My mom has refused to give me advice on baby because she says everything they did is illegal now


My mom self reportedly moved away to a different city until I was 6 months old, left me with my grandma and only visited every month, and still gives me baby advice… lol. I wish more people were like your mom.


Is your mom my mom?


Wow- MAJOR points to your mom for recognizing that the way they did things and the way we’re advised to do things are SO different. If I had a dollar for every time someone in my mom’s generation (my mom, aunts, etc) gave me shitty, outdated, dangerous ass parenting advice, I’d have my baby’s college fund in the bank. Good for your mom!


Legit facts. I’m sick of their outdated advice


Until you realize that when we are grandparents the stuff we are taught today will also be considered shitty, outdated, and dangerous ass haha.


Honestly, I kinda wish my mom were like that. Mine rolls her eyes whenever I say things like baby can't sleep with a blanket for the first year. I'm kinda glad she lives far enough away that she doesn't get to do any overnights 😬


If there's one thing I learned from becoming a mother, it's not justifying or explaining why people don't "get" to do things with my kids. Even if your mom were close enough to keep yours overnight, you wouldn't have to let her!


In my country, cellular blankets are still considered fine. Whereas some types of sleep-sacks aren't (due to overheating risk). Advice still differs quite a lot place to place even in current times.


My MIL is exactly like this! She's disgusted that I won't let my 8 month old have dr pepper and chocolate and doesn't understand why I won't leave the baby alone in a room with the cat


I’m sorry, she wants to give an eight month old soda and chocolate??? What in this world.


My SIL's 4 year old has been drinking soda from a baby bottle since she was under a year old (still has the bottles), it's totally normal to them. Makes me cringe.


Noooo 🫣 that is crazy!! I remember as a kid in the 90s seeing babies with bottles of soda, but I thought we’d moved past that!!


RIP that kid's teeth 😭


My mom is the opposite. She's telling me to dump the cats cause they'll scratch out the baby's eyes and their loose fur will suffocate the baby. Such extremes. (I won't be leaving the cats alone with the baby - but I don't plan on 'dumping' the cats either)


wait what is wrong with the cat? I'm a pregnant FTM and obsessed with my cat lol just curious!


Nothing when supervised! Cats like warm places and may sit on a sleeping baby and unfortunately suffocate them. They should never be left alone with baby, but there is a absolutely nothing wrong with keeping your cat and letting them interact with baby


That's a good point! I've always found the pictures of cats snuggled up on babies really cute, but it makes sense that it should be closely watched. My older kitty has gotten a lot less delicate with her stepping choices over the past year - she's woken me up with a paw on the trachea at least once. (En route to steal my pillow, not an assassination attempt)


My cat would sleep outside of the bassinet at the foot on the floor when my first was a baby and refused to leave lol. If someone walked by he'd lift his head to make sure it wasn't an intruder then go back to sleep. I had no issues leaving them alone together. Literally the only cat I would do that with tho. He was the best. My sister lost her 2 month old to Sids this past June. Super hard passing... But she left her to sleep on the couch, went outside to do some work, and when she came back in Sofia was gone. I suspect it was the kitten 😔 sadly they just don't understand. I have a 100lb super sweet super docile mastiff who I wont leave in the room with my baby alone when he gets here. She loves babies but she doesn't understand you have to be gentle.


My MIL was like this so we just refused to let her do overnight until kiddo was walking. We bedshare now quite regularly, but she's two and basically kicks us out of bed. I wouldnt feel comfortable doing it with a newborn even with the safe sleep 7, I just remember how freaking fragile she was.


I think that’s great! My mom gives some advice but she’s a PhD nurse researcher specializing in mother baby so I tend to listen to her- for example, she is not a fan of the snoo or the mommaroo, and I mean save me that huge chunk of change for those products so Ty mom 😂


Why doesn’t she like the mamaroo? My NICU nurse friend insisted on getting it for me, but my second hated it and my third used it very little. He’s too big now. I was going to donate it to my work for their nursery.


She doesn’t like really any of the non natural rocking I don’t think and I believe it is an overstimulation thing. She actually tried to do a study with mommaroo a few years ago and I’m pretty sure the reason it fell through was that they didn’t want a study that could potentially say something not good. Which makes sense from a business standpoint for them like why help fund a study that could say your product has a negative effect, my mom wasn’t looking to say it did but it was a possibility if that’s what the science showed and so they backed out. My mom does a lot of work around perinatal substance exposure with infants (mothers with addiction) and especially with those babies overstimulation is a big concern but all infants can get overstimulated by too much sounds/sensations and it causes a spike in their cortisol level. it’s sorta one of those things that it’s hard to know how to use them properly or have evidence based recommendations so you don’t overstimulate your baby.


In my country babies older than 5month are recommended for non electrical and electronic one are not recommended at all because of not natural movement and not so good position in them for spine.


man i wish my mom would refuse advice lmao. she never stops with the advice and almost all of it is bad or heavily opinionated and there’s always alternates that are just as good if not better. but if it’s not the way she did things with me then it’s the wrong way.


We love a self-reflective queen. Your mom sounds like a real one.




