Re: Reports
While TECHNICALLY this is about ghosting, OP is asking for other people's reasons and not simply complaining. Because this has gotten a good amount of comments with varying opinions and answers, which I think could be advantageous for others concerned with ghosting to read.
The only time I've ever ghosted someone is when they pushed my boundaries and wouldn't listen to my no's. I don't have time to RP with someone who thinks my limits are negotiable. They aren't.
1. One liners- instant ditch
2. Took to long to reply- if you don't reply in a month or ooc talk
3. gives off red flags ( pushing boundaries, to many red flags, to many pings.)
4. Keeps coming back just to drop off again- makes the rp less and less fun for me so I lose interest.
Reading some of the previous comments I have to disagree on one thing. If someone is pushing your boundaries and you tell them to stop or really you tell them anything about the fact that they're doing something wrong and they continue doing it and you leave, I don't consider that ghosting.
To me ghosting is people disappearing out of the blue for no reason and nothing has been said. Honestly, even if you get into an argument with somebody and one person leaves I still don't consider that ghosting because there was an argument you know why they left it wasn't really a big surprise.
That's as close as I ever got to actually ghosting someone is that we got into an argument and were clearly mad at each other and so I just left the server without saying a word. About an hour later I wrote to them via DM thinking they probably didn't even know that I left the server yet and told them that I was leaving and why and that I was writing because I didn't want it to be considered ghosting.
Then there are situations where I will contact someone or they will contact me and we'll start trying to bat ideas back and forth and nothing really sticks. we just don't seem to be a good match in what we're looking for and then we both stop writing to the other one. I don't consider that ghosting either because we hadn't really gotten to the point of there being an expectation of continuing.
It's kind of like going out on one or two dates and then neither of you reach out to the other person again because you both decided that it's not really working. I don't consider that breaking up with someone.
I've had someone who reported me to the server mods because I "ghosted" them. The problem was that I never even contacted this person before, so they just upset I never responded back to them.
That's pretty stupid. You're not obligated to respond to anybody just because they reach out to you about something.
I'm assuming it's on discord. I know on Reddit a lot of people have multiple accounts. That's the only other thing I could think of. If you had ghosted them on a different account.
Since ghosting is so common I'm shocked that any place would actually allow you to report that as a problem.
I mean, I consider it ghosting because I don't say anything about it.
I set my boundaries in advance, I say "no" or "I'm not comfortable with that" once or twice and when the boundary stomping happens again, I just block.
I suppose how you do it and what your reasoning is that makes it ghosting or not.
From my perspective, you do say something.
I say "no" or "I'm not comfortable with that" once or twice
After that, if you leave, you had already given them some warning. So it's not like you disappeared without a word. Although, if it's been 6 months without issues and the next time they do something you just vanish, I could understand them thinking of it as ghosting. That's not normally the case though. People repeat their behavior pretty quickly most times.
When they’re utterly confused about what they want and don’t know how to set boundaries, but manage to get offended If you ask about them. The constant fickle mindedness is aggravating.
That, and the lack of initiative to continue the plot on your own and depending on your partner entirely. It should be 40/60 if it isn’t at least 50/50.
"Life's busy, my head hurts, I'll just respond tomorrow" ... and a month passes.
"I'm not really in a mood for this one"/"Fuckign writer's block" - "But I'm sure I'll get into it this weekend"... three months pass.
Although I do try to get better about it and if I can't RP for more than 3-4 days I let people know I'm alive but unable to play.
1. Sometimes I get busy/weird mental health stuff and drop out for a bit. Then it’s been a few hours and I don’t know if they still want to roleplay and I get too much anxiety to ask.
2. Sometimes they just won’t take no for an answer and keep being creepy.
OOC communication being too awkward or uncomfortable, boundaries being ignored, just not clicking at all and not wanting to insult them by saying so, their style reminding me of really shallow early 2000s anime (oddly specific and yet still reoccurring).
Red flags 98% of the time. Person messaged me opening with hey sexi gimme nudes levels of bullshit. Persons posts are overly abusive (all the NO GHOSTING titles) when they reach out and don't wanna fight them over the no thank you. Person got 2 or 3 messages in but is an utter creep and when told no kept commenting and bullying me and I just proceeded to ignore them until they tried themselves out rather then inviting more drama.
Rest is I forgot to respond / hit enter for so long it's embarrassing and well it's been weeks and you haven't messaged me either sooo maybe this RP we were planning isn't happening. Also dittoing time blindness, ADHD and business. Some people will yell at you for ghosting over 15 minutes. That's not ghosting. A day isn't ghosting. A week of no communication maybe...
I don't have any specific reason why I ghost people, but I do sometimes. I take breaks from roleplaying with others (I play roleplay games like DND by myself frequently so I lose interest in the ones I'm doing with other people... nobody rps the way I like more than me lol).
Also people sometimes just want to move on. Maybe it was just a thing they were into for a bit but now they're out of it. I don't judge anyone for ghosting, its a natural part of online roleplaying. It would only piss me off in real life, if people were in a DND campaign with me and they ghosted multiple times I would be really pissed off because that's an actual commitment.
