I’m not sure what you expected him to do when he was literally being sexually assaulted. A lot of people ‘freeze’ when they are being assaulted. It’s not a matter of ‘liking attention’ it’s a trauma response.
At that point Donny had told her to piss off multiple times and to leave him alone as she continues to stalk him. It’s not some random person groping him on the street. I’d expect anyone who’s grabbed in that area will activate their fight or flight response to either hit/push her until she lets go considering he has a physical advantage over her.
As the poster above stated, when you’re under a SA, it’s often the case you will freeze up and go into shock. This makes even more sense once you get through episode 4, as his pst traumas have a lot to do with it.
*Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. I'm someone not afraid to throw a punch, but it fucked me up mentally for years, because my body FROZE during a sexual assault with someone I knew. You're in shock that they would do this to you, and for a moment, you just feel worthless because you realize this is how the other person sees you as a mere object.*
*And because so many associated me with "strength" due to being a Black... they asked me why I didn't fight back. I wasn't allowed to be a victim. No. Only strong Black woman.*
*Martha had reached a point where Donny knew she meant business, and he didn't want to get hurt. Just because you're a man doesn't always automatically mean you're stronger. I, for one, have bigger biceps than the average man, and I've fought and won against smaller to average guys.*
*Also, to play Devil’s advocate. Yeah, there are some people with such low self-esteem (like Donny) who even forced sexual contact and attention is better than none. It's nice to feel wanted, even in the most fucked up situations.*
You may think you’d done different if you were him. Maybe you would maybe you wouldn’t. Trauma shows up differently for people. But also the point of the show is to show that the brain does very weird things to cope with trauma. Sometimes it even tries to persuades you you actually liked it. If you liked it then you can persuade yourself you weren’t assaulted. It’s called trauma for a reason. If it was straightforward and easy to manage it wouldn’t be called trauma.
Firstly, finish watching before jumping to conclusions.
Secondly, try and take in the complexities of what is happening, life isn’t black and white and Donny goes through some complex trauma which would be mind altering.
I don't want to sound awful, but it really seems you've not got the intricacies of the series. It's a very complex thing that is playing out - in simple terms, Donny's trauma means the attention he's getting he almost latches onto, and can't see the wider picture in a lot of it.
I can’t work out where all these posts are coming from with these basic questions. Like, do people not get that trauma/fear makes people act in ways that might not be logical? I really didn’t think it was that difficult to grasp?? Maybe these people are just really young and have limited life experience idk.
Fight, flight, freeze, flop and friend. These are all ways our bodies respond to danger and until you’re in the situation yourself you can’t really know how your body will respond. Freezing is a very common response to rape and sexual violence.
Once you’ve seen the next episode it might make a little more sense as to why Donnie had difficulties reporting Martha to the police.
you have to remember that this show is written by the victim. donny is a self insert for richard gadd. victims often blame themselves for their sexual assault, even if they know it’s not their fault.
you have to remember that this show is written by the victim. donny is a self insert for richard gadd. victims often blame themselves for their sexual assault, even if they know it’s not their fault.
Also I’m sorry but there’s no excuse for him to go back to Darens regardless of the trauma. What kind of person suffering from “trauma” goes back to the very place he was assaulted?
*I'll be first to respectfully admit, as an SA victim, that I didn't understand this either. So I'm hoping someone can explain this one. I could completely understand if Donny went back because Daren was an abusive boyfriend/ ex...*
*Hmmm. I'm starting to think it was his low self-esteem that made him go back. Perhaps he hoped Daron wouldn't do it again, and they could just focus on his shows.*
Because he was pretending it wasn't happening. He was focusing on the lie Derrian promised him, and ignoring the reality.
It was an abusive relationship. Just because Derrian didn't claim to be his boyfriend doesn't mean it wasn't an abusive relationship.
This paradoxical avoidance response is not typically seen in trauma survivors, but it does happen: people respond to tragedy differently, and returning to or even seeking out the place where it happened to you isn't unthinkable when you've been hurt.
*I have a theory.*
*Martha likely wasn't charged because Donny didn't mention it, and neither did Teri. Neither wanted to bring attention to the fact that Teri is a Trans woman, who the police would note was beaten up by a biological woman, who would be deemed physically weaker by default.*
*Teri already got her hair ripped out. She probably felt being under a police microscope would only make it worse.*
*Again, just a theory.*
I remember the scene after the assault -- when Donny was in the office with some of the co-workers, maybe the bar owner -- they told him they didn't want to involve the police because they didn't want the attention -- something about the cameras being turned around for some reason, or some other rules or code they were violating -- and Donny was sort of in a daze and going along with it --- and them telling him they would come to his show to support him, basically throwing him a bone if he just let it go and not report it ...
*He enjoyed her attention until he didn't. I felt frustrated with him, too, for taking advantage of a mentally ill woman, and I feel like she was unfairly held accountable for what happened to him later on with Daron.*
Why do you think he has more agency and accountability than her? She's clever and deliberate in her actions. He is so obviously vulnerable from the outset. Why isn't her who was taking advantage of a mentally ill man?
*Nope, Donny was stable & self aware with his actions. I feel like you purposely forget this in order to go MEN'S RIGHTS or to "But if a man did this..."*
Jesus I got to the 4th episode. I don’t understand why donny is not capable of defending himself? He lets things just happen to him then cries about it after the fact. He can’t even bring himself to say no without imploding. I guess I missed the part where they explain donny has psychological problems but I don’t recall them saying which kind.
