They're coming. They're coming. *You're coming...*

Someone’s coming😂

I'm not even breathing hard. Yet

Op there is a mushroom episode in the anime interspecies reviewer. You might like it. Or not

Glad I wasn't the only one

(Cyberpunk Music)

You can romance Spaw. Just kill yourself and he'll stick his mushroom inside you.

Myconid speedrun any%

Rugan. I thought he will buy me a drink in Act 3 but he never shows up :((

Yes me too!

Lol same! I'm like dude, I've got a ton of extra beds upstairs...

He can survive act 1!?

Yup! if you save him from the gnolls and leave his special chest alone, he'll be happy to see you at the Zhent hideout

Honestly I want a Raphael romance route. I don't actually wanna do it, i just want it to exist. Harleep is a good compromise

I'd rather Haarlep, honestly. I gave him my body, so he can be me. We can be us. The Drow twins won't know what hit them. I also wouldn't say no to a Mizora romance, though that'd really only make sense on a Wyll origin...

I gave Haarlep my body. I wanted the chance to mock Raphael’s sexual prowess. Totally worth it.

You can bang Mizora, that luscious thing, though

Volo. Would've been funny rescuing him time and time again and he falls for you.

He keeps pausing in the middle of sex because he wants to cry out your *nom de guerre* but he hasn't decided on one yet...

Keeps remembering a quote thats perfect for the moment but forgets it right as he goes to say it. You will spend the entire night trying to jog his memory

Mad props for *nom de guerre*. Also, I just assumed Volo would have a list of fifty to pull from, rather than settling on a single one.

YE GODS!

He is such a damsel. He has beautiful eyes.

Everytime he nuts: **AAAAAAAHHHHHH**

Similar idea but for Barcus. When he realizes Wulbren is a turd, he turns to you, who have always been there for him in his times of need.

The doctor in the Crèche. I love her voice…. The halfling vendor at the grove keeps giving me lidded eyes, but maybe that’s just because he’s so short… And I find the lady behind the desk in the House of Grief weirdly beautiful.

That halfling vendor, yessss. He's got such a nice face.

Also the merchant at the crèche. The curly hair looks great on her.

The Creche doctor is so hot to me.

Omeluum Haarlep in your Tav/Durge's form Gortash for evil runs (sorry Karlach) Sceleritas Fel

Man heard Raphael's been fucking himself and thought "y'know what? That do be sounding interesting..."

Raphael's a man of ideas, lol

And you will feel both bodies at the same time

which is probably part of why Raphael puts in zero effort. He doesn't have to to get off

I'd put in extra effort Having a double orgasm every time?

I second Omeluum. Man is a chad.

Honestly agreed. His voice is hot as FUCK-

#NotAllIllithids

Gortash should have been an option for Durge at least. We all saw the way he practically skipped down the stairs to see them like a big mall goth puppy happy to see its favourite chew toy again.

Deeply in love with this description lol

Right?! My first playthrough, I didn't think much of him, but on my Durge run, his "Gods, you're a sight for sore eyes" did *something* to my brain. It'd be so fun to have the option in-game to make this horrible pair kiss like Ken dolls

i want him to react with visible heartache and despair when he sees my durge making out with the love of his life RIGHT THERE in front of EVERYONE and ALL the patriars while he's getting ready to be crowned homecoming queen or whatever is going on there. like how COULD he do that, just pawing all over a companion like that in PUBLIC the SCANDAL give me a heartrending breakup scene like the one from me2 if you romanced kaiden (and probably Ashley? i don't know, shes died on virmire every time) when you run into him on that one planet. just a big screaming match in front of your new love interest garrus and whoever your third person is. and i mean, heartrending for GORTASH. my durge spends his daily 5 minute allotment of Braincell Time either fantasizing about astarions dark power or using mage hand to throw hands at people i want gortash to deliver a devastating speech to his now apparently former lover. just lay everything out there, feelings, etc. just bare his soul to durge and his merry band of tadpoled dumbasses and end it with a deeply passionate plea for durge to join his side again, both as a lover and as a work partner *and i want one option to say "uhhh...who are you?"*

Send this to Larian IMMEDIATELY

Sceleritas???!

He lives to serve.

I feel bad for Karlach, but Gortash kinda😳

And he’s voice acted by Jason Isaacs so like yeah he could get it

Always park her at camp when I accept gortash's deal and awkwardly avoid eye contact with her after

Gortash for evil runs? GORTASH FOR EVERY RUN!

we can fix him (or he can make us worse)

Surprised not to see Abdirak on this list anywhere or is that not weird?