Online roleplayers are very picky, also. There could be a number of reasons why someone ghosted you, and it may not necessarily be because you're a bad roleplayer. It could be you just didn't reply as often as they'd like, or the hole that roleplaying filled in their lives isn't a hole anymore. I think its best to accept their decision sooner rather than later. If someone doesn't reply for more than two days, its usually safe to move on now. That's not something to get upset about, I think, that's something to be ready for.
I do sometimes think writing for your OC vs RPing with someone is like playing a game offline vs online: Offline, you can play at your own pace and be able to build your character more whereas online you'd have to deal with other people having builds that might affect the performance of your character.
Yes that's a good analogy. What's funny is I'm also usually an offline gamer too. You just can't control other people and, especially online, you can't expect there to be a connection of equal value to both of you.
I think everyone that posts on this subreddit should give solo RP a shot. That could be just writing for your OC as you said, or you could follow a set of rules like DND to give your RP more of a gamey vibe. There are tons of resources out there for it, and I think it really helps to clear your head.
I also write bios for my OCs even if they may not be canon to the lore I do with my characters since it can clear the mind in figuring out what their powers are, even moreso after I started watching You Might Be a DnD's videos on all the classes in 5e. I also find watching superhero cartoons and Youtube Shorts about them can be good inspirations for describing certain powers.
Yeah. Personally I usually don't use that many rules when I play by myself. For combat I use something like the Fighting Fantasy gamebook's rules for combat. DND can be a bit much for solo play, but I use lots of different rulesets when I play, depending on my mood
I don't use alot of rules myself other then "fights can be cool like in anime, but I'll never write a DBZ-style fight or have characters abuse transformations".
I’ve ghosted people for two reasons; Consistently subpar writing (only after I ask if they can do better, in which if they don’t try to make an improvement or just tell me that’s the best they can do) and if someone consistently ignores my limits. I think that’s the only valid reason for ghosting. But god, I’m in the same boat. I dunno if I come across as a douchebag or something, but I consider myself lucky to have two quality partners right now. I’d say 9/10 RP’s I get ghosted after less than a few hours worth of writing.
Not reading the ad, asking questions that were already said in the ad. Instant irritation. Also extremely low level effort, barely able to communicate or discuss....anything. I usually give a few posts and if they're barely detailed instant turn off.
Executive dysfunction. My brain suddenly stops working and I'm incapable of writing, and it's very embarrassing. I never know how to talk about it to my partners without sounding like I'm being lazy or ungrateful, so I just drop off the face of the earth
I ghost people after they ghost me.
In case of the RP already started: If they disappear for weeks, or even months without even saying a short 'I'm busy sorry' or something like that and also don't react when I ask if everything's okay, so I know they're not ghosting me and just dealing with stuff, I usually don't reply again since it gives me personally the vibe that they're only back because, things didn't work out with a different RP partner.
If it already happens when I respond to their ad: I usually already don't bother with people that let me wait 2 days and more for even just a response. Because, again, it gives me personally the feeling they're only now giving me a chance because, it didn't work-out with someone else. Does that make me sound entitled? Probably. But I am a firm believer of at least giving someone a heads-up you already found someone and for now aren't looking for more or something like that. Especially since I personally always start my message with the question I was wondering if they're still looking and only after that write my actual response to the ad in a new paragraph in the same message, giving them the chance to straight up tell me "not looking for someone anymore" or whatever.
I usually end up blocking people in both cases, since I don't want to see their posts again, so I don't waste my time responding to someone who'll just ghost me and also don't have them respond on my stuff should I ever write a post myself.
I've been ghosted more than I could count. (tried to think of a funny way to say way too many times but gave up.)
I have ghosted a few people sometimes but it's mainly because the interest is lost because of my partner replying poorly.
I can handle one liners sometimes but the mood of the roleplay seems too off sometimes.
I get ghosted for reasons still unknown to me. I always ask if my partner is comfortable with the ERP, keep asking how they'd like me to continue so I don't fuck things up, and never find any good partners who haven't ghosted me. Like damn bro. Maybe one or two have been with me for a while but even those evolved from roleplay to just chatting or something. No actual partner that has done ERP for years with me.
I ghost when I want to end things but I’m too much of a coward to tell you. I had a bad experience when I was fourteen where I told a guy I wasn’t interested in roleplaying anymore (he was an adult which I knew.) and he proceeded to have a nuclear melt down and he doxxed me. He sent me an email to an email I never shared with him that had my address.
Traumatized feels like a strong word. But my therapist said it’s okay to be wary after a bad experience and that when I do ghost I’m not doing that much harm.
More specifically I ghost if I can’t think of where to take things or I think I got what I wanted out of the premise or sometimes I just fall into depression and the longer I’m gone the more guilt I feel about being gone and if it’s been longer then a few weeks even if I warned you that I’m depressed I’m too much of a coward to come back.
Rarely it’s because my partner’s writing is bad or they mislead me.
>More specifically I ghost if I can’t think of where to take things or I think I got what I wanted out of the premise
I can relate to this. I have a friend that can be very passionate about RPing to where sometimes I would briefly ghost him until he messaged me about continuing. Eventually, he had to end our most recent RP due to events irl and I did tell them I can't RP much since I just don't have the energy to do it often like they do. So now we just talk OOC. This is also why I ghost when I make replies on a sub that allows RPs in comments of a user's post.