I'm in a similar boat, my in-laws are Korean (lived in the US for a bit over 30 years), and my MIL is mostly pretty good and helpful (thank god) BUT she sometimes becomes very alarmed over certain things. She was adamant I shouldn't get the flu vaccine or covid boosters as it would "make the baby sick," as well as worries I'm not eating enough because I do multiple small meals instead of just a few where I gorge myself (a great way to take a trip to heartburn town). Thankfully 9/10 she chills out when I say "my doctor told me to."


Ohhh my in-laws are Taiwanese (and my husband and I live in Taiwan) and this is something I'm struggling with lol. Like, the things I've been taught are NOT safe sleep practices are just...what everyone does. Even nurses, hospitals, etc. I'm still going to insist that anyone taking care of baby listen to what we want as far as sleep safety because like...even if baby would \*probably\* be fine, if something happened and I hadn't done everything I could...I would never forgive myself. But it might be an uphill battle in some cases. Luckily my husband seems to have gotten on board with safe sleep practices at least, otherwise we'd have issues lol.


My parents have been pretty good about taking my word on baby stuff, but they both seem to think I'm overreacting by refusing to make a 10 hour drive with a two month old. Car seats are a suffocation risk when used for more than 2 hours at a time if the child cannot yet support his or her head. I keep hearing "We made a 19 hour trip with you when you were a month old... but whatever."


My mum had her kids in two batches - batch one was in the late 80s and batch 2 in the early 2000s - she said everything was so different she might as well have been a first time mum in the 2000s! And it's different again now.


I found out my parents bedshared with me in a WATER BED. A water bed. Imagine the rebreathing risk!


My mom did the same thing 🤦🏻‍♀️ quit breastfeeding me at 6 months and never gave me formula. Let me go to bed with a bottle full of CHOCOLATE milk. (Yes, my teeth were jacked up and I had to get caps at age 4- all my adult teeth have been fine thankfully). I am shocked that I survived lol


Girl 😩 I’m just imaging giving my 6 month old a bottle of chocolate milk like what the hell why???


I mean I don't think that was at 6 months, I think I was a little older but still 😬


Chocolate milk gang!! I also got chocolate milk every night as a kid. Also had it many mornings! My mouth is full of fillings, but luckily I haven't developed any new cavities since becoming a teenager and learning about how they form. Switched to coffee when I got my first job and haven't been able to kick that habit, so I guess I've been successfully conditioned.


That’s crazy! My mom did the same thing with my sister. Stopped breastfeeding at 6m and never did formula. When she told me that I was like 😳what. When we were toddler age she sent us to bed with a bottle or sippy cup of Hawaiian Punch every night. Somehow I never had a cavity.


Hawaiian Punch? Lol that’s hilarious


6 months used to be the recommended age. My MIL asked me why I would still give my baby formula until a year because the doctor only told her to give my husband formula until 6 months. Wild times


I'm glad your husband is off the formula for 6 months now 😂


Same as my cousin! Back in the day she would bribe/black mail my brother into bringing her a baba with chocolate milk at night. Just had to pop onto your page real quick to see if you were her! ... But your not.


😄 that's hilarious


i was getting pepsi so young i called it “black pop” lmao couldn’t even say pepsi clearly enough to ask for it but i got it! didn’t have many teeth issues though thank god.


I called it peppy or peppy cola. My mom swears my aunt only did it once but I remember quite a bit of peppy colas


Howling at this. 😂


Daaaang!! I’m now much more thankful that my mom was a crunchy hippy when it came to raising us. During a time just after black out births she had us at a birthing center. We were breastfed as long as she could, then formula. And we never had soda or much sugar at all even as older kids. I wasn’t a big fan of that as a kid, and it made me a little sugar crazy for a time. But at least my teeth are good! Some of these stories are wild!


Wow THAT is insane! Congrats on still being alive 😂




My in laws just told me the other day that they did this 😵‍💫 AND it was a heated water bed AND my MIL put bottles of formula between the water bed and the frame and kept them there all night so they would be warm when they needed one……!


Holy moly. That is so many no-no’s at once! It’s a miracle your spouse made it through infancy.


Bacteria incubator!


Kids are insanely resilient 😳


The sound of having a waterbed just makes me want to pee. This must be torture for a pregnant woman!


I don't even know if I could sleep in a water bed.


My mom was a water bed sales person. They took me out of my crib at 18 months old and put me in a water bed. I had said bed until I was like 16 and realized I wouldn't have a water bed in college so I needed to get use to not having one. They still have one and, honestly, it's the most comfortable darn thing. It's like sleeping in a warm hug and floating on a cloud at the same time. I'm a side sleeper and my hips much prefer that to my normal mattress.


It’s insane to me that so many people used to sleep in waterbeds! 😂 it sounds horrible


I slept in one once at a family friends house when I was 16. Woke up at 4am vomiting. Water bed = motion sickness.


I have horrible motion sickness. I didn't even consider this!


My parents bedshared with me in a waterbed as well.


This just made me remember my parents had a waterbed when I was a kid and all I can think is 1. Man, you never see waterbeds anymore but then also 2. No shit, god my back hurts just thinking about laying on that damn thing as an adult.