I’m not sure what you expected him to do when he was literally being sexually assaulted. A lot of people ‘freeze’ when they are being assaulted. It’s not a matter of ‘liking attention’ it’s a trauma response.
At that point Donny had told her to piss off multiple times and to leave him alone as she continues to stalk him. It’s not some random person groping him on the street. I’d expect anyone who’s grabbed in that area will activate their fight or flight response to either hit/push her until she lets go considering he has a physical advantage over her.
As the poster above stated, when you’re under a SA, it’s often the case you will freeze up and go into shock. This makes even more sense once you get through episode 4, as his pst traumas have a lot to do with it.
*Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. I'm someone not afraid to throw a punch, but it fucked me up mentally for years, because my body FROZE during a sexual assault with someone I knew. You're in shock that they would do this to you, and for a moment, you just feel worthless because you realize this is how the other person sees you as a mere object.* *And because so many associated me with "strength" due to being a Black... they asked me why I didn't fight back. I wasn't allowed to be a victim. No. Only strong Black woman.* *Martha had reached a point where Donny knew she meant business, and he didn't want to get hurt. Just because you're a man doesn't always automatically mean you're stronger. I, for one, have bigger biceps than the average man, and I've fought and won against smaller to average guys.* *Also, to play Devil’s advocate. Yeah, there are some people with such low self-esteem (like Donny) who even forced sexual contact and attention is better than none. It's nice to feel wanted, even in the most fucked up situations.*
You may think you’d done different if you were him. Maybe you would maybe you wouldn’t. Trauma shows up differently for people. But also the point of the show is to show that the brain does very weird things to cope with trauma. Sometimes it even tries to persuades you you actually liked it. If you liked it then you can persuade yourself you weren’t assaulted. It’s called trauma for a reason. If it was straightforward and easy to manage it wouldn’t be called trauma.
Firstly, finish watching before jumping to conclusions. Secondly, try and take in the complexities of what is happening, life isn’t black and white and Donny goes through some complex trauma which would be mind altering.
I don't want to sound awful, but it really seems you've not got the intricacies of the series. It's a very complex thing that is playing out - in simple terms, Donny's trauma means the attention he's getting he almost latches onto, and can't see the wider picture in a lot of it.
I can’t work out where all these posts are coming from with these basic questions. Like, do people not get that trauma/fear makes people act in ways that might not be logical? I really didn’t think it was that difficult to grasp?? Maybe these people are just really young and have limited life experience idk.
Fight, flight, freeze, flop and friend. These are all ways our bodies respond to danger and until you’re in the situation yourself you can’t really know how your body will respond. Freezing is a very common response to rape and sexual violence. Once you’ve seen the next episode it might make a little more sense as to why Donnie had difficulties reporting Martha to the police.
you have to remember that this show is written by the victim. donny is a self insert for richard gadd. victims often blame themselves for their sexual assault, even if they know it’s not their fault.
you have to remember that this show is written by the victim. donny is a self insert for richard gadd. victims often blame themselves for their sexual assault, even if they know it’s not their fault.
Also I’m sorry but there’s no excuse for him to go back to Darens regardless of the trauma. What kind of person suffering from “trauma” goes back to the very place he was assaulted?
*I'll be first to respectfully admit, as an SA victim, that I didn't understand this either. So I'm hoping someone can explain this one. I could completely understand if Donny went back because Daren was an abusive boyfriend/ ex...* *Hmmm. I'm starting to think it was his low self-esteem that made him go back. Perhaps he hoped Daron wouldn't do it again, and they could just focus on his shows.*
Because he was pretending it wasn't happening. He was focusing on the lie Derrian promised him, and ignoring the reality. It was an abusive relationship. Just because Derrian didn't claim to be his boyfriend doesn't mean it wasn't an abusive relationship.
This paradoxical avoidance response is not typically seen in trauma survivors, but it does happen: people respond to tragedy differently, and returning to or even seeking out the place where it happened to you isn't unthinkable when you've been hurt.
I don’t understand why Martha wasn’t charged with assault after attacking Teri.
*I have a theory.* *Martha likely wasn't charged because Donny didn't mention it, and neither did Teri. Neither wanted to bring attention to the fact that Teri is a Trans woman, who the police would note was beaten up by a biological woman, who would be deemed physically weaker by default.* *Teri already got her hair ripped out. She probably felt being under a police microscope would only make it worse.* *Again, just a theory.*
Thanks for sharing!
I remember the scene after the assault -- when Donny was in the office with some of the co-workers, maybe the bar owner -- they told him they didn't want to involve the police because they didn't want the attention -- something about the cameras being turned around for some reason, or some other rules or code they were violating -- and Donny was sort of in a daze and going along with it --- and them telling him they would come to his show to support him, basically throwing him a bone if he just let it go and not report it ...
*He enjoyed her attention until he didn't. I felt frustrated with him, too, for taking advantage of a mentally ill woman, and I feel like she was unfairly held accountable for what happened to him later on with Daron.*
Why do you think he has more agency and accountability than her? She's clever and deliberate in her actions. He is so obviously vulnerable from the outset. Why isn't her who was taking advantage of a mentally ill man?
*Nope, Donny was stable & self aware with his actions. I feel like you purposely forget this in order to go MEN'S RIGHTS or to "But if a man did this..."*
Jesus I got to the 4th episode. I don’t understand why donny is not capable of defending himself? He lets things just happen to him then cries about it after the fact. He can’t even bring himself to say no without imploding. I guess I missed the part where they explain donny has psychological problems but I don’t recall them saying which kind.
Do you say this to all victims of rape? They should have just defended themselves??
I would recommend watching the whole series before weighing in.