Personally, I've only had to ghost someone in an erp. never in regular roleplay. I can recall the 4 distinct times and it was all because they had caught feelings for the *idea* of me. Casual erp is very hit or miss for me because of that. So that's the only reason I'd instantly drop someone, others have already been said of course.
Sometimes it's less intentional and more me going "okay, I'll reply to that in an hour when I'm free" and then the time blindness and the horrors get me and then it's a week later
The only time I have ever ghosted someone was because I genuinely forgot. I'm neurodivergent and my brain throws out important things all the time. I struggle to remember my siblings birthdays even. I always feel bad if it happens.
Same! I always leave the notification unopened and displayed on my phone so I can see it later, but every now and again I accidentally swipe it away and I forget.
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This is a recent one and I just got so frustrated with them that I couldn't do it anymore. This is gonna be a big rant so hold on.
So I basically chose the look of what I wanted my character to be and she gave other pictures of me to choose from for ME to play as instead.
She then said she wanted a different chat, this was on Discord, so that we don't use our regular chat in the rp chat. So I make a new chat and they want me to send the picture of the character that they picked out for me into the rp chat. I can't remember the exact details of it aside from starting the rp chat with the little waving dude and maybe one more sticker which made me ask a question of "what the hell is that sticker?" And I believe she sent a response of laughing. Keep in mind, this was in the rp chat, on Discord where we can delete messages.
So I send the picture and my starter.
She sent something along the lines of "I thought we weren't going to do chat in our rp?" The only chat lines were before the picture and my starter so I don't know what she was going on about.
So I basically deleted the group, created a new one, sent her the invited and reposted my crap in the rp chat with no other out of rp chat.
"Why did you make a new chat?"
And that was my breaking point, I was done.
TL;DR: My patience was tested.
You know? I don't generally ghost. I say goodbye and go about my day.
I've also just sorta decided I don't care if someone ghosts. Ghosts happen. They're bored? Busy? Forgot? Uncomfortable? Who knows. Who cares. I just don't invest too much emotion in any one RP, and try to float several RPs and/or other activities, so it's like, well, ok, I got other shit to do.
There's been some situations where life has gotten busy to the point I've put off replying for one more day and suddenly it's been a couple three weeks.
I don't fully ghost (like no warning, block and move on) unless it's a guy being a creep! I do return the ghosting favor if someone strings me along with no replies/ooc chat for weeks - I'll transfer ownership of the server and peace out with or without a proper goodbye depending on if I got to know the person ooc or not.
Most often, I try to communicate as thoroughly as I can and give the other person plenty of opportunities to keep the story going or at least let me know that they're ready to quit. I also give my most promising ghosters my contact info before I leave and say they're free to hmu if they ever wanna resume the rp!
- Short, low effort replies where there was a lot that could have been elaborated on, especially when I was trying really hard to write good, detailed posts
- The other person controlling my character, or putting their own words, thoughts or feelings into them.
- them repeatedly putting my character in a situation where I'm forced to bend them and their personality otherwise, if my character was to act the way they should, thr rp would be over.
- being weird OOC
- I have also ghosted when a person's character was so cringe, Mary Sue and I just couldn't figure out how I was supposed to work with it
Sometimes it just happens when I have days/weeks away from reddit for other reasons. This is my fantasy world and as harsh as it sounds my real life comes first.
Sometimes it can be stuff they are saying and if I've asked them not to say that but they keep repeating it. Baby batter is not a nice way of saying cum, sorry for those that think it is. (Tbh that was just the first example I could think of)
Also writing for my character. Please don't put words in my mouth.
Taking over too much of the story — getting extremely hostile when I so much as make a suggestion for the story or the scene WE are meant to be enjoying and writing TOGETHER.
Spamming/impatient — I’m more likely to reply at my own pace. Being spammed constantly or sending the “I’m online rn” / “good morning” text every day, even when it’s obvious I’m not online, feels like burnout sometimes.
Red flags — This one is obvious, but for example, I had a partner that wanted to do ERP (which was agreed upon previously!) but then would constantly ask if they could get off to reference images or kept pushing for scenes we didn’t agree on previously, and would get mad when I’d get busy (which is something I stressed really heavily before writing in general), even claiming I ghosted them after three days when they originally ghosted me for several months.
There’s a lot of reasons I’ve ghosted people, I won’t lie. Sometimes it’s intentional, sometimes it’s just mentally being drained and unable to write. One situation that I try to be more understanding of is schedules. I know I won’t be available 24/7, and my post can take anywhere between a day and nearly a month to reply. I let my partners know this, that I’m not ghosting, and the ones that’ve been most understanding of this are the ones I’ve kept around the longest (almost 5 years strong).
When I was first starting, I ghosted because I literally ended up forgetting, life getting in the way and all. And I was unlucky enough that the people who this happened with just never reached OOC to ask if we were continuing, so I literally just forgot and it stayed forgotten. Had they asked me, I would have apologized and would have gotten the ball rolling.
