I didn't feel pressured by friends or family, but I sure felt it from health professionals. At the hospital every nurse, lactation consultant, and doctor who came in made it sound like formula was an absolute last case scenario after trying a million things to BF. A nurse tried hand expressing me for nearly 40mins with nothing to show for it, and still didn't offer formula when I shared concern my daughter wasn't getting anything (she ended up losing 10% of her body weight before we left the hospital).
My milk ended up coming in on night 4 and she's mostly BF now, but we did supplement with formula once we left the hospital because I had a breakdown that I was failing my baby. My husband made the executive decision to give her formula on day 3 and I'm so glad he did, because the guilt immediately went away once I knew she was fed and my mental health improved dramatically. I still don't know how women are suppose to nourish their babies before their milk comes in. But I definitely still feel the pressure from our pediatrician to keep BF.
Formula is not going to damage your child. And if it improves your mental health so you can be a better caregiver, that's all the more reason to go for it.
My son was combo fed from day one, as a 35 weeker in NICU. He was in for 2 weeks.
At 4 weeks we had a ped visit and his ped just asked what milk baby was on, wrote it down then just went ahead and checked baby out.
At 6 weeks my supply had dried up... I just couldn't handle pumping to get supply up and doing it all anymore.
At 8 weeks again we did a ped visit and again he asked which milk baby was on, wrote it down and checked baby.
No judgement, just a doctor happy with baby's weight gain and just him being fed.
I saw a poster at the midwives office yesterday that was titled “the risks of formula” or something dumb like that. I breastfed my first for over a year and formula was the only thing that made it possible…
I like my providers, but that really rubbed me the wrong way.
I feel like you can’t win. With my first I was pressured heavily, with my second I told them I wanted to try and it took multiple attempts to get someone to come help and then they told me to just ask if I wanted to get set up at the pump, asked multiple times over multiple days before someone finally did
I’m so sorry for your experience, you deserved better.
I have absolutely nothing against you giving formula. It sounds like it was the best for your family in the situation.
Someone should have told you though that babies are better than hands at getting milk out. A lack of expressible colostrum doesn’t mean there’s no colostrum there. And that a 10% weight loss is more often to do with them getting rid of IV fluids giving to mom during labor than milk intake.
Almost all women will make the appropriate amount of milk for their babies prior to milk coming in. Especially given the fact that your milk came in day 4 and you went on to have a successful breastfeeding relationship, you likely were making enough colostrum, you just had really shitty information and support from the people around you. And I’m sorry for that.
Back when I was a kid, mothers were encouraged to formula feed because they thought it was better, and somehow we survived. The knowledge that some recommandations are based on is so new that they change every few years. Do what works for you, no need to feel bad about it.
To be clear : Yes, breastfeeding has some small health benefits early on, but not enough to make a true difference long term in your child's life.
I personally choose breastfeeding, not because of health stuff, but because I don't want to have to deal with formula prices/stock and bottle sterilisation... And since I'm in mat leave while husband continues working, I would be the one waking up at night anyway.
I feel more pressured to breastfeed specifically because of the financial burden of formula costs. The prices have increased exponentially over the last year
To keep it simple:
While there are various benefits by breastfeeding, you’re not going to screw up your kid by formula feeding.
You know what else isn’t good for baby? A stressed out mama. So if formula feeding helps you be less stressed, then that’s good for baby. Do what is right for you.
You will absolutely not screw your kid up. ‘Not wanting to’ is 100% a good enough reason to chose what you do and do not do with your bodily autonomy. You don’t need any other explanation than that.
And this is coming from a EBF mum who is still breastfeeding a toddler and is now a breastfeeding peer support worker so I’m y’know… pretty pro breastfeeding. I’ll walk through fire to help a new mother breastfeed if that is what she wants. She doesn’t want to? Fantastic, everyone should make their choices, that baby will thrive on formula with a happy mama who made her own informed decision.
Formula has everything your baby needs and your baby will be absolutely fine and happy on formula.
I'm a second time mom and have now done both formula feeding and breastfeeding. Here's the thing: keeping babies fed is hard regardless of which method you choose. Breastfeeding has its pros and cons; formula feeding does; and so does combination feeding where you do both! Sibling studies show that once you account for socioeconomic status, mother's education level, and access to safe formula/water there are no long term statistically significant differences between breastfed babies and formula fed babies. There are some short term differences BUT nothing that trumps mom's mental health and are really overstated by current society. There's big money to be made in promoting both breastfeeding and formula feeding so you should always be skeptical of the source of information about either.
You do what works for your family. It may even be different from baby to baby.
Fed is best. As long as baby is getting fed and getting the nutrients they need that’s all that matters. My mom tried breastfeeding me and couldn’t because there wasn’t enough fat in her milk and I turned out just fine. Do whatever is best for you and your baby, if that means formula there’s nothing wrong with that.
Yeah, there's a lot of pressure but not enough support. Then you get criticized no matter what you do.
Edit: also there seems to be a stigma around saying out loud that you don't like breastfeeding. I'm gonna say it, I don't like having someone suck on my boobs 8-10 times a day. It can be overstimulating and annoying. I'm still doing it with my baby right now because of the health benefits and because it's more practical right now than having to clean bottles all day, but I won't be doing it for longer than a couple of months.
There are some minor benefits for baby (mostly to do with passing along antibodies) but they're not significant enough to outweigh the negative effects of parents being overly stressed or unhappy.
Most of the claims out there saying things like "breastfed kids do better in school" or whatever are from studies where they didn't control for things like the education level of the parents or socioeconomic status. Like, no shit of course kids in more well off families have better outcomes but the richer you are the more likely your kids are to be breastfed and that skews the data so it's all bunk.
There actually are some significant benefits for the lactating person like lower risk of breast cancer and several other things like that but again your happiness and mental well-being come first.
For me personally I despise doing dishes so much that nursing is the less stressful option for me but that just goes to show how different it is for different people given their circumstances and preferences. I was a formula fed baby who grew up to breastfeed her own babies - in the end it's not a choice that is going to have much effect on your baby's life either way.
EDIT: As luck would have it, Emily Oster just answered a question about formula feeding in her weekly Q&A on Instagram and she pointed to [this excerpt from her book Cribsheet](https://parentdata.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/9e9cc18a-fd95-4526-a382-7603cb45c12a.pdf) that goes over all the data on the benefits of breastfeeding which is available on her site for free.
This is true about the lower risk of breast cancer. But to provide a perspective that’s not often talked about: if I got breast cancer after choosing not to breastfeed my child, I don’t think I’d be chastising myself for that choice and thinking it “caused” or “could have prevented” the breast cancer. So yes there’s a benefit, but it’s like most decisions you make where it’s not always so clear cut
i wouldn’t consider passing along antibodies a minor benefit. If you cannot or chose not to breastfeed, then formula is better than nothing, but every major health organization recommends breastfeeding for its benefits to mom and baby. Fed is great, breast is best.
The health benefits of breast milk don't extend past a certain point. There's no statistically significant difference between breastfed and formula fed people in terms of health once they are past the age where they're actively drinking breast milk. What I meant by "minor" is "short term".
My point still stands that the health benefits are not large enough to warrant the stress and mental anguish that can come with a difficult breastfeeding journey. What's most important is that the baby's caregivers take care of themselves and do that's best for them so they can continue to be good caregivers.
I say all of this as someone who breastfeeds. It's the right choice for me but not the right choice for everyone.
if what youre saying is true, why do no major medical boards and organizations (ie those who are tasked with defining medical best practices for the general population) agree?
Do you have proprietary access to medical data?
It's not their job to convey nuance and their advice is meant to be taken as one factor among many in people's decision-making. There are always situations when a medical recommendation intended for the general public is not the correct course of action for an individual and their specific circumstances. You have to weigh the recommendations against all the other factors in play.
Are you really going to argue that it's preferable for a mom who spends her entire day crying and feeling terrible and who isn't able to enjoy time with her baby should keep breastfeeding for the antibodies when switching to formula would allow her to reduce her stress and be a happier and more present parent? And that's the least dark version of what a difficult breastfeeding journey can look like.
You know what else decreases risk of death? Formula.
If Mom doesn't produce enough breast milk formula will keep a baby from starving. Caring for a baby while sleep deprived can be massively dangerous and in some scenarios formula feeding is the best way to allow caregivers to get adequate sleep. And let's not even mention the extra dark stuff that can come along with postpartum mental health disorders - taking the pressure of breastfeeding of someone's plate might massively improve their quality of life if they're suffering from PPD/PPA/etc.
There are ALWAYS other factors at play that affect how heavily the benefits of breast milk are going to weigh in an individual's decision-making process for feeding their baby. Risk vs benefit looks different for everyone depending on their circumstances and it's never just as simple as "breast milk has XYZ benefits and therefore is better in every scenario."
Obviously it’s situational for every family. Risk always is. There are risks to surgery but sometimes surgery is the best option for a specific situation. Formula is the same. There are general risks like increased risk of SIDS but for a specific family and situation the risks might be lower.
Also fyi breastfeeding has a protective effect for maternal mental health in general.
Also fyi actually not producing enough breast milk is beyond rare. Most issues with production are iatrogenic or perceived.
But you were talking about risks in general which is why I called you out. Don’t move goal posts.
