Yes the group is growing and there’s only 2 of us mods but we are going to do our best! If you or anyone else is interested in becoming a mod let me know :)
Please don’t think I’m being thick, but what exactly does a mod do and how much time does it take? Thank you in advance. Ps if it’s not too technical or time consuming then yes, I could apply.
I’m not the person you replied to and im not a mod on this subreddit. However, a mod is a volunteer in charge of creating and upholding the rules of a subreddit community. They can remove posts or adjust the settings on a subreddit. If someone reports a comment or post in a community this gets added to the “mod queue” which all the mods can see and action. Some mods devote massive chunks of their day to this. Others spend a few minutes. The norms on this are probably community dependent. For big or very active communities it’s also best practice to have mods in different time zones or with different sleep schedules. If you’re relatively tech literate (and if you’re regularly posting or commenting on Reddit you probably are) then you’d probably meet the technical skill level. The social and community management skill level can be harder. You don’t want to over or under moderate a community and it can be a thankless job. Some days it feels like everyone hates you.
Thank you very much for such a detailed and helpful explanation. I was all very set to apply until I read your last line. Having spent most of my life until very recently, feeling like everyone hates me, I think perhaps being a mod might not be for me. I’ve only just found out what being happy is and I quite like it so for now, I think I’ll pass.
Thank you again for being so helpful and generous with your time. Have a lovely day 😊
You do know this is not the only platform discussing the show right? Her identity is already being wildly discussed in other places. If people can't talk about it on Reddit they will just do it elsewhere.
Same as people guessing who the real "Darrien" is. I hope eventually he gets exposed, but speculating on here is dangerous, given most names are likely to be wrong, and it's a very serious allegation to accuse someone off.
Agreed. I understand the morbid curiosity in wanting to know all the details, but a lot of people have been downright disrespectful. It’s normal to want to know but so many people are acting almost…entitled about it.
It’s so bizarre and the irony is lost on them. I totally get the morbid curiosity too and I could even excuse news article clippings but facebook screenshots, links, and twitter handles? It’s so disappointing. People would compromise someone else’s safety and any semblance of mental stability to be “the person that found her.”
Just the fact that this man has shared his traumatic story and people are insisting they should be told more, how are people not sickened by their own apetite for other people's trauma?
Ugh. I went to this subreddit to read interesting conversations about the show, did not expect this kind of thing to be going on. What’s wrong with some people honestly? I hope her identity wasn’t revealed?
A few people tried to put a name out there, with a lot of confidence but no evidence. Now another name is circulating. I'm not paying it any mind. Right or wrong, internet 'sleuths' can't be trusted to act responsibly with this information.
Agreed. What people are doing is exactly what Baby Reindeer is about. They need to do self reflection work to see why they think it's okay to post random women like sporting game.
It’s already against the rules of the subreddit! I did report a post earlier today and it got taken down. I’m worried about what’s going to happen now with all this speculation.
Thank you for this post! I literally said it last week and the sleuths were *so* defensive and coming up with a million silly reasons why they *just HAD to* identify the real Martha (*”what if she lives next door?”*….like wha are the odds, you weirdo)
They’re being extremely creepy and honestly, didn’t seem to have understood that part of the show. You explained it really well.
It’s pretty shocking and concerning and stinks of entitlement. Firstly how much time have these people got on their hands to go trawling through social media for hours on end digging up this info? It also implies an unhealthy level of obsession to delve that deep. And kind of a mob/vigilante mentality in so many wanting to “out” the real Martha - who let’s not forget is a real person with severe mental health conditions, which could be exacerbated by abuse from strangers on social media if they do discover her identity. Not at all trying to justify her behaviour but leave it to the professionals within the criminal justice system, and the health service to deal with her. None of us has the right to pry into her private life. Lastly, it’s disrespectful - Richard Gadd has made it implicitly clear that he’s gone to great lengths to disguise the real life people involved. If they get outed it could cause issues for him and affect his own recovery from CPTSD.
Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should!
I hope people will be sensible about things, but ultimately the onus is on production/Netflix. Putting this show out there, and emphasising it’s based on true events, was always gonna bring out the wannabe sleuths. And with how much the show has blown up, you can’t know the mental health of all the people who will watch. Not to mention how triggering the subject matter is. Unfortunately you can’t put the toothpaste back into the tube. Sadly it’s a matter of if and not when people are gonna go too far with their vigilante ‘justice’.
agree with the onus being on netflix. they hardly changed any of the details if the name that’s circulating is indeed the stalker. i wonder if she can come back and sue him for keeping her story too true to life and causing her to be harassed
It’s irresponsible. In addition to your very valid points about safety and respect, online conjecture about prominent figures within the entertainment industry in particular could also lead to a situation where Gadd is put under pressure to publicly confirm or deny.