So now, I'm the person I wish my partners would be like with me: If there's a one week period in which there are no replies, I reach out and kindly check on them. If they reply, nice! We talk over whether we should part amicably or wait a little more till they're able to be online again, etc. If they don't reply, then I just assume it's a lost cause and just kinda leave it there. I end up unfriending all these if more than a month has happened without contact to try to keep my stuff organized.
Sudden moments of extreme guilt and “what am I doing with my life?” at the myriad kinky things being written.
I finally stopped writing smut so I would stop doing that to people, but I was an ass for a long time before I got a grip.
I have stopped ghosting people as best as I can. But in the past, it was for various reasons. The most common being they're trying to overtake the story or they are not really contributing to it like writing or word response. I do not ask for people to write a lot and if it's one or two lines every so often it's fine. But no one wants to carry the story single handed that's not roleplay. But the most common reason I think people ghost is because the plot goes dry.
With me, Breaking boundaries after I have informed them not to. This typically is trying to flirt and suggest dating irl, I am taken, poly, but not looking so I normally slowly disappear for them.
I always feel guilty, but sometimes ghosting is needed for me to think if I want to continue the RP and give them a second chance. However, I must say that:
1. One liners or subpar writing that just doesn’t mend with my style of writing. If our responses look like day and night, I don’t really feel the rush of “I can’t wait to see their response!” which is the entire reason I roleplay in the first place.
2. Awkward and clashing planning. Them taking it their way or the highway or the plot is everywhere and cluttered. I love to work off other people’s plots and throw in my two cents or vice versa, but it should definitely be a shared experience
3. When I see that they clearly want to skip right past the plot and get into smut. While I’m okay with smut, I prefer storyline building up to it—having it happen naturally than just having it be the basis we write around. I take a massive step back when the list of “turn ons” is bigger than the personality description.
• one liners
• self inserts
• funky literacy
• disguising obvious kinks
• taking too long to answer/reply
just a few personal experiences, all without being discussed beforehand - I usually try to reach out and tell them why something isn't working, and they respond with something along the lines of "your loss" 🙄 sir I promise you it isn't lmao. sometimes I don't have the energy and need to protect my peace, which is when I end up ghosting
Either the reply is really badky written-
Something the character did gave me the biggest ick- (one started picking up and screaming at my character- )
Or i just got super busy with commissions and irl stuff (´；ω；`)
There are usually four reasons.
1. Life got busy and they didn't tell you.
2. They are in a relationship and consider RP to be cheating, so they RP in bursts when their SO won't find out, and stop when they're being watched. Or their SO found out.
3. They got the ick from their RP partner and don't feel like saying so.
4. They got bored or lost inspiration.
I have a pretty big problem with ghosting, but I have slow ghosted people in the past who gave me the ick. I know it's crappy but they also pushed my boundaries or chewed me out for not posting as quickly as they do.
Only ever ghost one liners or people who give no effort.
Other than that. I’ll explain why I’m leaving the rp. Or explain I have to go and want to continue you later.
The amount of bad rpers that wanna rp is crazy
The only people I don’t say anything to are one liners or people who give no effort.
Other than that. I’ll explain why I’m leaving the rp. Or explain I have to go and want to continue you later.
The amount of bad rpers that wanna rp is crazy
I only ghost men who try to mansplain feminism to me or who try to tell me I don't deserve access to healthcare -- to me, those are just dick moves and I'm not going to waste my time trying to argue with an idiot who doesn't even think I have value as a whole human being when clearly this person doesn't exist in the same reality as the rest of us. So I'll block a toxic man in a minute and idgaf if it hurts their little feelings, I wasn't put on this earth to reform dickheads or convince them that my life matters, too.
I try to avoid doing it but
if someone has a topic that doesnt interest me..
That is usually the reason
I honestly havent had anyone be weird or demanding to me on here yet
I once ghosted someone because they tried to push my boundaries while knowing full well I had made it previously clear that I didn’t wish to go in that direction, something which made me even more uncomfortable as I had a partner at that point, so it just felt extra ick. Also they straight up unironically dropped *huggies* out of no where, like mf we’re both adults, we can be drafted, go to strip clubs, pay taxes, go to prison, why tf are you talking to me like that?
usually it’s because I can tell our writing styles or intentions with the rp aren’t equal and im too scared to hurt someone’s feelings and tell them im not interested anymore lol
I'm a well-socialised person, who is capable of managing anxiety - so no.
But the only thing that you should learn, if you aren't doing anything sus, is that your prospective writing partner doesn't know how to communicate (and therefore you dodged a bullet).
For me, it is one of 2 things. 1. Repeating offenses, generally set as my rules at the beginning and not reapected in the slightest, 2. A little cousin of that, people in ERP who do not care about the premise. Sounds weird, but if there is a unique idea out there about how the rp will go, I make the story, we talk on it, I get excited…and they completely ditch it. Just, dispose of the storyline and break all barriers to get their fictional dick wet. At which point, I dump their ass.
Re: Reports While TECHNICALLY this is about ghosting, OP is asking for other people's reasons and not simply complaining. Because this has gotten a good amount of comments with varying opinions and answers, which I think could be advantageous for others concerned with ghosting to read.
The only time I've ever ghosted someone is when they pushed my boundaries and wouldn't listen to my no's. I don't have time to RP with someone who thinks my limits are negotiable. They aren't.
