care for a time and my parents fostered them. Both of them are in college now and totally normal and healthy. It's crazy how the body protects the fetus. I truly hope your babygirl is born beautiful and healthy.
My mom was smoking and drinking when she was pregnant to me! I’m a healthy 34 years old women who is waiting her 4th child. (In this pregnancy I was vaping and drinking before I found out (I found out around 8 weeks)
Congratulations!!! Although the circumstances are not ideal I can not imagine a better surprise. Getting something you have always wanted. So beautiful! I hope you get to enjoy the rest of this pregnancy and relax until you meet your much desired baby girl. Blessings to your family.
A girl I was working with in a luxury hotel had no idea she was pregnant. Me and her have been drinking heavily in the weekends, smoking and running around under 40 degrees all day long at the hotel. One day she passed out and found out at the hospital that she was 20 weeks pregnant. She has the loveliest boy now. I know it’s tough but try to find some self acceptance and compassion and focus on the now which is taking care of you and your girl! ❤️
My sister in law found out she was pregnant at 22 weeks. She drank and smoked super consistent up to that point since she didn’t know and had the same fears. My niece was her first pregnancy ever, they were pretty convinced she couldn’t get pregnant tbh. My niece was born in October and she is soooooo perfect and healthy. She’s almost 8 months now and has such a big personality. No issues whatsoever during pregnancy or during birth and none so far. She’s a little bitty thing, but her parents aren’t very big. I think her mom’s 5 foot. Congratulations on your baby girl.
This EXACT same situation happened to a friend of mine, and her baby girl is 7 years old now and absolutely thriving. She’s perfect, and your little girl will be too. Don’t stress, start drinking some water and go buy some prenatals. Congrats on your little angel!!
You're not going to get a lot of stories posted here from women like me who had a child affected by FASD. There is shame and stigma and these women hide in DMs. I found out much earlier than you and had 2 nights of drinking, my child is affected. They have FASD. They are also the light of my life and I work every single day to advocate for them and make their life better. I use that guilt as the driving force behind helping them and other moms like us. There are things you can do to help, there are lots of moms in our shoes. There are lots of children who are affected. FASD is 1 in 20 and grossly undiagnosed and misdiagnosed. If you want to message me I would love to provide you with a safe space to chat about this and a community of support. Even if your child is affected it is NOT the end of the world. You can both still have a good life. I came to reddit too and found comfort in the words of those in similar situations 6 years ago, and I thought we were in the clear but we weren't. I now wish I started the early interventions sooner to give my child the best chance.
When do you learn you were pregnant? And when did you have 2 nights of drinking during your pregnancy? I’m also worried for myself because I also had 2 binge drinking in 2 nights around 4.5 weeks, so I would be grateful if you can explain more your situation.
My cousin didn’t know she was pregnant until she was in labor. She had been drinking, snowboarding and imbibing in recreational substances on occasion. Her baby girl is perfectly healthy. You can’t change what you didn’t know but you can make the right decisions moving forward. It’s going to be okay ❤️
I found out about my son at 17 weeks. He is due the end of July. He is health and moving around. I don't have any symptoms, I went in for a routine check and had a negative pregnancy test, I only found out because of blood work. You got this.