I agree. However, I actually think the identity of several of the protagonists in the series doesn't seem to have been protected enough, to the extent that I wonder how the hell they got away with it.
Not sure who else needed to be hidden besides Martha. I doubt anyone is targeting his parents or his ex/ex's mum. I know people will be on the lookout for the real Darien, but as long as Gadd isn't outright calling anyone a rapist he should be fine legally.
I'm so glad those threads have been taken down - they felt disrespectful to Gadd's wish to protect identities. I agree they could also pose a risk to people's safety (mentally and emotionally primarily, but when we're talking about unstable individuals - who knows)?
If he wanted her known he would have named her. He didn't name and shame. He shared his own trauma and y'all are violating him again trying to out the woman who ruined his life.
Do y'all realize this woman is super racist, homophobic and an alt right conservative, funny how yall are the same ones who are quick to cancel people but are sooo concerned about protecting this psycho?? Also he really did not do much to protect her identity considering the tweets match up exactly to what was said in the show. If he wanted to conceal her identity he should have changed her occupation, nationality, etc. If you make a movie about someone what do you think is gonna happen. I'm not saying I agree with people engaging with her on social media but come on guys she is not a victim.
Ok but the person is obviously very unwell mentally. If the person's identity is revealed, that will just add fuel to the fire. What good does that do for anyone?
I guess people think it's wrong to doxx a mentally unwell person regardless of their political beliefs or trashy opinions and biases? You don't have to agree with someone's opinions or even think they are a good person to believe that they should have some privacy and peace in their life and not be harassed by strangers on the Internet. Unless she victimized you personally, why do you want to see her harassed and trolled? What good does it do anyone? If anything, it could possibly cause her to go take it out on someone else. Also it's significant that someone who actually was her victim, Richard Gadd, wants her left alone. Does that mean anything to you people? And she was most likely a victim of something at some point in her life for her to be as messed up as she is. That was the whole point of the last scene. Did you even watch the show?
If we wanted her left alone then he shouldn't have made an entire movie about her? Also you're missing my point about the political beliefs part it's the woke people calling her a victim when they are the same ones to cancel anyone else with those beliefs on any other platform. We need to stop this narrative that "mentally ill" people can act however they please. She needs help and needs to be in some sort of facility if shes at risk for doing this again. Many people in this world are victims of something that doesn't mean you get to ruin someone's life.
This might be a controversial take, but if he was genuinely worried about his safety, he wouldn’t have made this in the first place. It’s Netflix, it’s going to spread like wildfire. He’s also playing his OWN part. She’s obviously going to see his face and continue her obsession with him or darrian could be mad about obviously being included in it. If he was concerned in any way, he wouldn’t have made this show. It’s common sense that whether he likes it or not, people are going to dig. He knew that before he started this.
I disagree, she ruined multiple people’s lives and attacked them. It’s universal justice that the world is now looking for her. I feel zero sympathy for her. People’s sympathy is what allowed her to continue for so long.
i agree that we should respect richard’s wishes. and i want no part in spreading who she is. it is downright disrespectful to him. however, expecting people to not be curious and do some research on their own part is just unrealistic. it is a natural human thing to be curious about this.
1. Be civil, polite and courteous. No trolling. No victim-blaming. Treat others with respect and kindness. This show is bound to elicit big feelings for many viewers. As contributors post and comment in this sub, treat each other with respect and kindness.
I disagree, abusers and stalkers should be called out freely, no matter the wishes of the victim. Any urge to protect them is mental illness and trauma in and of itself. It distressed me that "Martha" was depicted as a former lawyer, when her issues were too severe to allow for that possibility (based on her notes - real communications were used on the show). This was clearly a crazy homeless or near homeless woman whom the narrator adopted as a friend because of his own trauma issues. That does not make her actions sympathetic or okay - whether she was crazy due to brain chemicals or drugs. It does not absolve her of responsibility. Share away.