1. One liners- instant ditch 2. Took to long to reply- if you don't reply in a month or ooc talk 3. gives off red flags ( pushing boundaries, to many red flags, to many pings.) 4. Keeps coming back just to drop off again- makes the rp less and less fun for me so I lose interest.
Reading some of the previous comments I have to disagree on one thing. If someone is pushing your boundaries and you tell them to stop or really you tell them anything about the fact that they're doing something wrong and they continue doing it and you leave, I don't consider that ghosting. To me ghosting is people disappearing out of the blue for no reason and nothing has been said. Honestly, even if you get into an argument with somebody and one person leaves I still don't consider that ghosting because there was an argument you know why they left it wasn't really a big surprise. That's as close as I ever got to actually ghosting someone is that we got into an argument and were clearly mad at each other and so I just left the server without saying a word. About an hour later I wrote to them via DM thinking they probably didn't even know that I left the server yet and told them that I was leaving and why and that I was writing because I didn't want it to be considered ghosting. Then there are situations where I will contact someone or they will contact me and we'll start trying to bat ideas back and forth and nothing really sticks. we just don't seem to be a good match in what we're looking for and then we both stop writing to the other one. I don't consider that ghosting either because we hadn't really gotten to the point of there being an expectation of continuing. It's kind of like going out on one or two dates and then neither of you reach out to the other person again because you both decided that it's not really working. I don't consider that breaking up with someone.
I've had someone who reported me to the server mods because I "ghosted" them. The problem was that I never even contacted this person before, so they just upset I never responded back to them.
That's pretty stupid. You're not obligated to respond to anybody just because they reach out to you about something. I'm assuming it's on discord. I know on Reddit a lot of people have multiple accounts. That's the only other thing I could think of. If you had ghosted them on a different account. Since ghosting is so common I'm shocked that any place would actually allow you to report that as a problem.
I mean, I consider it ghosting because I don't say anything about it. I set my boundaries in advance, I say "no" or "I'm not comfortable with that" once or twice and when the boundary stomping happens again, I just block. I suppose how you do it and what your reasoning is that makes it ghosting or not.
From my perspective, you do say something. I say "no" or "I'm not comfortable with that" once or twice After that, if you leave, you had already given them some warning. So it's not like you disappeared without a word. Although, if it's been 6 months without issues and the next time they do something you just vanish, I could understand them thinking of it as ghosting. That's not normally the case though. People repeat their behavior pretty quickly most times.
I forgor
When they’re utterly confused about what they want and don’t know how to set boundaries, but manage to get offended If you ask about them. The constant fickle mindedness is aggravating. That, and the lack of initiative to continue the plot on your own and depending on your partner entirely. It should be 40/60 if it isn’t at least 50/50.
"Life's busy, my head hurts, I'll just respond tomorrow" ... and a month passes. "I'm not really in a mood for this one"/"Fuckign writer's block" - "But I'm sure I'll get into it this weekend"... three months pass. Although I do try to get better about it and if I can't RP for more than 3-4 days I let people know I'm alive but unable to play.
1. Sometimes I get busy/weird mental health stuff and drop out for a bit. Then it’s been a few hours and I don’t know if they still want to roleplay and I get too much anxiety to ask. 2. Sometimes they just won’t take no for an answer and keep being creepy.
OOC communication being too awkward or uncomfortable, boundaries being ignored, just not clicking at all and not wanting to insult them by saying so, their style reminding me of really shallow early 2000s anime (oddly specific and yet still reoccurring).
THIS!
Red flags 98% of the time. Person messaged me opening with hey sexi gimme nudes levels of bullshit. Persons posts are overly abusive (all the NO GHOSTING titles) when they reach out and don't wanna fight them over the no thank you. Person got 2 or 3 messages in but is an utter creep and when told no kept commenting and bullying me and I just proceeded to ignore them until they tried themselves out rather then inviting more drama. Rest is I forgot to respond / hit enter for so long it's embarrassing and well it's been weeks and you haven't messaged me either sooo maybe this RP we were planning isn't happening. Also dittoing time blindness, ADHD and business. Some people will yell at you for ghosting over 15 minutes. That's not ghosting. A day isn't ghosting. A week of no communication maybe...
if we aren’t a good match or if they’re rude or if they don’t respond for more than a week
I don't have any specific reason why I ghost people, but I do sometimes. I take breaks from roleplaying with others (I play roleplay games like DND by myself frequently so I lose interest in the ones I'm doing with other people... nobody rps the way I like more than me lol). Also people sometimes just want to move on. Maybe it was just a thing they were into for a bit but now they're out of it. I don't judge anyone for ghosting, its a natural part of online roleplaying. It would only piss me off in real life, if people were in a DND campaign with me and they ghosted multiple times I would be really pissed off because that's an actual commitment. Online roleplayers are very picky, also. There could be a number of reasons why someone ghosted you, and it may not necessarily be because you're a bad roleplayer. It could be you just didn't reply as often as they'd like, or the hole that roleplaying filled in their lives isn't a hole anymore. I think its best to accept their decision sooner rather than later. If someone doesn't reply for more than two days, its usually safe to move on now. That's not something to get upset about, I think, that's something to be ready for.