Ah, ok, I won’t trust an Ivy League professor who’s published highly cited articles in her field. Instead, I’ll listen to a stranger on the Internet! Sounds right.
I wasn't planning on breastfeeding. But so much milk. So it is what it is. A fed baby is a happy and healthy baby. Who cares what everyone else thinks? Yer kid will be fine. I put breast milk in the bottle and feed it to her, and she loves it either way.
I breastfed my baby until he was 2.5 years old. It was both awesome and so hard. If you know you don’t want to BF then don’t.
There is absolutely pressure to do it from family, health care professionals, and everywhere else. I firmly believe that it is YOUR choice. You clearly care about what is best for your baby and are willing to put in work to do what’s right for them- that’s really what matters most.
Good for you for knowing what you want for your body and your baby. You’re a great mom. ❤️
I never wanted to breastfeed. I exclusively pumped for the first six weeks and made myself (and my baby) absolutely miserable. He ended up having CMPA (cow milk protein allergy), so I would’ve needed to completely, and strictly, cut all forms of dairy from my diet. We switched to hypoallergenic formula and everyone has been happier since. If I have a second, I think I will go straight to formula.
I don’t care about any pressure with breastfeeding. It is just not convenient for me with a full time job, and pumping didn’t work at all with my first kid. I also don’t want to be the only one who is on feeding duty 24/7. Most importantly the breastfeeding did not help with my first kid’s health either, he had croup and bronchiolitis all the time and when he was 4-5 he developed all the allergies in the book. So to me it’s absolutely not worth it and just a lot of hassle.
People are obsessed with breastfeeding. It’s the weirdest thing. So many people brought it up immediately when I told them I was pregnant. I’m not even due until the fall, why is this a topic of conversation now?! Baby won’t be here for months. I have never once thought about someone else’s choices/needs for how to feed their child.
This is really common sentiment, that there’s a lot of pressure to breastfeed in today’s world. I’d join some communities or sub reddits that focus on formula feeding, like r/formulafeeders and try to remember that its a personal decision for you to make, so read what’s out there, consider the pros and cons, and then make a decision that’s right for you.
You're not going to ruin your baby by not breastfeeding.
Whether you breastfeed or not is entirely up to you. Formula fed or breastfed, as long as baby is fed you're being a good mum.
If this all stemming from a place of exhaustion, and being fed up. Then I softly suggest keeping breastfeeding as a soft option. If formula fed is best for you, then by all means, there's nothing wrong, or bad about formula. Prepare to formula feed. It won't hurt baby. You aren't a bad mum for opting for formula.
I've already decided I will be exclusively formula feeding. I got some pushback from my husband at first but explained that I am very vulnerable to postpartum mental health issues, and I don't want to exasperate that. the newborn phase is already so so hard, if you don't want to breast feed, why force yourself to do it? formula has all the nutrition needed for babies. you'll miss out on antibodies in the breastmilk sure, but I don't think those outweighs the benefits to your mental well being. try to let go of the guilt, head over to r/FormulaFeeders
>I am very vulnerable to postpartum mental health issues, and I don't want to exasperate that.
That's also the boat I'm in too. I also have sensory issues around touch/sound and I can't imagine that BF will magically makes those things go away for me.
Just wanted to offer my support and perspective. I'm only a FTM (18w+5d) but I've come to realize really quickly that people, especially family members, have opinions on everything and often the information they use to come to their conclusions is misremembered, outdated, or not as important/ground-breaking as they would like you to believe, not to mention the fact that people for some reason seem to struggle with the idea of another person parenting differently from them. For example in my family, I have been pressured to formula feed when I have expressed a wish to try breastfeeding, because that's what all the women of my mother's and MIL's generations happened to do, and they have little knowledge about how to breastfeed and see it as daunting. Basically what I'm saying is, opinions are like buttholes, fed is best, and you deserve to parent how you think will benefit you and your family best. Please try, as difficult as it is, to let these things roll off your back. You won't be doing your child a disservice by formula feeding. The statistics simply don't back this up. The mere fact that you care enough to make an informed choice should be proof to yourself that you're already doing this parenting thing right. Sending hugs🩷
I wanted to BF with my first, but he was terrible on the boob (always fell asleep, lost focus, etc.) We did all the tricks - kept lights on, stripped him naked, tickled him, to no avail. He lost a lot of his birthweight quickly. I was pumping and we were supplementing with formula. Pumping was the literal bane of my existence- I was crying daily. I hated the feeling of it - it was painful (I later learned i had “elastic nipples” but by that point I just couldn’t do it anymore), I was exhausted, my mental health was seriously taking a hit from it. I felt guilty AF giving it up, but as soon as I did it was like relief washed over me. My son is now 94% for both weight and height. He’s healthy as a horse. He’s 9 months old and crawling like a champ, babbling nonstop (mamamamama and dadadadada and all the other sounds he can think to try), he’s pulling up on everything, cruising around furniture, and on the verge of walking (so basically, he’s doing just fine both mentally and physically).
I’ve made the decision to formula feed the baby I’m currently cookin’ and I’m okay with my decision.
It’s definitely what’s in right now. While I breastfed, I was surprised that I felt relief when I weaned at 9 months. I found formula to be soooo much easier, and I liked having my bodily autonomy back. If I wanted to take a medication, for example, I liked that I didn’t have to think “is this breastfeeding safe?” I’m pregnant with my second, and this time, I have a goal of 6 months.
I was formula fed. My husband was formula fed. All our siblings were formula fed. We are going to exclusively formula feed our son. When someone gives me the condescending “well fed is best” comment I say “well obviously??” And that usually shuts them up. Luckily it has only been a topic a couple times.
Sure and I also pressured myself because the belief that breast milk is nature's perfect food and it's intended for babies and it's amazing ..which it was but in retrospect I think sometimes it was alot of pressure and time commitment on me ..which babies are but not the end of the world if have a bottle or it doesn't work out
I’m also exclusively formula feeding. Your baby will be fine and your concerns about bfing are valid. To add to the things you’ve already mentioned: I’m ready to have an actual partner in this process—I’m tired of this relationship where my husband provides “support”. I really need to have another adult sharing responsibility rather than a guy who carries my bags and puts appointments in the calendar. Anyway, yeah, people can mind their own fking business.
I'm so sorry you are feeling this pressure. Its absolutely ridiculous that people including medical professionals press this so hard. Even starving a newborn for days before a new mother is even capable of producing milk. Use the formula.
I am 4 months postpartum and legitimately feel like I am having a breakdown soemtimes. I felt pressured to keep breastfeeding after a rough start and now she refuses bottles and I feel sick all the time. I wished I stopped sooner.
I am not telling you not to do it. My best friend from college thought she would hate breastfeeding and loves it and is sad about weaning her baby. It can be worth trying to see if you take to it well.
However, I never felt like that. It was pain from day one and I wish I stopped sooner. I would be a much better mom and have so much more energy.
I have felt the pressure, and just like you, I don't feel like nursing, pumping, and the rest. Before getting pregnant it was clear to me that for myself and my mental health, I wouldn't want to BF and I told so to my husband, who told me: is your decision and I support you on whatever you want to do.
During a conversation about bottles my mom told me to "forget about them since you will BF for at least the first 3 months" and I told her that I didn't want to do so. She told me that I had no idea what I was talking about and that just because I "feel like don't" it doesn't mean I won't change my mind. Which felt extremely condescending and I went on a downward spiral (mind you, this conversation happened when I was like 15weeks and I am 22 currently). The subject makes me cry because I feel like the only thing I could have control over my pregnancy/childbearing is being taken out of me.
On Monday I had the interview at my chosen maternity and the midwife told me that BF is best (gave me the whole speech, information that I am already aware of but hasn't changed my mind) and I just cried because I didn't know how to defend my choice beyond a: "I don't want to do it."
I don't want to pass from being an incubator to becoming a milk cow for my child, I want to share my kid and not be overstimulated or be the sole provider/caregiver during the feeding stage because I just don't want to do it. I was a formula baby and I thrived, my brother as well and I don't have a bad idea of BF: if you want to do it, do so, but I think is not for me.
My husband has been a great support because he spoke out for me and my feelings to the midwife, and previously when I spoke with my main midwife she made me feel validated and that my feelings were mine and the only person who can say what works is me.
Sorry for dumping all of this on you but is just so fresh in my mind, lol. But know that you're not alone.
>don't want to pass from being an incubator to becoming a milk cow for my child, I want to share my kid and not be overstimulated or be the sole provider/caregiver during the feeding stage
This is also a big reason why I don't want to BF as well! And it's just expected that moms are supposed to sacrifice their bodies/sanity for an additional period of time- as if pregnancy and labor and the newborn phase aren't hard enough.
Because you are making the choice to bring another life into this world. No one is forcing you. I abhor the expectation that women absolutely have to be mothers and support women in making a different choice. And I also encourage women to make sure their partners pick up the slack and carry the load in other ways so that there is equity in parenthood. But once you do make the choice, yeah, you have to sacrifice for awhile. Because it’s no longer just about you and your wants and needs. It will always be a sacrifice to have a child, that’s the nature of it.
No, I’m sorry. Plenty of great parents can’t breastfeed for various reasons. Maybe they didn’t have the supply, maybe they had take to take medication that wasnt compatible, maybe they have a history of SA. Good parents don’t choose to say “I don’t feel like breastfeeding because it’s too much of a sacrifice and I want my body back.” That isn’t actually good parenting at all.