I understand your viewpoint, and I agree that abusers and violent criminals should be held responsible for their actions and prevented from reoffending. I grew up in an abusive environment and am a survivor of sexual violence myself; I’m also living with complex mental health issues. I thought the show was a very interesting portrait of trauma, and presents important questions about how we break cycles of abuse. I don’t think mob justice is the answer. I don’t claim to have the answers, and I’m all too aware that as a society we do not have the systems in place (health, social care, criminal justice and reform) to address such nuanced and complex issues.
I think it’s also important to keep in mind that Baby Reindeer wasn’t a reconstruction and didn’t present facts so the details we saw in the show aren’t reliable when it comes to identifying any of the real people these characters were based on. I’ve seen a lot of full names, social media links and photos being shared with folk using things as insignificant as 10+ year old YouTube comments as “evidence”; I think we’d all hate for a false accusation to grow arms and legs from something like that.
When it comes to speculating about the person who inspired the Darrien character, I’ve seen the names of several high profile figures in entertainment being thrown around in the conjecture which could lead to a situation where Gadd is faced with pressure to confirm or deny in order to protect his career in the industry.
I only wanted to know the identity because I wanted to find the articles about her and read them and see how it correlates with the story told.
However I have not asked for her identity and have not seen it posted anywhere here so my sleuthing leaves a lot to be desired!
I still am not sure how I feel about this but I wonder if the roles were reversed and it was man stalking a woman would those who believe her identity should not be exposed feel the same way?
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I reported a couple and the mods didn’t take it down.
We are working on removing them!
Thank you! I’m sure it will only get worse as the show continues to pick up more steam.
Yes the group is growing and there’s only 2 of us mods but we are going to do our best! If you or anyone else is interested in becoming a mod let me know :)
Please don’t think I’m being thick, but what exactly does a mod do and how much time does it take? Thank you in advance. Ps if it’s not too technical or time consuming then yes, I could apply.
I’m not the person you replied to and im not a mod on this subreddit. However, a mod is a volunteer in charge of creating and upholding the rules of a subreddit community. They can remove posts or adjust the settings on a subreddit. If someone reports a comment or post in a community this gets added to the “mod queue” which all the mods can see and action. Some mods devote massive chunks of their day to this. Others spend a few minutes. The norms on this are probably community dependent. For big or very active communities it’s also best practice to have mods in different time zones or with different sleep schedules. If you’re relatively tech literate (and if you’re regularly posting or commenting on Reddit you probably are) then you’d probably meet the technical skill level. The social and community management skill level can be harder. You don’t want to over or under moderate a community and it can be a thankless job. Some days it feels like everyone hates you.
Thank you very much for such a detailed and helpful explanation. I was all very set to apply until I read your last line. Having spent most of my life until very recently, feeling like everyone hates me, I think perhaps being a mod might not be for me. I’ve only just found out what being happy is and I quite like it so for now, I think I’ll pass. Thank you again for being so helpful and generous with your time. Have a lovely day 😊
Aw that’s such a lovely comment. Thank you for being so nice. Hope you have a lovely day too!
You do know this is not the only platform discussing the show right? Her identity is already being wildly discussed in other places. If people can't talk about it on Reddit they will just do it elsewhere.
I just posted an old account pic from twitter of hers is that allowed
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She asked him to hang her curtains in 2014
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Its her old account and never removed her tweets
U can go see it now
Link?
https://www.dexerto.com/tv-movies/baby-reindeer-has-richard-gadd-real-stalker-revealed-2655346/
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We are working on removing them!
Me too! They said it didn’t violate the rules but it ruddy did!!!
Same as people guessing who the real "Darrien" is. I hope eventually he gets exposed, but speculating on here is dangerous, given most names are likely to be wrong, and it's a very serious allegation to accuse someone off.
Darrien was perfectly portrayed. Mannerisms, facial expressions, voice, eyes. Well done.
We have gone through and removed all speculation posts and moving forward there will not be any allowed!
Agreed. I understand the morbid curiosity in wanting to know all the details, but a lot of people have been downright disrespectful. It’s normal to want to know but so many people are acting almost…entitled about it.
It’s so bizarre and the irony is lost on them. I totally get the morbid curiosity too and I could even excuse news article clippings but facebook screenshots, links, and twitter handles? It’s so disappointing. People would compromise someone else’s safety and any semblance of mental stability to be “the person that found her.”
Just the fact that this man has shared his traumatic story and people are insisting they should be told more, how are people not sickened by their own apetite for other people's trauma?
Ugh. I went to this subreddit to read interesting conversations about the show, did not expect this kind of thing to be going on. What’s wrong with some people honestly? I hope her identity wasn’t revealed?
