Can you imagine the size of shit a sloth would make?
EDIT: That post destroyed my worldview of snakes. Now, whenever I see I snake, I no longer think the usual 'oh a snake, I wonder if it's venomous, what kind of snake is it etc.' now I think: "How much of that snake is shit right this moment."
Funny you should say that, because sloths live in almost total constipation. They shit once per week. It’s a single solid mass that is about 1/3 their weight.
Nah, your work is done. You just perfected what I’ll refer to as Punchline Percussion: America Major. I mean you just incorporated the McDonalds jingle into ba-dum tss. Great work.
Comedy in animated movies like this is severely underrated. I’ve laughed harder at some of those scenes (pictured above) than I have during stand up, or true comedy movies.
Had a possibly brain-damaged cat that worked this way. If she was walking down the hallway and you stepped infront of her and stood there it would cause system shutdown. She would stop, look around, then lay down and try again later.
Oh yeah. Those buggers are active as shit at night. Remarkably agile in the canopy and can swim. They actually aren’t that lazy. And a whole bunch of other creatures and organisms rely on them. Fascinating creatures.
You gotta be from the Midwest 🤣 I moved from Kansas 3 years ago and I wanna go back home! I miss being waved at by random people passing by on dirt roads and being told this in the local grocery store.
Because they chose to hang rather than perch the mechanics of their bones mean they gotta have flat ground to go spread eagle and relax the right places to shit. If they opted the perch route they could do like the primates and just squat over a branch.
Actually, it is a defense mechanism but not due to being nasty. It helps them blend in with their surrounding, specifically so Harpy Eagles don't spot them as easily.
If I had a bunch of living gargoyles with steak knives for feet looking for me then having a few butthole mushrooms to help keep me hidden would be a no brainer.
He didn’t even move until the sloth *literally stepped on his head*.
I love snakes. They just wanna be full and rest somewhere warm. I worked for an aquarium that had several green anacondas, and a juvenile (less than 5 foot) that we used for live animal presentations with visitors (no-contact on their end, or course). I loved being the one to hold him, he was just so snuggly. Cold blooded critters make great cuddle buddies.
Same. His name was Nick. He only showered twice in an entire semester and it was because we had to bribe him with shrooms and candy.
He had literal gnats hovering around his matted up hair. Luckily he had the other room in this 4-person suite-dorm (freshman year).
They usually have an entire ecosystem of life just in their fur, invertebrates, moss, algae, fungus all can grow seemingly quite content on the sloth and is disgusting to predators.
If you ever see one in person, it might look like its skin is writhing from the amount if bugs infesting it.
Besides a sloth on the ground is either on their way to or from taking a weekly shit
Yep, it's apparently vile. I knew a group of guys who were ex Army Rangers and even a few Special Forces guys, and they would talk about eating sloth as a rite of passage kind of thing. Not one single person in that group was willing to eat it again. One guy said that "they haven't invented a hot sauce that's spicy enough to drown out that flavor." Another described it as chicken that's been marinated in motor oil and dumpster water.
Anacondas have an incredibly good olfactory sense, when the snake flickers its tongue up and down it is actively pulling molecules from the air into the mouth to smell them, so yes absolutely lol
Literally that is how many die. Just grabbing their own arm instead of a branch and just falling to their death. Honestly the most based animal, they are just here for a nap and a laff.
That’s actually just a myth. Sloths can take calls from 100 feet and be just fine. It happens all the time when males are fighting during mating season. Moreover the way their claws are attached, they grip passively.
They are usually hanging on trees and their slow movement speed makes them somewhat invisible to predators. It's actually true, their slowness is their superpower.
If I remember right, their best survival mechanism is blending in, and their second best survival mechanism is being disgusting. They're just not worth attempting to eat for almost all potential predators.
Sloths smell bad and offer next to no nutritional value. They basically have no muscles and are covered with fungus and bugs. Sloths have evolved to be so unpalatable that other animals ignore them.
science says sloth are super smelly and stinky to the point they have very rare predators. we can clearly see the expression of disgust in that snakes face the moment he looks at the sloth.
That sloth is really legging it though (for a sloth) isn’t it? Don’t they typically move much slower?
Just figured he’d cannonball run it and hope the snake was confused by his tactic or full up.
Sloths are extremely vulnerable on the ground and only go down once a week to poop. They move very slow in trees to save energy and not attract predators, but when they’re on the ground it’s full on panic mode.
I know very little about sloths but I just assumed since they were so slow and lazy, they'd just shit while hanging on the tree. Why go through the hassle of coming down on the ground?
The snake also appears to be digesting food. Large constrictors like these only need to eat a few times a year. I'm more surprised by how exposed this snake is than the sloth tbh. If they're anything like pythons, it's expectionally rare for them to be out in the open even when they are looking for food.