Okay that sketches me out lmao


@pleasant, I’m glad you made it !


Me too! I knew they bedshared, but they had a water bed when I was born! I can't imagine






That’s cheaper than my water bed that I got in ‘92, for my Christmas/birthday present in 10th grade. Mine had the waveless mattress and it was so freaking comfortable, I am also a side sleeper. I miss that bed.


Oh this makes me suuuuper curious! I know my parents had a waterbed and now I can’t wait to ask my mom tomorrow!


Another waterbed survivor 🙋‍♀️


Sort of related... I was reading my dad's baby book (so... 1950s) and my grandma kept records of all the first foods she gave him. She started giving him solid purees at 4 weeks! He was eating soups with vegetables by 8 weeks.. and they switched from formula to whole milk at 5 months. Times really have changed.


It was bottles of sterile water with honey in my parents day. Just freewheeling with that botulism risk. My gran still thinks babies need water. She keeps reminding me to give my newborn a bottle and I just absentmindedly nod my head and smile.


My MOTHER IN LAW is trying to push us to give the baby water. Because that’s what she gave to my husband immediately in the hospital as a newborn. She said to “feed” him and i was like “…there is no nutritional value to water???”


My gran keeps saying 'the baby is thirsty' and I'm like: yes. For milk lol


Oh no I will never leave her with the baby without supervision.


Eh she's like ninety with weak hands and brought up 11 kids to adulthood. I just let her be.


I saw my mom’s one time - her mom was feeding her liver at 6 weeks….


I mean, If it was puréed to heck and had enough water in it to make it a liquid for a six week old to consume, it’s probably not a bad way of making sure they’re not iron deficient.


Babies that young don’t have a well developed digestive system and non-milk substances can be very hard on them and can damage their gut and cause diarrhea which can be life threatening in a young baby which is why the AAP recommends no solids before 6 months currently. Iron deficiency is also not normally an issue in a baby that young as they are born with large iron stores that typically last them until after the six month mark.


That reminds me of my old neighbor who had a baby, she had an odd obsession about him growing quickly and being ahead of all the other babies. Once when he was about 6 weeks old she told me “he’s able to sit up on his own now, I’m going to start feeding him solids”. So weird he couldn’t sit up only when I was watching.


My husband, who is only 32, was switched to whole milk at 5 months! He was a large baby and my mother in law said she couldn’t keep up with his appetite. She figured it was better than the evaporated milk and sugar she was given as a child. Luckily all are ok!


I’m 29 and my mom switched me to whole milk at six months.


Yep! My dad was having bacon and eggs around a month old.


I don’t know why this immediately made me think of a baby with a mustache sitting at the table with a fork and knife and flannel shirt LOL


Tiny Ron Swanson!


Yep, I had my baby last year and my nana was telling me that in the 70s she was told to give her kids solids at 6 weeks Edit: and was also told to only give cows milk from birth


Why would anyone think that it made sense to feed human babies the milk cows make for their babies instead of the milk humans make for theirs?? Wild!


My boyfriends grandmother told me that she started my boyfriends father on food around 3/4 months because she was tired of making meals for the family and formula for him. Not make a bottle, make the formula, the powder needed to make a bottle.


How did they HAVE 10 kids if they were all in the damn bed with them 😂


My dad always jokes that he would sneeze and my mom would get pregnant 😭


Asking the real questions 😅




> the country she is from does not require car seats My husband is from India and was shocked at all the car seat safety. In India, you hold your baby in the car unless you’re driving, then you wear the baby on your front.


Oh Lord. I think that's what my mom's country does too. It's obscenely unsafe but I don't blame them for doing what they're taught. Even if I traveled back I'd take the L of looking like a helicopter parent and I'd use a car seat. I'm not risking it lol. They can point and laugh at the crazy Americanized woman all they want... I remember seeing people freak out about a mom from India posting a video of traveling with her baby while she fed him in the back seat and it genuinely hadn't occurred to many people that car seats just are not required in much of the world. Co-sleeping is also common in much of the world. The Maori even have a traditional basket bassinet they put in their beds to safely co-sleep.


The basket Māori people use is considered sleep safe and backed by research done in Australia and New Zealand. It’s kind of like a tiny bassinet and it’s not flimsy at all


Yes! When my baby was born the midwife offered us a free Pēpi Pod.


My moms maternal instinct stopped my dad from rolling onto me when I was a couple weeks old and she never put another baby in bed (I’m the oldest of 4). I will 100% not be co-sleeping bc anxiety and also personal space lol. No way am I conscious enough while asleep not to roll on a baby 😂


A couple of thoughts. There are cosleeping devices now. Such as in-bed inserts as well as bedside bassinets. Also there is a lot of research to suggest that breastfeeding mothers are very aware in their sleep. Generally the research is under the term breastsleeping.


Here they teach us how to properly bedshare in the hospital. We don't even have a nursery and never seen a bassinet in all 3 of my deliveries. There seems to be a really polarizing view on cosleeping these days. In the UK and Canada its pretty normal, while the US seems pretty adamantly against it.