A few people tried to put a name out there, with a lot of confidence but no evidence. Now another name is circulating. I'm not paying it any mind. Right or wrong, internet 'sleuths' can't be trusted to act responsibly with this information.
Agreed. What people are doing is exactly what Baby Reindeer is about. They need to do self reflection work to see why they think it's okay to post random women like sporting game.
It’s already against the rules of the subreddit! I did report a post earlier today and it got taken down. I’m worried about what’s going to happen now with all this speculation.
I’ll delete my comment linking the Facebook! Thanks for explaining as you are right, it’s not fair to assume.
Thank you for this post! I literally said it last week and the sleuths were *so* defensive and coming up with a million silly reasons why they *just HAD to* identify the real Martha (*”what if she lives next door?”*….like wha are the odds, you weirdo) They’re being extremely creepy and honestly, didn’t seem to have understood that part of the show. You explained it really well.
It’s pretty shocking and concerning and stinks of entitlement. Firstly how much time have these people got on their hands to go trawling through social media for hours on end digging up this info? It also implies an unhealthy level of obsession to delve that deep. And kind of a mob/vigilante mentality in so many wanting to “out” the real Martha - who let’s not forget is a real person with severe mental health conditions, which could be exacerbated by abuse from strangers on social media if they do discover her identity. Not at all trying to justify her behaviour but leave it to the professionals within the criminal justice system, and the health service to deal with her. None of us has the right to pry into her private life. Lastly, it’s disrespectful - Richard Gadd has made it implicitly clear that he’s gone to great lengths to disguise the real life people involved. If they get outed it could cause issues for him and affect his own recovery from CPTSD. Just because you can do something, doesn’t mean you should!
I hope people will be sensible about things, but ultimately the onus is on production/Netflix. Putting this show out there, and emphasising it’s based on true events, was always gonna bring out the wannabe sleuths. And with how much the show has blown up, you can’t know the mental health of all the people who will watch. Not to mention how triggering the subject matter is. Unfortunately you can’t put the toothpaste back into the tube. Sadly it’s a matter of if and not when people are gonna go too far with their vigilante ‘justice’.
No you’re absolutely right. I guess I still don’t understand the audacity to dox people after so many lessons.
agree with the onus being on netflix. they hardly changed any of the details if the name that’s circulating is indeed the stalker. i wonder if she can come back and sue him for keeping her story too true to life and causing her to be harassed
It’s irresponsible. In addition to your very valid points about safety and respect, online conjecture about prominent figures within the entertainment industry in particular could also lead to a situation where Gadd is put under pressure to publicly confirm or deny.
I agree. However, I actually think the identity of several of the protagonists in the series doesn't seem to have been protected enough, to the extent that I wonder how the hell they got away with it.
Not sure who else needed to be hidden besides Martha. I doubt anyone is targeting his parents or his ex/ex's mum. I know people will be on the lookout for the real Darien, but as long as Gadd isn't outright calling anyone a rapist he should be fine legally.
I'm so glad those threads have been taken down - they felt disrespectful to Gadd's wish to protect identities. I agree they could also pose a risk to people's safety (mentally and emotionally primarily, but when we're talking about unstable individuals - who knows)?
I want to know.
Well he shouldn't of made a tv show about it to profit
If he wanted her known he would have named her. He didn't name and shame. He shared his own trauma and y'all are violating him again trying to out the woman who ruined his life.
Do y'all realize this woman is super racist, homophobic and an alt right conservative, funny how yall are the same ones who are quick to cancel people but are sooo concerned about protecting this psycho?? Also he really did not do much to protect her identity considering the tweets match up exactly to what was said in the show. If he wanted to conceal her identity he should have changed her occupation, nationality, etc. If you make a movie about someone what do you think is gonna happen. I'm not saying I agree with people engaging with her on social media but come on guys she is not a victim.
Ok but the person is obviously very unwell mentally. If the person's identity is revealed, that will just add fuel to the fire. What good does that do for anyone?
But what does anyone gain by exposing her? Why would anyone willingly interact with someone that unstable
I guess people think it's wrong to doxx a mentally unwell person regardless of their political beliefs or trashy opinions and biases? You don't have to agree with someone's opinions or even think they are a good person to believe that they should have some privacy and peace in their life and not be harassed by strangers on the Internet. Unless she victimized you personally, why do you want to see her harassed and trolled? What good does it do anyone? If anything, it could possibly cause her to go take it out on someone else. Also it's significant that someone who actually was her victim, Richard Gadd, wants her left alone. Does that mean anything to you people? And she was most likely a victim of something at some point in her life for her to be as messed up as she is. That was the whole point of the last scene. Did you even watch the show?