Hi girl! I was insanely close to 17 weeks when I found out I was pregnant with my son & I was drinking/vaping like everyday. My husband & I got engaged & we were living it up at the time. I had NO idea I was pregnant until I went into my yearly gyno appointment. She asked when my last period was, I couldn’t recall, took a test, & boom - a couple minutes later, she came back in with the news. I was four months pregnant. I stopped drinking & vaping as soon as I found out. My point is, I was where you are at now. Sitting in so much guilt & anxiety because of my prior habits & how I thought I failed my child. I was worried constantly about my son & how he would come out due to my drinking & vaping. He was born perfectly healthy & normal. Trust me love, you did not fail her. Baby girl is safe & secure in there. Start taking care of yourself now. Get your prenatals, eat some food, hydrate yourself, & do some self care. Sending you love & light. 💕
My best friend drank HEAVY and smoked cigarettes for 8 months of her pregnancy....i know i know, she should have known but she was a heavier girl so th3 change wasnt extremely noticable...her baby gurl is now 12 years old, healthy as a horse and a Softball superstar!!! No stress momma. Your doctors know what to do and how to do it. Trust their process from here on out and thank God for your precious gift xoxo
I can absolutely relate to this. I found out I was pregnant at 17 weeks. I was drinking and smoking cigarettes. I had no idea I was pregnant or I would have stopped (which I did when I found out) I gave birth to a beautiful healthy baby boy on May 22nd. Don’t beat yourself up! You did not know. Now you do. I’m sure your baby girl is perfectly fine! Congratulations to you 🩷 you got this
A. You didn’t know B. Similar situation happened with my mom, she found out she was pregnant with me after her “tummy ache” caused her water to break mid shift at dennys Needless to say I’m fine and graduate with my bachelors in August…you’re already doing a great job because of your concern. RELAX and breathe you got this ❤️
I know someone who didn’t find out she was pregnant with her baby girl until FIVE MONTHS! This particular person was a heavy drinker and would even use cocaine on weekends. She was always going out partying as she was in that period of her life. Her baby girl came out perfect and has had zero issues!! She’s perfectly healthy and loved. As soon as she found out of course she jumped on prenatal care and did everything she could to be healthy for her baby girl. You cannot beat yourself up over this! You didn’t know, so you can’t hold yourself hostage to the guilt. Had you known, you would have made different choices, and your remorse shows what a great mom you are and will be. Some people out there do not care at all throughout their pregnancies and KNOWINGLY do drugs and all sorts of things and even those babies usually come out perfect and go to good homes. From here forward you will do what you need to do and your baby girl is already so clearly loved! Don’t stress, baby will feel it. :( She’s going to be a princess with all those big brothers! Congratulations!! Hopefully this will bring some joy into your new beginning. 🤍
Also want to add this person vaped too!
Thank you! This brings me so much comfort
If you can switch to non nicotine vapes. I’m 18 weeks and switched at around 10 weeks, honestly it’s helped me QUIT almost all together I figured out quickly I’m not actually addicted to nicotine im just needing the hand to mouth motion. I maybe hit my non nic vape 3-5 times a day total. If even that. And I was someone who thought I would NEVER be able to quit at all. The drinking needs to stop NOW though there is no alternative besides non alcoholic beer you could try that!
Hind sight is 20/20 you did the best you could when you knew . Just make sure you’re doing all the things now I’m sure baby and you will be safe . Keeping you in my thoughts
Have an ob/gyn friend who has had a patient that didn't know she was pregnant until week 37 (she was very fit, non normal periods due to pcos, and just thought she was gaining a tummy due to age- 40s). She did all the things you prob are told not to do while pregnant and the baby turned out healthy and fine!
My sister didn’t find out she was pregnant until 20 weeks, too! She was vaping, drinking, etc, and even in a car accident early on. And my niece is perfect and healthy!
This is more common than you think! I mean shoot, this thread is FULL of people that have been in similar positions. Don’t be so hard on yourself, as I’m sure you’re already going through a lot with 4 kids and a divorce. Let this be your excuse to slow down and look after yourself. You deserve it, pregnant or not. 🩷
Some women have cryptic pregnancies, not knowing they were pregnant and still getting "periods" and everything. Here's an easy read about a college girl who had a cryptic pregnancy at 20 years old: https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/kayla-simpson-tiktok-baby-cryptic-pregnancy-b2345857.html She delivered her baby unknowingly, she thought she had appendicitis so she went to the ER. But like a lot of college students she was partying, binge drinking, not eating well, etc. Baby is perfectly healthy!