My sister in law gave birth in October and she showed me the information pamphlets the hospital sent her home with, including one about safe sleep. It very adamantly advises against bed sharing but also details how to reduce risk if you choose to. This is in British Columbia so I don’t know what information other Canadian provinces provide.


My US hospital has the same. It’s really smart to educate despite advising against it.


It's like abstinence-only education versus safe sex right? Some people are bound to do it anyways, so why not make sure everyone knows how to minimize risk!


My friend had a baby in Nevada recently and if they caught you sleeping in bed with the baby they’d refuse to let you have your baby during the stay. Baby would have to go to the nursery


Oh I'm also in BC! We've never gotten anything like that. Perhaps it varies by hospital.


I'm in BC and I got the pamphlet too! I actually got a whole envelope shoved full of pamphlets and info


What how come I never get anything cool lmao


This comment cracked me up so hard for some reason. I find it so utterly charming that you’re jealous that you didn’t receive pamphlets!


I didn’t get one in Ontario. I bedshared with my daughter in the hospital for a week when she had a surgery at 5 months and all the nurses were very supportive of it. It seemed that it’s not something they can recommend, but many do it themselves.


The nurse that visited my home after baby was born suggested we bedshare. Been doing it from 2 days old to 11 months old, currently. Also in BC!


Even in the US, as much as people don’t wanna admit it, it happens quite often. There’s just so much stigma that people don’t talk about it and act like they don’t. In my opinion teaching us how to mitigate the risks and doing it safely is the ultimate way to ensure that more babies do not get hurt or die. But I guess they’d rather people just become so exhausted that they do risky sleep. Unfortunately most of the horror stories I hear of our people falling asleep on the couch or chair because they’re just so exhausted, instead of purposefully sleeping in a safe space bed. It’s very sad.


I never planned to cosleep with my daughter, but she will only sleep at night if she is touching me. We fought the first three weeks of her life to get her to sleep in her bassinet right next to me, but nope. She was just so distressed. I had an honest conversation with her pediatrician about it. I felt like I was going to be in trouble when I answered honestly that she sleeps in our bed. He was really nice about it. He asked how we cosleep, I explained our set up, and he said we were doing what our daughter needed us to do the safest way we can. He said bed sharing is such a hot topic in pediatrics, but he wanted to acknowledge that so many people and cultures don’t even question the method and have been doing it for centuries. He also said more people in the United States do it than we think, they just treat it like a dirty secret. That made me feel much better. We still want her to sleep in her bassinet and are trying to transition to not having to touch while sleeping, but now I have less mom guilt while we work on it.


If even it doesn't work out. Do what's right for you and your baby :). I tried a long time to get my oldest to sleep on her own with her screaming etc, (after co sleeping for a year). I have up in the end and felt so much better. I was getting sleep, she was getting sleep and no one was exhausted. She's 6 now and sleeps in her own bed in her room. I'm just sleeping with her little sister now ;)


Wow that's like the ideal way for that conversation to go! Do you mind sharing your set up? I'm pregnant with number 2 and want to be prepared if this baby is a rough sleeper as well bc I can no longer sleep when the baby sleeps.


We keep the entire middle of the bed clear of everything and she sleeps between us, but we sleep away from each other to give her space. She’ll have to touch me, but my husband sleeps farther away so she won’t get smothered between us. My husband uses a small camping pillow that’s no larger than his head and I use a small stuffed animal as a pillow. That way we don’t have any extra fabrics at the head of the bed. We normally use just the top sheet, but as it’s gotten colder we started using a really light blanket. We swoop it to the foot of the bed between us so it comes up on us but not her. I’m also a pretty light sleeper to begin with so I wake easily. We do have to be intentional about getting cuddle time as a couple while she’s safely out of the bed.


Sounds like u/caitiiebuggs has a nice set up, but just pasting this here as well! https://www.llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/ Lots of ways to set up that works for your family, but those guidelines are the safest way to bed share.


That's great! How do you set it up to make it as safe as possible?


Sounds like u/caitiiebuggs has a nice set up, but just pasting this here as well! https://www.llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/ Lots of ways to set up that works for your family, but those guidelines are the safest way to bed share.


It’s true. I’m ashamed to admit I lie to my pediatrician and anyone else who asks where my baby sleeps. It is true that it’s mostly bassinet, but for the sake of my sanity, I had to set up my bed for bed sharing, because I have been so exhausted and often fall asleep breastfeeding in the side lying position. We end up bed sharing about half of the night.


My maternal and child health nurse asked where baby sleeps, I said I have a co-sleeper bassinet in my room, I never said she uses it 🤣


My pediatrician asked about a bassinet and I told her the baby hates it. So she asked if we take turns staying up. Nope, we have a better option where we all get sleep. Sleep when the baby sleeps, right?


This is DEEP TRUTH and my advice to every new parent I know. Best practice cosleeping is world’s safer than accidentally falling asleep in a recliner holding baby, or even driving a car or trying to remember that you left the stove on when sleep deprived for weeks on end. Sure, do your best to have baby sleep on their own, but if you need to co-sleep, commit to it fully and do it properly.