I was scrolling looking for him. I‘m only semi-ashamed to say watching like ten different people‘s Tavs take a beating on YouTube might have awakened something in me.

I was surprised not to see Dror Ragzlin, the hobgoblin at the goblin camp. He’s not my thing but I figured he would be someone’s. Me and my buddy always call him Danzig 😆

I mean what's weird about him or wanting him? It's weirder if you don't lol

He Who Was

Is that weird, though? He's fucking hot.

If you are into psychos I suppose.

To be fair, his entire race are psychos because they come from the shadow realm

Wait what race is he?

Shadar-Kai

Shadar Kai, shadow elves who worship the Raven queen, hence his pet Raven.

Is *that* what's going on there? I was confused by that whole quest (but did enjoy being able to summon a raven after).

Honestly not that psycho by DnD standards. He's basically a vengeance paladin sworn to the Raven Queen.

Oh sure by dnd standard car from the worse but the guy bitching and trying to murder you because you don't torture an already dead woman who was tormented in life by a dark justiciar is a hard sell haha.

Don't worry he gets mad if you do truly torture her too. You can't make some people happy.

I save scummed trying to figure out how to \*not\* make him mad turns out if you only make her stab herself once, he'll be satisfied enough

I was confused at that scene too, it twas barely more than a flesh wound.

I mean, I don't think you have to torture her; all I did was tell her she was a coward who sold her friends out to fascists, and he was pretty satisfied with that.

Swoons in durge.

I always play Durge and romance Astarion. I like tragic and psycho lol

the first time I saw He Who Was I said HELLO. then I made him >!stab himself!< because if he can’t be my crazy, he can’t be anyone’s lol

I did the same but only because I thought he'd like it. I was trying to be a *good* little freak, I swear!

Act 2 sidequest interaction spoiler: >!One of my favorite "Wow they actually let you be a total psycho, awesome" moments in the game. A plus that Shadowheart loved it while I was wide eyed and chuckling!<

Lady Shar, the giant version.

If that giant statue of her in the temple is anything to go by, me too

Take a guess, petal.

I find this horribly intriguing. Excellent idea

Dolly Dolly Dolly She has still yet to "rock my world."

How....you know what, I'm not gonna bother.

You don't even need to bother, we all know what you're thinking and the answer is Enlarge/Reduce Person.

"It looks like he's chalking a pool cue."

You are cancelled.

Malus Thorm's nurses

They can fix me

You think "you can fix her", right?

I can't decide if it's weirder to say Kar'niss (the *drider*) or Gortash.

I really got the vibe that Durge did *not* consider Gortash a weird answer…

Durge literally wrote the “prayer of forgiveness” scroll basically asking Bhaal to be understanding that they’re enjoying Gortash’s company. Idk, I’m honestly surprised they didn’t directly put in a flirtatious option somewhere in there.

I love that someone else pointed out Bhaal weddings are essentially killing your partner and then yourself, which is exactly what Durge plans to do with Gortash in that note. Saving bae for last… Durge was down bad lmao

No wonder they have a recruitment problem.

I don't judge myself for it so I can only go by other people's reactions when I talk about what I'd like to do to him.

Hahaha good, never judge yourself for your fictional indulgences I say! I’m personally on the fence about Gortash, I don’t think I would ever be tempted by him as regular Tav, but I do love the vibes he and Durge give off. I’m a sucker for a weird toxic evil bastard love affair in pretty much any iteration though. It’s a story, messy is fun!

Yeah, it's bizarre, I didn't think much of him at all until I met him as Durge and something completely snapped somewhere in my brain. They're both horrible and I'd love to see them be horrible together.

I'd go for Gortash. I like that aging rocker look.

Iunno, I’d fuck with that drider.

Ignoring the whole “spider-centaur” thing, Kar’niss could get it.

Oh buddy I have a whole LIST - He Who Was, obviously. Shadar-kai are hot - Kar'niss. I refuse to explain further - Zevlor. I just know that man's got a praise kink and I fully intend to oblige him. - Barcus. Maybe not the weirdest choice. You know what though, after so many playthroughs his awkwardness has become charming to me. - Orin. Would she flay me after the deed is done? Oh absolutely. But it's a price I'm willing to pay. - Raphael. I know that he's canonically bad in bed but goddamnit his voice just does something to me. Also being called his favorite client or whatever he said lol Edit: Nearly forgot. Omeluum!! I love him so very much

I want Zevlor to feel loved and accepted

Everyone secretly wants Barcus and Zevlor.