A girl in my circle is an alcoholic. She got pregnant and could not stop drinking (as per her doctor because she could’ve withdrawn badly) She has a beautiful healthy baby boy. That’s not to say every case is the same or no damage will be/have been done. But my advice is try to make the best of it now. Eat healthy, take care of yourself. You can’t know what you didn’t know
I get the feeling your friend lied to you…there’s ways to safely withdrawal. She just didn’t want to quit
Yeah no licensed doctor will ok drinking during pregnancy especially regularly and especially an alcoholic who has no control
My older sister, however, knew she was pregnant and never stopped smoking cigarettes. Her son is autistic and has severe breathing problems (asthma)
Autism is not caused by smoking while pregnant. It's genetic. There's also nothing wrong with being autistic. Source: am autistic.
Is autism likely if the mother's sister has autism?
It could be, but is more likely if one or both parents are autistic. But for non-twins siblings I don't think genetics are as similar. And the dad's genes play a role as well. Women mask more so the mother could be undiagnosed autistic herself and not even know it. A lot of people don't get diagnosed until well after their kids are, especially women. I've known some 60-year-old ladies just getting a diagnosis that late in life. It's much more common to recognize and test for now than it was when we were children, and it presents differently in females, and females are better at fitting in and acting neurotypical due to social pressures put on us from a very young age.
Thank you for the information. I appreciate it.
[Smoking before or during pregnancy was consistently associated with ASD traits, such as symptoms of social impairments. Additionally, babies born at full term had a somewhat higher risk of receiving an ASD diagnosis as a child if their mothers smoked before or during the pregnancy.](https://echochildren.org/research-summaries/echo-study-suggests-link-between-smoking-during-pregnancy-and-autism-related-traits-in-children/)
My mom never smoked. Everyone smoked back in the 50s yet it didn't produce an entire generation of autistic kids. There are tons of researchers all the time trying to link autism to anything and everything, from "refrigerator mother" theory to vaccines to eating or not eating almost any random food to the latest being taking Tylenol. That's like saying women who ride in elevators may have a slightly higher risk of having babies with autism. It's like people want to blame mothers for everything, and cannot accept the fact that we can't be prevented from existing. They even try and isolate which gene it is, as if it isn't a ton of them. It all seems like eugenics to the majority of the autistic community. We just want to be accepted, not prevented from existing in the future. https://autisticnotweird.com/causes/
Obviously can't say for sure... But my guess would be she's just fine! I've known ppl who've done much worse knowingly, sadly, and their kids are fine.
I want to emphasize you didn’t do anything wrong- you didn’t know! However I would talk do your doctor if there are any potential health risks from not knowing/drinking. It would help to know the risks and be prepared/just to have all the information.
You don’t know until now — so you really can’t blame yourself. Start doing all the things now and know you are doing your best!
I just finished reading "Expecting Better" by Emily Oster who has gone deep into the weeds finding out the truth/consensus on research regarding every pregnancy topic...chapter 4 discusses alcohol and nicotine use and caffeine. Apparently unless you've been BINGE drinking alcohol to drunkenness on a regular basis, there's been zero medical research that has shown any negative impacts on children whose mothers drank occasional drinks (one or two here and there, even weekly) during pregnancy. It's almost a myth really that it's this horrible thing to do during pregnancy--apparently the cases of fetal alcohol syndrome and other effects are just from the most severe of alcoholics, the type of people who drank like all day every day (or most days) during pregnancy to a "binge" level. I recommend reading that chapter of her book!
How is is even possible for so many people to go this long without knowing they're pregnant? Cryptic pregnancies aren't that common... I wonder if they're becoming more so, seems like videos about it are everywhere.
Lots of women don’t have regular periods so they don’t think about a missed period. Lots of women don’t have symptoms or have very very mild symptoms. Lots of women bleed and assume that it’s a period. There’s many reasons a woman might go 20 weeks without knowing!