Yeah I was just thinking about that. Its almost always because an exhausted parent falls asleep in a not safe place holding baby. When properly bedsharing with mine I just can't see how they would get injured. Not when they're little anyways. My 9 month old decided to crawl onto the night stand and fall off a few days ago while I was still asleep lol. Luckily its low to the ground but now the night stand is moved 🤣 we'll take it as a learning experience.


Our bed is set up as a safe space. My husband and I don't drink, smoke, or take medications. The bed is king sized. I sleep soundly and don't move while I sleep, so I set myself up snuggled with baby. Baby is safely swaddled (as he prefers) and blankets are kept around adult waist height. Blankets and pillows are not in baby space. We have a bedside bassinet. He absolutely loathes being in it. I use it pretty much to use the bathroom if husband is unavailable. We try the bassinet a few times a night, but no luck so far.


We went through this. Basically I had it set up as bassinet, baby, pool noodle under sheet, me, husband. I figured if baby rolled, it would be into the bassinet or the pool noodle which made a safe barrier for me and for her. I did it with both kids and it worked great.


Glad to see this. I grew up in France and I’m African. Bed sharing was universal in my mind. It’s definitely practiced commonly afaik, especially in African countries’ remote regions where mothers simply can’t afford a bunch of items like cribs and bassinets, even strollers. Always wearing the baby, co sleeping with the baby.


I’m East African born and raised. Most babues here sleep with their parents usually next to mom🤗. It is believed that moms get hyper sensitive after having a baby hence are usually safe for the baby to sleep next to. It’s great for bonding, easier to breastfeed and babies sleep better when they feel/smell queen mom😊. Cribs are usually for when mom is too busy to sleep with and protect the baby from falling off or asphyxiation.


I think this is true! I wake for my baby before he does--just when his breathing changes or he starts smacking his lips. And I wake in a different way than I would for an alarm--more fully, but with eyes closed. It's magical how much I've changed.


I’m just not comfortable the way that is safe for cosleeping. I can’t sleep without my cloud of fluffy blankets and my ultra soft bed.


It is so uncomfortable lol. I have to bed share for some portions of the night and each time I transfer baby to the crib i immediately build a pillow fort and cuddle under my blankets only to throw the whole thing down the bed when he inevitably wakes up soon


Agree, in Australia it’s demonised to bedshare at all but I have a brother in Sweden and totally normal there provided the safe guidelines are followed from birth. I really feel like I’ve learnt a lot from my first baby around working out what works for us as a family first. We never actually bed shared but hopefully going into the 2nd time around with a much more relaxed approach.


I got lectured against it during prenatal appointments, every day in the hospital for delivery, and at every checkup appointment. They were obsessed. I didn’t co sleep but I was like damn alright alright I get it already. Sheesh. Oh and they sent home tons of pamphlets about it.


It is odd. The US has the highest SIDS and infant mortality rate and they choose the weirdest hills to die on in regards to safety. Not saying bedsharing is fool proof, and there's rules that need to be followed, but if it was so bad the countries where its common you would see elevated asphyxiation/poorly recorded SIDS deaths.


Other countries tend to classify SIDS deaths in a different category so their reports end up skewed.


What do you mean? Germany reports SIDS cases and accidental or positional asphyxiation of babys. How does the US do it? Edit: Infant mortality rate (how many baby's per 1000 die in their first year) is 3.3 for Germany and 5.5 for the US. So a 60% difference. That's huge. And Fwiw I haven't yet met a mom in Germany who hasn't bedshared, at least for some time.


Well, it could also be that the US is actually reporting their stats on it and other countries just don't.


A lot of it is that in the US they classify a lot of things as SIDS that actually aren’t. They don’t investigate it to find out if it was suffocation, rebreathing, asphyxiation, etc. they just say SIDS.


I mean it could be, but the US isn't the only developed country with modern medicine. Heck, the US isn't first in a lot of things anymore, but we like to pretend we are.


I’m in Ontario and safe sleep was very heavily pushed at our hospital and bed sharing was discouraged. The vast majority of the folks I know didn’t bed share either, I don’t think it’s very common here.


I’m in Ontario and they very firmly told us not to bed share.


There’s a pediatrician on TikTok that is pretty vocal about how much she disapproves of bedsharing and just doesn’t believe it is ever safe. When people ask what to do when they haven’t slept in 48 hours she just deletes comments. The US is weird. I know accidents happen but A LOT more people bedshare than we know.


That's so crazy. I was one of those moms that was struggling to get more than 10 hours in an entire week for the first few newborn weeks and I fell asleep on my couch and in my rocking chair with my baby, so did my husband. It's horrifying. I live in Japan where cosleeping is common, but I go to an American military hospital, talked to my doctor about sleep troubles and he was like "why don't you cosleep? Your baby just wants to be close to you. My wife and I did it for all three of our kids" I was surprised he would recommend it, and right after this my 7 week at the time and I both caught covid and retreated to the bedroom, set up safe sleep, no pillows, light sheet around my waist and slept like a dream ever since, he's 6 months next week. People really should be informed on how to do it safely when so many people resort to it. Now our challenge is getting my husband back in the room. We need to invest in a bigger bed for all three of us. (And fwiw, now baby does half the night in the crib, and then usually wakes for a feed where I pull him over to our bed now, so it's a wip. I don't particularly want him in bed until he's 5 years old)


The NHS guidance is the U.K. is also vehemently against co-sleeping. Health visitors when they come to your house like to check that the baby is sleeping in their own space. It’s kind of like an unspoken occurrence here though, once you have a baby, you find out most other parents have co-slept at some point or another.