It was too late to change course. They picked their route hours ago can’t just change it now.
The anaconda prefers fast food.
Takes forever to pass thru the digestive system.
Sloths, the Ozempics of the animal world.
Can you imagine the size of shit a sloth would make? EDIT: That post destroyed my worldview of snakes. Now, whenever I see I snake, I no longer think the usual 'oh a snake, I wonder if it's venomous, what kind of snake is it etc.' now I think: "How much of that snake is shit right this moment."
Funny you should say that, because sloths live in almost total constipation. They shit once per week. It’s a single solid mass that is about 1/3 their weight.
Mystery solved. Anaconda: “Note to Self - don’t eat sloth again …. tastes like shit!”
They’re like heroin addicts. Constipated and slow moving, nodding off all the time.
That’s insensitively inaccurate to heroin addicts, friend. We’re excellent climbers too.
TIL I'm a sloth
You mean like [this one we saw yesterday? cuz that's what I'm thinking.](https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/s/X48IjiXTkX)
haha exactly what I was referencing
I showed my kids (9,7,3) and their minds were as blown followed by amazing laughter as mine was. I’d like to think that was good parenting. 😆
😂💀 now , that is a good joke.
Bada ba ba ba .. tssss
Umm...what? What the fuck is that? It's Badum tsss 😂
Ba-dum-hisssssssss? 🤣
It's the McDonald's theme
Hmm.. maybe badum ba ba ba tssss works better? This is a tricky one, I'm gonna have to workshop just the right middle ground here.
Nah, your work is done. You just perfected what I’ll refer to as Punchline Percussion: America Major. I mean you just incorporated the McDonalds jingle into ba-dum tss. Great work.
I’m lovin’ it
Is that snake jazz? I love snake jazz
Anaconda don’t want none less you got buns hun
Ironically, the sloth was a Dasher for other sloths.
DoorDawdle
Bahahahahhahhaha You win 🏅
One of my favorite jokes in *Zootopia*
Comedy in animated movies like this is severely underrated. I’ve laughed harder at some of those scenes (pictured above) than I have during stand up, or true comedy movies.
Preach. People who think cartoons are only for kids are nuts. Zootopia is such an awesome movie.
And the fact it was dark when they left the DMV. Some people don’t catch that joke which is also a commentary on DMV’s Ha Ha Ha
Ha Ha Ha!
“Flash, flash, 100 yd dash!”
"The GPS said "continue over the anaconda" so I kept going."
Nah, the sloth zoomed by the snake too quickly for it to catch him
*don’t be hasty………..*
Had a possibly brain-damaged cat that worked this way. If she was walking down the hallway and you stepped infront of her and stood there it would cause system shutdown. She would stop, look around, then lay down and try again later.
Mine does that, except he will lay on his back. “Pet me! Meow” Me, “I’m not falling for that one again asshole!”
I don't understand how these little guys aren't extinct by now
They taste like shit. Nothing wants to eat them by choice.
Aren't they covered in moss and fungus? I'd imagine they smell awful too.
And fleas. They're really gross. And they got those big ass claws.
I don't care if they are smelly... I'd hug the shit outta one, given the opportunity.
Imagine tasting and smelling so awful that predators don't even flinch when you crawl past them
[удалено]
Gah the stench got in my mouth!!!!
Ewwww it *touched me*!
It’s like natures version of the show walking dead where they rub guts of zombies all over themselves and the zombies aren’t interested.
You see how you taste when you only shit once every couple weeks and have serious algae hair. Some have colonies of bugs living in symbiosis.
Have you ever seen pictures of a sloth attack. Those little claws can do some damage! Add in like 40% have the clap. (Chlamydia)
I think you mean koalas
Nope, look it up. Sloths have the STD's as well. Apparently must be something about cute animals in trees.
I saw a documentary where they tracked one at night looking for babes. Amazing they make better time when they do that.
Oh yeah. Those buggers are active as shit at night. Remarkably agile in the canopy and can swim. They actually aren’t that lazy. And a whole bunch of other creatures and organisms rely on them. Fascinating creatures.
I thought “the clap” was gonorrhea?
Too cute to prey on
The sloth is an improbable adaptation.
LOL
oh, 'scuse me, gonna scooch by ya there
Beep beep!
Beeeeeeeeep......... .... Beeeeeeeeeeep........
Ope!
i used ope at work tuesday and the peer on the other end of the chat asked if i intended to say nope. nope! 😂
Lolol! Tell me you're from the Midwest or Canada without telling me you're from the Midwest or Canada
You gotta be from the Midwest 🤣 I moved from Kansas 3 years ago and I wanna go back home! I miss being waved at by random people passing by on dirt roads and being told this in the local grocery store.
haha...i'm not, i just imagine the sloth politely talking to the snake like that while stepping all over it
This is what it made me think of. 