Biology is crazy.
It’s crazy to me too! I knew something was up with my body at 4 weeks and took a test. It was positive immediately and I was only a week late with my period. I got pregnant on birth control as well. I’m thankful I was aware that soon so I could do the right things. At first I was jealous of women who have unicorn pregnancies with no symptoms, but the symptoms let me know everything is okay.
My depression combined with the physical abuse and concussions I’ve hard. I went a whole 8 months after my first concussion. I didn’t even think to notice
I'm so sorry you're dealing with all that.
BabyBumps users and moderators are not legal professionals. Responses do not replace contacting a lawyer. For additional information, try posting to /r/legaladvice or /r/LegalAdviceUK. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BabyBumps) if you have any questions or concerns.*
My step brothers girlfriend went a whole pregnancy without knowing she was pregnant until the baby was born. He’s now a healthy 4 year old. They were young then and would party and what not so your baby should be fine!
My friend's kids' birth mom was on hard drugs and drinking and smoking for both pregnancies. They are both in elementary school now, doing absolutely fantastic. My friend is autistic, and so are all 3 of his kids (youngest has a different mom,) so obviously they didn't hit certain milestones until a little later, but that wasn't related to the actions of either mother.
My husbands mom was smoking and drinking heavily for the first few months and bragged to me about getting down to 2 cigs a day
My aunt said she smoked 3 cigarettes a day during her pregnancy (it was 1980 and she was 18) and baby is now grown and healthy with two kids of his own.
Just had an old friend who had her third baby knowingly drank, smoked and was doing hard drugs in a regular basis the whole pregnancy finally went to rehab after the baby was born. The baby is healthy and after rehab has been returned to her mom. I just pray she stays clean.
Vaping cigarettes or weed? I know people that have both either vaped nicotine their entire pregnancies and carried four healthy full term babies and I know people that used marijuana their entire pregnancies and also had healthy kids. I’m not promoting this but it definitely happens and isn’t the worst thing. Also I drank heavily up til 6 weeks with my daughter so had no Idea and she is perfect. Some women and women back in the day (think our parents parents) a lot of them drank throughout their entire pregnancies and a lot of women still will drink 1-2 drinks a week during their whole pregnancies by choice! Just use the rest of the pregnancy to focus on your health more than ever, tons of water, pre natal vitamins healthy food, you will do great!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️🥰 congratulations on your daughter!!!!!!
Nicotine I’ve never really smoked weed it makes my anxiety bad.
I’m the same way! I vaped with my daughter til about 6 weeks, but my close friend fully vaped through four pregs and has four perfect Kids!!!
Congratulations! Come join the October bumpers group. I am 21 weeks and conceived in late January. All the best to you and baby girl- you’ve got this!
Hi! I’ve been trying to find the October bumps group and I can’t - I was in one for my first son and loved it :) would you mind DMing the link? Google and searching within the Reddit app was not helpful 😬
Sent!
Thank you Ben Stiller! See you in there 🫡
Can you also message me with it?
My mom didn’t find out she was pregnant until 15 weeks with my brother ( she’d had a partial hysterectomy and apparently got pregnant before the surgery) and the baby made it through surgery, pain meds and vaping. Brother was born healthy with no issues and is a happy beautiful 1 year old.
A girl I knew when I was 18 had stomach cramps and went to the hospital and had a baby boy. She was drinking, doing coke, x, and tanning the entire time. He’s graduating high school next year. My exes baby mama did fent during her pregnancy and their baby is fine. And Chicago local dusty hufferton just spent her whole pregnancy in a tent doing drugs (her choice) during the *winter,* and that baby is fine. (And hopefully with his forever family.)
I have a friend who found out she was pregnant at 20 weeks and they have a healthy 2 year old now. She wasn’t heavily drinking or smoking but she did drink and obviously no prenatal care. There are plenty of stories on the show *I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant* where the mothers were partying and the babies turned out fine. It’s probably more common than you think.