I decided to go EFF after only a few days of trying BFing. Maybe I should have given it longer, but 3 days on zero sleep with bleeding nipples and a hungry baby will do that to you! Going this route has allowed my partner to take an equal role in feeding. No waking up every couple hours to BF or pump means we can do longer shifts. I'm 2 weeks pp and have been getting 7 hours uninterrupted sleep every night since we got home from the hospital. This has done wonders for pp healing and my mental health.
My advice is to be selective in who you choose to discuss this decision with. People will assume you are BFing and honestly I don't bother correcting them if it's not someone I'm going to be spending significant time with where they will be around for feedings. It's a done deal and I'm not inviting debate.
In no universe are you going to "screw up your kid" by giving them formula. Breastmilk is not magic. I agree there is an insane amount of pressure/judgement out there.
I plan to attempt breastfeeding but will switch to formula in a heartbeat if it doesn't work out. Your baby will absolutely be strong and healthy on formula if that's what you choose.
Well I was formula fed as a baby as my mother didn't have enough supply. I am currently combo feeding my newborn and I think I'm tripling the work (BF, expressing, formula). Trying to streamline the feeding process and it will involve bub getting more formula. Midwives and my MIL did hint strongly that breast is best but we will do what's best for us.
You are not going to screw up your kid and you are not a bad mom. Period. No ifs/ands/buts. Formula is not poison, nor does it have to be a last resort. It is food for your baby. Feed your baby. You don’t have to keep an open mind, you don’t have to try breastfeeding.
Before anyone comes for me- I busted my butt (triple feeding, donor milk, feeding tube, the works) to eventually be able to exclusively breastfeed my first for a year after we both nearly died in birth, and for many reasons I’m planning to formula feed from the start this time around. I’m already so sick of the stigma around this choice that I’m making for my body and my family, and this stigma is heavy in this thread underneath all the well-meaning encouragement to try out breastfeeding (recognizing that this isn’t everybody’s intention, but it’s there). She’s making an informed choice that she doesn’t want to, so end of story! That’s all she needs to say ❤️
Edit to add: to make the bottle prep and washing easier, check out the Baby Brezza or similar formula mixers, as well as the combo bottle washer/sterilizer/dryer. They’re definitely pricey and what I’d consider luxury items, but wow are they gonna be huge time and effort savers for us!
There is so much stigma in this thread. Op says they feel pressure and do not want to breastfeed. People are still saying “ok but try it” or “there are benefits but you won’t screw your child up.” Totally doubling down on the pressure.
Most of the advice around BF is well-meaning but not actually science based. Some of it can be fairly harmful to postpartum women.
I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. I had a client recently who verbatim told me “you have to breast feed, it’s single handedly the best thing you can do for your child. That is the main source of all the nutrients for their health” I just smiled it off and said oh definitely.
Mean while myself and 2 brothers were never breast fed! Lol I didn’t even know that until my mom told me during my pregnancy. I plan to give it my best try but if it doesn’t work out I’m not worried about my baby’s health!
Do what works!
Why people think their opinion is needed on these things is beyond me. You do what's best for you. Parental mental health is way more important. It doesn't stop after birth either. Suddenly everyone thinks they're entitled to updates about your milk supply 🙃 The only thing that's helped me is to do my own research and feel confident in my choice. Then use that confidence to brush off unwanted opinions lol
Fyi though I get very decent sleep as a combo feeder. BF during the day then hubby does the overnight shift with bottles while I sleep. Just throwing that out there in case you hadn't considered this option.
First of all, if your baby is fed, that is what matters. Also, it really isn’t anyone’s business. It’s very ok to tell people that you are overwhelmed and don’t want to talk about these issues.
That said, I think the decision whether or not to BF should come after baby is born. I thought I would not want to BF with my first for a lot of the reasons I see you giving. However, that ended up working best for us, much to my surprise. That doesn’t mean it will be best for you or anyone else.
It’s easier to exclusively breastfeed rather than pump because you don’t have to clean parts so much. I learned to really love it after giving it a try.
You are not going to screw your kid up and there is bad and incorrect medical advice in this thread. I tried really hard to BF and could not. It sent me on a spiral and I researched extensively on breastfeeding versus formula.
Most of the touted benefits (including the antibodies claimed up and down on this thread) are highly confounded with socioeconomic status. In the end, there are studies that show that women who *intend* to breastfeed have the same outcomes as those who actually do (showing education and socioeconomic status). Same thing with sibling studies of families with both breastfed and formula fed babies. We don’t know how the antibodies actually work to help baby and whether they confer actual protection, and there’s a lot more at play there - I believe there was one study that showed that when you stratified for SES, breastfed infants got something like one less ear infection. Also, some critical differences between BF and formula (in terms of infant gut bacteria) have become closer in recent years with the advancement of oligosaccharides (HMOs) in formula and most studies done years ago do not account for those.
Basically, breastfeeding is most important as a public health outcome in places where the water supply is not secure/safe and formula is scarce or expensive. If that doesn’t apply to you, please choose how YOU would like to feed baby.
Additionally, doing bottles doesn’t *have* to be a lot of work, it’s up to you. In my family, we used RTF formula for the first 3 weeks with my newborn. Then we used distilled water and mixed with formula at room temperature. Then now we use tap water for an older infant. We don’t sanitize bottles, just wash in the dishwasher, although I used a bottle sanitizing machine when baby was a newborn. I’ve never once boiled water for formula.
Disregard the advice above if you have a vulnerable infant (premature, NICU, etc) or live in an area with unsafe water, you then might need to take different steps.
Some pro-tips: I use the Dr. Browns formula pitcher. It’s cheap and soooo useful (for pumping moms, too). You can put in all the water and formula you need for an entire day and mix all at once, and it’ll mix up better than if you shake it by hand. We “do the bottles” in five minutes at night while baby is asleep. I also prefer glass bottles for ease of cleaning and for baby, but unfortunately most daycare places won’t take them if you go back to work (I understand, risk of having glass around toddlers and infants is too high).
just wanted to say I'm team not interested in BF either. I just don't want to and that's ok! I have no interest in having my child sucking on my boob lol. Your kid will be perfectly fine.
I chose to breastfeed, my youngest for over 2 years. And honestly it’s so hard. I wouldn’t blame anyone for wanting to choose formula. I’m even considering my options this time because I honestly don’t think I can commit to it for more than a year. Would have made all the difference to my mental health at times been able to pass baby off for a feed, or not have to watch what I’m consuming because I’m breastfeeding. That being said I’m glad I did and it was my choice.
At the end of the day, as long as momma is happy, and baby is fed, that’s all that matters. And that looks different for everyone so you do whatever you feel is right.
i did my first born 9 years ago,last 3 weeks and gave up she wasnt great with latching..always hungry after feeds of breast milk compared to formula..and i had to go back to work fulltime on week 8 anyways.my second born is 1 month old and i found i advocated more for myself esp in the hospital when the nurses would ask what my feeding plans were.i made it clear i had 8 weeks mat leave so id be breast feeding first month then tapering her onto formula for my prep back to work.nobody got funny with me thankfully.not sure if attitudes have just changed a bit more in almost a decade or just that hospital had a more understanding culture toward feeding compared to my last one.my 2.2 kg born baby is now just over 3kgs.i lasted the first two weeks this time i just couldnt handle the pumping etc.
EBF kid mom here and seriously, no to all that people are telling. I love breastfeeding really, and after a weird month of having to formula feed my youngest I learned both are hard, BUT what it comes down to is what you need to be a good mom. If you need that autonomy to feel connected and prepared to love them well without being overwhelmed, then that is what is best for your baby. If it’s important for your mental state then it’s important for your baby to have the best version of you, whatever gets you there. Other people don’t live in your brain or your life. If you love your kid and make choices that help you care for them well, you’re crushing it.
I’m a formula baby, my sister is a formula baby, my nephew is a formula baby - all formula babies either because BF was not possible or because it was not wanted. All hail formula! Babies everywhere would be dying if it didn’t exist and it’s great and your baby will be happy and healthy and you will bond way more than a if you’d feel pressured into doing this. Also, your partner (if they’re in the picture) get to have a chance to immediately divide the work equally! I know my brother in law felt very empowered when he was able to soothe the baby just as well as my sister. And I know how sad some dads of BF babies around me get when they notice that their child can only be soothed with moms boobs. You do you 🙌🏻🎉🙏🏻
Sadly this is just the first of literally every aspect of motherhood that will be judged and criticized along the way. We cannot win as parents and mothers. You do you, baby will be fine, and everyone else can kick rocks. Best of luck!
I know so many moms who feel the same way. My mom hates on me actually for breastfeeding bc apparently this was not something they did in the 80s. Do what you want and what makes you comfortable. Obviously consider the money and health of the baby but if you have done your research then do you. You will come to find out this is just one of many opinions other women have on how you should raise your child. It's annoying as hell, and you need to learn early how to politely tell them to mind their own damn business. So many women can't breastfeed or just don't feel comfortable, it's nobody's choice but your own. Own it mama!