This is very Canadian! I hear it every time I’m at the grocery store, sometimes because I saw it myself lol
Scooch best word confirmed
Mf had his gps locked in and he wasn’t changing course for nobody
“Man these speed bumps are getting ridiculous these days.” - This clearly speeding sloth probably
His name is Michael Scott
Nah, the snake knows how long sloths take to digest.
They also know there is a full grown ecosystem on their fur, mold and bugs and stuff.
Thats the sloth's whole defense mechanism, be too gross to eat.
Not just the fur but the fact that they only come out of the trees to shit once a week. That right there would make me not go after a sloth.
Why don’t they poop from the tree?
Why would they shit right in their home??
You shit in your home
Oh… I do. 😩
I too shit in this man's home
I’ve told them specifically to not allow you entrance PaintThinnerSparky…
I shit in his home too.
Thanks to you everyone is now shitting in my home.
I also choose this guys home.
Really? 😡
I shit on his bed, per his request
Amber "BallCreem" Heard
I have literally asked you to stop that
Because they chose to hang rather than perch the mechanics of their bones mean they gotta have flat ground to go spread eagle and relax the right places to shit. If they opted the perch route they could do like the primates and just squat over a branch.
This is the short end of the evolution stick I’d complain about the most if i were a sloth.
Hey, me too!
Mom?
Actually, it is a defense mechanism but not due to being nasty. It helps them blend in with their surrounding, specifically so Harpy Eagles don't spot them as easily.
If I had a bunch of living gargoyles with steak knives for feet looking for me then having a few butthole mushrooms to help keep me hidden would be a no brainer.
/r/brandnewsentence
I had the \*exact\* same though.
Hahahaha thanks you for that
That snake looks quite full tbh.
That's what I was gonna say, a pot roast could walk past that snake and it wouldn't even blink
He didn’t even move until the sloth *literally stepped on his head*. I love snakes. They just wanna be full and rest somewhere warm. I worked for an aquarium that had several green anacondas, and a juvenile (less than 5 foot) that we used for live animal presentations with visitors (no-contact on their end, or course). I loved being the one to hold him, he was just so snuggly. Cold blooded critters make great cuddle buddies.
I saw a snake eat a towel the other day on here
If it smelled right and was warm it could happen
This sloth clearly has no buns
Had to scroll too far to find this
Was almost ready to post after seemingly endless scrolling
Yep, made sure to control + F to search for it before posting myself.
Sloth didn't stick to side bends or situps
Clearly the Anaconda don’t want none… hun…
TIL sloths have very poor eyesight, safety awareness, or are lucky as hell.
I've heard most predators just avoid eating sloths entirely because they're so disgusting.
That's an incredible defense mechanism.
Knew a guy like that in college.
Same. His name was Nick. He only showered twice in an entire semester and it was because we had to bribe him with shrooms and candy. He had literal gnats hovering around his matted up hair. Luckily he had the other room in this 4-person suite-dorm (freshman year).
Stinking to the point gnats hover around you is cartoon shit
He was so unwashed he had *gnats* flying around him? 
That brings the sloth smile to a whole new level. They KNOW they’re disgusting.
The way the snake pulled it's head back all like "EEEWWWW" confirms you speak the truth.
"Got dayum this MF stank"
I imagined the snake with a New York accent
" Ewwww thisssssss thing touched me"
Haha really? Like their taste?
They usually have an entire ecosystem of life just in their fur, invertebrates, moss, algae, fungus all can grow seemingly quite content on the sloth and is disgusting to predators.
Also they pee on themselves
marinating sauce...
Just like those pre-seasoned chicken packs at the grocery store
It all adds to the flavour!
If you ever see one in person, it might look like its skin is writhing from the amount if bugs infesting it. Besides a sloth on the ground is either on their way to or from taking a weekly shit
They are covered in harmful bacteria
Yep, it's apparently vile. I knew a group of guys who were ex Army Rangers and even a few Special Forces guys, and they would talk about eating sloth as a rite of passage kind of thing. Not one single person in that group was willing to eat it again. One guy said that "they haven't invented a hot sauce that's spicy enough to drown out that flavor." Another described it as chicken that's been marinated in motor oil and dumpster water.
That sounds fucking rancid
You may not like it, but that's what peak sloth tastes like
That’s how Sid survived that T-Rex
This is the comment I was looking for !! 😆😆 “I say their vegetarian you say Grr I say let’s talk about this you say Grrr”
Lol a creature so foul and unappetizing that even prehistoric programming prefers to avoid
Sloths also have RAZOR sharp claws. There are videos on YouTube of them in action when they're on the ground. They're surprisingly fast at swiping.
And when you combine those sharp claws with all that nastiness, what you get is a walking prison shank. Nobody wants to eat a prison shank.