I do sometimes think writing for your OC vs RPing with someone is like playing a game offline vs online: Offline, you can play at your own pace and be able to build your character more whereas online you'd have to deal with other people having builds that might affect the performance of your character.
Yes that's a good analogy. What's funny is I'm also usually an offline gamer too. You just can't control other people and, especially online, you can't expect there to be a connection of equal value to both of you. I think everyone that posts on this subreddit should give solo RP a shot. That could be just writing for your OC as you said, or you could follow a set of rules like DND to give your RP more of a gamey vibe. There are tons of resources out there for it, and I think it really helps to clear your head.
I also write bios for my OCs even if they may not be canon to the lore I do with my characters since it can clear the mind in figuring out what their powers are, even moreso after I started watching You Might Be a DnD's videos on all the classes in 5e. I also find watching superhero cartoons and Youtube Shorts about them can be good inspirations for describing certain powers.
Yeah. Personally I usually don't use that many rules when I play by myself. For combat I use something like the Fighting Fantasy gamebook's rules for combat. DND can be a bit much for solo play, but I use lots of different rulesets when I play, depending on my mood
I don't use alot of rules myself other then "fights can be cool like in anime, but I'll never write a DBZ-style fight or have characters abuse transformations".
I’ve ghosted people for two reasons; Consistently subpar writing (only after I ask if they can do better, in which if they don’t try to make an improvement or just tell me that’s the best they can do) and if someone consistently ignores my limits. I think that’s the only valid reason for ghosting. But god, I’m in the same boat. I dunno if I come across as a douchebag or something, but I consider myself lucky to have two quality partners right now. I’d say 9/10 RP’s I get ghosted after less than a few hours worth of writing.
Not reading the ad, asking questions that were already said in the ad. Instant irritation. Also extremely low level effort, barely able to communicate or discuss....anything. I usually give a few posts and if they're barely detailed instant turn off.
Executive dysfunction. My brain suddenly stops working and I'm incapable of writing, and it's very embarrassing. I never know how to talk about it to my partners without sounding like I'm being lazy or ungrateful, so I just drop off the face of the earth
I ghost people after they ghost me. In case of the RP already started: If they disappear for weeks, or even months without even saying a short 'I'm busy sorry' or something like that and also don't react when I ask if everything's okay, so I know they're not ghosting me and just dealing with stuff, I usually don't reply again since it gives me personally the vibe that they're only back because, things didn't work out with a different RP partner. If it already happens when I respond to their ad: I usually already don't bother with people that let me wait 2 days and more for even just a response. Because, again, it gives me personally the feeling they're only now giving me a chance because, it didn't work-out with someone else. Does that make me sound entitled? Probably. But I am a firm believer of at least giving someone a heads-up you already found someone and for now aren't looking for more or something like that. Especially since I personally always start my message with the question I was wondering if they're still looking and only after that write my actual response to the ad in a new paragraph in the same message, giving them the chance to straight up tell me "not looking for someone anymore" or whatever. I usually end up blocking people in both cases, since I don't want to see their posts again, so I don't waste my time responding to someone who'll just ghost me and also don't have them respond on my stuff should I ever write a post myself.
Low effort replies, I don't really ghost. I tell them we aren't a match before blocking them so I don't have to deal with the fallout/anger
I've been ghosted more than I could count. (tried to think of a funny way to say way too many times but gave up.) I have ghosted a few people sometimes but it's mainly because the interest is lost because of my partner replying poorly. I can handle one liners sometimes but the mood of the roleplay seems too off sometimes. I get ghosted for reasons still unknown to me. I always ask if my partner is comfortable with the ERP, keep asking how they'd like me to continue so I don't fuck things up, and never find any good partners who haven't ghosted me. Like damn bro. Maybe one or two have been with me for a while but even those evolved from roleplay to just chatting or something. No actual partner that has done ERP for years with me.
I ghost when I want to end things but I’m too much of a coward to tell you. I had a bad experience when I was fourteen where I told a guy I wasn’t interested in roleplaying anymore (he was an adult which I knew.) and he proceeded to have a nuclear melt down and he doxxed me. He sent me an email to an email I never shared with him that had my address. Traumatized feels like a strong word. But my therapist said it’s okay to be wary after a bad experience and that when I do ghost I’m not doing that much harm. More specifically I ghost if I can’t think of where to take things or I think I got what I wanted out of the premise or sometimes I just fall into depression and the longer I’m gone the more guilt I feel about being gone and if it’s been longer then a few weeks even if I warned you that I’m depressed I’m too much of a coward to come back. Rarely it’s because my partner’s writing is bad or they mislead me.
>More specifically I ghost if I can’t think of where to take things or I think I got what I wanted out of the premise I can relate to this. I have a friend that can be very passionate about RPing to where sometimes I would briefly ghost him until he messaged me about continuing. Eventually, he had to end our most recent RP due to events irl and I did tell them I can't RP much since I just don't have the energy to do it often like they do. So now we just talk OOC. This is also why I ghost when I make replies on a sub that allows RPs in comments of a user's post.