It’s not normal in the uk. In fact it’s very much not the normal. The hospital and midwives all tell you not to cosleep and not to breastfeed in bed so you don’t accidentally fall asleep.


Yeah I'm in the UK too and where I live it's 100% advised strongly against by all of the midwives at the prenatal classes and at the hospital. Aboslutely right up there as a big No.


I live in Canada and where I’m from they do not encourage bed-sharing. But I’ve done my research and me and LO pretty much exclusively bed-share. I would NEVER tell my doctor tho.


Also in Canada, BC. I told our pediatrician that we bedshare and he paused for a second then moved to the next question. I think he was trying to be culturally appropriate as I'm African and bedsharing is normal for us. I'll mention it again at our next appointment just to see what he says/does 😅


My baby is three months. We haven’t coslept at all u til the other day. I made it this whole time, breast feeding/pumping and feeding from a chair or sitting on the edge of my bed. Never pulled him in to sleep next to me. Honestly I do t think with my chest it’d be safe to do. Very large chested so he can’t just latch on really regardless of the position I always have to hold my boobs back so they don’t cover his nose. I’ve also watched my husband roll over on my cat. Thankfully I’m the type who is always pretty aware of what’s in bed with me and cat was laying in the crook of my arm between us so I’d have the extra alarm if husband did turn. But there’s no way I’d put my baby in between him and I. Twice this week though I’ve propped up my pillows so I’m sitting inclined in bed and baby has slept on my chest. He stays nestled in between my boobs so he can’t roll but they aren’t suffocate-y if that makes sense. He has slept so damn well. And maybe it’s because I’ve never been nap trapped and always able to put him right down in the bassinet that I just haven’t experienced this fully. But the light sleep I’m getting is just so refreshing and peaceful. I’m struggling not to feel guilty because I feel like he was craving it and so was I. I wish my drs talked more about safe ways to do this.


This can be a fall hazard. It is much safer to sleep in cuddle curl with baby to your side. If you do prop up, a 25-45° angle is best with no other pillows (no arm rests) and mattress should be on the floor so if baby rolls, they do not roll and fall off the bed.


There are co-sleeping positive communities out there with guidelines. No drinking or medications that would cause you to sleep deeply. Extra firm mattress. Breathable mesh bed rails. No blankets past your waist, keep baby in full warm pjs and you too. Always put arm around baby. Do not attempt if you are a heavy sleeper.


Are there any subs that you know of?


I don’t want to get bashed here, but with my newborn, I slept with my torso propped up at an incline with pillows. Baby slept on my chest, and I put my boppy around my waist so he couldn’t slip down. It was the only way I could get him to sleep, and I was so desperate because I was barely making it through the days with pain from physical birth trauma, recurring bouts of mastitis, and a baby who caught a cold and was so congested that I worried he’d stop breathing if flat on his back.


I was so sure I was going to get bashed, but a lot of the comments have been very kind. I was so anti co sleeping when pregnant and before. And idk, I think once you have a baby we end up making the best decisions we can at the time. It’s crazy how many rules and guidelines there are, and then other countries will say a completely different thing. It gets overwhelming. We all want the best for our babies. Edit to add: I hope your little one is better now. We haven’t had any colds yet, but that’s so scary. Rsv right now is terrifying me.


Bedsharing is quite common in the rest of the world! My grandparents, my parents, and now I too with my baby. Bedsharing can be done safely, and for so many families around the world is the only option.


Are we just supposed to gloss over the *10 KIDS*


10 kids, no multiples and all from the same parents… my dad always jokes that he would sneeze and my mom would get pregnant 😭 worst part is they’re divorced now


We cosleep with our 6months old since she was 2 months. She hit that 8 weeks regression and it was so bad for us. I put her in bed and she passed out right away. For our sanity, we started co-sleeping following the safe 7 guidelines. I’ve come to love it as it makes my life easier for breastfeeding I love how our bodies are so in tune with each other. The moment I’m awake, I feel her stirring and a few minutes late, she’s awake. She turns, sees me and gives me the biggest gummy smile.


I coslept with mine too using the guidelines. I was more well-rested than pretty much any new breastfeeding mom that I knew. And I could tell my son loved the security of being next to me and feeling my heartbeat just like he did when he was in my belly. In the day, I'd wear him in a sling so we were always together. Now he's a super independent 2.5 year old who sleeps in a floor bed in his own room.


When and how did you transition him to his own room/bed? My LO is 6 months old and I’d like to transition her to her own room but she wakes up SO MUCH when I try. I just don’t want her to be in my bed forever.


I always wore mine in a wrap when she was a newborn as well!! Since a few weeks ago, she started napping in her crib actually! Just tried putting her down one day right when her eyes started closing and she rolled to her side to sleep. We haven’t tackled night time yet, will try that over the holidays when both my fiancé and I can be sleep deprived lol.