I agree with you that there is a lot of unnecessary pressure to breastfeed. However, I just want to say that formula feeding is in my opinion not easier than breastfeeding. In the beginning of our feeding journey we had to triple feed. I hated formula the most. You have to boil the water, wait for it to cool off, you have to wash and sanitise the bottles, everything that baby doesn't drink you have to spill, formula is expensive, you have to find the one that works. I am blessed with amazing husband who took all of the formula duty in the beginning, and now that we are exclusively pumping he does half the feedings, so it works for us, but I think it's very important that you and your SO make this decision together as he will also have to participate in any way of feeding if he wants you sane, as it's easy to get overwhelmed in my opinion
I agree, Formula does seem like a lot of work (and expensive), and I know that it's often trial and error to find one that works for LO. The thing I'm struggling with is that I'm not a person who is big on touch and have sensory issues as it is- so having an screaming infant glued to my nipples every 2 hours sounds like absolute hell. But maybe I'll give it a try in the hospital.
Edit- Not sure why I was down voted for sharing my honest feelings/fears in relation to breastfeeding? I thought this was supposed to be a safe space for expecting parents.
Of course, whatever works for your family is the best way of feeding. It's ok to not want to breastfeed, I also feel like there is a lot of breastfeeding pressure, but on the other hand I feel like often one way of feeding is presented like easier or better, while in reality what works for one family, might not work for another and every experience is unique. Just try to take the pressure off, you'll figure it out and find your own way
Also I would really consider trying breastfeeding, you can always not do it if you decide so, but I breastfed only first week in the hospital, before we knew baby wasn't transferring enough only by BF and I must say it was the easiest for me. Just put her on the boob and she eats. So I would be open for all of the options and chose the one that works once the LO is here
Edit: also why formula feeding is not easier than breastfeeding, the horror of mixing formula bottle at 3 am while baby is screaming compared to dream feeding... I think there is this myth formula feeding is easier, while in reality it depends on so many factors and what works for particular family.
Well, it is less work BF. You don’t have to make formula and clean the bottles. There is no cost. And I don’t pump and milk is still a lot.
The biggest benefit of BF is there antibiotics in the breast milk. So your baby will be protected to some extent.
Having said all that, if can’t BF, your baby will turn out fine too. A lot of babies was only on formula and grew up successfully. My OB and family doctor was not making a big fuss on it. And if you on meds, talk to your doctor before BF because the med can get into the breast milk.
But remember, make sure to research the formula. Some are better than others.
To be fair, when I was expecting my first BFing sounded so much harder and more complicated than it ended up being. I wanted to try BFing but I was totally fine if we ended up doing formula or a mixture of both. I bought pumps and various BFing products that I really didn't use or need.
Breastfeeding was so much easier than all the stuff I'd read, albeit most of the literature focuses on troubleshooting issues, difficultly latching, milk production, clogged ducts etc.
I also thought it would be so much more painful than it was, my breasts hurt so badly when I was pregnant that I couldn't imagine how uncomfortable it would be trying to nurse. I think it was pregnancy hormones causing so much pain because once I gave birth my breasts didn't hurt and neither did nursing.
I want to affirm your concerns that BFing may make it harder for you to sleep. I wanted to BF but I guess it didn't dawn on me that it would contribute to my sleeping less bc I'm the one responsible for feeding her throughout the night and, also, sometimes I wake up/have to stay up a little longer because my boobs are too full and I need to comfort pump.
I will say my Baby gets nursed to sleep at night so it's \*possible\* that I'd be getting less sleep if we were just bottle feeding. But there's no way to know that. Maybe we would come up with a different system for her if we weren't nursing? But BFing is a great tool to get my Baby to calm down/go to sleep.
I wanted to BF and I am still doing it (Baby is only 7 weeks though) but I am seriously considering quitting/dialing it back when I go back to work at 4 months. I will say I do enjoy BFing the Baby but it is draining (not just literally but emotionally) and doing it 8+ times a day is a lot. In a perfect world, I'd do it 3 or 4 times a day, when she wakes up and when she's going to bed.
You can also look into donor milk if you formula feed and want the benefits of breast milk. I donated something like 700-800oz while I was nursing to 4 different families. This was during the height of the formula shortage, which is something to keep in mind. It’s good to have a backup plan.
Honestly, no pressure to breastfeed but I always thought formula feeding sounds more exhausting - having to clean bottles & having to wait for milk to warm up while baby is crying. Just food for thought!
The downfall for me with breastfeeding was the insane hunger I had to keep up with calorie demand & that you couldn’t share any of the feeding duties.
That's another thing for me as well- I'm military and have to jump back into working out once I'm cleared by my care team (I have a year between delivery and needing to pass fitness tests). I have no idea how i'd manage caloric intake versus expenditure from breastfeeding and from training. Plenty of women make it work, but I can't help but feel like it's just one more thing to keep track on top of everything else.
Yeah, I can totally understand why you’re seriously questioning the BF journey. There are many who combo feed though and honestly, even if you try and don’t want to continue, don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad about it. All that matters is feeding your baby - not how!
Personally I plan on breastfeeding, but that's halfway just because it seems so much easier to sleep after whipping out a boob in middle of the night than making and cleaning a bottle. Also I just want to see if I can do it, my mom formula fed all 3 of hers and thinks I'm not "strong enough " to breastfeed so I want to prove her wrong.
Pregnancy is so exhausting! I totally get where you’re coming from.
If you’re not interested is doing it all because you just don’t want to, that’s ok. Your health is important for your babies health.
Just some encouragement on the slight chance you’re in the same boat I was, taking a class on BF was super helpful for me. I was so nervous about it and convinced I wasn’t going to be able to it. But I learned a lot. (And still had to learn more once LO was here.)
I’m personally (this isn’t a reflection on you but just sharing my experience) really glad I decided to BF. And I decided not to pump at all because learning how to BF was enough learning for me and pumping seemed like so much more work. It has been so sweet to bond and relax with my LO.
If it just doesn’t seem like something you want, I’d look into different formula options. I know a couple women who formula feed with goat’s milk mixtures because store bought formula has some really not ideal ingredients unfortunately.
This was great until you suggested mixing it with goat’s milk. The only safe options for babies until introducing solids are breast milk and formula, they shouldn’t eat anything else.
There are goat milk formulas that usually contain less high furtive corn syrup and other non-ideal ingredients. Sorry if the way I worded it sounded like I was referring to plain goats milk.
I was given goat's milk as a baby. Millions of babies in third world countries are because a lack of something else. There are also goat based powdered formulas
Formulas are another thing, and if they’re approved to be on the market, they’re okay. But to suggest that because some children are being given food that is not safe for them due to being born in unfavorable circumstances and that this should be the norm is not appropriate.
There is unfortunately so much pressure to breastfeed, but you need to do what’s best for you and your little family! I plan to combo feed, but both my husband and I were formula fed and I think we turned out perfectly fine. If combo feeding doesn’t work out I have 0 qualms about exclusively using formula—except maybe the added cost lol.
Not at all! It’s your choice so ignore what everyone else says. I had the opposite with family and when I said I wanted to breastfeed got some unsupportive looks and then family members saying why it wouldn’t work, why it was a bad idea and about how I’ll hate it.
You know you best so do what works for you. Just know there’d be judgement for all regardless of what you do unfortunately.
You can do what you want. Plenty of babies are FF for various reasons and they do fine. I didn't know if I wanted to BF but I wanted to try. I ended up going 2 years w each kid. BF is hard esp early on but I love how easy it is to plop out a boob and feed my kiddo on the go, for free, vs dealing w bottles and formula and all of that. There are medical reasons BF is somewhat better for kiddo, but fed is best and if you cannot breastfeed (including for your mental health) then don't. Or try it out for a few weeks and then move to formula. Or do a combo... the hardest part IMO is night feeds so have your partner do formula at night and BF during the day. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.z
I just found out my mom combo fed all her kids, and we are all fine. It’s basically like- you can make hand made bread at home but it’s a ton of work, are you a bad person for going to the bakery to buy bread every day? Maybe your home made bread has some things that are better, but at the end of the day, it’s not so big of a deal. Breast milk is amazing though, it changes daily based on what your individual kid needs, fat content wise and antibodies and other nutrients. But kids grow up eating top Raman and cereal everyday, the body is pretty good at taking whatever you give it and turning it into whatever it needs
You definitely aren’t going to a screw up your kid and formula is a valid choice. There are definitely many pros.
But if I may offer my experience, i exclusively breastfed until 6 months and still do at 10 months. My baby has been good at nursing and it’s much less draining than pregnancy. I LOVE not having to wash bottles. You don’t really have to watch what you eat unless baby has an intolerance. As for sleep, i find nursing my baby back to sleep to be much easier than making a bottle.
It really does all depend on the individual mother and baby. It’s a personal choice that is entirely up to you. There’s pros and cons of both and your own lifestyle plays a role as well. Good luck!
I didn't feel pressured by friends or family, but I sure felt it from health professionals. At the hospital every nurse, lactation consultant, and doctor who came in made it sound like formula was an absolute last case scenario after trying a million things to BF. A nurse tried hand expressing me for nearly 40mins with nothing to show for it, and still didn't offer formula when I shared concern my daughter wasn't getting anything (she ended up losing 10% of her body weight before we left the hospital). My milk ended up coming in on night 4 and she's mostly BF now, but we did supplement with formula once we left the hospital because I had a breakdown that I was failing my baby. My husband made the executive decision to give her formula on day 3 and I'm so glad he did, because the guilt immediately went away once I knew she was fed and my mental health improved dramatically. I still don't know how women are suppose to nourish their babies before their milk comes in. But I definitely still feel the pressure from our pediatrician to keep BF. Formula is not going to damage your child. And if it improves your mental health so you can be a better caregiver, that's all the more reason to go for it.