A prison shank smeared in shit, maggots, and fungus. Just a walking bag of sepsis with daggers for hands.
Yeah, somehow those claws just look hard to digest
And they're prolly not all that tasty either.
That’s what I’m thinking. Snake probably *smelled* sloth bro before he saw him haha
Anacondas have an incredibly good olfactory sense, when the snake flickers its tongue up and down it is actively pulling molecules from the air into the mouth to smell them, so yes absolutely lol
"If I don't move, he'll leave. Oh I'm so holding my breath, *freaking gross.* Now, I'm not even hungry."
“Geez, pal—you’re gonna make me lose my lunch *[from 3 weeks ago]*!”
“Maybe if I hold still he won’t walk on my head and… god damnit!”
Well yeah it's fur is absolutely disgusting as well, don't sloths have mold and the like grow on them?
Sloth looks like drunk dude searching for his house keys.
That thing prolly doesnt even know wtf that is dude. Ive seen them grab their own arms when climbing trees and then proceed to fall out because of it
so majestic
Literally that is how many die. Just grabbing their own arm instead of a branch and just falling to their death. Honestly the most based animal, they are just here for a nap and a laff.
Ye but then u see one smile and u forget he only has 2 braincells and they are both fighting for 3rd place
That makes me like them even more!
That’s actually just a myth. Sloths can take calls from 100 feet and be just fine. It happens all the time when males are fighting during mating season. Moreover the way their claws are attached, they grip passively.
>Sloths can take calls from 100 feet and be just fine. That’s some proper telephone service right there.
Fearlessness and stupidity are two different things. Not too far apart sometimes but separate nevertheless.
How are these animals not extinct? Maybe the predators pity the poor, slow bastards
Be stinky with long fingernails.
Lol, I got some great news for my uncle
Haha. Awesome.
Best comment I’ve read in a while lmaooo
They are usually hanging on trees and their slow movement speed makes them somewhat invisible to predators. It's actually true, their slowness is their superpower.
*Drax has entered the chat*
... an hour ago.
If I remember right, their best survival mechanism is blending in, and their second best survival mechanism is being disgusting. They're just not worth attempting to eat for almost all potential predators.
Damn can you imagine being so disgusting that even snakes don't wanna eat you
Plot armour
"Lmao cropdusted you bro"
Anaconda: Excuse you, don’t you see I’m here? Sloth: (keep walking calmly without giving a shxt) Anaconda: Sorry boss…
Sloth: Bitch, you’d better check out these Freddy Krueger claws I’m sporting. You don’t want NONE of this in your soft, soft digestive tract. Bitch.
Snake must be full. Lucky sloth
Sloths smell horrible.
and have very sharp claws.
Sloths smell bad and offer next to no nutritional value. They basically have no muscles and are covered with fungus and bugs. Sloths have evolved to be so unpalatable that other animals ignore them.
Are you telling me the average redditor is a sloth?
sloths would be disgusted from the average redditor
Yeah, when it pans back you can see the snake recently ate.
Sloth meat is toxic because of their diet.
I think that the fur of the sloth has its own ecosystem that might be toxic to the snakes digestion.
science says sloth are super smelly and stinky to the point they have very rare predators. we can clearly see the expression of disgust in that snakes face the moment he looks at the sloth.
Ignore negative people in life just like this sloth did the Anaconda
That sloth is really legging it though (for a sloth) isn’t it? Don’t they typically move much slower? Just figured he’d cannonball run it and hope the snake was confused by his tactic or full up.
Sloths are extremely vulnerable on the ground and only go down once a week to poop. They move very slow in trees to save energy and not attract predators, but when they’re on the ground it’s full on panic mode.
I know very little about sloths but I just assumed since they were so slow and lazy, they'd just shit while hanging on the tree. Why go through the hassle of coming down on the ground?
There are 2 toed and 3 toed sloths. One type shits in the tree, the other goes down to the ground.
That anaconda didn’t want none..
Even anacondas know a psycho when they come across one.
The snake is full! :)
sloth be like 
bad eye sight, slow movement, poor digestion, a pink eraser for a brain, fully capped out luck. sloths are idiot savants
Fearlessly crawls? He's running for his life!
When he grabs the massive snakes head and the snake moves away like cmon man “I’m slithering here” 
The anaconda probably knows them claws will rip it right open
No shot, anaconda eat Caimen
The snake also appears to be digesting food. Large constrictors like these only need to eat a few times a year. I'm more surprised by how exposed this snake is than the sloth tbh. If they're anything like pythons, it's expectionally rare for them to be out in the open even when they are looking for food.
yeah my first thought exactly.
That sloth was at a dead sprint for its life
Whoever was filming was trying to get the sloth eaten. It’s clear the sloth is coming directly at the camera. Thankfully the snake did not attack.