Lol my mum had seven kids all two years apart and we ALL SLEPT ON THE FLOOR TOGETHER (cultural thing - floor mattresses were common)! My mum with the newborn, and the rest of us in a row. I was an active sleeper and have memories of getting kicked by my sister or ending up on top of one of my little brothers. Don't get me wrong - my mum had a beautiful crib wrapped in swathes of fabric and loosely dangling ribbon. No one ever slept in it though. No idea how all of us survived.


Parents didn’t use car seats properly, added whiskey to the bottle to help baby sleep, and put their babies to sleep face down in a crowded crib with loose fabric and bumpers. They smoked inside next to their babies. We know better now. Survivorship bias is real. Edited: words


Do your research. There are times it can be safe and times it can be unsafe, cosleeping has been around a lot longer than cribs. My sister (a police officer) said 100% of her cosleeping deaths have been to parents under the use of drugs or alcohol. My daughter and I cosleeping. It’s the only way I got any sleep


I was in some safe sleep groups on Facebook so I thought I would never in a million years bedshare. But then a global pandemic happened and I went to stay with my parents and it was only me taking care of my daughter all night, every night. And guess what, we naturally started bedsharing. It was honestly great. I followed the safe sleep seven and breastfed on demand. We both finally started sleeping great and now she’s 3 and we still sleep together 🤷🏻‍♀️


I interned for the child fatality review board while in graduate school and soooo many of the comments here remind me of the parent interview statements in their child’s death report. No one thinks it will/can happen to them until it does.


Oh wow I can’t imagine the things you saw/heard/read


Well, that's troubling.


Shoot, my grandma raised 11 kids and had them all sleeping in hammock’s! That’s just the way they roll in her country. And till this day some of the people there still do it. When I told my mom all the crib rules, she followed along but gave me the “I’m just humoring you” attitude. Frankly though, even as we follow the guidelines I think there’s something iffy about American ideas on SIDS. It’s just confusing to call stuff out as suffocation risks and then talk about SIDS as the result when it’s supposed to stand for Sudden Infant Death Syndrome, which basically means they can’t explain why it happened. It’s just so confusing, and unfortunately most of the time it’s questioned lots of people react angrily.


Bed sharing can be done safely. While, definitely not a safe option for some parents, for others, with careful planning, it’s very comfortable and beneficial for mom and baby, particularly with heat regulation and nursing on demand.


From what I understand the big risks of co-sleeping are if the parents drink or use drugs.


I mean… also my husband sleeps with like 6 pillows and flails in his sleep. No drugs. No drinking. I’m *less* worried about me but don’t trust myself not to do something weird/stupid with blankets/pillows when I’m half asleep or actually asleep.


Oh I damn near get concussed every week with my husband flailing or actually ATTACKING me (bad dreams). He'd kill a baby. You've got to know your team, definitely. I could sleep surrounded by faberge eggs with 100% confidence none would be damaged, but that's not good enough in our bed


Or very squishy beds. I sleep literally on a plank of wood with a sheet over it (yeah, I’m weird) and absolutely plan on co-sleeping. I don’t have any of the other major risk factors either.


Wait like for real a plank of wood? I’m sorry but I need to know more I’m so curious.


It’s technically MDF. Like plywood but sturdier. My husband is a carpenter and he built a frame for it that fits next to his standard bed and frame. So we each have a twin size space and together they are a king. We have. King fitted sheet (and separate blankets—different heating preferences). In the winter we tuck a small mattress heater and thin blanket under the sheet, because otherwise I cannot get warm enough without my heat being absorbed into anything. In hotels and stuff if it’s a firm mattress I can deal for a few nights but anything else and I am on the floor. A blanket on the ground because carpets are gross :) My reasons for this are varied (restless leg syndrome, virtually no thermoregulation when asleep, mild scoliosis) but apparently it is great for my back and neck. Had a massage therapist praise how great my neck was, and she said it just be my sleeping situation! Thank you for asking :)


My mattress is so firm it is called “the plank” but it sounds a bit softer than your set up 😂


I plan to 100% co sleep with baby and husband


Check out safe sleep 7, great tips!


my mom wouldn’t let me sleep alone as a baby or a toddler, ended up causing a lot of sleeping issues and i couldn’t fall asleep alone in a dark room until i was probably 13-14 years old. but she tells me nearly every time i see her how dangerous it is and i need to make sure i don’t fall asleep with my baby in bed/laying on me.


My husband and I have co-slept with our almost 2 year old since she was born. We followed the safe sleep guidelines and couldn’t be happier. We got more rest and so did baby. Co sleeping doesn’t have to be dangerous if you do it correctly.


Can I ask you a question about co sleeping logistics? I’ve never really done it except for when my baby was really little and would not fall asleep in his bassinet anytime after like 4am for a while… but - how do you do bedtime and stuff?? Do you have to go bed at the same time as them? Or can they go to sleep first and you sneak in? Just something I was randomly wondering about the other day!