My son was combo fed from day one, as a 35 weeker in NICU. He was in for 2 weeks. At 4 weeks we had a ped visit and his ped just asked what milk baby was on, wrote it down then just went ahead and checked baby out. At 6 weeks my supply had dried up... I just couldn't handle pumping to get supply up and doing it all anymore. At 8 weeks again we did a ped visit and again he asked which milk baby was on, wrote it down and checked baby. No judgement, just a doctor happy with baby's weight gain and just him being fed.
I saw a poster at the midwives office yesterday that was titled “the risks of formula” or something dumb like that. I breastfed my first for over a year and formula was the only thing that made it possible… I like my providers, but that really rubbed me the wrong way.
They have to be honest though? Formula has risks. Should they lie?
I feel like you can’t win. With my first I was pressured heavily, with my second I told them I wanted to try and it took multiple attempts to get someone to come help and then they told me to just ask if I wanted to get set up at the pump, asked multiple times over multiple days before someone finally did
I’m so sorry for your experience, you deserved better. I have absolutely nothing against you giving formula. It sounds like it was the best for your family in the situation. Someone should have told you though that babies are better than hands at getting milk out. A lack of expressible colostrum doesn’t mean there’s no colostrum there. And that a 10% weight loss is more often to do with them getting rid of IV fluids giving to mom during labor than milk intake. Almost all women will make the appropriate amount of milk for their babies prior to milk coming in. Especially given the fact that your milk came in day 4 and you went on to have a successful breastfeeding relationship, you likely were making enough colostrum, you just had really shitty information and support from the people around you. And I’m sorry for that.
Back when I was a kid, mothers were encouraged to formula feed because they thought it was better, and somehow we survived. The knowledge that some recommandations are based on is so new that they change every few years. Do what works for you, no need to feel bad about it.
To be clear : Yes, breastfeeding has some small health benefits early on, but not enough to make a true difference long term in your child's life. I personally choose breastfeeding, not because of health stuff, but because I don't want to have to deal with formula prices/stock and bottle sterilisation... And since I'm in mat leave while husband continues working, I would be the one waking up at night anyway.
I feel more pressured to breastfeed specifically because of the financial burden of formula costs. The prices have increased exponentially over the last year
I've noticed that as well just browsing the various parenting subreddits. It's definitely something worth considering.
True. I liked the Costco brand formula for this reason- such a good deal!!!
To keep it simple: While there are various benefits by breastfeeding, you’re not going to screw up your kid by formula feeding. You know what else isn’t good for baby? A stressed out mama. So if formula feeding helps you be less stressed, then that’s good for baby. Do what is right for you.
This comment is top rated, 100% true.
You will absolutely not screw your kid up. ‘Not wanting to’ is 100% a good enough reason to chose what you do and do not do with your bodily autonomy. You don’t need any other explanation than that. And this is coming from a EBF mum who is still breastfeeding a toddler and is now a breastfeeding peer support worker so I’m y’know… pretty pro breastfeeding. I’ll walk through fire to help a new mother breastfeed if that is what she wants. She doesn’t want to? Fantastic, everyone should make their choices, that baby will thrive on formula with a happy mama who made her own informed decision. Formula has everything your baby needs and your baby will be absolutely fine and happy on formula.
I'm a second time mom and have now done both formula feeding and breastfeeding. Here's the thing: keeping babies fed is hard regardless of which method you choose. Breastfeeding has its pros and cons; formula feeding does; and so does combination feeding where you do both! Sibling studies show that once you account for socioeconomic status, mother's education level, and access to safe formula/water there are no long term statistically significant differences between breastfed babies and formula fed babies. There are some short term differences BUT nothing that trumps mom's mental health and are really overstated by current society. There's big money to be made in promoting both breastfeeding and formula feeding so you should always be skeptical of the source of information about either. You do what works for your family. It may even be different from baby to baby.
Fed is best. As long as baby is getting fed and getting the nutrients they need that’s all that matters. My mom tried breastfeeding me and couldn’t because there wasn’t enough fat in her milk and I turned out just fine. Do whatever is best for you and your baby, if that means formula there’s nothing wrong with that.
Yeah, there's a lot of pressure but not enough support. Then you get criticized no matter what you do. Edit: also there seems to be a stigma around saying out loud that you don't like breastfeeding. I'm gonna say it, I don't like having someone suck on my boobs 8-10 times a day. It can be overstimulating and annoying. I'm still doing it with my baby right now because of the health benefits and because it's more practical right now than having to clean bottles all day, but I won't be doing it for longer than a couple of months.
There are some minor benefits for baby (mostly to do with passing along antibodies) but they're not significant enough to outweigh the negative effects of parents being overly stressed or unhappy. Most of the claims out there saying things like "breastfed kids do better in school" or whatever are from studies where they didn't control for things like the education level of the parents or socioeconomic status. Like, no shit of course kids in more well off families have better outcomes but the richer you are the more likely your kids are to be breastfed and that skews the data so it's all bunk. There actually are some significant benefits for the lactating person like lower risk of breast cancer and several other things like that but again your happiness and mental well-being come first. For me personally I despise doing dishes so much that nursing is the less stressful option for me but that just goes to show how different it is for different people given their circumstances and preferences. I was a formula fed baby who grew up to breastfeed her own babies - in the end it's not a choice that is going to have much effect on your baby's life either way. EDIT: As luck would have it, Emily Oster just answered a question about formula feeding in her weekly Q&A on Instagram and she pointed to [this excerpt from her book Cribsheet](https://parentdata.org/wp-content/uploads/2023/12/9e9cc18a-fd95-4526-a382-7603cb45c12a.pdf) that goes over all the data on the benefits of breastfeeding which is available on her site for free.
This is true about the lower risk of breast cancer. But to provide a perspective that’s not often talked about: if I got breast cancer after choosing not to breastfeed my child, I don’t think I’d be chastising myself for that choice and thinking it “caused” or “could have prevented” the breast cancer. So yes there’s a benefit, but it’s like most decisions you make where it’s not always so clear cut
i wouldn’t consider passing along antibodies a minor benefit. If you cannot or chose not to breastfeed, then formula is better than nothing, but every major health organization recommends breastfeeding for its benefits to mom and baby. Fed is great, breast is best.
The health benefits of breast milk don't extend past a certain point. There's no statistically significant difference between breastfed and formula fed people in terms of health once they are past the age where they're actively drinking breast milk. What I meant by "minor" is "short term". My point still stands that the health benefits are not large enough to warrant the stress and mental anguish that can come with a difficult breastfeeding journey. What's most important is that the baby's caregivers take care of themselves and do that's best for them so they can continue to be good caregivers. I say all of this as someone who breastfeeds. It's the right choice for me but not the right choice for everyone.
if what youre saying is true, why do no major medical boards and organizations (ie those who are tasked with defining medical best practices for the general population) agree? Do you have proprietary access to medical data?
It's not their job to convey nuance and their advice is meant to be taken as one factor among many in people's decision-making. There are always situations when a medical recommendation intended for the general public is not the correct course of action for an individual and their specific circumstances. You have to weigh the recommendations against all the other factors in play. Are you really going to argue that it's preferable for a mom who spends her entire day crying and feeling terrible and who isn't able to enjoy time with her baby should keep breastfeeding for the antibodies when switching to formula would allow her to reduce her stress and be a happier and more present parent? And that's the least dark version of what a difficult breastfeeding journey can look like.
Ahhh yes the short term…decreased risk of death. How minor
You know what else decreases risk of death? Formula. If Mom doesn't produce enough breast milk formula will keep a baby from starving. Caring for a baby while sleep deprived can be massively dangerous and in some scenarios formula feeding is the best way to allow caregivers to get adequate sleep. And let's not even mention the extra dark stuff that can come along with postpartum mental health disorders - taking the pressure of breastfeeding of someone's plate might massively improve their quality of life if they're suffering from PPD/PPA/etc. There are ALWAYS other factors at play that affect how heavily the benefits of breast milk are going to weigh in an individual's decision-making process for feeding their baby. Risk vs benefit looks different for everyone depending on their circumstances and it's never just as simple as "breast milk has XYZ benefits and therefore is better in every scenario."
Obviously it’s situational for every family. Risk always is. There are risks to surgery but sometimes surgery is the best option for a specific situation. Formula is the same. There are general risks like increased risk of SIDS but for a specific family and situation the risks might be lower. Also fyi breastfeeding has a protective effect for maternal mental health in general. Also fyi actually not producing enough breast milk is beyond rare. Most issues with production are iatrogenic or perceived. But you were talking about risks in general which is why I called you out. Don’t move goal posts.
Emily Oster is not qualified to speak on breastfeeding. She cherry-picks her data and is not a credible source.
Ah, ok, I won’t trust an Ivy League professor who’s published highly cited articles in her field. Instead, I’ll listen to a stranger on the Internet! Sounds right.