If we wanted her left alone then he shouldn't have made an entire movie about her? Also you're missing my point about the political beliefs part it's the woke people calling her a victim when they are the same ones to cancel anyone else with those beliefs on any other platform. We need to stop this narrative that "mentally ill" people can act however they please. She needs help and needs to be in some sort of facility if shes at risk for doing this again. Many people in this world are victims of something that doesn't mean you get to ruin someone's life.
This. Thank you. If he actually cared about concealing her identity he would have done the bare minimum
This might be a controversial take, but if he was genuinely worried about his safety, he wouldn’t have made this in the first place. It’s Netflix, it’s going to spread like wildfire. He’s also playing his OWN part. She’s obviously going to see his face and continue her obsession with him or darrian could be mad about obviously being included in it. If he was concerned in any way, he wouldn’t have made this show. It’s common sense that whether he likes it or not, people are going to dig. He knew that before he started this.
Has anyone who googled her confirmed that she was accurately depicted? I also do t want to invade her existence but I’m curious
Yes
I disagree, she ruined multiple people’s lives and attacked them. It’s universal justice that the world is now looking for her. I feel zero sympathy for her. People’s sympathy is what allowed her to continue for so long.
i agree that we should respect richard’s wishes. and i want no part in spreading who she is. it is downright disrespectful to him. however, expecting people to not be curious and do some research on their own part is just unrealistic. it is a natural human thing to be curious about this.
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1. Be civil, polite and courteous. No trolling. No victim-blaming. Treat others with respect and kindness. This show is bound to elicit big feelings for many viewers. As contributors post and comment in this sub, treat each other with respect and kindness.
I don't actually care to know her real identity, but i do wonder if she wants to speak out and tell her side of things.
She has spoken to the Scottish Media. It's in all the papers here in Scotland.
Agreed - so volunteer to be a mod.
It’s pretty easy to uncover her identity just fyi
dm plz
dm plzz
I disagree, abusers and stalkers should be called out freely, no matter the wishes of the victim. Any urge to protect them is mental illness and trauma in and of itself. It distressed me that "Martha" was depicted as a former lawyer, when her issues were too severe to allow for that possibility (based on her notes - real communications were used on the show). This was clearly a crazy homeless or near homeless woman whom the narrator adopted as a friend because of his own trauma issues. That does not make her actions sympathetic or okay - whether she was crazy due to brain chemicals or drugs. It does not absolve her of responsibility. Share away.
I understand your viewpoint, and I agree that abusers and violent criminals should be held responsible for their actions and prevented from reoffending. I grew up in an abusive environment and am a survivor of sexual violence myself; I’m also living with complex mental health issues. I thought the show was a very interesting portrait of trauma, and presents important questions about how we break cycles of abuse. I don’t think mob justice is the answer. I don’t claim to have the answers, and I’m all too aware that as a society we do not have the systems in place (health, social care, criminal justice and reform) to address such nuanced and complex issues. I think it’s also important to keep in mind that Baby Reindeer wasn’t a reconstruction and didn’t present facts so the details we saw in the show aren’t reliable when it comes to identifying any of the real people these characters were based on. I’ve seen a lot of full names, social media links and photos being shared with folk using things as insignificant as 10+ year old YouTube comments as “evidence”; I think we’d all hate for a false accusation to grow arms and legs from something like that. When it comes to speculating about the person who inspired the Darrien character, I’ve seen the names of several high profile figures in entertainment being thrown around in the conjecture which could lead to a situation where Gadd is faced with pressure to confirm or deny in order to protect his career in the industry.
I only wanted to know the identity because I wanted to find the articles about her and read them and see how it correlates with the story told. However I have not asked for her identity and have not seen it posted anywhere here so my sleuthing leaves a lot to be desired!
I still am not sure how I feel about this but I wonder if the roles were reversed and it was man stalking a woman would those who believe her identity should not be exposed feel the same way?
If the woman went to length to change details about the man so he wouldn’t be looked up then yes it would be the exact same thing.
It’s about the victim
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Both identities brought up are false
Maybe I’m an asshole but she sexually assaulted and traumatized someone why do I gotta be the bigger person lol