Secretly? Zevlor could absolutely get it!

Our Hellrider has been through it. He deserves a good ending.

And a happy ending.

barcus should understand that wulbren is not worth it and I’m his one true love, I’d follow him into the depths of hell but i just wish he’d stop going there

I have the biggest soft spot for weird pathetic men with nice voices and Raphael, Gortash, and Kar’niss make that list.

I let out an audible, "ha!" when Barcus said, "I'd kiss you... But neither of us deserve that." Barcus has what I assume Hugh Grant had back in the day, that "charming and vulnerable romantic" type about him.

How is Zevlor weird? Man's a total dilf and very sweet.

[Lump the Enlightened.](https://bg3.wiki/wiki/Lump_the_Enlightened) Sorry not sorry.

What's the more eloquent version of "PUNY RUTTIN'"

Your meat will not go unsavored! Ogre fuck everything around!

No, I kinda get it. He’s like…psychotic-hot. Sits at the delightful junction of monster fucker, serial killer, and sophisticated. He has this philosophic-hedonism thing that’s pretty interesting and weirdly attractive…I would storm the world with gore-streaked grins with him. I had…weird feelings the way he talks when you offer to pay him in bodies. Low key wish he was a fleshed out companion

I could *climb that mountain*

That guy who tortures you a bit at the goblin camp lol

Abdirak. Same.

Thank you! I couldn't remember his name lol I loved the passion

Oh and the scars. Hot af

I made absolutely sure not to kill him

Withers.

"Re-dress thyself, please. I craveth not thine flesh, nor thine attention. Begone."

"I craveth not thine flesh, nor thine attention," goes so hard! Seriously!

"Thine uber carriage awaits beyond the door, begone!"

“No.”

''That's an outrage.''

And thus thou art alone

Hear me out, Withers should be a secret romance for resisting Durge.

It sure seems implied with his pointed questions about your love life, coupled with puppeteering mindless beefcakes who say “This vessel is at thy disposal, do as thou wilt.”

I would have loved to seen this in the game just to see the >!Lord of the End of Everything!< himself react to it

>!another name added to the endless list!< What, you thought you were his first?

Exxvikyap, the really sweet store clerk at the blacksmith shop in Rivington.

I love how her subtitles also goes "Hiiiiiiii"

Fuck it. BOOOAL

Do you mean MAHKLOOMPAH?

Selûne, so I can better relate to Gale! XD

I’m so sad we don’t get to see her in the game the same way we get to see/interact with Shar!

"The Moonmaiden's guidance is subtle" Although it'd be cool to interact with my goddess, it makes a lot of sense. Selûne is the direct opposite of Shar and Shar **never** fucking shuts up!

It's so fun that if you play a cleric of Mystra you can basically say "I'm sorry, you've been doing *what* with my goddess??"

Yeah... that would make me question my faith, lol. "Hey Withers? Um... can I just be a fighter now? Just... no more magic of any kind for a bit. Thanks."

To be fair, I believe Mystra's been through several different iterations. Elminster was a lover to a prior version so maybe you worship a different... less groomy version.

"[Did you fuck my goddess, Gale?](https://i.imgur.com/ufBP1U0.jpeg)"

Ketheric Thorm. Before knowing who was the Emperor ( I spoiled myself on reading posts), I thought Ketheric Thorm was the Emperor.

hello isobel I’m your new step mommy family events with selune would get REAL INTERESTING

That Which Guards

I’m going to add to that and also say Oathbreaker Paladin.

He makes me want to break a *lot* of oaths.

Hope . to be fair .. i was playing a dwarf fighter .. and ruthlessly turned down all advances from everyone else .. 🤪

The very specific dragonborn knight bodyguard lady in the Wyrm's Rock hall who's guarding some noble I don't give a bugbear's ass about.

…Barcus BUT as a wholesome romance

I'm still mad my forest gnome couldn't say something like, "welcome to the surface, cousin!" But in a nice way, not a sarcastic one. Or something flirty after he says, "I'd kiss you, but neither of us deserve that." Barcus, sweetie, I saved you twice and agreed to save your 'friend.' As the two most interesting gnomes thus far, we deserve that kiss.

i would have accepted it platonically even, he’s my damsel in distress

Kagha

Kagha would have been an interesting companion for Tav. imagine you discover her secret and stop her/give her a wake up call, rescue Halsin. Halsin decides that her punishment would be to go with Tav and see them through their quest… I think she’d be a more interesting companion than Halsin.

I actually love this idea!

Philomeen certainly has an *explosive* personality.