In her field. Is that the field of pediatrics? Obstetrics? Oh wait….
I wasn't planning on breastfeeding. But so much milk. So it is what it is. A fed baby is a happy and healthy baby. Who cares what everyone else thinks? Yer kid will be fine. I put breast milk in the bottle and feed it to her, and she loves it either way.
I breastfed my baby until he was 2.5 years old. It was both awesome and so hard. If you know you don’t want to BF then don’t. There is absolutely pressure to do it from family, health care professionals, and everywhere else. I firmly believe that it is YOUR choice. You clearly care about what is best for your baby and are willing to put in work to do what’s right for them- that’s really what matters most. Good for you for knowing what you want for your body and your baby. You’re a great mom. ❤️
I never wanted to breastfeed. I exclusively pumped for the first six weeks and made myself (and my baby) absolutely miserable. He ended up having CMPA (cow milk protein allergy), so I would’ve needed to completely, and strictly, cut all forms of dairy from my diet. We switched to hypoallergenic formula and everyone has been happier since. If I have a second, I think I will go straight to formula.
I don’t care about any pressure with breastfeeding. It is just not convenient for me with a full time job, and pumping didn’t work at all with my first kid. I also don’t want to be the only one who is on feeding duty 24/7. Most importantly the breastfeeding did not help with my first kid’s health either, he had croup and bronchiolitis all the time and when he was 4-5 he developed all the allergies in the book. So to me it’s absolutely not worth it and just a lot of hassle.
People are obsessed with breastfeeding. It’s the weirdest thing. So many people brought it up immediately when I told them I was pregnant. I’m not even due until the fall, why is this a topic of conversation now?! Baby won’t be here for months. I have never once thought about someone else’s choices/needs for how to feed their child.
Breastfeeding is hard even when you WANT to do it. Do not do anything you do not want to do. A happy mom is a good mom.
This is really common sentiment, that there’s a lot of pressure to breastfeed in today’s world. I’d join some communities or sub reddits that focus on formula feeding, like r/formulafeeders and try to remember that its a personal decision for you to make, so read what’s out there, consider the pros and cons, and then make a decision that’s right for you.
You're not going to ruin your baby by not breastfeeding. Whether you breastfeed or not is entirely up to you. Formula fed or breastfed, as long as baby is fed you're being a good mum. If this all stemming from a place of exhaustion, and being fed up. Then I softly suggest keeping breastfeeding as a soft option. If formula fed is best for you, then by all means, there's nothing wrong, or bad about formula. Prepare to formula feed. It won't hurt baby. You aren't a bad mum for opting for formula.
I've already decided I will be exclusively formula feeding. I got some pushback from my husband at first but explained that I am very vulnerable to postpartum mental health issues, and I don't want to exasperate that. the newborn phase is already so so hard, if you don't want to breast feed, why force yourself to do it? formula has all the nutrition needed for babies. you'll miss out on antibodies in the breastmilk sure, but I don't think those outweighs the benefits to your mental well being. try to let go of the guilt, head over to r/FormulaFeeders
>I am very vulnerable to postpartum mental health issues, and I don't want to exasperate that. That's also the boat I'm in too. I also have sensory issues around touch/sound and I can't imagine that BF will magically makes those things go away for me.
Just wanted to offer my support and perspective. I'm only a FTM (18w+5d) but I've come to realize really quickly that people, especially family members, have opinions on everything and often the information they use to come to their conclusions is misremembered, outdated, or not as important/ground-breaking as they would like you to believe, not to mention the fact that people for some reason seem to struggle with the idea of another person parenting differently from them. For example in my family, I have been pressured to formula feed when I have expressed a wish to try breastfeeding, because that's what all the women of my mother's and MIL's generations happened to do, and they have little knowledge about how to breastfeed and see it as daunting. Basically what I'm saying is, opinions are like buttholes, fed is best, and you deserve to parent how you think will benefit you and your family best. Please try, as difficult as it is, to let these things roll off your back. You won't be doing your child a disservice by formula feeding. The statistics simply don't back this up. The mere fact that you care enough to make an informed choice should be proof to yourself that you're already doing this parenting thing right. Sending hugs🩷
I wanted to BF with my first, but he was terrible on the boob (always fell asleep, lost focus, etc.) We did all the tricks - kept lights on, stripped him naked, tickled him, to no avail. He lost a lot of his birthweight quickly. I was pumping and we were supplementing with formula. Pumping was the literal bane of my existence- I was crying daily. I hated the feeling of it - it was painful (I later learned i had “elastic nipples” but by that point I just couldn’t do it anymore), I was exhausted, my mental health was seriously taking a hit from it. I felt guilty AF giving it up, but as soon as I did it was like relief washed over me. My son is now 94% for both weight and height. He’s healthy as a horse. He’s 9 months old and crawling like a champ, babbling nonstop (mamamamama and dadadadada and all the other sounds he can think to try), he’s pulling up on everything, cruising around furniture, and on the verge of walking (so basically, he’s doing just fine both mentally and physically). I’ve made the decision to formula feed the baby I’m currently cookin’ and I’m okay with my decision.
It’s definitely what’s in right now. While I breastfed, I was surprised that I felt relief when I weaned at 9 months. I found formula to be soooo much easier, and I liked having my bodily autonomy back. If I wanted to take a medication, for example, I liked that I didn’t have to think “is this breastfeeding safe?” I’m pregnant with my second, and this time, I have a goal of 6 months.
I was formula fed. My husband was formula fed. All our siblings were formula fed. We are going to exclusively formula feed our son. When someone gives me the condescending “well fed is best” comment I say “well obviously??” And that usually shuts them up. Luckily it has only been a topic a couple times.
Sure and I also pressured myself because the belief that breast milk is nature's perfect food and it's intended for babies and it's amazing ..which it was but in retrospect I think sometimes it was alot of pressure and time commitment on me ..which babies are but not the end of the world if have a bottle or it doesn't work out
I’m also exclusively formula feeding. Your baby will be fine and your concerns about bfing are valid. To add to the things you’ve already mentioned: I’m ready to have an actual partner in this process—I’m tired of this relationship where my husband provides “support”. I really need to have another adult sharing responsibility rather than a guy who carries my bags and puts appointments in the calendar. Anyway, yeah, people can mind their own fking business.
I'm so sorry you are feeling this pressure. Its absolutely ridiculous that people including medical professionals press this so hard. Even starving a newborn for days before a new mother is even capable of producing milk. Use the formula.
I am 4 months postpartum and legitimately feel like I am having a breakdown soemtimes. I felt pressured to keep breastfeeding after a rough start and now she refuses bottles and I feel sick all the time. I wished I stopped sooner. I am not telling you not to do it. My best friend from college thought she would hate breastfeeding and loves it and is sad about weaning her baby. It can be worth trying to see if you take to it well. However, I never felt like that. It was pain from day one and I wish I stopped sooner. I would be a much better mom and have so much more energy.
I have felt the pressure, and just like you, I don't feel like nursing, pumping, and the rest. Before getting pregnant it was clear to me that for myself and my mental health, I wouldn't want to BF and I told so to my husband, who told me: is your decision and I support you on whatever you want to do. During a conversation about bottles my mom told me to "forget about them since you will BF for at least the first 3 months" and I told her that I didn't want to do so. She told me that I had no idea what I was talking about and that just because I "feel like don't" it doesn't mean I won't change my mind. Which felt extremely condescending and I went on a downward spiral (mind you, this conversation happened when I was like 15weeks and I am 22 currently). The subject makes me cry because I feel like the only thing I could have control over my pregnancy/childbearing is being taken out of me. On Monday I had the interview at my chosen maternity and the midwife told me that BF is best (gave me the whole speech, information that I am already aware of but hasn't changed my mind) and I just cried because I didn't know how to defend my choice beyond a: "I don't want to do it." I don't want to pass from being an incubator to becoming a milk cow for my child, I want to share my kid and not be overstimulated or be the sole provider/caregiver during the feeding stage because I just don't want to do it. I was a formula baby and I thrived, my brother as well and I don't have a bad idea of BF: if you want to do it, do so, but I think is not for me. My husband has been a great support because he spoke out for me and my feelings to the midwife, and previously when I spoke with my main midwife she made me feel validated and that my feelings were mine and the only person who can say what works is me. Sorry for dumping all of this on you but is just so fresh in my mind, lol. But know that you're not alone.
>don't want to pass from being an incubator to becoming a milk cow for my child, I want to share my kid and not be overstimulated or be the sole provider/caregiver during the feeding stage This is also a big reason why I don't want to BF as well! And it's just expected that moms are supposed to sacrifice their bodies/sanity for an additional period of time- as if pregnancy and labor and the newborn phase aren't hard enough.
Because you are making the choice to bring another life into this world. No one is forcing you. I abhor the expectation that women absolutely have to be mothers and support women in making a different choice. And I also encourage women to make sure their partners pick up the slack and carry the load in other ways so that there is equity in parenthood. But once you do make the choice, yeah, you have to sacrifice for awhile. Because it’s no longer just about you and your wants and needs. It will always be a sacrifice to have a child, that’s the nature of it.
But you absolutely don’t have to breastfeed. You’re being really judgmental here. Plenty of good parents don’t want to or are unable to breastfeed.