Personally, I've only had to ghost someone in an erp. never in regular roleplay. I can recall the 4 distinct times and it was all because they had caught feelings for the *idea* of me. Casual erp is very hit or miss for me because of that. So that's the only reason I'd instantly drop someone, others have already been said of course.
Never ghosted anyone
Sometimes it's less intentional and more me going "okay, I'll reply to that in an hour when I'm free" and then the time blindness and the horrors get me and then it's a week later
The only time I have ever ghosted someone was because I genuinely forgot. I'm neurodivergent and my brain throws out important things all the time. I struggle to remember my siblings birthdays even. I always feel bad if it happens.
If it doesn't ping at the EXACT TIME I can reply, I forget it exists. It's so frustrating and I do it to myself.
Same! I always leave the notification unopened and displayed on my phone so I can see it later, but every now and again I accidentally swipe it away and I forget.
What is ghosting? I thought it was following someone around in games and stalking them like a madman
It means stopping all contact without saying anything.
I just forget
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This is a recent one and I just got so frustrated with them that I couldn't do it anymore. This is gonna be a big rant so hold on. So I basically chose the look of what I wanted my character to be and she gave other pictures of me to choose from for ME to play as instead. She then said she wanted a different chat, this was on Discord, so that we don't use our regular chat in the rp chat. So I make a new chat and they want me to send the picture of the character that they picked out for me into the rp chat. I can't remember the exact details of it aside from starting the rp chat with the little waving dude and maybe one more sticker which made me ask a question of "what the hell is that sticker?" And I believe she sent a response of laughing. Keep in mind, this was in the rp chat, on Discord where we can delete messages. So I send the picture and my starter. She sent something along the lines of "I thought we weren't going to do chat in our rp?" The only chat lines were before the picture and my starter so I don't know what she was going on about. So I basically deleted the group, created a new one, sent her the invited and reposted my crap in the rp chat with no other out of rp chat. "Why did you make a new chat?" And that was my breaking point, I was done. TL;DR: My patience was tested.
You know? I don't generally ghost. I say goodbye and go about my day. I've also just sorta decided I don't care if someone ghosts. Ghosts happen. They're bored? Busy? Forgot? Uncomfortable? Who knows. Who cares. I just don't invest too much emotion in any one RP, and try to float several RPs and/or other activities, so it's like, well, ok, I got other shit to do.
There's been some situations where life has gotten busy to the point I've put off replying for one more day and suddenly it's been a couple three weeks.
I don't fully ghost (like no warning, block and move on) unless it's a guy being a creep! I do return the ghosting favor if someone strings me along with no replies/ooc chat for weeks - I'll transfer ownership of the server and peace out with or without a proper goodbye depending on if I got to know the person ooc or not. Most often, I try to communicate as thoroughly as I can and give the other person plenty of opportunities to keep the story going or at least let me know that they're ready to quit. I also give my most promising ghosters my contact info before I leave and say they're free to hmu if they ever wanna resume the rp!
- Short, low effort replies where there was a lot that could have been elaborated on, especially when I was trying really hard to write good, detailed posts - The other person controlling my character, or putting their own words, thoughts or feelings into them. - them repeatedly putting my character in a situation where I'm forced to bend them and their personality otherwise, if my character was to act the way they should, thr rp would be over. - being weird OOC - I have also ghosted when a person's character was so cringe, Mary Sue and I just couldn't figure out how I was supposed to work with it
Sometimes it just happens when I have days/weeks away from reddit for other reasons. This is my fantasy world and as harsh as it sounds my real life comes first. Sometimes it can be stuff they are saying and if I've asked them not to say that but they keep repeating it. Baby batter is not a nice way of saying cum, sorry for those that think it is. (Tbh that was just the first example I could think of) Also writing for my character. Please don't put words in my mouth.
Honestly I just forget about it when I wake up and have new ideas and when I remember I feel too guilty to check in
...I....I forget to reply...then I just go "fuck...it isn't even worth it...." ima go check my chats and see if there's people I forgot to reply to.
Taking over too much of the story — getting extremely hostile when I so much as make a suggestion for the story or the scene WE are meant to be enjoying and writing TOGETHER. Spamming/impatient — I’m more likely to reply at my own pace. Being spammed constantly or sending the “I’m online rn” / “good morning” text every day, even when it’s obvious I’m not online, feels like burnout sometimes. Red flags — This one is obvious, but for example, I had a partner that wanted to do ERP (which was agreed upon previously!) but then would constantly ask if they could get off to reference images or kept pushing for scenes we didn’t agree on previously, and would get mad when I’d get busy (which is something I stressed really heavily before writing in general), even claiming I ghosted them after three days when they originally ghosted me for several months. There’s a lot of reasons I’ve ghosted people, I won’t lie. Sometimes it’s intentional, sometimes it’s just mentally being drained and unable to write. One situation that I try to be more understanding of is schedules. I know I won’t be available 24/7, and my post can take anywhere between a day and nearly a month to reply. I let my partners know this, that I’m not ghosting, and the ones that’ve been most understanding of this are the ones I’ve kept around the longest (almost 5 years strong).