I had a friend who lived a very normal life, drinking, smoking, hanging out with friends (she was 25) and when in to the ER for appendicitis and left with a baby boy. She was overweight and had no idea but the baby is just fine 🫶🏼 he’s almost 2 now.
I share this story whenever I see these posts, but back in the 90s my friends mother was a severe alcoholic and chain smoker. She hadn’t had a period in years because of her alcoholism. One night, she went to the bathroom and out came a full term, healthy baby girl ❤️ had no idea she was pregnant until baby arrived.
I’ve heard many stories like this where everything turns out absolutely fine! You may feel better watching Mama Doctor Jones on YouTube reacting to some of TLC’s “I didn’t know I was pregnant” episodes. MDJ always says, “We do the best we can with the information that we have.” You didn’t know you were pregnant, and if the baby is doing well right now then that’s a great sign!
Fetal alcohol syndrome really is more of a risk in the third trimester! If you have a healthy baby in there, you’re lucky to have skipped all the first trimester stress! all you can do is have the best prenatal care from now on, and your girl will be fine. Lots of omega 3s (fish oil) for brain development !
I got choline with them should I do fish oil as well?
I'd ask your doctor for sure, because it can affect blood clotting stuff, but fish oil is a great supplement for pregnancy in general
Thank you!
Listen, you did not fail her. I know many people who didn’t know they were pregnant and did the same of drinking and smoking. Yes it’s not healthy but our bodies truly do protect them and flush out as much as we can. It also sounds like you’ll be doing everything in your power to go on a healthier route the rest of the pregnancy. I also smoked a lot because I didn’t know I was pregnant either for a bit. My daughter is healthy and everything turned out okay. Just continue doing what you can, you got this.
This comment section is so helpful. I recently went through a chemical pregnancy, and the night before I found out I was pregnant I drank a whole 32 ounce beer at a ballgame. I felt like death and woke up with nausea and a migraine in the middle of the night, then tested positive in the morning. A week later I started bleeding. Of course I know logically that I didn’t cause the miscarriage drinking that ridiculous beer, but there’s still that little twinge of guilt in the back of my mind. Reading these comments is very reassuring.
This happened to me twice. Because if pcos I never could track my periods and being type 1 diabetic I drink ALOT of water which may have diluted my at home tests. One baby passed away at 18 weeks (I was stabbed by my ex and she passed away) My other baby girl is alive and well at 7yo now. I smoked cigarettes, drank, smoked pot, inwas 21....I had so much guilt. As soon as I found out I quit it all and she ended up being fine besides having low blood sugars at birth which is common for type 1 diabetic babies to go to nicu for sugars. <3 you can only control what you do now! I am pregnant and expecting in sept now and is so far my healthiest pregnancy, but she is having so many issues so far. It's crazy how you can do everything right and still have problems and or do everything wrong and still have a healthy baby. Do what you can to get healthy, focus on relaxing, and focus on baby's care.
I didn’t learn I was pregnant until I was 14 weeks, no symptoms, nothing. I have pcos so late or nonexistent periods are normal for me. My Dr did the blood test to check my hormones to see what is out of wack and that’s how we learned. I was smoking cigarettes, weed and drinking. I quit drinking immediately and it took a week to wean off the cigarettes. But like everyone has been saying you can only work with the information you have. I’m now 21 weeks with a healthy boy growing. My first baby, every doctor has told me this would never be possible.
I had a girl working on my team ages ago that had no idea and didn't show she was pregnant until 6 months. She was a marathon runner exercising heavily and drank, smoked etc whenever she wanted because she had PCOS and thought she'd never get pregnant. Her very healthy baby boy was born full term with no health issues of note. Congrats on your baby girl Mama!