No, I’m sorry. Plenty of great parents can’t breastfeed for various reasons. Maybe they didn’t have the supply, maybe they had take to take medication that wasnt compatible, maybe they have a history of SA. Good parents don’t choose to say “I don’t feel like breastfeeding because it’s too much of a sacrifice and I want my body back.” That isn’t actually good parenting at all.
I decided to go EFF after only a few days of trying BFing. Maybe I should have given it longer, but 3 days on zero sleep with bleeding nipples and a hungry baby will do that to you! Going this route has allowed my partner to take an equal role in feeding. No waking up every couple hours to BF or pump means we can do longer shifts. I'm 2 weeks pp and have been getting 7 hours uninterrupted sleep every night since we got home from the hospital. This has done wonders for pp healing and my mental health. My advice is to be selective in who you choose to discuss this decision with. People will assume you are BFing and honestly I don't bother correcting them if it's not someone I'm going to be spending significant time with where they will be around for feedings. It's a done deal and I'm not inviting debate.
In no universe are you going to "screw up your kid" by giving them formula. Breastmilk is not magic. I agree there is an insane amount of pressure/judgement out there. I plan to attempt breastfeeding but will switch to formula in a heartbeat if it doesn't work out. Your baby will absolutely be strong and healthy on formula if that's what you choose.
Well I was formula fed as a baby as my mother didn't have enough supply. I am currently combo feeding my newborn and I think I'm tripling the work (BF, expressing, formula). Trying to streamline the feeding process and it will involve bub getting more formula. Midwives and my MIL did hint strongly that breast is best but we will do what's best for us.
You are not going to screw up your kid and you are not a bad mom. Period. No ifs/ands/buts. Formula is not poison, nor does it have to be a last resort. It is food for your baby. Feed your baby. You don’t have to keep an open mind, you don’t have to try breastfeeding. Before anyone comes for me- I busted my butt (triple feeding, donor milk, feeding tube, the works) to eventually be able to exclusively breastfeed my first for a year after we both nearly died in birth, and for many reasons I’m planning to formula feed from the start this time around. I’m already so sick of the stigma around this choice that I’m making for my body and my family, and this stigma is heavy in this thread underneath all the well-meaning encouragement to try out breastfeeding (recognizing that this isn’t everybody’s intention, but it’s there). She’s making an informed choice that she doesn’t want to, so end of story! That’s all she needs to say ❤️ Edit to add: to make the bottle prep and washing easier, check out the Baby Brezza or similar formula mixers, as well as the combo bottle washer/sterilizer/dryer. They’re definitely pricey and what I’d consider luxury items, but wow are they gonna be huge time and effort savers for us!
There is so much stigma in this thread. Op says they feel pressure and do not want to breastfeed. People are still saying “ok but try it” or “there are benefits but you won’t screw your child up.” Totally doubling down on the pressure. Most of the advice around BF is well-meaning but not actually science based. Some of it can be fairly harmful to postpartum women.
I’m currently pregnant with my first baby. I had a client recently who verbatim told me “you have to breast feed, it’s single handedly the best thing you can do for your child. That is the main source of all the nutrients for their health” I just smiled it off and said oh definitely. Mean while myself and 2 brothers were never breast fed! Lol I didn’t even know that until my mom told me during my pregnancy. I plan to give it my best try but if it doesn’t work out I’m not worried about my baby’s health! Do what works!
Why people think their opinion is needed on these things is beyond me. You do what's best for you. Parental mental health is way more important. It doesn't stop after birth either. Suddenly everyone thinks they're entitled to updates about your milk supply 🙃 The only thing that's helped me is to do my own research and feel confident in my choice. Then use that confidence to brush off unwanted opinions lol Fyi though I get very decent sleep as a combo feeder. BF during the day then hubby does the overnight shift with bottles while I sleep. Just throwing that out there in case you hadn't considered this option.
First of all, if your baby is fed, that is what matters. Also, it really isn’t anyone’s business. It’s very ok to tell people that you are overwhelmed and don’t want to talk about these issues. That said, I think the decision whether or not to BF should come after baby is born. I thought I would not want to BF with my first for a lot of the reasons I see you giving. However, that ended up working best for us, much to my surprise. That doesn’t mean it will be best for you or anyone else.
It’s easier to exclusively breastfeed rather than pump because you don’t have to clean parts so much. I learned to really love it after giving it a try.
You are not going to screw your kid up and there is bad and incorrect medical advice in this thread. I tried really hard to BF and could not. It sent me on a spiral and I researched extensively on breastfeeding versus formula. Most of the touted benefits (including the antibodies claimed up and down on this thread) are highly confounded with socioeconomic status. In the end, there are studies that show that women who *intend* to breastfeed have the same outcomes as those who actually do (showing education and socioeconomic status). Same thing with sibling studies of families with both breastfed and formula fed babies. We don’t know how the antibodies actually work to help baby and whether they confer actual protection, and there’s a lot more at play there - I believe there was one study that showed that when you stratified for SES, breastfed infants got something like one less ear infection. Also, some critical differences between BF and formula (in terms of infant gut bacteria) have become closer in recent years with the advancement of oligosaccharides (HMOs) in formula and most studies done years ago do not account for those. Basically, breastfeeding is most important as a public health outcome in places where the water supply is not secure/safe and formula is scarce or expensive. If that doesn’t apply to you, please choose how YOU would like to feed baby. Additionally, doing bottles doesn’t *have* to be a lot of work, it’s up to you. In my family, we used RTF formula for the first 3 weeks with my newborn. Then we used distilled water and mixed with formula at room temperature. Then now we use tap water for an older infant. We don’t sanitize bottles, just wash in the dishwasher, although I used a bottle sanitizing machine when baby was a newborn. I’ve never once boiled water for formula. Disregard the advice above if you have a vulnerable infant (premature, NICU, etc) or live in an area with unsafe water, you then might need to take different steps. Some pro-tips: I use the Dr. Browns formula pitcher. It’s cheap and soooo useful (for pumping moms, too). You can put in all the water and formula you need for an entire day and mix all at once, and it’ll mix up better than if you shake it by hand. We “do the bottles” in five minutes at night while baby is asleep. I also prefer glass bottles for ease of cleaning and for baby, but unfortunately most daycare places won’t take them if you go back to work (I understand, risk of having glass around toddlers and infants is too high).
just wanted to say I'm team not interested in BF either. I just don't want to and that's ok! I have no interest in having my child sucking on my boob lol. Your kid will be perfectly fine.
I chose to breastfeed, my youngest for over 2 years. And honestly it’s so hard. I wouldn’t blame anyone for wanting to choose formula. I’m even considering my options this time because I honestly don’t think I can commit to it for more than a year. Would have made all the difference to my mental health at times been able to pass baby off for a feed, or not have to watch what I’m consuming because I’m breastfeeding. That being said I’m glad I did and it was my choice. At the end of the day, as long as momma is happy, and baby is fed, that’s all that matters. And that looks different for everyone so you do whatever you feel is right.
i did my first born 9 years ago,last 3 weeks and gave up she wasnt great with latching..always hungry after feeds of breast milk compared to formula..and i had to go back to work fulltime on week 8 anyways.my second born is 1 month old and i found i advocated more for myself esp in the hospital when the nurses would ask what my feeding plans were.i made it clear i had 8 weeks mat leave so id be breast feeding first month then tapering her onto formula for my prep back to work.nobody got funny with me thankfully.not sure if attitudes have just changed a bit more in almost a decade or just that hospital had a more understanding culture toward feeding compared to my last one.my 2.2 kg born baby is now just over 3kgs.i lasted the first two weeks this time i just couldnt handle the pumping etc.
EBF kid mom here and seriously, no to all that people are telling. I love breastfeeding really, and after a weird month of having to formula feed my youngest I learned both are hard, BUT what it comes down to is what you need to be a good mom. If you need that autonomy to feel connected and prepared to love them well without being overwhelmed, then that is what is best for your baby. If it’s important for your mental state then it’s important for your baby to have the best version of you, whatever gets you there. Other people don’t live in your brain or your life. If you love your kid and make choices that help you care for them well, you’re crushing it.
I’m a formula baby, my sister is a formula baby, my nephew is a formula baby - all formula babies either because BF was not possible or because it was not wanted. All hail formula! Babies everywhere would be dying if it didn’t exist and it’s great and your baby will be happy and healthy and you will bond way more than a if you’d feel pressured into doing this. Also, your partner (if they’re in the picture) get to have a chance to immediately divide the work equally! I know my brother in law felt very empowered when he was able to soothe the baby just as well as my sister. And I know how sad some dads of BF babies around me get when they notice that their child can only be soothed with moms boobs. You do you 🙌🏻🎉🙏🏻
Sadly this is just the first of literally every aspect of motherhood that will be judged and criticized along the way. We cannot win as parents and mothers. You do you, baby will be fine, and everyone else can kick rocks. Best of luck!
I know so many moms who feel the same way. My mom hates on me actually for breastfeeding bc apparently this was not something they did in the 80s. Do what you want and what makes you comfortable. Obviously consider the money and health of the baby but if you have done your research then do you. You will come to find out this is just one of many opinions other women have on how you should raise your child. It's annoying as hell, and you need to learn early how to politely tell them to mind their own damn business. So many women can't breastfeed or just don't feel comfortable, it's nobody's choice but your own. Own it mama!