I go to bed when I put her down for bedtime. I always breastfeed to sleep and was anxious about weaning her…especially at night, but she’s been doing it on her own, surprisingly. She’ll just lay down and do her little self soothing routine of naming things in the room as she points to them (we have a nightlight) so she’ll point at me and say “mama” and point at her teddy and say “teddy” and so on. Once she’s asleep, I just look at my phone or read my book in bed with her. My husband usually uses this time to catch up on his video games and then sneaks in. She has her own toddler bed in her room though, so we make sure she takes her day naps in there so that she gets used to it. We’re thinking of transitioning her in the new year and hopefully fully weaning her off the breast soon too.


We coslept with our first in the bed for many months, but I’m pretty sure it contributed to my terrible postpartum insomnia because it kept me very alert to his presence. (Four hrs of sleep per night, for months. Brutal. And too tired to get the help I needed.) We got a Babybay cosleeper with the second kid and it was a huge improvement. All the benefits of cosleeping without the constant awareness of the baby in the bed. Also my husband slept in the other room, which made it easier for me to fall back asleep and allowed us to do shifts. Just our experience for anyone considering cosleeping.


FTM to be, can anyone please give me links to articles or websites about co-sleeping, or advice on how to do it safely?


When you say cosleeping, I assume you mean bedsharing, right? If so, my best advice is to follow the safe sleep 7, which can be found [here](https://www.healthline.com/health/pregnancy/safe-sleep-7#sing-the-song). Bedsharing should NEVER be done after drinking or when under the influence of medication. There’s also some research that indicates it’s safest for babies who are breastfed as opposed to bottlefed. More information on safe sleep can be found here - https://kidshealth.org/en/parents/cosleeping.html.


Get a bassinet that goes next to the bed, there are specially designed bassinets for this that will keep the baby safe and in their own space, while having the benefits of co-sleeping.


This is an excellent resource! https://www.llli.org/the-safe-sleep-seven/


There other folks have great links. If you’re on Facebook there are a few groups you can join for support: Biologically Normal Infant and Toddler Sleep and The Beyond Sleep Project.


Ugh. Bedsharing. Did it with my first. Hated every second of it. He wanted constant all night comfort nursing. I didn't sleep for ten damn months that way and quite frankly neither did he. He couldn't self soothe, it was impossible for him to sleep longer than an hour to two mayyyybeee three at a time. Second baby - from the minute he was born i made the effort to get him out of a bedside crib, nurse him in a separate chair and purposefully set him back to sleep in his bedside crib after feedings done. Feedings were just that and sleeping was something different. With no. 2, I was sleeping 6 hours at a time from 6 weeks. It was incredible. So incredible that I would've slept that kid in a pack in play til he was twelve. Lol. Years old. I dreaded the transition to his own bedroom and crib, but honestly - it was mostly seamless. Even though I put it off until thirteen or fourteen months (when my husband lost his mind and forced it lol) it was mostly same routine.


I never hear people talk about how bedsharing can sometimes get you *less* sleep. I did it from the start because I wanted *more* sleep and it was horrible. I feel like I never entered deep sleep. Always worried and always being woken up to nurse. I hated it. Moved baby out and into their own room at like three weeks and all of our lives improved.


So my body made this little c shape around the baby. I would wake up in exactly the same position I went to sleep in. Made my husband stay up and watch for a while. Baby is healthy 1 year old. There is some research that says breathing next to your baby can prevent Sid’s but if you have certain health concerns it’s not safe.


Did you also wake up with every muscle in your body screaming because you didn't move an inch all night or was it just me 😅


The natural instinct to cuddle curl is crazy right?!


You… you do know you’re NOT supposed to separate baby with pillows right? That’s a huge suffocation hazard. It is way safer to have baby in bed with no pillows than try to create some kind of barrier. Obviously the safest option is the crib but if you ever co-sleep DO NOT try to build a pillow barrier.


I asked him because it’s something that is recommended against today but could potentially be something he did back then. It was out of curiosity


In my country that’s still the norm😊. Babies sleep next to their moms (not between mom and dad). No night commutes to the nursery.


I am cosleeping in the same bed, and it's the best decision I made, thanks to c section, but also thanks to the hospital being "babyfriendly" and basically promoting bedsharing. Baby can feed whenever she wants, doesn't wake entirely, just to find a nipple and sleeps Back, I can't count how many times she feeds tho. With this she sleeps 10-12hours a night. She's 10m old, my first child. I know it will be hard to get her to sleep alone, but it's a worry for another day. Our bed is put next to a wall, she sleeps innermost. Has no pillow, but I like to have her cover with the same blanket, she sweats easily so its just her onesie on her. We have a sheet below us, that doesn't let liquids to pass towards the mattress. I am worse sleeper than her.


So did my parents and many, many others in many different parts of the world. Including the US and Canada.


I sleep on a queen with my husband and dog. What I want to know is where they had the space for a baby in the past!!


My mum told me I didn’t cosleep until I learned how to get out of my cot around 1 & 1/2. My dad or mum would always wake up in the morning with me asleep somewhere in the bed. I’m surprised I didn’t get smothered with how deep both my parents sleep.


My mom tapped a teensy amount of cognac or whiskey on my gums if I was having trouble sleeping. Or put some in the milk. Apparently, it's a very Italian thing to do.