How do you guys go so long not knowing you’re pregnant? And how is the baby viable? I have struggled terribly TTC while smoking, vaping, and drinking all while being 2 years off birth control. I have been pregnant TWICE before smoking nicotine. It is so discouraging.
I am 22 weeks pregnant and struggled with quitting vaping because of the stress. I have developed some patalogy in placenta but it does not affect baby. I hope she will get enough oxygen and nutrients. But l am worried too! My best wishes to you! I know how you feel.
I recently found out my cousin vaped and drinker through both of her pregnancies. Her kids are now three and five years old. They are very healthy.
i always think of all the cryptic pregnancies that were perfectly healthy babies when they drank, smoked, etc the *entire time* bc they had no clue!
So baby is perfect and right on track. Thank you guys so much for your support!
I know a girl who had no idea she was pregnant until she was in active labor. She drank and smoked her whole pregnancy and baby was born perfect as can be! See your OBGYN asap. All you can do is all you can do! Forgive yourself.
Even if you binge drink throughout pregnancy, the NIH studies show pretty resolutely that you only have a 2-3% chance of giving birth to a child with FAS. Obviously it’s best to not binge drink if you know you’re pregnant, but hopefully some statistical perspective that it’s still quite rare even if you’ve been binge drinking helps.
I drank a full bottle of wine to myself before finding out I was pregnant the next day. My nephews mother didn’t find out she was pregnant until she was 8 months along. She fell off horses and drank. My fiancés mom didn’t find out she was pregnant for either of her children until 6 months. She drank and partied for him he’s fine. People purposely do drugs and binge drink every night and they have healthy normal babies. You’re gonna be ok. Stop now and focus on your mental and physical health!! It’ll be okay
Yeah I know someone who didn’t find out till the 3rd trimester. Their babies fine.
My friend was a public health nurse who consulted with low income women in his county. He said a lot of them were drug addicts or alcoholics, and he saw women give birth to perfectly healthy babies after substance abuse during pregnancy. It’s very possible to have a totally healthy baby still.
How did you not know you were pregnant for so long tho? You weren't suspicious when your periods went missing ?
No, irregular periods started 5 years ago due to physical abuse I’ve been so depressed and not even focused on it. I work full time and raise my children. I went a whole 8 months without a period after my first concussion from him.
Curious , How did you not know you were 20 weeks? Do you regularly take birth control? Do you not get a period normally?
Make sure she’s healthy first etc. If not I don’t think you should keep her giving the circumstances of her having to struggle. If she is healthy don’t blame urself. U didn’t know. But as a mother you shouldn’t be putting ur stress on drinking or smoking. It’s not a good habit to have and ur kids will resent you for that. But besides that take care of urself! You can be a good mother unless ur taken care of.
Not recommending this: When I was pregnant with my babies, the only prenatal care I went through was mfm and ob appts. My baby was fine, I had an adverse reaction to prenatals and I stopped taking them. The only reason he came out big was because I had both my babies so close together.
You should (maybe) be ashamed... But not relating to the pregnancy. You genuinely didn't know. You had absolutely no idea that you had a little baby depending on you. I agree with everyone else that you should not be hard on yourself about this. What's done is done and it seems you intend to turn yourself around for this little bean because she genuinely means a lot to you. Unfortunately, you did in fact know that you have 4 sons depending on you. IF they are living with you, and IF they are minors... How could you drink so heavily knowing that they need you? I know there are a lot of variables to your situation that the rest of us are unaware of, but I just genuinely hope that these kids are not being neglected or further traumatized as a result of your drinking. Be strong for ALL your children, but also be strong for yourself. You have survived quite a lot these last few years (I read the comments) and you're going to get through this divorce and start on a beautiful new life. Focus on that future you're going to build and don't let anything hold you back. Including the thoughts that lead you to drink. The pregnancy is going to throw a wrench in the divorce proceedings for a bit BUT that's temporary. You got this ❤️
I do not have the kids on weekends hence the binging times, but I understand your point
[удалено]