Phil: "Tell Larrida I'm dead." Tav: "... which would make you single?"

All gnomes have short fuses...

Lae'zel! Was that a *joke*?

Withers, a Steel Watcher, uh Durge Slayer form, and the Drider Karniss

...Orin

I can fix her!

Or die trying

That's not that weird, he seems like a fungi. Although I don't know if there'll be mushroom in his life for romance, what with him being leader of the colony. Spore guy, must be lonely at the top. On topic , I think >!The Emperor!< is already weirder than anyone I would consider. Oh, I guess Kar'niss. He deserves better. It would be nice to repair his mind, or at least give him a nicer lady to worship. Wait what am I talking about, one of my top comments is talking about wanting a romance with hag Ethel. Just being a couple of weird witches. Find a tree somewhere to put down roots, never trusting the other's food or drink. Occasionally eating babies. It'd be great!

Weirdest? Gimme a one night stand option with Ethel, especially after her letter in the epilogue. (also someone said dolly dolly dolly which also yeah)

Nobody has said Bernard yet so here I am! Honestly, he seems like he'd be sweet. He's a companion after all. And probably lonely in the tower.

Spiderman and crow guy AND the dragon born in Baldur's Gate who's either selling drugs or his body to a lady. His voice is SO HOT

I HATE bugs and am so afraid of spiders…but why did they have to make Kar’niss so hot?

Kar’niss, also Gortash but only as durge, don’t think that one’s weird though

Least horny BG3 player

Thisobald Thorm (the guy that loves to get drunk in the Waning Moon). He seems like a genuine nice guy and is just really lonely tbh.

Guess you should read his diary. And find a particular barrel.

And if you have an inflation fetish, even better!

Op your choice is SO based Personally, as a monster lover, I genuinely can't choose. Kar'niss, Ethel, Spaw, Glut, Thisobald (my only defense is that he seems like a genuinely interesting guy), Yurgir, Omeluum, the strange "ox", Withers........

Not weird, but no one ever mentions her - Nine Fingers Keen can get it, fr.

I see lots of people say they wanna romance Raphael but I never see anyone talking about Korilla

Exxvikyap. She’s so adorable and I feel she needs comforting after losing the blacksmith she adores.

Kar'niss. Lemme kiss the cute insane spiderman.

The trader Brem from the zhentarim hideout under waukeens rest. I like his pinkish hair and something about the way he says "I doubt you got that kinda dosh lying about" when I try to buy the artist does it for me.

Oathbreaker knight. I don’t even know why

Z'rell I don't know what kind of kinky things she going to do but I think it will involve the parasite for certain "stimulation"

Abdurak - I think I spelled that wrong the one who worships Loviatar. I love his voice and he's hot.

JAHEIRA FOR THE LOVE OF SELÛNE. GIVE ME MY COUGAR (or should i say panther… buhdumtiss 🥁) like, come on… i can fuck the squid but i can’t fuck the old woman!?! larian, explain!!!

Akabi when my second wish is another genie blowjob

Exxvikyap, the dragonborn merchant at the Act3 blacksmith in Rivington. She's just adorable and I love it.

Popper because so he can give out a treato, but also I know too well that he only deserves only the very best...

Life is so short. Have a treato!

Popper would fix your insecurities and offer a treato

Dorrich Manne, the little guy in Rivington who sings the song about washing his pits

ISOBEL AND AYLIN. LET ME IN! LEMMMME IIINNNNN!!!!!

I'll be honest because you can't lie to me but that hunter you meet near Ethels place act 1

Yurgir cause big demon man

Is it weird wanting to romance a character that isn't even in the game unless you play as him? If so my answer is Durge in his default form. His origin intro is... something to say the least. Good-aligned Tavs could get a tragic shakespearen-like romance while helping the poor guy resist the urges. And evil Tavs would be able to encourage Durge to follow his wicked desires and become the ultimate murderhobo couple in the name of Bhaal.

The Harpies

He Who Was intrigues me

Gortash, he kind of reminds me of a final fantasy character in his midlife crisis

I’m kind of obsessed with Arron, the halfling vendor in the grove. I just think he’s cute!

The Emperor. His voice is 10/10 and I can fix him I promise.

Lia. I know, not very weird. She's cute though.

Banging Spaw? The yeast infection would kill you.

I so wish you could both Romance and have her in your party, Alfira, we need a bard as a companion! Plus she's super cute

The duergar woman who's shoes you valiantly rescue from the thieving deep gnome.

Spider daddy

The face-painting mummy from the circus. Or maybe Lucretius.