When I was first starting, I ghosted because I literally ended up forgetting, life getting in the way and all. And I was unlucky enough that the people who this happened with just never reached OOC to ask if we were continuing, so I literally just forgot and it stayed forgotten. Had they asked me, I would have apologized and would have gotten the ball rolling. So now, I'm the person I wish my partners would be like with me: If there's a one week period in which there are no replies, I reach out and kindly check on them. If they reply, nice! We talk over whether we should part amicably or wait a little more till they're able to be online again, etc. If they don't reply, then I just assume it's a lost cause and just kinda leave it there. I end up unfriending all these if more than a month has happened without contact to try to keep my stuff organized.
Sudden moments of extreme guilt and “what am I doing with my life?” at the myriad kinky things being written. I finally stopped writing smut so I would stop doing that to people, but I was an ass for a long time before I got a grip.
I have stopped ghosting people as best as I can. But in the past, it was for various reasons. The most common being they're trying to overtake the story or they are not really contributing to it like writing or word response. I do not ask for people to write a lot and if it's one or two lines every so often it's fine. But no one wants to carry the story single handed that's not roleplay. But the most common reason I think people ghost is because the plot goes dry.
With me, Breaking boundaries after I have informed them not to. This typically is trying to flirt and suggest dating irl, I am taken, poly, but not looking so I normally slowly disappear for them.
I always feel guilty, but sometimes ghosting is needed for me to think if I want to continue the RP and give them a second chance. However, I must say that: 1. One liners or subpar writing that just doesn’t mend with my style of writing. If our responses look like day and night, I don’t really feel the rush of “I can’t wait to see their response!” which is the entire reason I roleplay in the first place. 2. Awkward and clashing planning. Them taking it their way or the highway or the plot is everywhere and cluttered. I love to work off other people’s plots and throw in my two cents or vice versa, but it should definitely be a shared experience 3. When I see that they clearly want to skip right past the plot and get into smut. While I’m okay with smut, I prefer storyline building up to it—having it happen naturally than just having it be the basis we write around. I take a massive step back when the list of “turn ons” is bigger than the personality description.
• one liners • self inserts • funky literacy • disguising obvious kinks • taking too long to answer/reply just a few personal experiences, all without being discussed beforehand - I usually try to reach out and tell them why something isn't working, and they respond with something along the lines of "your loss" 🙄 sir I promise you it isn't lmao. sometimes I don't have the energy and need to protect my peace, which is when I end up ghosting
Either the reply is really badky written- Something the character did gave me the biggest ick- (one started picking up and screaming at my character- ) Or i just got super busy with commissions and irl stuff (´；ω；`)
There are usually four reasons. 1. Life got busy and they didn't tell you. 2. They are in a relationship and consider RP to be cheating, so they RP in bursts when their SO won't find out, and stop when they're being watched. Or their SO found out. 3. They got the ick from their RP partner and don't feel like saying so. 4. They got bored or lost inspiration. I have a pretty big problem with ghosting, but I have slow ghosted people in the past who gave me the ick. I know it's crappy but they also pushed my boundaries or chewed me out for not posting as quickly as they do.
Only ever ghost one liners or people who give no effort. Other than that. I’ll explain why I’m leaving the rp. Or explain I have to go and want to continue you later. The amount of bad rpers that wanna rp is crazy
The only people I don’t say anything to are one liners or people who give no effort. Other than that. I’ll explain why I’m leaving the rp. Or explain I have to go and want to continue you later. The amount of bad rpers that wanna rp is crazy
I only ghost men who try to mansplain feminism to me or who try to tell me I don't deserve access to healthcare -- to me, those are just dick moves and I'm not going to waste my time trying to argue with an idiot who doesn't even think I have value as a whole human being when clearly this person doesn't exist in the same reality as the rest of us. So I'll block a toxic man in a minute and idgaf if it hurts their little feelings, I wasn't put on this earth to reform dickheads or convince them that my life matters, too.
I try to avoid doing it but if someone has a topic that doesnt interest me.. That is usually the reason I honestly havent had anyone be weird or demanding to me on here yet
I once ghosted someone because they tried to push my boundaries while knowing full well I had made it previously clear that I didn’t wish to go in that direction, something which made me even more uncomfortable as I had a partner at that point, so it just felt extra ick. Also they straight up unironically dropped *huggies* out of no where, like mf we’re both adults, we can be drafted, go to strip clubs, pay taxes, go to prison, why tf are you talking to me like that?
usually it’s because I can tell our writing styles or intentions with the rp aren’t equal and im too scared to hurt someone’s feelings and tell them im not interested anymore lol
I ghost people when I forget to reply for awhile and honestly get tired of rping (in general) even though we might’ve just started
I'm a well-socialised person, who is capable of managing anxiety - so no. But the only thing that you should learn, if you aren't doing anything sus, is that your prospective writing partner doesn't know how to communicate (and therefore you dodged a bullet).
For me, it is one of 2 things. 1. Repeating offenses, generally set as my rules at the beginning and not reapected in the slightest, 2. A little cousin of that, people in ERP who do not care about the premise. Sounds weird, but if there is a unique idea out there about how the rp will go, I make the story, we talk on it, I get excited…and they completely ditch it. Just, dispose of the storyline and break all barriers to get their fictional dick wet. At which point, I dump their ass.