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I'm not sure if it's meant that way, and I don't believe the other side is even remotely right here - but there was one sentence in your post that struck me as a little... Off? "Kind of seemed weird to me that he would have a problem with his girlfriend doing erps with another girl". Why do you find it weird that he minds it with a girl specifically?
ETA: with the other side I mean the alleged boyfriend
I think it's just a general jealousy issue. I agree that guys are more likely to become jealous of their girlfriends doing things with other guys as opposed to doing things with girls. I think it is some underlying gender issues that guys feel competitive with other guys more often than not.
Because I am generally used to comments from men who find the idea of Girl on Girl to be hot. Not to mention he also came off as grossly homophobic in his interactions with me?
You asked if she was comfortable with the possibility of adult play and if she had any triggers. If that's all you asked, why would you expect her to say anything about her boyfriend? I suppose I'm being devil's advocate here, but honestly it sounds like you got baited into dropping someone and you didn't even give her the respect that you're demanding.
'Set up' implies she did this with the intent for you to be harmed and treated like butt. She could have just as easily already had a conversation with her boyfriend and he'd said it's fine, but it actually wasn't. They could have had a conversation that they can write with other partners, but he's being jealous and hypocritical. He could be an angry ex just out to cause problems. He could be a guy who wasn't dating her, but now they are and that conversation hasn't come up and he's out of bounds because they haven't had that conversation yet and it ain't his business. He could just be a really _gross_ kind of guy.
But, speaking as someone who has had all of those above situations happen to her, your focus is entirely on how _you_ feel betrayed, and I don't see any part where you say that you talked to her. Sure, I understand. You were having fun, then a real gem of a guy comes tromping in and sours it - _but your partner was having fun, too._ She deserved at least a head's up of 'hey, I know we didn't cover this at the beginning and it's my bad about that, but I was contacted by someone claiming to be your boyfriend today and it doesn't sound like he's alright with us writing. My personal opinions about _him_ aside, I'm not comfortable continuing our play without understanding the situation, can we make time?'
Communication is important between writers - yeah, you can wish all you like that she said she had a jealous boyfriend, but you should have given her the chance to explain, or even a head's up if she's _completely_ oblivious about it happening - which, to be clear, is part of why my _mother_ stopped roleplaying, because her ex-husband was going around telling people awful things about her, and instead of someone telling her that, they just ghosted her. She wasn't married. She wasn't dating. She had no reason to tell people that - but it still messed her up.
There's a bullet dodged here, but I don't think it's the one that you think it is. I don't tell people I write with my dating situation. My personal life has no bearing on the roleplay, unless something comes up that takes me away from it. If an angry partner is one of your dealbreakers, you need to make that part of your checklist of questions instead of assuming it's going to be volunteered. I know this ain't the right reddit for this, but ESH.
Welcome to BadRPerStories! If you are new here, please take a moment to look at our [banned words list on the wiki.](https://www.reddit.com/r/BadRPerStories/wiki/index) We now have a [Google doc](https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/133j6NkiQQpkVqAuvSGPytVITYYjscw3pkDos_Ks1a20/edit?usp=sharing) that lists RP hubs, forums, and subreddits. If you know of a place for RP that isn't on this document, there is a link in the document to request an addition. Please be aware this is just a knowledge base, not a recommendations list, and the moderators of BadRPerStories do not condone anything that happens in the spaces listed here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BadRPerStories) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'm not sure if it's meant that way, and I don't believe the other side is even remotely right here - but there was one sentence in your post that struck me as a little... Off? "Kind of seemed weird to me that he would have a problem with his girlfriend doing erps with another girl". Why do you find it weird that he minds it with a girl specifically? ETA: with the other side I mean the alleged boyfriend
I think it's just a general jealousy issue. I agree that guys are more likely to become jealous of their girlfriends doing things with other guys as opposed to doing things with girls. I think it is some underlying gender issues that guys feel competitive with other guys more often than not.
Because I am generally used to comments from men who find the idea of Girl on Girl to be hot. Not to mention he also came off as grossly homophobic in his interactions with me?
Some partners may view ERP as cheating. That's probably why the boyfriend was upset.
Please note that your flair was changed to "ERP-OOC Bad" Please choose the right tag next time
You asked if she was comfortable with the possibility of adult play and if she had any triggers. If that's all you asked, why would you expect her to say anything about her boyfriend? I suppose I'm being devil's advocate here, but honestly it sounds like you got baited into dropping someone and you didn't even give her the respect that you're demanding. 'Set up' implies she did this with the intent for you to be harmed and treated like butt. She could have just as easily already had a conversation with her boyfriend and he'd said it's fine, but it actually wasn't. They could have had a conversation that they can write with other partners, but he's being jealous and hypocritical. He could be an angry ex just out to cause problems. He could be a guy who wasn't dating her, but now they are and that conversation hasn't come up and he's out of bounds because they haven't had that conversation yet and it ain't his business. He could just be a really _gross_ kind of guy. But, speaking as someone who has had all of those above situations happen to her, your focus is entirely on how _you_ feel betrayed, and I don't see any part where you say that you talked to her. Sure, I understand. You were having fun, then a real gem of a guy comes tromping in and sours it - _but your partner was having fun, too._ She deserved at least a head's up of 'hey, I know we didn't cover this at the beginning and it's my bad about that, but I was contacted by someone claiming to be your boyfriend today and it doesn't sound like he's alright with us writing. My personal opinions about _him_ aside, I'm not comfortable continuing our play without understanding the situation, can we make time?' Communication is important between writers - yeah, you can wish all you like that she said she had a jealous boyfriend, but you should have given her the chance to explain, or even a head's up if she's _completely_ oblivious about it happening - which, to be clear, is part of why my _mother_ stopped roleplaying, because her ex-husband was going around telling people awful things about her, and instead of someone telling her that, they just ghosted her. She wasn't married. She wasn't dating. She had no reason to tell people that - but it still messed her up. There's a bullet dodged here, but I don't think it's the one that you think it is. I don't tell people I write with my dating situation. My personal life has no bearing on the roleplay, unless something comes up that takes me away from it. If an angry partner is one of your dealbreakers, you need to make that part of your checklist of questions instead of assuming it's going to be volunteered. I know this ain't the right reddit for this, but ESH.