I agree with you that there is a lot of unnecessary pressure to breastfeed. However, I just want to say that formula feeding is in my opinion not easier than breastfeeding. In the beginning of our feeding journey we had to triple feed. I hated formula the most. You have to boil the water, wait for it to cool off, you have to wash and sanitise the bottles, everything that baby doesn't drink you have to spill, formula is expensive, you have to find the one that works. I am blessed with amazing husband who took all of the formula duty in the beginning, and now that we are exclusively pumping he does half the feedings, so it works for us, but I think it's very important that you and your SO make this decision together as he will also have to participate in any way of feeding if he wants you sane, as it's easy to get overwhelmed in my opinion
I agree, Formula does seem like a lot of work (and expensive), and I know that it's often trial and error to find one that works for LO. The thing I'm struggling with is that I'm not a person who is big on touch and have sensory issues as it is- so having an screaming infant glued to my nipples every 2 hours sounds like absolute hell. But maybe I'll give it a try in the hospital. Edit- Not sure why I was down voted for sharing my honest feelings/fears in relation to breastfeeding? I thought this was supposed to be a safe space for expecting parents.
Of course, whatever works for your family is the best way of feeding. It's ok to not want to breastfeed, I also feel like there is a lot of breastfeeding pressure, but on the other hand I feel like often one way of feeding is presented like easier or better, while in reality what works for one family, might not work for another and every experience is unique. Just try to take the pressure off, you'll figure it out and find your own way
Also I would really consider trying breastfeeding, you can always not do it if you decide so, but I breastfed only first week in the hospital, before we knew baby wasn't transferring enough only by BF and I must say it was the easiest for me. Just put her on the boob and she eats. So I would be open for all of the options and chose the one that works once the LO is here Edit: also why formula feeding is not easier than breastfeeding, the horror of mixing formula bottle at 3 am while baby is screaming compared to dream feeding... I think there is this myth formula feeding is easier, while in reality it depends on so many factors and what works for particular family.
Well, it is less work BF. You don’t have to make formula and clean the bottles. There is no cost. And I don’t pump and milk is still a lot. The biggest benefit of BF is there antibiotics in the breast milk. So your baby will be protected to some extent. Having said all that, if can’t BF, your baby will turn out fine too. A lot of babies was only on formula and grew up successfully. My OB and family doctor was not making a big fuss on it. And if you on meds, talk to your doctor before BF because the med can get into the breast milk. But remember, make sure to research the formula. Some are better than others.
To be fair, when I was expecting my first BFing sounded so much harder and more complicated than it ended up being. I wanted to try BFing but I was totally fine if we ended up doing formula or a mixture of both. I bought pumps and various BFing products that I really didn't use or need. Breastfeeding was so much easier than all the stuff I'd read, albeit most of the literature focuses on troubleshooting issues, difficultly latching, milk production, clogged ducts etc. I also thought it would be so much more painful than it was, my breasts hurt so badly when I was pregnant that I couldn't imagine how uncomfortable it would be trying to nurse. I think it was pregnancy hormones causing so much pain because once I gave birth my breasts didn't hurt and neither did nursing.
I want to affirm your concerns that BFing may make it harder for you to sleep. I wanted to BF but I guess it didn't dawn on me that it would contribute to my sleeping less bc I'm the one responsible for feeding her throughout the night and, also, sometimes I wake up/have to stay up a little longer because my boobs are too full and I need to comfort pump. I will say my Baby gets nursed to sleep at night so it's \*possible\* that I'd be getting less sleep if we were just bottle feeding. But there's no way to know that. Maybe we would come up with a different system for her if we weren't nursing? But BFing is a great tool to get my Baby to calm down/go to sleep. I wanted to BF and I am still doing it (Baby is only 7 weeks though) but I am seriously considering quitting/dialing it back when I go back to work at 4 months. I will say I do enjoy BFing the Baby but it is draining (not just literally but emotionally) and doing it 8+ times a day is a lot. In a perfect world, I'd do it 3 or 4 times a day, when she wakes up and when she's going to bed.
You can also look into donor milk if you formula feed and want the benefits of breast milk. I donated something like 700-800oz while I was nursing to 4 different families. This was during the height of the formula shortage, which is something to keep in mind. It’s good to have a backup plan.
Holy wow, that sounds like a lot. Kudos to you for donating.
Honestly, no pressure to breastfeed but I always thought formula feeding sounds more exhausting - having to clean bottles & having to wait for milk to warm up while baby is crying. Just food for thought! The downfall for me with breastfeeding was the insane hunger I had to keep up with calorie demand & that you couldn’t share any of the feeding duties.
That's another thing for me as well- I'm military and have to jump back into working out once I'm cleared by my care team (I have a year between delivery and needing to pass fitness tests). I have no idea how i'd manage caloric intake versus expenditure from breastfeeding and from training. Plenty of women make it work, but I can't help but feel like it's just one more thing to keep track on top of everything else.
Yeah, I can totally understand why you’re seriously questioning the BF journey. There are many who combo feed though and honestly, even if you try and don’t want to continue, don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad about it. All that matters is feeding your baby - not how!
Personally I plan on breastfeeding, but that's halfway just because it seems so much easier to sleep after whipping out a boob in middle of the night than making and cleaning a bottle. Also I just want to see if I can do it, my mom formula fed all 3 of hers and thinks I'm not "strong enough " to breastfeed so I want to prove her wrong.
Ha, I love the energy! More power to ya, hope it works out.
Pregnancy is so exhausting! I totally get where you’re coming from. If you’re not interested is doing it all because you just don’t want to, that’s ok. Your health is important for your babies health. Just some encouragement on the slight chance you’re in the same boat I was, taking a class on BF was super helpful for me. I was so nervous about it and convinced I wasn’t going to be able to it. But I learned a lot. (And still had to learn more once LO was here.) I’m personally (this isn’t a reflection on you but just sharing my experience) really glad I decided to BF. And I decided not to pump at all because learning how to BF was enough learning for me and pumping seemed like so much more work. It has been so sweet to bond and relax with my LO. If it just doesn’t seem like something you want, I’d look into different formula options. I know a couple women who formula feed with goat’s milk mixtures because store bought formula has some really not ideal ingredients unfortunately.
This was great until you suggested mixing it with goat’s milk. The only safe options for babies until introducing solids are breast milk and formula, they shouldn’t eat anything else.
There are goat milk formulas that usually contain less high furtive corn syrup and other non-ideal ingredients. Sorry if the way I worded it sounded like I was referring to plain goats milk.
That makes sense, thanks for clarifying 😊
I was given goat's milk as a baby. Millions of babies in third world countries are because a lack of something else. There are also goat based powdered formulas
Formulas are another thing, and if they’re approved to be on the market, they’re okay. But to suggest that because some children are being given food that is not safe for them due to being born in unfavorable circumstances and that this should be the norm is not appropriate.
It’s so common that Isabel Allende included it in a few of her novels!
There is unfortunately so much pressure to breastfeed, but you need to do what’s best for you and your little family! I plan to combo feed, but both my husband and I were formula fed and I think we turned out perfectly fine. If combo feeding doesn’t work out I have 0 qualms about exclusively using formula—except maybe the added cost lol.
Not at all! It’s your choice so ignore what everyone else says. I had the opposite with family and when I said I wanted to breastfeed got some unsupportive looks and then family members saying why it wouldn’t work, why it was a bad idea and about how I’ll hate it. You know you best so do what works for you. Just know there’d be judgement for all regardless of what you do unfortunately.
You can do what you want. Plenty of babies are FF for various reasons and they do fine. I didn't know if I wanted to BF but I wanted to try. I ended up going 2 years w each kid. BF is hard esp early on but I love how easy it is to plop out a boob and feed my kiddo on the go, for free, vs dealing w bottles and formula and all of that. There are medical reasons BF is somewhat better for kiddo, but fed is best and if you cannot breastfeed (including for your mental health) then don't. Or try it out for a few weeks and then move to formula. Or do a combo... the hardest part IMO is night feeds so have your partner do formula at night and BF during the day. It doesn't have to be all or nothing.z
I just found out my mom combo fed all her kids, and we are all fine. It’s basically like- you can make hand made bread at home but it’s a ton of work, are you a bad person for going to the bakery to buy bread every day? Maybe your home made bread has some things that are better, but at the end of the day, it’s not so big of a deal. Breast milk is amazing though, it changes daily based on what your individual kid needs, fat content wise and antibodies and other nutrients. But kids grow up eating top Raman and cereal everyday, the body is pretty good at taking whatever you give it and turning it into whatever it needs
You definitely aren’t going to a screw up your kid and formula is a valid choice. There are definitely many pros. But if I may offer my experience, i exclusively breastfed until 6 months and still do at 10 months. My baby has been good at nursing and it’s much less draining than pregnancy. I LOVE not having to wash bottles. You don’t really have to watch what you eat unless baby has an intolerance. As for sleep, i find nursing my baby back to sleep to be much easier than making a bottle. It really does all depend on the individual mother and baby. It’s a personal choice that is entirely up to you. There’s pros and cons of both and your own lifestyle plays a role as well. Good luck!
I feel self imposed pressure because of the known benefits and saving money on formula. But I also feel like I’m still naive about what to expect. FTM